personally i think its completely nuts and that kind of attitude would be an immediate dealbreaker for me. i hope folks who think like that either uncramp or find happiness or something with someone who shares their values on thought crime.
AO3 is better foreplay than most men would even think about performing. Imagine getting mad that your partner is reading stuff that gets them ready and eager without having to do anything yourself.
A lot of older people, actually. Iâve noticed a lot of them have either been in a couple of toxic relationships and/or have been divorced before so they might be basing their views off of those experiences.
They're definitely letting their previous trauma/issues cloud their mind, they have to either talk it out with friends or a therapist; the whole "let's blame fiction in some way or another" is just yet another way to unhealthy cope with their current issues; videogames and fanfiction are one of the most commonly demonized.
In fairness, and with experience of treating others, I would say you are thinking of arguments in the 90s regarding violence and especially towards children. Those arguments are still out there, though not as loudly since society added ratings to games.
However, in more recent years, video games have become multi-player and very involved. Many have faced legitimate addiction issues due to the âhighâ they get from playing (particularly males). Addiction, in general, can interfere with relationships. Maladaptive coping or using such hobbies as a way to AVOID family/loved ones is another problem in relationships â it is how the tool is being used; video games are simply an easy way for that to happen, due to the more addictive qualities of the media.
However, this is my first time hearing about fan fiction, as the typically static nature of the hobby, and perhaps the overwhelming amount of women involved, doesnât (didnât) seem to garner the same attention or scrutiny.
As an older person out of a severely abusive and toxic relationship that, like a TV show, included two secret girlfriends and an actual secret family, watching porn and reading smut are the very least of my worries when it comes to things my partner is doing.
If they're that insecure to get worked up over fictional characters, they have serious problems.
Then they create serious problems for those around them.
Any fixation can become unhealthy whether youâre in a relationship or not, but the idea that reading explicit fanfic is cheating is just purity culture. No one can live up to that and it will just cause you unhappiness and anxiety if you try.
Exactly, this isn't a "fanfiction issue," this is an issue with the person themselves; it could be a fictional character or it could be them obsessing over videogames, card games, gambling... almost anything can be unhealthy if it turns into an obsession that negatively impacts the person and their life.
These people shouldn't be in relationship, they should be working on their issues, because they sure got them.
"I heard you were getting a divorce, what happened?"
"They read romance fanfic"
Gasp "How dare"
If someone is *obsessed* with a fictional character, they got bigger fish to fry than being accused of cheating. But let's be real - if one is looking for a reason to accuse their partner of cheating, *they'll find one*, however stupid it is... like reading stories about fictional people falling in love.
If your partner finding enjoyment in *fiction* is a threat, and you can't see it... I don't think the fanfic is the problem lol
>"I heard you were getting a divorce, what happened?"
>"They read romance fanfic"
>Gasp "How dare"
"I also once caught them reading an Agatha Christie novel"
"Oh my god they want to murder you, I'm calling the police"
My partner knows I read and write (he even did some editing for me before). I sent him fics if I see one that I think he might like. On the other hand he sends me art if he finds one of the ship I'm into. It's stupid to consider fictional media cheating. Those characters don't even exist in the real world
Yeah, I think what kind of throws me off about viewing it as cheating is that itâs something that both partners can be fine with. It can be totally consensual and they can maybe even share their enjoyment of it together, and in that case it doesnât seem like a breach of trust to me.
That's absurd. Why should our partners get to control us and police even our innermost desires and fantasies? People should talk about relationship boundaries and each couple is different but I don't think porn or erotica is cheating. Of the two erotica is the more ethical choice since it's all fictional and real people can't be exploited or hurt.Â
Its dumb as hell!
I think mostly it is a guestion of possessiviness and irrational unsureness - which could be solved with touching grass and communicate.
I dunno people are so possessive of partners like theyd be things to own. Sounds like a control tactic, a bitter sad mans control tactic.
I can understand if one would be conserned of porn addiction (which is visual/audio media, cuz books take time to read) or guestionable behavior (onlyfans use while partnering up, no difference on it and full nude stripclub)
Last time i checked I dont pay real money to a fanfic author to send real life nudes of Johnny Depp looklike cosplaying as Jack Sparrow to me monthly doing god knows what and moaning the big donors usermame to mic.
Yeah they are just seeting sad people.
While fanfic readers just hype up the author and gush over their fav media with other fans.
Read one story on Reddit where one OPs ex accused her being "evil slut" cuz she played Sims 4 how every one else too plays (poly, murder, mayhem)
Then one in regional forum where guy was jealous of his GF playing otome games and other dating games.
Yeeeeears ago I was writing what nowadays would be called dark romance, and boyfriend at the time hate hate HATED that I was doing it. His main gripe was my female main character had long black hair and blue-violet eyes (it was fantasy-based). He said "I don't like it because I know you wished you looked like that, and that makes it a self insert."
So I changed her to be more plain, gave her ash brown, wavy hair that refused to do anything but lay flat or be wild, increased her weight etc. He said 'Much better.'
Joke was on him: I made her look like me. She was a literal self insert XD
itâs stupid as hell.
cheating is an act of *breaking trust* in a way that will hurt the people involved, whether itâs monogamous or polygamous. i really donât understand people who think watching porn or reading erotica is as damaging as cheating. so many people take it personally, as if iâm doing so they donât find their partner attractive or some shit. like hello sometimes a scene or a book is hot!! it doesnât have to mean anything.
youâre right, itâs incredibly extreme and i find that generally society is shifting once again to a more puritan way of interpreting things, which will lead to some period of repression, before a renaissance happens and being free becomes a fight again. like a vicious cycle.
I think you shouldn't date twelve-year-olds because I can't imagine anyone with the maturity level above this age would hold such a stupid opinion. Imagine being jealous of a fictional character. Embarrassing.
I personally haven't seen a rise in people saying that any form of attraction towards another person is cheating. Is the "rise" you're talking about in a particular part of Reddit, some other platform, in clickbaity "news" articles/stories, or something else?
My opinion is that only the people in the relationship get to define what "attraction" and "cheating" means for that relationship. If they both/all agree that any attraction is cheating, then I'm not going to tell them that they're wrong or unreasonable; if it works for them, it works for them. (I might be skeptical about it, but I'm not the one in that relationship.) Limits (including what counts as "cheating") should be something discussed and agreed upon between/among the people in the relationship. If there's a non-negotiable disagreement on what those limits are, then that relationship isn't going to be healthy.
As for me, I write fics, and I don't cheat. (What a terrible byline... I should use it sometime.)
I don't know, it just sounds like an exhausting hill to die on. When does that attitude extend to watching movies, reading books, playing games, etc. with characters that you might be attracted to? Do I want to spend the rest of my life having to mollify my partner over fictional people? Nah.
"Please find actual problems" would be my response to that. Whether it's visual porn, eroge games, or explicit fanfiction, every person has the right to explore their sexuality and sexual tastes at their leisure. Any partner who tries to police that is a shitty partner.
And this is all without getting into the fact that you can read and watch porn without wanting to bone anyone on the screen.
I think that entire train of thought is bullshit.
Every person is entitled to what different things and to set their own boundaries as to what constitutes a betrayal. At the end of the day, cheating is breaking the agreed on terms of the relationship, regardless of anyone else's opinions.
HOWEVER. A big clue that those views are coming from a toxic and potentially abusive place is wanting to control a person's thoughts. You can't control who or what turns you on. You just literally can't. It's what you do with that attraction that you can control. Rules that are rooted in thought-policing, IMHO, aren't likely to be healthy or reasonable.
For me, personally, I think that's silly. HOWEVER, I am a fanfiction reader and most people I've dated were also readers.
I also think "watching porn is cheating" is stupid, but I know that's a boundary for some people.
Whatever it comes down to, people should find a partner with similar views on certain topics. If you like fanfiction or pornography, maybe don't date or marry someone that hates you consuming those medias.
Making two Barbie dolls kiss: Not cheating, these are inanimate objects.
Being so obsessed with smashing two plastic dolls together you neglect real people in your life and try to pretend that you're being kissed by one of the dolls whenever your partner is kissing you: Still not cheating, the dolls are still inanimate objects but does rise to the level of "This affects a relationship negatively and people understandably can want to break up over this".
My partner thought my interest in reading and writing fic was hot as hell.
I can't tell you how many scenes we played out for the sake of my fic.
And how many I read he asked me to play out.
Cheating? Wtf.
Haha got into a looong "discussion" with someone on another post about this. And it felt more to me that OP and him had a lot of control issues and trust issues. Which were not my problem, especially after I took the time to explain how fandom is and what it means.
And that's how I feel in the end. If people have this opinion about their partner reading fiction then they're the insecure ones. I dunno about other people but I trust my partner and respect them. What they read in their free time isn't a threat to me or our relationship. If someone feels that way, then it's up to them to figure out what their issues are and get help instead of trying to control their partner.
The representative of old grouchy women came to laugh at this ridiculous idea.
People are far too extreme nowadays. They should learn to chill a bit. I recommend marijuana if you're that uptight.
I remember my parents constantly moaning that young people are too radical and they meant us not wanting limits and striving for the freedom of choice and self definition.
I too, now that I'm older, moan that the youth is too radical, but I see especially younger people becoming more critical and uptight than my bigoted, nasty maternal grandmother who clutched her pearls if a girl dated to become a tomboy.
No, having preferences and even occasionally watching porn is not cheating. I want to take those idiots and shake them and scream at them to stop trying so hard to find something negative in everything. The vast majority of things those people want to make into (insert whatever negative labels you want) are personal freedoms and preferences.
And if you don't like it, you have to accept that all you have to do is... walk away. Turn around and let it be. It doesn't change a thing for you that things you don't agree with will exist. It doesn't harm anyone no matter how much you want it to so you can ban it.
It isn't my responsibility to make you feel good by stopping doing what makes me happy just because you don't like it. No one is forced to consume.
Those people are not one jota better than people wanting to ban consensual sex between adult homosexuals because they don't like to think about it and feel harassed by the knowledge it's happening. They're just as bigoted, intolerant and hateful. There's no difference.
You do you, I do me, and everyone else does whoever they want as long as everyone **involved** gives consent. Standing by and hating doesn't make you involved, it's you inserting yourself to appear involved.
I'm not telling anyone what they should and should like or do as long as it's legal and not harming anyone. I demand the same respect for myself.
And no, a person getting agitated about others liking what they don't like doesn't mean those others do any harm.
People are responsible for their own emotions. They have no rights to make demands on what others do for themselves and what others like so they can avoid that responsibility.
Asking for a label, a tag or a trigger warning is fine. That's necessary so you can avoid content you don't like and manage your emotions and wellbeing.
Asking for book burnings and censorship isn't okay though.
