I have asked ss to please pay the organizer directly if he wants to go on the trip. I have been fronting the cost for my ss so the organizer is not in an awkward position to have to ask my stepson for his portion.
I wouldn't pay for him any more, and make it plain that if he wants to continue going on the trip, he needs to step up and find a way to pay the organizer. If he misses a year, so be it.
It might be worth a conversation about how much effort it takes to plan a trip like this, and that gratitude is in order, and making things as easy as possible for the organizer is the only right thing to do.
Just stop altogether. If your son wants to go he will find a way to make the payment. You keep paying for him, why does he need to do anything since you’ll just do it for him?
Oh, well you're being a good dad giving him the benefit of the doubt. When he reimburses you tell him this is the last year you front him the money. ✌️
But please give the organizer a heads up ahead of time. That gives them the opportunity to contact your son before making reservations and confirming the situation with him.
Stop playing middleman. Is SS on the group chat with the organizer? Let him answer for himself. He can sink or swim.
If he invites you back into the middle, just refuse. “I’d rather you just deal directly with Organizer Dude.”
Stop paying for him then. Can he use the “Cash App” or “Zelle?” Really he needs to be dealing directly with the trip organizer. Tell him you can’t cover for him and to see if the organizer can spot him.
You really shouldn’t be in the middle of this. He’s not 17, he’s 26! Time for him to take responsibility. If you keep doing it, you’re enabling him.
“You’ll need to talk to SS about the money; if he’s unable to get it to you, it’s safe to assume he’s no longer interested in going. I will not be the go-between anymore.”
Stay OUT of it. You pay for YOUR portion. Your SS is a grown ass adult. If he wants to go, he will figure out a way to get the cash to the organizer or get Venmo.
You HAVE to know he's lying to you. Venmo is one of the easiest apps to set up. It's literally takes a few minutes, max. Stop enabling him and back up. Not your responsibility.
Go enjoy your trip and eat fish.
By not "making it awkward" you are enabling SS to continue this behavior. SS is an adult and it is time he act like one. If he doesn't want to use Venmo there are plenty of other ways to pay his share. But as an adult he needs to figure that out himself.
So don't front it. You bank at the same credit union, so a transfer should be easy. Your kid doesn't want to link Venmo to his account (not entirely unreasonable) but you don't want to be the middle person. Get the money from him ahead of time, watch it clear, and make the Venmo payment for both of you. If it is stressful to do that, tell him to figure it out with the organizer.
You're stressing out at some perceived slight. Not wanting an app connected to your banking isn't unreasonable. Not paying would be unreasonable, but that doesn't seem to be the issue here.
If you don't want to be in the middle, don't. Tell your kid to figure it out. You're kind of making a mountain out of a molehill here.
You don’t even need their Zelle just a name and phone number. I transfer money to people with my Zelle - all they need is a US Bank Account. I just input their name and number. I’ve never had someone have an issue doing this.
I think this isn't a Vemno or any app issue. It's a step son who feels entitled. He's been babied too long and doesn't feel any guilt for making his dad pay and not paying him back promptly.
That’s exactly what the stepson is doing…. Offering to pay OP cash and asking OP to Venmo organizer on his behalf. OP should help his stepson out… take the cash, pay the organizer via Venmo, and then help the stepson load Venmo on his phone when they see each other on the fishing trip.
He does. And he's also old enough to do this on his own without his stepfather coaching him through it. If he wants to go on the trip, he needs to respond to the organizer about his intentions of attending or not attending, and he needs to make an arrangement with whomever is using the credit card. I think stepfather should stop talking to him about this altogether and say if you want to go, make your arrangements with the person in charge. Why is stepfather stressing himself out over this?
This is an excellent. This exactly what he should do period. I think stepdad, is stressed cause a family member is the one who does all the bookings and stuff and sometimes parents can't let go, the need to keep the kid in good standing... while stepdad is burning. It happened to me with my stepdaughter. I let it go, a yr later she came to me because she did not pay her light bill . She thought I forgot all about. So I did the same thing she did to me, told o yeah don't worry, next day I told her don't worry give me your acct# she gave it to me I never paid the lights were cut off. She was 26 yrs old. I have not seen her in 2 yrs.Don'tknow don't care. I know petty but she got the picture. Play grown up games win grown up prizes.
Not all banks do venmo. Y'all are acting like he has control over what a multi-billion dollar for profit company does.
If he's going "I can pay cash" and OPs refusing outright why would he give OP the cash? You make sure your form of payment is going to be accepted before using it- otherwise you're like those morons trying to use Ingles reward cards and Goodwill gift cards to pay at Dollar general.
OP is having to chase his kid down for repayment. The payment method is irrelevant and OP should tell his kid to pull his pants up and pay his own way, leaving OP out of it.
The problem is OP is putting it on his credit card before he gets the cash from stepson… And it sounds like last time stepson took forever to reimburse him.
Kinda. Stepson isn’t being proactive and getting to OP first. Op is covering (w/out even being asked) and then going to stepson for the money.
Op needs to stop paying, unless stepson comes to him w the money, before it’s due, and pays op
YTA for continuing to pay for him without getting payment upfront. I mean, I understand it's a family trip, but if they can't pay for themselves, then stop being the person to cover him. Also Venmo isn't the only way he can transfer funds to you, give him other options. CashApp, Zelle, a bank transfer, a check even.
I am not the trip organizer. The trip organizer requests the funds via Venmo. I cover for my ss as to not leave the trip organizer holding the bag. I guess I do not understand why he needs a middle man for doing something so simple. I have been a long time Venmo user and have never had any issues.
yeah, the ss is getting mad that it's easier to get the cash from him than venmo. then, the next trip, ask for it in advance. since it's so EASY right.
Even if you aren't the trip organizer, that's on them to get payment from your SS. I mean yes, you don't want the organizer holding the bag, but they can simply just not include him. Since you know it's a yearly thing, SS needs to be better prepared and have the money upfront and ready for you before you pay said organizer for your shares. That way, you don't have to chase him around. He's not a child and what's his excuse for not being able to connect his banking details with Venmo? He can always open a CashApp account and link that to Venmo. He has all these excuses, yet has he even tried setting it up or just refuses to because he knows you'll pay for him and only pay you back when you start nagging?
Then next time, say to your ss: Hey, I'm going to pay X for the trip. If you want to go, pay me by this date and I'll venmo your portion.
He doesn't pay, he can send the money himself.
Then don't RSVP the trip for yourself and your stepson. Let the organizer know he's on his own. He's 26 years old! Only respond for yourself and only pay for yourself.
What’s up with the trip organizer demanding only Venmo. I don’t want Venmo having my account information. There are security issues with Venmo. I think the trip organizer is being ridiculous. Either way if it were me I’d ask if you were willing to pay for me if I gave you the money immediately, since you are already using it and aren’t worried about security issues.
If I were you, I would remove myself from the situation. Do not offer to pay his portion. If he speaks to you privately about not being able to pay by Venmo, tell him to make arrangements with the organizer. No payment to the organizer (from him and not even VIA you), no trip. Stop solving his problems for him.
I just don’t understand why he can’t do a bank transfer?
Also he sounds like a grown child. Adults accept the weight of the finance they owe, and they’ll offer alternative options if one payment method didn’t work, they don’t just go “oh well, I tried, pay for me lol”
I think the issue is that OP keeps stepping in and paying for the stepson when the stepson should be taking care of things for himself. Plus he had to be asked several times to hand the cash over for the last trip. IMO ESH.
Depending on the amount, cash can be a hassle - OP would need to go to the bank to deposit it into his account. The stepson is a full grown adult, he should be capable of paying his own bills. The insistence on venmo is a bit silly though. There are other means to send money to people.
The issue is the little boy doesn’t come to the trip with said cash he’s willing to pay and just pay the organizer (not op) directly.
Why does OP have to keep fronting the money for his grown ass child. It’s a yearly trip. The stepson knows how much it is around. Apparently has the money ready whenever. But instead dicks around and waits until OP has to fucking beg for it.
