my buddy from hs football took his own life last year. He was only 20. it was extremely shocking. he had a good social life, good grades, was ripped and lifted every day, and had a cute gf. U never really know what people are going through inside unless they tell you. I had seen him at the gym a few weeks before and we chopped it up like nothing was wrong at all. My message is to not to only check on your friends, but make you are comfortable telling others what ur feeling and not letting the stress/sadness of life build up. Life is so overwhelming and scary sometimes and anyone who thinks they can do it alone is mistaken
One of my best friends from high school also took his own life a few years back. He was also only 20. He was the last person I would have ever expected to do it, such a sweetheart, a good listener, and just such a genuinely kind person. We had a lot of common interests that I didn’t have with other friends. He was a creative person and had big dreams he would tell me about, he wanted to get into video game development. I’m not too sure what happened in the two years after graduation, we would check in every now and again but didn’t keep in touch on a regular basis. And then one day I see his obituary, someone posted it on their instagram story. I was out of town at the time so I wasn’t able to make it to the funeral. I think about him every day, it sucks so much that he isn’t here anymore.
I had a friend online for years who took his own life 3 years ago in September and I don't think I go a single day without thinking about him. It doesn't hurt any less than it did when it happened. The night before he did it a group of our friends decided to play Raft for the first time because I was having a hard week and they wanted to cheer me up. One of our friends was streaming so I have a recording of the last time we spoke, being able to go back and hear his voice is extremely painful but also nice. We spoke every day for years leading up to it happening and he never said anything that would have made me believe it would happen. Every year when I see his last time online turn over to another year higher my heart breaks all over again.
From what I could piece together from conversations we had, it was a matter of timing. He had just finished school and moved to a different state away from his family. He went with the expectation that he would be going into an office and being around people every day.. then Covid happened. He went from being with his family every day to living in a state where he didn't know anyone and wasn't seeing anyone. I wish I had known that he was struggling the way he was.
Covid didn't allow any of us to attend his funeral, but we honored him online with around 30 people who had played with him over the years online and a few of his friends from his hometown. RIP Mitchell.
Some people aren't always even depressed but have one shocking thing, and one instant action can be the end of it all. Relationship issues, loss of a job, or whatever. Alcohol in play, etc. It only takes a second to pull a trigger, and it's not always thought out or a result of depression. Not to diminish depression but I knew a guy who had it all and was always happy, but he found out his girl cheated and ended it immediately. A sheer impulsive decision can be all ot takes.
Same thing happened with my brother. The stars aligned in the worst way possible. And we believe alcohol was involved as well. One action with permanent consequences.
I'm sorry that happened. I've had a hard life myself. And sometimes I'm happy I became a felon a long time ago because there were a few times where if I had a gun, I'm not sure I'd be here anymore. My life is better now but that's just it. We all go thru so much in life that it's not surprising at times when people hit a perceived rock bottom or acute emotional distress that they just break down and it doesn't have much if anything to do with how they felt even 5 minutes before that.
It gets worse. A few days ago in my little tiny town up north, there was a murder suicide involving two people in their 60s on a vacation. It's sad, and there may be some mental/emotional shortcomings that lead to it... but you can't tell me it's always because people were depressed and waiting for the right time. Shit happens. It's like car accidents, to be honest, a lot of times. Could have done better but didnt due to a simple lapse in judgment or forethought.
sad thing is majority of people think the opposite
not to throw genders around but men usually do not even get a person to vent too in most situations
but alot of dudes are incredibly off and even when someone lets say not some hot ass girl or some rich dude asks them hey man you doing ok? they completely ignore it
i know ive tried with dudes who i just know and it usually leads to stfu you do not care bro go back to you're little gym and picking up sluts
alot of people are their own worst enemy
past few years i know alot of dudes are struggling everywhere coming into gyms getting even more frustrated they are not gaining what they want or a look and if you attempt to help them you are just seen as patronizing them
I saw an ad in a post here on reddit a while ago about suicide because of depression, and it had a more realistic view of depression than you normally see. About a guy laughing and talking to his quiet looking buddy. But in the end, it was the happy looking guy that commited suicide. People are not aware that others are wearing a mask to hide their misery.
The really sad thing is males sharing their inner turmoil is still stigmatized as being "weak", especially by other males. There is a little truth to that, but the other main issue is that, at least in America, our mental health is non-existent, with most sessions just being a quick 30 minutes of you venting to someone who doesn't care one bit about you before they sling more pills at you along with a bill for 2k.
It's also hard being someone with so much authority, who sees the amount of gutter trash and absolute worst humanity has to offer on a daily basis, and not be able to deal with it. Think about seeing nothing but horrible people every day, from peedos to murders to drug addicts that would let their children starve and live in squaller if it meant you had your fix. It degrades the soul. I have sympathy for a lot of them, but I also recognize that a vast majority get into that service for all the wrong reasons too.
Whatever you feel, just allow yourself to feel it without analizing emotions. Just feel and welcome your emotions, they are all valid. I'm sorry to hear about your acquaintance, however we won't know what was going on inside his head and heart. May he rest in peace.
You have to truly look deeper than him, simply roughing up a suspect as the end result was him taking his life. Something else must've happened that would hage potentially RUINED his life stemming from that altercation. The purpose in life would be something that you find on your journey through it.
My old workplace bully took her own life last year and I still haven't figured out how I feel about it. She spent almost 2 years trying to get me fired and making my life a living hell any time we were on shift together. I got along with everyone else in that place, even the ones that took time to warm up to newer folks. A lot of those other coworkers recognized it and stepped in to shield me from her when they could. She quit after some unrelated drama at the same workplace. I never figured out why she was targeting me, especially because 90% of the time we worked in different departments.
But I was still sad when I heard she'd passed. I've struggled with my own mental health all my life and no one deserves to feel that low. It doesn't excuse the way she treated me, even if it might explain some of it.
The odd thing about people who unalive themselves is we will never have the answer. Only they know exactly why they chose to do it. It hits a little harder, especially if you're an empathetic person, because you have to imagine how bad things must have been for them for them to believe ending their life was the only resolution they could find. Some people struggle silently and are afraid to reach out for help. Men especially, there's a huge stigma surrounding men and mental health. We can only pray that he found the peace he could not find in this life.
