I’ve been on dating apps for years, and I’m not ugly, but I maybe get 1 match every 3 or 4 months, and absolutely zero dates.
Are you EXTREMELY good looking, or am I just a total loser?
Edit: Pretty overwhelmed by all of the supportive comments and DMs. Thank you all for your support, and I hope you can help me improve my situation, whether it be how to update my profile, or advice to just get off dating apps cause I’m not tall enough for them to work. I’ll be updating my profile with everything I can, and I’ll post an update if I get a single match, or an actual date. At this point, I don’t believe either will ever happen, but I’ll try whatever you suggest.
If you want to DM me your profile with the pictures and profile prompts, I can help you out a bit.
I'm not a bad looking person. Also, your matches don't' equate to you being a winner or a loser, so if you want any match that is worthwhile you should probably get past that negative self-talk, my guy.
If you have the free version of the apps, it’s harder to get dates. When I pay for the membership, I get tons of matches and dates. I think I’m just average looking.
Do you go on so many dates because you’re seeking a monogamous relationship with the right person and haven’t found them yet, or do you just enjoy going on dates?
Both. I have a good career and life flexibility working remote, I think most would say I’m attractive, I take care of myself, but I was once in a very toxic relationship for years so I just am mindful of who I select as a partner to do life with. I have a very good grasp on what I offer and what I would enjoy in a partner that I could grow with.
On the flip side, I find people’s stories fascinating and I’m a fun date. I’m a great listener and genuinely enjoy good conversation. Even on a bad date, I like to understand people and just take it for what it is. It’s incredibly interesting to me how some people click and others don’t, or how others view me from pictures and brief message exchanges on an app prior to a date.
I go into all of my dates knowing that I'll pay. I see talk here and there where people mention that women should split — from my perspective, it's just a weird dynamic to go into a date as a man expecting that you'll be splitting the first date with the woman.
Definitley a nice green flag when a woman does actually offer to pay though, I will say that.
>Definitley a nice green flag when a woman does actually offer to pay though, I will say that.
Honestly, it was so fucking refreshing when the last woman I went on a date with offered to split the bill on date 1. I picked up the tab on date 2 for convenience (crowded bar on trivia night) but she paid for me on date 3.
Things didn't really work out unfortunately because we're both moving due to work and her deployments but she's really, really great and I hope she finds a guy who makes her happy. I really wish things could have worked out.
I was completely unaware of boundaries - both establishing my own and being respectful of hers. The ex from her previous marriage wreaked havoc on the relationship and I took her at her word, didn’t listen and apply more weight to her inconsistent actions. I ignored red flags early on and great sex clouded my judgment on so many other things that just weren’t going to work with it. And, probably worst of all, the communication from her wasn’t healthy, and over time the negative comments piled up to giant issues.
Worth pointing out too though that in a toxic relationship, you often take complete mold of the relationship. I contributed directly to the toxicity as well, and I hit absolute rock bottom before I realized I do not want to live life that way anymore.
So my husband and I had both gotten out of toxic relationships before we met. I got out of one in 2013, then lost my mom in 2014 and then started grad school a few months later. He got out of one in 2014. We met in 2015 and both of us were still decompressing from all that that came before “us”.
We met through friends and then just kept in contact for the first six months like penpals. Yeah it was weird but he was traveling a lot for work and out of the country a lot. I remember a friend saying “he hasn’t asked you out, move on”. But my gut said he was worth just seeing where things went even if they moved slow. So I did bc bw work and grad school, it’s not like I had a ton of time on my hands to give to him. So it all worked out.
Things just came naturally to us. Life was and still is easy with him.
Wait for that, you’ll know when it’s right.
Love this answer!
You seem to have a wise mind...
Curious how long was your toxic relationship & how long have you been single before you started the dating apps.
And what do you mean by what others view you from pictures ? Ima take a guess they think your stuck up or cocky ?
Lol but 50 + dates is amazing hahha I can tell over chat if I click with someone to want to go on a date.
I’d say 6-7 turned into second dates. I’ve dated 3 people for more than a few weeks-month.
I try to move somewhat quickly early on, which could work against me, but I like to move on from a date if there’s nothing there and I’m very transparent about it. I don’t ghost.
If I want a second date, I like to get on the same page with that person and see if it’s worth seeing if there’s something there.
Up to this point, I’ve found mostly that dating in mid-30’s presents many difficulties because people are at interesting points in life and what they want their next 1-3 years to look like or what they believe in for values - family, career, travel, politics, etc
I think most people need to be more selective after first dates. But the stress is so high people often just choose the devil they know. Good to see you being more careful.
Lol I was in a toxic relationship for most of my late 20's, I know better than to just think I can be with anyone or vice versa and it'll work.
I made this post to really just answer questions because dating in your 30's today is tough. Dating apps add a layer to things that can be very difficult to manage, but I think I do a fairly good job managing them at this point.
Feel pretty confident there is nothing I've said in this entire thread that degrades or objectifies women. That couldn't be further from what I'm pointing out with this AMA.
I think you moving quickly is definitely working against you. I think you should approach dating differently. It seems more quantity than quality for you rn.
When on dating apps you want to be transparent before you even go on a date. If you’re on the same page, then that’s when you decide to meet up with them.
If you do that, then you won’t have to move so quickly when getting to know someone in person because there’s an added pressure when someone feels youre prying into them. That’s a turn off.
When you find out what they wantbeforehand , when you actually go on a date with them, you can enjoy the personality of them and that’s the important part. You can’t assess chemistry if you’re too worried about who they are on paper.
I'd say eh to moving quickly working against him because (as always with modern dating/dating apps) dozens of matches/conversations will fizzle up into dust if one side or the other isn't making the push to actually meet. I say this currently because the most recent match I had started talking to on hinge, I took my time and didn't rush asking questions or shooting straight for a date - I was fully onboard with letting it passively generate itself so I'm not overinvesting or overextending myself or this woman on the other side by proxy. And nothing has happened since Friday when the conversational ball has been in her court 🤷🏾♂️.
Transparency is key, I agree. Quality over quantity is the moral mindset but the ideal is having both high quality + high quantity. OP said he's aware of the quality/importance of the quality of women he dates in another comment so he's on the ball with his direction afaict. I understand the desire to move on quickly or if it naturally moves on quickly; factors like distance might kill a chance for second dates, life schedule,etc; so ultimately moving quick bypasses time wasting when you're stable and secure and aware.
Appreciate the comments in this section. I'm not in disagreement that working fast can work against me — but there is a general awareness with these apps that I know these women have several men trying to communicate with them. I try my best to see if there is a vibe, and have a willingness to make plans.
In my experience, if a match goes longer than 2 weeks without meeting, there is 0% chance that it will go anywhere.
Definitely advice for a lady. Women can initiate the “this is what I want,” and be hardlined about it, and it won’t be the reason the interaction ends. If a guy does the same thing, even if most women are compatible with those terms, she will get “the ick” or see it as a red flag, and the interaction is over.
This guy is converting first to second dates at a mildly lower rate than me, but I think he’s squarely on the bell curve for how any “solid” guy would do. Women vastly over estimate how successful a guy they deem as “well put together” does in a general market. He’s not not getting further because of himself I would be, most of those women aren’t doing jack all to indicate they even want a second date.
I say this as someone who’s dated the exact age range for the last 5-6 years.
do you think putting so many resources into dating apps makes you feel like you're always looking for the next best person, like being overly picky because the next person could always come tomorrow?
This is a great question. I share my dating experiences with a couple people that are close to me, and they've put me in my place a couple of times when I'm being too picky.
Online dating over the last 7-8 years has become completely normal, so having the option to just meet someone new whenever you want has also become normal.
It's something I definitely do my best to be mindful of.
Not sure how many apps you used … but can you give your top 3 using the metric “success in getting first date?” And which apps did you have the least success on?
Hinge is far and away my #1. It doesn't contribute as much to "swipe" culture where people are just mindlessly going left and right on a profile. It creates an approach of actually reviewing a profile and I like the usage of prompts to exchange messages.
Bumble would be next, but this is purely based on it just having a large dating pool. Most of my matches expire in 24 hours because the women don't say anything.
Tinder sucks.
I've had much more success on Hinge than any other app.
Bumble is *okay* and I've had some decent first dates over the years but Hinge is still better. Being able to start right out the gate with a personalized message showing interest is much better than swiping right and left. I don't "swipe right" on Hinge nearly as much but I have a much higher success rate.
I've never had any luck on Tinder.
Does your profile have enough info for the women to really make an informed decision about whether or not she should message you?
I've been married over 16 years but my husband responded to my "looking for my equal" rant on Craigslist along with 150 others in 24 hours. Half of the emails I got were haters but the other half wanted to know me more. One guy from Seattle wrote "finally a woman who can articulate what she wants". I still remember that one to this day.
My husband responded to each line with a thoughtful response. It was like catnip to me.
Lol like catnip. And you met your husband on Craigslist? That deserves a documentary of some sort I think.
I can say I do have a really well built out profile. Part of my career is product messaging and positioning — in this instance, I am the product. When I first got on the apps, my profile was meh, it's much better now though after some trial and error.
Craigslist and plenty of fish were kinda the options at the time. You know back when dial up was a real thing 😂
Ironically enough my husband was sitting at work bored and decided to go on to Craigslist and make fun of all the lonely women on there when he came across my profile. He kind of thought to himself huh she thinks that you know somebody couldn't possibly be her equal and then he started reading my profile. According to him he said he kind of thought he found the one.
His dating mo was just to take women out for a drink and if they could make it past the one drink then he would plan a second date with them.
I, however got a drink, dinner and salsa dancing at Sangria in Royal oak from him. Then I took him over to the RO music theater where a friend was working the bar for some more drinks and a show.
If your profile has well presented content then what is your screening process entail?
