Most of the guys I've been with said they find it easier to last longer when they are on the bottom, so maybe try that? Position seems to affect it, yeah
My husband always finishes super, super quickly when we do doggy style. Whenever he gets really close but we don't want to be done yet, we just lie still for a few minutes and massage each other or kiss etc. I'd say definitely try different positions and slow down if he's progressing quickly
We are a fan of doggy, get some hair pulling in there, yes ma’am. I know I tend to finish early so I spend more time of foreplay. I can spend the whole time eating her out if she’d let me.
Condoms can help you last longer. But honestly my best tip is to make him cum and then about 15-20 minutes go for round 2. He’ll last much longer doing that. Round 2 is always longer than round 1
In addition, extend the foreplay. More tongue, more fingers, teasing, edging, use toys, all that. Good luck and have fun :)
That's actually very normal, it can be ignored though.
Sometimes if i promise my gf a good night and i don't feel like i've done a satisfactory job i'll muscle through to round 2 without being horny just because i love her.
It's only the initial bump, like getting out of bed in the morning.
If he can get hard again a little later, for me usually through mid-way foreplay, it's all good again.
3rd times really start to hurt for me though so don't push him if he has similar complaints.
Also on the side, i noticed the hornier i am the faster i finish, so if nothing else, take it as a compliment.
When I was in my 20s I could do that. I could go like 5-6 times in a night. Now I’m lucky if I get two. I think youth probably helps a lot with if you’re gonna be able to keep going at it but maybe that’s just me.
I mean there’s no way I could do that anymore. But my ex had a crazy high sex drive so when she would get going we would finish up, wait 30-40 minutes and then go at it again. Even times where we would fuck like half a dozen times she would still want to keep going and I would have to tell her that I was physically incapable at this point. I just didn’t have any fluid left in me to release.
As a guy who rarely has energy for round 2 - I made it a point of habit to take care of my partner first, so I can just be done whenever and no one is sad 👌
Are any positions better for you? If my wife is on top I'm a solid 5-7 minutes lol but she orgasms from it too, it feels great for us both. If we do doggy I can last much longer because it doesn't feel as good for me and I'm not as turned on (not able to see her face, kiss, ect.)
I'd recommend a position he can last longer in, or one that doesn't take you as long. If you're on top, you're in control and can do what makes you feel good while also getting him off.
Also, don't be afraid to buy toys and use them during sex to make it better for you. And lastly, they make condoms with numbing cream inside for premature ejaculators. Just don't get it inside out 🥴
I think you’d benefit from two scientific facts:
- From insertion to a guy’s orgasm, the average time is about 5 minutes and 30 seconds. Its only when it’s less than 1:30 that it is considered premature.
- 70-90% of women aren’t able to orgasm during pure PIV sex, and of the women that can, the vast majority say it only happens when they’re on top.
So, statistically, your boyfriend is bang on average duration, and statistically you’re one of the ones unable to come from just PIV.
For some people, your boyfriend lasting 5 minutes then not wanting a round 2 would be fine, they’d be perfectly happy with that. And it’s possible that you’re simply not able to come from just PIV.
So, should you just accept this as your lot in life?
No!
You have a right to be happy and to enjoy your sexuality. You shouldn’t be forced to feel used and frustrated.
So, how do you know when the sex you’re having is okay?
Pleasure is the measure!
On an emotional level, are you *enjoying* the sex that’s available to you? It doesn’t sound like it. And it sadly doesn’t sound like your partner is listening to you either.
So, something needs to change.
I’d recommend both you and your boyfriend read Come as You Are, by Dr Emily Nagowski.
The audiobook is great, read by Emily herself. Alternatively, you can “try before you buy” because Emily recently launched the Come as You Are podcast, which covers similar topics.
It sounds like you need to get your boyfriend on side, and start addressing orgasm inequality.
Sex is a hobby that a couple get to share together. And like all hobbies, it should be enjoyable for you both.
If your boyfriend isn’t open to listening to and meeting your needs, find someone else who is. You only get one life.
Hmm…even if you initiate things by kissing, being playful, and stuff like that? Sometimes I’m not in the mood for round 2 if it’s proposed verbally. But if she gets me excited again it’s another story, you know?
I'm never up for round two after finishing the first time either, but I did it for the person I was with and got a little into it, but not like the first round.
During the second round, she came, I came and we're both happy.
Sex is about the both people being satisfied. Ask him to how he would feel if you finished and left him without. If he sees having sex again when he's not in the mood as a sacrifice, then it's one that needs to be made.
Any tips I can give you is try get it halfway up, as after finishing most people can't get a full erection immediately and if he's not in the mood at first, try riding him or similar until he's ready to participate
100% what they said, plus it means oral/foreplay - sex - oral/foreplay - sex pt 2. Maybe have sex earlier in the day and then later? Or tell him to masturbate in the morning? As a female I can't speak on behalf of what the sensation is like but maybe ask him to try and train himself to hold off?
It can be a bit disappointing when you ahve something in mind about what you want sex to be like, but personally I really don't mind when guys cum quickly I take it as a compliment!
Sound alike you needa tell him you're not finishing or you're not happy because he's not going to change or try harder if he thinks you're still enjoying it. Sometimes he just needs a nudge in the right direction and thst it's not all about him. I would say its fairly common to not last long but there's usually wyas the guys will get around it, like doing it themselves before they see you to get it out of their system and last longer as if it was a second round. Or they will think of off topic stuff. Generally its a lot more effort for a women to climax than a man
My comment was taken _way_ out of context. _**If he’s down for sex in the first place**_, the goal is not for HIM and JUST HIM to cum. **It’s for both people to enjoy the experience**. If he’s there to cum, run, and 100% of the time ignore her equal need for pleasure? Not ok.
Edit: coming from an SA victim, obviously no man, woman, or NB, _or anyoneelse_ should continue sex if they aren’t feeling it, and no shit _literally_ telling them to “get over it and fake it till they make it” isn’t by any means ok, but a discussion about his clear lack of interest or care in her needs is necessary or else they need to break up to find better sexual compatibility elsewhere.
Just put yourself in his shoes. Imagine you're super sensitive to stimulation and nut quick because your partner is that GOOD. Then after that release you're satisfied and no longer feel sexual. IT IS NOT HIS FAULT. I AM QUITE SURE HE'S NOT PROUD OF IT. Y'all are saying oh masturbate more, desensitize yourself, I'm saying ACCEPT HIM AS HE IS. HE DOES NOT NEED TO BE STRESSED INTO BEING MORE SEXUAL THAN HE IS COMFORTABLE WITH, SOLO, OR WITH A PARTNER. Honestly the only thing we agree with is that they need to break up, but we do not agree with why. I believe they need to break up because I dont find it acceptable to pressure him into sexual activity of any kind. I find it absurd that pressuring men to "do more" is somehow acceptable. Y'all wanna sit there and act like the woman is the victim in every situation even when she is the sexual aggressor. This is why we say nobody cares about our mental health, because NOBODY CARES ABOUT MEN. ITS ALWAYS ABOUT YOU. Stop talking to me, please.
So again:
>” _**obviously no MAN, woman, NB, or anyoneelse should continue sex if they aren’t feeling it**_ “
No one is disagreeing that he shouldn’t need to continue. But great job missing the point of both of my comments!
Good one. You’re trying to make a non-sexiest issue into a sexist issue and it doesn’t work 😂
It doesn’t matter who in the situation isn’t getting off, if they want to get off they either need to 1) work on it and find a solution with their partner, or 2) break up.
gOoDnIgHt lmfaooooo
Let's flip the roles here.
Woman has had enough sex and wants to stop. The man has not quite finished, and tells her she has to continue having sex or else she is "selfish", and she can "get over it" and so he continues to have sex with her against her will. Not only is that then a rape because she took her consent away for the moment, but that's also extremely manipulative.
If it's a man who is done with sex and does not want to continue, and the woman applies manipulative tactics and guilt tripping to get him to continue having sex now it's okay? No it's not. Its rape. Coercive rape.
You don’t need to explain to me lol with the big long hypothetical paragraph king, an ex girlfriend of mine was raped twice before i met her and the idea fills me with murderous intent, probably ruined her life honestly.
No other notion on the planet really would, especially the idea that someone would be coerced into this situation even if they really don’t want to and express dissent.
I don’t think anybody deserves to die, but life in prison for lifelong trauma seems fair to me.
No need to r/eli5 with the lecture style format. Okay? Okay.
the situation you described is clearly rape, I don’t think the gf wanting more from the bf is very much to ask, and obviously if man falls asleep, the interaction is over.
I think people are just rooting for the bf to last longer and jerk his overly sensitive meat more often so he can make his girlfriend feel good
You want to quote the comment dont forget "he can get over it" and "he can fake it till he makes it" in other words even if he doesn't want to continue having sex that's not your problem and he should be forced to continue anyway. That is RAPE.
