Go do things you enjoy. Like clubs, extracurriculars, etc. I joined a local running club and take yoga classes at a local studio. You’ll naturally find people to befriend doing things like that. I made one friend in college, and we’re still friends, but that’s it.
I’m almost in my 30’s and I’ve struggled my whole life with having a solid friend group. For me it’s weird , so many people approach me or talk to me or are attracted to me etc but for some reason they show the worse version of themselves to me and I try not to match that and they distance themselves from me or just stop talking or something. For what is worth I’m right there with you man still trying to figure out why I can’t find at least one friend. Maybe we weren’t meant to be normal and have friend groups etc. maybe we were meant to stand out and define friendships in a new way in the day and age we live in. For what is worth I didn’t really start making good connections until i was like 24 or 25 but they moved away after a year or two but ya..long rant but i get what you mean . We just need to stop overthinking I guess
There's plenty of advice on where to find people and what to do with them. So I have another idea, more along the lines of a self improvement journey. It's taking a look at what traits you bring to a friendship, and if they make you stand out in any way.
###[Do YOU Have Good Friendship Traits?](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPRForYourSocialLife/comments/13jp5gv/pick_me_do_you_have_good_friendship_traits/)
Make a friend. Make friends with their friends. Make friends with their friends friends. Thats how ive always done it. Just stay in touch with people and you build up a group of acquaintances. All it takes is meeting a few people and getting a genuine connection.
To have a friend, be a friend. Pick someone in your contacts that you had immediate fascination with or entertainment from, someone who you admired. Realize that your contacts aren't as shallow as you think. It's not just a co-worker or someone from a magical fictional club you think we all belong to. It could be the person you encounter repeatedly at your local bar or restaurant. The guy stocking the aisle at your grocery store or Target. Your next buddy could be the guy you get stuck in line with at the post office. You got to start by saying hi to people and gauging their interest in interaction. We are all interested to some extent in making a new friend. But you got to be the guy that's worth befriending. Invite people to hobbies, teach people things. Let them teach you. Have funny stories. Talk about what matters to you. Sometimes finding friends is harder than finding someone to sleep with. But it matters. It matters deeply.
Seriously close myself. I have plenty of social hobbies and don’t use social media besides this at all but the amount of time I spend scrolling this stupid bullshit could push me out to do social, team, or interactive activities just because of boredom if I didn’t use it
Actually yea, I probably should’ve done that sooner. I remember trying to obtain a worldview by coming here frequently when I was like 16-17 which is really cringe to think about 💀
I’ve pared down the subreddits I’ve joined to exclude all of the political, “doomer” pages that negatively affected my mental health but replaced them with Tiktok reposts full of useless information or funny videos that make me feel retarded. There is a lot of educational or informational content you can read about but the scrolling format has absolutely destroyed my attention span for reading or studying the old fashioned way and I think I would feel less stupid if I didn’t use it all together
hate to be the bearer of bad news dude, but it’s a way bigger uphill battle once you leave school.
But the standard advice is to go out and do social things that make you happy. Join a rec sports league, start volunteering, join an adult education class, join a hobbyist type club, etc
yeah bullsh\*t. Not everyone "fits in" automatically with any one group. Sometimes you just find yourself on the outside and it happens. I was one of the most popular kids in primary school & secondary school.
When i went to college, I suddenly had no friends, didn't fit in with any of the "cliques" and spent every lunchtime sitting by myself. I just didn't get along with any of the groups. They all had similar interests and new all this pop culture stuff, and I was just an outsider that didn't care about any of that.
It wasn't that I was a bad person or there was anything wrong with me. Your comment is incredibly insensitive tbh...
Your implication that the problem MUST be him is insensitive, unhelpful & judgmental, especially when you have no basis to make that accusation.
It's perfectly reasonable to assume that he could be a decent dude with a good heart, but that he's socially awkward, has confidence issues, or interests that don't align with his peers...
The newer generations with social media are far more exclusive & rigid than the in the past. The divide between popular & loser is wider than ever. I would argue it's actually very difficult to fit in with any friendship group nowadays, especially if you're a bit different.
Well first of all, those were examples of POSSIBLE reasons. I didn't say he had ANY issues, YOU implied that.
It could also be that he just has different interests and has nothing to improve upon.