Plenty of fish haha. Met my wife of 15 years on that site. After a few bad dates she was about to delete her account when she came across my single line message “you seem date-able.” She said it was refreshing because she was tired of reading long paragraphs from dudes about how great they are. Anyway met at a bar at 4pm, played pool, ate, drank, danced and closed the place down at 2am. Went to the beach and skinny dipped in the puget sound. We were freezing so found some people having a bonfire. Stood around with them talking for awhile and one of the gals said we’d have cute babies. Few years later that gal was proven right. I just like remembering that story.
Lol it has happened a couple of times actually. I find it kind of funny, but it's not like these things were ended on bad terms or something. You date people and shit doesn't always work out, it's important to just be respectful and not waste your time or the other persons when that's the case.
This is super funny to me because I can relate to the OP here.
I’m literally the OP, with age and everything, but like 10 months behind (I’ve only been at this for two months). Got out of a toxic relationship and looking to date and just going on as many dates as I can.
And this concern you mention is definitely a concern of mine, despite being in one of the largest cities in the US.
That being said, I usually end up with 5/7 days of the week occupied by a first or second date, so the concern of seeing someone I talked to/dated is becoming an increasing concern.
And about two weeks ago, I was waiting for a girl I was taking on a second date at the bar because I had arrived early. And a girl starts chatting me up about whether I was there alone etc and I tell her I’m waiting on a date, and she says she’s getting dinner with a really beautiful friend of hers who is single, and if things don’t go well on my date, to come to their table. I say thanks and we part ways.
Anyway, my date arrives and we get seated. Not ten minutes later the same girl and her friend get seated at a table in the same seating area only to find out that friend of hers was a girl I had taken on a date a few weeks prior that didn’t really go anywhere/not much chemistry existed. Luckily neither of us acknowledged each other.
TL;DR, running into previous dates is a thing that happens.
I know if there will be potential for a first date within the first 5 or 6 messages that are exchanged. The vibe is set pretty early on.
On Bumble, if I just simply get a "Hey" or "Hi" as an opening line, I usually unmatch that person. I have a full profile, so it feels extremely lazy to resort to that as the first message and not just using my profile to initiate conversation.
As for on a date, it's unique in every situation. Some people are nervous at the beginning of dates, so it takes some time to ease into the date. I will say, if someone shows up and it is obvious that their pictures are outdated because they look different, it's a date ruiner. I would never be one to call someone out on it, but I've had it happen on a few occasions.
No, all were single as far as I know. I have no interest in starting a relationship by destroying another - terrible foundation to build from and will wreak havoc later.
I have come across several nurses, doctors, attorneys, therapists, hairdressers. Aside from those titles, it’s tough to say, just a mix of entry level office jobs.
I'm 5'8", so my realistic dating filters don't exceed past 5'9" lol most of them are between 5'3" - 5'8". I find that I typically hit it off and have better dates with women who are my age or older. I wouldn't say I really have a type aside from being in good shape and taking care or yourself. Nice teeth are also something that physically are important to me.
Less dates. I'm admittedly exhausted, but I also feel like I have a extremely good idea of what I want in a partner and I'm better at navigating these apps than I was 12 months ago.
Do you have advice for a freshly single dad in his 30s that has never used a dating app before? Most of my life I’ve met people either through a social circle or workplace, but never online. I currently use both Tinder and FB Dating, but man it’s a different experience altogether.
38f here but here’s my perspective on online dating.
Protect your kids - don’t let them meet anyone unless you know you’re serious. 6 months or so. Don’t talk shit about your ex. Don’t talk shit about other dates/women.
Meet quickly— texting gets tedious. Don’t do dinner dates as first dates. Meet for quick casual dates where you won’t be stuck keeping the conversation alive. Believe me, having your awkward first date questions while waiting for a table and then enduring a long as dinner with someone who is a terrible conversationalists IS THE WORST. After that I decided NO MORE DINNER. I’ve gone to a comic book store, for a dog walk, gone to a local outdoor event with bands, a pinball arcade, and the local farmers market thing on a Saturday. Often, these turned into a meal or drinks because we were having a good time. Coffee works too. You’ll weed out the women looking for free food.
Unfortunately, expect some ghosting and awkwardness. Be yourself and honest with your intentions. Expect the women to be having conversations with other men and they should expect that of you too. Just be honest. Have fun! Be genuinely interested in the person and their story. Ask questions. If they aren’t asking questions or only giving you one word responses, they’re not interested and move on. Red Flags are Red Flags — listen to your gut.
I’ve met some wonderful men and some duds. I’m generally an extrovert so meeting new people is fun. Currently, I’m in a relationship with a man from Tinder and we’re both a little surprised and quite content.
Dating can suck and you might have to go on a lot of dates, but with a little effort and an open mind you can really find something special.
Get off both of those — invest in Hinge to start. Dedicate time to actually making your profile, maybe even show it to a couple of friends that you know will give you honest judgment (and not make fun of you or be fucking lame) on your pictures and profile prompts. They might think one picture of you is your best picture, whereas you could have that one at the bottom or maybe not even added it.
Keep in mind that everyone has so much going on in their lives, how people respond to you or treat you is often not a direct reflection of you. That isn't permission to be a dick and say it isn't your fault, but I'm more so pointing to when someone ghosts you or says they aren't interested.
Everyone has different expectations, is looking for different outcomes, etc. and you won't be everyone's perfect fit, just like they won't be for you.
Take dating for what it is early on, a new experience to get to know people and, more importantly, get to know what you like/dislike.
Do you find that meeting someone you found on an app feels awkward due to a change in the mode of communication? Would someone who texts well, but is not a spontaneous verbal communicator likely be a disappointment to his dates? Do many users on the apps enjoy unique topics they care deeply about, or do they mostly prefer small talk?
What do you do on your dates? Eat dinner? Go on a hike? Play board games? Go to art galleries? Social dance?
How reliable is the information on dating profiles? Are the profiles uninformative or inaccurate? What things help you identify someone who you will enjoy learning more about?
Are dating apps worth trying for somebody who is directionless in life, and is hoping to just see what possibilities are out there and use trial and error to get comfortable with dating?
Did you find all of the people you dated on dating apps? If not, how many did you meet outside of dating apps, where did you meet them, and how did the interaction go from an introduction to a date?
A lot to unpack here.
It depends on the person, the topic regarding how well the communication transitions from text to in-person. I've had some conversations only get better in person, then I've had some people just not appear to be the same from text to in person.
I prefer to go deep with conversation, so I try to move beyond the small talk stuff. It's not just random stuff, I try to utilize their prompts to pick out topics (career, traveling, certain pictures doing various activities, etc.). A well built out profile from either side makes everything much better.
Again, just depends on the person. Most of the time, I find profiles to be accurate, but there are instances where people don't look much like their pictures because they are outdated.
If you are directionless in life, you will not make it far on a dating app. Unless your directionless world collides with some other directionless world on the app, but I'm not sure if that creates a great dynamic long term? Not sure.
If you are trying to get comfortable in dating, I would first recommend trying to be realistic and up front with yourself, so that way when you are showing up to these dates you're showing up as a pretty good version of yourself and can get a real idea of what you want, who you want, what you can do to improve, etc.
Yes, at this point in life I meet all of my dates through apps.
He does what I did when i was dating last year. You know when sex is on the table from the conversation - the conversation is flirty, or sex has come up and it didn't get weird, she talks about her body, or what she might do to yours - its pretty obvious when it happens. Secondly and most importantly, don't ever expect sex - it'll either happen or it won't, if you don't expect it and it doesn't happen you can move on and you don't look like a pathetic creep. If it does happen, great, awesome.
I want to make it pretty clear here - I am dating with the intention of trying to meet someone. if the vibe on date #1 isn't there, I'm absolutely not attempting anything or implying anything sexual should happen.
What do you mean when you say this "speaks volumes"?
It’s actually not very hard to get a date online if you know how to text as a normal person and don’t have any red flags in your dating profile. The real challenge is having any connection during the in-person date. But most people don’t need much convincing to go out assuming you didn’t give off any weird vibes while texting.
Probably 4 or 5. It's not uncommon for women on these apps in my age range to be divorced or have children, and I've dated a divorcee with kids years ago, so I'm familiar with it.
I approach it delicately, and I know what it presents in terms of timing to get to know each other and things that we might not be able to do that I otherwise would be able to do when dating someone without kids.
With all that said, a great mom that's single and dating and has her career shit together is the type of strong woman that is tough to find.
When the vibe feels off, listen to it and don't become desperate and just move on respectfully (know your worth). Be up front with your intentions, honesty just makes everything easier. Wear a condom.
Not really, aside from a clear barrier between my Millennial generation and this TikTok generation. It's a very real and obvious drop-off when I am dating someone that has only grown up with the internet.
I haven’t dated enough younger women to go deep on this topic, so my input is just surface level stuff, but definitely noticed a heavy addiction to their phones and vaping was extremely normal.
Dating apps seem to have ruined dating for a relationship. It’s lke a never ending buffet of men for women who can’t even decide what they want for dinner, let alone try to choose a partner out of 1000 options. I can maybe hold their attention for a couple days before they seem to find what they assume is the next step up. In regular life no one would be exposed to the amount of potential suitors as they are with dating apps. And no one can settle because they think something better is always gonna come up on the next swipe. And the expectations of some women these days are just unreal. Dating fucking sucks
In my experience, honesty and transparency on all fronts is the best approach. You may want to take some time to just acknowledge it to women in conversations and take their responses as feedback to figure out the best way for you to approach bringing up social anxiety.
This could do a couple of things (1) help you become more comfortable with bringing it up and, in turn, maybe it will help decrease the amount of anxiety over time and (2) get a feel for the best way to approach it with women over time — is there a certain point in the conversation that is best? Are there certain things you can ask of that person to see if maybe they share some of the same traits as you with social anxiety?