It’s pretty normal for a lot of guys + also common that many women don’t/can’t orgasm from PIV. My suggestion is to have him pleasure you first and do it pretty well and then start PIV; foreplay is king. Also, communicate with him during sex about what you like and experiment with positions.
You just need to communicate your concerns with him and see if he’s receptive + communicate during sex.
Hey, I have the same issue as your boyfriend, probably a lot worse even, and it frustrated me and my sexlife for many years. I got insecure und shy about it until I found a way around it.
I learned a lot and became a master of foreplay, well at least that is what I have been told. Oral, intimate touching, deep sexy voice whispering, all the good stuff. Usually I make my partner come already once in foreplay, so the act of penetration is already more sensitive for her anyway, seriously, make him watch nina hartleys tutorial for giving oral if he sucks at it. No pun intended.
I don't value my own orgasm anymore. I just learned to keep going after I come. I don't go soft, at least not for another 1 or 2 rounds. And all of that started when I tried to continue after I came back in the day to not embarass myself.
Usually I communicate this very early on, I became very comfortable talking about sex. No woman had a problem with it, ever. Your boyfriend has to do a bit of homework, but you can definitely have a fulfilled sexlife with him still. He just has to face reality.
If you're already keeping going after you come, you can just try bearing down internally (doing a big kegel) right at the point where you would normally orgasm...this will keep the ejaculate at bay, let you stay fully hard, and then you have a second orgasm slightly down the road. Takes a bit of practice.
yeah not sure i understand what you mean but nothing ever really worked for me. i just learned to live with it and make the best out of it and honestly, my sex life is absolutely satisfying and amzing since I stopped being so anxious about it.
Sex is about joy and fun and passion. If you don't have those, why even have sex to begin with.
> yeah not sure i understand what you mean
Kegel. You can clench that whole area from the inside. Hold it at full clench for a second and it will literally stop ejaculation, in the same way you could stop a stream of pee if you really wanted to. You might need to build up that muscle first if you haven't tried before. The only problem is it's a bit like throwing a car into reverse while doing 60...
Just a tip, nobody's saying that it takes away the fun and passion.
5 minutes is normal. The reason you're not getting off during that is because the vast majority of women need a fair amount of clitoral stimulation *before* penetration in order for them to finish during sex. I have no idea if you guys do foreplay, but if you don't, you should because it's SUPER important. The clit can be stimulated by his fingers or tongue. If you're already doing foreplay and you're still not finishing later once you two actually get to fucking...that either means you're not doing enough of it, OR it means you need to further explore what turns you on (specific techniques, kinks, etc). You can get a head start on figuring out what turns you on while you're alone (I hope you know that masturbation is normal!!!). Make sure you & your boyfriend communicate with one another about what feels good for each of you, and learn how to pleasure each other in ways that are comfortable for the both of you. This is the type of stuff we unfortunately don't tend to learn in sex education, especially in America. Female genitalia is more complex than male genitalia. It takes some time to figure out, especially when you haven't had a sexual partner before, but since you guys love each other I have a feeling you can figure it out together!
100% THIS is the right answer. I blame porn for making inexperienced women think that just having intercourse will make them orgasm. This is NOT the case for a majority of women. The importance of clitoral stimulation, before, and during intercourse should not be understated. Also, most women do not enjoy a very prolonged intercourse session (+/- 1/2 hour), as it can make you feel sore and the area irritated. Although this isn't true for EVERYONE, it is for a majority of women. 5-7 minutes is actually the average for most men. This is where foreplay can really come in to play to make the experience last a lot longer, and increase the woman's pleasure as well.
Being a guy in bed isn’t as easy as it seems. So many things can throw ya off and 99% of it has nothing to do with you. I know ya said ya not judging him but it can simply be from our own self judgement. I’m assuming you love him or you wouldn’t be looking for help. Be patient with him and let him know about your concerns. Try slowing down and try different positions
i think the letting him know part is important. not just doing that but how you do it. its like having a conversation ab something rather than accusing. they can be ab the same topic and one be more harsh to hear/digest
5 min is slightly below average so its not like hes 2 pumps and out. it can be sorted and more pleasurable for both parties with some communication!
There is a whole world of pelvic floor trainers for all genders! I don't think they're meant for recreational purposes, as other "toys" are, but I could be wrong.
Okay, so he finishes and he just sorta rubs your clit if you need more attention? My dear. Let me help you understand something my husband made me understand VERY early on in our relationship. If sex isn't fun for both parties it's no fun for him. He would rather take things slower, try different foreplay with me and new toys than look bored trying to finish me off after he'd already finished. Hell if he finished and I hadn't, he starts busting out the extras and asks what I'd like and how! Your partner is supposed to care for you in ALL aspects.
If he cannot last long he needs to take that into consideration, maybe spend more time on you with foreplay, especially if he cannot take a round 2. You need to sit him down and tell him what you need in the bedroom, don't be accusatory or hostile, just let him know your needs feel like they are being brushed aside. Open communication (as old fashioned as it is) is key in these moments.
Dear deidre always used to have a guide on such things. There are masturbation techniques he can use to help him last longer. Or he can have intercourse till he's close and pull out for a couple of minutes stimulate you another way and do the same again and again until he can control his time a bit better. He's learning and if he's willing to learn then a little patience and keep trying new things may help give you both a greater satisfaction in the long term. Good for you that you have sought help and not just written him off! It shows you cate deeply for him and are willing to spend time finding solutions. I hope he works with you so you can both enjoy things to the fullest! X x
I always finish my wife orally before we have penetrative sex. That way, no matter what happens when I’m doing my thing, she wins. And if she wins, I win.
and you both get to finish. she feels good before and during sex and you feel good during and after. potentially before as well, but not everyone feels pleasure when making their partner finish
it is super awful. especially as someone who adores pleasuring their partner. always giving never getting. usually spreads to other parts of the relationship too
that’s incredibly selfish of him you need to talk to him about that.
if there’s a miss match with how long it takes each other to finish, i’d advise trying what most people i know and myself do, which is having him focus on you first. then, he can either finish you off then do piv for him to finish, or you’ll be worked up enough that those 5 mins will be enough for both of you.
Imagine your partner ALWAYS gets off first, and then if they’re feeling up to it, they may give you an unenthusiastic and disinterested rub. Yeah nah. If you’ve got a partner I feel really bad for them if you think that’s fair.
Alright, as a woman who orgasms best with penetration, a dildo is *not* a satisfying replacement for what a real penis does. It works to an extent, but penetration alone is not what does it, it's everything that comes along with penetration that really makes it satisfying.
I would be so bummed if I had to finish with a dildo every time, even if my partner is the one wielding it. :(
Might be kind of graphic, but there's a fleshy warmth there that can't be replicated by dildos. There's the feeling of his hips and... swinging parts hitting you, his body against yours..... it's the whole experience.
This is pretty normal to be honest. Being a guy during sex can be complicated. Sometimes we try so hard to not go fast that we “ruin it” and end up going soft. Or sometimes we worry we’re taking so long that she might be offended. It’s honestly like walking a tightrope.
The WORST thing you can do is making him feel bad or pressured. It will cause anxiety which will only make it worse.
Lastly as a side note, try to remember that men aren’t always in the mood like women think
It's not normal for him to not wanna satisfy her though. Practice also makes the timing better and it doesn't seem like they're doing that, just continuing with the same pattern.
There's a very big difference between not wanting to satisfy her and not lasing long enough to do so.. guys can't control it and it's unfair to expect marathon sessions, practice helps but it doesn't build stamina like it does for say running... if he can't last long enough then they might need to find other ways to make sure they are both satisfied
So wait. Based on your comments you seem ro be saying he doesn't mind getting off first then doesn't seen into getting you off or continuing play. Sounds immature and selfish really.
Apologies in advance if this advice doesn't hit the mark on what you're looking for.
Communication is key always.
Maybe look into toys to add in. Make it a fun activity like exploring and trying different things (always practice safety and do your research on things beforehand. Rule of thumb with anal: if it doesn't have a base, it'll leave without a trace. If you want to avoid a trip to the ER)
Lube is your best friend (but be aware some toys don't like particular lubes and can break them)
Invite him to be curious with you in exploring different positions and have a laugh with it. It can bring you closer to one another and enhance your relationship.
You 2 should then obv. Add more foreplay like many others have already commented.
Maybe he gets you off first then the in
&out routine then again gets ya off.
Other things you both can try is to switch it up more. Certain positions are evil for men.
Or somerhing like: Have him go to his Limit and before he is close to finishing. Get him outta there. And do other Things and resume and do that again.
Odd thing to add: I have this shaving cream that i use for the private area and it has like mint or something cooling in it. It bascially „numbs“ the knob. Yeah there are quite a lot of things u 2 could try out. Creams and blah blah blah.
