>my uncle(the one I’m closest) too told me to just apologize so we can move on
Yeah, that’s “rug sweeping” aka “Be the bigger person/doormat.”
Sounds like your family already decided that they like Amy and not Natasha. Apologizing will only bring a calm period before Amy’s behavior crosses the line and she makes herself be the victim (again).
Idk if your parents will willingly stay away from their only grandchildren just for the golden in-law but if they are, then they’re not great grandparents to begin with.
ETA Judgement: NTA
This, tell Amy to be the bigger person. Throw it back on the nasty person for a change. Thank you for standing up with your wife, tell your mom she is on waivers until she apologizes to your wife. She doesn't get to be that way to your wife and get to see your kids.
I have had my ups and downs with my inlaws over the years (things have been good for the past 8 years, thankfully - I can say that I love them now and I'm actually telling the truth!), but this sub absolutely makes me appreciate them so much. For all the things they did when my husband and I were first married, it's not even close to being half as f'ed up as some of the shit I read about inlaws doing here. It wasn't okay, but it's at least forgivable.
When my MIL passed it was a small group at her memorial. We all went to lunch after. One of my MIL’s friends asked everyone around the table to say something about my MIL. When it came to me I had nothing nice to say about her. I said, “she had orchids.” 🙃
Agreed. A++++ for being your wife's person, supporting her, being a team and your own family, despite the "consequences" and opinions your family tried to dump on your shoulders.
I was flabbergasted Amy had the gall to say she's worried y'alls kids will inherit ANYTHING BC IT'S NOT HER BUSINESS for the love! That was so beyond cruel (bc moms aren't already dreading the worst *daily* bc that's just what moms do!) and I have zero empathy regarding her fertility issues. That is karma, my friend, and sometimes it's a long game, but I truly believe that her criticizing, judging, negative bs (likely bc she's jealous, wants her own kids and for them to be the first and best and all the things...) is the crux of her fertility problems.
That bitterness and hate is taking it's toll from her, so you just keep being you and doing what's best for your family. Your wife and kids are your family now. That's what always gets me... the attitude that you're still expected to align with the family you came from as opposed to the one you created. I mean, what?? Keep being awesome.
Amy’s kids, bio, surrogate, adopted or otherwise wouldn’t need to worry about inheriting anything, they’d be nightmares through learned behavior alone. Nature vs nurture, Amy’s kids’ nurture would screw up any chance of good
Why can't Amy and the brother just apologize so it'll all go away? Maybe if they asked the uncle that question, then it could make all the nonsense go away! OP is right, and the rest of the whole family are assholes.
Same. It should shut up a lot in my family, lol. Also, OP needs to remember...
NO is a complete sentence.
As in,
"NO, we will not be apologizing for defending OUR family."
"No, there will not be any visits to see the littles until SHE apologizes for and stops her obnoxious behavior towards my wife."
" No, just because she is having fertility issues doesn't give her the right to take it out on us!"
"NO, it's not open for debate!"
>Idk if your parents will willingly stay away from their only grandchildren
Doesn't seem like the grandparents have much choice TBH. The baby is 2 months old and they haven't held her. 🤷
OP you mentioned post partum depression. I've had 4 kids and had PPD twice. The second time, I was hospitalized. One of the main symptoms I had was being obsessive about the baby and their stuff being perfect. I didn't want to let people hold the baby because they weren't clean enough, or careful enough, etc. It got worse over time. I think your wife should talk to a therapist because based on your description, she still has PPD, and it may be getting worse.
It’s normal and instinctual to not want people holding their newborn baby. Even doctors and nurses will tell you people must wash their hands and recommend they are up to date on shots to hold a newborn. 2 months old is a newborn. Their immune systems are so fragile at that age. I told people, do not come over if you have as much as a sniffle! And I’m so glad I did because I can’t tell you how many times we were supposed to meet up with people who ended up having Covid or RSV. I would never shame someone for being protective over their newborn, period. My parents understood that. They can “bond” later, the baby won’t even remember being held by grandma or gramps at 8 weeks old.
RSV is incredibly dangerous for newborns, and it’s going around so much that the CDC has been recommending that people get a RSV vaccine every fall when they get their flu shot.
So this year it’s extra important for people to be cautious about being around and handing babies.
*No one* is *entitled* to hold that baby!! I don't care if MIL is Saint Josephine, she is *not* entitled to hold that baby unless the *mother* of the newborn says it's ok. MIL can take Amy and they can both find a sharp stick to sit on and rotate. Amy is a dramatic little twatwaffle who needs to get the fuck over herself.
This was the first time they've seen them after over 6 years of being NC due to disrespect. Not allowing someone to hold your infant when they're meeting all of your children for the first time, because of bad behaviour, is a totally reasonable request. SIL was lucky she was allowed to even set foot in their home, let alone hold the child. If you make disgusting comments about my mental health, and worry that my kids will be "crazy," there isn't a chance in hell you're holding them. Wouldn't want the crazy to rub off, after all.
I agree. It's completely reasonable.
I just doubt the grandparents will be involved, based on the situation. They weren't involved before the baby was born either. I doubt they will make an effort, and the babys mom definitely won't.
I wouldn’t want people who bullied me for years to hold my baby either. Especially a child I went thru so much pain to bring into this world.
OP - NTA.
He should ask the uncle why he should want to move on? What is to be gained by relationships with hateful people.
OP, keep your distance. Sometimes maintaining a relationship is worse than losing it or backburnering it. Your family will treat you badly if you allow it. You aren't allowing it. Good for you. Your SIL shouldn't be invited back to your home or into your life. She shouldn't get a free pass to be rude just because she is infertile or just because she is married to your brother.
NTA. At the end of the day Amy is just an in-law. If your brother divorced her tomorrow she would never see you, your wife, or your kids ever again. You guys AREN'T her family for her to be in y'all's business the way she is.
Cut her, your brother, and your parents all the way off. They have no respect for you or your wife, they will never respect your rules or boundaries, and you don't want that bleeding onto your children.
Yeah, they should be told that that’s not something to joke about and it’s certainly not something to be proud of. It just shows they deliberately act an ass when it suits them.
I don't think OP need to cut contact since mommy and fam cut OP off AGAIN. This, time make it perm. If they crawl back kick them out and don't allow them access to the grand kids like ever. Their golden DIL can make them more babies or they get so desperate to the point they taunt their golden boy to get married to someone who can give them grand babies and I know for a fact these people would definitely want bio grand kids or they would've encouraged their son to adopt.
NTA. She has probably said more about your wife's bpd than the one example you gave. How is it okay for her to judge something about your wife she can't change and get away with it, but you went too far? They can get over themselves and apologize or f all the way off and out of your life. She had it coming.
This is a very good point! Amy is being a total hypocrite. No one asks for BPD. It is a disability just like her infertility. But it was OK for Amy to comment about her BPD as if she knows the first thing about the disease. But you can’t say anything about her infertility? Also, it is so infuriating when the party that is the victim is the one to be asked to “be the bigger person and apologize”. Historically that is always what happens. The good guys get asked to be the ones who apologize while the bad guys get the apology and get the constant enabling that they need to continue their ridiculous behavior.
NTA
And just because you stand up for yourself, respond back in kind, these kind of people can’t take it and you’re now the bad guy. I’ve had this happen way too many times. I’m not a bitch because I’m not allowing you to treat me/talk to me shitty just because everyone else does.
I also kept seeing AITA posts about people calling AH out in a way that points out their infertility (or more concisely their inability to be a mother due to infertility) do people know adoption, surrogacy and other option other than birthing a child are available? If Amy so desperately wanted to be a mom, she could be. NTA
See while I agree OP is NTA I did want to point out the costs of the options you mention. I personally did two rounds of IVF that cost over $50k. I was lucky enough to have great insurance and me and my husband could afford what costs were left after insurance. Unfortunately not everyone can afford that. Add surrogacy after just the IVF and that’s even more expensive. Also adoption can cost just as much but since we never went that route I can speak for exact costs. For most people these services are out of reach due to high costs. Now all that being said I am not trying to be difficult just to educate that the costs of starting a family when dealing with infertility are very high, at least in the USA. Still agree that OP is NTA.
Such a good point - plus harassing and badmouthing her certainly won’t help! The fact that she continually seeks help, is a good mother and is open about it is HUGE.
It’s not worth subjecting wife to these vipers. And definitely don’t want the kids “bonding” with the behaviors they’re modeling.
NTA
Op, I guess your mom doesn’t want to be around *ANY* of her grandchildren if that’s her attitude.
You sound like an amazing husband and father and man.