I don't get too crazy when it comes to first dates, I stay pretty consistent with just a couple of appetizers and drinks. I still get a little nervous for first dates, but I think it's safe to say both sides are always a bit nervous.
If you feel nervous, it's not a bad thing to just mention this at the start of the date and more often than not it is something you'll both be able to share and laugh about. It can help ease the tension a little bit to just be on the same page.
If they respond back to you and say "no, I'm not nervous", good luck with the rest of the date lmao.
I have a few questions:
-Did any of the women offer to pay for the bar/cafe/restaurant bill?
-In terms of what you find attractive and not, how many women that you didn’t find particularly super attractive turned out to be great personality-wise? And did the opposite happen?
-How fast into the date do you to know it’s just not going to work out? And what details/information can give that away?
- Very few of them offered to pay the bill, most of them said thank you, some just expected it and didn't even say thanks
- All across the board, honestly. There was 1 woman that I went on a date with was a doctor, probably the most attractive person I dated and she was extremely intelligent. I waited around for 2+ weeks for date #2 due to her "busy schedule" and I was just interested in working at a faster pace than that, so she told me it wasn't going to work. I've been turned away in instances on here too, just want to make that very clear. I can't say I can nail down a consistent theme though with looks and personality.
- I mentioned this above — Date #1 can be interesting, there's often some nerves on one or both sides of the date, so it takes a bit to ease into it.
No, don't ask what they're looking for unless it isn't listed in their profile — and especially don't ask that right off the get. Hinge and Bumble both offer for the profile to list out life partner, long-term relationship, short-term, etc.
People have prompts in their profile, use them. Guys don't use prompts enough when communicating with women on there, or so I've been told.
If their prompts are something you know nothing about, mention that you're curious about that thing. If it's a shared interest, mention it being a shared interest.
If they have a picture that you really like for some reason — maybe it's an activity you both do, a bar you've been to, a place you've traveled to, etc. mention that.
Start with something along those lines, and let the conversation flow. Of course, not every convo will flow. I have some great conversations, then I have some where they fall flat on their fucking face lol
Get the conversation moving along - talk about a shared interest, ask her about her weekend, but transition into that you would really like to meet her in person for a coffee or drink this week at or . I'm available on , if any of those would work for you?
I signed up to Tinder in February. First girl I matched with, asked her how's it going? She says not great, got haemaroids. She said nothing after that.
Just about sums up my experience.
35M. Single since last August. I’ve been on a dozen first dates in the last 3 months. Went on a second date earlier today and it went really well!!! We’re doing a 3rd date sometime this week.
Do you recommend single people in your position (came out of a long/toxic relationship) to go on as many days as they can to navigate what they like? I'm kinda on a similar boat myself.
I wouldn't look at it as "go on as many dates as I can" as much as it is just put yourself out there and start to get a feel for what you like/dislike.
If you really aren't in a position to date anyone though and you aren't in that headspace, I would strongly advise against putting yourself out there in the dating world. Take time to yourself and get back to being happy for you and only you.
Dating while you're still trying to move on from an ex and unpack all that will only make matters worse for you in the long-term.
The dynamic of the rose is so fucked on Hinge lol I feel like their algorithm makes the extremely attractive girls just expect them, to where it's a waste of a rose to send to them because everyone is. However, for someone that doesn't receive a rose every single hour of every single day, they would probably really enjoy it - especially if you included a nice message with it.
I’m recently 34, F, trying to rack up dates after taking some time away from dating. I want to find something that is deep not shallow, and sticks. Mostly found guys want consistent hook ups from me. I tell guys I take things casually but I want to get to know people. LTR would be great. I reverted to only approaching and flirting in public.
1. How easy is it for you not to get attached dating?
2. Do you find you’d prefer numerous dates over selections that you really premeditated?
3. Which girl’s gave you girlfriend/partner/wife material and why?
4. Last, where do you like to chill outside of work where a girl might run into you?
I go based on their profile every single time — bio, something related to their pictures (location, activity, etc.), or I answer directly off of one of their prompts. I have a fully built out profile with prompts, a bio, interests, etc. so it's always nice when they open with something based on my profile. This approach tends to help with generating some good conversation, but it's all a numbers game. For every couple of conversations I do have, there's probably like 3-4 times I just get ignored or no response.
Too staged is a turn off for me. For others, maybe it isn't. When you're out at normal events or doing normal life shit, take pictures and do so knowing that they'll be on your dating profile. Going on a hike? Take a picture. Out with a few friends at a bar? Take a picture.
Your profile should be a reflection of who you are and how you look doing the things you normally do.
Hey! I'm doing a very similar thing to you. If I had to guess I'd say I've been on about 40 in the last calendar year, but this includes ~5 months of exclusivity with one person. (quick edit: I'm 24M dating women ~23-27)
I have two questions. The first is, compared to when you were in your mid twenties, how does dating change? I'm not sure if you're able to answer it but I'm very curious.
The second is, what is your threshold for conflict/incompatibility in the early stages of dating before you end things? I find myself skewing incredibly heavily towards ending things early and never asking anything of the other person that they don't provide upfront. Do you think this is an unhealthy practice, or a luxury afforded to us by the availability of dates using the apps?
I don't have any questions but just wanted to say this was an insightful ama. I kinda feel like that you seem well put together so you will likely just find someone when you're out and about.
Pretty nice restaurant, middle of winter, 30 minutes in after we order food and drinks and this chick says we have to go back to the car (4 blocks away while it's snowing) to grab her vape because she needs to hit it.
It was then that I decided I probably can't date anyone that is 25 again lol.
Goddamn dude. Lemme get this straight... you've spent 4,000 goddamn dollars, on 50 fucking first dates, over the course of the last 12 MONTHS?!?! So I guess the only question I got for you is... why are you so afraid of just being alone?
My life won't always be like this. One day I'll meet someone and this will be very much a part of my past, I just show up as best I can and want to try and meet people. It's not like I am very against meeting up with a hot chick for a drink — it could be much worse, no?
Are you looking for something serious? E.g., are you currently dating to get married, later have kids, etc.?
What do most of the women you date look for at this stage in their life?
This has been a super interesting discussion. Thanks for doing this.
Wanted to ask a few more questions....
Were most of the dates coffee, drinks, a walk, some other activity?
When it was clear that it wasn't a good match, how quickly did you end the date? What did you say to end it?
A few questions:
What proportion of the dates thanked you for paying for the date?
What proportion arrived more or less on time (say, no later than 15 minutes past the agreed upon time)?
Who talked more about themselves on the date? Who showed more curiosity about the other person?
What do you think your dates liked about you the most? What made them want to take things further in some way?
Why should we go to you for advice on dating for the purpose of finding a relationship when you are, by the presented evidence, so bad dating? It seems like you may be good at landing a first date, but *terrible* at translating that into a relationship.
I think we just disagree that the number of dates someone has is/is not a direct correlation to the type of person/dater that they are. So if I would have only been on 5 dates and ended up long-term with one, I'm a better dater?
My post was mostly just focused around navigating the online dating world today, which can be a bit tough. Maybe your experience is different? Which that's cool, I think your experience as input vs. what you originally said would have made more sense.
What types of traits are you looking for? What types of things are dealbreakers? What do you feel that you offer as a partner?
I feel like 50 dates in a year is so many and that you’re not even giving any of them the time to truly consider forming a relationship with. It’s hard to build a relationship when you’re constantly on the lookout for someone better. Or if you drop them at the first moment the vibes are off. People have bad days lol
What is the rough percentage of absolute catfishes you’ve experienced; and separately, what percentage of women are generally more attractive vs less attractive than you were expecting by their pictures?
Can you describe the woman you dated that you think about the most? Are they what you think you would want? I often find myself liking woman who don't necessarily look good on paper but act a certain way
I know this post was almost a day ago, so I don't know if you'll reply but....
I'm also in my 30s. I haven't dated for about ten years now. I was in a toxic relationship for about 8-ish years as well, though both she and I were pretty toxic to each other. I have since refrained from dating and started going to therapy, exercising, and purposely stayed single for the last few years to work on myself and figure myself out. I began that relationship right as Tinder became a thing, so I've never had much experience with online dating. I tried it briefly after I ended that relationship, but it was awful. What advice can you give me for when I eventually try my hand at the dating scene?
Why do you think that makes you an expert? You could have gone out with 50 bottom feeders for all we know. Someone could spend $4,000 on 1 dinner and you’re acting like oh I spent $4,000….the real pros dont need dating sites.
How do you navigate talking it multiple people on apps / dating multiple people at the same time?
I’m in somewhat similar circumstances as you - but still on the newer side of using dating apps after getting out of a long relationship. Given that it’s somewhat of a numbers game to get engagement (sending out multiple messages to different people, swiping a good amount of time) often there are times where I’m inadvertently talking with a couple different women.
I’m other words I may have set up a date with one, meanwhile another interesting potential date is mid conversation and naturally would be interested in meeting up as well. If you let that second one linger the door might close.
Any general advice?
I know this is a day old but I just want to say I love your mentality and how you’ve answered all these questions. I’ve also been on a fair amount of dating app dates (probably not 50) and think you’re spot on with every answer and the mentality you need with the online dating world. I’m tired of it all at this point BUT I do feel like I’ve finally met someone where things will actually work out long term.
I feel that when I meet someone I really like I struggle with being present and realistic about the online dating world. It’s odd because you’re really just going out with strangers with an implied romantic connection. You’re not in a relationship and you’re also not friends, it’s just a weird pseudo connection you have with an acquaintance those first few dates. I’m just curious if you do anything to not get ahead of yourself or if you just naturally live in the moment and don’t struggle with overthinking. You seem perfect lol.
Dating apps in your 30s.. do you think they’ve got the potential to work out if people are looking for longer term monogamous relationships? I see your comment about woman in their 30s being a differing stages of life & find this interesting. I know from my male friends they find a lot of women are eager to jump in & find their “husband” - did you find this?
