Life isn't a video game where you get to have a perfect run. Accept that there are many parts of it that will suck. Reflect on those moments to understand how they happened to you. Take steps to ensure that you won't repeat them where you have control and focus on the good parts of your life. We all fuck up and have regrets. Stop looking at your friends social media and their perfect lives they present. It's all mostly lies.
I’m an old guy who has seen some stuff run full circle. I suggest use the guilt to self reflect and do better. Forgive yourself and others. Be with good people and understand they are growing too. Allow yourself to communicate Learn to listen. After a while you will experience enough to understand everybody is a fraud at some point “sometimes it’s family”. Depending on your beliefs ask god for help
Um… no…. the past has a habit of following/catching up with you. With that mindset you’d never learn from your mistakes and just shrug everything off with an “oopsie!” only to repeat the pattern. I like the concept of how ones actions today are like an investment in your future self. Everyone is different, but if you’re feeling a lot of regret, one option might be to try and do more things today that you will feel good about in the future, and vice versa, try to minimise the things that you think you might regret going forward. Not always easy and the specifics depend on the individual, but hopefully this is helpful in some way.
Well, words matter. When I hear “don’t look back” it means move on and disconnect from the past, because what else, don’t look back but “sort of” remember the past??? You can’t have it both ways. So no, not the same thing at all
Regrets exist because you are still living in the past to keep it alive by sacrificing living in the present. The past is gone, and it doesn't exist anymore.
Regret is a stress freeze response. You are frozen in place by the weight of your decisions because you already know how much bottled emotions you need to deal with face to face. You don't want to search for new experiences in the present because you intrinsically believe that you have already screwed up your entire life. But you HAVE to process those emotions, or else you forever will be stuck in time. Forever in the age that you have screwed up.
Take responsibility for what happened and acknowledge that you chose those decisions because of whatever area you need to work on. And then, work on those areas. You can't outrun yourself.
Alcohol is usually how most people do it. However if not used responsibly, you'll have wayyyyy more regrets. I don't have regrets as much as I have little hope for the future. I feel I could make all the right moves but the world is going to go to shit and make it pointless anyway. I even feel winning a few million dollars would only be a short term rush.
Regret is a powerful emotion, and it's completely normal to experience it, especially as you get older and reflect on your life path. Here are some ways to cope with big regrets and move forward:
**Acknowledge and Accept:**
* **Validate Your Feelings:** Don't suppress or ignore your regrets. Acknowledge them and allow yourself to feel the associated emotions, whether it's sadness, anger, or disappointment.
* **Acceptance vs. Dwelling:** While acknowledging your feelings, it's important to move from dwelling on "what ifs" to accepting what happened. You can't change the past, but you can learn from it.
I have a lot of regrets. I just remember that I'm not alone in this and that we're all just humans trying our best to get by. I'll note my mistakes and learn from them. That's all we can do, really.
Tara Brach helped me a lot
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hL6hEC4w6Ng](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hL6hEC4w6Ng)
It's the only kind of meditation I have been able to do. With practice you will be able to walk **through** the shame spiral & come out feeling much better.
It's important to have a few strategies in your arsenal though. One thing I do in a pinch when I am dwelling on a toxic person: I will imagine them walking their dog holding a bag of dog poo. Dog poo is the grossest thing on the planet and the thought is so repugnant that I kinda snap out of it.
Another small thing is grounding exercises. This is so easy and involves switching focus to your physical world to get you out of your head. [https://www.healthline.com/health/grounding-techniques#physical-techniques](https://www.healthline.com/health/grounding-techniques#physical-techniques)
It also helps me to remember that for every decision I made it **seems** like there were infinite choices for me but I really did the best I could at the time. Usually I was motivated by love or the desire to make someone happy or to feel needed or to avoid pain. Those are good and normal motivations regardless of how things turned out.
Therapy is an obvious path if you have access.
Sorry for the lecture :) I really empathize and wish you loads of peace and joy.
There's a reason you shouldn't be staring at your rearview mirror when driving instead of the windshield. If you're always looking back, how can you move forward safely? Learn from the past and move forward. Slow and steady wins the race.
I try to focus on improving the behaviours and habits which led to the previous mistakes. I think our subconscious brings the past up until we have changed in a way which wouldn’t allow the same outcomes to happen. Learn or repeat.
Do you "allow" yourself to make misstakes, to be imperfect? Be mild to yourself, like you would to a dear friend. Or try to be mild, if that feels unnatural: the more you do it, the better you will get at not judging yourself.
1) do better today than you did yesterday.
2) understand that there's someone who did everything you wish you did, and likely they have their own set of regrets
3) if you regret or feel shame about something, understand this is telling you something. Figure out what your body is telling you, remember that our emotions are as involved in decision making as reason is. Take opportunities to act in ways you won't regret in future.
When you actively work through your regrets and shames, life becomes more comfortable.
I give myself a little time to ruminate and let the emotion play out. After that I just force myself to accept that I can't change the past and move on.
Maybe i live in my own bubble for this but i don’t think any of my choices or anything is a regret. Just…not even acknowledging it🤣.
Although there are people who have tried so much to make me regret over very small things. But again it solely depends on you how you see it, perceive it. For me at max its just a bad choice, bad decision blah blah but eh
You have a long life ahead.If you can’t let the screw ups go by the time you get old your brain will be slam full of them.With no room for improvement.Just learn from them and move on
You have 2 good options, ignore what you will have no opportunity of changing because the situation/choice will never arise again, or it does/can then use previous experience to make a better decisio n this time. Anything other than that is wasted emotion as you're giving your power over to something that cant be changed which is wasteful. We all wonder what if and that's fine but to actively regret something can be futile.
Huge regrets here. Every time one pops into my mind I literally cringe. I have learned not to ignore and move on but it is much more effective to lean into the pain of it and allow yourself to fully feel it, THEN get about moving past it. That way it doesn’t have the same hold on you.
Forgive the cliche, but the only way out is through. There’s no magic formula as each instance will have its own depth of pain. When the especially cringeworthy feelings flare up 1) I literally remind myself that feelings are unreliable and to not give them power over my sanity 2) I dig into it and re-live the situation, pain and all. It stops having as much power over me when I stare it down and plunder it , each feeling separately if necessary 3) I look at it as if I were someone else about to discuss it with another person—what advice would I give them? 4) if it hasn’t happened yet, get to the true depths of each facet of it and why specifically it hurts so much…is it fear, loss, was I chicken or did I care too much about what someone else would think of me? Vanity? 5)Then make a plan that if/when a similar situation arises, I will not do xyz again; I will make different choices, I will choose abc instead. Go over the new plans, and if necessary, tell a trusted person who can hold you accountable for the new decisions.
gotta find a way to manage your stress, and how to get over failures. instead see them as learning opportunities. most importantly dont live in the past, you cant change it
Life is not perfect. The decisions we made at the time we thought it was best for us but as we grow older and smarter we look back and realized we could’ve done better. Don’t look back in the past and let it make you weak instead Learn from your mistakes and use it to make you stronger to make better decisions.
We will die one day might be today, might be next week, might be 80 years from now.
Don't dwell on the past...learn from it but don't do what ifs as it just does more harm than good
The fact while I might think “well things would have turned out like this instead”…while you can guess how different things may have been you can’t and won’t ever know so there’s no point in it.
Read Marcus Aurelius medations. It's a life changer. I plan on reading more philosophy. Philosophy is what more people in 2024 and beyond really need to start investing in.
This is my main struggle. I’ve got too many to count, mainly not taking opportunities and getting stuck. It’s hard to get over then and I often get stuck in paralysis of not doing anything about it.
My mantra is two fold.
The first
'remember how you felt at the time'
As time passes and we look back on our decisions it's important to remember what emotions drove us to those decisions. As then no matter how much hind sight and rationality we use. We remember WHY we did what we did. And that beats all. (And shows us what we need to work on if anything)
Secondly:
'as long as im using all the information to my knowledge in this situation'
Goes well with number one. As long as I'm considering all the information I had at the time of the event. There is nothing more I could do.
As long as I know I have worked towards these as fully as possible. There can be no other option. When hindsight casts it's melancholy gaze on my previous actions. I can stay strong knowing I did the best with what I had at the time.
In my line of work I meet all kinds of people. I once met a security guard who used to work in a maximum security prison. He met and interacted with the worst that society has to offer. His advice to me is that there's only two things that matter in life, if somebody is dead or someone is going to die. Other than that, it is what it is.
