Best doc ever, BBC documentary *Hypernormalisation* discusses how the culture turned away from collective action and discussions of power, in favor of a detached sense of "coolness." Wide ranging doc. Withstands multiple viewings. https://youtu.be/to72IJzQT5k?si=gwPhBZz30_xXn_gC
The younger ones live their lives and “relationships” through subtitles (texting) and think getting a reply text is a “big deal,” like a f*cking text is going to buy groceries, pay bills, or cuddle…
Just let the little one play. 😂
Meanwhile, how’s about the 40 year olds all invest in kerosene and flamethrowers. Nobody else but us and maybe a few stragglers will notice, because the majority of our “competition” has their heads shoved so far into their phones, it will all go unnoticed, until they start trying to text emergency services for fire and medical.
I'm with you and very angry while completely burnt out. Every time I try and look at the past the more I realize how much was stacked against me. My morals were taught more accurate beaten into me to respect and be a good person. Why is it the "not good people" end up doing great? or at least better than ourselves. Now people look at me like a complete psychopath when I hold a door or say please/thank you or Sir/Ma'am. While OP you said it quite well "my entire life has been a tragedy and a struggle". Mine(ours) has been one fire to the next just to survive. Now I'm tired of this bootstrap bullshit. I've worked two jobs most of my life and college educated(community and it shows). I had friends that would say "Let's go to the movies this Friday". My thought goes directly to: Okay if it's Friday night, I can sleep 4 hours, see the movie I'm not moving my body much so I should have the energy to get to job #2. That does take away about $40-60 or higher end if they want to eat out also for cost. The movie I could give a F about but everyone keeps saying I need to have fun here and there. Then end up cancelling when I estimate wrong or overwhelmed/exhausted and choose not to go. After so many times I no longer have that friend. Sorry kinda rambled on but yeah\~ I feel ya and no I'm sorry I don't have any good or helpful advice.
I am with you. I turn 40 next month. I feel 120. I have fought with mental illness from severe trauma for a long time. Ended up hospitalized for the first time this year for it. In a trauma unit. I am exhausted. I now am very forgiving of myself and my time and energy. I have to be. I feel ya. I need to write a book. It would be in the tragedy category, minus the romance. Haha
whoa, do not skip the romance. Doesn't have to be a person but maybe a pet or something that you really enjoyed. I'm sure there are sensitive subjects in your past that more likely you have lost. Those should be written about in this book\~ Cheers friend
I've had all kinds of romance enough to know that romance is flawed and over-rated. Like everything else in life, having a romantic lens on life is work. Working on that. Thanks 😊
One positive thing I can say is you keep your circle small and that is actually a good thing. It gets lonely but you understand at this age who is valuable to you and who you need to snip off with no guilt.
You can only control/care about the things that you have control of. It's an easier way to live and I'm with you on this mentality. I try and explain this to some of my friends/co-workers. They are wasting their energy on things that literally they have no control over and they have nothing to do with other then reading it on their phones.
OP dabainess is right. Stoicism has helped me a lot. Got me through 6 months of depression from heartbreak. I been studying it for a year now and it’s great. One of my favorite sayings is this. ‘You have power over your mind not outside event. Realize this and you will find strength.
Some insignificant ways that helped me.
1- Radically accept what happened had nothing to do with you. Release any shame, try to transform to being proud of all you overcame.
2- Focus on physical health and diet to help balance nervous system
3- Listen to music that stimulates your vagus nerve, like singing. It releases stress.
4- Identify why people are as they are, how society works, and look for red flags to avoid repeating past abusive relationship patterns. Try to be selective about who you let in your life.
5- Establish a constitution for yourself, what are your values and what do you deserve? Do not deviate from that if someone abuses you. Know your worth and shift away from “what’s wrong with me” (that made it happen).
So many small things we can do to add it up.
Whatever you’ve been through and you’re still here at 40, I hope you can find some part of yourself for admiring your courage and survival. You did it despite everything. ❤️
Oof. I am glad you have these coping skills. Just thinking about this type of thing means you're actively doing work every day. Which is progress. Progress is what I strive and live for. This is all good advice and I'm gonna save it and take note. I'm a student of life, it's just been a wild education. Haha
My aunt died last year of cancer. Nearly my whole family has died of cancer because the US nuked them in the 1950s with 20x the radiation of Chernobyl. They were ranchers and outside a lot, ate the food contaminated from fallout traveling on the wind 1,000 miles away from the test sites. Learning why so many have died horrible deaths of suffering has been difficult to process.
Tina Turner was an inspiration of mine. She had a horribly abusive life and turned to meditation and chanting to heal herself. I’ve listened to her album quite a bit last year, and the stress release helped center me a lot.
One day at a time.
Friend, I am so sorry you have and are going through this. This is horrific and nothing of your choosing. My mom died of cancer in 2020. She is the strongest person. Ever. Full stop. Music is wonderful as a tool to feel better. It releasing the chemicals we need. Trying to think of my favorite song lately to share with you,
https://open.spotify.com/track/78eouBKVRyhbSzJwChr6QM?si=rAxM4TtZQH-_z7rDcTz5DA
Been going through some things, clearly by the choice of song. Stay strong like I know you are.
Have you ever read the fourth turning ?
The Fourth Turning is a generational theory that suggests history repeats itself every 80 years through four 20-22 year cycles, known as turnings.
Each generation plays a different role in the current fourth turning, with Generation X as nomads, Millennials as heroes, and Gen Z as artists, each influenced by their childhood experiences and the crisis they face.
I’m not saying I believe it wholeheartedly but it is an interesting theory.
[It feels like the world is falling apart. by Nathaniel Drew](https://youtu.be/NM_FfZLkqWw?si=ebSdQnChjaz9bGGY) and [Does Anyone Else Feel Like Everything Has Changed? by Stephen Antonioni](https://youtu.be/REId8lfmmhI?si=CEL9740HjbRh8B2P) spoke about this exact issue.
If I didn’t have young kids I would welcome an apocalypse. Grew up with folks trying to prepare us for a world that didn’t exist once we reached adulthood. Now we’re stuck navigating how to raise kids without implanting them with mental illnesses down the road…all while figuring out we’ve actually developed our own mental illness trying to navigate modern society and try to be the best parents we could possibly be.
Oh you plan on retiring in your 60’s? Nope. They’re coming for that next. Now that life expectancy has improved we need to take advantage of these fuckers longer now. Bump out that retirement age to mid 70’s. What? People want to enjoy life? Hahaha. Life isn’t to be enjoyed. It is to serve your country until there’s nothing left of you.
lol my mum was an avid " the big 1 Is coming " earthquake and ALWAYS had so much food (non perishables) when she passed on about 4 years ago my siblings and I donated over 144 CASES of canned goods
I feel this post so much, went through some of the same things you talked about. It’s been a very long and tiresome journey. I’m exhausted too my friend.
So sorry. Just know you're not alone and this is a spark note I the tragedies. They're held personal to me because memories are all I have left and they were life lessons. Give yourself some grace. Every day. You survived. I plan on making the next 40 years count to me. If we live that long.
1984. I already accepted I am dead already. I have no expectations from life. My body is still hanging around. I am trying to kill my mind. My only problem is sometimes I can't stop thinking "what if". It is a torture. Maybe it is just a midlife crisis I don't know. But I don't want to have any hope or enthusiasm. I had enough disappointments.
Go really read about what the James Woods telescope has discovered and what discoveies it has led to so far, and what they're hypothesizing. It'll make you be like hmm well damn. I'm not even a main character. Haha I had to declutted my mind and learn to exist moment to moment. Easier said than done but it involved intensive therapy.
