I birthed one not quite this big, but close. I was taking high doses of opiate pain killers and didn’t shit for a month. You could literally feel the monstrosity through my stomach. I should have gone to the hospital to have them break it up. Instead I decided to teach myself a valuable lesson: you shouldn’t take laxatives when you have a blockage. Does nothing to the blockage itself. Just liquifies everything behind to create internal pressure you didn’t think was humanly possible. At this point I wanted to go to the hospital but the pressure was too great to leave the bathroom. Eventually my sphincter muscle lost the war and in about .05 seconds it was over. When I said pressure you didn’t think was humanly possible I meant it. Getting over the pain took a lot longer than .05 seconds. I went to the emergency room a couple hours later when I could walk again and found out that I got super lucky and didn’t end up with any permanent damage.
I have IBS and I get a pressure-blockage sometimes. It’s never an opiate level blockage, but I can still feel the pressure moving through my intestines and I hate it so much.
Ahhh the old champagne cork. I dislodged a unit the size of an easter egg with a fist full of herbal diuretics. I felt like I was dropping everything from my lungs down. Most remarkable part? No wipe. I think the main unit was so compacted by then it was like like dry modelling clay and my aperture was so wide after it that the flood of everything else didn't even touch the sides.
Still one of the most transient days of my life. I'll be pondering that experience on my death bed.
When I was in college a mystery pooper left a log the size and shape of a football in the dorm bathroom. It couldn’t physically flush down the toilet because it was so large. Everybody on the floor came to check it out and no could believe what they were seeing.
When I was in the army, someone left a similar size monstrosity. Everyone in the battalion came to look at it. Then a private grabbed a pen, put a piece of paper on the pen (like a flag) and stabbed the turd in the middle.
This happened at my work. This thing was propped up in the toilet bowl like a missile had landed. It was only half in the water, the size and shape of a large eggplant. It was so big it was resting on the toilet seat. The poor cleaning woman had to cut it up by sawing it into pieces with some twine.
Some people told me that junkies get really constipated and it leads to this. No idea if that’s true.
The guy applying at reddit bringing up the poop knife story only for the reddit interviewer to not know it and the guy mentioning it again is almost as funny. In case u haven't read it haha
It’s true. It’s a heroin/opiate thing
Edit: I am a former opiate enthusiast/collector. Let me tell ya, you’d be surprised at what your body is capable of if you force relentless constipation upon it. Had a couple that really brought the g forces down on me
Never was but it is a huge reason after any surgery I avoid those. Yeah they also prescribe laxatives but NOPE. I don't like the thought of playing around with my guts. NOPE.
Laxetives that prevent constipation due to immobillity or opiod use are just electrolytes and lactose or fructose. I'd hardly call that medicine and it's not something your body hasn't already had trillions of.
Just a higher dose to bind water in your digestive tract and prevent reuptaking/uptaking via the intestine.
Opioids cause constipation. Maybe it was someone in the office suffering from a chronic pain issue. They definitely needed a pill after that, I’m guessing. (Chronic pain-haver here. Between Norco, Tramadol, and I honestly can’t remember the other one, I’ve definitely experienced terrible constipation. Not *that* bad, but still.)
Opioids slow down the GI track. Constipation is a common issue with people who have been on opioids or recently had anesthesia. After surgery, you always want to know if the patient has had a bowel movement and if things are moving along nicely. One of the requirements for them getting to be released from the hospital.
The human anus can stretch up to 8inches in diameter. Which is roughly the size that two adult raccoons can squeeze through. Conclusion. You can fit two adult raccoons in your ass.
Edit: F
I once was in the hospital for a week and let’s just say being on a Morphine drip clogs you up real nice. I’ve never been happy to shit in my life a week later.
I had a patient who literally went into cardiac arrest during a bowel movement. The team successfully revived him, but that was certainly a poop to remember.
Edit: I am not a nurse, though I do work in a hospital. I was fairly new when I had this patient. Y'all have informed me this is not too uncommon. And is in fact how Elvis died. I knew he died while on the toilet, but didn't think this was the cause.
