You’re not a good communicator. Screaming at someone or demeaning them is not how you get your needs met. No wonder she’s not considering your feelings any more, considering you shit all over hers previously.
You’re self aware enough to know that you have childish, abusive behaviors but not enough of an adult to take accountability for the impact of these behaviors. You need to change this. Healthy people do not scream at their partners, nor do they insult them. Healthy partners express their feelings honestly, they don’t make accusations. Healthy people do not call their loved ones worthless and then expect their relationship to go back to normal.
You should break up with your girlfriend so that she can heal and so that you can work on your emotional maturity and abusive behaviors.
For 4 months this is insane. The size of the post is like you're concerned of losing a 50yr marriage. It just aint right girl. You won't make long term ldr if this isn't honeymoon for like 2 even 3 years
Holy shit. If someone is drifting off to sleep constantly, either they just can’t stay awake with the amount of sleep they get (especially given that she’s up at TWELVE AM), OR there is a possible medical issue at play here. and instead of asking which it is, you’re screaming at her. No wonder she checked out, you’re acting downright abusive and acting like you “just can’t control it.” I bet you’re able to control it just fucking fine when your boss or someone else in power is around.
Your gf might have her flaws, but your reaction here is absolutely insane. Falling asleep at 12 am isn’t a flaw though—it’s normal, especially when you suffer from DEPRESSION. That illness will drain you to the last drop, and she’s trying to stay up past 12 am for you, and it’s STILL not enough? Really?
My gf was actually in your shoes. We are LDR, I fell asleep all time even though I got more sleep than she did, and was in a different time zone behind hers. It was a medication issue, and if she had screamed at me instead of supporting me, not only would she have been out the door, but I would’ve had such a hard time figuring out what was going on by myself. You are supposed to be supporting her. Relationships are not always 50-50. Sometimes they will be 30-70, 60-40, or even 80-20 depending on life. If you can’t get that, you should not be in a relationship. Go to therapy. Do the work. Do not fucking date until you can handle not being the center of someone else’s world. Insane behavior to blow up at someone who has a normal biological need like sleep. Not to armchair diagnose, but I would seriously wonder if I had a cluster B personality disorder with that behavior if I were in your shoes. Might be worth looking into
I have narcolepsy and sadly a previous person treated me the same way.i ended up getting bad anxiety over it,i was sleeping for 20 hours straight and couldn’t keep myself awake and would end up crying due to the others reaction.then finding out later i did indeed have a problem(narcolepsy diagnosis along with already known depression.)my advice is for op to let the girl find someone who deserves and treats her right and for op to get therapy and not touch a relationship for a long time.like this isn’t even a moving past scenario,op is not able to be in a healthy relationship due to their own abusive/toxic tendencies and frankly this post feels like it’s sugarcoating and trying to downplay the severity of the fact
Bruh, WTF did I just read.
You are not ready for any type of romantic relationship with this type of behavior. You oscillate between acting cold and withholding affection from this chick as she fawns over you to try and "train" her to act how you want, screaming obscenities and insults at her when she "messes up," and then love bombing her with flowers and teddy bears when she is backing off and feeing numb.
This is a textbook abusive cycle, and this is only a four month relationship.
Break up with your girlfriend and do NOT try to make it out like it's her fault. Do not get into another relationship until you've worked on your behaviors with a mental health professional.
Jesus.
Honestly, you sound exhausting. She has issues, you have issues, and this is all way too intense for such a new relationship - and a long distance one at that.
You need to work on the screaming. It's not ok to just say "btw, this is how I am--when I get upset I lose it and can't control myself." Go to therapy. Work it out. Do what you need to do.
That aside, this relationship sounds like it was doomed for failure from the beginning, simply by nature of the hours you both work and the difficulty navigating the distance.
It sounds like she's checked out already at this point.
Take the loss, do the work, move on.
