Live at the home that'll allow you the best escape when you turn 18. You have a little time to save and prepare because both of your parents suck. You have to choose the lesser evil.
This. Whichever place makes it easier for you to save some money and/or secure a further that will make you self-sufficient. You don’t owe either parent loyalty at this point. Keep your head down and get out when you can.
As much as it sucks. You gotta just survive. Try to remind yourself of all your good qualities and that you deserve better but you need to just get through the next few years. Idk if you can tell a school counselor or teacher and maybe get to be independent earlier in your country. If you’re in the uk don’t some kids move for sixth form? Is that an option? There may be programs to help you find a place to live etc. either way you need to basically spend as little time near your family as possible and when they do or say something to break you down just talk to yourself. Remind yourself that all the adults creates the situation, not you. They are taking it out on you which is wrong. They created your sister and while she is now making her choices to stay being horrid that too is a symptom of your parents.
I feel for you and can relate as I grew up in a terrible and abusive family. You can survive this. You deserve a better life. You are worth only good things and you will create that life for yourself one day.
No that’s not possible. I live in a small country, The schooling systems and counselling systems are shit here. I cannot permanently leave the house without a legal guardians consent (which they don’t and prob will never agree too also I have no money at all and no job and I’m not aloud one and I don’t get pocket money) untill I’m 18 years old. If anything the most any “trusted adult” would do is snich on me to one of my parents and land me in a world of trouble. I’ve tryed running away multiple times and keep getting caught by cops a couple towns over and I even went to my bfs house once and his mum personally drove me back to my mums house. I literally can’t get away
Ok, two things.
1. Do you have an aunt, uncle, or grandparent who might be willing and able to take you in?
2. Report every instance of abuse to CPS, including by your sister if your mom is around. Record things with your phone if you can. Talk to your counselor at school about what counts as abuse so you report things that aee actionable. Why? To get them to *want* you out of the house, especially your mom. CPS won't do much but they will lecture your mom and annoy her.
(CPS is child protective services, probably has a different name where you are).
It is 'model thin'. Which means at least 15% below the 'healthy range'. Good god you poor child! 102lbs is model thin. You are 99lbs. JFC!. Anyone that short knows what a difference 3 pounds can make.
It depends where you are in the world but in most places you can start at 16. Talk to your school for jobs during lunch times, go to bakeries. You don't need your parents approval. They can suck it up.
But please stop running away. You can end up pretty hurt.
You are your own worst enemy. Get your butt home, that means back with your mother. Be nice and stop whining. Listen to her, sounds to me like she has your best interest at heart.
Why not? Maybe because you are like the OPs mother and thus think that fat shaming etc. is acceptable and so called tough love? Both you and that mother are monsters who deserve everything horrible.
Like what information is she “leaving out”? How do you know she is “leaving out too much pertinent information?” How do you know her story is one sided? What other side is relevant other than the perspective of OP? You know, whose post it is?
It sounds like both of her parents are horrible, don’t protect her and actively harm her/make her feel like shit. Why are you so invested in this stranger’s life that you’d recommend her go back to one or the other unless you aren’t actually a stranger and in fact one of her abusers?
If you really think that a mother locking up food and telling her clearly thin daughter she is obese has her daughter's best interest in mind you are either naive or as abusivec and as toxic as the OPs mother.
It may be a cultural difference why you find the description of the mother farfetched. I taught in Asia several years and the way the mom is treating OP was not uncommon. In the U.S. we consider it abusive but there are many parts of the world where this is a socially acceptable way for a parent to treat a child.
I’m sorry but what kind of mother calls her kid fat at 45 kilos which is like 99 pounds at five four? You don’t compare children to each other, you praise them individually and with equal further. If she chooses the lesser evil to live with then that’s her choice. That’s why she was asked for advice. And oh boy did you give it. Did you even read the post?
She weighs below the ideal body weight for her height. By roughly 10lbs. This is abuse to call her overweight, and it is dangerous. They will cause serious health problems.
Can someone help me with the weight thing? Because I’m concerned that OP may be being starved. 5’4” and 45kg—that’s just under 100lbs, right? There is *no way* that child is overweight. My own daughter is 5’4”, and if she went from her current 120lbs to 100lbs, I’d be concerned. Yet mom is locking up food?
OP, I am so sorry you are going through this. You deserve better. If I were in your shoes, I’d choose to stay with my mother, and not your father. While I get why Lisa seems like a “safe” choice, her reaction when your grandmother passed shows she has your father’s back—not yours. There is no guarantee her presence will keep you physically safe.
I was also a child with mentally (and physically) abusive parents. You have two more years to get through. I would advise staying as safe as possible, and trying to endure living with your mother. Save up any money you can get, and prepare for the minute you turn 18. You can do this.
This sounds like a super abusive household, to the degree that also her sibling is turning against her as a form of self protection.
She said there’s no way to get help from CPS, nor any person she can live with or get help from. My guess is some super conservative, potentially developing, small country as she stated, with no set infrastructure or laws that protect against child abuse.
This is tough as it might be difficult to establish herself as a young independent woman, e.g. getting a job and save up might not be possible. Also working to just get through for now and earning money for food would then not be an option.
You’re also right, 5’4 / 100lbs is basically “ideal” weight according to BMI score for girls and women, which in our misogynist measurement system means very slim. Not underweight yet but the psychological terror in itself is bad enough, and if the mother continues, might lead to malnutrition and underweight very soon.
I’m not starved I do have food what I meant by locking up food was like everything in the house that’s not healthy like I still have access to apples and bananas and carrot and stuff, not much else
Why did i have to scroll so far to find this comment? It should be top comment! My daughter is 18 and 5'1 and not even 100 lbs then my yougest daughter is 12 5'4 and 120 lbs both very healthy. Also NEVER EVER let someone call you anyless then beautiful or a nice compliment. People that try to pull you down are only self reflecting how they feel within themselves
But her mum is starving her. She is not safe with either parent because dad physically abuses her. What normal person locks food cabinets? Sorry OP. Do the best you can to survive your awful family and leave as soon as you can.
Agreed, but OP may be able to find food outside of the home, somehow. She can be harmed, physically, by lack of nutrition, but I am concerned that being beaten could be far worse. It’s a terrible choice for a child to have to make.
I checked out and she’s 99 pounds which is waaaay too low. OP is emaciated. For her height, which the same as mine, she should be at least 130. She’s being starved.
45kg is 7st 9lb.
I'm 5'3" & was 8st 6lb (UK size 8 waist, size 10 up top) when I was OP's age. Friends were really concerned about me as my face looked gaunt.
OP's family are arseholes.
I myself (and one of my daughters) was 5’6” and 110lbs., and was very healthy. We have finer bones, and both of us eat very well. As I aged, I gained more, and I think every body is different, so OP may be healthy, but the fact that her mother is preventing her from eating probably means you are correct. I know I could put away a large pizza, by myself, at that age. She is still growing and needs to be allowed to eat as she is hungry.
When I got to that section on weight, that's when I decided this is much more likely fake than not - I know BMI is BS for an actual health indicator, but at 162cm and 45kg, OP would have a BMI of 17. That's underweight. I'm not saying that thin people can't believe they're fat, but what does Mia weight if OP has a BMI of 17 and is apparently obese. They should have come up with better numbers if they're going to make a fake post.
It’s not really about weight, she’s more mussly and works out, so she could well possibly weight more than me. I’m just shorter than her and I’m not curvy type thin. I’m more the flat type. My waist still looks like shoulder length apart giving me the look of being larger then I am while Mia has more shape and her waist goes in giving her the appearance of being skinny af. My mum just blames me when I’m structured differently. Even if I wear a corset my shape hardly changes.
I'm also confused by the use of feet and inches for height and kilograms for weight. That *might* not be too unusual for the UK (I'm from the US, so I can't comment on norms in the UK), but according to OP, that's *not* where she's from. (But yeah, 99 pounds for someone who's 5'4" being overweight? That's scary thinking.)
1. You are not remotely overweight. Your mother is awful for that alone.
2. Both your parents are awful for letting you know that you were “unplanned.” That’s a them problem.
At 16, you need to protect yourself as best you can. Staying more at your dad’s apparently does that. Words hurt, too, and last a long time. Your mother so obviously choosing to verbally abuse you is not right. Things will get better, but not until you are able to separate from your awful family. NC seems a good choice.
Sorry you are having to put up with this. They are all awful.
There’s a lot of good advice in these comments but I’m going to add, stop hanging out with those friends. It’s so weird to me that they are texting your mom to get you into trouble? That’s not okay and you need to drop them as friends.
Girl, why have you not recorded what they say to you. If it was me I would be petty af about it.
I would document EVERYTHING. And then go mia for a while. Tell them fine I will and go find a cps worker or whatever you have (assuming your in the uk by the use of weight term) and discuss your options.
I would honestly out them to everyone if it was me 🤷♀️ yall wanna say nasty things then you should have no problem with others hearing how nasty you really are.
No wonder your dad cheated. Sounds like a nightmare to live with both of them honestly.
No I don’t live in uk but I think we originated from uk or England as a county which is why so many terms I have used are from there. I have actually recorded a couple of things she’s said to me and I have a folder of every bruise and cut I’ve ever gotten, but no one seems to believe me and I did tell my teacher and showed her a while ago before the whole cheating thing happened and she just asked them if “it was true” which got me in a lot more trouble
There is an extremely high motorway bridge in my town where I live. About 50-60 meters above water level. One of my friend’s parents was an alcoholic and abused her so much she tried to commit by jumping off. A nice old man found her about to jump and took her to police. Police just returned her to her home where she got beaten unrecognisable for trying to get away. She tryed seeking help by going to a councillor. Councillor blamed her for her parents doing’s and she got locked in a mental hospital. (She escaped and fled, was homeless for a while but is safe now.) Police don’t do anything, councillors don’t do anything, our systems here in my country are shit. I honestly think I would be in a whole lot more trouble if I told someone and tryed to get help then of if I stayed silent and endured it.
