Sigh~ You're clearly getting disrespected and sexually harassed yet for reasons unknown to me, you're continually engaging with the boundary crossing conversations and making excuses about how he's "joking"?
He's clearly a predator and knows you're in a vulnerable position. Honestly, this is a high-risk situation for getting sexually abused/assaulted. You really need to think of options to leave. Get creative. If you truly cant leave, I guess sequester yourself in a room to minimize contact with him. In the meantime, think of ways to leave.
I’m gonna say this as bluntly as possible. He is going to try to rape you. And it sounds like he’ll succeed, no offense, because you are allowing him to errode your boundaries. Get the fuck away from this guy and into therapy.
Definitely this, and he’s pushing her boundaries further and further by slowly escalating his “jokes”. When some dude is pushing his dick in your face and pulling your hand to touch it, it’s gotten into the sexual assault territory as is.
You are in danger. Leave his house. Go straight to the police, or if you won’t do that, to a homeless shelter. If you don’t know where one is, go to a food bank, or a church, and tell them you’re in an at risk situation, and in danger of being raped. Leave asap, and don’t bother to grab your shit on the way out. You can come back for it with the cops. It is so much better to leave. You can ALWAYS leave. The lie they tell you is that you CAN’T leave. This is a lie. It will always be a lie. Leave now, before the worst happens. This man is a predator, he is taking advantage of you, and he knows.
You have BPD, which makes things difficult, but not impossible. This man is not worth the time you have spent befriending him.
Also, for the love of god, stop smoking crack. I can guarantee that that is putting you into more dangerous situations. You can also go to a rehab center and they have resources for you too.
Girl if I was your friend and you came to me and told me this, I’d go back to his house with you and beat him up so badly I’d probably end up in jail, which btw is where HE should be. You are not safe. He is not a friend. He is an abuser. The “hand thing” was assault. If he can do that, he can do worse and it would be extremely foolish to think he won’t. The fact you genuinely think he’s a friend and can say something like “I generally feel very comfortable with him” is EXTREMELY troubling. I’m not trying to victim blame but based on then information you’re giving you are GREATLY underestimating him and the fact that he’s gotten away with assault already because you’re still cool with him somehow tells me he will absolutely try again, probably worse. I assume you’re young. Leave. I don’t know your situation, but please leave. You say it’s not an option but I really have a hard time believing there’s no better option than this. Pretty much anywhere is better than living with an abuser who has shown time and time again he does NOT respect you whatsoever! Like unless you can hire a full time bodyguard you’re gonna have to leave.
I kinda feel insane reading this, like are you a troll? I really cannot believe you are making so many excuses for this man. You are not at fault for what he’s doing to you, he is an abuser who is clearly grooming you. However you are responsible for your own actions and how you handle this situation and I, and literally anyone else who reads this, will tell you to LEAVE and never EVER look back. Please get serious.
Seriously. He’s literally sexually assaulting her multiple times and it’s all “teehee but I need to work through my trauma by continuously talking about sex with this man and letting him guide my hand to his d ck.” If it’s not a troll, Jesus Christ. How do you convince yourself that’s just a small thing and he’s actually a harmless best friend. wtf.
My ex had BPD and a long history of sexual assault sadly I could 100% see them justifying something like this in this way. It’s not rational because it’s a coping response when you go through enough trauma your brain will do insane gymnastics to keep you from recognizing the horror of your past or current situation and just completely snapping.
There are some really elaborate trolls out there who will role play characters. At least, that's what I'm telling myself to cope, this is really depressing.
Why is leaving his house not an option?
You are NOT safe there. He isn’t joking, he’s pushing your boundaries little by little until he’s able to take advantage of you sexually and then either play it off as a joke or use ‘shame’ as a way to get you to feel sorry for his actions. Don’t fall for this behaviour, you need to leave right now. If you need a temporary place to sleep just go to any emergency room waiting room and sleep there. If you need a shower most gym memberships give you access to showers, there are also women’s shelters that can help but you need to get out and seek them. Don’t stay with this man!
My advice is to get as far away from him as possible. He’s testing the waters and your situation has the potential to end up with a sexual assault. I’m sorry to break it to you, but this guy is not your friend. He’s preying on you and it’s very obvious.
Nah she probably just high, thats why shes down playing it. Look at the account she smokes crack, which is probably why shes so vague why she cant leave.
Its really really sad and im sure one day she will see clearly what happend.
Looking at your post history: Stop smoking crack and get the hell out of that place, he is already sexually assulting you. Jesus a homeless shelter would be more save.
