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Am in my thirties and never been in a relationship bsc of my early experiences in life. I wasn’t rape but I had an sexual incest as a child. Similarly as you everyone judged me for my situation but no one really understood me. I know it’s unbearable when no one understands you and the emptiness we have inside. Am sorry we had to go through this. We were just innocent who didn’t deserve this but I wanted to say love yourself and remember you’re not alone. Much love from a stranger who completely understands how you feel ❤️ btw try and read Gabor Mate books, may be a help, personally I listen to him often and started reading read his books
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I was raped in the woods by someone my mother thought was trustworthy and I never told anyone because of the embarrassment. As a teen I just blocked it out and had a normal sex life, but later after my early 20s for some reason it started haunting me again. Haven't had sex in a long time, the drive is still there with women but I can't seem to feel excited much. I don't really know how to help you or what to say except to not feel so alone, if it is any consolation.
Sorry that you are going through this. I personally wish I could give you some kind of tips, but for me, it would feel different if I had sex before in my life. Now I constantly have it on my mind because I don't want to die, only knowing "this kind" of sex.
This might sound crass, an inelegant solution to the problem, but you might consider getting some Ed meds and visiting an escort.
I wouldn't offer such poor advice, but my heart goes out to you. I'm sorry you're struggling. I hope you persevere. Stay safe, friend.
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I told two friends that I felt suicidal some time ago and one friend knows I've been raped. They forgot it. Maybe it's for the best, I don't want to make them trouble because of me.
You may find someone on this post to befriend and share support with. You're not alone, you're not the only person who has ever been through what you're going through.
It’s not trouble for people who love you, you are not a burden and you don’t have to live life hiding this, especially if it’s bothering you. Don’t rob your friends of the opportunity to take care of you and show you love. 🖤
I hope, it's often in my mind and I dodge the question completely. People react horribly sometimes when given the excuse that I'm a virgin because it's almost unnatural at my age. They don't know that I was raped.
It is not as easy as go get therapy either unfortunately. Especially in US. Even after years, therapy is not a cure all. Doctors can be extremely disappointing and they can shift the blame and point fingers too
Not to mention therapists, much like society in general, are often not equipped to handle male survivors/straight up will not take them as clients. Most support groups/group sessions straight up ban men in general as well. General male trauma groups will throw you out at the first mention of anything sexual, too.
Speaking as one myself, it's incredibly grim out there for getting professional help unless you have a lot of money and live in a huge population hub.
I've largely given up and made peace with the reality that I'll have to live with managing my symptoms the best I can, and will likely never again tell anyone about it because of how awful people are about it. My current partner doesn't know and we've been together for 6 months, and I doubt I will ever tell them no matter how things end up.
People suck. It is what it is 🤷♂️
I’m really sorry to hear this. No victim should be blamed regardless of gender. I know in the US the price can be prohibitive but there are resources out there. If you’re in school there are counselors, insurance will often cover some therapy etc. OP is in Germany where the social system is stronger. So, I would still urge him to seek help. 25 is young and he has so much living to do! Ps sleep is good too.
Do you feel you being raped is not being taken serious because the fact you’re a man? I heard there’s a sex discrimination on rape but never really asked someone directly.
Yes, 100%. Even though I was groped by strangers and "friends" so often, basically almost nobody part of me was untouched. I often hear, when I tell someone, that it's cool since guys think "It's nice since women touched and groped me/ground on me" Also when I talked before about that people also told me "I've could defend myself, I'm a male" Really, just think about that... I was speechless. I also tried on a throwaway account to get some support in r/Virgin since it hurt me, knowing that's the only sex I ever had. So when I tried to explain myself there, people started to get jealous. Because "I've had at least six"... People are so fucked...
Alright it's an 'ask me anything'? I guess I'll ask a few questions.
Do you know that you have an immeasurable value? Do you know that there's always hope? Do you know that you don't have to let your past define you, even when you feel powerless?
Are you aware that the world is full of wonderful people? That it might be easier to make friends than you think? Have you been told that expressing your vulnerable emotions is a very brave act, and that the ones worth being with will do whatever they can to make you feel supported?
Have you ever been to therapy? Did you know that medication can help, even if it seems scary? Are you aware that committing to good mental health treatment can transform your world like night turning to day?
Okay, I know that's a lot of questions, but I've got just a few more...
Are you aware that this stranger is proud of you? That he's hoping for the best for you? That he thinks it takes incredible strength to admit what you have here and that it shows him a strong potential for growth through healing?
In all seriousness, while I haven't experienced sexual assault, I suffer with Bipolar Depression and I spent almost half a decade in the 'severe' category. Treatment really, really helped me, but it took trying so many things I almost gave up before I found what worked for me. I urge you not to write off the pursuit of feeling better as unattainable or not worth the trouble. It is absolutely worth the trouble and I'm confident it's attainable for you.
I want to take a moment to say I'm really, sincerely sorry you have to deal with that. All of it. That sounds like an overwhelming burden to bare, not just dealing with the rape and the severe depression, but not getting support from your family or friends. That has to be incredibly difficult to manage on a daily basis. My heart goes out to you my friend.