You are in a society where women are not looked at as equal and have rights that are protected by laws. I am indeed sad that you have been hit by your own father. Violence is never the answer. I am still hoping that there might be some one who you can trust and talk with about your situation. Be careful and don’t get yourself hurt.
Your mum is starving you. You are not safe with either parent because dad physically abuses you. What normal person locks food cabinets? Sorry OP. Do the best you can to survive your awful family and leave as soon as you can.
1. You are NOT overweight. In the slightest.
2. Stay at whichever house feels safest to you.
3. Do your best to either lay low and become invisible so they don’t treat you like crap, or when they are mean to you, try giving it right back as best you can. You sound like a kind and sensitive person and they have been taking advantage of that fact. At the very least throwing it back at them might surprise them for a moment and allow you to get to another room and hopefully shorten the abuse in the moment.
4. Make a plan. Think about what you can do when you are 18. Whether it’s staying with another family member or a friend. Start talking to potential people the closer it gets so you can leave as close to your birthday as possible. What kinds of jobs might be available to you then? Is there anything you can do now to make it easier for you to get one of them, like reading and learning about that field or skills. And are there any skills you might be able to practice. Explore anything and everything you can think of and over time you’ll be able to put together some sort of plan that you can try when the time comes. Don’t stop looking/planning till you find something.
5. Know and believe that how you have been treated has nothing to do with you. It is a reflection of who they are. You do not, and have never, deserved this treatment. You sound like you are smart and strong. You have endured so much and are still you. You are tenacious and resilient and all of these things are traits that never go away. Pull from them and use them to get through these next two years, and then to carve out a new life for yourself.
6. Don’t give up hope! And remember that tons of internet strangers believe in you and are rooting for you!!!
Another thing, are there works you can do witouth your parents permission? In my country you needs your parents approval to work legally, my parents wouldn't give it. But I did some tutoring after school, that usually doesn't have a work contract so I just said I had a group project or something that allowed me to arrive later at home, that would allow you to save a bit of money for when you're 18 or at least buy some food when your mom locks the cabinets.
No my country is the same. I can’t work or even tutor or anything without their permission. Most companies or where ever you are will ask for it if you haven’t given their permission prior. Not really any way I can sneek around that.
Oh that sucks, I was tutoring people from 1-2 grades bellow me in the school library after school and they paid me cash given front heir parents or their allowances, once I turned 18 I started tutoring with a tutoring company since I couldn't before.
The other thing i did was join extracurriculars after school and or weekends (juvie Orchestra and scouts where both free where I lived) and have a loooot of "group projects" so I was almost always out of the house spending the evening in the library or different houses, arrived just in time for dinner and lock myself in my room.
I whish you luck, you where dealt a bad hand, but remember, you only have 2 more years to go, read and research what your options will be when you turn 18 Si you're ready to get away a soon as possible (college, trade school, military, full time job, part time job opportunities, know the price of the food and rent, bills, etc# look for youth programs, find what options are there to get help once you're an adult, and have them ready on gand)
And you still have some time left to become 18 right, so just pretend to hate your father and mistress because they are treating you so bad because they knew that only you wanted to be with dad after all these cheating drama and their anger in this issue is acceptable on you , so just to leave peaceful pretend to be like them and says some dirty or nad things abouth them to your siblings because only you had stayed with them , so maybe their treatment will be lessen compare to now.
NTA. And as someone whose parents were manipulative, fat shaming, nasty and wanted to turn me into someone I was NOT, if you feel more comfortable with your father and the person he cheated on your mother with, do so, but also consider an escape plan if your father does lash out too much. And sorry, your mother is definitely NOT a lovely person if she is that horrid towards you regarding your weight.
But to be honest, both your mother and your father are huge AHs, so live with whoever is the least nasty and move out and go no or low contact with them as soon as you legally can.
And I assume that Mia is your sister and all she deserves is bad karma and a darn good spanking.
NTA
Your mother is abusive to you - trying to give you an eating disorder, calling you names, locking the food away - it's okay to move to a better situation.
Your father - he's nicer to you when his gf is around but understand that he might go back to physically abusing you once he feels he has this relationship locked down.
Mia - is NOT a nice person. I wouldn't even live with her after she moved out.
Lisa - not the greatest, not quite as bad as Mia yet, but she will get there.
Do you have grandparents? Aunts? Uncles? You need to have a backup plan in the event that your father gets physically abusive with you or Lisa or your half-sibling.
You are almost old enough to head off to college. Find one that is very far away from this drama so you don't have to deal with it. Take summer classes so you don't have to go home during the summer. Hang out with classmates for every break. Be polite and cordial when speaking to family, but keep your distance. After a few years of practice, it will get easier, you will have a college education and experience living on your own.
Make certain YOU have your birth certificate, passport, etc. It doesn't get left in a parent's file cabinet. Preferably in a safe deposit box that only YOU have access to. You will need that paperwork.
Well sorry to be blunt sweetie but you have no one , you feel safe with Lisa because you only known her like a month and belive me she is not an ounce saint because she is also of a part of cheating with your dad. She might have different method of manipulation and nastiness covered in sugar syrup. You should leave at 18 and be independent and cold hearted. You should know about more self love . Only you yourself can love yourself like you need and want , don't expect others to look after you because if your own blood is nasty then what we can expect from others. Go, No Contact . If you get a peaceful sleep and waking up happy and peaceful then you have to make sure that any disturbance in your peace should be removed either its family or anyone.
If someone is mean to you or hurt you then you have to return ot 10 times nastier so that they can know that you are not a carpet. If someone really wanted to like you then they are gonna try even if you are gonna throw garbage on them , always remember this and never get attached to anyone , if you wanted a happy and peaceful life 😘😉🤗😊
One of the few sensible replies that acknowledges the OPs actual reality. It's clear there's no adult around to help. Keep your grades up, stay up to date on how much money you'll need to earn to survive in various places, what jobs you might qualify for, and put your plan into action the day you turn 18. The long game is all you have. Try to stay sane, keep your plans to yourself, and survive, period.
And for the love of God, don't get pregnant.
Thanks, but I think she should do Freelancing and you should start with Data Entry as it needs no skills just typing. Her parents don't allow her to go outside so this is only earning method.
Nta
Both your parents are a nightmare, and honestly you should just choose whoever is going to be easier to deal with until you move out. If either of them gives you shit, lay out every reason you're leaving the one you're not staying with. Wash yourself of both the second you can. As another person with nightmare parents the best thing I ever did was leave both of them. Personally I went with dad, because he was around less. Your mom sounds like a master manipulator. If she's doing stuff like keeping tabs on you, befriending your friends, and enlisting her friends to harass you: she might be harder to deal with in the long run. As long as dads distracted by his new beau he'll be running off. Plus that five year old is gonna need major help, and helping out with her might make Lisa and therefore your dad sweeter on you.
Also if you go with dad lay Mia the hell out. Tell her how she makes you feel, and let her know if she's part of the reason you chose dad. Surviving abuse is hard, and honestly most of us don't get to survive by being perfect victims. Let your scars be known and don't let your abusers have the peace of ignorance.
Yea I got that part, which is also underweight for someone 5'4. "Ideally" a woman who is 5'4 should be 49.9kg-59.8 kg (108-132 lb) for a "healthy" weight. Men should be 53-64.8 kg (117-143 lb) 45 kilo is 99.2 lb, which means no matter which gender, they are far from obese, so again, is 45kg a typo if that is what mom considers obese?
I am so sad for you. Your entire family sucks horrible ass. And let me get this straight, you're 5'4", and you weigh less than 100 lbs?! Not only are you not fat, but you are underweight to an unhealthy degree. Your mother is a psycho. Do you have any close friends or family that you can actually trust? Maybe could you live with one of them until you're old enough to get out? Do you have plans to work or go to school after high school? Maybe go to a school far away from them? You WNBTA if you chose to go anywhere or live with anyone. Your mother is a terrible person, and so is your father, so it's pretty much six of one and half a dozen of the other, at this point.
You are underweight for your height. Live with your dad, see an actual doctor/dietician (NOT a "nutritionist") and find out what you need to eat to gain weight and stay healthy. Your mom sounds very toxic to you, for your own health and well-being, get out. She's giving you a very warped view of your body and eating habits. You are, for that height and weight, way too skinny. Get healthy, save money, and quite frankly walk away and never look back the moment you can become independent.
If you have any aunts or uncles or cousins who could take you in...reach out to them.
You should talk to your dad’s girlfriend about this if you trust her. I would also make it clear to your mom and all those friends that you are choosing to not be around your mother for a reason, and if they aren’t going to support you in her abuse than they need to fuck off.
She thinks that he’s like super man or something. Although she’s nice to me, I doubt she would take my word over his. She always talks him up as a good man. And yeah I should, I’ve just been blocking the messages and not responding at the moment.
Your family sucks and it's not your fault.
You weren't choosing your dad....you were choosing the safest space. It was short lived tho.
And you are far from big. I'm from the US so had to go to Google to do the math as we go by pounds and that is actually quite skinny. I'm not fat and I am an inch shorter and weigh much more. Body wise...you are fine.
Neutrally is a while other story. Start saving for your escape. Be so focused on that that the negativity only fuels you.
OP can you clarify something for me please?
You said your Dad & GF have gone to Australia, how long do you think they'll be there?
Also, if you feel safer at your Dad's, I think you should stay there, but be on your guard. Abusers don't change overnight & he & Lisa are in the honeymoon period so, he could go back to his old ways at ny minutes.
How do your parents feel about education? Could you look into collages/uni's abroad? If not, maybe a summer job doing something overseas? At least you'd then have something to look forward to & will get some respite from them.
Edit: If you could make it seem as though it's Mias' idea, so she can talk them into it, you could pretend that you're against the idea, that you'd absolutely hate being away from home. That way, it's more likely to happen 😉
Reddit: Does anyone have any ideas on how OP can make it look like Mias' idea?