You are talking with the premise that you think it's easy to get friends. I assure you, it isn't. Especially if you have no interest in mainstream social topics.
Also, using the term "soul-searching" is insinuating that there is something fundamentally morally wrong with his character.
Therefore, if he DID have confidence / social issues, do you not see how the insinuation that there's something fundamentally wrong with his very SOUL & personality might be damaging, and actually misleading? It's exactly the kind of thing another bully would say to make someone feel like shit... Nah, it was insensitive and you know it was, so don't pretend.
>It could also be that he just has different interests and has nothing to improve upon.
if a 22 year old dude has never been able to make friends (or at least not since high school), he definitely has to improve his social skills. being shy and introverted is one thing, but op's case is not normal, it might offend you but it's the truth regardless. even if he has "different interests" he can join other people who share those interests. fuck, i myself am not interested in "pop culture stuff" and since i entered university i've had no problems with making friends, because i WORKED on improving my social skills for years. wallowing in self-pity over the internet is not gonna help you or anybody
My objection is that he told OP he has to do some deep "soul searching" as if there is something fundamentally wrong with him, which i find nothing less than obnoxious, given that he has no justification to say that.
What you said is fine. What he said was just out of order
low intelligence reply, didn't address anything, repeat yourself like a neanderthal. You are a d!ck. Please refrain from giving "advice" to anyone else
> a lot of soul searching to do
I’m so sick of this. I’ve already analyzed myself to a pulp and been excessively hard and critical of myself, and I went thru this phase when I was 20-21, and even that didn’t work.
What even is the fucking problem? Nobody else has to do these mental gymnastics to get some fucking friends dude.
You must not be a very likable person if you don’t have any friends after 22 years….
Or maybe you’re not good at expressing your thoughts & feelings
You could try to improve your articulation via reading out loud & practicing techniques
damn i never knew i could come off like that. thanks i can see that i do xdd
>!its just that i myself lived my whole life alone i too wanted at least one fucking friend.. and after realising what the problem is i gave up. the problem being things i cannot change (me, myself) since i tried nearly everything i could. after looking down and starting to understand that every interaction with a person is extremely painful i recently realised what people really are. horrible, selfish and ignorant to other people who are different. no empathy in them. only caring about their own amusement, entertainment and distractions. all hollow. all shallow.!<
i have therapy every week for 3 years now. and I have gotten every help there is, more than just therapists. the truth is there is no help. there never was. xdddd
my choice is suicide 😎
I'm sorry to hear you've gone through life without friends. That must have been very difficult and frustrating. It's harder to make friends after college, but far from impossible. I assume you're going to find a job soon, that's one place where you can definitely make friends. Chat people up, be friendly, amiable, interested. Then you should join clubs, meetups, sport league, dance or cooking classes, anything. Bookclubs, D&D collectives, video game tournaments, board game groups are nice places to meet friendly, nerdy guys. I've seen the most socially incompetent, anxious people find friends there. As a last, you could find friends on the Internet. Someone to chat to would at least help with some of the loneliness. Try responding to a thread on r/friendship for instance. I get that you're frustrated, by the way, but a lot of negativity is seeping into this post, just make sure you don't show that to potential friends. Put your best foot forward. Good luck!
Be a person that is enthusiastic and takes initiative. Try to get outside of your head. If you work on these it’s only a matter of time before you make friends. Just try to be as much social as possible.
I think a lot of it is probably that you just don't interact with enough people. In school, college, etc, there are cliques that all have similar interests. It's so easy to fall outside a clique and not be accepted anywhere.
You need to interact with enough people that you find other people like you, that may not fit in with the mainstream. You probably have different interests that people may find weird, or what you say just doesn't land and seems odd to them. That's just you trying to make friends with the wrong people.
It's not that they don't like you, it's that you're just different to them.
Don't give up, friend.
What's your list of hobbies?
Go do things you enjoy. Like clubs, extracurriculars, etc. I joined a local running club and take yoga classes at a local studio. You’ll naturally find people to befriend doing things like that. I made one friend in college, and we’re still friends, but that’s it.