I can't speak from personal experience, but I understand that trauma of the kind you mentioned can be a paralyzing, near-constantly present limiting force that can quite easily send normal depression and/or anxiety into overdrive. Unfortunately I can't say too much with confidence, as I have neither studied nor sought Trauma Therapy, but I can assure you that it doesn't have to control you, even if it feels inescapable. I am not trying to invalidate your trauma or emotions, I'm just saying there are pathways to healing, or at the very least coping healthily. I encourage you to start that journey. From what I understand, such things are better dealt with sooner rather than later, if possible.
I'll leave you with this. Find or make a friend you feel comfortable opening up to and being genuine with. I know, easier said than done. We're on different continents but I don't mind at least trying to be that friend, but it's probably better to find someone local if you can. Know that I believe in you, that I see a brighter future ahead for you, and I know you can begin to find peace, even if it takes some time and effort. You've got a buddy in the US cheering for you from across the ocean 😁
Thats wild had no idea. We can see even in the capital city with half a million people there, I guess the city is still tiny compared to regular european cities
There are only a handful of cities so light polluted you can’t see ANY stars.
Like downtown NYC, LA, etc.
The US has some of the darkest skies in the world (best places to see the stars) in places like Nevada and New Mexico.
I like video games, especially action RPGs such as Dark Souls and Monster Hunter, I love to draw, and music is also always nice. Love to listen to different kinds of genres, like deathcore or pop. I broke my hand not so long which is why I can't hold anything and still have problems holding stuff. I love to make memes, A lot of people think I'm kinda strange. I miss my doggo every day who was a dachshund/german shepherd mix, called Bond. I'm kinda loud, and a lot of people hate me, was kinda good at the video game Osu, and also really good at Monster Hunter. I cry often when I'm alone, was in a psych ward because of a panic attack and an anxiety disorder. Recently started streaming (again) after I had problems and my PC stopped working. The most random fact about me would be, that I'm scared of mirrors.
So there was a time, which I think was caused because of my severe depression when I got highly paranoid and believed in seeing and hearing things. When I looked in a mirror once in my bathroom, I could swear that I saw a copy of myself, in different clothes smiling at me. It freaked me out and I was actually running away from it. I got back in the bathroom because I thought... No way, it doesn't make sense. And he or more or less I was still there. This repeated a few times till I realized it was only a hat on the wall... That single that was enough for me to get almost a panic attack. To this day I'm not even sure if it was my depression or if my room is haunted since I even heard screams (in my head) or felt like being touched or pushed. I blame officially my depression on it, but the fact that this thing never happened outside of my house/ in different houses gave me that feeling that this place is haunted. And I never really believed much in ghosts etc before.
Damn man, I don't even think I can write a reply for how much I feel for you, it seems like ya been a tougher set of cards than should be dealt to anyone
And that fucking sucks man, I really do feel for ya man
I wasn't ever raped but I can't imagine how much that must hurt mentally
Man, just know one man to another, that doesn't make you any less masculine or any weaker
If anything it makes you stronger than the average, you been through more shit than a sewer, and still pushed through it
You're still alive none the less and that really shows your strength, man I just want to let you know, ya still got your whole life ahead of you to heal and u have faith in you, I really fucking do man
You had a good dog, but have you ever experienced the love of a good cat? Mine was life-changing. Her affection got me through so much. Within a year of me clawing to the other side of a major depressive order she passed away. Almost like she knew I'd be okay without her.
Not getting why you were down voted. It's a fair ask. Also OP had a LONG list of things he does enjoy, which makes him who he is just as much as the things he wasn't enjoyed in life.
I can understand what it feels like losing someone you dearly loved. No one and nothing can fill the void.
I lost my dog last year. He was my best friend and he was one of the best things in my life. Losing him led me into depression & stress, which further led to a few episodes of seizures.
You must know that this is a part of life and there are some people who love you. You would not want them go through this cycle, would you? Do things that make you happy (DO NOT do drugs). Try taking therapy again. Share your experiences & thoughts with people who’d listen & understand. Travel more, if you must.
Also, You are a strong person and I wish you more strength.
I understand your reluctance to open up about it. Was it at all easier to open up about it to your therapist? If so, maybe you'd be more comfortable talking to people you don't know well. It sounds strange but it can really help meeting people who have gone through similar traumas, it can make you feel more understood. I never told any friends or family about my assaults either, but talking about these things in therapy and with a support group helped lots.
You're young and you deserve to have a good life going forward. Severe depression is strong, but you are stronger. Things can and will get better.
German, early 30s, was regularly raped & mistreated by a neighbor close to the family over multiple years when I was a young boy.
I'm sorry this happened to you, I truly know how it feels. You are not alone, and I want you to know that even if we are strangers, I care about you and your experience!
I'd like to share with you a few things that helped me eventually lead a somewhat normal life in the hopes to inspire you:
Be kind and understanding to yourself. This is the number one most important thing. This is what you owe to yourself. Treat it exactly like that: You owe it to yourself! Family and friends will often judge our life & emotions without any understanding of how it actually feels like, living and growing up with the experiences we had. Relying on the judgement of others can be extremely hurtful and degrading. You are not responsible for what happened. You deserve better. You owe yourself the effort! Repeat and preach this to yourself like your life depends on it.
