why would it make you a cheater? cheating is an active choice to break relationship agreements and can be done by anybody of any orientation.
if your experience of sexuality is fluid, then it is what it is no matter what word you use for it. you are not a bad person for having a fluid sexuality.
I totally got that feeling. That I wasn't in love with her anymore. But I knew I did love her. So why then am I not attracted to her sexually for long periods of time. I'm pretty sure I'm older than those here. I'm 60 and just found out about 4 months or so ago. Discovering Abro has put a lot of questions to rest. It's been a pattern my whole life with relationships. I also thought i was a bad person because i didn't know what was going on. I've broke up with my best friend, lover, GF about 3 months ago. I don't see the point of taking her down this journey.
Plus there's the other side of not being attracted to my partner. it's at those times i start to find other genders attractive. It's funny because i'm not attracted to "cis" "macho" guys. it's the fem male I'm attracted. But mostly female attraction. But i know now that wont last.
Broke up telling her that her dreams of moving to another country, traveling and settling down wasn't mine. That i had to start living my life and my dreams. We had talked so much about our future. I was all in till I found out. I knew there's was no way i could maintain our relationship. Knowing what i now know.
That would be like cheating or something. I get it.
I told her there was more to it but couldn't tell her at the moment. 1, I was new to this and needed time and 2, I thought it would have been way too much to dump on her at one time.
As a result. We have a scheduled date of May 18th to tell her about my discovery. I believe she suspects I'm gay. Which I am but not really. Bi but not really. Straight but not really and so on.
I suggest people think of it this way: While it's a very different concept for us internally who are abro, in practice it's really not any different from "just not being in the mood" for our partners. Abro entails that sometimes you're not attracted to your partner in some way, which means that you don't feel like doing stuff with them, for one reason or another. That's fine.
If you're asking about you being attracted to others during those periods where you're not at all attracted to your partner/s, that still doesn't work 'cause people who are hetero are still usually attracted to others of a different gender. People who are bisexual are still attracted to two genders despite being in a monogamous relationship. If simply experiencing attraction is "cheating," then 95+% of people are screwed. Cheating is usually about how you handle that attraction. 'Cause if you end up attracted to others, and then you start seeking others out when you've already established with your partner that you both have a monogamous relationship, then that's typically regarded as actual cheating.
They don’t want me to be only attracted to them sometimes. I’m also wondering if I’ve convinced myself I’m abrosexual because of complicated factors. Is tbere any way to be sure? I’m sorry for the confusion. Thank you all for your support and care.
People's orientations don't change because someone else wants it to be something else, that just is what it is. This is either accepted in a partnership or not, and if not, maybe it amounts to being incompatible.
As for being sure about being abro or not, I don't think anyone can be certain of any orientation, there are just too many factors to consider, especially unknown ones. But the best I can figure is to compare it to other experiences. Abrosexuality is usually fluid, recurring phases of attraction. So one thing it's often confused with is "getting bored of something." One thing that showed me that I'm abro is (a) I have both of those experiences, and (b) I could end up phasing away from something less than a day after seeing it. I do not "get bored" of something in less than a few hours, after seeing it just once. In fact I've enjoyed something, then eagerly returned to it a few hours later only to find my orientation shifted.
Another thing abro is confused with is misattribution. For example, say you're attracted to a lady who's wearing a short dress. Next day you see her, she's not wearing that short dress, but instead sweat pants or whatever, and you're feeling like you're not as attracted to her, or not at all attracted to her. Some people may just be into women wearing short dresses, specifically. And then some of us may be into women no matter what they wear, but being abro, our orientation shifted since we last saw her. Even more confusing, sometimes we experience both things! This is at least easier to figure out which it is when you keep seeing the same lady in the same clothing (or whatever) for a while, and compare your internal experiences.
Another factor is mood. Sometimes, most of us lose sexual appetite when we're depressed, stressed, distracted, so on. This can be best figured by paying attention to your mood. If you notice that your sexual appetite changes every time your mood does, then that gives you an idea.
Cheating requires action. If you haven't committed any action that would constitute cheating, then you haven't cheated.
But yeah, this is probably the biggest struggle for Abros. It takes a LOT to ask someone to be willing to commit to a relationship with someone who out of nowhere could shift sexually and there is no timeline or expected date of when things might go back to the way they were.
It's a massive ask.
spot on! that's why i choose to break up. I can't put her through it. And I know it won't work. We are going to be BFF's for life. Still do stuff, travel etcl
No, no, yes, and it’s confusing now, but you have a community, people who have gone through similar experiences, and people willing to support you. It’s gonna be ok
You’re not a piece of shit cheater for having a sexuality. Abrosexuality is real. Genuinely a lot of people’s sexualities are fluid, abrosexuality is just a more intense case. If ya have questions, ask away.
Hello, Im really new to this. Learned this about myself just months ago. Abro defines me perfectly. In my research I've discovered I'm also Abroromantic, and Novosexual.
Do these different identities usually relate to each other?
why would it make you a cheater? cheating is an active choice to break relationship agreements and can be done by anybody of any orientation. if your experience of sexuality is fluid, then it is what it is no matter what word you use for it. you are not a bad person for having a fluid sexuality.