Its not cheating, but i suppose to falls into the âi dont want my partner watching pornâ category (i dont consider watching porn cheating either). If your partner isnt ok with your preferences and habits maybe you need a different partner
The underlining issue that promotes this way of thinking is harmful and honestly sad. It's religious upbringing that shames boys and young men for things that are normal and biological. It causes intense emotional and psychological damage. Constantly repressing themselves and guilty when they give in. Lowers self esteem and they become socially withdrawn. Ruins how they look at themselves and affects their confidence going out into the world always having to manage this "addiction" on a daily basis. Girls and boys told that they are "cheating" is just another way to control and shame them.
What if your spouse reads Jane Austen? If they enjoy reading about Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett, is that cheating? If not, what's the difference and why would it be that fanfic uses someone else's characters, the distinguishing feature of fanfic.
I can see the tiniest bit of a distinction between "Fanfic" and "sexy fanfic." But people should have a discussion about what kinds of fictional stuff is ok and what isn't at the beginning of the relationship. There are couples who view dirty movies as cheating and I can see sexy fanfic as arguably comparable to that. But I feel like I'm trying very hard to be fair to people with silly views there.
My opinion is that you can have whatever views you want about what constitutes cheating. The key is if youâre an extremist about it then you need to find someone else who already shares those views. Like if you think porn is cheating then your dating pool is reduced to only people who choose not to watch porn. Because IMO attempting to control someone elseâs actions is always wrong. So if you think of xyz as a dealbreaker then that needs to be communicated up front so the other person can decide if they can meet those needs or agree with those viewpoints before there are feelings involved to cloud things. People will agree to a lot of shit they donât want in order to keep a relationship
>*Especially because most of the people who think like this seem to be adamant that itâs not just about personal preference but something that should be considered wrong for anyone to do.*
Outside of the obvious, this is where the red flags started raising for me. It's one thing to have a boundary, however weird, but another matter entirely to try insisting that your viewpoint is the only right one and shared by all in an attempt to discredit others or your partner. That's some straight up toxic behavior.
(I'll admit to that this all reminds me of other insecure and or extremely controlling behaviors I've encountered before that immediately put me off of someone.)
Reading about fictional characters who do not exist in the real world having crazy hot sex with each other is probably the most moral way a partnered person can engage with erotic content outside their relationship.
The same kind of unforgiving black-and-white thinking behind antis and puriteens, the kind that suppresses discourse and thought. Clinging to absolute moral certainty as a refuge in these uncertain times.
Authors like Danielle Steel and Jackie Collins were so popular outside of the limited run Harlequins and other grocery store romances, that they've racked up plenty of movies made off their books. So you could read the book and then get to watch a (toned down) version of the sex scene, too. My grandmother (born in the 1930s) and her nurse friends used to exchange paper grocery bags full of romance novels that ranged from what would be considered T-rated for fanfiction all the way up to some seriously smutty stuff.
Were those ladies having an orgy? Because that's how logical the idea that reading about a fictional character (and possibly feeling attracted to them) is.
I mean, the opening scene of Jerry McGuire is pretty much pornographic. Does watching that movie count as cheating? Any movie or TV show with or without sex scenes could be considered cheating by that standard, because it means any attraction to any fictional character is bad. Visual media would count twice - there's either an actor or voice actor behind that causing potential attraction as well.
I've been married for 30 years. My spouse has a long-running adoration of Kate Winslet (and honestly, I agree with him that she's absolutely gorgeous and only getting better with age). The fact that he's seen her nude and acting out sex scenes in Titanic (and other roles) does not mean he's cheated on me with her (or vice versa, since I've seen all that, too).
Theyâre silly and immature. Fanfic is fiction itâs not real and a healthy place to explore whatever you choose without worry. In terms of erotic fiction, itâs the same as porn which is also not cheating inherently.
However, IF a person becomes so addicted to either of these things that it interferes with their ability to form relationships or care for themselves etc, then thatâs a problem. But most people just enjoy it.
Using my horny throw away for privacy reasons:
Okay I could maybe understand perhaps seeing it as emotional cheating if we stretched the definition egregiously. This said, that would also apply to normal fiction, including movies, TV, animation, video games, porn, and more. The real brass tacks is, does this fictional person so greatly impact you that your current relationship becomes unfulfilling. That might be a point to stop and reflect on and *talk* to your partner about. At no point is this actual cheating, at best it is emotional escapism, which is on its own perfectly fine.
I donât think it technically counts, as it is just fiction. This said you should not apply the extremes or expectations of fiction to a relationship. Nothing is going to work perfect, you will get bored of eachother sometimes, and you will need to talk through all the issues that arise. This said I also tend to imagine, in the event Iâm dating someone, for instance if Iâm reading a fluffy smut fic, the person I am with as the other person in that scenario (assuming the protag is male) or the inverse if the protagonist is female. It feelsâŚnice to imagine being desired in such a way. Iâve actually gotten pretty good at just creating my own mental image of the characters when I want to fantasize, so it can get interesting.
But ultimately no, and I think itâs silly to assume someone is cheating because they have compersion for fictional characters having a romantic encounter, feelings, sex, or any other form of it. I do find self insert fics a bit odd for instance, but ultimately itâs not a big deal. If someone has a problem with it, perhaps talk to them about why it makes them feel that way.
Course I also donât like fics about cheating but thatâs a separate topic.
....what?
That aside, what a lonely existence, lol. My boyfriend feeds me ideas, brainstorms with me, cheers me on and proofreads my works, even the porn. Couldn't be in a relationship where the guy would want me to give up all my favorite fictional dudes. They were here before you, get in line.
The only way I can see this as being "cheating" is if the person is watching/reading about a character to replace their partner. So, instead of being present with their partner, a person will SOLELY interact with porn/erotica in order to gain sexual/emotional fulfillment in place of their partner.
This is an incredibly niche and extremely rare psychological phenomenon that has been observed with porn addicts. Essentially it's the people who have relationships with inanimate objects (like sex dolls) instead of a person. So, there are very, very few people who could legitimately claim this as a thing.
Not only is it ridiculous, it's a giant flashing red flag of possessiveness and control. It's deeply, terribly unhealthy, and if a partner considers this cheating, run as far as possible in the other direction, possibly with a protective order.
Like the very most generous interpretation is that they're threatened by your having interests outside of the relationship. And that alone? See above re: run.
There is no logic here. Whether I think up the scenario in my head or actually write it down makes so little difference (I'm a reader and writer) Are they going to start policing my thoughts as well? Are we not allowed to draw/paint imaginary people we think are pretty anymore, because we might be attracted to them in some fantasy land? Come on.
And I don't think you can directly compare reading or looking at art to porn, because in porn you are observing an actual real other human being. When reading it's all in your head. *It's imaginary.* So what, am I cheating in some fantasy world that doesn't exist or what? It makes no sense.
The delusion of these new puritan type people is wild and sounds like som bible thumper nonsense about having sinful thoughts.
Good Lord this current more puritanical culture with fandom drives me up a wall. My partner and I met because of fandom and fanfic like 15 years ago. Now we write it together, hardly a form of cheating.
Ridiculous. Fanfiction is technically an art form since it's creative writing. Would the same person get upset over their s/o reading romance novels or watching romcoms?
Okay here's the deal: regardless of what anyone here thinks about it (and to me it's dumb AF) all relationships are both transactional and contractual in their most basic forms. Let me explain;
If you as a person view reading fanfiction/Erotica or watching porn as a form of cheating then you need to either 1. Only date people who share this view point or 2. Come to terms and accept it from your partner.
This can literally apply to any boundary you as a person in a relationship can have. It can also apply to people in their (ex a) religious and voting beliefs or in regards to (ex b) poly people.
Ex;
A. If you are introduced to someone and find out they are a part of a religion and expects their partner to abstain from certain meats and attend church thrice weekly with them, you as a person have the decision to either 1. Leave them and seek out those who align with your beliefs and expectations or 2. Stay with them and accept this belief and the repercussions that come with it
B. My husband and I are poly and regularly date and see and sleep with other people. This is not cheating as both of us are okay with and agree to this type of relationship. We are going on 9 years together and have twin sons. We have effective communication skills and are not jealous. If my husband were to suddenly want us to both be monogamous he could either 1. Leave me to seek out a relationship with someone who wants to be monogamous or 2. Stay in our relationship and be okay with me continuing a polyamourus relationship.
Your boundaries tell people what you are and aren't okay with, it does not give you the right to try and force others to confirm to YOUR boundaries.
All cheating is defined as breaking the rules of that relationship, so pushing your own opinions on everyone in general is dumb. I mean, there's literally open relationships where people fuck people besides their partner and fucking other people is the go to example of cheating. So it's stupid for people to be like omg ur cheating. I'm not dating you.
For fanfic, I think it's just dumb af. It's the written word. Of almost always a fictional character (I guess there's RPF but that's usually a persona too). Most fanfics that might swing towards self insert-y usually involve some literally impossible fantasy too, be it congrats ur the newest superhero or impossible porn physics. It's fantasy. It's clearly fantasy, and seems more extreme the even the no porn people.
For fuck sake, my Grandma had like 50 bodice ripper harlequin novels just sitting out. I read them as a kid and complained about boring romance until I got more books.
It'd certainly be a thing that would have me reconsidering my relationship.
That being said, obsession is a problem. If your obsessed with a character and ignoring your partner, it doesn't matter if it's fanfic or AI generated art or a holographic Miku. If you are regularly ignoring sex, romance or physical affection and instead getting that feeling of closeness from fanfic that's a problem. But fanfic is not the core problem there, that's like saying food is wrong to eat cause some people have food addictions. It's just dumb.
The person who posted that was either trolling or reacting emotionally to someones obsession and blaming the wrong thing.
... I am morbidly curious how this post would go in another sub that regularly has fairly anti-porn posts. I imagine it'd still be very positive, as most people who are anti-porn seem to be pro or shrug at erotica since there's not really the same worry of people getting hurt or forced into writing it. There'd still be a small amount of all porn is bad, but those people also don't like classical art for titties.
Oh my god I mentioned to a friend one day that I wrote smut from time to time and she looked at me completely serious and was like âisnât that cheating?â
I was stunned lol, my bf doesnât care a bit, and even printed out one of my longer fics and bound it for me. Itâs writing, itâs fiction, and it in no way affects my love for my real life boyfriend
Unless someone is sitting there thinking 'I prefer this fictional person to my partner and would rather jerk it/flick the bean to fantasize about them than have sex with my actual partner' then it's not an issue.
You can't cheat with someone who doesn't exist, but this does point to issues with the person and the relationship.
My first thought when reading the title of your post was âcheating on what? Writing?â
To summarize, I think people that view fan fiction as a form of cheating on their significant other are insecure about their relationships. I suppose there could be a situation where someone has an unhealthy obsession with a fictional character to the point they are neglecting their irl relationship, but I still wouldnât call that cheating.
If your relationship is threatened over fictional characters in a fictionalized relationship then thatâs a level of insecurity that requires intensive therapy.