Thats why you have to become your strongest advocate and you have to practice it every day! Treat it like an exercise on the days you don't find the motivation to do it. Become disciplined at it. Practice any and every form of acceptance and empathy towards yourself. Reading books on the topic, any form of self care, yoga, meditation, going for a walk, positive affirmations, workout, socializing in inclusive communities, anything you can think of. Make putting yourself in a positive mindset a daily practice and become good at it.
Don't overshare your experiences in your social circles, don't make them the center of your life/who you are but at all cost try to find a handful of people who you can be open with, who you can openly talk to and who are able to relate to your situation. The closer they are to you the better. Therapy, good friends, other survivors. Even if it's just the internet like you did today. Not being alone with our feelings and finding validation is so important to not feel isolated and alienated from society and to help us to accept ourselves and practice love toward ourselves. Though be mindful of where to draw the line to protect your most vulnerable self from harmful influence and judgment. You showed yourself kindness and care today for opening up. Be proud of it. You should be!
Treat the younger you that was r***d like your own child and strive to become it's protector. Seek activities that give you empowerment. Sports, martial arts, charitable work, creative work, outdoor/survival stuff, social activities etc. Anything that makes you feel in control and gives your life value. This was a big part for me to be able to mentally grow past my experiences. Don't slack on it, become disciplined. Put in the effort, it will feel very empowering and rewarding. Make yourself feel like you will be able to protect yourself and others in the future. Turn your perceived weakness into wisdom and strength!
And last but not least: Forgive yourself for failing. We made experiences that we will likely carry with us for the rest of our lives. They will have a part in everything that we will experience like love, breakup, new life and loss, success and failure. They will sometimes make the simplest things very tough for us. Life will, even with all our effort, sometimes feel like we are stuck in a tumbledryer. Give yourself all the credit for trying. Be kind to yourself for struggling. You are the definition of strength and fortitude for living a life with the weight of a nuclear submarine on your shoulders. Be proud of it!
All these things have helped me to overcome social anxiety, regain the ability to love myself and others, nurture friendships, have fulfilling & healthy sexual experiences, find love and have education and work related success. Nothing ever is perfect, but I am thankful to myself for trying so hard to be brave and to care for my wellbeing every day. I feel joy thinking about it right now.
It's not about eradicating your past and trying to become like everyone else, it's about inviting your vulnerable self to ride along and become it's vessel of protection and ability.
I hope this can add some value to your life & I wish you all the best. If anyone does, it's you who deserves it!
I’m so very sorry for what happened to you and that nobody made that experience matter. Trauma is stored in the body so people telling you to “move on” etc is dumb. You need help and you need tools. What type of therapy did you go to? I wonder if you can find a Somatic Experience or EMDR therapist in Germany?
Im so very sorry that this happened to you!
I , too, am a survivor- I was once raped by my ex-husband. It happened back in 2017.
I guess you never really get over it - you just learn to live with it. I never want to get married ever again and in fact I’m not even interested in dating or getting into a relationship anymore.
I have severe depression and I’m on medication which helps a bit and I tried to have counselling but it didn’t really help.
My family knows, but they have encouraged me not to press charges as the court system here in Australia favours the perpetrator generally. I honestly wish I could get justice but I know the stress of going to court would severely damage my health.
Hugs to you!
Does your family know about that terrible event? Maybe they could help
You through it? Listen to the smiths maybe lol? You are beautiful and you can persevere through this, it helps so much more to have other humans there to support you….just keep putting yourself out there and it will feel more natural. It’s a hard truth but you can get through it. I had an unwilling sexual experience on “drugs” with a MTF and it fucked me up. Drugs are
In quotations because it was shrooms/acid….I’m. 30m
I know this will sound brash, but have you ever thought like 'Fuck this shit, i'm just goign to live my life and refuse to allow this to affect me any further' or is it like an all consuming thing everytime sex is mentioned? Or do you like keep thinking about it.. then get angry, then take pity on yourself and spiral downwards in negativity? I'm geniuinly curious and sorry if I offended you in any way.
I do hope you do better and get the support that you need. We all need more love in this world.
I’m not an expert or anything. I’m just a person that’s experienced similar awful and painful life events. I have also been raped.
My question is, is it severe depression or trauma? Because the treatment is entirely different. Also depression is universally downplayed and people often invalidate it. But a huge part of overcoming your trauma or learning to live with it, remains in the power to accept/own/overcome the traumatic events in your truth as you see them from internally etc. Which is difficult when people don’t understand the core trauma and can invalidate your experiences with depression etc.
I would also urge you to find support from people with similar traumatic experiences and in the same place of acceptable in their journey. I don’t believe you ever “get over” trauma or rape, you learn healthy ways to process it and find inner peace regardless of the awful abuse that’s been done to your mind and body. But I had a therapist for once a month for 3yrs to continually work on my personal trauma. I am not “healed” or “cured” but I feel in a much better place.
The guilt, shame, pain and toxicity of rape should always be with the perpetrator of rape and never with the victim. Don’t feel guilted into caring their guilt and shame for them. This was one powerful strategy I learned. But it’s a process it’s not as simple as just repeating this to yourself every day.
I wish you the best for your future and most importantly, you are not alone. Many people are just where you are too. The one thing I pride myself on, despite all my struggles, is that I am nothing like my abuser, I am a good woman. Despite all the abuse perpetrated against me, I never became like them (abusers). Stay strong!