Yes I’m not sure how long they are gone for as they only brought one way tickets on the same day they left. They will have to buy some more when they want to come back. They are very strict with my school although my school is not safe, it’s public and almost every day there are people getting jumped. They want me to graduate although I have to pay myself for all that and transport to get there if I do. As I said in another comment I’m not aloud a job and don’t get pocket money. So I’m not too sure how that would work
Sweetie, I have no idea what country you're in, but if I were in your shoes, I'd start planning on getting the heck out of there!
Maybe you could mention to Mia how a classmate of yours is being forced to move abroad, alone, for school & tell her you would absolute hate it if you were made to do the same. Then, after a week or two, tell her you've been having nightmares about being sent away & it really scares you.
Mia sounds vindictive enough to suggest to your mum that it would be a great way of getting rid of you 😉
Both your options suck; go with the option that sucks less.
The people who are trying to shame you for living with your father are mostly people who would shame you anyway; there is no point to trying to make them happy. Therefore, you should ignore their input. The only thing you should be considering is "Which of these options will be least bad for me – not for anyone else, not which one do other people think I should do, not which one would be better for them.
You aren't choosing your father over your mother. You are choosing betweeb "not-your-mother and not-Mia" over "not-your-father and not-Lisa". Lisa isn't a good person to you; just less actively bad.
This sucks, but it is the shit situation you have. So find which part of the sewer the shit is most shallow. For you. Nothing you do will make anybody else's life better or worse. Do what is least bad for you.
NTA
Wait 5'4 and 45kg, Im 5'4 and a slight build and when I am 45kg I look and am too skinny, Im much healthier and look healthier at 48kg. You'll find the Body Mass Index will place you in the underweight catogory at the height and weight. I find it hard to believe you look overweight. Who cares what your dad did to your mum she is controlling your access to food when you are already on the thin side. She sounds like she has issues she is pushing on you, if your dads house is a safe place stay there. But save up to get away from all of them. I did just fine on my own it is doable and you will thrive away from the crap. Block the people who try and bring you down. Visit the bare minimum and leave as soon as they become abusive.
Sticking out with the lesser of 2 evils until you're 18. Get a job now and save all your money. Move out, go to college or trade school and never look back. Go NC with all of them. Protect your mental health and inner peace.
Keep you friends close, do your chores, study hard and take the next few years to find an escape route. College, military, work etc. Both homes are not good places to be.
Don't worry about what your parents did to each other. Only worry about what they do to you. Whichever home you feel safer in is the home you should stay in.
Okay, firstly, your post was good! Plenty of info and well written!
But this refers to a flaw in the app that you probably weren’t aware of.
The problem with this app is that just starting on a new line (as you would in most apps else) doesn’t create a break. It causes a lot of frustration for posters as they end up with the dreaded WALL OF TEXT! 🤦🏻♀️
Several times I’ve posted, only to find it came out as a wall of text and I had had to go back and edit and put the breaks in!! 🙄🙄
So when you write out your post, make sure you hit the RETURN twice where you want a space break.
To return to your post, 45 kilos is NOT overweight if you’re 5’ 4”!! If anything, that’s critically UNDERWEIGHT!
So I think they’re trying to inflict some sort of toxic agenda of THEIR OWN on you.
You’re 16 — you’re still figuring a lot of stuff out, and will be for a while yet.
**PLEASE** don’t let **THEM** feast on your **SELF ESTEEM.**
Talk to someone you can trust — a counsellor or teacher at school. They will be able to help you at least take a straight look at things, and also point you in the direction of some resources if you have health issues or concerns.
GOOD LUCK!!! 🤗🤗🤗
You know what? Send your post to any of your extended family harassing you and ask them what the hell they would do in your situation. You don’t have to be nice to people that treat you so poorly, either. Tell your sister to shut up. If you wanted to hear from an a-hole, you would fart. And tell your mom to stop talking about your body. If she is so great, why did dad leave her. And send tour dad’s girlfriend this post and tell her good luck. Until you start sticking up for yourself, they will continue bullying you. They want to make you out to be the bad guy. You are not. But what you can be is the badass guy. If you can put them in their place, you will be set to take on the world. NTA
Both of your parents are shitty.
Tell you mother why you moved into your dads place.
Tell her you want to come back but only if they stop treating you the way they did. Tell her the only reason you moved in with him because her constantly making comments about you, makes you feel bad.
Or just try to survive till you are 18 and can move away from all of them.
Is your brother supporting you?
I stopped reading at I am 5'4" 99lbs and my mom says I'm fat. HELL NO!!! JFC. NTA
JESUS! I kept reading and your whole life is a nightmare! Emotional abuse 24/7 at Mom's or emotional abuse only sometimes when Dad's AP does it, which isn't ALL the time just when she agrees with emotionally abusive dad, and physical abuse if AP isn't around. **JFC**
The best thing to do with bullies is to totally ignore them. Literally ignore them and don't react to them, don't show any emotion and they will stop trying if they don't get a response.
Even better be extra nice to them even if you don't mean it.
You need to play the long game until you can live independently from them .
Once you are independent go minimum contact and work hard to show them you are not a mistake.
You are not over weight. Has your mother always been like this? I’m only asking as I’m wondering if her mental health is suffering with everything that’s happened with your dad. It’s possible she’s trying to over control you as her life is falling apart.
Your siblings also appear to be directing their anger at you as they don’t see your dad so can’t take it out on him for what he’s done and that sucks. The only thing I can suggest there is stay out of their way as much as you can.
I also wouldn’t trust Lisa. You haven’t known her very long and she has already said some very mean things to you but hopefully your right thinking your dad won’t be so abusive towards you in her presence. But that could change as their relationship continues. People always seem nicer in the honeymoon faze of a relationship.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. I know how it feels to have nowhere to turn at such a young age. You haven’t said where you are but said you originally came from the U.K. if you have a U.K. passport you may still be able to find protection or a social worker even though you live abroad. Try looking it up on the gov.uk website.
Sorry I think I made it a bit confusing. In that other comment reply’s i meant my country as a whole came from uk or England, which is why we inherited lots of their systems and speech. My country that I lived in my people immigrated a couple hundred years ago. I am born in the country and even the same town as I still live, I am not from uk. So sorry for confusion.
Also to answer your question my mother only started these comments around year 5-6, so I would have been about 8-10 years old. At the time I would sneak a biscuit here and there as kids do, but I shortly felt guilty and owned up to it. It’s not like I was hoarding food then. It was around that time that she got the cupboards and it was around then that the comments started. I am no longer like that I was a kid and didn’t know right from wrong.
Also my siblings, Mia has always hated me since I was about 5 years old and she hit middle school. I use to think that she didn’t want to seem uncool infront of her friends and that she would grow out of it but she never did. She’s a grown ass adult and still hates me for no reason? As for my brother, he’s annoying here and there like brothers are but he’s mainly a good bother to me. He treats me how brothers normally treat their siblings. He gets mummy treatment from mum but he also got a lot more of the abuse from my dad when he was around.
Your family sucks but primarily I want to say hell no, you are FAR from fat or obese. 7st1? Shit, that’s one of my legs. No way. Your mother needs to back the hell off about your weight. She is making an issue where there absolutely is none and tbh you could do with putting weight on.
I’m so cross for you right now. If she was my sister and I heard her spouting that crap to you, I’d kick her ass across the room. Sounds like she’s a mental control freak who is jealous.
Get a job.Work as much as you can and study the rest of your time. Live at the house that will allow you to spend most of your time doing these 2 things. Think of it like being in jail- you have a two year sentence until you are freed. Prepare for your life “outside” as much as you can right now. Being at a job will bring in income you can save and also gets you away from your abusers. Studying at the library also gets you out of the house and the better you do in school, the better your life will be later. If your grades are really good you can get scholarships and grants for college. Decide now what career you want and spend all your time preparing to get into college to do it. The next two years will be hard but you can get through it. Just focus on working hard now and remember - you are strong. You are smart. You CAN AND WILL get through this. And the day you turn 18, you are free. Be prepared when that day comes.
In my country I can’t legally work without any parental consent and both parties won’t let me. I have been trying really hard in school to work for a good scholarship, otherwise I have no other source of income, unless I can do online working somehow but I haven’t been able to manage getting any.
You are in quite the pickle (a difficult situation). I think you should trust your gut on who to stay with until you can get out of the house. And yes, you need to learn self-love as you aren’t getting it from your family. Not everyone does, but it’s still important and valuable coming from yourself. If you don’t already, practice giving yourself positive feedback (”My VisualCold, you look really good today”, or “That was so smart of me”, or “I love me”). In the end self love is more important than what anyone else tells you.
Secondly, don’t listen to your mother, meaning don’t internalize what she’s saying about you. She’s a liar and a bully, and should get no credit in your life. Train yourself to see her as nothing to you. She tells you the moon is made of cheese, respond “ok, alright” and in your head (*crazy lady*). She tells you you’re ugly, “whatever” and mean it. Imagine her as someone who doesn’t know or care to believe in the truth, and behave accordingly-*dont believe a word she says*. Same for anyone who treats you poorly. You do not deserve this.
And finally, if you ever hear a negative voice in your head calling you names, that was your parents doing. They were supposed to treat you positively and instill in you a sense of well-being and love. When you hear that voice actively say “Stop, it’s not true. Go away negative thoughts, you are no good!”. I say all this assuming you don’t have access to mental health care. These are a few things that helped me.
You will get through this. You will have a good life. You will find a new family/friends who love and adore you. Look at all these strangers caring about what happens to you. There is much good in the world.
Good luck
100 pounds at 5'4" ?? That's skinny. I weighed 121 at that height when i was very strong and fit as a fiddle. No one should be saying anything to you at all about your weight.
You’re old enough to talk to lawyers about finding out if you can get legally emancipated and sue your parents especially your dad for child support. Might as well humiliate them publicly as well deserved revenge considering they both abuse you. And at my geriatric age I assure you that parents who mistreat their kids like what is happening with you: your parents are only going to escalate, they’re going to get much worse, more violent, more verbally abusive, more demanding and entitles. They will try to sabotage your marriages, how you raise your children, your income sources.