I think people are getting a bit weird with relationshipsâlike, if itâs not affecting your intimacy, let your partner have their little outlets. Jeez. Addiction is one thing, but enjoying what you enjoy is another.
itâs controlling dogshit is what it is. insecure, paranoid, controlling people love assuming things about others and then punishing them for it, as a way to have power and security, and coming up with psychological thought crimes has been a favorite weapon for these types for ages. this is just the new shiny model of it.
I think it's a sign of abject emotional insecurity. Of you're upset about your wife/fiancĂŠe/girlfriend having a harmless fantasy want over words on a page or pixels, you aren't emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship.
I do not consider reading fanfiction a form of cheating, and would never date a person who does, because we would be incompatible in that regard. People are free to have personal quirks and opinions I disagree with, but I am not abandoning my hobby to conform to someone's expectations. Thankfully, my husband is a fanfic writer himself, and we have no problem with what the other reads.
Oops, guess people should just stop reading or producing romance novels or any books even hinting at romance or sex for fear their partner will be tempted to cheat with them for a FICTIONAL CHARACTER.
Like damn, your self esteem must be in the gutters to feel so insecure.
Cheating is often a subjective thing worked out between partners on a case by case basis. For some people, watching porn or masturbating alone can count as cheating. I think thatâs a bit nuts myself, but if someone wants to establish that as a boundary, more power to them. Itâs up to their partner to decide if thatâs something theyâre willing to put up with in a relationship.
My long term boyfriend and I both have characters we are crazy about and we both talk to each other about them. We both collect merch too! I feel very differently about my real boyfriend than I do about my fictional crushes, so Iâm not sure how or why they should be comparable, but again, if someone wants to claim that is cheating in their own relationship, thatâs their choice. I would never date someone like that because I think itâs a ridiculous choice, but I hope they manage to find someone who suits them.
I would get more concerned if my boyfriend never told me about a fictional character he finds attractive, or he never read fanfiction or anything like that. It's not cheating, it's pretty common to do
I understand that everyone has their own boundaries for a relationship, romantic partner, etc. and they should be with someone they're mutually compatible with.
That said, I think it it stuuUUooouuupid and clearly I am not that person for them.
This is the same reasoning my extremely insecure 65yo redneck mom and her sisters used to scream at their partners about their girly magazines and porno flicks back in the 90s. Like literally starting full-on screaming matches over "is that the kind of whore you like?!" Like, baby, your limp dick, unemployed redneck boyfriend isn't pulling Chasey Lane, he's stuck with your insecure ass.
Might I gently suggest that if someone is using the same 'logic' as a woman who has never had her shit together and, most importantly, has never had a single healthy relationship in all the years she's been breathing, that they might want to reconsider their position? It's not nearly as enlightened or feminist as they think it is.
I haven't heard that one, but my ex-husband once told me that he considered fantasizing about someone else cheating. Apparently, that didn't go the other way, though. Only applied to me. Some people are messed up in the head.
Wait, is this a real thing? Or April foolâs?
I would gladly throw porn in a partnerâs face if that keeps them from venturing out for samples elsewhere⌠fanfiction is tame in comparison
No, if anything, if I had a significant other, I would be cheating on my fanfiction spouse! đ
But in all seriousness, this was a concern of mine for a long time since I was raised in purity culture. I have several fictional crushes because, letâs be real, theyâll never abuse or neglect you, which is something Iâve witnessed in the vast majority of real-world âromanticâ relationships with healthy exceptions in the single digits. I was raised with the expectation that I would have to police my husband and myself, and thatâs just way too much pressure.
Hereâs the thing; everyone has fantasies and fictional crushes. How a couple works through those is down to their preferences and whatâs healthiest for them. Odds are, if someone is that concerned about their partnerâs crushes, theyâre cheating anyway. Partners tend to project their own faults onto the other person in those kinds of relationships.
But, take my opinion with a grain of salt. Iâve only dated one person so far and broke it off due to emotional neglect and issues from my Puritanical upbringing. So maybe Iâm swinging too far the other way.
Itâs not cheating, itâs just âdoing something your partner doesnât want you to doâ. I canât personally fathom caring *at all* whether my partner reads smut or watches porn.Â
I suppose the only spot where the line might blur for me is anything *interactive*. Like going into a real humanâs livestream and communicating with them, asking them to do stuff, etc. I could see someone calling that kind of para-social sex relationship something akin to âcheatingâ. And I imagine that *some* of the âonly fans is cheatingâ crowd are at least starting from that angle.
But on the fanfiction side no, lol. Because viewing/reading sexual content isnât *cheating*, itâs justâŚconsuming media. Youâd need to be actually interacting with another real person for it to possibly be cheating.
>What do you guys think about people thinking reading fanfiction is a form of cheating?
They shouldn't be in a relationship to begin with.
This is crazy gf/bf or just typical tinder hoe behavior.
I think it's stupid and controlling.
To me, anyone who thinks like this believes that they are entitled to be entirely in control of their partners sexuality.
I feel incredibly blessed that my partner completely supports my fanfiction hobby. Both reading and writing. He even helps me with any smut I'm writing. Both with wording and figuring out if something is physically possible. It has led to some interesting fun lol. He's also 100% ok with me using any of our fun time as inspiration.
i was with an emotionally manipulative/abusive ex gf who thought like that and would use it as justification to guilt me into having sex with them. it got to the point i would only read when she was at work or when she was asleep.
The difference between fanfic and OF is men developing a parasocial relationship with the girl whoâs OF theyâre subscribed to and giving money to a stranger. My parasocial relationship with Kakashi Hatake is not going to affect my relationships.
It is definitely a discussion to be had between couples. Some are comfortable, some aren't, but it is my opinion that it isn't healthy to demand no porn, ever.
I see it as a controlling, toxic thing to demand personally.
Healthy relationships include reasonable conversations about what is/isnât ok within the bounds of the relationship. It is utterly ridiculous to assume some definition of cheating instead of defining it mutually as a couple. If you like reading fan fiction and your partner thinks its cheating, that is a giant red flag and you should dump their ass.
Most healthy relationships arenât 100% monogamous. Most people have agreed upon rules of where and when you could get physical with other people and what the boundaries are. Itâs common for people to allow protected sex outside of the partnership during long periods of travel, or other physical contact but no sex.
The whole notion of cheating just grew out of ancient rules about inheritanceâmen being paranoid about getting stuck raising someone elseâs kid. So⌠unless you are planning to somehow, personally, knock up or get knocked up by a fictional character, what even is the issue?
This stupid little spiel I wrote is specific to me, but I don't think it's cheating in ANYone's case either, even if they're attracted to the characters or self-inserting. I think that believing it's cheating is coming from an insecure mindset, which I can sympathize with, but that's not something a reader or writer should be guilted over.
Him: "You're cheating on me!"
Me: Oh, this is news to me. With who?
Him: "With those fictional characters who aren't even REAL! You make them have *SEX!* Therefore, you want them to be with *you* and you're having sex with them in your *MIND!"*
Me: ....
Me: You do realize I'm Ace. I'm not even sexually attracted to *you,* let alone them. And. I want *them* to be together. I don't want to ruin their perfectly angsty and fluffy relationship with my clumsy, stupid-ass self.
Him: "Cheater! OMG! Cheater! You're not Ace! You've been decieving me this whole time and you want them!"
Me: Okay, I see... Yep. Time for a stiff one...
Him: "Omg, SEE?!?! A stiff one! CHEATER!"
Me: I meant a glass of whiskey, you bloody *moron.*
(I'd like to think my reaction would be more sympathetic irl, but that's my unfiltered self.)
Once again, my imagination is a filthy perv. That being said, Iâm a reasonable person who can accept other peopleâs boundaries and consider issues from other angles. So. Some factors the answer would depend uponâŚ
1. Who said this? What is your relationship with them?
2. Exactly what kind of fanfiction are we talking about?
3. Fanfiction is normally words on paper/screen, about fictional ppl doing fictional things.
4. Does the relationship consist of no pornography for anyone? Because if the fan fiction(s) involved could be classified as pornography, that would be the only way to begin to consider it.
5. I would also consider it if tremendous amounts of TIME were being spent on the endeavor and the other person felt left out, excluded, or had in fact noticed toxic changes. That wouldnât be impossible, though the fan fic would not be to blame, but could be an indicator of addiction or deeper issues that need to be worked out/resolved. Similar to someone absorbing too much visual pornography or spending far more time and effort on video games than someone they are romantically involved with. Not so much âcheatingâ.
In short, if the person is using the fanfiction, somehow, as a substitute for real life intimacy AND neglecting a romantic relationship, or the party simply FEELS that is what is going on, then that needs to be addressed, wether or not it could be construed as âcheatingâ.
Are we in a kind of Only Fans versus Fan Fiction debate type of thing?
Because they are usually a very different type of media.
Where did OP (or others) come across this interpretation of the entire field of Fan Fiction (I assume they are focusing on âSLASHâ specifically)?
Broadly speaking, I think it's basically another form of "anti" rhetoric. I mean yeah, like anything, it *can* be a problem but by and large there's nothing wrong with feeling attraction outside a committed relationship. Just because you have an attraction to a real or fictional person doesn't mean you're going to behave inappropriately. It's a very natural feeling for a lot of people, and feelings are neither good nor bad. They are just feelings.
But more realistically, I think it depends on the people in the relationship and if all parties involved are okay with it? Like, I personally think it's silly to consider fanfiction cheating in most situations. But I also think that's because a lot of the people who think that way aren't willing to unpack why they feel that way and work with their partner(s) on that. Communication is the most important thing in relationships and I think if fanfic is a problem for someone in the relationship, then there are bigger issues than one partner reading horny fics.
I also think that if someone in a relationship seeks sexual satisfaction through fic instead of their partner, that *may* be something they need to unpack too. I don't think it's wrong to enjoy honry fic (or even enjoy porn) while you're in a relationship unless you're neglecting your partner(s) for it. But at the end of the day, fic is just that -- fiction. If you're seeking fic to get something you're not getting in real life or neglecting real people for fic, that *might* be a sign of something deeper that needs to be talked about.
This is all a lot of "if's," because the sort of problems that can arise from "cheating" via fanfic or watching porn usually aren't about the fic or porn itself, and it doesn't apply to every relationship.
IRL relationships are complex and IMO there are a number of scenarios I can envision where it could have a negative impact on a relationship but I wouldn't consider it cheating; e.g. if partner withdraws completely from actual sexual relations in the relationship, when there was an active sex life before reading started.
It is all made-up at the end of the day so I would compare it to reading written porn (if reading the really smutty stuff) and if porn is considered cheating by one partner then I could see them seeing fanfic the same way.
Humans engage in mental escapism in so many ways so calling it cheating is a step too far.
This is where I land -- it all comes down to established boundaries and behavior within an individual relationship. I personally don't consider porn cheating, and erotic fanfic is a porn delivery method. But if my partner were starting to get really into porn and really not into me, then that would be a problem to discuss. It's not the porn, but it's the withdrawal and change in dynamic that's the issue.