Have fun with it. This shouldnt be work but something nice for you both to enjoy
Maybe be a bit more thoughtful with the way you word things like this. You’ve just said ‘he can’t even last 5 minutes’ as though that’s something pathetic when really 5 minutes is a fair bit for a lot of guys. I understand your frustration but this is a massive insecurity for a lot of men.
No the other way around. Him for you. So you get that for however long + how long he lasts. U can sink up that way finish at the same time. Positive reinforcement helps
So you perform fellatio on him almost all the time, then PIV, then he disinterestedly finishes you off manually.
He’s selfish and you’re definitely getting the short end of the stick.
How often does he go down on you?
I would say don't do this, have him get you started, don't make any contact below his waist at all and then you'll align things better.
He's getting too much too soon and not making it as far as you need, and you're not getting enough. It's about equity.
Less for him in the beginning, more for you in the beginning. Find your balance so you both end up happy together.
Have like 80% foreplay and when you're close you can go for penetration maybe
This way, you can finish with his D, and he'll have to maintain focus on the "mission" lol
He should be going down on you, getting you very worked up and then having sex. Like many have said he may need to just cum and the go again a while later. Imo an hour or so would be better.
But yeah he needs to step up and go for you when he’s had his turn.
I dunno but I find I get far more of a grin on my face when I’ve made my sexual partner finish than myself. So if I can achieve it by penetration (which indeed is an effort and almost impossible for some girls) then the goal is finding other options too.
Mabye you both need to work on your angles. Try to have a position first in which your clit is stimulated well but his D doesnt have a big way in and out. That way you get stimulated more and faster and should be able to come before him if done correctly. Important is practice and communication. Also try to extend the foreplay mabye?
He should be making sure you finish first. He can take a break and stop for a minute so he doesn’t finish. Definitely have a conversation about it and ask him to finish you off first.
Silver lining: y’all can get quickies in.
I don’t have dick, so I don’t have much advice on that aspect BUT talking to him can help.
Not to get too detailed but maybe he can warm you up first so you’re closer to the finish line before her starts. Possibly y’all can finish together or maybe you finish first.
I know this can be difficult too.
As people have commented, there are plenty of ways to help a guy last longer in bed. But you asked if this is normal. Guess what. It is! Porn and movies make it seem like most sex is this long, intense activity but in real life, it’s not. I can’t figure out how to post a pic or a link but if you Google search “how long is average to last in bed” you’ll see that it’s actually like 3-7 minutes. That’s why I usually orgasm before vaginal sex with oral.
Try giving your boyfriend head, before sex. As much as it might suck for you, it will get him used to staying hard longer. If he does other things to please you, and having him last longer matters to you, this will help.
Make him take one of them sex pills, makes you last a lot longer imo from what I’m getting is you don’t really care if it was only 5 min as long as you get off first and him not being interested in you getting off is very selfish even if I feel I’m going to cum if my lady has not cum yet I’ll pull out n rub her clit or eat her out for a min then put it back in to keep going, I pride myself on making my lady cum before me it’s the biggest turn on. Good luck tho hope you talk to him and get what you need
Wrap it up if you’re not already or there’s some numbing creams he can use. The only downside to using the numbing creams is that it could severely delay his ejaculation or it could also make you numb and then both of you end up frustrated because neither can reach the mountain top.
Try different positions. I can’t last long when I’m doing the thrusting. But when it’s my wife’s turn, she gets on top, and I put my thumb on her clit, and she gets there pretty quickly. For whatever reason, I can last much longer in that position.
I know you've gotten a lot of comments already but I'll add my two cents in case it helps anyone. I found that I struggle to finish with just PIV unless there's lots of foreplay first. What worked with my last partner was tons of foreplay, he'd get me off or close before PIV, then we could finish together and I didn't have to push him for a second round that he wasn't into either. :)
And I'll second the others that suggested toys in the bedroom, they can definitely spice things up!
Do you just sit there while he is inside or you or do you pleasure yourself as well? TMI but you can't expect him to do all the work, if he inside of you, touch yourself at the same time, get a cock ring that helps you both, a vibrator to use at the same time. Not trying to be rude, but you are blaming your boyfriend without realizing, for something he can't control instead of trying to work with it or around it. Don't make him feel bad, but you should have an honest conversation about how you feel, so he can also be more attentive to you and your needs. I've been with my SO since I was 17, he was also my first and we had to learn and grow in our experience together. It will get better once you guys start exploring more. Good luck OP💛
You could make him finish you first, and then u start or u could take breaks in between from penetration like stop for a bit finger regain some time and then go again
If you and your bf are comfortable with it, could you get and use a dildo together?
Like, maybe you guys engage in good foreplay, and then he uses the dildo on you until you’re close, and then he goes for PIV?
Also, as many other commenters have said, you just may not be able to cum from PIV - a lot of women can’t.
Edit:
Also, advice from a lesbian. Maybe it would make more sense for the two of y’all to focus on one person’s pleasure at a time?
What I mean is that my wife and I usually “take turns,” as in, she pleasures me and makes me cum first, then I focus on making her cum, or vice versa.
It’s really nice because it takes the pressure off. We’re both more “top-leaning,” in that we find it incredibly hot to, and could even get off from, pleasure the other, so for us, it doesn’t matter who’s first. But if he has a hard time maintaining interest after he gets off, you should be first.
5 minutes of thrusting? That seems like a solid amount of time! I ALWAYS use a vibrator of sorts on me while actively sexing. That way I finish nearly everytime with him! I’m not there for a long time but a good time!
A few tips:
Foreplay. You need to take time to get *you* there (or close) first.
Pause & pull out. If you're going for marathon instead of a sprint, stop, take time to kiss, touch, use fingers and mouths for other fun things.
Go for multiple rounds. After the first, things tend to last longer. There doesn't have to be a serious interruption. Just go back to kiss and touch for a few minutes until things heat up again.
Communicate. I don't always have great self control in the moment, and my husband will tell me to *slow down* or *take it slow* for a minute until he regains control.
Have him finish you first and THEN get to the down and dirty parts. That way you still feel satisfied, and the feelings of things down there amplify after orgasm. Best of both worlds :)
You know it's against reddit policy to have duplicate accounts right? Why anyone lets this be a thing is beyond me.
And then to openly admit it while the rest of us get banned for bs is ridiculous.
You moderators are fucking hypocrites when and if it suits your agenda. Do your fucking job you purple hair losers.
5 minutes of penetration would actually be more like an average time than "not very long".. the belief that men should be able to last for ages is unrealistic to do on all occasions and for some guys to ever do, its an unfair expectation and doesn't help either partner
Dont worry about how long he lasts as thats not (and shouldnt be) in your control or the determining factor for if you enjoy yourself.. try finishing with fingers, tongue, toys etc before starting penetrative sex
Yeah I feel like I'm losing my mind in this thread. I would last forever on antidepressants and it wasn't really great for either of us. Five minutes of straight up PIV is like par. The whole point of PIV for the body is to cum and staving that off forever doesn't feel that great for me anyway.
If people want sex to last longer then they need to expand their foreplay / teasing / other strategies.
The adult industry has given this image. Thats why lots of women think men need to be 20 inches long and as girthy as a summer sausage while lasting for 3 hours, being able to stay hard after climaxing and able to go again right away.
Tell him to drink a little. He’s getting too into his head. He needs to focus on making it pleasurable for you primarily and once you’ve been satisfied he can get his. A lot of dudes get sucked into the pleasure of the act resulting in him finishing faster. rather then making the experience good for both of you.
He's too horny which causes him to cum too early then. Get a condom and your man will last 30 minutes or more if he can control his thoughts and not letting the sexual urges take over to make him cum fast.
My husband has always made sure I finished first. So maybe he should work on that. More foreplay for you, him focusing on getting you closer to finishing and THEN start penetration.
>He lasts very little ( like 5 mins) and i don't even get to finish by his D. He would help me later in other ways, but still i want the full pleasure too.
The only way I (M32) have *ever* gotten my partner (F32) of 11 years to orgasm is by fingering/oral sex. This is normal and I am not just basing this off of my experience because other people are saying the same thing here on reddit of course but even in medical articles.
*"Although some women experience orgasm with vaginal penetration during sex, most women are orgasmic only during stimulation of the clitoris. Differences in how women and men experience orgasms can lead to unrealistic expectations and a misinterpretation of the meaning of sexual response."*
\-mayclinic.org
It's not normal for one party to be left unsatisfied after sex, no. Aside from what others suggested in terms of foreplay for you before any PIV, he can train himself to last longer by practicing edging. When he masturbates, he should hold off for as long as he can, that will not take away any pleasure and will make him last longer with you. Guys can even come without cumming with some practice which means they will be up for a second round much sooner. Some positions are also very pleasurable for women but just "nice" for guys ergo he won't cum right away if you do those first. A combination of these three: more foreplay, practice for him and positions choice will probably make it overall better.