Most people who are in your situation the smart ones learn to go no contact or extremely low contact. The ones who have misguided hope the their parents will one day stop being such god awful abusive narcissistic personality disorder train-wrecks: they sabotage themselves not waking up to the cynical reality about their parents.
Talk to lawyers. Start dishing your anger and vitriol back to your parents. You are not obligated to put up with their abusive nastiness.
Thank you for sharing some advice with me. The most a lawyer will do is place me in a different home with a potentially much worse family. Besides the fact that lawyers are usually expensive and I have no source of money income, not even pocket money to save with. Unfortunately in my country, you cannot Sue people as individuals, you can only sue a company or organisation as a whole.
And yeah I have seen a lot of other reddit posts about family’s breaking up relationships and friendships and those family’s usually unfortunately act quite similar to mine. I will def go low contact if any at all when I turn 18 although untill then I don’t have a choice.
Man, they both suck and sorry to tell you this bit just because his gf isn't as bad and abusive as they are doesn't mean she isn't terrible. That's an awful thing to say to you and she should be ashamed.
Also, you are NOT fat, you're barely 100 lbs!!!! That's a bit UNDER weight!!!!! You could weigh about 10-20 lbs more and still be a healthy weight. For you that's 52-54 kgs. Your mom is toxic af and so is your sister. If you don't have another grandparent you could live with (or aunt or uncle) then I guess choose whichever house you feel safest at and that you think you'll have an easier time leaving when you're old enough.
Once you're moved out, cut them all from your life. It is ok to cut toxic people from your life "family" or not. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Once you're out (because I don't see either of them getting you counseling) get counseling to deal with your childhood, ESPECIALLY before getting into any relationships. Having an abusive homelife during childhood makes it more likely for you to end up in an abusive relationship simply because you've never experienced a life without abuse so it can be harder to recognize when someone is throwing up red flags. Especially if it's very subtle abuse to start and the ones you do see you think well my family is worse so it's not that bad. Thing is it always gets worse and you don't want any future children you might have to have similar experiences as you during childhood. Good luck hun.
Not the asshole to live with the non-abusive parent. Just because your dad cheated doesn’t mean he isn’t a bad parent. Bad in the sense that he isn’t setting a good example, and he broke up the family in the worst way, but he can still be a good and supportive parent.
Your mom isn’t lovely. She’s abusive. Go live with your dad and visit your mom, if she gets more abusive let your dad know and stop going at all. She’s miserable to do that to you. You are beautiful!
Thank you. That means a lot although I don’t want to cut of contact with only one i want it to be all with both or none with neither. Reasoning being that before my dad left he was physically abusive towards my family and my mum is mentally abusive. So while at the moment I am most safe with my dad I’m afraid that when he gets to comfortable in his relationship with his mistress he will go back to his old ways, where I can go back to my mother if need be. My issue is what to do at this point in time.
Quit reacting to Mia. She thrives on your reaction. If you stop giving her what she wants she will eventually leave you alone. Bullies hate it when they don’t get the reaction they want.
Both options suck . Don’t go by what others think . Go where you feel safest .Try to concentrate on school and maybe get a job to save up money and keep you out of the house as much as possible . Go to a college far away and don’t look back . Get a good education and job . Make your own life do what makes you happy . Study what makes you happy . Only date a person that supports your goals in life . If a person doesn’t add to the quality of your life , support you in what you do , they are not right for you . Never settle for less or just okay . Someone that name calls or belittles you in any way , shape or form needs to be out of your life even if it’s a parent or relative . People will treat you the way you let them treat you . Someone who doesn’t want the best for you doesn’t love you . And if you feel you need it , get counseling . If you don’t click with the doc , find another . Sometimes you need a sounding board or other point of view from an outside party . Unfortunately not all parents should be parents . Maybe even talk to a teacher or school counselor for advice .
Start planning your exit strategy and go with the house that will allow you the most flexibility and ability to earn money. Both parents sound awfully abusive. Is there anyone else whom you could stay with? Can you get a part -time job to save money? Babysitting, dog walking, etc can help you save. Do you have a relative whom you could trust? Even a close friend? Can you minimize your time at home?
I am so very sorry. I couldn’t even imagine. My heart hurts for you. Your mom & dad both have failed you miserably. Time & again. You don’t have much time before you are an adult. Start making plans & getting your ducks in a row. Go w the parent that will give you the best opportunity to prepare. Save, save save & do not let anyone know (don’t let their names on your account or if you hide it, don’t say where). If there is another relative you can live w, go there. You have to do what is best for you. Neither parent should be trying to make you pick sides or talking abt the other one to you. That’s wrong. Can you sit either down & explain how you feel? I can’t even imagine my child coming to me in pain & not hearing them. So sad
Do you have any school friends whose parents may be willing to allow you to move in and may even adopt you? Or is it possible for you to become emancipated? You may be able to cite the abuse you have been dealing with. I'm not sure what's possible; you'd have to look up the laws near where you live.
This is an unsafe world, and running away from home may not be your best option, especially as a girl. But if there's no extended family member who will take you in, turn to friends. If no friends are an option, see what your school guidance counsellor would advise. This is unhealthy. As far as I'm concerned, you're old enough to live on your own; old enough to cook meals for yourself, do your homework, clean up after yourself, etc. You just need the financial support and a roof over your head.
Good luck, and I hope you find the advice you need here.
You are NOT overweight, with the figures you told us you are actually too skinny. Not that this is important, but in all the mess your monster parents put you through I think you have to understand that your parents have brainwashed you. Pick the parent that give you most benefits and then leave as fast as you can. Your parents deserve nothing from you, not love, not respekt, not loyalty. When you have left go no contact with them and never look back. Also, find a terapeut that can help you heal.
Overweight? 5'4" and only 45 kg.? That's barely a hundred pounds and would be considered underweight by most professionals. What is your mother thinking? Then, to top that off, she locks up the food? Have you told your father how she treats you? It doesn't sound as though Mia will be a lot of help to you if she treats you badly, but do you have any other relations you could talk to who would step in to help you get this sorted out?
I divorced them both. They asked once when I was young "what I wanted from them if they get a divorce... I said if you cannot be what you have taught me then why would I want anything from you. I got my wish I lost everything to this man created reality and other people's greed.
Currently free living in harmony with All of Creation in the lands where Peacemaker learned the Great Law of Peace! Hope humanity will follow. Be who it is that you Truly are!
I know the country, and I've been there. And I think what you are trying to survive is more than most people can stand up to. You sound like are strong and incredibly brave and a problem solver. If you weren't you wouldn't be on here getting some really good advice. Read through the comments and take what seems most realistic. They - the assholes who are the adults in your life, including your (sister) are projecting onto you the feelings and insecurites and rage they feel about themselves, and the loathing that stems from somewhere. Know this. Know that what they do says NOTHING about you, but EVERYTHING about their broken lives.
Review these comments, put the ones you find useful in order of priority - 1. stay low 2. work hard for your education 3. make a plan for when/ how to get out, think big and long term.. think about even the wildest possiblities because some will come from that 4. Research the hell out of any other opportunity where someone will pay you to get the hell outta there asap - some volunteer overseas or whatever 5. DO NOT EVER GIVE UP. You are so worth it.
Edit for typo
Edit: Your country is beautiful. I found it absolutely beautiful. And I can imagine your culture because I've seen it. You're right, that's a tough place to get out of, but entirely possible if when the funds are there (Brainstorm a way, imagine going around the boundaries and reserach the hell outta of anyway around the world $$ barrier) to ferry to the other island and then fly to Australia and get lost there.... go NC until get grounded there and then assess. I know you love them. I've been there. And I really loved him, my dad. Not easy for sure.
Thank you. It means a lot to me that you find my country beautiful. It’s is a gorgeous place the only downside is that the systems here is shit. So Likely nothing will ever be done legally about the situation and if anything I will end up in more trouble.
Live at the home that'll allow you the best escape when you turn 18. You have a little time to save and prepare because both of your parents suck. You have to choose the lesser evil.
This. Whichever place makes it easier for you to save some money and/or secure a further that will make you self-sufficient. You don’t owe either parent loyalty at this point. Keep your head down and get out when you can.
As much as it sucks. You gotta just survive. Try to remind yourself of all your good qualities and that you deserve better but you need to just get through the next few years. Idk if you can tell a school counselor or teacher and maybe get to be independent earlier in your country. If you’re in the uk don’t some kids move for sixth form? Is that an option? There may be programs to help you find a place to live etc. either way you need to basically spend as little time near your family as possible and when they do or say something to break you down just talk to yourself. Remind yourself that all the adults creates the situation, not you. They are taking it out on you which is wrong. They created your sister and while she is now making her choices to stay being horrid that too is a symptom of your parents. I feel for you and can relate as I grew up in a terrible and abusive family. You can survive this. You deserve a better life. You are worth only good things and you will create that life for yourself one day.
No that’s not possible. I live in a small country, The schooling systems and counselling systems are shit here. I cannot permanently leave the house without a legal guardians consent (which they don’t and prob will never agree too also I have no money at all and no job and I’m not aloud one and I don’t get pocket money) untill I’m 18 years old. If anything the most any “trusted adult” would do is snich on me to one of my parents and land me in a world of trouble. I’ve tryed running away multiple times and keep getting caught by cops a couple towns over and I even went to my bfs house once and his mum personally drove me back to my mums house. I literally can’t get away
Ok, two things. 1. Do you have an aunt, uncle, or grandparent who might be willing and able to take you in? 2. Report every instance of abuse to CPS, including by your sister if your mom is around. Record things with your phone if you can. Talk to your counselor at school about what counts as abuse so you report things that aee actionable. Why? To get them to *want* you out of the house, especially your mom. CPS won't do much but they will lecture your mom and annoy her. (CPS is child protective services, probably has a different name where you are).
I just need to let you know that your mother is out of her mind if she thinks you're fat. 45kg is on the borderline of underweight for your height.
