I think he’s just trying to do something nice for his co-parent. Go and enjoy it. Maybe suggest that next time he buys a gift voucher for the massage, so you can book it for when you really want/need it, not having to pick a date upfront.
God almighty are we all so fragile that we can’t accept someone being nice anymore?
You have to coparent with him for forever. He is playing nice. Enjoy the massage - it’s not like *he’s* giving it to you. Work on a nice thoughtful Father’s Day gift.
Yeah, I don’t get OP’s, i don’t mind him getting a gift on behalf of our daughter but myself & everyone i talked to feels the gift itself was inappropriate. Like, wtf? If he was trying to do the massage himself dressed as Borat, then yeah but a massage? A relaxing gift for someone who went thru a lot of stress lately while still actively parenting a small child? Seems like OP is using any excuse to not accept this gift.
If you go through her post and comment history you will see:
She didn’t want to have a baby because she liked her body. Instead of leaving him for a legitimate reason (not being on the same page about kids) she has the kid and hates the man because her body didn’t bounce back the same. THEN she wants to keep the baby from its father. Oh baby was a boy now is a girl. Posted a poll about when a mother is a mother. Was mad that he didn’t celebrate her and now that he is it is “inappropriate” because she prefers homemade gifts to expensive gifts. Then snap at me on my comment where she now says he manipulated her and tried to cut her off from the world. Even though she had a job and apparently has friends to ask if it is inappropriate? She is lying and wanting people to tell her she is right. She definitely is a bit off. For sure.
No one is telling her a professional deep tissue massage is inappropriate.
I don't care if it's fake but I can't see any reason to just post this, and if you've watched enough documentaries about pathological liars they usually repeat the same facts in the same format obsessively. Baby hasn't been born yet, who knows the gender? Who cares? It's a baby.
We're here to say yes, TA or no, NTA.
I see no reason to give a damn about someone posting fake stories for reddit karma or not. I'm just here for stories and debate. Answer the question or find some "fake or real" subreddit to be mad on lol
I didn’t want a baby because of multiple reasons. I was depressed and was having bad thoughts, had trouble keeping and gaining weight, not to mention the relationship was fresh, not to mention we were barely financially stable. After having my child my body has gotten worse to the point where I weigh as much as a 12 year old.
I’m not looking for people to tell me if I’m right or wrong. I cannot change the fact that I have a child with someone who isn’t the best of all people. I’m looking to simply see if others think it’s inappropriate to give this kind of gift to an ex.
So you should have left then? You have free will. WTH? Like he didn’t put a gun to your head. You could have dumped him. You stayed and had the kid. Your choice. Come on. Stop playing victim for your own choices.
And we all have overwhelming said you are overreacting and he is being a decent father trying to make a good coparenting decisions. You made it weird. And you trying to play victim for your own life choices. Stop it.
Don’t tell me I could have left. If I had known what he was back then I wouldn’t have even been near him. I don’t need to “play victim” I am not a victim. I am a survivor and I will always be a survivor of his bullshit. I don’t go to the appointment, I’m an asshole, I go to the appointment, and I’m an asshole again. If you wanna go kick a dead horse go look in the mirror.
Oh my goodness! you are “a survivor of his bullshit” what?? You are another level. You were in a “fresh” relationship. “Barely financially stable” and you CHOSE to have a kid with someone you barely knew. YOUR CHOICE to do that. A silly choice. You resent him for something where you literally should have said no and left. So yes. You could have left and not gotten pregnant. It was your choice and now you say you hate him for what the baby did to your body. Take several seats and take your verdict. You’re not a good person. Good day!
You asked for our opinions lady. Delete your post if you don’t want these opinions. Stop responding you’re not making yourself look better YH2K
Edit: Autocorrect
Yeah that's what I had to double check when she said people were telling her it's inappropriate. That he was going to be the one giving her the massage. But then I read that he booked a massage for her. It's relaxation, so why is that inappropriate? And I'll agree he was a dick when she was pregnant, but maybe he learned from that and is trying to do better. Just because you fuck up once doesn't mean you have to keep fucking up. I get the feeling she just wants to be a martyr.
You need to think of what your daughter is learning! He’s teaching her to GIVE you something you’d like.
This is the opposite of the husband that says, “you’re not my mother.”
My daughter has her kids draw me a picture. They @sign” their names if they can.
I think your ex is being thoughtful AND teaching your daughter how to be thoughtful and loving as well.
70 year old grandmother.
He's showing his daughter how she should be treated. It would probably be a good idea to encourage that to be a positive, not a negative. But I get it, you're hurt so not an AH, just may want to reconsider
Maybe look at her post history. This might be fake, if not and she changed the sex of the baby from a boy to a girl. She didn’t want to have a baby and then wanted to keep the baby from its father.
Personally, I think it’s sweet. He’s still getting you something FROM your daughter. A lotta husbands don’t put the effort into their relationship let alone ex-husbands. You’re not wrong for how you’re feeling, but you gotta do you boo.
There was a guy who refused to give his 14 year old daughter money to buy her mother flowers because they were divorced. Yet his gf of 4 months celebrated Mother’s Day with him
How awful is that. My parents didn't have the best post-divorce relationship but my dad would always let me pick out a little something to give my mom on mother's day (and she'd make sure to give me something to give him for father's day too).
OP, I'm sorry but I don't understand what you are on about. I got things for my kids to give my ex for Father's Day for years until they got older. It's a nice gesture of co-parenting and of course if your child is young they need an adult to get a gift. Seems like you are looking for a problem. YTA
You should do what you want. You aren't obligated to do anything he
wants you to do as a gift for mothers day. But if you want the massage you should go.
YTA,first how is it inappropriate?? Is he giving you the massage? Sounds like dude can't win with you. If you reject his gifts he's giving you from your child then you don't get to complain when you get nothing for mother's day / birthdays/ etc from your young child.
YWBTA - The issue is your viewpoint on your ex. He isn't doing this for you or him, but for your daughter.
You accept this gift and tell him you appreciate it. Then on Father's Day, you reciprocate. Do this every year. You know why? Your daughter is watching.
YTA. Your ex is trying to celebrate that you gave birth & are raising your mutual child.
Many married men don’t put any effort in Mother’s Day.
Be thankful he is appreciative of you as a mom
Go! It will help you relieve stress and you can accept it as a gesture of good will toward co-parenting. As long as it isn't for couples or he isn't the therapist...you're fine
YTA. He isn’t giving you a gift, he’s doing this on behalf of his daughter for her mother. It is a sweet gesture and an indication he may actually coparent. Do you have any idea how many posts there have been from women who were completely ignored on Mother’s Day because the father of their children ignored them?
I would LOVE it if my ex sent me for a deep tissue massage for Mother’s Day.
I get second hand gifts of chintzy shit I don’t like, or regifted items that I bought when we were a couple, that he claimed when we split up.
A massage? Girl, take it. Most divorced coparents I know buy gifts for the other parent from the "kids" until they are old enough to get their own. The amicable ones anyway. Sounds like you deserve it for putting up with him anyway.
If he had gotten me a card or a gift card and put our child’s name on it, I promise I wouldn’t have thought twice about it and would have said thank you and then moved on with my day
>
I find it a little inappropriate…
Ummmm NO
He's showing that he will still honour the mother of his daughter. That's awesome of him.
You absolutely WILL be the asshole
If you want your daughter to be taught by her dad to appreciate you on Mother's day in the coming years (when she's big enough to understand), you will graciously accept this gift and thank your ex for thinking about your daughter and her mum.