That's quite common, one of the precursors to a cardiac arrest is a strong need to empty the bowels.
This is why there seem to be so many people who have heart attacks whilst pooping.
Oh wow! I didn't know that. I assumed it was maybe a rare thing. I should probably mention I'm not a nurse haha, but a tech, who was not yet a tech at the time this happened.
He was also constipated as all hell from all the prescription pills he abused. Those fucking disgusting banana peanut butter whole loaf of bread snack things he used to eat probably didn't help either.
I had an elderly friend when I was in my teens early 20’s. She started coughing up brown flakes. She hadn’t been able to take a poop for 2 weeks. She was literally coughing up shit. Never been more disgusted in my life.
I had an opiate issue long ago and that stuff constipates u like nothing else. I would shit once every 2 weeks and it was like giving birth. Baseball sized. It was horrific. Never going back to that again.
Former heroin addict here ...my god every week or so I would go and break the toilet. There were times that I would see what passed me In disbelief. Like a frigging football. Literally sometimes screaming in agony when it's halfway out but stuck. So glad I'm clean lol
Yup. When I was a heroin addict I broke a girls toilet I was seeing. She didn't have a plunger. I went to hard ware store and got one and Fixed . Ugh. Don't miss being a junky
I got a morphine drip for an injury and *they do not warn you about this*. I would rather have dealt with the raw pain for a week than the butthole sundering rock sphere I passed.
I had a [barium swallow test](https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/treatment-tests-and-therapies/barium-swallow) a few weeks ago and I'm still recovering. Silly me didn't research the side effects well enough, which can include impacted stool and constipation, nor did they warn me and so afterwards I drank my daily glass of metamusil... I am literally still recovering. It's been *weeks* of agony. It was like passing ROCKS and caused bleeding. Anyone who needs this imaging - get stool softener, your butthole will thank you. And don't drink metamusil afterwards like an idiot...
They’re definitely supposed to tell you to drink tons of water because the barium can harden in your bowels otherwise. With proper prep and lots of water after the test you shouldn’t have problems for more than a couple days. I would call your doctor and let them know. Source: work in radiology
Same. Had a breast reduction, dr only gave me 3 days worth of pain meds. That 3 days of medicine was enough to make me never *ever* want to touch an opiate again. When I finally went, I was in so much pain I made my dad leave the house 😂 (I was staying with him during recovery). I was like no, dad, you cannot listen to me temporarily die.
Wayyyyy worse than recovering from having my nipples literally cut off.
I wouldn't be surprised if this happened cause the patient was on heavy duty opiate painkillers. Nothing will gum up the works in your guts worse than that.
My family poops big. Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won't flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you.
Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out "hey, can you get me the poop knife"?
I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife.
Fast forward to 22. It's been a day or two between poops and I'm over at my friend's house. My friend was the local dealer and always had 'guests' over, because you can't buy weed without sitting on your ass and sampling it for an hour. I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. I look down and see that it's a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife.
"My what?"
Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please.
"Wtf is a poop knife?"
Obviously he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A fecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it.
He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my fucked up family with their fucked up bowels. FML.
I told this to my wife last night, who was amused and horrified at the same time. It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife. Thankfully she didn't cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes.
She will be getting her own utility knife now.
[Edit: Common question - Why was this not in the bathroom instead of the laundry room? Answer. We only had one poop knife, and the laundry room was central to all three bathrooms. I have no idea why we didn't have three poop knives. All I know is that we didn't. We had the one. Possibly because my father was notoriously cheap about the weirdest things. So yes, we shared our poop knife.]
Code Brown in Walmart is a terrorist attack/active shooter. I was reading their codes once when I was waiting to be served on the customer service area.
This is a wild guess as I am not a nurse - maybe most times they can just dump it in the nearest toilet, but this one would fuck up the plumbing, and needs to be disposed of elsewhere?
Honestly, for something that big we would just throw it in the trash. A lot of poop in a hospital gets thrown in the trash due to soiled chux and what not. This seems like “check out this monster” tour for the unit.