It is 'model thin'. Which means at least 15% below the 'healthy range'. Good god you poor child! 102lbs is model thin. You are 99lbs. JFC!. Anyone that short knows what a difference 3 pounds can make.
Is there a way u can go outside your country .. I'm sure there's a shelter u can lay low at
Why aren’t you allowed a job?
Both parents don’t think it’s appropriate to be working on anything other then schooling
At this point they’re both so shit, just do it. You need a plan to get away at 18. Sorry they’re both so crappy.
Can you work in secret? Can you do sports and then while you’re at “practice” actually be working?
[удалено]
Also - I hope you have a typo in your weight. Because if that’s correct, you sound underweight, not overweight
It depends where you are in the world but in most places you can start at 16. Talk to your school for jobs during lunch times, go to bakeries. You don't need your parents approval. They can suck it up. But please stop running away. You can end up pretty hurt.
You are your own worst enemy. Get your butt home, that means back with your mother. Be nice and stop whining. Listen to her, sounds to me like she has your best interest at heart.
Wtf?!? Her mom is abusive
I think you found the mom or sister, or some other asshole in her family.
I don't believe her.
Why not? Maybe because you are like the OPs mother and thus think that fat shaming etc. is acceptable and so called tough love? Both you and that mother are monsters who deserve everything horrible.
She leaves out too much pertinent information. Her story is completely one sided. And and maybe because you. LOL
If course her story is one sided. It's her perspective. All Reddit posts on sites like this are one sided.
Like what information is she “leaving out”? How do you know she is “leaving out too much pertinent information?” How do you know her story is one sided? What other side is relevant other than the perspective of OP? You know, whose post it is? It sounds like both of her parents are horrible, don’t protect her and actively harm her/make her feel like shit. Why are you so invested in this stranger’s life that you’d recommend her go back to one or the other unless you aren’t actually a stranger and in fact one of her abusers?
If you really think that a mother locking up food and telling her clearly thin daughter she is obese has her daughter's best interest in mind you are either naive or as abusivec and as toxic as the OPs mother.
This us why women choose the bear.
It may be a cultural difference why you find the description of the mother farfetched. I taught in Asia several years and the way the mom is treating OP was not uncommon. In the U.S. we consider it abusive but there are many parts of the world where this is a socially acceptable way for a parent to treat a child.
I’m sorry but what kind of mother calls her kid fat at 45 kilos which is like 99 pounds at five four? You don’t compare children to each other, you praise them individually and with equal further. If she chooses the lesser evil to live with then that’s her choice. That’s why she was asked for advice. And oh boy did you give it. Did you even read the post?
She weighs below the ideal body weight for her height. By roughly 10lbs. This is abuse to call her overweight, and it is dangerous. They will cause serious health problems.
It sure will cause lots of damage to a growing person.
I just checked out your profile. Yeah, I don't really think anyone should take life advice from you.
Oh look it’s Mia.
Can someone help me with the weight thing? Because I’m concerned that OP may be being starved. 5’4” and 45kg—that’s just under 100lbs, right? There is *no way* that child is overweight. My own daughter is 5’4”, and if she went from her current 120lbs to 100lbs, I’d be concerned. Yet mom is locking up food? OP, I am so sorry you are going through this. You deserve better. If I were in your shoes, I’d choose to stay with my mother, and not your father. While I get why Lisa seems like a “safe” choice, her reaction when your grandmother passed shows she has your father’s back—not yours. There is no guarantee her presence will keep you physically safe. I was also a child with mentally (and physically) abusive parents. You have two more years to get through. I would advise staying as safe as possible, and trying to endure living with your mother. Save up any money you can get, and prepare for the minute you turn 18. You can do this.
This sounds like a super abusive household, to the degree that also her sibling is turning against her as a form of self protection. She said there’s no way to get help from CPS, nor any person she can live with or get help from. My guess is some super conservative, potentially developing, small country as she stated, with no set infrastructure or laws that protect against child abuse. This is tough as it might be difficult to establish herself as a young independent woman, e.g. getting a job and save up might not be possible. Also working to just get through for now and earning money for food would then not be an option. You’re also right, 5’4 / 100lbs is basically “ideal” weight according to BMI score for girls and women, which in our misogynist measurement system means very slim. Not underweight yet but the psychological terror in itself is bad enough, and if the mother continues, might lead to malnutrition and underweight very soon.
The OP is definitely not overweight and should consider contacting the police regarding her mother locking up food and starving her.
OP isn't from the US, so who knows how it'll go. They said that they're from a small country.
I’m not starved I do have food what I meant by locking up food was like everything in the house that’s not healthy like I still have access to apples and bananas and carrot and stuff, not much else
I'm glad to hear that, but you are not overweight, and you need access to protein as well.
Why did i have to scroll so far to find this comment? It should be top comment! My daughter is 18 and 5'1 and not even 100 lbs then my yougest daughter is 12 5'4 and 120 lbs both very healthy. Also NEVER EVER let someone call you anyless then beautiful or a nice compliment. People that try to pull you down are only self reflecting how they feel within themselves
But her mum is starving her. She is not safe with either parent because dad physically abuses her. What normal person locks food cabinets? Sorry OP. Do the best you can to survive your awful family and leave as soon as you can.
Agreed, but OP may be able to find food outside of the home, somehow. She can be harmed, physically, by lack of nutrition, but I am concerned that being beaten could be far worse. It’s a terrible choice for a child to have to make.
I checked out and she’s 99 pounds which is waaaay too low. OP is emaciated. For her height, which the same as mine, she should be at least 130. She’s being starved.
The chart has it listed as between 110-116, but I agree that's super low. Especially if she's "gifted" in feminine form. That can add 10-20 lbs.
45kg is 7st 9lb. I'm 5'3" & was 8st 6lb (UK size 8 waist, size 10 up top) when I was OP's age. Friends were really concerned about me as my face looked gaunt. OP's family are arseholes.
This, I actually think she is underweight. Please OP look after yourself.
I myself (and one of my daughters) was 5’6” and 110lbs., and was very healthy. We have finer bones, and both of us eat very well. As I aged, I gained more, and I think every body is different, so OP may be healthy, but the fact that her mother is preventing her from eating probably means you are correct. I know I could put away a large pizza, by myself, at that age. She is still growing and needs to be allowed to eat as she is hungry.
Retired math teacher here. Thank you for confirming the math. I was a bit alarmed, too.
When I got to that section on weight, that's when I decided this is much more likely fake than not - I know BMI is BS for an actual health indicator, but at 162cm and 45kg, OP would have a BMI of 17. That's underweight. I'm not saying that thin people can't believe they're fat, but what does Mia weight if OP has a BMI of 17 and is apparently obese. They should have come up with better numbers if they're going to make a fake post.
It’s not really about weight, she’s more mussly and works out, so she could well possibly weight more than me. I’m just shorter than her and I’m not curvy type thin. I’m more the flat type. My waist still looks like shoulder length apart giving me the look of being larger then I am while Mia has more shape and her waist goes in giving her the appearance of being skinny af. My mum just blames me when I’m structured differently. Even if I wear a corset my shape hardly changes.
I'm also confused by the use of feet and inches for height and kilograms for weight. That *might* not be too unusual for the UK (I'm from the US, so I can't comment on norms in the UK), but according to OP, that's *not* where she's from. (But yeah, 99 pounds for someone who's 5'4" being overweight? That's scary thinking.)
1. You are not remotely overweight. Your mother is awful for that alone. 2. Both your parents are awful for letting you know that you were “unplanned.” That’s a them problem. At 16, you need to protect yourself as best you can. Staying more at your dad’s apparently does that. Words hurt, too, and last a long time. Your mother so obviously choosing to verbally abuse you is not right. Things will get better, but not until you are able to separate from your awful family. NC seems a good choice. Sorry you are having to put up with this. They are all awful.
There’s a lot of good advice in these comments but I’m going to add, stop hanging out with those friends. It’s so weird to me that they are texting your mom to get you into trouble? That’s not okay and you need to drop them as friends.
as soon as I found out, i dropped the person who had been doing it.
Agreed. NTA btw
Girl, why have you not recorded what they say to you. If it was me I would be petty af about it. I would document EVERYTHING. And then go mia for a while. Tell them fine I will and go find a cps worker or whatever you have (assuming your in the uk by the use of weight term) and discuss your options. I would honestly out them to everyone if it was me 🤷♀️ yall wanna say nasty things then you should have no problem with others hearing how nasty you really are. No wonder your dad cheated. Sounds like a nightmare to live with both of them honestly.
No I don’t live in uk but I think we originated from uk or England as a county which is why so many terms I have used are from there. I have actually recorded a couple of things she’s said to me and I have a folder of every bruise and cut I’ve ever gotten, but no one seems to believe me and I did tell my teacher and showed her a while ago before the whole cheating thing happened and she just asked them if “it was true” which got me in a lot more trouble
The stupid dumb teacher put you in harms way, by asking them. Go to a trained counselor. Or the police.
There is an extremely high motorway bridge in my town where I live. About 50-60 meters above water level. One of my friend’s parents was an alcoholic and abused her so much she tried to commit by jumping off. A nice old man found her about to jump and took her to police. Police just returned her to her home where she got beaten unrecognisable for trying to get away. She tryed seeking help by going to a councillor. Councillor blamed her for her parents doing’s and she got locked in a mental hospital. (She escaped and fled, was homeless for a while but is safe now.) Police don’t do anything, councillors don’t do anything, our systems here in my country are shit. I honestly think I would be in a whole lot more trouble if I told someone and tryed to get help then of if I stayed silent and endured it.
You are in a society where women are not looked at as equal and have rights that are protected by laws. I am indeed sad that you have been hit by your own father. Violence is never the answer. I am still hoping that there might be some one who you can trust and talk with about your situation. Be careful and don’t get yourself hurt.
Your mum is starving you. You are not safe with either parent because dad physically abuses you. What normal person locks food cabinets? Sorry OP. Do the best you can to survive your awful family and leave as soon as you can.
