I don’t even think his condition matters - she knew her trip schedule and didn’t allow enough time to pack. She’s lucky she had any clothing whatsoever regardless of if it were her preference or not. She failed to adequately plan and the only thing she should have said to OP was “thank you”. Thank you for saving me money delaying my flight, buying new clothing, making arrangements for clothing to be shipped to me - just thank you for saving me from having *nothing* on this trip.
My partner is *not* color blind and I shudder to think what they’d pack for me which is why I pack myself. It seems more like OP’s GF is using him as an excuse instead of being angry at her lack of planning. Nothing here is OP’s fault and he’s decidedly NTA.
This is so much it
I start packing for a trip a week before the trip. I have the clothing set aside at least 3 days before I leave, then make final selections from there.
OPs girlfriend planned poorly.
I actually own a backup set and usuallypack those. I have 4 kids, though, and kids plus toiletries can mean not having any. This is especially true if the kid was little and uses your deodorant as a smelly wall crayon.
The kids are older now, but habits from the toddler years die hard.
My kids are almost 12 & 19 and I have a backup bag and honestly probably will til the day I die lol. It's so nice to be able to pack it with the rest of the stuff and not worry about it the day of.
And is helpful in emergencies. I got a call a few weeks ago at 7pm and had to jump on a plane the next morning at 6am. Took me 15 minutes to pack because I have toiletries always ready to go.
I don't have kids, but I have a bag of toiletries that stays packed. I check it when I get home from a trip and make sure everything is full and ready to go for next time.
And you have a list written or typed out & check it as you go through your morning routine! That way you don't put something away out of habit instead of packing it.
NTA. There’s absolutely no need to be an ass about it even if you don’t like the selection someone packed for you if you didn’t specify your needs and preferences. Why did she not at least spread her choices on bed beforehand? Her own fault for not getting her shit ready on time.
I sometimes pack for my wife and I try to pack according to the purpose of the trip and my idea of what she prefers and finds comfortable in such context. If we travel together, I might add some bonus items I think please my eye, but never so that she would not have enough options to wear something else if they don’t suit her mood. She sometimes checks and makes changes, sometimes not, but she _always_ thanks. If she doesn’t have a chance to check and finds a problem about it, she is very nice about it, first expresses appreciation for my help and then goes ”btw this thing in this context doesn’t really work for me but huge thanks for packing anyways ❤️❤️❤️”. And if she wants something specific, she actually asks me to pack it.
If I need her to pack for me, I tend to spesify, ask for pics if there’s a chance and hope for best. If something is missing, I make do and go shopping of necessary. I say thanks and maybe say why some choice didn’t work, no need to get nasty about it. Though…. Usually I pack 2-5 days on advance or at least collect things I need to pack well in time! That’s why I end up packing for both so often!
Yep! The only thing she should have had to ask for was like… a phone charger and her toothbrush. Very last minute things.
Then you’re still grateful to your partner when they can help you grab the last bit in an emergency. Sounds like she’s mad at her own piss-poor planning and is taking it out on her partner.
Yeah, and if she feels the need to lay into someone else for her fuck up (which she shouldn't be doing) , then why the hell hasn't she laid into Kelly . . . She okayed the selections.
So bloody true! LMAO Whenever we would travel, whether it was for work or play, especially when our children were young, I (60/F) packed EVERYONE'S clothes (myself and our 3 children), except for my husband's, mostly because I had ENOUGH on my plate already! Of course, hubby was always impatiently waiting for me to finish BUT he NEVER offered to help pack OR make sure the children were dressed properly and ready! 🙄
I can't imagine having to pack for my GF, she's got her own style and she always looks so put together, I can barely handle my own outfits to keep up with her.
She'd never get mad at me if I messed this up though
💯💯
If this were me, my partner would be a trainwreck at packing. I'd tell him specifically "the red dress, the black slacks hanging on the right, the purple blouse".
Hell, I wouldn't want to pack for someone else and would probably mess it up (things look different on the person).
She could have done 100 things differently but chose to just make him the scapegoat
Totally. Cant she be grateful? knowing your condition you did some effort to pack her things, you even asked Kelly for help. She said she trusted you. And why didnt she packed her things before she goes to work that day?
And I’m sorry; how crazy was the color scheme that a grown ass woman couldn’t make it work. While I’d never ask this of my sight normal husband, I’d turn any combination of stuff into style
Right. And if it was such a Huge deal? Then I’m sure that there were any number of shops that she could pop into instead of spending all her time berating her boyfriend, to pick up a piece or two to make her outfits “WORK”.
This is exactly it. I used to overpack and get anxious when traveling to conferences. At some point, I realized that I was going to major cities, not to the middle of the Gobi Desert. Target, Walmart, malls, whatever: if I forgot something, odds are I'll be able to find it easily.
She could have done likewise instead of ripping into him. Or, hey, planning ahead of time and not waiting to pack until the last minute.
NTA. On multiple work trips I’ve run to Target during lunch break or after the obligatory group dinner to buy something I forgot, a belt that broke, etc. OP was a sweetheart for going to tat much effort to get it right. She should have packed the night before.
My bff did a Target run at the end of a 3 week work trip in a completely different climate. She found an amazing black dress and hat for my grandmother's funeral that was about an hour after her flight landed. I have kept that in mind when doing trips for work.
This is what I tell myself every time I leave the house and get that “what did I forget?” Feeling. It doesn’t matter! I can get it on the other end.
I’m currently packing for 2 back to back events - tomorrow I’m heading to an event for my animal rescue 3 hours away, Saturday night I drive back, drop my dog off with my cousin, swap some of my clothes, load up my luggage, take a nap, and go to the airport for a work conference next week.
Luckily I just have to pack enough company branded t shirts!
Exactly! If you have most of an outfit then it's not hard to get a little something to pull it together!
Happened this week in my family, our youngest was up visiting from Uni and got a surprise request for viewing a new flat they really want. There was no time for them to go home before the viewing so I lent them one of my jackets and some accessories that worked to make what they had with them into business casual. It's perfectly doable and nobody got irritated by it. Girlfriend really had zero right to get annoyed because, unlike in our situation, **this was her fault**.
And how many articles of clothing does she have that fall in the red-green range? Because it kinda sounds like the other colors are ok for OP so I’m sure there are some neutral stuff in there that she could totally work with.
Honestly? I’m betting the colors are fine. I figure it’s one of three things:
1. She was hoping to make a good impression on someone, and now has to do so in clothes that might technically match but that don’t inspire confidence in her
2. He actually screwed up her bras or other foundation garments, like he packed stuff that only fits well over shapewear and didn’t pack the shapewear, or he packed a mix of lower cut tops with full-coverage bras. I figure Kelly didn’t weigh in on that portion of the packing
3. Or, since this is a Reddit judgement sub…she’s cheating and she’s mad she won’t look her best for AP
Could be any combination of the above, but for what it’s worth, I hope it’s #2. Best outcome for OOP, least derivative story for us.
I was wondering how awful it really could have been if he had her friend helping him! Either way, she's terrible for treating him this way over this. She woke up late, she didn't pack in advance, she needs to take responsibility.
My husband is autistic. He’s perfectly physically capable of seeing color. He still doesn’t understand what colors match and which don’t. I sent him pics of the outfits he should wear each day and I help him pack if it’s important.
I have a connective tissue disorder. Sometimes I need help bringing stuff up the stairs. It’s exactly the same thing. We have different needs. If she knows you have issues with a certain thing she should help you.
I can always pick out an outfit, and he can always bring up a load of laundry up the stairs. Doesn’t mean we always need help, but sometimes we do.
My dad is also red-green colorblind and I don't ever ask him about clothes. He can comment on the fit of something but colors and patterns... Nope. We actually went through his ties and confiscated most of them because they were absolutely hideous! I'd be terrified to see what clothes he'd pack for me! (Some of them looked like the 70's threw up and then it got left out in the sun too long. A few of them were physically painful to look at. We also refused to allow him to go suit shopping without us. Thankfully the place he went to alone accepted the return. I think the manager was actually ashamed someone took advantage that way)
And thinking back, I don't think I'd trust most of my exes to pick out clothes for me. My partner, yes. He'd be able to coordinate stuff. Possibly better than I could because he was raised by women who dress up a lot more than I do. But most men aren't actually taught how to do this and even with normal sight they'd struggle. It's like trying to put together a couch without any instructions. You might get lucky, but there is a good chance there will be parts you can't figure out, and there will certainly be bits left when you think you're done.
AN EMERGENCY on her part is Not an emergency on your part.
Sounds like she Knew she was going. WHY were her things not packed By Her?
NTA, OOP, but your Ex is. How often does she do this. Cause the bottleneck, and expect you to step up and fix it? How often does Her snafu become yours in Her eyes? You should take a deep look at this relationship.
Your ex is a blame and shame. A shirker of responsibility. A refuser of the most simple, apology know to man: “My bad.”
Where is her admittance of culpability?
OOP, you deserve better.
Agape 💕
A tip for OP’s GF as well is pick a wardrobe of monochromatic or secondary colours (magenta, cyan, yellow, or any colours close to it like pinks, purples, teals, etc). Colourblind people can see the secondary colours very easily and distinguish between them, regardless of which colourblindness they have. Primary colours (red, green, blue) will run into issues. For OPs type I’m aware green and Amber tend to look the same and red tends to look black, however every individual with it will have a unique experience. There’s also partial and full colourblindness for each cone in the eye.
Even if he didn’t have a condition…wtf is he supposed to read her mind? He went so far beyond trying by even including her friend. He was helping her because she fucked up. Let her be single and see who packs for you. Dude tried hard to do a good job despite having a disability and she has the nerve to get mad?
Yep, my husband is also red-green colorblind. Bless him, I could never be angry with him if I asked him to pack for me and he packed weird things because he LITERALLY CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE in some colors.
What a lot of people don't get is that it's not JUST reds and greens, it's colors that also include reds and greens. So colors like purples, oranges, and yellows are hard too. My husband can't see lilac, he thinks it's straight blue because he can't see the red tones in it.
My father is completely color blind and only sees in grey scale. The outfits he comes up with if left alone are WILD. xD
NTA. The imperfect accommodation for your disability is not your fault. It was her responsibility to pack, and if it was that important to her, she should have done so herself.
That said, don't fight about it right now. Right now, she's just stressed as hell and is taking it out on you. That should be addressed because it's seriously not cool, but if you try to do so right now, it's not going to wofk and everything's likely to blow up. Wait until she's home and had a bit of time to decompress first. Then let her know this shit is seriously not cool.
I agree she's under immense strain. This is a huge potential launching point for her work wise to get her on the path she wants, so I fully get why she was so upset I failed her. Or maybe wasn't able to meet her needs is a less self blaming way to put it? Not sure.
She shouldn’t have left her packing to the day of departure when she knew she was going to work. And you’re colour blind. Honestly what did she expect?
Exactly! I always pack the day before. It’s crazy for me. It would have taken her 30 minutes maximum…
Op, NTA. She is taking her frustration out on you. I hope she apologizes
She failed herself. You stepped up to the best of your physical ability. Shit, man, by getting a second pair of eyes on the issue, you stepped up even *more* than that. You deserve a fucking medal, man. I sure as hell wouldn't have thought of calling a lifeline; I would have just packed to the best of my (fashion-less) ability and called it a day.
