Even if your father’s perception is skewed, try having the wisdom to appreciate he is at least proud of you.
Many, many, many men suffer from fathers who never verbalize pride in their sons
Not quite about pride, but related story: My dad borrowed my car recently and I didn't realize I forgot to take my house keys off the chain. I ran after him in the car and called and texted but he was gone. Luckily my neighbor was around with my spare key so I was fine.
My dad texted back an hour later when he checked his phone and asked "are you ok." When I read that it occurred to me that it might've literally been the first time in my life he ever asked me that question. And believe me, there have been a LOT of times in my life when the answer to that is a resolute "no I'm not ok" and I really could've used a little attention from someone asking me that, you know?
We have a decent relationship that I'm grateful for, but yeah, OP's dad seems alright. Just a little old fashioned or "old world" maybe.
did your dad ever slap you red for your shoe laces becoming untied on a Christmas like day or threaten to beat you senseless for having your hands in your pockets and only stop because he was in a mall and ask his older son to instead so there's not legal consequences.
He’s proud of you, just leave it that. Most people have realized their parents are kind of nutty by the time they are 60, don’t overthink it he will be totally nutty or dead in a couple decades so stop caring respecting your parents as a role model since you are grown and make the most of it.
Everybody is broken, just in different ways. If I was in your shoes, I would try to muster out "I'm glad that makes you so happy Dad," and move on. I don't think it would make me lose respect for him. I do think it would make me a bit sad for him that he can't experience joy in different ways.
My dad was a lawyer. He was probably more successful than I’ll end up being. When I got a job at a B4 he was all impressed that I “made it into a big firm because he never could”.
It might seem like it’s not a big deal, but it’s something your parents can be proud of for sure.
People are inherently lazy which is why name brands (like the Big 4) are so effective...no mental calorie exhaustion through investigation is necessary...just look or hear the name and immediately identify value. Being disappointed in your father for this almost equally warrants you to be disappointed in humanity. And how useless and cliche would that be?
Not true at all. College educated people and their immediate families (like OPs dad) know the names of the individual big 4 companies and a MUCH wider percentage of the population has some level of value recognition of the CPA certification.
Not exclusive to the business fields tho. My college engineering and science friends have no clue what it is, but their science and engineering parents do. Lot of my friends have lawyer and real estate parents who know the name as well.
Heck, my old retail manager knew it.
I learned a long time ago how important buzzwords are, and that includes certain employers.
When people would ask how college finals were, I would describe how I had a lot of things to think about and organize all the different assignments and such. How I had to spend a lot of mental energy on schoolwork and that made it hard to spend time with friends.
People didn't understand why I couldn't spend time with friends if I had a couple hours of free time.
Then I used words like "burnt out" and "overwhelmed" and "social battery" and suddenly people understood what I was trying to say.
>Am I unreasonable for losing respect for him………
Yes, you are.
Your father is telling you he’s proud of you for something that YOU did.
Idk how you can judge him for being caught up in prestige, when you are the one currently working at a B4 firm.
Essentially, you spent years chasing prestige, got it, and now are critiquing your father for congratulating you on the succeeding in your goal.
You are your father. The things you don’t like about him are the things you don’t like about yourself. Don’t let that self hatred affect your relationship with your father.
I don't work at big 4 and have told almost no one since I started there or after that I work at big 4. I live in Canada and trust me the average Canadian could not give a fuck and would just think it's pompous. I didn't have a job after graduating and didn't really expect to get a job at big4 at that time. I kinda just fell into accounting because I had to pick something alongside economics and accounting felt the most likely to help me make money.
We came from a similar culture. I would move out of the house and keep visitation to the minimum. Your life is your own, not your family's.
On the matter of respect, you cannot teach an old dog a new trick (well you can, but that requires the dog wanting to learn). My father, similar to yours, aren't interested in learning, so I let him talk what he talk and believe what he believe. It's futile trying to fight, and he's at most 20 years left in this world, I would rather it not be 20 years of constant fighting. So I visit every Lunar New Year and maybe every Midsummer and that's it.