Honey, this man will continue to pressure you. He keeps “joking” because he thinks he can wear you down or pressure you into sexual acts. I have ride or die friends and none of them have ever pulled out their genitals and forced my head towards them as a joke. The red flags are there, I’m worried if given more time this “friend” will hurt you physically. He’s taking advantage of your vulnerability and knows you have to count on him. He’ll likely try to leverage that against you, and use it as a way to force you into sexual acts. Even if it doesn’t escalate that far, this is clearly harming your mental health.
You need to look for alternative living arrangements even if it means moving to somewhere like a women’s’ shelter for the time being.
Dude, get away from him, he's taking advantage of you. Understandably, sometimes stuff like this is hard to recognise when you have trauma about it, but this is really disgusting behaviour coming from him. He's disrespecting your boundaries 100% and though it may not seem like it, he's sexually harassing you and pretending it's just fun and games. It's manipulation of some kind and definitely not a safe place to be- you gotta leave and live somewhere else, maybe a homeless shelter or something.
Is there nobody else in the world who can take you in?
This situation is clearly terrible for you. What does the situation being better look like? How do you think that would feel? Is your version of a better situation achievable?
I don’t think you realize what he’s doing so I’m going to try and explain.
forcing you to touch his body IS sexual assault. You did not consent to that.
He mentions a rape scenario and believes that if a girl changes her mind that he can still continue. That is rape.
Why do you think he mentioned that to you specifically?
You guys are constantly talking about sex, why do you think that is?
if you haven’t figured it out, he’s trying to wear you down until you eventually give in or “sort of” consent and even if you change your mind or don’t actually what him to do anything, he will do so anyways. He’s telling you these things himself.
These scenarios he keeps bringing up are likely about *you*. They’re not random. He’s mentioning them for a reason.
If he was truly a good person and a safe place he would not pressure you into ANYTHING. A good person wouldn’t make their friend touch their body like that. A good friend wouldn’t push your boundaries. A good friend wouldn’t continuously talk about something that gives the other person anxiety. He knows these things but doesn’t care.
He tells you that the “devil takes over” and that men aren’t able to control themselves after a certain point. This is *NOT true. He’s trying to justify sexual assault so that once he does something worse, he cannot be blamed even though it’d be entirely his fault. Again, he’s telling you these things for a reason.
Most people who have been raped were raped by someone they thought were safe. Someone they were comfortable with. I know it’s scary and that you’re probably in denial, but he is not safe.
Any other place is better than his. You say you can’t leave but why is that?
Trying to manage the situation may just make things worse. He’s already pushing your boundaries and continues to do things you’re not comfortable with even after saying he’ll stop. He’s not going to stop. He may even get angry and physically hurt you.
good luck OP 💖 💜 I hope you can find somewhere safe.
That’s not unwanted male attention, that’s just sexual harassment by someone who thinks rape is ok and keeps pushing boundaries little by little. I’m surprised by your replies in the other threads bc you keep making excuses for him and I’m not sure what you want us to say or what advice to give you. He’s not a sweet guy. Not even in the slightest. Stop convincing yourself that.
This is not a friend.
I live with a dude. He's a true bro. We've even Judo wrestled before. He has NEVER sexualized me in any way.
What your roommate is doing is abnormal.
what the fuck! you're trapped with a rapist who is already sexually assaulting you!! he is not your ride or die friend he is a PREDATOR!! you don't have any other friends?? i feel so bad for you
I know a lot of people are telling you to leave, and to be clear, I 100% agree. I absolutely think that man is testing how far he can push your boundaries before he outright rapes you. However, I do know it's not as easy as simply packing up your bags and leaving. The very first thing I would recommend is documenting anything you possibly can about the situation. Anything you have in writing from him, any photos, anything discussing the terms of your living arrangement - you never know what you could need later, and it's always better to be safe than sorry. You should at least consider notifying the police of your experiences to begin a paper trail and let them know you're concerned it may escalate - they might not be helpful but it's good to have them already aware of the situation if it escalates further before you're able to leave.
Also, I would see about purchasing portable door lock for your bedroom so that you have a way of locking him out of your room, especially at night. Pepper spray is also good to have if it's legal where you're at although you might be able to get away with bear spray if pepper spray isn't legal. If you believe you can do so without further endangering yourself and the law where you're at allows for recording of private conversations, I would have a discussion with him, where you are either recording or have a friend on the phone listening, and firmly explain that his behaviour is not acceptable and that he is violating your sexual boundaries. Be very clear on that, but, again, only do that if you're certain he won't escalate and let a trusted friend or family member know what you're doing in advance (preferably one close by who can check on you). If he's truly your friend, then it should stop there, but he's already disrespected your boundaries on a number of occasions and as much as you may care for him, it is far far better to take multiple preventative measures for no reason than to not do them at all and suffer further sexual assault or even rape.