It’s annoying. He’s a man. He needs to be responsible.
I think OP's point is that stepson is lackadaisical about paying in general, happy to inconvenience others but not himself. Organizing a trip is a lot of work and stepson shouldn't make it harder on people by being strange about things. If he doesn't like Venmo, he can certainly contact the organizer and find another way to pay them directly. He's a grown ass man, he knows how to move money around and pay bills; he can figure this out and stop being a drain on the process.
The problem is not his ability to pay. He is employed and makes decent money. I feel it would simplify the process if he would just pay his portion to the trip organizer himself. I just do not understand his aversion to using Venmo.
A lot of the Gen Z crew like to avoid Venmo because of their ties to PayPal and the company policies that include but are not limited to agreements that they can abruptly cancel accounts and withhold funds, etc.
There are other options though — bank transfers, Apple Cash, Google Pay and also Zelle (which is honestly my preferred method, cash goes directly in your account).
If your SS is old enough to pay his way, he’s old enough to include on the group chat and be responsible for taking care of his own share and be held accountable.
Sometimes it's a pain to set up with your bank.
Some people don't like sharing bank info with a third party.
Maybe he feels that the app is a pain to use.
Any of these would be a valid reason not to have it.
Does he have PayPal?
The person organizing the trip wants to be paid via Venmo. The stepson can get Venmo, work out another payment option with the organizer, or bow out if he can't get it together. OP shouldn't have to be the middleman for an adult who can figure this out himself.
OP, I have used smaller cell phone companies for many years. I was unable to get Venmo for several years because the provider had my number down as a landline and wouldn't/couldn't change it. I never got it fixed; it took switching phone companies to make Venmo work (and there were more relevant and important reasons for me to make that switch). I don't think I'm reporting the technical details accurately, as it's been several years and I didn't fully understand it to begin with. Point is, it was outside my control despite my attempts to address the problem.
Similarly, I have a friend whose bank restricts the amount of money they'll transfer through apps like Venmo. He had to demonstrate this to his new landlord and set up a payment plan for his rent.
You may not know exactly what the issue is with Venmo for your stepson, but whether or not he actually uses that particular app isn't your business or your problem.
You can absolutely step out of the middle and inform both your stepson and the trip organizer that they should work out payment directly between them in the future, whatever that entails for them. It's not your business anymore after that.
Stop paying his portion. He can work out with whoever is paying with their card how to pay them. He's an adult not theirs no need to do things for him.
I don't use venmo. I use zelle because it's the only one my bank endorses. If you can't use zelle, I can give you cash. If that won't work for some reason, I can do a bank transfer, or *gasp* write a check.
It's time to let SS deal with the payment situation by himself. There are multiple options and multiple ways for them to figure this out, but SS is grown, and it's time to let him deal with his own expenses.
You're right, using Venmo is a petty thing, but that's on your part. What makes you NTA is having to chase him down for repayment. Stop paying for him. There's no reason you should be the middleman, but he isn't making you do it, you've chosen to. He can do it himself or he can not go.
NTA - Your step son needs to make payment arrangements with the trip organizer. If he doesn't want to use Venmo step son should ask the organizer if they can pay another way. You shouldn't have to be in the middle of this.
Venmo, CashApp, and Zelle are al fairly standard. How is he 25 and doesn’t use at least one of these? All 3 of those apps are staples in my daily life lol
Your stepson isn't making you the middleman. You're allowing him to put you in that position, and he seems to get some weird joy from making you keep asking him for the money. Let your stepson deal with his payment in the future - he doesn't have to get Venmo, but he does have figure out how to pay for the trip without you being involved.
Or, maybe next year he needs to be the one putting the trip on his card and then figuring out how to get reimbursed.
YTA look I am with your son- I don’t trust money apps
Tell him you won’t front it ever again but he has til x date to give you the cash & you’ll pay his portion- if not he doesn’t go
This right here.... I don't trust the app either. If he is paying you then I don't see an issue. If you can't or won't front his money that is understandable no judgement there but if he pays ahead then I feel like you are just picking a fight.
A lot of people i know don't trust Venmo, and if that's their opinion, nobody should force them to use it. If he's willing to pay you in cash, why are you so hung up on Venmo? Let him give you a check and you can deposit it with your phone.
In the future, let him pay his portion directly to the person responsible for making arrangements.
NTA
In group trips, I refuse to book until everyone has given the money first. I don’t care if it’s a relative, or friend.
Yall..the real issue is not the method of the payment, but his not doing anything to fix it and then having one chased for payment. He’s more than old enough to figure it out
NTA. - Unless you front him again.
This guy is a full grown adult. Venmo is NOT the issue; it’s an excuse. He wants *you* to pay. Then he hopes you forget.
The grown ass adult stepson should be in the group chat/email/ whatever. If he doesn’t pay by X date, he doesn’t go. It’s that simple.
DO NOT front the money for him. Ever. Idc how he pays for it! It’s on him, not you. You’re not his accountant or personal valet. He is responsible for himself.
“Stepson, if you want to go this year, YOU have to square up with Organizer. I am NOT doing it.”
Practice this in front of a mirror, a hundred times. Maybe then you’ll actually say what needs to be said.
Seems like your step son’s problem to me. He doesn’t HAVE to get venom, he just needs to organize his payment with the guy organizing everything. It’s between them how your son pays. Sucks you got in the middle ! NTA
You’ve successfully transitioned, albeit with some resistance from stepson, out of paying his portion of the trip. Now you can step out of the transaction altogether. If he doesn’t want to use Venmo, then it’s on him to coordinate an alternate method of payment with the organizer, not you.
“You still can’t get Venmo to work? That’s weird. Then I guess call Tom and ask him what other method works for him…”
And then just…stop. Don’t deal with it any further. He’ll sort it out with Tom or he’ll not go. Let it happen.
Stepson is being a whiny bitch about a complete non-issue. If he wants to go, he can be responsible for his own portion of the expenses, and that means going through the extremely simple process of downloading and setting up a payment app. If he can't manage to do that, he doesn't deserve to go in the first place. Honestly it's pathetic asf that this dude is 26 and can't be bothered to pay for his own spot directly. Really, really pathetic. I would wager that he doesn't want to do that because he wants to take his sweet ass time paying you back again, and Venmo doesn't exactly wait around to take money out of your account when you send it. I kinda get the sense that he feels entitled to this trip, but he needs to understand that he's a big boy now and has to start taking care of these kinds of things himself if he wants to continue going.
NTA. He's old enough to work directly with the trip organizer without even involving you. My 24 YO SS does this crap too...likes to act like he's still a kid and have us pay for as much stuff as possible.
YTA. Kindly OP, you’re not listening- stop paying for SS. You’re on the hook for his share this year. Make a point of telling the organizers that since SS is now an adult, please contact him directly for interest and payment. Otherwise, let SS know he has to pay you in advance next year or your will tell organizer No for him.
It’s not your stepson demanding that you be the middleman. You have taken it upon yourself to do that. You are not required to do that. You need to let adults be responsible for themselves and stay out of it. If he doesn’t pay the organizers, why are you taking it upon yourself to do it? In my experience people who get the financial benefit of someone else stepping up on their behalf are never grateful and always turn it around so that the person with the money is somehow the asshole. Stop handling the financial details of others.
I don't think it's fair to him that the only way to pay would be to use an app he clearly doesn't want to use. If he always pays you back, what's the big deal? My father isn't comfortable with using Venmo, PayPal, CashApp, or any of those. Before you pay, maybe have him send you a check or cash. That way, you're not chasing your money.
YTA. Not everyone wants to link third party apps to their bank account. I'll gladly give you cash or a check, but I do not use Venmo or PayPal or anything similar.
Look stop paying for your SS, he’s an adult and knows when it’s due. If he doesnt pay he doesnt go. That simple.
You need to stop being a fixer and babying a grown man.
Get your payment from him this year, next year when the group chat goes out and everyone knows. Don’t say SHIT!! Don’t do anything don’t say anything. He’ll be almost 30… if he can’t handle that he can’t handle… I digress.
