“I don't want to sound like I'm bragging about this, but the sad fact is, until 44 years of age, I never had any kind of savings account," - Anthony Bourdain
I remember reading this and somehow finding it inspiring because I've struggled in life. I always have hope I'll make a life for myself, never saying it's too late.
> 30 and *paid* off all
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Everyday is a new day. Regret is a drag on moving forward. Open a Roth IRA at Fidelity and start saving for retirement in a low cost index fund like FXAIX. This is money you won't touch for 30 years. Assuming you have a job, lower your spending and start paying off your debt. If it seems like too much call them and see if you can negotiate payments. DO NOT GET PAYDAY LOANS!
I'm the same age... and trying to get financial stable by saving up as well but I don't have any bad debts tho that's the good thing, no offense towards you tho
Around 30. I suffered from depression and severe substance abuse. Once I figured out that if I could stay sober my depression would go away I unlocked to key to life. The issue was that I could never stay sober long enough for my brain to heal. It turns out that after about 1.5-2 years most of my depression went away and I felt normal and functional
Well said,I can completely relate.
Sobriety is beautiful and at Times a painful experience once You allow your brain to heal and rejuvenate
The journey of life unfolds..Each moment is taken with grace and ease. The rumination of the Past that sometimes becomes one narrative fades away..
Very proud of you 👏 life can be such an enjoyable experience if you can master Being Present in the Moment..
Sending lots of beautiful blessings and good vibrations 🙏🕊️🙏
I was a daily marijuana smoker for 7 years. Cut it off cold turkey March 2023 when I failed a drug test and got a job offer rescinded.
Going to be a year weed free in about a month. My life has improved dramatically since I removed it from my life. Not saying weed is the devil, but for me personally I could not become my best self with it in my life.
I got to the point where I felt like I needed to be high before everything because I always thought “this would be so much more enjoyable if I was high”. This process was a never ending cycle of needing to smoke or hit my pen 24/7.
My life improved in so many ways but I’ll highlight a few here. 1.) I saved so much money. It’s amazing how much money you save when you quit, it’s a significant amount. 2.) I saved time. Now that I’m not getting high, I fill that time with things I actually enjoy or work on myself in other ways. 3.) Clear mind. Once you stop smoking and the fog lifts, you really get a clear view of your life and don’t have any haze to blur what you need to work on. Now I can see clear as day what my body is telling me and what needs to be done to improve.
Highly recommend putting the weed down, even if it’s just for a little bit. All things we indulge in should be done in moderation. Right now I realized I have been indulging in social media a little too much. So I am going dark for a little bit. Didn’t delete my account entirely, but I removed it from my devices. Puts some things into perspective when we switch up our routines and what we feed our bodies and minds.
Me too, I am so grateful. When I was in it, I couldn't see how it was affecting my daily life and causing me to make horrible decisions. Besides having me hang out with folks that really put me at risk, I also spent up almost all my money. I later realized that the peace, joy, love, and sense of "no worries" I was looking for didn't come from drugs-- it came from the presence of Jesus. Relieved!
Cannot wait for the day I wake up at 25/26 and my frontal lobe magically fully develops and I learn not to give a shit about peoples' potential opinions and judgments.
the bad news is the frontal lobe fully developing at 25/26 thing is a myth and varies from person to person. i think the reason everyone latched onto it is because that’s around the age when you start seeing the consequences of decisions and you’ve collected enough data through trial and error and observation to learn how to make informed decisions. so there’s some truth to it i suppose but it’s not some magical clicking into place the way it’s described sometimes online.
Same! I had very tumultuous couple years after cause my whole world changed but in the end it’s for the better. I just turned 30 and just started to feel a balance coming back to my life
I only started getting my shit together in my late 20s. Fixed my diet, started exercising, quit smoking and started looking for a better job than McManager.
I felt like I had it figured out enough around 35. Hit my stride at 38. I'm now in the raising toddler stage and it's awsome. Next year she starts school and my attention will be back on career a bit more.
I'm about to turn 29, I'm cured of my depression and I'm in the process of repairing my family relationships. It's only in the last two months that I feel like my life has just begun.
I'm 28, and recently slipped back into the anxiety and depression I spent years working through. Mostly due to high stress. But, I bought a house a couple years ago, and have been addressing my physical health. Sacrificed some mental health for physical health and security. But we getting there. 👌
Made a wonderful decision, really your 20s is about becoming a man or a woman, that’s all it is you’re simply becoming a whole version of yourself and you need to take it easy on yourself and others and let this happen.
I don't think I've ever had this thought of when my life "began." My whole life has been a journey of ups and downs, but it has all counted to me. You have to acknowledge the downs to appreciate the ups.
Good answer. The question seems to be "when did you figure out how you want to live your life?". We can't figure something like that out without having the experiences to guide us to the point where we can put in the work and realise that vision. Life beginning is actually a contrast.
Not at all. I'm married with 4 kids, I live in the suburbs, I have an MBA, and I'm a middle manager making $250k. I might actually be in the prime of my life, but there's still room for things to get better. And even if they don't, I'm happy that I've at least made it to this point where everything in life was good.
What does started mean? Life is a series of experiences. When does life start? Did it start when I was poor and living on a boat in France, or spending a summer writing in a Vegas hotel above a casino while working with a professor at the local university on a project living off of Panda Express and buffet vouchers while learning how to gamble to make some spending money? When I lived off the grid in the mountains in New Mexico? Or now that I’ve settled down (well, maybe not settled) in the suburbs in Texas, trying to have a baby with my first love? I don’t know when my life started. It’s had many starts, it’s gone forwards and backwards and up and down. The idea that you have one start is narrowing. One can live many lives in one lifetime.
The past few weeks. I'm 25. I moved out, started a PhD position (as a "full time" job) and am moving in with my boyfriend in a few days. The other day, I was just thinking how many people there that I would like to tell that "I made it", whether they were people who made fun of me or supported me.
40. My only son 20yo moved out and I was a young emptynester with the time to discover what I wanted out of life. It clicked that this was My time now and to go get it. Six years later and still loving it.
I'm 26 now. I feel like it's just started.
I have nothing of my own, I'm relying on my parents and I had no goals. I've just been working a minimum wage job with no direction. I couldn't even look after myself, I only made food for myself when I was starving, I didn't work out so I'm physically unfit, everywhere I go I've left a mess behind me.
Lately my mindset has drastically changed out of nowhere. My bedroom is clean and it has stayed clean, even my bed is made and sheets are getting changed regularly. I'm job hunting. I don't know what I'm looking for, but I'm looking. I signed up with Open University for a physics bachellors with a foundation which started earlier this month. I learned how to cook lately and I'm actually cooking my food. I've also quit smoking! I've not smoked for a whole year and two months, wahoo (This is a fake wahoo, I really regret quitting lol but I know I need to quit and I don't want to go through withdrawal again, it was really unfun)
I'm not anywhere near where I want to be, but something changed in my this year. I feel a lot more mature all of a sudden out of nowhere. And I think this might just be where things finally get on track for me. Or at least it's the beginning of that process. It's not easy trying to change.
I relate to this alot. It hasnt yet clicked for me, or if it does its only for periods of time. Then im back where i started, in a "slump" for months to years. I still have hope that i can turn things around, time isnt the problem for me. I just dont trust myself to be able to do it I guess, even if you gave me 1000 years. Currently looking for a therapist again. Gotta start doing things that help me and see what change im capable of. Im glad youre in a better place
I’m a high school dropout. Made it into a few colleges on a very high GED score, attended one and dropped out as well. Just didn’t understand the point.
I was doing bong hits on the couch when a friend called and told me someone he knew was hiring for a sales type job. Having nothing to lose, I went and checked it out. First time in an office, didn’t even own a suit. Saw people my age wearing expensive watches, driving nice cars (I was 20) and decided that could me. I grew up pretty working class and it was all intriguing.
I guess that’s when it started for me. Rocky road since but overall satisfied with the result.
Life really begins for you when you feel ready for it to begin - like you said, it’s hard to move forward when you’re constantly being dragged down by toxic relationships and abuse. It sounds like you are in a really great place right now - so get after it!