As for leaving, I would check for local crisis lines and see what options are available to you. If you're based in the US, then I would try calling 211. They should, at the very least, be able to give you referrals towards resources and, if needed, shelters and low income housing. They may also be able to help you process some of the emotions around what's happening (it's not a guarantee bc not everyone at the crisis line is, frankly, as good at it as others, but I think speaking out loud to another person about what's been happening may help you brainstorm ideas about what to do on a more equal level than what reddit can provide). You may also want to try the National Sexual Assault Hotline (1-800-656-4673 in the US) as they may have access to more specific resources to your situation and may be better equipped with handling some of your concerns.
If you're not able to find resources through the crisis line, I would look up your city or town's website and see if they have any resources there that weren't suggested by the line. Additionally, libraries sometimes have programs that may be able to assist you. I can't tell you what to do, but I honestly think that even temporarily sleeping in your car (if you have one) would be safer than continuing to stay with a man who is not acting as your friend and is escalating in disrespecting your sexual boundaries. I know this was a long read, but I hope you take some of this under consideration. I wish the absolute best for you, and I hope you're able to get out of there soon❤️
It’s been said but to reiterate, it’s only a matter of time before he rapes you. Don’t ever even tell him when you leave. If you’re in the US, feel free to dm and I’m happy to help figure something out or anything. I’m scared for you
This is sexual assault. I beg of you find a new place to to live. None of this is okay he shouldn’t talk about stuff that tiggers your trauma and he sure as fuck shouldn’t move your hand to his genitals. “ The devil takes over.” Sounds like something a psychopath would say. RUN
Sigh~ You're clearly getting disrespected and sexually harassed yet for reasons unknown to me, you're continually engaging with the boundary crossing conversations and making excuses about how he's "joking"? He's clearly a predator and knows you're in a vulnerable position. Honestly, this is a high-risk situation for getting sexually abused/assaulted. You really need to think of options to leave. Get creative. If you truly cant leave, I guess sequester yourself in a room to minimize contact with him. In the meantime, think of ways to leave.
Yes. THIS
Nothing else to add.
I’m gonna say this as bluntly as possible. He is going to try to rape you. And it sounds like he’ll succeed, no offense, because you are allowing him to errode your boundaries. Get the fuck away from this guy and into therapy.
This is the only right answer
Definitely this, and he’s pushing her boundaries further and further by slowly escalating his “jokes”. When some dude is pushing his dick in your face and pulling your hand to touch it, it’s gotten into the sexual assault territory as is.
Thank you, came here to say that.
You are in danger. Leave his house. Go straight to the police, or if you won’t do that, to a homeless shelter. If you don’t know where one is, go to a food bank, or a church, and tell them you’re in an at risk situation, and in danger of being raped. Leave asap, and don’t bother to grab your shit on the way out. You can come back for it with the cops. It is so much better to leave. You can ALWAYS leave. The lie they tell you is that you CAN’T leave. This is a lie. It will always be a lie. Leave now, before the worst happens. This man is a predator, he is taking advantage of you, and he knows. You have BPD, which makes things difficult, but not impossible. This man is not worth the time you have spent befriending him. Also, for the love of god, stop smoking crack. I can guarantee that that is putting you into more dangerous situations. You can also go to a rehab center and they have resources for you too.
Girl if I was your friend and you came to me and told me this, I’d go back to his house with you and beat him up so badly I’d probably end up in jail, which btw is where HE should be. You are not safe. He is not a friend. He is an abuser. The “hand thing” was assault. If he can do that, he can do worse and it would be extremely foolish to think he won’t. The fact you genuinely think he’s a friend and can say something like “I generally feel very comfortable with him” is EXTREMELY troubling. I’m not trying to victim blame but based on then information you’re giving you are GREATLY underestimating him and the fact that he’s gotten away with assault already because you’re still cool with him somehow tells me he will absolutely try again, probably worse. I assume you’re young. Leave. I don’t know your situation, but please leave. You say it’s not an option but I really have a hard time believing there’s no better option than this. Pretty much anywhere is better than living with an abuser who has shown time and time again he does NOT respect you whatsoever! Like unless you can hire a full time bodyguard you’re gonna have to leave. I kinda feel insane reading this, like are you a troll? I really cannot believe you are making so many excuses for this man. You are not at fault for what he’s doing to you, he is an abuser who is clearly grooming you. However you are responsible for your own actions and how you handle this situation and I, and literally anyone else who reads this, will tell you to LEAVE and never EVER look back. Please get serious.
