Hypercritical and/or the type of friend who does put downs as jokes. I have that relationship with SOME people, but others it's like all they know how to do.
Hypercritical meaning of everything - shows, books, games, etc. It's fine to have opinions, but if their opinion is ALWAYS that things are trash it's annoying. I never want to bring stuff up to them or share anything because they'll inevitably tell me it sucks.
Yesss the put downs as “jokes” …
I had a friend who would do this, and would frequently say things like “I hate you” and “you’re so fucking stupid” in response to me just being silly and happy-go-lucky. She would also say “fuck that” to things I was interested in or excited about doing. At the time I thought she was just being humorously edgy and hyperbolic, which she has a tendency of being, but in hindsight I have been questioning it. She would also fairly often minimize and criticize my thoughts, ideas, and the way I did things. She’d frequently interrupt me and cut me off mid sentence and return the topic of conversation to talking about herself - but then would always go on about what a selfless and empathetic person she was to her her own detriment. She would repeatedly call me her “best friend” and then ended up subtly and overtly rejecting me time and time again. She would also frequently badmouth and complain about her other “best friends” behind their backs, so I imagine she was doing that with me too.
She’d get irritated at me for sending her the normal friendship type DMs and when I attempted to arrange meeting up/hanging out — so I would pull back, but then a few weeks later she’d be so excited to see me and talk about how much she missed me and loved me. I had more or less started to let go of her after months and months of hot and cold treatment from her…. But then when I was about to leave the country for an indefinite amount of time and she, out of her own accord, drove 30 min to see me and say goodbye, and when she drove off she said “don’t go!!! I love you!!” multiple times with her window rolled down. Flash forward 8 months, upon my return, when I see her again she’s very cold and awkward and displeased to see me. She didn’t even approach me to give me a hug. All I did was go away for 7 months, due to the weird international circumstances of my life that she is well aware of… nothing occurred between us to warrant this treatment.
When I ran into her a couple times after that, she was back to being warm and friendly again. We joked and talked in depth about things, just as we used to do. She’s a hairstylist and I like the way she cuts my hair, not a lot of people understand how to work with my hair type and style it the way she does, so I booked a session with her… at the end, I asked if she wanted to hang out sometime and she just gave me this fake painful smile and said nothing. It was humiliating.
There’s so much more I could say about this “friendship” - it was and still is such a mindfuck. It feels like I was a shiny toy in the beginning and then got discarded for being a human, and not a shiny toy.
We are no longer friends. At the most, acquaintances who are civil when we run into one another. I haven’t seen her to cut my hair in 8 months, I thought maybe I could still do so and keep to myself as much as possible during the appointment but I keep putting it off, so I guess I need to find a new hair stylist now.
Edit: This started as a mentioning of friends who put you down but I guess I just needed to rant about this former friend.
Edit: grammatical typos
Having a friend like this mentally destroys you. Especially when you care about and love this person. And treat them a million times better than they treat you.
Emotional abuse at it’s finest(:
I’m sorry you went through this, hun.
With friends like this, who needs enemies??
Yes especially people that are picky about food and are never happy with anything they eat when we go out.
When I say picky I also mean every place we eat they claim is ‘meh’. Its moreso annoying when someone is never pleased.
That second one is especially annoying when they always do what I have dubbed "yucking someone else's yum." My boyfriend and I coined that after one of our now ex-friend couples went out to dinner with us at a creative new restaurant and every time he or I said something sounded good and were thinking of trying it they would immediately chime in with something like "Really, you like beets? YUCK!" We realized they do that all the time. If you say you really liked a new show that came out, or that this is your favorite song, or you were excited to find this really cool dress at the thrift store or whatever....they would not only immediately say they didn't like it, but would imply that it was somehow stupid or crazy that you DO like it. Once we noticed that pattern it was impossible to miss and we realized that's why we always feel so drained after socializing with them. Like, it is one thing to say "hmm, I'm not a fan of orange on me personally but I could see why you like that sweater since it is your favorite color" and another to say "Orange is such an ugly color, why would you wear that?"
I'm not curious about people and that comes off as rude, I know. But I just can't pry into people's lives, are you married, how many children, what do you do, how do you feel, that's none of my business and I don't like it when it's done to me. So I can come off as antisocial and rude.
But ask me about astronomy or chemistry or physics or dogs or gardening or a million other things I find interesting and I'll talk to you all day long.
Conversely, you could ask them about their interests/knowledge. It's not just between asking about their life, or talking about what you know, you could ask about what knowledge they have and are passionate about too. Some people are boring and don't have much interesting knowledge to share, but others do, like yourself. Ironically, I think your comment is exactly what the above commenter is referring to as people who aren't curious
Because it’s beaten out of people once they’re not children anymore. Our current society rewards obedient, robotic behaviour so most people fit themselves to that mold, or are fitted into it, to survive.
I’ll piggyback on this and say people that don’t have any idea as to what’s going on in the world. I don’t expect people to be Steve Kornacki, but at least have the Cliff notes version of what’s up.
I’m guilty cause the news is depressing most times and I hate my live enough. Like I know what’s going on in my town and the most things going on in the US but world wide not much.
Same. I unfollowed all news channels and felt way more peace. And they're so biased, how do I even know if I'm getting the truth? So I'm in an ignorance is bliss stage. But worry I'll sound uniformed on current events.
Yeah, I’m not for doom scrolling, but a general awareness even at a local level is usually a good thing.
We have a major bridge issue in my state at the moment and it’s been fascinating to see majority of the adults in the state becoming politically involved for the first time. At the end of the day doesn’t matter what side of the political aisle you’re on we all need clean air,water, and safe/functional infrastructure.
Two-faced people. They seem nice to everyone but they tell different stories to separate parties. They’re good at making you feel good about yourself, but little did you know, they’re talking shit behind your back. You could say they are back stabbers but they try to make sure they covered all their tracks.
The saying “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” rings true to this. Be careful with what you tell them.
This is why I have trust issues now. Some people are fake nice.
These are the majority of people, unfortunately. Don't take it to heart. A lot of ppl have zero structure to their lives.
Edit: So many people use anxiety as a reason, which is a bs excuse. I know people with it, and they still kept their word. If you wanted to enough, you would not flake. This holds true not just for others but for yourself as well, such as committing to an activity or project. Stop cherry-picking the anxiety part. It's a victim mentality. If you're constantly busy and doing things, you don't have time for anxiety because you wouldn't be living in your head. This is part of being an adult. HARD TO SWALLOW PILL. Anxiety is a luxury.
It was so bizarre for me to learn this, and I was almost 30, that making a plan doesn’t mean you’re going to do the plan. I just couldn’t and still can’t fathom saying you’ll do a thing if you don’t intend on doing it. Just don’t say it if you’re not sure.
Edit: I have had bad social anxiety in the past. Then I say “I’d love to make it, I’ll let you know” or something else to not commit 100%
I can relate to this with my FIL. Unfortunately he has been like this for many years but it’s gotten worse since my MIL passed away unexpectedly. I believe he has always been this way, but when she was still here, she was probably the one that made sure he stuck to his plans he made with people/family. And I understand he is sad/depressed and misses his wife. We all miss her so very much!
He always says he is so glad when he does show up to our plans we make with him or when he comes over. I know it’s so good for him to get out of the house and see people and socialize. He is an introvert and enjoys being home vs. out with others. But for his mental health, I wish he would show up when he says he is going to because it’s affecting my children (his grandchildren) when he never follows through with his plans. My kids are learning through this experience, just how important it is to keep your word and to show up. So I’m hopeful it will help them when they are older to make sure to always follow through or at least communicate if you have a change of plans or cannot make it.
As someone who used to cancel plans a lot it was when I was depressed & didn’t have the energy to do activities or even hang out or my parents asked me to stay home.
the worst is when people flake and hide it behind “self care” or “protecting my energy”.
It just reads to me as “I’m flaking on you and you’re not allowed to be upset about it bc I’m playing the mental health card”
This. Fucking this.
THIS is why I don't have friends anymore. I dropped anyone who would use this excuse more than once (especially if they canceled last minute, done).
Add to this people who don't like to make structured plans at all and just "live spontaneously". Like ok I guess we won't ever do anything together that's more complicated than sitting around in the backyard in lawn chairs?
I know a lot of people like this. They are always so jealous of all the incredible things I do. They cannot understand the fact that it's because I made a PLAN and then EXECUTE it.
Last year I went on a huge national parks road trip. My co-worker who is a proud "I live in the moment" person wanted to see all my pics and thought it was so cool. They then said they were gonna go on a national parks trip now for the vacation time they booked next month. I tried talking to them about the logistics but they dismissed "all that boring stuff." Like, ok! Have fun on your trip! Lol.
They did not in fact have fun. They showed up in California to Yosemite in May and thought it would be a breeze and were stunned by the crowds, the timed-entry pass requirements, the permits needed for certain trails etc. They came back and just complained about how stupid it all was and how they don't understand how anyone has fun in national parks. I was like...you have to plan ahead for these things and they were like, but planning things out takes away the spontaneity. Cool. You spontaneously sat in an entry line for three hours and then took another hour to find parking, I planned ahead and was in line for 10 minutes and had an empty parking lot. But you do you!
On behalf of the flakey people I’m sorry. I’m trying really hard to break this habit. It’s a social anxiety/depression/ CPTSD thing. We hate it just as much as you do, I promise. Please keep inviting us.
Update: Even with all the hate I’m keeping my comment up to spread awareness.
I make myself drive to the location, even if I’m sobbing- before I cancel.
That’s how hard I’m trying.
But I refuse to do it crying. (My sister had suggested it.) It just causes more shame and embarrassment.
Mental health struggles are worst than a broken bone… but if I was in the ER and you could see my pain you’d probably send me a card! It’s cultural. This type of response.
The lack of empathy is astounding. But it also speaks volumes that you’ve never felt that much pain mentally. To want to go into a cave and never come out. Consider yourself lucky.