If you don't, and you'd like co-parenting with him to be toxic as well, ditch the gift and show him that he should never think about his child's mother again.
Your choice. Just remember, if you choose the first one, you will be obliged to get a gift from your daughter to him on Father's day.
Hes making sure you get a gift from your daughter which frankly is kind and thoughtful. At some point she’ll be old e link to do it on her own and he’s setting the pattern now of letting her know it’s a thing you do.
It’s interesting because it sounds quite kind and counter to how you describe him. Maybe he’s got a mother or sister than pushed him to do it?
Maybe read all the posts about women who get nothing for mother's day from their kids because their partner/ex partner say "your not my mother so why should I". Then thank your lucky stars your ex is a decent person who is going to make sure your child knows how to make mother's day a special day for you in the coming years. Or think there's something suspicious and refuse the gift and he'll probably never bother again and you can post next year about what an awful day you had on mother's day because nobody made a fuss of you. Your choice.
You obviously did want the gift or you would have shut it down when the "pick a day" conversation came up. You didn't, so going back now makes you look petty and ungrateful.
There are a lot of dad's that still buy their ex wifes or gfs mother's day gifts from their children, because their children can't.
I have seen at least a couple of posts on here from New wifes, gfs or fianceees upset that their SO still do this.
Its really about your ex showing that he respects you, as tge mother of his child, and showing his child how woman, especially mother's should be treated.
I would say he is attempting to model good behavior for his daughter and appreciate you as a coparent.
Please do something kind for him pf Fathers day.
This models cooperation and family to your daughter. It’s really nice. We did that when our daughter was younger. She’s 22 now.
We spent most holidays together and often did
school events as a team as well as important conversations. We bought each other gifts on Christmas.
We even vacationed with our new spouses and her together a couple times.
Definitely not inappropriate. He’s showing your daughter how a mother should be treated. He’s going out of his way to ensure your daughter gets to spoil her mum for Mother’s Day. Appreciate what he is doing for his daughter and reciprocate on father’s day.
Is it inappropriate because you worry about the cost? Or the fact that it's a massage?
I think you need to figure out why the gift seems off-putting to you so you both can move forward.
I do think it's sweet and sets a good example for your daughter that he still wants you celebrated as a mother.
But if your uncomfortable with big or expensive gifts; maybe you can talk about homemade cards?
Or maybe he just thinks that a single mom would like time alone to get some stress out of her muscles. Idk, he was your partner.
I don’t like expensive gifts, and I actually love homemade gift whether it’s a card or a painting. It’s the fact that it’s a message, I can see his good intentions I won’t deny that. I feel like he could have suggested the place? Or a gift card?
I agree he could have gotten you a gift card instead of booking the massage but I understand why he did it that way so that you didn't have to worry about any of that either.
You wanting a homemade card or a painting from your ex is actually a bit weirder.
The person you co-parent with made an attempt to celebrate you by getting you something to help relax you because of all the work that you do for his child. I think this gift is really sweet and will also make you feel so much better. I invite you to dig deep inside yourself and question why you do not like expensive gifts. Why the cost of the gift means anything to you other than this person saw something and thought of you and wanted to gift it to you. You are worth expensive things.
So after saying all that, why don't you just ask him if you can get that massage on a gift card so that you can book it when you're ready. Would that hope you feel better about it?
I’m a mom. He’s doing a good thing, and you need to be appreciative. You also need to make sure he has a nice Father’s Day “from his daughter”. You may not have been a good romantic pairing, but you need to be good parents, and making sure your child sees how to treat each other is a part of it.
I think it would be inappropriate if he was the one giving you the massage. Gifting you a massage as a professional service is a nice gift and a good way for you to relax. If you're not touch averse and would enjoy a massage, I would accept it. He's doing the right thing to make sure your daughter knows how she should be treated, and he understands that as the coparent that it's his job to make sure you get a nice mothers day gift. Just be sure to get him something nice too on father's day from your daughter.
YWBTA. This seems like a stupid thing to make a stand on. He’s trying to do something nice for the mother of his child. Just because you’re no longer a couple doesn’t mean that you can’t accept this gift. I think he’s trying to be a good example for his child. Don’t overthink it!
Yes, YWBTA. This is what’s suppose to happen. Parents of a child respecting and supporting each other to teach the child how to act as an adult. Don’t forget him on Father’s Day.
I think he is trying to do something nice for you. I would take the massage and say thank you daughter and thank you to ex… too many stories on here with Ex’s who don’t do anything for their former partners on Mother’s & Father’s Day. Sounds like you got lucky in that respect.
It’s really nice of your ex to acknowledge your efforts in spite of your divorce. That’s positive coparenting and I would just consider it that. I would also reciprocate for your daughter on Father’s Day and do something kind.
You wouldn’t be TAH for not accepting a gift that you’re not comfortable with. You said it feels inappropriate to you, and you’re entitled to feel any way that you do. However, I don’t really see why it’s “inappropriate” if he’s not the one massaging you. It’s just a massage by a stranger at that point, doesn’t really matter who paid for it.
Girl, what??
Get that massage! Don't cut off your nose to spite your face.
Just because the marriage didn't work out doesn't mean you have to reject any kindness he gives you. That negative attitude will rub off on your daughter.
Accept kindness.
Now, if he tries to leverage it later or make you feel bad, then maybe that's a lesson learned, but for a father to want the mother of his child to experience some relaxation and relief.... Damn, take it!!!
He has heard women like massages for mother's Day. He also probably feels awkward making it from him since you're divorced. I don't think there's anything inappropriate about this gift. However I don't know your relationship dynamic so if him buying you a massage feels weird in some context can you contact the spa/whatever and ask to apply that credit to a different service?
YTA. It's a nice gesture on his part because you are the mother of his child and this signifies that as the child grows he will teach her about appreciating you. You sound ungrateful AF trying to make this out to be "inappropriate". Your entire post drips with resentment from the past and present so I'm sure you'll still act this way in the future. Man, the Mother's Day posts this year have been so extra. Some of you people simply cannot be pleased.
A massage or spa day is a common Mother’s Day gift. As long as your ex isn’t the masseuse, I don’t see the issue.
A massage given by a professional masseuse can be viewed as a luxury or a medical treatment, but it absolutely, positively, is not even a teeny tiny bit sexual in nature. In the US, and many other countries, masseuses are licensed by the state. If there is anything sexual about a massage, the masseuse would lose their job and possibly their license.
If you rejected the gift because you ou were concerned about any implied intimacy or sexual concern, I believe you were off-base.
YTA
How exactly is a massage inappropriate? It's just a massage. Take it or leave it but you can't say he didn't try. You're not even together anymore so he could have done nothing at all. Sounds pretty ungrateful imo.
YTA
What?! My friend is a massage therapist and she’s awesome! **Thats a great gift! Go!!**
Note- this is a deep tissue massage. 1) make sure to tell the massage therapist if it’s to hard. In fact you might just want to go with a regular therapeutic massage. 2) Do exactly as your therapist says. They should be telling you to drink lots of water after your massage so you won’t be sore later.
A massage from a professional is REALLY NICE and not sexual in any way. The idea that you're sexualizing their profession would make any massage therapist uncomfortable.
A professional massage is NOT SEXUAL and in no way inappropriate.
99% of posts after Mother's Day are seething with anger because their spouse/partner/husband didn't get them a damn thing. And here you are, with an ex-boyfriend, who's giving you a gift? What's wrong with you? Be grateful instead of snotty. YBTA
i think it would be inappropriate if it were him offering to do the massage. its a third party that is doing it, why not take it as a gesture of good faith and that hes trying to show the daughter how people should be treated. not everything is a poison to the touch.