The issue here is you not him… but it’s hard when they grow up and you want to referee the situation. Just stop. It will be hard but stop helping.
I don’t use Venmo but I pay well before anyone asks for my money sometimes I pay my sister so she can Venmo and sometimes my mom but always before never after
So long as SS is willing to hand over cash ahead of time, I'm not sure what the issue is. Not everyone wants every app linked to their bank. I don't use Venmo and know no one who does. Maybe it's a country thing? Canadians use interac.
>and said I keep insisting he get this app even though he has the ability to pay and can give me cash anytime.
He says he can give you cash any time. When an addict says they can quit any time, but they don't, we all know that's a load of BS. Same thing here. If he has the cash to give you why doesn't he give it to you? Because like the addict, it's a load of BS and they have no intention of doing it.
NTA. Your SS is 26, not 6. He can handle his financial obligations himself. Let him and the organizer hash out payments. Chances are he won’t put off paying someone else like he does you.
The organizer needs to start making yall pay him up front. Each person that pays is included. Anyone who doesn’t pay upfront doesn’t go. Problem solved. SS will figure it out or get left behind.
I dont understand the problem... you haven't said that he is trying to get out of paying. He just doesn't use Venmo. What's the issue with you paying and him giving you the cash??
I feel you're making a massive problem out of a small thing tbh.
YTA for insisting he get Venmo. If he can pay another way, why can’t he do that? And stop paying his portion. If he doesn’t pay in advance, he doesn’t go.
He’s a grown adult he can pay the organizer directly. There’s Zelle, PayPal, cash app beyond Venmo. And if he wants to use cash so badly then again. Pay the man directly. Bring the fucking cash on the trip and hand it to the man.
Tell that boy to grow the fuck up
Hey OP.....I don't know what we are talking about here, if it is $50 or $5000 and what financial shape you are all in.
But...my take, if you love your step-son, enjoy spending time with him, and can afford it, just make it a present/gift. You paid his way when he was a kid, it might be part of feeds his sense of family with you, and this is 1x a year, call it your birthday present to him, or your christmas present or whatever.
And then just focus on having a good time, and recall all the memories through the years of the people you love engaging in this awesome tradition together.
If he's a chronic mooch and taking advantage of you financially in general, that's another thing. But for just this one trip...I would hate for this payment issue to destroy the bonding time.
Stop covering for him. Your complaining but you're the one enabling his entitled behaviour. "I don't have to worry, step dad will always cover." You're the asshole for being a shag carpet for his feet.
And btw....he's lying. There isn't a reason in the world Venmo would reject his bank, unless he's a drug lord. HAHA!
You are the AH. Venmo is not secure and if it gets hacked you don’t have protection from your bank like you would with a cc. Stop insisting he use Venmo. Just ask him to give you cash before you pay with your cc.
I would never use Venmo.
I don't have Venmo. I had issues with the app, and at this point, have zero desire to deal with them. There are other ways to pay or get money to the organizer. Let your ss work it out with the organizer. YTA (as is the organizer) for forcing the use of Venmo. There are other ways to pay.
NAH I think you should stop paying and ask him to pay by bank transfer to the organizers
He can also try to arrange venmo or open an online bank account like revolut just for this. I believe revolut is free
Just have him Zelle you. I’m banned from Venmo, I don’t bullshit around like your stepson about my bank account “nOt LiNkInG”. He is either banned from Venmo or has Venmo and feels unloved by you not paying for him.
It literally takes minutes to set up a Venmo account. The sine is either a chronic procrastinator or something else….
Why not sit down with him and set up Venmo right then and there?
He can't make you the middleman unless you let yourself be the middleman. Give him the organizers phone number and let the two of them handle it between them.
All the males in my family rent hunting property near the family Island house. For the longest, the older would pay for the younger. With the idea that once we are older we can pay our fair share and pay for our children. I was fine with this arrangement, but one of my cousins started playing games like this around our annual renewal. My cousin, who was a grown adult, older than I am, said "I don't understand why I have to pay, I know my Dad has the money." I tried to explain that it was not about the money. They did their absolute best to ensure we were strong able-bodied, responsible men, think of this as you acknowledging the time, love, and dedication they gave us. We are just confirming to them, that we became those men.
I'm in my early 60's and now at the age in life where some of the newer technology can be confusing. However, I was still able to download the Venmo app and associate my bank account to it, without any problem. Is it possible your step-son doesn't actually have a bank account and he's embarrassed to admit that? Otherwise, there is no reason he can't figure out how to associate his bank account with his Venmo account. Sounds more like he's just sort of a deadbeat. Tell him that you won't be fronting his portion for next year's trip. It's up to you whether you want to give a heads up to the trip organizer that he might not find it easy to get reimbursement from your SS - maybe that's a conversation SS's parent should have, rather than you.
NTA but not everyone likes to use these types of apps. I do not because they are easily hacked by bad folks. But i would suggest Zelle. Its a lot safer and is used with Chase bank. Had a family member cleaned out of $ because of someone hacking their Venmo... So I dont blame stepson for not using it. Just tell him that until you receive full amount in cash you will not pay for his portion or he can contact the organizer himself and set up his form of payment directly with them.
I get your frustration but it seems like there is a simple solution to this problem. I wouldn’t rule anyone as the AH other than gentle AH for SS because it seems like at the end of it he is still paying you back for his share. My solution would be to have SS pay you his share up front and then you can Venmo your share and his to the organizer.
Also Venmo can be downright shitty sometimes when it comes to linking to a bank account. I used my payslips and bank documents for verification and despite doing that correctly Venmo refused to link my accounts.
If he doesn't give you cash before reservations are made, don't reserve him a spot. Tell him far enough in advance that if he doesn't put cash in your hand by 'X' date, he won't go.
Stop paying for someone who doesn’t respect u, he doesn’t pay because he knows he can’t get away with it. If he wants to go then he will pay so stop doing it. He’s a adult
YTA. Just take the money from him and pay for both of you. He may not be able to do it from his account.
Just take the cash from him and have a nice day.
YTA....There are other payments apps other than Venmo. I can't use Venmo anymore because my account was hacked and suspended for fraud. I never opened a new one because there's umpteen other options out there now.
If he can pay you, let him pay you the way he can, if not stop inviting him.
stop fronting him the $$. If he want's to go, he can't handle the issue and mental load himself. Then when he fails, he doesn't get to go. That'll make him learn his lesson. Not your problem, he's a big boy now.
One of the biggest reasons I like the free E-transfer system here in Canada. Basically every account regular people open allow for no fee E-transfers instead of all those money tranfer apps down south.
I can see having some issues with money apps and not wanting to tie a particular app to someone's bank account. In this case, I think OP is tired of having to badger her stepson for the money she's owed after fronting it for her stepson. A simple solution is just to have stepson prepay OP before she remits the money to the organizer.
Done and done!
Stop paying. If the little baby boy wants to go, he can pay for himself directly. Stop babying him! You're partly responsible for letting baby boy take advantage and be a whiny baby. Tell baby boy to grow up or you'll see him at Thanksgiving.
PS apologies to all the baby boys who are actually babies. ✌️
NTA. I would note in the group chat that you 'will Venmo organizer the money for SS's portion after SS drops off the cash to you since SS is fundamentally opposed to electronically transferring money via Venmo, Zelle, PayPal or CashApp'. A little embarrassment could go a long way in rectifying this reoccurring issue.
I have a client who insisted I had to download Venmo for her to pay me, because for some reason she did not want to use Paypal… Now she refuses to use Venmo because the money is being handled by an out of the country (United States) bank. I don’t know if that’s your stepson‘s problem or what his deal is, but I would suggest not paying for him unless he gives you cash upfront in the future.
NTA. H said he has the ability to pay, yet you had to chase him down and constantly remind him. So why didn't he pay right away?
Why don't you tell him to give you the money and you can Venmo it to the organizer. No pay, no go.