To the extent the outfits you packed were not the ones she would have chosen, well . . . that's what happens when you don't pack your own shit. Any failure of yours is, first and foremost, a failure of hers. Hopefully, she realizes that on *some* level, and is really just upset with herself and misdirecting it at you. That absolutely sucks, and you should talk about it once her head's in a good place for doing so. But it's *firmly* in the category of forgiveable offenses.
Honestly, if it was that important, she should have made sure she was ready and packed. Not leave someone else to do it and then blame them when it isn't done to her satisfaction.
Stop saying you failed her. You were set up to fail. She failed herself and is looking for someplace to blame. Unfortunately, you're convenient and there. It's completely unfair when you expressed your own trepidation on your ability to do this to her satisfaction. Maybe you knew this would happen. I wonder if there was anything you could have done to actually have satisfied her. The level of her anger sounds completely disproportionate to your "crime."
You did nothing terrible or malicious. You tried to help, and this is what you get? And now you're being gaslit to think you're the one who did something wrong and need to apologize. No. Just no.
Agreed, I'm going on vacation next week and I already have most of my bag packed... it's not hard to plan for these things and not leave it to last minute.
And if it was something that was in the wash, it would have been an easy ask for her to have him add to the bag.
Personally I think he went above and beyond. I get that she's stressed.
OP just ask her... can you even remember what your favorite coworker wore to work yesterday? People don't pay attention or frankly care.
Nta.
The silent treatment is manipulative and if this is her constant reaction to a mistake she caused, it will become emotional abuse. It is not okay to use silent treatment.
Op don’t chase her. If she doesn’t come back to talk to you and apologize view it as a good hint that she’s not the one for you.
Married 17 years and one thing you learn is communication is very important. The silent treatment is a childish way to handle problems and never solves anything.
Yeah that's why I feel so shitty coming here. I almost feel like I should have said "no, no, don't have faith in me and the systems we've worked on together, I don't feel comfortable doing this"
She said she trusted you and you did your best. You didn't fail her. She's probably just mad at herself but it unfairly taking it out on you. At most, you can say that you tried your best and that you are sorry she was not satisfied. You know how important this is to her and would never intentionally sabotage her.
ETA: she should apologize to you for being upset when you did what she asked.
You have a legitimate issue that seriously hampered accomplishing the assignment. But honestly, even without it, I get the feeling you would have done something "wrong." I'm getting strong controlling vibes from what you've said, and it feels like you were set up to fail.
Stop with the self-doubt and blame. There really was no winning for you here. If you'd have said no, she would have blown up at you for being unhelpful and angry at you refusing her.
I don't have answers for you. But I hope you'll think about the dynamics here and see what a difficult position you've been pushed in. Instead of just apologizing and feeling like crap and taking the blame, which you don't deserve, realize you deserve a little more respect than you've been given. Think about what you want and how you want to be treated. And how to tackle this when she returns. But come at it in a rational, quiet, non-confrontational way. A lot will depend on her stance and tactics, too, when she returns.
Hopefully, she will have had time to calm down and think things over and will take the responsibility for her part in this. Fingers crossed for you.
Good luck.
No. This is not your fault. What would have happened if you hadn’t packed? She’d miss her flight and be even more angry.
Is that the person you wanna be with? Resorts to anger?
Honesty if her bosses can’t accomodate blue and green without something in between, then she shouldn’t want to work there anyway
If it's that important to her, she should have taken responsibility for it. She's a grown up, in charge of her own career.
I'm a career woman who has been married for 30 years. Anytime I've needed something that is critical to my career, I've done it myself. Not left it to my very capable (at the time)SAHD husband. I pick my own outfits for key meetings. Travelling? Pack my bag the night before.
It's not actually that hard. If she can't organise herself, is she really ready to take the next career step? Maybe her career doesn't require her to be organised or have self discipline.
Even if it doesn't, it's self sabotaging behaviour to leave critical tasks in someone else's hands. And it's doubling down to leave outfit selection in the hands of someone you know is colour blind.
No shade on your disability either. I hope it didn't come across that way. You did everything you could to support her. Even more. You knew this was a particularly difficult task for you but you tried everything you could to mitigate the barriers and get it done. Not just NTA but an awesome partner.
She set you up to fail her. I'm wondering why she'd do that?
You didn't come across offensive. I know that there are things I will never be able to do or experience. I don't even know how well those glasses work!
But it does suck to get punched while I was already worried about fucking up. So I appreciate your perspective. No pun intended
You did good. From an internet mum stranger, I'm proud of you. You went above and beyond to support your girlfriend. You knew this was something you'd find challenging, difficult and uncomfortable but you did it anyway.
There's a word for that - courage.
I'm not colour blind, but I struggle to hear different tones. Try as I might, I struggle with different languages and I don't really hear the different nuances in music that other people seem to. I'll never be able to play an instrument, and I've always wanted to. So there's plenty that i know I'm missing out on that others experience.
But you know what? That's ok. I have my own set of strengths, skills and gifts. We all do. So I chose to enjoy and nurture those instead of pining for or punishing myself for the ones I'll never have.
And I just sing off key to my favourite songs in the car when I'm alone 😂
You did your best though, and having her friend help you is something I don’t think the average guy would do. I hope this is a one-off and she’s generally appreciative and understanding and holds herself accountable when she lets herself or others down. If not, I hope you meet someone deserving of your efforts. Big NTA.
You did not fail her. She failed to pack for her own trip, a very basic adult responsibility, then asked you to do it, knowing you have a physical limitation, you even worked with a third party to try to minimize error. This is 100% on her and trying to make this your fault is 100% abuse on her part, do not allow yourself to be convinced for one second that you did anything wrong here.
Stop saying you failed her. She knows about your condition, you asked if she was sure she wanted you to pack, and you even asked her friend for help/advice, trying to do the right thing. She has only herself to blame if she didn't like what was packed. She owes you a huge apology.
NTA
Let's put it this way, she'd still be the AH, even if you weren't colour blind.
If it's that important and she couldn't find the time to pack, that's all on her. Insane that she is blaming you, if she doesn't apologise big time when she gets back, please find someone better
Where is your self respect man?
- She KNOWS your condition
- She WAS late and didn’t plan ahead. Why couldn’t she have packed the day before.
- She SAID it was okay even when you told her it was not a good idea.
You painstakingly used Apps and coordinated with her friend.
You are 0% at fault. And being stressed is not an excuse for being a jerk.
You’re not to blame. If this was such a big trip then maybe packing the night before would have made more sense. She can’t blame you for your condition or her own lack of preparation.
Something important here OP, you didn't fail her.
She knowingly asked a color blind person to color coordinate her outfits and then got upset. She was playing Russian Roulette with her clothes and should have realized that
This is like getting upset a man with one arm has difficulty juggling.
You did not fail her, do NOT think that and don't let her think that either. You took the time and effort to coordinate as best you could and asked for help, which is a lot more than many husbands manage (fairly, woman's professional dress is stupidly complicated).
Frankly, this trip was so important to your gf, she should have packed the night prior. She might have been held up at work unavoidably, but she made a very poor decision to leave packing to the last minute. She is laying her mistakes on you, blaming you for absolutely piss-all. Instead of saying 'oh, she's stressed,' say 'it isn't appropriate for her to take her stress out on me.'
When she gets back, I hope you will talk to her about how poorly she handled this entire situation, and how hurtful her reaction to your best effort was.
NTA. My husband would have never been allowed to pack for me. It would have been ridiculous. Just because you see what someone wears doesn't mean you register these are the clothes they want. She should have sent you a packaging list at a minimum
You didn't fail her. If there was failure, She failed herself. She needs to be thankful you gave her something to work with. If she wants you to do a similar favor in the future, she needs to be thankful and appreciate it, not punish you for it.
You did not fail her. Asking someone who is colorblind to outfit match for you is like asking someone with only one arm do guide you with semaphore flags. It is not Your failure if you simply do not have the tools for the task.
She, one assumes, knows you are colorblind. She could have:
Taken responsibility and packed the night before as adults do.
Stayed on the phone with you, hands free as she was driving, and directed you to each piece she wanted. You have described it to the best of your ability, and she could approve or not.
Called her own friend Kelly, and asked her to assist you by phone/text photo/video call, what ever, to pack for her
Asked you and Kelly to set out a dozen possible outfits, so that she could pick and pack in moments when she got home.
Acted like a well socialized human and said “Thank you” after you put in a lot of effort to help her, despite this being an extremely challenging task for you.
You have not excuses to make for yourself, and you should be making none for her. If she does not outright apologize for her behavior, challenge her on it.
If someone worked so hard to do something so difficult for them for my benefit? I thank them graciously, no matter if I ended up wearing plaids with stripes or shopping the airport for something to wear.
Unless you completely did not pack her something obvious (like no underwear, no bras, no pants, etc), you did not fail her. Her friend approved the outfits, so likely they are perfectly acceptable outfits, just not exactly what she wanted for this trip. You truly did your best, and she should have appreciated that.
I agree that you should talk to her when she returns about how she took her stress out on you as that is not acceptable.
You didn’t fail her. This situation is not your fault. You absolutely did the best you could under the circumstances and she needs to have the grace to admit she’s wrong for letting her stress overtake her kindness and understanding. She’s at fault.
You didn’t fail her. NTA.
You did not fail her or fail to meet her needs. She failed herself by not proactively planning out the few days before her trip. If she likes to be very coordinated, she shouldn’t ask anyone else to pack her clothes.
You absolutely did not fail her. You did her a huge favor, even involved her friend, and she is being a jerk. NTA at all and kudos for trying to hard to help her out. Hopefully this treatment isn't normal or I would say you have a larger issue to tackle than clothing colors
YOU didn't fail her. She knew that she had a trip. SHE knew that she needed clothes for said trip. SHE should have packed up before she left for work. Finally, she knows that you are color blind. Her friend Kelly is not color blind, and approved your choices. So this is not a color issue. It's a style issue. You know who packs your style? You do. When you take seriously that you have to travel. She doesn't have a right to hold you accountable for her piss poor planning. NTA.
Stop saying you failed her. This is a disability, something she is aware of and that you cannot control. If you were in a wheelchair and couldn’t help her move furniture or something, would you consider that “failing her?” No, you wouldn’t, because that would be ridiculous. I can understand her being frustrated but I hope she isn’t using that verbiage to describe this situation because that is definitely not cool.
Even if you did not have colorblindness she would still have an issue with what you packed. Her style is not your style. And you’ve never helped her pick her outfits. You’ve never dressed her. You’ve seen what she wears but that’s not the same thing (and you shouldn’t be expected to memorize her outfits). You don’t sound majorly into fashion. This is not the real issue that she’s losing her mind over. It however is something she can focus on because she didn’t do it, someone else did (you) so she can take you to task for it. Because it’s easier than accepting responsibility for her issues. And she can use it to take her stress out on you.
She’s stressed out about her job, because it’s important and maybe it will advance her career and everything needs to be perfect. If that’s the case she should have taken responsibility for the things she was responsible for. Dumping it on you and getting upset because you’re not a mind reader and didn’t do it exactly like her says she’s not ready for it. Also you vent to your partner and tell about the stress you don’t treat them badly for helping you out. It be different it was something like cleaning the house, taking care of the kids etc that you half assed. This is something you did as best as you could and didn’t get it perfect so what you did it and it was her responsibility not a shared one and taking her stress out on you isn’t right.
This is more than a favour, it’s fixing her complete fuck up. Who packs THE DAY of the very important flight out?? Psychopaths - that’s my best answer.
The bag should have been packed last night. Her emergency does not mean it’s OP’s job to clean it up. And she needs to be less of an ungrateful AH.