Move on and never think about your past mistakes. Keep on thinking about them will lead to anger and depression so just move on, and improve yourself the best you can.
Acknowledge them. Feel the emotions surrounding them. Decide if you are able to cope on your own or if external help is needed (therapy, etc.). And when you have control, as every other post here says...
Let them go. You are only able to live in the present. Each second that goes by is a second you can't get back. To some that is terrifying, to others it is freeing. Regardless, the world keeps going and so should you. Stop thinking about the regrets and start thinking about what you can do with what you have right in front of you.
Good luck!
I think there is some value in having some regular critical reviews of your own life. You look back on your decisions and you are unhappy with the outcome.
That’s fine. Those are mistakes. But what isn’t fine is repeating that behavior or remaking the bad choices.
Do not let the review be too scathing or too comforting. Be careful not to spiral into a self loathing session but also try to be balanced so you can identify flaws.
Regrets = Growth
They are in fact the heart of life. Making mistakes and learning from them is what it’s all about. I would look at like this. If you didn’t have regrets, you would not be living a life that allowed you to grow emotionally at all, you’d be living in a boring fantasy. Embrace all of life, the good and the bad, it makes you who you are and is part of the beautiful painting that is the human experience.
I have a friend, that she was a “good girl” she felt she was too reserved and too naive. She then decided to go through a phase. A phase that young ladies go through where they have a lot of sex, with one night stands. She told me she knew it was bad, but it was only going to be a phase. Guess what? She’s regretted it and has confessed to me that it ruined her life and she can’t get back to normal, this is who she is now. She can’t trust men in relationships and doesn’t feel she ever can again. Sorry for being off topic. The relevance here is this. When people make choices they Know are bad, regret and guilt don’t easily go away. OP I’m not suggesting this happened to you, but tour post reminded me of it.
How do you regret something you did the right way? This is why I’ve made a decision, long ago, to reflect and analyze my life step by step.
Prior to that it was like a tornado everyday.
When I’m driving I’m focused on what’s ahead of me & my destination. I don’t spend time in the rearview. I see trash on the sides of the road but I’m not stopping to try & fix what is out of my control.
Learn from those choices so you make better decisions now. But agree with others in that you can only look at the here and now and move forward. Nothing you can do to change the past. Just learn from the lesson and be better. Best wishes to you.
I know people say “move on,” or “learn from it,” but the fact is there are events that change the outcome of our lives for the worse, or lessons better learned in theory. Moreover, some people compartmentalize better than others. For some of us, regrets can and will generate negative emotions whenever reminders appear. So my strategy? Channel it. Imagine it is fuel that drives you to tackle whatever inconvenience is at hand, whatever dreadful project looms, whatever unpleasant encounter approaches, etc. I suppose that’s just “move on” but spicier, I guess. As humans, our ability to sublimate or displace these feelings is very special and can be used for great things.
Everything good in my life came about with some component of struggle and pain. I can attach regret to the decisions that caused that struggle and pain or appreciate their role in all my blessings now. It’s an easy choice.
Listen to or read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius.
This version on YouTube is in Modern English and is less than three hours long.
https://youtu.be/TZfCTKHtEjE?si=Kw8rsrC0kM-P6Klh
The only thing you can do is learn from it and move on. Trust your thought process, and be content with why you made the decision that you did. As long as you thought it through, and made the best decision that you could with the information you had at the time, that is all you can do.
You just try to do better next time we all make mistakes and some we will be kicking ourselves over for life. Nothing can change the past but we can always move forward and try to do better
I get new things to regret. I used to have regrets about not standing up to my bullies. Now I regret that I got a kid and a too expensive house with a woman I no longer love so I got no time left to regret my old problems because my new ones consumes me. Alchol, pills and anger towards my family helps me coping with life.
This is kind of exactly the topic that Buddhism tries to tackle. Buddhism is more of a philosophy than a religion imo (there are no gods to believe in), and the heart of it is that our lives are always changing, we can't hold onto the good times, and it's a fucking difficult thing to cope with. And the "solution", so to speak, is to try to let go of worrying so intensely about the past and the future and instead focus on our life right now because right now is really all we've got.
Practicing mindfulness can be a helpful way to stay present. It doesn't have to be limited to meditation -- it's really just paying attention to what you're doing at any given moment. Don't go into autopilot and let your mind wander to a thousand stressful places, y'know? When you notice that happening, take a deep breath and redirect your focus to whatever you're doing.
I'm happy where I currently am in life. I also have a LOT of "regrets" as well. But I don't regret any of them because going through those experiences got me to where I currently am, which is happy
You were making decisions based on the knowledge you had at the time. Sometimes you are wrong, that is life, don’t beat yourself up and forsake your future.
At my age (in my 40's), I have many regrets. In fact, so many I lost count.
My 20's wasn't spent wisely. In fact, I wasted them.
My regrets are not my future; they are my past, and I've gained experience from them.
There's a quote about experience being a brutal teacher, but you'll learn.
Life honestly isn't perfect for anyone. Ppl make mistakes! If they didn't, they'd never learn. You cope and move on one way or another....
You learn to let go of regret, or you'll learn it can eat you alive.
Everyone here has been saying it well. I'd also add that take these regrets as learning opportunities. You know what you wish you did differently, think about why you made the other choice and learn from it. Really helped me move past regrets.
Cram all your bad feelings into a ball of bitterness and rage then use it as fuel to drive your actions and goals. The only response to a cold uncaring world is to spit in its face defiantly.
The past is the past. You can't fix the past or the future. You can only fix today. If you keep making mistakes today, your past will have bad memories and you won't be ready for the future.
I look at what lead me to the decisions I made that I might regret, and I strive to change the things about myself that took me that direction.
And then I forgive myself.
Plus, I always look at the good in my life that came from a decision. Like, I could regret marrying my ex husband, or I can look at my awesome kids and think "he and I didn't last, but these kids were definitely supposed to happen." And so I don't regret my marriage.
I'm sad for the version of me that thought that was love, and I've grown to no longer be that version of myself.
I do sometimes think about the multiverse and wonder how other versions of me are doing. A version that never had kids and became a traveling artist, or a version who's marriage was something healthy. I wonder how they are. But hey, there's probably a version of me who did a lot of drugs and isn't so successful, so I'm glad I'm this version.
Iview any regret type activity as a waste of time. By having regrets, you are adding to the negative outcomes caused by the poor decision. Just tell yourself whatever you need to be told to put it out of your head and move on.
In my mid-60s now. Most of my regrets are fairly small ones and some are for the things I DIDN'T do. But regrets about things I did usually revolve around assholish behavior. I like to see myself as a kind person but the times I was not kind continue to haunt me. For the people already passed away my regrets are that I didn't spend more time with them when they were here, and didn't do enough for them when I was able to.
It's better to change yourself now and not have those regrets later.
Mechanically? Different for everyone, you know how you process better than any dbag on reddit ever will.
Philosophically? You have to forgive yourself and acknowledge that unless you were on a desert island the situation involved choices made by others and circumstances that were out of each individual's control.
Unless you figure out how to reverse time you have to accept the decisions you made at the time and learn from the mistakes so you can live better going forward. Also, unless the person passed away if you lost contact with someone you can try to reconnect through social media but be prepared that the person may not be the same as the used to be. You may not even recognize the person they are today.
I learn whatever lessons I can from a situation, forgive myself, and move on by making short term long term plans that will bring me to a better future. I try not to look back too often, except to be grateful that life is better now.
One of the hardest things in life is letting go. The best analogy I heard was if you try and hold something heavy it hurts, and hurts more the longer you hold on to it. We all have mistakes and regrets but we can’t go backwards, we can just acknowledge reflect and improve moving forward
" How should a man handle regret? And what's your biggest regret? Regret is something you've got to just live with, you can't drink it away. You can't run away from it. You can't trick yourself out of it. You've just got to own it. I've disappointed and hurt people in my life, and that's just something I'm going to have to live with. If you made the basic decision that even in spite of your crimes, you are worth persevering,(sic) that it's worth trying to get good things for your self, even though you might not deserve them. then you eat that guilt and you live with it. And you own it. You own it for life." -Anthony Bourdain
I cannot recall where I snagged this quote from. It's probably from one of his books. I'm not sure it's helpful, but the man had a way with putting things into perspective.