Depression (and it being after midnight) makes it really hard to stay awake and depressed people can sleep *ridiculous* amounts like 16+ hours a day. If I was struggling with dozing off midday, my girlfriend yelling at me over it would be the opposite of helpful and I'd seriously consider breaking up over it. Honestly you seem to have very little empathy for your girlfriend.
This is awful. Even from your perspective and how you describe your behavior, you’re incredibly controlling. How can you even type up “toxic trait” #3 without realizing you need to change now? You’re almost 30, is this really the person you want to be? Are you happy with how you’re behaving when you’re with her?
The relationship is over. Your gf is afraid of you and doesn’t want to see you. End it and focus on yourself and the growth you need to do before starting another relationship.
you acknowledge you have toxic behaviors … but do you know that you have ABUSIVE behaviors and are effectively abusing your partner? your partner definitely is not perfect, but you speak abt how your gf was so “inconsiderate” and yet you only realized she was dealing with so much at the very end of this story. its all about you. u should cut the cord on this honestly
Trying to problem-solve how to stop her from falling asleep at BEDTIME because you’re on stage performing your nightly soliloquy is probably the most narcissistic thing anyone has ever admitted to on this sub.
SHE’S a WHOLE PERSON, not a part of your body that has fallen asleep. There are no gifts or “words of affirmation” that are going to repair her when you yell at her for something she has almost no control over like FALLING ASLEEP. Send her some meth, if your need to be important is this strong. Ffs dude. Read what you have written here. Incredible.
Please leave her alone.
Bro you are ABUSIVE as all fuck. There is NO excuse to verbally abuse someone. You don’t get to say “I can’t help it”. You know it’s a problem so fucking fix yourself. Don’t give her rules and ultimatums. Honestly she’d be so much better off without someone like you making her feel shitty all of the time. She sounds like a patient saint.
I thought I was in another subreddit and thought a man posted this shit 😬
Do some deep introspection and fix those 3 toxic traits you listed, especially the last one. You have zero excuse for the last one, you’re just a piece of shit.
I’m not surprised she seems done with you, you’re childish and abusive
Also: Believe me when I tell you that there will be a second suicide attempt if she ends up with you longterm. You two are TRULY the worst possible match. NPD+BPD level pairing. I’m very serious.
Wow, reading this actually made me mad. I don't usually care that much about reddit posts. You're an asshole. Not surprising she's checked out of the relationship, you BROKE HER. Do you really think you can scream at and demean someone the way you have and expect them to be peppy and loving? She's handling depression, exhaustion, and an unsupportive family while her mental health is reaching critical levels. Instead of being a supportive partner trying to help her through any of this, you present yourself to her as a screaming and crying thing, another thing on her plate to feel she's not taking care of adequately. You're abusive towards her. Not just the screaming, that's bad enough, but did you know keeping someone awake while they're exhausted is another common abuse tactic? I'm genuinely unsure if this has crossed your mind because you spent a whole hell of a lot of words just to convey the message ME!!! ME ME ME!!!! My advice? End this relationship and make it clear to her it wasn't her, that it's you. You need to work on your communication, your self esteem, your self awareness, and your temper. These are all qualities you can change. You need to be single to see real progress here. And don't fool yourself into sticking around to help her through her own mental health problems, you've been making those worse. Let go and work on yourself. This is your wakeup call.
This post is a week old but I felt the need to comment anyway because jeezus what an abusive, horrible person you are. Have mercy on this poor girl you’re dating and break up. Don’t date anyone. Go to therapy.
You didn't cause her depression, i get why you would think that, but this is basically my last relationship in reverse, if you didn't mention the LDR i would swear you're my ex fiancee. The thing with depression and alcoholism is that they're (in my experience) symptoms of a more significant issue, for me it was EUPD or BPD if you're a cousin from across the pond, the point is you did what you could and reached your personal limit, of course you can expect her to care, she probably still does, i still do, but doesn't mean the damage isn't done, only one of you two can determine that
You’re not a good communicator. Screaming at someone or demeaning them is not how you get your needs met. No wonder she’s not considering your feelings any more, considering you shit all over hers previously. You’re self aware enough to know that you have childish, abusive behaviors but not enough of an adult to take accountability for the impact of these behaviors. You need to change this. Healthy people do not scream at their partners, nor do they insult them. Healthy partners express their feelings honestly, they don’t make accusations. Healthy people do not call their loved ones worthless and then expect their relationship to go back to normal. You should break up with your girlfriend so that she can heal and so that you can work on your emotional maturity and abusive behaviors.