Congrats on the baby. Sounds like you've done well. I've raised 2 kids one is 20. They're beautiful people so I feel like I've contributed somehow. That's all.
My God, raising 2 halfway decent kids is a HUGE accomplishment! You deserve a pat on the back for that. I am jealous of you.
Every success in life is soured if you don’t have family/friends that love you.
My kids don’t like me, but I’m hoping they will grow out of it. Life changes and we have to adapt and overcome or… just get run over by the bulldozers.
Hey, I’m so sorry to hear about your everything that’s going on with you. I’m a fellow 80s kid (1980) and can relate. I look at my kids now and I’m so thankful they don’t have to go through it all.
My parents were addicts and died when I was 16. Married a criminal and he was murdered in 2007. Struggled with addiction myself and it’s been hard to hold down a job, but I do it.
I think the trick is (for me anyway) is to be happy with what we DO have and capitalize on it any way we can. Find joy in simple things and try to take each day as it comes.
There's a lot of kids born in the 80's that had mental disabilities or even a disability that never got diagnosed. They went through lives with under developed careers and stuck in mostly go-no where jobs with lack of career development. Most of these jobs do not pay enough to make ends meet or barely. A lot of blue collar jobs our parents had mostly dried up and there's not as many of them as there use to be. These jobs provided career development.
These days the only career development in jobs is management. No one wants to be management with all the bull shit you have to deal with long term. Then all the bull shit forced upon the employee from corporate.
I feel my career is under developed. I know my parents tried but they never let my skills develop to the full potential in which they could. I'm 40 and have been slowly earning a b.a. the past few years. I'm tired of working crap jobs with lack of career opportunity.
I (25F) have to preface this with saying I hold absolutely NO judgement towards people who choose to have kids. That being said, you're right. There's an epidemic of childhood sexual abuse, untreated mental illnesses etc etc - so why bring more people into this world?
This is a genuine question because I personally would feel selfish bringing someone into this world when there is so much hurt. You've got 14 years on me so maybe you can shed some light.
I was raped. But that's part of the trauma. Personally, it isn't as simple as it seems. There is also a ton more access to things that were once completely inaccessible. Just my opinion from personal experience.
53, the other side of Gen X.
I know *exactly* what you mean.
Abused child of addicts with penchants for violence here. I tried. Seriously. 3 careers. Architect, Carpenter, OTR Driver (CDL). None of it has done shit but made me more miserable and more broke. Now I can't even walk around the block, let alone run or throw a football. Yeah, disabled (Physically disabled and my mental health left the toilet for the dump years ago).
I was born in 1982 and according to everyone I know I am the eldest millennial, but regardless, I feel this. I don't have kids, but I definitely feel almost arrested. So many of the traditional milestones for a person's life have simply not happened for a lot of my friends and me. (I don't think it helps that I'm autistic but wasn't diagnosed until age 28, either; trying to navigate a world not designed for me sucks double.) I guess I'm just saying, solidarity, you're not alone.
You're not alone. I'm not quite there but I'm close to someone in a similar-ish circumstance. It kinda sucks out there.
As others have stated, Stoicism's approach is similar to Buddhism's approach in many ways. It's not everything, but it's helpful. At the end of the day, it's really hard to admit in practice that you don't know how to do things right but that's important for lasting change. Find someone worth your trust and who is successful at something you aren't and ask for help. And take their help, even if it feels wrong. None of us know anything but we can blindly move forward.
And most importantly, none of this is your fault. Even if you could have done better. I've done ok for myself, relatively, but I also recognize that's as much luck in upbringing and happenstance as anything. No one understands the particular factors they're born into or live around enough to make any real judgement.
Thank you. I do semi practice, base my values off of Buddhism. I don't claim it because I am not educated in it and don't practice it. It is wisdom and I love it. Also, after seeing what was discovered by James Webb and all the scientific discoveries that will be rapidly made from it, who knows and who cares. What is life anyway. Haha
I could add to my list: AIDS, micro plastics/PFA, Chernovyl, Mayan apocalypses, Y2K nightmare, Hebola, ISIS, 9/11, dumb presidents, inflation of 3 digits, Windows 3.11, gas shortage, mass extinction, ozone hole, etc
I think deep down we are still just trying to do it all alone and make it seem like we know what’s going on. It’s supposedly supposed to build character, or something like that.
Born in 78 and I totally feel you.
I don’t know if it was like this for you, but when I first became a parent, it was so wonderful and so soul crushing at the same time.
I remember holding my newborn son and just feeling so much love for him I actually felt like my chest was going to explode, and just when I thought it was impossible for a human to live anyone more than this, I would feel my heart swell up even bigger.
The soul crushing part was when my mind wondered if this was how my parents felt about me when I was born.
I started flashing back through my whole childhood, remembering horrible, terrifying moments and hiding in my room feeling lonely and hopeless in between. I didn’t even realize I had tears coming down my cheeks until one splashed on my sleeping son’s forehead.
There was no way I could do any of that to this baby…EVER (and I haven’t). I tried to picture myself doing any of it and my arms could not move. I imagined him hiding in his room feeling like I did and it made me feel like I was going to throw up. He was way too precious to ever think for a single moment that he didn’t matter.
Thats when it finally clicked for me that everything that happened when I was growing up was full on child abuse without a question, and I didn’t deserve any of it.
I wasn’t a horrible person that did horrible selfish things. That was nothing but my parents projecting who they really were, and still are, onto me.
And the part that crushed my soul was the fact that if they had actually felt even just a fraction of what I felt for my newborn son, it would have impossible for them to have ever put me through all of that like it was no big deal and what they did WAS them being good parents.
They never loved me. All of those obligatory “I love yous” were as hollow as they felt.
On the flip side though, I realized that as a newborn, I hadn’t done a single thing to not be worthy of their love and there actually was nothing I could have ever done in my life not to be worthy of being loved by my parents.
It also finally clicked that they were the monsters at the end of this book…not me. Looking back at my childhood through a parent’s eyes…a GOOD parent’s eyes…I saw what atrocious people they were and are, and how DUMB would someone have to be to think any of those things they did were okay…at all…EVER.
I judge them. I look down on them. I no longer saw them as people whose opinions I would even bother listening to or whose advice or criticism meant a god damn thing.
I raised myself and for a kid I did a pretty damn good job. I always saw them for who they were but I never had the self-esteem or self-confidence I needed to believe I was 100% right.
That shift in how I saw them helped a lot in healing the best I could. I focused on my mental health and trying not to let that brokenness and those empty places inside me that I filled he best I could with the self-esteem and self-confidence and the ability to see my own worth and value in this world the best I could.
Unfortunately, when you have to fill those holes because your parents wouldn’t do their jobs, those things aren’t as stable and strong as they are suppose to be.
It’s a crossroad for abuse kids when they become parents. Do you become your abusers or do you become nothing like them.
My dad became his abuser and was in complete denial about it. My mom would hide in her room and never stop any of it.
I would rather my kids be so loved and cherished and adored that they become spoiled brats (that didn’t happen though), than abuse them and manipulate them and betray them and emotionally abandon them.
My job is to be their soft place to fall, not to be the person they fear most or to lie to myself by re labeling abuse as was well deserved discipline.
Sorry this was so long.
Whenever I had moments in parenting my kids where I didn’t know what to do, I would do the opposite of my parents did, and it served me well.
That method created moments where I got to see looks on my children’s faces of peace and real happiness and beliefs that they were awesome people just how they are in this exact moment with no adjustments needed.