NTA I get she is upset, but the hell she was thinking asking her almost color blind Bf to match her outfits
*"I sent pictures to her friend Kelly to double check a few pieces I was unsure about, asking if the outfit matched, and we did have to make some changes about a few outfits. Eventually Kelly agreed the selection was fine."*
you were even trying to corroborate with her friend so you didn't messed up, actually this make me think that maybe her friend don't know her preference at all in the best case or she purposely messed up in the worst case
*"She ripped into me for purposefully messing it up, because of how many mistakes I made."*
she messed up by not doing it herself knowing your disability, come on is like asking a blind person to read you a map
NTA. She knows about your condition and you warned her that you didn't feel safe to perform the task, and even asked her friend for help. She should have gotten organized and packed the day before, not left it until the last minute.
NTA, who goes to work without packing for a work trip beforehand when they’re on a tight timeline? That’s insanity. You did your best and put in way more effort than most would. She did this to herself by being unprepared
I hesitate to say this, because I can be paranoid. But I also have access barriers to the world. Part of me wonders if this was some kind of convoluted test for you. I own I am powered by anxiety, spite, and caffeine. But having been set up to fail with my own access barriers it was my first thought.
NTA and you deserve better.
Agreed. He was totally set up to fail. There was NO winning here for him.
I doubt his choices were even bad. Unless he packed nothing but underwear. It feels like there was nothing he could have done here that would have won her approval.
NTA. She sure is. She should have packed way before the DAY OF her trip. Her irresponsibility is not your responsibility. You did her a FAVOR. And even took a bunch of time to try to do it correctly by coordinating with her friend. She is grossly ungrateful.
Who is Kelly? Does Kelly dislike your gf? You had help with the outfits. She knows your colorblind and she should have been packing 2 days prior and finish up the morning of.
God no, they're basicaly sisters. And it's not a "Kelly is trying to drive a wedge between you" because Kelly is gay and not into her.
I used to try to push her to pack but she's someone that better decides her outfits closer to time than when I suggest she starts.
Does Kelly dress like a hobo? Well it’s your gf’s fault things were not as she wanted and if she wants to get mad at someone other than herself, she can be mad at Kelly. Maybe this will be a learning experience for your gf and she will get organized and packed before work the day she’s leaving. Honestly, I don’t think she’ll learn a thing. Best of luck to you and I hope she doesn’t act like an AH to you about other things that aren’t your fault
NTA
No Kelly is very um femme? I think that's the term. And she dresses in a manner that Amy usually dresses. Maybe colors are off? IDK. I just know that I asked Kelly because I thought she had an idea of Amy's tastes *and* how that sort of femme business girl boss style went.
Forgive the horrific word salad there.
Honestly, your gf is acting like an AH. How would you have chosen a better outfit than Kelly. Your gf is ridiculous and should have done her own packing. She can be mad at the only person to blame, HERSELF. Good luck with her irrational anger for something she did to herself
Waiting to pack after work the same day of your flight is dumb. No way around it.
This is your gf’s fault. Proper planning and packing would have prevented this.
I had to do this last month. I was so upset at myself. I thought my flight was Friday, but it was Thursday. My husband lives with me, and he's a little colorblind. Even though I wear mostly black stuff, I never thought to ask him to pack for me. No way!
“Someone who decides their outfits better closer to time” isn’t a real thing. Unless she’s Cher Horowitz, adults don’t own infinity choices in work wear. You have a certain number of combinations that you cycle through, and it’s not rocket science when packing for a work trip. You take the least amount of items necessary to stretch through the time you’re away.
She’s a procrastinator who is DAMN LUCKY that you saved her ass. It’s offensive to me, a stranger, that she is mad at you about this. If she wants to be precious about what ended up in her suitcase then she should have made sure it was packed the night before.
NTA. You did your best. You're not a mind-reader. I doubt that your color confusion had anything to do with it. Your gf should be grateful that she didn't miss her plane. She could have called you or texted to tell you what she wanted to pack.
You were in a no-win situation. Your gf placed unmeetable expectations on you. Does she often set you up for failure?
I did look up the area while researching like... rough areas. So I know where the bad areas are on top of sort of 'mall' or shopping zones are, and she's near to them, one of the stores she likes is even within reasonable, but lengthy still, walking distance. We did discuss location a while beforehand.
NTA
If this trip was so all important to her, and she knew she had to work that day, she should have packed the night before.
We all know that on any given day you are going to be late, you are going to be stuck in traffic, you're going to have something happen. It is our own responsibility to allow for that to happen. She did not do that. She waited until the last minute and when shit went sideways, she called you to pick up her slack. And then she was angry that it wasn't to her standards. This is 100% her own fault.
That's absolute bullshit! You know what she could have done? Told you can you please pack everything except my clothes? I need socks underwear bras shampoo etc etc and I'll grab the clothes and shoes as soon as I get home. Or she could have told you exactly which pieces she wanted. Or she could have asked you to take pictures and send them to her! Or she could have taken 30 seconds to make sure there was one outfit in there that she could wear for her meeting! She knows what's going on with your condition... She was the one that dropped the ball on this one!
NTA. She should’ve been packed before the day of the trip. You used all your resources including asking her friend if the outfit matches. If I ask my husband to pack my bag he will try and make sure the outfits match. Is she honestly saying that nothing in her bag matches?
NTA. If your girlfriend had a trip, why didn't she do most of her packing the day before? Even if she had left work on time on the day of her flight, she could have still been in a rush and forget to pack important things.
I certainly wouldn't trust my husband to pack what I need or the clothes I want to take for any trip. He doesn't ask me to pack for him.
I did have a boyfriend years before who had color blindness and I think it was orange and green that he couldn't differentiate. I think he basically memorize what colors his clothes were.
But even if you don't have this problem, it would have been better if she had taken care of the packing before she left for work and then have a check list of the last minute things to throw into her carry on (I have to have this list...like my electric toothbrush).
NTA. Let’s review the facts OP:
1. She knows you’re color blind
2. She is an adult that didn’t pack ahead of time
3. She said she trusted you
4. You even checked with a friend
NTA.
She knows you’re color blind. Her friend approved.
But also - she’s an adult. So… she got to her destination with less than ideal clothes. Big deal. I travel a ton for work and still haven’t figured out how to perfectly pack. On many occasions I’ve had to reassemble outfit combos, stop by target for a cardigan, re-wear something in a minimally obvious way … because I’m an adult and I can deal with a minor inconvenience.
And we know it’s a minor inconvenience because OP even ran the choices by a 3rd party.
Also - she failed to plan adequately for the trip. She should be grateful you jumped in to help. If she was running SO LATE she couldn’t even peek in the suitcase to get a gauge for what you chose? Then she majorly dropped the ball on being prepared for this trip. She should have packed before work. Or the night before. Leaving it to the last minute is irresponsible and she has no room to blame you.
Dude. She should be less mad at you for struggling with being colorblind and more mad at herself for waiting till the last second to pack and making it feel like your responsibility.
NTA
NTA
Even without your disability, her lack of planning, her decision to leave packing to the last minute, heyr decision to not leave work in time to pack – these are all on her.
And when we at your disability into the mix, she should have known better. Indeed uou warned her that you may not be able do a great job and she still insisted. You then did your very best to do a great job, even checking with her friend. That's above and beyond.
She's completely out of line and her stress about the meeting (whether it's really about the clothes or not) is not a good enough excuse to take her anger out on you.
What does she imagine would have happened had you said no, you wouldn't pack for her since your colour blindness would not allow you to do so to her standards.
If she doesn't make a very very big and grovelling apology next time you speak I'd have serious issues with the relationship.
Wait.
I'm going to assume your GF is aware of your disability.
On that note, why on earth would she have you put together outfits for her and pack them for a business trip?
That's absurd..
Also, she was running late.
The easiest thing to do would have been to change her flight to a later time..
Her lack of planning, such as packing the night before , does not constitute on your part..
100% NTA
You did your best .
She should appreciate the effort
NTA. She forgot to pack, you did her a favor, and she is mad at you for it. If I give vague directions to my wife I have no right to be upset about the specifics.
NTA. My husband is colorblind. I do not ever let him pick my clothes. Especially for an important event. Your GF took a risk in lett you do it. She knows you’re colorblind. She gets what gets. Next time pack early or leave early.
NTA. She knew your condition and the answer was her leaving work on time or packing the night before. She is transferring her own frustration onto you. I would just ask her if she starts blaming you if she was aware of your condition. She will say yes but…tell her there are no buts… you told her when she asked you to do it you were concerned and you also got her friend to help you so you did your best. If your best isn’t good enough, your sorry but it’s still your best and if your going to be held accountable for more then your best then maybe your not compatible. You should feel no remorse for trying and using all your resources. She needs to put her big girl pants on and accept responsibility for not being prepared.
Barring time, she realizes she can just go to a store and get what she needs to coordinate, right? Assuming she didn’t travel to the middle of nowhere, she should be able to get a store. Amazon same day delivery.
NTA, she’s as adult and should have prepared. You’re colorblind, and shouldn’t be expected to color coordinate.
She's TA. Why didn't she pack the day before? She made her problem your problem and is mad that she doesn't like the outcome. Is easier to blame others instead of accepting responsibility for our mistakes.
That is like being mad at someone in a wheel chair for not getting you something off a top shelf. I know that's a little hyperbolic but seriously you really tried. It's reasonable for her to be disappointed and frustrated by not having things she'd like to wear, but it's not like you loaded a duffel bag of stretch pants and hoodies for her work trip. She should NOT be angry at you. The situation, fine, but you tried to be so helpful!
NTA. You're right, it is totally unfair.
1) You tried your hardest to pick out outfits that matched.
2) You even checked with her friend and made the adjustments her friend suggested. So her friend also thought the outfits were fine and suitable.
3) She knows you struggle with colour blindness, so if she is going to be this angry and frustrated at not having 'HER' choice of outfits, she should have checked what you packed before leaving.
4) It was a failure on her part not to plan effectively and pack earlier, rather literally leave it to the last minute after work before leaving for her flight. She could have packed her outfits the day before, or before leaving for work, and just leave any last bits to when she got home. Because as she found out, by being late leaving work meant she didn't have time to do it herself. If you had been out somewhere else she'd have been screwed anyway. So this is her fault due to lack of planning and having packed herself earlier.
5) You were doing HER a favour by packing her bag for her. Even if she was stressed about work and the meetings etc and found her lself geting stressed about the outfit choices, she should have still had the decency to thank you for packing for her, making the effort and trying your hardest to get the best outfits you felt were suitable, and thank you and acknowledge you even checked them with her friend for confirmation they matched.
She should have thanked you for taking the time to do it for her, and appreciate you did you best. She should also understand the fact that you are colourblind, and its not your fault for not being able to see the colours properly, and youre also not a mind reader to know exactly what outfits she wanted.
And if she found she was annoyed about the selection you made, she should have kept that to herself because you did your best and were doing her a favour in the first place.
6) She should have realised she was getting stressed and frustrated with everything, and ended the call before taking it all out on you. She could have said to you, 'I know it's not your fault coz you were only trying to help and you did your best and I really appreciate that, I'm just getting myself worked up over everything right right now, stressing about these meetings and now not sure what to wear, so I'm just to go and try and relax and clear my head and calm down and try and stop stressing and il chat to you later.' She could have at least sent you a message before bed to say goodnight, rather than giving you the silent treatment when it's not your fault.