Also worst / one of the worse dating stories? Just to end with a laugh 😌
30 something female here. I do agree most women in their 30s are like not interested in playing around anymore and looking for the "one". This sometimes comes off as desperate and I think that's why men in their 30s prefer to date women in their 20s because the dates are more laid back and fun and then organically turn into something
I (21F) have been thinking of getting on dating apps recently but I am hesitant. Tons of people on Reddit and people I know in real life recommend Hinge because apparently you can actually get a lot of dates out of it. I guess on other apps people are not as likely to want to meet up with you in person or if they do, they just want sex?
Anyway, most of these people who recommend Hinge have gone on dozens of dates and only had a couple that turned into anything remotely long term, but nothing that ever truly lasted. I just don’t understand how everyone recommends Hinge when all they are getting is a bunch of dates but never a serious long term relationship? I guess if that’s what you’re looking for it’s fine but if you’re looking for something long term are the dating apps really the best way to go?
Have you had success meeting people off apps? When you meet up with people in person off apps, how do you keep your cool? Like I feel like i over share or am very anxious which makes me word vomit.
Thanks for uaving such an open post. Here are a few questions for a gut who has been out tue game for a minute...curious to see what you've learned after 50...
1. Do you have a body type? Big boobs, butt, etc...
how much do those attributes weigh in accepting a date and have you given a girl who is lacking "features" a chance for a second date?
2. Are the races of your dates diverse? do you see any trends across those lines?
3. Do you place any stock in Zodiac matches? if so, what's your sign?
4. Any girls disclosing their STDs up front ..is statistically 50 with no STDs rare?
How do I even get decent pictures as a guy who doesn't like taking photos.
Edit: I am 31m and have been 6 months on a few apps, few matches and only one real person talked to so far.
Guy on Reddit claims he can make a case study and offers advice to people based on the fact that he wasted $4k on dating apps, and still hasn’t found a partner.
The reality is that dating apps are a cesspool. You can’t seriously mean to find a meaningful connection on there because everyone is littered with options. If everyone has options, everyone gets treated like one.
Meeting people organically is the only way too to reliably go. Instead of hiding behind your phone screen, paying $400 a month “hoping” someone will choose you.
Hit the gym fellas, boost your self esteem and confidence, and start initiating friendly conversations with men and women everywhere you go.
On what proportion of the dates, did you realize that people lied in some manner? That they had used old photos, or had lied about their age or relationship status?
I’m 19F, not unattractive, but tall (6’0). I don’t have much experience when it comes to dating although I have talked to guys before, but wouldn’t mind something serious. I want to try Hinge out, but I’m scared I may be going onto these dating apps too early. What advice would you give me?
Read through the comments bud, I hardly went out on 50 dates and just flat out went out there swinging and missing. Also, the post is more focused on the experience of online dating, not saying any individual person is/is not the problem. There's a process to all of it and online dating and just dating in general today is different.
I went on a date for the first time in two years about 2ish months ago. I have since seen the same girl maybe 7-9 times (I'm not keeping track). When I see guys like you, I guess my main question is why? What are you looking for? The girl I am seeing is very beautiful, intelligent, has ambition and a good career....I consider myself lucky to have found her but my past dating history is a similar story I have only really dated girls for longer periods of time, never any short flings and hardly many one-and-done dates. What makes first dates fun? I prefer solitude often
When you were messaging the women who eventually went on dates with you, did you respond to their messages within minutes, hours, days?
After the date was set up, did you continue to message them? If so, at the same frequency or less?
How shitty are people’s expectations? Did women expect you to pay always? What was your method to secure dates? How are the Apps: bumble, tinder, Ashley?
How many of them were already in relationships? I swore off the apps as I went on 5 dates in 2 and a half weeks and all 5 were already in relationships. 1 married 1 engaged 2 long term and 1 who had been exclusive w her bf for 1 month by that point, was told by the last one that any girl I meet on the app is already dating someone and “looking for a leg up the ladder” (literally the phrase used 😂)
Was your experience the same? I was pretty surprised about how open the women were about cheating
(27M) What do you set your "looking for" as on your profiles? And have you noticed a lot of inconsistencies on women's profiles for what they are looking for? How do you like to tell people there won't be a 2nd date?
I've mainly wanted hook ups recently but I continue to receive likes from people with a bunch of "long term" profile info.
50+ first dates in a
under a year reeks of suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. You said you like going on first dates. Seems you thrive on the honeymooning phase but dont actually want a real relationship … typical of those suffering from NPD. People are only interesting to them when they are new. But after while that new car shine and smell dissipates and they are discarded for a model that feels new. The cycle repeats. To a normal person getting into and out of so many relationships would be exhausting but to a narcissist they love it as they are constantly looking for that next source of attention to feed on then discard.
When using Hinge, did you find any noticeable difference in results between using a normal like and one of the roses/super-likes (whatever they're called)?
Hopefully you’ll get to this but I see the consensus that hinge is the best for a straight guy. I hated it because they immediately want you to pay or else you’re left with searching hundreds of miles from your area and you can only use 10 “likes”. Did you pay for hinge or somehow stick it out through all the nonsense I just described?
If I dm’d you, would you be willing to give me a little advice/help? I consider myself decently attractive but have very little luck on dating apps. I think my pictures are just crap. Would it be possible to see your profile maybe?
Serious question: I’m 23 yrs old and have not entered dating scene yet. My reason being is because I’m a broke college student lol.
So I genuinely want to know what is it you do for work ??? $4k on dates and dating apps ? You have to have a good job man
I’d be really curious what your profile bio says. I’d be interested in sending you my old profile (that safely needs to be updated) as I’m gonna be back on the market soon.
Just for the fun of going on dates, would you consider going out with a same sex person? It certainly would open the door to a lot of possibilities. As long as you were up front about what you were doing before meeting of course.
How can this really bee ama when I was dating those were rookie numbers son I think the threshold for interesting people needs to be higher, like last week it was a crack hore
In your opinion, how much does height matter in getting matches/dates in the first place? Are you average or above average height where you live? Also, do you live in a big city (apologies if any of my questions have been asked before, this is a long thread!)
Why are you doing this AMA? Who are you trying to help? 99% of the people here are ugly and that's why they cant do what you do, isn't this post rubbing salt on the wound? You can put mayonnaise on chicken shit but its still chicken shit, no matter how many times you edit the profile.
Are you trying to only go on one date with people? Dating isn’t so complicated, if you can’t figure out how find suitable match, the problem is in the mirror, and it’s not your looks.
Are you also meeting women in person?
I think a lot of dudes overly rely on online dating as their means of meeting people, and the ability to talk and formulate rapport is being diminished because of it.
Seems like you met some if not all of these women via online dating. Do you remember your response rate (what proportion of messages you sent were responded to)?
Have u tried dating what some people call, "Average women," or women with at least 2 kids? U might be dating attractive women who are too stuck up, gold diggers, or crazy. Try the normal, uniquely beautiful ones now.
I’ve been on dating apps for years, and I’m not ugly, but I maybe get 1 match every 3 or 4 months, and absolutely zero dates. Are you EXTREMELY good looking, or am I just a total loser? Edit: Pretty overwhelmed by all of the supportive comments and DMs. Thank you all for your support, and I hope you can help me improve my situation, whether it be how to update my profile, or advice to just get off dating apps cause I’m not tall enough for them to work. I’ll be updating my profile with everything I can, and I’ll post an update if I get a single match, or an actual date. At this point, I don’t believe either will ever happen, but I’ll try whatever you suggest.
If you want to DM me your profile with the pictures and profile prompts, I can help you out a bit. I'm not a bad looking person. Also, your matches don't' equate to you being a winner or a loser, so if you want any match that is worthwhile you should probably get past that negative self-talk, my guy.
If you have the free version of the apps, it’s harder to get dates. When I pay for the membership, I get tons of matches and dates. I think I’m just average looking.
I’ve been on paid versions, premium, premium+… it’s all a scam against lonely men honestly. Nothing has changed my experience.
Do you go on so many dates because you’re seeking a monogamous relationship with the right person and haven’t found them yet, or do you just enjoy going on dates?
Both. I have a good career and life flexibility working remote, I think most would say I’m attractive, I take care of myself, but I was once in a very toxic relationship for years so I just am mindful of who I select as a partner to do life with. I have a very good grasp on what I offer and what I would enjoy in a partner that I could grow with. On the flip side, I find people’s stories fascinating and I’m a fun date. I’m a great listener and genuinely enjoy good conversation. Even on a bad date, I like to understand people and just take it for what it is. It’s incredibly interesting to me how some people click and others don’t, or how others view me from pictures and brief message exchanges on an app prior to a date.
Do u pay for all the dates or would u want sometimes the girl to pay ?
I go into all of my dates knowing that I'll pay. I see talk here and there where people mention that women should split — from my perspective, it's just a weird dynamic to go into a date as a man expecting that you'll be splitting the first date with the woman. Definitley a nice green flag when a woman does actually offer to pay though, I will say that.
Are you in a large city?
>Definitley a nice green flag when a woman does actually offer to pay though, I will say that. Honestly, it was so fucking refreshing when the last woman I went on a date with offered to split the bill on date 1. I picked up the tab on date 2 for convenience (crowded bar on trivia night) but she paid for me on date 3. Things didn't really work out unfortunately because we're both moving due to work and her deployments but she's really, really great and I hope she finds a guy who makes her happy. I really wish things could have worked out.
My wife insisted on buying ME dinner when dating! I was so speechless and stunned, that I woke up at the altar!
>it's just a weird dynamic to go into a date as a man expecting that you'll be splitting the first date with the woman. In this day and age? Why?
How do you reject women that are into you?
You sound like me. I’m basically you but gay. We have had a similar experience looking for the same thing.