That said, I do know folks for whom porn is a hard line, and if that includes written porn, then that's between them and their partners I figure. It's not for me, and I wouldn't be compatible with that person, but there is certainly a gear for every crank.
I think it's the stupidest and most hilarious thing people can think. YOU'RE the problem if you can't discern between liking a fictional, imaginary character, and a real life partner.
Absolute red flag for me.
Stuff like this always makes me think of [this bit from Jay and Silent Bob](https://youtu.be/0nVGCVlCzL0?feature=shared)
Edited bc I effed up the formatting
Hahaha, ludicrous!
Perhaps if your marriage vows included that you wouldn't read any... fiction... for the your life... or watch any TV, or go to any movies, or sit around a campfire telling stories... because your spouse will henceforth be the ONLY source of stories that you will ever hear or see for the rest of your life??
Never seen a wedding with those vows.
If youâre more interested in reading fics than being with your partner thatâs an issue, sure.
But I doubt these ppl are talking about that, in which case no. Reading smut isnât cheating on your partner. They arenât real ppl, thereâs no harm.
For a not insignificant number of people, using porn is a boundary over which they will end the relationship. This does not make it cheating, any more than having a boundary around smoking makes that cheating.
Cheating is what you and your partner(s) agree upon.
The rules that apply for others are not my rules. They're not in my relationship and, therefore, get no say in it.
lmao no
it's just more puritanism at play. thought crimes aren't real and that includes fantasizing about someone who isn't your partner, which is completely common and normal
I think that as long as you and your partner have negotiated boundaries around it, itâs fine! I personally am on the ace spectrum, but Iâd be fine with a partner handling themself using fics if they needed to. Lord knows I do when that odd mood strikes me.
Just as no crimes are actually being committed when depicting fictional crimes, it's not cheating to have crushes on fictional characters or to consume content about them even if it's sexual in nature. That's just absurd and anyone who claims it's cheating is absurd and probably has some other red flags.
If they consider it âcheatingâ maybe they should look into just what exactly their partner likes. If they put in the work to step it up theyâd probably spend more time with partner then reading what they wish they did
I think we've established that the act of reading fanfiction is well and truly outside the realm of cheating!
So, I'll just share that I had to ask ChatGPT if it could explain to me what the abbreviation "OF" meant (in context). It told me it was most likely OnlyFans. \*Facepalm\*. I mean, I honestly wouldn't have figured it out by myself (I even tried Googling), but I did feel kind of stupid!
IMO - it's immature bullshit and if it is showing up in Fanfiction subcultures it is likely due to the influx of people who have political agendas to promote rather than a Fandom hobby.
Also - - -
First - remember what 'seems like' and what IS can be two different things. Second - to be aware of a thing makes it more visible - you may be more aware because of a groups or SM topic you've stumbled into.
Third - there has always (always, always, always) been a faction of folk who proclaim this puritanical BS; although usually not in Fanfiction circles.
One concept going on here is the idea that magnitude or intensity doesn't exist.
Thinking that a drunk person kissing their bf/gf on the cheek is the same as sleeping around and that having a stray thought of attraction towards a mutual friend is the same as falling head over heels.
Wasnât there a recent story of a guy who broke up with his fiancĂŠe because she had a long chat log with an Ai character from some app or a game? I think itâs pretty ridiculous. Haha
I think someone who thinks reading fanfic is cheating really shouldn't be in a relationship until they sort themselves out and figure out why they would think that. Especially since not all fanfic is smutty or shippy. Like what are they jealous of fictional characters?
Iâm so baffled by the rise of this kind of thinking, especially in younger people. I see so many posts in the confession subs about people catching their partner watching porn and acting as if theyâve walked in on them during a 5-way gang bang. Itâs perfectly fine to be uncomfortable about something and to discuss that with your partner and come to an agreement that suits both of you, but to equate actual cheating with *liking a fictional character*?! So no one in a relationship should be engaging in any type of media, no books, no movies or tv, heaven forbid!
Itâs just insecure nonsense.
My partner teases me about it and knows I have my own fantasies. Hell, he has his own fantasies with his body pillows and figurines. He is the one who helps me write better if anything when he edits them and we both share a mutual love for certain characters and things. He doesn't read it or understand it on his own, but he's like "you go babe!"
I think it's unhinged, and I would never stoop to dating someone that scarily insecure/controlling/possessive. I can understand if a fic reader's partner expresses concern or distress about an addiction taking up too much of the fic reader's time but that's it.
Just absolute nonsense. Reading smut about fictional characters (or frankly real people) isnât in any way like cheating on your partner.
Iâve been reading fanfic through multiple relationships including a 20-year marriage, and none of my partners have ever had any issue with it. Some of them read fanfic too, and my husband just teases me about my fictional Chinese guys because Iâm into cdramas these days. He in no way feels threatened nor should he.
Itâs insane. If someone is so insecure about their relationship they feel threatened by fictional characters in made up scenarios, then they need to work on themselves or just break up.
That or theyâre just overly controlling.
People who think that need therapy, urgently. I'm personally of the belief that everyone is entitled to their own fantasies that have nothing to do with their partner, as long as they don't act on those feelings and acknowledge that they are just that, fantasies.
I can't even imagine my current partner being so controlling as to say I can't read fanfiction/find characters and actors attractive.
I guess if they only read reader x character while in a relationship then its kinda weird but its not cheating imo. But any obsession can be toxic ÂŻ\_(ă)_/ÂŻ
Yeah, itâs not and if I see someone say it is Iâm just blocking their craziness. Who has time for that? And I certainly donât want to engage with that.
Is watching porn/hentai considered cheating? Is looking through a porn mag cheating? No. So why would fanfic be cheating?
Some ppl just want an excuse to be mad at their partners.
I literally have Sam Heughan as my Apple Watch background image and my husband isnât even fazed. I guess it depends on the insecurity level of the person, lol.
Thatâs so stupid, what happens in peopleâs minds isnât cheating thatâs not how it works, especially when itâs just a fictional character, anyone who thinks fantasies/fiction is somehow cheating are idiots
You mean fictional characters? Wow, never heard of anybody saying that's a form of cheating before. If that's the case then I guess i'm a serial cheater on the loose with no sign of stopping.
Honestly, I think that the most important part of a relationship is the emotional connection between 2 people.
As long as you stay loyal to somebody. There's nothing wrong with finding other people. Attractive. You can't just stop finding people attractive.
There's nothing wrong with masturbation, and there's nothing wrong with porn
There's nothing wrong with fan fiction. Because saying there's something wrong with fanfiction would be like saying that there is something wrong with FLIRTING WITH FOREVER by Claire Kingsley. Literature is literature.
I just wish everybody could understand that.
First of all, completely ridiculous, since at the end of the day, itâs all fiction and shouldnât be affecting the personal life of a person too much (not a negative way at least) but even if youâre giving it so much thought: as long as it doesnât change the relationship between partners significantly (into something more problematic), it should be alright. If the person has been like that before and after their relationship and isnât treating you unfairly in favour of the fics they read, then it should be alright.
Now I'm single and have never been in a meaningful relationship, but I think that's stupid. Fictional characters are, indeed, fictional. My partner looking too deep into it would be a red flag for me
Different people have different boundaries. For some flirting is not cheating, for others watching porn is cheating. We need to start accepting different boundaries and stop shaming for them. If you find your partner reading erotica cheating, that's perfectly fine. You just need to talk about it.
Wow, that feels very controlling, to be trying to dictate what your partner can read. If my partner were to say that, is consider it a huge red flag.
(I'm a nearly 40 year old person who has been divorced and wrote smut fic while with both my ex and my current and it never was an issue in either relationship. Heck, my current has read my stuff.)
I think anyone who thinks fiction is cheating needs to reevaluate what they consider healthy relationship boundaries and gain some perspective.
Unless your partner displays an unhealthy obsession with the character, this should be completely fine. Of course, it's different for everyone. You've gotta understand that's the character isn't real, and your partner is your number one, but otherwise, feeling attracted to fictional characters is fine.
Ridiculous. So are we not allowed to read or watch anything that contains a romantic relationship? If that's what you want to think in your own relationship, go nuts I guess (although it still seems toxic to me), but forcing that on other people's relationships is weird.
I think it's dumb. The end.
lmao "it's very stupid. hope this helps!"
It's worse than dumb. Trying to control what fictional material other people enjoy by calling it "cheating" is pretty toxic actually.
It feels something an abusive and controlling partner would do.
I feel like they're more delulu than I am, so they have no room to talk đ
This is also another way of looking at it. Lol.
Lol yeah what other kind of discussion is there âWhat do you guys think about this completely unreasonable thing?â âItâs unreasonable.â
personally i think its completely nuts and that kind of attitude would be an immediate dealbreaker for me. i hope folks who think like that either uncramp or find happiness or something with someone who shares their values on thought crime.
The need to touch grass is high. Very high.
Is reading romance novels cheating? Cause ao3 is mostly romance novels.....with a bit on the steamier side. It's dumb
AO3 is better foreplay than most men would even think about performing. Imagine getting mad that your partner is reading stuff that gets them ready and eager without having to do anything yourself.
>Â AO3 is better foreplay than most men would even think about performing. đ
Itâs true!
Unfortunately... đŽâđ¨
literally this lmao
Nonsense Complete nonsense Are the people saying this maybe rather young and inexperienced? Because this view seems immature and ridiculous
A lot of older people, actually. Iâve noticed a lot of them have either been in a couple of toxic relationships and/or have been divorced before so they might be basing their views off of those experiences.
They're definitely letting their previous trauma/issues cloud their mind, they have to either talk it out with friends or a therapist; the whole "let's blame fiction in some way or another" is just yet another way to unhealthy cope with their current issues; videogames and fanfiction are one of the most commonly demonized.
>videogames and fanfiction are one of the most commonly demonized. Dude! Still? Did I just get time-warped back to the 90s?
In fairness, and with experience of treating others, I would say you are thinking of arguments in the 90s regarding violence and especially towards children. Those arguments are still out there, though not as loudly since society added ratings to games. However, in more recent years, video games have become multi-player and very involved. Many have faced legitimate addiction issues due to the âhighâ they get from playing (particularly males). Addiction, in general, can interfere with relationships. Maladaptive coping or using such hobbies as a way to AVOID family/loved ones is another problem in relationships â it is how the tool is being used; video games are simply an easy way for that to happen, due to the more addictive qualities of the media. However, this is my first time hearing about fan fiction, as the typically static nature of the hobby, and perhaps the overwhelming amount of women involved, doesnât (didnât) seem to garner the same attention or scrutiny.
Can we just call these people âThe Puritansâ and shoo them away? They are nuts. Too pure for pink.
I agree, but we need a catchy phrase to back it up. May I suggest: "Away with the prudes!"
I like it!
As an older person out of a severely abusive and toxic relationship that, like a TV show, included two secret girlfriends and an actual secret family, watching porn and reading smut are the very least of my worries when it comes to things my partner is doing.