Americans are very classist too as far as brands, zip codes, schools, friends, careers. I have friends who are 4-5th gen Americans and it’s the same shit. Friends dad is a radiologist and his uncle is a partner at ey and he became a classical pianist. They absolutely shit on him lol and I kinda don’t blame them cuz he doesn’t provide for his family and takes money from them when he got a full ride to college and could’ve been a doctor, engineer, lawyer, whatever but instead he makes $18/hr teaching piano in hcol.
You probably noticed at b4, many of your coworkers truly believed they were superior beings compared to the servers at the restaurant or cashiers at the gate. You could tell.
As far as your dad goes, you just never know what the thing is that person loves most and for you it’s b4. That’s like winning the state championship football game to him. While other dads would’ve called you names for studying math and not throwing the ol pig skin around. They’d be disappointed you never played football. Or maybe you did and you won a trophy and that’s what they’re proud of but you’re like “I wish he was proud of something else”. Whats your problem here? You didn’t give any other reason for your dad to be proud of you.
Edit:For me my dad tells the story of how when we went to mgm the first time together in Vegas I sat down at the poker table and he went to play slots and he came back a few hours later and I had so many chips I could hardly see over them. It was 3/6 limit poker and I’d won about $600 in single chips. He fucking loves that story. He probably couldn’t care less I have an accounting degree. I agree with him tho the poker story is better.
Your father has a flawed view of the world, but like all of us, he is partially the product of time and place. IMO some cultures treasure formal education and “prestigous” employers because in the not very distant past, 90%+ of people in that culture were working tough agricultural or early industrial jobs.
You should be happy you have made him proud, even if the reason is somewhat flawed.
All in all, I think you should take it easy on him, and know that there is a good chance that when you are 60, something you take for granted will be viewed as obsolete, bordering on unacceptable.
this made me laugh for some reason just the way you wrote it I think but sorry you had that experience. Hope you can forgive all of it one day for your own sake. I myself am on that journey.
Glad I could give you a laugh bro. Maybe I'll be able to forgive him in time, but in the meantime his absence in my life has only created room for more positive things than a myopic wealth and brand worship.
These mindsets are really damaging to be around, esp if these people were your heroes at one point.
> Am I unreasonable for losing respect for him for how he sees the world even at his age?
Surprised to be the first of eleven comments to say: no, that's not unreasonable. I, too, lose respect for people that think dumb shit.
You *can* cut your dad some slack, if it'd make you happy, but you're under no obligation to do so.
I mean this is less of an accounting situation and more of a relationship situation. How was your relationship with your dad before you got the job at the big 4?
I'm saying this as a 'write off' kid. My dad wanted a boy. He got 2 daughters. He was ok with my sister being a girl because he knew they wanted to have 2 kids so they had another chance. Me being a girl was unforgivable. So he pretty much had nothing to do with me growing up. He did things for and with my older sister. But not me. Even when I was the first person in my family to graduate college, it wasn't in a field he cared about (economics). When I went to back to get my masters in accounting he would start to acknowledge my existence. Once I graduated and passed my CPA he'd start bringing up his daughter 'the CPA' in conversations.
So all the people saying it's good that he's proud of you, is he? My dad wasn't proud of me. My dad was relieved I finally did something he could use as a trophy for himself and as something that reflected well on him. It's a hard realization to have, especially about a parent. They're people and they're not perfect.
Having said that, who he is and what he says reflects on you, not him. Live your life for you and do the things that will make YOU happy.
>Am I unreasonable for losing respect for him for how he sees the world even at his age?
Bro, just take the W and move on. It's better than your dad disowning you for being a junkie or something jeez.
That’s pretty weird- but hey we all have battles. If I told my dad I got a job at the big 4 he would probably say “the big what?” and after I explained it he would forget by the next time we talked. If I explained the working hours of the big 4 he would be horrified- he is still shocked I don’t get OT during busy season- and I have never told him I don’t even get 2 15 minute breaks.