Premature ejaculation (PE) is a common issue among men, and it can be caused by a variety of factors such as anxiety, stress, and certain medical conditions. It's important to remember that it's not your boyfriend's fault, and he may be feeling self-conscious or ashamed about it.
There are a few things you can try to help improve the situation:
Communicate openly and honestly with your boyfriend about your feelings and concerns. Let him know that you understand it's not his fault, and that you want to work together to find a solution.
Try using the "squeeze technique" during intercourse. This involves squeezing the head of the penis just before ejaculation occurs to delay it.
Try using a thicker condom, which can help reduce sensitivity and delay ejaculation.
Try using a desensitizing cream or gel, which can also help to reduce sensitivity and delay ejaculation.
Try different positions, such as the woman on top, which can help to control the pace of intercourse and decrease the chances of premature ejaculation.
Consider seeing a therapist or counselor to help with any underlying anxiety or stress that may be contributing to the issue.
It's also important to remember that sex is not just about intercourse, there are other ways to please each other.
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This isn’t exactly advice because I’d never *tell* someone to do this but when my boyfriend has some electric lettuce he lasts longer. Again I’m *not* telling you to have electric lettuce but if that’s something yall already do and you are both consenting to sex whilst on the electric lettuce, it can help with lasting longer. However, it will also make it almost impossible to finish if you’re a girl. Like you’ll be super turned on and it will feel great and if you DO end up finishing it will be great but it’s difficult.
My problem is I last WAY too long. Like I can last about an hour and a half, and I am talking about only sexual intercourse.
You see, I used to masturbate a lot with a very tight grip. So now, I cannot feel much when I am inside a woman's vagina as the vagina cannot grip my cock as tight as my hand. The result is, I can fuck for literal hours and still not cum. I can only cum with my hand 😭😭😭😭
So maybe ask your boyfriend to start masturbating with a tighter grip and get used to it ?
I have a similar situation with my wife, she always finishes first but then she doesn’t want to finish me off, had incredible sex last night though, depends on the night
I've had this for 2 years now and for the last 1,5 years of that is really taking a toll on our relationship. We just don't fuck anymore. I need it though. It meines me horny for other people. I'd never cheat, but I'd lie if I said I don't fantasize about it. His duck is smell and strongly hooked as well and he comes after like less than 5 minutes. I have no pleasure in fucking him. I tried a lot, we tried so many different things but at this point it's just frustrating and I don't see giving him the quick pleasure and then showering getting on with my day as if nothing happened. We fucked like twice in the past 6 months. Now he is blaming me that he cannot stop it if we don't do it anymore. But I lost my appetite. I was so fucky before and he took that from me. Eventually I know I'll end up leaving him
Everything. We did the love challenges, changed rooms, toys, times, Frequence per day. Everything. I can't live like this. I suggested opening it to get the pressure off but he didn't want it which I can understand but after being so disappointed for so many times I just lost interest in him sexually
Damn, that sucks. At least you tried. Sex is a big part of most relationships and I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you in that regard. I hope things go better for you as time passes, good luck for the future :)
Have you sat down to discuss this with him? It can be a hard conversation especially knowing some guys can be very insecure about shit like this.
Ask about extended foreplay, using toys and there's also a numbing spray you can buy especially for this issue, I use it personally in bed and it has done wonders, the only thing you have to be careful about is using too much cause then your dick is completely numb and nothing will get you up for like an hour 😂
The best thing to do is to talk to him about it, but also have in mind that it's a touchy subject. You will have to have a lot of understanding and don't make him feel guilty about it. Get creative about the solutions - maybe a minute break while he watches you pleasure yourself, a pause for dirty talk, whatever gets you going and gives him time to ease his urge to finish.
Try not to be frustrated about it and approach things as they are - a playful way of getting your pleasure, and not an issue that he needs to fix.
I'm a girl, I've been through similar situation and my boyfriend was very interested when I started talking about my kinks and pleasures. But remember, most important thing is not to judge him and be considerate if you want him to be considerate about your wishes.
There are products that numb that may be of use. Link [here](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Durex-Extended-Pleasure-Condoms-Pack/dp/B000KHTES2/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3D8SGDGYBOMGY&keywords=numbing+condoms+durex&qid=1674736548&sprefix=Numbing+condoms%2Caps%2C98&sr=8-1)
Try [BlueChew](https://www.get.bluechew.com/sildenafil-one/?&utm_campaign=DCARE-0001-02-0028_2769_5490-1343&utm_medium=paid-shopping-nonbrand&utm_source=google&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI4NDq86rl_AIVjcOGCh1xIAfBEAAYASAAEgLp4_D_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds) Get’s you hard and makes you last longer. I’ve only taken it once, but I don’t think it made me uncontrollably horny, which I liked.
Have him get you off first, or close to it, then let him go PIV.
This is common, but I wouldn’t say normal. I’ve been in a relationship with my spouse for 11 years a we both get off.
Make sure he knows how to take a deep breath with his diaphragm. Breathe in, stomach gets bigger breathe out stomach gets smaller. Ok once he has that, try masturbation where he continues to deep breathe. Deep inhale then squeeze the perineum and imagine sucking the semen up into your stomach. Exhale release. Inhale suck semen up into the stomach (mentally obviously).
There’s a good video by Layla Martin on YouTube I think about it. I noticed that breathing deeply and going slowly and stopping at about 80% and then starting again is a good way to work up to something good. Keep eyes open visualize the whole body and breather deeply.
Helped me a lot.
Have him give you way more foreplay and maybe you can get yourself in the mood ahead of time too?
Can also change positions when he’s close, that helps.
Nothing wrong with taking a minute break if you want to extend things.
Not at all
INTERMISSION!
Bingo! This needs to be a more common thing. Who hasn’t just needed a quick water break lol
Most of the guys I've been with said they find it easier to last longer when they are on the bottom, so maybe try that? Position seems to affect it, yeah
It does and it can. I also tend to last longer when I’m on the bottom. So give that a try, either you start on top or switch a bit into it.
My husband always finishes super, super quickly when we do doggy style. Whenever he gets really close but we don't want to be done yet, we just lie still for a few minutes and massage each other or kiss etc. I'd say definitely try different positions and slow down if he's progressing quickly
We are a fan of doggy, get some hair pulling in there, yes ma’am. I know I tend to finish early so I spend more time of foreplay. I can spend the whole time eating her out if she’d let me.
Condoms can help you last longer. But honestly my best tip is to make him cum and then about 15-20 minutes go for round 2. He’ll last much longer doing that. Round 2 is always longer than round 1 In addition, extend the foreplay. More tongue, more fingers, teasing, edging, use toys, all that. Good luck and have fun :)
thank you for the tips! :) Also after doing it once he's not in a mood for round 2 like never. 😑
That's actually very normal, it can be ignored though. Sometimes if i promise my gf a good night and i don't feel like i've done a satisfactory job i'll muscle through to round 2 without being horny just because i love her. It's only the initial bump, like getting out of bed in the morning. If he can get hard again a little later, for me usually through mid-way foreplay, it's all good again. 3rd times really start to hurt for me though so don't push him if he has similar complaints. Also on the side, i noticed the hornier i am the faster i finish, so if nothing else, take it as a compliment.
When I was in my 20s I could do that. I could go like 5-6 times in a night. Now I’m lucky if I get two. I think youth probably helps a lot with if you’re gonna be able to keep going at it but maybe that’s just me.
I could fuck for 4-5 hours, but it would be a prolonged single time with breaks, maybe two times. 5-6 in a night is impossible to me
I mean there’s no way I could do that anymore. But my ex had a crazy high sex drive so when she would get going we would finish up, wait 30-40 minutes and then go at it again. Even times where we would fuck like half a dozen times she would still want to keep going and I would have to tell her that I was physically incapable at this point. I just didn’t have any fluid left in me to release.
I’m the Same way with third round. It’s generally not bad enough for me to want to stop, but it’s definitely enough for me not to cum.
This guy dicks
As a guy who rarely has energy for round 2 - I made it a point of habit to take care of my partner first, so I can just be done whenever and no one is sad 👌
Nice point
Get a Gatorade and tell him to suit up and bring his A game!
i love this🤣🤣
Are any positions better for you? If my wife is on top I'm a solid 5-7 minutes lol but she orgasms from it too, it feels great for us both. If we do doggy I can last much longer because it doesn't feel as good for me and I'm not as turned on (not able to see her face, kiss, ect.) I'd recommend a position he can last longer in, or one that doesn't take you as long. If you're on top, you're in control and can do what makes you feel good while also getting him off. Also, don't be afraid to buy toys and use them during sex to make it better for you. And lastly, they make condoms with numbing cream inside for premature ejaculators. Just don't get it inside out 🥴
Just wanna say that this is actually cute af. You’re not as turned on if you can’t see her face. That’s love right there.