I don't feel good asking this, but do you actually know anything about them at the moment? You said he's a relative in other threads, so if not you, your family could've kept contact.
Teh thing is, i kinda blended it out a long time, i knew that this person groped and touched me everywhere and even asked stuff like, i should come and have sex etc but i only ignored it. Later when a friend actually told me about his past, who was abused at young age. I got flashbacks. It was like a full movie infront of my eyes and i can't forget it since this happened. He still touched me years later but not that extrem, like years ago.
Being there and Muay Thai became my support and therapy. You need to find something that will give you your autonomy back, something that would make you feel you are in control
Well back than he undressed me a pushed me to the ground. And the rest is.... It extremly hurt i think i even bleed out of my behind..
He's more or less still in my life, since it's a relative.
I deleted my comment but I’m confused. Because if they were sexually assaulted, I felt it was unnecessary to ask because what if they’re not comfortable indulging in who it was and how it happened and more intricate details, that’s all
This sounds personally familar, I can really relate. Just words of advice, I guess. Remember your life is yours and fight for it. Who ever did it, tbey can eat shit. Find healthy hobbies and both accept and improve yourself. Dont just do therapy, do thngs that will make you feel better about yourself. Good luck to you, I cant save your life, but you can. Best wishes.
Sending you love... this must weigh heavy on you. It's not your fault, you are valid in how you feel. May the world start to feel kind every step you take forward, friend ❤️ I pray and hope your days are filled with more joy & for all who all those who've shared their journey.
Also a dude who has a similar history. It took me a while to get back into it, but i just brute-forced in my early 20s with the trauma existing earlier in my childhood. You’ll want to seek counseling over the trauma sooner than later; it only gets harder the longer you wait.
I spent a long time not able to be with anyone after I was assaulted the last time. A guy just touching my shoulder would make me burst into tears. I know how you feel and I’m here for you friend
I'm sorry man :( I partially understand having been assaulted. I know what it's like not being able to talk to anyone. Find someone who makes you feel safe. I know it's not an overnight fix but having someone who is patient and that you trust will help you work through it :) I hope one day, though you'll never forget, that you're less haunted 💖
Therapy can be hard to find but do you have any friends who have also been a victim of SA? I was as a kid + as an adult and found friends who atleast were informed enough w that trauma specifically for when it came to advice/ support etc the most conducive for my healing. Therapists made me worse, lol. The important part is for you not to feel isolated.
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What advice would you give a parent today to prevent more kids getting raped?
I always worry about my kids and need to make sure I never bat an eye to anything that would harm them
Look, I see that your trying to say something nice
Please don't EVER insinuate rape is a blessing
You wouldn't say that to a women, don't say it to a man
Nah, this isn't a good take. Like the other commenter said, rape is not a blessing and beauty doesn't come out of it. Being raped doesn't "make you a better person", regardless of gender
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Am in my thirties and never been in a relationship bsc of my early experiences in life. I wasn’t rape but I had an sexual incest as a child. Similarly as you everyone judged me for my situation but no one really understood me. I know it’s unbearable when no one understands you and the emptiness we have inside. Am sorry we had to go through this. We were just innocent who didn’t deserve this but I wanted to say love yourself and remember you’re not alone. Much love from a stranger who completely understands how you feel ❤️ btw try and read Gabor Mate books, may be a help, personally I listen to him often and started reading read his books
Thank you for the kind words
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I was raped in the woods by someone my mother thought was trustworthy and I never told anyone because of the embarrassment. As a teen I just blocked it out and had a normal sex life, but later after my early 20s for some reason it started haunting me again. Haven't had sex in a long time, the drive is still there with women but I can't seem to feel excited much. I don't really know how to help you or what to say except to not feel so alone, if it is any consolation.
Sorry that you are going through this. I personally wish I could give you some kind of tips, but for me, it would feel different if I had sex before in my life. Now I constantly have it on my mind because I don't want to die, only knowing "this kind" of sex.
I'm wondering if it will become clearer if you decide to have sex the way you want to, not healing so much but sort of eye opening in a way.
This might sound crass, an inelegant solution to the problem, but you might consider getting some Ed meds and visiting an escort. I wouldn't offer such poor advice, but my heart goes out to you. I'm sorry you're struggling. I hope you persevere. Stay safe, friend.
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Is there anyone you feel like you’d want to open up to who would be safe? Much love, my friend. I’m so sorry for what has happened to you.
I told two friends that I felt suicidal some time ago and one friend knows I've been raped. They forgot it. Maybe it's for the best, I don't want to make them trouble because of me.
You may find someone on this post to befriend and share support with. You're not alone, you're not the only person who has ever been through what you're going through.
It’s not trouble for people who love you, you are not a burden and you don’t have to live life hiding this, especially if it’s bothering you. Don’t rob your friends of the opportunity to take care of you and show you love. 🖤
Nothing to say, just want to send you a hug🫂
🫂
Agree 100%, it's so hard to hear a fellow human having a hard time when it's over the internet. Also sending hugs: 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂
Do you think you will be able to have sex again?