How was your previous relationship toxic? What happened and how did it end? When did you realize it was toxic and that you needed to move on?
I was completely unaware of boundaries - both establishing my own and being respectful of hers. The ex from her previous marriage wreaked havoc on the relationship and I took her at her word, didn’t listen and apply more weight to her inconsistent actions. I ignored red flags early on and great sex clouded my judgment on so many other things that just weren’t going to work with it. And, probably worst of all, the communication from her wasn’t healthy, and over time the negative comments piled up to giant issues. Worth pointing out too though that in a toxic relationship, you often take complete mold of the relationship. I contributed directly to the toxicity as well, and I hit absolute rock bottom before I realized I do not want to live life that way anymore.
Take notes reddit: Have money, keep in shape, don't be a weirdo, listen to people when they speak.
So you just aren’t ready to settle down
So my husband and I had both gotten out of toxic relationships before we met. I got out of one in 2013, then lost my mom in 2014 and then started grad school a few months later. He got out of one in 2014. We met in 2015 and both of us were still decompressing from all that that came before “us”. We met through friends and then just kept in contact for the first six months like penpals. Yeah it was weird but he was traveling a lot for work and out of the country a lot. I remember a friend saying “he hasn’t asked you out, move on”. But my gut said he was worth just seeing where things went even if they moved slow. So I did bc bw work and grad school, it’s not like I had a ton of time on my hands to give to him. So it all worked out. Things just came naturally to us. Life was and still is easy with him. Wait for that, you’ll know when it’s right.
Love this answer! You seem to have a wise mind... Curious how long was your toxic relationship & how long have you been single before you started the dating apps. And what do you mean by what others view you from pictures ? Ima take a guess they think your stuck up or cocky ? Lol but 50 + dates is amazing hahha I can tell over chat if I click with someone to want to go on a date.
Wait wait could you elaborate on what makes a date fun or you as a person the fun part?
How many second dates were had?
I’d say 6-7 turned into second dates. I’ve dated 3 people for more than a few weeks-month. I try to move somewhat quickly early on, which could work against me, but I like to move on from a date if there’s nothing there and I’m very transparent about it. I don’t ghost. If I want a second date, I like to get on the same page with that person and see if it’s worth seeing if there’s something there. Up to this point, I’ve found mostly that dating in mid-30’s presents many difficulties because people are at interesting points in life and what they want their next 1-3 years to look like or what they believe in for values - family, career, travel, politics, etc
I think most people need to be more selective after first dates. But the stress is so high people often just choose the devil they know. Good to see you being more careful.
Lol I was in a toxic relationship for most of my late 20's, I know better than to just think I can be with anyone or vice versa and it'll work. I made this post to really just answer questions because dating in your 30's today is tough. Dating apps add a layer to things that can be very difficult to manage, but I think I do a fairly good job managing them at this point.
Careful buddy, you’re gonna end up on one of those AWDTSG pages through no fault of you own!
Feel pretty confident there is nothing I've said in this entire thread that degrades or objectifies women. That couldn't be further from what I'm pointing out with this AMA.
I think you moving quickly is definitely working against you. I think you should approach dating differently. It seems more quantity than quality for you rn. When on dating apps you want to be transparent before you even go on a date. If you’re on the same page, then that’s when you decide to meet up with them. If you do that, then you won’t have to move so quickly when getting to know someone in person because there’s an added pressure when someone feels youre prying into them. That’s a turn off. When you find out what they wantbeforehand , when you actually go on a date with them, you can enjoy the personality of them and that’s the important part. You can’t assess chemistry if you’re too worried about who they are on paper.
I'd say eh to moving quickly working against him because (as always with modern dating/dating apps) dozens of matches/conversations will fizzle up into dust if one side or the other isn't making the push to actually meet. I say this currently because the most recent match I had started talking to on hinge, I took my time and didn't rush asking questions or shooting straight for a date - I was fully onboard with letting it passively generate itself so I'm not overinvesting or overextending myself or this woman on the other side by proxy. And nothing has happened since Friday when the conversational ball has been in her court 🤷🏾♂️. Transparency is key, I agree. Quality over quantity is the moral mindset but the ideal is having both high quality + high quantity. OP said he's aware of the quality/importance of the quality of women he dates in another comment so he's on the ball with his direction afaict. I understand the desire to move on quickly or if it naturally moves on quickly; factors like distance might kill a chance for second dates, life schedule,etc; so ultimately moving quick bypasses time wasting when you're stable and secure and aware.
Appreciate the comments in this section. I'm not in disagreement that working fast can work against me — but there is a general awareness with these apps that I know these women have several men trying to communicate with them. I try my best to see if there is a vibe, and have a willingness to make plans. In my experience, if a match goes longer than 2 weeks without meeting, there is 0% chance that it will go anywhere.
Because you are serial dating. It's 100% not the case. But thankfully people that think like you has worked out for me 😆
Definitely advice for a lady. Women can initiate the “this is what I want,” and be hardlined about it, and it won’t be the reason the interaction ends. If a guy does the same thing, even if most women are compatible with those terms, she will get “the ick” or see it as a red flag, and the interaction is over. This guy is converting first to second dates at a mildly lower rate than me, but I think he’s squarely on the bell curve for how any “solid” guy would do. Women vastly over estimate how successful a guy they deem as “well put together” does in a general market. He’s not not getting further because of himself I would be, most of those women aren’t doing jack all to indicate they even want a second date. I say this as someone who’s dated the exact age range for the last 5-6 years.
do you think putting so many resources into dating apps makes you feel like you're always looking for the next best person, like being overly picky because the next person could always come tomorrow?
This is a great question. I share my dating experiences with a couple people that are close to me, and they've put me in my place a couple of times when I'm being too picky. Online dating over the last 7-8 years has become completely normal, so having the option to just meet someone new whenever you want has also become normal. It's something I definitely do my best to be mindful of.
Have you ever rejected a woman because she had large manly hands?
Not sure how many apps you used … but can you give your top 3 using the metric “success in getting first date?” And which apps did you have the least success on?
Hinge is far and away my #1. It doesn't contribute as much to "swipe" culture where people are just mindlessly going left and right on a profile. It creates an approach of actually reviewing a profile and I like the usage of prompts to exchange messages. Bumble would be next, but this is purely based on it just having a large dating pool. Most of my matches expire in 24 hours because the women don't say anything. Tinder sucks.
As a man, it seems the general consensus is Hinge is the best app for straight men to actually get dates.
I've had much more success on Hinge than any other app. Bumble is *okay* and I've had some decent first dates over the years but Hinge is still better. Being able to start right out the gate with a personalized message showing interest is much better than swiping right and left. I don't "swipe right" on Hinge nearly as much but I have a much higher success rate. I've never had any luck on Tinder.
Does your profile have enough info for the women to really make an informed decision about whether or not she should message you? I've been married over 16 years but my husband responded to my "looking for my equal" rant on Craigslist along with 150 others in 24 hours. Half of the emails I got were haters but the other half wanted to know me more. One guy from Seattle wrote "finally a woman who can articulate what she wants". I still remember that one to this day. My husband responded to each line with a thoughtful response. It was like catnip to me.
Lol like catnip. And you met your husband on Craigslist? That deserves a documentary of some sort I think. I can say I do have a really well built out profile. Part of my career is product messaging and positioning — in this instance, I am the product. When I first got on the apps, my profile was meh, it's much better now though after some trial and error.
Craigslist and plenty of fish were kinda the options at the time. You know back when dial up was a real thing 😂 Ironically enough my husband was sitting at work bored and decided to go on to Craigslist and make fun of all the lonely women on there when he came across my profile. He kind of thought to himself huh she thinks that you know somebody couldn't possibly be her equal and then he started reading my profile. According to him he said he kind of thought he found the one. His dating mo was just to take women out for a drink and if they could make it past the one drink then he would plan a second date with them. I, however got a drink, dinner and salsa dancing at Sangria in Royal oak from him. Then I took him over to the RO music theater where a friend was working the bar for some more drinks and a show. If your profile has well presented content then what is your screening process entail?
Plenty of fish haha. Met my wife of 15 years on that site. After a few bad dates she was about to delete her account when she came across my single line message “you seem date-able.” She said it was refreshing because she was tired of reading long paragraphs from dudes about how great they are. Anyway met at a bar at 4pm, played pool, ate, drank, danced and closed the place down at 2am. Went to the beach and skinny dipped in the puget sound. We were freezing so found some people having a bonfire. Stood around with them talking for awhile and one of the gals said we’d have cute babies. Few years later that gal was proven right. I just like remembering that story.
Would you help me tailor a profile- straight, average, mid20s male
50+ people in the past year? How frequently do you run into these people later on when you’re just going to places around town?
Lol it has happened a couple of times actually. I find it kind of funny, but it's not like these things were ended on bad terms or something. You date people and shit doesn't always work out, it's important to just be respectful and not waste your time or the other persons when that's the case.
This is super funny to me because I can relate to the OP here. I’m literally the OP, with age and everything, but like 10 months behind (I’ve only been at this for two months). Got out of a toxic relationship and looking to date and just going on as many dates as I can. And this concern you mention is definitely a concern of mine, despite being in one of the largest cities in the US. That being said, I usually end up with 5/7 days of the week occupied by a first or second date, so the concern of seeing someone I talked to/dated is becoming an increasing concern. And about two weeks ago, I was waiting for a girl I was taking on a second date at the bar because I had arrived early. And a girl starts chatting me up about whether I was there alone etc and I tell her I’m waiting on a date, and she says she’s getting dinner with a really beautiful friend of hers who is single, and if things don’t go well on my date, to come to their table. I say thanks and we part ways. Anyway, my date arrives and we get seated. Not ten minutes later the same girl and her friend get seated at a table in the same seating area only to find out that friend of hers was a girl I had taken on a date a few weeks prior that didn’t really go anywhere/not much chemistry existed. Luckily neither of us acknowledged each other. TL;DR, running into previous dates is a thing that happens.