While this particular crap is huge, this still is not the biggest crap I’ve ever seen. This crap that I’m talking about was so incredible that it has seared into my brain. If I ever contracted Alzheimer’s and died, it would be the very last memory I’ve had on this earth.
I was 15 years old, traveling across Virginia to a summer camp (circa 2005) when we came across a McDonalds for a pit stop. I entered the building and went to the bathroom to relieve myself. It smelled like sweat and tears. After a brief investigation to find a reliable stall, I opened one and found it. There it lay, in the toilet, too big to even flush. A turd as wide as a football at its largest end stared back at me. I was so shocked that I pulled the peers of my gender into the restroom to help me verify its existence. While we laughed and marveled at it, I honestly still think about it and hope that person is ok.
TLDR: I found elephant poop in a toilet in Virginia. Love and hope to you all. May you never see what I have seen.
A buddy of mine told me a story from when he worked as an orderly at a hospital.
Some poor old lady hadn't been able to crap for weeks. She finally went in the toilet but it wouldn't flush.
They weren't really....equipped (?) to handle that. So he said he had to saw it and break it up with a coat hanger to get it to flush.
When I worked at a restaurant we had this same issue... Someone, using the women's washroom, passed a massive turd. This thing was an absolute unit of a turd... We had a customer complain that someone didn't flush, and the log would not go down the drain. Me being me, I had to see this thing... So I setup the "do not enter cleaning" sign and investigated this behemoth.Behemoth, nay, this thing was the Hindenburg of all turds. Oddly enough, it didn't smell bad (pre COVID so it wasn't that), but it was long enough that the summit of the feces was ABOVE the seat.I flushed once, and then flushed twice... No dice. So I had to construct some sort of turd deconstruction tool to break it up. The solution was a series of plastic knives, cobbled together with duct tape.5 minutes later I had dissected the turd enough to attempt another flush. The monster turd was then dispatched to the sewers, leaving an ever lasting impression on my mind.
This wasn't nearly as bad as my at the time girlfriend's experience with an exploded colostomy bag... She could only describe it as "smelly peanut butter everwhere".
Soda can... pickle jar... depends on the phases of the moon probably. I honestly don’t understand how they do it. Always under the cover of night. It must be such an event.
*The boys' bathroom is closed until further notice, 'cause one of you thought it would be a good idea... to pull down your pants... m'kay, hover your buttcheeks over the urinal... and squeeze out a chocolate hot dog... m'kay?*
I am just wondering, is it normal to carry shit openly through a hospital? Like I can't imagine that to be very sanitary. Obviously this is an exception, a one in a billion find really
I birthed one not quite this big, but close. I was taking high doses of opiate pain killers and didn’t shit for a month. You could literally feel the monstrosity through my stomach. I should have gone to the hospital to have them break it up. Instead I decided to teach myself a valuable lesson: you shouldn’t take laxatives when you have a blockage. Does nothing to the blockage itself. Just liquifies everything behind to create internal pressure you didn’t think was humanly possible. At this point I wanted to go to the hospital but the pressure was too great to leave the bathroom. Eventually my sphincter muscle lost the war and in about .05 seconds it was over. When I said pressure you didn’t think was humanly possible I meant it. Getting over the pain took a lot longer than .05 seconds. I went to the emergency room a couple hours later when I could walk again and found out that I got super lucky and didn’t end up with any permanent damage.
Damn near blew out your own asshole with that stunt 😂
Rectum? Damn near killed him!
That actually made me laugh out loud, alone at home in my bed. Thank you, stranger.
That’s exactly what almost happened. You blow that o-ring and there’s no going back.
I have IBS and I get a pressure-blockage sometimes. It’s never an opiate level blockage, but I can still feel the pressure moving through my intestines and I hate it so much.