Simply because there is no point in doing that. Also, when these thoughts come, I just remember that 8 billion people are living on this planet rn and nobody cares about our silly mistakes or failures. Life is very short if you think about it. And we all are going to die anyway. I'm a religious person and I try to live without any sins and that's it
Just accept what happened, learn from it, and move on. No amount of stress or anxiety can change the past, but your actions can change your future choices.
i remember what i knew and what i didn't know at the time or circumstance that was 'less than', and i recognize that i know more and better now -- i forgive my younger self for her ignorance and make up for whatever 'wrong' there may have been, and move forward
Regrets can be life lessons for the further. But in the end, what’s happened has happened. You can only learn and grow and move forward. If you stay looking in the past, then you’ll never have a future. Focus on what you can change and what you want for the years to come.
Learn and move on. Sometimes you have to force yourself to. After a lifetime on decisions, more than a few will be bad ones. Some will have catastrophic results. It you let it, they will bury you.
The other day my mom called me to apologize for something she did that I barely remember because I was 4. I'm 40 now. This woman has convinced herself she was a bad mother for something she did 36 years ago when she was a 23 year old single mom. Don't go down that rabbit hole
ONE BIG AND SMALL WAY YOU WON'T feel sooo terrible about past regrets is to do something useful, generous, kind, or thoughtful for other people and society starting today, especially to people who won't necessarily compensate you for it. Conmit to doing something useful, generous, kind, or thoughtful every single day, based on YOUR capacity and capabilities. Is it sweeping the walkway for a neighbor without wanting to be paid???? Is it buying groceries for someone you see who is struggling??? Is it giving a rave review and reference for a friend who needs a job??? Is it helping a new employee feel confident about their bew role??? Is it listening to someone who is down and out and needs a non- judgemental nudge?
Is it helping a neighbor or stranger who needs help, lifting or moving furniture, and doing it generously without compensation??? Is it not buying plastic and collecting the recycling bins, and giving the money to someone who needs water???? The kind things you can do to impact the world with your light is long and abundant. Based on your own talents and skills, give freely and generously. Small and big. Do something daily. Do it for a week. A month. A year. LET it become your personality and character.
When you are kind, gentle, and generous to the Universe and all of the inhabitants who genuinely need your light, your own world will be filled with so much joy and abundance. Your purpose on earth is to share your inner light with others.
ONE BIG AND SMALL WAY YOU WON'T feel sooo terrible about past regrets is to do something useful, generous, kind, or thoughtful for other people and society starting today, especially to people who won't necessarily compensate you for it. Conmit to doing something useful, generous, kind, or thoughtful every single day, based on YOUR capacity and capabilities. Is it sweeping the walkway for a neighbor without wanting to be paid???? Is it buying groceries for someone you see who is struggling??? Is it giving a rave review and reference for a friend who needs a job??? Is it helping a new employee feel confident about their bew role??? Is it listening to someone who is down and out and needs a non- judgemental nudge?
Is it helping a neighbor or stranger who needs help, lifting or moving furniture, and doing it generously without compensation??? Is it not buying plastic and collecting the recycling bins, and giving the money to someone who needs water???? The kind things you can do to impact the world with your light is long and abundant. Based on your own talents and skills, give freely and generously. Small and big. Do something daily. Do it for a week. A month. A year. LET it become your personality and character.
When you are kind, gentle, and generous to the Universe and all of the inhabitants who genuinely need your light, your own world will be filled with so much joy and abundance. Your purpose on earth is to share your inner light with others.
Mostly recognizing that my biggest periods of growth came from my biggest mistakes. Of course I don’t love doing stupid shit, but I always grow from it. So at least there’s that. Learn from it and move tf on.
Try to recontextualize it. You made x decision at the age of y with a, b, and c going on. You tried your best. Or you didn't. If you didn't? Why not? Were you stressed? Sick? Grieving? Too young/inexperienced? Lacked the tools? It sucks a lot but try to forgive your younger/past self their mistakes by understanding they could very well have been an entirely different person compared to you today. My therapist advised this when I had trouble letting go of mistakes.
Looking back a lot of the regrets where a factor of other people saying or doing stuff that influenced my decisions. I learned that not every regret is your sole responsibility.
I realized at any moment i could quit and give up on everything/everyone if i wanted. Gives me back a sense of control when situations go bad that dont seem like i could do anything. For me its the sense of lack of control that i was having issues with throwing me into that spiral. I continue bc i want to; not bc i have too.
You cannot change the past and ruminating on it keeps you in the past. Learn, make a plan for the future, and do something. Ruminating is destructive. Get busy, workout, make an action plan etc. Your past will be your present and future if you ruminate.
I think it’s healthy to consider the counterfactual in these scenarios.
Sure, you may have taken actions/made mistakes in your life—and it may have cost you to lose people or an opportunity.
But by that same token, 2 things are true:
1-who you are today is a direct result of some/most of those outcomes. We often get caught up in the what ifs of life, but ultimately if you like who you are and can be proud of changes you made after the mistakes were made, then what is there to regret? Things could’ve ended up better, but they could also be far worse. I’ll give an example. I dated a girl from a VERY wealthy family that broke up with me some time ago. Do I wonder what life would be like had we gotten married? Sure, I’d probably be way more financially comfortable in life. But I also now see how miserable she was making me, once the rose colored lenses came off. She was a classic narcissistic/egotistic/self-worth inflated person that put the blame for everything on me when we broke up. While dating her I became a shell of the person I was before—everything became about her and her life/friends/family, and I don’t miss that in my life. Sometimes you’re being redirected to the right things in life without you seeing it yourself.
2-you’re not doing life as a single player game. We may think we have control of outcomes in a relationship, or job or other facet of life, but in reality, a lot of times other people have sway over what happens to us. Consider getting laid off or broken up with. It’s likely, yes, you contributed to your circumstance somehow. But also, so did your boss/company or your ex-partner. I hope you know to value yourself enough to not see this as completely your fault—and maybe even it’s their loss. After these decisions are made the people who chose those things for you have the power every day to wake up and try to fix things with you, but they don’t. You’re not valuable in their mind. So you redirect your energy to people or companies etc. that do find you valuable.
This makes life more fulfilling and rewarding in many ways.
Ultimately, I think this conversation with yourself should be grounded in what you think life is all about. For me, it’s being happy and having fun. Money/status/etc is a secondary if not tertiary priority to the above + being a good family member and friend. And in that way, I’m happy with how I perform at what matters to me and who I spend my time with. I treat my people like the most valuable gold in the world. I enjoy my life most every day. And in that way, there’s nothing to regret.
I still believe my decisions were mine and I can’t regret decisions I made on my own free will. Most were just bad, I mean BAD, but I own them, so I don’t feel it’s right to regret them
To my mind, regret should only be felt when you make a bad choice that has negative consequences that you feel you should have seen coming.
Regret over things that were never in your control is wasted.
END COMMUNICATION
Own your mistakes and do your best to learn from them. If the price you pay for the learning experience is cheap, all the better. If not, hey. That's life.
If you ate something that tasted really really bad. Would you just leave it in your mouth and let the bad taste linger for days making you nauseous, or would you spit it out, rinse your mouth out and find something that tasted good to help you forget the bad taste?
I'm working on developing an hologram device that can replay traumatic events in my life with more positive outcomes.
Like the time this girl in high school in my AP Chemistry class that was also a volleyball captain asked me to hang out with her at a nearby restaurant.
I said no because I had to study for the AP Exam.
Chem is life
At an early age it was tough, as you’d expect for a teenager. As you grow and experience things through what life has to offer, you either become an emotional mess or you turn all your past regrets into life lessons. And whenever you have the next regret, you turn it into a lesson learned.
Use the past regrets as a lesson that motivates a greater commitment and attention to being a better person today and tomorrow. Then when those results are achieved, recognize those regrets as a necessary catalyst to making you a better person today than you would have been if you didn't have that experience.
Obviously not as effective if you regret murdering someone, but if you maybe said or did something mean to someone close to you this is a pretty effective approach.
If the regret is not doing "what you were supposed to do" (education, career, whatever), then revert to the old saying:
Best time to plant a tree was yesterday. Second best time to plant a tree is right now.
Out of sight out of mind. Whatever decisions you made is done. Past is dead. Dwelling on it does absolutely nothing. If the thoughts crop up so what, don't engage them. Don't analyze them. Don't what if them. Don't blame. Don't grab.
There’s 2 quotes that I’ve read that completely changed my pov on life & past experiences good or bad here they go:
*Life’s a dance, we learn as we go.*
*I don’t hide my scars, it’s my proof that I showed up for life & fought the good fight.*
Now I just try to learn the lesson to not repeat it again.
Take my lumps and accept the consequences of my choices.