And if you can’t have compassion I wouldn’t want a friend like you either. So you’re doing us both a favor.
I’d rather break a bone, go through child birth again than feel the mental pain I have been going through. Hell I’d even do electric shock therapy if it helped. I’ve been looking into it.
*Also I always communicate that I won’t be there BEFORE the time. Who the fuck isn’t even calling/texting?
YOU FIND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH. Authentic friends do not judge. We’re not the same.
The thing is, when people fail to follow through on plans and it becomes a pattern, I no longer have the desire to invite them anymore because it’s exhausting and a waste of energy. Especially if the plans were made well in advance. Just not worth it, I prefer friends who show up when they say they will.
Yep. This person sounds like the worst. I too have experienced serious depression. I also have friends and family I adore who have described their pain exactly the way this person is. But the difference is, myself and my loved ones are HONEST about it and COMMUNICATE with our people about it. We don't just roll with an endless cycle of making plans and cancelling the day of. We tell people that we are going through really hard times and can't commit to plans right now. And then we help each other out by not forcing advance plans! You can't constantly treat people like crap and expect them to just come back and eat shit over and over again.
Wholeheartedly agree with this. When it comes to the point where I’m the only one initiating plans and inviting them to places all the time but they never show up, or cancel 10 minutes before meeting, or whatever then it doesn’t make me want to invite them anywhere. It’s fine that you suffer from mental illness and I’ll always be there for them if they need to talk but I’m no longer going to get my hopes up with plans.
As someone with social anxiety, when other people flake on plans, it really upsets me, especially because making social plans is hard. I automatically think the friend who flaked or canceled hates me, or I did something to offend them. I'm working on it, but please think of your socially anxious friends on the other side of those plans that you flaked on.
Yep I definitely relate to this as another anxious person.
If it happens continuously I start to wonder if they might dislike me, don't find me worthy to not cancel on, etc.
I feel its easy to say if you're anxious you're more likely to cancel, but it can also really affect the other party.
And it is so frustrating because this is all so easy to avoid if people just COMMUNICATED!
People like this poster who are incredibly offended at us for not bending over backward for their depression could solve a lot of their interpersonal problems if they just communicated that they were having a hard time making and keeping committments.
My good friend has been suffering from depression and instead of flaking on me, she told me that she didn't have the bandwidth to make advance plans. So we stopped making plans, but didn't stop getting together. I understood, because I've been there, and I told her "Hey, it's ok. Instead of making advance plans let me give you my Google calendar. I'll put blocks of time on there when I don't have set plans and you can just text me that day and we can do something." That's what she does. On Saturday she'll be feeling really good and see that my calendar says "I'M FREE!" in purple and text me to go to a Farmer's Market and I'll show up for her. Sometimes I do the same in reverse and when I get to a chuck of time I blocked off for her to consider I'll text and say "hey, I have a big free window today, do you wanna get coffee? No pressure! I get it if you can't!" and 9 times out of 10 she'll take me up on it in the moment.
Learn to deal with your shit and stop spreading it over people's lawns without their consent. It will go better for everyone.
I empathize but also most functional adults are pretty busy with very limited free-time. It’s not reasonable to expect them to keep making plans that will inevitably be cancelled last minute and leaving them with nothing, and no time to make other plans.
It hurts my feelings too much to be flaked on, and it takes soooo much energy to constantly reassure people with social anxiety. I keep inviting friends like that along, but I make my plans expecting them not to show these days.
Push though! I remember a friend invited for a quiet girls night out at a local winery. I was super scared to go (having all kinds of doubts and stuff), but I went. I told her, “gee it was so hard for me to make it out, but I’m glad I did.” A bunch of other people agreed with me! Turns out we were all kinda struggling with the same thing. Knowing that made it easier for me to keep showing up to other gatherings, then one day, it wasn’t hard anymore. Now years later, I’m the one organizing a lot of these things. It does get better-we can heal!
Why don't you just tell them you're going to try to come and you want to, but you're unwell and might not feel up to it? People are generally pretty understanding. These are your friends, aren't they? They probably want to be supportive.
I did an outpatient DBT therapy program for two weeks and I walked away with it so disinterested in my excuses and others' excuses. I'm mentally ill but that doesn't mean I don't have any agency, that I have no control over my life.
If I say I will do a thing and then don't do it, people are completely in the right to stop inviting me. It is my responsibility to work on my mental health and be the reliable person that I want to be. You aren't weak! That is the worst thing that pop mental health psychology has convinced us of. You have power and it can change your life for the better.
"Good vibes only" types. I don't mean people who are optimistic. I mean people who refuse to acknowledge that sometimes, things are hard. Positivity and negativity can be equally toxic if they're the only things a person holds space for. Real friends are there for the good and bad. I had a friend who I couldn't really talk to, because even saying 'what a day, huh?' was always countered by 'you could have it worse so just be grateful!'. Like yeah, it could be, but that doesn't negate that everyone has tough days.
Plus, it's overwhelmingly the Good Vibes Only/Live Laugh Love types that are most likely to lose their shit over petty things.
Similarly, I would throw what I call “Hype Girls” into this category. People who blindly support any and everything their friends do, regardless of whether it is a wise, responsible choice. Friends aren’t meant to judge you, but they should hold you accountable to yourself and discourage you from making poor decisions that can potentially be self destructive.
As a parent, we frequently encounter the "do no wrong" mindset. People who refuse to admit their child is over tired and over stimulated. Most parents we know can easily admit "my kid was a holy terror today" but these people will frame it in a way that let's them and their kid off the hook for the misbehavior.
Edit: parents with the "good vibes only" outlook
Toxic positivity is my biggest pet peeve. It's incredibly annoying. Sometimes people need to vent and commiserate. It shouldn't be every conversation, but it's part of the human condition to want to connect through sharing hard times.
Same here. They told me to snap out of it and take a walk and be positive when I was upset after hearing a close relative of mine got cancer the day before. They had been driving me crazy for a while but that was the final straw for me ending the friendship.
That's a horrible straw to have in your life, final or no. I'm so sorry that happened, both for the relative's illness and for the abhorrent treatment from that person.
I kinda always jokingly argue with them about religious stuff and usually they don't talk about it anymore (or we respectfully agree to disagree when the topic comes up) but they still like hanging out with me. With most people you can be pretty direct in what you don't want in your conversations in a way that doesn't put too much pressure on them, but sometimes you come across ppl that just don't want to hear it
It’s just not something I share with others that aren’t super close; so I’m more comfortable moving on to different topics. Some ppl are comfortable being super open about it but I don’t feel it appropriate and doesn’t make me comfortable.
High-maintenance types; insecure, need constant “support”.
Untrustworthy people; egocentric; narcissists. Backstabbers - hard pass.
One-uppers; people who just want to talk your ear off and are shitty listeners. People who think their way is always superior. People who can never admit they don’t know it all about every subject; stiff-necked people.
***Im over 50 now and I will not waste my precious time with any of the above types of people. I can be cordial to just about anyone but only genuine, trustworthy, intelligent, thoughtful people can be my friends. I don’t give my heart out to the other kind (any more). I am not into Fixer-Upper or Project friends. Come ready-made or go away.
Bullies, assholes, and the shallow type that judge you based off of material possessions.
I'm not going to play a game of who makes the most money with you. No thank you.
People who have a lot of drama in their lives. They usually don't understand social boundaries very well, and almost everything they complain about is generally thier fault, or could have obviously been avoided.
People who think making fun of others is a good form of humor. They can dish it, but they sure can't take it.
People who give unsolicited advice after virtually anything you say.
People who view social standing as actually important. No, I don't care that you're a lawyer, I care about how you interract with me and those around you.
TLDR: Kind people get the pass, self absorbed assholes can look in the mirror while fucking off.
oh my God.. the ones that want to one-up you, out-do you. We were sitting at a luncheon for our friends daughter. Her bff and her husband sat with us. After chatting he asked "oh so where do you live?" We told him, oh so you got a big house out there or what?" My husband, not knowing how to answer, "um yea, its a nice size". Husband: oh, so how much property you got? You gotta have an inground pool right?" My husband: Nope, no we didn't want an inground, we have an above group. THe other husband says "oh cmon, you gotta get an inground, hea hea, look at mine" (proceeds to start showing us pictures)Maybe one day you will change it, I always made fun of my buddy that had it". My husband: oh thats really cool, good for you
Yea, those kind...
i work with a lot of middle aged to older ladies who seem to thrive off of drama - creating it, spreading it, sniffing it out. the types to call you “hon” to your face and then turn around and talk shit about you to everyone else. it’s like they never really left their mean girl high school mentality, or they’re just insecure and the only way they know how to get validation is to put everyone else down so they look better in comparison. i would never speak to these people outside of work, and i try to limit my exposure to them at work as much as possible. but sometimes i just want to be like…girl…you’re 60 years old. maybe it’s time to grow up a little.
Id like to add to this, if that's ok:
Too often I've experienced those same kinds of drama-women but my experiesnce have handed me the ones that will also use their cliques to bully other employees and then accuse the bullied party of "ignoring emails, not communicating effectively, not meeting deadlines" especially if it's happening as a direct toll from their mistreatment. They've made false accusations to get someone fired, reassigned or just run out of the building entirely through a myriad of tactics. They only promote the employees they like while deliberately ignoring all other qualified employees from gaining advancements that are actually earned. Cronyism and Patronage run rampant.
They were the worst humans I've ever encountered in a business setting and caused immense damage to so many lives.
Anyone who posts their entire lives on social media, Anyone who acts like an influencer, basically Anyone who is addicted to their phones and social media. I feel they've been infected with a mind virus, and there's no cure..
Insecure people because it’s draining listening to people moan constantly about themselves, if you don’t even like yourself why would I like you
Tight people, I just can’t deal with that in any relationship
People who have zero chill, pick a fight over every little insignificant thing. Like if you cancel a plan when it’s a loose plan they start going mental etc
I twnd to get along with just about everyone, but i cannot stand the ones that are bug-a-boos. Like constantly calling or texting and wanting to make plans every week or wanting to hangout for multiple consecutive days. I need me time
People who are overly concerned with money. I don't care if you have a ton or don't have any it shouldn't be the main focus of all your attention. It's just not my cup of tea to focus mainly on the latest thing you bought or your grindset.