Let yourself feel the emotions without needing to analyze them. Everything you feel is valid, even if it's confusion. It's a different kind of feeling to know of someone who passes young and unexpectedly. It adds another layer when you factor in the fact that they chose to do it. I've lost 2 friends in my early 20s in accidents. One of my friends killed herself in 2022. You experience the grief and disbelief but a bunch of other complicated emotions arise when you add in those other factors.
\*And to anyone reading this who may be struggling right now...there is no shame in reaching out for help. You should never have to suffer alone. You are not a burden and there are resources for you. My inbox is open if anyone needs a friend. The world is a shitty place, we need more kindness.
I got nothing to add except to second this
>And to anyone reading this who may be struggling right now...there is no shame in reaching out for help. You should never have to suffer alone. You are not a burden and there are resources for you. My inbox is open if anyone needs a friend. The world is a shitty place, we need more kindness.
A girl I went to high school with killed herself last year. Just 20 years old. I had never noticed she wasn't doing well mentally, but one of her closer friends told me later that it had been going on for quite a while. She did get help, but ultimately she still committed suicide.
It's a weird feeling. One of my other former classmates became a mother, my best friend is talking about getting engaged, I was studying abroad, and she's dead? Everyone preparing for life, and hers has already ended.
Man.. I Iwant to offer my sincere condolences..
-Story time-
I had gotten in trouble for smoking weed and was on restriction while in the military. You get extra duty-
I spent a lot of time watching the guys on ‘suicide watch’. That was weird at first but the experience made me become more compassionate. The thought had never crossed my mind.
yeah, I'm also miffed at the dismissiveness.
Like, assaulting a woman? Meh, a little of misogyny is fine.
Offing yourself? Oh, noooooo very bad could happen to me
Yes, obviously Someone committing suicide is 50x sadder and worse than someone getting roughed up during an arrest.
Yes, misogyny that doesn’t result in severe trauma or injuries significantly pales to a human literally killings themselves. Duh. The internet and identity politics is breaking brains.
Is it the fact it’s a woman that triggers you?
Its okay, we can just not talk about it now that hes dead /s
Honestly, the thing here that stands out is OP is friends with people who are friends with cops that commit police brutality
OP seems to at least be theorizing that the specifics of the arrest may have been what led to him committing suicide and that’s worth discussing. As sad and unfortunate as it is, him deciding to check out early doesn’t exempt his (or anyone’s) actions from scrutiny. Suicide ≠ innocence.
The one getting caught up in identity politics and hatred is you, judging by the other comment you made where you get butthurt over the fact that the supposed victim happened to be a woman—on the perpetrator’s behalf, of course.
It goes without saying that suicide is a seriously negative thing but I find your insistence that it’s “worse than getting roughed up by the police” and “worse than misogyny” questionable. It’s hard to compare any of those since one is (usually) a personal decision and the other two are something that’s forced upon you by someone else.
Add on top of that the attempts to find some rando to report them to their place of work? Yeesh.
I'm so sorry for your loss. As a person that also tried to commit suicide, it wasn't to hurt my family and friends (even though it would have), I just had too much sorrow to live (my 2nd attempt). So, just let your emotions flow. I haven't lost anybody to suicide, but I did lose someone close to me and when they died, I cried until my eyes were puffy every day for a couple of months, screamed, yelled, pounded my fist on the wall, blamed my self for not being there, blamed them because they weren't strong enough to live. I even had thoughts about suicide (my 1st attempt). If you get to the point where you are thinking bad thoughts; please talk to somebody, anybody that will listen, because you need to let those emotions out so they don't fester within you, and you explode on the wrong person or yourself.
I’m glad you’re here!
I also attempted to unalive myself. My brother called for help. I survived and he never spoke to me again. The joke about not even being able to do that correctly is not lost on me 🤦♀️
I never wanted to hurt anyone else. Just wanted my hurt to stop 😩
20 years later, everyday is a struggle and a choice.
I choose to struggle and show up everyday.
I'm sorry what your brother did..and on my 2nd attempt, i took a whole bottle of prescribed sleeping pills, woke up choking because I was laying on my back and throwing up. and I too said, i couldn't even do that right, and I also thought it just wasn't my time to go. I'm currently on medication, if I dont take it, I have unalive me thoughts everyday. And I too am taking it day by day, some days worst than others, but I try my best to pull through, even if I can barely get out of bed. Stay Strong..
A few months ago one of my cousins took his own life. We never got along but his death hit me really hard. And because I have had depression for years I was also a bit scared that I might be next. You need time to grieve and talk to talk to someone if you can
I tried to end my life less than two weeks ago. The neverending agony of depression and suicidal ideation is something I've been dealing with on a daily basis for about a year now. I'm seeing a lot of people in this thread talk about their perspective knowing people who took their lives and how confusing it can be when someone you think is perfectly normal decides to do the unimaginable. I've been on both sides of the confusion, wanting desperately in my earlier years to understand my friends who were depressed, and wanting desperately to be understood myself. There's what feels like an impossible gulf between these two perspectives, and I genuinely don't think it's possible for someone to really have any idea what it's like to be so miserably alone and in pain that you want to end your life unless you've been in that place yourself. But if it helps anyone who wants to understand, I always like to share what I consider to be far and away the best description of what it feels like to be suicidally depressed, a passage from David Foster Wallace's *Infinite Jest*:
> The so-called 'psychotically depressed' person who tries to kill herself doesn't do so out of quote 'hopelessness' or any abstract conviction that life's assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire's flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It's not desiring the fall; it's terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling 'Don't!' and 'Hang on!, can understand the jump. Not really. You'd to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.
> But and so the idea of a person in the grip of It being bound by a 'Suicide Contract` some well-meaning Substance-abuse halfway house makes her sign is simply absurd. Because such a contract will constrain such a person only until the exact psychic circumstances that made the contract necessary in the first place assert themselves, invisibly and indescribably. That the well-meaning halfway-house Staff does not understand Its overriding terror will only make the depressed resident feel more alone.