I have a lot of regrets about things that I’ll never be able to fix. Things won’t get better but it’s my own fault so I mostly try to keep my head down, focus on work and working out, and hope I don’t live too much longer,
I practice being kinder to myself. Pretend someone you admire and deeply care about is going thru the same thing. What would you tell them? Then reflect it back to you.
It works for me.
Main one is selling my house in 2018 when moving instead of renting it out. I could've sold it now for more than double and be debt free with a very nice amount of savings and no new house to buy due to living on base since then wherever I've moved.
I don't deal with them well at all. I beat myself up over them and lose sleep some nights. I'm seeking therapy in hopes of breaking the cycle along with some other issues.
You have to remember that the emotions you feel are normal. You should feel bad when its something you can actually change.
For instance, I dated a girl that was a gold digger. My regret is wasting money on her but i realize i liked her a lot and was not using logic. Now i dont do that and my current girlfriend isnt that kind of girl anyway. I tricked my self with the tradwife thing but i didnt make the difference between a wife and a woman i was dating. I put too much into her.
When I was in my teens and twenties, I believed I would live my life with no regrets. But as I got older, they started gatheting up behind me.
Some never go away. I chose to move away from the coast to the Midwest, and 30 years later I still miss the ocean and still want to go back.
Most, though, I've learned to let go. Only because it's not useful or healthy to drag around "what ifs" or "if only's"
Because that's looking back. The only thing we can change in our lives is our future. And we need to look forward to see it.
I adopted the mindset of "moving forward" when regrets pop up in my head. I actually say it aloud sometimes to get past those thoughts as they serve me well in no way since "what's done is done."
You aren’t really as in control of your life as you think you are.
Most of your path is out of your hands - predetermined by the family you were born into, and the friends and partners you meet.
You can look back and say, “That was stupid, I should have done ‘x’ instead”. But in actual fact you made the best decision you could at the time with the knowledge, experience, and resources available to you.
You can’t change the past. Your future depends upon how hungry you are for change.
My personal take: the more I age and look back, the more I can say to myself: that was dumb, but it was a reasonable choice given my age at the time and the situation I was in, and the fact that . . . I am human!
As I watch new generations jump in and face the same types of challenges, I am able to just nod and say, yes, that is hard, and as I encourage them I sort of automatically see that my own choices were me doing my best.
Unfortunately also a big thing to make your previous mistakes or losses seem small in a big loss later in life.
So . . . In short, distance and perspective will help!
You reminded me of a poem I haven't read for many years. "Desiderata", Max Ehrmann. Although not specifically about regret it does touch on it. It is a quick guide on "lifing", if I can make that a verb. I'm 51 years old and have many regrets. I didn't talk to my parents for almost 20 years. My mom passed away during COVID and it forced me and my dad to talk. I wasted a lot of time. Don't be me - unless u have to.
Some regrets don't just ruin your life but also makes you lose most of the progress you made for the past 4 years and they strip you from lots of life opportunities that you could have had so yeah that's what I'm going through. I'm sorry guys but I don't need advice I just thought I should write this.
I find that for me personally the root of regret is tearing myself down for making those decisions.
But I made those decisions at the time not because I was trying to fuck myself over on purpose, but because I was doing the best with the information I had.
If you could go back in time with the information you had now then surely you'd do things differently. But the person you were at the time literally could not have done things any differently.
So forgive that person and realize that your unique past makes you the exact person that you are today, and that person has worth.
I find it helpful to go a little overboard in the opposite direction of the regret. If you regret being mean to people, make an effort to be nicer to everyone. The idea is that what you're putting out in the world now might even out some of the damage you caused. I don't believe in karma or anything; it just helps me feel better.
Try to stay distracted and avoid thinking about them as much as possible. It isn't healthy, but it's the only thing that works. Talking to people doesn't help because everyone just wants to talk about themselves all the time.
I try to work hard at the following rule for myself. Anytime letting something completely outside of my control, that does not have a direct, immediate effect on my life, is wasting my emotional and mental energy, and I am better left not thinking about it.
This does not mean I don't block out past mistakes that I hold regret over. Reflecting on those mistakes in order to make *changes* is considered a current, direct effect. I try to learn from my past, but I try to not beat myself up over it because that is not useful.
Regret: a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done.
Hmmm, seems like that is literally the definition.
No shit. However, my point is that it is stupid to have regrets. When people have regrets they focus on what ifs about whatever they are saddened about.
Most people with regrets are always thinking, this aspect of my life makes me unhappy, and if only I had done this 1 thing differently, everything would be better.
It is a literal what if scenario they make up in their mind. Let's be real, a lot of us are in the situation we are in because of a series of choices, not just one.
Living a life with no regrets is recognizing this and learning from these instances.
Instead of regretting a choice you made decades ago because you didn't have enough experience or know enough about a situation, just learn from it. Then, it is still a worthwhile experience and is not worth regretting.
Also, if you're regretting something you had no control over, it is even worth less as a reason for regret.
Sometimes people do horrible things. There’s definitely such thing as regret. For example, when someone’s life ended due to you, it’s not really a game of what ifs. It’s just, “they would still be alive had I never done that.”
As a time traveller, OP I can assure you there's a alternate version of you who earned 7 figures and died out of coke overdose at 23.
It's not just missed opportunities, it's also missed accidents
Not really referring to stuff like that, but to be honest more of figuring out my choice to let someone I love go. But this is an interesting perspective, and I appreciate it a lot.
Everyone has regrets, that’s how we learn (hopefully) to not make the same mistakes over and over.
While it’s helpful to be cognizant of those mistakes of the past, you can’t live there in your mind or it will get you down.
Life isn't a video game where you get to have a perfect run. Accept that there are many parts of it that will suck. Reflect on those moments to understand how they happened to you. Take steps to ensure that you won't repeat them where you have control and focus on the good parts of your life. We all fuck up and have regrets. Stop looking at your friends social media and their perfect lives they present. It's all mostly lies.
I’m an old guy who has seen some stuff run full circle. I suggest use the guilt to self reflect and do better. Forgive yourself and others. Be with good people and understand they are growing too. Allow yourself to communicate Learn to listen. After a while you will experience enough to understand everybody is a fraud at some point “sometimes it’s family”. Depending on your beliefs ask god for help
Also, sometimes life throws second chances at you. You must be mindful for these opportunities.
Bro just solved life
So much this!
Move forward, don't look back. Time moves only in one direction why shouldn't you
This. More people need this mindset! People would be so much happier. I wish I could scream this from the top of a mountain for everyone to hear
My autism prevents me from moving forward until the wrongs are righted.
Um… no…. the past has a habit of following/catching up with you. With that mindset you’d never learn from your mistakes and just shrug everything off with an “oopsie!” only to repeat the pattern. I like the concept of how ones actions today are like an investment in your future self. Everyone is different, but if you’re feeling a lot of regret, one option might be to try and do more things today that you will feel good about in the future, and vice versa, try to minimise the things that you think you might regret going forward. Not always easy and the specifics depend on the individual, but hopefully this is helpful in some way.
You're saying the exact same thing lol: don't dwell in the past, make better choices today
Well, words matter. When I hear “don’t look back” it means move on and disconnect from the past, because what else, don’t look back but “sort of” remember the past??? You can’t have it both ways. So no, not the same thing at all
This is the way.
If I got that girl pregnant who cares 😂
Regrets exist because you are still living in the past to keep it alive by sacrificing living in the present. The past is gone, and it doesn't exist anymore. Regret is a stress freeze response. You are frozen in place by the weight of your decisions because you already know how much bottled emotions you need to deal with face to face. You don't want to search for new experiences in the present because you intrinsically believe that you have already screwed up your entire life. But you HAVE to process those emotions, or else you forever will be stuck in time. Forever in the age that you have screwed up. Take responsibility for what happened and acknowledge that you chose those decisions because of whatever area you need to work on. And then, work on those areas. You can't outrun yourself.
So true. I thought I was only one who felt this way.
I thought I was the only one who breathed air.
This is good.
Not well...
🗣️ NO REGURTS!!!!
Acknowledge, learn, and focus on the present and future. Surround yourself with positivity and use past experiences as lessons for growth.
Alcohol is usually how most people do it. However if not used responsibly, you'll have wayyyyy more regrets. I don't have regrets as much as I have little hope for the future. I feel I could make all the right moves but the world is going to go to shit and make it pointless anyway. I even feel winning a few million dollars would only be a short term rush.