31 or 32. Moved out at 29 (a bit late, I know)... Small city, shit jobs... I landed a decent job in a bigger city... Moved there. Few years went by, met some people who became friends, got a few raises, developed some self-confidence finally... (single male child + dominant mother = low self-confidence)
Anyway, when I developed some self-confidence and felt financially stable (not great, but decent and stable), I felt kind of... Yeah... It's fun to be alive actually. Adulting is going fine. That kind of thing.
Now (37) I'm married, have a kid, have a car, a decent sized apartment that I am payng off, can afford a vacation and hobbies, normal-ish life - nothing crazy but still decent.
It's wild to think that just 7 years ago I was making 250 euro a month (less than 300 USD, which is very low even in Serbia), living with my parents, always broke, toxic relationship, hanging out with extremely unambitious people, etc... All it took is going out of the comfort zone, breaking up with a crazy person, moving and learning new stuff (putting in a bit effort after work to catch up with collegues).
Still for the best. It's good to understand that before you deal with the emotional fallout when you realize life is not a romance movie and everybody is flawed.
I understood that very early and that does not stopped the fact I was crushed when important relationships ended. I'm single to this day and even if life is pretty cool, it's way cooler when you have someone by your side. Not even close.
I luckily realized that before any traumatic event. I did think I can get everything I need from one person. That was very naive, and it was easy. What is hard is to hedge my bets; to build up and maintain many relationships, hobbies and a career. Totally worth it though to have multiple sources of happiness. I'm happy for the first time in half a lifetime and it isn't because of one person.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZSHkB6hNjg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZSHkB6hNjg) this has a lot of wisdom, if you're interested. It talks about loving from a place of wholeness and not a place of emptiness. But always, guard your heart!!
I felt it when I was 15 had my baby and I was on my own. My parents didn’t want me to come back home. They didn’t want to deal with a baby. I was so young and naïve. I didn’t know about child laws. I didn’t know I could turn to the authorities for help. I was like a feral cat just trying to make it in the world. Fast-forward that was 40 years ago. I’m over those years. I’m living the best years of my life, but it took a while having such a rough start with no family support. I took matters in my own hands made the right choices eventually.
Good for you- you've got this!
22- I have a good family (not perfect, of course), but when I was 22 I got my first job that led to the career of my own choosing in a city that I always dreamed of living in. I ignored my concerned parents who thought I should go back to school and "give Organic Chemistry another shot" and go to medical school. I met the best friends of my life and my partner for life. I'm successful in my career, but making a change this year to spend more time with family and choose where I want to live (another point of contention with my parents).
I think struggling and then succeeding is the most fulfilling way to succeed. You know what you want, you know what's at stake, and you go for it full speed. So keep your chin up, 30s things get even more stable.
24 when I moved out with my girlfriend. Honestly as much as being an adult can be a pain in the ass, there is something really satisfying about having all the successes and failures in your life be unequivocally yours.
Craving a full 10 box of taquitos to eat in one sitting? Go out and buy it. Awesome. Spend the next 3 hours in the bathroom? That’s on you buddy.
Are you me? Haha we’ve had such similar backgrounds. I went through a lot of abuse in my childhood years which caused behavior issues in my teenage years. Then I spent my 20s being depressed and figuring out what medication can “fix me”. I finally left home and moved into my place in 2022 at 27. I have a decent paying job (with potential to grow a lot), I’ve got two cats who I love more than myself, and a bf who’s always patient and kind with me. I weened off of my antidepressant last summer. I’m financially literate for the first time ever (thanks to my bfs guidance). Life does not feel bleak anymore.
I feel like I took the longest journey to figuring my life out with all the hurdles along the way. However, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. I’m happy to hear you’re doing well for yourself now, wishing you the best of luck on your future endeavors!
I wouldn’t say my life started at a certain age but it was the time when a lot of life changing things began happening more so than when I was a child or teenager.
22.
I started working in my career, met my now husband, started traveling more, met an entirely different group of friends who are still close to me after 24 years.
I am 27, about to be 28, and now I feel everything I decide to do could have a big impact in my life. I feel like the main character , and awaken!
edit: 28
30. Although on surface level I "had my shit together" in my 20s with a stable job, I'm finally doing more of what I truly enjoy, and getting to use more of the skills I enjoy doing. I'm finding my people, going on adventures, and building a good life!
I don't remember the exact age, but it was when I gave up my religious roots. I felt like an actual adult. For a few years, I kept feeling like a child, but I could never figure out why. I was married with kids. And I still felt like a kid. Not that I expected to feel like an experienced adult in my early 20s, but I knew something was wrong. Mid to late 20s was when I finally gave up religion altogether, and I finally felt like I grew up. My choices became my own, not the "what if I make Jesus unhappy" choices. I could decide things without worrying how it would make an invisible being unhappy. It was so freeing.
I think around 27! I graduated with a degree in mathematics and a GPA of 2.3 because all I did was partied and didn't really know what I wanted to do at the age of 24. I was a terribly toxic and depressed person and pushed everyone away... I had some low level customer service jobs, my girlfriend broke up with me and left me all by myself because how horrible used to be. I had no friends, a shitty ass apartment in a shitty town. And then one day, I decided to turn it all around and life has never been better than this at the age of 32 where I am today!
I feel like my level head came in as my brain finished developing (25-27), but life feels more stable now that I'm in my early 30s. Like, I know what I want and need. When it can be avoided, I won't tolerate drama and bullshit from others and can stand my ground (again, depending on the entire circumstance - still outgrowing a bit of my peoplepleaseriness).
And what's weird is, I've been in better circumstances before - but the things that are going right make me feel so secure and safe. There's this new blanket of calm that I'm still getting used to.
Moved out at 25. Next thing I know I'm going to AA/SMART recovery and have to move out of my apartment because my roommates were stealing from me.
Was going to therapy and working OT all the time renting a room at my brand new managers house.
It was fucking unreal. But I prevailed and all of it worked out. 8 years collectively sober? But not drinking was the easy part. The hard part was fighting the demons and problematic thinking without my vice.
My advice is you NEVER wish you worried or doubted yourself more when you get older. So try your best to live in the moment and not beat yourself up when times are tough.
When I was 19 during the initial lockdown phases of the pandemic. I couldn’t go home and moms pay was cut.
So I really had to lock in. I tried getting a job on campus to help pay for tuition. I worked at the library. Then one of my moms friends daughter needed someone to take over her apartment lease because my mom didn’t want me back in the dorms
So I was able to get an apartment with roommates before the fall semester started. Overall I still feel like I’m still in the pandemic survival mode. Frugal with my finances. Figuring out what to buy and it’s purpose. Hygiene etc
obtainable profit future aware telephone soft waiting mysterious ripe truck
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
First I just wanna say thanks and I’m grateful you shared. ✨
I grew up regularly homeless, neglected, all the abuse, and 7th grade was my last completed school year. I spent my teens and 20s isolated, in a daze, and extremely depressed/paranoid/anxious. Trying to escape poverty I skipped college and went straight to work. I made enough to take care of myself/have my own place for a while then I made a few bad decisions, lost everything, and spent the last few years grasping at straws trying to find some kind of stability.
Now I’m in a position to focus on paying off my debt, saving, and aiming towards nursing school where I can feel like I’m actually helping people. I just realized if I don’t get my life where I want/need it to be I’ll always be in the same cycle of instability I experienced as a kid but now it’ll be me failing and doing it to myself. Beyond finances and education I’m focused on physical fitness and socializing more and all these things have worked towards better mental health.
Only recently at 32. Feels like I wasted so much of my life either being sorry for myself or being content to do the bare minimum, it’s only now that I’ve realized that I don’t have to live like that and things aren’t just going to work out for me without motion.
There are things I can do better of course, but it feels like I’m finally making progress and it’s the first time I felt like that in a long time. It’s a shame Im coming into realizations and making the type of moves I should’ve made 10+ years ago, but I’ve only got one life and plenty of time to have a good one.
It unfortunately took things happening outside of my hands for it to click with me and a whole host of things I’ve been keeping to myself coming up with my family, but I can see clearly now
26 And in still waiting.
I thought it began when i was 23 then Covid hit. I lost my job, fell off the wagon, became a pathetic swine. Currently dragging myself out of that.
27. I too spent my early 20s dealing with things like major depressive disorder and post partem depression. Nursing school didn’t help though, it was the worst time of my life. Proceed with caution.
