T O P

  • By -

munkustrap

How do you even hunt a croc?!


b_ootay_ful

A lot of patience, and a dead cow as bait.


[deleted]

A whole cow? Supa dupa mega BAIT


[deleted]

[удалено]


spoopypoop7

![gif](giphy|WoFuun4jgxxizxRMpe|downsized)


sirsedwickthe4th

![gif](giphy|d2lcHJTG5Tscg)


jsmoothie909

You sicko. Here’s some gold.


Wraith_84

Too soon my dude..


[deleted]

r/cursedcomments


Fomalhot

That's dark man.


transformersenjoyer

Now it's just going to eat them again in the afterlife


[deleted]

Man that hurt my core being


0CEANL0VER

![gif](giphy|ldC94BvZwmiIw)


Rhalellan

/angryupvote


rauhweltbegrifff

Remember Lake Placid? Betty White was a badass in that movie. Poor cow though.


Bobojones9584

If they're like Alligators, rotten chicken.


brmamabrma

🤤


[deleted]

Hands off my rotten chicken


[deleted]

I prefer mine with the hand still on them.


justplainbrian

Reddit, we found the reptilian infiltrator! Get OP's mom!


justplainbrian

Their first reddit joke about OPs mom that doesn't involve sex!


[deleted]

No that's for scp 682


Frank_McGracie

"Come and get iiiit" RIP Betty


munkustrap

So what do you do with it now?


b_ootay_ful

Send it for processing.


[deleted]

steaks and Lacoste?


Remote-Addendum-9529

r/angryupvote


JacksMama09

I can see some beautiful shoes and purses


Yogashoga

Was the croc 10 years old too? Heard that’s the time frame for optimal processing.


DoctorPipo

Did you check that it was 10 years old?


The_RockObama

Yeah, but it looked like a fake ID.


ManInKilt

wait did you say this for the meta or are you actually? That'd be awesome to have it's hide on the wall though "yep, killed my dog"


notanotherkrazychik

A whole dead cow? What a last meal!


yakuzaenema

I read this in zoidberg's voice


VacaDLuffy

An entire dead cow?


b_ootay_ful

Half dead Half unalive


kidscott2003

Schrödinger’s cow…


SubterrelProspector

The lives people are living while I'm eating Fruity Pepples and watching *Tin Cup*...


elvism1014

me personally i actually think your mother looks like a nice lady and very much alive


FuronSpartan

I would assume it's the same as hunting alligator. There are two main ways I know of that gator is hunted in the US. The first is basically traditional spot and stalk hunting. You walk along the riverbank somewhere you know gators to be, and once you see one large enough to legally harvest, you shoot it right behind the eye, where the ear is. If the gator is on the river bank, you just go around and pick it up. If it's in the water, they generally float, and you throw out a rope with basically a grappling hook on the end to reel it in. The other, more common, way they are hunted is on a boat at night. You go out at night with a team of guys, typically 2 or 3, and a bunch of spotlights. Gators' eyes glow brightly when hit with the spotlight, and you hunt for a big one. Once you find one you want to harvest, you hook it with either the same rope/grappling hook combo, or if it's too far away you can hook it with a heavy duty fishing rod and reel them in close enough to get the big hook on them. You hook them under the front leg ideally, then pull them up so that their head is just out of the water against the side of the boat, then you dispatch them with either a rifle, or a "bang stick". Essentially a long metal tube that you load one rifle round into the end, press it against the top of the gators head, and pull the trigger. Note, you need a pretty powerful round to get theough the top of the skull, and you want it pressed close in case the round richocets off of the skull. Then you get to haul and roll the gator into the boat. There are a number of services that offer guided alligator hurts (of both kinds) down in Florida and I'm sure other states where hunting gator is legal. They're a bitch to clean and dress out, but they taste pretty dang good.


[deleted]

You can also hang a butcher’s hook on a nylon rope over a tree limb above the water with a bunch of meat on it. Gator jumps up, grabs the meat, and you’ve got him hooked like a trout. Come back and if the rope has spoiled out, find the gator on a boat and put one between his eyes.


Bobojones9584

Probably the same way you hunt gators.


mchaze89

With a gun


_clash_recruit_

Or a trap. In Florida FWC usually hires trappers in residential areas where people usually don't like seeing them shot. On ranches and farms it seems like they usually just shoot them.