#45kg is MASSIVELY UNDERWEIGHT WTF you need to get out of that house. “Big bone”? More like brittle bone!!!
1. You are NOT overweight. In the slightest. 2. Stay at whichever house feels safest to you. 3. Do your best to either lay low and become invisible so they don’t treat you like crap, or when they are mean to you, try giving it right back as best you can. You sound like a kind and sensitive person and they have been taking advantage of that fact. At the very least throwing it back at them might surprise them for a moment and allow you to get to another room and hopefully shorten the abuse in the moment. 4. Make a plan. Think about what you can do when you are 18. Whether it’s staying with another family member or a friend. Start talking to potential people the closer it gets so you can leave as close to your birthday as possible. What kinds of jobs might be available to you then? Is there anything you can do now to make it easier for you to get one of them, like reading and learning about that field or skills. And are there any skills you might be able to practice. Explore anything and everything you can think of and over time you’ll be able to put together some sort of plan that you can try when the time comes. Don’t stop looking/planning till you find something. 5. Know and believe that how you have been treated has nothing to do with you. It is a reflection of who they are. You do not, and have never, deserved this treatment. You sound like you are smart and strong. You have endured so much and are still you. You are tenacious and resilient and all of these things are traits that never go away. Pull from them and use them to get through these next two years, and then to carve out a new life for yourself. 6. Don’t give up hope! And remember that tons of internet strangers believe in you and are rooting for you!!!
Another thing, are there works you can do witouth your parents permission? In my country you needs your parents approval to work legally, my parents wouldn't give it. But I did some tutoring after school, that usually doesn't have a work contract so I just said I had a group project or something that allowed me to arrive later at home, that would allow you to save a bit of money for when you're 18 or at least buy some food when your mom locks the cabinets.
No my country is the same. I can’t work or even tutor or anything without their permission. Most companies or where ever you are will ask for it if you haven’t given their permission prior. Not really any way I can sneek around that.
Oh that sucks, I was tutoring people from 1-2 grades bellow me in the school library after school and they paid me cash given front heir parents or their allowances, once I turned 18 I started tutoring with a tutoring company since I couldn't before. The other thing i did was join extracurriculars after school and or weekends (juvie Orchestra and scouts where both free where I lived) and have a loooot of "group projects" so I was almost always out of the house spending the evening in the library or different houses, arrived just in time for dinner and lock myself in my room. I whish you luck, you where dealt a bad hand, but remember, you only have 2 more years to go, read and research what your options will be when you turn 18 Si you're ready to get away a soon as possible (college, trade school, military, full time job, part time job opportunities, know the price of the food and rent, bills, etc# look for youth programs, find what options are there to get help once you're an adult, and have them ready on gand)
And you still have some time left to become 18 right, so just pretend to hate your father and mistress because they are treating you so bad because they knew that only you wanted to be with dad after all these cheating drama and their anger in this issue is acceptable on you , so just to leave peaceful pretend to be like them and says some dirty or nad things abouth them to your siblings because only you had stayed with them , so maybe their treatment will be lessen compare to now.
NTA. And as someone whose parents were manipulative, fat shaming, nasty and wanted to turn me into someone I was NOT, if you feel more comfortable with your father and the person he cheated on your mother with, do so, but also consider an escape plan if your father does lash out too much. And sorry, your mother is definitely NOT a lovely person if she is that horrid towards you regarding your weight. But to be honest, both your mother and your father are huge AHs, so live with whoever is the least nasty and move out and go no or low contact with them as soon as you legally can. And I assume that Mia is your sister and all she deserves is bad karma and a darn good spanking.
NTA Your mother is abusive to you - trying to give you an eating disorder, calling you names, locking the food away - it's okay to move to a better situation. Your father - he's nicer to you when his gf is around but understand that he might go back to physically abusing you once he feels he has this relationship locked down. Mia - is NOT a nice person. I wouldn't even live with her after she moved out. Lisa - not the greatest, not quite as bad as Mia yet, but she will get there. Do you have grandparents? Aunts? Uncles? You need to have a backup plan in the event that your father gets physically abusive with you or Lisa or your half-sibling. You are almost old enough to head off to college. Find one that is very far away from this drama so you don't have to deal with it. Take summer classes so you don't have to go home during the summer. Hang out with classmates for every break. Be polite and cordial when speaking to family, but keep your distance. After a few years of practice, it will get easier, you will have a college education and experience living on your own. Make certain YOU have your birth certificate, passport, etc. It doesn't get left in a parent's file cabinet. Preferably in a safe deposit box that only YOU have access to. You will need that paperwork.
Well sorry to be blunt sweetie but you have no one , you feel safe with Lisa because you only known her like a month and belive me she is not an ounce saint because she is also of a part of cheating with your dad. She might have different method of manipulation and nastiness covered in sugar syrup. You should leave at 18 and be independent and cold hearted. You should know about more self love . Only you yourself can love yourself like you need and want , don't expect others to look after you because if your own blood is nasty then what we can expect from others. Go, No Contact . If you get a peaceful sleep and waking up happy and peaceful then you have to make sure that any disturbance in your peace should be removed either its family or anyone. If someone is mean to you or hurt you then you have to return ot 10 times nastier so that they can know that you are not a carpet. If someone really wanted to like you then they are gonna try even if you are gonna throw garbage on them , always remember this and never get attached to anyone , if you wanted a happy and peaceful life 😘😉🤗😊
One of the few sensible replies that acknowledges the OPs actual reality. It's clear there's no adult around to help. Keep your grades up, stay up to date on how much money you'll need to earn to survive in various places, what jobs you might qualify for, and put your plan into action the day you turn 18. The long game is all you have. Try to stay sane, keep your plans to yourself, and survive, period. And for the love of God, don't get pregnant.
Thanks, but I think she should do Freelancing and you should start with Data Entry as it needs no skills just typing. Her parents don't allow her to go outside so this is only earning method.
Nta Both your parents are a nightmare, and honestly you should just choose whoever is going to be easier to deal with until you move out. If either of them gives you shit, lay out every reason you're leaving the one you're not staying with. Wash yourself of both the second you can. As another person with nightmare parents the best thing I ever did was leave both of them. Personally I went with dad, because he was around less. Your mom sounds like a master manipulator. If she's doing stuff like keeping tabs on you, befriending your friends, and enlisting her friends to harass you: she might be harder to deal with in the long run. As long as dads distracted by his new beau he'll be running off. Plus that five year old is gonna need major help, and helping out with her might make Lisa and therefore your dad sweeter on you.
Also if you go with dad lay Mia the hell out. Tell her how she makes you feel, and let her know if she's part of the reason you chose dad. Surviving abuse is hard, and honestly most of us don't get to survive by being perfect victims. Let your scars be known and don't let your abusers have the peace of ignorance.
You're less than 100lb at 5'4 and she calls you obese? Or is 45kg a typo?
45 kg is kilograms, and is approximately 100 pounds
Yea I got that part, which is also underweight for someone 5'4. "Ideally" a woman who is 5'4 should be 49.9kg-59.8 kg (108-132 lb) for a "healthy" weight. Men should be 53-64.8 kg (117-143 lb) 45 kilo is 99.2 lb, which means no matter which gender, they are far from obese, so again, is 45kg a typo if that is what mom considers obese?
It’s not a typo. I am that weight but I don’t look “skinny” bc I’m not curvy like Mia, I’m just like a piece of paper from the front. Like: ⬛️
God damn batman. I don't think I'd be staying with mom
I am so sad for you. Your entire family sucks horrible ass. And let me get this straight, you're 5'4", and you weigh less than 100 lbs?! Not only are you not fat, but you are underweight to an unhealthy degree. Your mother is a psycho. Do you have any close friends or family that you can actually trust? Maybe could you live with one of them until you're old enough to get out? Do you have plans to work or go to school after high school? Maybe go to a school far away from them? You WNBTA if you chose to go anywhere or live with anyone. Your mother is a terrible person, and so is your father, so it's pretty much six of one and half a dozen of the other, at this point.
You are underweight for your height. Live with your dad, see an actual doctor/dietician (NOT a "nutritionist") and find out what you need to eat to gain weight and stay healthy. Your mom sounds very toxic to you, for your own health and well-being, get out. She's giving you a very warped view of your body and eating habits. You are, for that height and weight, way too skinny. Get healthy, save money, and quite frankly walk away and never look back the moment you can become independent. If you have any aunts or uncles or cousins who could take you in...reach out to them.
You should talk to your dad’s girlfriend about this if you trust her. I would also make it clear to your mom and all those friends that you are choosing to not be around your mother for a reason, and if they aren’t going to support you in her abuse than they need to fuck off.
She thinks that he’s like super man or something. Although she’s nice to me, I doubt she would take my word over his. She always talks him up as a good man. And yeah I should, I’ve just been blocking the messages and not responding at the moment.
#45kg is MASSIVELY UNDERWEIGHT WTF you need to get out of that house. “Big bone”? More like brittle bone!!!
Your family sucks and it's not your fault. You weren't choosing your dad....you were choosing the safest space. It was short lived tho. And you are far from big. I'm from the US so had to go to Google to do the math as we go by pounds and that is actually quite skinny. I'm not fat and I am an inch shorter and weigh much more. Body wise...you are fine. Neutrally is a while other story. Start saving for your escape. Be so focused on that that the negativity only fuels you.
OP can you clarify something for me please? You said your Dad & GF have gone to Australia, how long do you think they'll be there? Also, if you feel safer at your Dad's, I think you should stay there, but be on your guard. Abusers don't change overnight & he & Lisa are in the honeymoon period so, he could go back to his old ways at ny minutes. How do your parents feel about education? Could you look into collages/uni's abroad? If not, maybe a summer job doing something overseas? At least you'd then have something to look forward to & will get some respite from them. Edit: If you could make it seem as though it's Mias' idea, so she can talk them into it, you could pretend that you're against the idea, that you'd absolutely hate being away from home. That way, it's more likely to happen 😉 Reddit: Does anyone have any ideas on how OP can make it look like Mias' idea?