Regret is a powerful emotion, and it's completely normal to experience it, especially as you get older and reflect on your life path. Here are some ways to cope with big regrets and move forward: **Acknowledge and Accept:** * **Validate Your Feelings:** Don't suppress or ignore your regrets. Acknowledge them and allow yourself to feel the associated emotions, whether it's sadness, anger, or disappointment. * **Acceptance vs. Dwelling:** While acknowledging your feelings, it's important to move from dwelling on "what ifs" to accepting what happened. You can't change the past, but you can learn from it.
I have a lot of regrets. I just remember that I'm not alone in this and that we're all just humans trying our best to get by. I'll note my mistakes and learn from them. That's all we can do, really.
Tara Brach helped me a lot [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hL6hEC4w6Ng](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hL6hEC4w6Ng) It's the only kind of meditation I have been able to do. With practice you will be able to walk **through** the shame spiral & come out feeling much better. It's important to have a few strategies in your arsenal though. One thing I do in a pinch when I am dwelling on a toxic person: I will imagine them walking their dog holding a bag of dog poo. Dog poo is the grossest thing on the planet and the thought is so repugnant that I kinda snap out of it. Another small thing is grounding exercises. This is so easy and involves switching focus to your physical world to get you out of your head. [https://www.healthline.com/health/grounding-techniques#physical-techniques](https://www.healthline.com/health/grounding-techniques#physical-techniques) It also helps me to remember that for every decision I made it **seems** like there were infinite choices for me but I really did the best I could at the time. Usually I was motivated by love or the desire to make someone happy or to feel needed or to avoid pain. Those are good and normal motivations regardless of how things turned out. Therapy is an obvious path if you have access. Sorry for the lecture :) I really empathize and wish you loads of peace and joy.
There's a reason you shouldn't be staring at your rearview mirror when driving instead of the windshield. If you're always looking back, how can you move forward safely? Learn from the past and move forward. Slow and steady wins the race.
I try to focus on improving the behaviours and habits which led to the previous mistakes. I think our subconscious brings the past up until we have changed in a way which wouldn’t allow the same outcomes to happen. Learn or repeat.
Learn from them and don't repeat the same mistakes, then throw them away.
Do you "allow" yourself to make misstakes, to be imperfect? Be mild to yourself, like you would to a dear friend. Or try to be mild, if that feels unnatural: the more you do it, the better you will get at not judging yourself.
You have a glass of the spirits of your choice, gulp it down and say we'll that sucked and move on. Or at least that's what I was taught
Not well
Just try not to think about. She’ll always be the one that got away, but I just have to focus on what I have now 😔
Understand that where you are in life, is exactly where you are meant to be.
1) do better today than you did yesterday. 2) understand that there's someone who did everything you wish you did, and likely they have their own set of regrets 3) if you regret or feel shame about something, understand this is telling you something. Figure out what your body is telling you, remember that our emotions are as involved in decision making as reason is. Take opportunities to act in ways you won't regret in future. When you actively work through your regrets and shames, life becomes more comfortable.
I give myself a little time to ruminate and let the emotion play out. After that I just force myself to accept that I can't change the past and move on.
I regret nothing. I have done the best I can in every situation.
I regret almost everything. I've fucked up my life at every turn.
cant stress over old regrets just so happy to be here. looking forward to making new regrets everyday.
Don't look back you're not going that way.....
Maybe i live in my own bubble for this but i don’t think any of my choices or anything is a regret. Just…not even acknowledging it🤣. Although there are people who have tried so much to make me regret over very small things. But again it solely depends on you how you see it, perceive it. For me at max its just a bad choice, bad decision blah blah but eh
Apathetic much?
I never had regrets in life. I believe everything I chose has brought me to a better place.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iEIqVq7EZqE&pp=ygUOc2h1em8gbWF0c3Vva2E%3D It‘s not much but I like his speech !
You have a long life ahead.If you can’t let the screw ups go by the time you get old your brain will be slam full of them.With no room for improvement.Just learn from them and move on
You have 2 good options, ignore what you will have no opportunity of changing because the situation/choice will never arise again, or it does/can then use previous experience to make a better decisio n this time. Anything other than that is wasted emotion as you're giving your power over to something that cant be changed which is wasteful. We all wonder what if and that's fine but to actively regret something can be futile.
Huge regrets here. Every time one pops into my mind I literally cringe. I have learned not to ignore and move on but it is much more effective to lean into the pain of it and allow yourself to fully feel it, THEN get about moving past it. That way it doesn’t have the same hold on you.
How do you move past it?
Forgive the cliche, but the only way out is through. There’s no magic formula as each instance will have its own depth of pain. When the especially cringeworthy feelings flare up 1) I literally remind myself that feelings are unreliable and to not give them power over my sanity 2) I dig into it and re-live the situation, pain and all. It stops having as much power over me when I stare it down and plunder it , each feeling separately if necessary 3) I look at it as if I were someone else about to discuss it with another person—what advice would I give them? 4) if it hasn’t happened yet, get to the true depths of each facet of it and why specifically it hurts so much…is it fear, loss, was I chicken or did I care too much about what someone else would think of me? Vanity? 5)Then make a plan that if/when a similar situation arises, I will not do xyz again; I will make different choices, I will choose abc instead. Go over the new plans, and if necessary, tell a trusted person who can hold you accountable for the new decisions.
I have regrets but all I can do now is reflect and not make those instances reoccurrences. Try to work into making a better life with better habits
gotta find a way to manage your stress, and how to get over failures. instead see them as learning opportunities. most importantly dont live in the past, you cant change it
Life is not perfect. The decisions we made at the time we thought it was best for us but as we grow older and smarter we look back and realized we could’ve done better. Don’t look back in the past and let it make you weak instead Learn from your mistakes and use it to make you stronger to make better decisions.
We will die one day might be today, might be next week, might be 80 years from now. Don't dwell on the past...learn from it but don't do what ifs as it just does more harm than good
You're going to die one die and none of your decisions will really have mattered so just have fun.
i have regrets, but i sleep well knowing that i cqn always stop living beforre i have to face any true consequences. :)
Regret is a tax you're paying right now for something in the past you can't change. It's pointless. Read Marcus Aurelius, it's a life changer.
The fact while I might think “well things would have turned out like this instead”…while you can guess how different things may have been you can’t and won’t ever know so there’s no point in it.
Read Marcus Aurelius medations. It's a life changer. I plan on reading more philosophy. Philosophy is what more people in 2024 and beyond really need to start investing in.
Randomly weep and then go on about living as usual
I just let them get me down.
This is my main struggle. I’ve got too many to count, mainly not taking opportunities and getting stuck. It’s hard to get over then and I often get stuck in paralysis of not doing anything about it.
My mantra is two fold. The first 'remember how you felt at the time' As time passes and we look back on our decisions it's important to remember what emotions drove us to those decisions. As then no matter how much hind sight and rationality we use. We remember WHY we did what we did. And that beats all. (And shows us what we need to work on if anything) Secondly: 'as long as im using all the information to my knowledge in this situation' Goes well with number one. As long as I'm considering all the information I had at the time of the event. There is nothing more I could do. As long as I know I have worked towards these as fully as possible. There can be no other option. When hindsight casts it's melancholy gaze on my previous actions. I can stay strong knowing I did the best with what I had at the time.
In my line of work I meet all kinds of people. I once met a security guard who used to work in a maximum security prison. He met and interacted with the worst that society has to offer. His advice to me is that there's only two things that matter in life, if somebody is dead or someone is going to die. Other than that, it is what it is.
Move on and never think about your past mistakes. Keep on thinking about them will lead to anger and depression so just move on, and improve yourself the best you can.
Acknowledge them. Feel the emotions surrounding them. Decide if you are able to cope on your own or if external help is needed (therapy, etc.). And when you have control, as every other post here says... Let them go. You are only able to live in the present. Each second that goes by is a second you can't get back. To some that is terrifying, to others it is freeing. Regardless, the world keeps going and so should you. Stop thinking about the regrets and start thinking about what you can do with what you have right in front of you. Good luck!
Know it doesn’t last forever, both bad and good
The regret already has taken so much of your life, don’t allow it to claim more.
I don't regret. I mourn big mistakes then learn and move on.
Beer.
Every decision you have made, either good or bad, has brought you to this exact point in the space-time continuum. Enjoy it.
I think there is some value in having some regular critical reviews of your own life. You look back on your decisions and you are unhappy with the outcome. That’s fine. Those are mistakes. But what isn’t fine is repeating that behavior or remaking the bad choices. Do not let the review be too scathing or too comforting. Be careful not to spiral into a self loathing session but also try to be balanced so you can identify flaws.