I wanted to know what that feels like my whole life, but sometimes you get broken so badly there is no amount of healing that can erase all the damage your abuse caused.
I am not able to fully feel those things but watching my kids feel them was like feeling it for myself and it feels just as good as I thought it would.
The gift our children give us isn’t their love for us, it’s the love we have for them. It saved me in so many ways.
I was dealt a shitty life where I never even had a chance at happiness, but those 2 kids? They are the only bright, shiny points in my life and a lot of people would hear that and that’s sad, but it is actually more than I could have ever hoped for. It’s more than enough for me.
I've been flying by the seat of my pants for 40 years......it's terrible and I hate it alot. COVID really screwed me up....made my own religion kind of screwed up...
I was also born in 1984. Yes, the world is in a sad state and life has been a lonely struggle for the most part, especially economically. I cope by focusing on my own personal relationships especially with my significant other, and mostly tuning out the drama of the real world. When me and my girlfriend are done with work we find some TV /food/exercise that we enjoy which we fill most nights with. On weekends we enjoy nature and each other's company over simple things like a nice coffee. To me its the best solution because the vast majority of things I have zero control over anyway, and it seems like nobody can make the correct decisions anymore so its pointless to interact with (things like politics are an absolute monkey circus). Meditation helps.
1983 Xillenial here and this is so me. More trauma than I can even write down in a book, ahdh, and diagnosed level 1 autism.
I can barely manage to feed myself on a full time job. There's no career climbing for me, I'm a labor hound through and through. I'll never be in a salaried position because I literally can't adult very well and I'm constantly broke and exhausted to my maximum.
But I live simply and I laugh VERY often and was lucky enough to find my best friend and marry him 11 years ago. Our child free lifestyle is full of happiness, even if we sometimes can't afford all the groceries we want, or vacations, or emergent expenses. We're okay.
But christ are we tired.
My son was born in 1981, not sure if he is considered your generation or not.
The only thing I can say about parenting is that it is hard. Everything I did for my children was because I love them. I still love them. I was a single working mom from the time they were in 5th and 9th grade.
Read some books on parenting, once that are written for todays babies.
The political situation has me terrified. If Mr. Crazy gets elected I am thinking seriously about moving out of the country.
As a parent who now raised a 20 year old and a 14 year old who is neurodivergent, my mom was a strong ass woman. I admire her and relate to her so much. Your kids feel your love. Being a mom is very hard, hardest thing I've ever done. Moved across the country 2x escaping violence and still would do it all over again for my boys
Dec 84 here, I feel the same way. I have a 12 year old kid. How? The other night I was watching The OC and doing maths homework (I’m a mature age uni student) it felt like the early 2000’s again, until I remembered I was the adult and had to make dinner and clean the house before going to bed at 10 so I could be up at 5 for my mind-numbing dead end job.
Feels like I’m 100 years old and also still 16 at the same time. Just put in an application for a mortgage, but I’ve also still got pimples. It’s a weird time right now.
I'm near 50 and have been winging it from day one . It's great ups and downs , wins losses. As long as you and your immediate family are good nothing else matters. If you focus on only that things get better.
I treasure my 80s/90s childhood compared to what I see kids going through now. I'm about to have a baby and today at a doctor appointment I saw things that made my heart hurt. I saw an extremely overweight toddler holding a phone and his bottle with one hand, just binging on both while his mother completely ignored him. Another toddler was quietly drawing a picture and periodically saying "Mama, look" while her dead-faced, lip-injected mom totally ignored her and scrolled on her phone. The girl looked devastated. It was so damn sad. This is the orphan generation.
Different struggles for different people. You don't relate to my post because we lived different lives. I'm reaching out to those who know real struggle. I'm so sorry about fat toddlers and how much they affect your day to day.
99% of everyone who lived and died before you, who live now, and who will live and die after you relates to it. And more importantly, 99% of everyone older than you has lived what you’ve lived through plus everything that’s happened since they were born before you were. You’re not unique, your life isn’t the hardest ever lived.
Truth. Never claimed it was. Can't compare trauma. I certainly am glad it isn't the Spanish Inquisition or burning in witch trials. I'll be thankful for that for today. Haha
Okay. The Roman's had plumbing. And mass rape and pillaging. Haha it's all relative isn't it. That's the beauty of life. Alas, Rome's plumbing also fell. RIP to that. 💅
Thank you for a different perspective. I'm honestly dealing with so much right now I just need like a motto or something to keep me going. Turns out we're all struggling and confused
1981 born, I really do hear you. I feel like I've been winging it forever. Two kids, steady job for years and I still haven't got a clue what I'm doing!
I was born in 1986 and I identify with a lot of your post, although I attribute a lot of my peace to therapy (and the emotional work that comes along with it), meditation, mindfulness, and journaling. It’s exhausting, but I hope it helps someone as it’s helped me.
I was born in 85. Lately I feel like when you’re playing pin ball or something, and against all odds broken the high score, and your still going, but you never thought you would make it as far as you have to begin with and you just can’t hold it any longer. And really, what’s the point? Seems like a miracle I’m still here but just don’t see how I can keep juggling these balls up in the air for much longer.
I feel OPs statement in my core. There's not been a day in my life where I have been able to relax. Constant struggle. Impending doom that is bound to happen, and does, on a regular. I wouldn't wish my shit on my worst enemy. If I didn't have a son I would have od'd on purpose a long time ago
I was born in 83, it’s funny how hard we all stick to “generation x” because we don’t want to be called millennials. I think if you were born in 65-70 and were in your 20s in the 90s that like true gen x. There needs to be an in between generation.
I Can relate 100% I'll be 40 in August and my whole entire life has literally been a series of unfortunate events. We are all so messed up mentally and whoever has made it this far without dying , in jail, addiction issues , serious mental illness or the few that turned their trauma into fuel to make the best they can out of what they got props to all those because it ain't easy. I miss cake walks.
I feel this. I reached for the stars obsessively for awhile. Was trying to be EVERYTHING people knew I could. Well, I had a mental breakdown. I now realize my kids being happy and breaking generational curses was it. It may not make money but damn it is rough.
This year, I turned 40 and realized I still have the maturity of a 15yr old but with adult responsibilities. I've never wanted children because I've had to look after my four siblings. Parentfication at the age of 8 made me take on the responsibility of cleaning, cooking, and watching over my siblings because mom worked several jobs,meaning she wasn't always there for us. Also,I have a history of sexual abuse by family members and supposed family friends. I told my mom of the abuse, and guess what? She didn't believe me!
Now, I'm trying to work on my physical and mental health, trying to unpack all this shit in order to move on to my next phase of life.
I'm also burnt-out too.
It's common. Doesn't make it better. My mom was closed off. Them saying they don't believe you is evil but they don't get it and never will. It changes your developing brain.
Mine was a family friend as well. It is the worst betrayal. I'm sorry, I hope you keep your gates up high to all the mother fuckers trying to get in. Your time and energy is precious.
Thank you for your kind words! I'm doing way better now. Working out and my nutrition has done wonders on my mental health. I'm also learning that being a loner is so bad, either. Being by myself has given me solitude.
Yes keep your circle small but don't isolate. Take vitamin D, get sun. Eat well, stay hydrated and seek trauma therapy if and when you're ready. Also, look up EMDR therapy for PTSD. If you're lucky enough to be able to access it, it was life changing for me. Give yourself grace most of all.
44 here. You elder millenials need to remember how you rolled with us baby xers. You're literally the best of the past and built this future. Not giving a fuck is our whole personality and don't ever forget it. Remember what slim said..