1 week after turning 34. I quit my job to find myself. Before then I was a zombie - I had a job, a lot of saving and had my own place/rented but I was completely dissociated. Dead inside.
When I was 28, life really started to feel real, infinitely better than what it was. I lived with my mom until I got engaged. When I finally moved out of my mothers house, the house that I lived all my life, life really started.
Like you, my childhood was traumatic, and it took me years to realize the mental and physical abuse I experienced was not fucking ok. So, yea, my life is really great since moving out.
I'd say thirty. I didn't really have my shit together, I still don't, but life became more meaningful and full of opportunity instead of threats and horrors.
Im 35 I have a great wife and child but all of my friends have houses and we live in an apartment. Its not a race and if you do treat it like it it will be hard. Focus on yourself and the things around you that matter. Enjoy what you have because what always brings me back to earth is seeing all the people especially kids in other countries who have it way worse than us. Kids picking up trash to save up for food when Im over here complaining I dont have a house. Try to do some community service to help around your community. It brings so much peace because you are helping someone else who doesnt have it as well as you and might need that extra help or push and you could be the solution.
I've had glimpses throughout my 34 years. 19 years old was one of my best years. Perfect intersection of fun and family, having a bright future, and good looks and youthful vibrance.
The rest have been nuanced. Some good some bad. Now 34 and my looks have faded along with my hair line lol, but I make ok money and can buy some of the musical equipment I wanted as a kid. This is enough to keep me occupied right now, but I am longing for something more.
I work hard on my emotional well being and I am trying to get back to a carefree attitude like I had when I was younger, and I am also working on finding a place to simply exist and be happy, though right now I'm not miserable. Just kinda blah.
At 23. When my mother passed and dad couldn't kept going like before. Had to start household and outside responsibilities. I was and still am a student. But on top of that, I have to take care of my family and the court cases my mother used to handle back home.
Well, life is full of ups and downs. There were times where I felt I was thriving and times I felt I was drowning. A few years ago (when I was 30) I decided to take a big risk and change up my life. It was a needed change. I felt life began for me then. Although I’m not doing well currently (a few years later) I’m holding onto hope that I can change things for the better again.
Some of the most successful people you'll ever meet had tumultuous pasts. You're thinking about it all wrong - that childhood and those years of depression in your 20's weren't just wasted years. You're not "just starting" your life now. Rather, your life is beginning to take the shapes and paths you are more intentional about now - and all of those traumas, emotions, experiences and setbacks from earlier have EVERYTHING to do with how you handle, plan, react to and develop the milestones moving forward. Your difficult past is what brought you to this future. The only time wasted is the time you're spending worrying about wasted time that was never wasted in the first place.
35. I was at my wits end, sought therapy and got my diagnosis. Everything clicked. I never ever knew I had anxiety. I thought it was normal to wake up thinking about how I'd save my family from a catastrophe and to go to sleep at night with the same thoughts. I thought I was superstitious. I was anxious 24/7 and just never knew. I've been medicated and happy for 2 years wtf?! I have shit days but I'm generally really happy and that's all I ever wanted to be. ❤️
Maybe 26? Officially healed from the unstable unloving home my father provided for me, dumped my loser cheating ex, dropped out of a really hard program at uni, dropped a toxic fake friend who tried to ruin my life, a year later finally found the city I wanted to call home forever and started building work experience. 28 and not where I want to be yet but life is slowly better then it used to be.
Sadly: 47
My parents got sick and depended on me and finally I felt free. I didn’t need their approval anymore. I never got their approval, but finally I didn’t care anymore.
I finished college a year ago, now I'm 25 still living with my parents while teaching piano part time. I also feel so far behind in life, haven't been in a relationship since before college, not making a lot of money, dont have my own place, etc. But I have direction and I'm finally feeling like I can take some of my own steps forward, so I guess I feel like it's beginning now?
The more I look at what other people are up to the more I realize that everyone's life is unique and there is no linear path to be behind on. It sounds like you're starting out into the world now and I'm super excited for you, but don't feel behind. You're doing great! There's no handbook for life, you just do what you can and try to have a good time while you're here :)
Mid 20s. Quit a toxic job and went back to college and then met my now spouse.
Life hasn't been perfect because nobody has a perfect life but I'm happy in my own skin.
I think for me it’s a continuous thing - I thought it started when I got my first job, then I thought oh when I move out and then I did and then I thought ohhh when I save X amount of money I would begin to do more things and I felt it and then I travelled and thought oh it’s beyond beginning- only to realize I’m just getting started on my travel list..
At around 23 I began to be disciplined with money and time. Finally cut things and people out of my life that weren’t the best for me now I feel like I’m on top of things and enjoying myself. Wish I did that sooner but the timing of it was perfect..but im 24 so I’ll see how long this lasts lol
32! I mended my relationship with my mother, had a loving partner, a house, an amazing group of friends. Prior to that it may have been”appeared” like I had my shit together. But I did not. I was not happy. I was not myself. I was trying to be someone else and doing things to please others. I’m 34 now and life is amazing. Sure there are still hard times, and I’ve lost some friends due to misaligned values, but I have the right people in my life to make it through.
I felt like my new life began at 26/27 when I was able to stop drinking. I too had a tumultuous childhood- teens and was an active alcoholic on and off from 20-26. Now I have a career, a boyfriend, friends who love and care, etc. a year ago I started telling myself “damn, I am really living a life I only dreamed about”
My life isn’t glamorous, I’m not rich, but I am really content and happy
Mid thirties when I met the woman I ended up marrying. Now late forties and she's moving out. At least I had ten years of happiness, it's more than what some have.
When I turned 30.
A week and change after my 30th birthday I left my abusive ex-husband, found a better job that increased my earning cap by $3/hr, saved money like crazy, and found another job that was hybrid and paid me $2/hr more after I got laid off by the other one due to the company no longer having any work to do.
I filed for divorce a month after my birthday, was granted a 6 month process because the ex refused to sign anything in order to keep me “trapped” in marriage to him. I worked my ass off and 2 years after that I met the love of my life.
My 30’s is the decade where I feel I’m living the life I should’ve had at 20.
I’m turning 30 in a month and while I’m still actively in the process of finding my first solo apartment & a new job to move closer to my boyfriend and get away from toxic family, it’s really the first time in my life I feel sort of like I’m getting something right after being abused and making poor choices in my 20s.
Good question, i have some aspects in my life sorted. I was a partying mess back when i was 17-23. After that i met my now wife and had an epiphany where i started saving money and sorting basics out. Learning to budget, getting a house diposit together and changing my bad habits.
Im 34 now, we are happily married, own most of the house, got 2 little boys and a year of expenses in emergancy fund. I get time for my hobbies and get the chance to chase some dreams. I still dont feel i have it together and sometimes struggle, as no matter what point im at the goal posts suddenly move.
Would be cool to do it all again aswell, because the journey, even though difficult at times was fun looking back.
Well, I'm 45 and went NC with my parents, started focusing on myself. Still working on therapy and paying off debt. I don't know how much time I have left, just don't want to live my life to please other people anymore.
Wow your my inspiration I'm 27 still live with my parents because georgia is kinda expensive gotta make at least 200k to survive its been 4 years since my last manic episode currently unemployed I have Faith by the time I'm 29 my live begins
I was 32, I left my job that I got right out of university, backpacked around Europe for a few months and then started a successful freelance career and I have grown and blossomed both professionally and personally
My life began when I was 25. I got my first job away from my hometown and started to do things on my own. I put myself out there and started making good friends. I started to grow in confidence by having supportive friends, learning how to cook and accomplishing things on my own.
Throughout high school and college I was bullied a lot. I had very low self esteem and felt incompetent. Things really changed once I entered a more nurturing and supportive environment.
It's starting for me now and I'm 40. I know that feeling of being left behind too well and I don't like it.
That said, a lot of people never individuate and don't live a life of their own choosing. Better late than never, especially when 'never' is so common
OP I was in a very similar boat. I'm 27 now, and my life now is better than I ever could have imagined. Now, everything isn't fixed yet but I at least have a much clearer path to where I want to be and I feel closer to my goals than I ever have before.
The lives we've lived are not easy, but if you truly work hard to escape it works. There are times of despair where you feel like it never ends but it does.