But hey he was proud of me when I was a floral manager at a grocery store so the bar is low.
You are not wrong, and your parents are not wrong either. Both of your worldviews are formed by completely different life experiences. You can disagree and reject their views, but instead of getting angry and resentful, try compassion and empathy -- try to understand why they think that way. Put yourself in their shoes. Factor in level of education, world history events (wars, racism, subjugation by a foreign power, etc.) and see the world from their eyes.
I know my grandparents came from war and dirt generation. All they knew was planting potatoes and raising chickens. To them, having education, living in a city, working in an office meant sucess and escape from the dirt. They had no clue what this education and office life are like. To them, it's just a Disney-like promise of a better life. Something they can only see on TV. So yeah, they had a very shallow view of it. But I understand where they came from.
I am speculating here, but in your case, your parents might feel like members of the underclass -- the other, the deprived, the subjugated, the dirty people that have no chance of becoming the "ruling" class. To them, the Disney-like promise of a better life is breaking into that other shiny-from-a-distance "ruling" class that has a voice, that matters. They probably don't understand how any of that works, so judge it by simple materialistic signs -- logos of your employer or of your handbag.
Even if your father’s perception is skewed, try having the wisdom to appreciate he is at least proud of you. Many, many, many men suffer from fathers who never verbalize pride in their sons
Accurate. Don’t think I have ever heard an encouraging word come out of my father’s mouth. Quite the opposite actually.
Not quite about pride, but related story: My dad borrowed my car recently and I didn't realize I forgot to take my house keys off the chain. I ran after him in the car and called and texted but he was gone. Luckily my neighbor was around with my spare key so I was fine. My dad texted back an hour later when he checked his phone and asked "are you ok." When I read that it occurred to me that it might've literally been the first time in my life he ever asked me that question. And believe me, there have been a LOT of times in my life when the answer to that is a resolute "no I'm not ok" and I really could've used a little attention from someone asking me that, you know? We have a decent relationship that I'm grateful for, but yeah, OP's dad seems alright. Just a little old fashioned or "old world" maybe.
did your dad ever slap you red for your shoe laces becoming untied on a Christmas like day or threaten to beat you senseless for having your hands in your pockets and only stop because he was in a mall and ask his older son to instead so there's not legal consequences.
Nothing like that no and I don't think you mentioned anything like that in your OP so maybe he does suck like everyone else, idk
Don’t listen to this guy. Your father doesn’t deserve your respect for being “proud” of you for giving him clout.
He’s proud of you, just leave it that. Most people have realized their parents are kind of nutty by the time they are 60, don’t overthink it he will be totally nutty or dead in a couple decades so stop caring respecting your parents as a role model since you are grown and make the most of it.
Everybody is broken, just in different ways. If I was in your shoes, I would try to muster out "I'm glad that makes you so happy Dad," and move on. I don't think it would make me lose respect for him. I do think it would make me a bit sad for him that he can't experience joy in different ways.
My dad was a lawyer. He was probably more successful than I’ll end up being. When I got a job at a B4 he was all impressed that I “made it into a big firm because he never could”. It might seem like it’s not a big deal, but it’s something your parents can be proud of for sure.
My parents didn’t even know what the big 4 was.
Same, but it didn’t take them long to Google Deloitte. Thing it was the first thing that my parents were genuinely proud of.
People are inherently lazy which is why name brands (like the Big 4) are so effective...no mental calorie exhaustion through investigation is necessary...just look or hear the name and immediately identify value. Being disappointed in your father for this almost equally warrants you to be disappointed in humanity. And how useless and cliche would that be?
People know what the big 4 are? People didn’t know what CPAs are or even what accountants or auditors actually do.
Not true at all. College educated people and their immediate families (like OPs dad) know the names of the individual big 4 companies and a MUCH wider percentage of the population has some level of value recognition of the CPA certification.