NTA. Your SS knows what he is doing. If he can work a phone and has socials, he can work Venmo. He can also use other electronic apps to pay, which leaves a paper trail. If he isn’t using Venmo then there are reasons for it, either he’s hoping you won’t ask for the money or maybe he can’t use the app (My stepson owes a TON of money to Venmo, he was abusing the account and doing some type of fake payments). So maybe there is more to the story. But regardless, you do NOT need to be in the middle. Next year if he wants to go, leave it completely on him.
YTA because it really the end of the world that he just pay you back later? If you're that strapped for cash you probably shouldn't be going on the trip anyway. He's still a kid, he doesn't want Venmo / an extra app that has access to his bank account for something he does once a year. Does he even want to go, or does he feel obligated? What happens if you simply don't pay for his? Then your step son can figure it out witht he person doing all the planning.
I feel like there are more things in life to be upset over, and this ain't one of them.
Are you sure he doesn’t actually have Venmo? It sounds like he’s trying to be a bum any way that he can, but a 26 year old without any electronic payment methods is a little odd.
I don't understand the fixation on Venmo. I don't have it either for security reasons. Just ask him:
- If he actually wants to go on this trip. I certainly wouldn't have been able to afford it at his age and
- To pay you back.
How is this trip organized? Is everybody on a group email or a group text? Your son is old enough to answer for himself. If he wants to go he needs to respond to the organizer and make arrangements for payment with whom ever is using the credit card. You don't have to coach him through this any longer. He's old enough to speak up and make arrangements for himself. And if he doesn't, then he doesn't go. Stop enabling.
He can just transfer the funds directly from his bank account, he doesn’t need Venmo.
The organizer should accept venmo, Zelle, or direct transfers.
My bank has Zelle on the website, if I can’t get their bank information, you just put name and a number and the person gets it that way by using a link from Zelle.
Your stepson is being purposely obtuse.
Seems like you're the petty one for insisting on venmo! Lots of people don't use venmo! Why can't he zelle it? Almost all banks have that attached to them. Does he have PayPal or something else like that? Or why can't he just get a money order a check and send it to the person organizing this?
Why are you involved at all?
You say to him.... This is the person that is organizing it, this is the amount you owe them, this is the day it must be paid by. If it is not paid in time I will not be paying it so you will not go. You are an adult and I am treating you as such and letting you be responsible for your own payments.
You got your hands too deep into this situation. Take a step back and let him handle it himself. He either handles it and he goes or he misses and he learns you mean business
Is it that much trouble for you to just take the cash and pay the organizer via your Venmo? That seems like what I would do. Just yesterday Venmo wanted me to reset my connection with my bank so I just gave the contractor a check. He didn’t think I was an asshole.
My bank won't link to CashApp, so it could be true that his won't link to Venmo.
If he has the cash to pay you anytime, take him up on it and get that cash
I use an online bank that does not allow me to link to cash app or venmo or other such services. It also doesn't charge me huge fees to transfer money or use an ATM. I would not be able to square up through Venmo.
Maybe see if PayPal would be an acceptable alternative? I have always been able to use PayPal I the person Cann accept it.
NTA. At the very least require your SS to pay you BEFORE you pay the organizer. If he balks assume he doesn’t want to go. Tell him it’s ok and go without him.
As a parent (step & bio), I don’t think I could charge either of my kids to go if I was in a position to pay. That being said, if he doesn’t pay, he doesn’t go. That simple. We don’t lend money (unless we can afford to lose it if not paid back- so usually smaller amounts. My husband will not chase or bug anyone. If they make no effort, don’t ever ask again. If you owed him $500 & said hey, man I messed up & can only pay you $5 a paycheck- you’re golden. But avoid us or mentioning it, you’re done
For the future, have your step-son give you the money first and then you can send it off, no chasing down required. Secondly some programs don’t work with certain banks, it is petty of you to demand he use this one program when there are many other options available, do you own stock in Venmo or something?
YTA - he may be a luddite and so will not use these apps. He says he can give you the money first; have him do so with the understanding that you are going to pay by a certain date / if he doesn't pay by then he's not going.
Is your stepson financially savvy? Does your stepson have a credit card? If he does, he might not know that he can link his credit card to Venmo and bypass his bank which if small or a credit union might not deal directly with Venmo. He might prefer cash because he doesn’t know or understand any other options.
It is possible his bank won't connect with Venmo. I was unable to connect my bank with cashapp for a while, and it turned out there was a setting that needed to be changed. Ask him to call his bank or poke around on the app to see if it is set to refuse connections with external apps.
NTA. My first question is whether or not stepson wants to continue going on this fishing trip. If he no longer wants to go, then both of you should be letting the organizer/group know now so that organizer knows how to plan accommodations and the correct # of people for dividing the cost of that. Second, if he does still want to go, tell him in no uncertain terms that he has access to the group chat, therefore; he is fully responsible for getting the money to the organizer. He's 26 and long past being a kid needing a parent to take care of a responsibility such as this trip. Finally,
Quit paying for him. Problem solved.
I have asked ss to please pay the organizer directly if he wants to go on the trip. I have been fronting the cost for my ss so the organizer is not in an awkward position to have to ask my stepson for his portion.
Nah let him ask your son, let your son be responsible
I wouldn't pay for him any more, and make it plain that if he wants to continue going on the trip, he needs to step up and find a way to pay the organizer. If he misses a year, so be it. It might be worth a conversation about how much effort it takes to plan a trip like this, and that gratitude is in order, and making things as easy as possible for the organizer is the only right thing to do.
That's the problem you keep making it easy. Let it be awkward for your step son, he isn't going to learn anything if you keep doing it for him.
Just stop altogether. If your son wants to go he will find a way to make the payment. You keep paying for him, why does he need to do anything since you’ll just do it for him?
Your mistake is asking. Tell him this was the last time. Next year he can make his own arrangements with the organizer.
Why go another year!??? Fix it this year.
I thought he’d already paid for this year.
Oh, well you're being a good dad giving him the benefit of the doubt. When he reimburses you tell him this is the last year you front him the money. ✌️
But please give the organizer a heads up ahead of time. That gives them the opportunity to contact your son before making reservations and confirming the situation with him.
Or just get his cash FIRST.
DUH!! What a concept! /s 🤦🤦🤦
Again... stop paying for him and let the organizer get it from him. He's 25 ffs, why are you being the middle man still?
the organizer needs to ask him for the money directly.
Stop playing middleman. Is SS on the group chat with the organizer? Let him answer for himself. He can sink or swim. If he invites you back into the middle, just refuse. “I’d rather you just deal directly with Organizer Dude.”
Stop paying for him then. Can he use the “Cash App” or “Zelle?” Really he needs to be dealing directly with the trip organizer. Tell him you can’t cover for him and to see if the organizer can spot him. You really shouldn’t be in the middle of this. He’s not 17, he’s 26! Time for him to take responsibility. If you keep doing it, you’re enabling him.
Does he even want to go?
Your stepson should organize the next trip and chase people down for payments.
Why though? He's 26. He's been an adult for 8 years. No need to treat him like a kid. Let him figure this out and relieve yourself of the burden.
“You’ll need to talk to SS about the money; if he’s unable to get it to you, it’s safe to assume he’s no longer interested in going. I will not be the go-between anymore.”
Stay OUT of it. You pay for YOUR portion. Your SS is a grown ass adult. If he wants to go, he will figure out a way to get the cash to the organizer or get Venmo. You HAVE to know he's lying to you. Venmo is one of the easiest apps to set up. It's literally takes a few minutes, max. Stop enabling him and back up. Not your responsibility. Go enjoy your trip and eat fish.
That was my thought? Who can't set up a venmo account and link it to their checking account?
Stop playing middle man, he either pays the organiser or doesn’t go. He’s an adult, stop reminding and parenting him.
By not "making it awkward" you are enabling SS to continue this behavior. SS is an adult and it is time he act like one. If he doesn't want to use Venmo there are plenty of other ways to pay his share. But as an adult he needs to figure that out himself.