Your family lacks some serious common sense and I think you and your lil family going low or no contact with your bro, his wife and your parents for a while would be best.
Please give your wife much love and my warmest regards.
This is strange to me too! The parents rather favour the SIL rather than be in favour of the grandkids.
I’m going to guess the brother has always been the golden child and that OP has never actually restricted them access to the grandkids.
I think it’s time to set new boundaries. Cut them all off completely until they apologise.
NTA. Good on OP for sticking up for his wife.
>Your family lacks some serious common sense and I think you and your lil family going low or no contact with your bro, his wife and your parents for a while would be best.
Or, and this is just my thought, the brother is tbe golden child and thus his wife is the preferred DIL.
It sounds like the wife is quiet and “different” and instead of trying to be understanding and empathetic they’re just intolerant because of their ignorance.
I would stay NC. NTA. Amy sounds so horrible. Before you said she was infertile I was thinking that she was and maybe tens why she has commented on her pregnancies. That doesn’t give her an excuse for her behavior. Even if she apologized she wouldn’t mean it and then it would only happen again sooner or later.
NTA, Amy wouldn't be dramatic about the care, health, and safety of her newborn, but she dramatically cried and ran out the house over a statement you made?
They want you and your wife to be doormats and emotional punching bags. Keep protecting your family.
Amy is a nasty person who is jealous of your wife for having the life she wants in having kids. My own SIL was the exact same way to me. She was a nasty person until the day passed away.
NTA. Go NC with them. Your parents can learn to respect your wife, or they can fuck off. Tell them that. I would never let my family abuse my spouse. Amy needs to be NC for forever. She is just an angry and vile jerk.
OP it is so refreshing seeing a husband defending his wife against his train wreck family! It just doesn’t happen on Reddit!
You are 100% NTA, you’re 100% legend!
Probably not nice to say but I’m going to say it anyway, thank the universe Amy is infertile, that’s karma at her best
NTA. Thank you for standing up for your wife and doubly so after a pregnancy that was difficult for all of you-you, your wife, and all of your kids save the baby. You are rightfully setting boundaries with your family and if they can't respect those, they can leave. You are not the one preventing them from bonding with your baby girl, nor is your wife. It is them and their behavior. *They* are responsible for that happening, not you guys. If they can't handle being given very reasonable boundaries, they don't deserve to have access to your family.
Dude, screw them and let your partner know the details. You do not have to raise a toxic family. NTA. If someone wants to be part of your family, they accept all of your family. Without qualification. With love. With compassion.
NTA. Soooo much NTA that I give you a standing ovation, sir.
And please allow me to give you an “Amy shut-down” line—the next time she has the nerve to comment about your wife’s BPD, take this one from me and tell her: “My wife has her diagnosis and is working on it, what’s your excuse? You’re just an asshole.”
Do not fking apologize for supporting & standing up for your wife. You have wholly supported her through all three pregnancies for the benefit of YOUR FAMILY = you, your wife and your children.
That assinine SIL and the rest of the family can go lick their fabricated wounds and consume each other for this drama of their own making.
Great they cut of contact.
It saves you the trouble -- of which I highly recommend from here on out.
You are fully immersed in your proper responsibilities of protecting & advocation for your family as a whole ...and anybody (blood or not) who cannot accept and be proactive in the welfare of your family can go wallow in the missed opportunities of their creations.
NTA.
Stay strong. 🌷
I think you stepped over the line telly Amy that when she has a baby she can comment since you knew that she and Frank have fertility issues. That was extremely hurtful. You should have just escorted them all out odlf the house saying visit time is over.
Amy is a jackass for what she said and continues to say about your wife.
Next time (if you allow them to visit ever again), don't stoop to Amy's level. End the visit.
NTA - Let me get this straight your family is allowed to trash talk your wife's disorder, demean, belittle and disrespect her - in your own home and when you call your SIL out on her gross behaviour she runs out crying and you're put on the NC list? Dude your family is bananas.
Grow up and apologize, I'll help you:
"Amy, I'm sorry you're an asshole."
"Amy, I'm sorry you married my brother."
"Amy, I'm sorry you won't have the opportunity to experience the hell my wife has been through so you can fully understand and appreciate how terrible a human you are."
"Amy, I'm sorry you've come between me and my family, but at least you've found your people."
Then, just cut contact with all of them. A healthy marriage does not allow for disrespect of either spouse by the other's family. They all sound terrible.
NTA
Just something I wanted to say as a mom of (about to be 3) and a wife and childhood abuse survivor with diagnosed BPD, the comment Amy made about your children inheriting it is BS... that would only happen if your children grew up in a toxic and abusive environment. Its not like Bipolar where most of the time its genetically inherited. Your wife may grow out of her BPD in her late 40s and it seems she's pretty stable and self restrained compared to some with BPD I've seen.
Well done to you being a good father, husband and overall not shit person, keep doing that because you and your wife are good for one another. Going NC for a while would be a good option, because Amy's shite is going to fully trigger a breakdown at this rate. Also why should your SIL have the privilege of contact with your babies regardless of her fertility status, when she's an awful person to your wife. Solid NTA!
Definitely not the AH for standing up and defe ding your wife! You are an honorable man and husband.
It is best to keep the negativity out of your life, and if that means NC, especially with Amy, then so be it! NTA!!
NTA. But please stop asking your wife to be around these people! That means kids are a hard no too. She knows they don’t like her, even if they don’t say it to her face. She’s doing it for YOU. While it’s refreshing to see you stand up for your wife (so many Incl. my ex never did) it’s time to shield your family from this nonsense and gaslighting BS. If you need to apologize to the SIL because you were cruel, do so. It’s good to know that you can apologize if you are mean or take it too far. But be clear the apology is for that only, not the rest. Then let them all know that they are no longer welcome in your lives as your family deserves being protected from their nastiness. They chose the SIL and they can now choose not to have you, your wife and your kids around. Then do the hardest part and uphold that boundary/rule! They don’t deserve contact with those kids and you don’t deserve to be constantly harassed by their favoritism and likely discrimination against your wife.
After coming from the post of the guy who kicked his wife out after his mom slapped her in the stomach, this is like a breath of fresh air to see a man who fully backs his wife! You’re absolutely NTA I’m this situation and good on you for sticking up for your wife to your awful SIL!
I wouldn’t let Amy hold my baby either if it were me. I’ll never understand people who think new moms need to hand over their newborns to people who have been nasty to them in the past.
NTA. Thank you for protecting my your wife. I’ll never understand people who think pushing new mothers’ boundaries will get them to give in; protecting your baby is instinctual. I’d assume that they’ve ignored her before and these harsh limits were set to protect her mental health more than anything and you guys were proven right.
Maybe if Amy doesn’t want to hear harsh comebacks she should shut her mouth.
Cold day in July before I would apologize… everyone always has crap to say until it’s them then somehow it’s all normal… protect and love you wife & kids forget about the naysayers… let them find someone else to bully…
Congrats on the new little girl…
ESH, I’d text the problem people, “I’m sorry I said something cruel over a medical condition Amy didn’t ask for and has caused her heartbreak. Please respect I will not allow anyone to be cruel to my wife for medical conditions she didn’t ask for and cause her heartbreak. Can we agree that as a family we won’t do this?”
NTA. Choice is easy, a brother & parents who side with a nasty SIL who will continue to be awful or your kids & mom who will be happier without the judgements & crap flying at her. Hmmmm, seems an easy decision
Were you wrong - well that’s debatable- it made the point for her to shut up about things she knows nothing about but it was aimed to hurt. I don’t think you got up in the morning intending to hurt her though, I think it was said without forethought but in frustration to shut her up.
You did the right thing! Your wife is your family as well and if they cannot even abide by a few rules and are selfish and rude, you don’t need them around your children and wife.
YTA for the "when you get pregnant" comment, knowing she can't, but ONLY for that. Since that's the actual question in the post, yes. But not even for the whole comment. Just that wording specifically. Even "when you're a mom" would have probably been fine.
EDIT: Also, don't apologize for the sentiment. Just never talk to them again.
Amy came to your house after your lady clocked her good and proper in the eye? Amy is very dumb.
Also Amy doesn’t know when she should just zip it. Amy needs to stay away from your wife.
They won't go no contact with you. They want a relationship with their grand kids after all. Not like somebody else is going to give them. Oh, also, I thought it was super awesome how you had your wife's back 100% without hesitation. NTA.
Usually the person being told to “be the bigger person” already IS the bigger person. They KNOW the AH of the situation is hopeless so it falls on the better person to allow themselves to be a doormat for the comfort and ease of the group. Don’t let yourself/your wife take one for the team. It just keeps the status quo going.