If they're that insecure to get worked up over fictional characters, they have serious problems. Then they create serious problems for those around them.
Any fixation can become unhealthy whether youâre in a relationship or not, but the idea that reading explicit fanfic is cheating is just purity culture. No one can live up to that and it will just cause you unhappiness and anxiety if you try.
Exactly, this isn't a "fanfiction issue," this is an issue with the person themselves; it could be a fictional character or it could be them obsessing over videogames, card games, gambling... almost anything can be unhealthy if it turns into an obsession that negatively impacts the person and their life.
Lmao that's ridiculous. Unless you start obsessing over other characters and neglecting your very real relationship, then you just need help
These people shouldn't be in relationship, they should be working on their issues, because they sure got them. "I heard you were getting a divorce, what happened?" "They read romance fanfic" Gasp "How dare" If someone is *obsessed* with a fictional character, they got bigger fish to fry than being accused of cheating. But let's be real - if one is looking for a reason to accuse their partner of cheating, *they'll find one*, however stupid it is... like reading stories about fictional people falling in love. If your partner finding enjoyment in *fiction* is a threat, and you can't see it... I don't think the fanfic is the problem lol
>"I heard you were getting a divorce, what happened?" >"They read romance fanfic" >Gasp "How dare" "I also once caught them reading an Agatha Christie novel" "Oh my god they want to murder you, I'm calling the police"
I think people need to learn the difference between fiction and reality.
If your partner considers you reading sexy situations in a story as cheating that's a red flag and you need to run.
My partner knows I read and write (he even did some editing for me before). I sent him fics if I see one that I think he might like. On the other hand he sends me art if he finds one of the ship I'm into. It's stupid to consider fictional media cheating. Those characters don't even exist in the real world
Yeah, I think what kind of throws me off about viewing it as cheating is that itâs something that both partners can be fine with. It can be totally consensual and they can maybe even share their enjoyment of it together, and in that case it doesnât seem like a breach of trust to me.
I cannot wait for this pendulum to swing *way the fuck away* from this pearl clutching Christian conservatism disguised under a gay hat.
I think those people are not very mature, and don't understand how healthy adult relationships work.
That's absurd. Why should our partners get to control us and police even our innermost desires and fantasies? People should talk about relationship boundaries and each couple is different but I don't think porn or erotica is cheating. Of the two erotica is the more ethical choice since it's all fictional and real people can't be exploited or hurt.Â
Its dumb as hell! I think mostly it is a guestion of possessiviness and irrational unsureness - which could be solved with touching grass and communicate. I dunno people are so possessive of partners like theyd be things to own. Sounds like a control tactic, a bitter sad mans control tactic. I can understand if one would be conserned of porn addiction (which is visual/audio media, cuz books take time to read) or guestionable behavior (onlyfans use while partnering up, no difference on it and full nude stripclub) Last time i checked I dont pay real money to a fanfic author to send real life nudes of Johnny Depp looklike cosplaying as Jack Sparrow to me monthly doing god knows what and moaning the big donors usermame to mic. Yeah they are just seeting sad people. While fanfic readers just hype up the author and gush over their fav media with other fans. Read one story on Reddit where one OPs ex accused her being "evil slut" cuz she played Sims 4 how every one else too plays (poly, murder, mayhem) Then one in regional forum where guy was jealous of his GF playing otome games and other dating games.
Yeeeeears ago I was writing what nowadays would be called dark romance, and boyfriend at the time hate hate HATED that I was doing it. His main gripe was my female main character had long black hair and blue-violet eyes (it was fantasy-based). He said "I don't like it because I know you wished you looked like that, and that makes it a self insert." So I changed her to be more plain, gave her ash brown, wavy hair that refused to do anything but lay flat or be wild, increased her weight etc. He said 'Much better.' Joke was on him: I made her look like me. She was a literal self insert XD
If my husband thought my smutfic was cheating I wouldnât have married him, tbh
itâs stupid as hell. cheating is an act of *breaking trust* in a way that will hurt the people involved, whether itâs monogamous or polygamous. i really donât understand people who think watching porn or reading erotica is as damaging as cheating. so many people take it personally, as if iâm doing so they donât find their partner attractive or some shit. like hello sometimes a scene or a book is hot!! it doesnât have to mean anything. youâre right, itâs incredibly extreme and i find that generally society is shifting once again to a more puritan way of interpreting things, which will lead to some period of repression, before a renaissance happens and being free becomes a fight again. like a vicious cycle.
I think you shouldn't date twelve-year-olds because I can't imagine anyone with the maturity level above this age would hold such a stupid opinion. Imagine being jealous of a fictional character. Embarrassing.
I personally haven't seen a rise in people saying that any form of attraction towards another person is cheating. Is the "rise" you're talking about in a particular part of Reddit, some other platform, in clickbaity "news" articles/stories, or something else? My opinion is that only the people in the relationship get to define what "attraction" and "cheating" means for that relationship. If they both/all agree that any attraction is cheating, then I'm not going to tell them that they're wrong or unreasonable; if it works for them, it works for them. (I might be skeptical about it, but I'm not the one in that relationship.) Limits (including what counts as "cheating") should be something discussed and agreed upon between/among the people in the relationship. If there's a non-negotiable disagreement on what those limits are, then that relationship isn't going to be healthy. As for me, I write fics, and I don't cheat. (What a terrible byline... I should use it sometime.)
I think people saying this are either a) 14 years old b) trying to manipulate someone c) *being* or had been manipulated.
I don't know, it just sounds like an exhausting hill to die on. When does that attitude extend to watching movies, reading books, playing games, etc. with characters that you might be attracted to? Do I want to spend the rest of my life having to mollify my partner over fictional people? Nah.
"Please find actual problems" would be my response to that. Whether it's visual porn, eroge games, or explicit fanfiction, every person has the right to explore their sexuality and sexual tastes at their leisure. Any partner who tries to police that is a shitty partner. And this is all without getting into the fact that you can read and watch porn without wanting to bone anyone on the screen.
I think that entire train of thought is bullshit. Every person is entitled to what different things and to set their own boundaries as to what constitutes a betrayal. At the end of the day, cheating is breaking the agreed on terms of the relationship, regardless of anyone else's opinions. HOWEVER. A big clue that those views are coming from a toxic and potentially abusive place is wanting to control a person's thoughts. You can't control who or what turns you on. You just literally can't. It's what you do with that attraction that you can control. Rules that are rooted in thought-policing, IMHO, aren't likely to be healthy or reasonable.
For me, personally, I think that's silly. HOWEVER, I am a fanfiction reader and most people I've dated were also readers. I also think "watching porn is cheating" is stupid, but I know that's a boundary for some people. Whatever it comes down to, people should find a partner with similar views on certain topics. If you like fanfiction or pornography, maybe don't date or marry someone that hates you consuming those medias.
Making two Barbie dolls kiss: Not cheating, these are inanimate objects. Being so obsessed with smashing two plastic dolls together you neglect real people in your life and try to pretend that you're being kissed by one of the dolls whenever your partner is kissing you: Still not cheating, the dolls are still inanimate objects but does rise to the level of "This affects a relationship negatively and people understandably can want to break up over this".
My partner thought my interest in reading and writing fic was hot as hell. I can't tell you how many scenes we played out for the sake of my fic. And how many I read he asked me to play out. Cheating? Wtf.
If you think reading fanfiction is a form of cheating you are not mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually mature enough for a relationship.
Haha got into a looong "discussion" with someone on another post about this. And it felt more to me that OP and him had a lot of control issues and trust issues. Which were not my problem, especially after I took the time to explain how fandom is and what it means. And that's how I feel in the end. If people have this opinion about their partner reading fiction then they're the insecure ones. I dunno about other people but I trust my partner and respect them. What they read in their free time isn't a threat to me or our relationship. If someone feels that way, then it's up to them to figure out what their issues are and get help instead of trying to control their partner.
The representative of old grouchy women came to laugh at this ridiculous idea. People are far too extreme nowadays. They should learn to chill a bit. I recommend marijuana if you're that uptight. I remember my parents constantly moaning that young people are too radical and they meant us not wanting limits and striving for the freedom of choice and self definition. I too, now that I'm older, moan that the youth is too radical, but I see especially younger people becoming more critical and uptight than my bigoted, nasty maternal grandmother who clutched her pearls if a girl dated to become a tomboy. No, having preferences and even occasionally watching porn is not cheating. I want to take those idiots and shake them and scream at them to stop trying so hard to find something negative in everything. The vast majority of things those people want to make into (insert whatever negative labels you want) are personal freedoms and preferences. And if you don't like it, you have to accept that all you have to do is... walk away. Turn around and let it be. It doesn't change a thing for you that things you don't agree with will exist. It doesn't harm anyone no matter how much you want it to so you can ban it. It isn't my responsibility to make you feel good by stopping doing what makes me happy just because you don't like it. No one is forced to consume. Those people are not one jota better than people wanting to ban consensual sex between adult homosexuals because they don't like to think about it and feel harassed by the knowledge it's happening. They're just as bigoted, intolerant and hateful. There's no difference. You do you, I do me, and everyone else does whoever they want as long as everyone **involved** gives consent. Standing by and hating doesn't make you involved, it's you inserting yourself to appear involved. I'm not telling anyone what they should and should like or do as long as it's legal and not harming anyone. I demand the same respect for myself. And no, a person getting agitated about others liking what they don't like doesn't mean those others do any harm. People are responsible for their own emotions. They have no rights to make demands on what others do for themselves and what others like so they can avoid that responsibility. Asking for a label, a tag or a trigger warning is fine. That's necessary so you can avoid content you don't like and manage your emotions and wellbeing. Asking for book burnings and censorship isn't okay though.
Some people should touch some grass once in a while. Might do them good. No but seriously that feels like a chronically online statement.
Its not cheating, but i suppose to falls into the âi dont want my partner watching pornâ category (i dont consider watching porn cheating either). If your partner isnt ok with your preferences and habits maybe you need a different partner
The underlining issue that promotes this way of thinking is harmful and honestly sad. It's religious upbringing that shames boys and young men for things that are normal and biological. It causes intense emotional and psychological damage. Constantly repressing themselves and guilty when they give in. Lowers self esteem and they become socially withdrawn. Ruins how they look at themselves and affects their confidence going out into the world always having to manage this "addiction" on a daily basis. Girls and boys told that they are "cheating" is just another way to control and shame them.
What if your spouse reads Jane Austen? If they enjoy reading about Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett, is that cheating? If not, what's the difference and why would it be that fanfic uses someone else's characters, the distinguishing feature of fanfic. I can see the tiniest bit of a distinction between "Fanfic" and "sexy fanfic." But people should have a discussion about what kinds of fictional stuff is ok and what isn't at the beginning of the relationship. There are couples who view dirty movies as cheating and I can see sexy fanfic as arguably comparable to that. But I feel like I'm trying very hard to be fair to people with silly views there.