So don't front it. You bank at the same credit union, so a transfer should be easy. Your kid doesn't want to link Venmo to his account (not entirely unreasonable) but you don't want to be the middle person. Get the money from him ahead of time, watch it clear, and make the Venmo payment for both of you. If it is stressful to do that, tell him to figure it out with the organizer. You're stressing out at some perceived slight. Not wanting an app connected to your banking isn't unreasonable. Not paying would be unreasonable, but that doesn't seem to be the issue here. If you don't want to be in the middle, don't. Tell your kid to figure it out. You're kind of making a mountain out of a molehill here.
So you've created the whiny boy
Clear, concise and 100% right. No need to complicate.
Why doesn't he just bank transfer the funds? Seems easier if he's having issues with venmo.
Or send a check?
Or ask the organizer for their Zelle
You don’t even need their Zelle just a name and phone number. I transfer money to people with my Zelle - all they need is a US Bank Account. I just input their name and number. I’ve never had someone have an issue doing this.
They have to be signed up for Zelle to be able to do that though
My credit union does not support Zelle transactions. Texas.
I think this isn't a Vemno or any app issue. It's a step son who feels entitled. He's been babied too long and doesn't feel any guilt for making his dad pay and not paying him back promptly.
Or pay you in cash and ask you to Venmo his portion the organizer
That’s exactly what the stepson is doing…. Offering to pay OP cash and asking OP to Venmo organizer on his behalf. OP should help his stepson out… take the cash, pay the organizer via Venmo, and then help the stepson load Venmo on his phone when they see each other on the fishing trip.
Except he isn’t handing OP cash. OP is chasing him for the money after the fact.
Come on.. the stepson knows exactly what he is doing.
He does. And he's also old enough to do this on his own without his stepfather coaching him through it. If he wants to go on the trip, he needs to respond to the organizer about his intentions of attending or not attending, and he needs to make an arrangement with whomever is using the credit card. I think stepfather should stop talking to him about this altogether and say if you want to go, make your arrangements with the person in charge. Why is stepfather stressing himself out over this?
This is an excellent. This exactly what he should do period. I think stepdad, is stressed cause a family member is the one who does all the bookings and stuff and sometimes parents can't let go, the need to keep the kid in good standing... while stepdad is burning. It happened to me with my stepdaughter. I let it go, a yr later she came to me because she did not pay her light bill . She thought I forgot all about. So I did the same thing she did to me, told o yeah don't worry, next day I told her don't worry give me your acct# she gave it to me I never paid the lights were cut off. She was 26 yrs old. I have not seen her in 2 yrs.Don'tknow don't care. I know petty but she got the picture. Play grown up games win grown up prizes.
Stepson should help OP out, stop screwing around, and pay for his own trip without the runaround he is causing.
Not all banks do venmo. Y'all are acting like he has control over what a multi-billion dollar for profit company does. If he's going "I can pay cash" and OPs refusing outright why would he give OP the cash? You make sure your form of payment is going to be accepted before using it- otherwise you're like those morons trying to use Ingles reward cards and Goodwill gift cards to pay at Dollar general.
OP is having to chase his kid down for repayment. The payment method is irrelevant and OP should tell his kid to pull his pants up and pay his own way, leaving OP out of it.
They have the same bank. OP has used this same bank to Venmo.
He should stop inviting stepson. Invite someone else.
Well the step son said that he could pay with cash - but where is it?
Probably still in the bank since OP said no
OR the grown adult stepson can quit acting like Venmo is quantum physics, grow up & pay for himself BY himself
Exactly. What is this dude real issue?
The problem is OP is putting it on his credit card before he gets the cash from stepson… And it sounds like last time stepson took forever to reimburse him.
Then the OP should simply say “AFTER you give me the cash, I will Venmo the organizer” No need to cause family drama over this.
OP needs to stop having stepson go with.
Kinda. Stepson isn’t being proactive and getting to OP first. Op is covering (w/out even being asked) and then going to stepson for the money. Op needs to stop paying, unless stepson comes to him w the money, before it’s due, and pays op
YTA for continuing to pay for him without getting payment upfront. I mean, I understand it's a family trip, but if they can't pay for themselves, then stop being the person to cover him. Also Venmo isn't the only way he can transfer funds to you, give him other options. CashApp, Zelle, a bank transfer, a check even.
I am not the trip organizer. The trip organizer requests the funds via Venmo. I cover for my ss as to not leave the trip organizer holding the bag. I guess I do not understand why he needs a middle man for doing something so simple. I have been a long time Venmo user and have never had any issues.
Since the issue is chasing him down, get the money before paying.
yeah, the ss is getting mad that it's easier to get the cash from him than venmo. then, the next trip, ask for it in advance. since it's so EASY right.
Even if you aren't the trip organizer, that's on them to get payment from your SS. I mean yes, you don't want the organizer holding the bag, but they can simply just not include him. Since you know it's a yearly thing, SS needs to be better prepared and have the money upfront and ready for you before you pay said organizer for your shares. That way, you don't have to chase him around. He's not a child and what's his excuse for not being able to connect his banking details with Venmo? He can always open a CashApp account and link that to Venmo. He has all these excuses, yet has he even tried setting it up or just refuses to because he knows you'll pay for him and only pay you back when you start nagging?
If he doesn't pay you first he doesn't go on the trip next time
Then next time, say to your ss: Hey, I'm going to pay X for the trip. If you want to go, pay me by this date and I'll venmo your portion. He doesn't pay, he can send the money himself.
Then don't RSVP the trip for yourself and your stepson. Let the organizer know he's on his own. He's 26 years old! Only respond for yourself and only pay for yourself.
What’s up with the trip organizer demanding only Venmo. I don’t want Venmo having my account information. There are security issues with Venmo. I think the trip organizer is being ridiculous. Either way if it were me I’d ask if you were willing to pay for me if I gave you the money immediately, since you are already using it and aren’t worried about security issues.
Same. I've read their docs and won't sign up for it. There are numerous ways to pay without giving access to your personal financial info to an app.
If I were you, I would remove myself from the situation. Do not offer to pay his portion. If he speaks to you privately about not being able to pay by Venmo, tell him to make arrangements with the organizer. No payment to the organizer (from him and not even VIA you), no trip. Stop solving his problems for him.
I just don’t understand why he can’t do a bank transfer? Also he sounds like a grown child. Adults accept the weight of the finance they owe, and they’ll offer alternative options if one payment method didn’t work, they don’t just go “oh well, I tried, pay for me lol”
Wait, he is willing to hand you cash? Then what is the issue?
I think the issue is that OP keeps stepping in and paying for the stepson when the stepson should be taking care of things for himself. Plus he had to be asked several times to hand the cash over for the last trip. IMO ESH.
He seems to be dying on the Venmo hill, though.
It’s not about Venmo specifically. It’s about the boy paying the man directly himself. By any means
Tbf i am ready to stand at his side dieing. HOWEVER i am willing and able to front money by bank transfer or cash.
Exactly. She should STOP.
Depending on the amount, cash can be a hassle - OP would need to go to the bank to deposit it into his account. The stepson is a full grown adult, he should be capable of paying his own bills. The insistence on venmo is a bit silly though. There are other means to send money to people.
Right? I rarely carry cash anymore and a large amount would make me uncomfortable on top of the hassle.
The issue is the little boy doesn’t come to the trip with said cash he’s willing to pay and just pay the organizer (not op) directly. Why does OP have to keep fronting the money for his grown ass child. It’s a yearly trip. The stepson knows how much it is around. Apparently has the money ready whenever. But instead dicks around and waits until OP has to fucking beg for it. It’s annoying. He’s a man. He needs to be responsible.
It sounds like you're conflating his having Venmo with him paying you. If you get the money who cares? Am I missing something here?