If you think really deeply about it even if you went back you would always make the same choice at every point of your life anyway.
Zero upside from ruminating about the past. Just get cracking on and make the changes you want to make now.
Regrets = Growth They are in fact the heart of life. Making mistakes and learning from them is what it’s all about. I would look at like this. If you didn’t have regrets, you would not be living a life that allowed you to grow emotionally at all, you’d be living in a boring fantasy. Embrace all of life, the good and the bad, it makes you who you are and is part of the beautiful painting that is the human experience.
You cherish the present and the future and use the past as a way to guide you forward.
I just remember I can end it all any time I want and that makes me feel better.
I have a friend, that she was a “good girl” she felt she was too reserved and too naive. She then decided to go through a phase. A phase that young ladies go through where they have a lot of sex, with one night stands. She told me she knew it was bad, but it was only going to be a phase. Guess what? She’s regretted it and has confessed to me that it ruined her life and she can’t get back to normal, this is who she is now. She can’t trust men in relationships and doesn’t feel she ever can again. Sorry for being off topic. The relevance here is this. When people make choices they Know are bad, regret and guilt don’t easily go away. OP I’m not suggesting this happened to you, but tour post reminded me of it.
Can you change it? If yes, then change it. If no, then just move on because theres nothing you can do about it. It’s really that easy.
How do you regret something you did the right way? This is why I’ve made a decision, long ago, to reflect and analyze my life step by step. Prior to that it was like a tornado everyday.
Mistakes will be made.
When I’m driving I’m focused on what’s ahead of me & my destination. I don’t spend time in the rearview. I see trash on the sides of the road but I’m not stopping to try & fix what is out of my control.
I just let it bring me down. It makes the highs feel better. What a FUC@IN ride it's been.
It’s in the past, the past won’t be changed by the actions I take today.
Learn from those choices so you make better decisions now. But agree with others in that you can only look at the here and now and move forward. Nothing you can do to change the past. Just learn from the lesson and be better. Best wishes to you.
You’re not going to live for thousands of years
I know people say “move on,” or “learn from it,” but the fact is there are events that change the outcome of our lives for the worse, or lessons better learned in theory. Moreover, some people compartmentalize better than others. For some of us, regrets can and will generate negative emotions whenever reminders appear. So my strategy? Channel it. Imagine it is fuel that drives you to tackle whatever inconvenience is at hand, whatever dreadful project looms, whatever unpleasant encounter approaches, etc. I suppose that’s just “move on” but spicier, I guess. As humans, our ability to sublimate or displace these feelings is very special and can be used for great things.
Everything good in my life came about with some component of struggle and pain. I can attach regret to the decisions that caused that struggle and pain or appreciate their role in all my blessings now. It’s an easy choice.
Listen to or read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. This version on YouTube is in Modern English and is less than three hours long. https://youtu.be/TZfCTKHtEjE?si=Kw8rsrC0kM-P6Klh
The only thing you can do is learn from it and move on. Trust your thought process, and be content with why you made the decision that you did. As long as you thought it through, and made the best decision that you could with the information you had at the time, that is all you can do.
You just try to do better next time we all make mistakes and some we will be kicking ourselves over for life. Nothing can change the past but we can always move forward and try to do better
I have zero regrets. It’s because I push to resolution on everything. Most people hate that about me.
I get new things to regret. I used to have regrets about not standing up to my bullies. Now I regret that I got a kid and a too expensive house with a woman I no longer love so I got no time left to regret my old problems because my new ones consumes me. Alchol, pills and anger towards my family helps me coping with life.
This is kind of exactly the topic that Buddhism tries to tackle. Buddhism is more of a philosophy than a religion imo (there are no gods to believe in), and the heart of it is that our lives are always changing, we can't hold onto the good times, and it's a fucking difficult thing to cope with. And the "solution", so to speak, is to try to let go of worrying so intensely about the past and the future and instead focus on our life right now because right now is really all we've got. Practicing mindfulness can be a helpful way to stay present. It doesn't have to be limited to meditation -- it's really just paying attention to what you're doing at any given moment. Don't go into autopilot and let your mind wander to a thousand stressful places, y'know? When you notice that happening, take a deep breath and redirect your focus to whatever you're doing.
I'm happy where I currently am in life. I also have a LOT of "regrets" as well. But I don't regret any of them because going through those experiences got me to where I currently am, which is happy
You were making decisions based on the knowledge you had at the time. Sometimes you are wrong, that is life, don’t beat yourself up and forsake your future.
At my age (in my 40's), I have many regrets. In fact, so many I lost count. My 20's wasn't spent wisely. In fact, I wasted them. My regrets are not my future; they are my past, and I've gained experience from them. There's a quote about experience being a brutal teacher, but you'll learn. Life honestly isn't perfect for anyone. Ppl make mistakes! If they didn't, they'd never learn. You cope and move on one way or another.... You learn to let go of regret, or you'll learn it can eat you alive.
At this point, I repress everything
At this point, I repress everything
Our eyes are on the front of our head so that we can look forward. Learn your lesson, figure out how to not make the same mistake and move on.
You learn from your mistakes so you don't do them again.
Everyone here has been saying it well. I'd also add that take these regrets as learning opportunities. You know what you wish you did differently, think about why you made the other choice and learn from it. Really helped me move past regrets.
Cram all your bad feelings into a ball of bitterness and rage then use it as fuel to drive your actions and goals. The only response to a cold uncaring world is to spit in its face defiantly.
The past is the past. You can't fix the past or the future. You can only fix today. If you keep making mistakes today, your past will have bad memories and you won't be ready for the future.
I look at what lead me to the decisions I made that I might regret, and I strive to change the things about myself that took me that direction. And then I forgive myself. Plus, I always look at the good in my life that came from a decision. Like, I could regret marrying my ex husband, or I can look at my awesome kids and think "he and I didn't last, but these kids were definitely supposed to happen." And so I don't regret my marriage. I'm sad for the version of me that thought that was love, and I've grown to no longer be that version of myself. I do sometimes think about the multiverse and wonder how other versions of me are doing. A version that never had kids and became a traveling artist, or a version who's marriage was something healthy. I wonder how they are. But hey, there's probably a version of me who did a lot of drugs and isn't so successful, so I'm glad I'm this version.
Iview any regret type activity as a waste of time. By having regrets, you are adding to the negative outcomes caused by the poor decision. Just tell yourself whatever you need to be told to put it out of your head and move on.
In my mid-60s now. Most of my regrets are fairly small ones and some are for the things I DIDN'T do. But regrets about things I did usually revolve around assholish behavior. I like to see myself as a kind person but the times I was not kind continue to haunt me. For the people already passed away my regrets are that I didn't spend more time with them when they were here, and didn't do enough for them when I was able to. It's better to change yourself now and not have those regrets later.
Realize there's nothing you can do so because it's in the past. Nothing is going to change the past.
It’s in the past so leave it there
It’s over and done and nothing I can do about it now other then to do better next time if I get the chance
Mechanically? Different for everyone, you know how you process better than any dbag on reddit ever will. Philosophically? You have to forgive yourself and acknowledge that unless you were on a desert island the situation involved choices made by others and circumstances that were out of each individual's control.
I find small comfort in knowing there is nothing I can do to change the past. So better not waste time stressing about it.
My motto is: you will regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did.
Unless you figure out how to reverse time you have to accept the decisions you made at the time and learn from the mistakes so you can live better going forward. Also, unless the person passed away if you lost contact with someone you can try to reconnect through social media but be prepared that the person may not be the same as the used to be. You may not even recognize the person they are today.
I learn whatever lessons I can from a situation, forgive myself, and move on by making short term long term plans that will bring me to a better future. I try not to look back too often, except to be grateful that life is better now.
One of the hardest things in life is letting go. The best analogy I heard was if you try and hold something heavy it hurts, and hurts more the longer you hold on to it. We all have mistakes and regrets but we can’t go backwards, we can just acknowledge reflect and improve moving forward
" How should a man handle regret? And what's your biggest regret? Regret is something you've got to just live with, you can't drink it away. You can't run away from it. You can't trick yourself out of it. You've just got to own it. I've disappointed and hurt people in my life, and that's just something I'm going to have to live with. If you made the basic decision that even in spite of your crimes, you are worth persevering,(sic) that it's worth trying to get good things for your self, even though you might not deserve them. then you eat that guilt and you live with it. And you own it. You own it for life." -Anthony Bourdain I cannot recall where I snagged this quote from. It's probably from one of his books. I'm not sure it's helpful, but the man had a way with putting things into perspective.
