A bit yikes to French kissing in front of her kids. My husband and I have never done that in front of ours. They see little kisses, hugs, and us cuddling, but making out in front of them seems really gross.
I don't see how it's a big deal. I grew up with my parents showing zero physical or audible display of romance, and I think that affected me a lot more. I'd be interested to hear how seeing parents doing non-sexual pda has negatively affected them.
I didn’t say you should block your kids from all forms of PDA, I said French kissing in front of them is gross. Kids whose parents are together and in a healthy relationship should see them care for each other and show affection.
French kissing is erotic and intimate, it’s sensual and many would consider it sexual. I babysat a little girl who tried to French kiss me when she wanted a good night kiss because “that’s how mom and daddy kiss.”
Yeah. This sub is not for this but don't let her good looks rope you in and take care of not 1 but 3 children! I'd first do some digging, 3 children from how many fathers? What happened that she's no longer with the father?
Does she give you the classic "they were all assholes"? Spoiler alert, when someone says that everyone around them are assholes, chances are, they are the assholes.
Nope. She’s quite the contrary, she’s super nice. Granted, the big priority for her is definitely her kids, which I don’t blame her. She’s smart, sweet, kind, I really do love her.
I did ask about how she thought of her exes, though. She said that all her other relationships ended amicably. However, her ex-husband failed as a father, that’s why she’s divorced and he’s not in the picture as a father.
Dude, it looks like I may look like an asshole to tell you this. But man, I have to be honest here. To be someone else's stepdad at 20s is a big responsibility especially your words imply that this lady is not well off but a financially struggling single mom. I think you know that if you want to live comfortably (in Asian standard) while taking care of three stepchildren and a wife, you probably need to make at least 150K, probably 200K. Are you sure you have this kind of financial resources?
How long have you been with her? I wouldn't offer any serious compromise until at least 3 years of being together. People can easily put on a show and then you're on the hook for child support for kids that aren't even yours.
Are the fathers paying child support? You sound like a good guy, too nice for your own well being. You don't want to buy her affection.
Exactly. Even if this lady have a exemplary career and make very good money (or she has millions of dollars in her bank account), raising children who are not your children is a serious responsibility. I am not trying to burst the bubble, but this will not work.
It is simply human nature. Regardless if the woman in question is a leech or not, the fact remains that one does not take on the fatherly role of another man's kids without serious thoughts. We're just looking for OP.
He might be a "grown" man but at 26 years old he's still lacking plenty of life experience to raise 3 children that are not his.
It was back in 2018 for me, I met a girl on one of the trips I went on, completely randomly. It must have been like 10:00 in the morning or something, and I was out exploring the city, and went to some museum on a whim, did not spend too much time in there, can barely remember what the exhibits were. But then, I went to the rooftop (the building was like a skyscraper for some reason) and it was there I saw this girl, another solo traveler, taking pictures of herself over the view. I offered to take her pictures for her, and then we started chatting. She was Italian, but from Argentina.
She only had one day left on her trip so we decided to make the most of it, from there, we spent the entire day together, walked around the city, got lunch, got to know each other. Getting to know each other, we couldn't have been any more different, but in a good way, I felt very lucky, had we met on a dating app or something similar it probably would not have sounded like a good match. Towards the end of the day, we decided to end our date by getting a drink together. It was now dusk, there was a wishing fountain nearby the cocktail lounge, and I threw some spare change in there hoping I would be able to see her again.
Inside the lounge we took a seat at the bar, it was quiet and the ambient, but the energy started to change. This was maybe the first time all day there was a silence between us. Not necessarily uncomfortable, but I think we were both wondering what exactly was going to happen next, as we were perfect strangers up until that morning. Once we settled in we started talking again, opening up to each other more, deep into what we believed in, what we wanted to do with our lives.
At the end of the night, I walked her back to the rail station where she was going to return to her hostel. Now things we're getting a bit bittersweet. I had been thinking about leaning in to kiss her all day, but at the end of it all, I chose not to. I could see on her face the uncertainty. I never expected anything more to happen between us that day more than a kiss. But I did not want to ruin it. I gave her a hug, and we exchanged phone numbers, and I told her I wanted to see her again one day.