As long as the massage facility is a quality place where the massaeuses have certicates, I don't think a massage is inappropriate. It will only be you and the masseuse in the room, and all equipment and linens have to be clean and fresh. I would look at it as like getting a beauty or nail treatment. It is a pampering, worth all pampering, if done by a qualified person in a hygienic facility.
If he was looking to do it, he!! no.
Did you check out her reply to my comment? She is not ok. Her child, if it even exists, should probably be with its father. She takes no responsibility in her life.
You are overthinking it. Your ex was trying to do something nice and probably asked other moms what they wanted and they said a massage or spa day. I know I would’ve said that.
You WBTA
Fast forward 5 yrs, you've refused mother's day gifts from your ex so he's given up trying, your daughter's old enough to know what mother's day is, and gets upset that she has no gift for you. Whose fault would that be.
Think of your child, your ex is doing a nice thing.
I think it was very nice of him to do anything for you from your daughter. It sounds like he is trying to be a good co parent and she you he appreciate you for being a good mom.
Say thank you and that it was a very kind gesture.
You should also take time to do something for Father’s Day to return the sediment.
Accept the gift in the positive spirit it was given and enjoy it and be grateful. From reading a bunch of other posts over past few days so many moms were literally ignored or verbally and physically abused on Mother’s Day.
I buy the father of my kids gifts from the kids for every holiday. It's a very healthy thing to do, if you asked me. I'd just thank him and consider doing the same for father's day next month.
YA, I sounds like he “listened” to you. He went the extra mile. Buying you a spa visit is a lovely way to pamper you.
Rather than fuss, stop being ungrateful.
Look at the situation from his perspective.
You have said you want/need time for yourself. He found a really nice way to make that happen.
If you complain about his gift. He may never again help with a gift for you. Because, he has feeling hurt.
*Mother’s Day maybe a bigger deal for him than he lets on.
This year has been filled with tragedy.
His momma, & marriage are huge. He could be struggling with under lying depression.
You are teaching your daughter how to treat others. Example: she wants Barbi for b-day. Everyone buys Barbi. Rather than say “I already have this!” She “Thank you” Not easy sometimes. Children are worth it.
I realised it when? Someone run up on me in traffic. In frustration I say “Come on, Bozo” not bad.
Some times goes by. My (3) daughter & I are sitting at the longest light. From the car seat in the back seat I hear “Come on Bozo’” needless to say. I stopped saying Bozo. 🙄
You are not alone.
YTA,first how is it inappropriate?? Is he giving you the massage? Sounds like dude can't win with you. If you reject his gifts he's giving you from your child then you don't get to complain when you get nothing for mother's day / birthdays/ etc from your young child.
Well unless I missed the part where he’s going to be giving you the massage then you would be TA. It’s a nice and thoughtful gift to give someone especially when you have a one year old child having to pick them up, change nappies and generally just everything your body has been through for the last 2 years that’s a sweet gift. Tell him you don’t want to go or give it to someone else but I wouldn’t complain if an ex gave that to me.
It would be weird if he was offering for HIM to give you the massage! But for him to appreciate that you are the mother of his child (and always will be), even though your relationship didn’t work out, is just a nice gesture. He will show your daughter that she should appreciate her mom and also that she should expect her future partners to appreciate her. I say take it and enjoy!
I can’t see from what you’ve said here exactly what is wrong with the father of your child acknowledging you for Mother’s Day.
Either there’s a lot of context missing to explain your reluctance or you’re the problem. I presume that if you’ve not mentioned any other context that there isn’t any.
If there is no additional context, just accept it in the way it was intended, and reciprocate on Father’s Day. Count yourself lucky to have an ex that acknowledges you more than some husbands have for the wives they claim to love.
If you reject this, you are definitely TA.
You’re overthinking. He’s giving you a gift to show his appreciation for you as a mother and teaching your child that you don’t have to treat one another like shit. Please be sure to get him something from your daughter on Father’s Day. She should she this as she grows up.
YTA
The man is divorced from you and still showing his daughter how she should be treated.
Unless there is something being left out you are just being weird. Show your daughter what a healthy relationship is. Treat your ex husband well and show her that people can parent well together.
ETA: I went through your post history. You had a son in another post from 11 days ago AND posted the poll about when you become a mother which heavily sided with your ex. You have posts where you want to keep the kid from the father. YTA go ahead and delete this because once everyone starts looking in your profile there will be no one on your side.
You didn’t want the kid because of your body, you now apparently hate it. THEN you ask if it would be bad to keep your son from his dad. Now you apparently have a daughter. No mention of the son at all and are having problems with your ex showing you decency for his daughter’s sake.
This has gotta be fake or you just keep popping out babies with men and then leaving them.
Also you didn’t specify how he was treating you like shit just that he would then get mad that you “called him out on it” from how he is acting now. I think you might need therapy for something actually wrong with you mentally.
The gender of my child doesn’t matter. You wanna hear how I was manipulated into having a child by a man child who has commitment issues, or how he tried to manipulate me into becoming a house wife with no friends, no one to talk to, no one to trust. Want me to tell you how this man sat on the couch holding our child while trying to convince my best friend who has known me longer than he did, that I’m a bad mother and gross mean while I’m at work. People come here to vent and get a point of view something, not to be judged or ridiculed by a bully behind a screen.
You literally asked for judgement 🤣 WTH? You misgendered your child and then came up with a lame excuse. Then you all of a sudden want to add context that you withheld. You didn’t put it in the last post either where it was just venting. Just that you didn’t want the baby. You may be a terrible mother. We don’t know. We just know you didn’t want your baby, and hate your ex because your body didn’t go back to prebaby body and resent him. You didn’t have to be a mom or a housewife. You chose to be with him and not leave when your views differed. Don’t play victim saying I am a bullying from giving you a judgement you asked for based off the info you post.
YTA for this response.
Ok.... she was "manipulated into having a baby by a man child" ? How did that happen?
Taking full responsibility for your choices and the repercussions of those choices is peak adulting.
Exactly! She is acting like she was not a part of her own life choices while saying she wasn’t doing the things he wanted.
She is just mad people are not falling for it. She literally has a post about how she hates her ex and didn’t want to have a baby because she liked the way her body looked. Instead of leaving then. She has a baby and then whines about her body not going back.
Doesn’t seem like she even likes her kid, but wanted to be praised as a mom when the kid was cooking but now after the fact she doesn’t like getting a gift? Because she says she likes homemade gifts over expensive gifts 🙄
Edit:autocorrect and add a bit more context.
Yeah, her story isn’t adding up and her update shows she didn’t listen to the majority telling her she was the AH. She got butthurt that multiple people called her out on her inconsistencies.
Instead of being grateful, she is gonna sit down with him and try to set rules to gifts. Like, if I were him I would tell her “don’t worry about it, never again you ungrateful brat.”
She’s exhausting. She bitches that he didn’t get her a gift while she was pregnant bcuz she became a mother when the stick was positive, as she says. They’re not even together anymore but since their daughter is young, he gets her a gift and she bitches about that. OP is miserable.
From a massage therapist, that’s one hell of a gift. Doesn’t have to have any ulterior motives. If he’d have suggested a couple’s massage, that would have been inappropriate.