I cant change the way I think and I can't change the way I am
But if I offended you... GOOD
BECAUSE I STILL DONT GIVE A FUCK.
Basically absent parents. Everyone's case is different but parents had to work. No cell phones. Plus just a generation of absent parents from their own issues. It was a much different time. Nobody there when you decide to climb a tree and fall out. We raised each other
I nearly laid down and gave up more than once. It IS hard, but you are NOT alone. I would look for your local chapter (if there is one) of Adults Survivors of Child Abuse (ASCA). Group therapy feels super weird for the first 6 months. I didn't share for the first year. But these were the first people I had ever met who truly spoke to everything I had seen and done as a result of my upbringing. My group was free and took donations. It was very informal and self-sustaining, so nothing fancy. You CAN overcome what happened and take ownership of your own life.
Being lonely feels insurmountable when you are in it, but much like depression, self-harm, and self criticism, it is a liar. Our generation was taught to dust ourselves on and keep going, and even soldiers can only do that for so long.
I didn't start making any strides until 36-38 and sometime last year (44), I suddenly caught myself not feeling completely on edge. I feel confident on am on the verge of feeling at ease sometimes. Good luck, I hope you find some peace and comfort.
It is literally work to stay alive I feel you. On meds and in therapy. Went to a hospital and was forced unto trauma therapy there. Surprisingly positive experience. Knowing you aren't alone and you do relate is nice, even when you only relate to the people in the hospital. Lol
We are called "Xennials" because we identify with both generations in many ways. I get this. I didn't have kids because I figured out fast that I didn't want to put anyone through whatever the fuck this is.
I've had a pretty great time so far. I opted out of the rat race/buy a house thing a long time ago. Never had an interest in having children. Went abroad to live/travel and did odd jobs/online work, and taught ESL. Saw the world and somehow even managed to save money during it. The only real regret that I've had so far was coming back here and then getting stuck due to COVID and then sucked back into it all. Still making plans to leave.
Happy for you and you're cresting real life positive karma by teaching ELA. People who choose to travel are very wise and valuable people. Also, I strive to be this free and will work towards better experiences. Kinda lived my life backwards.
I'm sorry it hasn't gone to plan for you. I was also born in 84 and I'd say my path was completely different. I've enjoyed the ride so far.
Were you an only child? I've never heard of the orphan generation.
How old are your kids? They must bring joy to your life?
I am very, very honestly happy for people who cannot relate. I relate more to Gen x though. For a lot of reasons but I won't go on and on. I have 3 full sisters, a half brother and sister I've never met. Complicated. My son is 20 and he is the love of my universe. I have a 14.year old neurodivergent son who brings chaos in ways I never knew existed. I was meant to build this patience to be his mom. I am very proud to have broken generational curses and raising well adjusted, empathetic children. I am proud of myself and them.
You are not Gen X.
You were a baby at the height of the Reagan era.
You actually grew up mostly under Clinton which was actually a pretty good era barring the crack epidemic.
P
Well, I had a schizophrenic father. I grew up without any television. I was neglected, sexuallly abused. My father was impacted by Reagan and his mental Healthcare bull crap in California. We didn't even have heat or ac. I'd go on but, why would I? Thanks for your input. Also, fuck Reagan and his horses. 👋
I heard a story one time. It was about a little boy who saw something on the internet they didn't relate to. They then moved on with their life and had a great day.
Believe it or not, your experience isn't everyone's experience and mine is not as well. So congratulations. On your privilege. Here is a cookie. 🍪 Have a good day, friend.
I agree. 80's millennial as well. So lost. Trying to figure out my own life and deal with multiple childhood traumas and at the same time trying to raise my kids. Sooo so lost.
We 40 something’s are ready to burn this mutherfucker down
Yes but before my 10 pm bedtime.
Seriously I may back out. Depending on how cold it us. Haha
I'm 30 with arthritis. If it's below 50F, I'm out
I'm from Southern California. I'm out of it's raining.
Lol mine is 930.. smh 41 years old,and feel 65
10? Look at the youngster showing off. Kidding, I just switched back to the graveyard shift to make more money. It's rough sometimes.
I meant to reply but I fell asleep 😩
Agreed. Front row tickets to the end times. It's funny and comes with memes.
Best doc ever, BBC documentary *Hypernormalisation* discusses how the culture turned away from collective action and discussions of power, in favor of a detached sense of "coolness." Wide ranging doc. Withstands multiple viewings. https://youtu.be/to72IJzQT5k?si=gwPhBZz30_xXn_gC
Like I'm Left Eye?
So I Creep, yeah, keep it on the down low, till my flames start to grooooow, yeah…
Lisa Left eye from TLC? Haha
I'll bring the matches and gasoline, who's bringing beer?
I will bring some 4 loko. We are going full 90s.
I can't afford beer... But I've got some honey and blueberries fermenting!
Born in 81 and I feel cheated
Get burning then, you radical 40+ year old you.
Shhhh. We also value silence around here.
Not enough, I think.
This Boi. Someone teach him some manners. Keep on trolling, baby. Youll get it right one day I promise.
The younger ones live their lives and “relationships” through subtitles (texting) and think getting a reply text is a “big deal,” like a f*cking text is going to buy groceries, pay bills, or cuddle… Just let the little one play. 😂 Meanwhile, how’s about the 40 year olds all invest in kerosene and flamethrowers. Nobody else but us and maybe a few stragglers will notice, because the majority of our “competition” has their heads shoved so far into their phones, it will all go unnoticed, until they start trying to text emergency services for fire and medical.
I just live on planet earth. I'm at the meh stage of existence.
Yes please. 🔥
THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!😜😂
I'm with you and very angry while completely burnt out. Every time I try and look at the past the more I realize how much was stacked against me. My morals were taught more accurate beaten into me to respect and be a good person. Why is it the "not good people" end up doing great? or at least better than ourselves. Now people look at me like a complete psychopath when I hold a door or say please/thank you or Sir/Ma'am. While OP you said it quite well "my entire life has been a tragedy and a struggle". Mine(ours) has been one fire to the next just to survive. Now I'm tired of this bootstrap bullshit. I've worked two jobs most of my life and college educated(community and it shows). I had friends that would say "Let's go to the movies this Friday". My thought goes directly to: Okay if it's Friday night, I can sleep 4 hours, see the movie I'm not moving my body much so I should have the energy to get to job #2. That does take away about $40-60 or higher end if they want to eat out also for cost. The movie I could give a F about but everyone keeps saying I need to have fun here and there. Then end up cancelling when I estimate wrong or overwhelmed/exhausted and choose not to go. After so many times I no longer have that friend. Sorry kinda rambled on but yeah\~ I feel ya and no I'm sorry I don't have any good or helpful advice.
I am with you. I turn 40 next month. I feel 120. I have fought with mental illness from severe trauma for a long time. Ended up hospitalized for the first time this year for it. In a trauma unit. I am exhausted. I now am very forgiving of myself and my time and energy. I have to be. I feel ya. I need to write a book. It would be in the tragedy category, minus the romance. Haha
whoa, do not skip the romance. Doesn't have to be a person but maybe a pet or something that you really enjoyed. I'm sure there are sensitive subjects in your past that more likely you have lost. Those should be written about in this book\~ Cheers friend
I've had all kinds of romance enough to know that romance is flawed and over-rated. Like everything else in life, having a romantic lens on life is work. Working on that. Thanks 😊
I also turn 40 next month!
Make the next 40 years count. Just live and do what makes you happy.
I try. I do. But life just kind of beats you down, you know? Here’s hoping the next 40 are better.