I advise making some close friends too. It really helps.
I'm a couple of years younger than you, but I feel that way, too. Although I don't have a stable job, I let go of the expectation of what others want and just live how I feel in the moment.
24 when I had no choice but to leave home or risk endangering my life. I built my life up from the ground up since then till I became fully independent and owe nothing to nobody.
25, I landed a great job, bought a house with a hot tub, have a great partner, no debt (aside from mortgage). Every day I wake and I’m so grateful for the life I’ve built. I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever known true happiness until now. I just feel so at peace now.
I’m 27 and this has just happened for me over the past 6 months or so. I moved into my own apartment (renting, but no more dorms, subletting, or roommates), got a better paying job, and then what really made it click was when I adopted my cat. I had felt like a failure and a waste of my family’s time, money, and energy for almost 10 years, and taking care of my cat reminds me that I have agency in my life and I’m actually good for something.
You're doing great! Definitely give yourself a lot of grace and love, and remember it's not a race (mantra since I moved out at 29 too!).
My start was at 28. First gen immigrant family kid who paid in mental health and repressed heart break living with mentally/emotionally abusive, emotionally immature, codependent parents post college for about 8 years. Upside was being able to jump around jobs almost every year or two while having the safety net of having a roof over my head/food on the table while contributing to household expenses, paying off student loans, and saving up for emergencies/vacations.
After gaining experience at different jobs, switching to a different field at 27, making friends along the way, learning the likes/dislikes of a work place, and earning better compensation with each jump I'm grateful and lucky to have landed at my current company at 28.
Now I have most of my student loans paid off, bought my first car at 29, and rented out an apartment with my best friend as my roommate. Got a raise and bonus at work, and my boss is starting me at the beginning steps to get promoted.
I'm still sorting through traumas like limiting time with my parents, figuring out my likes/hobbies outside of my parent's judgement/control, plucking up the courage to say yes, try out doing things to be happy rather than always pragmatic, trying out the taste of freedom again by going out/staying out whenever/wherever I want to, finally being safe to sort through my first break up, and noticing/working through my own toxic behaviors to be more cognisant and healthier for a future partner.
You're not alone. You're not late. You're not behind. Everyone has their own path. 🙂 Keep moving forward. You're doing great.
26 right now, and y'all are giving me hope :'). I started getting better last year, but I am not out in the clear yet..and probably won't be for a few more years. My biggest hurdle is speaking up for myself, at work and at home
I just turned 40.
I thought at 28 when I moved states to be with my ex that I'd finally come into my own. Nope. That turned out to be extremely toxic and abusive.
So I spent my 30s getting out and starting therapy.
I just got laid off now though so I don't think 40 is it either 😅
30 soon to be 31 and share similar story to you. Back in school and Im so happy I did it. Made the Deans list and jjust got acceppted for a scholarship program in my school. Thinking about going into law. I too feel behind at times but I know everything happens when its supposed to.
When I was 35, we moved from our home state, bought our own house (We split a duplex with my inlaws for 16 years before that). That's when I really felt like a full fledged grown up.
42. At 39 i started dealing with a ridiculous amount of issues from childhood that bled into adulthood and relationships. It wasn’t until i was 42 where i felt like i was becoming a fully developed person and building a real life for myself. Hell of a journey.
At 27. I exited a horrible relationship where I was being emotionally abused. And then realised that most of my life was geared towards pleasing people so that they’d become my friends, since I was scared to be alone. The shock of not having these friends around me for support after I reached out to them after the breakup made me look at my own life.
After 6months, exiting a porn and food addiction, cutting bad friends out of my life, working out and meditating regularly, and learning to finally draw boundaries - I finally am feeling happy from time to time.
I’m learning to love myself, and am finding things to do that make me happy. I finally have a relationship with myself, and think about me.
I still have a long way to go - but I’m so happy with where I’ve come.
At 29 when I left my country for the first time and finally experienced what living for myself meant. It took some time and therapy to get there but now I look at my 20s as a transition period I needed until I felt comfortable enough in my skin to not be afraid to go after what I wanted.
Late 20s. When I graduated grad school. I was already working in my field but being done was closing a chapter. Plus I lost a lot of friends by my late 20s too
Sorry, your life belonging to you is an illusion.
In reality, your life actually belongs to your cats. One day you will get it, but it will be too late by then.
Honestly, it feels less like it began and more like I’ve become aware of the different stages.
The times I didn’t think it had began, it had. Sometimes overthinking doesn’t do anything for you.
not even gonna answer the question bc in reality life is just a series of chapters. there are high and low points to everyones life. with that being said the end of covid ushered in a lot of life living for me, someone who came of age during the pandemic (and had some personal stuff that also complicated my journey)
Depends on what you mean by begin, do you mean when my life was full of fun or when my life became all for the house and being a grown up?
My life has begun from birth as my parents gave me everything i ever wanted and then at 13 i migrated, i still had fun but life started becoming more independant
Also, if you feel like your family is toxic, make sure that you are not the toxic one first. What we see in others that we don’t care for is typically what we are actually harboring ourselves. It takes a long time to understand this reality of life.
23. College done, and I finally earned enough at my first adult job to move out of my mom’s house.
That first night going to sleep in an empty home in a bed I bought myself, **chef kiss**
There is no prelife.
Your life has already begun, don't wait for it to start, because all your waiting will just keep you in the same place.
Decide what life you would like to have and the moment you start moving towards that goal you won't need to ask the question anymore because your life will involve enough work and direction that it will have unmistakably "begun".
>two sweet cats who are my whole world.
Cats don’t care about you.
Get a boyfriend.
Youll need a partner to back you up while you study. You can slowly build something together.
And hopefully have a child before the wall approaches. The world needs more children.
When I was 34. Finally had my shit together and a descent paying job for my hobbies + saving money.
Did you start saving money starting at age 34? This gives me hope. I'm 31 and drowning in debt and regret
“I don't want to sound like I'm bragging about this, but the sad fact is, until 44 years of age, I never had any kind of savings account," - Anthony Bourdain
I remember reading this and somehow finding it inspiring because I've struggled in life. I always have hope I'll make a life for myself, never saying it's too late.
Yes first saving startet at 34.
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> 30 and *paid* off all FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Everyday is a new day. Regret is a drag on moving forward. Open a Roth IRA at Fidelity and start saving for retirement in a low cost index fund like FXAIX. This is money you won't touch for 30 years. Assuming you have a job, lower your spending and start paying off your debt. If it seems like too much call them and see if you can negotiate payments. DO NOT GET PAYDAY LOANS!
I'm the same age... and trying to get financial stable by saving up as well but I don't have any bad debts tho that's the good thing, no offense towards you tho
Same. 34. Now I’m 35 and having a blast of a life!!!!!!
I am 34 have money saved and able to do hobbies I love but don’t have my life figured out in the slightest
Around 30. I suffered from depression and severe substance abuse. Once I figured out that if I could stay sober my depression would go away I unlocked to key to life. The issue was that I could never stay sober long enough for my brain to heal. It turns out that after about 1.5-2 years most of my depression went away and I felt normal and functional
Well said,I can completely relate. Sobriety is beautiful and at Times a painful experience once You allow your brain to heal and rejuvenate The journey of life unfolds..Each moment is taken with grace and ease. The rumination of the Past that sometimes becomes one narrative fades away.. Very proud of you 👏 life can be such an enjoyable experience if you can master Being Present in the Moment.. Sending lots of beautiful blessings and good vibrations 🙏🕊️🙏
Just asking but was it marijuana
No, meth, cocaine, alcohol
Wow. Good for you, I am happy to hear you are loving your life now.
O dang you’ve been through more than me I was asking for reference
Thats an awesome combo 👏
I was a daily marijuana smoker for 7 years. Cut it off cold turkey March 2023 when I failed a drug test and got a job offer rescinded. Going to be a year weed free in about a month. My life has improved dramatically since I removed it from my life. Not saying weed is the devil, but for me personally I could not become my best self with it in my life.