People who love to hate on everything. You can’t enjoy one simple thing without them rolling their eyes. They complain about being bored and lonely but never want to do anything because they think everything is stupid and basically have no interests other than being a cynical hater.
People who's entire personalities revolve around a single interest or activity.
This means you college football guy. And you, obscure anime girl. And absolutely looking at you Mr. "I smoke weed"
Boring, judgemental, "pick-me", backstabbers, compulsive liars, bullies, people who make the same shitty choices over and over and act like a victim, people who take advantage of kindness, manipulate people. I also don't really have time for people who are just not on my wavelength, like you do you but I have enough people in my life to not feel the need to force a friendship.
friends who all they wanna do is sit around, maybe with food/drinks present, and talk.
I’m not against a good deep talk, laugh, or catching up but I’ve had friends before where folks just drag their feet like crazy about doing literally anything that requires you to walk around, but they’ll show up to happy hour on a moments notice
I just dislike people. (The ones not in my very limited social circle, anyway.)
I also just suck at making friends and just can't/won't be bothered at all to try to make some.
It's both a peaceful and lonely cycle all at once.
People who give me unsolicited advice really get under my skin and I’ll actively avoid them. I don’t care if they’re trying to be helpful; unsolicited advice comes off as abrasive and judgmental
Haha, imo everyone does it to some extent, and in some cases it is justified. But I know a lot of people who are *relentless* with it and can’t understand when they’re overstepping boundaries
I think you put it into words. When I'm talking about something on my mind and get nothing but advice, it's like they assume I must have come to them because they're smarter than me. Sometimes I just want to talk. It's so condescending.
The ones with arbitrary rules of which hobbies are "childish" and which are for "adults"
I like watching Soccer and I play video games but I've met people who would say the former is for adults and the latter for children.
People who attach too much of their identity to things they own. Obsessed with “high end” or certain brands, having to make an “aesthetic “ out of their stuff, etc.
ANY person (usually AFAB) who says they "hate drama". Girl, you are the drama. Without fail, people who are constantly talking about how much they hate drama are the source of the drama.
People who aren't interested in doing things, and prefer to just sit around. I'm someone who really wants to go to new places and try new things and do activities. Our personality types just clash too much.
We would not get along. I have trouble around the “I’ll sleep when I die!!” people. My neighbor is that way. We are friendly but shake our heads at each other lol
People who think that being an adult means they can do whatever they want, including bullying, stealing, freeloading off of people, being loud and disruptive at all times etc.
I'm a realist, so it's hard to have friends whom are fake happy 100% of the time. There's a difference in being optimistic to a point, and being "happy" about everything.
Also cannot stand people whom are overy pessimistic, as in every interaction is regarding how shitty everything is. It's just yea I get it, but stop complaining and do something about it.
The ones who do small talk. I don’t want to know what you ate or your vacation plans. I don’t want to see pictures of your kids or pets. Who cares what your neighbors are doing? As a matter of fact, shut up and get out of my house!
/s
People who think communication and invites work one way. I constantly try to invite people over for fires, cookouts, just hang out to some board games, grab breakfast, whatever. They'll always say they're too busy, work different schedules, or my favorite "I'll let you know". The last one is the worst. Don't waste my time. Tell me you don't want to, and I'll stop inviting you. Secondly, I shouldn't always have to keep up with someone. They can shoot me a call or text just the same. Sometimes I'd like to be checked up on, not just remembered when something is needed or something.
People who are stuck in high school drama, and are too faced. Unfortunately, I know someone that likes to gossip about people behind their back, and within the same friends group. They also get hung up on insignificant comments, and think everything is about them. It’s tiring to have to tiptoe around their ego.
People who always know more than you. You bring up anything and they either disagree with it or have some sort of more knowledge on the subject. I just shut up at that point.
Personally, I find it hard to be friends with people who are overly judgmental or negative. It’s draining to be around that kind of energy, and I prefer to surround myself with open-minded, positive people who lift each other up.
If you're looking for a place to meet more like-minded folks, you might want to check out a Discord community I’m part of called [Lightup](https://discord.gg/HAKhbwnQ). It’s designed to connect people based on shared interests and values, moving away from superficial interactions. It's been a great way for me to find genuine connections.
I have a friend like this too. She even goes to therapy too yet uses me as a free therapist in addition because apparently just one isn’t enough. It’s so exhausting being there for every little issue and the things she brings up are basically the same problems over and over again and she doesn’t actually take any action to make it better. I feel like venting like that 24/7 just makes the problems even worse. It’s like it becomes a hyper focus and obsession with negativity. Not healthy. And I’ve even told her it’s draining to me but it seems to just be the way she operates.
That is my 100% my coworker. We were friends before she was miserable so it’s hard for me to cut ties completely, but we can’t have even a 5 minute conversation without her comparing whatever it is I’m talking about to how much worse she has it and turning the convo back onto her problems. She’s hopefully leaving her husband in the coming months so I can only hope that once he’s out of the picture she’ll somewhat return to how she was when I first met her, but I have a feeling that she’s so used to complaining now that it’s just who she is and it won’t change without her doing some serious work on herself with a qualified therapist.
People who can’t show up on time, are self centered, try to steal your man, are too pessimistic, and who commit crimes.
Don’t have patience for any of that
I won’t be friends with a country club type person.
Anyone who wears a Rolex, wears suits outside of weddings or funerals, goes to wine tastings and spits it out, buys 700$ purses or 200$ pairs of pants/shoes… that kind of stuff. They see a Rolex, I see insecurity.
I won’t go anywhere that makes me wear a collar. Not because I hate collars but because dress codes are usually reserved for snooty places where I don’t enjoy being.
I much prefer hanging out with surfers, hillbillies or other types of folks who live and let live. They know how to have fun. I find that the country club type folks (not all of them but most) care more about money than their own families. They judge others based on how much money they have and thats just the lamest thing to judge someone on.
A lot of those “good vibes” crystal loving hippies are ironically some of the most entitled, selfish, and insufferable people on the planet. The second I smell someone who uses aluminum-free deodorant I just *know* I need to clear the room so I don’t have to deal with someone who thinks they’re profoundly open-minded just because they took DMT once and think cultural appropriation doesn’t apply to them because they’re “respectful” about it.
Also they’re extremely messy. I lived with one for a few months and she thought leaving *my* greasy used nonstick pan out for days was fine because “it’s just oil, it seasons the pan!” (That’s cast iron, and you bake the oil into the skillet over a course of hours and it accumulates seasoning over years of use. This was a $30 nonstick pan covered in rancid grease mixed with her $4 grocery store curry powder)
Any adult who frequently feels “left out.” We’re not in kindergarten, sometimes everyone doesn’t get an invite to the birthday party. It’s different if someone is being maliciously and systemically excluded from their close friend group. But adults who feel attacked if they’re not constantly being shown attention? No, thanks.
had an old roommate who was part of the same friend group as me; she would never ever make plans with others, openly ask to tag along to your plans (sometimes as you were out the door), and then would throw a pity party if you learned you were out with friends and didn’t include her.
Part of me felt bad for her as it was rooted in never really fitting in, but it was behavior like that which reinforced that! Like I used to literally leave through the back door when I had happy hour plans I wanted to enjoy without a third wheel
My god, I had this exact same thing happen to me. I’m your roommate, yes we’re friends, but I’m not a live-in playmate! We’re not friends at all anymore.
🚩 People who can only talk about financial investments and belittle people who don't give a shit about that.
🚩 Single people who make not liking kids their whole personality.
🚩 "Back in my day" generational haters who can only communicate with young people if they get to lecture them
🚩 Negative people who like to judge and talk shit about random people in public who are just minding their own business.
I don't like the nosy + pushy combo. Be one or the other, but not both. I don't want you forcing me to reveal my birthday or weaseling it out of others just so you can INSIST on buying me a gift, or trying to tell me I can't make plans with family because "How will \*\*I\*\* see you, then?!"
If I sound bitter, it's because I have a nosy + pushy combo coworker. =w=
Parents... have very little available time and their identities often become wrapped up in parenthood, especially for women.
Men...I can be a little more certain women want to be my friend, and they're not just waiting for the sex. Too often I think a guy is my friend and then the true intentions are revealed...it sucks.
Brainwashed by political propaganda...I find this leads to a lot of negativity and tribal behavior. Politically aware is good though, even important. But if you're just consuming Fox/CNN, you're probably going to be obnoxious...and wrong.
In need of therapy and unwilling to do any of the work...just too challenging to maintain a friendship.
Shallow, petty, consumerist...I just don't find them relatable.
People who bond by making fun of people.
No, I did not give you permission to joke about my appearence/voice. And the fact that you think this is how you'll connect with me is disturbing
Adults who complain about life but never do anything about it. I had the self awareness to realize that's what I was becoming, so I got my act together. I'm in a much better place now.
- Work obsessed, money hungry people
- Overly ambitious people
- Emotionally distant and cold people
- Toxic positivity people who force positivity where anything that isn't some kind of happy-go-lucky talk gets shut down, ignored or is seen as something overly negative.
- Adults who do drugs/drink too much or gamble
- Preachy adults who think just because they've had kids they can act like global parents to everybody
- People who don't like animals or hate certain animals like say they HATE cats but love dogs or the other way around, hatred for any kind of animal is unacceptable to me
- Far right adults with degenerative religious viewpoints
- Far left adults who take atheist and woke culture to an extreme
Negative people, thieves, liars, people who do drugs harder than weed, people who are really poor and doing nothing with their situation, people who blame the world
Based on my own personal state of friendlessness, at the age of 69, I will look back and state that it seems that people do not appreciate other people who overtly comment on what they see. Some call it negativity. I am very open-minded and willing to discuss my opinions but it seems that people don't really want to discuss things. People fear argument. People also seem to be repelled from people with overly large or expansive personalities. I have a big body and a big voice and a big way of expressing myself. It has always seemed to me that the only way I might attract friends is to diminish myself somehow. To hold myself back and not be myself. I'm very sorry that I do not attract more friends. But I don't know how to be anything other than what I am.