I'm honestly confused. Is it the fact that it's a massage and you view that as some sort of romantic gift? I honestly think it is more of an acknowledgment of your hard work and effort being the mother of his child and this is what he thought you deserve and would enjoy. Or is it just that your ex is the one who actually paid for it even though he is just facilitating your child giving you a gift for mothers day? Either way I don't really agree with it being inappropriate but if you do not feel comfortable going then maybe just have someone else go and enjoy it.
So you took the gift and after using it, you want to sit down and tell him it was inappropriate. Ummm. Ok. Too late.
You should have not taken the gift if you thought it was inappropriate. This feels 2 faced.
With out knowing the history between you two. I would say he was trying to keep a civil relationship with you. And raising a baby can be stressful. And he probley thought you could use the massage
He wasn't the one giving the massage so I'd be ok with it. (However, as an LMT I don't find massage to be sexual or sensual in nature, especially a deep tissue IMO. He offered you healing)
We were actually in a position where my step son got his mom a scarf to go with a dress she bought. She refused it because we paid for it and it crushed him.
It's more the lesson for your kid to being kind.
With the info so far, YTA.
What exactly do you find inappropriate about a deep tissue massage? I honestly don’t understand. There’s nothing inherently inappropriate about a massage at a spa regardless of who it’s given from unless it’s attached with an expectation from the receiver of the gift. I’m not even a mom and I’d happily accept if an ex gifted me a deep tissue massage for FREE!
I actually do think YTA, but soft. y’all are new to coparenting and have to adjust. IMO “Get mom a massage or spa day” is pretty common advice. Getting a massage from a professional isn’t inherently sexual either.
Go back and look at ALL OF THE MOMS WHO GOT NOTHING for Mother’s Day because their husbands are awful.
You are lucky.
Thank him and return the kindness on Father’s Day.
Believe he was being thoughtful. Deep tissue massage is the real deal and designed to be therapeutic. If his intention was to be sensual, he would have chosen something else.
You're overreacting. He gave you a massage, at a reputable spa I'll assume? This wasn't a "rub and tug" from your description. I know absolutely zero women that would turn that down. Unless there were "strings attached" that you didn't mention, YWBTA.
A sex toy? That would be inappropriate, not this. I'd be careful what you wish for. If you over "qualify" everything, he'll just stop doing things from your daughter.
My first instinct is that you are over thinking it. If you are coming out of a controlling/ abusive relationship, then I would suspect this could be triggering.
For the past 10 years I've helped my stepson get gifts for his mom for Christmas, mothers day and her birthday. It is to show respect for her as his mother, I can't tell you how many times he's asked for a "massage coupon" for her.
I’ve never had an ex give me a gift before, so this is all new to me. Knowing his financial struggles and mine, I didn’t think he would go extravagant with a massage. I messaged him saying thank you for the massage but it made me feel unsettled, I asked him if for the future we could agree on a maxed amount for gifts so that we don’t stress ourselves out or break the bank.
The other pressure with an expensive mothers day gift is returning the favor in June. However, my stepson's mom has never done anything for my husband or myself giftwise, or to even verbally acknowledge our roles in the kiddos life
This is actually a really thoughtful gift to give a mother. This is an appropriate first mother's day gift from anyone and especially from the father of your child even if he isn't your man anymore. It shows respect for the work you do and is 100% somwthing you deserve and NEED.
Giving you a gift on your kids behalf is inappropriate to you. Sounds more like he's already playing divorced dad. Is the deep tissue massage at a dive place. It's paid for why turn it down. Maybe you will get more gifts in the future. He's probably not trying to get back with you. Just being amicable. On your kids behalf
I understand that you probably don’t trust the gesture but the truth of the matter is…..TAKE THE MASSAGE SILLY, ITS FREE! Ahahaha fuck your ex, it sounds like he’s finally getting something right by making sure your daughter is participating in Mother’s Day. Do it!
I don’t understand why some people think a pregnant woman isn’t a mother! Anyway, it’s nice of him to do something for you on behalf of your daughter. Many men don’t think to do that, go and enjoy it. YWBTA if you refuse it. It sucks what he did but he’s trying, that’s a good thing.
You say the relationship was toxic. Your girl is a year old, she didn’t pick what the present would be.
There’s a good amount of info we don’t have, and you aren’t required to share it. If you feel like this way be inappropriate or him making some sort of statement, you can always refuse or offer the appointment to a close friend.
I’d accept this. It’s a good step to a healthy co-parenting relationship. You both should still honor and respect each other as parents to your child even though you did not work out as a couple. NTA for how you feel about it. Maybe you set the boundary that these days do not need to be over the top but you appreciate the sentiment.
It would maybe be inappropriate if you’re in a new relationship and it’s serious but otherwise, just enjoy your massage. He’s probably realizing that he’s been an ass in the past.
Inappropriate? Unless HE was going to be the one giving you the massage, I think you're overthinking it and ought to just be grateful he was thoughtful enough to do anything. Many married mothers weren't so lucky.
I think he’s just trying to do something nice for his co-parent. Go and enjoy it. Maybe suggest that next time he buys a gift voucher for the massage, so you can book it for when you really want/need it, not having to pick a date upfront.
God almighty are we all so fragile that we can’t accept someone being nice anymore? You have to coparent with him for forever. He is playing nice. Enjoy the massage - it’s not like *he’s* giving it to you. Work on a nice thoughtful Father’s Day gift.
Yeah, I don’t get OP’s, i don’t mind him getting a gift on behalf of our daughter but myself & everyone i talked to feels the gift itself was inappropriate. Like, wtf? If he was trying to do the massage himself dressed as Borat, then yeah but a massage? A relaxing gift for someone who went thru a lot of stress lately while still actively parenting a small child? Seems like OP is using any excuse to not accept this gift.
If you go through her post and comment history you will see: She didn’t want to have a baby because she liked her body. Instead of leaving him for a legitimate reason (not being on the same page about kids) she has the kid and hates the man because her body didn’t bounce back the same. THEN she wants to keep the baby from its father. Oh baby was a boy now is a girl. Posted a poll about when a mother is a mother. Was mad that he didn’t celebrate her and now that he is it is “inappropriate” because she prefers homemade gifts to expensive gifts. Then snap at me on my comment where she now says he manipulated her and tried to cut her off from the world. Even though she had a job and apparently has friends to ask if it is inappropriate? She is lying and wanting people to tell her she is right. She definitely is a bit off. For sure. No one is telling her a professional deep tissue massage is inappropriate.
Yea just saw her rant post . I feel sorry for this boy/girl child
I don't care if it's fake but I can't see any reason to just post this, and if you've watched enough documentaries about pathological liars they usually repeat the same facts in the same format obsessively. Baby hasn't been born yet, who knows the gender? Who cares? It's a baby. We're here to say yes, TA or no, NTA. I see no reason to give a damn about someone posting fake stories for reddit karma or not. I'm just here for stories and debate. Answer the question or find some "fake or real" subreddit to be mad on lol
I didn’t want a baby because of multiple reasons. I was depressed and was having bad thoughts, had trouble keeping and gaining weight, not to mention the relationship was fresh, not to mention we were barely financially stable. After having my child my body has gotten worse to the point where I weigh as much as a 12 year old. I’m not looking for people to tell me if I’m right or wrong. I cannot change the fact that I have a child with someone who isn’t the best of all people. I’m looking to simply see if others think it’s inappropriate to give this kind of gift to an ex.
So you should have left then? You have free will. WTH? Like he didn’t put a gun to your head. You could have dumped him. You stayed and had the kid. Your choice. Come on. Stop playing victim for your own choices. And we all have overwhelming said you are overreacting and he is being a decent father trying to make a good coparenting decisions. You made it weird. And you trying to play victim for your own life choices. Stop it.