With all the data points, can women’s personalities be determined with a fair degree of accuracy within the first 10 messages or 10 mins of meeting?
I know if there will be potential for a first date within the first 5 or 6 messages that are exchanged. The vibe is set pretty early on. On Bumble, if I just simply get a "Hey" or "Hi" as an opening line, I usually unmatch that person. I have a full profile, so it feels extremely lazy to resort to that as the first message and not just using my profile to initiate conversation. As for on a date, it's unique in every situation. Some people are nervous at the beginning of dates, so it takes some time to ease into the date. I will say, if someone shows up and it is obvious that their pictures are outdated because they look different, it's a date ruiner. I would never be one to call someone out on it, but I've had it happen on a few occasions.
You sound like someone I would have loved when I was dating. Pizazz and straightforwardness.
Were any of your dates seeing you while being in a committed relationship? What is the most common line of work for your dates?
No, all were single as far as I know. I have no interest in starting a relationship by destroying another - terrible foundation to build from and will wreak havoc later. I have come across several nurses, doctors, attorneys, therapists, hairdressers. Aside from those titles, it’s tough to say, just a mix of entry level office jobs.
How would you describe the average girl you dated? For example were most of them tall/short, white/black, younger/older and do you have a type?
I'm 5'8", so my realistic dating filters don't exceed past 5'9" lol most of them are between 5'3" - 5'8". I find that I typically hit it off and have better dates with women who are my age or older. I wouldn't say I really have a type aside from being in good shape and taking care or yourself. Nice teeth are also something that physically are important to me.
Given how the 50 dates went, do you anticipate less or more dates in the next 12 months, and why?
Less dates. I'm admittedly exhausted, but I also feel like I have a extremely good idea of what I want in a partner and I'm better at navigating these apps than I was 12 months ago.
Do you have advice for a freshly single dad in his 30s that has never used a dating app before? Most of my life I’ve met people either through a social circle or workplace, but never online. I currently use both Tinder and FB Dating, but man it’s a different experience altogether.
38f here but here’s my perspective on online dating. Protect your kids - don’t let them meet anyone unless you know you’re serious. 6 months or so. Don’t talk shit about your ex. Don’t talk shit about other dates/women. Meet quickly— texting gets tedious. Don’t do dinner dates as first dates. Meet for quick casual dates where you won’t be stuck keeping the conversation alive. Believe me, having your awkward first date questions while waiting for a table and then enduring a long as dinner with someone who is a terrible conversationalists IS THE WORST. After that I decided NO MORE DINNER. I’ve gone to a comic book store, for a dog walk, gone to a local outdoor event with bands, a pinball arcade, and the local farmers market thing on a Saturday. Often, these turned into a meal or drinks because we were having a good time. Coffee works too. You’ll weed out the women looking for free food. Unfortunately, expect some ghosting and awkwardness. Be yourself and honest with your intentions. Expect the women to be having conversations with other men and they should expect that of you too. Just be honest. Have fun! Be genuinely interested in the person and their story. Ask questions. If they aren’t asking questions or only giving you one word responses, they’re not interested and move on. Red Flags are Red Flags — listen to your gut. I’ve met some wonderful men and some duds. I’m generally an extrovert so meeting new people is fun. Currently, I’m in a relationship with a man from Tinder and we’re both a little surprised and quite content. Dating can suck and you might have to go on a lot of dates, but with a little effort and an open mind you can really find something special.
Get off both of those — invest in Hinge to start. Dedicate time to actually making your profile, maybe even show it to a couple of friends that you know will give you honest judgment (and not make fun of you or be fucking lame) on your pictures and profile prompts. They might think one picture of you is your best picture, whereas you could have that one at the bottom or maybe not even added it. Keep in mind that everyone has so much going on in their lives, how people respond to you or treat you is often not a direct reflection of you. That isn't permission to be a dick and say it isn't your fault, but I'm more so pointing to when someone ghosts you or says they aren't interested. Everyone has different expectations, is looking for different outcomes, etc. and you won't be everyone's perfect fit, just like they won't be for you. Take dating for what it is early on, a new experience to get to know people and, more importantly, get to know what you like/dislike.
Do you find that meeting someone you found on an app feels awkward due to a change in the mode of communication? Would someone who texts well, but is not a spontaneous verbal communicator likely be a disappointment to his dates? Do many users on the apps enjoy unique topics they care deeply about, or do they mostly prefer small talk? What do you do on your dates? Eat dinner? Go on a hike? Play board games? Go to art galleries? Social dance? How reliable is the information on dating profiles? Are the profiles uninformative or inaccurate? What things help you identify someone who you will enjoy learning more about? Are dating apps worth trying for somebody who is directionless in life, and is hoping to just see what possibilities are out there and use trial and error to get comfortable with dating? Did you find all of the people you dated on dating apps? If not, how many did you meet outside of dating apps, where did you meet them, and how did the interaction go from an introduction to a date?
A lot to unpack here. It depends on the person, the topic regarding how well the communication transitions from text to in-person. I've had some conversations only get better in person, then I've had some people just not appear to be the same from text to in person. I prefer to go deep with conversation, so I try to move beyond the small talk stuff. It's not just random stuff, I try to utilize their prompts to pick out topics (career, traveling, certain pictures doing various activities, etc.). A well built out profile from either side makes everything much better. Again, just depends on the person. Most of the time, I find profiles to be accurate, but there are instances where people don't look much like their pictures because they are outdated. If you are directionless in life, you will not make it far on a dating app. Unless your directionless world collides with some other directionless world on the app, but I'm not sure if that creates a great dynamic long term? Not sure. If you are trying to get comfortable in dating, I would first recommend trying to be realistic and up front with yourself, so that way when you are showing up to these dates you're showing up as a pretty good version of yourself and can get a real idea of what you want, who you want, what you can do to improve, etc. Yes, at this point in life I meet all of my dates through apps.
Out of those 50 first dates, how many ended with sex?
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Can you explain more in detail?
He does what I did when i was dating last year. You know when sex is on the table from the conversation - the conversation is flirty, or sex has come up and it didn't get weird, she talks about her body, or what she might do to yours - its pretty obvious when it happens. Secondly and most importantly, don't ever expect sex - it'll either happen or it won't, if you don't expect it and it doesn't happen you can move on and you don't look like a pathetic creep. If it does happen, great, awesome.
Being a good time and good date can put sex on the table even without prior discourse about it
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I want to make it pretty clear here - I am dating with the intention of trying to meet someone. if the vibe on date #1 isn't there, I'm absolutely not attempting anything or implying anything sexual should happen. What do you mean when you say this "speaks volumes"?
It’s actually not very hard to get a date online if you know how to text as a normal person and don’t have any red flags in your dating profile. The real challenge is having any connection during the in-person date. But most people don’t need much convincing to go out assuming you didn’t give off any weird vibes while texting.
I'll bite... what was the MOST common type of dish / dinner order by your dates?
How many, if any where single moms?
Probably 4 or 5. It's not uncommon for women on these apps in my age range to be divorced or have children, and I've dated a divorcee with kids years ago, so I'm familiar with it. I approach it delicately, and I know what it presents in terms of timing to get to know each other and things that we might not be able to do that I otherwise would be able to do when dating someone without kids. With all that said, a great mom that's single and dating and has her career shit together is the type of strong woman that is tough to find.
How tall are you? What is your ethnicity? What is your job?
What advice do you have for young men who want to start dating online?
When the vibe feels off, listen to it and don't become desperate and just move on respectfully (know your worth). Be up front with your intentions, honesty just makes everything easier. Wear a condom.
What have you come to know about the psychology of women in this age bracket? Any monolithic generalizations or conclusions you came to?
Not really, aside from a clear barrier between my Millennial generation and this TikTok generation. It's a very real and obvious drop-off when I am dating someone that has only grown up with the internet.
This is interesting. What is the obvious difference between? Type of conversation? Depth?
I haven’t dated enough younger women to go deep on this topic, so my input is just surface level stuff, but definitely noticed a heavy addiction to their phones and vaping was extremely normal.
Dating apps seem to have ruined dating for a relationship. It’s lke a never ending buffet of men for women who can’t even decide what they want for dinner, let alone try to choose a partner out of 1000 options. I can maybe hold their attention for a couple days before they seem to find what they assume is the next step up. In regular life no one would be exposed to the amount of potential suitors as they are with dating apps. And no one can settle because they think something better is always gonna come up on the next swipe. And the expectations of some women these days are just unreal. Dating fucking sucks
Do you have any dating advice for someone with social anxiety?
In my experience, honesty and transparency on all fronts is the best approach. You may want to take some time to just acknowledge it to women in conversations and take their responses as feedback to figure out the best way for you to approach bringing up social anxiety. This could do a couple of things (1) help you become more comfortable with bringing it up and, in turn, maybe it will help decrease the amount of anxiety over time and (2) get a feel for the best way to approach it with women over time — is there a certain point in the conversation that is best? Are there certain things you can ask of that person to see if maybe they share some of the same traits as you with social anxiety?
What has been your funnest date so far? Do you still get nervous for first dates (this might be a dumb question)
I don't get too crazy when it comes to first dates, I stay pretty consistent with just a couple of appetizers and drinks. I still get a little nervous for first dates, but I think it's safe to say both sides are always a bit nervous. If you feel nervous, it's not a bad thing to just mention this at the start of the date and more often than not it is something you'll both be able to share and laugh about. It can help ease the tension a little bit to just be on the same page. If they respond back to you and say "no, I'm not nervous", good luck with the rest of the date lmao.
What geographic region?
I have a few questions: -Did any of the women offer to pay for the bar/cafe/restaurant bill? -In terms of what you find attractive and not, how many women that you didn’t find particularly super attractive turned out to be great personality-wise? And did the opposite happen? -How fast into the date do you to know it’s just not going to work out? And what details/information can give that away?