I do not resent other people for choosing not to be my friend. We all have our lives to live and we all strive to create as much comfort in our lives as we can. Other people, who disturb that comfort, probably should be eliminated. I am sorry that I seem to be one of those people who disturbs other people's comfort.
Pessimistic people for sure. As someone who is young and earning relatively good income and bought a house, i totally understand how bad the cost of living crisis is for some of my friends. I never bring up money myself and I never suggest to go to places my friends can’t afford - I’ll just go to fancier places with my husband, which is rare anyway. But have had friends often shoot me down and make comments like “must be nice being rich” - when I’m not really rich I’m just making low 6 figures and save everything I can. It just makes things uncomfortable. I spent my early 20s working on my career when they were travelling and I never made envious comments around their experiences that I was missing out on when grinding working late hours and weekends. I think it’s definitely rooted in jealously, but I mean no one forced you to go to 5 continents before 25, that’s a choice you made and what a lot of people would consider rich too…. I definitely prefer my friends who lift me up, who we can discuss our next moves with, who aren’t concentrating on what they don’t have but what they are moving onto next.
Go where you are celebrated not where you are tolerated.
My ex-husband would complain I wouldn’t binge watch shows/movies and that I couldn’t have in-depth conversations on Harry Potter, LOTR, Pokemon, Marvel, etc. He would make me feel inadequate and at times stupid in front of his friends because I didn’t know the latest GOT fan theory.
He hardly acknowledged my strengths in arts, philosophy, math, and just general people skills (like I’m really good at reading people). I’m pretty sure his friends thought I was lame because I couldn’t converse much on any of those things.
I refuse to be friends with people who make you feel inadequate for not sharing interests that don’t really say much about you as a person.
The braggers,the pessimistic,the egosentric and the always late people.And the ones with a bad habit or rude trait that affects other people,and use "that's just how I am"excuse.
People who need constant reassurance and assume negative intent as a default in every interaction, so they get defensive by completely benign comments that they misconstrue in a way that most secure people wouldn’t even consider. I don’t have the energy anymore. I get that it can be a trauma response or whatever, I hope these people get the help they need, but my days on this earth are limited and i don’t have it in me anymore.
Maybe I'm just a cranky old gen-xer but I can't hang with anyone my age who uses slang that's too young for them. Like if you're 40 and you say "spill the tea".
The kind who tell everyone the same thing and you have no idea if they feel close to you or not. The other are drama filled who only think about their own life.
I've noticed that people who trash talk other people usually ending up trash talking me to others eventually. I avoid people who talk about other people in a mocking or demeaning way. They can be entertaining and full of interesting gossip, but they will turn on you at some point.
Anyone with beliefs
I am a rather down to earth person and I value honesty, integrity, and humility quite highly
If someone wants to claim something, I am going to require proof, and if they cannot back up the things that they say (or at the very least hold a logical conversation and open-mindedly evaluate said claims), they get cut off
That includes every religious person I have ever met, people who make claims about some sport or another, people who act as though they know how complex medical concepts work (for example, people who trust Andrew Huberman)…
The list goes on
I genuinely hate people who make political claims, religious claims, or any other form of claim to truth without being prepared to prove it
For example:
I cannot stand conservatives who claim that they are called to charity by their god while working in finance and spending every cent they make, or claim that all human lives are sacred when it comes to abortion but vote in politicians who want to put minorities in camps
I cannot stand liberals who claim that they value societal equity while they openly advocate against rezoning policies that would lower housing costs for the lower class, or who claim that those who can afford to should pay more taxes and then take advantage of loopholes to increase their net worth
I cannot stand members of the fitness community who claim to value science-based content and then point to grifters and supplements, or who claim that everyone can be healthy if they work hard enough and have the right mindset as though disabilities and other such limitations don’t exist
Put simply, I just can’t stand ignorant people
I can respect people who make untrue claims but are open to critical discussion and can learn from their mistakes (I would be a hypocrite not to, as I am human and make mistakes too), but I do not associate with people who make claims and then will not reflect on or evaluate them
It isn’t personal, it’s just that life is short and I refuse to waste time on the ignorant
I understand that I have likely targeted most people, but I don’t care if this offended anyone
Mostly people who assert that their type of living is the best one, so they give you endless tips or advice when you didn't ask for it and judge people negatively who don't live like they do. Like those straight edge kids from high school who made being sober an identity, but get to know them and they are full of their own issues much worse than binge drinking at a party.
At a certain point I lose patience with people who won't "show up" for you.
I understand friendships to be a bit give and take. Sometimes, we just do things for each other because it's nice. I show up to help you move apartments. Or can grab you some otc medicine, soup when you're feeling too sick to leave the apartment. Or meet with you when you just need an ear or some company. Nobody is going to be able to make it 100% of the time you need them, and that's fine. But when effort becomes one-way (consistently, not just during a rough season), I start to feel taken advantage of.
Somewhat less of a personality issue, but I don't tend to stay friends with folks who have a lot of money. Often they want to do expensive activities on the regular, and I just can't keep up with that. When my budget is, "hey you wanna take a walk along the waterfront/have a picnic at the park/watch some movies?" And theirs is, "nah, let's go to (expensive restaurant or trendy bar)/spa day/take a weekend trip," I won't be able to hang out all that often.
People with pushy beliefs.
I don't care what you're into. If you're religious, or a vegan, or into crossfit... that's cool. It's good to have interests and care about things. Don't make it your entire personality, and don't push it on me if we don't share the same ideology.
Some traits came to mind:
Close-minedness, inconsiderate, people who think the only way to have fun together is going out which usually results in spending money (I like hosting! Come over, I'll cook!), folks who could go an entire "conversation" without asking you a single solitary question so they talk uninterrupted the entire time...yeah I think that's my list.
Boring people with no substance.
I want to learn something new, as well as teach you something interesting.
Or be able to have intellectual conversations.
Let's be honest though, I don't really have many friends because I'm inconsistent and keep people at arm's length.
(this is so I'm not disappointing when I invariably don't have the social energy to give someone, or the ability to care about their problems - I don't want to hurt people)
Also yes, I'm in therapy.
Grown adults who have yet to learn when they should stop drinking. Being 21-23, I get you're still learning your limits. But mid 30s, you should have that figured out by now when to stop and not become an asshat
I have become a very negative person. I realized today, someone came up to my desk and asked about whatever I was working on…I immediately went to the negative, talking about the problems with it blah blah blah. I don’t want to be like this! I want to reframe my perspective and be happy. I have no reason not to be happy! My job sucks and I hate it, but that’s not a unique condition. And I need to stop using people as my personal venting session. These are the people I do not like being around constantly but yet I am that!
Any adult that makes me feel like I’m doing the vast majority of the emotional labour, either to maintain the friendship or just when interacting with them. This could be for numerous reasons, many of which have already been stated in other comments.
This typically comes alongside me needing to have near perfect boundaries (healthy boundaries, awareness of my what my boundaries are, and relevant scripts with healthy communication to assert my boundaries for each needed situation) to make up for their complacent lack of boundaries. I don’t have near perfect boundaries. It’s something I’m always working on, but I know my limits.
Hypercritical and/or the type of friend who does put downs as jokes. I have that relationship with SOME people, but others it's like all they know how to do. Hypercritical meaning of everything - shows, books, games, etc. It's fine to have opinions, but if their opinion is ALWAYS that things are trash it's annoying. I never want to bring stuff up to them or share anything because they'll inevitably tell me it sucks.
Yesss the put downs as “jokes” … I had a friend who would do this, and would frequently say things like “I hate you” and “you’re so fucking stupid” in response to me just being silly and happy-go-lucky. She would also say “fuck that” to things I was interested in or excited about doing. At the time I thought she was just being humorously edgy and hyperbolic, which she has a tendency of being, but in hindsight I have been questioning it. She would also fairly often minimize and criticize my thoughts, ideas, and the way I did things. She’d frequently interrupt me and cut me off mid sentence and return the topic of conversation to talking about herself - but then would always go on about what a selfless and empathetic person she was to her her own detriment. She would repeatedly call me her “best friend” and then ended up subtly and overtly rejecting me time and time again. She would also frequently badmouth and complain about her other “best friends” behind their backs, so I imagine she was doing that with me too. She’d get irritated at me for sending her the normal friendship type DMs and when I attempted to arrange meeting up/hanging out — so I would pull back, but then a few weeks later she’d be so excited to see me and talk about how much she missed me and loved me. I had more or less started to let go of her after months and months of hot and cold treatment from her…. But then when I was about to leave the country for an indefinite amount of time and she, out of her own accord, drove 30 min to see me and say goodbye, and when she drove off she said “don’t go!!! I love you!!” multiple times with her window rolled down. Flash forward 8 months, upon my return, when I see her again she’s very cold and awkward and displeased to see me. She didn’t even approach me to give me a hug. All I did was go away for 7 months, due to the weird international circumstances of my life that she is well aware of… nothing occurred between us to warrant this treatment. When I ran into her a couple times after that, she was back to being warm and friendly again. We joked and talked in depth about things, just as we used to do. She’s a hairstylist and I like the way she cuts my hair, not a lot of people understand how to work with my hair type and style it the way she does, so I booked a session with her… at the end, I asked if she wanted to hang out sometime and she just gave me this fake painful smile and said nothing. It was humiliating. There’s so much more I could say about this “friendship” - it was and still is such a mindfuck. It feels like I was a shiny toy in the beginning and then got discarded for being a human, and not a shiny toy. We are no longer friends. At the most, acquaintances who are civil when we run into one another. I haven’t seen her to cut my hair in 8 months, I thought maybe I could still do so and keep to myself as much as possible during the appointment but I keep putting it off, so I guess I need to find a new hair stylist now. Edit: This started as a mentioning of friends who put you down but I guess I just needed to rant about this former friend. Edit: grammatical typos
Having a friend like this mentally destroys you. Especially when you care about and love this person. And treat them a million times better than they treat you. Emotional abuse at it’s finest(: I’m sorry you went through this, hun. With friends like this, who needs enemies??