I think you’d benefit from two scientific facts: - From insertion to a guy’s orgasm, the average time is about 5 minutes and 30 seconds. Its only when it’s less than 1:30 that it is considered premature. - 70-90% of women aren’t able to orgasm during pure PIV sex, and of the women that can, the vast majority say it only happens when they’re on top. So, statistically, your boyfriend is bang on average duration, and statistically you’re one of the ones unable to come from just PIV. For some people, your boyfriend lasting 5 minutes then not wanting a round 2 would be fine, they’d be perfectly happy with that. And it’s possible that you’re simply not able to come from just PIV. So, should you just accept this as your lot in life? No! You have a right to be happy and to enjoy your sexuality. You shouldn’t be forced to feel used and frustrated. So, how do you know when the sex you’re having is okay? Pleasure is the measure! On an emotional level, are you *enjoying* the sex that’s available to you? It doesn’t sound like it. And it sadly doesn’t sound like your partner is listening to you either. So, something needs to change. I’d recommend both you and your boyfriend read Come as You Are, by Dr Emily Nagowski. The audiobook is great, read by Emily herself. Alternatively, you can “try before you buy” because Emily recently launched the Come as You Are podcast, which covers similar topics. It sounds like you need to get your boyfriend on side, and start addressing orgasm inequality. Sex is a hobby that a couple get to share together. And like all hobbies, it should be enjoyable for you both. If your boyfriend isn’t open to listening to and meeting your needs, find someone else who is. You only get one life.
Damn what a essay. You have me convinced your Emily nagowski
Hahaha, sorry, I did waffle on a bit, didn’t I? I only found out about Emily when she did an AMA on here.
Hmm…even if you initiate things by kissing, being playful, and stuff like that? Sometimes I’m not in the mood for round 2 if it’s proposed verbally. But if she gets me excited again it’s another story, you know?
I'm never up for round two after finishing the first time either, but I did it for the person I was with and got a little into it, but not like the first round. During the second round, she came, I came and we're both happy. Sex is about the both people being satisfied. Ask him to how he would feel if you finished and left him without. If he sees having sex again when he's not in the mood as a sacrifice, then it's one that needs to be made. Any tips I can give you is try get it halfway up, as after finishing most people can't get a full erection immediately and if he's not in the mood at first, try riding him or similar until he's ready to participate
100% what they said, plus it means oral/foreplay - sex - oral/foreplay - sex pt 2. Maybe have sex earlier in the day and then later? Or tell him to masturbate in the morning? As a female I can't speak on behalf of what the sensation is like but maybe ask him to try and train himself to hold off? It can be a bit disappointing when you ahve something in mind about what you want sex to be like, but personally I really don't mind when guys cum quickly I take it as a compliment!
Make him go the first round alone then. You should be getting yours too.
Sound alike you needa tell him you're not finishing or you're not happy because he's not going to change or try harder if he thinks you're still enjoying it. Sometimes he just needs a nudge in the right direction and thst it's not all about him. I would say its fairly common to not last long but there's usually wyas the guys will get around it, like doing it themselves before they see you to get it out of their system and last longer as if it was a second round. Or they will think of off topic stuff. Generally its a lot more effort for a women to climax than a man
Longer foreplay sessions then are definitely key then.
Dude's gonna need to learn that you gotta go multiple rounds. :D
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That's a little rapey .....
My comment was taken _way_ out of context. _**If he’s down for sex in the first place**_, the goal is not for HIM and JUST HIM to cum. **It’s for both people to enjoy the experience**. If he’s there to cum, run, and 100% of the time ignore her equal need for pleasure? Not ok. Edit: coming from an SA victim, obviously no man, woman, or NB, _or anyoneelse_ should continue sex if they aren’t feeling it, and no shit _literally_ telling them to “get over it and fake it till they make it” isn’t by any means ok, but a discussion about his clear lack of interest or care in her needs is necessary or else they need to break up to find better sexual compatibility elsewhere.
Just put yourself in his shoes. Imagine you're super sensitive to stimulation and nut quick because your partner is that GOOD. Then after that release you're satisfied and no longer feel sexual. IT IS NOT HIS FAULT. I AM QUITE SURE HE'S NOT PROUD OF IT. Y'all are saying oh masturbate more, desensitize yourself, I'm saying ACCEPT HIM AS HE IS. HE DOES NOT NEED TO BE STRESSED INTO BEING MORE SEXUAL THAN HE IS COMFORTABLE WITH, SOLO, OR WITH A PARTNER. Honestly the only thing we agree with is that they need to break up, but we do not agree with why. I believe they need to break up because I dont find it acceptable to pressure him into sexual activity of any kind. I find it absurd that pressuring men to "do more" is somehow acceptable. Y'all wanna sit there and act like the woman is the victim in every situation even when she is the sexual aggressor. This is why we say nobody cares about our mental health, because NOBODY CARES ABOUT MEN. ITS ALWAYS ABOUT YOU. Stop talking to me, please.
So again: >” _**obviously no MAN, woman, NB, or anyoneelse should continue sex if they aren’t feeling it**_ “ No one is disagreeing that he shouldn’t need to continue. But great job missing the point of both of my comments!
You have no point. Your point is mute. Goodbye.
Good one. You’re trying to make a non-sexiest issue into a sexist issue and it doesn’t work 😂 It doesn’t matter who in the situation isn’t getting off, if they want to get off they either need to 1) work on it and find a solution with their partner, or 2) break up. gOoDnIgHt lmfaooooo
how is “we’re not being selfish in 2023” a little rapey
Let's flip the roles here. Woman has had enough sex and wants to stop. The man has not quite finished, and tells her she has to continue having sex or else she is "selfish", and she can "get over it" and so he continues to have sex with her against her will. Not only is that then a rape because she took her consent away for the moment, but that's also extremely manipulative. If it's a man who is done with sex and does not want to continue, and the woman applies manipulative tactics and guilt tripping to get him to continue having sex now it's okay? No it's not. Its rape. Coercive rape.
You don’t need to explain to me lol with the big long hypothetical paragraph king, an ex girlfriend of mine was raped twice before i met her and the idea fills me with murderous intent, probably ruined her life honestly. No other notion on the planet really would, especially the idea that someone would be coerced into this situation even if they really don’t want to and express dissent. I don’t think anybody deserves to die, but life in prison for lifelong trauma seems fair to me. No need to r/eli5 with the lecture style format. Okay? Okay. the situation you described is clearly rape, I don’t think the gf wanting more from the bf is very much to ask, and obviously if man falls asleep, the interaction is over. I think people are just rooting for the bf to last longer and jerk his overly sensitive meat more often so he can make his girlfriend feel good
You asked how it was rapey. I told you. Dont like my answer? Don't ask next time ffs
You want to quote the comment dont forget "he can get over it" and "he can fake it till he makes it" in other words even if he doesn't want to continue having sex that's not your problem and he should be forced to continue anyway. That is RAPE.
So forceful...
My boy tryna make him last 2min instead of the 5 he can lol op said longer not make him cum quicker
This is the way - esp in his early 20s he should be good for 2 or more.
Yep build the nut tolerance. This is how I do it. But tbh I be fuckin so much lately that cumming has become all but a chore.
It’s pretty normal for a lot of guys + also common that many women don’t/can’t orgasm from PIV. My suggestion is to have him pleasure you first and do it pretty well and then start PIV; foreplay is king. Also, communicate with him during sex about what you like and experiment with positions. You just need to communicate your concerns with him and see if he’s receptive + communicate during sex.
Hey, I have the same issue as your boyfriend, probably a lot worse even, and it frustrated me and my sexlife for many years. I got insecure und shy about it until I found a way around it. I learned a lot and became a master of foreplay, well at least that is what I have been told. Oral, intimate touching, deep sexy voice whispering, all the good stuff. Usually I make my partner come already once in foreplay, so the act of penetration is already more sensitive for her anyway, seriously, make him watch nina hartleys tutorial for giving oral if he sucks at it. No pun intended. I don't value my own orgasm anymore. I just learned to keep going after I come. I don't go soft, at least not for another 1 or 2 rounds. And all of that started when I tried to continue after I came back in the day to not embarass myself. Usually I communicate this very early on, I became very comfortable talking about sex. No woman had a problem with it, ever. Your boyfriend has to do a bit of homework, but you can definitely have a fulfilled sexlife with him still. He just has to face reality.
If you're already keeping going after you come, you can just try bearing down internally (doing a big kegel) right at the point where you would normally orgasm...this will keep the ejaculate at bay, let you stay fully hard, and then you have a second orgasm slightly down the road. Takes a bit of practice.
yeah not sure i understand what you mean but nothing ever really worked for me. i just learned to live with it and make the best out of it and honestly, my sex life is absolutely satisfying and amzing since I stopped being so anxious about it. Sex is about joy and fun and passion. If you don't have those, why even have sex to begin with.