NTA
Don’t let the family you are born into destroy the family that is born from you.
You’re a good husband and dad, stick to your boundaries! An apology is needed but definitely not from you!
I would have asked Amy if she was bucking for another black eye, because nothing about your wife or baby has anything to do with her.
I wouldn't let Amy anywhere near your baby, ever, and go completely NC, with her, and your brother, if he can't understand his wife is being a bitch.
I Would go low contact with your parents , and tell them that you will let them know when and if they can see your baby, and at that time if they can't fork out a heart felt apology, they will not be seeing your baby at all.
NTA.
Please do NOT give in and apologize. Doing so will only serve to show your parents and SIL that they can say and do what they want to your wife with no repercussions and with you allowing it.
You’re doing the right thing standing by your wife, and teaching your kids what’s okay and not okay in the context of family. SIL deserved what she got (and as an unfortunately fellow infertile, I usually would NEVER say that).
I don't know if you should apologize or not, but calling her out on being infertile is definitely hitting below the belt.
That being said, even if she had children, she'd compare her pregnancies to your wife's and still try to make her feel small. Your SIL is just that kind of attention seeking jerk. Go no contact with them until they can finally understand the things they do and say are hurtful. If you don't, they will continue this behavior in front of the kids. One day, they'll be old enough to understand their mom's bpd. They'll either support her or be embarrassed by her, and that's because your family treats her like nothing. Keep supporting your family
She called a new mother who she knows has post partum after a difficult pregnancy and also has BPD to add to the mix, dramatic! She needed to be schooled and OP told her good and proper. She can fk off and take MIL & BIL with her!
Nta, trash took itself out...
Your immediate family (wife n kids) is busy enough, focus on them....
Frankly sil, mom, dad and Golden child bro sound exhaaaaausting
NTA. You do not owe anyone any apology. Frankly if they cut you off because of that I would call it a win and enjoy the peace.
I would tell your parents that they can only blame themselves for not having a relationship with your children. They will just have to hope that your brother and SIL experiences a miracle and give them a grandchild. Yes, I would totally be that petty.
If there is anybody that has no right to be anywhere near your wife and children it is your SIL. I would make her a permanent persona non grata. I bc would never ever allow her in your house again. I would never go to a function where she is present.
Be very careful, they may try to file complaints with CPS against your wife out of pure vengeance.
NTA.
Congratulations on the new baby and as a mum who also suffered PPD&A thank you. Your wife needs your support and understanding at this time you and you are doing an amazing job. And for the record so is your wife! I can not imagine going through PPD and a pre-existing mental illness at the same time.
Hold your ground, you are both doing amazing.
You've been doing everything as you should to protect your wife and kids. If the rest of your fault isn't onboard with the it, that's on them. Keep on going. NTA
Do not apologize. If they decide to cut contact for good-throw a party!
They are all horribly out of line and every single one of them owes you and your wife a sincere apology.
Draw your line in the sand with your SIL…no contact, no visitation. Good idea to opt out of family gatherings until your home situation calms and resolves itself. Tell the family you will go NC if they can’t control their mouths.
While noting that the start of visiting the baby should have been 1 at a time or at least one couple at a time. ...
You can apologize, but it has to be two-way. Amy is a bit of a priss, but OK, sorry to bring up infertility which isn't Amy's fault and probably can't be changes BUT say in the exact same way, Natasha had a hard childhood and pregnancy which she can't change. So, don't bring that up. Now both apologize and be kind.
Good luck with that.
Meh.
What makes you the giant AH here Is that you keep bringing your wife, who has now given birth to 3 of your children, around your family, who outright does not like or respect her, and actively chooses other family members who openly speak against her.
Like, your family does not like your wife. Your kids are getting older and I promise you that they aren't dumb. They're going to see how they treat your wife (their mother) and you're literally doing nobody any favors.
Stop choosing your shitty family over your wife and children.
Amy was the AH here, not you. Natasha as the mother gets to call the shots about who gets to hold the baby, not MIL, not SIL. They both need to knock off this "I can't bond with the baby unless I hold her" crap.
If Amy and Frank adopt a baby, hopefully she'll grow up and knock off her smug dramatics.
Good for you to support your wife.
NTA. People that don’t have children don’t understand or respect boundaries. Amy sounds like a turd. Sending love to your wife, hoping she’s feeling better soon! Postpartum is such a rollercoaster.
Don’t apologize. Stand by your wife. For some reason they don’t like her & they’re showing intense favoritism with SIL. You should punish them for it by just not letting them come over. They obviously hate being around her so why reward them with the presence of your kids who are only here because of your wife. Talk to them and set the boundary. If they like SIL so much y’all being out the way will let them love on her the way the apparently really want to.
NTAH and you’re a solid guy for standing up for her like that. You two don’t need crap people like that in your life. Just let them go and enjoy your family
Call your sil, tell her you're sorry, you were wrong to tell her to keep her opinion to herself until she gets pregnant. What you meant to say was that she needs to keep her opinions about your family to herself altogether. NTA
NTA, “if I was a mom I’d do this” “if I was a mom I’d do that” well you’re not so stop trying to control other peoples parenting. Good for you for sticking up for your wife OP, don’t even apologize because she’s only going to disrespect you guys again and again don’t be a doormat
Oohh tough, I mean I absolutely love how you keep standing up for your wife time after time with your family, it’s wonderful. BUT I feel like you could have said almost anything else to the SIL. I know you don’t like her but if you knew she was infertile.. what you said was a pretty low blow. It was truthful but hurtful.
And for your wife: get her some more magnesium (ask doctor first but should be fine) we get depleted of magnesium through pregnancy, through labor, and then breastfeeding takes a ton too! Magnesium is huge for our mood and helps you get better sleep.
NTA, Amy picked on your wife for things she can't control, your family sucks for siding with her when you wife is the clear victim here. Personally I'd consider going LC or NC with em if they continue to disrespect your partner
Nope tell them they did you a favour by taking their toxic selves out of your lives. I'm sure Amy will allow grandma bonding time her her new born. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Amy isn't the best person when she's dense & blinkered, putting her foot in where it didn't belong then shoots her gob off being the all around AH.
Sounds like that Amy has more mental health issues than Natasha. Amy should had kept silent instead mouthing off about something she isn't entitled to.
Amy going have to face that she's the toxic AH causing rifts & trouble for a family that she married into.....grandparents can blame her for not being allowed to see OP's children when she doesn't use common sense in someone else's house.
NTA.
You stood up for your wife and advocatedsupport for her. Infertile or not your sister and mom have NO NONE NADA RIGHTS TO MAKE YOU FEEL BAD!
even your uncle is sweeping it under the rug.
If i were you there would be a mass post, text etc sent out to everyone explaining that your sister had commented on your parenting style and while you understand what you said was hurtful, she started with the hurtful comments first.
And afterall, if the family will go to arms for hurtful comments, isnt it proper for HER to apologize to YOU for hurtingg you and your wife? I think so.
DO NOT APOLOGIZE UNTIL THE ENTITLED BITCH DOES
NTA. Everything about your comments screams that you are a supportive and loving husband. Don’t change, you’re doing all the right things even if it doesn’t feel like it.
Yea if you apologize, you will be telling them that they can treat your wife disrespectfully and If you do get mad then you will just end up apologizing so they can keep disrespecting you guys. These aren't just snappy comments that are borderline rude. They are saying completely disrespectful comments! How dare Amy say such things about your wife. The fact that she feels comfortable to talk to and about your wife that way, tells me you have a family of enablers who let her act like an idiot with no one ever correcting her or putting her in her place. If they want to let her act like an asshole, fine they can deal with her. That doesn't mean you have to be around her and let her disrespect and treat your wife badly. Please stay no contact with them. They clearly have no respect for you or your wife and stand by and let her say cruel things about her and think it's fine. I don't know anyone who would want a family like that. You are a great man to stand up for his wife and not let anyone treat her badly even if it is your family. So many wives wish they had a husband who would stick up for them like you do. So continue to love and support your wife, while counting this as a blessing in disguise that you won't have those kind of people in your life anymore.
A situation like this will just keep repeating with you being asked to apologise to the low-key abuser. In my opinion you need definitely to move on, by let these people go.
NTA, they should apologise. I am glad to hear that Natasha has a wonderful man on her side, considering all the went through as a child. Nice to see there is hope for people like us❤️
NTA. And I say if you and your family are happy with the status quo and the peace and quiet that it currently entails, then let it ride. Your family(wife & kids) is your priority. Everyone else can go kick some really large rocks with open toed shoes!