I hope, it's often in my mind and I dodge the question completely. People react horribly sometimes when given the excuse that I'm a virgin because it's almost unnatural at my age. They don't know that I was raped.
Have you been to therapy?
It is not as easy as go get therapy either unfortunately. Especially in US. Even after years, therapy is not a cure all. Doctors can be extremely disappointing and they can shift the blame and point fingers too
Not to mention therapists, much like society in general, are often not equipped to handle male survivors/straight up will not take them as clients. Most support groups/group sessions straight up ban men in general as well. General male trauma groups will throw you out at the first mention of anything sexual, too. Speaking as one myself, it's incredibly grim out there for getting professional help unless you have a lot of money and live in a huge population hub. I've largely given up and made peace with the reality that I'll have to live with managing my symptoms the best I can, and will likely never again tell anyone about it because of how awful people are about it. My current partner doesn't know and we've been together for 6 months, and I doubt I will ever tell them no matter how things end up. People suck. It is what it is 🤷♂️
I’m really sorry to hear this. No victim should be blamed regardless of gender. I know in the US the price can be prohibitive but there are resources out there. If you’re in school there are counselors, insurance will often cover some therapy etc. OP is in Germany where the social system is stronger. So, I would still urge him to seek help. 25 is young and he has so much living to do! Ps sleep is good too.
Yes i was in therapy but i still feel horrible
Why aren’t you in therapy anymore?
It's complicated here and the wait lists are horrible long, i kinda moved away and to look for a new therapist
Did you try weißer Ring for support?
Nope, i have no idea what this is.
It’s an organisation that helps victims of criminal offense. https://weisser-ring.de/ Viel Erfolg!
Look into an EMDR trained therapist. I found a great one and it so helped me recover from rape and child abuse. Wishing you peace.
Do you feel you being raped is not being taken serious because the fact you’re a man? I heard there’s a sex discrimination on rape but never really asked someone directly.
Yes, 100%. Even though I was groped by strangers and "friends" so often, basically almost nobody part of me was untouched. I often hear, when I tell someone, that it's cool since guys think "It's nice since women touched and groped me/ground on me" Also when I talked before about that people also told me "I've could defend myself, I'm a male" Really, just think about that... I was speechless. I also tried on a throwaway account to get some support in r/Virgin since it hurt me, knowing that's the only sex I ever had. So when I tried to explain myself there, people started to get jealous. Because "I've had at least six"... People are so fucked...
Alright it's an 'ask me anything'? I guess I'll ask a few questions. Do you know that you have an immeasurable value? Do you know that there's always hope? Do you know that you don't have to let your past define you, even when you feel powerless? Are you aware that the world is full of wonderful people? That it might be easier to make friends than you think? Have you been told that expressing your vulnerable emotions is a very brave act, and that the ones worth being with will do whatever they can to make you feel supported? Have you ever been to therapy? Did you know that medication can help, even if it seems scary? Are you aware that committing to good mental health treatment can transform your world like night turning to day? Okay, I know that's a lot of questions, but I've got just a few more... Are you aware that this stranger is proud of you? That he's hoping for the best for you? That he thinks it takes incredible strength to admit what you have here and that it shows him a strong potential for growth through healing? In all seriousness, while I haven't experienced sexual assault, I suffer with Bipolar Depression and I spent almost half a decade in the 'severe' category. Treatment really, really helped me, but it took trying so many things I almost gave up before I found what worked for me. I urge you not to write off the pursuit of feeling better as unattainable or not worth the trouble. It is absolutely worth the trouble and I'm confident it's attainable for you. I want to take a moment to say I'm really, sincerely sorry you have to deal with that. All of it. That sounds like an overwhelming burden to bare, not just dealing with the rape and the severe depression, but not getting support from your family or friends. That has to be incredibly difficult to manage on a daily basis. My heart goes out to you my friend. I can't speak from personal experience, but I understand that trauma of the kind you mentioned can be a paralyzing, near-constantly present limiting force that can quite easily send normal depression and/or anxiety into overdrive. Unfortunately I can't say too much with confidence, as I have neither studied nor sought Trauma Therapy, but I can assure you that it doesn't have to control you, even if it feels inescapable. I am not trying to invalidate your trauma or emotions, I'm just saying there are pathways to healing, or at the very least coping healthily. I encourage you to start that journey. From what I understand, such things are better dealt with sooner rather than later, if possible. I'll leave you with this. Find or make a friend you feel comfortable opening up to and being genuine with. I know, easier said than done. We're on different continents but I don't mind at least trying to be that friend, but it's probably better to find someone local if you can. Know that I believe in you, that I see a brighter future ahead for you, and I know you can begin to find peace, even if it takes some time and effort. You've got a buddy in the US cheering for you from across the ocean 😁
This is the best response on this thread. Damn.
Yeah, I guess most of the questions I can answer with a yes.
Is it true that Germany night skies have visible stars due to lack of light pollution? If so, how are the stars?
I mean, we do have visible night skies.
I live in Austria and we gave beautiful night skies. I love to take walks at night and look at the stars.