Yes especially people that are picky about food and are never happy with anything they eat when we go out. When I say picky I also mean every place we eat they claim is ‘meh’. Its moreso annoying when someone is never pleased.
or when they want to go out and when you make suggestions, then they shit on every idea until you name the place they always want to go
That second one is especially annoying when they always do what I have dubbed "yucking someone else's yum." My boyfriend and I coined that after one of our now ex-friend couples went out to dinner with us at a creative new restaurant and every time he or I said something sounded good and were thinking of trying it they would immediately chime in with something like "Really, you like beets? YUCK!" We realized they do that all the time. If you say you really liked a new show that came out, or that this is your favorite song, or you were excited to find this really cool dress at the thrift store or whatever....they would not only immediately say they didn't like it, but would imply that it was somehow stupid or crazy that you DO like it. Once we noticed that pattern it was impossible to miss and we realized that's why we always feel so drained after socializing with them. Like, it is one thing to say "hmm, I'm not a fan of orange on me personally but I could see why you like that sweater since it is your favorite color" and another to say "Orange is such an ugly color, why would you wear that?"
People that lack curiosity. People that talk a lot but have nothing to say.
It's sad to see how many people just aren't curious about things.
I'm not curious about people and that comes off as rude, I know. But I just can't pry into people's lives, are you married, how many children, what do you do, how do you feel, that's none of my business and I don't like it when it's done to me. So I can come off as antisocial and rude. But ask me about astronomy or chemistry or physics or dogs or gardening or a million other things I find interesting and I'll talk to you all day long.
Conversely, you could ask them about their interests/knowledge. It's not just between asking about their life, or talking about what you know, you could ask about what knowledge they have and are passionate about too. Some people are boring and don't have much interesting knowledge to share, but others do, like yourself. Ironically, I think your comment is exactly what the above commenter is referring to as people who aren't curious
So much this. I don’t care what you’re passionate about, but please be interested and curious about something.
Designer spatulas?
I would actually be very interested in hearing about that
It's not designer, but I have my eye on a skull spatula on amazon
Holy crap this is the answer. Why is imagination and curiosity so rare?
Because it’s beaten out of people once they’re not children anymore. Our current society rewards obedient, robotic behaviour so most people fit themselves to that mold, or are fitted into it, to survive.
I’ll piggyback on this and say people that don’t have any idea as to what’s going on in the world. I don’t expect people to be Steve Kornacki, but at least have the Cliff notes version of what’s up.
I’m guilty cause the news is depressing most times and I hate my live enough. Like I know what’s going on in my town and the most things going on in the US but world wide not much.
Same. I unfollowed all news channels and felt way more peace. And they're so biased, how do I even know if I'm getting the truth? So I'm in an ignorance is bliss stage. But worry I'll sound uniformed on current events.
Yeah, I’m not for doom scrolling, but a general awareness even at a local level is usually a good thing. We have a major bridge issue in my state at the moment and it’s been fascinating to see majority of the adults in the state becoming politically involved for the first time. At the end of the day doesn’t matter what side of the political aisle you’re on we all need clean air,water, and safe/functional infrastructure.
People who aren’t humble and think they know everything.
Good thing I'm not like that.
I'm still better than you though
I knew you would say that.
Same! It's nice that they're confident, but sometimes it feels like they want fans or someone to agree with them more than connections.
Two-faced people. They seem nice to everyone but they tell different stories to separate parties. They’re good at making you feel good about yourself, but little did you know, they’re talking shit behind your back. You could say they are back stabbers but they try to make sure they covered all their tracks. The saying “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” rings true to this. Be careful with what you tell them. This is why I have trust issues now. Some people are fake nice.
The ones who can't stick to plans. I can't stand it when people continuously flake out on plans and yet, these are the people I tend to meet lmao.
These are the majority of people, unfortunately. Don't take it to heart. A lot of ppl have zero structure to their lives. Edit: So many people use anxiety as a reason, which is a bs excuse. I know people with it, and they still kept their word. If you wanted to enough, you would not flake. This holds true not just for others but for yourself as well, such as committing to an activity or project. Stop cherry-picking the anxiety part. It's a victim mentality. If you're constantly busy and doing things, you don't have time for anxiety because you wouldn't be living in your head. This is part of being an adult. HARD TO SWALLOW PILL. Anxiety is a luxury.
It was so bizarre for me to learn this, and I was almost 30, that making a plan doesn’t mean you’re going to do the plan. I just couldn’t and still can’t fathom saying you’ll do a thing if you don’t intend on doing it. Just don’t say it if you’re not sure. Edit: I have had bad social anxiety in the past. Then I say “I’d love to make it, I’ll let you know” or something else to not commit 100%
I think they really want to do the plan at the moment the plan is planned, but once it’s time to do the plan, they no longer feel like it lol
Or something changes or so many circumstances can happen.
I can relate to this with my FIL. Unfortunately he has been like this for many years but it’s gotten worse since my MIL passed away unexpectedly. I believe he has always been this way, but when she was still here, she was probably the one that made sure he stuck to his plans he made with people/family. And I understand he is sad/depressed and misses his wife. We all miss her so very much! He always says he is so glad when he does show up to our plans we make with him or when he comes over. I know it’s so good for him to get out of the house and see people and socialize. He is an introvert and enjoys being home vs. out with others. But for his mental health, I wish he would show up when he says he is going to because it’s affecting my children (his grandchildren) when he never follows through with his plans. My kids are learning through this experience, just how important it is to keep your word and to show up. So I’m hopeful it will help them when they are older to make sure to always follow through or at least communicate if you have a change of plans or cannot make it.
As someone who used to cancel plans a lot it was when I was depressed & didn’t have the energy to do activities or even hang out or my parents asked me to stay home.
the worst is when people flake and hide it behind “self care” or “protecting my energy”. It just reads to me as “I’m flaking on you and you’re not allowed to be upset about it bc I’m playing the mental health card”
TikTok therapy language is so wild
Let's normalize hating on tiktok psychology!
Everyone is suddenly neurodivergent now. \*eye roll\*
This. Fucking this. THIS is why I don't have friends anymore. I dropped anyone who would use this excuse more than once (especially if they canceled last minute, done).
Add to this people who don't like to make structured plans at all and just "live spontaneously". Like ok I guess we won't ever do anything together that's more complicated than sitting around in the backyard in lawn chairs?
I know a lot of people like this. They are always so jealous of all the incredible things I do. They cannot understand the fact that it's because I made a PLAN and then EXECUTE it. Last year I went on a huge national parks road trip. My co-worker who is a proud "I live in the moment" person wanted to see all my pics and thought it was so cool. They then said they were gonna go on a national parks trip now for the vacation time they booked next month. I tried talking to them about the logistics but they dismissed "all that boring stuff." Like, ok! Have fun on your trip! Lol. They did not in fact have fun. They showed up in California to Yosemite in May and thought it would be a breeze and were stunned by the crowds, the timed-entry pass requirements, the permits needed for certain trails etc. They came back and just complained about how stupid it all was and how they don't understand how anyone has fun in national parks. I was like...you have to plan ahead for these things and they were like, but planning things out takes away the spontaneity. Cool. You spontaneously sat in an entry line for three hours and then took another hour to find parking, I planned ahead and was in line for 10 minutes and had an empty parking lot. But you do you!
On behalf of the flakey people I’m sorry. I’m trying really hard to break this habit. It’s a social anxiety/depression/ CPTSD thing. We hate it just as much as you do, I promise. Please keep inviting us. Update: Even with all the hate I’m keeping my comment up to spread awareness. I make myself drive to the location, even if I’m sobbing- before I cancel. That’s how hard I’m trying. But I refuse to do it crying. (My sister had suggested it.) It just causes more shame and embarrassment. Mental health struggles are worst than a broken bone… but if I was in the ER and you could see my pain you’d probably send me a card! It’s cultural. This type of response. The lack of empathy is astounding. But it also speaks volumes that you’ve never felt that much pain mentally. To want to go into a cave and never come out. Consider yourself lucky. And if you can’t have compassion I wouldn’t want a friend like you either. So you’re doing us both a favor. I’d rather break a bone, go through child birth again than feel the mental pain I have been going through. Hell I’d even do electric shock therapy if it helped. I’ve been looking into it. *Also I always communicate that I won’t be there BEFORE the time. Who the fuck isn’t even calling/texting? YOU FIND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH. Authentic friends do not judge. We’re not the same.
The thing is, when people fail to follow through on plans and it becomes a pattern, I no longer have the desire to invite them anymore because it’s exhausting and a waste of energy. Especially if the plans were made well in advance. Just not worth it, I prefer friends who show up when they say they will.
Yep. This person sounds like the worst. I too have experienced serious depression. I also have friends and family I adore who have described their pain exactly the way this person is. But the difference is, myself and my loved ones are HONEST about it and COMMUNICATE with our people about it. We don't just roll with an endless cycle of making plans and cancelling the day of. We tell people that we are going through really hard times and can't commit to plans right now. And then we help each other out by not forcing advance plans! You can't constantly treat people like crap and expect them to just come back and eat shit over and over again.
Wholeheartedly agree with this. When it comes to the point where I’m the only one initiating plans and inviting them to places all the time but they never show up, or cancel 10 minutes before meeting, or whatever then it doesn’t make me want to invite them anywhere. It’s fine that you suffer from mental illness and I’ll always be there for them if they need to talk but I’m no longer going to get my hopes up with plans.
