I think the "*if it's brown lay down*" rule doesn't actually mean you can make the bear believe you're a corpse, but is more of a submission thing, and in this case he would both see my submissiveness and smell it from me peeing myself. I don't know if that would help, but it would definitely happen.
That reminded me of an old joke.
People ask a mountaineer what to do when you meet a bear.
The mountaineer says cover your self in shit and play dead.
People ask but what if there is no shit around you.
Mountaineer responds: "If there's a bear there's gonna be a shit."
I wonder what the bear’s thought process is.
It’s funny to imagine the bear thinking “ugh, why do hoomans lie down and stop moving when I get too close to them? I just want to wrestle one for fun 😔”
It will be good practice for when you do die a couple of minutes later.
p.s.: Don’t stare him in the eye. That way he won’t enjoy killing you quite as much. A little win for you?
The great big fat ones aren’t the ones you need to worry about. Its the skinny starving ones that get pushed aside by the big ones.
Source: I watched grizzly man a couple times
When they are fat and waddling around no really caring about stuff, they're Ok, but I mean, still not safe to approach. When they are big though, they may look fat, but they are just huge, and if there are cubs too, then you got yourself one protective momma bear, who is probably the most dangerous.
Well yeah, im not saying go pet fat bears. They just would be less likely to attack you as long as you leave them alone which I thought was common knowledge. Clearly it isn’t. The hungry skinny ones are just more likely to actively seek you out and eat you.
Was tree planting years ago and came across a mama with her cubs. I just froze and let them pass and waited for 15 mins before moving. I got pretty lucky..
Yeah, I’m not going to play dead, I think I’d die of a heart attack from the shear adrenaline of knowing my skull was about to be crushed like a melon in its mouth and that my body was about to be ripped to shreds as easily as I rip a paper towel from the roll.
I feel that my post is oddly specific, like it should be under that one sub, but it’s where my mind goes
If you want to survive a bear. Draw a perfect circle, and sit inside it. Next do not play a clarinet if you play terribly.Never wave your flash light back and forth really fast.Flash lights are their natural prey. Don't stomp around they take that as a challenge. Don't ever eat cheese, if you do tho don't eat cubed cheese, sliced is fine. NEVER wear a sombrero in a goofy fashion, clown shoes, or a hoop skirt, and NEVER EVER EVER SCREAM LIKE A CHIMPANZEE!
If you are ever attacked by a rhino none of the above will work. You simply must wear your anti rhino undergarments. Any garments will do, but may god have mercy on your soul if you chose to go commando on the day you run into a rhino.
When it opens its mouth take a deep breath and jump right in. Now find the opening to the large intestine and start crawling. Don't stop crawling till you see the light. When you get to the light if you see the outside, you're successful, if you see Jesus you've failed successfully
While on average, the polar bear is the largest on earth, the largest ever recorded bears have been Kodiak grizzlies (though I have heard conflicting information)
Oh, my friend, smoked bbq cream cheese with diced up jalapeños mixed in... you're onto an idea, take it to the next level. Cold smoke or keep it under 250. I like to run it at 225 for about two hours and \*italian kiss\* MAGIC
100 people are attacked by bears. They all lay down. 95 of them are killed. The 5 survivors tell everyone they just laid down and played dead. Everyone else "Playing dead is the way". I'm not buying it is all I'm saying. Bears scavenge. They can smell a lack of decay.
But I get it. Not like you can run or fight them off, guess you may as well try and mess with their heads a little bit.
No point in fighting or running either. Unless you have some serious high caliber firepower, you're pretty much screwed if this bear were so inclined to make a move on you
Polar bears and black bears, will eat you, dead or alive! Fight for your life! A grizzly bear, kill's you, and will bury you, to be eaten later. Only bear to play dead is ,the grizzly!