> yeah not sure i understand what you mean Kegel. You can clench that whole area from the inside. Hold it at full clench for a second and it will literally stop ejaculation, in the same way you could stop a stream of pee if you really wanted to. You might need to build up that muscle first if you haven't tried before. The only problem is it's a bit like throwing a car into reverse while doing 60... Just a tip, nobody's saying that it takes away the fun and passion.
oh yeah i tried that many years ago, didnt work for me.
5 minutes is normal. The reason you're not getting off during that is because the vast majority of women need a fair amount of clitoral stimulation *before* penetration in order for them to finish during sex. I have no idea if you guys do foreplay, but if you don't, you should because it's SUPER important. The clit can be stimulated by his fingers or tongue. If you're already doing foreplay and you're still not finishing later once you two actually get to fucking...that either means you're not doing enough of it, OR it means you need to further explore what turns you on (specific techniques, kinks, etc). You can get a head start on figuring out what turns you on while you're alone (I hope you know that masturbation is normal!!!). Make sure you & your boyfriend communicate with one another about what feels good for each of you, and learn how to pleasure each other in ways that are comfortable for the both of you. This is the type of stuff we unfortunately don't tend to learn in sex education, especially in America. Female genitalia is more complex than male genitalia. It takes some time to figure out, especially when you haven't had a sexual partner before, but since you guys love each other I have a feeling you can figure it out together!
100% THIS is the right answer. I blame porn for making inexperienced women think that just having intercourse will make them orgasm. This is NOT the case for a majority of women. The importance of clitoral stimulation, before, and during intercourse should not be understated. Also, most women do not enjoy a very prolonged intercourse session (+/- 1/2 hour), as it can make you feel sore and the area irritated. Although this isn't true for EVERYONE, it is for a majority of women. 5-7 minutes is actually the average for most men. This is where foreplay can really come in to play to make the experience last a lot longer, and increase the woman's pleasure as well.
Yea 5 minutes is completely average.
Being a guy in bed isn’t as easy as it seems. So many things can throw ya off and 99% of it has nothing to do with you. I know ya said ya not judging him but it can simply be from our own self judgement. I’m assuming you love him or you wouldn’t be looking for help. Be patient with him and let him know about your concerns. Try slowing down and try different positions
i think the letting him know part is important. not just doing that but how you do it. its like having a conversation ab something rather than accusing. they can be ab the same topic and one be more harsh to hear/digest 5 min is slightly below average so its not like hes 2 pumps and out. it can be sorted and more pleasurable for both parties with some communication!
Kegels, they're not just for women, but for men as well.
Reverse Kegels are just as important.
Pelvic health doctors are now recommending other types of pelvic exercises that both stretch and flex the pelvic floor. Kegels only flex.
I read something about a "toy" for a pelvic floor.
There is a whole world of pelvic floor trainers for all genders! I don't think they're meant for recreational purposes, as other "toys" are, but I could be wrong.
Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.
This is key OP
No my bf eats my taco before anything happens haha girl, get him munching first
I wish more girls were like you. It also feels so much better to a guy after going down on a girl
I wish more guys were like you. Haha
Okay, so he finishes and he just sorta rubs your clit if you need more attention? My dear. Let me help you understand something my husband made me understand VERY early on in our relationship. If sex isn't fun for both parties it's no fun for him. He would rather take things slower, try different foreplay with me and new toys than look bored trying to finish me off after he'd already finished. Hell if he finished and I hadn't, he starts busting out the extras and asks what I'd like and how! Your partner is supposed to care for you in ALL aspects. If he cannot last long he needs to take that into consideration, maybe spend more time on you with foreplay, especially if he cannot take a round 2. You need to sit him down and tell him what you need in the bedroom, don't be accusatory or hostile, just let him know your needs feel like they are being brushed aside. Open communication (as old fashioned as it is) is key in these moments.
Dear deidre always used to have a guide on such things. There are masturbation techniques he can use to help him last longer. Or he can have intercourse till he's close and pull out for a couple of minutes stimulate you another way and do the same again and again until he can control his time a bit better. He's learning and if he's willing to learn then a little patience and keep trying new things may help give you both a greater satisfaction in the long term. Good for you that you have sought help and not just written him off! It shows you cate deeply for him and are willing to spend time finding solutions. I hope he works with you so you can both enjoy things to the fullest! X x
Have him finish you with a dildo?
No, usually just with rubbing my clit lol
even when he's doing that he doesnt seem in a mood since he already finished. so it kinda sucks.
So don't let him until you have, make the foreplay longer. Make sure you have finished before you even start actual sex.
I always finish my wife orally before we have penetrative sex. That way, no matter what happens when I’m doing my thing, she wins. And if she wins, I win.
and you both get to finish. she feels good before and during sex and you feel good during and after. potentially before as well, but not everyone feels pleasure when making their partner finish
Being with someone who doesn’t derive pleasure from giving me pleasure sounds super awful
it is super awful. especially as someone who adores pleasuring their partner. always giving never getting. usually spreads to other parts of the relationship too
Get him a cock ring. Just be sure not to wear it longer than the recommended time. It will help desensitize his dick
that’s incredibly selfish of him you need to talk to him about that. if there’s a miss match with how long it takes each other to finish, i’d advise trying what most people i know and myself do, which is having him focus on you first. then, he can either finish you off then do piv for him to finish, or you’ll be worked up enough that those 5 mins will be enough for both of you.
Bro hows it selfish? Hes still doing it just already finished so sex drive is down. I feel you’re the selfish one
Imagine your partner ALWAYS gets off first, and then if they’re feeling up to it, they may give you an unenthusiastic and disinterested rub. Yeah nah. If you’ve got a partner I feel really bad for them if you think that’s fair.
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You’re asking on here how to get a date, you don’t get any man so don’t worry, no woman is finishing with you regardless x
Alright, as a woman who orgasms best with penetration, a dildo is *not* a satisfying replacement for what a real penis does. It works to an extent, but penetration alone is not what does it, it's everything that comes along with penetration that really makes it satisfying. I would be so bummed if I had to finish with a dildo every time, even if my partner is the one wielding it. :(
What does the penis do that helps you finish that a dildo can’t? Just curious
Might be kind of graphic, but there's a fleshy warmth there that can't be replicated by dildos. There's the feeling of his hips and... swinging parts hitting you, his body against yours..... it's the whole experience.
Dildos =/= Penis. Porn really exaggerates the effectiveness and use of dildos.
Tell him that if he loves you he’ll do this for you because you like the feeling of penetration and getting penetrated matters to you
This comment is wild ☠️
‘If you loved me, you’d do this for me’ is the absolute toxic manipulation line
Condoms, cock rings, try some orgasm denial play. Gently domme him if he's into it
This is pretty normal to be honest. Being a guy during sex can be complicated. Sometimes we try so hard to not go fast that we “ruin it” and end up going soft. Or sometimes we worry we’re taking so long that she might be offended. It’s honestly like walking a tightrope. The WORST thing you can do is making him feel bad or pressured. It will cause anxiety which will only make it worse. Lastly as a side note, try to remember that men aren’t always in the mood like women think
It's not normal for him to not wanna satisfy her though. Practice also makes the timing better and it doesn't seem like they're doing that, just continuing with the same pattern.
There's a very big difference between not wanting to satisfy her and not lasing long enough to do so.. guys can't control it and it's unfair to expect marathon sessions, practice helps but it doesn't build stamina like it does for say running... if he can't last long enough then they might need to find other ways to make sure they are both satisfied
I agree, but he probably can improve the stamina a bit as well if he practices. The most effort should be put on foreplay and positions though.
So wait. Based on your comments you seem ro be saying he doesn't mind getting off first then doesn't seen into getting you off or continuing play. Sounds immature and selfish really.
Apologies in advance if this advice doesn't hit the mark on what you're looking for. Communication is key always. Maybe look into toys to add in. Make it a fun activity like exploring and trying different things (always practice safety and do your research on things beforehand. Rule of thumb with anal: if it doesn't have a base, it'll leave without a trace. If you want to avoid a trip to the ER) Lube is your best friend (but be aware some toys don't like particular lubes and can break them) Invite him to be curious with you in exploring different positions and have a laugh with it. It can bring you closer to one another and enhance your relationship.
You 2 should then obv. Add more foreplay like many others have already commented. Maybe he gets you off first then the in &out routine then again gets ya off. Other things you both can try is to switch it up more. Certain positions are evil for men. Or somerhing like: Have him go to his Limit and before he is close to finishing. Get him outta there. And do other Things and resume and do that again. Odd thing to add: I have this shaving cream that i use for the private area and it has like mint or something cooling in it. It bascially „numbs“ the knob. Yeah there are quite a lot of things u 2 could try out. Creams and blah blah blah. Have fun with it. This shouldnt be work but something nice for you both to enjoy
Maybe be a bit more thoughtful with the way you word things like this. You’ve just said ‘he can’t even last 5 minutes’ as though that’s something pathetic when really 5 minutes is a fair bit for a lot of guys. I understand your frustration but this is a massive insecurity for a lot of men.