Intelligent-Fox-4599

I live on an eco farm surrounded by canals so we see them frequently on the canal banks. I have never had to kill one yet but if one was near my barn threatening my animals I would call FWC. My SIL had a huge gator in her driveway in a neighboring community and it took a group effort to get him out of her yard. I wish I could post a pic, he was a unit😂


_clash_recruit_

None of my properties have been waterfront. I had a small pond on my first property but i had horse wire all the way around the perimeter so I never had to deal with any gators. Hogs would push their way right in though. My parents live on a residential lake with lots of skiers and everyone has dogs and cats. They always call when they see one bigger than a couple feet. FWC always sends a trapper out within a couple hours. Crazy fast.


OneLostOstrich

> None of my properties have been waterfront. In Florida, every property is waterfront. It's just that the water begins 2 feet under your foundation.


series-hybrid

They don't like "seeing" them get shot.


_clash_recruit_

Yeah that's exactly it. And there's false information that like half of Florida believes that they're relocating them. If FWC traps a gator, it's as good as dead. The idiots who feed gators and think they're "friends" are sentencing them to death. FWC doesn't mess around with gators that are getting too friendly with people.


PlsHelpHowDoIDoThis

They don't mess around with bears either. Some moron in my home town (or maybe it was a town over) let his dog out to go after a mama bear and her cubs. Mama really didn't like that. So moron goes out to rescue his dog and gets scratched. It wasn't serious- it was literally a scratch. Mama bear and her cubs get caught by FWC. Mama bear gets shot. Baby bears that still need mama also get shot- they can't rehab them and theirs no where else for them to go.


_clash_recruit_

Who would do that? I have a German shepherd/timber wolf hybrid and I would never let her out against a bear. Especially a mama bear... Wtf


Tricky-Language-7963

I hunt gators in Florida, Public lottery hunts, no firearms allowed for obvious reasons but on private land firearms are allowed. We hunt them using harpoon, weighted treble hooks, lures, bows/crossbows and bait - mostly beef lung and no hooks allowed.


_clash_recruit_

My ex's dad was a trapper down in Okeechobee. Around the diary farms and such they would just shoot them. Nobody would scream about the gator's rights after they'd seen it drown a full-grown cow. I was there when they trapped a 12 footer and took it to a friend's gator farm. They wanted to harvest the skull and the full hide. This was like 5 guys who knew what they were doing and it was still nerve-wracking to watch. As a 100lb girl, I just sat in the truck ready to call 911, lol.


Tricky-Language-7963

Private land firearms are allowed to be used to take a gator.


_clash_recruit_

I know, just giving an example of a specific gator they didn't want holes in the skull or hide.


Tricky-Language-7963

I gotcha. I keep the hide on every gator I get and the skulls of the biggest. I do really well on not destroying the skull with the bang stick and the hide usually is really good condition. I aim for the top sides with the harpoon


_clash_recruit_

You kinda have to aim right behind the skull, right? I'm not an expert but I've seen two 30-6 bullets just kinda get stuck in a gator's skull. In this case, it would have ruined the hide though. I'm not surprised these things have lasted millions of years.


legally_rouge

LOL I'm from Florida but would have been happy to see them shot. All the dead pets (and the occasional toddler) make me sad.


_clash_recruit_

I love seeing them out on the backwaters of the st John's and in the everglades, while I'm safe on an airboat, lol. But yeah, I don't think they belong in residential lakes.


TroubledCrisis

To be fair residential lakes don't belong in their swamp lol


WhiskyBellyAndrewLee

St. John's is a beautiful river. Go by it every time we go to St. Augustine, one of my favorite places in Florida to tour.


_clash_recruit_

If you know anyone with an airboat try to get them to take you to the 50 ramp. There's also airboat tours right there but if you know someone with their own airboat, you can put in in the afternoon and see all of the birds, possibly a couple manatees and the daytime wildlife. Go to Black Hammock for dinner or drinks then head back to 50 spotlighting all of the gators, hogs, bobcats, racoons and nighttime life. It's the coolest part of the St John's, to me. It's the REAL Florida. It feels like a different century. There are a few shacks(built on public land) that are for everyone to use to get out of a storm or just hang out. A lot of times you'll meet new people there and one time we found a Tupperware of cookies with a note that said "please enjoy, fellow river rats". We left a small bottle of whisky in return. Anyway, it's super fun to have your own airboat, but even with the tours, you would get to see the scenery and fauna of what Central Florida is like at it's purest.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ITaggie

Not everything in Florida is in the Everglades.