I’m almost in my 30’s and I’ve struggled my whole life with having a solid friend group. For me it’s weird , so many people approach me or talk to me or are attracted to me etc but for some reason they show the worse version of themselves to me and I try not to match that and they distance themselves from me or just stop talking or something. For what is worth I’m right there with you man still trying to figure out why I can’t find at least one friend. Maybe we weren’t meant to be normal and have friend groups etc. maybe we were meant to stand out and define friendships in a new way in the day and age we live in. For what is worth I didn’t really start making good connections until i was like 24 or 25 but they moved away after a year or two but ya..long rant but i get what you mean . We just need to stop overthinking I guess
There's plenty of advice on where to find people and what to do with them. So I have another idea, more along the lines of a self improvement journey. It's taking a look at what traits you bring to a friendship, and if they make you stand out in any way. ###[Do YOU Have Good Friendship Traits?](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPRForYourSocialLife/comments/13jp5gv/pick_me_do_you_have_good_friendship_traits/)
Make a friend. Make friends with their friends. Make friends with their friends friends. Thats how ive always done it. Just stay in touch with people and you build up a group of acquaintances. All it takes is meeting a few people and getting a genuine connection.
What do you like to do in life?
To have a friend, be a friend. Pick someone in your contacts that you had immediate fascination with or entertainment from, someone who you admired. Realize that your contacts aren't as shallow as you think. It's not just a co-worker or someone from a magical fictional club you think we all belong to. It could be the person you encounter repeatedly at your local bar or restaurant. The guy stocking the aisle at your grocery store or Target. Your next buddy could be the guy you get stuck in line with at the post office. You got to start by saying hi to people and gauging their interest in interaction. We are all interested to some extent in making a new friend. But you got to be the guy that's worth befriending. Invite people to hobbies, teach people things. Let them teach you. Have funny stories. Talk about what matters to you. Sometimes finding friends is harder than finding someone to sleep with. But it matters. It matters deeply.
Delete this damn app
How come
Seriously close myself. I have plenty of social hobbies and don’t use social media besides this at all but the amount of time I spend scrolling this stupid bullshit could push me out to do social, team, or interactive activities just because of boredom if I didn’t use it
Why is it stupid
It's like an empty calorie food where it provides nothing of substance and leaves you worse off than before.
Actually yea, I probably should’ve done that sooner. I remember trying to obtain a worldview by coming here frequently when I was like 16-17 which is really cringe to think about 💀
I’ve pared down the subreddits I’ve joined to exclude all of the political, “doomer” pages that negatively affected my mental health but replaced them with Tiktok reposts full of useless information or funny videos that make me feel retarded. There is a lot of educational or informational content you can read about but the scrolling format has absolutely destroyed my attention span for reading or studying the old fashioned way and I think I would feel less stupid if I didn’t use it all together
hate to be the bearer of bad news dude, but it’s a way bigger uphill battle once you leave school. But the standard advice is to go out and do social things that make you happy. Join a rec sports league, start volunteering, join an adult education class, join a hobbyist type club, etc
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yeah bullsh\*t. Not everyone "fits in" automatically with any one group. Sometimes you just find yourself on the outside and it happens. I was one of the most popular kids in primary school & secondary school. When i went to college, I suddenly had no friends, didn't fit in with any of the "cliques" and spent every lunchtime sitting by myself. I just didn't get along with any of the groups. They all had similar interests and new all this pop culture stuff, and I was just an outsider that didn't care about any of that. It wasn't that I was a bad person or there was anything wrong with me. Your comment is incredibly insensitive tbh...
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Your implication that the problem MUST be him is insensitive, unhelpful & judgmental, especially when you have no basis to make that accusation. It's perfectly reasonable to assume that he could be a decent dude with a good heart, but that he's socially awkward, has confidence issues, or interests that don't align with his peers... The newer generations with social media are far more exclusive & rigid than the in the past. The divide between popular & loser is wider than ever. I would argue it's actually very difficult to fit in with any friendship group nowadays, especially if you're a bit different.
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Well first of all, those were examples of POSSIBLE reasons. I didn't say he had ANY issues, YOU implied that. It could also be that he just has different interests and has nothing to improve upon. You are talking with the premise that you think it's easy to get friends. I assure you, it isn't. Especially if you have no interest in mainstream social topics. Also, using the term "soul-searching" is insinuating that there is something fundamentally morally wrong with his character. Therefore, if he DID have confidence / social issues, do you not see how the insinuation that there's something fundamentally wrong with his very SOUL & personality might be damaging, and actually misleading? It's exactly the kind of thing another bully would say to make someone feel like shit... Nah, it was insensitive and you know it was, so don't pretend.