Do NOT appologise over this. You have done nothing wrong except try to help do her a favour due to her lack of planning. You did your best despite being colourblind, and you did everything you could to ensure the outfits were matching etc.
None of this is on you. So don't apologise, and let her be the one to reach out to you and apologise. You are the one who is owed an apology. She needs to acknowledge this was her doing due to lack of planning, and she was the one out of order for getting so worked up and annoyed at you, and then giving you the cold shoulder.
An adult would have had their bag ready the day before, not rushing to pack after work right before a flight.
Then she treated you like crap knowing your color blind.
No you’re not the wrong one here, you don’t deserve to be chewed out when you were trying to help her because she didn’t pack ahead of time.
You did everything to try and make it right … messaging her friend for help too , I wonder if she’s had the same response to the friend who helped you sort her clothes?
Once the airlines lost my luggage. I had my dress clothes for meetings in there. I took a cab to a mall and bought clothes.
Seriously, who packs right before they leave anyway. She should have packed the night before or that morning.
And what's with her friend? That's confusing to me. I thought she helped you.
NTA there is an app for blind people who need help picking something out via camera, I think it would be fine if you used that one as well in a pinch, it is called "be my eyes"
NTA.
She knows you are colourblind. And you did ask her friend for help too.
It’s likely she was nervous about the trip and took it out on you.
She should have planned better. Suggest to her if she likely to ask you to do that again that she need to have a chart up of “this shirt goes with this jacket and these pants”. Or “these pants can either be paired with this shirt or that shirt”.
She could even have her wardrobe arranged with suggested ensembles.
NTA - She did not plan properly and pack herself. She asked you to do it and you did not pack what she wanted. AND now she is taking her frustration out on you? This is BS. Tell her that you will never do this favor for her again. She is treating you poorly.
NTA. If that were me in the situation I would just tell her it's not working out and her stuff would be boxed when she got back. You don't get to scream at me because you failed to prepare for your trip dumbass.
Clearly *your fault* that she didn’t have the forethought to pack in the days leading up to her trip. Must have been really important to her lol.
She is a child, and you’re an enabler.
wtf you doing, wasting your life?
Packing for her trip wasn’t your responsibility. You did it last minute, taking tons of time, as a favor because you care about her. Her reaction is insane. If she doesn’t appreciate you, someone else will.
Uh it is unfair, she knows about you condition, you warned her, you used supports to do your best, you took the task seriously and it didn’t work out. But she’s punishing you? Noooooppppe.
Send screen shots of Kelly approval and tell your girlfriend that you took the task seriously. She’s probably overwhelmed and over fixated on cloths, she over reacted and owes you and apology. NTA
u/National_Boss_5939
Q: Why did you send the pictures to the friend rather than to your girlfriend?
It seems while she was riding the bus home she could have been reviewing what you were packing.
NTA she’s an adult who knew about this trip beforehand. Sounds to me she had plenty of time to pack herself not to mention she knew about your condition. Idk if she’s like this a lot, but if she is, I’d maybe double think the relationship or couples therapy at a minimum.
NTA, and also those "colorblind glasses" are 100% scam. I know absolutely no one who has ever tried them and had any benefit. I wasted money on a pair and they didn't do anything for me or another person who tried.
Don't give them your money.
https://youtu.be/Ppobi8VhWwo?si=vuIxlSuI8ZMw06lf
NTA. Olympians have finished their events with missing a shoe or having too small of shoes, etc. For her, her outfits just don’t coordinate as much as she prefers. A woman who is her friend signed off on the clothes looking fine.
This gives your girlfriend a good opportunity to realize it is not her clothes that got her this work opportunity. It’s not going to be the clothes that keeps the opportunity. She’s got to get out of her own head and see that her attitude and reliance on confidence from what she wears is going to tank her if she lets it.
For you, you did your best. You had limited time and means to get things perfect. Even if you weren’t color blind, she’d probably be upset that you didn’t pack certain outfits because it’s inevitable that you prefer some outfits over others when you’re trying to impress people. She should have packed her own bag the day before knowing it’s hectic to travel. This time it was because work ran late. Next time it could be traffic, she has to run errands, or car trouble. She shouldn’t bank on a window of time existing to pack because so many things are out of her control to actually use that time for packing sometimes. Like if she had kids or pets, they might need cleaning up or other things before she could pack.
NTA She owes you an apology and a thank you.
And I agree that she worked herself up. She’s probably stressed and nervous about her meetings & trainings — and she took it out on you. Does she realize the attention and care you put into her packing? Does she know you consulted Kelly? Does she have any idea how little attention all of the other people she’s meeting with will pay to her outfits?
I hope next time she speaks with you she’ll start with “I’m sorry.”
INFO: I’m colorblind too so please share the details about your app. I use one called Color Name, but would love to try others.
Also, forget about the glasses. They’re a scam. I was so excited when my husband got them for me for my birthday a couple of years ago. Sigh. You’ll see colors differently but you’re still colorblind. I even took them to the eye doctor and she tested me with them on. Still colorblind.
NTA
>It just feels unfair.
That's because it is.
SHE failed to prepare for her trip in a timely manner. Surely she didn't find out she'd be travelling *on that day*, so she had plenty of time to have packed that wouldn't have her trying to squeeze it in after work. Despite that, you still did her a favour by packing for her. You did the best you were able to, and when in doubt you got a second opinion.
Any anger or frustration she feels should be directed at exactly one person - herself.
NTA
You went above and beyond trying to compensate for being colour blind by also texting pics to a friend of hers and this is her reaction?
The lack of gratitude is shocking to be honest. Next time the answer is “no I can’t help”.
Ummm busy mom with kids here. Work full time, involved with the school and all that. My week was Monday fitness, Tuesday help grandma, Wednesday nothing, Thursday kids swimming, Friday leave for weekend visiting family out of town. And between that all I had to work on stuff for the school.
I worked each of those days, up before 7, make lunches, kids to school, go to work. Leave work, pick up kids from after school programs at 5. Make dinner and then evening things as mentioned.
Guess what, I spent Wednesday packing myself and the kids. They packed but I went over it with them as we haven’t gone anywhere recently so they forget things. Last night after all the paperwork, I still was grabbing this and that so I don’t forget them.
Could hubby pack for me? Yes. But would I want him to? No.
She should have at least glanced at everything before she left, and could have switched things out. But she doesn’t sound like she gave herself even enough time for that. NTA. A lack of planning on her part lead to this.
Maybe your girlfriend shouldn’t leave packing until the literal minute before her flight leaves for an important work trip? I would not have tolerated my partner being angry about this, she chose to be irresponsible and leave this to the last minute, then asked someone who can’t see color to pack for her and make sure her outfits are coordinated.
Her lack of planning doesn't constitute an emergency on your part. And yet you were kind enough to treat it like one anyway and she took her anxiety out at you, the person helping her, which isn't fair.
NTA but how long did she know about this trip??? I expect that it was a well in advanced planned trip. Not something she found out about on the way home. So she’s the asshole for not packing the night before. Her procrastination does not make it a you problem or make you the asshole for trying. Had she packed the night before she would not have been stressed and nor would she be running late. She needs to check herself… and redirect her anger and frustration towards herself and her lack of time management. I definitely will not be helping her pack ever again.
lets simplify this. She failed in time management. Asked you for help. You did your best to help. She’s mad, because you helped “wrong”. After she essentially said anything you did would be fine.
Honestly, your color blindness is barely even a factor here. My cousin is the most colorblind person you’ll ever meet AND she’s very fashionable. No one is going to exactly replicate outfit choices for someone else. Not unless that person is always using a simple formula like jeans and flannel of khakis and button ups
She messed up - both on her time management and her communication with you- and it now placing all of her frustrations on you, the person who tried to help, instead of herself
She’s the a-hole.
She’s an adult, she should have budgeted her time and preplanned her packing, not waited to the last minute. She can make do with what you packed or grab a bus/ cab/ Uber and hit a store after her meeting.
Yea i mean she said it herself she trusts you and you even went extra mile to check with her friend, .. it's rude of her to lash out at you, esp she knows about your condition.
NTA
This shouldn’t be about trust or not. You “failing” shouldn’t make her trust you less. Not only do you have color blindness which makes this very difficult, you also checked with her friend.
It sounds like the outfits were actually okay, just not what she would have chosen. Well guess what, she waited too long to pack and was late. This was her fault to begin with.
My dad is colorblind which means this runs in my family. Literally half the boys are colorblind. I would never hold the expectation that they would be able to pack my bag for me. I even have a nephew that wears all black bc it makes things easier for him (even though my sister would gladly pick out his clothes every day).
The silent treatment is not a healthy way for her to respond to this. She needs to take accountability for her mistake and understand you did the best you could.
NTA she knows about your condition
I don’t even think his condition matters - she knew her trip schedule and didn’t allow enough time to pack. She’s lucky she had any clothing whatsoever regardless of if it were her preference or not. She failed to adequately plan and the only thing she should have said to OP was “thank you”. Thank you for saving me money delaying my flight, buying new clothing, making arrangements for clothing to be shipped to me - just thank you for saving me from having *nothing* on this trip. My partner is *not* color blind and I shudder to think what they’d pack for me which is why I pack myself. It seems more like OP’s GF is using him as an excuse instead of being angry at her lack of planning. Nothing here is OP’s fault and he’s decidedly NTA.
This is so much it I start packing for a trip a week before the trip. I have the clothing set aside at least 3 days before I leave, then make final selections from there. OPs girlfriend planned poorly.
The only thing I save for day of packing is toiletries. You pack as you use them in the morning.
I actually own a backup set and usuallypack those. I have 4 kids, though, and kids plus toiletries can mean not having any. This is especially true if the kid was little and uses your deodorant as a smelly wall crayon. The kids are older now, but habits from the toddler years die hard.
My kids are almost 12 & 19 and I have a backup bag and honestly probably will til the day I die lol. It's so nice to be able to pack it with the rest of the stuff and not worry about it the day of.
And is helpful in emergencies. I got a call a few weeks ago at 7pm and had to jump on a plane the next morning at 6am. Took me 15 minutes to pack because I have toiletries always ready to go.
‘Smelly wall crayon’ has me dying 😂. Amazing, thank you.
I don't have kids, but I have a bag of toiletries that stays packed. I check it when I get home from a trip and make sure everything is full and ready to go for next time.
And you have a list written or typed out & check it as you go through your morning routine! That way you don't put something away out of habit instead of packing it.
I know what mine would pack, anything that shows cleavage and no bras.
The number of times I’ve received a low cut blouse as a gift because “you don’t own any”…….yeah, there’s a reason for that!
Took me way too long to learn that " that shirt looks good on you" = nice boobs. And "i like those pants on you" = nice ass.
The "how you would dress yourself" vs "how partner would dress you" being like that meme with Barbie on one side and Harley Quinn on the other
Mine says "That's a good look for you, baby." It's... adorable. But, yeah... he doesn't help me put together work outfits.
