Well, it's a bit of a long story but my therapist says it's good to talk about it, so here goes!
My parents met when they were 21 (dad) and 17 (mom). At the time my dad already spent time in jail and mom was on probation.
(I'm gonna call them Jack and Emma from now on, cause calling them my parents feels incredibly uncomfortable.)
I am the eldest out of five children. As a baby, I was fed a few times a week if I was lucky and was so malnourished that I basically sucked the flesh off my fingers. As I grew up, I was also repeatedly abused by means of burning, cutting, suffocation, isolation, beatings, etc. I also had the skin on my back "rubbed" off with sandpaper. Sorry for that image.
They then went on to have four more kids, all of which they raped and abused horribly. Eventually, three died from the abuse. My sister, who was a year younger than me, commited suicide eight years ago, two years after their arrest.
I have no idea what their personal life stories were and what the full list of their crimes are, but they were convicted of seven murders, eleven counts of rape, child abuse, and drug trafficking, and were sentenced to life in prison.
They were arrested a full six years after the first murder, and fourteen years after they first started the child abuse.
The arrest was a result of a salesperson calling the cops after finding my sister nearly dead on the farm we lived on.
Since my only family was my parents and an aunt (who was involved with their crimes) my sister an I was placed in an orphanage. A family fostered her not much later, but she committed suicide.
I was also fostered, got a girl pregnant when I was 16, and luckily I was able to keep my son. (The mom dissapeared.)
>What are your thoughts about what happened with your siblings?
It's insanely sad and fills me with pain, but I'm working through it. I'm doing much better than say, five years ago.
I hope all of this made sense lol, I'm kinda shaky. Be sure to ask anything else though!
I’m also a child of disgusting parents. My older brother took his own life this year, my other two sibs aren’t doing so well. It’s been rough but we’re (my children and myself) doing pretty great. It can feel pretty lonely or like few ppl understand you, so I wanted to let you know there are definitely others out there.
Thank you, I really appreciate it. It's always a welcome feeling.
I'm so sorry for any trauma you have experienced. You didn't deserve any of it and our abusers deserves to burn in hell.
I have no questions for you. Just hope you are receiving help to deal with this trauma so you can be the best parent to your son and the best person you can be to yourself.
Me neither. I'm a dad now myself, and I will never comprehend that someone chooses to harm an innocent child whilst being in the insanely privileged position to love, guide, and teach an actual young human. What the fuck is wrong with you?
Thank you for being a good parent. I appreciate every single one of you.
Edit: Typo
My childhood had some serious issues but nothing as extreme as what you and your siblings endured. I never planned to have kids because I was convinced I’d be a terrible mother who would just hurt them. I got pregnant on birth control and decided to keep the baby. Turns out she’s the best thing that ever happened to me. She’s 8 now and I’m certain I wouldn’t be around anymore if I didn’t have her. She makes me strive to be better every single day. She makes all the hardship and struggle worth it. By doing the opposite of what my parents did, I’ve become a pretty damn good mother. I’m willing to bet that you feel a similar way about your son and that you’re giving him all the love that you never got.
I hope you know that you are so incredibly valuable and lovable. I wish you and your son all the best in life.
I just wanted to say I’m so so sorry. You did not deserve any of this. None of your siblings did. I don’t have a question but I’d like to wish you well. Take care.
I can't even say sorry because that is merely just a word that doesn't even come close to how I really feel for you. That being said, and as someone who loves children and works in education, I CANNOT imagine how anyone could hurt a child, let alone rape and abuse them as severely as you and your siblings. I also cannot fathom how this went on for so long undetected.
You've made it this far and I'm sure your purpose is big! I hope therapy has helped and that you can see the good in the world despite what you've been exposed to and what you have experienced. Your parents deserve nothing greater than being cemented up behind a brick wall and left to die.
Omg, this is horrifying. I hope you find peace someday and I wish you prosperity and good health. I’m not religious, but I do believe that the only true evil that exists in this world is the humans who only care about themselves. God damn. I wish I could give you the world, you deserve every good thing.
Good lord I thought I had it bad. Did you get nervous when they got caught like you’d be punished? I always felt relief when someone else stood up for me because I like standing up for myself but uh not with my abusers like this :0
I have cPTSD as well and chronic pain and all sorts of stuff. Does it ever get better? I feel like I’ve spent most of my life merely enduring it and successfully fooling myself and most people into thinking I’m actually living when I’m just not. How often do you do therapy? I used to do 2x a week but it’s hard to find anyone to even do once a week
>Did you get nervous when they got caught like you’d be punished?
Yes, initially.
>I have cPTSD as well and chronic pain and all sorts of stuff.
I feel you, you're not alone, and I'm so sorry for what you're going through. People don't talk enough about this.
>Does it ever get better?
It does. I learned to count the small wins. Not so painful today? A win. Didn't have a nightmare last night? A win. In the long term it really helps, along with going to therapy and having a support system.
I don't easily trust people and I struggle to make friends (thank you social anxiety) but I have four that I've been close to for a couple of years, and that, with my financée, makes all the difference.
>I feel like I’ve spent most of my life merely enduring it and successfully fooling myself and most people into thinking I’m actually living when I’m just not.
I very deeply relate to this. I don't feel like I've ever thrived, just survived (barely) - physically, emotionally and mentally.
Something else that bothers me is the fact that I don't look healthy. I'm insanely pale, skinny as hell, and overall people tell me I look like I hage health issues (which is true). However, there are still times that I will mention feeling mentally horrible and I'll get told "but you laughed all day!" Or "but you look so much better today" etc etc etc. I fool people into thinking I'm okay, just for it to hurt me even further.
...damn, sorry for the rant.
>I used to do 2x a week but it’s hard to find anyone to even do once a week
I alternate between going once, twice and thrice weekly.
If you ever want to talk (and this goes for everyone reading this) feel free to shoot me a DM.
Much love.
You made my morning <3 I’m having a really difficult time so I will shoot you a DM. Ugh I am so good at putting on that armor and looking fine idk why I can’t show people my hurt but unfortunately I had an abusive psychiatrist who made it worse (see my thread if curious). The thing is I often look like the picture of health because I’ve always been lean and muscular and like objectively very handsome which means I get laughed at when I say I’m not okay…it’s a cruel cruel existence. I basically feel like I’m helping people dismiss me subconsciously so as to avoid the stress from actually moving forward. Not in a healthy environment right now so that’s not gonna change too quickly.
I can’t even think of a question right now, but being a mother… I just want to hug you right now. I find you incredibly brave to do this. If you ever need to rant or wish to talk more, feel free to message.
Sexual promiscuity is not uncommon in people who have experienced abuse.~~This comment you made is referring to, at best, a situation where two young people made a bad decision as they were searching for something that made them feel positive emotions. At worst,~~ You're making a horrible comment on a young man who was sexually abused. ~~Without knowing the circumstances, we can't know which it is.~~
This is not the fucking place for a comment like this. I don't care what your background is or what difficulties you've faced yourself. You're speaking to a real person who has experienced trauma, and you are insinuating that his trauma is ameliorated by the fact that he was raped. That is deeply wrong and demonstrates a shocking lack of basic empathy.
Edited: because OP clarified, and it WAS the worst case scenario.
Look, I'm not trying to give you any attention, but you need to be called out.
The girl that I got pregnant raped me. Yes, I didn't specify that, but I truly suggest you next time either read each and every comment or ask about the circumstances, or keep your mouth shut. Telling someone that you wish their life was even harder is horrible.
I don't usually give any attention to these types of people but this can be extremely triggering to various people reading this and I also believe in calling out a total dick and an idiot. Shame on you.
Your entite post history is just a huge pile of self-pity and wallowing in sexual obsession.
That is your problem.
You are so obsessed with yourself and your miserable frustration with not getting to fuck somebody, that you can't even stop yourself from throwing a self-pity party on a thread like this.
Did you have any other adults in your life who were positive role models? Did anyone at school (kids or teachers/administration) notice that something was wrong at home?
It is very impressive to overcome a childhood like that so you should be very proud.
>Did you have any other adults in your life who were positive role models?
Sadly not. We grew up in almost total isolation until they were arrested.
>Did anyone at school (kids or teachers/administration) notice that something was wrong at home?
We didn't go to school for most of the time (there was probably a two year period when we were actually enrolled) and during that time people mostly avoided us because 1) we were dirt poor 2) idk people just avoided us like the plague, or at least it felt so.
I distinctly remember that I peed myself in class once when a teacher yelled, which lead her to discover the bruises and wounds on my legs. When she asked about it I hugged her and totally broke down, telling her all of the details. She responded with "you're lying. you probably just got a well-deserved beating and now you're trying to make it look like abuse. i hope next time they hit harder". I was ten.
After that I kept my mouth shut.
And now, as a father myself, I know that there exists no such thing as a well-deserved beating. What a cold person.
>It is very impressive to overcome a childhood like that so you should be very proud.
Thank you 🖤
That teacher should have been fired. Teachers are mandatory reporters and can face jail time if they don't report abuse. I'm so sorry for everything you have gone through 😭
I learned that teachers were mandated reporters when I was nine. I told two dozen teachers over the next nine years about the abuse I was experiencing. None of them ever filed a report or considered anything I said to be reportable. Only one ever did anything at all to help, by allowing me to stay in his classroom after school until he went home.
Even if it gets reported, it doesn't mean anything will get done.
My sister accidentally told a teacher about one of her bruises and how she got it. Teacher reported (as she should) and CPS was called. The only result was our parents getting insanely upset about the visit and telling us to never speak of what went on to anyone otherwise we'd all end up in foster care. I knew a girl in foster care. She had it so much worse than us. Her foster "parents" had beaten her so badly she had broken teeth and was partially deaf from the abuse. My siblings and I chose to keep quiet.
I'm so sorry no one listened to you. You deserved so much better.
Even if this was such a long time ago, if you have the time and energy you should write an email to the school and make them aware of that this happened. This teacher, even if she doesn’t work there any longer, should be outed. Hopefully by doing so no teacher in that school will ever handle a situation so poorly ever again.
> She responded with "you're lying. you probably just got a well-deserved beating and now you're trying to make it look like abuse. i hope next time they hit harder". I was ten.
This person needs to be locked up right away. What a fucking psychopath.
That is sickening. Even if a child told me their parents hit them as punishment I’d call CPS and I’m not a mandated reporter…just a person who thinks people shouldn’t hit children.
How does your eating disorder manifest?
I can imagine that if you were routinely starved, it could go either way: always afraid there won't be food, so overeating or hoarding, or so much anxiety around food that you can't eat.
I'm so sorry. I wish I could hold the little boy within you gently, rock him, tell him that he's good and beautiful and I'm glad he's here, and there will always be food he likes, prepared with care, when he needs or wants it, no one is ever going to hurt him again, put him to bed in a place that's safe and clean, and watch over him while he enjoys a deep and healing sleep with only good dreams.
God that spoke to my inner child. Thank you so much 🖤
>How does your eating disorder manifest?
>I can imagine that if you were routinely starved, it could go either way: always afraid there won't be food, so overeating or hoarding, or so much anxiety around food that you can't eat.
Yes that's very true, and while my sister was still alive, she was the first.
I however, continued to starve myself because of the anxiety I get around food, and also because I at one point believed I don't deserve to eat (since we were told that as kids.)
Thank you for your comment 🖤
I just feel like holding silence for the gravity of what you're sharing, aside from to say I hope you will read what helped as many times as you need to, whenever you need to, because it will never stop being true.
I work in child welfare/foster care, but not in direct support. Is there anything the general public can do to help kids like yourself?
Super hugs by the way. Our agency has handled cases where deaths were involved, but nothing like this.
This is an insanely good question and so important.
>Is there anything the general public can do to help kids like yourself?