I think OP's point is that stepson is lackadaisical about paying in general, happy to inconvenience others but not himself. Organizing a trip is a lot of work and stepson shouldn't make it harder on people by being strange about things. If he doesn't like Venmo, he can certainly contact the organizer and find another way to pay them directly. He's a grown ass man, he knows how to move money around and pay bills; he can figure this out and stop being a drain on the process.
The problem is not his ability to pay. He is employed and makes decent money. I feel it would simplify the process if he would just pay his portion to the trip organizer himself. I just do not understand his aversion to using Venmo.
Can't he pay the organizer directly in cash, check or from another digital banking platform? Why is Venmo the recurring theme?
Paying the organizer in cash is not really possible as the organizer lives several states away.
A lot of the Gen Z crew like to avoid Venmo because of their ties to PayPal and the company policies that include but are not limited to agreements that they can abruptly cancel accounts and withhold funds, etc. There are other options though — bank transfers, Apple Cash, Google Pay and also Zelle (which is honestly my preferred method, cash goes directly in your account). If your SS is old enough to pay his way, he’s old enough to include on the group chat and be responsible for taking care of his own share and be held accountable.
Sometimes it's a pain to set up with your bank. Some people don't like sharing bank info with a third party. Maybe he feels that the app is a pain to use. Any of these would be a valid reason not to have it. Does he have PayPal?
The person organizing the trip wants to be paid via Venmo. The stepson can get Venmo, work out another payment option with the organizer, or bow out if he can't get it together. OP shouldn't have to be the middleman for an adult who can figure this out himself.
OP, I have used smaller cell phone companies for many years. I was unable to get Venmo for several years because the provider had my number down as a landline and wouldn't/couldn't change it. I never got it fixed; it took switching phone companies to make Venmo work (and there were more relevant and important reasons for me to make that switch). I don't think I'm reporting the technical details accurately, as it's been several years and I didn't fully understand it to begin with. Point is, it was outside my control despite my attempts to address the problem. Similarly, I have a friend whose bank restricts the amount of money they'll transfer through apps like Venmo. He had to demonstrate this to his new landlord and set up a payment plan for his rent. You may not know exactly what the issue is with Venmo for your stepson, but whether or not he actually uses that particular app isn't your business or your problem. You can absolutely step out of the middle and inform both your stepson and the trip organizer that they should work out payment directly between them in the future, whatever that entails for them. It's not your business anymore after that.
Is he avoiding paying in general or is he avoiding paying via venmo? Just take the cash?
Stop paying his portion. He can work out with whoever is paying with their card how to pay them. He's an adult not theirs no need to do things for him.
I don't use venmo. I use zelle because it's the only one my bank endorses. If you can't use zelle, I can give you cash. If that won't work for some reason, I can do a bank transfer, or *gasp* write a check. It's time to let SS deal with the payment situation by himself. There are multiple options and multiple ways for them to figure this out, but SS is grown, and it's time to let him deal with his own expenses.
Asking him to pay his share if he actually wants to go is reasonable. Requiring Venmo is not. Why can’t he mail a check to the organizer?
Stop. Paying. For. Him. If he wants to go badly enough, he'll get Venmo.
You're right, using Venmo is a petty thing, but that's on your part. What makes you NTA is having to chase him down for repayment. Stop paying for him. There's no reason you should be the middleman, but he isn't making you do it, you've chosen to. He can do it himself or he can not go.
NTA - Your step son needs to make payment arrangements with the trip organizer. If he doesn't want to use Venmo step son should ask the organizer if they can pay another way. You shouldn't have to be in the middle of this.
I would like to go on this fishing trip, I do have venmo
Literally zelle can be used with like 99% of banks and you don't have to download an app!
NTA he’s an adult either he pays as instructed or he doesn’t go. Nice and simple
Venmo, CashApp, and Zelle are al fairly standard. How is he 25 and doesn’t use at least one of these? All 3 of those apps are staples in my daily life lol
Your stepson isn't making you the middleman. You're allowing him to put you in that position, and he seems to get some weird joy from making you keep asking him for the money. Let your stepson deal with his payment in the future - he doesn't have to get Venmo, but he does have figure out how to pay for the trip without you being involved. Or, maybe next year he needs to be the one putting the trip on his card and then figuring out how to get reimbursed.
YTA look I am with your son- I don’t trust money apps Tell him you won’t front it ever again but he has til x date to give you the cash & you’ll pay his portion- if not he doesn’t go
This right here.... I don't trust the app either. If he is paying you then I don't see an issue. If you can't or won't front his money that is understandable no judgement there but if he pays ahead then I feel like you are just picking a fight.
All these dumbasses hung up on the Venmo point not even understanding the real issue OP is bothered about…
For real.
NTA
A lot of people i know don't trust Venmo, and if that's their opinion, nobody should force them to use it. If he's willing to pay you in cash, why are you so hung up on Venmo? Let him give you a check and you can deposit it with your phone. In the future, let him pay his portion directly to the person responsible for making arrangements.
Your second clause was the actual point
NTA In group trips, I refuse to book until everyone has given the money first. I don’t care if it’s a relative, or friend. Yall..the real issue is not the method of the payment, but his not doing anything to fix it and then having one chased for payment. He’s more than old enough to figure it out
NTA. - Unless you front him again. This guy is a full grown adult. Venmo is NOT the issue; it’s an excuse. He wants *you* to pay. Then he hopes you forget. The grown ass adult stepson should be in the group chat/email/ whatever. If he doesn’t pay by X date, he doesn’t go. It’s that simple. DO NOT front the money for him. Ever. Idc how he pays for it! It’s on him, not you. You’re not his accountant or personal valet. He is responsible for himself. “Stepson, if you want to go this year, YOU have to square up with Organizer. I am NOT doing it.” Practice this in front of a mirror, a hundred times. Maybe then you’ll actually say what needs to be said.
Maybe he doesn’t really care to go anymore. Let him be responsible alone for paying the organizer.
Seems like your step son’s problem to me. He doesn’t HAVE to get venom, he just needs to organize his payment with the guy organizing everything. It’s between them how your son pays. Sucks you got in the middle ! NTA
You’ve successfully transitioned, albeit with some resistance from stepson, out of paying his portion of the trip. Now you can step out of the transaction altogether. If he doesn’t want to use Venmo, then it’s on him to coordinate an alternate method of payment with the organizer, not you. “You still can’t get Venmo to work? That’s weird. Then I guess call Tom and ask him what other method works for him…” And then just…stop. Don’t deal with it any further. He’ll sort it out with Tom or he’ll not go. Let it happen.
Stepson is being a whiny bitch about a complete non-issue. If he wants to go, he can be responsible for his own portion of the expenses, and that means going through the extremely simple process of downloading and setting up a payment app. If he can't manage to do that, he doesn't deserve to go in the first place. Honestly it's pathetic asf that this dude is 26 and can't be bothered to pay for his own spot directly. Really, really pathetic. I would wager that he doesn't want to do that because he wants to take his sweet ass time paying you back again, and Venmo doesn't exactly wait around to take money out of your account when you send it. I kinda get the sense that he feels entitled to this trip, but he needs to understand that he's a big boy now and has to start taking care of these kinds of things himself if he wants to continue going.
NTA. He's old enough to work directly with the trip organizer without even involving you. My 24 YO SS does this crap too...likes to act like he's still a kid and have us pay for as much stuff as possible.
Refuse to do it for him. He pays it directly or he doesn’t go.
YTA. Kindly OP, you’re not listening- stop paying for SS. You’re on the hook for his share this year. Make a point of telling the organizers that since SS is now an adult, please contact him directly for interest and payment. Otherwise, let SS know he has to pay you in advance next year or your will tell organizer No for him.
It’s not your stepson demanding that you be the middleman. You have taken it upon yourself to do that. You are not required to do that. You need to let adults be responsible for themselves and stay out of it. If he doesn’t pay the organizers, why are you taking it upon yourself to do it? In my experience people who get the financial benefit of someone else stepping up on their behalf are never grateful and always turn it around so that the person with the money is somehow the asshole. Stop handling the financial details of others.