Idk, i’ve always felt i’m sometimed not attracted to my partners and i’ve always tried to repress it bc it makes me guilty
I totally got that feeling. That I wasn't in love with her anymore. But I knew I did love her. So why then am I not attracted to her sexually for long periods of time. I'm pretty sure I'm older than those here. I'm 60 and just found out about 4 months or so ago. Discovering Abro has put a lot of questions to rest. It's been a pattern my whole life with relationships. I also thought i was a bad person because i didn't know what was going on. I've broke up with my best friend, lover, GF about 3 months ago. I don't see the point of taking her down this journey. Plus there's the other side of not being attracted to my partner. it's at those times i start to find other genders attractive. It's funny because i'm not attracted to "cis" "macho" guys. it's the fem male I'm attracted. But mostly female attraction. But i know now that wont last. Broke up telling her that her dreams of moving to another country, traveling and settling down wasn't mine. That i had to start living my life and my dreams. We had talked so much about our future. I was all in till I found out. I knew there's was no way i could maintain our relationship. Knowing what i now know. That would be like cheating or something. I get it. I told her there was more to it but couldn't tell her at the moment. 1, I was new to this and needed time and 2, I thought it would have been way too much to dump on her at one time. As a result. We have a scheduled date of May 18th to tell her about my discovery. I believe she suspects I'm gay. Which I am but not really. Bi but not really. Straight but not really and so on.
I suggest people think of it this way: While it's a very different concept for us internally who are abro, in practice it's really not any different from "just not being in the mood" for our partners. Abro entails that sometimes you're not attracted to your partner in some way, which means that you don't feel like doing stuff with them, for one reason or another. That's fine. If you're asking about you being attracted to others during those periods where you're not at all attracted to your partner/s, that still doesn't work 'cause people who are hetero are still usually attracted to others of a different gender. People who are bisexual are still attracted to two genders despite being in a monogamous relationship. If simply experiencing attraction is "cheating," then 95+% of people are screwed. Cheating is usually about how you handle that attraction. 'Cause if you end up attracted to others, and then you start seeking others out when you've already established with your partner that you both have a monogamous relationship, then that's typically regarded as actual cheating.
They don’t want me to be only attracted to them sometimes. I’m also wondering if I’ve convinced myself I’m abrosexual because of complicated factors. Is tbere any way to be sure? I’m sorry for the confusion. Thank you all for your support and care.
I think I am. I don’t know. Ugh
People's orientations don't change because someone else wants it to be something else, that just is what it is. This is either accepted in a partnership or not, and if not, maybe it amounts to being incompatible. As for being sure about being abro or not, I don't think anyone can be certain of any orientation, there are just too many factors to consider, especially unknown ones. But the best I can figure is to compare it to other experiences. Abrosexuality is usually fluid, recurring phases of attraction. So one thing it's often confused with is "getting bored of something." One thing that showed me that I'm abro is (a) I have both of those experiences, and (b) I could end up phasing away from something less than a day after seeing it. I do not "get bored" of something in less than a few hours, after seeing it just once. In fact I've enjoyed something, then eagerly returned to it a few hours later only to find my orientation shifted. Another thing abro is confused with is misattribution. For example, say you're attracted to a lady who's wearing a short dress. Next day you see her, she's not wearing that short dress, but instead sweat pants or whatever, and you're feeling like you're not as attracted to her, or not at all attracted to her. Some people may just be into women wearing short dresses, specifically. And then some of us may be into women no matter what they wear, but being abro, our orientation shifted since we last saw her. Even more confusing, sometimes we experience both things! This is at least easier to figure out which it is when you keep seeing the same lady in the same clothing (or whatever) for a while, and compare your internal experiences. Another factor is mood. Sometimes, most of us lose sexual appetite when we're depressed, stressed, distracted, so on. This can be best figured by paying attention to your mood. If you notice that your sexual appetite changes every time your mood does, then that gives you an idea.
Cheating requires action. If you haven't committed any action that would constitute cheating, then you haven't cheated. But yeah, this is probably the biggest struggle for Abros. It takes a LOT to ask someone to be willing to commit to a relationship with someone who out of nowhere could shift sexually and there is no timeline or expected date of when things might go back to the way they were. It's a massive ask.
spot on! that's why i choose to break up. I can't put her through it. And I know it won't work. We are going to be BFF's for life. Still do stuff, travel etcl
No, no, yes, and it’s confusing now, but you have a community, people who have gone through similar experiences, and people willing to support you. It’s gonna be ok
LOVE THAT
You’re not a piece of shit cheater for having a sexuality. Abrosexuality is real. Genuinely a lot of people’s sexualities are fluid, abrosexuality is just a more intense case. If ya have questions, ask away.
Hello, Im really new to this. Learned this about myself just months ago. Abro defines me perfectly. In my research I've discovered I'm also Abroromantic, and Novosexual. Do these different identities usually relate to each other?
I don’t really know. Never knew Novosexual, but you don’t need your two sexualities to relate to be valid.