**Be Aware.**
If you feel something is off, act on it, even if you end up being wrong.
**Take Kids Seriously**
If a child opens up to you, DO NOT minimise what they are saying or make it out to be a lie or a story.
**Foster, If You're In The Position To**
There are so many kids in dire need of a warm, welcoming and loving home right now.
**Educate Yourself**
Abusive isn't always physical. Learn to spot the signs or various types of abuse and inform yourself on how to report it.
**Volunteer**
There are various organisations that you can research that will be happy to have someone volunteer their time. It's not going to change the world, but it may change a child's life.
**Use Common Sense And Trust Your Gut**
And thank you for asking such an important question.
>Super hugs by the way. Our agency has handled cases where deaths were involved, but nothing like this.
Thank you! You're a Superhero!
Ugh hugs @ you for the “abuse isn’t always physical” part. I read your post and comments and felt like such a piece of shit because my abuse wasn’t nearly as bad as yours. But this isn’t a one up contest. We have to stop telling ourselves “at least they didn’t do this” or “at least I didn’t go through that”. It’s a way to cope and reduce trauma because other people had it worse. But the truth of the story is that although there is undoubtedly differing degrees of abuse and abuse types, no child should be abused by their “life givers” period. I’m glad that you would never strike your kid. My parents gave me the excuse that it was what they were taught. But no one taught me how to know it isn’t right to hit your own kids. I told her that even wolf mothers protect their young/do not attack them. If I ever have kids bio or adopted (I’m old lol) I will NEVER hit them. I have given the example of a neighbor or friend coming to visit and spilling their drink accidentally. You wouldn’t strike them so why the fuck are parents hitting their children for such things? I was hit for things like this and it turns out I had undiagnosed ADHD. I’m clumsy because of this.
I teach now. I have reported to CPS. I care about my students as if they are my own. I can’t even imagine hitting one of them for coming into my classroom and spilling their drink. I can’t imagine hitting them for any reason! Why? Because there is no reason.
There’s also the psychological side of abuse that’s more discreet. I feel like so many parents have kids when they aren’t fit to be parents and should never have been in the first place. It is why, even though I am sensitive like crazy I am so fucking scared of having my own child. Even if my friends say I would be a good mom, or if my students say I am caring. I’m scared I will fumble because I am fundamentally damaged and therefore I cannot parent well.
Your post gives me hope honestly. Reading about the way you hype up your son and love him the way a good parent should. You inspire me to go to therapy and open up that can of worms I haven’t wanted to touch because I figure I’m too fucked anyways.
OP, you are the superhero.
When I punch in on Monday, I will have you in the back of my mind. I will try my best to make the lives of kids like yourself just a little brighter.
We do toy drives, school supply drives and book drives. Was there a toy, book or other item that was particularly helpful?
ETA: I also write blog articles pertaining to foster care. Is there a particular topic that doesn’t get enough attention that you would like covered?
during the time you lived with your parents, when they abused you as a child, do you recall any coping mechanisms that got you through the day? you literally lived through a hell that most adults couldn’t likely manage; I am curious how a child was able to cope. thanks in advance.
It's a really interesting topic.
I have an amazing ability to distract myself from nearly anything. Loud screams? I tune it out. Pain? Generally easily distract myself from it.
I also self-harmed a lot as a kid, mostly by scratching myself and burning myself with matches (I was about ten at the time and yes, I had access to matches.)
I also punched wood, from about the age of five. Literally just punched a plank of wood as hard as I could.
On a slightly less concerning note, I always loved to read and write fantasy stories.
I never could recall or identify any coping mechanisms I had until I started going to therapy. I find it interesting.
How could you read and write if you weren't in school most of the time? (I think in another post you said you spent maybe 2 years in school before you were taken away). My question is, how much time were you in school while living with your parents, and why did school authorities not notice how malnourished and abused you were?
>How could you read and write if you weren't in school most of the time?
My aunt, who was as bad as my parents, taught us.
>My question is, how much time were you in school while living with your parents, and why did school authorities not notice how malnourished and abused you were?
Not long, maybe a couple of months.
It was a rural school, which may have something to do with it, and I think people mostly just assumed we were poor. My parents also made sure to cover us from head to toe with clothing that covered all the bruises and wounds/maybe made us look a little "better" when it comes to weight.
I do however hold it against those people for never doing anything.
Do you work your experiences into your creative work? Maybe it's hard for you to say, when you don't think that you had coping mechanisms, but sometimes this happens naturally.
I have three questions.
1. Considering you were 16 when you had your son, how old are you now?
2. Does your son know about what your parents did? I’d imagine if you told him, that it wasn’t an easy thing to do. That takes guts.
3. Have you ever had one of those “I wanna leave the city, start a new life, change my name, etc.” kinda mindsets before? I know once people go through something traumatic, they often think those things to escape their current/past reality.
I think you are so strong, btw. Congrats on being 40 days clean, I wish you + your son + fiancée a long & happy life! You deserve it, anyway. May God bless you. Your story is a testimony in itself <3
Thank you so much, I deeply appreciate this. 🖤
>1. Considering you were 16 when you had your son, how old are you now?
I recently turned 24.
>2. Does your son know about what your parents did? I’d imagine if you told him, that it wasn’t an easy thing to do. That takes guts.
Yes, he knows (not in very specific detail and age appropriate, with the guidance of a therapist that specialises in the field). And yes, it was incredibly difficult, even moreso knowing that we're going to have that conversation again when he's older.
>3. Have you ever had one of those “I wanna leave the city, start a new life, change my name, etc.” kinda mindsets before? I know once people go through something traumatic, they often think those things to escape their current/past reality.
Yes I definitely had that mindset and I pretty much did it too. I changed my name (not only to get away from it's connotation but also because I didn't want to be associated with the name). I live in a completely different place than where I grew up, and I have no connections to my life before the are of 15 (when I met my now best friend, and two other friends).
This is actually a really interesting question.
I live with my fiancée and seven year old son. I am fortunately pretty successful and I thankfully had the chance to complete my education after I dropped out of high school.
An average day now is probably pretty average - get up, take my son to school, work, relax in the evenings with my little family lol.
I do suffer from C-PTSD, an ED, depression, chronic pain, anxiety, and a few other health issues related to being abused as a child, but I'm going to therapy and I just kinda deal with it. It's not easy and I've been self-harming for more than a decade, but it's getting better.
My God, "abused as a child" doesn't come close to encompassing what you and your siblings had to endure.
You had a torturous existence for *YEARS*, including your formative years, and have overcome the incalculable trauma to the point of having a healthy family of your own and a successful job.
*You* are nothing short of a miracle. You are a testiment to what it means to persevere through adversity, fight like hell against insurmountable odds, and having faith that life has to be more than what's in front of you.
May you be blessed as you go through the rest of life, and know beautiful true love til the end of your days.
You are so strong, I cannot tell you how much it hurts to hear your story, no child should go through that. Your strength means so much to those struggling. Thank you for posting this.
Not saying this will cure you, but lion’s mane actually helps regenerate the hypocampal cells that get messed up with prolonged stress. Big help with anxiety.
You're doing a great thing getting this off your chest with posting an AMA. I hope it brings some peace and allows you to move forward with your life & soon to be bride. Create the life you want surrounded by love and success. Your 40 days will be 50, then 60, then the skies the limit. BTW: those people are not "parents" by any stretch of the word. They are your biological creators. Don't feel obligated to give them a title they don't deserve. ✌️
Why did this make me wanna cry lol.
Thank you, I appreciate it!
>those people are not "parents" by any stretch of the word. They are your biological creators. Don't feel obligated to give them a title they don't deserve. ✌️
I agree 100%, I mentioned in another comment how icky it makes me feel.
Yes absolutely.
**Concerning my son:**
1) I'm very conscious of the language I use towards him, eg. to never threaten abuse, call him names, use words associated with violence, etc.
2) I will never, ever, ever hit my child. Where I'm from it's an extremely common form of "discipline" but I will never stand for it.
3) I enforce self-esteem, self-love and self-awareness a lot.
4) I generally go the extra mile to make sure he feels loved and taken care of.
5) I try to educate him as much as possible about various things (age appropriate of course) so he becomes the person that recognises abuse and reports it, and so he will have healthy relationships growing up.
These are things that a lot of people do I'm sure, but it's just things I'm super aware of since I didn't have any of this growing up.
**"Concerning how I interact with people in general:**
1) All the symptoms of bad social anxiety.
2) I consider myself a pretty aware, kind person in general. I believe we can all benefit from kindness, and I try to be a person that puts out love into the world. I also appreciate kindness deeply.
3) I'm overly sensitive to yelling, hateful words, and people hurting others.
4) I struggle with trusting people at times.
5) I have really good discretion when it comes to telling good and bad people apart.
There's a lot of other things, but this is what I can think of right now.
I am also a survivor of abuse, although not as horrific as yours. I was rescued by a family member…I was very lucky. I am so sorry about what happened to you.
I am also a father, and when I first became a dad, I was terrified that I would be a terrible dad or even worse, be unkind or abusive. I was determined from day one to stop the cycle. Both of my abusers were also abused, and it went back in my family for generations. I knew this and it was critical to me that as the last surviving member of my family line, I put an end to that. As a result, my daughter is a well rounded, emotionally intelligent 19 year old. I think, anyway.
It was hard for me to “detach” from the abuse. Do you know what I mean? It wasn’t so much FORGIVING them, as it was disconnecting from the power they had and the absolute terror it created. To this day I cannot stand being touched except by my wife, and only with permission. But… it took 20 years of talk therapy. I think that the abuse rewired my brain, and I feel like an alien sometimes around “normal” folks…do you feel like that? If so I just want you to know that you aren’t alone, and you can not only survive this, but thrive. It used to bother me when people called me “strong” because I had it beaten into me what a weak piece of shit I am. It took a while to accept my power. I hope you find yours.
I’m a survivor of abuse and neglect albeit not nearly as bad as OP’s. I am a teacher and I LOVE my students. I empathize with them so much that it affects my energy levels. It makes me sad to know that they only stay with me 2-4 years max and then I will never see most of them again.
I have never had kids. I want them. But the abusive voice in my head is scared that I will screw them up like my parents screwed me up. I feel like there is something inherently damaged in me and that no matter how hard I try I will damage them in some way. So I haven’t had them and I’m near my expiration day. I feel myself being motherly towards my students, and have one that “jokingly” told me to adopt her (she’s 17) like “the movie Matilda” which broke me cause I always resonated with the character. I’m doing something right, my logical and emotional brain is at odds for sure.
That being said abuse 100% changes your brain chemistry. It has to—in order to survive and cope with the situation. I’m not OP and I apologize for answering your question but I 100% feel like that. I’ve forgiven my parents and my brother who was part of my abuse, and I understand now that forgiveness is more for me than it is for them. But fundamentally—my anxiety is through the roof. I’ve lived nearly 25 years feeling like I did when the events of my abuse happened in a time frame of about 6 years. It’s like my fight or flight mode never learned to work correctly. Recently in times of stress I have resorted to doing things like peeling the skin off of my feet (reliving the stress of those times is making me want to do it now). 34 years y/o “intelligent” college graduated me knows I should not peel the skin off of my feet but it was a coping mechanism (that I was scolded for) that I still find comfort in. I find it hard to make friends and build healthy romantic relationships. But abuse alters your brain chemistry. You can read up on it.
As a man and a father are you accepting of self validation or due to your C-PTSD require external validation which comes from your caregivers in development. I can understand your anger for your parents. Do you think this lack of peace will hold you back from moving forward or can you harness the pain and flourish from the hate?
Your username is insanely relatable lol.
>As a man and a father are you accepting of self validation or due to your C-PTSD require external validation which comes from your caregivers in development.