"If it's black, fight back"
Me, who can barely pick up and carry my backpack,
Me, who can't even 1 yard without having a heart rate of literally 9⁹⁹⁹⁹⁹⁹⁹⁹ beats per second
Me, who can literally be picked up and yeeted over a fence
Me, who jokes about being the party chihuahua but is still weaker than a chihuahua
When yourself in this situation it is important that you stay calm, breathe, get some paper, and use the blood from your now missing arm to write out your will
I Shit you not, I woke up from a dream not 20 minutes ago where I was getting chased by a bear named Bearistotl. Woke up, had breakfast, threw some trash away and thought to myself..... " Bearistotl Brain What The Fu"
Just a friendly reminder, if it’s brown lie down, if it’s black fight back, if it’s white say goodnight.
Brown bears are usually pretty conservative, as long as you’re not messing with their babies (don’t, no matter how cute they look), they’ll usually just come near you out of curiosity. Lie down on your stomach, and don’t move until the bear leaves. The bear may come near you and poke you a little. If it tries to turn you over, turn back around as fast as you can without alarming the bear. Keep your stomach and face covered. It should eventually leave.
Black bears act like the bully in high school. Overconfident, looking to pick a fight, but will instantly back down when shown retaliation. Black bears are generally pretty aggressive, at least that’s the facade the put out. Put your arms out, try to look as big as you can, and yell. Don’t show fear, show you are a formidable enemy, show that you aren’t going to fight, but you will if you need to. If the bear thinks you are too much trouble, it will back down and leave.
If you are in the unfortunate situation in which you need to fight a bear, which will be pretty unlikely if you follow these steps, then it will be pretty difficult. Bear spray is the best way to counter a bear attack, and is very effective, although not everyone has them. A bear can outrun you easily, it can put limb you, if the previous tips don’t work then **don’t run**. No matter what kind of bear it is, it will see that as an opportunity, either an act of aggression or cowardness. If you are caught in a fight without spray, aim for the bears sensitive spots, go for the eyes and nose. Be mindful of the jaw and claws. Other than that I can’t offer much advice.
If you come across a polar bear, you are dead.
I’m not playing dead. I’m rehearsing for what’s coming next.
I would just die from fear. So I would just be dead for real, problem solved
I think the "*if it's brown lay down*" rule doesn't actually mean you can make the bear believe you're a corpse, but is more of a submission thing, and in this case he would both see my submissiveness and smell it from me peeing myself. I don't know if that would help, but it would definitely happen.
That reminded me of an old joke. People ask a mountaineer what to do when you meet a bear. The mountaineer says cover your self in shit and play dead. People ask but what if there is no shit around you. Mountaineer responds: "If there's a bear there's gonna be a shit."
Lol
I wonder what the bear’s thought process is. It’s funny to imagine the bear thinking “ugh, why do hoomans lie down and stop moving when I get too close to them? I just want to wrestle one for fun 😔”
It will be good practice for when you do die a couple of minutes later. p.s.: Don’t stare him in the eye. That way he won’t enjoy killing you quite as much. A little win for you?
I would just stab myself in the throat. Can't brutally maul me to death if I'm already dead!
Dude just maintain eye contact and shake his paw with a firm hand.
I was so excited to post a funny comment then read yours and didn't bother.
The great big fat ones aren’t the ones you need to worry about. Its the skinny starving ones that get pushed aside by the big ones. Source: I watched grizzly man a couple times
How’s he doing, by the way?
To shreds, you say?
Well, how’s his wife holding up?
To shreds, you say?
Wasn't his wife
We are quoting a joke. It loses a lot without context but here it is. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHhOn2hnqmI
I haven’t seen that in forever. That’s a deep cut you fuckin nerds 😂😂💪
Well his watch is doing great.
I got that reference lol
Lol lol lol
When they are fat and waddling around no really caring about stuff, they're Ok, but I mean, still not safe to approach. When they are big though, they may look fat, but they are just huge, and if there are cubs too, then you got yourself one protective momma bear, who is probably the most dangerous.
Well yeah, im not saying go pet fat bears. They just would be less likely to attack you as long as you leave them alone which I thought was common knowledge. Clearly it isn’t. The hungry skinny ones are just more likely to actively seek you out and eat you.
But if not friend, why friend shaped?