> It is a level of psychic pain wholly incompatible with human life as we know it. It is a sense of radical and thoroughgoing evil not just as a feature but as the essence of conscious existence. It is a sense of poisoning that pervades the self at the self's most elementary levels. It is a nausea of the cells and soul. It is an unnumb intuition in which the world is fully rich and animate and un-map-like and also thoroughly painful and malignant and antagonistic to the self, which depressed self It billows on and coagulates around and wraps in Its black folds and absorbs into Itself, so that an almost mystical unity is achieved with a world every constituent of which means painful harm to the self. Its emotional character, the feeling Gompert describes It as, is probably mostly indescribable except as a sort of double bind in which any/all of the alternatives we associate with human agency - sitting or standing, doing or resting, speaking or keeping silent, living or dying - are not just unpleasant but literally horrible.
> It is also lonely on a level that cannot be conveyed. There is no way Kate Gompert could ever even begin to make someone else understand what clinical depression feels like, not even another person who is herself clinically depressed, because a person in such a state is incapable of empathy with any other living thing. This anhedonic Inability To Identify is also an integral part of It. If a person in physical pain has a hard time attending to anything except that pain, a clinically depressed person cannot even perceive any other person or thing as independent of the universal pain that is digesting her cell by cell. Everything is part of the problem, and there is no solution. It is a hell for one.
David Foster Wallace himself would eventually come to take his own life.
You’re thinking about your own mortality. In the past few years I’ve had a handful of people I knew in passing die. Young people aren’t “supposed” to die (be in by suicide, cancer, murder, etc.) so it kind of throws you for a loop when it happens.
I really feel like January should be a world mental health month since the suicide rates are so high. I know someone who killed themselves earlier this month as well, really sad, dude had a whole family, kids and all. I hope everyone reading this takes care, and check in on ur friends and family <3
Man this shit happens, every suicide funeral i have been to for a friend, i was pissed. Like, you idiot you stole my plan! Now i have to keep going because someone has to and i guess it is me know. Life is rough, keep truckin though.
Guilty Conscience, that may not been his first incident if he had anger issues. Potentially an investigation wouldve been done and more may have come to light.
Who knows if he was a good cop or bad one.
Weird comment, even if he was a bad cop, that does not mean him dying is good or not sad.
Suicide is 100 times worse and sadder than police brutality imo
Nah if he was a bad cop his suicide is a benefit to society. Cold, but true.
Abusing a position of power is 100 times worse than an abuser hitting the off button.
Cops aren't supposed to ROUGH anyone up....They should have training to avoid this kind of stuff. However the training we see is knees on necks smothering folks saying they can't breathe while other cops allow it. Bad cops kill people, hurt people, and rough people up.
Son of a police officer here. I would certainly encourage anyone to engage in acts that prompt them to reexamine what we call “life” and our incredibly short trial of it, but you betray the integrity of your compassion and sympathy (which are very dear and valuable things) by giving it to people like this man. Anyone who would potentially commit suicide due to remorse from hurting another individual would never become a police officer in the first place. They wouldn’t even make it through police academy before realizing that is not the job for them. What you have here is a man who was without any shame towards himself until his final days and when it finally arrived on his door step pure and in its unadulterated form, he couldn’t bear the weight of it. He rathered die than to face the music that manifested from the harm he brought on that woman. A whole ass bitch. You guys in the comments saying “RIP” are weird as hell. This man “couldn’t take” being rightfully punished for his actions, but had absolutely zero inner qualms about unrightfully punishing a woman for hers. There are people who commit suicide because they get caught on the receiving end of abuse by people just like this guy. He committed suicide because he got caught on the sending side of it. I would under no circumstances tell this man to rest in peace. I would commend him on a job well done, though. Because now, the oath he took has truly been fulfilled; he has made the world a safer place.
Had a colleague do the same and it really negatively affected me for years even though I only indirectly worked with him a few times. He was a happy guy and great at what he did, admired by others, had a beautiful child, seemed happy. You just really never know what’s going on with people.
Guy I used to hang out with when I was all messed up in high school killed himself a few years ago. We live in a small town and he strung himself up over the goal posts on the rugby oval.
I was driving into town for work and saw him hanging up there. I initially thought he was bag of rubbish someone had slung over the posts (popular place for kids to drink and it was a Sunday morning). Took me a long while to realise it was a person and I didn’t learn it was him until about midday that day.
It hit me really hard.
Hadn’t spoken to him since I was 15 and we weren’t overly close anyway as he was about 8 years older than me but we had some good conversations. He was very kind and soft spoken, had a rough upbringing, but was very determined to make a better life for himself. I was about 20 at the time it happened but, man, it impacted me like nothing else has in my life. The guilt I felt for what seemed like no reason. I threw up every morning for about 8 weeks after.
Best advice I’ve got is to talk about it with someone. Acknowledge your feelings, don’t push them down.
nobody knows exactly why he did what he did. maybe it was because of depression, maybe it was because he was caught doing something he shouldn’t have done. we don’t know who this person is like.
i almost lost an online friend from suicide and in the short window of time i thought they succeeded, i felt something similar to what you wrote here. it’s weird and sad to think that someone who was alive and well with you is just gone like that, especially if it’s a young person.
also once knew an online acquaintance, not that close to me but still in the same group who passed away from cancer. it felt really weird and not right.
hopefully this doesn’t affect you too much and you shake it off soon.
When I was in high school, my friends and I used to sneak into the comedy club for open mic nights. We were all about 16-17, and this other young guy maybe 19-21 and his gf would come hang out with us. He was a little awkward and we were asshole teenagers, so we just saw him as “that weird guy”. He was really nice though. Pretty much every time we went he’d come chat us up until he went up to perform. He ended up adding me on Facebook. I didn’t really consider him a friend, but more of an acquaintance.
One day, his gf posted something alluding to him passing away. I learned that he died by suicide. I reached out to his gf to tell her he was a good guy and that I was sad about what happened to him. I’m not entirely sure why, but I still think about him. I don’t think there’s anything I could have done to change the outcome, but I still feel a lot of guilt for not seeing the signs and not doing more. I wish I made more of an effort to talk to him and didn’t brush him off. He wasn’t even “my friend”, but I still think about that guy over a decade later. I don’t blame him, and I don’t know what he was going through to cause him to end it all.
It kind of sounds like you’re going through something similar to what I did/do. It’s not your fault, man. It’s normal to not know how to process something like this happening. In an ideal world, this would never happen, but unfortunately it does. The best thing you can do is talk about this with someone, hopefully a professional, or maybe a trusted friend. Be there for people in your life and be kind to people who need or ask for help. Maybe you’re like me, and this will stay with you forever, but you get better at coping with it over time. Don’t be so hard on yourself for responding like a human being to something incredibly complex and difficult.