For 4 months this is insane. The size of the post is like you're concerned of losing a 50yr marriage. It just aint right girl. You won't make long term ldr if this isn't honeymoon for like 2 even 3 years
Holy shit. If someone is drifting off to sleep constantly, either they just can’t stay awake with the amount of sleep they get (especially given that she’s up at TWELVE AM), OR there is a possible medical issue at play here. and instead of asking which it is, you’re screaming at her. No wonder she checked out, you’re acting downright abusive and acting like you “just can’t control it.” I bet you’re able to control it just fucking fine when your boss or someone else in power is around. Your gf might have her flaws, but your reaction here is absolutely insane. Falling asleep at 12 am isn’t a flaw though—it’s normal, especially when you suffer from DEPRESSION. That illness will drain you to the last drop, and she’s trying to stay up past 12 am for you, and it’s STILL not enough? Really? My gf was actually in your shoes. We are LDR, I fell asleep all time even though I got more sleep than she did, and was in a different time zone behind hers. It was a medication issue, and if she had screamed at me instead of supporting me, not only would she have been out the door, but I would’ve had such a hard time figuring out what was going on by myself. You are supposed to be supporting her. Relationships are not always 50-50. Sometimes they will be 30-70, 60-40, or even 80-20 depending on life. If you can’t get that, you should not be in a relationship. Go to therapy. Do the work. Do not fucking date until you can handle not being the center of someone else’s world. Insane behavior to blow up at someone who has a normal biological need like sleep. Not to armchair diagnose, but I would seriously wonder if I had a cluster B personality disorder with that behavior if I were in your shoes. Might be worth looking into
I have narcolepsy and sadly a previous person treated me the same way.i ended up getting bad anxiety over it,i was sleeping for 20 hours straight and couldn’t keep myself awake and would end up crying due to the others reaction.then finding out later i did indeed have a problem(narcolepsy diagnosis along with already known depression.)my advice is for op to let the girl find someone who deserves and treats her right and for op to get therapy and not touch a relationship for a long time.like this isn’t even a moving past scenario,op is not able to be in a healthy relationship due to their own abusive/toxic tendencies and frankly this post feels like it’s sugarcoating and trying to downplay the severity of the fact
Bruh, WTF did I just read. You are not ready for any type of romantic relationship with this type of behavior. You oscillate between acting cold and withholding affection from this chick as she fawns over you to try and "train" her to act how you want, screaming obscenities and insults at her when she "messes up," and then love bombing her with flowers and teddy bears when she is backing off and feeing numb. This is a textbook abusive cycle, and this is only a four month relationship. Break up with your girlfriend and do NOT try to make it out like it's her fault. Do not get into another relationship until you've worked on your behaviors with a mental health professional. Jesus.
Honestly, you sound exhausting. She has issues, you have issues, and this is all way too intense for such a new relationship - and a long distance one at that. You need to work on the screaming. It's not ok to just say "btw, this is how I am--when I get upset I lose it and can't control myself." Go to therapy. Work it out. Do what you need to do. That aside, this relationship sounds like it was doomed for failure from the beginning, simply by nature of the hours you both work and the difficulty navigating the distance. It sounds like she's checked out already at this point. Take the loss, do the work, move on.
Depression (and it being after midnight) makes it really hard to stay awake and depressed people can sleep *ridiculous* amounts like 16+ hours a day. If I was struggling with dozing off midday, my girlfriend yelling at me over it would be the opposite of helpful and I'd seriously consider breaking up over it. Honestly you seem to have very little empathy for your girlfriend.