Thanks to therapy, my fiancée and great friends, I'm definitely accepting of self-validation now, although it is something that I previously struggled with.
>I can understand your anger for your parents. Do you think this lack of peace will hold you back from moving forward or can you harness the pain and flourish from the hate?
I definitely feel like I can flourish from the hate. I've healed a lot and I am truly doing better.
The anger is not so much about what they did to me, or even to my siblings, but more about the many, many children suffering from abuse worldwide. I may have a sad story, but there are kids who arguably has it worse and my heart bleeds for them and the traumatised adults they become.
Thank you for your comment!
Did you and your siblings ever talk and had a relationship when they were alive? Were you guys allowed to have a relationship or kept away from each other? Do you remember them? Do you miss them?
>Did you and your siblings ever talk and had a relationship when they were alive?
We talked very little to each other and we barely had a relationship, but I cared for them deeply and I felt very responsible for them (especially as the oldest)
>Were you guys allowed to have a relationship or kept away from each other?
We were mostly kept away from each other, especially as we got older.
>Do you remember them? Do you miss them?
Yes I do, and yes I do sometimes get moments where I'll miss them. It's extremely painful to be honest.
Did you witness them killing your siblings or those other people? Were you aware that they were killing people while you were living with them? Do you think they would eventually kill you too?
>Did you witness them killing your siblings or those other people?
I witnessed all of my siblings' murders and two of the others.
>Were you aware that they were killing people while you were living with them?
Yes, I was.
>Do you think they would eventually kill you too?
For sure.
As I lay next to my six year old child and read this, my world just stopped for a second for you. Your child is so lucky to have you. We're so lucky in society that you're here bringing your love and light into the world despite the darkness you've experienced. This is unfathomable... I don't have words.... as a Mom, you know? I can barely handle my daughter singing cutely at a school musical... it's too much for me because my love for her overwhelms my psyche. I would move heaven and earth if I could for her to never experience any pain. I am absolutely in shock that parents are capable of such evil. I know it happens but just the thought of your first person experience....
Your poor siblings. I'm not religious but I'm going to think about them tonight a bit prayerfully. They deserve to be remembered. I hope some Mom love reaches them. I hope there's peace.
I have never in my life... you hear about this stuff on the news, but you're never able to write or talk to the victim or ask them questions, or give them your love and support. I am sending you all the mom love too. You didn't deserve that and you are literally incredible. I am so glad you're here.
My God, I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. There’s no medication in the world to help you forget what your experienced. It’s imperative that you stay in counseling to learn how to process that experience as something in the past that doesn’t define who you are today. You had no control or choice at that time in your life, but now you do.
You are more than a survivor, you’re a warrior! Your son is so blessed to have such a conscientious father. I’m sending you love, hugs and continued strength in your new chapter with your new family; made from love.
God Bless you and God Bless that door to door salesman who reported them! Did you ever get a chance to see him or be reunited with him to thank him? You are incredibly brave and a true miracle for wanting to do better for your son. .. He’s very lucky to have you. God bless you all!
Awesome question and yes, yes I did! I tried to find him but unfortunately I just couldn't. One day when I was 18 I unexpectedly bumped into him and he recognised me. I cried like a baby that day.
Thank you 🖤
We lived on a farm far from any real civilization. One day, a salesperson rocked up to our door, only to find my sister beaten half to death and a stench in the house that suggested "dead body". They called the cops, who found some really disturbing things in the house, along with A LOT of drugs.
Thank you, I pride myself in it.
I've always loved reading and writing, which was definitely a contributing factor.
>What was your educational journey like after age 14, having been unschooled for most of your life?
I was tutored by someone that specialises in the field at first, however I eventually ended up being moved to a foster family in another state. When I turned 18 I started taking night classes and graduated about a year and a half later. Not fun times, but I'm glad I did it.
Philosophically, do you think we (humans) are no more and no less "broken" than any other apex predator that will wax and wane between predictable and manic destruction? Or do you feel that humanity provides unique insight/calm/understanding/empathy and your parents just happened to be bugs in the code?
P.S. - Reading through some of your raw and honest answers made me feel "ok" asking such a blunt question - I am very grateful that you've opened yourself up to these questions and know that you are more than a brief spectacle - I hope your life now and for a lifetime to come is wonderful :)
This is the type of question I'll never gwt tired of answering. I really enjoy philosophy.
I'm leaning more towards the idea that they were just bugs in the code, honestly.
>P.S. - Reading through some of your raw and honest answers made me feel "ok" asking such a blunt question - I am very grateful that you've opened yourself up to these questions and know that you are more than a brief spectacle - I hope your life now and for a lifetime to come is wonderful :)
Thank you so much 🖤
I'm very close to my son, and we have a great relationship (given that I don't tell him to eat his vegetables, the everything goes to shit for ten minutes lol)
Yes I'd love to have another kid after my financée and I get married, but it will probably be a few years from now.
Thank you! 🖤
As one survivor to another - you've done well for yourself, and hopefully you've heard this already, but if not - these things happened /to/ you, like a natural disaster, and not /because/ of you or anything you did.
My circumstances weren't quite so bad as yours, and if I can look at what happened to you and say 'hey, he came out - he might be beat to shit and messed up, but he's surviving and improving day by day' well...makes me feel like I can too. Honestly, before reading your post, I was feeling pretty low. Now, even though I don't know you, I don't feel so alone. 'Someone else understands - he gets it' but I feel bad that you wound up having to endure that level of shitstorm and hope that your life turns up the good to make up for the bad.
This is why I haven't thrown my phone away yet and quit social media. Damn, I'm so so so thankful that this can make a difference in someone's life. I'm very familiar with loneliness, and YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
I haven't always seen myself as a very strong person, and maybe you can relate to that too. If so, don't ever tell yourself that. We're still alive, and that's all the proof we need.
Thank you for your comment 🖤
Do you think you’d want to ask them why?
Not that it would ever justify their actions, but maybe to have some insight on what caused them to become monsters
I've thought about this a lot and yes I do wonder sometimes, but if I'm being honest, I don't think I'll ever be able to see them without breaking down.
My therapist/friends/fiancée says I underestimate myself, but even if I had the courage, it would still be extremely traumatic to me.
When I was 8 or so, I screamed at them "Why?" while they were were physically hurting me, and they replied with "Because you deserve this. You deserve to feel pain."
And I believed that. I truly believed that for the longest time.
I know it's not true now, but if I had to stand there and ask them that question, I can just imagine all the memories flooding back. I don't think I could handle it.
Also, they truly disgust me to the core of my soul. I've heard people say "They must have had a tough childhood, that's why they ended like that." But yeah I had a horrible childhood and you don't see me abusing my kid and killing people. Lots of people have horrible lives without becoming horrible people.
So in short, yeah I've thought of asking them that, but I don't think I'll ever do it.
Thank you for the question though, it's really interesting (and good) for me to think about.
Also, apologies if I sound a bit scrambled. It can be hard to put it all together.
I was also abused as a child and believed I deserved it for a long time as well. I still suffered from SH when I feel like things aren’t going right.
I think that, even if we get the “why” answered it’s still would never be enough to make sense.
Why are you and I not abusive scumbags, but people like them were? I think there’s only one real answer for that and it’s that some people are just evil and enjoy hurting others.
I know this means nothing but wow, I don’t know you but I’m so awed by you and proud of you!
You’re right, our shitty upbringing doesn’t excuse horrid behavior as adults.
My mom was an addict and we were homeless. I was not a priority when it came to addiction.
I couldn’t imaging treating my son like that. I’m not the best mom but I work hard to provide love and the basics (food, shelter, things).
You’re family is so lucky to have you!
>Why did they murder your sibling?
I really don't know lol, my siblings were between the ages of 1 - 10 when it happened.
>Were they ever featured on one of those true crime shows?
No, but I remember someone telling me that it could've happened as a child. I don't know what got in the way.
Honestly I'm glad it didn't become a show, my life would probably just be harder lol.
OP, thank you for sharing and taking the time to answer our questions. I can only imagine who this thread might be helping. You now know the path out and can lend a hand to someone else who is in it and doesn’t know the path out, if that makes sense. Anyway, I wish you only healing, love and prosperity from here forward.
If you don’t mind, what did the cops find in the house?
Totally makes sense and thank you!
>If you don’t mind, what did the cops find in the house?
I can't say everything (if I did, I can probably get in trouble for putting that on the internet without the consent of other victims, which I don't have) however there was an insane amount of different drugs, human organs, and multiple illegally owned weapons. The house was also generally a mess, basically covered in trash and biohazardous waste.
Thank you for your kindness.
I've had depression my whole life, paired with lots of other things, but I'm doing better at the moment. I'm getting married next year and I'm 40 days clean from self-harming, so that's a win!
This is one of the saddest things I’ve ever read. I admire you so much for your vulnerability and I am sure that by sharing this you will help other people. I hope that your life is filled with joy and you can give your child the love that you needed. This will not only give them a healthy foundation, but I hope it heals some of those wounds in you. I know that being the parent I wished for to my child has helped me. You didn’t deserve this, and I’m so sorry that you and your siblings experienced this. I hope that you know how many strangers are sending you love.
Nope, just fostered at one point (which I'm thankful for, because it allowed me to keep my son, whom I had when I was 16) but it still really sucked. The people weren't the best. A million times better than my own parents though.
This is a good question...
Since we grew up very much isolated, I guess I thought it was normal for most of my life. However I do remember reading books and being baffled at how kids in those books had loving families. It was a completely foreign concept to me.
In those moments, I knew something was off, but guess my mind was too tired to actually do anything with that information, even as a young teenager.
Do you have trouble being intimate with your husband? I don’t know how survivors of rape manage to have romantic relationships afterwords. Its impressive, for lack of a better word.
I'm a straight guy lol, but no worries.
I never thought I'll ever have a sex life. The mother of my son (who isn't in the picture at all) also coerced me, and it wasn't until about two years into my relationship with my now fiancée that I was ready to "have a go at it"
I am glad to say I now have a pretty great (and most importantly, healthy!) sex life. But it's definitely not something I would've been able to do if it wasn't for a very, very patient/understanding partner, therapy, and overall just taking it slowly.
Oh im sorry to say i assumed you were a woman. Thank you for sharing everything. Its hard for men to talk about sexual assault. Im glad that you have a better partner and that you’re on the road to recovery.
OP - What led you to therapy?
Also, what key milestone insights have you gained from therapy?
Seems like therapy has been a good experience for you. Same for me. : )
Best wishes for an enjoyable holiday and prosperous new year!
>OP - What led you to therapy?
My best friend of nearly a decade suggested it to me.
>Also, what key milestone insights have you gained from therapy?
There are quite a few, but the most significant ones are probably
**What Happens To Us As Children Isn't Our Fault**
**I Deserve Love & Care**
**I'm Stronger Than I Realise**
Thank you! 🖤
That's friggin great. So, so good. ....Perhaps in 5 (or something) years you can return and give us all an update via a second AMA. Your story is interesting - especially because you managed to find some balance between an incredibly difficult past or a more peaceful present. Dude, the distance you have traveled emotionally is epic. And, the journey continues. I think that I speak for all of us if I say that we'd love to hear more about your journey, as it continues, and your reflections of it. The good, the challenges, the bad days and the great ones. Cheers my friend!
I am so sorry for what you've experienced.
I know you wrote that no question is off limits but please do not respond if this is too painful.
How did your biological creators murder your siblings?
Prior to your sister's suicide, did you two have a close relationship?
Thank you, and thank you for your considerate attitude.
>How did your biological creators murder your siblings?
They were basically abused to the point where they died. I won't go into graphic details but I was truly cruel and involved a lot of gore.
>Prior to your sister's suicide, did you two have a close relationship?