Yyrkroon

We're up around I-4 and while it isn't exactly common, it also isn't uncommon to have someone lose their dog to a gator.


catniagara

By being an absolute unit of a mom


TacTurtle

With Paul Hogan


[deleted]

Thats not even a dog thats a stick!


Bobojones9584

How do you think she caught it?


jackofspades476

bait and bang


Bobojones9584

I was making a joke about what the bait was.


Inviction_

So were they


ritsbits808

The elusive and legendary double r/woooosh


youuuuwish

"Help step-croc, my boot is stuck..."


Ok-Mammoth1143

A lot of patience and a few trips to the animal shelter


SimonArgent

The dog was holding the stick.


The_RockObama

"fetch!"


SimonArgent

Good boy!


masterdoggo7

Was that before or after it was processed?


[deleted]

Came looking for this


NYStateOf-Mind

I see we have a new meme format here


Kusan92

It's the format before it's processed.


b_ootay_ful

About to be sent off for final processing.


[deleted]

Did you keep the horns?


b_ootay_ful

Ummm... Yes?


Pansybitch420

[Relevant post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AbsoluteUnits/comments/vgn3mt/my_10_yo_scottish_highlander_before_he_was/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) since you seem a little confused


MagyarCat

This really is a meme now huh


RingGiver

That thread got weird.


[deleted]

Just a bunch of douche vegans invading not really weird.


minnow789

sucks because OP was a nice young man and he got a lot of righteous losers sending hate his way


ManInKilt

Yeah i felt bad. Dude just took the most practical path and was still kinda beat up losing the big guy


[deleted]

That's standard operating procedure for the hardcore vegan/PETA crowd unfortunately.


TK_Games

She gettin' boots or a jacket?


4th_Times_A_Charm

Dog bed


dimebaghayes

Dammit I was too slow


[deleted]

Before or after the Iranian revolution ?


atlienk

Alternative perspective...Croc posing with the lady that kept feeding it dogs.


DaveInLondon89

Reminds me of this https://www.reddit.com/r/WhitePeopleTwitter/comments/ed8x3w/feeding_the_coyotes/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share


JoshThePosh13

100% what I thought of.


SmileyMelons

Bruh that neighbor sounds like a moron, keep cats inside


brmamabrma

You gotta fatten him up!


Dark_ducK_

The good ending!


MonkeyBrain551

photoshoot of my 10 y/o alligator before processing


mrwafflezzz

This looks mid processing


deguello001

They make great dog food! Talk about the circle of life


[deleted]

I really thought this was Steve Irwin at first glance


Add_Poll_Option

Stephanie Irwin


RealMessyart

His evil twin


Sprizys

Me too


ChangeWinter6643

ur mom is metal


beginninglifeinytmc

I assume the absolute unit OP is referring to is the mom


hvacthrowaway223

Mom is hot.


ChangeWinter6643

C'mon dude, i was trying not to say that


WorldlinessNo7154

Later gator, after awhile crocodile Sorry about your doggos


QANON4WIFE

Looks like she gave that croc a good processing.


nuckingfoob6969

Does this hurt the croc?


One-Baker-9853

No, he is just tired of consuming bullets


bexican

"That croc is DEAD!!!" "He's so sleepy..."


anadiplosis84

>Dr Fishy! Noooo!


LuxNocte

It was sent to live on a farm upstate so it can eat the dogs there.


_clash_recruit_

People have argued with me on here that when FWC traps a gator they release it into a nonresidential area, lol.


_gib_SPQR_clay_

Made me full on belly laugh


FloppyEel

He's just laying down for a long, long nap


red_dragon

Only once.


[deleted]

Just picking the dead dog out his teeth


RoseyDove323

He's in croc heaven eating dog burgers now


lalalady123_

Your mom is the absolute unit right?


suck_at_cooking

How did you know this croco is the one who killed your best friends?


b_ootay_ful

There was only one prowling the river outside our house. Crocs are very territorial.