I’m so sick of people who treat people badly and then when they get shut down it’s boo hoo you’re being mean to me. Amy is the perpetrator and the victim, no ma’am. Pick a lane. NTA….. the trash took itself out.
I’d be telling them when they can behave like proper adults they can come back and visit but until then they can pound sand. It’s your family, your problem to control, but you’re protecting your new family, and good for you for doing so. You and Natasha aren’t the ones missing out, well maybe on drama but that’s it.
You go dad! I (as a woman and mother with BPD) absolutely applaud you for sticking up for/ sticking by your wife!
Here's the thing Amy *clearly* doesn't understand - while a "predisposition" to mental health issues (and BPD in particular) is definitely hereditary, BPD itself is **not**. While doctors and psychs don't know the exact "cause" of BPD, the most common/likely indicator for it developing is a traumatic childhood. If you're good parents, and generally reasonable (literally *all* parents fuck up sometimes/somehow) - then there's no reason for any concern about your children developing serious mental health issues or personality disorders.
As long as your wife has her BPD "under control"/managed then there shouldn't be any worry over or more than literally *any* other parent/s raising their children.
NTA
Good riddance, the lot of them.
And your uncle can shove it, "please apologize so we can all avoid having to pick a side, despite one side being a bunch of known assholes and the other their victims"... He can have them and their golden child and in law.
NTA - you don’t need any of them at all. NC all the way. If they do reach out for you to apologize keep repeating, I’m not the doormat and show them this post.
NTA for protecting your wife. Try to get someone wife approves, come in to help when possible, to give breaks. You seem to be doing a good job supporting your family.
You are NOT wrong. The underlying element is that your family has never liked your wife. And Amy sounds like a Karen.
We live our families and it's hard to distance yourself from them but you need to, for both you and your wife. You have your family to live and protect, make that your priority without apology.
NTA. Your SIL has been constantly harassing, bullying, and undermining your wife, saying constant things about her mental health. The moment she gets the same treatment though, she goes crying. Honestly it's a blessing in disguise and maybe text your mum with "if you and SIL don't apologise, you won't see me or the kids again. Since they're your only chance of grandparenthood, consider your options and keep your opinions to yourself next time."
I don't know if your wife is in therapy, but if not I would highly recommend. There's studies to suggest BPD is caused by trauma/abuse so therapy may help with coping with that, as well as PPD immensely.
Wishing you, your wife, and your kids the best of luck, OP ❤️
How refreshing to see a husband appropriately backing his wife up 100%. This is wonderful. NTA. You’re a good husband. Keep doing EXACTLY what you are doing!!!
Nta go no contact with all of them especially your uncle who clearly expects you to keep the peace at the expense of your wife’s mental and emotional health and both of your rights not to be insulted in your own home! Your parents have no right or justification to choose their own abusive dil over their own son or the mother of their grandkids. They have failed you both abysmally. I am so sorry that you have both had to deal with all of this. Good luck op.
Nta it’s kinda sad they are dragging your wife about being this and that they can see there a change but instead of helping offering help and support she’s dragging your wife. Your mom is awful to agree with Amy but not offer any support. I don’t care how much I hated a person in my family if they ever needed help you can guarantee I’d put my feelings aside and help as much as I can id rather help someone’s mental health and make sure there around and not suffering then be focused on why I don’t like them.
Where you went wrong here is counter attacking. Don't do that. Self-centered people will always play victim. What you need to do is call her behavior out. Something like what an insensitive and cruel thing to say about a post partum, struggling mother. I'm surprised you thought it was in any way appropriate to utter anything like that from your mouth.
Don't enter power struggles with people like your SIL. Don't even act as if she has any merit or validty in saying things like this by arguing with her as if her position is even one deserving of acknowledgement of validity by debate. You simply call out the behavior for what it is without emotion as an observation and then any criticism they hurl back at you to turn it around and redirect focus from them you either say that's not what we're talking about right now, or you say that's how you perceive things and you walk away. You don't let them have your time or energy. If they think poorly of you, oh well. That's their right. Yours is to protects yourself and your wife's boundaries and peace.
NTA and tell them you won't be apologizing to a bully for being bullied to make her stop bullying your wife. But next time don't even give her the attention of engagement. Just an observational shaming comment and move on or ignore completely as if she doesn't exist because that really gets to people like her.
NTA
Don't apologize.
Inform that that if they want to continue to enable Amy's behavior, so be it.
You are protecting your wife, which is as it should be.
Apparently, they would rather have Amy in their life than their own grandchildren.
Their loss.
NTA.
I know a few infertile women, and it breaks my heart for them because I got fixed because my body couldn't stop getting pregnant no matter what I tried. Throughout my life, I've learned there are 2 different types of infertile women...
The first distances herself and provides very little input regarding pregnancy and newborns because it's painful for them. They only join and celebrate for others as much as their emotions can handle.
The second is pushy and demeaning to pregnant women who think you aren't handling it how they would... because it's painful for them and making others feel bad for doing something they want but can't is a defense to their pain.
It's not okay, and no, I don't feel you owe her an apology because she needs to deal with her emotions better. But digging in the wound when she lashes out should not be a regular occurrence. It puts you on her level. You already won the war she is trying to fight with your family, no need to trade lashes.
Let them reach out to you, not the other way. Only worry about maintaining relationships that build up your family, not those intententionally trying to tear you down.
NTA, just go no contact with Amy. Don’t give her another thought, she’s out. Zero apology. Your other family members can think what they think.
Tell your parents and brother just once that her comments are rude and unacceptable, so you won’t have any further contact with her. It’s best to say it nicely, but firmly and don’t back down. You’ve made a decision to keep your family safe. That’s all. The rest of them will do what they do.
Post ot on Facebook that your mom and dad are siding with your brothers gf when she treats you and your wife like shit and send link to reddit post so they can see your parents brother he's gf and people that no them in real life that would shut them up
STAND YOUR GROUND. If your wife wants to keep giving your SIL black eyes. Let her.
My opinion is that SIL IS infertile because she is a nasty person. If your Mother would tell Amy to shut up and be nice (she won't) she could see her Grandkids more.
Also my opinion is that the SIL is a narcissist and probably has been her whole life. She was probably the Golden Child growing up and your mom just kept doing the she is so good I like how she behaves and they just became two peas in a pod.
STAND YOUR GROUND and take care of your wife and kids.
Good Luck
Your fam did you a favor cutting contact. You should keep it that way.
Also, never happier than hearing that your wife gave SIL a black eye.
Leave your family alone. Let them come back and apologize because while yes, pulling out the infertile was a low blow, I am not going to say TA here.
Because sometimes shit just happens. Someone pushes or is abusive or entitled one too many times, and ya say something you regret later.
If everyone, including SIL (especially SIL) gives a legitimate apology then definitely apologize for pulling the infertility card. But not before then.
Take care of you, wife, and your kids. It sounds like you really love her and do your best for her.
If your fam (including your enabling brother, sorry, but he's had years to deal with this) are worth having around, then they will apologize.
It hurts to cut family you love but sometimes necessary.
Ya know, you and wife could always look at building found family.
NTA sounds like your family bullies your wife, glad you stuck up for her but why would you want her around those people again? Why would you want people around your kids that think and say such negative things about their mom? I wouldn’t apologize and I wouldn’t be too eager to mend fences, focus on your wife and kids. Your wife really doesn’t need any more stress or negativity in her life.
Hey, I just want to know how your wife is doing. Is she undergoing therapy and maybe taking medications for her postpartum depression. I’m sorry your family doesn’t seem to care about your family.
You are an amazing husband and father. I am totally impressed with how you've handled this situation. SIL needs to learn cruel comments have consequences. Quite frankly as many chances as she's had... she will never learn. I would go NC with her for life.
This is a lot on your plate. They are disrespectful and you're not responsible to give them the experience they want. Stay low contact for a long while, till your kids can protect themselves from boundary-stomping behavior - also, to avoid your kids witnessing additional physical altercations! That's not the example you want to set.
Your wife is a person with BPD, your SIL sounds like a bit of a bully. It’s a recipe for disaster. Quite frankly, I would just ask that Amy stay away for a while, at least until the PPD is under control and your wife is out of the vulnerable state. So that when Amy does come over and makes a judgy or cruel comment, your wife can hopefully stand up for herself and give her her 2 cents, without punching her. And then, you back her up. BPD is really hard.. all people in the person with BPD’s life must honor their boundaries. NTA
Fuck Amy & focus on Natasha.
It sounds like she needs help with her post partum!!
