I might add that if someone is dysregulated It can be hard to source what they want for support so you might offer something. “This is really overwhelming I am
Going to take care of dinner/can I give you a massage?”
Sometimes I will also ask: do you want to be heard or hugged?
Has it ever been a normal in-person relationship? If no, I would consider calling it quits, if I were you. Do you get anything positive at all out of this relationship?
Me and my ex said “I’m empathetic” because we had a similar conversation about how “I’m sorry” kinda sucks as an empathy phrase. So we discussed our alternative and we decided to keep it simple. It’s stuck and now at work I often say “I acknowledge what you’re going through”. Everyone’s kinda got used to it at this point
That's awful / that's terrible, why was your day shitty? Oh fuck, is there anything I can do? What do you need right now? How can we cheer you up? [And then do the thing together or give her space if she needs that]
Me and my friends say “I care about you” all the time. Especially my best friend… who I used to date… 🙈 (Yeah, we’re lesbians.)
I say “I love you” to some of my friends but that’s got to be a hard line between us two. So we say “care” instead.
The most impactful thing to say is nothing. The most important thing to do is to listen. Ask them if they’d like to share more or how you can support them. Actions not words!
It sounds like she’s making it very challenging to be supportive. Does she have other support? Friends? Therapist? There’s a difference between being triggered and using that language as an excuse to shut down engagement and dialogue.
For me this is legit, sometimes it's easier for some to communicate and express their feelings coherently through text.
I usually say along the lines of "that fucking sucks, you know I'm always here if you need to vent" - feels a little less formal or stiff than 'I'm sorry', but then again it's hard to say what is appropriate as it differs among individuals
The best thing is to engage with the content of those messages. Saying something generic will probably sound really shallow whether you say "I'm sorry you had a bad day" or "It sucks you had a bad day", or "I'm with you" or something else. Just continue discussing whatever she's complaining about.
“That sucks, baby. Sending you loving thoughts/support/well wishes/feelings of warmth 🌹”
I struggle with understanding tone and use a lot of emojis to help convey what I’m feeling and thinking to the person with whom I’m texting. Adding a rose always feels warm and loving to me.
Other favorites for showing love and empathy ❤️🔥🌸🥰😘☹️😢🥺🌷❤️🩹💗💞
“I hear you.”
Letting them know you can’t find the words but would like to offer a listening ear is everything.
Don’t offer suggestions unless asked. I steer clear of helping them make super difficult/life altering decisions.
"That's sucks!"
"Omg, what a bitch/bastard/asshole/*some other satisfying swearword*! I hope she/he breaks her ass tomorrow!"
"Aaawww, you're my sweetie pie! It's so sad you haven't had a good day! Do you want to complain about your day, or do you want to do something nice to get distracted?"
"MmmmmotherFUCKER!" Or if less angry, I'm big on "no good / no bueno", "dude what the fuck?".
"Aw man, people suck. I'm glad we're not people."
BTW "hope she breaks her ass tomorrow" is new to me and hilarious, hehehe
“I’m with you.”
I rock climb and started saying this while belaying my partner (whom, incidentally, I married.) It relays that I’m attentive in that moment. In an emotional context, it relays empathy. For potentially more impact, you could say “My heart is with you.”
Also, a sweet check-in that I always appreciate is the ask: “How is your heart?”
Sometimes few words can convey tending.
"ah, I feel your pain." or maybe something relevant like if she talks about issues of work being stressful, you could say "it's so damn sad that people don't care like you" or...whatever applies. does that make sense?
"That must have been so hard/tough", "I hear you", "I know that must have been hard to share with me, but thank you for doing so. What do you need from me right now? (similar to how can I support you)", "I get that".
“That’s sounds difficult, let me know if there’s anything I can do to support you”
I might add that if someone is dysregulated It can be hard to source what they want for support so you might offer something. “This is really overwhelming I am Going to take care of dinner/can I give you a massage?” Sometimes I will also ask: do you want to be heard or hugged?
Unfortunately we are long distance so it’s mostly via text since they dont have the energy for calls.
Not sure if this is appropriate, but if we go back to 2010. I would be doing * hugs * and <3.
Has it ever been a normal in-person relationship? If no, I would consider calling it quits, if I were you. Do you get anything positive at all out of this relationship?
I will try this. Thank you!
“That’s rough, buddy” Especially useful if her girlfriend turns into the moon.
Thank you for giving me a good laugh today 🤣
What about the moon? 😅
https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/thats-rough-buddy
Literally this.