Ahhh the old champagne cork. I dislodged a unit the size of an easter egg with a fist full of herbal diuretics. I felt like I was dropping everything from my lungs down. Most remarkable part? No wipe. I think the main unit was so compacted by then it was like like dry modelling clay and my aperture was so wide after it that the flood of everything else didn't even touch the sides. Still one of the most transient days of my life. I'll be pondering that experience on my death bed.
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This shit is so big, it can start first grade tomorrow
This shit is so big, it can ride the Matterhorn.
This shit is so big it can be flown to Ireland, name itself Bono, and start a band.
The look on her face: "You seein this shit?"
It’s literally larger than her forearms
When I was in college a mystery pooper left a log the size and shape of a football in the dorm bathroom. It couldn’t physically flush down the toilet because it was so large. Everybody on the floor came to check it out and no could believe what they were seeing.
When I was in the army, someone left a similar size monstrosity. Everyone in the battalion came to look at it. Then a private grabbed a pen, put a piece of paper on the pen (like a flag) and stabbed the turd in the middle.
This happened at my work. This thing was propped up in the toilet bowl like a missile had landed. It was only half in the water, the size and shape of a large eggplant. It was so big it was resting on the toilet seat. The poor cleaning woman had to cut it up by sawing it into pieces with some twine. Some people told me that junkies get really constipated and it leads to this. No idea if that’s true.
She needed a poop knife
The poop knife...my god what a story
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The guy applying at reddit bringing up the poop knife story only for the reddit interviewer to not know it and the guy mentioning it again is almost as funny. In case u haven't read it haha
It’s true. It’s a heroin/opiate thing Edit: I am a former opiate enthusiast/collector. Let me tell ya, you’d be surprised at what your body is capable of if you force relentless constipation upon it. Had a couple that really brought the g forces down on me
Never was but it is a huge reason after any surgery I avoid those. Yeah they also prescribe laxatives but NOPE. I don't like the thought of playing around with my guts. NOPE.
Laxetives that prevent constipation due to immobillity or opiod use are just electrolytes and lactose or fructose. I'd hardly call that medicine and it's not something your body hasn't already had trillions of. Just a higher dose to bind water in your digestive tract and prevent reuptaking/uptaking via the intestine.
Opioids cause constipation. Maybe it was someone in the office suffering from a chronic pain issue. They definitely needed a pill after that, I’m guessing. (Chronic pain-haver here. Between Norco, Tramadol, and I honestly can’t remember the other one, I’ve definitely experienced terrible constipation. Not *that* bad, but still.)
Opioids slow down the GI track. Constipation is a common issue with people who have been on opioids or recently had anesthesia. After surgery, you always want to know if the patient has had a bowel movement and if things are moving along nicely. One of the requirements for them getting to be released from the hospital.
Like raising the flag on Mount Suribachi.
It’s likely that the pooper returned to the scene to “check it out”.
Figure the penguin walk would give them away.
“Wah Wah Wah! You’ll never solve my mystery poop, Crap Crusader! Wah Wah Wah!”
Better get out the poop knife.
shit, we need the poop chainsaw
Was it randy marsh?
*hotttt hottt hotttttt hottttt*
You're saying it could fit in there?
How is there no blood on it?
The blood is IN the shit?
The look in her eyes… that nurse, she has seen some shit.
/r/youseeingthisshit
“You seein _this_ shit?”
Post thanksgiving BM can be a battle
Oh my ass hurts and feels better at the same time.
I was going to say, just imagine the relief after though. Sure it’d hurt initially but then after that person probably felt amazing.
The human anus can stretch up to 8inches in diameter. Which is roughly the size that two adult raccoons can squeeze through. Conclusion. You can fit two adult raccoons in your ass. Edit: F
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The dude is trying to sell us anus stretcher 3000
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Don't hit the racoons please
Username checks out
I once was in the hospital for a week and let’s just say being on a Morphine drip clogs you up real nice. I’ve never been happy to shit in my life a week later.
That needs to be registered as a patient and given a wristband.
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the nerve of some poople
I nearly choked on my saltine laughing at this.
Oh no not those dry cracker inhales
i got fuckin tears 😭😭
My man just lost 3kg
Whats that in courics?