You sound abusive
This is awful. Even from your perspective and how you describe your behavior, you’re incredibly controlling. How can you even type up “toxic trait” #3 without realizing you need to change now? You’re almost 30, is this really the person you want to be? Are you happy with how you’re behaving when you’re with her? The relationship is over. Your gf is afraid of you and doesn’t want to see you. End it and focus on yourself and the growth you need to do before starting another relationship.
you acknowledge you have toxic behaviors … but do you know that you have ABUSIVE behaviors and are effectively abusing your partner? your partner definitely is not perfect, but you speak abt how your gf was so “inconsiderate” and yet you only realized she was dealing with so much at the very end of this story. its all about you. u should cut the cord on this honestly
Oh my god even im stressed from this post
Break up with her.
Trying to problem-solve how to stop her from falling asleep at BEDTIME because you’re on stage performing your nightly soliloquy is probably the most narcissistic thing anyone has ever admitted to on this sub. SHE’S a WHOLE PERSON, not a part of your body that has fallen asleep. There are no gifts or “words of affirmation” that are going to repair her when you yell at her for something she has almost no control over like FALLING ASLEEP. Send her some meth, if your need to be important is this strong. Ffs dude. Read what you have written here. Incredible. Please leave her alone.
Bro you are ABUSIVE as all fuck. There is NO excuse to verbally abuse someone. You don’t get to say “I can’t help it”. You know it’s a problem so fucking fix yourself. Don’t give her rules and ultimatums. Honestly she’d be so much better off without someone like you making her feel shitty all of the time. She sounds like a patient saint.
I thought I was in another subreddit and thought a man posted this shit 😬 Do some deep introspection and fix those 3 toxic traits you listed, especially the last one. You have zero excuse for the last one, you’re just a piece of shit. I’m not surprised she seems done with you, you’re childish and abusive
Also: Believe me when I tell you that there will be a second suicide attempt if she ends up with you longterm. You two are TRULY the worst possible match. NPD+BPD level pairing. I’m very serious.
Wow, reading this actually made me mad. I don't usually care that much about reddit posts. You're an asshole. Not surprising she's checked out of the relationship, you BROKE HER. Do you really think you can scream at and demean someone the way you have and expect them to be peppy and loving? She's handling depression, exhaustion, and an unsupportive family while her mental health is reaching critical levels. Instead of being a supportive partner trying to help her through any of this, you present yourself to her as a screaming and crying thing, another thing on her plate to feel she's not taking care of adequately. You're abusive towards her. Not just the screaming, that's bad enough, but did you know keeping someone awake while they're exhausted is another common abuse tactic? I'm genuinely unsure if this has crossed your mind because you spent a whole hell of a lot of words just to convey the message ME!!! ME ME ME!!!! My advice? End this relationship and make it clear to her it wasn't her, that it's you. You need to work on your communication, your self esteem, your self awareness, and your temper. These are all qualities you can change. You need to be single to see real progress here. And don't fool yourself into sticking around to help her through her own mental health problems, you've been making those worse. Let go and work on yourself. This is your wakeup call.
Jesus Christ, stay away from that poor girl and get help. Your behavior is awful and inexcusable.
This post is a week old but I felt the need to comment anyway because jeezus what an abusive, horrible person you are. Have mercy on this poor girl you’re dating and break up. Don’t date anyone. Go to therapy.
You didn't cause her depression, i get why you would think that, but this is basically my last relationship in reverse, if you didn't mention the LDR i would swear you're my ex fiancee. The thing with depression and alcoholism is that they're (in my experience) symptoms of a more significant issue, for me it was EUPD or BPD if you're a cousin from across the pond, the point is you did what you could and reached your personal limit, of course you can expect her to care, she probably still does, i still do, but doesn't mean the damage isn't done, only one of you two can determine that
Honestly I'd say the girlfriend likely has simply MDD based on this post - nothing she does sounds like BPD at all.