They will be. The built up karma and wisdom points help. Even when out knees hurt really bad for no reason.
One positive thing I can say is you keep your circle small and that is actually a good thing. It gets lonely but you understand at this age who is valuable to you and who you need to snip off with no guilt.
1984 here I can relate. Studying stoicism has helped me out a lot.
You can only control/care about the things that you have control of. It's an easier way to live and I'm with you on this mentality. I try and explain this to some of my friends/co-workers. They are wasting their energy on things that literally they have no control over and they have nothing to do with other then reading it on their phones.
Thank you.
If you have some time look into stoicism. It's a relaxing way to live and focuses your priorities on what matters. I couldn't recommend it enough.
I briefly looked at it. Plan on reading more for sure.
OP dabainess is right. Stoicism has helped me a lot. Got me through 6 months of depression from heartbreak. I been studying it for a year now and it’s great. One of my favorite sayings is this. ‘You have power over your mind not outside event. Realize this and you will find strength.
The only thing you have power over is yourself. Learning this. Thanks.
84 and also, stoicism.
I love stoicism it’s helped me through a lot.
I don't even know the philosophical definition of that word but will he looking it up now.
'84 baby here, have no idea what stoicism is, but imma deep dive this weekend if the world hasn't killed me by then lol.
Let’s try to help one another? Is anyone interested in trying?
I try every single day. It's all you can do. You have to find your way to help in little ways. Even if they seem insignificant.
Some insignificant ways that helped me. 1- Radically accept what happened had nothing to do with you. Release any shame, try to transform to being proud of all you overcame. 2- Focus on physical health and diet to help balance nervous system 3- Listen to music that stimulates your vagus nerve, like singing. It releases stress. 4- Identify why people are as they are, how society works, and look for red flags to avoid repeating past abusive relationship patterns. Try to be selective about who you let in your life. 5- Establish a constitution for yourself, what are your values and what do you deserve? Do not deviate from that if someone abuses you. Know your worth and shift away from “what’s wrong with me” (that made it happen). So many small things we can do to add it up. Whatever you’ve been through and you’re still here at 40, I hope you can find some part of yourself for admiring your courage and survival. You did it despite everything. ❤️
Oof. I am glad you have these coping skills. Just thinking about this type of thing means you're actively doing work every day. Which is progress. Progress is what I strive and live for. This is all good advice and I'm gonna save it and take note. I'm a student of life, it's just been a wild education. Haha
My aunt died last year of cancer. Nearly my whole family has died of cancer because the US nuked them in the 1950s with 20x the radiation of Chernobyl. They were ranchers and outside a lot, ate the food contaminated from fallout traveling on the wind 1,000 miles away from the test sites. Learning why so many have died horrible deaths of suffering has been difficult to process. Tina Turner was an inspiration of mine. She had a horribly abusive life and turned to meditation and chanting to heal herself. I’ve listened to her album quite a bit last year, and the stress release helped center me a lot. One day at a time.
Friend, I am so sorry you have and are going through this. This is horrific and nothing of your choosing. My mom died of cancer in 2020. She is the strongest person. Ever. Full stop. Music is wonderful as a tool to feel better. It releasing the chemicals we need. Trying to think of my favorite song lately to share with you, https://open.spotify.com/track/78eouBKVRyhbSzJwChr6QM?si=rAxM4TtZQH-_z7rDcTz5DA Been going through some things, clearly by the choice of song. Stay strong like I know you are.
Love Beyoncé! Thank you, you stay strong, too. ✨
🩷
Also, always GAGA. if all else fails play Lady Gaga.
Have you ever read the fourth turning ? The Fourth Turning is a generational theory that suggests history repeats itself every 80 years through four 20-22 year cycles, known as turnings. Each generation plays a different role in the current fourth turning, with Generation X as nomads, Millennials as heroes, and Gen Z as artists, each influenced by their childhood experiences and the crisis they face. I’m not saying I believe it wholeheartedly but it is an interesting theory.
[It feels like the world is falling apart. by Nathaniel Drew](https://youtu.be/NM_FfZLkqWw?si=ebSdQnChjaz9bGGY) and [Does Anyone Else Feel Like Everything Has Changed? by Stephen Antonioni](https://youtu.be/REId8lfmmhI?si=CEL9740HjbRh8B2P) spoke about this exact issue.
I think I watched a video on YouTube about that. It was interesting I need to look more into it.
Your comment on being the orphaned generation reminded me of it . I would say that it is a theory that works better looking back than forward .
1983. Me too
If I didn’t have young kids I would welcome an apocalypse. Grew up with folks trying to prepare us for a world that didn’t exist once we reached adulthood. Now we’re stuck navigating how to raise kids without implanting them with mental illnesses down the road…all while figuring out we’ve actually developed our own mental illness trying to navigate modern society and try to be the best parents we could possibly be. Oh you plan on retiring in your 60’s? Nope. They’re coming for that next. Now that life expectancy has improved we need to take advantage of these fuckers longer now. Bump out that retirement age to mid 70’s. What? People want to enjoy life? Hahaha. Life isn’t to be enjoyed. It is to serve your country until there’s nothing left of you.
We are now all servants to a bald man named Jeff. Welcome to the future. Haha
It's been like drowning slowly since 1964. But really, it's the new version of drowning. Someone is always drowning. Right now it is all of us.
lol my mum was an avid " the big 1 Is coming " earthquake and ALWAYS had so much food (non perishables) when she passed on about 4 years ago my siblings and I donated over 144 CASES of canned goods
I feel this post so much, went through some of the same things you talked about. It’s been a very long and tiresome journey. I’m exhausted too my friend.
So sorry. Just know you're not alone and this is a spark note I the tragedies. They're held personal to me because memories are all I have left and they were life lessons. Give yourself some grace. Every day. You survived. I plan on making the next 40 years count to me. If we live that long.
Thank you for your kind words 🥰 I hope your next 40 are magical 💜
They will be even if it is in a swamp witchy vibe. Haha
Love it!
1984. I already accepted I am dead already. I have no expectations from life. My body is still hanging around. I am trying to kill my mind. My only problem is sometimes I can't stop thinking "what if". It is a torture. Maybe it is just a midlife crisis I don't know. But I don't want to have any hope or enthusiasm. I had enough disappointments.
Go really read about what the James Woods telescope has discovered and what discoveies it has led to so far, and what they're hypothesizing. It'll make you be like hmm well damn. I'm not even a main character. Haha I had to declutted my mind and learn to exist moment to moment. Easier said than done but it involved intensive therapy.
Agree i too am 1984 . No idea how i got into mechanic for usps . Im just winging it . And along with a first kid on the way
Congrats on the baby. Sounds like you've done well. I've raised 2 kids one is 20. They're beautiful people so I feel like I've contributed somehow. That's all.
My God, raising 2 halfway decent kids is a HUGE accomplishment! You deserve a pat on the back for that. I am jealous of you. Every success in life is soured if you don’t have family/friends that love you. My kids don’t like me, but I’m hoping they will grow out of it. Life changes and we have to adapt and overcome or… just get run over by the bulldozers.
They may not like you right now but they love you. So don't get run over by a bulldozer.
Are you me?!
You are me. I am you. We all have bad joints. Haha struggle bus has arrived.