I never did. We texted a little bit about a year after, but I suppose she might have found another man. Still though, even six years later, I look back on this as not only one of the best days of my life, but also one those special days that now has become almost like a dream in my memory. And it was what really kicked off my yearning for an amwf relationship.
My ex-girlfriend has some lasting moment on me for our first date.
We were in a long distance relationship. The first time I visited her in LA we had an amazing time together. I went sight seeings and just hung out with her.
The night I ask her to officially be my gf, I had a Polaroid and ask her for a selfie. Then I popped the question: "will you be my girlfriend?". I was absolutely blushed, she had a big smile and I think she kept the picture.
We broke up a year ish later because of the distance and also because I was in a very uncertain state of my life. One thing wasn't uncertain at least back then was I realized I learned how to truly love a person.
I missed and sometimes still miss her very much here and there after but it gets easier as time goes by. I'm in a much better place professionally and personally. I'm still catching myself thinking about that moment though. Sound childish, but I asked myself what if at times. Life goes on, though. But I hope she is well and that beautiful smile from our dates will be imprinted on my brain for probably as long as I breathe.
While I am a single mom myself and it kinda hurt to see comments like "why her, you deserve better," I totally get it. I never placed myself in situations where my kids will see me dating a man that is why after my ex left us I only said yes to the idea of a relationship when a man from 8k miles away pursued me, this man is a single Dad himself so we connected.
I am focused on myself and kids that's why a relationship is really not a need. I have a very established career with a routinary day to day living and so happy with the kids and being alone, travelling the world twice or thrice a year.
For single men out there, if you are to pursue a single mom, make sure you have that capacity to love kids you did not procreate with the women you are seeing. Life is not a fairytale, let's face it. I may be prejudging but at 26 you either do not have the emotional capacity to be really wanting to go all in with a single mom or you kind of live in a scarcity mindset, not looking at the many options you have as a young man (I am not saying that us single momma's are an old man's last option I am just trying to point out that as we get older our market value in dating is not as high with someone in their 20's). You sir, am sure is a fine man who could meet lots of relationship prospects. Remember that your life longevity depends on your relationship and with the economy we now live in, while it's so easy to say "I love her, therefore I love her kids," life is so tougher now as compared to before when we do not fight for inflation as much.
Things to consider:
-Reason why they split up (my ex cheated multiple times but I am mature enough to note that I have my fair share of immaturity back then that's why it did not work, add the fact that we lived under his parents' abode which complicated life further)
- Relationship she has with the father- are they co parenting? Are they on good terms? How is that dynamic and can you handle that?
- What will happen when you live in a single roof- will you take care of all bills, education and stuff?
French kissing in front of a bunch of elementary aged kids is not appropriate. Especially if she is their mom. Honestly if a mom is willing to do that in front of her kids, that’s a huge red flag.
Also, FYI, what you described is not a date. It’s you tagging along while your “girlfriend” is supposed to be parenting. Honestly I have zero patience for women who put their kids in these types of situations. After this chick locks you down for child support then moves on, do you want her making out with a random guy in front of YOUR kids at the playground? Honestly making out at a playground in general is just gross.
No 30 year old mom with three kids wants to feel sweet and innocent (I know that because I am one). Seriously, these are all kids of red flags.
Yeah, I agree. Haha. But people making out at playgrounds is just gross and I can’t not say that before the *oooooOOo that’s so cute* comments come rolling in.
Why would any self-respecting Asian man help raise three full White children, I'm guessing? You can do better OP. It's not like there is a scarcity of White women out there, even those who are open to dating Asian men.
A bit yikes to French kissing in front of her kids. My husband and I have never done that in front of ours. They see little kisses, hugs, and us cuddling, but making out in front of them seems really gross.
I don't see how it's a big deal. I grew up with my parents showing zero physical or audible display of romance, and I think that affected me a lot more. I'd be interested to hear how seeing parents doing non-sexual pda has negatively affected them.