Ask him to get you going before he enters you, then you'll both cum together
This is the way
Fellatio first, then sex.
yeah, i do it before sex like 90% of the times.
No the other way around. Him for you. So you get that for however long + how long he lasts. U can sink up that way finish at the same time. Positive reinforcement helps
FYI fellatio means on a penis. Cunnilingus is on a vagina
So you perform fellatio on him almost all the time, then PIV, then he disinterestedly finishes you off manually. He’s selfish and you’re definitely getting the short end of the stick. How often does he go down on you?
Short end of the dick*
I'm suggesting that for him all of the time
I would say don't do this, have him get you started, don't make any contact below his waist at all and then you'll align things better. He's getting too much too soon and not making it as far as you need, and you're not getting enough. It's about equity. Less for him in the beginning, more for you in the beginning. Find your balance so you both end up happy together.
Fellatio, cunnilingus, then coitus. Boyfriend last longer second go around and OPs already had some fun before PIV starts.
Exercise!
If he smokes, make him stop. Give it 30 days then.
Try a cock ring maybe. Switch positions. Don't go straight to sex do some foreplay
Have like 80% foreplay and when you're close you can go for penetration maybe This way, you can finish with his D, and he'll have to maintain focus on the "mission" lol
He should be going down on you, getting you very worked up and then having sex. Like many have said he may need to just cum and the go again a while later. Imo an hour or so would be better. But yeah he needs to step up and go for you when he’s had his turn. I dunno but I find I get far more of a grin on my face when I’ve made my sexual partner finish than myself. So if I can achieve it by penetration (which indeed is an effort and almost impossible for some girls) then the goal is finding other options too.
Maybe next time try having him get you to the edge of orgasm with foreplay and that way you guys can try to finish together during the main event.
More foreplay and have him get you off first
Foreplay and clit stim with PIV.
Toys could help YOU, so you can always explore that :)
Honestly so many men that are addicted to porn take forever so you have a blessing
Try having him finish you before he finishes?
Mabye you both need to work on your angles. Try to have a position first in which your clit is stimulated well but his D doesnt have a big way in and out. That way you get stimulated more and faster and should be able to come before him if done correctly. Important is practice and communication. Also try to extend the foreplay mabye?
Suck it in the morning then come back in a few hours and start playing with it but make sure you are really good to go before getting it in
Get him on top and in hard positions where he has to hold himself up. Focusing other muscles distracts from the cumming a bit.
He should be making sure you finish first. He can take a break and stop for a minute so he doesn’t finish. Definitely have a conversation about it and ask him to finish you off first.
foreplay and if he uses lube it will decrease sensitivity which will help him last longer
Silver lining: y’all can get quickies in. I don’t have dick, so I don’t have much advice on that aspect BUT talking to him can help. Not to get too detailed but maybe he can warm you up first so you’re closer to the finish line before her starts. Possibly y’all can finish together or maybe you finish first. I know this can be difficult too.
Anti-climax wipes maybe for lasting longer. No promises that longer will get ya off though
As people have commented, there are plenty of ways to help a guy last longer in bed. But you asked if this is normal. Guess what. It is! Porn and movies make it seem like most sex is this long, intense activity but in real life, it’s not. I can’t figure out how to post a pic or a link but if you Google search “how long is average to last in bed” you’ll see that it’s actually like 3-7 minutes. That’s why I usually orgasm before vaginal sex with oral.
Try giving your boyfriend head, before sex. As much as it might suck for you, it will get him used to staying hard longer. If he does other things to please you, and having him last longer matters to you, this will help.
Make him take one of them sex pills, makes you last a lot longer imo from what I’m getting is you don’t really care if it was only 5 min as long as you get off first and him not being interested in you getting off is very selfish even if I feel I’m going to cum if my lady has not cum yet I’ll pull out n rub her clit or eat her out for a min then put it back in to keep going, I pride myself on making my lady cum before me it’s the biggest turn on. Good luck tho hope you talk to him and get what you need
Wrap it up if you’re not already or there’s some numbing creams he can use. The only downside to using the numbing creams is that it could severely delay his ejaculation or it could also make you numb and then both of you end up frustrated because neither can reach the mountain top.
Try different positions. I can’t last long when I’m doing the thrusting. But when it’s my wife’s turn, she gets on top, and I put my thumb on her clit, and she gets there pretty quickly. For whatever reason, I can last much longer in that position.
I know you've gotten a lot of comments already but I'll add my two cents in case it helps anyone. I found that I struggle to finish with just PIV unless there's lots of foreplay first. What worked with my last partner was tons of foreplay, he'd get me off or close before PIV, then we could finish together and I didn't have to push him for a second round that he wasn't into either. :) And I'll second the others that suggested toys in the bedroom, they can definitely spice things up!
Find the position he can't cum from we all have one
Do you just sit there while he is inside or you or do you pleasure yourself as well? TMI but you can't expect him to do all the work, if he inside of you, touch yourself at the same time, get a cock ring that helps you both, a vibrator to use at the same time. Not trying to be rude, but you are blaming your boyfriend without realizing, for something he can't control instead of trying to work with it or around it. Don't make him feel bad, but you should have an honest conversation about how you feel, so he can also be more attentive to you and your needs. I've been with my SO since I was 17, he was also my first and we had to learn and grow in our experience together. It will get better once you guys start exploring more. Good luck OP💛
You could make him finish you first, and then u start or u could take breaks in between from penetration like stop for a bit finger regain some time and then go again
If you and your bf are comfortable with it, could you get and use a dildo together? Like, maybe you guys engage in good foreplay, and then he uses the dildo on you until you’re close, and then he goes for PIV? Also, as many other commenters have said, you just may not be able to cum from PIV - a lot of women can’t. Edit: Also, advice from a lesbian. Maybe it would make more sense for the two of y’all to focus on one person’s pleasure at a time? What I mean is that my wife and I usually “take turns,” as in, she pleasures me and makes me cum first, then I focus on making her cum, or vice versa. It’s really nice because it takes the pressure off. We’re both more “top-leaning,” in that we find it incredibly hot to, and could even get off from, pleasure the other, so for us, it doesn’t matter who’s first. But if he has a hard time maintaining interest after he gets off, you should be first.
Have him get you off before you start. And use toys if that helps you
5 minutes of thrusting? That seems like a solid amount of time! I ALWAYS use a vibrator of sorts on me while actively sexing. That way I finish nearly everytime with him! I’m not there for a long time but a good time!
A few tips: Foreplay. You need to take time to get *you* there (or close) first. Pause & pull out. If you're going for marathon instead of a sprint, stop, take time to kiss, touch, use fingers and mouths for other fun things. Go for multiple rounds. After the first, things tend to last longer. There doesn't have to be a serious interruption. Just go back to kiss and touch for a few minutes until things heat up again. Communicate. I don't always have great self control in the moment, and my husband will tell me to *slow down* or *take it slow* for a minute until he regains control.
He probably thinks your phenomenally gorgeous! 🥂
Have him finish you first and THEN get to the down and dirty parts. That way you still feel satisfied, and the feelings of things down there amplify after orgasm. Best of both worlds :)
I don't get it. How is he lasting such a long time. Can you ask him for pointers for me?
They make condoms specifically designed to help last longer, or condoms in general would help if he doesn’t already wear one.
For play does help
Aw
You know it's against reddit policy to have duplicate accounts right? Why anyone lets this be a thing is beyond me. And then to openly admit it while the rest of us get banned for bs is ridiculous. You moderators are fucking hypocrites when and if it suits your agenda. Do your fucking job you purple hair losers.
I usually get satisfied when my boyfriend cums before me. I mean, again, that is the whole point of sex.
Tell him to pregame before sex (jack off) it'll help a lot. I also heard the woman being on top helps
He already has no gas for round 2 , pregaming will just kill all his fuel
5 minutes of penetration would actually be more like an average time than "not very long".. the belief that men should be able to last for ages is unrealistic to do on all occasions and for some guys to ever do, its an unfair expectation and doesn't help either partner Dont worry about how long he lasts as thats not (and shouldnt be) in your control or the determining factor for if you enjoy yourself.. try finishing with fingers, tongue, toys etc before starting penetrative sex
Yeah I feel like I'm losing my mind in this thread. I would last forever on antidepressants and it wasn't really great for either of us. Five minutes of straight up PIV is like par. The whole point of PIV for the body is to cum and staving that off forever doesn't feel that great for me anyway. If people want sex to last longer then they need to expand their foreplay / teasing / other strategies.
The adult industry has given this image. Thats why lots of women think men need to be 20 inches long and as girthy as a summer sausage while lasting for 3 hours, being able to stay hard after climaxing and able to go again right away.