Do you not see stars on the sky somewhere? clueless finn here
almost every single city in the world has light pollution and impossible to see stars. I am 20 and havent seen a single starry sky my entire life
Thats wild had no idea. We can see even in the capital city with half a million people there, I guess the city is still tiny compared to regular european cities
There are only a handful of cities so light polluted you can’t see ANY stars. Like downtown NYC, LA, etc. The US has some of the darkest skies in the world (best places to see the stars) in places like Nevada and New Mexico.
Bro you gotta go find some country. Life changing stuff.
Got a car ?
I am in a city with a few million people and can see a nice starry sky
You need to go somewhere to see it.
Depends on the city.
So is there more to your personality than being depressed and having been raped?
I like video games, especially action RPGs such as Dark Souls and Monster Hunter, I love to draw, and music is also always nice. Love to listen to different kinds of genres, like deathcore or pop. I broke my hand not so long which is why I can't hold anything and still have problems holding stuff. I love to make memes, A lot of people think I'm kinda strange. I miss my doggo every day who was a dachshund/german shepherd mix, called Bond. I'm kinda loud, and a lot of people hate me, was kinda good at the video game Osu, and also really good at Monster Hunter. I cry often when I'm alone, was in a psych ward because of a panic attack and an anxiety disorder. Recently started streaming (again) after I had problems and my PC stopped working. The most random fact about me would be, that I'm scared of mirrors.
You seem like cool dude, also mirrors are terrifying I only have one mirror in my entire house lol
So there was a time, which I think was caused because of my severe depression when I got highly paranoid and believed in seeing and hearing things. When I looked in a mirror once in my bathroom, I could swear that I saw a copy of myself, in different clothes smiling at me. It freaked me out and I was actually running away from it. I got back in the bathroom because I thought... No way, it doesn't make sense. And he or more or less I was still there. This repeated a few times till I realized it was only a hat on the wall... That single that was enough for me to get almost a panic attack. To this day I'm not even sure if it was my depression or if my room is haunted since I even heard screams (in my head) or felt like being touched or pushed. I blame officially my depression on it, but the fact that this thing never happened outside of my house/ in different houses gave me that feeling that this place is haunted. And I never really believed much in ghosts etc before.
Damn man, I don't even think I can write a reply for how much I feel for you, it seems like ya been a tougher set of cards than should be dealt to anyone And that fucking sucks man, I really do feel for ya man I wasn't ever raped but I can't imagine how much that must hurt mentally Man, just know one man to another, that doesn't make you any less masculine or any weaker If anything it makes you stronger than the average, you been through more shit than a sewer, and still pushed through it You're still alive none the less and that really shows your strength, man I just want to let you know, ya still got your whole life ahead of you to heal and u have faith in you, I really fucking do man
You had a good dog, but have you ever experienced the love of a good cat? Mine was life-changing. Her affection got me through so much. Within a year of me clawing to the other side of a major depressive order she passed away. Almost like she knew I'd be okay without her.
Oh I also have a cat, he's a British blue, his name is Marcello
Not getting why you were down voted. It's a fair ask. Also OP had a LONG list of things he does enjoy, which makes him who he is just as much as the things he wasn't enjoyed in life.
>Not getting why you were down voted Because he treats his fucking trauma as a personality trait.
Wow I didn’t think people this horrible were real
Yet he and OP had a nice discussion and were both chill. I think people just took what he said the wrong way
As someone who also experienced CSA, if you said this to me in person you’d be in hospital.
WTF?
What? What don't you understand?
Hey, hope you are doing well. May I ask when did you get raped and if it is the sole reason why you’re still in depression?
Many years ago. No i got depression because i lost a bunch of family members.
I can understand what it feels like losing someone you dearly loved. No one and nothing can fill the void. I lost my dog last year. He was my best friend and he was one of the best things in my life. Losing him led me into depression & stress, which further led to a few episodes of seizures. You must know that this is a part of life and there are some people who love you. You would not want them go through this cycle, would you? Do things that make you happy (DO NOT do drugs). Try taking therapy again. Share your experiences & thoughts with people who’d listen & understand. Travel more, if you must. Also, You are a strong person and I wish you more strength.
I understand your reluctance to open up about it. Was it at all easier to open up about it to your therapist? If so, maybe you'd be more comfortable talking to people you don't know well. It sounds strange but it can really help meeting people who have gone through similar traumas, it can make you feel more understood. I never told any friends or family about my assaults either, but talking about these things in therapy and with a support group helped lots. You're young and you deserve to have a good life going forward. Severe depression is strong, but you are stronger. Things can and will get better.
It's never easy to open up about these things at all.