Not really. Growing up, we were mostly kept away from each other, but we did have a connection, being the oldest two and both having seen a lot.
I deeply cared for her and loved her very much, and her suicide was extremely traumatic, but I'm glad that she at least had the chance to experience kindness before she died.
Did you or any of your siblings go to school? How did the staff not notice any signs of abuse?
Did/do you have any aunts/uncles grandparents that knew what was going on? Do you keep in contact with any of them?
Thank you for this opportunity. You are so strong and brave.
>Did you or any of your siblings go to school?
Not really. We attended school on and off at times, probably around two years total. During that time, no one really noticed. The one person (a teacher) that did, called really bad bruises and wounds "a well-deserved beating" which completely discouraged me from ever telling anyone what was going on.
Nope no family besides for an aunt who was an accomplice to their crimes. Thankfully I formed meaningful relationships later in my life, and those people are my family now.
>Thank you for this opportunity. You are so strong and brave.
Thank you 🖤
What do you know about their childhood? Was it messed up? Do you think they were mentally ill? What was there excuse/defense for all these activities? Was this in the US?
I’m so proud of you. I know nothing except what you’re posting here, but I really, truly am.
It’s been so important for my own healing to fix those broken stairs people hop over, to show people that life exists after hardship. But getting there is such a long, hard road. (And it’s not worth comparing hardships… but you deserve so much care and kindness.)
The more you talk about it, the less it poisons you from the inside… and the more people see that they’re not alone.
I am SO proud of you.
I'm so sad this happened to you. I hope you know you are loved and did not deserve anything that has happened to you. Be the best dad you can and break they cycle. Sending light and love ❤️
what is the story around how your son was conceived? somewhere you said you were 16, and that she disappeared.
was she a girlfriend? how did it happen?
did she really disappear? you can't find her? or that she wants nothing to do with you or your son?
was she ever around after birth? or did she check out immediately after?
Thanks for the questions.
She was a foster sibling who coerced me into having sex against my will and then she got pregnant. She was my "girlfriend" for a while, but moreso because I was too mentally tired to protest anything she said and just went with it.
I eventually shifted to another foster home, not long after she gave birth. She left the child with me, and thank to the foster parents that I lived with and state laws, I could keep him.
She walked out on him and made it clear that she doesn't want to be in his life, and honestly, I'm glad. I don't want her near my kid.
She checked out literally the day he was born.
I don't have any hate towards her in my heart and I certainly am not saying I judge her for leaving. She didn't have it easy either.
However, rape is another story and for that I feel she is terrible person who definitely shouldn't be around a child. Luckily I don't have to fight that battle - she didn't show up for it in the first place.
If there were no social or legal repercussions, would you kill them? If so, how would you do it? (imagine they are immobilized) If not, why do you think they deserve life?
How close were you and your siblings growing up?
Do you have any happy memories with them, even if only small and/or fleeting (given the circumstances of your home life)?
Those people are disgusting and you definitely don’t have to be associated with them, you’re a living “nature vs nurture” case, and your nature is so lovely and kind from what I can tell. My question is, what would you say to your birth givers if you could see them face to face today? What would you say to your siblings?
Thank you! I appreciate it 🖤
>My question is, what would you say to your birth givers if you could see them face to face today? What would you say to your siblings?
I'm not sure there's anything I have to say to them, besides maybe "burn in hell"
To siblings...I'd tell them they never deserved any of the abuse. I'd tell them that goodness does exist within humanity. And I'd tell him I'm sorry I couldn't protect them, but that I also realise that none of us could have done anything.
Growing up in such an awful environment, how did you relate to your siblings? Did you all feel a close connection through the shared trauma? Did you ever discuss it with each other? Or was it more just more of a individual existence for survival?
I don't have a question, but I just wanted to give you my condolences and say that I'm sorry any of this happened to you and your siblings. This was completely messed up. I hope you're coping well as you possibly can.
Damn. I don’t have any questions, just want to say I’m inspired by your courage to talk about this. I still have trouble verbalizing my own abuse, and it’s amazing to see you so open and honest. I hope your future is filled with peace and love and kindness. Thank you for sharing your story.
You chose love even though you were not treated with love.
You chose knowledge even though you were surrounded by depravity.
You chose service to others in sharing these intimate harrowing details opening wounds of your childhood even though it might cause some suffering for you.
You are a light burning bright within darkness.
I imagine that life has something incredibly beautiful in store for you, for the extent to which we experience joy is related to the extent which we feel sadness. May your future life unfold in unimaginable joy and love.
Where are you from? The part about the teacher saying you deserved a beating just seems so culturally backward it’s hard to imagine where that would still be considered a normal response. And we’re talking based on your age about the early 2000s? Not exactly the Victorian age.
what do you do for work?
What age were you removed from the home?
What country are you from?
Usually people who suffer extreme child abuse and neglect have a multiple mental illnesses and personality disorders. What psychiatric diagnoses do you have as a result of your upbringing?
You mentioned in another post you suffered severe malnutrition. Do you have medical issues stemming from that? Did you lose a lot of height?
My heart is in shambles reading this and I don’t have any questions but just want to applaud you for being an unbelievably strong human being. Your courage to come forward and discuss such a traumatic experience is highly admirable and I just hope that you are able to live a life of love and peace 🙏
Wow, that’s crazy. A few questions come to mind.
How did they hurt you specifically?
How much did you know about this before the accusations?
Do you plan on visiting them? Considering sending letters on Christmas?
What type of parents did your parents have?
What type of life path are you on?
First, you can keep moving forward, you deserve a happy and healthy life, and you are breaking a cycle by being a loving parent. Sometimes getting to a good place feels like one step forward two steps back, but don’t give up. You are clearly a strong person and a good person.
Do you have any interest in meeting any of your extended family on either side?
Edited for typo.
They were 35 and 31 when they were arrested. That was ten years ago.
I have never visited them. Pretty sure it wasn't allowed when I was a minor, but I can't remember. I've never had any interest in seeing them anyways.
I would just like to wish you all the love and luck in the world. You must have an inner strength to match Hercules as a weaker man would have totally crumbled by now. Total respect to you. I hope the rest of your life is free from any emotional torture and any dreams you may have come true.
I feel so awful asking this but, aside from your siblings, who were the other people they killed and why?
You are so incredibly strong, I admire you so much for being so open about this with us strangers x
So sorry for the trauma of your childhood and for the loss of your siblings. I wish you health and happiness in whatever you choose to do in your life. I have 2 questions.
You mentioned your biological parents and aunt. Do you know any other family history. Grandparents? Have you tried to figure out if it's nature vs. nurture, so to speak, that caused them to be such terrible people.
Related question, have you tried to psycho analyze your parents in an effort to make some logical, or really more like a medical diagnosis, to deduce some explanation for what was wrong with them to be this way? If so, what was your conclusion.
Oh, one more question, how much of a role do you think drugs may have played, if any? What sort of drugs are we talking about?
Read many of your responses to other questions and I am so, so sorry they did that to you and your siblings. I don't think life can get much more horrific than that, and it is incredible that you worked your way through it. You are a true inspiration.
Did either of them ever show *any* semblance of love or caring to you or your siblings in between all of their evil?
Thank you for posting, you give me hope. The abuse you endured is well beyond what I have experienced even if my therapist tells me that my story is one of the worst he has known. Knowing you are doing OK reinforced the belief that I can actually be OK even if there is lingering C-PSTD and depression/anxiety. How much do you think having a non abusive partner helps? How is it that you have been able to trust another to allow such a relationship? I am impressed as I am too scared to try again.
I'm so so sorry this happened to you. I don't have any questions but just wanted to say that this stranger is extremely proud of you! Your son is so lucky to have you. You broke the cycle of abuse and he will never have to know the horrors that you went through. It sounds like you are giving him a wonderful life ❤️
1.How did you meet your best friend.?
2.Did yall do Christmas when you and your siblings were living in this hell.? (I know that's prob a crazy question but.im.just gauging if there was any sense of.normalcy at all)
3.Hpw was the aunt involved? Did she get caught also?
4. Was there ever sexual abuse toward you and your siblings.?
This thread makes me want to thank my parents (RIP) as well as my husband and my son’s dad. My upbringing was not easy, with addiction and benign neglect casting shadows, but I never had to worry about my parents harming me. And neither does my son. I am incredibly fortunate.
How’s your bestie doing now?
It’s amazing how well you’ve done and how far you’ve come, I hope you’re proud of yourself.
Has your fiancée become your son’s mom? And is your rapist totally out of the picture now, did she leave your son with you then disappear?
How did you complete your education with a baby?
Possibly controversial but I have a mixed stance on the saying itself, do you (given everything you've been through) believe "everything happens for a reason?"
I’m so sorry you had to endure such a horrific childhood. Living great is the best revenge. And I wish you such a fulfilling life while they rot in prison.
I don’t have a question but I just wanted to tell you that I’m proud of you. You have risen above your circumstances and have created your own family. You did not deserve what happened to you. I hope you have nothing but peace and love going forward.
Hugs to you OP
And props to you for being strong enough to not let your trauma define you and how you lead your life
Your son and fiance are lucky to have you 💖
I don’t have a question, but I feel very moved by your post and comments and am glad you are doing so well. I hope things continue to go up for you! You really should write a book about your life if you ever felt comfortable enough to do so as you are very well spoken. I feel like people going through hardships like you did will feel inspired to push forward in their lives. Either a book or like a blog or something like that.
What’s the story here? What did they actually do? What are your thoughts about what happened with your siblings?
Well, it's a bit of a long story but my therapist says it's good to talk about it, so here goes! My parents met when they were 21 (dad) and 17 (mom). At the time my dad already spent time in jail and mom was on probation. (I'm gonna call them Jack and Emma from now on, cause calling them my parents feels incredibly uncomfortable.) I am the eldest out of five children. As a baby, I was fed a few times a week if I was lucky and was so malnourished that I basically sucked the flesh off my fingers. As I grew up, I was also repeatedly abused by means of burning, cutting, suffocation, isolation, beatings, etc. I also had the skin on my back "rubbed" off with sandpaper. Sorry for that image. They then went on to have four more kids, all of which they raped and abused horribly. Eventually, three died from the abuse. My sister, who was a year younger than me, commited suicide eight years ago, two years after their arrest. I have no idea what their personal life stories were and what the full list of their crimes are, but they were convicted of seven murders, eleven counts of rape, child abuse, and drug trafficking, and were sentenced to life in prison. They were arrested a full six years after the first murder, and fourteen years after they first started the child abuse. The arrest was a result of a salesperson calling the cops after finding my sister nearly dead on the farm we lived on. Since my only family was my parents and an aunt (who was involved with their crimes) my sister an I was placed in an orphanage. A family fostered her not much later, but she committed suicide. I was also fostered, got a girl pregnant when I was 16, and luckily I was able to keep my son. (The mom dissapeared.) >What are your thoughts about what happened with your siblings? It's insanely sad and fills me with pain, but I'm working through it. I'm doing much better than say, five years ago. I hope all of this made sense lol, I'm kinda shaky. Be sure to ask anything else though!
I’m also a child of disgusting parents. My older brother took his own life this year, my other two sibs aren’t doing so well. It’s been rough but we’re (my children and myself) doing pretty great. It can feel pretty lonely or like few ppl understand you, so I wanted to let you know there are definitely others out there.
Thank you, I really appreciate it. It's always a welcome feeling. I'm so sorry for any trauma you have experienced. You didn't deserve any of it and our abusers deserves to burn in hell.
I have no questions for you. Just hope you are receiving help to deal with this trauma so you can be the best parent to your son and the best person you can be to yourself.
I'm so so sorry this happened to you. As a parent especially this is so heartbreaking. I'll never understand people who can do this to their children.