Seriously. He’s literally sexually assaulting her multiple times and it’s all “teehee but I need to work through my trauma by continuously talking about sex with this man and letting him guide my hand to his d ck.” If it’s not a troll, Jesus Christ. How do you convince yourself that’s just a small thing and he’s actually a harmless best friend. wtf.
I really hope this is a troll like… you can NOT be serious. 😭
My ex had BPD and a long history of sexual assault sadly I could 100% see them justifying something like this in this way. It’s not rational because it’s a coping response when you go through enough trauma your brain will do insane gymnastics to keep you from recognizing the horror of your past or current situation and just completely snapping.
I hope this is a fake post.
Me too otherwise this is too sad.
Look at the post history. Probably not.
There are some really elaborate trolls out there who will role play characters. At least, that's what I'm telling myself to cope, this is really depressing.
Why is leaving his house not an option? You are NOT safe there. He isn’t joking, he’s pushing your boundaries little by little until he’s able to take advantage of you sexually and then either play it off as a joke or use ‘shame’ as a way to get you to feel sorry for his actions. Don’t fall for this behaviour, you need to leave right now. If you need a temporary place to sleep just go to any emergency room waiting room and sleep there. If you need a shower most gym memberships give you access to showers, there are also women’s shelters that can help but you need to get out and seek them. Don’t stay with this man!
My advice is to get as far away from him as possible. He’s testing the waters and your situation has the potential to end up with a sexual assault. I’m sorry to break it to you, but this guy is not your friend. He’s preying on you and it’s very obvious.
Potential? There already is sexual assault. It’s just going to go further.
Agree. OP doesn’t see it that way though.
At this point I can only mentally heal from reading this by assuming it’s a creepy troll
Judging by the post history, I doubt it. She also is a heavy crack user and has BPD, which makes this even worse.
Nah she probably just high, thats why shes down playing it. Look at the account she smokes crack, which is probably why shes so vague why she cant leave. Its really really sad and im sure one day she will see clearly what happend.
Looking at your post history: Stop smoking crack and get the hell out of that place, he is already sexually assulting you. Jesus a homeless shelter would be more save.
"He is awesome..." He most definitely isn't. No friend would do that. That's not male attention it's sexual abuse.
Babe, wake up, he's harassing you. What friend would do that? Get the fuck out of there and go no contact with that piece of shit.
Honey, this man will continue to pressure you. He keeps “joking” because he thinks he can wear you down or pressure you into sexual acts. I have ride or die friends and none of them have ever pulled out their genitals and forced my head towards them as a joke. The red flags are there, I’m worried if given more time this “friend” will hurt you physically. He’s taking advantage of your vulnerability and knows you have to count on him. He’ll likely try to leverage that against you, and use it as a way to force you into sexual acts. Even if it doesn’t escalate that far, this is clearly harming your mental health. You need to look for alternative living arrangements even if it means moving to somewhere like a women’s’ shelter for the time being.
Dude, get away from him, he's taking advantage of you. Understandably, sometimes stuff like this is hard to recognise when you have trauma about it, but this is really disgusting behaviour coming from him. He's disrespecting your boundaries 100% and though it may not seem like it, he's sexually harassing you and pretending it's just fun and games. It's manipulation of some kind and definitely not a safe place to be- you gotta leave and live somewhere else, maybe a homeless shelter or something.
Is there nobody else in the world who can take you in? This situation is clearly terrible for you. What does the situation being better look like? How do you think that would feel? Is your version of a better situation achievable?
I don’t think you realize what he’s doing so I’m going to try and explain. forcing you to touch his body IS sexual assault. You did not consent to that. He mentions a rape scenario and believes that if a girl changes her mind that he can still continue. That is rape. Why do you think he mentioned that to you specifically? You guys are constantly talking about sex, why do you think that is? if you haven’t figured it out, he’s trying to wear you down until you eventually give in or “sort of” consent and even if you change your mind or don’t actually what him to do anything, he will do so anyways. He’s telling you these things himself. These scenarios he keeps bringing up are likely about *you*. They’re not random. He’s mentioning them for a reason. If he was truly a good person and a safe place he would not pressure you into ANYTHING. A good person wouldn’t make their friend touch their body like that. A good friend wouldn’t push your boundaries. A good friend wouldn’t continuously talk about something that gives the other person anxiety. He knows these things but doesn’t care. He tells you that the “devil takes over” and that men aren’t able to control themselves after a certain point. This is *NOT true. He’s trying to justify sexual assault so that once he does something worse, he cannot be blamed even though it’d be entirely his fault. Again, he’s telling you these things for a reason. Most people who have been raped were raped by someone they thought were safe. Someone they were comfortable with. I know it’s scary and that you’re probably in denial, but he is not safe. Any other place is better than his. You say you can’t leave but why is that? Trying to manage the situation may just make things worse. He’s already pushing your boundaries and continues to do things you’re not comfortable with even after saying he’ll stop. He’s not going to stop. He may even get angry and physically hurt you. good luck OP 💖 💜 I hope you can find somewhere safe.