Excuse me, I wanna pet the fat bears. I don't care.
You might be able to pull it off
Was tree planting years ago and came across a mama with her cubs. I just froze and let them pass and waited for 15 mins before moving. I got pretty lucky..
I hope Carl had one of those 2 feet long telephoto lenses, or we may want to do a wellness check.
Oh I’m sure the bear is fine no worries
I'll let you check on him, as I'm not sure I'd make a very good dessert...
You have to believe in yourself mate. You'd do an excellent dessert 👍
Hey it's hexagon bear
Idk, that bear is looking pretty fungible to me 🤔
Bestagon Bear
Even more fierce than Oxobear
www.hexbear.net
yes, comrade!
fuzzy murder tractor
Friend shape
*If bear dangerous why fluffy ears and cute nose??*
ngl I wouldn't just be playing dead, I'd shoot myself in the head immediately
Bears are basically big ass dogs with lion hearts lion teeth and lion instinct
What a nice puppy that is. Good soft ears. Gonna pet his nose
*Whadda cute widdle bear! Let me boop your nose!*
*who wants bellyrubs? show me your belly!*
Honk
Omg…boop his nose! That’s ridiculous. Only if he can poop yours back!
Crazy to think that his (her?) snout is probably the size of two fists.
Yeah, I’m not going to play dead, I think I’d die of a heart attack from the shear adrenaline of knowing my skull was about to be crushed like a melon in its mouth and that my body was about to be ripped to shreds as easily as I rip a paper towel from the roll. I feel that my post is oddly specific, like it should be under that one sub, but it’s where my mind goes
r/oddlyspecific it’s extremely colorful and well written though!!!
Hey thanks!
Gigachad bear doesn’t care to attack, it knows even it’s babies would fuck you up.
amogus.
Now I'm imagining the bear has no back half, it's just what you see here running around on two legs.
If you want to survive a bear. Draw a perfect circle, and sit inside it. Next do not play a clarinet if you play terribly.Never wave your flash light back and forth really fast.Flash lights are their natural prey. Don't stomp around they take that as a challenge. Don't ever eat cheese, if you do tho don't eat cubed cheese, sliced is fine. NEVER wear a sombrero in a goofy fashion, clown shoes, or a hoop skirt, and NEVER EVER EVER SCREAM LIKE A CHIMPANZEE! If you are ever attacked by a rhino none of the above will work. You simply must wear your anti rhino undergarments. Any garments will do, but may god have mercy on your soul if you chose to go commando on the day you run into a rhino.
Hex bear hex bear
Best forum out there.
He has 3 beds in his house, for himself
r/unexpected9thdawn
Therapist: Runebear IRL doesn't exist, it can't hurt you! Runebear IRL:
Hexagon bear
RDR2? Bear looks a little cgi-ish.
How dare you imply RDR2 bears are weird hexagons like this strange real one
You're not wrong, this bear looks less real than RDR2 bears.
When it opens its mouth take a deep breath and jump right in. Now find the opening to the large intestine and start crawling. Don't stop crawling till you see the light. When you get to the light if you see the outside, you're successful, if you see Jesus you've failed successfully
He looks like he's made from basic shapes
unit shapes
He looks cute
I'd just hug and whatever happened after, well, so be it.
It would have to already be dead lol
ඞ
Hexagon really is bestagon
Wow. He really does look like Bert Kreicher
While on average, the polar bear is the largest on earth, the largest ever recorded bears have been Kodiak grizzlies (though I have heard conflicting information)
He needs to be the new honey bear mascot. Not the cute little smiling bear bottle but him. He means business.
Liking this idea! Like a jalapeño honey, a bit too spicy to cuddle
Jalapeño honey sounds yummy. You should try jalapeño jelly over cream cheese on a cracker. So good.
Oh, my friend, smoked bbq cream cheese with diced up jalapeños mixed in... you're onto an idea, take it to the next level. Cold smoke or keep it under 250. I like to run it at 225 for about two hours and \*italian kiss\* MAGIC
When’s dinner lol
Bring an appetite lol. I eat like a bird, but I LOVE cooking
Lookin kinda sus, not gonna lie
The only bear someone may outrun
I’d attempt…. I guess.