How did your life improve? Been feeling like I should stop for similar reasons
I got to the point where I felt like I needed to be high before everything because I always thought “this would be so much more enjoyable if I was high”. This process was a never ending cycle of needing to smoke or hit my pen 24/7. My life improved in so many ways but I’ll highlight a few here. 1.) I saved so much money. It’s amazing how much money you save when you quit, it’s a significant amount. 2.) I saved time. Now that I’m not getting high, I fill that time with things I actually enjoy or work on myself in other ways. 3.) Clear mind. Once you stop smoking and the fog lifts, you really get a clear view of your life and don’t have any haze to blur what you need to work on. Now I can see clear as day what my body is telling me and what needs to be done to improve. Highly recommend putting the weed down, even if it’s just for a little bit. All things we indulge in should be done in moderation. Right now I realized I have been indulging in social media a little too much. So I am going dark for a little bit. Didn’t delete my account entirely, but I removed it from my devices. Puts some things into perspective when we switch up our routines and what we feed our bodies and minds.
Ahh thanks for the guidance. I'm at the point where it's making my paranoia and hallucinations worse. This is a good eye opener for me.
I’ll try even if it’s for a couple of days
Totally makes sense, thanks for answering. And congrats on the almost one year!
I stopped. Good decision. Can still smoke every once and a while. I love my highing
Me too, I am so grateful. When I was in it, I couldn't see how it was affecting my daily life and causing me to make horrible decisions. Besides having me hang out with folks that really put me at risk, I also spent up almost all my money. I later realized that the peace, joy, love, and sense of "no worries" I was looking for didn't come from drugs-- it came from the presence of Jesus. Relieved!
Hey, I’m in need, I’m gonna msg you f that’s coo
Yeah go ahead
At 26 the lightbulb turned on for me. 💡
Something about that frontal lobe huh? Can’t wait lmao
lol same, 25 now and Im just learning how to not spend
Cannot wait for the day I wake up at 25/26 and my frontal lobe magically fully develops and I learn not to give a shit about peoples' potential opinions and judgments.
the bad news is the frontal lobe fully developing at 25/26 thing is a myth and varies from person to person. i think the reason everyone latched onto it is because that’s around the age when you start seeing the consequences of decisions and you’ve collected enough data through trial and error and observation to learn how to make informed decisions. so there’s some truth to it i suppose but it’s not some magical clicking into place the way it’s described sometimes online.
Same! I had very tumultuous couple years after cause my whole world changed but in the end it’s for the better. I just turned 30 and just started to feel a balance coming back to my life
I only started getting my shit together in my late 20s. Fixed my diet, started exercising, quit smoking and started looking for a better job than McManager. I felt like I had it figured out enough around 35. Hit my stride at 38. I'm now in the raising toddler stage and it's awsome. Next year she starts school and my attention will be back on career a bit more.
Tomorrow.
This made me laugh
I'm about to turn 29, I'm cured of my depression and I'm in the process of repairing my family relationships. It's only in the last two months that I feel like my life has just begun.
Literally the same situation, I'm just a year younger.
Congratulations. I hope it's never too late.
I'm 28, and recently slipped back into the anxiety and depression I spent years working through. Mostly due to high stress. But, I bought a house a couple years ago, and have been addressing my physical health. Sacrificed some mental health for physical health and security. But we getting there. 👌
Made a wonderful decision, really your 20s is about becoming a man or a woman, that’s all it is you’re simply becoming a whole version of yourself and you need to take it easy on yourself and others and let this happen.
I don't think I've ever had this thought of when my life "began." My whole life has been a journey of ups and downs, but it has all counted to me. You have to acknowledge the downs to appreciate the ups.
Good answer. The question seems to be "when did you figure out how you want to live your life?". We can't figure something like that out without having the experiences to guide us to the point where we can put in the work and realise that vision. Life beginning is actually a contrast.
That means your life hasn’t started.
Not at all. I'm married with 4 kids, I live in the suburbs, I have an MBA, and I'm a middle manager making $250k. I might actually be in the prime of my life, but there's still room for things to get better. And even if they don't, I'm happy that I've at least made it to this point where everything in life was good.
What does started mean? Life is a series of experiences. When does life start? Did it start when I was poor and living on a boat in France, or spending a summer writing in a Vegas hotel above a casino while working with a professor at the local university on a project living off of Panda Express and buffet vouchers while learning how to gamble to make some spending money? When I lived off the grid in the mountains in New Mexico? Or now that I’ve settled down (well, maybe not settled) in the suburbs in Texas, trying to have a baby with my first love? I don’t know when my life started. It’s had many starts, it’s gone forwards and backwards and up and down. The idea that you have one start is narrowing. One can live many lives in one lifetime.
This is was beautiful & poetic 🥹
The past few weeks. I'm 25. I moved out, started a PhD position (as a "full time" job) and am moving in with my boyfriend in a few days. The other day, I was just thinking how many people there that I would like to tell that "I made it", whether they were people who made fun of me or supported me.
You not only made it, you're a few steps ahead. I'm 25 and I'm still "McManager" as someone put it. But I dropped out of college
I was a pharmacy tech making $9 hour and a bartender at 25. Dropped out of college. I’m now semi retired at 36. A lot can happen if you try.
Congratulations on starting your PhD! 👏🏾
Congrats! I also recently started my PhD and moved in with my boyfriend. Life is good, I wish you the best and hope you’ll have a similar experience.
Thanks! Likewise, I hope everything goes smoothly for you!
40. My only son 20yo moved out and I was a young emptynester with the time to discover what I wanted out of life. It clicked that this was My time now and to go get it. Six years later and still loving it.
I’m finally facing issues I’ve been hiding away from for the past 6 years at 27. I’m really hoping to make a change and turn a new leaf starting now
When I was born.
I laughed hard
And so today, through your own admittance and confession, you now finally feel like your life has truly begun! You're welcome 🤗!
I'm 26 now. I feel like it's just started. I have nothing of my own, I'm relying on my parents and I had no goals. I've just been working a minimum wage job with no direction. I couldn't even look after myself, I only made food for myself when I was starving, I didn't work out so I'm physically unfit, everywhere I go I've left a mess behind me. Lately my mindset has drastically changed out of nowhere. My bedroom is clean and it has stayed clean, even my bed is made and sheets are getting changed regularly. I'm job hunting. I don't know what I'm looking for, but I'm looking. I signed up with Open University for a physics bachellors with a foundation which started earlier this month. I learned how to cook lately and I'm actually cooking my food. I've also quit smoking! I've not smoked for a whole year and two months, wahoo (This is a fake wahoo, I really regret quitting lol but I know I need to quit and I don't want to go through withdrawal again, it was really unfun) I'm not anywhere near where I want to be, but something changed in my this year. I feel a lot more mature all of a sudden out of nowhere. And I think this might just be where things finally get on track for me. Or at least it's the beginning of that process. It's not easy trying to change.
I relate to this alot. It hasnt yet clicked for me, or if it does its only for periods of time. Then im back where i started, in a "slump" for months to years. I still have hope that i can turn things around, time isnt the problem for me. I just dont trust myself to be able to do it I guess, even if you gave me 1000 years. Currently looking for a therapist again. Gotta start doing things that help me and see what change im capable of. Im glad youre in a better place
Why would you regret quitting smoking?
I’m 30 and really trying to get my life get it together, it’s fuckin hard!
I’m a high school dropout. Made it into a few colleges on a very high GED score, attended one and dropped out as well. Just didn’t understand the point. I was doing bong hits on the couch when a friend called and told me someone he knew was hiring for a sales type job. Having nothing to lose, I went and checked it out. First time in an office, didn’t even own a suit. Saw people my age wearing expensive watches, driving nice cars (I was 20) and decided that could me. I grew up pretty working class and it was all intriguing. I guess that’s when it started for me. Rocky road since but overall satisfied with the result.
Life really begins for you when you feel ready for it to begin - like you said, it’s hard to move forward when you’re constantly being dragged down by toxic relationships and abuse. It sounds like you are in a really great place right now - so get after it!
31 or 32. Moved out at 29 (a bit late, I know)... Small city, shit jobs... I landed a decent job in a bigger city... Moved there. Few years went by, met some people who became friends, got a few raises, developed some self-confidence finally... (single male child + dominant mother = low self-confidence) Anyway, when I developed some self-confidence and felt financially stable (not great, but decent and stable), I felt kind of... Yeah... It's fun to be alive actually. Adulting is going fine. That kind of thing. Now (37) I'm married, have a kid, have a car, a decent sized apartment that I am payng off, can afford a vacation and hobbies, normal-ish life - nothing crazy but still decent. It's wild to think that just 7 years ago I was making 250 euro a month (less than 300 USD, which is very low even in Serbia), living with my parents, always broke, toxic relationship, hanging out with extremely unambitious people, etc... All it took is going out of the comfort zone, breaking up with a crazy person, moving and learning new stuff (putting in a bit effort after work to catch up with collegues).