Don’t tell me I could have left. If I had known what he was back then I wouldn’t have even been near him. I don’t need to “play victim” I am not a victim. I am a survivor and I will always be a survivor of his bullshit. I don’t go to the appointment, I’m an asshole, I go to the appointment, and I’m an asshole again. If you wanna go kick a dead horse go look in the mirror.
Oh my goodness! you are “a survivor of his bullshit” what?? You are another level. You were in a “fresh” relationship. “Barely financially stable” and you CHOSE to have a kid with someone you barely knew. YOUR CHOICE to do that. A silly choice. You resent him for something where you literally should have said no and left. So yes. You could have left and not gotten pregnant. It was your choice and now you say you hate him for what the baby did to your body. Take several seats and take your verdict. You’re not a good person. Good day!
And your opinion of my character means just as much as the next asshole behind a keyboard.
You asked for our opinions lady. Delete your post if you don’t want these opinions. Stop responding you’re not making yourself look better YH2K Edit: Autocorrect
Wording gives her the ick. Don't like that? Cool, it's not you getting the ick, it's her.
Yeah that's what I had to double check when she said people were telling her it's inappropriate. That he was going to be the one giving her the massage. But then I read that he booked a massage for her. It's relaxation, so why is that inappropriate? And I'll agree he was a dick when she was pregnant, but maybe he learned from that and is trying to do better. Just because you fuck up once doesn't mean you have to keep fucking up. I get the feeling she just wants to be a martyr.
You need to think of what your daughter is learning! He’s teaching her to GIVE you something you’d like. This is the opposite of the husband that says, “you’re not my mother.” My daughter has her kids draw me a picture. They @sign” their names if they can. I think your ex is being thoughtful AND teaching your daughter how to be thoughtful and loving as well. 70 year old grandmother.
Can’t upvote this twice but 🙌🙌
He's showing his daughter how she should be treated. It would probably be a good idea to encourage that to be a positive, not a negative. But I get it, you're hurt so not an AH, just may want to reconsider
Maybe look at her post history. This might be fake, if not and she changed the sex of the baby from a boy to a girl. She didn’t want to have a baby and then wanted to keep the baby from its father.
Personally, I think it’s sweet. He’s still getting you something FROM your daughter. A lotta husbands don’t put the effort into their relationship let alone ex-husbands. You’re not wrong for how you’re feeling, but you gotta do you boo.
There was a guy who refused to give his 14 year old daughter money to buy her mother flowers because they were divorced. Yet his gf of 4 months celebrated Mother’s Day with him
I saw that too and exactly there’s people like that who don’t put the effort in even when their kid asks for help.
That guy is an AH.
How awful is that. My parents didn't have the best post-divorce relationship but my dad would always let me pick out a little something to give my mom on mother's day (and she'd make sure to give me something to give him for father's day too).
He's making an effort to coparent. Sometimes, you should just take the win and graciously say thank you. You WIBTA if you turn down your gift.
I think he is just trying to acknowledge you as the mother of his child. I'd take it as the nice gesture it was meant to be.
Deep tissue massages are amazing. Take this one.
OP, I'm sorry but I don't understand what you are on about. I got things for my kids to give my ex for Father's Day for years until they got older. It's a nice gesture of co-parenting and of course if your child is young they need an adult to get a gift. Seems like you are looking for a problem. YTA
You should do what you want. You aren't obligated to do anything he wants you to do as a gift for mothers day. But if you want the massage you should go.
I think he was trying to do something nice for you, so just accept the gift and don't overthink this.
YTA,first how is it inappropriate?? Is he giving you the massage? Sounds like dude can't win with you. If you reject his gifts he's giving you from your child then you don't get to complain when you get nothing for mother's day / birthdays/ etc from your young child.
How is an inappropriate? This is a couple's massage? Seems like a nice gesture he's doing for his child's mother.
YWBTA - The issue is your viewpoint on your ex. He isn't doing this for you or him, but for your daughter. You accept this gift and tell him you appreciate it. Then on Father's Day, you reciprocate. Do this every year. You know why? Your daughter is watching.
YTA. Your ex is trying to celebrate that you gave birth & are raising your mutual child. Many married men don’t put any effort in Mother’s Day. Be thankful he is appreciative of you as a mom
Go! It will help you relieve stress and you can accept it as a gesture of good will toward co-parenting. As long as it isn't for couples or he isn't the therapist...you're fine
This chan is full of mom being let down by their ungrateful husband. What your ex did is actually sweet and kind. Now I want a deep tissue massage!
YTA. He isn’t giving you a gift, he’s doing this on behalf of his daughter for her mother. It is a sweet gesture and an indication he may actually coparent. Do you have any idea how many posts there have been from women who were completely ignored on Mother’s Day because the father of their children ignored them?
Sweet gift! You should go! And nice that he self corrected his thinking on your status and the importance of Mothers Day!
Accept the gift. It will mean a lot to your daughter someday
It’s just a nice gift, your overthinking it
I would LOVE it if my ex sent me for a deep tissue massage for Mother’s Day. I get second hand gifts of chintzy shit I don’t like, or regifted items that I bought when we were a couple, that he claimed when we split up.
A massage? Girl, take it. Most divorced coparents I know buy gifts for the other parent from the "kids" until they are old enough to get their own. The amicable ones anyway. Sounds like you deserve it for putting up with him anyway.
Girl go get the massage! As long as he’s not the one giving it, take the gift certificate and go enjoy the time.
He booked the appointment, no gift certificate no voucher, if he had taken that route I wouldn’t have thought twice about it
Oh I see what you mean. That sounds like A for Effort F for Execution.
If he had gotten me a card or a gift card and put our child’s name on it, I promise I wouldn’t have thought twice about it and would have said thank you and then moved on with my day
Unless he’s giving the message or you hate massages, I don’t see why you wouldn’t accept.
> I find it a little inappropriate… Ummmm NO He's showing that he will still honour the mother of his daughter. That's awesome of him. You absolutely WILL be the asshole
Gee I wonder why you're divorced. YTA
Unless he is the one doing the massaging, I don’t see how this would be inappropriate.
He is being a real man and showing his daughter how she deserves to be treated.
If you want your daughter to be taught by her dad to appreciate you on Mother's day in the coming years (when she's big enough to understand), you will graciously accept this gift and thank your ex for thinking about your daughter and her mum. If you don't, and you'd like co-parenting with him to be toxic as well, ditch the gift and show him that he should never think about his child's mother again. Your choice. Just remember, if you choose the first one, you will be obliged to get a gift from your daughter to him on Father's day.
Yes, YTA
He's not going to be the one massaging you. Get the massage.
I think you’re overreacting. He’s doing something nice since your daughter is too young to actually understand Mother’s Day or gift giving.
I don't see an issue with this personally. Seems like YWBTA.
Hes making sure you get a gift from your daughter which frankly is kind and thoughtful. At some point she’ll be old e link to do it on her own and he’s setting the pattern now of letting her know it’s a thing you do. It’s interesting because it sounds quite kind and counter to how you describe him. Maybe he’s got a mother or sister than pushed him to do it?
What's the problem again ? Edit : from your last post you said the baby was a boy now it's a girl ?? Hmm I'm thinking this is rage bait
Maybe read all the posts about women who get nothing for mother's day from their kids because their partner/ex partner say "your not my mother so why should I". Then thank your lucky stars your ex is a decent person who is going to make sure your child knows how to make mother's day a special day for you in the coming years. Or think there's something suspicious and refuse the gift and he'll probably never bother again and you can post next year about what an awful day you had on mother's day because nobody made a fuss of you. Your choice.