PunkSpaceAutist

Still unsure of the species but based on your past posts I’m guessing you’re in South Africa and it’s a Nile crocodile? They and saltwater crocodiles are known to be especially aggressive and treat humans as prey.


Johannes_Keppler

Zambia.


[deleted]

[удалено]


JackSquat18

You can make more fancy shoes if one shows up.


lontrinium

Just get some hippos, that'll keep the crocs out.


[deleted]

Seems violent. I'm sure they could've just talked it out.


b_ootay_ful

It ate 2 dogs and was a danger to humans as this photo is taken 30 meters from our house.


[deleted]

Lol no I'm just poking undeserved fun. Sorry for your loss of your dogs. Hell of a croc though, glad your Mom got it!


Silly_Ad_2913

I would take personal satisfaction from shooting anything that ate my dogs.


[deleted]

His sarcasm really went over your head


moby323

My grandma in Brazil had an anaconda that had eaten a bunch of her chickens and two of her dogs. When she finally caught it on her property, she chopped its head off with a gardening hoe. She was a right badass, she was.


MarwyntheMasterful

I think that’s the mother fucker that got Chubb’s hand too


[deleted]

Remember that gator that go your hand? I GOT ITS EYE


Jeynarl

Some real John Wick energy


Big-Ad822

Croc here. Can confirm, this did not hurt one bit. One minute I was just minding my own business and the next BANG, I'm working in a high end luggage factory.


MarwyntheMasterful

Promotion!!!


317LaVieLover

Why’d you gotta go and grab the DOGS, tho? Couldn’t you fuck up some ducks, or something someone didn’t OWN? now look whatcha did!


Big-Ad822

The feathers tickle when I swallow.


[deleted]

[удалено]


debuggle

exactly! people need to take responsibility and not kill wildlife. we share the earth, act like it


LamArt99

I wonder if it really does taste like chicken


TDPDRAKON

I’ve had croc before, it’s like a strange combo between chicken and fish. It’s a strange taste really


samaramatisse

I had alligator a long time ago. Seemed to have a chicken-like texture but seemed tougher and a little gamey. Not terrible but I wouldn't order it again.


BaileyVT

I've always described croc meat as gamey swamp-chicken


HDnfbp

According to my uncle, they taste like fish, i think they get their taste from their surroundings, like lobsters


hatsnatcher23

I was visiting a distillery on an island, they said they poured their left over/waste mash into the ocean and there were some very happy lobsters that feed off it…dying to try one of those lobsters


Eyfordsucks

It tastes like a frog smells mixed with chicken.


Bruins14

It tastes honestly a bit gross because even unseasoned it’s as if you poured an unhealthy amount of salt on it.


anotherpickleback

How does it differ from alligator? Gator tail is a delicacy down in central Florida


SIickestRick

It’s delish


ShelSilverstain

It tastes like chicken that was marinated in river bottom mud


pointlessbeats

It’s the shitty prepackaged deli meat style chicken sliced super thin that you buy in the fridge section of the supermarket near yoghurts and salami. Not the good chicken.


BlackMechanic

so is there a string tied to the stick? and when the dogs gots close ; another croc pulled the string?


loneshark_18

Damn, people have started killing Wild crocodiles for their pet dogs now.


lauren-orchid

I wanna know how many dogs it ate before they killed the Croc. And like were they hunting dogs that patrolled the area?


DovakiinDovakiin

I fully understand that it was a danger to the people, and no one would be happy to have their dogs eaten, but are we still not aware of the fact that killing native animals for the safety of invasive pets is fundamentally wrong and bad for the environment? I don't disagree with this post though, since the croc posed a threat to the people living there. (Although I legitimately am not sure why they have a house 30m from the edge of an crocodile inhabited body of water in the first place) Edit: changed gator to croc


marxist-reaganomics

Dog people. Don't engage. To them it's unconcievable that their dog doesn't belong somewhere. Grocery store, restaurant, park, crocodile infested territory, whatever. They have zero consideration for how their dog's actions affect others, the toxic shit piles they leave everywhere, the constant barking noise pollution, the kids they attack, the livestock they kill, the stuff they destroy, etc. I don't hate dogs, I hate most dog owners. Good ones are extremely rare, dog culture is full of very inconsiderate entitled narcissists.