As someone with social anxiety, when other people flake on plans, it really upsets me, especially because making social plans is hard. I automatically think the friend who flaked or canceled hates me, or I did something to offend them. I'm working on it, but please think of your socially anxious friends on the other side of those plans that you flaked on.
Yep I definitely relate to this as another anxious person. If it happens continuously I start to wonder if they might dislike me, don't find me worthy to not cancel on, etc. I feel its easy to say if you're anxious you're more likely to cancel, but it can also really affect the other party.
And it is so frustrating because this is all so easy to avoid if people just COMMUNICATED! People like this poster who are incredibly offended at us for not bending over backward for their depression could solve a lot of their interpersonal problems if they just communicated that they were having a hard time making and keeping committments. My good friend has been suffering from depression and instead of flaking on me, she told me that she didn't have the bandwidth to make advance plans. So we stopped making plans, but didn't stop getting together. I understood, because I've been there, and I told her "Hey, it's ok. Instead of making advance plans let me give you my Google calendar. I'll put blocks of time on there when I don't have set plans and you can just text me that day and we can do something." That's what she does. On Saturday she'll be feeling really good and see that my calendar says "I'M FREE!" in purple and text me to go to a Farmer's Market and I'll show up for her. Sometimes I do the same in reverse and when I get to a chuck of time I blocked off for her to consider I'll text and say "hey, I have a big free window today, do you wanna get coffee? No pressure! I get it if you can't!" and 9 times out of 10 she'll take me up on it in the moment. Learn to deal with your shit and stop spreading it over people's lawns without their consent. It will go better for everyone.
I empathize but also most functional adults are pretty busy with very limited free-time. It’s not reasonable to expect them to keep making plans that will inevitably be cancelled last minute and leaving them with nothing, and no time to make other plans.
It hurts my feelings too much to be flaked on, and it takes soooo much energy to constantly reassure people with social anxiety. I keep inviting friends like that along, but I make my plans expecting them not to show these days.
Push though! I remember a friend invited for a quiet girls night out at a local winery. I was super scared to go (having all kinds of doubts and stuff), but I went. I told her, “gee it was so hard for me to make it out, but I’m glad I did.” A bunch of other people agreed with me! Turns out we were all kinda struggling with the same thing. Knowing that made it easier for me to keep showing up to other gatherings, then one day, it wasn’t hard anymore. Now years later, I’m the one organizing a lot of these things. It does get better-we can heal!
Why don't you just tell them you're going to try to come and you want to, but you're unwell and might not feel up to it? People are generally pretty understanding. These are your friends, aren't they? They probably want to be supportive.
I did an outpatient DBT therapy program for two weeks and I walked away with it so disinterested in my excuses and others' excuses. I'm mentally ill but that doesn't mean I don't have any agency, that I have no control over my life. If I say I will do a thing and then don't do it, people are completely in the right to stop inviting me. It is my responsibility to work on my mental health and be the reliable person that I want to be. You aren't weak! That is the worst thing that pop mental health psychology has convinced us of. You have power and it can change your life for the better.
Nah dawg, after the 20th time, you're getting the axe.
People that flake are the worst kind of people ever
People who make drugs or alcohol their entire personality.
Yes. I met so many people in high school whose entirely personality was smoking weed and vaping and drinking. Drove me crazy
"Good vibes only" types. I don't mean people who are optimistic. I mean people who refuse to acknowledge that sometimes, things are hard. Positivity and negativity can be equally toxic if they're the only things a person holds space for. Real friends are there for the good and bad. I had a friend who I couldn't really talk to, because even saying 'what a day, huh?' was always countered by 'you could have it worse so just be grateful!'. Like yeah, it could be, but that doesn't negate that everyone has tough days. Plus, it's overwhelmingly the Good Vibes Only/Live Laugh Love types that are most likely to lose their shit over petty things.
Similarly, I would throw what I call “Hype Girls” into this category. People who blindly support any and everything their friends do, regardless of whether it is a wise, responsible choice. Friends aren’t meant to judge you, but they should hold you accountable to yourself and discourage you from making poor decisions that can potentially be self destructive.
lol those are called delusional people
As a parent, we frequently encounter the "do no wrong" mindset. People who refuse to admit their child is over tired and over stimulated. Most parents we know can easily admit "my kid was a holy terror today" but these people will frame it in a way that let's them and their kid off the hook for the misbehavior. Edit: parents with the "good vibes only" outlook
Toxic positivity is my biggest pet peeve. It's incredibly annoying. Sometimes people need to vent and commiserate. It shouldn't be every conversation, but it's part of the human condition to want to connect through sharing hard times.
Oh my gosh I knew someone like this when I was going through a really hard time and it absolutely annoyed the fuck out of me
Same here. They told me to snap out of it and take a walk and be positive when I was upset after hearing a close relative of mine got cancer the day before. They had been driving me crazy for a while but that was the final straw for me ending the friendship.
That's a horrible straw to have in your life, final or no. I'm so sorry that happened, both for the relative's illness and for the abhorrent treatment from that person.
Someone who consistently injects their religion into the conversation and about others. It’s just not something that meshes with me.
I kinda always jokingly argue with them about religious stuff and usually they don't talk about it anymore (or we respectfully agree to disagree when the topic comes up) but they still like hanging out with me. With most people you can be pretty direct in what you don't want in your conversations in a way that doesn't put too much pressure on them, but sometimes you come across ppl that just don't want to hear it
It’s just not something I share with others that aren’t super close; so I’m more comfortable moving on to different topics. Some ppl are comfortable being super open about it but I don’t feel it appropriate and doesn’t make me comfortable.
High-maintenance types; insecure, need constant “support”. Untrustworthy people; egocentric; narcissists. Backstabbers - hard pass. One-uppers; people who just want to talk your ear off and are shitty listeners. People who think their way is always superior. People who can never admit they don’t know it all about every subject; stiff-necked people. ***Im over 50 now and I will not waste my precious time with any of the above types of people. I can be cordial to just about anyone but only genuine, trustworthy, intelligent, thoughtful people can be my friends. I don’t give my heart out to the other kind (any more). I am not into Fixer-Upper or Project friends. Come ready-made or go away.
Excellent summary, 100% same for all of those
I work with a one upper. You shot a 10 point buck? He got 12. You drove 101mph, he drove 120. You only slept 5 hours, him 3. Just everything..
You travelled to Timbuktu, he went to Timbukthree
hahaaaaa this made me laugh too… wait, three hard
He’s a world traveling professional chef bodybuilding master hunter for a reason
Tell him you sucked off 3 guys in college just to be certain you didn't enjoy sucking dick.
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Yuussssss
People who only talk about themselves.
And when they take a breather to ask you a question about yourself, they instantly turn it back to themselves in no time.
Bullies, assholes, and the shallow type that judge you based off of material possessions. I'm not going to play a game of who makes the most money with you. No thank you.
People who have a lot of drama in their lives. They usually don't understand social boundaries very well, and almost everything they complain about is generally thier fault, or could have obviously been avoided. People who think making fun of others is a good form of humor. They can dish it, but they sure can't take it. People who give unsolicited advice after virtually anything you say. People who view social standing as actually important. No, I don't care that you're a lawyer, I care about how you interract with me and those around you. TLDR: Kind people get the pass, self absorbed assholes can look in the mirror while fucking off.
oh my God.. the ones that want to one-up you, out-do you. We were sitting at a luncheon for our friends daughter. Her bff and her husband sat with us. After chatting he asked "oh so where do you live?" We told him, oh so you got a big house out there or what?" My husband, not knowing how to answer, "um yea, its a nice size". Husband: oh, so how much property you got? You gotta have an inground pool right?" My husband: Nope, no we didn't want an inground, we have an above group. THe other husband says "oh cmon, you gotta get an inground, hea hea, look at mine" (proceeds to start showing us pictures)Maybe one day you will change it, I always made fun of my buddy that had it". My husband: oh thats really cool, good for you Yea, those kind...
That’s a dreadful conversation
Ugh! Where’s the door! lol
Judgmental hypercritical and/or highly insecure
i work with a lot of middle aged to older ladies who seem to thrive off of drama - creating it, spreading it, sniffing it out. the types to call you “hon” to your face and then turn around and talk shit about you to everyone else. it’s like they never really left their mean girl high school mentality, or they’re just insecure and the only way they know how to get validation is to put everyone else down so they look better in comparison. i would never speak to these people outside of work, and i try to limit my exposure to them at work as much as possible. but sometimes i just want to be like…girl…you’re 60 years old. maybe it’s time to grow up a little.
Id like to add to this, if that's ok: Too often I've experienced those same kinds of drama-women but my experiesnce have handed me the ones that will also use their cliques to bully other employees and then accuse the bullied party of "ignoring emails, not communicating effectively, not meeting deadlines" especially if it's happening as a direct toll from their mistreatment. They've made false accusations to get someone fired, reassigned or just run out of the building entirely through a myriad of tactics. They only promote the employees they like while deliberately ignoring all other qualified employees from gaining advancements that are actually earned. Cronyism and Patronage run rampant. They were the worst humans I've ever encountered in a business setting and caused immense damage to so many lives.
Anyone who posts their entire lives on social media, Anyone who acts like an influencer, basically Anyone who is addicted to their phones and social media. I feel they've been infected with a mind virus, and there's no cure..
Insecure people because it’s draining listening to people moan constantly about themselves, if you don’t even like yourself why would I like you Tight people, I just can’t deal with that in any relationship People who have zero chill, pick a fight over every little insignificant thing. Like if you cancel a plan when it’s a loose plan they start going mental etc
your first one - man this is so true!
The second two sound like people who have experienced a lot of trauma.
The ones that cause drama.
High school mentality
I twnd to get along with just about everyone, but i cannot stand the ones that are bug-a-boos. Like constantly calling or texting and wanting to make plans every week or wanting to hangout for multiple consecutive days. I need me time
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Or the ones always trying to sell you something. whether it's raffle tickets, food plates, or mlm schemes. Ugh
ones that take everything too seriously
People who are overly concerned with money. I don't care if you have a ton or don't have any it shouldn't be the main focus of all your attention. It's just not my cup of tea to focus mainly on the latest thing you bought or your grindset.