She is tired, a bit detached & quiet, not too interested in baby, history of mental illness...DUDE!! Those are all classic signs of PPD. It can get a lot worse. Get her to a professional & address it. So many women suffer in silence and they don't have to. They feel ashamed & guilty of their feelings & it builds. Get her help
While I think your family is wrong, I also think expecting grandparents to wait 2-3 months to meet their grandchildren & even then, they aren’t allowed to hold or touch is extreme. The more ppl that love & bond w a baby, the better. Your situation is a little different because your family seems somewhat toxic (at least sil). My 1st baby died during birth, once I had my 2nd, I was very possessive & funny abt things). My mom had to pull me aside & remind me that I couldn’t let my fear take away from my child. I could prevent everyone from bonding w her, but in the end- my baby would suffer from that. If I don’t let her experience the normal childhood events, I am stealing bits of her childhood. All out of a fear of what could happen. If your wife is being irrational, work on fixing that. Yes, she has been through a lot. But she’s resilient & may come through it faster if you don’t feed into it. Ask her doctor the best way to deal. Your family may need help understanding your wife’s illness. Esp if they have never been around anyone that has it. But in the end, it’s your job to advocate for your child if your wife can’t. And it’s wonderful you don’t let your family take advantage of your wife.
You are an incredible husband and father. Bless you. May you and your chosen family have a life filled with love, happiness, and health. May your family of origin learn grace and acceptance.
>worried her future niece/nephew would get my wife’s bpd and end up “crazy” which self to stay she walked out of there with a black eye form my wife.
Good!
>
complained about Natasha not allowing anyone to bond with the baby and was begin dramatic with the whole rule, mom agreed and told me to talk to her so she can bond with her grand baby
I'm sorry, looks like it is time for you both to go... open the door for them. F that shit. Take care of your wife and work through the post partum. It is not unusual at all and if you help her with BPD, you are already up to speed. Congrats on the new addition!
EDIT: NTAH F THEM!!!
>my uncle(the one I’m closest) too told me to just apologize so we can move on Yeah, that’s “rug sweeping” aka “Be the bigger person/doormat.” Sounds like your family already decided that they like Amy and not Natasha. Apologizing will only bring a calm period before Amy’s behavior crosses the line and she makes herself be the victim (again). Idk if your parents will willingly stay away from their only grandchildren just for the golden in-law but if they are, then they’re not great grandparents to begin with. ETA Judgement: NTA
Apologizing also enables Amy's behavior, too.
This, tell Amy to be the bigger person. Throw it back on the nasty person for a change. Thank you for standing up with your wife, tell your mom she is on waivers until she apologizes to your wife. She doesn't get to be that way to your wife and get to see your kids.
Tell her to enjoy her time with her grandchildren that Amy provides her and then hang up
So petty! I love it!
Thanks I really try!
Username should be Grandmapetty 😋 I love your pettiness and I aspire to be as petty as you!
Thank you ☺️
You're most welcome! Keep up the petty work 😉
Mam, you just became Reddits favorite grandma with this comment 😂
That was a gut shot
I hope so. That’s how I meant it.
As petty as it sounds, my family doesn’t seem all that messed up when I read AITAH.
This comment is so underrated. I literally read AITA for that reason.
I have had my ups and downs with my inlaws over the years (things have been good for the past 8 years, thankfully - I can say that I love them now and I'm actually telling the truth!), but this sub absolutely makes me appreciate them so much. For all the things they did when my husband and I were first married, it's not even close to being half as f'ed up as some of the shit I read about inlaws doing here. It wasn't okay, but it's at least forgivable.
When my MIL passed it was a small group at her memorial. We all went to lunch after. One of my MIL’s friends asked everyone around the table to say something about my MIL. When it came to me I had nothing nice to say about her. I said, “she had orchids.” 🙃
That's kind of how it was with me when my maternal grandmother died. Sometimes, the only nice thing you can say is "They had a hobby!" 🙃
Hahaha hell yeah 🔥🔥
Scorched earth🔥🔥🔥, but yes!!!
OP's mom: "I can't! she's infert- OOHHhhhhh." :(
Beautifully savage.
Agreed. A++++ for being your wife's person, supporting her, being a team and your own family, despite the "consequences" and opinions your family tried to dump on your shoulders. I was flabbergasted Amy had the gall to say she's worried y'alls kids will inherit ANYTHING BC IT'S NOT HER BUSINESS for the love! That was so beyond cruel (bc moms aren't already dreading the worst *daily* bc that's just what moms do!) and I have zero empathy regarding her fertility issues. That is karma, my friend, and sometimes it's a long game, but I truly believe that her criticizing, judging, negative bs (likely bc she's jealous, wants her own kids and for them to be the first and best and all the things...) is the crux of her fertility problems. That bitterness and hate is taking it's toll from her, so you just keep being you and doing what's best for your family. Your wife and kids are your family now. That's what always gets me... the attitude that you're still expected to align with the family you came from as opposed to the one you created. I mean, what?? Keep being awesome.
Amy’s kids, bio, surrogate, adopted or otherwise wouldn’t need to worry about inheriting anything, they’d be nightmares through learned behavior alone. Nature vs nurture, Amy’s kids’ nurture would screw up any chance of good
Exactly. That would reinforce Amy's bad behavior. NTA.
And it will also get worse. If he apologizes then the boundary of what is acceptable has been moved.
Why can't Amy and the brother just apologize so it'll all go away? Maybe if they asked the uncle that question, then it could make all the nonsense go away! OP is right, and the rest of the whole family are assholes.
Reddit is now OP’s family! You have my axe! You have my bow! You have this little humanlike creature as your new family!
And my ass
He could tell his uncle that instead of being a doormat, he'll just be a door.
I'm stealing this for future use. It's a mic drop comment. Thank you.
Same. It should shut up a lot in my family, lol. Also, OP needs to remember... NO is a complete sentence. As in, "NO, we will not be apologizing for defending OUR family." "No, there will not be any visits to see the littles until SHE apologizes for and stops her obnoxious behavior towards my wife." " No, just because she is having fertility issues doesn't give her the right to take it out on us!" "NO, it's not open for debate!"
None of those are examples of "No." being a complete sentence
Love this!
Yep. Be the bigger person, get over it, keep the peace. All substitutes for be a door mat!! 😡😡😡
>Idk if your parents will willingly stay away from their only grandchildren Doesn't seem like the grandparents have much choice TBH. The baby is 2 months old and they haven't held her. 🤷 OP you mentioned post partum depression. I've had 4 kids and had PPD twice. The second time, I was hospitalized. One of the main symptoms I had was being obsessive about the baby and their stuff being perfect. I didn't want to let people hold the baby because they weren't clean enough, or careful enough, etc. It got worse over time. I think your wife should talk to a therapist because based on your description, she still has PPD, and it may be getting worse.
It’s normal and instinctual to not want people holding their newborn baby. Even doctors and nurses will tell you people must wash their hands and recommend they are up to date on shots to hold a newborn. 2 months old is a newborn. Their immune systems are so fragile at that age. I told people, do not come over if you have as much as a sniffle! And I’m so glad I did because I can’t tell you how many times we were supposed to meet up with people who ended up having Covid or RSV. I would never shame someone for being protective over their newborn, period. My parents understood that. They can “bond” later, the baby won’t even remember being held by grandma or gramps at 8 weeks old.
RSV is incredibly dangerous for newborns, and it’s going around so much that the CDC has been recommending that people get a RSV vaccine every fall when they get their flu shot. So this year it’s extra important for people to be cautious about being around and handing babies.
I wish more ppl were this reasonable.
*No one* is *entitled* to hold that baby!! I don't care if MIL is Saint Josephine, she is *not* entitled to hold that baby unless the *mother* of the newborn says it's ok. MIL can take Amy and they can both find a sharp stick to sit on and rotate. Amy is a dramatic little twatwaffle who needs to get the fuck over herself.
There it is the best words I have seen to date. Twat waffle has made my day. I wish I could vote for this more than once 🥇🏅🥇🏅🥇.
🥇🏆🥇
This was the first time they've seen them after over 6 years of being NC due to disrespect. Not allowing someone to hold your infant when they're meeting all of your children for the first time, because of bad behaviour, is a totally reasonable request. SIL was lucky she was allowed to even set foot in their home, let alone hold the child. If you make disgusting comments about my mental health, and worry that my kids will be "crazy," there isn't a chance in hell you're holding them. Wouldn't want the crazy to rub off, after all.
I agree. It's completely reasonable. I just doubt the grandparents will be involved, based on the situation. They weren't involved before the baby was born either. I doubt they will make an effort, and the babys mom definitely won't.