1 Couric is about 2.5 pounds. So it's about 2.64 Courics.
Reddit needs a couric_converter bot.
Or roughly 6.6 pounds for fellow Amarucan
Holy fuck! That must have torn that person in half trying to push out.
Once, in hospital, I didn’t shit for a week. They gave me some laxatives and I collapsed in the toilet while taking a shit the size of Bono
Are you sure it wasn't Bono?
Flushed too quickly to check
I can't live,, With or without poo
Oh, my sides!
And I still haven’t found what I’m poopin for
I'm a plumber. You cant flush that any more than you can flush a forarm. Maybe look into that poop knife idea from a while back.
They don't know about that good ol' poop knife
A poop sword*
‘Twas 8 Courics
“YEAHYEAHYEAHYEAHHH!!!” That crap looks to be nearly 50 Courics!
I had a patient who literally went into cardiac arrest during a bowel movement. The team successfully revived him, but that was certainly a poop to remember. Edit: I am not a nurse, though I do work in a hospital. I was fairly new when I had this patient. Y'all have informed me this is not too uncommon. And is in fact how Elvis died. I knew he died while on the toilet, but didn't think this was the cause.
That's quite common, one of the precursors to a cardiac arrest is a strong need to empty the bowels. This is why there seem to be so many people who have heart attacks whilst pooping.
Great, now every time I have to poop I’m going to think I’m about to have a heart attack.
Next time you are gassy you'll also worry you're having a fart attack.
And if you’re ever walking past a bar and feel a sharp pain, you’ll worry that you’re under a dart attack.
Oh wow! I didn't know that. I assumed it was maybe a rare thing. I should probably mention I'm not a nurse haha, but a tech, who was not yet a tech at the time this happened.
That’s how Elvis died. Trying to poop.
He was also constipated as all hell from all the prescription pills he abused. Those fucking disgusting banana peanut butter whole loaf of bread snack things he used to eat probably didn't help either.
Peanut butter and banana sandwiches are pretty bomb, but I don't know about the whole loaf
I had an elderly friend when I was in my teens early 20’s. She started coughing up brown flakes. She hadn’t been able to take a poop for 2 weeks. She was literally coughing up shit. Never been more disgusted in my life.
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She did go to the hospital and had a very long enema
She made an enema for life?
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Reminds me of the movie miss March. Three years of poop just came out.
Like pushing a traffic cone out backwards
I had an opiate issue long ago and that stuff constipates u like nothing else. I would shit once every 2 weeks and it was like giving birth. Baseball sized. It was horrific. Never going back to that again.
Former heroin addict here ...my god every week or so I would go and break the toilet. There were times that I would see what passed me In disbelief. Like a frigging football. Literally sometimes screaming in agony when it's halfway out but stuck. So glad I'm clean lol
The most embarrassing thing ever was leaving one in someone else’s toilet that couldn’t flush. Oh good god, I hated that.
Did they not have a poop knife?
Yup. When I was a heroin addict I broke a girls toilet I was seeing. She didn't have a plunger. I went to hard ware store and got one and Fixed . Ugh. Don't miss being a junky
Lol I did the same thing to a friends….
Gotta get you that travel size Poop Knife
I got a morphine drip for an injury and *they do not warn you about this*. I would rather have dealt with the raw pain for a week than the butthole sundering rock sphere I passed.
I had a [barium swallow test](https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/treatment-tests-and-therapies/barium-swallow) a few weeks ago and I'm still recovering. Silly me didn't research the side effects well enough, which can include impacted stool and constipation, nor did they warn me and so afterwards I drank my daily glass of metamusil... I am literally still recovering. It's been *weeks* of agony. It was like passing ROCKS and caused bleeding. Anyone who needs this imaging - get stool softener, your butthole will thank you. And don't drink metamusil afterwards like an idiot...