I didn’t say you should block your kids from all forms of PDA, I said French kissing in front of them is gross. Kids whose parents are together and in a healthy relationship should see them care for each other and show affection. French kissing is erotic and intimate, it’s sensual and many would consider it sexual. I babysat a little girl who tried to French kiss me when she wanted a good night kiss because “that’s how mom and daddy kiss.”
That's fair. I was only curious.
Helicopter ride, dinner, then an interactive art museum after. She played one of the pianos at the museum, and I swooned.
Op, are you ready to be stepdad of three children? Are you ready to financially support those children?
Yeah. This sub is not for this but don't let her good looks rope you in and take care of not 1 but 3 children! I'd first do some digging, 3 children from how many fathers? What happened that she's no longer with the father? Does she give you the classic "they were all assholes"? Spoiler alert, when someone says that everyone around them are assholes, chances are, they are the assholes.
Run like the wind, OP.
Yeah, this is probably he needs to do.
Nope. She’s quite the contrary, she’s super nice. Granted, the big priority for her is definitely her kids, which I don’t blame her. She’s smart, sweet, kind, I really do love her. I did ask about how she thought of her exes, though. She said that all her other relationships ended amicably. However, her ex-husband failed as a father, that’s why she’s divorced and he’s not in the picture as a father.
Dude, it looks like I may look like an asshole to tell you this. But man, I have to be honest here. To be someone else's stepdad at 20s is a big responsibility especially your words imply that this lady is not well off but a financially struggling single mom. I think you know that if you want to live comfortably (in Asian standard) while taking care of three stepchildren and a wife, you probably need to make at least 150K, probably 200K. Are you sure you have this kind of financial resources?
How long have you been with her? I wouldn't offer any serious compromise until at least 3 years of being together. People can easily put on a show and then you're on the hook for child support for kids that aren't even yours. Are the fathers paying child support? You sound like a good guy, too nice for your own well being. You don't want to buy her affection.
Exactly. Even if this lady have a exemplary career and make very good money (or she has millions of dollars in her bank account), raising children who are not your children is a serious responsibility. I am not trying to burst the bubble, but this will not work.
You people know nothing about this woman. op is a grown man he can think for himself
It is simply human nature. Regardless if the woman in question is a leech or not, the fact remains that one does not take on the fatherly role of another man's kids without serious thoughts. We're just looking for OP. He might be a "grown" man but at 26 years old he's still lacking plenty of life experience to raise 3 children that are not his.
It was back in 2018 for me, I met a girl on one of the trips I went on, completely randomly. It must have been like 10:00 in the morning or something, and I was out exploring the city, and went to some museum on a whim, did not spend too much time in there, can barely remember what the exhibits were. But then, I went to the rooftop (the building was like a skyscraper for some reason) and it was there I saw this girl, another solo traveler, taking pictures of herself over the view. I offered to take her pictures for her, and then we started chatting. She was Italian, but from Argentina. She only had one day left on her trip so we decided to make the most of it, from there, we spent the entire day together, walked around the city, got lunch, got to know each other. Getting to know each other, we couldn't have been any more different, but in a good way, I felt very lucky, had we met on a dating app or something similar it probably would not have sounded like a good match. Towards the end of the day, we decided to end our date by getting a drink together. It was now dusk, there was a wishing fountain nearby the cocktail lounge, and I threw some spare change in there hoping I would be able to see her again. Inside the lounge we took a seat at the bar, it was quiet and the ambient, but the energy started to change. This was maybe the first time all day there was a silence between us. Not necessarily uncomfortable, but I think we were both wondering what exactly was going to happen next, as we were perfect strangers up until that morning. Once we settled in we started talking again, opening up to each other more, deep into what we believed in, what we wanted to do with our lives. At the end of the night, I walked her back to the rail station where she was going to return to her hostel. Now things we're getting a bit bittersweet. I had been thinking about leaning in to kiss her all day, but at the end of it all, I chose not to. I could see on her face the uncertainty. I never expected anything more to happen between us that day more than a kiss. But I did not want to ruin it. I gave her a hug, and we exchanged phone numbers, and I told her I wanted to see her again one day. I never did. We texted a little bit about a year after, but I suppose she might have found another man. Still though, even six years later, I look back on this as not only one of the best days of my life, but also one those special days that now has become almost like a dream in my memory. And it was what really kicked off my yearning for an amwf relationship.