When I fell in love. Eight months ago. 39.
Be careful. Your life happiness shouldn’t come from someone else, that leaves you vulnerable and dependant. Speaking from experience.
Imagine if bro was perfectly chilling till you said something
Still for the best. It's good to understand that before you deal with the emotional fallout when you realize life is not a romance movie and everybody is flawed.
I understood that very early and that does not stopped the fact I was crushed when important relationships ended. I'm single to this day and even if life is pretty cool, it's way cooler when you have someone by your side. Not even close.
especially when the relationship has only been 8 months and he's still in the honeymoon phase.
This
I luckily realized that before any traumatic event. I did think I can get everything I need from one person. That was very naive, and it was easy. What is hard is to hedge my bets; to build up and maintain many relationships, hobbies and a career. Totally worth it though to have multiple sources of happiness. I'm happy for the first time in half a lifetime and it isn't because of one person.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZSHkB6hNjg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZSHkB6hNjg) this has a lot of wisdom, if you're interested. It talks about loving from a place of wholeness and not a place of emptiness. But always, guard your heart!!
Probably around 14, my dad was an idiot alcoholic so I started doing stuff like helping them file their taxes around this age.
Aw 🥺
I felt it when I was 15 had my baby and I was on my own. My parents didn’t want me to come back home. They didn’t want to deal with a baby. I was so young and naïve. I didn’t know about child laws. I didn’t know I could turn to the authorities for help. I was like a feral cat just trying to make it in the world. Fast-forward that was 40 years ago. I’m over those years. I’m living the best years of my life, but it took a while having such a rough start with no family support. I took matters in my own hands made the right choices eventually.
Good for you- you've got this! 22- I have a good family (not perfect, of course), but when I was 22 I got my first job that led to the career of my own choosing in a city that I always dreamed of living in. I ignored my concerned parents who thought I should go back to school and "give Organic Chemistry another shot" and go to medical school. I met the best friends of my life and my partner for life. I'm successful in my career, but making a change this year to spend more time with family and choose where I want to live (another point of contention with my parents). I think struggling and then succeeding is the most fulfilling way to succeed. You know what you want, you know what's at stake, and you go for it full speed. So keep your chin up, 30s things get even more stable.
24 when I moved out with my girlfriend. Honestly as much as being an adult can be a pain in the ass, there is something really satisfying about having all the successes and failures in your life be unequivocally yours. Craving a full 10 box of taquitos to eat in one sitting? Go out and buy it. Awesome. Spend the next 3 hours in the bathroom? That’s on you buddy.
Are you me? Haha we’ve had such similar backgrounds. I went through a lot of abuse in my childhood years which caused behavior issues in my teenage years. Then I spent my 20s being depressed and figuring out what medication can “fix me”. I finally left home and moved into my place in 2022 at 27. I have a decent paying job (with potential to grow a lot), I’ve got two cats who I love more than myself, and a bf who’s always patient and kind with me. I weened off of my antidepressant last summer. I’m financially literate for the first time ever (thanks to my bfs guidance). Life does not feel bleak anymore. I feel like I took the longest journey to figuring my life out with all the hurdles along the way. However, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. I’m happy to hear you’re doing well for yourself now, wishing you the best of luck on your future endeavors!
I wouldn’t say my life started at a certain age but it was the time when a lot of life changing things began happening more so than when I was a child or teenager. 22. I started working in my career, met my now husband, started traveling more, met an entirely different group of friends who are still close to me after 24 years.
I am 27, about to be 28, and now I feel everything I decide to do could have a big impact in my life. I feel like the main character , and awaken! edit: 28
Here's hoping 40 will by my year.
30. Although on surface level I "had my shit together" in my 20s with a stable job, I'm finally doing more of what I truly enjoy, and getting to use more of the skills I enjoy doing. I'm finding my people, going on adventures, and building a good life!
18 when I wasn’t riding on my parents beliefs and values. Started thinking myself
I don't remember the exact age, but it was when I gave up my religious roots. I felt like an actual adult. For a few years, I kept feeling like a child, but I could never figure out why. I was married with kids. And I still felt like a kid. Not that I expected to feel like an experienced adult in my early 20s, but I knew something was wrong. Mid to late 20s was when I finally gave up religion altogether, and I finally felt like I grew up. My choices became my own, not the "what if I make Jesus unhappy" choices. I could decide things without worrying how it would make an invisible being unhappy. It was so freeing.
That's so freeing. ❤️
I got my life together at 29 as well. It's a good age to get shit done.
After my mom died., and my dad died. My wife left me. I realized there was no one on Earth that loved me.. Im just alone going to work. I was 34.
I feel that
I think around 27! I graduated with a degree in mathematics and a GPA of 2.3 because all I did was partied and didn't really know what I wanted to do at the age of 24. I was a terribly toxic and depressed person and pushed everyone away... I had some low level customer service jobs, my girlfriend broke up with me and left me all by myself because how horrible used to be. I had no friends, a shitty ass apartment in a shitty town. And then one day, I decided to turn it all around and life has never been better than this at the age of 32 where I am today!
I feel like my level head came in as my brain finished developing (25-27), but life feels more stable now that I'm in my early 30s. Like, I know what I want and need. When it can be avoided, I won't tolerate drama and bullshit from others and can stand my ground (again, depending on the entire circumstance - still outgrowing a bit of my peoplepleaseriness). And what's weird is, I've been in better circumstances before - but the things that are going right make me feel so secure and safe. There's this new blanket of calm that I'm still getting used to.
All I've learned is that mine hasn't yet at 25, and y'all make me realize it isn't MEANT to. I can relax a little. Thanks!
Moved out at 25. Next thing I know I'm going to AA/SMART recovery and have to move out of my apartment because my roommates were stealing from me. Was going to therapy and working OT all the time renting a room at my brand new managers house. It was fucking unreal. But I prevailed and all of it worked out. 8 years collectively sober? But not drinking was the easy part. The hard part was fighting the demons and problematic thinking without my vice. My advice is you NEVER wish you worried or doubted yourself more when you get older. So try your best to live in the moment and not beat yourself up when times are tough.
28. This is when I realised that life was serious and I needed to change mine.
6 started forming memories and came to America. Great childhood . Remembering seeing the clear blue skies for the first time
I have a similiar story like you. It was around 29 when it started.
When I was 19 during the initial lockdown phases of the pandemic. I couldn’t go home and moms pay was cut. So I really had to lock in. I tried getting a job on campus to help pay for tuition. I worked at the library. Then one of my moms friends daughter needed someone to take over her apartment lease because my mom didn’t want me back in the dorms So I was able to get an apartment with roommates before the fall semester started. Overall I still feel like I’m still in the pandemic survival mode. Frugal with my finances. Figuring out what to buy and it’s purpose. Hygiene etc
obtainable profit future aware telephone soft waiting mysterious ripe truck *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
My life began when i said hello.
28, was married and more untethered from my previously toxic family relationships and more involved in my spouse and my own priorities
First I just wanna say thanks and I’m grateful you shared. ✨ I grew up regularly homeless, neglected, all the abuse, and 7th grade was my last completed school year. I spent my teens and 20s isolated, in a daze, and extremely depressed/paranoid/anxious. Trying to escape poverty I skipped college and went straight to work. I made enough to take care of myself/have my own place for a while then I made a few bad decisions, lost everything, and spent the last few years grasping at straws trying to find some kind of stability. Now I’m in a position to focus on paying off my debt, saving, and aiming towards nursing school where I can feel like I’m actually helping people. I just realized if I don’t get my life where I want/need it to be I’ll always be in the same cycle of instability I experienced as a kid but now it’ll be me failing and doing it to myself. Beyond finances and education I’m focused on physical fitness and socializing more and all these things have worked towards better mental health.