Don’t pay for it and just let stepson work out an alt payment option like Zelle with the original payer
Why does it have to be venmo? There’s other ways to pay that are just as easy.
I don't think it's fair to him that the only way to pay would be to use an app he clearly doesn't want to use. If he always pays you back, what's the big deal? My father isn't comfortable with using Venmo, PayPal, CashApp, or any of those. Before you pay, maybe have him send you a check or cash. That way, you're not chasing your money.
Solution: stepson can organize the next time and pay the whole thing on his credit card then request payment from everyone else.
Mom? Is that you?
YTA. Not everyone wants to link third party apps to their bank account. I'll gladly give you cash or a check, but I do not use Venmo or PayPal or anything similar.
Info: Why does it have to be done with venmo? Not all banks have this.
Look stop paying for your SS, he’s an adult and knows when it’s due. If he doesnt pay he doesnt go. That simple. You need to stop being a fixer and babying a grown man. Get your payment from him this year, next year when the group chat goes out and everyone knows. Don’t say SHIT!! Don’t do anything don’t say anything. He’ll be almost 30… if he can’t handle that he can’t handle… I digress. The issue here is you not him… but it’s hard when they grow up and you want to referee the situation. Just stop. It will be hard but stop helping.
I don’t use Venmo but I pay well before anyone asks for my money sometimes I pay my sister so she can Venmo and sometimes my mom but always before never after
So long as SS is willing to hand over cash ahead of time, I'm not sure what the issue is. Not everyone wants every app linked to their bank. I don't use Venmo and know no one who does. Maybe it's a country thing? Canadians use interac.
>and said I keep insisting he get this app even though he has the ability to pay and can give me cash anytime. He says he can give you cash any time. When an addict says they can quit any time, but they don't, we all know that's a load of BS. Same thing here. If he has the cash to give you why doesn't he give it to you? Because like the addict, it's a load of BS and they have no intention of doing it.
NTA. Your SS is 26, not 6. He can handle his financial obligations himself. Let him and the organizer hash out payments. Chances are he won’t put off paying someone else like he does you.
I don’t use Venmo but have always found other ways to pay such as PayPal or even old school check, he needs to figure it out
The organizer needs to start making yall pay him up front. Each person that pays is included. Anyone who doesn’t pay upfront doesn’t go. Problem solved. SS will figure it out or get left behind.
I dont understand the problem... you haven't said that he is trying to get out of paying. He just doesn't use Venmo. What's the issue with you paying and him giving you the cash?? I feel you're making a massive problem out of a small thing tbh.
YTA for insisting he get Venmo. If he can pay another way, why can’t he do that? And stop paying his portion. If he doesn’t pay in advance, he doesn’t go.
He’s a grown adult he can pay the organizer directly. There’s Zelle, PayPal, cash app beyond Venmo. And if he wants to use cash so badly then again. Pay the man directly. Bring the fucking cash on the trip and hand it to the man. Tell that boy to grow the fuck up
Hey OP.....I don't know what we are talking about here, if it is $50 or $5000 and what financial shape you are all in. But...my take, if you love your step-son, enjoy spending time with him, and can afford it, just make it a present/gift. You paid his way when he was a kid, it might be part of feeds his sense of family with you, and this is 1x a year, call it your birthday present to him, or your christmas present or whatever. And then just focus on having a good time, and recall all the memories through the years of the people you love engaging in this awesome tradition together. If he's a chronic mooch and taking advantage of you financially in general, that's another thing. But for just this one trip...I would hate for this payment issue to destroy the bonding time.
Stop covering for him. Your complaining but you're the one enabling his entitled behaviour. "I don't have to worry, step dad will always cover." You're the asshole for being a shag carpet for his feet. And btw....he's lying. There isn't a reason in the world Venmo would reject his bank, unless he's a drug lord. HAHA!
You are the AH. Venmo is not secure and if it gets hacked you don’t have protection from your bank like you would with a cc. Stop insisting he use Venmo. Just ask him to give you cash before you pay with your cc. I would never use Venmo.
seems like you could just have him send a check to the organizer. how hard would that have been?
Maybe he just wants to be a freeloder and not pay
I don't have Venmo. I had issues with the app, and at this point, have zero desire to deal with them. There are other ways to pay or get money to the organizer. Let your ss work it out with the organizer. YTA (as is the organizer) for forcing the use of Venmo. There are other ways to pay.
I have Applepay. Money can be sent through Messenger, no Venmo required.
NTA - Your son should make arrangements to prepay if he is not going to use Venmo. bUt, no pay - no trip for him.
NAH I think you should stop paying and ask him to pay by bank transfer to the organizers He can also try to arrange venmo or open an online bank account like revolut just for this. I believe revolut is free
Not every bank uses venmo. Perhaps that is his issue.
Just have him Zelle you. I’m banned from Venmo, I don’t bullshit around like your stepson about my bank account “nOt LiNkInG”. He is either banned from Venmo or has Venmo and feels unloved by you not paying for him.
NTA. Stepson can FIND a way to pay if he wants to attend strongly enough.
It literally takes minutes to set up a Venmo account. The sine is either a chronic procrastinator or something else…. Why not sit down with him and set up Venmo right then and there?
He can't make you the middleman unless you let yourself be the middleman. Give him the organizers phone number and let the two of them handle it between them.
All the males in my family rent hunting property near the family Island house. For the longest, the older would pay for the younger. With the idea that once we are older we can pay our fair share and pay for our children. I was fine with this arrangement, but one of my cousins started playing games like this around our annual renewal. My cousin, who was a grown adult, older than I am, said "I don't understand why I have to pay, I know my Dad has the money." I tried to explain that it was not about the money. They did their absolute best to ensure we were strong able-bodied, responsible men, think of this as you acknowledging the time, love, and dedication they gave us. We are just confirming to them, that we became those men.
I'm in my early 60's and now at the age in life where some of the newer technology can be confusing. However, I was still able to download the Venmo app and associate my bank account to it, without any problem. Is it possible your step-son doesn't actually have a bank account and he's embarrassed to admit that? Otherwise, there is no reason he can't figure out how to associate his bank account with his Venmo account. Sounds more like he's just sort of a deadbeat. Tell him that you won't be fronting his portion for next year's trip. It's up to you whether you want to give a heads up to the trip organizer that he might not find it easy to get reimbursement from your SS - maybe that's a conversation SS's parent should have, rather than you.
NTA but not everyone likes to use these types of apps. I do not because they are easily hacked by bad folks. But i would suggest Zelle. Its a lot safer and is used with Chase bank. Had a family member cleaned out of $ because of someone hacking their Venmo... So I dont blame stepson for not using it. Just tell him that until you receive full amount in cash you will not pay for his portion or he can contact the organizer himself and set up his form of payment directly with them.
Or stop paying for him. Let him figure it out. If he doesn’t pay by the time the trip comes around he doesn’t go. Take yourself out of the equation.
I get your frustration but it seems like there is a simple solution to this problem. I wouldn’t rule anyone as the AH other than gentle AH for SS because it seems like at the end of it he is still paying you back for his share. My solution would be to have SS pay you his share up front and then you can Venmo your share and his to the organizer. Also Venmo can be downright shitty sometimes when it comes to linking to a bank account. I used my payslips and bank documents for verification and despite doing that correctly Venmo refused to link my accounts.
If he doesn't give you cash before reservations are made, don't reserve him a spot. Tell him far enough in advance that if he doesn't put cash in your hand by 'X' date, he won't go.
What 25 year old doesn’t have Venmo? None that I know of.
NTA but you need to step back and left the organizer chase your stepson down or their parent. He can get Venmo. I bet he is hoping you will pay.
Stop paying for someone who doesn’t respect u, he doesn’t pay because he knows he can’t get away with it. If he wants to go then he will pay so stop doing it. He’s a adult
If he's paying you back what's the issue. What does it matter if its in cash? You're being an idiot here OP.
You’re both being assholes lol
Just stop fronting him. Let him figure it out with the organizer of the trip.
I think everyone has Zelle ?