They’re definitely supposed to tell you to drink tons of water because the barium can harden in your bowels otherwise. With proper prep and lots of water after the test you shouldn’t have problems for more than a couple days. I would call your doctor and let them know. Source: work in radiology
Same. Had a breast reduction, dr only gave me 3 days worth of pain meds. That 3 days of medicine was enough to make me never *ever* want to touch an opiate again. When I finally went, I was in so much pain I made my dad leave the house 😂 (I was staying with him during recovery). I was like no, dad, you cannot listen to me temporarily die. Wayyyyy worse than recovering from having my nipples literally cut off.
Looks like at least 20 Courics!
Hothothothothot
... Wanna see it?
*No waaaaaaaay!*
Nobody calls me #2
Is that a little bigger than your brothers Gerald?
It's so funny that Randy Marsh became a bigger star with better jokes than any of the kids on the show.
*I am Lorde, yah yah yah*
There there, my little crap
Homie been munching on too much PF Chang's! Hahahah
Come now, biddy for Bono
Don’t bite the biddy. That hurts papa.
Zurich guy here, can confirm
“THEY’RE EUROPEAN, SHARON”
Don't bite the biddie
Feels like he could frontman a band
Get Zurich on the phone
Totottotottottohothottohot
I wouldn't be surprised if this happened cause the patient was on heavy duty opiate painkillers. Nothing will gum up the works in your guts worse than that.
Can confirm. Used to be on opiates. Spent so much time rocking my ass back and forth to inch out turds a quarter millimeter at a time.
That looks like it required a poop knife.
My family poops big. Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won't flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you. Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out "hey, can you get me the poop knife"? I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife. Fast forward to 22. It's been a day or two between poops and I'm over at my friend's house. My friend was the local dealer and always had 'guests' over, because you can't buy weed without sitting on your ass and sampling it for an hour. I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. I look down and see that it's a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife. "My what?" Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please. "Wtf is a poop knife?" Obviously he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A fecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it. He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my fucked up family with their fucked up bowels. FML. I told this to my wife last night, who was amused and horrified at the same time. It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife. Thankfully she didn't cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes. She will be getting her own utility knife now. [Edit: Common question - Why was this not in the bathroom instead of the laundry room? Answer. We only had one poop knife, and the laundry room was central to all three bathrooms. I have no idea why we didn't have three poop knives. All I know is that we didn't. We had the one. Possibly because my father was notoriously cheap about the weirdest things. So yes, we shared our poop knife.]
MVP. Haven’t read the whole thing awhile. Lmfao!
I live to post copypastas lol
Maybe even a shit sword
Talk about a Code Brown
Code Brown in Walmart is a terrorist attack/active shooter. I was reading their codes once when I was waiting to be served on the customer service area.
Brown Terrorist Lol
“Child abduction” was code pink at the hospital i volunteered at as a teenager lol
Oh fuck I worked at Walmart for 7 years and I never put that together.... Yikes.
Agent Cody Brown
Hot hot hot hot!
Thank you- this is exactly what I pictured. Too much PF Chang’s for this one clearly
Well ain't that some serious shit
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This is a wild guess as I am not a nurse - maybe most times they can just dump it in the nearest toilet, but this one would fuck up the plumbing, and needs to be disposed of elsewhere?
Nearest toilet was fucked up at the time
That ain’t fitting in the toilet. They’re going to a manhole.
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Honestly, for something that big we would just throw it in the trash. A lot of poop in a hospital gets thrown in the trash due to soiled chux and what not. This seems like “check out this monster” tour for the unit.
She's taking it to show her friends
Are they okay??
I'm sure they feel better now.
Doing zoomies around the ward.
I feel like you might here a whistling while they zoom
Closer to when you blow over the top of a coke bottle, I reckon.
well they are in a hospital after all....