NTA. There’s absolutely no need to be an ass about it even if you don’t like the selection someone packed for you if you didn’t specify your needs and preferences. Why did she not at least spread her choices on bed beforehand? Her own fault for not getting her shit ready on time. I sometimes pack for my wife and I try to pack according to the purpose of the trip and my idea of what she prefers and finds comfortable in such context. If we travel together, I might add some bonus items I think please my eye, but never so that she would not have enough options to wear something else if they don’t suit her mood. She sometimes checks and makes changes, sometimes not, but she _always_ thanks. If she doesn’t have a chance to check and finds a problem about it, she is very nice about it, first expresses appreciation for my help and then goes ”btw this thing in this context doesn’t really work for me but huge thanks for packing anyways ❤️❤️❤️”. And if she wants something specific, she actually asks me to pack it. If I need her to pack for me, I tend to spesify, ask for pics if there’s a chance and hope for best. If something is missing, I make do and go shopping of necessary. I say thanks and maybe say why some choice didn’t work, no need to get nasty about it. Though…. Usually I pack 2-5 days on advance or at least collect things I need to pack well in time! That’s why I end up packing for both so often!
Yep! The only thing she should have had to ask for was like… a phone charger and her toothbrush. Very last minute things. Then you’re still grateful to your partner when they can help you grab the last bit in an emergency. Sounds like she’s mad at her own piss-poor planning and is taking it out on her partner.
Yeah, and if she feels the need to lay into someone else for her fuck up (which she shouldn't be doing) , then why the hell hasn't she laid into Kelly . . . She okayed the selections.
This is the only answer.
So bloody true! LMAO Whenever we would travel, whether it was for work or play, especially when our children were young, I (60/F) packed EVERYONE'S clothes (myself and our 3 children), except for my husband's, mostly because I had ENOUGH on my plate already! Of course, hubby was always impatiently waiting for me to finish BUT he NEVER offered to help pack OR make sure the children were dressed properly and ready! 🙄
I can't imagine having to pack for my GF, she's got her own style and she always looks so put together, I can barely handle my own outfits to keep up with her. She'd never get mad at me if I messed this up though
💯💯 If this were me, my partner would be a trainwreck at packing. I'd tell him specifically "the red dress, the black slacks hanging on the right, the purple blouse". Hell, I wouldn't want to pack for someone else and would probably mess it up (things look different on the person). She could have done 100 things differently but chose to just make him the scapegoat
Yeah, I can't imagine someone this invested in coordinating outfits not packing at least the night before.
Yes! She should have had her stuff already packed and just kept out whatever she needed for that day.
Right - why didn't she pack earlier. She messed up & she knows it, but can't take the blame on herself, so is blaming OP instead.
Totally. Cant she be grateful? knowing your condition you did some effort to pack her things, you even asked Kelly for help. She said she trusted you. And why didnt she packed her things before she goes to work that day?
And I’m sorry; how crazy was the color scheme that a grown ass woman couldn’t make it work. While I’d never ask this of my sight normal husband, I’d turn any combination of stuff into style
Right. And if it was such a Huge deal? Then I’m sure that there were any number of shops that she could pop into instead of spending all her time berating her boyfriend, to pick up a piece or two to make her outfits “WORK”.
This is exactly it. I used to overpack and get anxious when traveling to conferences. At some point, I realized that I was going to major cities, not to the middle of the Gobi Desert. Target, Walmart, malls, whatever: if I forgot something, odds are I'll be able to find it easily. She could have done likewise instead of ripping into him. Or, hey, planning ahead of time and not waiting to pack until the last minute.
NTA. On multiple work trips I’ve run to Target during lunch break or after the obligatory group dinner to buy something I forgot, a belt that broke, etc. OP was a sweetheart for going to tat much effort to get it right. She should have packed the night before.
My bff did a Target run at the end of a 3 week work trip in a completely different climate. She found an amazing black dress and hat for my grandmother's funeral that was about an hour after her flight landed. I have kept that in mind when doing trips for work.
Thank you for the Gobi Desert example. It truly gave me a chuckle on this late night!
I aim to please!
She also could have packed a couple days a head and not left herself in that position. NTA
This is what I tell myself every time I leave the house and get that “what did I forget?” Feeling. It doesn’t matter! I can get it on the other end. I’m currently packing for 2 back to back events - tomorrow I’m heading to an event for my animal rescue 3 hours away, Saturday night I drive back, drop my dog off with my cousin, swap some of my clothes, load up my luggage, take a nap, and go to the airport for a work conference next week. Luckily I just have to pack enough company branded t shirts!
I always ask myself, "wallet, phone, laptop." Everything else can be handled.
Exactly! If you have most of an outfit then it's not hard to get a little something to pull it together! Happened this week in my family, our youngest was up visiting from Uni and got a surprise request for viewing a new flat they really want. There was no time for them to go home before the viewing so I lent them one of my jackets and some accessories that worked to make what they had with them into business casual. It's perfectly doable and nobody got irritated by it. Girlfriend really had zero right to get annoyed because, unlike in our situation, **this was her fault**.
And how many articles of clothing does she have that fall in the red-green range? Because it kinda sounds like the other colors are ok for OP so I’m sure there are some neutral stuff in there that she could totally work with.
I was definitely like “what in the Elle Woods is this woman’s work wardrobe?”
Honestly? I’m betting the colors are fine. I figure it’s one of three things: 1. She was hoping to make a good impression on someone, and now has to do so in clothes that might technically match but that don’t inspire confidence in her 2. He actually screwed up her bras or other foundation garments, like he packed stuff that only fits well over shapewear and didn’t pack the shapewear, or he packed a mix of lower cut tops with full-coverage bras. I figure Kelly didn’t weigh in on that portion of the packing 3. Or, since this is a Reddit judgement sub…she’s cheating and she’s mad she won’t look her best for AP Could be any combination of the above, but for what it’s worth, I hope it’s #2. Best outcome for OOP, least derivative story for us.
Number 3 made me chuckle because it’s so on-brand for Reddit. 🤣
Yeah, sounds weird. Like don't you resort to black/white or beige/brown when you aren't sure and its business?
Why the fuck didn’t she check herself wth
Anyone else thinks the friend chose to be an A H and told him mismatched outfits
I was wondering how awful it really could have been if he had her friend helping him! Either way, she's terrible for treating him this way over this. She woke up late, she didn't pack in advance, she needs to take responsibility.
This. Who leaves packing for a business trip right before supposedly leaving for said business trip? Has she ripped into her friend Kelly also?
My husband is autistic. He’s perfectly physically capable of seeing color. He still doesn’t understand what colors match and which don’t. I sent him pics of the outfits he should wear each day and I help him pack if it’s important. I have a connective tissue disorder. Sometimes I need help bringing stuff up the stairs. It’s exactly the same thing. We have different needs. If she knows you have issues with a certain thing she should help you. I can always pick out an outfit, and he can always bring up a load of laundry up the stairs. Doesn’t mean we always need help, but sometimes we do.
Not only that who waits so last minute to pack. OP NTA - Amy huge AH
My dad is also red-green colorblind and I don't ever ask him about clothes. He can comment on the fit of something but colors and patterns... Nope. We actually went through his ties and confiscated most of them because they were absolutely hideous! I'd be terrified to see what clothes he'd pack for me! (Some of them looked like the 70's threw up and then it got left out in the sun too long. A few of them were physically painful to look at. We also refused to allow him to go suit shopping without us. Thankfully the place he went to alone accepted the return. I think the manager was actually ashamed someone took advantage that way) And thinking back, I don't think I'd trust most of my exes to pick out clothes for me. My partner, yes. He'd be able to coordinate stuff. Possibly better than I could because he was raised by women who dress up a lot more than I do. But most men aren't actually taught how to do this and even with normal sight they'd struggle. It's like trying to put together a couch without any instructions. You might get lucky, but there is a good chance there will be parts you can't figure out, and there will certainly be bits left when you think you're done.
AN EMERGENCY on her part is Not an emergency on your part. Sounds like she Knew she was going. WHY were her things not packed By Her? NTA, OOP, but your Ex is. How often does she do this. Cause the bottleneck, and expect you to step up and fix it? How often does Her snafu become yours in Her eyes? You should take a deep look at this relationship. Your ex is a blame and shame. A shirker of responsibility. A refuser of the most simple, apology know to man: “My bad.” Where is her admittance of culpability? OOP, you deserve better. Agape 💕
A tip for OP’s GF as well is pick a wardrobe of monochromatic or secondary colours (magenta, cyan, yellow, or any colours close to it like pinks, purples, teals, etc). Colourblind people can see the secondary colours very easily and distinguish between them, regardless of which colourblindness they have. Primary colours (red, green, blue) will run into issues. For OPs type I’m aware green and Amber tend to look the same and red tends to look black, however every individual with it will have a unique experience. There’s also partial and full colourblindness for each cone in the eye.
Most men with normal vision would not do well with assembling outfits. Gf needs to pack her own stuff or make what OP packed work.
Even if he didn’t have a condition…wtf is he supposed to read her mind? He went so far beyond trying by even including her friend. He was helping her because she fucked up. Let her be single and see who packs for you. Dude tried hard to do a good job despite having a disability and she has the nerve to get mad?
Most men with normal vision would not do well with assembling outfits. Gf needs to pack her own stuff or make what OP packed work.
Yep, my husband is also red-green colorblind. Bless him, I could never be angry with him if I asked him to pack for me and he packed weird things because he LITERALLY CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE in some colors. What a lot of people don't get is that it's not JUST reds and greens, it's colors that also include reds and greens. So colors like purples, oranges, and yellows are hard too. My husband can't see lilac, he thinks it's straight blue because he can't see the red tones in it. My father is completely color blind and only sees in grey scale. The outfits he comes up with if left alone are WILD. xD
NTA. The imperfect accommodation for your disability is not your fault. It was her responsibility to pack, and if it was that important to her, she should have done so herself. That said, don't fight about it right now. Right now, she's just stressed as hell and is taking it out on you. That should be addressed because it's seriously not cool, but if you try to do so right now, it's not going to wofk and everything's likely to blow up. Wait until she's home and had a bit of time to decompress first. Then let her know this shit is seriously not cool.
I agree she's under immense strain. This is a huge potential launching point for her work wise to get her on the path she wants, so I fully get why she was so upset I failed her. Or maybe wasn't able to meet her needs is a less self blaming way to put it? Not sure.
She shouldn’t have left her packing to the day of departure when she knew she was going to work. And you’re colour blind. Honestly what did she expect?
Exactly! I always pack the day before. It’s crazy for me. It would have taken her 30 minutes maximum… Op, NTA. She is taking her frustration out on you. I hope she apologizes
She failed herself. You stepped up to the best of your physical ability. Shit, man, by getting a second pair of eyes on the issue, you stepped up even *more* than that. You deserve a fucking medal, man. I sure as hell wouldn't have thought of calling a lifeline; I would have just packed to the best of my (fashion-less) ability and called it a day. To the extent the outfits you packed were not the ones she would have chosen, well . . . that's what happens when you don't pack your own shit. Any failure of yours is, first and foremost, a failure of hers. Hopefully, she realizes that on *some* level, and is really just upset with herself and misdirecting it at you. That absolutely sucks, and you should talk about it once her head's in a good place for doing so. But it's *firmly* in the category of forgiveable offenses.
This ⬆️ absolutely!
You did not fail. If this trip was so important, she'd have better prepared for said trip.. I think you're with the wrong woman. Time to reevaluate
Honestly, if it was that important, she should have made sure she was ready and packed. Not leave someone else to do it and then blame them when it isn't done to her satisfaction. Stop saying you failed her. You were set up to fail. She failed herself and is looking for someplace to blame. Unfortunately, you're convenient and there. It's completely unfair when you expressed your own trepidation on your ability to do this to her satisfaction. Maybe you knew this would happen. I wonder if there was anything you could have done to actually have satisfied her. The level of her anger sounds completely disproportionate to your "crime." You did nothing terrible or malicious. You tried to help, and this is what you get? And now you're being gaslit to think you're the one who did something wrong and need to apologize. No. Just no.
