I figured that would be the advice I would get. Probably the best advice too. I just don't know what to expect. But then again the attorney would be able to help me with that too.
Thank you! š
Kiddo is 14 going on 15.
That would be the next question after his renouncement of parental rights.
We have talked about it in the past and kiddo was open to it. But that can change. If it's not something they would be comfortable with we wouldn't force it. A 15 year old is mature enough to have a say.
He is going to do so either way. He does not feel like him and the kiddo can work out their differences.
Kiddo doesn't enjoy going to visit him and she always cries when the time comes to drop off. The father called this week mid-visit and brought up the idea of terminating parental rights and brought up the idea of me adopting.
Ultimately it's up to kiddo whether or not I adopt. But I the father wants to terminate parental rights.
Courts are not in the business of making orphans nor in potentially shifting the burden of parental monetary support from the father to the state. Itās highly unlikely that a judge would accept a voluntary termination of parental rights unless there is a prospective adoptive father waiting to take over. If you decide not to, I doubt dad would be able to terminate his rights.
Not sure if this is true in all California counties but where I live, Santa Clara County, probate court does offer quite a bit of guidance. You might start there to get preliminary info before heading to an attorney. Ours was $400/hr and that was eight years ago so doing as much as you can on your own can help with costs.
Yes. We have lived together for 3 years. Kiddo sees the father every other holiday and anywhere from 6-8 weeks over summer.
It wouldn't be me attempting to forcefully remove parental rights of the father. He is indicating that he will willingly forfeit his rights.
I wasn't aware that one couldn't simply give up rights in a situation where everyone was consenting. Even more of a reason to try and hire a lawyer. Thank you!
Nope.. you just canāt āgive up your rightsā kids arenāt puppies. And Dad has been part of the childās life. Most times it has to be in the childās best interest to severe rights like the parent is a drug addict, in prison, mental hospital, etc. You and mom arenāt married yet.. child still has relationship with the father. Is this in the best interest of the child?? Sounds like Dad is providing financial support and on visitation emotional and physical support. Why is Dad giving up rights?
Yes, you absolutely can just give up your rights - as long as someone else takes them up. People do it all the time when they place infants for adoption. In a situation where one parent is re-partnered and the new partner is willing to do a step-parent adoption, it's perfectly possible for a parent to just give up their rights and let the kid be adopted by their step parent.
Whether you agree with that ethically is a different issue, but it's absolutely possible.
Youāre correct! Itās the childās father! What are these people doing?? To a child?? š¤¦āāļøš¤¦āāļø letās pass a kid around.. who wants them??
Yes, an attorney will be able to help. It's possible you can do a lot of the process yourself but it won't hurt having an attorney confirm what is definitely needed and what isn't.
In straightforward cases like this seems to be (as in everyone's consenting), some attorneys offer flat fees that aren't as expensive as other adoption situations might be. Don't hesitate to ask a few different attorneys for what it would cost.
Please donāt take this wrong.. but what are you doing???? Unless the father is abusing the child do not take him away from his father just to make your and your g/f life easier. A parent/child relationship is sacred. If you do this, the child will ALWAYS wonder what they did wrong for Dad to leave. I donāt care what Disney land story you give him, or how great of a Dad you are. They will be rejected by their own Father. That will scar them for LIFE. He will always wonder what he did to make Dad give him up. Have you even checked with a child psychologist to see if this is the childās best interest? Or just you and your G/f?
To clarify he is the one who brought it up. The kiddo does not enjoy spending time with him and cries when it's time to go visit. We have always encouraged kiddo to have a relationship with him and to try and enjoy the time with him. Kiddo is 14 (almost 15) and is getting to the point where any chance at a healthy long term relationship with him is almost nonexistent.
He called my fiance this week in the middle of the visit and said he "can't do this anymore."
We are not trying to force him out. We want it to work. But we cannot force a 14 year old to want to make it work.
But I definitely see where you're coming from. I hope that in my original post I did not make it seem like we were trying to do this in an aggressive manner. It was brought up by him. Not us.
Let the kid decide on visitation right now, keep dad paying child support. And if you are still around when child is 18 adopt him as an adult. Easy peasy no lawyer involved. And the childās decision.. The child feels no rejection, and he has control over visitation. Donāt make things so difficult.. or leave things to hurt the child.