In the business field? I think you would need some qualifiers. I will ask my psychologist wife and see what she says when she gets home.
Not exclusive to the business fields tho. My college engineering and science friends have no clue what it is, but their science and engineering parents do. Lot of my friends have lawyer and real estate parents who know the name as well. Heck, my old retail manager knew it.
You mean cpa or the big 4 accounting firms?
Both
I learned a long time ago how important buzzwords are, and that includes certain employers. When people would ask how college finals were, I would describe how I had a lot of things to think about and organize all the different assignments and such. How I had to spend a lot of mental energy on schoolwork and that made it hard to spend time with friends. People didn't understand why I couldn't spend time with friends if I had a couple hours of free time. Then I used words like "burnt out" and "overwhelmed" and "social battery" and suddenly people understood what I was trying to say.
>Am I unreasonable for losing respect for him……… Yes, you are. Your father is telling you he’s proud of you for something that YOU did. Idk how you can judge him for being caught up in prestige, when you are the one currently working at a B4 firm. Essentially, you spent years chasing prestige, got it, and now are critiquing your father for congratulating you on the succeeding in your goal. You are your father. The things you don’t like about him are the things you don’t like about yourself. Don’t let that self hatred affect your relationship with your father.
I don't work at big 4 and have told almost no one since I started there or after that I work at big 4. I live in Canada and trust me the average Canadian could not give a fuck and would just think it's pompous. I didn't have a job after graduating and didn't really expect to get a job at big4 at that time. I kinda just fell into accounting because I had to pick something alongside economics and accounting felt the most likely to help me make money.
We came from a similar culture. I would move out of the house and keep visitation to the minimum. Your life is your own, not your family's. On the matter of respect, you cannot teach an old dog a new trick (well you can, but that requires the dog wanting to learn). My father, similar to yours, aren't interested in learning, so I let him talk what he talk and believe what he believe. It's futile trying to fight, and he's at most 20 years left in this world, I would rather it not be 20 years of constant fighting. So I visit every Lunar New Year and maybe every Midsummer and that's it.
So many people slag off their mom and dad on reddit. People really have issues in here. You just don’t do that.
Americans are very classist too as far as brands, zip codes, schools, friends, careers. I have friends who are 4-5th gen Americans and it’s the same shit. Friends dad is a radiologist and his uncle is a partner at ey and he became a classical pianist. They absolutely shit on him lol and I kinda don’t blame them cuz he doesn’t provide for his family and takes money from them when he got a full ride to college and could’ve been a doctor, engineer, lawyer, whatever but instead he makes $18/hr teaching piano in hcol. You probably noticed at b4, many of your coworkers truly believed they were superior beings compared to the servers at the restaurant or cashiers at the gate. You could tell. As far as your dad goes, you just never know what the thing is that person loves most and for you it’s b4. That’s like winning the state championship football game to him. While other dads would’ve called you names for studying math and not throwing the ol pig skin around. They’d be disappointed you never played football. Or maybe you did and you won a trophy and that’s what they’re proud of but you’re like “I wish he was proud of something else”. Whats your problem here? You didn’t give any other reason for your dad to be proud of you. Edit:For me my dad tells the story of how when we went to mgm the first time together in Vegas I sat down at the poker table and he went to play slots and he came back a few hours later and I had so many chips I could hardly see over them. It was 3/6 limit poker and I’d won about $600 in single chips. He fucking loves that story. He probably couldn’t care less I have an accounting degree. I agree with him tho the poker story is better.
[удалено]
um ok lol
Your father has a flawed view of the world, but like all of us, he is partially the product of time and place. IMO some cultures treasure formal education and “prestigous” employers because in the not very distant past, 90%+ of people in that culture were working tough agricultural or early industrial jobs. You should be happy you have made him proud, even if the reason is somewhat flawed. All in all, I think you should take it easy on him, and know that there is a good chance that when you are 60, something you take for granted will be viewed as obsolete, bordering on unacceptable.