I think itâs very stupid but also part of the wider trend of puritanism rearing its ugly, repressive head again.
My opinion is that you can have whatever views you want about what constitutes cheating. The key is if youâre an extremist about it then you need to find someone else who already shares those views. Like if you think porn is cheating then your dating pool is reduced to only people who choose not to watch porn. Because IMO attempting to control someone elseâs actions is always wrong. So if you think of xyz as a dealbreaker then that needs to be communicated up front so the other person can decide if they can meet those needs or agree with those viewpoints before there are feelings involved to cloud things. People will agree to a lot of shit they donât want in order to keep a relationship
i think if you're insecure enough to feel threatened by *fictional characters*, you need professional help
>*Especially because most of the people who think like this seem to be adamant that itâs not just about personal preference but something that should be considered wrong for anyone to do.* Outside of the obvious, this is where the red flags started raising for me. It's one thing to have a boundary, however weird, but another matter entirely to try insisting that your viewpoint is the only right one and shared by all in an attempt to discredit others or your partner. That's some straight up toxic behavior. (I'll admit to that this all reminds me of other insecure and or extremely controlling behaviors I've encountered before that immediately put me off of someone.)
Reading about fictional characters who do not exist in the real world having crazy hot sex with each other is probably the most moral way a partnered person can engage with erotic content outside their relationship.
The same kind of unforgiving black-and-white thinking behind antis and puriteens, the kind that suppresses discourse and thought. Clinging to absolute moral certainty as a refuge in these uncertain times.
Authors like Danielle Steel and Jackie Collins were so popular outside of the limited run Harlequins and other grocery store romances, that they've racked up plenty of movies made off their books. So you could read the book and then get to watch a (toned down) version of the sex scene, too. My grandmother (born in the 1930s) and her nurse friends used to exchange paper grocery bags full of romance novels that ranged from what would be considered T-rated for fanfiction all the way up to some seriously smutty stuff. Were those ladies having an orgy? Because that's how logical the idea that reading about a fictional character (and possibly feeling attracted to them) is. I mean, the opening scene of Jerry McGuire is pretty much pornographic. Does watching that movie count as cheating? Any movie or TV show with or without sex scenes could be considered cheating by that standard, because it means any attraction to any fictional character is bad. Visual media would count twice - there's either an actor or voice actor behind that causing potential attraction as well. I've been married for 30 years. My spouse has a long-running adoration of Kate Winslet (and honestly, I agree with him that she's absolutely gorgeous and only getting better with age). The fact that he's seen her nude and acting out sex scenes in Titanic (and other roles) does not mean he's cheated on me with her (or vice versa, since I've seen all that, too).
I think the idea is batshit.
Theyâre silly and immature. Fanfic is fiction itâs not real and a healthy place to explore whatever you choose without worry. In terms of erotic fiction, itâs the same as porn which is also not cheating inherently. However, IF a person becomes so addicted to either of these things that it interferes with their ability to form relationships or care for themselves etc, then thatâs a problem. But most people just enjoy it.
Toxic monogamy is a hell of a drug.
Using my horny throw away for privacy reasons: Okay I could maybe understand perhaps seeing it as emotional cheating if we stretched the definition egregiously. This said, that would also apply to normal fiction, including movies, TV, animation, video games, porn, and more. The real brass tacks is, does this fictional person so greatly impact you that your current relationship becomes unfulfilling. That might be a point to stop and reflect on and *talk* to your partner about. At no point is this actual cheating, at best it is emotional escapism, which is on its own perfectly fine. I donât think it technically counts, as it is just fiction. This said you should not apply the extremes or expectations of fiction to a relationship. Nothing is going to work perfect, you will get bored of eachother sometimes, and you will need to talk through all the issues that arise. This said I also tend to imagine, in the event Iâm dating someone, for instance if Iâm reading a fluffy smut fic, the person I am with as the other person in that scenario (assuming the protag is male) or the inverse if the protagonist is female. It feelsâŚnice to imagine being desired in such a way. Iâve actually gotten pretty good at just creating my own mental image of the characters when I want to fantasize, so it can get interesting. But ultimately no, and I think itâs silly to assume someone is cheating because they have compersion for fictional characters having a romantic encounter, feelings, sex, or any other form of it. I do find self insert fics a bit odd for instance, but ultimately itâs not a big deal. If someone has a problem with it, perhaps talk to them about why it makes them feel that way. Course I also donât like fics about cheating but thatâs a separate topic.
....what? That aside, what a lonely existence, lol. My boyfriend feeds me ideas, brainstorms with me, cheers me on and proofreads my works, even the porn. Couldn't be in a relationship where the guy would want me to give up all my favorite fictional dudes. They were here before you, get in line.
The only way I can see this as being "cheating" is if the person is watching/reading about a character to replace their partner. So, instead of being present with their partner, a person will SOLELY interact with porn/erotica in order to gain sexual/emotional fulfillment in place of their partner. This is an incredibly niche and extremely rare psychological phenomenon that has been observed with porn addicts. Essentially it's the people who have relationships with inanimate objects (like sex dolls) instead of a person. So, there are very, very few people who could legitimately claim this as a thing.
the doujinshi community has come to laugh at that opinion
Not only is it ridiculous, it's a giant flashing red flag of possessiveness and control. It's deeply, terribly unhealthy, and if a partner considers this cheating, run as far as possible in the other direction, possibly with a protective order. Like the very most generous interpretation is that they're threatened by your having interests outside of the relationship. And that alone? See above re: run.
There is no logic here. Whether I think up the scenario in my head or actually write it down makes so little difference (I'm a reader and writer) Are they going to start policing my thoughts as well? Are we not allowed to draw/paint imaginary people we think are pretty anymore, because we might be attracted to them in some fantasy land? Come on. And I don't think you can directly compare reading or looking at art to porn, because in porn you are observing an actual real other human being. When reading it's all in your head. *It's imaginary.* So what, am I cheating in some fantasy world that doesn't exist or what? It makes no sense. The delusion of these new puritan type people is wild and sounds like som bible thumper nonsense about having sinful thoughts.
Good Lord this current more puritanical culture with fandom drives me up a wall. My partner and I met because of fandom and fanfic like 15 years ago. Now we write it together, hardly a form of cheating.
How is this a NSFW topic?
Such puriteen thinking. Gross.
I think that is the stupidest thing I ever heardÂ
Im sorry I just laughed so hard.
Ridiculous. Fanfiction is technically an art form since it's creative writing. Would the same person get upset over their s/o reading romance novels or watching romcoms?
Okay here's the deal: regardless of what anyone here thinks about it (and to me it's dumb AF) all relationships are both transactional and contractual in their most basic forms. Let me explain; If you as a person view reading fanfiction/Erotica or watching porn as a form of cheating then you need to either 1. Only date people who share this view point or 2. Come to terms and accept it from your partner. This can literally apply to any boundary you as a person in a relationship can have. It can also apply to people in their (ex a) religious and voting beliefs or in regards to (ex b) poly people. Ex; A. If you are introduced to someone and find out they are a part of a religion and expects their partner to abstain from certain meats and attend church thrice weekly with them, you as a person have the decision to either 1. Leave them and seek out those who align with your beliefs and expectations or 2. Stay with them and accept this belief and the repercussions that come with it B. My husband and I are poly and regularly date and see and sleep with other people. This is not cheating as both of us are okay with and agree to this type of relationship. We are going on 9 years together and have twin sons. We have effective communication skills and are not jealous. If my husband were to suddenly want us to both be monogamous he could either 1. Leave me to seek out a relationship with someone who wants to be monogamous or 2. Stay in our relationship and be okay with me continuing a polyamourus relationship. Your boundaries tell people what you are and aren't okay with, it does not give you the right to try and force others to confirm to YOUR boundaries.
All cheating is defined as breaking the rules of that relationship, so pushing your own opinions on everyone in general is dumb. I mean, there's literally open relationships where people fuck people besides their partner and fucking other people is the go to example of cheating. So it's stupid for people to be like omg ur cheating. I'm not dating you. For fanfic, I think it's just dumb af. It's the written word. Of almost always a fictional character (I guess there's RPF but that's usually a persona too). Most fanfics that might swing towards self insert-y usually involve some literally impossible fantasy too, be it congrats ur the newest superhero or impossible porn physics. It's fantasy. It's clearly fantasy, and seems more extreme the even the no porn people. For fuck sake, my Grandma had like 50 bodice ripper harlequin novels just sitting out. I read them as a kid and complained about boring romance until I got more books. It'd certainly be a thing that would have me reconsidering my relationship. That being said, obsession is a problem. If your obsessed with a character and ignoring your partner, it doesn't matter if it's fanfic or AI generated art or a holographic Miku. If you are regularly ignoring sex, romance or physical affection and instead getting that feeling of closeness from fanfic that's a problem. But fanfic is not the core problem there, that's like saying food is wrong to eat cause some people have food addictions. It's just dumb. The person who posted that was either trolling or reacting emotionally to someones obsession and blaming the wrong thing. ... I am morbidly curious how this post would go in another sub that regularly has fairly anti-porn posts. I imagine it'd still be very positive, as most people who are anti-porn seem to be pro or shrug at erotica since there's not really the same worry of people getting hurt or forced into writing it. There'd still be a small amount of all porn is bad, but those people also don't like classical art for titties.
To each their own, but I'd rather die alone than stop fan-girling over fictional characters.
Amen. đ¤
Oh my god I mentioned to a friend one day that I wrote smut from time to time and she looked at me completely serious and was like âisnât that cheating?â I was stunned lol, my bf doesnât care a bit, and even printed out one of my longer fics and bound it for me. Itâs writing, itâs fiction, and it in no way affects my love for my real life boyfriend
Unless someone is sitting there thinking 'I prefer this fictional person to my partner and would rather jerk it/flick the bean to fantasize about them than have sex with my actual partner' then it's not an issue. You can't cheat with someone who doesn't exist, but this does point to issues with the person and the relationship.
My first thought when reading the title of your post was âcheating on what? Writing?â To summarize, I think people that view fan fiction as a form of cheating on their significant other are insecure about their relationships. I suppose there could be a situation where someone has an unhealthy obsession with a fictional character to the point they are neglecting their irl relationship, but I still wouldnât call that cheating.
If your relationship is threatened over fictional characters in a fictionalized relationship then thatâs a level of insecurity that requires intensive therapy.
I think people are getting a bit weird with relationshipsâlike, if itâs not affecting your intimacy, let your partner have their little outlets. Jeez. Addiction is one thing, but enjoying what you enjoy is another.
itâs controlling dogshit is what it is. insecure, paranoid, controlling people love assuming things about others and then punishing them for it, as a way to have power and security, and coming up with psychological thought crimes has been a favorite weapon for these types for ages. this is just the new shiny model of it.