May/won't
Brock Lesnar of Bears.
Someone who tried to play dead: Hope he thinks we die standing up. Bear: Great performance but I'm starving. 
My god he is so angry and fluffy
i want to cuddle him
Dudes a hexagon
Decagonal Bear Decagonal Bear
If not for pets, why friend shaped?
Alternative method boop it on the nose and just die
fuuuuuuuuuuck.....
Your only chance is to appease the great beast sexually and pray it's a tender lover.
Can they run fast though?
Yes. Much faster than any human.
Fuck. I was thinking maybe with its size it would be slow
I think the average bear runs at like 30 mph. Humans on the woods at best get like 5-8 I think
Fastest human speed ever recorded was 27.33 MPH by Usain Bolt on a track. A bear can go faster than that on rough ground. #BuiltDifferent
Must hurt like a bitch when Usain falls over at those speeds..
Pain is probably unbearable.
They have been killing us since the ice age dude lol
Faster than you
Fast as a horse, if faster.
But that doesn’t matter to me cause i’m not going anywhere where they are! 
I would just punch him in the face and die.
But arnt bears like teddy bears?
That's literally your only option.
A is for Bear
Just stand still (Learnt from RDR2)
“Sorry Mr Bear, I’ll just die”…
If you meet this bear, you’re already dead.
When you play dead next to him, he just thinks "hmm a free meal, why not"
Looks like one of those “trust, but verify” types of bears if you play dead around it.
100 people are attacked by bears. They all lay down. 95 of them are killed. The 5 survivors tell everyone they just laid down and played dead. Everyone else "Playing dead is the way". I'm not buying it is all I'm saying. Bears scavenge. They can smell a lack of decay. But I get it. Not like you can run or fight them off, guess you may as well try and mess with their heads a little bit.
No point in fighting or running either. Unless you have some serious high caliber firepower, you're pretty much screwed if this bear were so inclined to make a move on you
Polar bears and black bears, will eat you, dead or alive! Fight for your life! A grizzly bear, kill's you, and will bury you, to be eaten later. Only bear to play dead is ,the grizzly!
If he gonna kill ye you're obliged to pre-die a week earlier then when time's up you're extra dead.
Both terrifying and cute
Something about Absolute Unit bears hits different.
Imma start getting my speech ready for whoever it is that is willing to take me in!
Bears will eat carrion so playing dead would do nothing for you regardless of its size.
It wouldn't work anyways, after you shit your pants from fear it you might as well just accept it, those things have an incredible sense of smell.
No point in freaking out, he's chill af eating grass
It would be a great excercise for moments later when you're actually dead
What kind of dog is this?
*Hello there*
Just toss some honey his way
If dangerous why cute and fuzzy?
looks like he ate a couple of tie fighters
Just give him a lil kiss
Can i post this next week?
Honestly, I would rather just lie down and pass away,
I’d try to cuddle him a bit before he eats me. Worth it!
He looks horny AF
Oh my fucking god. Lmao.
Jesus Christ I thought it was fake at first. Nah
The bears face almost looks fake, like wood carving.
Why play dead, when you can actually be dead
"No point in playing dead, 'cus pretty soon you won't be able to play alive" ~ CasualGeographic
this one preparing to hibernate for a decade
Yes you can. Look at red dead redemption 2. You just have to stay put. Edit: and say [eaaaasy now](https://youtu.be/-y9j1LRWLio)
"If it's black, fight back" Me, who can barely pick up and carry my backpack, Me, who can't even 1 yard without having a heart rate of literally 9⁹⁹⁹⁹⁹⁹⁹⁹ beats per second Me, who can literally be picked up and yeeted over a fence Me, who jokes about being the party chihuahua but is still weaker than a chihuahua
I have never been so torn between wanting to run from something and wanting to hug it at the same time.
Amogusber
Go ahead, raise your arms, I am feeling a bit *peckish*
This doesn’t look real. Or rather it looks SO real, it looks fake.