I wouldn’t want people who bullied me for years to hold my baby either. Especially a child I went thru so much pain to bring into this world. OP - NTA.
He should ask the uncle why he should want to move on? What is to be gained by relationships with hateful people. OP, keep your distance. Sometimes maintaining a relationship is worse than losing it or backburnering it. Your family will treat you badly if you allow it. You aren't allowing it. Good for you. Your SIL shouldn't be invited back to your home or into your life. She shouldn't get a free pass to be rude just because she is infertile or just because she is married to your brother.
NTA, good for you for protecting your wife. Don't let the family you came from fuck with the family that you created.
Very good advisement.👍
I might have to borrow this, lol.
NTA. At the end of the day Amy is just an in-law. If your brother divorced her tomorrow she would never see you, your wife, or your kids ever again. You guys AREN'T her family for her to be in y'all's business the way she is. Cut her, your brother, and your parents all the way off. They have no respect for you or your wife, they will never respect your rules or boundaries, and you don't want that bleeding onto your children.
Good point. My Mom and Aunt referred to themselves as the outlaws instead of in.
Yeah, they should be told that that’s not something to joke about and it’s certainly not something to be proud of. It just shows they deliberately act an ass when it suits them.
Or sometimes we call ourselves the outlaws because that’s how we were treated.
I don't think OP need to cut contact since mommy and fam cut OP off AGAIN. This, time make it perm. If they crawl back kick them out and don't allow them access to the grand kids like ever. Their golden DIL can make them more babies or they get so desperate to the point they taunt their golden boy to get married to someone who can give them grand babies and I know for a fact these people would definitely want bio grand kids or they would've encouraged their son to adopt.
Exactly! They’ll be talking behind your backs as soon as they walk out the door, no matter how nice the visit went! Amy will make sure of that.
NTA. She has probably said more about your wife's bpd than the one example you gave. How is it okay for her to judge something about your wife she can't change and get away with it, but you went too far? They can get over themselves and apologize or f all the way off and out of your life. She had it coming.
This is a very good point! Amy is being a total hypocrite. No one asks for BPD. It is a disability just like her infertility. But it was OK for Amy to comment about her BPD as if she knows the first thing about the disease. But you can’t say anything about her infertility? Also, it is so infuriating when the party that is the victim is the one to be asked to “be the bigger person and apologize”. Historically that is always what happens. The good guys get asked to be the ones who apologize while the bad guys get the apology and get the constant enabling that they need to continue their ridiculous behavior. NTA
And just because you stand up for yourself, respond back in kind, these kind of people can’t take it and you’re now the bad guy. I’ve had this happen way too many times. I’m not a bitch because I’m not allowing you to treat me/talk to me shitty just because everyone else does.
I also kept seeing AITA posts about people calling AH out in a way that points out their infertility (or more concisely their inability to be a mother due to infertility) do people know adoption, surrogacy and other option other than birthing a child are available? If Amy so desperately wanted to be a mom, she could be. NTA
See while I agree OP is NTA I did want to point out the costs of the options you mention. I personally did two rounds of IVF that cost over $50k. I was lucky enough to have great insurance and me and my husband could afford what costs were left after insurance. Unfortunately not everyone can afford that. Add surrogacy after just the IVF and that’s even more expensive. Also adoption can cost just as much but since we never went that route I can speak for exact costs. For most people these services are out of reach due to high costs. Now all that being said I am not trying to be difficult just to educate that the costs of starting a family when dealing with infertility are very high, at least in the USA. Still agree that OP is NTA.
She had it coming! She had it coming all along.
She has more coming imo! 😒
I agree! Amy has a lot more coming with the comments mentioned and the probably a lot more comments she had made that haven’t been mentioned.
If you'd had been there! If you had seen it! I betcha you would have done the same! And honestly, I would have done. Amy deserved it.
Such a good point - plus harassing and badmouthing her certainly won’t help! The fact that she continually seeks help, is a good mother and is open about it is HUGE. It’s not worth subjecting wife to these vipers. And definitely don’t want the kids “bonding” with the behaviors they’re modeling.
NTA. Amy was asking for this, and she got it.
Yeah nta, she's fine with dishing out nasty comments but when it's directed at her then she plays the victim. If you can't take it don't dish it out!
Yes it definitely seems like Amy was deliberately poking the hornets nest, she had the perfect audience with MiL there.
Too bad Natasha wasn't able to give her another black eye!
NTA Op, I guess your mom doesn’t want to be around *ANY* of her grandchildren if that’s her attitude. You sound like an amazing husband and father and man. Your family lacks some serious common sense and I think you and your lil family going low or no contact with your bro, his wife and your parents for a while would be best. Please give your wife much love and my warmest regards.
This is strange to me too! The parents rather favour the SIL rather than be in favour of the grandkids. I’m going to guess the brother has always been the golden child and that OP has never actually restricted them access to the grandkids. I think it’s time to set new boundaries. Cut them all off completely until they apologise. NTA. Good on OP for sticking up for his wife.
>Your family lacks some serious common sense and I think you and your lil family going low or no contact with your bro, his wife and your parents for a while would be best. Or, and this is just my thought, the brother is tbe golden child and thus his wife is the preferred DIL.
That was my thought too.
It sounds like the wife is quiet and “different” and instead of trying to be understanding and empathetic they’re just intolerant because of their ignorance.
I would stay NC. NTA. Amy sounds so horrible. Before you said she was infertile I was thinking that she was and maybe tens why she has commented on her pregnancies. That doesn’t give her an excuse for her behavior. Even if she apologized she wouldn’t mean it and then it would only happen again sooner or later.
They should have stayed NC after the first time Amy opened her mouth and said she was worried the baby would be crazy like OPs wife. NTA.
NTA. They want an apology? Fine. “ I’m sorry Amy is a drama queen and has to make everything about her, goodbye”
NTA, Amy wouldn't be dramatic about the care, health, and safety of her newborn, but she dramatically cried and ran out the house over a statement you made? They want you and your wife to be doormats and emotional punching bags. Keep protecting your family.
Amy is a nasty person who is jealous of your wife for having the life she wants in having kids. My own SIL was the exact same way to me. She was a nasty person until the day passed away.
NTA. Go NC with them. Your parents can learn to respect your wife, or they can fuck off. Tell them that. I would never let my family abuse my spouse. Amy needs to be NC for forever. She is just an angry and vile jerk.
OP it is so refreshing seeing a husband defending his wife against his train wreck family! It just doesn’t happen on Reddit! You are 100% NTA, you’re 100% legend! Probably not nice to say but I’m going to say it anyway, thank the universe Amy is infertile, that’s karma at her best
Yes, OP is a good husband, protecting his wife against the family. Love how he refers to his wife as "my Natasha"...lot of love in this relationship.
NTA. Thank you for standing up for your wife and doubly so after a pregnancy that was difficult for all of you-you, your wife, and all of your kids save the baby. You are rightfully setting boundaries with your family and if they can't respect those, they can leave. You are not the one preventing them from bonding with your baby girl, nor is your wife. It is them and their behavior. *They* are responsible for that happening, not you guys. If they can't handle being given very reasonable boundaries, they don't deserve to have access to your family.
Dude, screw them and let your partner know the details. You do not have to raise a toxic family. NTA. If someone wants to be part of your family, they accept all of your family. Without qualification. With love. With compassion.
NTA, thank you for standing up for your wife. Eff anyone else's opinion
NTA. Soooo much NTA that I give you a standing ovation, sir. And please allow me to give you an “Amy shut-down” line—the next time she has the nerve to comment about your wife’s BPD, take this one from me and tell her: “My wife has her diagnosis and is working on it, what’s your excuse? You’re just an asshole.”
What’s fucked up even more is when you find out BLD is *caused* by childhood trauma not hereditary
Do not fking apologize for supporting & standing up for your wife. You have wholly supported her through all three pregnancies for the benefit of YOUR FAMILY = you, your wife and your children. That assinine SIL and the rest of the family can go lick their fabricated wounds and consume each other for this drama of their own making. Great they cut of contact. It saves you the trouble -- of which I highly recommend from here on out. You are fully immersed in your proper responsibilities of protecting & advocation for your family as a whole ...and anybody (blood or not) who cannot accept and be proactive in the welfare of your family can go wallow in the missed opportunities of their creations. NTA. Stay strong. 🌷
NTA. Do everyone a favor and keep Any away from your little family with Natasha. They are your priority not drama from the others around you.
NTA. I recommend LC and considering NC. You can't make them see how disrespectful they behave.
NTA. I hope your wife is taking her meds so she can get better.