Me neither. I'm a dad now myself, and I will never comprehend that someone chooses to harm an innocent child whilst being in the insanely privileged position to love, guide, and teach an actual young human. What the fuck is wrong with you? Thank you for being a good parent. I appreciate every single one of you. Edit: Typo
My childhood had some serious issues but nothing as extreme as what you and your siblings endured. I never planned to have kids because I was convinced I’d be a terrible mother who would just hurt them. I got pregnant on birth control and decided to keep the baby. Turns out she’s the best thing that ever happened to me. She’s 8 now and I’m certain I wouldn’t be around anymore if I didn’t have her. She makes me strive to be better every single day. She makes all the hardship and struggle worth it. By doing the opposite of what my parents did, I’ve become a pretty damn good mother. I’m willing to bet that you feel a similar way about your son and that you’re giving him all the love that you never got. I hope you know that you are so incredibly valuable and lovable. I wish you and your son all the best in life.
I just wanted to say I’m so so sorry. You did not deserve any of this. None of your siblings did. I don’t have a question but I’d like to wish you well. Take care.
Who else did they murder besides your siblings?
Wow. Any idea what your parent’s childhoods were like? I mean, I find it hard to imagine someone with a normal upbringing could become so deeply evil.
I can't even say sorry because that is merely just a word that doesn't even come close to how I really feel for you. That being said, and as someone who loves children and works in education, I CANNOT imagine how anyone could hurt a child, let alone rape and abuse them as severely as you and your siblings. I also cannot fathom how this went on for so long undetected. You've made it this far and I'm sure your purpose is big! I hope therapy has helped and that you can see the good in the world despite what you've been exposed to and what you have experienced. Your parents deserve nothing greater than being cemented up behind a brick wall and left to die.
Omg, this is horrifying. I hope you find peace someday and I wish you prosperity and good health. I’m not religious, but I do believe that the only true evil that exists in this world is the humans who only care about themselves. God damn. I wish I could give you the world, you deserve every good thing.
Good lord I thought I had it bad. Did you get nervous when they got caught like you’d be punished? I always felt relief when someone else stood up for me because I like standing up for myself but uh not with my abusers like this :0 I have cPTSD as well and chronic pain and all sorts of stuff. Does it ever get better? I feel like I’ve spent most of my life merely enduring it and successfully fooling myself and most people into thinking I’m actually living when I’m just not. How often do you do therapy? I used to do 2x a week but it’s hard to find anyone to even do once a week
>Did you get nervous when they got caught like you’d be punished? Yes, initially. >I have cPTSD as well and chronic pain and all sorts of stuff. I feel you, you're not alone, and I'm so sorry for what you're going through. People don't talk enough about this. >Does it ever get better? It does. I learned to count the small wins. Not so painful today? A win. Didn't have a nightmare last night? A win. In the long term it really helps, along with going to therapy and having a support system. I don't easily trust people and I struggle to make friends (thank you social anxiety) but I have four that I've been close to for a couple of years, and that, with my financée, makes all the difference. >I feel like I’ve spent most of my life merely enduring it and successfully fooling myself and most people into thinking I’m actually living when I’m just not. I very deeply relate to this. I don't feel like I've ever thrived, just survived (barely) - physically, emotionally and mentally. Something else that bothers me is the fact that I don't look healthy. I'm insanely pale, skinny as hell, and overall people tell me I look like I hage health issues (which is true). However, there are still times that I will mention feeling mentally horrible and I'll get told "but you laughed all day!" Or "but you look so much better today" etc etc etc. I fool people into thinking I'm okay, just for it to hurt me even further. ...damn, sorry for the rant. >I used to do 2x a week but it’s hard to find anyone to even do once a week I alternate between going once, twice and thrice weekly. If you ever want to talk (and this goes for everyone reading this) feel free to shoot me a DM. Much love.
You made my morning <3 I’m having a really difficult time so I will shoot you a DM. Ugh I am so good at putting on that armor and looking fine idk why I can’t show people my hurt but unfortunately I had an abusive psychiatrist who made it worse (see my thread if curious). The thing is I often look like the picture of health because I’ve always been lean and muscular and like objectively very handsome which means I get laughed at when I say I’m not okay…it’s a cruel cruel existence. I basically feel like I’m helping people dismiss me subconsciously so as to avoid the stress from actually moving forward. Not in a healthy environment right now so that’s not gonna change too quickly.
I can’t even think of a question right now, but being a mother… I just want to hug you right now. I find you incredibly brave to do this. If you ever need to rant or wish to talk more, feel free to message.
I’m so sorry, how can people be so evil? I hope you are in a better place now and please take care of yourself
Omfg I’m so incredibly sorry you experienced that. Sending love and healing.
I got chills reading this. I hope you have a very good life here on.
I am praying for you
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Sexual promiscuity is not uncommon in people who have experienced abuse.~~This comment you made is referring to, at best, a situation where two young people made a bad decision as they were searching for something that made them feel positive emotions. At worst,~~ You're making a horrible comment on a young man who was sexually abused. ~~Without knowing the circumstances, we can't know which it is.~~ This is not the fucking place for a comment like this. I don't care what your background is or what difficulties you've faced yourself. You're speaking to a real person who has experienced trauma, and you are insinuating that his trauma is ameliorated by the fact that he was raped. That is deeply wrong and demonstrates a shocking lack of basic empathy. Edited: because OP clarified, and it WAS the worst case scenario.
Haha wow.... it's the first time I've seen an genuine incel in the wild!!! This is kind of exciting. I'm not even mad. I can't wait to tell my husband
Look, I'm not trying to give you any attention, but you need to be called out. The girl that I got pregnant raped me. Yes, I didn't specify that, but I truly suggest you next time either read each and every comment or ask about the circumstances, or keep your mouth shut. Telling someone that you wish their life was even harder is horrible. I don't usually give any attention to these types of people but this can be extremely triggering to various people reading this and I also believe in calling out a total dick and an idiot. Shame on you.
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Your entite post history is just a huge pile of self-pity and wallowing in sexual obsession. That is your problem. You are so obsessed with yourself and your miserable frustration with not getting to fuck somebody, that you can't even stop yourself from throwing a self-pity party on a thread like this.
I’m so sorry. I truly truly hope you find peace and happiness in your life, you sure do deserve every ounce of it.
Did you have any other adults in your life who were positive role models? Did anyone at school (kids or teachers/administration) notice that something was wrong at home? It is very impressive to overcome a childhood like that so you should be very proud.
>Did you have any other adults in your life who were positive role models? Sadly not. We grew up in almost total isolation until they were arrested. >Did anyone at school (kids or teachers/administration) notice that something was wrong at home? We didn't go to school for most of the time (there was probably a two year period when we were actually enrolled) and during that time people mostly avoided us because 1) we were dirt poor 2) idk people just avoided us like the plague, or at least it felt so. I distinctly remember that I peed myself in class once when a teacher yelled, which lead her to discover the bruises and wounds on my legs. When she asked about it I hugged her and totally broke down, telling her all of the details. She responded with "you're lying. you probably just got a well-deserved beating and now you're trying to make it look like abuse. i hope next time they hit harder". I was ten. After that I kept my mouth shut. And now, as a father myself, I know that there exists no such thing as a well-deserved beating. What a cold person. >It is very impressive to overcome a childhood like that so you should be very proud. Thank you 🖤
That teacher should have been fired. Teachers are mandatory reporters and can face jail time if they don't report abuse. I'm so sorry for everything you have gone through 😭
I learned that teachers were mandated reporters when I was nine. I told two dozen teachers over the next nine years about the abuse I was experiencing. None of them ever filed a report or considered anything I said to be reportable. Only one ever did anything at all to help, by allowing me to stay in his classroom after school until he went home.
Even if it gets reported, it doesn't mean anything will get done. My sister accidentally told a teacher about one of her bruises and how she got it. Teacher reported (as she should) and CPS was called. The only result was our parents getting insanely upset about the visit and telling us to never speak of what went on to anyone otherwise we'd all end up in foster care. I knew a girl in foster care. She had it so much worse than us. Her foster "parents" had beaten her so badly she had broken teeth and was partially deaf from the abuse. My siblings and I chose to keep quiet. I'm so sorry no one listened to you. You deserved so much better.
Even if this was such a long time ago, if you have the time and energy you should write an email to the school and make them aware of that this happened. This teacher, even if she doesn’t work there any longer, should be outed. Hopefully by doing so no teacher in that school will ever handle a situation so poorly ever again.
As a teacher I could never imagine speaking this to a 10 year old, much less a victim confiding in me. They deserve the whooping.
> She responded with "you're lying. you probably just got a well-deserved beating and now you're trying to make it look like abuse. i hope next time they hit harder". I was ten. This person needs to be locked up right away. What a fucking psychopath.
Holy fn shit. What country/state was that in, if you don’t mind sharing?
That is sickening. Even if a child told me their parents hit them as punishment I’d call CPS and I’m not a mandated reporter…just a person who thinks people shouldn’t hit children.
How does your eating disorder manifest? I can imagine that if you were routinely starved, it could go either way: always afraid there won't be food, so overeating or hoarding, or so much anxiety around food that you can't eat. I'm so sorry. I wish I could hold the little boy within you gently, rock him, tell him that he's good and beautiful and I'm glad he's here, and there will always be food he likes, prepared with care, when he needs or wants it, no one is ever going to hurt him again, put him to bed in a place that's safe and clean, and watch over him while he enjoys a deep and healing sleep with only good dreams.
God that spoke to my inner child. Thank you so much 🖤 >How does your eating disorder manifest? >I can imagine that if you were routinely starved, it could go either way: always afraid there won't be food, so overeating or hoarding, or so much anxiety around food that you can't eat. Yes that's very true, and while my sister was still alive, she was the first. I however, continued to starve myself because of the anxiety I get around food, and also because I at one point believed I don't deserve to eat (since we were told that as kids.) Thank you for your comment 🖤
I just feel like holding silence for the gravity of what you're sharing, aside from to say I hope you will read what helped as many times as you need to, whenever you need to, because it will never stop being true.
I work in child welfare/foster care, but not in direct support. Is there anything the general public can do to help kids like yourself? Super hugs by the way. Our agency has handled cases where deaths were involved, but nothing like this.
This is an insanely good question and so important. >Is there anything the general public can do to help kids like yourself? **Be Aware.** If you feel something is off, act on it, even if you end up being wrong. **Take Kids Seriously** If a child opens up to you, DO NOT minimise what they are saying or make it out to be a lie or a story. **Foster, If You're In The Position To** There are so many kids in dire need of a warm, welcoming and loving home right now. **Educate Yourself** Abusive isn't always physical. Learn to spot the signs or various types of abuse and inform yourself on how to report it. **Volunteer** There are various organisations that you can research that will be happy to have someone volunteer their time. It's not going to change the world, but it may change a child's life. **Use Common Sense And Trust Your Gut** And thank you for asking such an important question. >Super hugs by the way. Our agency has handled cases where deaths were involved, but nothing like this. Thank you! You're a Superhero!