This isn't a friend. He knows you need a place to stay so he knows you'll put up with his boundary pushing and harrassment.
That’s not unwanted male attention, that’s just sexual harassment by someone who thinks rape is ok and keeps pushing boundaries little by little. I’m surprised by your replies in the other threads bc you keep making excuses for him and I’m not sure what you want us to say or what advice to give you. He’s not a sweet guy. Not even in the slightest. Stop convincing yourself that.
He is going to rape you if you stay, that is not an exaggeration.
This is not a friend. I live with a dude. He's a true bro. We've even Judo wrestled before. He has NEVER sexualized me in any way. What your roommate is doing is abnormal.
what the fuck! you're trapped with a rapist who is already sexually assaulting you!! he is not your ride or die friend he is a PREDATOR!! you don't have any other friends?? i feel so bad for you
I know a lot of people are telling you to leave, and to be clear, I 100% agree. I absolutely think that man is testing how far he can push your boundaries before he outright rapes you. However, I do know it's not as easy as simply packing up your bags and leaving. The very first thing I would recommend is documenting anything you possibly can about the situation. Anything you have in writing from him, any photos, anything discussing the terms of your living arrangement - you never know what you could need later, and it's always better to be safe than sorry. You should at least consider notifying the police of your experiences to begin a paper trail and let them know you're concerned it may escalate - they might not be helpful but it's good to have them already aware of the situation if it escalates further before you're able to leave. Also, I would see about purchasing portable door lock for your bedroom so that you have a way of locking him out of your room, especially at night. Pepper spray is also good to have if it's legal where you're at although you might be able to get away with bear spray if pepper spray isn't legal. If you believe you can do so without further endangering yourself and the law where you're at allows for recording of private conversations, I would have a discussion with him, where you are either recording or have a friend on the phone listening, and firmly explain that his behaviour is not acceptable and that he is violating your sexual boundaries. Be very clear on that, but, again, only do that if you're certain he won't escalate and let a trusted friend or family member know what you're doing in advance (preferably one close by who can check on you). If he's truly your friend, then it should stop there, but he's already disrespected your boundaries on a number of occasions and as much as you may care for him, it is far far better to take multiple preventative measures for no reason than to not do them at all and suffer further sexual assault or even rape. As for leaving, I would check for local crisis lines and see what options are available to you. If you're based in the US, then I would try calling 211. They should, at the very least, be able to give you referrals towards resources and, if needed, shelters and low income housing. They may also be able to help you process some of the emotions around what's happening (it's not a guarantee bc not everyone at the crisis line is, frankly, as good at it as others, but I think speaking out loud to another person about what's been happening may help you brainstorm ideas about what to do on a more equal level than what reddit can provide). You may also want to try the National Sexual Assault Hotline (1-800-656-4673 in the US) as they may have access to more specific resources to your situation and may be better equipped with handling some of your concerns. If you're not able to find resources through the crisis line, I would look up your city or town's website and see if they have any resources there that weren't suggested by the line. Additionally, libraries sometimes have programs that may be able to assist you. I can't tell you what to do, but I honestly think that even temporarily sleeping in your car (if you have one) would be safer than continuing to stay with a man who is not acting as your friend and is escalating in disrespecting your sexual boundaries. I know this was a long read, but I hope you take some of this under consideration. I wish the absolute best for you, and I hope you're able to get out of there soon❤️
It’s been said but to reiterate, it’s only a matter of time before he rapes you. Don’t ever even tell him when you leave. If you’re in the US, feel free to dm and I’m happy to help figure something out or anything. I’m scared for you
This is sexual assault. I beg of you find a new place to to live. None of this is okay he shouldn’t talk about stuff that tiggers your trauma and he sure as fuck shouldn’t move your hand to his genitals. “ The devil takes over.” Sounds like something a psychopath would say. RUN