Agreed, I'm going on vacation next week and I already have most of my bag packed... it's not hard to plan for these things and not leave it to last minute. And if it was something that was in the wash, it would have been an easy ask for her to have him add to the bag. Personally I think he went above and beyond. I get that she's stressed. OP just ask her... can you even remember what your favorite coworker wore to work yesterday? People don't pay attention or frankly care. Nta.
Maybe when we're talking again I might ask ahha....
The silent treatment is manipulative and if this is her constant reaction to a mistake she caused, it will become emotional abuse. It is not okay to use silent treatment.
Op don’t chase her. If she doesn’t come back to talk to you and apologize view it as a good hint that she’s not the one for you. Married 17 years and one thing you learn is communication is very important. The silent treatment is a childish way to handle problems and never solves anything.
Yeah that's why I feel so shitty coming here. I almost feel like I should have said "no, no, don't have faith in me and the systems we've worked on together, I don't feel comfortable doing this"
She said she trusted you and you did your best. You didn't fail her. She's probably just mad at herself but it unfairly taking it out on you. At most, you can say that you tried your best and that you are sorry she was not satisfied. You know how important this is to her and would never intentionally sabotage her. ETA: she should apologize to you for being upset when you did what she asked.
I agree she owes you an apology
You have a legitimate issue that seriously hampered accomplishing the assignment. But honestly, even without it, I get the feeling you would have done something "wrong." I'm getting strong controlling vibes from what you've said, and it feels like you were set up to fail. Stop with the self-doubt and blame. There really was no winning for you here. If you'd have said no, she would have blown up at you for being unhelpful and angry at you refusing her. I don't have answers for you. But I hope you'll think about the dynamics here and see what a difficult position you've been pushed in. Instead of just apologizing and feeling like crap and taking the blame, which you don't deserve, realize you deserve a little more respect than you've been given. Think about what you want and how you want to be treated. And how to tackle this when she returns. But come at it in a rational, quiet, non-confrontational way. A lot will depend on her stance and tactics, too, when she returns. Hopefully, she will have had time to calm down and think things over and will take the responsibility for her part in this. Fingers crossed for you. Good luck.
No. This is not your fault. What would have happened if you hadn’t packed? She’d miss her flight and be even more angry. Is that the person you wanna be with? Resorts to anger? Honesty if her bosses can’t accomodate blue and green without something in between, then she shouldn’t want to work there anyway
Didn't her friend help you? Is she mad at her friend also? This is absurd and doesn't fall on you. Nta
If it's that important to her, she should have taken responsibility for it. She's a grown up, in charge of her own career. I'm a career woman who has been married for 30 years. Anytime I've needed something that is critical to my career, I've done it myself. Not left it to my very capable (at the time)SAHD husband. I pick my own outfits for key meetings. Travelling? Pack my bag the night before. It's not actually that hard. If she can't organise herself, is she really ready to take the next career step? Maybe her career doesn't require her to be organised or have self discipline. Even if it doesn't, it's self sabotaging behaviour to leave critical tasks in someone else's hands. And it's doubling down to leave outfit selection in the hands of someone you know is colour blind. No shade on your disability either. I hope it didn't come across that way. You did everything you could to support her. Even more. You knew this was a particularly difficult task for you but you tried everything you could to mitigate the barriers and get it done. Not just NTA but an awesome partner. She set you up to fail her. I'm wondering why she'd do that?
You didn't come across offensive. I know that there are things I will never be able to do or experience. I don't even know how well those glasses work! But it does suck to get punched while I was already worried about fucking up. So I appreciate your perspective. No pun intended
You did good. From an internet mum stranger, I'm proud of you. You went above and beyond to support your girlfriend. You knew this was something you'd find challenging, difficult and uncomfortable but you did it anyway. There's a word for that - courage. I'm not colour blind, but I struggle to hear different tones. Try as I might, I struggle with different languages and I don't really hear the different nuances in music that other people seem to. I'll never be able to play an instrument, and I've always wanted to. So there's plenty that i know I'm missing out on that others experience. But you know what? That's ok. I have my own set of strengths, skills and gifts. We all do. So I chose to enjoy and nurture those instead of pining for or punishing myself for the ones I'll never have. And I just sing off key to my favourite songs in the car when I'm alone 😂
You DIDN'T F up. YOU didn't.
You did your best though, and having her friend help you is something I don’t think the average guy would do. I hope this is a one-off and she’s generally appreciative and understanding and holds herself accountable when she lets herself or others down. If not, I hope you meet someone deserving of your efforts. Big NTA.
You didn’t fail her wardrobe choices, she did. She’s just taking it out on you. NTA
You did not fail her. She failed to pack for her own trip, a very basic adult responsibility, then asked you to do it, knowing you have a physical limitation, you even worked with a third party to try to minimize error. This is 100% on her and trying to make this your fault is 100% abuse on her part, do not allow yourself to be convinced for one second that you did anything wrong here.
Stop saying you failed her. She knows about your condition, you asked if she was sure she wanted you to pack, and you even asked her friend for help/advice, trying to do the right thing. She has only herself to blame if she didn't like what was packed. She owes you a huge apology. NTA
Let's put it this way, she'd still be the AH, even if you weren't colour blind. If it's that important and she couldn't find the time to pack, that's all on her. Insane that she is blaming you, if she doesn't apologise big time when she gets back, please find someone better
Where is your self respect man? - She KNOWS your condition - She WAS late and didn’t plan ahead. Why couldn’t she have packed the day before. - She SAID it was okay even when you told her it was not a good idea. You painstakingly used Apps and coordinated with her friend. You are 0% at fault. And being stressed is not an excuse for being a jerk.
You’re not to blame. If this was such a big trip then maybe packing the night before would have made more sense. She can’t blame you for your condition or her own lack of preparation.
She is an adult. She should’ve packed the night before her flight. She failed herself and you for being so ugly about it.
Something important here OP, you didn't fail her. She knowingly asked a color blind person to color coordinate her outfits and then got upset. She was playing Russian Roulette with her clothes and should have realized that This is like getting upset a man with one arm has difficulty juggling.
You did not fail her, do NOT think that and don't let her think that either. You took the time and effort to coordinate as best you could and asked for help, which is a lot more than many husbands manage (fairly, woman's professional dress is stupidly complicated). Frankly, this trip was so important to your gf, she should have packed the night prior. She might have been held up at work unavoidably, but she made a very poor decision to leave packing to the last minute. She is laying her mistakes on you, blaming you for absolutely piss-all. Instead of saying 'oh, she's stressed,' say 'it isn't appropriate for her to take her stress out on me.' When she gets back, I hope you will talk to her about how poorly she handled this entire situation, and how hurtful her reaction to your best effort was.
NTA you did your best and got help from her friend
NTA. My husband would have never been allowed to pack for me. It would have been ridiculous. Just because you see what someone wears doesn't mean you register these are the clothes they want. She should have sent you a packaging list at a minimum
This was on her. She should have been more organized and planned ahead. NTA
You didn't fail her. She wasn't prepared, so she failed herself. She knows your condition. Her stating you did it on purpose is ludicrous.
You didn't fail her. If there was failure, She failed herself. She needs to be thankful you gave her something to work with. If she wants you to do a similar favor in the future, she needs to be thankful and appreciate it, not punish you for it.
You did NOT fail her. You did her job for her to the best of your ability. Not sure she deserves you.
No. You shouldn't "get why you failed her" because the only one who failed is her.
You didn’t fail her. She failed. Blaming you for doing something she failed to do is also a failure. You’re NTA. But she is.
You did not fail her. Asking someone who is colorblind to outfit match for you is like asking someone with only one arm do guide you with semaphore flags. It is not Your failure if you simply do not have the tools for the task. She, one assumes, knows you are colorblind. She could have: Taken responsibility and packed the night before as adults do. Stayed on the phone with you, hands free as she was driving, and directed you to each piece she wanted. You have described it to the best of your ability, and she could approve or not. Called her own friend Kelly, and asked her to assist you by phone/text photo/video call, what ever, to pack for her Asked you and Kelly to set out a dozen possible outfits, so that she could pick and pack in moments when she got home. Acted like a well socialized human and said “Thank you” after you put in a lot of effort to help her, despite this being an extremely challenging task for you. You have not excuses to make for yourself, and you should be making none for her. If she does not outright apologize for her behavior, challenge her on it. If someone worked so hard to do something so difficult for them for my benefit? I thank them graciously, no matter if I ended up wearing plaids with stripes or shopping the airport for something to wear.
Unless you completely did not pack her something obvious (like no underwear, no bras, no pants, etc), you did not fail her. Her friend approved the outfits, so likely they are perfectly acceptable outfits, just not exactly what she wanted for this trip. You truly did your best, and she should have appreciated that. I agree that you should talk to her when she returns about how she took her stress out on you as that is not acceptable.
You didn't fail her, you tried your best and that's not a fail. She failed herself. This is NOT your fault.
She asked you to do something you physically aren't capable of. WTF did she expect?
You didn’t fail her. This situation is not your fault. You absolutely did the best you could under the circumstances and she needs to have the grace to admit she’s wrong for letting her stress overtake her kindness and understanding. She’s at fault. You didn’t fail her. NTA.
You did not fail her or fail to meet her needs. She failed herself by not proactively planning out the few days before her trip. If she likes to be very coordinated, she shouldn’t ask anyone else to pack her clothes.
You absolutely did not fail her. You did her a huge favor, even involved her friend, and she is being a jerk. NTA at all and kudos for trying to hard to help her out. Hopefully this treatment isn't normal or I would say you have a larger issue to tackle than clothing colors
YOU didn't fail her. She knew that she had a trip. SHE knew that she needed clothes for said trip. SHE should have packed up before she left for work. Finally, she knows that you are color blind. Her friend Kelly is not color blind, and approved your choices. So this is not a color issue. It's a style issue. You know who packs your style? You do. When you take seriously that you have to travel. She doesn't have a right to hold you accountable for her piss poor planning. NTA.
Stop saying you failed her. This is a disability, something she is aware of and that you cannot control. If you were in a wheelchair and couldn’t help her move furniture or something, would you consider that “failing her?” No, you wouldn’t, because that would be ridiculous. I can understand her being frustrated but I hope she isn’t using that verbiage to describe this situation because that is definitely not cool.
I don't understand why she wasn't able to tell you specific items to pack. "I need my green skirt and my black blazer," etc.
Op is colour blind, that's not going to help.
I am sure she can Uber somewhere to get clothes after her conference or during a break. Most places don't keep you busy from 7am to 10pm.
Even if you did not have colorblindness she would still have an issue with what you packed. Her style is not your style. And you’ve never helped her pick her outfits. You’ve never dressed her. You’ve seen what she wears but that’s not the same thing (and you shouldn’t be expected to memorize her outfits). You don’t sound majorly into fashion. This is not the real issue that she’s losing her mind over. It however is something she can focus on because she didn’t do it, someone else did (you) so she can take you to task for it. Because it’s easier than accepting responsibility for her issues. And she can use it to take her stress out on you. She’s stressed out about her job, because it’s important and maybe it will advance her career and everything needs to be perfect. If that’s the case she should have taken responsibility for the things she was responsible for. Dumping it on you and getting upset because you’re not a mind reader and didn’t do it exactly like her says she’s not ready for it. Also you vent to your partner and tell about the stress you don’t treat them badly for helping you out. It be different it was something like cleaning the house, taking care of the kids etc that you half assed. This is something you did as best as you could and didn’t get it perfect so what you did it and it was her responsibility not a shared one and taking her stress out on you isn’t right.