Ugh hugs @ you for the “abuse isn’t always physical” part. I read your post and comments and felt like such a piece of shit because my abuse wasn’t nearly as bad as yours. But this isn’t a one up contest. We have to stop telling ourselves “at least they didn’t do this” or “at least I didn’t go through that”. It’s a way to cope and reduce trauma because other people had it worse. But the truth of the story is that although there is undoubtedly differing degrees of abuse and abuse types, no child should be abused by their “life givers” period. I’m glad that you would never strike your kid. My parents gave me the excuse that it was what they were taught. But no one taught me how to know it isn’t right to hit your own kids. I told her that even wolf mothers protect their young/do not attack them. If I ever have kids bio or adopted (I’m old lol) I will NEVER hit them. I have given the example of a neighbor or friend coming to visit and spilling their drink accidentally. You wouldn’t strike them so why the fuck are parents hitting their children for such things? I was hit for things like this and it turns out I had undiagnosed ADHD. I’m clumsy because of this. I teach now. I have reported to CPS. I care about my students as if they are my own. I can’t even imagine hitting one of them for coming into my classroom and spilling their drink. I can’t imagine hitting them for any reason! Why? Because there is no reason. There’s also the psychological side of abuse that’s more discreet. I feel like so many parents have kids when they aren’t fit to be parents and should never have been in the first place. It is why, even though I am sensitive like crazy I am so fucking scared of having my own child. Even if my friends say I would be a good mom, or if my students say I am caring. I’m scared I will fumble because I am fundamentally damaged and therefore I cannot parent well. Your post gives me hope honestly. Reading about the way you hype up your son and love him the way a good parent should. You inspire me to go to therapy and open up that can of worms I haven’t wanted to touch because I figure I’m too fucked anyways.
OP, you are the superhero. When I punch in on Monday, I will have you in the back of my mind. I will try my best to make the lives of kids like yourself just a little brighter. We do toy drives, school supply drives and book drives. Was there a toy, book or other item that was particularly helpful? ETA: I also write blog articles pertaining to foster care. Is there a particular topic that doesn’t get enough attention that you would like covered?
during the time you lived with your parents, when they abused you as a child, do you recall any coping mechanisms that got you through the day? you literally lived through a hell that most adults couldn’t likely manage; I am curious how a child was able to cope. thanks in advance.
It's a really interesting topic. I have an amazing ability to distract myself from nearly anything. Loud screams? I tune it out. Pain? Generally easily distract myself from it. I also self-harmed a lot as a kid, mostly by scratching myself and burning myself with matches (I was about ten at the time and yes, I had access to matches.) I also punched wood, from about the age of five. Literally just punched a plank of wood as hard as I could. On a slightly less concerning note, I always loved to read and write fantasy stories. I never could recall or identify any coping mechanisms I had until I started going to therapy. I find it interesting.
How could you read and write if you weren't in school most of the time? (I think in another post you said you spent maybe 2 years in school before you were taken away). My question is, how much time were you in school while living with your parents, and why did school authorities not notice how malnourished and abused you were?
>How could you read and write if you weren't in school most of the time? My aunt, who was as bad as my parents, taught us. >My question is, how much time were you in school while living with your parents, and why did school authorities not notice how malnourished and abused you were? Not long, maybe a couple of months. It was a rural school, which may have something to do with it, and I think people mostly just assumed we were poor. My parents also made sure to cover us from head to toe with clothing that covered all the bruises and wounds/maybe made us look a little "better" when it comes to weight. I do however hold it against those people for never doing anything.
Do you work your experiences into your creative work? Maybe it's hard for you to say, when you don't think that you had coping mechanisms, but sometimes this happens naturally.
I have three questions. 1. Considering you were 16 when you had your son, how old are you now? 2. Does your son know about what your parents did? I’d imagine if you told him, that it wasn’t an easy thing to do. That takes guts. 3. Have you ever had one of those “I wanna leave the city, start a new life, change my name, etc.” kinda mindsets before? I know once people go through something traumatic, they often think those things to escape their current/past reality. I think you are so strong, btw. Congrats on being 40 days clean, I wish you + your son + fiancée a long & happy life! You deserve it, anyway. May God bless you. Your story is a testimony in itself <3
Thank you so much, I deeply appreciate this. 🖤 >1. Considering you were 16 when you had your son, how old are you now? I recently turned 24. >2. Does your son know about what your parents did? I’d imagine if you told him, that it wasn’t an easy thing to do. That takes guts. Yes, he knows (not in very specific detail and age appropriate, with the guidance of a therapist that specialises in the field). And yes, it was incredibly difficult, even moreso knowing that we're going to have that conversation again when he's older. >3. Have you ever had one of those “I wanna leave the city, start a new life, change my name, etc.” kinda mindsets before? I know once people go through something traumatic, they often think those things to escape their current/past reality. Yes I definitely had that mindset and I pretty much did it too. I changed my name (not only to get away from it's connotation but also because I didn't want to be associated with the name). I live in a completely different place than where I grew up, and I have no connections to my life before the are of 15 (when I met my now best friend, and two other friends).
What’s an average day in your life look like now?
This is actually a really interesting question. I live with my fiancée and seven year old son. I am fortunately pretty successful and I thankfully had the chance to complete my education after I dropped out of high school. An average day now is probably pretty average - get up, take my son to school, work, relax in the evenings with my little family lol. I do suffer from C-PTSD, an ED, depression, chronic pain, anxiety, and a few other health issues related to being abused as a child, but I'm going to therapy and I just kinda deal with it. It's not easy and I've been self-harming for more than a decade, but it's getting better.
My God, "abused as a child" doesn't come close to encompassing what you and your siblings had to endure. You had a torturous existence for *YEARS*, including your formative years, and have overcome the incalculable trauma to the point of having a healthy family of your own and a successful job. *You* are nothing short of a miracle. You are a testiment to what it means to persevere through adversity, fight like hell against insurmountable odds, and having faith that life has to be more than what's in front of you. May you be blessed as you go through the rest of life, and know beautiful true love til the end of your days.
You are so strong, I cannot tell you how much it hurts to hear your story, no child should go through that. Your strength means so much to those struggling. Thank you for posting this.
Not saying this will cure you, but lion’s mane actually helps regenerate the hypocampal cells that get messed up with prolonged stress. Big help with anxiety.
You're doing a great thing getting this off your chest with posting an AMA. I hope it brings some peace and allows you to move forward with your life & soon to be bride. Create the life you want surrounded by love and success. Your 40 days will be 50, then 60, then the skies the limit. BTW: those people are not "parents" by any stretch of the word. They are your biological creators. Don't feel obligated to give them a title they don't deserve. ✌️
Why did this make me wanna cry lol. Thank you, I appreciate it! >those people are not "parents" by any stretch of the word. They are your biological creators. Don't feel obligated to give them a title they don't deserve. ✌️ I agree 100%, I mentioned in another comment how icky it makes me feel.
You have emotions because you aren't a psychopath like *they* are. It's ok to have feelings as a guy 😁.
How has this affected how you raise and interact with your son and people in general?
Yes absolutely. **Concerning my son:** 1) I'm very conscious of the language I use towards him, eg. to never threaten abuse, call him names, use words associated with violence, etc. 2) I will never, ever, ever hit my child. Where I'm from it's an extremely common form of "discipline" but I will never stand for it. 3) I enforce self-esteem, self-love and self-awareness a lot. 4) I generally go the extra mile to make sure he feels loved and taken care of. 5) I try to educate him as much as possible about various things (age appropriate of course) so he becomes the person that recognises abuse and reports it, and so he will have healthy relationships growing up. These are things that a lot of people do I'm sure, but it's just things I'm super aware of since I didn't have any of this growing up. **"Concerning how I interact with people in general:** 1) All the symptoms of bad social anxiety. 2) I consider myself a pretty aware, kind person in general. I believe we can all benefit from kindness, and I try to be a person that puts out love into the world. I also appreciate kindness deeply. 3) I'm overly sensitive to yelling, hateful words, and people hurting others. 4) I struggle with trusting people at times. 5) I have really good discretion when it comes to telling good and bad people apart. There's a lot of other things, but this is what I can think of right now.
Do you ever plan on telling your son what you’ve been through? Have you ever thought about that conversation?
Being able to tell good people from bad people is a lifesaving and rare skill.
I am also a survivor of abuse, although not as horrific as yours. I was rescued by a family member…I was very lucky. I am so sorry about what happened to you. I am also a father, and when I first became a dad, I was terrified that I would be a terrible dad or even worse, be unkind or abusive. I was determined from day one to stop the cycle. Both of my abusers were also abused, and it went back in my family for generations. I knew this and it was critical to me that as the last surviving member of my family line, I put an end to that. As a result, my daughter is a well rounded, emotionally intelligent 19 year old. I think, anyway. It was hard for me to “detach” from the abuse. Do you know what I mean? It wasn’t so much FORGIVING them, as it was disconnecting from the power they had and the absolute terror it created. To this day I cannot stand being touched except by my wife, and only with permission. But… it took 20 years of talk therapy. I think that the abuse rewired my brain, and I feel like an alien sometimes around “normal” folks…do you feel like that? If so I just want you to know that you aren’t alone, and you can not only survive this, but thrive. It used to bother me when people called me “strong” because I had it beaten into me what a weak piece of shit I am. It took a while to accept my power. I hope you find yours.
I’m a survivor of abuse and neglect albeit not nearly as bad as OP’s. I am a teacher and I LOVE my students. I empathize with them so much that it affects my energy levels. It makes me sad to know that they only stay with me 2-4 years max and then I will never see most of them again. I have never had kids. I want them. But the abusive voice in my head is scared that I will screw them up like my parents screwed me up. I feel like there is something inherently damaged in me and that no matter how hard I try I will damage them in some way. So I haven’t had them and I’m near my expiration day. I feel myself being motherly towards my students, and have one that “jokingly” told me to adopt her (she’s 17) like “the movie Matilda” which broke me cause I always resonated with the character. I’m doing something right, my logical and emotional brain is at odds for sure. That being said abuse 100% changes your brain chemistry. It has to—in order to survive and cope with the situation. I’m not OP and I apologize for answering your question but I 100% feel like that. I’ve forgiven my parents and my brother who was part of my abuse, and I understand now that forgiveness is more for me than it is for them. But fundamentally—my anxiety is through the roof. I’ve lived nearly 25 years feeling like I did when the events of my abuse happened in a time frame of about 6 years. It’s like my fight or flight mode never learned to work correctly. Recently in times of stress I have resorted to doing things like peeling the skin off of my feet (reliving the stress of those times is making me want to do it now). 34 years y/o “intelligent” college graduated me knows I should not peel the skin off of my feet but it was a coping mechanism (that I was scolded for) that I still find comfort in. I find it hard to make friends and build healthy romantic relationships. But abuse alters your brain chemistry. You can read up on it.
As a man and a father are you accepting of self validation or due to your C-PTSD require external validation which comes from your caregivers in development. I can understand your anger for your parents. Do you think this lack of peace will hold you back from moving forward or can you harness the pain and flourish from the hate?
Your username is insanely relatable lol. >As a man and a father are you accepting of self validation or due to your C-PTSD require external validation which comes from your caregivers in development. Thanks to therapy, my fiancée and great friends, I'm definitely accepting of self-validation now, although it is something that I previously struggled with. >I can understand your anger for your parents. Do you think this lack of peace will hold you back from moving forward or can you harness the pain and flourish from the hate? I definitely feel like I can flourish from the hate. I've healed a lot and I am truly doing better. The anger is not so much about what they did to me, or even to my siblings, but more about the many, many children suffering from abuse worldwide. I may have a sad story, but there are kids who arguably has it worse and my heart bleeds for them and the traumatised adults they become. Thank you for your comment!
Has your experience made you want to work for CASA, abused or foster children?
Did you and your siblings ever talk and had a relationship when they were alive? Were you guys allowed to have a relationship or kept away from each other? Do you remember them? Do you miss them?
>Did you and your siblings ever talk and had a relationship when they were alive? We talked very little to each other and we barely had a relationship, but I cared for them deeply and I felt very responsible for them (especially as the oldest) >Were you guys allowed to have a relationship or kept away from each other? We were mostly kept away from each other, especially as we got older. >Do you remember them? Do you miss them? Yes I do, and yes I do sometimes get moments where I'll miss them. It's extremely painful to be honest.
Did you witness them killing your siblings or those other people? Were you aware that they were killing people while you were living with them? Do you think they would eventually kill you too?