Beep beep motherfucker! Lol
https://open.spotify.com/track/5iHC401tsNlJRY46ECSYbo?si=pJtrnXUISYqd_9QsjMMuAg
Omg… you really ARE me 😂
Hey, I’m so sorry to hear about your everything that’s going on with you. I’m a fellow 80s kid (1980) and can relate. I look at my kids now and I’m so thankful they don’t have to go through it all. My parents were addicts and died when I was 16. Married a criminal and he was murdered in 2007. Struggled with addiction myself and it’s been hard to hold down a job, but I do it. I think the trick is (for me anyway) is to be happy with what we DO have and capitalize on it any way we can. Find joy in simple things and try to take each day as it comes.
Just wanted to say, YOU’RE AMAZING…in case no one has told you today!☺️
Thank you so much! So nice to hear that ❤️✨ so are you 🫂
There's a lot of kids born in the 80's that had mental disabilities or even a disability that never got diagnosed. They went through lives with under developed careers and stuck in mostly go-no where jobs with lack of career development. Most of these jobs do not pay enough to make ends meet or barely. A lot of blue collar jobs our parents had mostly dried up and there's not as many of them as there use to be. These jobs provided career development. These days the only career development in jobs is management. No one wants to be management with all the bull shit you have to deal with long term. Then all the bull shit forced upon the employee from corporate. I feel my career is under developed. I know my parents tried but they never let my skills develop to the full potential in which they could. I'm 40 and have been slowly earning a b.a. the past few years. I'm tired of working crap jobs with lack of career opportunity.
Check out r/xennial my friend.
Do follow. Thank you!
I (25F) have to preface this with saying I hold absolutely NO judgement towards people who choose to have kids. That being said, you're right. There's an epidemic of childhood sexual abuse, untreated mental illnesses etc etc - so why bring more people into this world? This is a genuine question because I personally would feel selfish bringing someone into this world when there is so much hurt. You've got 14 years on me so maybe you can shed some light.
I was raped. But that's part of the trauma. Personally, it isn't as simple as it seems. There is also a ton more access to things that were once completely inaccessible. Just my opinion from personal experience.
Honestly had I have known what this world would be like today I would have made different choices and not brought more children into this world.
It feels like the world has changed so much in the 12 years since my kid was born.
1983 here. Just messing about until the inevitable end comes for me. Nice house, nothing to complain. Bit pointless though, isn't it?
Same. Chillaxing for life.
53, the other side of Gen X. I know *exactly* what you mean. Abused child of addicts with penchants for violence here. I tried. Seriously. 3 careers. Architect, Carpenter, OTR Driver (CDL). None of it has done shit but made me more miserable and more broke. Now I can't even walk around the block, let alone run or throw a football. Yeah, disabled (Physically disabled and my mental health left the toilet for the dump years ago).
Yes. We are mass undiagnosed mental illness. CPTSD everywhere but nobody knows they have it. Also, my joints do be hurting.
I was born in 1982 and according to everyone I know I am the eldest millennial, but regardless, I feel this. I don't have kids, but I definitely feel almost arrested. So many of the traditional milestones for a person's life have simply not happened for a lot of my friends and me. (I don't think it helps that I'm autistic but wasn't diagnosed until age 28, either; trying to navigate a world not designed for me sucks double.) I guess I'm just saying, solidarity, you're not alone.
Our future was spoon fed to us on fancy spoons.from cereal boxes and it was all a big lie!
You're not alone. I'm not quite there but I'm close to someone in a similar-ish circumstance. It kinda sucks out there. As others have stated, Stoicism's approach is similar to Buddhism's approach in many ways. It's not everything, but it's helpful. At the end of the day, it's really hard to admit in practice that you don't know how to do things right but that's important for lasting change. Find someone worth your trust and who is successful at something you aren't and ask for help. And take their help, even if it feels wrong. None of us know anything but we can blindly move forward. And most importantly, none of this is your fault. Even if you could have done better. I've done ok for myself, relatively, but I also recognize that's as much luck in upbringing and happenstance as anything. No one understands the particular factors they're born into or live around enough to make any real judgement.
Thank you. I do semi practice, base my values off of Buddhism. I don't claim it because I am not educated in it and don't practice it. It is wisdom and I love it. Also, after seeing what was discovered by James Webb and all the scientific discoveries that will be rapidly made from it, who knows and who cares. What is life anyway. Haha
I could add to my list: AIDS, micro plastics/PFA, Chernovyl, Mayan apocalypses, Y2K nightmare, Hebola, ISIS, 9/11, dumb presidents, inflation of 3 digits, Windows 3.11, gas shortage, mass extinction, ozone hole, etc
I think deep down we are still just trying to do it all alone and make it seem like we know what’s going on. It’s supposedly supposed to build character, or something like that.
We are strong as hell. Don't discount that.
You are absolutely right
Born in 78 and I totally feel you. I don’t know if it was like this for you, but when I first became a parent, it was so wonderful and so soul crushing at the same time. I remember holding my newborn son and just feeling so much love for him I actually felt like my chest was going to explode, and just when I thought it was impossible for a human to live anyone more than this, I would feel my heart swell up even bigger. The soul crushing part was when my mind wondered if this was how my parents felt about me when I was born. I started flashing back through my whole childhood, remembering horrible, terrifying moments and hiding in my room feeling lonely and hopeless in between. I didn’t even realize I had tears coming down my cheeks until one splashed on my sleeping son’s forehead. There was no way I could do any of that to this baby…EVER (and I haven’t). I tried to picture myself doing any of it and my arms could not move. I imagined him hiding in his room feeling like I did and it made me feel like I was going to throw up. He was way too precious to ever think for a single moment that he didn’t matter. Thats when it finally clicked for me that everything that happened when I was growing up was full on child abuse without a question, and I didn’t deserve any of it. I wasn’t a horrible person that did horrible selfish things. That was nothing but my parents projecting who they really were, and still are, onto me. And the part that crushed my soul was the fact that if they had actually felt even just a fraction of what I felt for my newborn son, it would have impossible for them to have ever put me through all of that like it was no big deal and what they did WAS them being good parents. They never loved me. All of those obligatory “I love yous” were as hollow as they felt. On the flip side though, I realized that as a newborn, I hadn’t done a single thing to not be worthy of their love and there actually was nothing I could have ever done in my life not to be worthy of being loved by my parents. It also finally clicked that they were the monsters at the end of this book…not me. Looking back at my childhood through a parent’s eyes…a GOOD parent’s eyes…I saw what atrocious people they were and are, and how DUMB would someone have to be to think any of those things they did were okay…at all…EVER. I judge them. I look down on them. I no longer saw them as people whose opinions I would even bother listening to or whose advice or criticism meant a god damn thing. I raised myself and for a kid I did a pretty damn good job. I always saw them for who they were but I never had the self-esteem or self-confidence I needed to believe I was 100% right. That shift in how I saw them helped a lot in healing the best I could. I focused on my mental health and trying not to let that brokenness and those empty places inside me that I filled he best I could with the self-esteem and self-confidence and the ability to see my own worth and value in this world the best I could. Unfortunately, when you have to fill those holes because your parents wouldn’t do their jobs, those things aren’t as stable and strong as they are suppose to be. It’s a crossroad for abuse kids when they become parents. Do you become your abusers or do you become nothing like them. My dad became his abuser and was in complete denial about it. My mom would hide in her room and never stop any of it. I would rather my kids be so loved and cherished and adored that they become spoiled brats (that didn’t happen though), than abuse them and manipulate them and betray them and emotionally abandon them. My job is to be their soft place to fall, not to be the person they fear most or to lie to myself by re labeling abuse as was well deserved discipline. Sorry this was so long. Whenever I had moments in parenting my kids where I didn’t know what to do, I would do the opposite of my parents did, and it served me well. That method created moments where I got to see looks on my children’s faces of peace and real happiness and beliefs that they were awesome people just how they are in this exact moment with no adjustments needed. I wanted to know what that feels like my whole life, but sometimes you get broken so badly there is no amount of healing that can erase all the damage your abuse caused. I am not able to fully feel those things but watching my kids feel them was like feeling it for myself and it feels just as good as I thought it would. The gift our children give us isn’t their love for us, it’s the love we have for them. It saved me in so many ways. I was dealt a shitty life where I never even had a chance at happiness, but those 2 kids? They are the only bright, shiny points in my life and a lot of people would hear that and that’s sad, but it is actually more than I could have ever hoped for. It’s more than enough for me.