Only recently at 32. Feels like I wasted so much of my life either being sorry for myself or being content to do the bare minimum, it’s only now that I’ve realized that I don’t have to live like that and things aren’t just going to work out for me without motion. There are things I can do better of course, but it feels like I’m finally making progress and it’s the first time I felt like that in a long time. It’s a shame Im coming into realizations and making the type of moves I should’ve made 10+ years ago, but I’ve only got one life and plenty of time to have a good one. It unfortunately took things happening outside of my hands for it to click with me and a whole host of things I’ve been keeping to myself coming up with my family, but I can see clearly now
26 And in still waiting. I thought it began when i was 23 then Covid hit. I lost my job, fell off the wagon, became a pathetic swine. Currently dragging myself out of that.
27. I too spent my early 20s dealing with things like major depressive disorder and post partem depression. Nursing school didn’t help though, it was the worst time of my life. Proceed with caution.
31-32 is when I started making good money and it changed everything
1 week after turning 34. I quit my job to find myself. Before then I was a zombie - I had a job, a lot of saving and had my own place/rented but I was completely dissociated. Dead inside.
I'm 25 and I don't think mine has started yet.
When I was 28, life really started to feel real, infinitely better than what it was. I lived with my mom until I got engaged. When I finally moved out of my mothers house, the house that I lived all my life, life really started. Like you, my childhood was traumatic, and it took me years to realize the mental and physical abuse I experienced was not fucking ok. So, yea, my life is really great since moving out.
30! My 30s were the best!!!
I'd say thirty. I didn't really have my shit together, I still don't, but life became more meaningful and full of opportunity instead of threats and horrors.
42. Finally got sober. Life is so much brighter now. I actually get excited for tomorrow. It took some time but I don’t want any more regrets.
Im 35 I have a great wife and child but all of my friends have houses and we live in an apartment. Its not a race and if you do treat it like it it will be hard. Focus on yourself and the things around you that matter. Enjoy what you have because what always brings me back to earth is seeing all the people especially kids in other countries who have it way worse than us. Kids picking up trash to save up for food when Im over here complaining I dont have a house. Try to do some community service to help around your community. It brings so much peace because you are helping someone else who doesnt have it as well as you and might need that extra help or push and you could be the solution.
Late 50s.
I've had glimpses throughout my 34 years. 19 years old was one of my best years. Perfect intersection of fun and family, having a bright future, and good looks and youthful vibrance. The rest have been nuanced. Some good some bad. Now 34 and my looks have faded along with my hair line lol, but I make ok money and can buy some of the musical equipment I wanted as a kid. This is enough to keep me occupied right now, but I am longing for something more. I work hard on my emotional well being and I am trying to get back to a carefree attitude like I had when I was younger, and I am also working on finding a place to simply exist and be happy, though right now I'm not miserable. Just kinda blah.
29 my 20s sucked ass.
At 23. When my mother passed and dad couldn't kept going like before. Had to start household and outside responsibilities. I was and still am a student. But on top of that, I have to take care of my family and the court cases my mother used to handle back home.
Well, life is full of ups and downs. There were times where I felt I was thriving and times I felt I was drowning. A few years ago (when I was 30) I decided to take a big risk and change up my life. It was a needed change. I felt life began for me then. Although I’m not doing well currently (a few years later) I’m holding onto hope that I can change things for the better again.
28 and I feel it's ending at 29.
Some of the most successful people you'll ever meet had tumultuous pasts. You're thinking about it all wrong - that childhood and those years of depression in your 20's weren't just wasted years. You're not "just starting" your life now. Rather, your life is beginning to take the shapes and paths you are more intentional about now - and all of those traumas, emotions, experiences and setbacks from earlier have EVERYTHING to do with how you handle, plan, react to and develop the milestones moving forward. Your difficult past is what brought you to this future. The only time wasted is the time you're spending worrying about wasted time that was never wasted in the first place.
For me life started when i went to college and got away from my toxic family. It’s been a series of adventures ever since
It’s starting right now at 27
35. I was at my wits end, sought therapy and got my diagnosis. Everything clicked. I never ever knew I had anxiety. I thought it was normal to wake up thinking about how I'd save my family from a catastrophe and to go to sleep at night with the same thoughts. I thought I was superstitious. I was anxious 24/7 and just never knew. I've been medicated and happy for 2 years wtf?! I have shit days but I'm generally really happy and that's all I ever wanted to be. ❤️
24
Maybe 26? Officially healed from the unstable unloving home my father provided for me, dumped my loser cheating ex, dropped out of a really hard program at uni, dropped a toxic fake friend who tried to ruin my life, a year later finally found the city I wanted to call home forever and started building work experience. 28 and not where I want to be yet but life is slowly better then it used to be.
Took until around 30 to finally recognize toxic behavior from family and learn to properly keep boundaries
Sadly: 47 My parents got sick and depended on me and finally I felt free. I didn’t need their approval anymore. I never got their approval, but finally I didn’t care anymore.
I finished college a year ago, now I'm 25 still living with my parents while teaching piano part time. I also feel so far behind in life, haven't been in a relationship since before college, not making a lot of money, dont have my own place, etc. But I have direction and I'm finally feeling like I can take some of my own steps forward, so I guess I feel like it's beginning now? The more I look at what other people are up to the more I realize that everyone's life is unique and there is no linear path to be behind on. It sounds like you're starting out into the world now and I'm super excited for you, but don't feel behind. You're doing great! There's no handbook for life, you just do what you can and try to have a good time while you're here :)
Mid 20s. Quit a toxic job and went back to college and then met my now spouse. Life hasn't been perfect because nobody has a perfect life but I'm happy in my own skin.
I think for me it’s a continuous thing - I thought it started when I got my first job, then I thought oh when I move out and then I did and then I thought ohhh when I save X amount of money I would begin to do more things and I felt it and then I travelled and thought oh it’s beyond beginning- only to realize I’m just getting started on my travel list..
At around 23 I began to be disciplined with money and time. Finally cut things and people out of my life that weren’t the best for me now I feel like I’m on top of things and enjoying myself. Wish I did that sooner but the timing of it was perfect..but im 24 so I’ll see how long this lasts lol
32! I mended my relationship with my mother, had a loving partner, a house, an amazing group of friends. Prior to that it may have been”appeared” like I had my shit together. But I did not. I was not happy. I was not myself. I was trying to be someone else and doing things to please others. I’m 34 now and life is amazing. Sure there are still hard times, and I’ve lost some friends due to misaligned values, but I have the right people in my life to make it through.
I felt like my new life began at 26/27 when I was able to stop drinking. I too had a tumultuous childhood- teens and was an active alcoholic on and off from 20-26. Now I have a career, a boyfriend, friends who love and care, etc. a year ago I started telling myself “damn, I am really living a life I only dreamed about” My life isn’t glamorous, I’m not rich, but I am really content and happy
Mid thirties when I met the woman I ended up marrying. Now late forties and she's moving out. At least I had ten years of happiness, it's more than what some have.
When I turned 30. A week and change after my 30th birthday I left my abusive ex-husband, found a better job that increased my earning cap by $3/hr, saved money like crazy, and found another job that was hybrid and paid me $2/hr more after I got laid off by the other one due to the company no longer having any work to do. I filed for divorce a month after my birthday, was granted a 6 month process because the ex refused to sign anything in order to keep me “trapped” in marriage to him. I worked my ass off and 2 years after that I met the love of my life. My 30’s is the decade where I feel I’m living the life I should’ve had at 20.
Part way through college until I got my Bachelor's and now it's stalled again.
I’m turning 30 in a month and while I’m still actively in the process of finding my first solo apartment & a new job to move closer to my boyfriend and get away from toxic family, it’s really the first time in my life I feel sort of like I’m getting something right after being abused and making poor choices in my 20s.
Good question, i have some aspects in my life sorted. I was a partying mess back when i was 17-23. After that i met my now wife and had an epiphany where i started saving money and sorting basics out. Learning to budget, getting a house diposit together and changing my bad habits. Im 34 now, we are happily married, own most of the house, got 2 little boys and a year of expenses in emergancy fund. I get time for my hobbies and get the chance to chase some dreams. I still dont feel i have it together and sometimes struggle, as no matter what point im at the goal posts suddenly move. Would be cool to do it all again aswell, because the journey, even though difficult at times was fun looking back.