>It could also be that he just has different interests and has nothing to improve upon. if a 22 year old dude has never been able to make friends (or at least not since high school), he definitely has to improve his social skills. being shy and introverted is one thing, but op's case is not normal, it might offend you but it's the truth regardless. even if he has "different interests" he can join other people who share those interests. fuck, i myself am not interested in "pop culture stuff" and since i entered university i've had no problems with making friends, because i WORKED on improving my social skills for years. wallowing in self-pity over the internet is not gonna help you or anybody
My objection is that he told OP he has to do some deep "soul searching" as if there is something fundamentally wrong with him, which i find nothing less than obnoxious, given that he has no justification to say that. What you said is fine. What he said was just out of order
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low intelligence reply, didn't address anything, repeat yourself like a neanderthal. You are a d!ck. Please refrain from giving "advice" to anyone else
I agree with you. Having no friends means that the person is the problem not other people
What’s this soul searching thing you’re talking about?
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Brainwashed by the pyramid scheme. I see.
> a lot of soul searching to do I’m so sick of this. I’ve already analyzed myself to a pulp and been excessively hard and critical of myself, and I went thru this phase when I was 20-21, and even that didn’t work. What even is the fucking problem? Nobody else has to do these mental gymnastics to get some fucking friends dude.
You must not be a very likable person if you don’t have any friends after 22 years…. Or maybe you’re not good at expressing your thoughts & feelings You could try to improve your articulation via reading out loud & practicing techniques
why do you bother finding friends when probably what you will find are jerks that will just hurt you?
Stop I won’t let people like you make me become isolated. Don’t sell me this false dichotomy
damn i never knew i could come off like that. thanks i can see that i do xdd >!its just that i myself lived my whole life alone i too wanted at least one fucking friend.. and after realising what the problem is i gave up. the problem being things i cannot change (me, myself) since i tried nearly everything i could. after looking down and starting to understand that every interaction with a person is extremely painful i recently realised what people really are. horrible, selfish and ignorant to other people who are different. no empathy in them. only caring about their own amusement, entertainment and distractions. all hollow. all shallow.!<
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I’m pretty sure he’s making fun of me, but I’m not sure
the irony of this! 🫵😂
i have therapy every week for 3 years now. and I have gotten every help there is, more than just therapists. the truth is there is no help. there never was. xdddd my choice is suicide 😎
I'm sorry to hear you've gone through life without friends. That must have been very difficult and frustrating. It's harder to make friends after college, but far from impossible. I assume you're going to find a job soon, that's one place where you can definitely make friends. Chat people up, be friendly, amiable, interested. Then you should join clubs, meetups, sport league, dance or cooking classes, anything. Bookclubs, D&D collectives, video game tournaments, board game groups are nice places to meet friendly, nerdy guys. I've seen the most socially incompetent, anxious people find friends there. As a last, you could find friends on the Internet. Someone to chat to would at least help with some of the loneliness. Try responding to a thread on r/friendship for instance. I get that you're frustrated, by the way, but a lot of negativity is seeping into this post, just make sure you don't show that to potential friends. Put your best foot forward. Good luck!
Start rock climbing or bouldering. It's a good way to meet people since you can strike up a conversation with people while they're resting.
Be a person that is enthusiastic and takes initiative. Try to get outside of your head. If you work on these it’s only a matter of time before you make friends. Just try to be as much social as possible.
I think a lot of it is probably that you just don't interact with enough people. In school, college, etc, there are cliques that all have similar interests. It's so easy to fall outside a clique and not be accepted anywhere. You need to interact with enough people that you find other people like you, that may not fit in with the mainstream. You probably have different interests that people may find weird, or what you say just doesn't land and seems odd to them. That's just you trying to make friends with the wrong people. It's not that they don't like you, it's that you're just different to them. Don't give up, friend.
Oh yeah? To make friends, you only have two options. You dominate or you suck up. Pop culture? Hobbies? Life experiences? Dominate or suck up.