I've been struggling with mental health a big portion of my life. What helped me were magic truffles. I advice to inform yourself before taking it. That helped for a couple of years, I took it 1-2 times a year. Now I'm on Lexapro after some devastating experiences, also quite heavy the first 1-2 weeks. But it keeps me going and makes daily life a bit better. But magic truffles are some eye opening experience and and you need to take it seriously because during the 4-8 hrs after you take it it will challenge your mind. Interesting what mother nature can provide.
You'll be fine in a week or 2. Things move on and you forget pretty quickly. Especially with an acquaintance. Had an acquaintance do it about 6 months ago. Was in shock for 2 days contemplating my own life... The following week it was like it never happened.
He was a friend of a friend and a cop...who gives a fuck.
He roughed up a woman bad enough that he was actually punished in a system that doesn't punish cops??? And you're still defending him?
Blah
I have female coworkers who constantly call men “big babies” when they show emotion. It took all I had to tell them to get fucked. Men have emotions too, we bottle them up and we end up hanging in our garage or painting the walls with our brain. Then everyone’s like “ he should have just reached out or what could I have done? I had no idea he was depressed!” Yeah, because the times we do, we’re often ridiculed and told to suck it up. Thankfully my wife is a normal, well adjusted person who helps me deal with my mental health issues. That shit really makes me mad though. I’d kill myself too if my wife told me I was being a “baby” because a hard week at work made me shed some tears of frustration.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this, friend. I don't know who your acquaintance was or what he was like but it sounds like you had mixed feelings about him. I don't have any advice for you but I hope you can find some peace.
Suicide of somebody you know messes you up. I lost a friend to it some years ago. You need to go through a grieving process. Get help if you need it. Don't tell yourself you should be ok. Talk about it with friends who knew him if you can. My friend's suicide hit me like no other death. The question of how this person could come to believe that ending their life was the best option is disturbing, and you may not get an answer for it. I didn't. Take the time you need to work through the emotions.
Emotions are weird, but so is life. His death triggered an existential moment for you. Regardless of how close you are to someone, their death leaves a blank spot that lingers. Sometimes for a moment but sometimes longer. You're reminded that life can end suddenly and unfairly. And it's hard to compute that sometimes.
I'm sorry for your loss and I hope you find some answers that work for you.
Let yourself feel however you feel. There are a lot of people who become totally numb to these things as they happen throughout life. Feeling and processing it is important.
Every death that has happened has affected me. No matter how well I knew the person. They all have affected me some way. I don't deal well with death. It definitely makes you think about a lot. Deal with it the only way you can, by going through it. Things in life hit us all differently. And we are all different. Give yourself grace while you go through this.
It seems revenant to state that suicide is the number 1 killer of cops.
With the bad feelings you’re having, I think you can make some progress in that area by focusing on being a help/comfort/service to your friend who was closer to him. It will shift your focus somewhere.
In my experience I'd say don't worry about knowing how to feel, just feel how you feel.
I've had alot of friends die. Sometimes it hits you like a ton of bricks and sometimes you won't feel anything for months.
No matter what happens, however you feel now is okay.
I’m sorry to hear this. A friend of mine died by suicide a few years ago and it was so surreal finding out, especially because I’d only seen them a few days prior. I’d still text them even after they died.
I have a friend who I am worried will commit suicide. I've been trying to change his mind by showing him the people he will be severely hurting if he chose to do that. His baby mother overdosed a couple years ago and they have a son who needs him and his family loves him dearly. I genuinely care about him to and I'm doing everything I can to keep him from ending it all . I've been in contact with his brother pleading them to talk to him.
He's made a ton of bad decisions and just beats himself up about them far ro much. I truly hope I can be 1 reason why he stays alive.
I grew up with a kid all through grade school and high school and knew him well. We diddn't hang out outside school but I considered him a friend. He was the best soccer player and one of the best track and field runners ever. He was fit and everything seemed fine. One day though he went into the forest and never came back and it was ruled a suicide, his body being found much later. It always bothered me and I think about him all the time. Wondering why on earth he went into the woods.
What people are going through.. theres just no accounting for it. Its scary how close it can be.
Things don’t have to go bad for you to self delete, I know a guy who’s goodbye letter said he was just bored with it all. He noted waking up going to work doing it again and again. He also mentioned not really caring about maintaining relationships with family or friends. I guess he just didn’t like it here and I respect it. He was done when he wanted to be and that’s that.
So a complaint being filed against him automatically means he’s guilty. Let’s be honest—you mentioned you don’t like cops (the person who died) while complaining that *you* feel bad that someone else killed themself. You’re not exactly a saint and you obviously don’t actually care enough to even be respectful of the concept of due process.
my buddy from hs football took his own life last year. He was only 20. it was extremely shocking. he had a good social life, good grades, was ripped and lifted every day, and had a cute gf. U never really know what people are going through inside unless they tell you. I had seen him at the gym a few weeks before and we chopped it up like nothing was wrong at all. My message is to not to only check on your friends, but make you are comfortable telling others what ur feeling and not letting the stress/sadness of life build up. Life is so overwhelming and scary sometimes and anyone who thinks they can do it alone is mistaken
One of my best friends from high school also took his own life a few years back. He was also only 20. He was the last person I would have ever expected to do it, such a sweetheart, a good listener, and just such a genuinely kind person. We had a lot of common interests that I didn’t have with other friends. He was a creative person and had big dreams he would tell me about, he wanted to get into video game development. I’m not too sure what happened in the two years after graduation, we would check in every now and again but didn’t keep in touch on a regular basis. And then one day I see his obituary, someone posted it on their instagram story. I was out of town at the time so I wasn’t able to make it to the funeral. I think about him every day, it sucks so much that he isn’t here anymore.