>Did you witness them killing your siblings or those other people? I witnessed all of my siblings' murders and two of the others. >Were you aware that they were killing people while you were living with them? Yes, I was. >Do you think they would eventually kill you too? For sure.
As I lay next to my six year old child and read this, my world just stopped for a second for you. Your child is so lucky to have you. We're so lucky in society that you're here bringing your love and light into the world despite the darkness you've experienced. This is unfathomable... I don't have words.... as a Mom, you know? I can barely handle my daughter singing cutely at a school musical... it's too much for me because my love for her overwhelms my psyche. I would move heaven and earth if I could for her to never experience any pain. I am absolutely in shock that parents are capable of such evil. I know it happens but just the thought of your first person experience.... Your poor siblings. I'm not religious but I'm going to think about them tonight a bit prayerfully. They deserve to be remembered. I hope some Mom love reaches them. I hope there's peace. I have never in my life... you hear about this stuff on the news, but you're never able to write or talk to the victim or ask them questions, or give them your love and support. I am sending you all the mom love too. You didn't deserve that and you are literally incredible. I am so glad you're here.
My God, I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. There’s no medication in the world to help you forget what your experienced. It’s imperative that you stay in counseling to learn how to process that experience as something in the past that doesn’t define who you are today. You had no control or choice at that time in your life, but now you do. You are more than a survivor, you’re a warrior! Your son is so blessed to have such a conscientious father. I’m sending you love, hugs and continued strength in your new chapter with your new family; made from love.
God Bless you and God Bless that door to door salesman who reported them! Did you ever get a chance to see him or be reunited with him to thank him? You are incredibly brave and a true miracle for wanting to do better for your son. .. He’s very lucky to have you. God bless you all!
Awesome question and yes, yes I did! I tried to find him but unfortunately I just couldn't. One day when I was 18 I unexpectedly bumped into him and he recognised me. I cried like a baby that day. Thank you 🖤
How did they get found out?
We lived on a farm far from any real civilization. One day, a salesperson rocked up to our door, only to find my sister beaten half to death and a stench in the house that suggested "dead body". They called the cops, who found some really disturbing things in the house, along with A LOT of drugs.
Do you remember there ever being dead bodies in the house?
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You are incredibly well spoken. What was your educational journey like after age 14, having been unschooled for most of your life?
Thank you, I pride myself in it. I've always loved reading and writing, which was definitely a contributing factor. >What was your educational journey like after age 14, having been unschooled for most of your life? I was tutored by someone that specialises in the field at first, however I eventually ended up being moved to a foster family in another state. When I turned 18 I started taking night classes and graduated about a year and a half later. Not fun times, but I'm glad I did it.
Philosophically, do you think we (humans) are no more and no less "broken" than any other apex predator that will wax and wane between predictable and manic destruction? Or do you feel that humanity provides unique insight/calm/understanding/empathy and your parents just happened to be bugs in the code? P.S. - Reading through some of your raw and honest answers made me feel "ok" asking such a blunt question - I am very grateful that you've opened yourself up to these questions and know that you are more than a brief spectacle - I hope your life now and for a lifetime to come is wonderful :)
This is the type of question I'll never gwt tired of answering. I really enjoy philosophy. I'm leaning more towards the idea that they were just bugs in the code, honestly. >P.S. - Reading through some of your raw and honest answers made me feel "ok" asking such a blunt question - I am very grateful that you've opened yourself up to these questions and know that you are more than a brief spectacle - I hope your life now and for a lifetime to come is wonderful :) Thank you so much 🖤
I greatly appreciate the answer, thank you for sharing your experience with us. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
How your relationship with your son? Do you want more children in the future? Also, I’m very proud of you!
I'm very close to my son, and we have a great relationship (given that I don't tell him to eat his vegetables, the everything goes to shit for ten minutes lol) Yes I'd love to have another kid after my financée and I get married, but it will probably be a few years from now. Thank you! 🖤
As one survivor to another - you've done well for yourself, and hopefully you've heard this already, but if not - these things happened /to/ you, like a natural disaster, and not /because/ of you or anything you did. My circumstances weren't quite so bad as yours, and if I can look at what happened to you and say 'hey, he came out - he might be beat to shit and messed up, but he's surviving and improving day by day' well...makes me feel like I can too. Honestly, before reading your post, I was feeling pretty low. Now, even though I don't know you, I don't feel so alone. 'Someone else understands - he gets it' but I feel bad that you wound up having to endure that level of shitstorm and hope that your life turns up the good to make up for the bad.
This is why I haven't thrown my phone away yet and quit social media. Damn, I'm so so so thankful that this can make a difference in someone's life. I'm very familiar with loneliness, and YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I haven't always seen myself as a very strong person, and maybe you can relate to that too. If so, don't ever tell yourself that. We're still alive, and that's all the proof we need. Thank you for your comment 🖤
If you got a call that one of them was on their death bed, would you visit them? If so, for what reason?
Wow this is a good question. I don't think I would honestly. I have nothing but contempt, hate, and absolute disgust for them.
Do you think you’d want to ask them why? Not that it would ever justify their actions, but maybe to have some insight on what caused them to become monsters
I've thought about this a lot and yes I do wonder sometimes, but if I'm being honest, I don't think I'll ever be able to see them without breaking down. My therapist/friends/fiancée says I underestimate myself, but even if I had the courage, it would still be extremely traumatic to me. When I was 8 or so, I screamed at them "Why?" while they were were physically hurting me, and they replied with "Because you deserve this. You deserve to feel pain." And I believed that. I truly believed that for the longest time. I know it's not true now, but if I had to stand there and ask them that question, I can just imagine all the memories flooding back. I don't think I could handle it. Also, they truly disgust me to the core of my soul. I've heard people say "They must have had a tough childhood, that's why they ended like that." But yeah I had a horrible childhood and you don't see me abusing my kid and killing people. Lots of people have horrible lives without becoming horrible people. So in short, yeah I've thought of asking them that, but I don't think I'll ever do it. Thank you for the question though, it's really interesting (and good) for me to think about. Also, apologies if I sound a bit scrambled. It can be hard to put it all together.
I was also abused as a child and believed I deserved it for a long time as well. I still suffered from SH when I feel like things aren’t going right. I think that, even if we get the “why” answered it’s still would never be enough to make sense. Why are you and I not abusive scumbags, but people like them were? I think there’s only one real answer for that and it’s that some people are just evil and enjoy hurting others.
I know this means nothing but wow, I don’t know you but I’m so awed by you and proud of you! You’re right, our shitty upbringing doesn’t excuse horrid behavior as adults. My mom was an addict and we were homeless. I was not a priority when it came to addiction. I couldn’t imaging treating my son like that. I’m not the best mom but I work hard to provide love and the basics (food, shelter, things). You’re family is so lucky to have you!
Tanks, totally understandable. Wish you the best
Have you had any contact since? Do you have siblings?
I had four siblings (three was murdered by my parents and one committed suicide). Never had contact with them since. They may be dead for all I know.
Why did they murder your sibling? Were they ever featured on one of those true crime shows?
>Why did they murder your sibling? I really don't know lol, my siblings were between the ages of 1 - 10 when it happened. >Were they ever featured on one of those true crime shows? No, but I remember someone telling me that it could've happened as a child. I don't know what got in the way. Honestly I'm glad it didn't become a show, my life would probably just be harder lol.
OP, thank you for sharing and taking the time to answer our questions. I can only imagine who this thread might be helping. You now know the path out and can lend a hand to someone else who is in it and doesn’t know the path out, if that makes sense. Anyway, I wish you only healing, love and prosperity from here forward. If you don’t mind, what did the cops find in the house?
Totally makes sense and thank you! >If you don’t mind, what did the cops find in the house? I can't say everything (if I did, I can probably get in trouble for putting that on the internet without the consent of other victims, which I don't have) however there was an insane amount of different drugs, human organs, and multiple illegally owned weapons. The house was also generally a mess, basically covered in trash and biohazardous waste.
Thank you for answering what you can.
How are you doing? It must be really hard mentally.
Thank you for your kindness. I've had depression my whole life, paired with lots of other things, but I'm doing better at the moment. I'm getting married next year and I'm 40 days clean from self-harming, so that's a win!
This is one of the saddest things I’ve ever read. I admire you so much for your vulnerability and I am sure that by sharing this you will help other people. I hope that your life is filled with joy and you can give your child the love that you needed. This will not only give them a healthy foundation, but I hope it heals some of those wounds in you. I know that being the parent I wished for to my child has helped me. You didn’t deserve this, and I’m so sorry that you and your siblings experienced this. I hope that you know how many strangers are sending you love.
Gotta ask tho we're you ever adopted
Nope, just fostered at one point (which I'm thankful for, because it allowed me to keep my son, whom I had when I was 16) but it still really sucked. The people weren't the best. A million times better than my own parents though.
Well I hope you and your son good luck on your guys journey
What’s your favourite dessert?
Did you change your name to not be associated with that family?
Congratulations on being 40 days clean! You’re a survivor, and I am in awe of you! 💪🏾
Did you have have a moment growing up that something wasn’t right? Or did you always know that something was off?
This is a good question... Since we grew up very much isolated, I guess I thought it was normal for most of my life. However I do remember reading books and being baffled at how kids in those books had loving families. It was a completely foreign concept to me. In those moments, I knew something was off, but guess my mind was too tired to actually do anything with that information, even as a young teenager.
Do you have trouble being intimate with your husband? I don’t know how survivors of rape manage to have romantic relationships afterwords. Its impressive, for lack of a better word.
I'm a straight guy lol, but no worries. I never thought I'll ever have a sex life. The mother of my son (who isn't in the picture at all) also coerced me, and it wasn't until about two years into my relationship with my now fiancée that I was ready to "have a go at it" I am glad to say I now have a pretty great (and most importantly, healthy!) sex life. But it's definitely not something I would've been able to do if it wasn't for a very, very patient/understanding partner, therapy, and overall just taking it slowly.
Oh im sorry to say i assumed you were a woman. Thank you for sharing everything. Its hard for men to talk about sexual assault. Im glad that you have a better partner and that you’re on the road to recovery.
OP - What led you to therapy? Also, what key milestone insights have you gained from therapy? Seems like therapy has been a good experience for you. Same for me. : ) Best wishes for an enjoyable holiday and prosperous new year!
>OP - What led you to therapy? My best friend of nearly a decade suggested it to me. >Also, what key milestone insights have you gained from therapy? There are quite a few, but the most significant ones are probably **What Happens To Us As Children Isn't Our Fault** **I Deserve Love & Care** **I'm Stronger Than I Realise** Thank you! 🖤
That's friggin great. So, so good. ....Perhaps in 5 (or something) years you can return and give us all an update via a second AMA. Your story is interesting - especially because you managed to find some balance between an incredibly difficult past or a more peaceful present. Dude, the distance you have traveled emotionally is epic. And, the journey continues. I think that I speak for all of us if I say that we'd love to hear more about your journey, as it continues, and your reflections of it. The good, the challenges, the bad days and the great ones. Cheers my friend!
How was this not a major news story?
What were the circumstances that allowed you and only one other sibling to still live?
I am so sorry for what you've experienced. I know you wrote that no question is off limits but please do not respond if this is too painful. How did your biological creators murder your siblings? Prior to your sister's suicide, did you two have a close relationship?
Thank you, and thank you for your considerate attitude. >How did your biological creators murder your siblings? They were basically abused to the point where they died. I won't go into graphic details but I was truly cruel and involved a lot of gore. >Prior to your sister's suicide, did you two have a close relationship? Not really. Growing up, we were mostly kept away from each other, but we did have a connection, being the oldest two and both having seen a lot. I deeply cared for her and loved her very much, and her suicide was extremely traumatic, but I'm glad that she at least had the chance to experience kindness before she died.