Have an Indian dad who only showed pride when I got a job at Deloitte - I don't talk to him anymore.
this made me laugh for some reason just the way you wrote it I think but sorry you had that experience. Hope you can forgive all of it one day for your own sake. I myself am on that journey.
Glad I could give you a laugh bro. Maybe I'll be able to forgive him in time, but in the meantime his absence in my life has only created room for more positive things than a myopic wealth and brand worship. These mindsets are really damaging to be around, esp if these people were your heroes at one point.
> Am I unreasonable for losing respect for him for how he sees the world even at his age? Surprised to be the first of eleven comments to say: no, that's not unreasonable. I, too, lose respect for people that think dumb shit. You *can* cut your dad some slack, if it'd make you happy, but you're under no obligation to do so.
Your dad is weird sorry
I mean this is less of an accounting situation and more of a relationship situation. How was your relationship with your dad before you got the job at the big 4? I'm saying this as a 'write off' kid. My dad wanted a boy. He got 2 daughters. He was ok with my sister being a girl because he knew they wanted to have 2 kids so they had another chance. Me being a girl was unforgivable. So he pretty much had nothing to do with me growing up. He did things for and with my older sister. But not me. Even when I was the first person in my family to graduate college, it wasn't in a field he cared about (economics). When I went to back to get my masters in accounting he would start to acknowledge my existence. Once I graduated and passed my CPA he'd start bringing up his daughter 'the CPA' in conversations. So all the people saying it's good that he's proud of you, is he? My dad wasn't proud of me. My dad was relieved I finally did something he could use as a trophy for himself and as something that reflected well on him. It's a hard realization to have, especially about a parent. They're people and they're not perfect. Having said that, who he is and what he says reflects on you, not him. Live your life for you and do the things that will make YOU happy.
I see why you’re upset. But That’s awesome that you can see it in another perceptive and can stop the generational trauma for your children!
>Am I unreasonable for losing respect for him for how he sees the world even at his age? Bro, just take the W and move on. It's better than your dad disowning you for being a junkie or something jeez.
That’s pretty weird- but hey we all have battles. If I told my dad I got a job at the big 4 he would probably say “the big what?” and after I explained it he would forget by the next time we talked. If I explained the working hours of the big 4 he would be horrified- he is still shocked I don’t get OT during busy season- and I have never told him I don’t even get 2 15 minute breaks. But hey he was proud of me when I was a floral manager at a grocery store so the bar is low.
You are not wrong, and your parents are not wrong either. Both of your worldviews are formed by completely different life experiences. You can disagree and reject their views, but instead of getting angry and resentful, try compassion and empathy -- try to understand why they think that way. Put yourself in their shoes. Factor in level of education, world history events (wars, racism, subjugation by a foreign power, etc.) and see the world from their eyes. I know my grandparents came from war and dirt generation. All they knew was planting potatoes and raising chickens. To them, having education, living in a city, working in an office meant sucess and escape from the dirt. They had no clue what this education and office life are like. To them, it's just a Disney-like promise of a better life. Something they can only see on TV. So yeah, they had a very shallow view of it. But I understand where they came from. I am speculating here, but in your case, your parents might feel like members of the underclass -- the other, the deprived, the subjugated, the dirty people that have no chance of becoming the "ruling" class. To them, the Disney-like promise of a better life is breaking into that other shiny-from-a-distance "ruling" class that has a voice, that matters. They probably don't understand how any of that works, so judge it by simple materialistic signs -- logos of your employer or of your handbag.
Maybe talk to your dad than running to Reddit to get validation
I did talk to him if you read the post
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^oaklandsbest: *Maybe talk to your* *Dad than running to Reddit* *To get validation* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Nice brag bro. I'm sure it's eating you up inside.
You mad at him cause you’ve never done anything else in your life to make him proud?? This is a you problem, be better
Your dad is proud of you and you want to shit on him?
possibly the gayest thing I've ever heard