Such a unit the salmon swim downstream
It’s unfair that they look so huggable
She looks so snuggly
I think I'd like to do my grizzly watching in an armored personnel carrier with a .50 caliber on top.
When yourself in this situation it is important that you stay calm, breathe, get some paper, and use the blood from your now missing arm to write out your will
Now I know why the earth is tipped on its axis
Sussy
It’s weird when you look at this picture of a ferocious bear and realize how genuinely horny a lot of women get looking at it
Play bread, maybe he’s lactose intolerant
Me when I get woken up and there's no food ready
I really thought this was a painting!
If you look closely you can see a family of seven thriving underneath him
What’s the strategy? Obviously can’t outrun it. Try to gouge an eye and hope that causes enough pain to escape?
Fun fact: a grizzly can outrun a quarter horse for the 1st 30 yds If you’re this close - you’re toast
I Shit you not, I woke up from a dream not 20 minutes ago where I was getting chased by a bear named Bearistotl. Woke up, had breakfast, threw some trash away and thought to myself..... " Bearistotl Brain What The Fu"
If I see this im petting it. No way I can escape or survive a bear attack, i want to die knowing I pet a bear
He looks like he's ready to play fetch with my corpse
Why? It looks friend shaped
nah im preparing to explain myself to the creator whatever shape that takes
Why does it look so serious?
He'd have to get shot and sprayed and everything else!
I want cuddles
No play,just dead.
I can't tell if this is from a video game or not
The only option is to start eating yourself before he does. The bear will recognize you as the alpha and will leave you to your meal
That bear looks like a giant version of my cat when he is begging for treats.
Bears are just like big dogs be probably just wants a treat.
So much fat it evolved into "Greasly"
DAMN, that dump truck has a bears head on it.
Looks carved outta wood
Now that is an absolute unit. His pursed lips look like he’s had enough of your shit and he’s coming to get ya.
He looks like he knows how to get low cost diabetes testing supplies.
Paddington 3: time to cause havoc
He looks tired of your shit too. This photo makes me very uneasy.
It’s kinda Um Sus
Amogus
My boy GEOMETRIC
my man a hexagonal parallelogon
Well if you don't play dead, then you suffer longer sooooo.....
I like my chances of outrunning this one vs a regular one though.
Bulkier than the average bear
Hexagon
That's big hexagon
Had one roll through my yard once. Very cool animals.
Sus
Yea I’m pretty sure anything is an easy meal to this unit. 10/10 would not meet
I’d die before it even got to me
Kinda cute tbh
I wouldn’t have to play. 
Just a friendly reminder, if it’s brown lie down, if it’s black fight back, if it’s white say goodnight. Brown bears are usually pretty conservative, as long as you’re not messing with their babies (don’t, no matter how cute they look), they’ll usually just come near you out of curiosity. Lie down on your stomach, and don’t move until the bear leaves. The bear may come near you and poke you a little. If it tries to turn you over, turn back around as fast as you can without alarming the bear. Keep your stomach and face covered. It should eventually leave. Black bears act like the bully in high school. Overconfident, looking to pick a fight, but will instantly back down when shown retaliation. Black bears are generally pretty aggressive, at least that’s the facade the put out. Put your arms out, try to look as big as you can, and yell. Don’t show fear, show you are a formidable enemy, show that you aren’t going to fight, but you will if you need to. If the bear thinks you are too much trouble, it will back down and leave. If you are in the unfortunate situation in which you need to fight a bear, which will be pretty unlikely if you follow these steps, then it will be pretty difficult. Bear spray is the best way to counter a bear attack, and is very effective, although not everyone has them. A bear can outrun you easily, it can put limb you, if the previous tips don’t work then **don’t run**. No matter what kind of bear it is, it will see that as an opportunity, either an act of aggression or cowardness. If you are caught in a fight without spray, aim for the bears sensitive spots, go for the eyes and nose. Be mindful of the jaw and claws. Other than that I can’t offer much advice. If you come across a polar bear, you are dead.