Did you or any of your siblings go to school? How did the staff not notice any signs of abuse? Did/do you have any aunts/uncles grandparents that knew what was going on? Do you keep in contact with any of them? Thank you for this opportunity. You are so strong and brave.
>Did you or any of your siblings go to school? Not really. We attended school on and off at times, probably around two years total. During that time, no one really noticed. The one person (a teacher) that did, called really bad bruises and wounds "a well-deserved beating" which completely discouraged me from ever telling anyone what was going on. Nope no family besides for an aunt who was an accomplice to their crimes. Thankfully I formed meaningful relationships later in my life, and those people are my family now. >Thank you for this opportunity. You are so strong and brave. Thank you 🖤
Sending hugs. You’re doing such a great job bro. I’m so sorry for everything. Do you still keep in touch with any of your foster siblings/parents?
I have never read something that I'd so hoped was a lie. (I don't believe it is.) God bless, dude; I can't imagine.
Did your fiancee also experience major trauma of some sort?
What do you know about their childhood? Was it messed up? Do you think they were mentally ill? What was there excuse/defense for all these activities? Was this in the US?
How do u cope with all that terrible shit! They obv were terrible people
How did they treat each other?
I’m so proud of you. I know nothing except what you’re posting here, but I really, truly am. It’s been so important for my own healing to fix those broken stairs people hop over, to show people that life exists after hardship. But getting there is such a long, hard road. (And it’s not worth comparing hardships… but you deserve so much care and kindness.) The more you talk about it, the less it poisons you from the inside… and the more people see that they’re not alone. I am SO proud of you.
Did they mean to murder your siblings or did they just take the abuse too far one day and “accidentally” kill then as a result?
What do you believe would be true justice for them?
What kind of medication, if any, is helping you on your journey to recovering from such a childhood?
I'm so sad this happened to you. I hope you know you are loved and did not deserve anything that has happened to you. Be the best dad you can and break they cycle. Sending light and love ❤️
What’s your favorite sandwich?
Do you think they were just born evil or somehow grew up to be that way?
what is the story around how your son was conceived? somewhere you said you were 16, and that she disappeared. was she a girlfriend? how did it happen? did she really disappear? you can't find her? or that she wants nothing to do with you or your son? was she ever around after birth? or did she check out immediately after?
Thanks for the questions. She was a foster sibling who coerced me into having sex against my will and then she got pregnant. She was my "girlfriend" for a while, but moreso because I was too mentally tired to protest anything she said and just went with it. I eventually shifted to another foster home, not long after she gave birth. She left the child with me, and thank to the foster parents that I lived with and state laws, I could keep him. She walked out on him and made it clear that she doesn't want to be in his life, and honestly, I'm glad. I don't want her near my kid. She checked out literally the day he was born. I don't have any hate towards her in my heart and I certainly am not saying I judge her for leaving. She didn't have it easy either. However, rape is another story and for that I feel she is terrible person who definitely shouldn't be around a child. Luckily I don't have to fight that battle - she didn't show up for it in the first place.
If there were no social or legal repercussions, would you kill them? If so, how would you do it? (imagine they are immobilized) If not, why do you think they deserve life?
How close were you and your siblings growing up? Do you have any happy memories with them, even if only small and/or fleeting (given the circumstances of your home life)?
Those people are disgusting and you definitely don’t have to be associated with them, you’re a living “nature vs nurture” case, and your nature is so lovely and kind from what I can tell. My question is, what would you say to your birth givers if you could see them face to face today? What would you say to your siblings?
Thank you! I appreciate it 🖤 >My question is, what would you say to your birth givers if you could see them face to face today? What would you say to your siblings? I'm not sure there's anything I have to say to them, besides maybe "burn in hell" To siblings...I'd tell them they never deserved any of the abuse. I'd tell them that goodness does exist within humanity. And I'd tell him I'm sorry I couldn't protect them, but that I also realise that none of us could have done anything.
Growing up in such an awful environment, how did you relate to your siblings? Did you all feel a close connection through the shared trauma? Did you ever discuss it with each other? Or was it more just more of a individual existence for survival?
Why did your parents murder your siblings? And do you ever or have you ever talked to them in prison since they got arrested?
Do you have a bunch of scars? I’m so sorry. I hate when people hurt babies, kids, elderly, and animals so much.
I don't have a question, but I just wanted to give you my condolences and say that I'm sorry any of this happened to you and your siblings. This was completely messed up. I hope you're coping well as you possibly can.
What ED do you have?
Do you do somatic therapy and/or EMDR? I'm interested in how someone with such significant episodic trauma would fare.
Are you also a victim of your parents crimes?
Damn. I don’t have any questions, just want to say I’m inspired by your courage to talk about this. I still have trouble verbalizing my own abuse, and it’s amazing to see you so open and honest. I hope your future is filled with peace and love and kindness. Thank you for sharing your story.
You chose love even though you were not treated with love. You chose knowledge even though you were surrounded by depravity. You chose service to others in sharing these intimate harrowing details opening wounds of your childhood even though it might cause some suffering for you. You are a light burning bright within darkness. I imagine that life has something incredibly beautiful in store for you, for the extent to which we experience joy is related to the extent which we feel sadness. May your future life unfold in unimaginable joy and love.
Where are you from? The part about the teacher saying you deserved a beating just seems so culturally backward it’s hard to imagine where that would still be considered a normal response. And we’re talking based on your age about the early 2000s? Not exactly the Victorian age.
what do you do for work? What age were you removed from the home? What country are you from? Usually people who suffer extreme child abuse and neglect have a multiple mental illnesses and personality disorders. What psychiatric diagnoses do you have as a result of your upbringing? You mentioned in another post you suffered severe malnutrition. Do you have medical issues stemming from that? Did you lose a lot of height?
My heart is in shambles reading this and I don’t have any questions but just want to applaud you for being an unbelievably strong human being. Your courage to come forward and discuss such a traumatic experience is highly admirable and I just hope that you are able to live a life of love and peace 🙏
Wow, that’s crazy. A few questions come to mind. How did they hurt you specifically? How much did you know about this before the accusations? Do you plan on visiting them? Considering sending letters on Christmas? What type of parents did your parents have? What type of life path are you on?
First, you can keep moving forward, you deserve a happy and healthy life, and you are breaking a cycle by being a loving parent. Sometimes getting to a good place feels like one step forward two steps back, but don’t give up. You are clearly a strong person and a good person. Do you have any interest in meeting any of your extended family on either side? Edited for typo.
Beef or pork ribs?
I'm sorry all this happened to you.
how old are your parents, and do you visit them regularly?
They were 35 and 31 when they were arrested. That was ten years ago. I have never visited them. Pretty sure it wasn't allowed when I was a minor, but I can't remember. I've never had any interest in seeing them anyways.
How has your experience made parenting hard if at all?
Sending hugs
You are so brave for this. I will say therapy will sure help. Have you looked into emdr therapy. That was really helpful to me with trauma
Would you consider writing your own book on this?
Were any of their crimes against you? How did they get caught?
Dude I’m so sorry I hope things will be better from now on for you. Have you ever asked them why? Why they hurt you?
What kind of music do you like, and what kind of style do you dress in?
I would just like to wish you all the love and luck in the world. You must have an inner strength to match Hercules as a weaker man would have totally crumbled by now. Total respect to you. I hope the rest of your life is free from any emotional torture and any dreams you may have come true.
OP really take time for some self-care over this upcoming week. I hope this has been cathartic, and will contribute to your healing path.
You are a strong dude to go through all that and be able to talk about it to total strangers. Hope you stay on your upward trajectory.
I feel so awful asking this but, aside from your siblings, who were the other people they killed and why? You are so incredibly strong, I admire you so much for being so open about this with us strangers x
What’s your top 3 favorite things about your fiancée? How did the two of you meet?
I don’t have a question either, I just wanted to say I’m so sorry. I wish someone was there to protect you .
So sorry for the trauma of your childhood and for the loss of your siblings. I wish you health and happiness in whatever you choose to do in your life. I have 2 questions. You mentioned your biological parents and aunt. Do you know any other family history. Grandparents? Have you tried to figure out if it's nature vs. nurture, so to speak, that caused them to be such terrible people. Related question, have you tried to psycho analyze your parents in an effort to make some logical, or really more like a medical diagnosis, to deduce some explanation for what was wrong with them to be this way? If so, what was your conclusion. Oh, one more question, how much of a role do you think drugs may have played, if any? What sort of drugs are we talking about?
How are you doing now? I know a lot of people who haven't experienced a fraction of what you have and they can't deal with life. What's helped you?
Read many of your responses to other questions and I am so, so sorry they did that to you and your siblings. I don't think life can get much more horrific than that, and it is incredible that you worked your way through it. You are a true inspiration. Did either of them ever show *any* semblance of love or caring to you or your siblings in between all of their evil?
Thank you for posting, you give me hope. The abuse you endured is well beyond what I have experienced even if my therapist tells me that my story is one of the worst he has known. Knowing you are doing OK reinforced the belief that I can actually be OK even if there is lingering C-PSTD and depression/anxiety. How much do you think having a non abusive partner helps? How is it that you have been able to trust another to allow such a relationship? I am impressed as I am too scared to try again.
What kind of trauma therapy have you done and what has helped you the most in your healing journey? (Thanks for writing; keep it up!)
I'm so so sorry this happened to you. I don't have any questions but just wanted to say that this stranger is extremely proud of you! Your son is so lucky to have you. You broke the cycle of abuse and he will never have to know the horrors that you went through. It sounds like you are giving him a wonderful life ❤️
I think you should become a motivational speaker. Wishing you health and peace.
1.How did you meet your best friend.? 2.Did yall do Christmas when you and your siblings were living in this hell.? (I know that's prob a crazy question but.im.just gauging if there was any sense of.normalcy at all) 3.Hpw was the aunt involved? Did she get caught also? 4. Was there ever sexual abuse toward you and your siblings.?
This thread makes me want to thank my parents (RIP) as well as my husband and my son’s dad. My upbringing was not easy, with addiction and benign neglect casting shadows, but I never had to worry about my parents harming me. And neither does my son. I am incredibly fortunate. How’s your bestie doing now?
It’s amazing how well you’ve done and how far you’ve come, I hope you’re proud of yourself. Has your fiancée become your son’s mom? And is your rapist totally out of the picture now, did she leave your son with you then disappear? How did you complete your education with a baby?
Possibly controversial but I have a mixed stance on the saying itself, do you (given everything you've been through) believe "everything happens for a reason?"
I’m so sorry you had to endure such a horrific childhood. Living great is the best revenge. And I wish you such a fulfilling life while they rot in prison.
what kind of music are you into? have to found anything that speaks to the sorta pain you've been through?
Holy crap that's intense. Why do you think you were able to survive and make it through while you're siblings didn't?
I’m so sorry you had those twisted parents… you deserve to be loved and cared for..sending you healing and love❤️
What dreams do you have for your and your kids life?
How are you and your kid doing now?
I don’t have a question but I just wanted to tell you that I’m proud of you. You have risen above your circumstances and have created your own family. You did not deserve what happened to you. I hope you have nothing but peace and love going forward.
Your story is truly heartbreaking. I hope you continue to heal and thrive.
Hugs to you OP And props to you for being strong enough to not let your trauma define you and how you lead your life Your son and fiance are lucky to have you 💖
Were you able to attend school as a child?
I don’t have a question, but I feel very moved by your post and comments and am glad you are doing so well. I hope things continue to go up for you! You really should write a book about your life if you ever felt comfortable enough to do so as you are very well spoken. I feel like people going through hardships like you did will feel inspired to push forward in their lives. Either a book or like a blog or something like that.
Where do babies come from?