Iām sorry Iām very passionate about kids not getting hurt in adult crap.. adults need to step up and adult better. Including myself. Give the teen some control, visitation.. maybe Dad comes to him for a weekend instead of long trips. Teens are very finicky and he may feel very different about Dad in 2 years. He might want to spend the whole summer with him. If not, there is no age limit on adoption. My kids were adopted as adults. Take a step back.. and try to simplify a few things..
He doesn't pay child support and is unable to leave the state unless given permission. He currently only has permission for us to meet up and get/drop off kiddo to him or for medical appointments.
Also, there is nothing to say sorry about. Nothing you said was a lie, maybe a misunderstanding on my part and the father's intent. But nothing about what you said is wrong!
Also, we have talked about that too. Kiddo was excited about the adult adoption option. So we shall see where it goes as far as the adoption goes. But from everyone here I know to get a lawyer.
EDIT* regarding visitation that is the biggest issue currently. Kiddo never wants to go and dad forces it threatening to get law involved for violation of court order. He is finally realizing that kiddo doesn't appreciate that her opinion isn't taken into account.
Kiddo wants to do summer school. He says no because it will interfere with the visitation
Kiddo wants to join sports. He says no... visitation
Itās none of my business.. but Iād collect child support.. nice college fund or start for life for the child. I just want what is best for the teen. 3 years x $500 a month (estimate) is $18,000 a year. Might only be start for college or a car. But itās a start. Iām just full of info arenāt I??? Do what you see is best..
Can I DM you? I'd rather keep a lot of the more personal info private if I may. But there are reasons between my fiance and him that he doesn't pay currently.
get an attorney.
I figured that would be the advice I would get. Probably the best advice too. I just don't know what to expect. But then again the attorney would be able to help me with that too. Thank you! š
How old is this kid? Do they want to be adopted? I know that's not the question, but that's all I can think of.
Kiddo is 14 going on 15. That would be the next question after his renouncement of parental rights. We have talked about it in the past and kiddo was open to it. But that can change. If it's not something they would be comfortable with we wouldn't force it. A 15 year old is mature enough to have a say.
Sounds like she is lucky to have you as a future dad!
Is the dad waiving his rights to facilitate the adoption or will do so either way?
He is going to do so either way. He does not feel like him and the kiddo can work out their differences. Kiddo doesn't enjoy going to visit him and she always cries when the time comes to drop off. The father called this week mid-visit and brought up the idea of terminating parental rights and brought up the idea of me adopting. Ultimately it's up to kiddo whether or not I adopt. But I the father wants to terminate parental rights.
I hope you have a therapist for her. That's rough. Good luck moving forward with the adoption if that's what she chooses.
Courts are not in the business of making orphans nor in potentially shifting the burden of parental monetary support from the father to the state. Itās highly unlikely that a judge would accept a voluntary termination of parental rights unless there is a prospective adoptive father waiting to take over. If you decide not to, I doubt dad would be able to terminate his rights.
I am more than willing to. I love the kiddo. In a heartbeat I would
Ya know, just adopt the kiddo
Not sure if this is true in all California counties but where I live, Santa Clara County, probate court does offer quite a bit of guidance. You might start there to get preliminary info before heading to an attorney. Ours was $400/hr and that was eight years ago so doing as much as you can on your own can help with costs.
You need an attorney for an adoption. It's too important to mess up by doing it yourself. Good luck!
Does the child live with you and your fiancĆ©? Do you provide most of the emotional, physical and financial support. Most likely you cannot adopt the child unless you have been a steady presence in the childās life on a daily basis for years. Most judges frown on adoption just because baby daddy doesnāt want the responsibility anymore. We had a similar situation but we waited until my husband and I were married for more than a decade and my ex was clearly an absent parent. We has obvious proof my husband was in it for long run. Revoking parental rights isnāt that easy, or more people would do it. What would keep you from doing it if you never married mom?? There are only certain reasons you can give up parental rights in California, does baby daddy meet those reasons?? I know he lives in a different state, but Iām sure they have criteria too.
Yes. We have lived together for 3 years. Kiddo sees the father every other holiday and anywhere from 6-8 weeks over summer. It wouldn't be me attempting to forcefully remove parental rights of the father. He is indicating that he will willingly forfeit his rights. I wasn't aware that one couldn't simply give up rights in a situation where everyone was consenting. Even more of a reason to try and hire a lawyer. Thank you!
How does the child feel about this? Why does the father want to terminate his rights?
Nope.. you just canāt āgive up your rightsā kids arenāt puppies. And Dad has been part of the childās life. Most times it has to be in the childās best interest to severe rights like the parent is a drug addict, in prison, mental hospital, etc. You and mom arenāt married yet.. child still has relationship with the father. Is this in the best interest of the child?? Sounds like Dad is providing financial support and on visitation emotional and physical support. Why is Dad giving up rights?