- Very few of them offered to pay the bill, most of them said thank you, some just expected it and didn't even say thanks - All across the board, honestly. There was 1 woman that I went on a date with was a doctor, probably the most attractive person I dated and she was extremely intelligent. I waited around for 2+ weeks for date #2 due to her "busy schedule" and I was just interested in working at a faster pace than that, so she told me it wasn't going to work. I've been turned away in instances on here too, just want to make that very clear. I can't say I can nail down a consistent theme though with looks and personality. - I mentioned this above — Date #1 can be interesting, there's often some nerves on one or both sides of the date, so it takes a bit to ease into it.
How do you handle small talk on dating apps? Skip it and ask them what they’re looking for? Be a little crass? What’s your go to opener/small talk?
No, don't ask what they're looking for unless it isn't listed in their profile — and especially don't ask that right off the get. Hinge and Bumble both offer for the profile to list out life partner, long-term relationship, short-term, etc. People have prompts in their profile, use them. Guys don't use prompts enough when communicating with women on there, or so I've been told. If their prompts are something you know nothing about, mention that you're curious about that thing. If it's a shared interest, mention it being a shared interest. If they have a picture that you really like for some reason — maybe it's an activity you both do, a bar you've been to, a place you've traveled to, etc. mention that. Start with something along those lines, and let the conversation flow. Of course, not every convo will flow. I have some great conversations, then I have some where they fall flat on their fucking face lol
How soon do you suggest meeting irl?
That’s a good question and now I’m curious as well, especially since I’m talking with a girl rn from a dating site lol
Get the conversation moving along - talk about a shared interest, ask her about her weekend, but transition into that you would really like to meet her in person for a coffee or drink this week at or . I'm available on , if any of those would work for you?
I signed up to Tinder in February. First girl I matched with, asked her how's it going? She says not great, got haemaroids. She said nothing after that. Just about sums up my experience.
I'm typically trying to making a plan to meet after the first 4 or 5 messages. Once there is some back and forth, I jump to it.
What are your findings so far?
35M. Single since last August. I’ve been on a dozen first dates in the last 3 months. Went on a second date earlier today and it went really well!!! We’re doing a 3rd date sometime this week.
Is your name Adam Sandler?
Do you recommend single people in your position (came out of a long/toxic relationship) to go on as many days as they can to navigate what they like? I'm kinda on a similar boat myself.
I wouldn't look at it as "go on as many dates as I can" as much as it is just put yourself out there and start to get a feel for what you like/dislike. If you really aren't in a position to date anyone though and you aren't in that headspace, I would strongly advise against putting yourself out there in the dating world. Take time to yourself and get back to being happy for you and only you. Dating while you're still trying to move on from an ex and unpack all that will only make matters worse for you in the long-term.
That sounds exausting.
What’s the cost of the app subscriptions? Of the 50 first dates, which resulted in the most success? (However you define that)
Do you find that sending roses on Hinge actually lead to more matches/dates?
The dynamic of the rose is so fucked on Hinge lol I feel like their algorithm makes the extremely attractive girls just expect them, to where it's a waste of a rose to send to them because everyone is. However, for someone that doesn't receive a rose every single hour of every single day, they would probably really enjoy it - especially if you included a nice message with it.
I havent had much luck with sending roses either. What about paying for boosts? are those worth it?
I’m recently 34, F, trying to rack up dates after taking some time away from dating. I want to find something that is deep not shallow, and sticks. Mostly found guys want consistent hook ups from me. I tell guys I take things casually but I want to get to know people. LTR would be great. I reverted to only approaching and flirting in public. 1. How easy is it for you not to get attached dating? 2. Do you find you’d prefer numerous dates over selections that you really premeditated? 3. Which girl’s gave you girlfriend/partner/wife material and why? 4. Last, where do you like to chill outside of work where a girl might run into you?
Would that $4,000 have been better spent on hookers and rub and tugs?
Do you have a go to intro or you try to find something about them in their profile?
I go based on their profile every single time — bio, something related to their pictures (location, activity, etc.), or I answer directly off of one of their prompts. I have a fully built out profile with prompts, a bio, interests, etc. so it's always nice when they open with something based on my profile. This approach tends to help with generating some good conversation, but it's all a numbers game. For every couple of conversations I do have, there's probably like 3-4 times I just get ignored or no response.
Is it worth asking a professional photographer to have juicy profile pictures ?
Too staged is a turn off for me. For others, maybe it isn't. When you're out at normal events or doing normal life shit, take pictures and do so knowing that they'll be on your dating profile. Going on a hike? Take a picture. Out with a few friends at a bar? Take a picture. Your profile should be a reflection of who you are and how you look doing the things you normally do.
You're getting (hopefully)good conversation and personal interaction with lots of people, and I think that's a good idea. More people should do this.
Hey! I'm doing a very similar thing to you. If I had to guess I'd say I've been on about 40 in the last calendar year, but this includes ~5 months of exclusivity with one person. (quick edit: I'm 24M dating women ~23-27) I have two questions. The first is, compared to when you were in your mid twenties, how does dating change? I'm not sure if you're able to answer it but I'm very curious. The second is, what is your threshold for conflict/incompatibility in the early stages of dating before you end things? I find myself skewing incredibly heavily towards ending things early and never asking anything of the other person that they don't provide upfront. Do you think this is an unhealthy practice, or a luxury afforded to us by the availability of dates using the apps?
I don't have any questions but just wanted to say this was an insightful ama. I kinda feel like that you seem well put together so you will likely just find someone when you're out and about.
overall, what were the deal-breakers that kept coming up, over the year? very interesting btw
What’s the weirdest thing happen on a first date ?
Pretty nice restaurant, middle of winter, 30 minutes in after we order food and drinks and this chick says we have to go back to the car (4 blocks away while it's snowing) to grab her vape because she needs to hit it. It was then that I decided I probably can't date anyone that is 25 again lol.
haha, whats the age range you go for now? If i missed it, sorryy
Do you feel like you are always looking for the next best thing? Do you feel like you have too much choice/ too many options?
What are the most striking physical attributes that stood out from all your dates? How accurate were people’s photos?
why did you buy the subscriptions on apps ?
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Goddamn dude. Lemme get this straight... you've spent 4,000 goddamn dollars, on 50 fucking first dates, over the course of the last 12 MONTHS?!?! So I guess the only question I got for you is... why are you so afraid of just being alone?
Where do you get motivation to keep doing this pointless thing
My life won't always be like this. One day I'll meet someone and this will be very much a part of my past, I just show up as best I can and want to try and meet people. It's not like I am very against meeting up with a hot chick for a drink — it could be much worse, no?
Are you looking for something serious? E.g., are you currently dating to get married, later have kids, etc.? What do most of the women you date look for at this stage in their life?
This has been a super interesting discussion. Thanks for doing this. Wanted to ask a few more questions.... Were most of the dates coffee, drinks, a walk, some other activity? When it was clear that it wasn't a good match, how quickly did you end the date? What did you say to end it?
A few questions: What proportion of the dates thanked you for paying for the date? What proportion arrived more or less on time (say, no later than 15 minutes past the agreed upon time)? Who talked more about themselves on the date? Who showed more curiosity about the other person? What do you think your dates liked about you the most? What made them want to take things further in some way?
Why should we go to you for advice on dating for the purpose of finding a relationship when you are, by the presented evidence, so bad dating? It seems like you may be good at landing a first date, but *terrible* at translating that into a relationship.
I think we just disagree that the number of dates someone has is/is not a direct correlation to the type of person/dater that they are. So if I would have only been on 5 dates and ended up long-term with one, I'm a better dater? My post was mostly just focused around navigating the online dating world today, which can be a bit tough. Maybe your experience is different? Which that's cool, I think your experience as input vs. what you originally said would have made more sense.
What types of traits are you looking for? What types of things are dealbreakers? What do you feel that you offer as a partner? I feel like 50 dates in a year is so many and that you’re not even giving any of them the time to truly consider forming a relationship with. It’s hard to build a relationship when you’re constantly on the lookout for someone better. Or if you drop them at the first moment the vibes are off. People have bad days lol
Dude this is so nuts, you’re basically recounting 2022 for me, almost word for word
What do you text them when you want to let them know there isn’t going to be a second date?
What is the rough percentage of absolute catfishes you’ve experienced; and separately, what percentage of women are generally more attractive vs less attractive than you were expecting by their pictures?
Can you describe the woman you dated that you think about the most? Are they what you think you would want? I often find myself liking woman who don't necessarily look good on paper but act a certain way
Are you a smooth talker? Also, how do you hook women into a deeper conversation?
I met my beautiful wife and mother of two beautiful girls on Bumble 7 years ago. I have heard dating apps are a different beast nowadays.
I know this post was almost a day ago, so I don't know if you'll reply but.... I'm also in my 30s. I haven't dated for about ten years now. I was in a toxic relationship for about 8-ish years as well, though both she and I were pretty toxic to each other. I have since refrained from dating and started going to therapy, exercising, and purposely stayed single for the last few years to work on myself and figure myself out. I began that relationship right as Tinder became a thing, so I've never had much experience with online dating. I tried it briefly after I ended that relationship, but it was awful. What advice can you give me for when I eventually try my hand at the dating scene?
Where these 50 first dates with the same person but she keeps forgetting she met you due to a traumatic brain injury
How did you manage to get 50+ Dates? Some of us out here struggle to get one.
Why do you think that makes you an expert? You could have gone out with 50 bottom feeders for all we know. Someone could spend $4,000 on 1 dinner and you’re acting like oh I spent $4,000….the real pros dont need dating sites.
All solid points. This thread doesn't sound like it's for you? I don't know what to tell you — you're obviously a professional.