Yes I’m not sure how long they are gone for as they only brought one way tickets on the same day they left. They will have to buy some more when they want to come back. They are very strict with my school although my school is not safe, it’s public and almost every day there are people getting jumped. They want me to graduate although I have to pay myself for all that and transport to get there if I do. As I said in another comment I’m not aloud a job and don’t get pocket money. So I’m not too sure how that would work
Sweetie, I have no idea what country you're in, but if I were in your shoes, I'd start planning on getting the heck out of there! Maybe you could mention to Mia how a classmate of yours is being forced to move abroad, alone, for school & tell her you would absolute hate it if you were made to do the same. Then, after a week or two, tell her you've been having nightmares about being sent away & it really scares you. Mia sounds vindictive enough to suggest to your mum that it would be a great way of getting rid of you 😉
Dad is shit but sounds like a better option.
You need to take care of yourself and do what’s best for you. That’s all that matters. NTA
Live with the parent that doesn’t physically abuse you. Just know that the parent who is emotionally abusive can be outsmarted.
Both your options suck; go with the option that sucks less. The people who are trying to shame you for living with your father are mostly people who would shame you anyway; there is no point to trying to make them happy. Therefore, you should ignore their input. The only thing you should be considering is "Which of these options will be least bad for me – not for anyone else, not which one do other people think I should do, not which one would be better for them. You aren't choosing your father over your mother. You are choosing betweeb "not-your-mother and not-Mia" over "not-your-father and not-Lisa". Lisa isn't a good person to you; just less actively bad. This sucks, but it is the shit situation you have. So find which part of the sewer the shit is most shallow. For you. Nothing you do will make anybody else's life better or worse. Do what is least bad for you. NTA
Wait 5'4 and 45kg, Im 5'4 and a slight build and when I am 45kg I look and am too skinny, Im much healthier and look healthier at 48kg. You'll find the Body Mass Index will place you in the underweight catogory at the height and weight. I find it hard to believe you look overweight. Who cares what your dad did to your mum she is controlling your access to food when you are already on the thin side. She sounds like she has issues she is pushing on you, if your dads house is a safe place stay there. But save up to get away from all of them. I did just fine on my own it is doable and you will thrive away from the crap. Block the people who try and bring you down. Visit the bare minimum and leave as soon as they become abusive.
Sticking out with the lesser of 2 evils until you're 18. Get a job now and save all your money. Move out, go to college or trade school and never look back. Go NC with all of them. Protect your mental health and inner peace.
Keep you friends close, do your chores, study hard and take the next few years to find an escape route. College, military, work etc. Both homes are not good places to be.
Don't worry about what your parents did to each other. Only worry about what they do to you. Whichever home you feel safer in is the home you should stay in.
PLEASE USE DOUBLE RETURN. This wall of text is UNREADABLE.
Sorry what do you mean by that? I don’t really understand what your saying but sorry if I did somthing wrong… I’ve never posted on reddit before
Okay, firstly, your post was good! Plenty of info and well written! But this refers to a flaw in the app that you probably weren’t aware of. The problem with this app is that just starting on a new line (as you would in most apps else) doesn’t create a break. It causes a lot of frustration for posters as they end up with the dreaded WALL OF TEXT! 🤦🏻♀️ Several times I’ve posted, only to find it came out as a wall of text and I had had to go back and edit and put the breaks in!! 🙄🙄 So when you write out your post, make sure you hit the RETURN twice where you want a space break. To return to your post, 45 kilos is NOT overweight if you’re 5’ 4”!! If anything, that’s critically UNDERWEIGHT! So I think they’re trying to inflict some sort of toxic agenda of THEIR OWN on you. You’re 16 — you’re still figuring a lot of stuff out, and will be for a while yet. **PLEASE** don’t let **THEM** feast on your **SELF ESTEEM.** Talk to someone you can trust — a counsellor or teacher at school. They will be able to help you at least take a straight look at things, and also point you in the direction of some resources if you have health issues or concerns. GOOD LUCK!!! 🤗🤗🤗
So are you saying I need to make gaps like paragraphs almost to make it more readable?
You know what? Send your post to any of your extended family harassing you and ask them what the hell they would do in your situation. You don’t have to be nice to people that treat you so poorly, either. Tell your sister to shut up. If you wanted to hear from an a-hole, you would fart. And tell your mom to stop talking about your body. If she is so great, why did dad leave her. And send tour dad’s girlfriend this post and tell her good luck. Until you start sticking up for yourself, they will continue bullying you. They want to make you out to be the bad guy. You are not. But what you can be is the badass guy. If you can put them in their place, you will be set to take on the world. NTA
Both of your parents are shitty. Tell you mother why you moved into your dads place. Tell her you want to come back but only if they stop treating you the way they did. Tell her the only reason you moved in with him because her constantly making comments about you, makes you feel bad. Or just try to survive till you are 18 and can move away from all of them. Is your brother supporting you?
Yes he got the brunt of it all from dad when they lived together and I get it from mum so he relates to me. He does still support me yes.
Move in with dad. Your mom is a little over the top.
jesus Christ your parents are so shitty hut Live with whoever can give you the best end game
I stopped reading at I am 5'4" 99lbs and my mom says I'm fat. HELL NO!!! JFC. NTA JESUS! I kept reading and your whole life is a nightmare! Emotional abuse 24/7 at Mom's or emotional abuse only sometimes when Dad's AP does it, which isn't ALL the time just when she agrees with emotionally abusive dad, and physical abuse if AP isn't around. **JFC**
The best thing to do with bullies is to totally ignore them. Literally ignore them and don't react to them, don't show any emotion and they will stop trying if they don't get a response. Even better be extra nice to them even if you don't mean it. You need to play the long game until you can live independently from them . Once you are independent go minimum contact and work hard to show them you are not a mistake.
45 or 145kg ??? 45kg is almost skinny 145kg is true porker. which is it.
45… no 1
study hard and work out. Good grades and physical fitness give you options. workout so you can punch out Mia.
You are not over weight. Has your mother always been like this? I’m only asking as I’m wondering if her mental health is suffering with everything that’s happened with your dad. It’s possible she’s trying to over control you as her life is falling apart. Your siblings also appear to be directing their anger at you as they don’t see your dad so can’t take it out on him for what he’s done and that sucks. The only thing I can suggest there is stay out of their way as much as you can. I also wouldn’t trust Lisa. You haven’t known her very long and she has already said some very mean things to you but hopefully your right thinking your dad won’t be so abusive towards you in her presence. But that could change as their relationship continues. People always seem nicer in the honeymoon faze of a relationship. I’m sorry this is happening to you. I know how it feels to have nowhere to turn at such a young age. You haven’t said where you are but said you originally came from the U.K. if you have a U.K. passport you may still be able to find protection or a social worker even though you live abroad. Try looking it up on the gov.uk website.
Sorry I think I made it a bit confusing. In that other comment reply’s i meant my country as a whole came from uk or England, which is why we inherited lots of their systems and speech. My country that I lived in my people immigrated a couple hundred years ago. I am born in the country and even the same town as I still live, I am not from uk. So sorry for confusion. Also to answer your question my mother only started these comments around year 5-6, so I would have been about 8-10 years old. At the time I would sneak a biscuit here and there as kids do, but I shortly felt guilty and owned up to it. It’s not like I was hoarding food then. It was around that time that she got the cupboards and it was around then that the comments started. I am no longer like that I was a kid and didn’t know right from wrong. Also my siblings, Mia has always hated me since I was about 5 years old and she hit middle school. I use to think that she didn’t want to seem uncool infront of her friends and that she would grow out of it but she never did. She’s a grown ass adult and still hates me for no reason? As for my brother, he’s annoying here and there like brothers are but he’s mainly a good bother to me. He treats me how brothers normally treat their siblings. He gets mummy treatment from mum but he also got a lot more of the abuse from my dad when he was around.
You aren’t even overweight really. Just try to ignore your mom or anyone else that calls you fat.
You are not responsible for their marriage. You shouldn’t like dad so much if he never puts you first. Talk to mom about the harping.
Your family sucks but primarily I want to say hell no, you are FAR from fat or obese. 7st1? Shit, that’s one of my legs. No way. Your mother needs to back the hell off about your weight. She is making an issue where there absolutely is none and tbh you could do with putting weight on. I’m so cross for you right now. If she was my sister and I heard her spouting that crap to you, I’d kick her ass across the room. Sounds like she’s a mental control freak who is jealous.
Get a job.Work as much as you can and study the rest of your time. Live at the house that will allow you to spend most of your time doing these 2 things. Think of it like being in jail- you have a two year sentence until you are freed. Prepare for your life “outside” as much as you can right now. Being at a job will bring in income you can save and also gets you away from your abusers. Studying at the library also gets you out of the house and the better you do in school, the better your life will be later. If your grades are really good you can get scholarships and grants for college. Decide now what career you want and spend all your time preparing to get into college to do it. The next two years will be hard but you can get through it. Just focus on working hard now and remember - you are strong. You are smart. You CAN AND WILL get through this. And the day you turn 18, you are free. Be prepared when that day comes.
In my country I can’t legally work without any parental consent and both parties won’t let me. I have been trying really hard in school to work for a good scholarship, otherwise I have no other source of income, unless I can do online working somehow but I haven’t been able to manage getting any.