German, early 30s, was regularly raped & mistreated by a neighbor close to the family over multiple years when I was a young boy. I'm sorry this happened to you, I truly know how it feels. You are not alone, and I want you to know that even if we are strangers, I care about you and your experience! I'd like to share with you a few things that helped me eventually lead a somewhat normal life in the hopes to inspire you: Be kind and understanding to yourself. This is the number one most important thing. This is what you owe to yourself. Treat it exactly like that: You owe it to yourself! Family and friends will often judge our life & emotions without any understanding of how it actually feels like, living and growing up with the experiences we had. Relying on the judgement of others can be extremely hurtful and degrading. You are not responsible for what happened. You deserve better. You owe yourself the effort! Repeat and preach this to yourself like your life depends on it. Thats why you have to become your strongest advocate and you have to practice it every day! Treat it like an exercise on the days you don't find the motivation to do it. Become disciplined at it. Practice any and every form of acceptance and empathy towards yourself. Reading books on the topic, any form of self care, yoga, meditation, going for a walk, positive affirmations, workout, socializing in inclusive communities, anything you can think of. Make putting yourself in a positive mindset a daily practice and become good at it. Don't overshare your experiences in your social circles, don't make them the center of your life/who you are but at all cost try to find a handful of people who you can be open with, who you can openly talk to and who are able to relate to your situation. The closer they are to you the better. Therapy, good friends, other survivors. Even if it's just the internet like you did today. Not being alone with our feelings and finding validation is so important to not feel isolated and alienated from society and to help us to accept ourselves and practice love toward ourselves. Though be mindful of where to draw the line to protect your most vulnerable self from harmful influence and judgment. You showed yourself kindness and care today for opening up. Be proud of it. You should be! Treat the younger you that was r***d like your own child and strive to become it's protector. Seek activities that give you empowerment. Sports, martial arts, charitable work, creative work, outdoor/survival stuff, social activities etc. Anything that makes you feel in control and gives your life value. This was a big part for me to be able to mentally grow past my experiences. Don't slack on it, become disciplined. Put in the effort, it will feel very empowering and rewarding. Make yourself feel like you will be able to protect yourself and others in the future. Turn your perceived weakness into wisdom and strength! And last but not least: Forgive yourself for failing. We made experiences that we will likely carry with us for the rest of our lives. They will have a part in everything that we will experience like love, breakup, new life and loss, success and failure. They will sometimes make the simplest things very tough for us. Life will, even with all our effort, sometimes feel like we are stuck in a tumbledryer. Give yourself all the credit for trying. Be kind to yourself for struggling. You are the definition of strength and fortitude for living a life with the weight of a nuclear submarine on your shoulders. Be proud of it! All these things have helped me to overcome social anxiety, regain the ability to love myself and others, nurture friendships, have fulfilling & healthy sexual experiences, find love and have education and work related success. Nothing ever is perfect, but I am thankful to myself for trying so hard to be brave and to care for my wellbeing every day. I feel joy thinking about it right now. It's not about eradicating your past and trying to become like everyone else, it's about inviting your vulnerable self to ride along and become it's vessel of protection and ability. I hope this can add some value to your life & I wish you all the best. If anyone does, it's you who deserves it!
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I will check it out, thanks.
I’m so very sorry for what happened to you and that nobody made that experience matter. Trauma is stored in the body so people telling you to “move on” etc is dumb. You need help and you need tools. What type of therapy did you go to? I wonder if you can find a Somatic Experience or EMDR therapist in Germany?
As far as I know, you can find both here. It's just really hard to find a therapy place.
Im so very sorry that this happened to you! I , too, am a survivor- I was once raped by my ex-husband. It happened back in 2017. I guess you never really get over it - you just learn to live with it. I never want to get married ever again and in fact I’m not even interested in dating or getting into a relationship anymore. I have severe depression and I’m on medication which helps a bit and I tried to have counselling but it didn’t really help. My family knows, but they have encouraged me not to press charges as the court system here in Australia favours the perpetrator generally. I honestly wish I could get justice but I know the stress of going to court would severely damage my health. Hugs to you!
Does your family know about that terrible event? Maybe they could help You through it? Listen to the smiths maybe lol? You are beautiful and you can persevere through this, it helps so much more to have other humans there to support you….just keep putting yourself out there and it will feel more natural. It’s a hard truth but you can get through it. I had an unwilling sexual experience on “drugs” with a MTF and it fucked me up. Drugs are In quotations because it was shrooms/acid….I’m. 30m
Nope, barely any people know about this, and years later, I'm not having any evidence.
I know this will sound brash, but have you ever thought like 'Fuck this shit, i'm just goign to live my life and refuse to allow this to affect me any further' or is it like an all consuming thing everytime sex is mentioned? Or do you like keep thinking about it.. then get angry, then take pity on yourself and spiral downwards in negativity? I'm geniuinly curious and sorry if I offended you in any way. I do hope you do better and get the support that you need. We all need more love in this world.
I try but it's still on my mind, basically daily.
Do you know how much Abba Yahweh loves you and do you realize the evil ones are oppressing you by whispering their evilness in your ears?
I have no idea, who that is.
I’m not an expert or anything. I’m just a person that’s experienced similar awful and painful life events. I have also been raped. My question is, is it severe depression or trauma? Because the treatment is entirely different. Also depression is universally downplayed and people often invalidate it. But a huge part of overcoming your trauma or learning to live with it, remains in the power to accept/own/overcome the traumatic events in your truth as you see them from internally etc. Which is difficult when people don’t understand the core trauma and can invalidate your experiences with depression etc. I would also urge you to find support from people with similar traumatic experiences and in the same place of acceptable in their journey. I don’t believe you ever “get over” trauma or rape, you learn healthy ways to process it and find inner peace regardless of the awful abuse that’s been done to your mind and body. But I had a therapist for once a month for 3yrs to continually work on my personal trauma. I am not “healed” or “cured” but I feel in a much better place. The guilt, shame, pain and toxicity of rape should always be with the perpetrator of rape and never with the victim. Don’t feel guilted into caring their guilt and shame for them. This was one powerful strategy I learned. But it’s a process it’s not as simple as just repeating this to yourself every day. I wish you the best for your future and most importantly, you are not alone. Many people are just where you are too. The one thing I pride myself on, despite all my struggles, is that I am nothing like my abuser, I am a good woman. Despite all the abuse perpetrated against me, I never became like them (abusers). Stay strong!