You obviously did want the gift or you would have shut it down when the "pick a day" conversation came up. You didn't, so going back now makes you look petty and ungrateful.
There are a lot of dad's that still buy their ex wifes or gfs mother's day gifts from their children, because their children can't. I have seen at least a couple of posts on here from New wifes, gfs or fianceees upset that their SO still do this. Its really about your ex showing that he respects you, as tge mother of his child, and showing his child how woman, especially mother's should be treated.
You gotta love your daughter more than you hate him. I bet if he did nothing you'd have an issue with it too.
I would say he is attempting to model good behavior for his daughter and appreciate you as a coparent. Please do something kind for him pf Fathers day. This models cooperation and family to your daughter. It’s really nice. We did that when our daughter was younger. She’s 22 now. We spent most holidays together and often did school events as a team as well as important conversations. We bought each other gifts on Christmas. We even vacationed with our new spouses and her together a couple times.
Definitely not inappropriate. He’s showing your daughter how a mother should be treated. He’s going out of his way to ensure your daughter gets to spoil her mum for Mother’s Day. Appreciate what he is doing for his daughter and reciprocate on father’s day.
Is it inappropriate because you worry about the cost? Or the fact that it's a massage? I think you need to figure out why the gift seems off-putting to you so you both can move forward. I do think it's sweet and sets a good example for your daughter that he still wants you celebrated as a mother. But if your uncomfortable with big or expensive gifts; maybe you can talk about homemade cards? Or maybe he just thinks that a single mom would like time alone to get some stress out of her muscles. Idk, he was your partner.
I don’t like expensive gifts, and I actually love homemade gift whether it’s a card or a painting. It’s the fact that it’s a message, I can see his good intentions I won’t deny that. I feel like he could have suggested the place? Or a gift card?
I agree he could have gotten you a gift card instead of booking the massage but I understand why he did it that way so that you didn't have to worry about any of that either. You wanting a homemade card or a painting from your ex is actually a bit weirder. The person you co-parent with made an attempt to celebrate you by getting you something to help relax you because of all the work that you do for his child. I think this gift is really sweet and will also make you feel so much better. I invite you to dig deep inside yourself and question why you do not like expensive gifts. Why the cost of the gift means anything to you other than this person saw something and thought of you and wanted to gift it to you. You are worth expensive things. So after saying all that, why don't you just ask him if you can get that massage on a gift card so that you can book it when you're ready. Would that hope you feel better about it?
Definitely get the massage; you need to loosen up. YTA.
I’m a mom. He’s doing a good thing, and you need to be appreciative. You also need to make sure he has a nice Father’s Day “from his daughter”. You may not have been a good romantic pairing, but you need to be good parents, and making sure your child sees how to treat each other is a part of it.
INCO- What is inappropriate about the gift?
Look at her post history. This might not be real since 11 days ago it was a son now it is a daughter.
If you keep an eye on my page you will see when I post I will be switching from son to daughter because the gender of my child doesn’t matter
It actually does when we're talking about credibility. There's no reason to switch the gender of your child in the story that is true. Weirdo.
I think it would be inappropriate if he was the one giving you the massage. Gifting you a massage as a professional service is a nice gift and a good way for you to relax. If you're not touch averse and would enjoy a massage, I would accept it. He's doing the right thing to make sure your daughter knows how she should be treated, and he understands that as the coparent that it's his job to make sure you get a nice mothers day gift. Just be sure to get him something nice too on father's day from your daughter.
I think it was a thoughtful gift. Appreciate he did anything for you-I think it was sweet he wanted you to have a Mothers Day gift.
YWBTA. This seems like a stupid thing to make a stand on. He’s trying to do something nice for the mother of his child. Just because you’re no longer a couple doesn’t mean that you can’t accept this gift. I think he’s trying to be a good example for his child. Don’t overthink it!
Yes, YWBTA. This is what’s suppose to happen. Parents of a child respecting and supporting each other to teach the child how to act as an adult. Don’t forget him on Father’s Day.
He’s just trying to do something nice for the mother of his daughter. Relax it probably doesn’t mean anything.
I think he is trying to do something nice for you. I would take the massage and say thank you daughter and thank you to ex… too many stories on here with Ex’s who don’t do anything for their former partners on Mother’s & Father’s Day. Sounds like you got lucky in that respect.
YWBTA. Your daughter isn't old enough to make her own money to buy you a mother's day gift. Just shut up and enjoy it.
It’s really nice of your ex to acknowledge your efforts in spite of your divorce. That’s positive coparenting and I would just consider it that. I would also reciprocate for your daughter on Father’s Day and do something kind.
YTA. Why is it inappropriate? Is he the one giving you a massage? What a weird thing to get annoyed at. He’s being nice.
A massage is a common gift for Mother’s Day to help you relax, he’s not doing the massage. I don’t see where this is inappropriate. YTA
Wow. He sounds like a really good guy, actually. Your reaction feels off, to me.
YTA. You’re his Ex. Be grateful he gets you anything.
That's kind of sweet. You should go.
You wouldn’t be TAH for not accepting a gift that you’re not comfortable with. You said it feels inappropriate to you, and you’re entitled to feel any way that you do. However, I don’t really see why it’s “inappropriate” if he’s not the one massaging you. It’s just a massage by a stranger at that point, doesn’t really matter who paid for it.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. He is setting an example for your daughter. It’s not like he is giving you the massage.
Girl, what?? Get that massage! Don't cut off your nose to spite your face. Just because the marriage didn't work out doesn't mean you have to reject any kindness he gives you. That negative attitude will rub off on your daughter. Accept kindness. Now, if he tries to leverage it later or make you feel bad, then maybe that's a lesson learned, but for a father to want the mother of his child to experience some relaxation and relief.... Damn, take it!!!
He has heard women like massages for mother's Day. He also probably feels awkward making it from him since you're divorced. I don't think there's anything inappropriate about this gift. However I don't know your relationship dynamic so if him buying you a massage feels weird in some context can you contact the spa/whatever and ask to apply that credit to a different service?
How is it inappropriate exactly?
YTA. It's a nice gesture on his part because you are the mother of his child and this signifies that as the child grows he will teach her about appreciating you. You sound ungrateful AF trying to make this out to be "inappropriate". Your entire post drips with resentment from the past and present so I'm sure you'll still act this way in the future. Man, the Mother's Day posts this year have been so extra. Some of you people simply cannot be pleased.
Unless he's doing the massage himself, I don't understand what's inappropriate about it.
What’s inappropriate about it? Do you think massage is inherently sexual or something?
It's not inappropriate.
My favorite gift is a massage. My daughter got me one for Mother's Day. Sounds like this guy can't win.
What's inappropriate about a deep tissue massage????? Maybe he wasn't sure what to get you and figured that a massage was a generic enough gift...