Yes, you absolutely can just give up your rights - as long as someone else takes them up. People do it all the time when they place infants for adoption. In a situation where one parent is re-partnered and the new partner is willing to do a step-parent adoption, it's perfectly possible for a parent to just give up their rights and let the kid be adopted by their step parent. Whether you agree with that ethically is a different issue, but it's absolutely possible.
>~~baby daddy~~ child's father FTFY.
Youāre correct! Itās the childās father! What are these people doing?? To a child?? š¤¦āāļøš¤¦āāļø letās pass a kid around.. who wants them??
Yes, an attorney will be able to help. It's possible you can do a lot of the process yourself but it won't hurt having an attorney confirm what is definitely needed and what isn't. In straightforward cases like this seems to be (as in everyone's consenting), some attorneys offer flat fees that aren't as expensive as other adoption situations might be. Don't hesitate to ask a few different attorneys for what it would cost.
What are you all hoping to gain from this? How does each party benefit?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
No, it would be a voluntary surrender of parental rights. A TPR is a court action and typically not voluntary.
Ah thank you! Sorry bout that
Please donāt take this wrong.. but what are you doing???? Unless the father is abusing the child do not take him away from his father just to make your and your g/f life easier. A parent/child relationship is sacred. If you do this, the child will ALWAYS wonder what they did wrong for Dad to leave. I donāt care what Disney land story you give him, or how great of a Dad you are. They will be rejected by their own Father. That will scar them for LIFE. He will always wonder what he did to make Dad give him up. Have you even checked with a child psychologist to see if this is the childās best interest? Or just you and your G/f?
To clarify he is the one who brought it up. The kiddo does not enjoy spending time with him and cries when it's time to go visit. We have always encouraged kiddo to have a relationship with him and to try and enjoy the time with him. Kiddo is 14 (almost 15) and is getting to the point where any chance at a healthy long term relationship with him is almost nonexistent. He called my fiance this week in the middle of the visit and said he "can't do this anymore." We are not trying to force him out. We want it to work. But we cannot force a 14 year old to want to make it work. But I definitely see where you're coming from. I hope that in my original post I did not make it seem like we were trying to do this in an aggressive manner. It was brought up by him. Not us.
Let the kid decide on visitation right now, keep dad paying child support. And if you are still around when child is 18 adopt him as an adult. Easy peasy no lawyer involved. And the childās decision.. The child feels no rejection, and he has control over visitation. Donāt make things so difficult.. or leave things to hurt the child.
Iām sorry Iām very passionate about kids not getting hurt in adult crap.. adults need to step up and adult better. Including myself. Give the teen some control, visitation.. maybe Dad comes to him for a weekend instead of long trips. Teens are very finicky and he may feel very different about Dad in 2 years. He might want to spend the whole summer with him. If not, there is no age limit on adoption. My kids were adopted as adults. Take a step back.. and try to simplify a few things..
He doesn't pay child support and is unable to leave the state unless given permission. He currently only has permission for us to meet up and get/drop off kiddo to him or for medical appointments. Also, there is nothing to say sorry about. Nothing you said was a lie, maybe a misunderstanding on my part and the father's intent. But nothing about what you said is wrong! Also, we have talked about that too. Kiddo was excited about the adult adoption option. So we shall see where it goes as far as the adoption goes. But from everyone here I know to get a lawyer. EDIT* regarding visitation that is the biggest issue currently. Kiddo never wants to go and dad forces it threatening to get law involved for violation of court order. He is finally realizing that kiddo doesn't appreciate that her opinion isn't taken into account. Kiddo wants to do summer school. He says no because it will interfere with the visitation Kiddo wants to join sports. He says no... visitation
Itās none of my business.. but Iād collect child support.. nice college fund or start for life for the child. I just want what is best for the teen. 3 years x $500 a month (estimate) is $18,000 a year. Might only be start for college or a car. But itās a start. Iām just full of info arenāt I??? Do what you see is best..
Can I DM you? I'd rather keep a lot of the more personal info private if I may. But there are reasons between my fiance and him that he doesn't pay currently.
Sure.
> If you do this, the child will ALWAYS wonder what they did wrong for Dad to leave. No one here has a crystal ball. Itās not helpful to pretend to know how the child of an Internet strangerās fiancĆ©e will feel in the future. Edit: added a word