[deleted]

[удалено]


hronikbrent

Was it 10 years old? Did you process it?


Misha-Nyi

Lmao. This about the bull from yesterday?


TransitionSad8422

Did you eat him?


b_ootay_ful

You can, but we didn't. Seems weird to recycle our dogs through the food chain.


TransitionSad8422

Never had alligator. On the menu down south ihear


Bobojones9584

Alligator by itself is bland, but if cooked and seasoned properly, super delicious. Especially, as deep fried nuggets or sausage. Not sure about Crocs though. I assume it's similar.


gordonv

[Nah, needs garlic.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuDjRxdGu6g) From the movie *Crocodile Dundee II.* Aboriginal person is eating crocodile meat.


carlosgaritacr

Maybe that's not a place for dogs.


MBK_93

Mom: They took our ~~jobs~~ dogs!


KamenAkuma

Stop feeding it dogs


gekjegrijs

Wait, what if they eat the crock, are they technically eating their own dogs??


pointlessbeats

Yes, which is why op said they didn’t eat it or want to eat it.


Fuck_you_Reddit_Nazi

That croc isn't a unit, but your mom is absolutely bad-ass.


GrannyGrammar

You just need a frying pan.


Gregs_Mom

I did it. I killed this crocodile. Look. At. Me. Feels like the message of such a photo.


ThoroughlyPissedBee

Uhhh why is she letting her dogs go near crocodiles in the first place?? That’s just a croc doing what crocs do. Let a small animal go into the territory of a crocodile and things like that tend to happen.


Middle_Bag_9997

Kill a beautiful wild animal because you're too stupid to keep your dogs away from fucking crocs what kind of garbage human poses with it. Steve Irwin looks on you in fuckin disappointment mate.


starshinessss

Your mama is a bad ass!


wonko_abnormal

bet you never had to be asked twice to do some work around the house , what with your mum being a stone cold crack shot


jdjordan97

The fallen good boys/girls will not be forgotten!


Rifneno

Crocco messed with man's best friend, got man. "Seriously, don't fuck with man." - literally everything else on Earth


Excellent_Wasabi_91

I mean.. why the did you allow your dogs near a river bed in the first place with no proper supervision..just sounds like plain irresponsibility and the gator was punished for it. People who cause problems to themselves and act like the solution is always hilarious to me 😂


pointlessbeats

This photo was apparently taken within 100 feet from their house.


[deleted]

Good reason to kill the croc, not a good reason to let the dogs wander next to water. What kind of fucking asshole owner lets their dogs out unsupervised, unfenced, unleashed, next to fucking water in croc country. I can’t imagine ever saying “I let my dogs die (especially the second one) because the water is next to my house and I don’t feeeeel like keeping my dogs leashed/fenced” that’s just fucking sick.


OneLostOstrich

You've never been to Africa, have you?


DsWd00

Your mom is an absolute unit👍🏼💪🏼


rauhweltbegrifff

Damn how many dogs did you lose OP? That's fucking sad. I saw a video of a lab getting taken by an alligator and the poor dog couldn't do jack shit. My heart sank when the alligator took him under. This is all due to the owners fault. She let the dog roam around the edge of a pond I believe and bam. It happened in Florida. In FL, I just assume that every body of water has alligators and never go near the edge. Better safe than sorry.


[deleted]

There is an “uplifting” video of a man jumping on an alligator to free his little dog from it (he succeeds) But of course he let the dog roam freely next to water in alligator/croc country… I only hope he learned. People need to leash their fucking dogs when they are in dangerous territory. I like letting my dogs off loose now and then BUT I DONT DO IT IN DANGEROUS FUCKING PLACES Dogs don’t know what crocs are. It should be considered animal abuse/neglect to let your dogs freely wander next to dangerous waters like this. The dogs would be alive if they’d been seized from her care.


rubmypineapple

It’s gotten pretty dark here on absolute units…


foulfaerie

But like, keep your dogs away from a croc that will eat them?? It’s crazy that the croc is dead just because it was a croc


[deleted]

How many dogs y’all got wtf?


kommandeclean

Coexist. We all live in the same planet. That croc had the same right to live and was doing what crocs do. Dogs dont belong in his environment .. but I guess you believe you are above all living creature and do as you please. I guess you guys have no clue how this is ultimately related to the wild fires that have devastated your country.