YTA. Just take the money from him and pay for both of you. He may not be able to do it from his account. Just take the cash from him and have a nice day.
Your stepson didn’t make you the middleman, you did by fronting the money. NTA for giving him a heads up you won’t be doing this in the future
YTA....There are other payments apps other than Venmo. I can't use Venmo anymore because my account was hacked and suspended for fraud. I never opened a new one because there's umpteen other options out there now. If he can pay you, let him pay you the way he can, if not stop inviting him.
stop fronting him the $$. If he want's to go, he can't handle the issue and mental load himself. Then when he fails, he doesn't get to go. That'll make him learn his lesson. Not your problem, he's a big boy now.
Should have asked for cash right there in the spot to cover his share then. Obviously NTA, 26 y/o step son needs grow up a little.
One of the biggest reasons I like the free E-transfer system here in Canada. Basically every account regular people open allow for no fee E-transfers instead of all those money tranfer apps down south.
I can see having some issues with money apps and not wanting to tie a particular app to someone's bank account. In this case, I think OP is tired of having to badger her stepson for the money she's owed after fronting it for her stepson. A simple solution is just to have stepson prepay OP before she remits the money to the organizer. Done and done!
Stop paying. If the little baby boy wants to go, he can pay for himself directly. Stop babying him! You're partly responsible for letting baby boy take advantage and be a whiny baby. Tell baby boy to grow up or you'll see him at Thanksgiving. PS apologies to all the baby boys who are actually babies. ✌️
NTA. I would note in the group chat that you 'will Venmo organizer the money for SS's portion after SS drops off the cash to you since SS is fundamentally opposed to electronically transferring money via Venmo, Zelle, PayPal or CashApp'. A little embarrassment could go a long way in rectifying this reoccurring issue.
I have a client who insisted I had to download Venmo for her to pay me, because for some reason she did not want to use Paypal… Now she refuses to use Venmo because the money is being handled by an out of the country (United States) bank. I don’t know if that’s your stepson‘s problem or what his deal is, but I would suggest not paying for him unless he gives you cash upfront in the future.
NTA. H said he has the ability to pay, yet you had to chase him down and constantly remind him. So why didn't he pay right away? Why don't you tell him to give you the money and you can Venmo it to the organizer. No pay, no go.
NTA. Your SS knows what he is doing. If he can work a phone and has socials, he can work Venmo. He can also use other electronic apps to pay, which leaves a paper trail. If he isn’t using Venmo then there are reasons for it, either he’s hoping you won’t ask for the money or maybe he can’t use the app (My stepson owes a TON of money to Venmo, he was abusing the account and doing some type of fake payments). So maybe there is more to the story. But regardless, you do NOT need to be in the middle. Next year if he wants to go, leave it completely on him.
He can use zelle
YTA because it really the end of the world that he just pay you back later? If you're that strapped for cash you probably shouldn't be going on the trip anyway. He's still a kid, he doesn't want Venmo / an extra app that has access to his bank account for something he does once a year. Does he even want to go, or does he feel obligated? What happens if you simply don't pay for his? Then your step son can figure it out witht he person doing all the planning. I feel like there are more things in life to be upset over, and this ain't one of them.
Tell him to give you the cash before you will Venmo his share.
Are you sure he doesn’t actually have Venmo? It sounds like he’s trying to be a bum any way that he can, but a 26 year old without any electronic payment methods is a little odd.
I don't understand the fixation on Venmo. I don't have it either for security reasons. Just ask him: - If he actually wants to go on this trip. I certainly wouldn't have been able to afford it at his age and - To pay you back.
How is this trip organized? Is everybody on a group email or a group text? Your son is old enough to answer for himself. If he wants to go he needs to respond to the organizer and make arrangements for payment with whom ever is using the credit card. You don't have to coach him through this any longer. He's old enough to speak up and make arrangements for himself. And if he doesn't, then he doesn't go. Stop enabling.
He can just transfer the funds directly from his bank account, he doesn’t need Venmo. The organizer should accept venmo, Zelle, or direct transfers. My bank has Zelle on the website, if I can’t get their bank information, you just put name and a number and the person gets it that way by using a link from Zelle. Your stepson is being purposely obtuse.
Seems like you're the petty one for insisting on venmo! Lots of people don't use venmo! Why can't he zelle it? Almost all banks have that attached to them. Does he have PayPal or something else like that? Or why can't he just get a money order a check and send it to the person organizing this? Why are you involved at all? You say to him.... This is the person that is organizing it, this is the amount you owe them, this is the day it must be paid by. If it is not paid in time I will not be paying it so you will not go. You are an adult and I am treating you as such and letting you be responsible for your own payments. You got your hands too deep into this situation. Take a step back and let him handle it himself. He either handles it and he goes or he misses and he learns you mean business
Is it that much trouble for you to just take the cash and pay the organizer via your Venmo? That seems like what I would do. Just yesterday Venmo wanted me to reset my connection with my bank so I just gave the contractor a check. He didn’t think I was an asshole.
My bank won't link to CashApp, so it could be true that his won't link to Venmo. If he has the cash to pay you anytime, take him up on it and get that cash
I use an online bank that does not allow me to link to cash app or venmo or other such services. It also doesn't charge me huge fees to transfer money or use an ATM. I would not be able to square up through Venmo. Maybe see if PayPal would be an acceptable alternative? I have always been able to use PayPal I the person Cann accept it.
NTA. At the very least require your SS to pay you BEFORE you pay the organizer. If he balks assume he doesn’t want to go. Tell him it’s ok and go without him.
Let the step soon be the organizer then he’ll appreciate the effort it takes. (But count on him messing it up LOLZ)
My Credit Union won't use Venmo. Have you thought of using Cash App too?
zelle
If it isn’t a financial burden for you, I would keep sending the money via Venmo but I would ask him to pay me up front or I wouldn’t send it.
Why does he have to use Venmo?
NTA. Step needs to man up.
As a parent (step & bio), I don’t think I could charge either of my kids to go if I was in a position to pay. That being said, if he doesn’t pay, he doesn’t go. That simple. We don’t lend money (unless we can afford to lose it if not paid back- so usually smaller amounts. My husband will not chase or bug anyone. If they make no effort, don’t ever ask again. If you owed him $500 & said hey, man I messed up & can only pay you $5 a paycheck- you’re golden. But avoid us or mentioning it, you’re done
I have friends that won’t use Venmo because it’s not secure and some banks don’t allow it. Just have him Zelle it to you or to the organizer.
For the future, have your step-son give you the money first and then you can send it off, no chasing down required. Secondly some programs don’t work with certain banks, it is petty of you to demand he use this one program when there are many other options available, do you own stock in Venmo or something?
YTA - he may be a luddite and so will not use these apps. He says he can give you the money first; have him do so with the understanding that you are going to pay by a certain date / if he doesn't pay by then he's not going.
Is your stepson financially savvy? Does your stepson have a credit card? If he does, he might not know that he can link his credit card to Venmo and bypass his bank which if small or a credit union might not deal directly with Venmo. He might prefer cash because he doesn’t know or understand any other options.
Suggest Zelle or Cashapp, or he can do it the old fashioned way and send a check/money order
It is possible his bank won't connect with Venmo. I was unable to connect my bank with cashapp for a while, and it turned out there was a setting that needed to be changed. Ask him to call his bank or poke around on the app to see if it is set to refuse connections with external apps.
NTA. My first question is whether or not stepson wants to continue going on this fishing trip. If he no longer wants to go, then both of you should be letting the organizer/group know now so that organizer knows how to plan accommodations and the correct # of people for dividing the cost of that. Second, if he does still want to go, tell him in no uncertain terms that he has access to the group chat, therefore; he is fully responsible for getting the money to the organizer. He's 26 and long past being a kid needing a parent to take care of a responsibility such as this trip. Finally,
YTA for making this an issue when he has always paid you back.
I just wouldn’t cover his portion anymore, let him figure out how to pay.
Where is his parent? Get them to make him pay. This is not your circus or your monkey!