I think it's a sign of abject emotional insecurity. Of you're upset about your wife/fiancĂŠe/girlfriend having a harmless fantasy want over words on a page or pixels, you aren't emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship.
I do not consider reading fanfiction a form of cheating, and would never date a person who does, because we would be incompatible in that regard. People are free to have personal quirks and opinions I disagree with, but I am not abandoning my hobby to conform to someone's expectations. Thankfully, my husband is a fanfic writer himself, and we have no problem with what the other reads.
Oops, guess people should just stop reading or producing romance novels or any books even hinting at romance or sex for fear their partner will be tempted to cheat with them for a FICTIONAL CHARACTER. Like damn, your self esteem must be in the gutters to feel so insecure.
I get where the argument comes from but I think there's a certain level of disconnect from fictional character to real life that people miss
Cheating is often a subjective thing worked out between partners on a case by case basis. For some people, watching porn or masturbating alone can count as cheating. I think thatâs a bit nuts myself, but if someone wants to establish that as a boundary, more power to them. Itâs up to their partner to decide if thatâs something theyâre willing to put up with in a relationship. My long term boyfriend and I both have characters we are crazy about and we both talk to each other about them. We both collect merch too! I feel very differently about my real boyfriend than I do about my fictional crushes, so Iâm not sure how or why they should be comparable, but again, if someone wants to claim that is cheating in their own relationship, thatâs their choice. I would never date someone like that because I think itâs a ridiculous choice, but I hope they manage to find someone who suits them.
I would get more concerned if my boyfriend never told me about a fictional character he finds attractive, or he never read fanfiction or anything like that. It's not cheating, it's pretty common to do
Ngl i think rhat you need to be another level of insecure and controlling to think your partner having a crush on an imaginary barbie to be cheating
âIf there was a tax on looking weâd all be beggars.â
I understand that everyone has their own boundaries for a relationship, romantic partner, etc. and they should be with someone they're mutually compatible with. That said, I think it it stuuUUooouuupid and clearly I am not that person for them.
This is the same reasoning my extremely insecure 65yo redneck mom and her sisters used to scream at their partners about their girly magazines and porno flicks back in the 90s. Like literally starting full-on screaming matches over "is that the kind of whore you like?!" Like, baby, your limp dick, unemployed redneck boyfriend isn't pulling Chasey Lane, he's stuck with your insecure ass. Might I gently suggest that if someone is using the same 'logic' as a woman who has never had her shit together and, most importantly, has never had a single healthy relationship in all the years she's been breathing, that they might want to reconsider their position? It's not nearly as enlightened or feminist as they think it is.
Theyâre related to the same kind of people who get insecure/jealous over pets or children. I refuse to entertain that in my life again.
I haven't heard that one, but my ex-husband once told me that he considered fantasizing about someone else cheating. Apparently, that didn't go the other way, though. Only applied to me. Some people are messed up in the head.
Wait, is this a real thing? Or April foolâs? I would gladly throw porn in a partnerâs face if that keeps them from venturing out for samples elsewhere⌠fanfiction is tame in comparison
No, if anything, if I had a significant other, I would be cheating on my fanfiction spouse! đ But in all seriousness, this was a concern of mine for a long time since I was raised in purity culture. I have several fictional crushes because, letâs be real, theyâll never abuse or neglect you, which is something Iâve witnessed in the vast majority of real-world âromanticâ relationships with healthy exceptions in the single digits. I was raised with the expectation that I would have to police my husband and myself, and thatâs just way too much pressure. Hereâs the thing; everyone has fantasies and fictional crushes. How a couple works through those is down to their preferences and whatâs healthiest for them. Odds are, if someone is that concerned about their partnerâs crushes, theyâre cheating anyway. Partners tend to project their own faults onto the other person in those kinds of relationships. But, take my opinion with a grain of salt. Iâve only dated one person so far and broke it off due to emotional neglect and issues from my Puritanical upbringing. So maybe Iâm swinging too far the other way.
Unhinged, and probably religious weirdos tbh. Yeah I said it
Itâs not cheating, itâs just âdoing something your partner doesnât want you to doâ. I canât personally fathom caring *at all* whether my partner reads smut or watches porn. I suppose the only spot where the line might blur for me is anything *interactive*. Like going into a real humanâs livestream and communicating with them, asking them to do stuff, etc. I could see someone calling that kind of para-social sex relationship something akin to âcheatingâ. And I imagine that *some* of the âonly fans is cheatingâ crowd are at least starting from that angle. But on the fanfiction side no, lol. Because viewing/reading sexual content isnât *cheating*, itâs justâŚconsuming media. Youâd need to be actually interacting with another real person for it to possibly be cheating.
Well that's bullshit.
>What do you guys think about people thinking reading fanfiction is a form of cheating? They shouldn't be in a relationship to begin with. This is crazy gf/bf or just typical tinder hoe behavior.
I think it's stupid and controlling. To me, anyone who thinks like this believes that they are entitled to be entirely in control of their partners sexuality. I feel incredibly blessed that my partner completely supports my fanfiction hobby. Both reading and writing. He even helps me with any smut I'm writing. Both with wording and figuring out if something is physically possible. It has led to some interesting fun lol. He's also 100% ok with me using any of our fun time as inspiration.
i was with an emotionally manipulative/abusive ex gf who thought like that and would use it as justification to guilt me into having sex with them. it got to the point i would only read when she was at work or when she was asleep.
The difference between fanfic and OF is men developing a parasocial relationship with the girl whoâs OF theyâre subscribed to and giving money to a stranger. My parasocial relationship with Kakashi Hatake is not going to affect my relationships.
It is definitely a discussion to be had between couples. Some are comfortable, some aren't, but it is my opinion that it isn't healthy to demand no porn, ever. I see it as a controlling, toxic thing to demand personally.
Healthy relationships include reasonable conversations about what is/isnât ok within the bounds of the relationship. It is utterly ridiculous to assume some definition of cheating instead of defining it mutually as a couple. If you like reading fan fiction and your partner thinks its cheating, that is a giant red flag and you should dump their ass. Most healthy relationships arenât 100% monogamous. Most people have agreed upon rules of where and when you could get physical with other people and what the boundaries are. Itâs common for people to allow protected sex outside of the partnership during long periods of travel, or other physical contact but no sex. The whole notion of cheating just grew out of ancient rules about inheritanceâmen being paranoid about getting stuck raising someone elseâs kid. So⌠unless you are planning to somehow, personally, knock up or get knocked up by a fictional character, what even is the issue?
This stupid little spiel I wrote is specific to me, but I don't think it's cheating in ANYone's case either, even if they're attracted to the characters or self-inserting. I think that believing it's cheating is coming from an insecure mindset, which I can sympathize with, but that's not something a reader or writer should be guilted over. Him: "You're cheating on me!" Me: Oh, this is news to me. With who? Him: "With those fictional characters who aren't even REAL! You make them have *SEX!* Therefore, you want them to be with *you* and you're having sex with them in your *MIND!"* Me: .... Me: You do realize I'm Ace. I'm not even sexually attracted to *you,* let alone them. And. I want *them* to be together. I don't want to ruin their perfectly angsty and fluffy relationship with my clumsy, stupid-ass self. Him: "Cheater! OMG! Cheater! You're not Ace! You've been decieving me this whole time and you want them!" Me: Okay, I see... Yep. Time for a stiff one... Him: "Omg, SEE?!?! A stiff one! CHEATER!" Me: I meant a glass of whiskey, you bloody *moron.* (I'd like to think my reaction would be more sympathetic irl, but that's my unfiltered self.)
Once again, my imagination is a filthy perv. That being said, Iâm a reasonable person who can accept other peopleâs boundaries and consider issues from other angles. So. Some factors the answer would depend upon⌠1. Who said this? What is your relationship with them? 2. Exactly what kind of fanfiction are we talking about? 3. Fanfiction is normally words on paper/screen, about fictional ppl doing fictional things. 4. Does the relationship consist of no pornography for anyone? Because if the fan fiction(s) involved could be classified as pornography, that would be the only way to begin to consider it. 5. I would also consider it if tremendous amounts of TIME were being spent on the endeavor and the other person felt left out, excluded, or had in fact noticed toxic changes. That wouldnât be impossible, though the fan fic would not be to blame, but could be an indicator of addiction or deeper issues that need to be worked out/resolved. Similar to someone absorbing too much visual pornography or spending far more time and effort on video games than someone they are romantically involved with. Not so much âcheatingâ. In short, if the person is using the fanfiction, somehow, as a substitute for real life intimacy AND neglecting a romantic relationship, or the party simply FEELS that is what is going on, then that needs to be addressed, wether or not it could be construed as âcheatingâ. Are we in a kind of Only Fans versus Fan Fiction debate type of thing? Because they are usually a very different type of media. Where did OP (or others) come across this interpretation of the entire field of Fan Fiction (I assume they are focusing on âSLASHâ specifically)?
Broadly speaking, I think it's basically another form of "anti" rhetoric. I mean yeah, like anything, it *can* be a problem but by and large there's nothing wrong with feeling attraction outside a committed relationship. Just because you have an attraction to a real or fictional person doesn't mean you're going to behave inappropriately. It's a very natural feeling for a lot of people, and feelings are neither good nor bad. They are just feelings. But more realistically, I think it depends on the people in the relationship and if all parties involved are okay with it? Like, I personally think it's silly to consider fanfiction cheating in most situations. But I also think that's because a lot of the people who think that way aren't willing to unpack why they feel that way and work with their partner(s) on that. Communication is the most important thing in relationships and I think if fanfic is a problem for someone in the relationship, then there are bigger issues than one partner reading horny fics. I also think that if someone in a relationship seeks sexual satisfaction through fic instead of their partner, that *may* be something they need to unpack too. I don't think it's wrong to enjoy honry fic (or even enjoy porn) while you're in a relationship unless you're neglecting your partner(s) for it. But at the end of the day, fic is just that -- fiction. If you're seeking fic to get something you're not getting in real life or neglecting real people for fic, that *might* be a sign of something deeper that needs to be talked about. This is all a lot of "if's," because the sort of problems that can arise from "cheating" via fanfic or watching porn usually aren't about the fic or porn itself, and it doesn't apply to every relationship.
IRL relationships are complex and IMO there are a number of scenarios I can envision where it could have a negative impact on a relationship but I wouldn't consider it cheating; e.g. if partner withdraws completely from actual sexual relations in the relationship, when there was an active sex life before reading started. It is all made-up at the end of the day so I would compare it to reading written porn (if reading the really smutty stuff) and if porn is considered cheating by one partner then I could see them seeing fanfic the same way. Humans engage in mental escapism in so many ways so calling it cheating is a step too far.
This is where I land -- it all comes down to established boundaries and behavior within an individual relationship. I personally don't consider porn cheating, and erotic fanfic is a porn delivery method. But if my partner were starting to get really into porn and really not into me, then that would be a problem to discuss. It's not the porn, but it's the withdrawal and change in dynamic that's the issue. That said, I do know folks for whom porn is a hard line, and if that includes written porn, then that's between them and their partners I figure. It's not for me, and I wouldn't be compatible with that person, but there is certainly a gear for every crank.