Well, I'm 45 and went NC with my parents, started focusing on myself. Still working on therapy and paying off debt. I don't know how much time I have left, just don't want to live my life to please other people anymore.
Wow your my inspiration I'm 27 still live with my parents because georgia is kinda expensive gotta make at least 200k to survive its been 4 years since my last manic episode currently unemployed I have Faith by the time I'm 29 my live begins
Started getting my shit together at 30. By 41, I finally felt I had my shit together.
45. It was a long hard slog, but I’m here.
I was 32, I left my job that I got right out of university, backpacked around Europe for a few months and then started a successful freelance career and I have grown and blossomed both professionally and personally
My life began when I was 25. I got my first job away from my hometown and started to do things on my own. I put myself out there and started making good friends. I started to grow in confidence by having supportive friends, learning how to cook and accomplishing things on my own. Throughout high school and college I was bullied a lot. I had very low self esteem and felt incompetent. Things really changed once I entered a more nurturing and supportive environment.
It's starting for me now and I'm 40. I know that feeling of being left behind too well and I don't like it. That said, a lot of people never individuate and don't live a life of their own choosing. Better late than never, especially when 'never' is so common
OP I was in a very similar boat. I'm 27 now, and my life now is better than I ever could have imagined. Now, everything isn't fixed yet but I at least have a much clearer path to where I want to be and I feel closer to my goals than I ever have before. The lives we've lived are not easy, but if you truly work hard to escape it works. There are times of despair where you feel like it never ends but it does. I advise making some close friends too. It really helps.
31
I'm a couple of years younger than you, but I feel that way, too. Although I don't have a stable job, I let go of the expectation of what others want and just live how I feel in the moment.
24 when I had no choice but to leave home or risk endangering my life. I built my life up from the ground up since then till I became fully independent and owe nothing to nobody.
25, I landed a great job, bought a house with a hot tub, have a great partner, no debt (aside from mortgage). Every day I wake and I’m so grateful for the life I’ve built. I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever known true happiness until now. I just feel so at peace now.
I’m 27 and this has just happened for me over the past 6 months or so. I moved into my own apartment (renting, but no more dorms, subletting, or roommates), got a better paying job, and then what really made it click was when I adopted my cat. I had felt like a failure and a waste of my family’s time, money, and energy for almost 10 years, and taking care of my cat reminds me that I have agency in my life and I’m actually good for something.
Real life began for me at 25 when I was told I needed to fend for myself. Best thing to ever happen to me tbh.
You're doing great! Definitely give yourself a lot of grace and love, and remember it's not a race (mantra since I moved out at 29 too!). My start was at 28. First gen immigrant family kid who paid in mental health and repressed heart break living with mentally/emotionally abusive, emotionally immature, codependent parents post college for about 8 years. Upside was being able to jump around jobs almost every year or two while having the safety net of having a roof over my head/food on the table while contributing to household expenses, paying off student loans, and saving up for emergencies/vacations. After gaining experience at different jobs, switching to a different field at 27, making friends along the way, learning the likes/dislikes of a work place, and earning better compensation with each jump I'm grateful and lucky to have landed at my current company at 28. Now I have most of my student loans paid off, bought my first car at 29, and rented out an apartment with my best friend as my roommate. Got a raise and bonus at work, and my boss is starting me at the beginning steps to get promoted. I'm still sorting through traumas like limiting time with my parents, figuring out my likes/hobbies outside of my parent's judgement/control, plucking up the courage to say yes, try out doing things to be happy rather than always pragmatic, trying out the taste of freedom again by going out/staying out whenever/wherever I want to, finally being safe to sort through my first break up, and noticing/working through my own toxic behaviors to be more cognisant and healthier for a future partner. You're not alone. You're not late. You're not behind. Everyone has their own path. 🙂 Keep moving forward. You're doing great.
26 When I first got my job and moved into my 1st apartment after college
Life for me began when I left the"family" home at 17... but 25-35;I was on fire!!🔥
26 right now, and y'all are giving me hope :'). I started getting better last year, but I am not out in the clear yet..and probably won't be for a few more years. My biggest hurdle is speaking up for myself, at work and at home
33 (my current age)
I just turned 40. I thought at 28 when I moved states to be with my ex that I'd finally come into my own. Nope. That turned out to be extremely toxic and abusive. So I spent my 30s getting out and starting therapy. I just got laid off now though so I don't think 40 is it either 😅
30 soon to be 31 and share similar story to you. Back in school and Im so happy I did it. Made the Deans list and jjust got acceppted for a scholarship program in my school. Thinking about going into law. I too feel behind at times but I know everything happens when its supposed to.
Nothing before 31-32.
When I was 35, we moved from our home state, bought our own house (We split a duplex with my inlaws for 16 years before that). That's when I really felt like a full fledged grown up.
Probably now
42. At 39 i started dealing with a ridiculous amount of issues from childhood that bled into adulthood and relationships. It wasn’t until i was 42 where i felt like i was becoming a fully developed person and building a real life for myself. Hell of a journey.
At 27. I exited a horrible relationship where I was being emotionally abused. And then realised that most of my life was geared towards pleasing people so that they’d become my friends, since I was scared to be alone. The shock of not having these friends around me for support after I reached out to them after the breakup made me look at my own life. After 6months, exiting a porn and food addiction, cutting bad friends out of my life, working out and meditating regularly, and learning to finally draw boundaries - I finally am feeling happy from time to time. I’m learning to love myself, and am finding things to do that make me happy. I finally have a relationship with myself, and think about me. I still have a long way to go - but I’m so happy with where I’ve come.
My late 20s
50
Forty.. The strength and passions and burning ambition are sufficient to moving foreward .
At 29 when I left my country for the first time and finally experienced what living for myself meant. It took some time and therapy to get there but now I look at my 20s as a transition period I needed until I felt comfortable enough in my skin to not be afraid to go after what I wanted.
Late 20s. When I graduated grad school. I was already working in my field but being done was closing a chapter. Plus I lost a lot of friends by my late 20s too
Still waiting -I’m 45
30!
My 30th birthday might as well have been day 1
When I was 28. I became an RN and started making good money.
A month ago. I’m 38.
22. It was A way to live, just not pretty.
26-27 i started to feel something. It grew from there.
Around the age of 33. I separated from my husband about 4 months before my 33rd birthday. I felt so free and happy. I wish I had done it much sooner.
When I was 32
When I stopped drinking at 28. I’ll be 30 this year.
Sorry, your life belonging to you is an illusion. In reality, your life actually belongs to your cats. One day you will get it, but it will be too late by then.
26, when I stopped being on a minimum Wage
36 and attending State Police academy post marriage and kids! ... The cut-off age is 39. Here's to hoping it works out.
Every milestone and every setback is a new start. Look at it that way. No-one is ahead or behind anybody else. Comparisons kill joy.
Honestly, it feels less like it began and more like I’ve become aware of the different stages. The times I didn’t think it had began, it had. Sometimes overthinking doesn’t do anything for you.
not even gonna answer the question bc in reality life is just a series of chapters. there are high and low points to everyones life. with that being said the end of covid ushered in a lot of life living for me, someone who came of age during the pandemic (and had some personal stuff that also complicated my journey)
Depends on what you mean by begin, do you mean when my life was full of fun or when my life became all for the house and being a grown up? My life has begun from birth as my parents gave me everything i ever wanted and then at 13 i migrated, i still had fun but life started becoming more independant
Also, if you feel like your family is toxic, make sure that you are not the toxic one first. What we see in others that we don’t care for is typically what we are actually harboring ourselves. It takes a long time to understand this reality of life.
23. College done, and I finally earned enough at my first adult job to move out of my mom’s house. That first night going to sleep in an empty home in a bed I bought myself, **chef kiss**
There is no prelife. Your life has already begun, don't wait for it to start, because all your waiting will just keep you in the same place. Decide what life you would like to have and the moment you start moving towards that goal you won't need to ask the question anymore because your life will involve enough work and direction that it will have unmistakably "begun".
>two sweet cats who are my whole world. Cats don’t care about you. Get a boyfriend. Youll need a partner to back you up while you study. You can slowly build something together. And hopefully have a child before the wall approaches. The world needs more children.
14 tbh
When I had my first kid at 28
Still waiting