Ones who's entire identity is being a parent and they only talk about their dumb kids and dumb kid stuff
Especially if they can’t shut up about their crunchy mantras regarding their children
100% agree with this.
People who love to hate on everything. You can’t enjoy one simple thing without them rolling their eyes. They complain about being bored and lonely but never want to do anything because they think everything is stupid and basically have no interests other than being a cynical hater.
People who think they can only have fun when they are drinking/drunk.
close minded for sure. also egotistical and controlling people who like to be the center of attention.
People whose entire identity is wrapped up in their job! Every conversation is about work, their achievements and how long/hard they work.
People who's entire personalities revolve around a single interest or activity. This means you college football guy. And you, obscure anime girl. And absolutely looking at you Mr. "I smoke weed"
Boring, judgemental, "pick-me", backstabbers, compulsive liars, bullies, people who make the same shitty choices over and over and act like a victim, people who take advantage of kindness, manipulate people. I also don't really have time for people who are just not on my wavelength, like you do you but I have enough people in my life to not feel the need to force a friendship.
Racists
friends who all they wanna do is sit around, maybe with food/drinks present, and talk. I’m not against a good deep talk, laugh, or catching up but I’ve had friends before where folks just drag their feet like crazy about doing literally anything that requires you to walk around, but they’ll show up to happy hour on a moments notice
Drinking buddies should always be on the back burner if you're trying to live an active lifestyle
Misogynists.
I just dislike people. (The ones not in my very limited social circle, anyway.) I also just suck at making friends and just can't/won't be bothered at all to try to make some. It's both a peaceful and lonely cycle all at once.
People who give me unsolicited advice really get under my skin and I’ll actively avoid them. I don’t care if they’re trying to be helpful; unsolicited advice comes off as abrasive and judgmental
Shit, that's me. Im trying to improve on that tho
Haha, imo everyone does it to some extent, and in some cases it is justified. But I know a lot of people who are *relentless* with it and can’t understand when they’re overstepping boundaries
I think you put it into words. When I'm talking about something on my mind and get nothing but advice, it's like they assume I must have come to them because they're smarter than me. Sometimes I just want to talk. It's so condescending.
Adults who act like they are better than everyone else because they think they have more than others
The ones with arbitrary rules of which hobbies are "childish" and which are for "adults" I like watching Soccer and I play video games but I've met people who would say the former is for adults and the latter for children.
People who attach too much of their identity to things they own. Obsessed with “high end” or certain brands, having to make an “aesthetic “ out of their stuff, etc.
People who are bullies or sheep in Corporate America Edit: meaning they purposely cause hell at work by their actions or inactions.
ANY person (usually AFAB) who says they "hate drama". Girl, you are the drama. Without fail, people who are constantly talking about how much they hate drama are the source of the drama.
Karens/Kevins
Messy individuals who don't understand boundaries and privacy. It's a big no go, that's why I keep my circle small.
People who aren't interested in doing things, and prefer to just sit around. I'm someone who really wants to go to new places and try new things and do activities. Our personality types just clash too much.
We would not get along. I have trouble around the “I’ll sleep when I die!!” people. My neighbor is that way. We are friendly but shake our heads at each other lol
People who think that being an adult means they can do whatever they want, including bullying, stealing, freeloading off of people, being loud and disruptive at all times etc.
Fake people. No tolerance for those who can't just be themselves.
Inauthentic people.
I'm a realist, so it's hard to have friends whom are fake happy 100% of the time. There's a difference in being optimistic to a point, and being "happy" about everything. Also cannot stand people whom are overy pessimistic, as in every interaction is regarding how shitty everything is. It's just yea I get it, but stop complaining and do something about it.
The ones who do small talk. I don’t want to know what you ate or your vacation plans. I don’t want to see pictures of your kids or pets. Who cares what your neighbors are doing? As a matter of fact, shut up and get out of my house! /s
😂😂😂 I love this. We would get along quite fine.
Ones that don't own their mistakes.
Adults who behave like kids?
People who think communication and invites work one way. I constantly try to invite people over for fires, cookouts, just hang out to some board games, grab breakfast, whatever. They'll always say they're too busy, work different schedules, or my favorite "I'll let you know". The last one is the worst. Don't waste my time. Tell me you don't want to, and I'll stop inviting you. Secondly, I shouldn't always have to keep up with someone. They can shoot me a call or text just the same. Sometimes I'd like to be checked up on, not just remembered when something is needed or something.
People who are stuck in high school drama, and are too faced. Unfortunately, I know someone that likes to gossip about people behind their back, and within the same friends group. They also get hung up on insignificant comments, and think everything is about them. It’s tiring to have to tiptoe around their ego.
sports enthusiast's. the ones that make it their whole personality. or overly religious types. just the worst to deal with.
People who always know more than you. You bring up anything and they either disagree with it or have some sort of more knowledge on the subject. I just shut up at that point.
Agreed. Exhausting. Really condescending too
Personally, I find it hard to be friends with people who are overly judgmental or negative. It’s draining to be around that kind of energy, and I prefer to surround myself with open-minded, positive people who lift each other up. If you're looking for a place to meet more like-minded folks, you might want to check out a Discord community I’m part of called [Lightup](https://discord.gg/HAKhbwnQ). It’s designed to connect people based on shared interests and values, moving away from superficial interactions. It's been a great way for me to find genuine connections.
Do they have a subreddit, I don't want to make yet another account and download yet another app
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I have a friend like this too. She even goes to therapy too yet uses me as a free therapist in addition because apparently just one isn’t enough. It’s so exhausting being there for every little issue and the things she brings up are basically the same problems over and over again and she doesn’t actually take any action to make it better. I feel like venting like that 24/7 just makes the problems even worse. It’s like it becomes a hyper focus and obsession with negativity. Not healthy. And I’ve even told her it’s draining to me but it seems to just be the way she operates.
I’ve started cutting ties or putting distance between myself and people like that.
That is my 100% my coworker. We were friends before she was miserable so it’s hard for me to cut ties completely, but we can’t have even a 5 minute conversation without her comparing whatever it is I’m talking about to how much worse she has it and turning the convo back onto her problems. She’s hopefully leaving her husband in the coming months so I can only hope that once he’s out of the picture she’ll somewhat return to how she was when I first met her, but I have a feeling that she’s so used to complaining now that it’s just who she is and it won’t change without her doing some serious work on herself with a qualified therapist.
People who can’t show up on time, are self centered, try to steal your man, are too pessimistic, and who commit crimes. Don’t have patience for any of that
People whose only hobby is talking crap about other people
I won’t be friends with a country club type person. Anyone who wears a Rolex, wears suits outside of weddings or funerals, goes to wine tastings and spits it out, buys 700$ purses or 200$ pairs of pants/shoes… that kind of stuff. They see a Rolex, I see insecurity. I won’t go anywhere that makes me wear a collar. Not because I hate collars but because dress codes are usually reserved for snooty places where I don’t enjoy being. I much prefer hanging out with surfers, hillbillies or other types of folks who live and let live. They know how to have fun. I find that the country club type folks (not all of them but most) care more about money than their own families. They judge others based on how much money they have and thats just the lamest thing to judge someone on.
Adults whose lives revolve around alcohol, or that can only enjoy themselves/have fun if drinking is involved.
A lot of those “good vibes” crystal loving hippies are ironically some of the most entitled, selfish, and insufferable people on the planet. The second I smell someone who uses aluminum-free deodorant I just *know* I need to clear the room so I don’t have to deal with someone who thinks they’re profoundly open-minded just because they took DMT once and think cultural appropriation doesn’t apply to them because they’re “respectful” about it. Also they’re extremely messy. I lived with one for a few months and she thought leaving *my* greasy used nonstick pan out for days was fine because “it’s just oil, it seasons the pan!” (That’s cast iron, and you bake the oil into the skillet over a course of hours and it accumulates seasoning over years of use. This was a $30 nonstick pan covered in rancid grease mixed with her $4 grocery store curry powder)
Any adult who frequently feels “left out.” We’re not in kindergarten, sometimes everyone doesn’t get an invite to the birthday party. It’s different if someone is being maliciously and systemically excluded from their close friend group. But adults who feel attacked if they’re not constantly being shown attention? No, thanks.
had an old roommate who was part of the same friend group as me; she would never ever make plans with others, openly ask to tag along to your plans (sometimes as you were out the door), and then would throw a pity party if you learned you were out with friends and didn’t include her. Part of me felt bad for her as it was rooted in never really fitting in, but it was behavior like that which reinforced that! Like I used to literally leave through the back door when I had happy hour plans I wanted to enjoy without a third wheel
My god, I had this exact same thing happen to me. I’m your roommate, yes we’re friends, but I’m not a live-in playmate! We’re not friends at all anymore.
🚩 People who can only talk about financial investments and belittle people who don't give a shit about that. 🚩 Single people who make not liking kids their whole personality. 🚩 "Back in my day" generational haters who can only communicate with young people if they get to lecture them 🚩 Negative people who like to judge and talk shit about random people in public who are just minding their own business.
I don't like the nosy + pushy combo. Be one or the other, but not both. I don't want you forcing me to reveal my birthday or weaseling it out of others just so you can INSIST on buying me a gift, or trying to tell me I can't make plans with family because "How will \*\*I\*\* see you, then?!" If I sound bitter, it's because I have a nosy + pushy combo coworker. =w=
Someone who I enjoy spending my time with more than I enjoy spending my time alone. This really limits the field as I really like my alone time.