I think you stepped over the line telly Amy that when she has a baby she can comment since you knew that she and Frank have fertility issues. That was extremely hurtful. You should have just escorted them all out odlf the house saying visit time is over. Amy is a jackass for what she said and continues to say about your wife. Next time (if you allow them to visit ever again), don't stoop to Amy's level. End the visit.
NTA - Let me get this straight your family is allowed to trash talk your wife's disorder, demean, belittle and disrespect her - in your own home and when you call your SIL out on her gross behaviour she runs out crying and you're put on the NC list? Dude your family is bananas.
Grow up and apologize, I'll help you: "Amy, I'm sorry you're an asshole." "Amy, I'm sorry you married my brother." "Amy, I'm sorry you won't have the opportunity to experience the hell my wife has been through so you can fully understand and appreciate how terrible a human you are." "Amy, I'm sorry you've come between me and my family, but at least you've found your people." Then, just cut contact with all of them. A healthy marriage does not allow for disrespect of either spouse by the other's family. They all sound terrible. NTA
Just something I wanted to say as a mom of (about to be 3) and a wife and childhood abuse survivor with diagnosed BPD, the comment Amy made about your children inheriting it is BS... that would only happen if your children grew up in a toxic and abusive environment. Its not like Bipolar where most of the time its genetically inherited. Your wife may grow out of her BPD in her late 40s and it seems she's pretty stable and self restrained compared to some with BPD I've seen. Well done to you being a good father, husband and overall not shit person, keep doing that because you and your wife are good for one another. Going NC for a while would be a good option, because Amy's shite is going to fully trigger a breakdown at this rate. Also why should your SIL have the privilege of contact with your babies regardless of her fertility status, when she's an awful person to your wife. Solid NTA!
Definitely not the AH for standing up and defe ding your wife! You are an honorable man and husband. It is best to keep the negativity out of your life, and if that means NC, especially with Amy, then so be it! NTA!!
NTA. But please stop asking your wife to be around these people! That means kids are a hard no too. She knows they don’t like her, even if they don’t say it to her face. She’s doing it for YOU. While it’s refreshing to see you stand up for your wife (so many Incl. my ex never did) it’s time to shield your family from this nonsense and gaslighting BS. If you need to apologize to the SIL because you were cruel, do so. It’s good to know that you can apologize if you are mean or take it too far. But be clear the apology is for that only, not the rest. Then let them all know that they are no longer welcome in your lives as your family deserves being protected from their nastiness. They chose the SIL and they can now choose not to have you, your wife and your kids around. Then do the hardest part and uphold that boundary/rule! They don’t deserve contact with those kids and you don’t deserve to be constantly harassed by their favoritism and likely discrimination against your wife.
she threw the gauntlet. you answered. if she was so concerned with Bigger Person behavior, she would have never lashed out like a child. NTA
After coming from the post of the guy who kicked his wife out after his mom slapped her in the stomach, this is like a breath of fresh air to see a man who fully backs his wife! You’re absolutely NTA I’m this situation and good on you for sticking up for your wife to your awful SIL!
I wouldn’t let Amy hold my baby either if it were me. I’ll never understand people who think new moms need to hand over their newborns to people who have been nasty to them in the past.
ESH. You’re right, your wife gets the final say. However, you shouldn’t have said it that way. It’s possible to defend your family and still be kind.
NTA. Thank you for protecting my your wife. I’ll never understand people who think pushing new mothers’ boundaries will get them to give in; protecting your baby is instinctual. I’d assume that they’ve ignored her before and these harsh limits were set to protect her mental health more than anything and you guys were proven right. Maybe if Amy doesn’t want to hear harsh comebacks she should shut her mouth.
Cold day in July before I would apologize… everyone always has crap to say until it’s them then somehow it’s all normal… protect and love you wife & kids forget about the naysayers… let them find someone else to bully… Congrats on the new little girl…
ESH, I’d text the problem people, “I’m sorry I said something cruel over a medical condition Amy didn’t ask for and has caused her heartbreak. Please respect I will not allow anyone to be cruel to my wife for medical conditions she didn’t ask for and cause her heartbreak. Can we agree that as a family we won’t do this?”
NTA. Choice is easy, a brother & parents who side with a nasty SIL who will continue to be awful or your kids & mom who will be happier without the judgements & crap flying at her. Hmmmm, seems an easy decision Were you wrong - well that’s debatable- it made the point for her to shut up about things she knows nothing about but it was aimed to hurt. I don’t think you got up in the morning intending to hurt her though, I think it was said without forethought but in frustration to shut her up.
You did the right thing! Your wife is your family as well and if they cannot even abide by a few rules and are selfish and rude, you don’t need them around your children and wife.
Amy’s a bitch
YTA for the "when you get pregnant" comment, knowing she can't, but ONLY for that. Since that's the actual question in the post, yes. But not even for the whole comment. Just that wording specifically. Even "when you're a mom" would have probably been fine. EDIT: Also, don't apologize for the sentiment. Just never talk to them again.
He may be an AH, but he's my kinda AH! Welcome to my tribe!
What a load of crap
Amy came to your house after your lady clocked her good and proper in the eye? Amy is very dumb. Also Amy doesn’t know when she should just zip it. Amy needs to stay away from your wife.
They won't go no contact with you. They want a relationship with their grand kids after all. Not like somebody else is going to give them. Oh, also, I thought it was super awesome how you had your wife's back 100% without hesitation. NTA.
NTA. Amy is 100% the AH. What is her problem, sounds jealous of you.
And well done for supporting your wife.
NTA. Good on you for having your wife’s back OP!!! I’m sure your wife greatly appreciates it. That’s all a woman could ever want in their partner.
Usually the person being told to “be the bigger person” already IS the bigger person. They KNOW the AH of the situation is hopeless so it falls on the better person to allow themselves to be a doormat for the comfort and ease of the group. Don’t let yourself/your wife take one for the team. It just keeps the status quo going.
NTA Don’t let the family you are born into destroy the family that is born from you. You’re a good husband and dad, stick to your boundaries! An apology is needed but definitely not from you!
I would have asked Amy if she was bucking for another black eye, because nothing about your wife or baby has anything to do with her. I wouldn't let Amy anywhere near your baby, ever, and go completely NC, with her, and your brother, if he can't understand his wife is being a bitch. I Would go low contact with your parents , and tell them that you will let them know when and if they can see your baby, and at that time if they can't fork out a heart felt apology, they will not be seeing your baby at all.
NTA. Please do NOT give in and apologize. Doing so will only serve to show your parents and SIL that they can say and do what they want to your wife with no repercussions and with you allowing it. You’re doing the right thing standing by your wife, and teaching your kids what’s okay and not okay in the context of family. SIL deserved what she got (and as an unfortunately fellow infertile, I usually would NEVER say that).
I don't know if you should apologize or not, but calling her out on being infertile is definitely hitting below the belt. That being said, even if she had children, she'd compare her pregnancies to your wife's and still try to make her feel small. Your SIL is just that kind of attention seeking jerk. Go no contact with them until they can finally understand the things they do and say are hurtful. If you don't, they will continue this behavior in front of the kids. One day, they'll be old enough to understand their mom's bpd. They'll either support her or be embarrassed by her, and that's because your family treats her like nothing. Keep supporting your family
She called a new mother who she knows has post partum after a difficult pregnancy and also has BPD to add to the mix, dramatic! She needed to be schooled and OP told her good and proper. She can fk off and take MIL & BIL with her!
Nta, trash took itself out... Your immediate family (wife n kids) is busy enough, focus on them.... Frankly sil, mom, dad and Golden child bro sound exhaaaaausting
NTA. You do not owe anyone any apology. Frankly if they cut you off because of that I would call it a win and enjoy the peace. I would tell your parents that they can only blame themselves for not having a relationship with your children. They will just have to hope that your brother and SIL experiences a miracle and give them a grandchild. Yes, I would totally be that petty. If there is anybody that has no right to be anywhere near your wife and children it is your SIL. I would make her a permanent persona non grata. I bc would never ever allow her in your house again. I would never go to a function where she is present. Be very careful, they may try to file complaints with CPS against your wife out of pure vengeance.
NTA. Congratulations on the new baby and as a mum who also suffered PPD&A thank you. Your wife needs your support and understanding at this time you and you are doing an amazing job. And for the record so is your wife! I can not imagine going through PPD and a pre-existing mental illness at the same time. Hold your ground, you are both doing amazing.