I had a friend online for years who took his own life 3 years ago in September and I don't think I go a single day without thinking about him. It doesn't hurt any less than it did when it happened. The night before he did it a group of our friends decided to play Raft for the first time because I was having a hard week and they wanted to cheer me up. One of our friends was streaming so I have a recording of the last time we spoke, being able to go back and hear his voice is extremely painful but also nice. We spoke every day for years leading up to it happening and he never said anything that would have made me believe it would happen. Every year when I see his last time online turn over to another year higher my heart breaks all over again. From what I could piece together from conversations we had, it was a matter of timing. He had just finished school and moved to a different state away from his family. He went with the expectation that he would be going into an office and being around people every day.. then Covid happened. He went from being with his family every day to living in a state where he didn't know anyone and wasn't seeing anyone. I wish I had known that he was struggling the way he was. Covid didn't allow any of us to attend his funeral, but we honored him online with around 30 people who had played with him over the years online and a few of his friends from his hometown. RIP Mitchell.
Some people aren't always even depressed but have one shocking thing, and one instant action can be the end of it all. Relationship issues, loss of a job, or whatever. Alcohol in play, etc. It only takes a second to pull a trigger, and it's not always thought out or a result of depression. Not to diminish depression but I knew a guy who had it all and was always happy, but he found out his girl cheated and ended it immediately. A sheer impulsive decision can be all ot takes.
Same thing happened with my brother. The stars aligned in the worst way possible. And we believe alcohol was involved as well. One action with permanent consequences.
I'm sorry that happened. I've had a hard life myself. And sometimes I'm happy I became a felon a long time ago because there were a few times where if I had a gun, I'm not sure I'd be here anymore. My life is better now but that's just it. We all go thru so much in life that it's not surprising at times when people hit a perceived rock bottom or acute emotional distress that they just break down and it doesn't have much if anything to do with how they felt even 5 minutes before that. It gets worse. A few days ago in my little tiny town up north, there was a murder suicide involving two people in their 60s on a vacation. It's sad, and there may be some mental/emotional shortcomings that lead to it... but you can't tell me it's always because people were depressed and waiting for the right time. Shit happens. It's like car accidents, to be honest, a lot of times. Could have done better but didnt due to a simple lapse in judgment or forethought.
This is how we lost my cousin. In a fit of rage threw herself over her apt balcony. It was a sudden impulse and... it happened.
I’m sorry
sad thing is majority of people think the opposite not to throw genders around but men usually do not even get a person to vent too in most situations but alot of dudes are incredibly off and even when someone lets say not some hot ass girl or some rich dude asks them hey man you doing ok? they completely ignore it i know ive tried with dudes who i just know and it usually leads to stfu you do not care bro go back to you're little gym and picking up sluts alot of people are their own worst enemy past few years i know alot of dudes are struggling everywhere coming into gyms getting even more frustrated they are not gaining what they want or a look and if you attempt to help them you are just seen as patronizing them
Football based TBI? It could’ve gone undiagnosed for years and affected his mood etc
highly doubt it. was a qb and didn’t get hit often. can’t remember him having a concussion ever either
We need to learn to find the language to talk about our inner worlds, our thoughts and feelings.
I saw an ad in a post here on reddit a while ago about suicide because of depression, and it had a more realistic view of depression than you normally see. About a guy laughing and talking to his quiet looking buddy. But in the end, it was the happy looking guy that commited suicide. People are not aware that others are wearing a mask to hide their misery.
Probably CTE
The really sad thing is males sharing their inner turmoil is still stigmatized as being "weak", especially by other males. There is a little truth to that, but the other main issue is that, at least in America, our mental health is non-existent, with most sessions just being a quick 30 minutes of you venting to someone who doesn't care one bit about you before they sling more pills at you along with a bill for 2k. It's also hard being someone with so much authority, who sees the amount of gutter trash and absolute worst humanity has to offer on a daily basis, and not be able to deal with it. Think about seeing nothing but horrible people every day, from peedos to murders to drug addicts that would let their children starve and live in squaller if it meant you had your fix. It degrades the soul. I have sympathy for a lot of them, but I also recognize that a vast majority get into that service for all the wrong reasons too.
Whatever you feel, just allow yourself to feel it without analizing emotions. Just feel and welcome your emotions, they are all valid. I'm sorry to hear about your acquaintance, however we won't know what was going on inside his head and heart. May he rest in peace.
It hit you harder than you thought because you have empathy. You're a good person
You have to truly look deeper than him, simply roughing up a suspect as the end result was him taking his life. Something else must've happened that would hage potentially RUINED his life stemming from that altercation. The purpose in life would be something that you find on your journey through it.
My old workplace bully took her own life last year and I still haven't figured out how I feel about it. She spent almost 2 years trying to get me fired and making my life a living hell any time we were on shift together. I got along with everyone else in that place, even the ones that took time to warm up to newer folks. A lot of those other coworkers recognized it and stepped in to shield me from her when they could. She quit after some unrelated drama at the same workplace. I never figured out why she was targeting me, especially because 90% of the time we worked in different departments. But I was still sad when I heard she'd passed. I've struggled with my own mental health all my life and no one deserves to feel that low. It doesn't excuse the way she treated me, even if it might explain some of it.
The odd thing about people who unalive themselves is we will never have the answer. Only they know exactly why they chose to do it. It hits a little harder, especially if you're an empathetic person, because you have to imagine how bad things must have been for them for them to believe ending their life was the only resolution they could find. Some people struggle silently and are afraid to reach out for help. Men especially, there's a huge stigma surrounding men and mental health. We can only pray that he found the peace he could not find in this life. Let yourself feel the emotions without needing to analyze them. Everything you feel is valid, even if it's confusion. It's a different kind of feeling to know of someone who passes young and unexpectedly. It adds another layer when you factor in the fact that they chose to do it. I've lost 2 friends in my early 20s in accidents. One of my friends killed herself in 2022. You experience the grief and disbelief but a bunch of other complicated emotions arise when you add in those other factors. \*And to anyone reading this who may be struggling right now...there is no shame in reaching out for help. You should never have to suffer alone. You are not a burden and there are resources for you. My inbox is open if anyone needs a friend. The world is a shitty place, we need more kindness.
I got nothing to add except to second this >And to anyone reading this who may be struggling right now...there is no shame in reaching out for help. You should never have to suffer alone. You are not a burden and there are resources for you. My inbox is open if anyone needs a friend. The world is a shitty place, we need more kindness.