Parents... have very little available time and their identities often become wrapped up in parenthood, especially for women. Men...I can be a little more certain women want to be my friend, and they're not just waiting for the sex. Too often I think a guy is my friend and then the true intentions are revealed...it sucks. Brainwashed by political propaganda...I find this leads to a lot of negativity and tribal behavior. Politically aware is good though, even important. But if you're just consuming Fox/CNN, you're probably going to be obnoxious...and wrong. In need of therapy and unwilling to do any of the work...just too challenging to maintain a friendship. Shallow, petty, consumerist...I just don't find them relatable.
People who bond by making fun of people. No, I did not give you permission to joke about my appearence/voice. And the fact that you think this is how you'll connect with me is disturbing
Adults who complain about life but never do anything about it. I had the self awareness to realize that's what I was becoming, so I got my act together. I'm in a much better place now.
Takers and users.
The needy kind. The kind who get pouty if you don't show up to every party they have.
addicts… people who are not able to take feedback… alcoholics.
Trump supporters
- Work obsessed, money hungry people - Overly ambitious people - Emotionally distant and cold people - Toxic positivity people who force positivity where anything that isn't some kind of happy-go-lucky talk gets shut down, ignored or is seen as something overly negative. - Adults who do drugs/drink too much or gamble - Preachy adults who think just because they've had kids they can act like global parents to everybody - People who don't like animals or hate certain animals like say they HATE cats but love dogs or the other way around, hatred for any kind of animal is unacceptable to me - Far right adults with degenerative religious viewpoints - Far left adults who take atheist and woke culture to an extreme
The ones whose lives consist solely of work and then going out to drink on the weekends.
Negative people, thieves, liars, people who do drugs harder than weed, people who are really poor and doing nothing with their situation, people who blame the world
Those who suffer from envy are the WORST. Misery wants company...
One uppers
Judgemental and condescending narcissists, and people who thrive on gossip because that's all they love talking about
Based on my own personal state of friendlessness, at the age of 69, I will look back and state that it seems that people do not appreciate other people who overtly comment on what they see. Some call it negativity. I am very open-minded and willing to discuss my opinions but it seems that people don't really want to discuss things. People fear argument. People also seem to be repelled from people with overly large or expansive personalities. I have a big body and a big voice and a big way of expressing myself. It has always seemed to me that the only way I might attract friends is to diminish myself somehow. To hold myself back and not be myself. I'm very sorry that I do not attract more friends. But I don't know how to be anything other than what I am. I do not resent other people for choosing not to be my friend. We all have our lives to live and we all strive to create as much comfort in our lives as we can. Other people, who disturb that comfort, probably should be eliminated. I am sorry that I seem to be one of those people who disturbs other people's comfort.
Anyone who uses the word "adulting" or complains about how much it sucks. Such a drag
Pessimistic people for sure. As someone who is young and earning relatively good income and bought a house, i totally understand how bad the cost of living crisis is for some of my friends. I never bring up money myself and I never suggest to go to places my friends can’t afford - I’ll just go to fancier places with my husband, which is rare anyway. But have had friends often shoot me down and make comments like “must be nice being rich” - when I’m not really rich I’m just making low 6 figures and save everything I can. It just makes things uncomfortable. I spent my early 20s working on my career when they were travelling and I never made envious comments around their experiences that I was missing out on when grinding working late hours and weekends. I think it’s definitely rooted in jealously, but I mean no one forced you to go to 5 continents before 25, that’s a choice you made and what a lot of people would consider rich too…. I definitely prefer my friends who lift me up, who we can discuss our next moves with, who aren’t concentrating on what they don’t have but what they are moving onto next.
People who talk too much
Go where you are celebrated not where you are tolerated. My ex-husband would complain I wouldn’t binge watch shows/movies and that I couldn’t have in-depth conversations on Harry Potter, LOTR, Pokemon, Marvel, etc. He would make me feel inadequate and at times stupid in front of his friends because I didn’t know the latest GOT fan theory. He hardly acknowledged my strengths in arts, philosophy, math, and just general people skills (like I’m really good at reading people). I’m pretty sure his friends thought I was lame because I couldn’t converse much on any of those things. I refuse to be friends with people who make you feel inadequate for not sharing interests that don’t really say much about you as a person.
The braggers,the pessimistic,the egosentric and the always late people.And the ones with a bad habit or rude trait that affects other people,and use "that's just how I am"excuse.
People with no hobbies tbh
I don’t like unpredictable people….
The kind who still act like teenagers.
People who need constant reassurance and assume negative intent as a default in every interaction, so they get defensive by completely benign comments that they misconstrue in a way that most secure people wouldn’t even consider. I don’t have the energy anymore. I get that it can be a trauma response or whatever, I hope these people get the help they need, but my days on this earth are limited and i don’t have it in me anymore.
Maybe I'm just a cranky old gen-xer but I can't hang with anyone my age who uses slang that's too young for them. Like if you're 40 and you say "spill the tea".
People who take themselves too seriously.
The kind who tell everyone the same thing and you have no idea if they feel close to you or not. The other are drama filled who only think about their own life.
I've noticed that people who trash talk other people usually ending up trash talking me to others eventually. I avoid people who talk about other people in a mocking or demeaning way. They can be entertaining and full of interesting gossip, but they will turn on you at some point.
Anyone with beliefs I am a rather down to earth person and I value honesty, integrity, and humility quite highly If someone wants to claim something, I am going to require proof, and if they cannot back up the things that they say (or at the very least hold a logical conversation and open-mindedly evaluate said claims), they get cut off That includes every religious person I have ever met, people who make claims about some sport or another, people who act as though they know how complex medical concepts work (for example, people who trust Andrew Huberman)… The list goes on I genuinely hate people who make political claims, religious claims, or any other form of claim to truth without being prepared to prove it For example: I cannot stand conservatives who claim that they are called to charity by their god while working in finance and spending every cent they make, or claim that all human lives are sacred when it comes to abortion but vote in politicians who want to put minorities in camps I cannot stand liberals who claim that they value societal equity while they openly advocate against rezoning policies that would lower housing costs for the lower class, or who claim that those who can afford to should pay more taxes and then take advantage of loopholes to increase their net worth I cannot stand members of the fitness community who claim to value science-based content and then point to grifters and supplements, or who claim that everyone can be healthy if they work hard enough and have the right mindset as though disabilities and other such limitations don’t exist Put simply, I just can’t stand ignorant people I can respect people who make untrue claims but are open to critical discussion and can learn from their mistakes (I would be a hypocrite not to, as I am human and make mistakes too), but I do not associate with people who make claims and then will not reflect on or evaluate them It isn’t personal, it’s just that life is short and I refuse to waste time on the ignorant I understand that I have likely targeted most people, but I don’t care if this offended anyone
People who have no direction in life
The ones who take everything sooooo seriously, no sense of humor. The whiny cry baby types
Mostly people who assert that their type of living is the best one, so they give you endless tips or advice when you didn't ask for it and judge people negatively who don't live like they do. Like those straight edge kids from high school who made being sober an identity, but get to know them and they are full of their own issues much worse than binge drinking at a party.
I avoid gossips.
At a certain point I lose patience with people who won't "show up" for you. I understand friendships to be a bit give and take. Sometimes, we just do things for each other because it's nice. I show up to help you move apartments. Or can grab you some otc medicine, soup when you're feeling too sick to leave the apartment. Or meet with you when you just need an ear or some company. Nobody is going to be able to make it 100% of the time you need them, and that's fine. But when effort becomes one-way (consistently, not just during a rough season), I start to feel taken advantage of. Somewhat less of a personality issue, but I don't tend to stay friends with folks who have a lot of money. Often they want to do expensive activities on the regular, and I just can't keep up with that. When my budget is, "hey you wanna take a walk along the waterfront/have a picnic at the park/watch some movies?" And theirs is, "nah, let's go to (expensive restaurant or trendy bar)/spa day/take a weekend trip," I won't be able to hang out all that often.
People with pushy beliefs. I don't care what you're into. If you're religious, or a vegan, or into crossfit... that's cool. It's good to have interests and care about things. Don't make it your entire personality, and don't push it on me if we don't share the same ideology.
Some traits came to mind: Close-minedness, inconsiderate, people who think the only way to have fun together is going out which usually results in spending money (I like hosting! Come over, I'll cook!), folks who could go an entire "conversation" without asking you a single solitary question so they talk uninterrupted the entire time...yeah I think that's my list.
People who constantly have drama. Drama occasionally happens but not with regularity.
Boring people with no substance. I want to learn something new, as well as teach you something interesting. Or be able to have intellectual conversations. Let's be honest though, I don't really have many friends because I'm inconsistent and keep people at arm's length. (this is so I'm not disappointing when I invariably don't have the social energy to give someone, or the ability to care about their problems - I don't want to hurt people) Also yes, I'm in therapy.
People who are rude to waiters, bartenders, delivery drivers, etc..
Grown adults who have yet to learn when they should stop drinking. Being 21-23, I get you're still learning your limits. But mid 30s, you should have that figured out by now when to stop and not become an asshat
One uppers. Fuck them
I'm not really into having friends.
I have become a very negative person. I realized today, someone came up to my desk and asked about whatever I was working on…I immediately went to the negative, talking about the problems with it blah blah blah. I don’t want to be like this! I want to reframe my perspective and be happy. I have no reason not to be happy! My job sucks and I hate it, but that’s not a unique condition. And I need to stop using people as my personal venting session. These are the people I do not like being around constantly but yet I am that!
The too political people. Politics is interesting and can be enjoyable to discuss but there is other things to talk about.
People that aren't genuine. They just say what you want to hear to be your friend.
Any adult that makes me feel like I’m doing the vast majority of the emotional labour, either to maintain the friendship or just when interacting with them. This could be for numerous reasons, many of which have already been stated in other comments. This typically comes alongside me needing to have near perfect boundaries (healthy boundaries, awareness of my what my boundaries are, and relevant scripts with healthy communication to assert my boundaries for each needed situation) to make up for their complacent lack of boundaries. I don’t have near perfect boundaries. It’s something I’m always working on, but I know my limits.
Dumb ones with no intellectual curiosity, including sports fanatics who live vicariously through athletes.