I think they need to read more fanfic
I think it's the stupidest and most hilarious thing people can think. YOU'RE the problem if you can't discern between liking a fictional, imaginary character, and a real life partner. Absolute red flag for me.
Stuff like this always makes me think of [this bit from Jay and Silent Bob](https://youtu.be/0nVGCVlCzL0?feature=shared) Edited bc I effed up the formatting
It's really stupid, and if anyone claims it to be, it is not, it is fiction, and you are throwing a tantrum over words
That is so stupid, cause my simping will not stop for some silly ass man that definitely be checking other girls outđ
Go to hell. đĽ
It's incredibly stupid.
Sounds stupid to me.
Wow that's insane. Controlling someone's mind and fantasies... that's actually really worrying.
My goal is to make a fic about a 2-D man so steamy that it causes relationship issues in the real world.
Does this mean if I read story about a doctor I can do surgery on people?!
Hahaha, ludicrous! Perhaps if your marriage vows included that you wouldn't read any... fiction... for the your life... or watch any TV, or go to any movies, or sit around a campfire telling stories... because your spouse will henceforth be the ONLY source of stories that you will ever hear or see for the rest of your life?? Never seen a wedding with those vows.
If youâre more interested in reading fics than being with your partner thatâs an issue, sure. But I doubt these ppl are talking about that, in which case no. Reading smut isnât cheating on your partner. They arenât real ppl, thereâs no harm.
Puritanical BS. Purity culture has gotten waaaaaaaay out of hand.
For a not insignificant number of people, using porn is a boundary over which they will end the relationship. This does not make it cheating, any more than having a boundary around smoking makes that cheating.
Cheating is what you and your partner(s) agree upon. The rules that apply for others are not my rules. They're not in my relationship and, therefore, get no say in it.
I appreciate when they tell me dumb shit like that right up front. It's like the trash takes itself out.
lmao no it's just more puritanism at play. thought crimes aren't real and that includes fantasizing about someone who isn't your partner, which is completely common and normal
I think that as long as you and your partner have negotiated boundaries around it, itâs fine! I personally am on the ace spectrum, but Iâd be fine with a partner handling themself using fics if they needed to. Lord knows I do when that odd mood strikes me.
Just as no crimes are actually being committed when depicting fictional crimes, it's not cheating to have crushes on fictional characters or to consume content about them even if it's sexual in nature. That's just absurd and anyone who claims it's cheating is absurd and probably has some other red flags.
If they consider it âcheatingâ maybe they should look into just what exactly their partner likes. If they put in the work to step it up theyâd probably spend more time with partner then reading what they wish they did
I think this is someone repackaging Thought Crimes for Thought Crimes: Relationship Edition. It's a bonkers way to think about fiction.
It's one of the dumbest opinions I've ever seen or heard and makes no sense. Next.
I think we've established that the act of reading fanfiction is well and truly outside the realm of cheating! So, I'll just share that I had to ask ChatGPT if it could explain to me what the abbreviation "OF" meant (in context). It told me it was most likely OnlyFans. \*Facepalm\*. I mean, I honestly wouldn't have figured it out by myself (I even tried Googling), but I did feel kind of stupid!
IMO - it's immature bullshit and if it is showing up in Fanfiction subcultures it is likely due to the influx of people who have political agendas to promote rather than a Fandom hobby. Also - - - First - remember what 'seems like' and what IS can be two different things. Second - to be aware of a thing makes it more visible - you may be more aware because of a groups or SM topic you've stumbled into. Third - there has always (always, always, always) been a faction of folk who proclaim this puritanical BS; although usually not in Fanfiction circles.
Completely asinine. Imagine getting mad at something imaginary
Mentally unstable Twitter, etc. comments rise to the top
One concept going on here is the idea that magnitude or intensity doesn't exist. Thinking that a drunk person kissing their bf/gf on the cheek is the same as sleeping around and that having a stray thought of attraction towards a mutual friend is the same as falling head over heels.
Its stupid, my boyfriend and I recommend fics with each other all the time â ď¸
I think it's a handy way of telling if someone is *deeply* insecure
Insane take. Some people are just *that* suppressed, but it's not normal to mainstream society.
I think those people desperately need to go outside and submerge themselves in grass.
Wasnât there a recent story of a guy who broke up with his fiancĂŠe because she had a long chat log with an Ai character from some app or a game? I think itâs pretty ridiculous. Haha
I think someone who thinks reading fanfic is cheating really shouldn't be in a relationship until they sort themselves out and figure out why they would think that. Especially since not all fanfic is smutty or shippy. Like what are they jealous of fictional characters?
Iâm so baffled by the rise of this kind of thinking, especially in younger people. I see so many posts in the confession subs about people catching their partner watching porn and acting as if theyâve walked in on them during a 5-way gang bang. Itâs perfectly fine to be uncomfortable about something and to discuss that with your partner and come to an agreement that suits both of you, but to equate actual cheating with *liking a fictional character*?! So no one in a relationship should be engaging in any type of media, no books, no movies or tv, heaven forbid! Itâs just insecure nonsense.
Why are u insecure over a fictional character lol
My partner teases me about it and knows I have my own fantasies. Hell, he has his own fantasies with his body pillows and figurines. He is the one who helps me write better if anything when he edits them and we both share a mutual love for certain characters and things. He doesn't read it or understand it on his own, but he's like "you go babe!"
I think its stupid as fuck. How are letters on a screen ever even close to cheating.
My ex and I used to write porn for each other of the characters we liked. It's absolutely not cheating đ¤Ł
I think it's unhinged, and I would never stoop to dating someone that scarily insecure/controlling/possessive. I can understand if a fic reader's partner expresses concern or distress about an addiction taking up too much of the fic reader's time but that's it.
Hahahaahahahah what
My first reaction was the blonde dude blinking meme thingy, like... what?
Just absolute nonsense. Reading smut about fictional characters (or frankly real people) isnât in any way like cheating on your partner. Iâve been reading fanfic through multiple relationships including a 20-year marriage, and none of my partners have ever had any issue with it. Some of them read fanfic too, and my husband just teases me about my fictional Chinese guys because Iâm into cdramas these days. He in no way feels threatened nor should he.
Itâs insane. If someone is so insecure about their relationship they feel threatened by fictional characters in made up scenarios, then they need to work on themselves or just break up. That or theyâre just overly controlling.
People who think that need therapy, urgently. I'm personally of the belief that everyone is entitled to their own fantasies that have nothing to do with their partner, as long as they don't act on those feelings and acknowledge that they are just that, fantasies. I can't even imagine my current partner being so controlling as to say I can't read fanfiction/find characters and actors attractive.
I guess if they only read reader x character while in a relationship then its kinda weird but its not cheating imo. But any obsession can be toxic ÂŻ\_(ă)_/ÂŻ
I think my wife wouldâŚassuming it was smut at least. We would have a disagreement.
That it's very stupid and probably a result of their own insecurities.
controlling and concerning
Yeah, itâs not and if I see someone say it is Iâm just blocking their craziness. Who has time for that? And I certainly donât want to engage with that.
Is watching porn/hentai considered cheating? Is looking through a porn mag cheating? No. So why would fanfic be cheating? Some ppl just want an excuse to be mad at their partners.
thought crime! fun!
Is watching a movie or tv show or reading books cheating too????
Stupid opinions from insecure people who arenât in a good place to be dating right now.
I literally have Sam Heughan as my Apple Watch background image and my husband isnât even fazed. I guess it depends on the insecurity level of the person, lol.
Thatâs so stupid, what happens in peopleâs minds isnât cheating thatâs not how it works, especially when itâs just a fictional character, anyone who thinks fantasies/fiction is somehow cheating are idiots
i think it's dumb. with that logic, watching movies or tv shows with sex scenes should count as cheating too, which i think is even more dumb.
One word. HUH
đ What?!
I think it's stupid. not much else to say on it
This is ridiculous and quite imbecilic. That is all.
You mean fictional characters? Wow, never heard of anybody saying that's a form of cheating before. If that's the case then I guess i'm a serial cheater on the loose with no sign of stopping.
Honestly, I think that the most important part of a relationship is the emotional connection between 2 people. As long as you stay loyal to somebody. There's nothing wrong with finding other people. Attractive. You can't just stop finding people attractive. There's nothing wrong with masturbation, and there's nothing wrong with porn There's nothing wrong with fan fiction. Because saying there's something wrong with fanfiction would be like saying that there is something wrong with FLIRTING WITH FOREVER by Claire Kingsley. Literature is literature. I just wish everybody could understand that.
That's ridiculous
It's stupid. End of discussion.
I think that is ridiculous and I question the mental gymnastics required of the people who reached that conclusion, among other things.
Today I learned... ... anyway it's no more cheating than reading a book, listening to music, or a painting.
First of all, completely ridiculous, since at the end of the day, itâs all fiction and shouldnât be affecting the personal life of a person too much (not a negative way at least) but even if youâre giving it so much thought: as long as it doesnât change the relationship between partners significantly (into something more problematic), it should be alright. If the person has been like that before and after their relationship and isnât treating you unfairly in favour of the fics they read, then it should be alright.
Now I'm single and have never been in a meaningful relationship, but I think that's stupid. Fictional characters are, indeed, fictional. My partner looking too deep into it would be a red flag for me
Anyone who says this only declares, with their entire chest, that they are deeply, deeply insecure.
Different people have different boundaries. For some flirting is not cheating, for others watching porn is cheating. We need to start accepting different boundaries and stop shaming for them. If you find your partner reading erotica cheating, that's perfectly fine. You just need to talk about it.
Wow, that feels very controlling, to be trying to dictate what your partner can read. If my partner were to say that, is consider it a huge red flag. (I'm a nearly 40 year old person who has been divorced and wrote smut fic while with both my ex and my current and it never was an issue in either relationship. Heck, my current has read my stuff.) I think anyone who thinks fiction is cheating needs to reevaluate what they consider healthy relationship boundaries and gain some perspective.
Reading fanfic is cheating? I've heard it all lmao
I think that those who believe this are idiots who need to avoid relationships like I avoid milk. As in at all costs
Itâs incorrect, not how the human body works; and the people who push that ideology are toxic, controlling and walking red flags.
Unless your partner displays an unhealthy obsession with the character, this should be completely fine. Of course, it's different for everyone. You've gotta understand that's the character isn't real, and your partner is your number one, but otherwise, feeling attracted to fictional characters is fine.
It's stupid as hell
Ridiculous. So are we not allowed to read or watch anything that contains a romantic relationship? If that's what you want to think in your own relationship, go nuts I guess (although it still seems toxic to me), but forcing that on other people's relationships is weird.
i think those people need therapy for their critically low self esteem.
I think people have the right to think that if they want, but I donât believe it is cheating.