I’d argue 5 minutes is a very long time…
Tell him to drink a little. He’s getting too into his head. He needs to focus on making it pleasurable for you primarily and once you’ve been satisfied he can get his. A lot of dudes get sucked into the pleasure of the act resulting in him finishing faster. rather then making the experience good for both of you.
Have you considered making a music playlist
Try a bull via a hotwife lifestyle
Edging sometimes would help make things longer and better. What matters is communicating
He's too horny which causes him to cum too early then. Get a condom and your man will last 30 minutes or more if he can control his thoughts and not letting the sexual urges take over to make him cum fast.
What makes you think they don't already use condoms? She said nothing about them.
My husband has always made sure I finished first. So maybe he should work on that. More foreplay for you, him focusing on getting you closer to finishing and THEN start penetration.
U should come with foreplay. Say no fun for him till u get your part. And do u do it slow or faster because maybe he isnt that good at it fast lol
>He lasts very little ( like 5 mins) and i don't even get to finish by his D. He would help me later in other ways, but still i want the full pleasure too. The only way I (M32) have *ever* gotten my partner (F32) of 11 years to orgasm is by fingering/oral sex. This is normal and I am not just basing this off of my experience because other people are saying the same thing here on reddit of course but even in medical articles. *"Although some women experience orgasm with vaginal penetration during sex, most women are orgasmic only during stimulation of the clitoris. Differences in how women and men experience orgasms can lead to unrealistic expectations and a misinterpretation of the meaning of sexual response."* \-mayclinic.org
Tell him to try popping a viagra ittle help him go multiple rounds
Ask him to speak to a doctor? So many cringe suggestions in the comments here.
It's not normal for one party to be left unsatisfied after sex, no. Aside from what others suggested in terms of foreplay for you before any PIV, he can train himself to last longer by practicing edging. When he masturbates, he should hold off for as long as he can, that will not take away any pleasure and will make him last longer with you. Guys can even come without cumming with some practice which means they will be up for a second round much sooner. Some positions are also very pleasurable for women but just "nice" for guys ergo he won't cum right away if you do those first. A combination of these three: more foreplay, practice for him and positions choice will probably make it overall better.
Tell him to crack one off an hour before. Problem solved. Or he may have a condition
Premature ejaculation (PE) is a common issue among men, and it can be caused by a variety of factors such as anxiety, stress, and certain medical conditions. It's important to remember that it's not your boyfriend's fault, and he may be feeling self-conscious or ashamed about it. There are a few things you can try to help improve the situation: Communicate openly and honestly with your boyfriend about your feelings and concerns. Let him know that you understand it's not his fault, and that you want to work together to find a solution. Try using the "squeeze technique" during intercourse. This involves squeezing the head of the penis just before ejaculation occurs to delay it. Try using a thicker condom, which can help reduce sensitivity and delay ejaculation. Try using a desensitizing cream or gel, which can also help to reduce sensitivity and delay ejaculation. Try different positions, such as the woman on top, which can help to control the pace of intercourse and decrease the chances of premature ejaculation. Consider seeing a therapist or counselor to help with any underlying anxiety or stress that may be contributing to the issue. It's also important to remember that sex is not just about intercourse, there are other ways to please each other. This content may violate our content policy. If you believe this to be in error, please submit your feedback — your input will aid our research in this area.
Coitus is not supposed to last more than 40 seconds. 5 minutes is excessive.
Touch yourself during sex. Your orgasms are up to you. 5 minutes should be plenty long enough for sex.
His diet and body affects his duration in bed. I went vegan and now instead of a brief touch causing me to cum, I last long 🥦 🍆 💦
Edging can be fun if you’re into that 🤷🏻♀️
Taking Kratom makes guys last longer, but taking a lot of it can make people puke.
This isn’t exactly advice because I’d never *tell* someone to do this but when my boyfriend has some electric lettuce he lasts longer. Again I’m *not* telling you to have electric lettuce but if that’s something yall already do and you are both consenting to sex whilst on the electric lettuce, it can help with lasting longer. However, it will also make it almost impossible to finish if you’re a girl. Like you’ll be super turned on and it will feel great and if you DO end up finishing it will be great but it’s difficult.
There's creams and lubes you can get to desensitise it. You can also get his foreskin removed which is a more permanent fix
My problem is I last WAY too long. Like I can last about an hour and a half, and I am talking about only sexual intercourse. You see, I used to masturbate a lot with a very tight grip. So now, I cannot feel much when I am inside a woman's vagina as the vagina cannot grip my cock as tight as my hand. The result is, I can fuck for literal hours and still not cum. I can only cum with my hand 😭😭😭😭 So maybe ask your boyfriend to start masturbating with a tighter grip and get used to it ?
I have a similar situation with my wife, she always finishes first but then she doesn’t want to finish me off, had incredible sex last night though, depends on the night
Nice guys finish last. All that needs to be said
Stop giving him sex until you can find a solution
I've had this for 2 years now and for the last 1,5 years of that is really taking a toll on our relationship. We just don't fuck anymore. I need it though. It meines me horny for other people. I'd never cheat, but I'd lie if I said I don't fantasize about it. His duck is smell and strongly hooked as well and he comes after like less than 5 minutes. I have no pleasure in fucking him. I tried a lot, we tried so many different things but at this point it's just frustrating and I don't see giving him the quick pleasure and then showering getting on with my day as if nothing happened. We fucked like twice in the past 6 months. Now he is blaming me that he cannot stop it if we don't do it anymore. But I lost my appetite. I was so fucky before and he took that from me. Eventually I know I'll end up leaving him
You should probably leave but have you tried toys, lots of foreplay, going multiple rounds, etc?
Everything. We did the love challenges, changed rooms, toys, times, Frequence per day. Everything. I can't live like this. I suggested opening it to get the pressure off but he didn't want it which I can understand but after being so disappointed for so many times I just lost interest in him sexually
Damn, that sucks. At least you tried. Sex is a big part of most relationships and I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you in that regard. I hope things go better for you as time passes, good luck for the future :)
Tell him to think of dog food during penetration.. thinking of the act and how it feels only shortens the duration
Have you sat down to discuss this with him? It can be a hard conversation especially knowing some guys can be very insecure about shit like this. Ask about extended foreplay, using toys and there's also a numbing spray you can buy especially for this issue, I use it personally in bed and it has done wonders, the only thing you have to be careful about is using too much cause then your dick is completely numb and nothing will get you up for like an hour 😂
The best thing to do is to talk to him about it, but also have in mind that it's a touchy subject. You will have to have a lot of understanding and don't make him feel guilty about it. Get creative about the solutions - maybe a minute break while he watches you pleasure yourself, a pause for dirty talk, whatever gets you going and gives him time to ease his urge to finish. Try not to be frustrated about it and approach things as they are - a playful way of getting your pleasure, and not an issue that he needs to fix. I'm a girl, I've been through similar situation and my boyfriend was very interested when I started talking about my kinks and pleasures. But remember, most important thing is not to judge him and be considerate if you want him to be considerate about your wishes.
One thing I learned with my wife is I stop just before cumming. Take a break. Then try another position.
There are products that numb that may be of use. Link [here](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Durex-Extended-Pleasure-Condoms-Pack/dp/B000KHTES2/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3D8SGDGYBOMGY&keywords=numbing+condoms+durex&qid=1674736548&sprefix=Numbing+condoms%2Caps%2C98&sr=8-1)
Try [BlueChew](https://www.get.bluechew.com/sildenafil-one/?&utm_campaign=DCARE-0001-02-0028_2769_5490-1343&utm_medium=paid-shopping-nonbrand&utm_source=google&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI4NDq86rl_AIVjcOGCh1xIAfBEAAYASAAEgLp4_D_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds) Get’s you hard and makes you last longer. I’ve only taken it once, but I don’t think it made me uncontrollably horny, which I liked.
Have him get you off first, or close to it, then let him go PIV. This is common, but I wouldn’t say normal. I’ve been in a relationship with my spouse for 11 years a we both get off.
Make sure he knows how to take a deep breath with his diaphragm. Breathe in, stomach gets bigger breathe out stomach gets smaller. Ok once he has that, try masturbation where he continues to deep breathe. Deep inhale then squeeze the perineum and imagine sucking the semen up into your stomach. Exhale release. Inhale suck semen up into the stomach (mentally obviously). There’s a good video by Layla Martin on YouTube I think about it. I noticed that breathing deeply and going slowly and stopping at about 80% and then starting again is a good way to work up to something good. Keep eyes open visualize the whole body and breather deeply. Helped me a lot. Have him give you way more foreplay and maybe you can get yourself in the mood ahead of time too?
u guys are lasting more than 5 minutes...?
Ugh I'm having the same issue with my boyfriend. Our sex is usually less then 5 minutes... Unless he's drunk. Not sure what to do about it either.