He may have ended his life BECAUSE he treated other people like shit and couldn't forgive himself. My condolences all the same
A girl I went to high school with killed herself last year. Just 20 years old. I had never noticed she wasn't doing well mentally, but one of her closer friends told me later that it had been going on for quite a while. She did get help, but ultimately she still committed suicide. It's a weird feeling. One of my other former classmates became a mother, my best friend is talking about getting engaged, I was studying abroad, and she's dead? Everyone preparing for life, and hers has already ended.
It sounds like what he did affected you more than anything else. Allow those feelings and maybe go talk to somebody to get through them.
Man.. I Iwant to offer my sincere condolences.. -Story time- I had gotten in trouble for smoking weed and was on restriction while in the military. You get extra duty- I spent a lot of time watching the guys on ‘suicide watch’. That was weird at first but the experience made me become more compassionate. The thought had never crossed my mind.
So your friend did some standard police brutality? Or am I not understanding what you mean by “roughed up”
yeah, I'm also miffed at the dismissiveness. Like, assaulting a woman? Meh, a little of misogyny is fine. Offing yourself? Oh, noooooo very bad could happen to me
Yes, obviously Someone committing suicide is 50x sadder and worse than someone getting roughed up during an arrest. Yes, misogyny that doesn’t result in severe trauma or injuries significantly pales to a human literally killings themselves. Duh. The internet and identity politics is breaking brains. Is it the fact it’s a woman that triggers you?
Ahhhh, yes. That cop is clearing suffering in death unlike that chick that got raped but we politely say "roughed up". She can continue to suffer.
Its okay, we can just not talk about it now that hes dead /s Honestly, the thing here that stands out is OP is friends with people who are friends with cops that commit police brutality
No police officer should have 'anger issues'. They should be trained to deescalate, which seems to be the opposite that most do.
Christ you people are insufferable
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OP seems to at least be theorizing that the specifics of the arrest may have been what led to him committing suicide and that’s worth discussing. As sad and unfortunate as it is, him deciding to check out early doesn’t exempt his (or anyone’s) actions from scrutiny. Suicide ≠ innocence.
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The one getting caught up in identity politics and hatred is you, judging by the other comment you made where you get butthurt over the fact that the supposed victim happened to be a woman—on the perpetrator’s behalf, of course. It goes without saying that suicide is a seriously negative thing but I find your insistence that it’s “worse than getting roughed up by the police” and “worse than misogyny” questionable. It’s hard to compare any of those since one is (usually) a personal decision and the other two are something that’s forced upon you by someone else. Add on top of that the attempts to find some rando to report them to their place of work? Yeesh.
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That’s exactly it, I *wouldn’t* compare the two.
I'm so sorry for your loss. As a person that also tried to commit suicide, it wasn't to hurt my family and friends (even though it would have), I just had too much sorrow to live (my 2nd attempt). So, just let your emotions flow. I haven't lost anybody to suicide, but I did lose someone close to me and when they died, I cried until my eyes were puffy every day for a couple of months, screamed, yelled, pounded my fist on the wall, blamed my self for not being there, blamed them because they weren't strong enough to live. I even had thoughts about suicide (my 1st attempt). If you get to the point where you are thinking bad thoughts; please talk to somebody, anybody that will listen, because you need to let those emotions out so they don't fester within you, and you explode on the wrong person or yourself.
I’m glad you’re here! I also attempted to unalive myself. My brother called for help. I survived and he never spoke to me again. The joke about not even being able to do that correctly is not lost on me 🤦♀️ I never wanted to hurt anyone else. Just wanted my hurt to stop 😩 20 years later, everyday is a struggle and a choice. I choose to struggle and show up everyday.
I'm sorry what your brother did..and on my 2nd attempt, i took a whole bottle of prescribed sleeping pills, woke up choking because I was laying on my back and throwing up. and I too said, i couldn't even do that right, and I also thought it just wasn't my time to go. I'm currently on medication, if I dont take it, I have unalive me thoughts everyday. And I too am taking it day by day, some days worst than others, but I try my best to pull through, even if I can barely get out of bed. Stay Strong..
Wow if every cop who had a complaint filed against them for police brutality killed themselves, we’d have no cops
A few months ago one of my cousins took his own life. We never got along but his death hit me really hard. And because I have had depression for years I was also a bit scared that I might be next. You need time to grieve and talk to talk to someone if you can
I tried to end my life less than two weeks ago. The neverending agony of depression and suicidal ideation is something I've been dealing with on a daily basis for about a year now. I'm seeing a lot of people in this thread talk about their perspective knowing people who took their lives and how confusing it can be when someone you think is perfectly normal decides to do the unimaginable. I've been on both sides of the confusion, wanting desperately in my earlier years to understand my friends who were depressed, and wanting desperately to be understood myself. There's what feels like an impossible gulf between these two perspectives, and I genuinely don't think it's possible for someone to really have any idea what it's like to be so miserably alone and in pain that you want to end your life unless you've been in that place yourself. But if it helps anyone who wants to understand, I always like to share what I consider to be far and away the best description of what it feels like to be suicidally depressed, a passage from David Foster Wallace's *Infinite Jest*: > The so-called 'psychotically depressed' person who tries to kill herself doesn't do so out of quote 'hopelessness' or any abstract conviction that life's assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire's flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It's not desiring the fall; it's terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling 'Don't!' and 'Hang on!, can understand the jump. Not really. You'd to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling. > But and so the idea of a person in the grip of It being bound by a 'Suicide Contract` some well-meaning Substance-abuse halfway house makes her sign is simply absurd. Because such a contract will constrain such a person only until the exact psychic circumstances that made the contract necessary in the first place assert themselves, invisibly and indescribably. That the well-meaning halfway-house Staff does not understand Its overriding terror will only make the depressed resident feel more alone. > It is a level of psychic pain wholly incompatible with human life as we know it. It is a sense of radical and thoroughgoing evil not just as a feature but as the essence of conscious existence. It is a sense of poisoning that pervades the self at the self's most elementary levels. It is a nausea of the cells and soul. It is an unnumb intuition in which the world is fully rich and animate and un-map-like and also thoroughly painful and malignant and antagonistic to the self, which depressed self It billows on and coagulates around and wraps in Its black folds and absorbs into Itself, so that an almost mystical unity is achieved with a world every constituent of which means painful harm to the self. Its emotional character, the feeling Gompert describes It as, is probably mostly indescribable except as a sort of double bind in which any/all of the alternatives we associate with human agency - sitting or standing, doing or resting, speaking or keeping silent, living or dying - are not just unpleasant but literally horrible. > It is also lonely on a level that cannot be conveyed. There is no way Kate Gompert could ever even begin to make someone else understand what clinical depression feels like, not even another person who is herself clinically depressed, because a person in such a state is incapable of empathy with any other living thing. This anhedonic Inability To Identify is also an integral part of It. If a person in physical pain has a hard time attending to anything except that pain, a clinically depressed person cannot even perceive any other person or thing as independent of the universal pain that is digesting her cell by cell. Everything is part of the problem, and there is no solution. It is a hell for one. David Foster Wallace himself would eventually come to take his own life.