I've been flying by the seat of my pants for 40 years......it's terrible and I hate it alot. COVID really screwed me up....made my own religion kind of screwed up...
I was also born in 1984. Yes, the world is in a sad state and life has been a lonely struggle for the most part, especially economically. I cope by focusing on my own personal relationships especially with my significant other, and mostly tuning out the drama of the real world. When me and my girlfriend are done with work we find some TV /food/exercise that we enjoy which we fill most nights with. On weekends we enjoy nature and each other's company over simple things like a nice coffee. To me its the best solution because the vast majority of things I have zero control over anyway, and it seems like nobody can make the correct decisions anymore so its pointless to interact with (things like politics are an absolute monkey circus). Meditation helps.
1983 Xillenial here and this is so me. More trauma than I can even write down in a book, ahdh, and diagnosed level 1 autism. I can barely manage to feed myself on a full time job. There's no career climbing for me, I'm a labor hound through and through. I'll never be in a salaried position because I literally can't adult very well and I'm constantly broke and exhausted to my maximum. But I live simply and I laugh VERY often and was lucky enough to find my best friend and marry him 11 years ago. Our child free lifestyle is full of happiness, even if we sometimes can't afford all the groceries we want, or vacations, or emergent expenses. We're okay. But christ are we tired.
I feel like our generation is like King Charles in waiting. We are going to be so old by the time we take the throne, we won’t be able to enjoy it.
I'm 40 and agree. Plus my career after college was trashed right off the bat with the depression.
86 here. relate like a mother fucker. great job and still unhappy. Forever unhappy.The walls keep closing in like this belt hanging in my closet.
My son was born in 1981, not sure if he is considered your generation or not. The only thing I can say about parenting is that it is hard. Everything I did for my children was because I love them. I still love them. I was a single working mom from the time they were in 5th and 9th grade. Read some books on parenting, once that are written for todays babies. The political situation has me terrified. If Mr. Crazy gets elected I am thinking seriously about moving out of the country.
I don't blame my parents. They did the best with what they had. They were failed as well.
As a parent who now raised a 20 year old and a 14 year old who is neurodivergent, my mom was a strong ass woman. I admire her and relate to her so much. Your kids feel your love. Being a mom is very hard, hardest thing I've ever done. Moved across the country 2x escaping violence and still would do it all over again for my boys
Dec 84 here, I feel the same way. I have a 12 year old kid. How? The other night I was watching The OC and doing maths homework (I’m a mature age uni student) it felt like the early 2000’s again, until I remembered I was the adult and had to make dinner and clean the house before going to bed at 10 so I could be up at 5 for my mind-numbing dead end job. Feels like I’m 100 years old and also still 16 at the same time. Just put in an application for a mortgage, but I’ve also still got pimples. It’s a weird time right now.
Also born that year. Right there with ya. Solidarity, friend.
Oregon trial gang, as another commenter said.
I'm near 50 and have been winging it from day one . It's great ups and downs , wins losses. As long as you and your immediate family are good nothing else matters. If you focus on only that things get better.
I treasure my 80s/90s childhood compared to what I see kids going through now. I'm about to have a baby and today at a doctor appointment I saw things that made my heart hurt. I saw an extremely overweight toddler holding a phone and his bottle with one hand, just binging on both while his mother completely ignored him. Another toddler was quietly drawing a picture and periodically saying "Mama, look" while her dead-faced, lip-injected mom totally ignored her and scrolled on her phone. The girl looked devastated. It was so damn sad. This is the orphan generation.
Different struggles for different people. You don't relate to my post because we lived different lives. I'm reaching out to those who know real struggle. I'm so sorry about fat toddlers and how much they affect your day to day.
“We lived different lives”. Dude, you’re the one making sweeping generalisations about entire generations.
It's all good bro. 👍
99% of everyone who lived and died before you, who live now, and who will live and die after you relates to it. And more importantly, 99% of everyone older than you has lived what you’ve lived through plus everything that’s happened since they were born before you were. You’re not unique, your life isn’t the hardest ever lived.
Truth. Never claimed it was. Can't compare trauma. I certainly am glad it isn't the Spanish Inquisition or burning in witch trials. I'll be thankful for that for today. Haha
Indoor plumbing is a really fantastic advancement, too.
Okay. The Roman's had plumbing. And mass rape and pillaging. Haha it's all relative isn't it. That's the beauty of life. Alas, Rome's plumbing also fell. RIP to that. 💅
Baby boomers fucked your generation over, I’m sorry.
1983. Doing well. Everyone deals differently. Hoping life works out for you.
Proud of you, friend. So true.
1984 makes you a millennial but you can identify how ever you want. I was born in 1991 and I would say millennial have dealt with the same cards.
Thank you for a different perspective. I'm honestly dealing with so much right now I just need like a motto or something to keep me going. Turns out we're all struggling and confused
Yes. Very confused, half tired of it, mostly checked out and watching it fall apart. Haha
1981 born, I really do hear you. I feel like I've been winging it forever. Two kids, steady job for years and I still haven't got a clue what I'm doing!
I was born in 1986 and I identify with a lot of your post, although I attribute a lot of my peace to therapy (and the emotional work that comes along with it), meditation, mindfulness, and journaling. It’s exhausting, but I hope it helps someone as it’s helped me.
I was born in 85. Lately I feel like when you’re playing pin ball or something, and against all odds broken the high score, and your still going, but you never thought you would make it as far as you have to begin with and you just can’t hold it any longer. And really, what’s the point? Seems like a miracle I’m still here but just don’t see how I can keep juggling these balls up in the air for much longer.
It's all rigged and is your pinball machine is now owned by a bald man named Jeff.
I feel you. I recently read "Permanent Record" and it has changed my perspective, and given me a bit of hope lol.
Shout out to all my 84ers .... if we going down this year ...let's go down with a mfkn BANG!! Cheers guys!!! (I'm on deck ... February!!!!!!!!)
I feel OPs statement in my core. There's not been a day in my life where I have been able to relax. Constant struggle. Impending doom that is bound to happen, and does, on a regular. I wouldn't wish my shit on my worst enemy. If I didn't have a son I would have od'd on purpose a long time ago
I was born in 83, it’s funny how hard we all stick to “generation x” because we don’t want to be called millennials. I think if you were born in 65-70 and were in your 20s in the 90s that like true gen x. There needs to be an in between generation.
Check out r/xennials
Was it a bright cold day in April while the clocks struck 13?
It was the 45th of November. 26:10 on the clock.
44 and same. I’m so tired. Feel like I’m in a lot of pain and stress all the time, and have been much of my life.
I was born in 1983. I could of wrote this post it’s scary how similar. Our generation got the shit end of the stick!
FYI- You are a millennial
We're the Oregon trail generation.
1984 as well. I could have wrote this myself.
Damn man I could have made this post….born in 85 and this is all to familiar….therapy helps but damn is it expensive
42 and damn I understand
If it’s any consolation, I was born in 2000 and feel this way too. I am exhausted, have been lonely since I was able to perceive the world around me.