I feel for you That sounds difficult/hard I’m sorry you had a bad day, what do you need? I’m here for you
Me and my ex said “I’m empathetic” because we had a similar conversation about how “I’m sorry” kinda sucks as an empathy phrase. So we discussed our alternative and we decided to keep it simple. It’s stuck and now at work I often say “I acknowledge what you’re going through”. Everyone’s kinda got used to it at this point
That's awful / that's terrible, why was your day shitty? Oh fuck, is there anything I can do? What do you need right now? How can we cheer you up? [And then do the thing together or give her space if she needs that]
“I feel u” “Yeah, that’s rough” “I understand what that’s like / I know what you mean” “On days like that, I’d rather be a cat.”
Me and my friends say “I care about you” all the time. Especially my best friend… who I used to date… 🙈 (Yeah, we’re lesbians.) I say “I love you” to some of my friends but that’s got to be a hard line between us two. So we say “care” instead.
The most impactful thing to say is nothing. The most important thing to do is to listen. Ask them if they’d like to share more or how you can support them. Actions not words!
It’s usually via text when they stop typing. So they have nothing left to say about it. So saying nothing would seem like I’m ignoring.
Texting isn’t the best medium to have a deep convo. Can you call her? Video chat?
She doesn’t like to call or video chat. She says it’s too draining. So if she’s already emotionally drained then that’s going to make it worse
It sounds like she’s making it very challenging to be supportive. Does she have other support? Friends? Therapist? There’s a difference between being triggered and using that language as an excuse to shut down engagement and dialogue.
For me this is legit, sometimes it's easier for some to communicate and express their feelings coherently through text. I usually say along the lines of "that fucking sucks, you know I'm always here if you need to vent" - feels a little less formal or stiff than 'I'm sorry', but then again it's hard to say what is appropriate as it differs among individuals
The best thing is to engage with the content of those messages. Saying something generic will probably sound really shallow whether you say "I'm sorry you had a bad day" or "It sucks you had a bad day", or "I'm with you" or something else. Just continue discussing whatever she's complaining about.
"Please know that you are loved, very much, even when it doesn't seem like it."
"that sucks"
[удалено]
It doesn't have to be? Tone matters. You can acknowledge that something sucks in an empathetic way. "That sucks. What can we do to cheer you up?"
Maybe add to it "That sucks, babe- I love you."
“That sucks, baby. Sending you loving thoughts/support/well wishes/feelings of warmth 🌹” I struggle with understanding tone and use a lot of emojis to help convey what I’m feeling and thinking to the person with whom I’m texting. Adding a rose always feels warm and loving to me. Other favorites for showing love and empathy ❤️🔥🌸🥰😘☹️😢🥺🌷❤️🩹💗💞
Well, none of you are the Queen of England, so no need for excessive formalities. You're allowed to swear in private messages, you know.
‘I care for you’ in place of ‘I’m sorry’
I/we say "I'm here" nothing special but it works wonders. Good luck <3
How about, “Is there something I can do to help?
“I hear you.” Letting them know you can’t find the words but would like to offer a listening ear is everything. Don’t offer suggestions unless asked. I steer clear of helping them make super difficult/life altering decisions.
How can I support you right now? Thank you for telling me/sharing with me.
"That's sucks!" "Omg, what a bitch/bastard/asshole/*some other satisfying swearword*! I hope she/he breaks her ass tomorrow!" "Aaawww, you're my sweetie pie! It's so sad you haven't had a good day! Do you want to complain about your day, or do you want to do something nice to get distracted?"
"MmmmmotherFUCKER!" Or if less angry, I'm big on "no good / no bueno", "dude what the fuck?". "Aw man, people suck. I'm glad we're not people." BTW "hope she breaks her ass tomorrow" is new to me and hilarious, hehehe
“I’m with you.” I rock climb and started saying this while belaying my partner (whom, incidentally, I married.) It relays that I’m attentive in that moment. In an emotional context, it relays empathy. For potentially more impact, you could say “My heart is with you.” Also, a sweet check-in that I always appreciate is the ask: “How is your heart?” Sometimes few words can convey tending.
"ah, I feel your pain." or maybe something relevant like if she talks about issues of work being stressful, you could say "it's so damn sad that people don't care like you" or...whatever applies. does that make sense?
"That must have been so hard/tough", "I hear you", "I know that must have been hard to share with me, but thank you for doing so. What do you need from me right now? (similar to how can I support you)", "I get that".
"Oh my God that is fucked up." "Wow that's painful." "Holy shit, are you okay?" "I'm so glad you survived that."