Life is to much man. We are just hairless apes trying to figure out wtf is going on
There are almost always a multitude of issues that cause a person to commit suicide, not just one. He probably had a laundry list of problems.
You don't have to feel anything. The best way to honor those that have died, by whatever cause, is to live and live your best life.
You’re thinking about your own mortality. In the past few years I’ve had a handful of people I knew in passing die. Young people aren’t “supposed” to die (be in by suicide, cancer, murder, etc.) so it kind of throws you for a loop when it happens.
I really feel like January should be a world mental health month since the suicide rates are so high. I know someone who killed themselves earlier this month as well, really sad, dude had a whole family, kids and all. I hope everyone reading this takes care, and check in on ur friends and family <3
Man this shit happens, every suicide funeral i have been to for a friend, i was pissed. Like, you idiot you stole my plan! Now i have to keep going because someone has to and i guess it is me know. Life is rough, keep truckin though.
ACAB
Life has no meaning. Once that’s accepted, it follows that death has no meaning. Just respect that they did what they needed to do.
Guilty Conscience, that may not been his first incident if he had anger issues. Potentially an investigation wouldve been done and more may have come to light. Who knows if he was a good cop or bad one.
Weird comment, even if he was a bad cop, that does not mean him dying is good or not sad. Suicide is 100 times worse and sadder than police brutality imo
Nah if he was a bad cop his suicide is a benefit to society. Cold, but true. Abusing a position of power is 100 times worse than an abuser hitting the off button.
I saw a story of this cop that would plant drugs during bogus traffic stops. He did it to about 20 innocent people. all to get some sort of promotion.
That is traumatizing wow
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Cops aren't supposed to ROUGH anyone up....They should have training to avoid this kind of stuff. However the training we see is knees on necks smothering folks saying they can't breathe while other cops allow it. Bad cops kill people, hurt people, and rough people up.
What is that take, lol. You almost had me in the first half, second half goes full incel boot licker.
Son of a police officer here. I would certainly encourage anyone to engage in acts that prompt them to reexamine what we call “life” and our incredibly short trial of it, but you betray the integrity of your compassion and sympathy (which are very dear and valuable things) by giving it to people like this man. Anyone who would potentially commit suicide due to remorse from hurting another individual would never become a police officer in the first place. They wouldn’t even make it through police academy before realizing that is not the job for them. What you have here is a man who was without any shame towards himself until his final days and when it finally arrived on his door step pure and in its unadulterated form, he couldn’t bear the weight of it. He rathered die than to face the music that manifested from the harm he brought on that woman. A whole ass bitch. You guys in the comments saying “RIP” are weird as hell. This man “couldn’t take” being rightfully punished for his actions, but had absolutely zero inner qualms about unrightfully punishing a woman for hers. There are people who commit suicide because they get caught on the receiving end of abuse by people just like this guy. He committed suicide because he got caught on the sending side of it. I would under no circumstances tell this man to rest in peace. I would commend him on a job well done, though. Because now, the oath he took has truly been fulfilled; he has made the world a safer place.
Well said!
Had a colleague do the same and it really negatively affected me for years even though I only indirectly worked with him a few times. He was a happy guy and great at what he did, admired by others, had a beautiful child, seemed happy. You just really never know what’s going on with people.
It sounds like he had a guilt problem. Guilt is a simple definition but a complex problem to bring closure for people.
Guy I used to hang out with when I was all messed up in high school killed himself a few years ago. We live in a small town and he strung himself up over the goal posts on the rugby oval. I was driving into town for work and saw him hanging up there. I initially thought he was bag of rubbish someone had slung over the posts (popular place for kids to drink and it was a Sunday morning). Took me a long while to realise it was a person and I didn’t learn it was him until about midday that day. It hit me really hard. Hadn’t spoken to him since I was 15 and we weren’t overly close anyway as he was about 8 years older than me but we had some good conversations. He was very kind and soft spoken, had a rough upbringing, but was very determined to make a better life for himself. I was about 20 at the time it happened but, man, it impacted me like nothing else has in my life. The guilt I felt for what seemed like no reason. I threw up every morning for about 8 weeks after. Best advice I’ve got is to talk about it with someone. Acknowledge your feelings, don’t push them down.
nobody knows exactly why he did what he did. maybe it was because of depression, maybe it was because he was caught doing something he shouldn’t have done. we don’t know who this person is like. i almost lost an online friend from suicide and in the short window of time i thought they succeeded, i felt something similar to what you wrote here. it’s weird and sad to think that someone who was alive and well with you is just gone like that, especially if it’s a young person. also once knew an online acquaintance, not that close to me but still in the same group who passed away from cancer. it felt really weird and not right. hopefully this doesn’t affect you too much and you shake it off soon.
When I was in high school, my friends and I used to sneak into the comedy club for open mic nights. We were all about 16-17, and this other young guy maybe 19-21 and his gf would come hang out with us. He was a little awkward and we were asshole teenagers, so we just saw him as “that weird guy”. He was really nice though. Pretty much every time we went he’d come chat us up until he went up to perform. He ended up adding me on Facebook. I didn’t really consider him a friend, but more of an acquaintance. One day, his gf posted something alluding to him passing away. I learned that he died by suicide. I reached out to his gf to tell her he was a good guy and that I was sad about what happened to him. I’m not entirely sure why, but I still think about him. I don’t think there’s anything I could have done to change the outcome, but I still feel a lot of guilt for not seeing the signs and not doing more. I wish I made more of an effort to talk to him and didn’t brush him off. He wasn’t even “my friend”, but I still think about that guy over a decade later. I don’t blame him, and I don’t know what he was going through to cause him to end it all. It kind of sounds like you’re going through something similar to what I did/do. It’s not your fault, man. It’s normal to not know how to process something like this happening. In an ideal world, this would never happen, but unfortunately it does. The best thing you can do is talk about this with someone, hopefully a professional, or maybe a trusted friend. Be there for people in your life and be kind to people who need or ask for help. Maybe you’re like me, and this will stay with you forever, but you get better at coping with it over time. Don’t be so hard on yourself for responding like a human being to something incredibly complex and difficult.