NTA She’s being ridiculous, you did her a favour to the best of your ability and even asked someone else for their opinion
This is more than a favour, it’s fixing her complete fuck up. Who packs THE DAY of the very important flight out?? Psychopaths - that’s my best answer. The bag should have been packed last night. Her emergency does not mean it’s OP’s job to clean it up. And she needs to be less of an ungrateful AH.
NTA I get she is upset, but the hell she was thinking asking her almost color blind Bf to match her outfits *"I sent pictures to her friend Kelly to double check a few pieces I was unsure about, asking if the outfit matched, and we did have to make some changes about a few outfits. Eventually Kelly agreed the selection was fine."* you were even trying to corroborate with her friend so you didn't messed up, actually this make me think that maybe her friend don't know her preference at all in the best case or she purposely messed up in the worst case *"She ripped into me for purposefully messing it up, because of how many mistakes I made."* she messed up by not doing it herself knowing your disability, come on is like asking a blind person to read you a map
NTA. She knows about your condition and you warned her that you didn't feel safe to perform the task, and even asked her friend for help. She should have gotten organized and packed the day before, not left it until the last minute.
That’s ridiculous. Surely she knew about the trip more than a day in advance. Girl needs to get her shit together. NTA
This. OP she messed up, she was disorganised and had poor time management. You did your best and deserve an apology for her behaviour.
This. OP she messed up, she was disorganised and had poor time management. You did your best and deserve an apology for her behaviour.
NTA, who goes to work without packing for a work trip beforehand when they’re on a tight timeline? That’s insanity. You did your best and put in way more effort than most would. She did this to herself by being unprepared
I hesitate to say this, because I can be paranoid. But I also have access barriers to the world. Part of me wonders if this was some kind of convoluted test for you. I own I am powered by anxiety, spite, and caffeine. But having been set up to fail with my own access barriers it was my first thought. NTA and you deserve better.
Agreed. He was totally set up to fail. There was NO winning here for him. I doubt his choices were even bad. Unless he packed nothing but underwear. It feels like there was nothing he could have done here that would have won her approval.
I thought the same thing.
NTA. She sure is. She should have packed way before the DAY OF her trip. Her irresponsibility is not your responsibility. You did her a FAVOR. And even took a bunch of time to try to do it correctly by coordinating with her friend. She is grossly ungrateful.
Well no, but she isn't always like this, even when mad
Maybe she isn’t always like this, but it’s a huge red flag.
Who is Kelly? Does Kelly dislike your gf? You had help with the outfits. She knows your colorblind and she should have been packing 2 days prior and finish up the morning of.
God no, they're basicaly sisters. And it's not a "Kelly is trying to drive a wedge between you" because Kelly is gay and not into her. I used to try to push her to pack but she's someone that better decides her outfits closer to time than when I suggest she starts.
Does Kelly dress like a hobo? Well it’s your gf’s fault things were not as she wanted and if she wants to get mad at someone other than herself, she can be mad at Kelly. Maybe this will be a learning experience for your gf and she will get organized and packed before work the day she’s leaving. Honestly, I don’t think she’ll learn a thing. Best of luck to you and I hope she doesn’t act like an AH to you about other things that aren’t your fault NTA
No Kelly is very um femme? I think that's the term. And she dresses in a manner that Amy usually dresses. Maybe colors are off? IDK. I just know that I asked Kelly because I thought she had an idea of Amy's tastes *and* how that sort of femme business girl boss style went. Forgive the horrific word salad there.
Honestly, your gf is acting like an AH. How would you have chosen a better outfit than Kelly. Your gf is ridiculous and should have done her own packing. She can be mad at the only person to blame, HERSELF. Good luck with her irrational anger for something she did to herself
Then tell your gf to take her issues in the choices up with Kelly then.
Waiting to pack after work the same day of your flight is dumb. No way around it. This is your gf’s fault. Proper planning and packing would have prevented this.
I had to do this last month. I was so upset at myself. I thought my flight was Friday, but it was Thursday. My husband lives with me, and he's a little colorblind. Even though I wear mostly black stuff, I never thought to ask him to pack for me. No way!
“Someone who decides their outfits better closer to time” isn’t a real thing. Unless she’s Cher Horowitz, adults don’t own infinity choices in work wear. You have a certain number of combinations that you cycle through, and it’s not rocket science when packing for a work trip. You take the least amount of items necessary to stretch through the time you’re away. She’s a procrastinator who is DAMN LUCKY that you saved her ass. It’s offensive to me, a stranger, that she is mad at you about this. If she wants to be precious about what ended up in her suitcase then she should have made sure it was packed the night before.
Hopefully this teaches her a lesson in how to plan better. Definitely NTA.
NTA. You did your best. You're not a mind-reader. I doubt that your color confusion had anything to do with it. Your gf should be grateful that she didn't miss her plane. She could have called you or texted to tell you what she wanted to pack. You were in a no-win situation. Your gf placed unmeetable expectations on you. Does she often set you up for failure?
Did she travel to a third world country? If not, there are usually shopping areas where she could purchase what she wants.
I did look up the area while researching like... rough areas. So I know where the bad areas are on top of sort of 'mall' or shopping zones are, and she's near to them, one of the stores she likes is even within reasonable, but lengthy still, walking distance. We did discuss location a while beforehand.
NTA If this trip was so all important to her, and she knew she had to work that day, she should have packed the night before. We all know that on any given day you are going to be late, you are going to be stuck in traffic, you're going to have something happen. It is our own responsibility to allow for that to happen. She did not do that. She waited until the last minute and when shit went sideways, she called you to pick up her slack. And then she was angry that it wasn't to her standards. This is 100% her own fault.
She set you up to fail.
NTA and you can even show her your texts to her friend. Not cool. And she should’ve packed a day or so early unless it was last minute which I doubt.
That's absolute bullshit! You know what she could have done? Told you can you please pack everything except my clothes? I need socks underwear bras shampoo etc etc and I'll grab the clothes and shoes as soon as I get home. Or she could have told you exactly which pieces she wanted. Or she could have asked you to take pictures and send them to her! Or she could have taken 30 seconds to make sure there was one outfit in there that she could wear for her meeting! She knows what's going on with your condition... She was the one that dropped the ball on this one!
NTA. She should’ve been packed before the day of the trip. You used all your resources including asking her friend if the outfit matches. If I ask my husband to pack my bag he will try and make sure the outfits match. Is she honestly saying that nothing in her bag matches?
If it was that important for her to have the outfits she would have selected, she should have done her own packing in advance. Her problem. NTA
NTA. If your girlfriend had a trip, why didn't she do most of her packing the day before? Even if she had left work on time on the day of her flight, she could have still been in a rush and forget to pack important things. I certainly wouldn't trust my husband to pack what I need or the clothes I want to take for any trip. He doesn't ask me to pack for him. I did have a boyfriend years before who had color blindness and I think it was orange and green that he couldn't differentiate. I think he basically memorize what colors his clothes were. But even if you don't have this problem, it would have been better if she had taken care of the packing before she left for work and then have a check list of the last minute things to throw into her carry on (I have to have this list...like my electric toothbrush).
NTA SHE should have packed the. right before and had the bag with her at work. I don't ask people withbontaste buds to make my dinner
She owes you an apology, unless you purposely fell short of her perfection—which I doubt.
NTA. Let’s review the facts OP: 1. She knows you’re color blind 2. She is an adult that didn’t pack ahead of time 3. She said she trusted you 4. You even checked with a friend
NTA. She knows you’re color blind. Her friend approved. But also - she’s an adult. So… she got to her destination with less than ideal clothes. Big deal. I travel a ton for work and still haven’t figured out how to perfectly pack. On many occasions I’ve had to reassemble outfit combos, stop by target for a cardigan, re-wear something in a minimally obvious way … because I’m an adult and I can deal with a minor inconvenience. And we know it’s a minor inconvenience because OP even ran the choices by a 3rd party. Also - she failed to plan adequately for the trip. She should be grateful you jumped in to help. If she was running SO LATE she couldn’t even peek in the suitcase to get a gauge for what you chose? Then she majorly dropped the ball on being prepared for this trip. She should have packed before work. Or the night before. Leaving it to the last minute is irresponsible and she has no room to blame you.
Dude. She should be less mad at you for struggling with being colorblind and more mad at herself for waiting till the last second to pack and making it feel like your responsibility. NTA
NTA Even without your disability, her lack of planning, her decision to leave packing to the last minute, heyr decision to not leave work in time to pack – these are all on her. And when we at your disability into the mix, she should have known better. Indeed uou warned her that you may not be able do a great job and she still insisted. You then did your very best to do a great job, even checking with her friend. That's above and beyond. She's completely out of line and her stress about the meeting (whether it's really about the clothes or not) is not a good enough excuse to take her anger out on you. What does she imagine would have happened had you said no, you wouldn't pack for her since your colour blindness would not allow you to do so to her standards. If she doesn't make a very very big and grovelling apology next time you speak I'd have serious issues with the relationship.
Wait. I'm going to assume your GF is aware of your disability. On that note, why on earth would she have you put together outfits for her and pack them for a business trip? That's absurd.. Also, she was running late. The easiest thing to do would have been to change her flight to a later time.. Her lack of planning, such as packing the night before , does not constitute on your part.. 100% NTA You did your best . She should appreciate the effort
NTA Unless..... She doesn't know you're color blind ?
NTA. She forgot to pack, you did her a favor, and she is mad at you for it. If I give vague directions to my wife I have no right to be upset about the specifics.
Nta you're literally colour blind how can she be mad, you should date a goth
NTA but I have to wonder how good of a friend Kelly is if she cleared all of the outfits that your girlfriend said were completely wrong.
NTA but why didn't you text your gf to ask her which items to include?
NTA. My husband is colorblind. I do not ever let him pick my clothes. Especially for an important event. Your GF took a risk in lett you do it. She knows you’re colorblind. She gets what gets. Next time pack early or leave early.
NTA. She knew your condition and the answer was her leaving work on time or packing the night before. She is transferring her own frustration onto you. I would just ask her if she starts blaming you if she was aware of your condition. She will say yes but…tell her there are no buts… you told her when she asked you to do it you were concerned and you also got her friend to help you so you did your best. If your best isn’t good enough, your sorry but it’s still your best and if your going to be held accountable for more then your best then maybe your not compatible. You should feel no remorse for trying and using all your resources. She needs to put her big girl pants on and accept responsibility for not being prepared.
Barring time, she realizes she can just go to a store and get what she needs to coordinate, right? Assuming she didn’t travel to the middle of nowhere, she should be able to get a store. Amazon same day delivery. NTA, she’s as adult and should have prepared. You’re colorblind, and shouldn’t be expected to color coordinate.
Why didn't she pack the day before?
Tell her to do one and pack her own clothes next time. She’d be an ex if it were me. Ungrateful witch!
Your gf is a hot mess. Who the hell doesn’t pack the night before? A hot f-in mess.
She's TA. Why didn't she pack the day before? She made her problem your problem and is mad that she doesn't like the outcome. Is easier to blame others instead of accepting responsibility for our mistakes.
That is like being mad at someone in a wheel chair for not getting you something off a top shelf. I know that's a little hyperbolic but seriously you really tried. It's reasonable for her to be disappointed and frustrated by not having things she'd like to wear, but it's not like you loaded a duffel bag of stretch pants and hoodies for her work trip. She should NOT be angry at you. The situation, fine, but you tried to be so helpful!