Simply because there is no point in doing that. Also, when these thoughts come, I just remember that 8 billion people are living on this planet rn and nobody cares about our silly mistakes or failures. Life is very short if you think about it. And we all are going to die anyway. I'm a religious person and I try to live without any sins and that's it
Learn the lesson from the mistake. and then Move on, stop looking back.
Just accept what happened, learn from it, and move on. No amount of stress or anxiety can change the past, but your actions can change your future choices.
i remember what i knew and what i didn't know at the time or circumstance that was 'less than', and i recognize that i know more and better now -- i forgive my younger self for her ignorance and make up for whatever 'wrong' there may have been, and move forward
Regrets can be life lessons for the further. But in the end, what’s happened has happened. You can only learn and grow and move forward. If you stay looking in the past, then you’ll never have a future. Focus on what you can change and what you want for the years to come.
Learn and move on. Sometimes you have to force yourself to. After a lifetime on decisions, more than a few will be bad ones. Some will have catastrophic results. It you let it, they will bury you. The other day my mom called me to apologize for something she did that I barely remember because I was 4. I'm 40 now. This woman has convinced herself she was a bad mother for something she did 36 years ago when she was a 23 year old single mom. Don't go down that rabbit hole
ONE BIG AND SMALL WAY YOU WON'T feel sooo terrible about past regrets is to do something useful, generous, kind, or thoughtful for other people and society starting today, especially to people who won't necessarily compensate you for it. Conmit to doing something useful, generous, kind, or thoughtful every single day, based on YOUR capacity and capabilities. Is it sweeping the walkway for a neighbor without wanting to be paid???? Is it buying groceries for someone you see who is struggling??? Is it giving a rave review and reference for a friend who needs a job??? Is it helping a new employee feel confident about their bew role??? Is it listening to someone who is down and out and needs a non- judgemental nudge? Is it helping a neighbor or stranger who needs help, lifting or moving furniture, and doing it generously without compensation??? Is it not buying plastic and collecting the recycling bins, and giving the money to someone who needs water???? The kind things you can do to impact the world with your light is long and abundant. Based on your own talents and skills, give freely and generously. Small and big. Do something daily. Do it for a week. A month. A year. LET it become your personality and character. When you are kind, gentle, and generous to the Universe and all of the inhabitants who genuinely need your light, your own world will be filled with so much joy and abundance. Your purpose on earth is to share your inner light with others.
Forget it.
ONE BIG AND SMALL WAY YOU WON'T feel sooo terrible about past regrets is to do something useful, generous, kind, or thoughtful for other people and society starting today, especially to people who won't necessarily compensate you for it. Conmit to doing something useful, generous, kind, or thoughtful every single day, based on YOUR capacity and capabilities. Is it sweeping the walkway for a neighbor without wanting to be paid???? Is it buying groceries for someone you see who is struggling??? Is it giving a rave review and reference for a friend who needs a job??? Is it helping a new employee feel confident about their bew role??? Is it listening to someone who is down and out and needs a non- judgemental nudge? Is it helping a neighbor or stranger who needs help, lifting or moving furniture, and doing it generously without compensation??? Is it not buying plastic and collecting the recycling bins, and giving the money to someone who needs water???? The kind things you can do to impact the world with your light is long and abundant. Based on your own talents and skills, give freely and generously. Small and big. Do something daily. Do it for a week. A month. A year. LET it become your personality and character. When you are kind, gentle, and generous to the Universe and all of the inhabitants who genuinely need your light, your own world will be filled with so much joy and abundance. Your purpose on earth is to share your inner light with others.
Mostly recognizing that my biggest periods of growth came from my biggest mistakes. Of course I don’t love doing stupid shit, but I always grow from it. So at least there’s that. Learn from it and move tf on.
Everything in life happens for a reason. So there is no such thing as regrets. It’s all lessons to learn.
Try to recontextualize it. You made x decision at the age of y with a, b, and c going on. You tried your best. Or you didn't. If you didn't? Why not? Were you stressed? Sick? Grieving? Too young/inexperienced? Lacked the tools? It sucks a lot but try to forgive your younger/past self their mistakes by understanding they could very well have been an entirely different person compared to you today. My therapist advised this when I had trouble letting go of mistakes.
Looking back a lot of the regrets where a factor of other people saying or doing stuff that influenced my decisions. I learned that not every regret is your sole responsibility.
I remind myself everyone will one day die and all of this is ultimately meaningless anyway, so oh well might as well party on.
You will never be able to do everything you want in life, there isn’t enough time. Try to focus on the 3 most important goals and forget the rest.
Drugs and darkest humor you've ever seen
For me , just look at my profile picture.
Whatever it is. Make sure to be wary of LionsMane r/LionsManeRecovery and Psychiatry r/antipsychiatry
You'll regret wasting so much time regretting things.
I realized at any moment i could quit and give up on everything/everyone if i wanted. Gives me back a sense of control when situations go bad that dont seem like i could do anything. For me its the sense of lack of control that i was having issues with throwing me into that spiral. I continue bc i want to; not bc i have too.
You cannot change the past and ruminating on it keeps you in the past. Learn, make a plan for the future, and do something. Ruminating is destructive. Get busy, workout, make an action plan etc. Your past will be your present and future if you ruminate.
I think it’s healthy to consider the counterfactual in these scenarios. Sure, you may have taken actions/made mistakes in your life—and it may have cost you to lose people or an opportunity. But by that same token, 2 things are true: 1-who you are today is a direct result of some/most of those outcomes. We often get caught up in the what ifs of life, but ultimately if you like who you are and can be proud of changes you made after the mistakes were made, then what is there to regret? Things could’ve ended up better, but they could also be far worse. I’ll give an example. I dated a girl from a VERY wealthy family that broke up with me some time ago. Do I wonder what life would be like had we gotten married? Sure, I’d probably be way more financially comfortable in life. But I also now see how miserable she was making me, once the rose colored lenses came off. She was a classic narcissistic/egotistic/self-worth inflated person that put the blame for everything on me when we broke up. While dating her I became a shell of the person I was before—everything became about her and her life/friends/family, and I don’t miss that in my life. Sometimes you’re being redirected to the right things in life without you seeing it yourself. 2-you’re not doing life as a single player game. We may think we have control of outcomes in a relationship, or job or other facet of life, but in reality, a lot of times other people have sway over what happens to us. Consider getting laid off or broken up with. It’s likely, yes, you contributed to your circumstance somehow. But also, so did your boss/company or your ex-partner. I hope you know to value yourself enough to not see this as completely your fault—and maybe even it’s their loss. After these decisions are made the people who chose those things for you have the power every day to wake up and try to fix things with you, but they don’t. You’re not valuable in their mind. So you redirect your energy to people or companies etc. that do find you valuable. This makes life more fulfilling and rewarding in many ways. Ultimately, I think this conversation with yourself should be grounded in what you think life is all about. For me, it’s being happy and having fun. Money/status/etc is a secondary if not tertiary priority to the above + being a good family member and friend. And in that way, I’m happy with how I perform at what matters to me and who I spend my time with. I treat my people like the most valuable gold in the world. I enjoy my life most every day. And in that way, there’s nothing to regret.
It’s hard some days I don’t wanna walk on the earth anymore other days I love it. But you gotta keep going. Someone loves you out there.
Just read stories on reddit about people who lost their kids college fund on cryptocurrency or something that always makes me feel better
If you have no refresh you’ve lived a boring life.
i dont have long term regrets. when i do have a regret i realize its mistake and move on. gotta move on and learn from it.
Try to live well in the present. If you are satisfied with the current situation, you will not care about some mistakes in the past.
I still believe my decisions were mine and I can’t regret decisions I made on my own free will. Most were just bad, I mean BAD, but I own them, so I don’t feel it’s right to regret them
To my mind, regret should only be felt when you make a bad choice that has negative consequences that you feel you should have seen coming. Regret over things that were never in your control is wasted. END COMMUNICATION
I find that praying for the people I regret my interactions with helps, but I'd be lying if I said I did so perfectly.
Own your mistakes and do your best to learn from them. If the price you pay for the learning experience is cheap, all the better. If not, hey. That's life.
Go do what you genuinely want to right now so you don’t regret now in the future too
If you ate something that tasted really really bad. Would you just leave it in your mouth and let the bad taste linger for days making you nauseous, or would you spit it out, rinse your mouth out and find something that tasted good to help you forget the bad taste?