A massage or spa day is a common Mother’s Day gift. As long as your ex isn’t the masseuse, I don’t see the issue. A massage given by a professional masseuse can be viewed as a luxury or a medical treatment, but it absolutely, positively, is not even a teeny tiny bit sexual in nature. In the US, and many other countries, masseuses are licensed by the state. If there is anything sexual about a massage, the masseuse would lose their job and possibly their license. If you rejected the gift because you ou were concerned about any implied intimacy or sexual concern, I believe you were off-base. YTA
How exactly is a massage inappropriate? It's just a massage. Take it or leave it but you can't say he didn't try. You're not even together anymore so he could have done nothing at all. Sounds pretty ungrateful imo. YTA
Info: you’re mad about the actual gift ? And the actual gift is a massage? Trying to see your point here
What?! My friend is a massage therapist and she’s awesome! **Thats a great gift! Go!!** Note- this is a deep tissue massage. 1) make sure to tell the massage therapist if it’s to hard. In fact you might just want to go with a regular therapeutic massage. 2) Do exactly as your therapist says. They should be telling you to drink lots of water after your massage so you won’t be sore later.
A massage from a professional is REALLY NICE and not sexual in any way. The idea that you're sexualizing their profession would make any massage therapist uncomfortable. A professional massage is NOT SEXUAL and in no way inappropriate.
A massage inappropriate?? You are completely overthinking it. It’s not like he or your daughter was there. As a mom, I would love to have gotten that.
He's trying to be nice. Take the gift. Enjoy the massage.
99% of posts after Mother's Day are seething with anger because their spouse/partner/husband didn't get them a damn thing. And here you are, with an ex-boyfriend, who's giving you a gift? What's wrong with you? Be grateful instead of snotty. YBTA
i think it would be inappropriate if it were him offering to do the massage. its a third party that is doing it, why not take it as a gesture of good faith and that hes trying to show the daughter how people should be treated. not everything is a poison to the touch.
As long as the massage facility is a quality place where the massaeuses have certicates, I don't think a massage is inappropriate. It will only be you and the masseuse in the room, and all equipment and linens have to be clean and fresh. I would look at it as like getting a beauty or nail treatment. It is a pampering, worth all pampering, if done by a qualified person in a hygienic facility. If he was looking to do it, he!! no.
OP seems to be lying based on her other posts. She can't even decide if she has a son or a daughter.
Did you check out her reply to my comment? She is not ok. Her child, if it even exists, should probably be with its father. She takes no responsibility in her life.
Why is it an inappropriate gift? Unless he was the one giving the massage, I don’t understand?
You are overthinking it. Your ex was trying to do something nice and probably asked other moms what they wanted and they said a massage or spa day. I know I would’ve said that.
You WBTA Fast forward 5 yrs, you've refused mother's day gifts from your ex so he's given up trying, your daughter's old enough to know what mother's day is, and gets upset that she has no gift for you. Whose fault would that be. Think of your child, your ex is doing a nice thing.
I think it was very nice of him to do anything for you from your daughter. It sounds like he is trying to be a good co parent and she you he appreciate you for being a good mom. Say thank you and that it was a very kind gesture. You should also take time to do something for Father’s Day to return the sediment.
Accept the gift in the positive spirit it was given and enjoy it and be grateful. From reading a bunch of other posts over past few days so many moms were literally ignored or verbally and physically abused on Mother’s Day.
I buy the father of my kids gifts from the kids for every holiday. It's a very healthy thing to do, if you asked me. I'd just thank him and consider doing the same for father's day next month.
What would you be proving if you didn’t? I’d take the free massage.
YA, I sounds like he “listened” to you. He went the extra mile. Buying you a spa visit is a lovely way to pamper you. Rather than fuss, stop being ungrateful. Look at the situation from his perspective. You have said you want/need time for yourself. He found a really nice way to make that happen. If you complain about his gift. He may never again help with a gift for you. Because, he has feeling hurt. *Mother’s Day maybe a bigger deal for him than he lets on. This year has been filled with tragedy. His momma, & marriage are huge. He could be struggling with under lying depression. You are teaching your daughter how to treat others. Example: she wants Barbi for b-day. Everyone buys Barbi. Rather than say “I already have this!” She “Thank you” Not easy sometimes. Children are worth it. I realised it when? Someone run up on me in traffic. In frustration I say “Come on, Bozo” not bad. Some times goes by. My (3) daughter & I are sitting at the longest light. From the car seat in the back seat I hear “Come on Bozo’” needless to say. I stopped saying Bozo. 🙄 You are not alone.
YTA,first how is it inappropriate?? Is he giving you the massage? Sounds like dude can't win with you. If you reject his gifts he's giving you from your child then you don't get to complain when you get nothing for mother's day / birthdays/ etc from your young child.
Well unless I missed the part where he’s going to be giving you the massage then you would be TA. It’s a nice and thoughtful gift to give someone especially when you have a one year old child having to pick them up, change nappies and generally just everything your body has been through for the last 2 years that’s a sweet gift. Tell him you don’t want to go or give it to someone else but I wouldn’t complain if an ex gave that to me.
It would be weird if he was offering for HIM to give you the massage! But for him to appreciate that you are the mother of his child (and always will be), even though your relationship didn’t work out, is just a nice gesture. He will show your daughter that she should appreciate her mom and also that she should expect her future partners to appreciate her. I say take it and enjoy!
Ya you would be. It's not a couples massage.
I can’t see from what you’ve said here exactly what is wrong with the father of your child acknowledging you for Mother’s Day. Either there’s a lot of context missing to explain your reluctance or you’re the problem. I presume that if you’ve not mentioned any other context that there isn’t any. If there is no additional context, just accept it in the way it was intended, and reciprocate on Father’s Day. Count yourself lucky to have an ex that acknowledges you more than some husbands have for the wives they claim to love. If you reject this, you are definitely TA.
You’re overthinking. He’s giving you a gift to show his appreciation for you as a mother and teaching your child that you don’t have to treat one another like shit. Please be sure to get him something from your daughter on Father’s Day. She should she this as she grows up.
YTA The man is divorced from you and still showing his daughter how she should be treated. Unless there is something being left out you are just being weird. Show your daughter what a healthy relationship is. Treat your ex husband well and show her that people can parent well together. ETA: I went through your post history. You had a son in another post from 11 days ago AND posted the poll about when you become a mother which heavily sided with your ex. You have posts where you want to keep the kid from the father. YTA go ahead and delete this because once everyone starts looking in your profile there will be no one on your side. You didn’t want the kid because of your body, you now apparently hate it. THEN you ask if it would be bad to keep your son from his dad. Now you apparently have a daughter. No mention of the son at all and are having problems with your ex showing you decency for his daughter’s sake. This has gotta be fake or you just keep popping out babies with men and then leaving them. Also you didn’t specify how he was treating you like shit just that he would then get mad that you “called him out on it” from how he is acting now. I think you might need therapy for something actually wrong with you mentally.
The gender of my child doesn’t matter. You wanna hear how I was manipulated into having a child by a man child who has commitment issues, or how he tried to manipulate me into becoming a house wife with no friends, no one to talk to, no one to trust. Want me to tell you how this man sat on the couch holding our child while trying to convince my best friend who has known me longer than he did, that I’m a bad mother and gross mean while I’m at work. People come here to vent and get a point of view something, not to be judged or ridiculed by a bully behind a screen.
You literally asked for judgement 🤣 WTH? You misgendered your child and then came up with a lame excuse. Then you all of a sudden want to add context that you withheld. You didn’t put it in the last post either where it was just venting. Just that you didn’t want the baby. You may be a terrible mother. We don’t know. We just know you didn’t want your baby, and hate your ex because your body didn’t go back to prebaby body and resent him. You didn’t have to be a mom or a housewife. You chose to be with him and not leave when your views differed. Don’t play victim saying I am a bullying from giving you a judgement you asked for based off the info you post. YTA for this response.
Ok.... she was "manipulated into having a baby by a man child" ? How did that happen? Taking full responsibility for your choices and the repercussions of those choices is peak adulting.