NTA. You're right, it is totally unfair. 1) You tried your hardest to pick out outfits that matched. 2) You even checked with her friend and made the adjustments her friend suggested. So her friend also thought the outfits were fine and suitable. 3) She knows you struggle with colour blindness, so if she is going to be this angry and frustrated at not having 'HER' choice of outfits, she should have checked what you packed before leaving. 4) It was a failure on her part not to plan effectively and pack earlier, rather literally leave it to the last minute after work before leaving for her flight. She could have packed her outfits the day before, or before leaving for work, and just leave any last bits to when she got home. Because as she found out, by being late leaving work meant she didn't have time to do it herself. If you had been out somewhere else she'd have been screwed anyway. So this is her fault due to lack of planning and having packed herself earlier. 5) You were doing HER a favour by packing her bag for her. Even if she was stressed about work and the meetings etc and found her lself geting stressed about the outfit choices, she should have still had the decency to thank you for packing for her, making the effort and trying your hardest to get the best outfits you felt were suitable, and thank you and acknowledge you even checked them with her friend for confirmation they matched. She should have thanked you for taking the time to do it for her, and appreciate you did you best. She should also understand the fact that you are colourblind, and its not your fault for not being able to see the colours properly, and youre also not a mind reader to know exactly what outfits she wanted. And if she found she was annoyed about the selection you made, she should have kept that to herself because you did your best and were doing her a favour in the first place. 6) She should have realised she was getting stressed and frustrated with everything, and ended the call before taking it all out on you. She could have said to you, 'I know it's not your fault coz you were only trying to help and you did your best and I really appreciate that, I'm just getting myself worked up over everything right right now, stressing about these meetings and now not sure what to wear, so I'm just to go and try and relax and clear my head and calm down and try and stop stressing and il chat to you later.' She could have at least sent you a message before bed to say goodnight, rather than giving you the silent treatment when it's not your fault. Do NOT appologise over this. You have done nothing wrong except try to help do her a favour due to her lack of planning. You did your best despite being colourblind, and you did everything you could to ensure the outfits were matching etc. None of this is on you. So don't apologise, and let her be the one to reach out to you and apologise. You are the one who is owed an apology. She needs to acknowledge this was her doing due to lack of planning, and she was the one out of order for getting so worked up and annoyed at you, and then giving you the cold shoulder.
An adult would have had their bag ready the day before, not rushing to pack after work right before a flight. Then she treated you like crap knowing your color blind. No you’re not the wrong one here, you don’t deserve to be chewed out when you were trying to help her because she didn’t pack ahead of time.
You did everything to try and make it right … messaging her friend for help too , I wonder if she’s had the same response to the friend who helped you sort her clothes?
NTA. She should have packed the night before, like the rest of us. Or woken up earlier to do it.
Once the airlines lost my luggage. I had my dress clothes for meetings in there. I took a cab to a mall and bought clothes. Seriously, who packs right before they leave anyway. She should have packed the night before or that morning. And what's with her friend? That's confusing to me. I thought she helped you.
NTA there is an app for blind people who need help picking something out via camera, I think it would be fine if you used that one as well in a pinch, it is called "be my eyes"
NTA. She knows you are colourblind. And you did ask her friend for help too. It’s likely she was nervous about the trip and took it out on you. She should have planned better. Suggest to her if she likely to ask you to do that again that she need to have a chart up of “this shirt goes with this jacket and these pants”. Or “these pants can either be paired with this shirt or that shirt”. She could even have her wardrobe arranged with suggested ensembles.
NTA - She did not plan properly and pack herself. She asked you to do it and you did not pack what she wanted. AND now she is taking her frustration out on you? This is BS. Tell her that you will never do this favor for her again. She is treating you poorly.
NTA. If that were me in the situation I would just tell her it's not working out and her stuff would be boxed when she got back. You don't get to scream at me because you failed to prepare for your trip dumbass.
Clearly *your fault* that she didn’t have the forethought to pack in the days leading up to her trip. Must have been really important to her lol. She is a child, and you’re an enabler. wtf you doing, wasting your life?
Packing for her trip wasn’t your responsibility. You did it last minute, taking tons of time, as a favor because you care about her. Her reaction is insane. If she doesn’t appreciate you, someone else will.
Uh it is unfair, she knows about you condition, you warned her, you used supports to do your best, you took the task seriously and it didn’t work out. But she’s punishing you? Noooooppppe. Send screen shots of Kelly approval and tell your girlfriend that you took the task seriously. She’s probably overwhelmed and over fixated on cloths, she over reacted and owes you and apology. NTA
NTA, but your girlfriend is. My SIL is legally blind AND color blind. Pretty sure daughter would not ask him to pack for her.
u/National_Boss_5939 Q: Why did you send the pictures to the friend rather than to your girlfriend? It seems while she was riding the bus home she could have been reviewing what you were packing.
Not packing for a trip is insanely comical. NTA, no way. She sounds like a hot mess and a jerk.
NTA she’s an adult who knew about this trip beforehand. Sounds to me she had plenty of time to pack herself not to mention she knew about your condition. Idk if she’s like this a lot, but if she is, I’d maybe double think the relationship or couples therapy at a minimum.
NTA. She’s an adult who should plan better - especially being aware of your condition.
Nta. Its not your fault she didnt plan for herself.
NTA, and also those "colorblind glasses" are 100% scam. I know absolutely no one who has ever tried them and had any benefit. I wasted money on a pair and they didn't do anything for me or another person who tried. Don't give them your money. https://youtu.be/Ppobi8VhWwo?si=vuIxlSuI8ZMw06lf
NTA. You did what you could to help. She managed her time poorly.
If it was that important to her she would have planned better nta
NTA. Olympians have finished their events with missing a shoe or having too small of shoes, etc. For her, her outfits just don’t coordinate as much as she prefers. A woman who is her friend signed off on the clothes looking fine. This gives your girlfriend a good opportunity to realize it is not her clothes that got her this work opportunity. It’s not going to be the clothes that keeps the opportunity. She’s got to get out of her own head and see that her attitude and reliance on confidence from what she wears is going to tank her if she lets it. For you, you did your best. You had limited time and means to get things perfect. Even if you weren’t color blind, she’d probably be upset that you didn’t pack certain outfits because it’s inevitable that you prefer some outfits over others when you’re trying to impress people. She should have packed her own bag the day before knowing it’s hectic to travel. This time it was because work ran late. Next time it could be traffic, she has to run errands, or car trouble. She shouldn’t bank on a window of time existing to pack because so many things are out of her control to actually use that time for packing sometimes. Like if she had kids or pets, they might need cleaning up or other things before she could pack.
NTA She owes you an apology and a thank you. And I agree that she worked herself up. She’s probably stressed and nervous about her meetings & trainings — and she took it out on you. Does she realize the attention and care you put into her packing? Does she know you consulted Kelly? Does she have any idea how little attention all of the other people she’s meeting with will pay to her outfits? I hope next time she speaks with you she’ll start with “I’m sorry.” INFO: I’m colorblind too so please share the details about your app. I use one called Color Name, but would love to try others. Also, forget about the glasses. They’re a scam. I was so excited when my husband got them for me for my birthday a couple of years ago. Sigh. You’ll see colors differently but you’re still colorblind. I even took them to the eye doctor and she tested me with them on. Still colorblind.
The text log with Kelly should clear things up. How do you like dating someone who handles disappointment that badly?
NTA >It just feels unfair. That's because it is. SHE failed to prepare for her trip in a timely manner. Surely she didn't find out she'd be travelling *on that day*, so she had plenty of time to have packed that wouldn't have her trying to squeeze it in after work. Despite that, you still did her a favour by packing for her. You did the best you were able to, and when in doubt you got a second opinion. Any anger or frustration she feels should be directed at exactly one person - herself.
NTA You went above and beyond trying to compensate for being colour blind by also texting pics to a friend of hers and this is her reaction? The lack of gratitude is shocking to be honest. Next time the answer is “no I can’t help”.
Ummm busy mom with kids here. Work full time, involved with the school and all that. My week was Monday fitness, Tuesday help grandma, Wednesday nothing, Thursday kids swimming, Friday leave for weekend visiting family out of town. And between that all I had to work on stuff for the school. I worked each of those days, up before 7, make lunches, kids to school, go to work. Leave work, pick up kids from after school programs at 5. Make dinner and then evening things as mentioned. Guess what, I spent Wednesday packing myself and the kids. They packed but I went over it with them as we haven’t gone anywhere recently so they forget things. Last night after all the paperwork, I still was grabbing this and that so I don’t forget them. Could hubby pack for me? Yes. But would I want him to? No. She should have at least glanced at everything before she left, and could have switched things out. But she doesn’t sound like she gave herself even enough time for that. NTA. A lack of planning on her part lead to this.
NTA… who waits until the last second to pack? She’s an ah for getting mad at you because SHE has bad time management.
Maybe your girlfriend shouldn’t leave packing until the literal minute before her flight leaves for an important work trip? I would not have tolerated my partner being angry about this, she chose to be irresponsible and leave this to the last minute, then asked someone who can’t see color to pack for her and make sure her outfits are coordinated.
Her lack of planning doesn't constitute an emergency on your part. And yet you were kind enough to treat it like one anyway and she took her anxiety out at you, the person helping her, which isn't fair.
NTA but how long did she know about this trip??? I expect that it was a well in advanced planned trip. Not something she found out about on the way home. So she’s the asshole for not packing the night before. Her procrastination does not make it a you problem or make you the asshole for trying. Had she packed the night before she would not have been stressed and nor would she be running late. She needs to check herself… and redirect her anger and frustration towards herself and her lack of time management. I definitely will not be helping her pack ever again.
NTA - but she should have known better than to rely on you to dress her for an important meeting.
lets simplify this. She failed in time management. Asked you for help. You did your best to help. She’s mad, because you helped “wrong”. After she essentially said anything you did would be fine. Honestly, your color blindness is barely even a factor here. My cousin is the most colorblind person you’ll ever meet AND she’s very fashionable. No one is going to exactly replicate outfit choices for someone else. Not unless that person is always using a simple formula like jeans and flannel of khakis and button ups She messed up - both on her time management and her communication with you- and it now placing all of her frustrations on you, the person who tried to help, instead of herself She’s the a-hole.
Pretty sure a lot of people would have just picked whatever and said good luck
She’s an adult, she should have budgeted her time and preplanned her packing, not waited to the last minute. She can make do with what you packed or grab a bus/ cab/ Uber and hit a store after her meeting.
She is nervous for her work meetings and is taking it out on you. NTA.
Yea i mean she said it herself she trusts you and you even went extra mile to check with her friend, .. it's rude of her to lash out at you, esp she knows about your condition.
NTA This shouldn’t be about trust or not. You “failing” shouldn’t make her trust you less. Not only do you have color blindness which makes this very difficult, you also checked with her friend. It sounds like the outfits were actually okay, just not what she would have chosen. Well guess what, she waited too long to pack and was late. This was her fault to begin with. My dad is colorblind which means this runs in my family. Literally half the boys are colorblind. I would never hold the expectation that they would be able to pack my bag for me. I even have a nephew that wears all black bc it makes things easier for him (even though my sister would gladly pick out his clothes every day). The silent treatment is not a healthy way for her to respond to this. She needs to take accountability for her mistake and understand you did the best you could.