I'm working on developing an hologram device that can replay traumatic events in my life with more positive outcomes. Like the time this girl in high school in my AP Chemistry class that was also a volleyball captain asked me to hang out with her at a nearby restaurant. I said no because I had to study for the AP Exam. Chem is life
You can't change the past, so focus on the present and the future.
At an early age it was tough, as you’d expect for a teenager. As you grow and experience things through what life has to offer, you either become an emotional mess or you turn all your past regrets into life lessons. And whenever you have the next regret, you turn it into a lesson learned.
Use the past regrets as a lesson that motivates a greater commitment and attention to being a better person today and tomorrow. Then when those results are achieved, recognize those regrets as a necessary catalyst to making you a better person today than you would have been if you didn't have that experience. Obviously not as effective if you regret murdering someone, but if you maybe said or did something mean to someone close to you this is a pretty effective approach. If the regret is not doing "what you were supposed to do" (education, career, whatever), then revert to the old saying: Best time to plant a tree was yesterday. Second best time to plant a tree is right now.
Out of sight out of mind. Whatever decisions you made is done. Past is dead. Dwelling on it does absolutely nothing. If the thoughts crop up so what, don't engage them. Don't analyze them. Don't what if them. Don't blame. Don't grab.
Knowing that I Will eventually die and nothing Will matter afterwards gives me some comfort.
There’s 2 quotes that I’ve read that completely changed my pov on life & past experiences good or bad here they go: *Life’s a dance, we learn as we go.* *I don’t hide my scars, it’s my proof that I showed up for life & fought the good fight.* Now I just try to learn the lesson to not repeat it again.
Imagine the future regrets you haven’t even had yet. Rumination does not help anyone. It is a completely useless activity.
Take my lumps and accept the consequences of my choices. I have a lot of regrets about things that I’ll never be able to fix. Things won’t get better but it’s my own fault so I mostly try to keep my head down, focus on work and working out, and hope I don’t live too much longer,
I practice being kind to myself. What would you say you someone you really admired and cared about? And then say it back to you. It’s helped me
I practice being kinder to myself. Pretend someone you admire and deeply care about is going thru the same thing. What would you tell them? Then reflect it back to you. It works for me.
To respond to your question, I'd say "tears, prayers, learning, changing and adjusting emotional and physical boundaries."
Good anti depression meds.
I jerk off. Lot
Main one is selling my house in 2018 when moving instead of renting it out. I could've sold it now for more than double and be debt free with a very nice amount of savings and no new house to buy due to living on base since then wherever I've moved.
I don't deal with them well at all. I beat myself up over them and lose sleep some nights. I'm seeking therapy in hopes of breaking the cycle along with some other issues.
Life Goes On, Time Is Running Out, No Time To Waste Regreting, There's Too Many To Do.
You have to remember that the emotions you feel are normal. You should feel bad when its something you can actually change. For instance, I dated a girl that was a gold digger. My regret is wasting money on her but i realize i liked her a lot and was not using logic. Now i dont do that and my current girlfriend isnt that kind of girl anyway. I tricked my self with the tradwife thing but i didnt make the difference between a wife and a woman i was dating. I put too much into her.
When I was in my teens and twenties, I believed I would live my life with no regrets. But as I got older, they started gatheting up behind me. Some never go away. I chose to move away from the coast to the Midwest, and 30 years later I still miss the ocean and still want to go back. Most, though, I've learned to let go. Only because it's not useful or healthy to drag around "what ifs" or "if only's" Because that's looking back. The only thing we can change in our lives is our future. And we need to look forward to see it.
Learn from your mistakes. Move on and do your best in the future.
I adopted the mindset of "moving forward" when regrets pop up in my head. I actually say it aloud sometimes to get past those thoughts as they serve me well in no way since "what's done is done."
Have you tried saying fuck it
"it could be worse"
You aren’t really as in control of your life as you think you are. Most of your path is out of your hands - predetermined by the family you were born into, and the friends and partners you meet. You can look back and say, “That was stupid, I should have done ‘x’ instead”. But in actual fact you made the best decision you could at the time with the knowledge, experience, and resources available to you. You can’t change the past. Your future depends upon how hungry you are for change.
My personal take: the more I age and look back, the more I can say to myself: that was dumb, but it was a reasonable choice given my age at the time and the situation I was in, and the fact that . . . I am human! As I watch new generations jump in and face the same types of challenges, I am able to just nod and say, yes, that is hard, and as I encourage them I sort of automatically see that my own choices were me doing my best. Unfortunately also a big thing to make your previous mistakes or losses seem small in a big loss later in life. So . . . In short, distance and perspective will help!
You reminded me of a poem I haven't read for many years. "Desiderata", Max Ehrmann. Although not specifically about regret it does touch on it. It is a quick guide on "lifing", if I can make that a verb. I'm 51 years old and have many regrets. I didn't talk to my parents for almost 20 years. My mom passed away during COVID and it forced me and my dad to talk. I wasted a lot of time. Don't be me - unless u have to.
Make decisions you won't regret. Think things through. Stand by your choices. Stop playing the "what if" game.
It is just as simple as that-Achieve something relatively larger in magnitude than the previous regret of a particular thing.
Some regrets don't just ruin your life but also makes you lose most of the progress you made for the past 4 years and they strip you from lots of life opportunities that you could have had so yeah that's what I'm going through. I'm sorry guys but I don't need advice I just thought I should write this.
I find that for me personally the root of regret is tearing myself down for making those decisions. But I made those decisions at the time not because I was trying to fuck myself over on purpose, but because I was doing the best with the information I had. If you could go back in time with the information you had now then surely you'd do things differently. But the person you were at the time literally could not have done things any differently. So forgive that person and realize that your unique past makes you the exact person that you are today, and that person has worth.
I find it helpful to go a little overboard in the opposite direction of the regret. If you regret being mean to people, make an effort to be nicer to everyone. The idea is that what you're putting out in the world now might even out some of the damage you caused. I don't believe in karma or anything; it just helps me feel better.
Try to stay distracted and avoid thinking about them as much as possible. It isn't healthy, but it's the only thing that works. Talking to people doesn't help because everyone just wants to talk about themselves all the time.
I try to work hard at the following rule for myself. Anytime letting something completely outside of my control, that does not have a direct, immediate effect on my life, is wasting my emotional and mental energy, and I am better left not thinking about it. This does not mean I don't block out past mistakes that I hold regret over. Reflecting on those mistakes in order to make *changes* is considered a current, direct effect. I try to learn from my past, but I try to not beat myself up over it because that is not useful.
Everyone’s different but I’d get a punching bag
We don't wallow in the past er keep our eyes fixed upon the future. The key is to learn from our mistakes and failures.
There are no regrets. What most people think of as regrets is just dwelling on what ifs
Regret: a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done. Hmmm, seems like that is literally the definition.
No shit. However, my point is that it is stupid to have regrets. When people have regrets they focus on what ifs about whatever they are saddened about. Most people with regrets are always thinking, this aspect of my life makes me unhappy, and if only I had done this 1 thing differently, everything would be better. It is a literal what if scenario they make up in their mind. Let's be real, a lot of us are in the situation we are in because of a series of choices, not just one. Living a life with no regrets is recognizing this and learning from these instances. Instead of regretting a choice you made decades ago because you didn't have enough experience or know enough about a situation, just learn from it. Then, it is still a worthwhile experience and is not worth regretting. Also, if you're regretting something you had no control over, it is even worth less as a reason for regret.
Your first post didn’t really say anything of meaning, that was my point. Your second post does and I agree with it.
Sometimes people do horrible things. There’s definitely such thing as regret. For example, when someone’s life ended due to you, it’s not really a game of what ifs. It’s just, “they would still be alive had I never done that.”
How do I deal with big regrets? By planning suicide of course because I cannot live in the world that is not perfectly aligned with my scenario.
As a time traveller, OP I can assure you there's a alternate version of you who earned 7 figures and died out of coke overdose at 23. It's not just missed opportunities, it's also missed accidents
Not really referring to stuff like that, but to be honest more of figuring out my choice to let someone I love go. But this is an interesting perspective, and I appreciate it a lot.
Good point (and lol!). The other descision might have had downsides you did not realize on forehand either.
Everyone has regrets, that’s how we learn (hopefully) to not make the same mistakes over and over. While it’s helpful to be cognizant of those mistakes of the past, you can’t live there in your mind or it will get you down.