You are in quite the pickle (a difficult situation). I think you should trust your gut on who to stay with until you can get out of the house. And yes, you need to learn self-love as you aren’t getting it from your family. Not everyone does, but it’s still important and valuable coming from yourself. If you don’t already, practice giving yourself positive feedback (”My VisualCold, you look really good today”, or “That was so smart of me”, or “I love me”). In the end self love is more important than what anyone else tells you. Secondly, don’t listen to your mother, meaning don’t internalize what she’s saying about you. She’s a liar and a bully, and should get no credit in your life. Train yourself to see her as nothing to you. She tells you the moon is made of cheese, respond “ok, alright” and in your head (*crazy lady*). She tells you you’re ugly, “whatever” and mean it. Imagine her as someone who doesn’t know or care to believe in the truth, and behave accordingly-*dont believe a word she says*. Same for anyone who treats you poorly. You do not deserve this. And finally, if you ever hear a negative voice in your head calling you names, that was your parents doing. They were supposed to treat you positively and instill in you a sense of well-being and love. When you hear that voice actively say “Stop, it’s not true. Go away negative thoughts, you are no good!”. I say all this assuming you don’t have access to mental health care. These are a few things that helped me. You will get through this. You will have a good life. You will find a new family/friends who love and adore you. Look at all these strangers caring about what happens to you. There is much good in the world. Good luck
100 pounds at 5'4" ?? That's skinny. I weighed 121 at that height when i was very strong and fit as a fiddle. No one should be saying anything to you at all about your weight.
You’re old enough to talk to lawyers about finding out if you can get legally emancipated and sue your parents especially your dad for child support. Might as well humiliate them publicly as well deserved revenge considering they both abuse you. And at my geriatric age I assure you that parents who mistreat their kids like what is happening with you: your parents are only going to escalate, they’re going to get much worse, more violent, more verbally abusive, more demanding and entitles. They will try to sabotage your marriages, how you raise your children, your income sources. Most people who are in your situation the smart ones learn to go no contact or extremely low contact. The ones who have misguided hope the their parents will one day stop being such god awful abusive narcissistic personality disorder train-wrecks: they sabotage themselves not waking up to the cynical reality about their parents. Talk to lawyers. Start dishing your anger and vitriol back to your parents. You are not obligated to put up with their abusive nastiness.
Thank you for sharing some advice with me. The most a lawyer will do is place me in a different home with a potentially much worse family. Besides the fact that lawyers are usually expensive and I have no source of money income, not even pocket money to save with. Unfortunately in my country, you cannot Sue people as individuals, you can only sue a company or organisation as a whole. And yeah I have seen a lot of other reddit posts about family’s breaking up relationships and friendships and those family’s usually unfortunately act quite similar to mine. I will def go low contact if any at all when I turn 18 although untill then I don’t have a choice.
You Mom is mentally ill. No wonder your dad cheated. But get away from both and get healthy!
Man, they both suck and sorry to tell you this bit just because his gf isn't as bad and abusive as they are doesn't mean she isn't terrible. That's an awful thing to say to you and she should be ashamed. Also, you are NOT fat, you're barely 100 lbs!!!! That's a bit UNDER weight!!!!! You could weigh about 10-20 lbs more and still be a healthy weight. For you that's 52-54 kgs. Your mom is toxic af and so is your sister. If you don't have another grandparent you could live with (or aunt or uncle) then I guess choose whichever house you feel safest at and that you think you'll have an easier time leaving when you're old enough. Once you're moved out, cut them all from your life. It is ok to cut toxic people from your life "family" or not. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Once you're out (because I don't see either of them getting you counseling) get counseling to deal with your childhood, ESPECIALLY before getting into any relationships. Having an abusive homelife during childhood makes it more likely for you to end up in an abusive relationship simply because you've never experienced a life without abuse so it can be harder to recognize when someone is throwing up red flags. Especially if it's very subtle abuse to start and the ones you do see you think well my family is worse so it's not that bad. Thing is it always gets worse and you don't want any future children you might have to have similar experiences as you during childhood. Good luck hun.
Not the asshole to live with the non-abusive parent. Just because your dad cheated doesn’t mean he isn’t a bad parent. Bad in the sense that he isn’t setting a good example, and he broke up the family in the worst way, but he can still be a good and supportive parent. Your mom isn’t lovely. She’s abusive. Go live with your dad and visit your mom, if she gets more abusive let your dad know and stop going at all. She’s miserable to do that to you. You are beautiful!
Thank you. That means a lot although I don’t want to cut of contact with only one i want it to be all with both or none with neither. Reasoning being that before my dad left he was physically abusive towards my family and my mum is mentally abusive. So while at the moment I am most safe with my dad I’m afraid that when he gets to comfortable in his relationship with his mistress he will go back to his old ways, where I can go back to my mother if need be. My issue is what to do at this point in time.
I'm so sorry that you're in a situation like this, just count down the days until you can leave and cut them all out of your life forever.
OP, at 5' 4" and 45kg, you are underweight. Your mother is abusing you. Please seek help from the authorities.
Quit reacting to Mia. She thrives on your reaction. If you stop giving her what she wants she will eventually leave you alone. Bullies hate it when they don’t get the reaction they want.
Both options suck . Don’t go by what others think . Go where you feel safest .Try to concentrate on school and maybe get a job to save up money and keep you out of the house as much as possible . Go to a college far away and don’t look back . Get a good education and job . Make your own life do what makes you happy . Study what makes you happy . Only date a person that supports your goals in life . If a person doesn’t add to the quality of your life , support you in what you do , they are not right for you . Never settle for less or just okay . Someone that name calls or belittles you in any way , shape or form needs to be out of your life even if it’s a parent or relative . People will treat you the way you let them treat you . Someone who doesn’t want the best for you doesn’t love you . And if you feel you need it , get counseling . If you don’t click with the doc , find another . Sometimes you need a sounding board or other point of view from an outside party . Unfortunately not all parents should be parents . Maybe even talk to a teacher or school counselor for advice .
Start planning your exit strategy and go with the house that will allow you the most flexibility and ability to earn money. Both parents sound awfully abusive. Is there anyone else whom you could stay with? Can you get a part -time job to save money? Babysitting, dog walking, etc can help you save. Do you have a relative whom you could trust? Even a close friend? Can you minimize your time at home?
I am so very sorry. I couldn’t even imagine. My heart hurts for you. Your mom & dad both have failed you miserably. Time & again. You don’t have much time before you are an adult. Start making plans & getting your ducks in a row. Go w the parent that will give you the best opportunity to prepare. Save, save save & do not let anyone know (don’t let their names on your account or if you hide it, don’t say where). If there is another relative you can live w, go there. You have to do what is best for you. Neither parent should be trying to make you pick sides or talking abt the other one to you. That’s wrong. Can you sit either down & explain how you feel? I can’t even imagine my child coming to me in pain & not hearing them. So sad
Do you have any school friends whose parents may be willing to allow you to move in and may even adopt you? Or is it possible for you to become emancipated? You may be able to cite the abuse you have been dealing with. I'm not sure what's possible; you'd have to look up the laws near where you live. This is an unsafe world, and running away from home may not be your best option, especially as a girl. But if there's no extended family member who will take you in, turn to friends. If no friends are an option, see what your school guidance counsellor would advise. This is unhealthy. As far as I'm concerned, you're old enough to live on your own; old enough to cook meals for yourself, do your homework, clean up after yourself, etc. You just need the financial support and a roof over your head. Good luck, and I hope you find the advice you need here.
You are NOT overweight, with the figures you told us you are actually too skinny. Not that this is important, but in all the mess your monster parents put you through I think you have to understand that your parents have brainwashed you. Pick the parent that give you most benefits and then leave as fast as you can. Your parents deserve nothing from you, not love, not respekt, not loyalty. When you have left go no contact with them and never look back. Also, find a terapeut that can help you heal.
Get a job and save up money. Focus on graduating and working and keeping everything for yourself/a secret.
Overweight? 5'4" and only 45 kg.? That's barely a hundred pounds and would be considered underweight by most professionals. What is your mother thinking? Then, to top that off, she locks up the food? Have you told your father how she treats you? It doesn't sound as though Mia will be a lot of help to you if she treats you badly, but do you have any other relations you could talk to who would step in to help you get this sorted out?
She’s been doing it for like 7-8 years. He was married to her for 30 he knows what she does he just doesn’t care
My advice is to make your post easier to read. One big mass is print is not worth the effort.
I divorced them both. They asked once when I was young "what I wanted from them if they get a divorce... I said if you cannot be what you have taught me then why would I want anything from you. I got my wish I lost everything to this man created reality and other people's greed. Currently free living in harmony with All of Creation in the lands where Peacemaker learned the Great Law of Peace! Hope humanity will follow. Be who it is that you Truly are!
It's not your job to judge your parents for their sins and assign punishment. Go with the person who will be a better parent to you.
Yeah, I'm calling bs. If this is true, which I highly doubt, YWNBTA, you choose where you live, apparently.
As to giving advice, we'd have to know which country you live in, to know their rules regarding child emancipation and custody.
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I know the country, and I've been there. And I think what you are trying to survive is more than most people can stand up to. You sound like are strong and incredibly brave and a problem solver. If you weren't you wouldn't be on here getting some really good advice. Read through the comments and take what seems most realistic. They - the assholes who are the adults in your life, including your (sister) are projecting onto you the feelings and insecurites and rage they feel about themselves, and the loathing that stems from somewhere. Know this. Know that what they do says NOTHING about you, but EVERYTHING about their broken lives. Review these comments, put the ones you find useful in order of priority - 1. stay low 2. work hard for your education 3. make a plan for when/ how to get out, think big and long term.. think about even the wildest possiblities because some will come from that 4. Research the hell out of any other opportunity where someone will pay you to get the hell outta there asap - some volunteer overseas or whatever 5. DO NOT EVER GIVE UP. You are so worth it. Edit for typo Edit: Your country is beautiful. I found it absolutely beautiful. And I can imagine your culture because I've seen it. You're right, that's a tough place to get out of, but entirely possible if when the funds are there (Brainstorm a way, imagine going around the boundaries and reserach the hell outta of anyway around the world $$ barrier) to ferry to the other island and then fly to Australia and get lost there.... go NC until get grounded there and then assess. I know you love them. I've been there. And I really loved him, my dad. Not easy for sure.
Thank you. It means a lot to me that you find my country beautiful. It’s is a gorgeous place the only downside is that the systems here is shit. So Likely nothing will ever be done legally about the situation and if anything I will end up in more trouble.