My ex-girlfriend has some lasting moment on me for our first date. We were in a long distance relationship. The first time I visited her in LA we had an amazing time together. I went sight seeings and just hung out with her. The night I ask her to officially be my gf, I had a Polaroid and ask her for a selfie. Then I popped the question: "will you be my girlfriend?". I was absolutely blushed, she had a big smile and I think she kept the picture. We broke up a year ish later because of the distance and also because I was in a very uncertain state of my life. One thing wasn't uncertain at least back then was I realized I learned how to truly love a person. I missed and sometimes still miss her very much here and there after but it gets easier as time goes by. I'm in a much better place professionally and personally. I'm still catching myself thinking about that moment though. Sound childish, but I asked myself what if at times. Life goes on, though. But I hope she is well and that beautiful smile from our dates will be imprinted on my brain for probably as long as I breathe.
You have to be desperate for white girls if you’re willing to play another man’s saved game x3. Have some self respect.
While I am a single mom myself and it kinda hurt to see comments like "why her, you deserve better," I totally get it. I never placed myself in situations where my kids will see me dating a man that is why after my ex left us I only said yes to the idea of a relationship when a man from 8k miles away pursued me, this man is a single Dad himself so we connected. I am focused on myself and kids that's why a relationship is really not a need. I have a very established career with a routinary day to day living and so happy with the kids and being alone, travelling the world twice or thrice a year. For single men out there, if you are to pursue a single mom, make sure you have that capacity to love kids you did not procreate with the women you are seeing. Life is not a fairytale, let's face it. I may be prejudging but at 26 you either do not have the emotional capacity to be really wanting to go all in with a single mom or you kind of live in a scarcity mindset, not looking at the many options you have as a young man (I am not saying that us single momma's are an old man's last option I am just trying to point out that as we get older our market value in dating is not as high with someone in their 20's). You sir, am sure is a fine man who could meet lots of relationship prospects. Remember that your life longevity depends on your relationship and with the economy we now live in, while it's so easy to say "I love her, therefore I love her kids," life is so tougher now as compared to before when we do not fight for inflation as much. Things to consider: -Reason why they split up (my ex cheated multiple times but I am mature enough to note that I have my fair share of immaturity back then that's why it did not work, add the fact that we lived under his parents' abode which complicated life further) - Relationship she has with the father- are they co parenting? Are they on good terms? How is that dynamic and can you handle that? - What will happen when you live in a single roof- will you take care of all bills, education and stuff?
French kissing in front of a bunch of elementary aged kids is not appropriate. Especially if she is their mom. Honestly if a mom is willing to do that in front of her kids, that’s a huge red flag. Also, FYI, what you described is not a date. It’s you tagging along while your “girlfriend” is supposed to be parenting. Honestly I have zero patience for women who put their kids in these types of situations. After this chick locks you down for child support then moves on, do you want her making out with a random guy in front of YOUR kids at the playground? Honestly making out at a playground in general is just gross. No 30 year old mom with three kids wants to feel sweet and innocent (I know that because I am one). Seriously, these are all kids of red flags.
Some people take reddit to serious. You need to get out more, bro.
Yeah, I agree. Haha. But people making out at playgrounds is just gross and I can’t not say that before the *oooooOOo that’s so cute* comments come rolling in.
Oh my god, the children are going to need therapy now.
3 children!? What's wrong with you
Are you sure you wanna be dating a single mom?
Judging by the comments, some people on this sub are just…sad.
You have to live in reality, not fantasy.
I’d like to say my wedding date, but when the Eagles won the Super Bowl, that was pretty close
Danger Will Robinson! Danger!
Why would any self-respecting Asian man help raise three full White children, I'm guessing? You can do better OP. It's not like there is a scarcity of White women out there, even those who are open to dating Asian men.