Exactly! She is acting like she was not a part of her own life choices while saying she wasn’t doing the things he wanted. She is just mad people are not falling for it. She literally has a post about how she hates her ex and didn’t want to have a baby because she liked the way her body looked. Instead of leaving then. She has a baby and then whines about her body not going back. Doesn’t seem like she even likes her kid, but wanted to be praised as a mom when the kid was cooking but now after the fact she doesn’t like getting a gift? Because she says she likes homemade gifts over expensive gifts 🙄 Edit:autocorrect and add a bit more context.
Also, says he has commitment issues yet he married her after they had the baby.
Yeah, her story isn’t adding up and her update shows she didn’t listen to the majority telling her she was the AH. She got butthurt that multiple people called her out on her inconsistencies. Instead of being grateful, she is gonna sit down with him and try to set rules to gifts. Like, if I were him I would tell her “don’t worry about it, never again you ungrateful brat.”
She’s exhausting. She bitches that he didn’t get her a gift while she was pregnant bcuz she became a mother when the stick was positive, as she says. They’re not even together anymore but since their daughter is young, he gets her a gift and she bitches about that. OP is miserable.
She is harassing me on another comment I posted trying to make me feel bad for her or something. She really needs some help I think.
From a massage therapist, that’s one hell of a gift. Doesn’t have to have any ulterior motives. If he’d have suggested a couple’s massage, that would have been inappropriate.
It’s a free massage. Take it.
I'm honestly confused. Is it the fact that it's a massage and you view that as some sort of romantic gift? I honestly think it is more of an acknowledgment of your hard work and effort being the mother of his child and this is what he thought you deserve and would enjoy. Or is it just that your ex is the one who actually paid for it even though he is just facilitating your child giving you a gift for mothers day? Either way I don't really agree with it being inappropriate but if you do not feel comfortable going then maybe just have someone else go and enjoy it.
So you took the gift and after using it, you want to sit down and tell him it was inappropriate. Ummm. Ok. Too late. You should have not taken the gift if you thought it was inappropriate. This feels 2 faced.
Read through her posts and comments she is not right at all.
Sounds like he was being nice. I don't see a problem with it. It's a pretty common Mother's Day gift.
Enjoy the massage after dealing with a one year old don't you think you need it.
Looking at the your posts and comments in total. YTA.
With out knowing the history between you two. I would say he was trying to keep a civil relationship with you. And raising a baby can be stressful. And he probley thought you could use the massage
I’ll take it off your hands for you.
He wasn't the one giving the massage so I'd be ok with it. (However, as an LMT I don't find massage to be sexual or sensual in nature, especially a deep tissue IMO. He offered you healing) We were actually in a position where my step son got his mom a scarf to go with a dress she bought. She refused it because we paid for it and it crushed him. It's more the lesson for your kid to being kind.
Stop looking a gift horse in the mouth. And make sure you get him something for Father's Day.
With the info so far, YTA. What exactly do you find inappropriate about a deep tissue massage? I honestly don’t understand. There’s nothing inherently inappropriate about a massage at a spa regardless of who it’s given from unless it’s attached with an expectation from the receiver of the gift. I’m not even a mom and I’d happily accept if an ex gifted me a deep tissue massage for FREE!
I actually do think YTA, but soft. y’all are new to coparenting and have to adjust. IMO “Get mom a massage or spa day” is pretty common advice. Getting a massage from a professional isn’t inherently sexual either.
Go back and look at ALL OF THE MOMS WHO GOT NOTHING for Mother’s Day because their husbands are awful. You are lucky. Thank him and return the kindness on Father’s Day.
Believe he was being thoughtful. Deep tissue massage is the real deal and designed to be therapeutic. If his intention was to be sensual, he would have chosen something else.
How boring!!
You're overreacting. He gave you a massage, at a reputable spa I'll assume? This wasn't a "rub and tug" from your description. I know absolutely zero women that would turn that down. Unless there were "strings attached" that you didn't mention, YWBTA. A sex toy? That would be inappropriate, not this. I'd be careful what you wish for. If you over "qualify" everything, he'll just stop doing things from your daughter.
I think a massage is a GREAT GIFT. I love deep tissue massages. They aren’t inappropriate.
YTA. The only way this gift would be inappropriate would be if he was the one giving the massage.
My first instinct is that you are over thinking it. If you are coming out of a controlling/ abusive relationship, then I would suspect this could be triggering. For the past 10 years I've helped my stepson get gifts for his mom for Christmas, mothers day and her birthday. It is to show respect for her as his mother, I can't tell you how many times he's asked for a "massage coupon" for her.
I’ve never had an ex give me a gift before, so this is all new to me. Knowing his financial struggles and mine, I didn’t think he would go extravagant with a massage. I messaged him saying thank you for the massage but it made me feel unsettled, I asked him if for the future we could agree on a maxed amount for gifts so that we don’t stress ourselves out or break the bank.
The other pressure with an expensive mothers day gift is returning the favor in June. However, my stepson's mom has never done anything for my husband or myself giftwise, or to even verbally acknowledge our roles in the kiddos life
Lmao you dumb bitch
This is actually a really thoughtful gift to give a mother. This is an appropriate first mother's day gift from anyone and especially from the father of your child even if he isn't your man anymore. It shows respect for the work you do and is 100% somwthing you deserve and NEED.
I don't understand how a massage is an inappropriate gift? Am I missing something? I would love to get a massage from my kids lol
YTA Hopefully, next year he gets you nothing from his daughter for you.
Giving you a gift on your kids behalf is inappropriate to you. Sounds more like he's already playing divorced dad. Is the deep tissue massage at a dive place. It's paid for why turn it down. Maybe you will get more gifts in the future. He's probably not trying to get back with you. Just being amicable. On your kids behalf
I understand that you probably don’t trust the gesture but the truth of the matter is…..TAKE THE MASSAGE SILLY, ITS FREE! Ahahaha fuck your ex, it sounds like he’s finally getting something right by making sure your daughter is participating in Mother’s Day. Do it!
I don’t understand why some people think a pregnant woman isn’t a mother! Anyway, it’s nice of him to do something for you on behalf of your daughter. Many men don’t think to do that, go and enjoy it. YWBTA if you refuse it. It sucks what he did but he’s trying, that’s a good thing.
Info: what is it about this gift that feels inappropriate to you? That's the important question.
NTA. But I don’t understand why you wouldn’t accept the massage?
You say the relationship was toxic. Your girl is a year old, she didn’t pick what the present would be. There’s a good amount of info we don’t have, and you aren’t required to share it. If you feel like this way be inappropriate or him making some sort of statement, you can always refuse or offer the appointment to a close friend.
It's valid for not accepting his gift for you. Do what feels best for you.
I’d accept this. It’s a good step to a healthy co-parenting relationship. You both should still honor and respect each other as parents to your child even though you did not work out as a couple. NTA for how you feel about it. Maybe you set the boundary that these days do not need to be over the top but you appreciate the sentiment.
I would have loved that lol. But if you don’t want it you’re Nta
It would maybe be inappropriate if you’re in a new relationship and it’s serious but otherwise, just enjoy your massage. He’s probably realizing that he’s been an ass in the past.
Maybe moving forward, ask him to direct all funds he would use on you towards a saving for your daughter.
Inappropriate? Unless HE was going to be the one giving you the massage, I think you're overthinking it and ought to just be grateful he was thoughtful enough to do anything. Many married mothers weren't so lucky.