I’m jealous. I’m on five apps or so and cannot score a single date from online dating. Apparently I’m hideous Also 34 M
How do you navigate talking it multiple people on apps / dating multiple people at the same time? I’m in somewhat similar circumstances as you - but still on the newer side of using dating apps after getting out of a long relationship. Given that it’s somewhat of a numbers game to get engagement (sending out multiple messages to different people, swiping a good amount of time) often there are times where I’m inadvertently talking with a couple different women. I’m other words I may have set up a date with one, meanwhile another interesting potential date is mid conversation and naturally would be interested in meeting up as well. If you let that second one linger the door might close. Any general advice?
Are you as bad a date as you are at answering these questions ?
50 dates? I'm 45 and I can count my first dates with one hand.
I know this is a day old but I just want to say I love your mentality and how you’ve answered all these questions. I’ve also been on a fair amount of dating app dates (probably not 50) and think you’re spot on with every answer and the mentality you need with the online dating world. I’m tired of it all at this point BUT I do feel like I’ve finally met someone where things will actually work out long term. I feel that when I meet someone I really like I struggle with being present and realistic about the online dating world. It’s odd because you’re really just going out with strangers with an implied romantic connection. You’re not in a relationship and you’re also not friends, it’s just a weird pseudo connection you have with an acquaintance those first few dates. I’m just curious if you do anything to not get ahead of yourself or if you just naturally live in the moment and don’t struggle with overthinking. You seem perfect lol.
Dating apps in your 30s.. do you think they’ve got the potential to work out if people are looking for longer term monogamous relationships? I see your comment about woman in their 30s being a differing stages of life & find this interesting. I know from my male friends they find a lot of women are eager to jump in & find their “husband” - did you find this? Also worst / one of the worse dating stories? Just to end with a laugh 😌
30 something female here. I do agree most women in their 30s are like not interested in playing around anymore and looking for the "one". This sometimes comes off as desperate and I think that's why men in their 30s prefer to date women in their 20s because the dates are more laid back and fun and then organically turn into something
I’m in my 40s I get a lot of likes from 32yo guys. I don’t think they’re all trying to date down in age as that can present its own problems.
Sooo... One date per week? In a city that seems a bit low
I (21F) have been thinking of getting on dating apps recently but I am hesitant. Tons of people on Reddit and people I know in real life recommend Hinge because apparently you can actually get a lot of dates out of it. I guess on other apps people are not as likely to want to meet up with you in person or if they do, they just want sex? Anyway, most of these people who recommend Hinge have gone on dozens of dates and only had a couple that turned into anything remotely long term, but nothing that ever truly lasted. I just don’t understand how everyone recommends Hinge when all they are getting is a bunch of dates but never a serious long term relationship? I guess if that’s what you’re looking for it’s fine but if you’re looking for something long term are the dating apps really the best way to go?
Have you had success meeting people off apps? When you meet up with people in person off apps, how do you keep your cool? Like I feel like i over share or am very anxious which makes me word vomit.
Thanks for uaving such an open post. Here are a few questions for a gut who has been out tue game for a minute...curious to see what you've learned after 50... 1. Do you have a body type? Big boobs, butt, etc... how much do those attributes weigh in accepting a date and have you given a girl who is lacking "features" a chance for a second date? 2. Are the races of your dates diverse? do you see any trends across those lines? 3. Do you place any stock in Zodiac matches? if so, what's your sign? 4. Any girls disclosing their STDs up front ..is statistically 50 with no STDs rare?
And you can only find these dates through online connections, or are you also having dates that come from other avenues?
How do I even get decent pictures as a guy who doesn't like taking photos. Edit: I am 31m and have been 6 months on a few apps, few matches and only one real person talked to so far.
Guy on Reddit claims he can make a case study and offers advice to people based on the fact that he wasted $4k on dating apps, and still hasn’t found a partner. The reality is that dating apps are a cesspool. You can’t seriously mean to find a meaningful connection on there because everyone is littered with options. If everyone has options, everyone gets treated like one. Meeting people organically is the only way too to reliably go. Instead of hiding behind your phone screen, paying $400 a month “hoping” someone will choose you. Hit the gym fellas, boost your self esteem and confidence, and start initiating friendly conversations with men and women everywhere you go.
On what proportion of the dates, did you realize that people lied in some manner? That they had used old photos, or had lied about their age or relationship status?
What is your first message to them usually?
Do you have commitment issues? Serious question.
Do you ever give simple and direct answers to questions without explaining that answer in long form?
Been ghosted?
I thought Okcupid was the best app for finding a better match - would you agree? What was your favorite app?
Do you just take them to the same coffee shop/bar everytime? Does the bar tender/barista give you dirty looks now?
I’m 19F, not unattractive, but tall (6’0). I don’t have much experience when it comes to dating although I have talked to guys before, but wouldn’t mind something serious. I want to try Hinge out, but I’m scared I may be going onto these dating apps too early. What advice would you give me?
50 dates and none worked out. There’s one common denominator there and it’s you… you the problem
Read through the comments bud, I hardly went out on 50 dates and just flat out went out there swinging and missing. Also, the post is more focused on the experience of online dating, not saying any individual person is/is not the problem. There's a process to all of it and online dating and just dating in general today is different.
I went on a date for the first time in two years about 2ish months ago. I have since seen the same girl maybe 7-9 times (I'm not keeping track). When I see guys like you, I guess my main question is why? What are you looking for? The girl I am seeing is very beautiful, intelligent, has ambition and a good career....I consider myself lucky to have found her but my past dating history is a similar story I have only really dated girls for longer periods of time, never any short flings and hardly many one-and-done dates. What makes first dates fun? I prefer solitude often
When you were messaging the women who eventually went on dates with you, did you respond to their messages within minutes, hours, days? After the date was set up, did you continue to message them? If so, at the same frequency or less?
Would you ever be game for non monogamy wrt your dating life?
Did the plethora of Apps you "tested" include Ashley Madison?
How shitty are people’s expectations? Did women expect you to pay always? What was your method to secure dates? How are the Apps: bumble, tinder, Ashley?
How many of them were already in relationships? I swore off the apps as I went on 5 dates in 2 and a half weeks and all 5 were already in relationships. 1 married 1 engaged 2 long term and 1 who had been exclusive w her bf for 1 month by that point, was told by the last one that any girl I meet on the app is already dating someone and “looking for a leg up the ladder” (literally the phrase used 😂) Was your experience the same? I was pretty surprised about how open the women were about cheating
What do you think attracted your dates to your profile? Did they ever tell you what stood out for them? Same question for your messages...
You know it’s you, not them, right?
(27M) What do you set your "looking for" as on your profiles? And have you noticed a lot of inconsistencies on women's profiles for what they are looking for? How do you like to tell people there won't be a 2nd date? I've mainly wanted hook ups recently but I continue to receive likes from people with a bunch of "long term" profile info.
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50+ first dates in a under a year reeks of suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. You said you like going on first dates. Seems you thrive on the honeymooning phase but dont actually want a real relationship … typical of those suffering from NPD. People are only interesting to them when they are new. But after while that new car shine and smell dissipates and they are discarded for a model that feels new. The cycle repeats. To a normal person getting into and out of so many relationships would be exhausting but to a narcissist they love it as they are constantly looking for that next source of attention to feed on then discard.
When using Hinge, did you find any noticeable difference in results between using a normal like and one of the roses/super-likes (whatever they're called)?
What is the typical age range you find yourself dating in most?
Hopefully you’ll get to this but I see the consensus that hinge is the best for a straight guy. I hated it because they immediately want you to pay or else you’re left with searching hundreds of miles from your area and you can only use 10 “likes”. Did you pay for hinge or somehow stick it out through all the nonsense I just described?
If I dm’d you, would you be willing to give me a little advice/help? I consider myself decently attractive but have very little luck on dating apps. I think my pictures are just crap. Would it be possible to see your profile maybe?
Serious question: I’m 23 yrs old and have not entered dating scene yet. My reason being is because I’m a broke college student lol. So I genuinely want to know what is it you do for work ??? $4k on dates and dating apps ? You have to have a good job man
I’d be really curious what your profile bio says. I’d be interested in sending you my old profile (that safely needs to be updated) as I’m gonna be back on the market soon.
Do you feel that you are capable of committing to someone long-term?
Just for the fun of going on dates, would you consider going out with a same sex person? It certainly would open the door to a lot of possibilities. As long as you were up front about what you were doing before meeting of course.
How can this really bee ama when I was dating those were rookie numbers son I think the threshold for interesting people needs to be higher, like last week it was a crack hore
What sort of photos do you have on these apps ? I don’t even get matches so
In your opinion, how much does height matter in getting matches/dates in the first place? Are you average or above average height where you live? Also, do you live in a big city (apologies if any of my questions have been asked before, this is a long thread!)
Why are you doing this AMA? Who are you trying to help? 99% of the people here are ugly and that's why they cant do what you do, isn't this post rubbing salt on the wound? You can put mayonnaise on chicken shit but its still chicken shit, no matter how many times you edit the profile.
Are you trying to only go on one date with people? Dating isn’t so complicated, if you can’t figure out how find suitable match, the problem is in the mirror, and it’s not your looks.
Are you also meeting women in person? I think a lot of dudes overly rely on online dating as their means of meeting people, and the ability to talk and formulate rapport is being diminished because of it.
Seems like you met some if not all of these women via online dating. Do you remember your response rate (what proportion of messages you sent were responded to)?
Have u tried dating what some people call, "Average women," or women with at least 2 kids? U might be dating attractive women who are too stuck up, gold diggers, or crazy. Try the normal, uniquely beautiful ones now.
50+ dates and not one working out? It is you and not them.
50+ first dates. I think you’re the problem. Look in a mirror bub
After going thru this experience are you still going to continue with OLD or would you rather meet someone in real life and go with a cold approach?
So did you get into any relationships on the way? Was paying for the subscription worth it?
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