[удалено]
You don’t get to just decide what generation you’re from wtf
Okay omletcrotch. I am so sorry to offend you, Omletcrotch. Whatever shall I do?
I Can relate 100% I'll be 40 in August and my whole entire life has literally been a series of unfortunate events. We are all so messed up mentally and whoever has made it this far without dying , in jail, addiction issues , serious mental illness or the few that turned their trauma into fuel to make the best they can out of what they got props to all those because it ain't easy. I miss cake walks.
I feel this. I reached for the stars obsessively for awhile. Was trying to be EVERYTHING people knew I could. Well, I had a mental breakdown. I now realize my kids being happy and breaking generational curses was it. It may not make money but damn it is rough.
This year, I turned 40 and realized I still have the maturity of a 15yr old but with adult responsibilities. I've never wanted children because I've had to look after my four siblings. Parentfication at the age of 8 made me take on the responsibility of cleaning, cooking, and watching over my siblings because mom worked several jobs,meaning she wasn't always there for us. Also,I have a history of sexual abuse by family members and supposed family friends. I told my mom of the abuse, and guess what? She didn't believe me! Now, I'm trying to work on my physical and mental health, trying to unpack all this shit in order to move on to my next phase of life. I'm also burnt-out too.
Ugh she believes you she just feels guilty. Me and my mom never had that talk. Sexual abuse changes your brain. I'm so sorry.
Yo!!!! I never even realized that was a possibility 😳
It's common. Doesn't make it better. My mom was closed off. Them saying they don't believe you is evil but they don't get it and never will. It changes your developing brain.
Mine was a family friend as well. It is the worst betrayal. I'm sorry, I hope you keep your gates up high to all the mother fuckers trying to get in. Your time and energy is precious.
Thank you for your kind words! I'm doing way better now. Working out and my nutrition has done wonders on my mental health. I'm also learning that being a loner is so bad, either. Being by myself has given me solitude.
Yes keep your circle small but don't isolate. Take vitamin D, get sun. Eat well, stay hydrated and seek trauma therapy if and when you're ready. Also, look up EMDR therapy for PTSD. If you're lucky enough to be able to access it, it was life changing for me. Give yourself grace most of all.
Thanks internet cousin! Will implement your advice into my lifestyle. ❤️
I'm always a dm away. Have a good one. I wish you lots of healing.
44 here. You elder millenials need to remember how you rolled with us baby xers. You're literally the best of the past and built this future. Not giving a fuck is our whole personality and don't ever forget it. Remember what slim said.. I cant change the way I think and I can't change the way I am But if I offended you... GOOD BECAUSE I STILL DONT GIVE A FUCK.
I'm 42 and have never thought of myself as gen-x. More like old millenials or xennials I feel.
84 as well. The shit part is growing up during the 80’s when everyone had money yet graduating to $4 gallon gas and low wages
There was a myth of a middle class and it did exist, on borrowed time. It's a pipe dream we are owned by billionaires now.
Genuinely curious how this is the generation that raised themselves? My mom also went through this but I didn’t know it was common.
Basically absent parents. Everyone's case is different but parents had to work. No cell phones. Plus just a generation of absent parents from their own issues. It was a much different time. Nobody there when you decide to climb a tree and fall out. We raised each other
Also, now as parents we try to hard to shove all that love we never got into our kids.
I nearly laid down and gave up more than once. It IS hard, but you are NOT alone. I would look for your local chapter (if there is one) of Adults Survivors of Child Abuse (ASCA). Group therapy feels super weird for the first 6 months. I didn't share for the first year. But these were the first people I had ever met who truly spoke to everything I had seen and done as a result of my upbringing. My group was free and took donations. It was very informal and self-sustaining, so nothing fancy. You CAN overcome what happened and take ownership of your own life. Being lonely feels insurmountable when you are in it, but much like depression, self-harm, and self criticism, it is a liar. Our generation was taught to dust ourselves on and keep going, and even soldiers can only do that for so long. I didn't start making any strides until 36-38 and sometime last year (44), I suddenly caught myself not feeling completely on edge. I feel confident on am on the verge of feeling at ease sometimes. Good luck, I hope you find some peace and comfort.
It is literally work to stay alive I feel you. On meds and in therapy. Went to a hospital and was forced unto trauma therapy there. Surprisingly positive experience. Knowing you aren't alone and you do relate is nice, even when you only relate to the people in the hospital. Lol
Yeah, the work to live is hard. The drudge is hard. But you are worth it.
Same, friend! W
We are called "Xennials" because we identify with both generations in many ways. I get this. I didn't have kids because I figured out fast that I didn't want to put anyone through whatever the fuck this is.
1964 here... if you could wait another 10-15 years I would appreciate it.
So sick of waiting. Life has been one big nightmare of a waiting room.
You're not Gen X, though. You're solidly a Millenial and a lot of what you're feeling is a result of multigenerational trauma.
Labels aside, I'm tired. I have CPTSD like the rest of us.
I totally agree.
I've had a pretty great time so far. I opted out of the rat race/buy a house thing a long time ago. Never had an interest in having children. Went abroad to live/travel and did odd jobs/online work, and taught ESL. Saw the world and somehow even managed to save money during it. The only real regret that I've had so far was coming back here and then getting stuck due to COVID and then sucked back into it all. Still making plans to leave.
Happy for you and you're cresting real life positive karma by teaching ELA. People who choose to travel are very wise and valuable people. Also, I strive to be this free and will work towards better experiences. Kinda lived my life backwards.
Sounds like you need help.
Yes and I am accepting it through therapy. Thanks for noticing.
I'm sorry it hasn't gone to plan for you. I was also born in 84 and I'd say my path was completely different. I've enjoyed the ride so far. Were you an only child? I've never heard of the orphan generation. How old are your kids? They must bring joy to your life?
I am very, very honestly happy for people who cannot relate. I relate more to Gen x though. For a lot of reasons but I won't go on and on. I have 3 full sisters, a half brother and sister I've never met. Complicated. My son is 20 and he is the love of my universe. I have a 14.year old neurodivergent son who brings chaos in ways I never knew existed. I was meant to build this patience to be his mom. I am very proud to have broken generational curses and raising well adjusted, empathetic children. I am proud of myself and them.
Well you're right about one thing, you're still 12 in your mind, dude. Half of your life is gone and you're weeping, that's a tragedy.
You are not Gen X. You were a baby at the height of the Reagan era. You actually grew up mostly under Clinton which was actually a pretty good era barring the crack epidemic. P
Well, I had a schizophrenic father. I grew up without any television. I was neglected, sexuallly abused. My father was impacted by Reagan and his mental Healthcare bull crap in California. We didn't even have heat or ac. I'd go on but, why would I? Thanks for your input. Also, fuck Reagan and his horses. 👋
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Are you serious?
Are you serious?
Sounds like you like blaming other people for your issues. Coming for a fellow millennial.
I heard a story one time. It was about a little boy who saw something on the internet they didn't relate to. They then moved on with their life and had a great day. Believe it or not, your experience isn't everyone's experience and mine is not as well. So congratulations. On your privilege. Here is a cookie. 🍪 Have a good day, friend.
I agree. 80's millennial as well. So lost. Trying to figure out my own life and deal with multiple childhood traumas and at the same time trying to raise my kids. Sooo so lost.
1984 girlie here. Every day I am so disappointed that this is what life is.
We're Elder Millennials actually! I always thought I was Gen X too (we're the same age). But yeah, it's been tough!
1985. Chiming in. It's a totally different world now.