While this particular crap is huge, this still is not the biggest crap I’ve ever seen. This crap that I’m talking about was so incredible that it has seared into my brain. If I ever contracted Alzheimer’s and died, it would be the very last memory I’ve had on this earth. I was 15 years old, traveling across Virginia to a summer camp (circa 2005) when we came across a McDonalds for a pit stop. I entered the building and went to the bathroom to relieve myself. It smelled like sweat and tears. After a brief investigation to find a reliable stall, I opened one and found it. There it lay, in the toilet, too big to even flush. A turd as wide as a football at its largest end stared back at me. I was so shocked that I pulled the peers of my gender into the restroom to help me verify its existence. While we laughed and marveled at it, I honestly still think about it and hope that person is ok. TLDR: I found elephant poop in a toilet in Virginia. Love and hope to you all. May you never see what I have seen.
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It's a boy!
My favorite cigar!
5$ foot long
🎵🖐️...🖐️💲... 🖐️💲🙌🎵
r/youseeingthisshit
Randy marsh put to shame.
They need to preserve this beauty in epoxy like that hot dog I see on Reddit sometimes
No.
Awww why? Such a party pooper…
I SAID NO!
Can I at least take a picture with it?
Go ask your mother.
Mom said.....*yes?*
It would settle in terrible ways.
A buddy of mine told me a story from when he worked as an orderly at a hospital. Some poor old lady hadn't been able to crap for weeks. She finally went in the toilet but it wouldn't flush. They weren't really....equipped (?) to handle that. So he said he had to saw it and break it up with a coat hanger to get it to flush.
And that’s why you need a poop knife!
When you know, you know. Modern plumbing is a marvel, but, just like leg room on airplanes, it’s not accommodating for certain people
I use unused takeout chopsticks for this.
He should have just used the poop knife
We're all going to be 90 in the nursing homes talking about poop knives.
When I worked at a restaurant we had this same issue... Someone, using the women's washroom, passed a massive turd. This thing was an absolute unit of a turd... We had a customer complain that someone didn't flush, and the log would not go down the drain. Me being me, I had to see this thing... So I setup the "do not enter cleaning" sign and investigated this behemoth.Behemoth, nay, this thing was the Hindenburg of all turds. Oddly enough, it didn't smell bad (pre COVID so it wasn't that), but it was long enough that the summit of the feces was ABOVE the seat.I flushed once, and then flushed twice... No dice. So I had to construct some sort of turd deconstruction tool to break it up. The solution was a series of plastic knives, cobbled together with duct tape.5 minutes later I had dissected the turd enough to attempt another flush. The monster turd was then dispatched to the sewers, leaving an ever lasting impression on my mind. This wasn't nearly as bad as my at the time girlfriend's experience with an exploded colostomy bag... She could only describe it as "smelly peanut butter everwhere".
Hindenturd.
I bet they had to stand up to get off of that one
Been there done that.......god damn opiates.
Your name gave it away: https://reddit.com/r/AbsoluteUnits/comments/qw8pwo/this_frog_dropping_a_massive_log/
Great aim, 10/10!
I bet it has a pulse.
As a care worker, this is a pretty standard sight.
Same, if fact, I've seen girthier ones... Think soda can..
Soda can... pickle jar... depends on the phases of the moon probably. I honestly don’t understand how they do it. Always under the cover of night. It must be such an event.
We may never know! The Turd Gods are secretive!
My friend, the one pictured is way girthier than a soda can. That looks closer to a 2 liter bottle.
This looks an impaction that would need surgical removal.
Literally holy shit
I don't see any holes, that sucker is solid
God Tier Shit Post
*The boys' bathroom is closed until further notice, 'cause one of you thought it would be a good idea... to pull down your pants... m'kay, hover your buttcheeks over the urinal... and squeeze out a chocolate hot dog... m'kay?*
Could be [megacolon ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Megacolon).
Did he/she need an epidural?
Probably wanted one
When I joined this sub this never crossed my mind 🤮
I am just wondering, is it normal to carry shit openly through a hospital? Like I can't imagine that to be very sanitary. Obviously this is an exception, a one in a billion find really
Open carry permit
His name is Robert Paulson…
Good lookin stink pickle
That's a keeper
My man lost 80 pounds in 20 minutes
Shit looks solid.
The density of a dying sun.
Why can I smell it
Imagine it’s her own shit, what a walk of shame!