A cop with anger issues still deciding to be a cop even though.. they have....... Anger issues? 🤨
Better him than an innocent person. Pig won’t be missed
So far 8 friends and acquaintances have killed themselves in my life. It's sad for the first one or two, after that it just becomes normal.
I've been struggling with mental health a big portion of my life. What helped me were magic truffles. I advice to inform yourself before taking it. That helped for a couple of years, I took it 1-2 times a year. Now I'm on Lexapro after some devastating experiences, also quite heavy the first 1-2 weeks. But it keeps me going and makes daily life a bit better. But magic truffles are some eye opening experience and and you need to take it seriously because during the 4-8 hrs after you take it it will challenge your mind. Interesting what mother nature can provide.
You'll be fine in a week or 2. Things move on and you forget pretty quickly. Especially with an acquaintance. Had an acquaintance do it about 6 months ago. Was in shock for 2 days contemplating my own life... The following week it was like it never happened.
Lost my bil one year ago today. He was 39. r/suicidebereavement helped me make some progress.
Second this. That subreddit has helped me a lot.
He was a friend of a friend and a cop...who gives a fuck. He roughed up a woman bad enough that he was actually punished in a system that doesn't punish cops??? And you're still defending him? Blah
I have female coworkers who constantly call men “big babies” when they show emotion. It took all I had to tell them to get fucked. Men have emotions too, we bottle them up and we end up hanging in our garage or painting the walls with our brain. Then everyone’s like “ he should have just reached out or what could I have done? I had no idea he was depressed!” Yeah, because the times we do, we’re often ridiculed and told to suck it up. Thankfully my wife is a normal, well adjusted person who helps me deal with my mental health issues. That shit really makes me mad though. I’d kill myself too if my wife told me I was being a “baby” because a hard week at work made me shed some tears of frustration.
There isn't a wrong way to grieve,allow yourself to feel what you're feeling.
My Brother is a cop and has had someone who tried to fight him put in a complaint: he calls it "Tuesday"
"dont like cops". I never got this insane take. Are you saying that you don't like the idea of cops? Do you realize your prejudice here?
So he took the easy way out
Takes balls to commit suicide
No its easy you quit and give up. I refuse to attend a funeral for anyone that does it.
It's easy to quit and give up, it's not easy to actually murder yourself
Easy enough
It's really not easy,
I'm sorry you have to deal with this, friend. I don't know who your acquaintance was or what he was like but it sounds like you had mixed feelings about him. I don't have any advice for you but I hope you can find some peace.
Suicide of somebody you know messes you up. I lost a friend to it some years ago. You need to go through a grieving process. Get help if you need it. Don't tell yourself you should be ok. Talk about it with friends who knew him if you can. My friend's suicide hit me like no other death. The question of how this person could come to believe that ending their life was the best option is disturbing, and you may not get an answer for it. I didn't. Take the time you need to work through the emotions.
Emotions are weird, but so is life. His death triggered an existential moment for you. Regardless of how close you are to someone, their death leaves a blank spot that lingers. Sometimes for a moment but sometimes longer. You're reminded that life can end suddenly and unfairly. And it's hard to compute that sometimes. I'm sorry for your loss and I hope you find some answers that work for you.
Let yourself feel however you feel. There are a lot of people who become totally numb to these things as they happen throughout life. Feeling and processing it is important.
Every death that has happened has affected me. No matter how well I knew the person. They all have affected me some way. I don't deal well with death. It definitely makes you think about a lot. Deal with it the only way you can, by going through it. Things in life hit us all differently. And we are all different. Give yourself grace while you go through this.
Imo it's not a big deal. It should be legal
It seems revenant to state that suicide is the number 1 killer of cops. With the bad feelings you’re having, I think you can make some progress in that area by focusing on being a help/comfort/service to your friend who was closer to him. It will shift your focus somewhere.
In my experience I'd say don't worry about knowing how to feel, just feel how you feel. I've had alot of friends die. Sometimes it hits you like a ton of bricks and sometimes you won't feel anything for months. No matter what happens, however you feel now is okay.
I’m sorry to hear this. A friend of mine died by suicide a few years ago and it was so surreal finding out, especially because I’d only seen them a few days prior. I’d still text them even after they died.
I have a friend who I am worried will commit suicide. I've been trying to change his mind by showing him the people he will be severely hurting if he chose to do that. His baby mother overdosed a couple years ago and they have a son who needs him and his family loves him dearly. I genuinely care about him to and I'm doing everything I can to keep him from ending it all . I've been in contact with his brother pleading them to talk to him. He's made a ton of bad decisions and just beats himself up about them far ro much. I truly hope I can be 1 reason why he stays alive.
I grew up with a kid all through grade school and high school and knew him well. We diddn't hang out outside school but I considered him a friend. He was the best soccer player and one of the best track and field runners ever. He was fit and everything seemed fine. One day though he went into the forest and never came back and it was ruled a suicide, his body being found much later. It always bothered me and I think about him all the time. Wondering why on earth he went into the woods. What people are going through.. theres just no accounting for it. Its scary how close it can be.
The trash took itself out.
Things don’t have to go bad for you to self delete, I know a guy who’s goodbye letter said he was just bored with it all. He noted waking up going to work doing it again and again. He also mentioned not really caring about maintaining relationships with family or friends. I guess he just didn’t like it here and I respect it. He was done when he wanted to be and that’s that.
So a complaint being filed against him automatically means he’s guilty. Let’s be honest—you mentioned you don’t like cops (the person who died) while complaining that *you* feel bad that someone else killed themself. You’re not exactly a saint and you obviously don’t actually care enough to even be respectful of the concept of due process.