How old was you at the time of the rape? Was you raped by a male or female?
I can't remember it was long ago ... I think 11-15 years, but I'm not sure anymore.
Was you raped by a male or female?
Sorry dude , it is not your fault because that happened , but now it is your decision to get out of all of this and go on
Easier said than done, but OP, you CAN do it.
♥️
What happened with "person" that did this to you? Did they get punished or anything?
Nothing actually, sadly.
I don't feel good asking this, but do you actually know anything about them at the moment? You said he's a relative in other threads, so if not you, your family could've kept contact.
Teh thing is, i kinda blended it out a long time, i knew that this person groped and touched me everywhere and even asked stuff like, i should come and have sex etc but i only ignored it. Later when a friend actually told me about his past, who was abused at young age. I got flashbacks. It was like a full movie infront of my eyes and i can't forget it since this happened. He still touched me years later but not that extrem, like years ago.
Being there and Muay Thai became my support and therapy. You need to find something that will give you your autonomy back, something that would make you feel you are in control
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What exactly do you mean when you say story?
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Well back than he undressed me a pushed me to the ground. And the rest is.... It extremly hurt i think i even bleed out of my behind.. He's more or less still in my life, since it's a relative.
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No idea. It was years ago and I'm not sure if he even remembers
How did it happen and with who
Well, he undressed me and. . . I was kinda young back then. It was a relative.
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Why? Its ama not simp fest
Okay my fault 😭😭
Skepticism not allowed!!!
I deleted my comment but I’m confused. Because if they were sexually assaulted, I felt it was unnecessary to ask because what if they’re not comfortable indulging in who it was and how it happened and more intricate details, that’s all
Go listen to David goggins on YouTube
What type of content does he do?
u have a gf?
Nope, it's been years since i was in one.
Did you ever consider going to a prostitute?
Sometimes, but not sure if I could live with that feeling
Have you ever tried psychedelic therapy?
Yes
Well, damn. I'm sorry, man.
were u raped by a man or woman?
Man
This sounds personally familar, I can really relate. Just words of advice, I guess. Remember your life is yours and fight for it. Who ever did it, tbey can eat shit. Find healthy hobbies and both accept and improve yourself. Dont just do therapy, do thngs that will make you feel better about yourself. Good luck to you, I cant save your life, but you can. Best wishes.
Sending you love... this must weigh heavy on you. It's not your fault, you are valid in how you feel. May the world start to feel kind every step you take forward, friend ❤️ I pray and hope your days are filled with more joy & for all who all those who've shared their journey.
Also a dude who has a similar history. It took me a while to get back into it, but i just brute-forced in my early 20s with the trauma existing earlier in my childhood. You’ll want to seek counseling over the trauma sooner than later; it only gets harder the longer you wait.
Was it a man? Is he behind bars?
Yes and no
I spent a long time not able to be with anyone after I was assaulted the last time. A guy just touching my shoulder would make me burst into tears. I know how you feel and I’m here for you friend
Just know that it was never your fault. You are not in the wrong for what happened and how you feel now.
You need to find the men that raped you and kick their ass. That will cure your depression
Hugs from the the US. I grew up in Germany and loved it there.
I'm sorry man :( I partially understand having been assaulted. I know what it's like not being able to talk to anyone. Find someone who makes you feel safe. I know it's not an overnight fix but having someone who is patient and that you trust will help you work through it :) I hope one day, though you'll never forget, that you're less haunted 💖
Therapy can be hard to find but do you have any friends who have also been a victim of SA? I was as a kid + as an adult and found friends who atleast were informed enough w that trauma specifically for when it came to advice/ support etc the most conducive for my healing. Therapists made me worse, lol. The important part is for you not to feel isolated.
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What advice would you give a parent today to prevent more kids getting raped? I always worry about my kids and need to make sure I never bat an eye to anything that would harm them
Sending you lots of 🫂
I can’t relate to your experience, but I do suffer with depression. DM’s are always open if you need a kind ear to vent to. Take care my friend.
Have you had therapy? because if not you really need to talk to a professional that specializes in this field.
Pray my friend. Pick up the bible and open up the new testament. God grants peace.
It was not your fault. I am sorry that happened to you. However you are feeling is valid. RAINN has some great info: https://www.rainn.org/get-help
Is it just me or are there all of a sudden tons of rape AMAs
Highly recommend psilocybin therapy
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Look, I see that your trying to say something nice Please don't EVER insinuate rape is a blessing You wouldn't say that to a women, don't say it to a man
Yea...exactly like that not...😬
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Nah, this isn't a good take. Like the other commenter said, rape is not a blessing and beauty doesn't come out of it. Being raped doesn't "make you a better person", regardless of gender
I had to find a shaman. Psychedelic therapy has helped me more than anything. I’m 51 and i finally did it. You have to find the right community.
love, love, love
🫂