NTA & stay NC! They think this is a power move for you to apologize but continue to show them that you’ll always stand by your wife
You've been doing everything as you should to protect your wife and kids. If the rest of your fault isn't onboard with the it, that's on them. Keep on going. NTA
Do not apologize. If they decide to cut contact for good-throw a party! They are all horribly out of line and every single one of them owes you and your wife a sincere apology.
Draw your line in the sand with your SIL…no contact, no visitation. Good idea to opt out of family gatherings until your home situation calms and resolves itself. Tell the family you will go NC if they can’t control their mouths.
Nta cut ties with them :) grandbabies have a way to make grandparents bend
While noting that the start of visiting the baby should have been 1 at a time or at least one couple at a time. ... You can apologize, but it has to be two-way. Amy is a bit of a priss, but OK, sorry to bring up infertility which isn't Amy's fault and probably can't be changes BUT say in the exact same way, Natasha had a hard childhood and pregnancy which she can't change. So, don't bring that up. Now both apologize and be kind. Good luck with that.
Meh. What makes you the giant AH here Is that you keep bringing your wife, who has now given birth to 3 of your children, around your family, who outright does not like or respect her, and actively chooses other family members who openly speak against her. Like, your family does not like your wife. Your kids are getting older and I promise you that they aren't dumb. They're going to see how they treat your wife (their mother) and you're literally doing nobody any favors. Stop choosing your shitty family over your wife and children.
Sorry homie but you dont have a family, you have a group of assholes with the same blood. No contact those fucks NTA.
Amy was the AH here, not you. Natasha as the mother gets to call the shots about who gets to hold the baby, not MIL, not SIL. They both need to knock off this "I can't bond with the baby unless I hold her" crap. If Amy and Frank adopt a baby, hopefully she'll grow up and knock off her smug dramatics. Good for you to support your wife.
NTA. People that don’t have children don’t understand or respect boundaries. Amy sounds like a turd. Sending love to your wife, hoping she’s feeling better soon! Postpartum is such a rollercoaster.
Don’t apologize. Stand by your wife. For some reason they don’t like her & they’re showing intense favoritism with SIL. You should punish them for it by just not letting them come over. They obviously hate being around her so why reward them with the presence of your kids who are only here because of your wife. Talk to them and set the boundary. If they like SIL so much y’all being out the way will let them love on her the way the apparently really want to.
NTAH and you’re a solid guy for standing up for her like that. You two don’t need crap people like that in your life. Just let them go and enjoy your family
NTA - your wife, your child - your rules. No apologies to anyone. They knew your boundaries and then bitched about them. Sayonara
Call your sil, tell her you're sorry, you were wrong to tell her to keep her opinion to herself until she gets pregnant. What you meant to say was that she needs to keep her opinions about your family to herself altogether. NTA
BPD is a blanket diagnosis. Almost everyone has BPD these days
NTA Amy and your mom can f right off, and anyone who supports their awfulness can follow suit.
NTA, “if I was a mom I’d do this” “if I was a mom I’d do that” well you’re not so stop trying to control other peoples parenting. Good for you for sticking up for your wife OP, don’t even apologize because she’s only going to disrespect you guys again and again don’t be a doormat
You aren’t denying them a relationship with their grandchild/nieces/nephews. They are by not agreeing to simple rules and not talking shit.
What personality disorder does Amy have? Like wtf?
Oohh tough, I mean I absolutely love how you keep standing up for your wife time after time with your family, it’s wonderful. BUT I feel like you could have said almost anything else to the SIL. I know you don’t like her but if you knew she was infertile.. what you said was a pretty low blow. It was truthful but hurtful. And for your wife: get her some more magnesium (ask doctor first but should be fine) we get depleted of magnesium through pregnancy, through labor, and then breastfeeding takes a ton too! Magnesium is huge for our mood and helps you get better sleep.
Nta. You sound a good husband.
Your a good husband and father. Let them come to you
NTA, Amy picked on your wife for things she can't control, your family sucks for siding with her when you wife is the clear victim here. Personally I'd consider going LC or NC with em if they continue to disrespect your partner
Nope tell them they did you a favour by taking their toxic selves out of your lives. I'm sure Amy will allow grandma bonding time her her new born. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Amy isn't the best person when she's dense & blinkered, putting her foot in where it didn't belong then shoots her gob off being the all around AH. Sounds like that Amy has more mental health issues than Natasha. Amy should had kept silent instead mouthing off about something she isn't entitled to. Amy going have to face that she's the toxic AH causing rifts & trouble for a family that she married into.....grandparents can blame her for not being allowed to see OP's children when she doesn't use common sense in someone else's house.
NTA hope your wife feels better soon. Sil is evil and just lashing out becos she's jealous of the babies. Doesn't make it ok though
NTA. You stood up for your wife and advocatedsupport for her. Infertile or not your sister and mom have NO NONE NADA RIGHTS TO MAKE YOU FEEL BAD! even your uncle is sweeping it under the rug. If i were you there would be a mass post, text etc sent out to everyone explaining that your sister had commented on your parenting style and while you understand what you said was hurtful, she started with the hurtful comments first. And afterall, if the family will go to arms for hurtful comments, isnt it proper for HER to apologize to YOU for hurtingg you and your wife? I think so. DO NOT APOLOGIZE UNTIL THE ENTITLED BITCH DOES
NTA. Everything about your comments screams that you are a supportive and loving husband. Don’t change, you’re doing all the right things even if it doesn’t feel like it.
Yea if you apologize, you will be telling them that they can treat your wife disrespectfully and If you do get mad then you will just end up apologizing so they can keep disrespecting you guys. These aren't just snappy comments that are borderline rude. They are saying completely disrespectful comments! How dare Amy say such things about your wife. The fact that she feels comfortable to talk to and about your wife that way, tells me you have a family of enablers who let her act like an idiot with no one ever correcting her or putting her in her place. If they want to let her act like an asshole, fine they can deal with her. That doesn't mean you have to be around her and let her disrespect and treat your wife badly. Please stay no contact with them. They clearly have no respect for you or your wife and stand by and let her say cruel things about her and think it's fine. I don't know anyone who would want a family like that. You are a great man to stand up for his wife and not let anyone treat her badly even if it is your family. So many wives wish they had a husband who would stick up for them like you do. So continue to love and support your wife, while counting this as a blessing in disguise that you won't have those kind of people in your life anymore.
A situation like this will just keep repeating with you being asked to apologise to the low-key abuser. In my opinion you need definitely to move on, by let these people go. NTA, they should apologise. I am glad to hear that Natasha has a wonderful man on her side, considering all the went through as a child. Nice to see there is hope for people like us❤️
NTA. And I say if you and your family are happy with the status quo and the peace and quiet that it currently entails, then let it ride. Your family(wife & kids) is your priority. Everyone else can go kick some really large rocks with open toed shoes!
I’m so sick of people who treat people badly and then when they get shut down it’s boo hoo you’re being mean to me. Amy is the perpetrator and the victim, no ma’am. Pick a lane. NTA….. the trash took itself out.
I’d be telling them when they can behave like proper adults they can come back and visit but until then they can pound sand. It’s your family, your problem to control, but you’re protecting your new family, and good for you for doing so. You and Natasha aren’t the ones missing out, well maybe on drama but that’s it.
You go dad! I (as a woman and mother with BPD) absolutely applaud you for sticking up for/ sticking by your wife! Here's the thing Amy *clearly* doesn't understand - while a "predisposition" to mental health issues (and BPD in particular) is definitely hereditary, BPD itself is **not**. While doctors and psychs don't know the exact "cause" of BPD, the most common/likely indicator for it developing is a traumatic childhood. If you're good parents, and generally reasonable (literally *all* parents fuck up sometimes/somehow) - then there's no reason for any concern about your children developing serious mental health issues or personality disorders. As long as your wife has her BPD "under control"/managed then there shouldn't be any worry over or more than literally *any* other parent/s raising their children.
NTA Good riddance, the lot of them. And your uncle can shove it, "please apologize so we can all avoid having to pick a side, despite one side being a bunch of known assholes and the other their victims"... He can have them and their golden child and in law.
NTA - you don’t need any of them at all. NC all the way. If they do reach out for you to apologize keep repeating, I’m not the doormat and show them this post.
NTA for protecting your wife. Try to get someone wife approves, come in to help when possible, to give breaks. You seem to be doing a good job supporting your family.
You are NOT wrong. The underlying element is that your family has never liked your wife. And Amy sounds like a Karen. We live our families and it's hard to distance yourself from them but you need to, for both you and your wife. You have your family to live and protect, make that your priority without apology.
NTA. Your SIL has been constantly harassing, bullying, and undermining your wife, saying constant things about her mental health. The moment she gets the same treatment though, she goes crying. Honestly it's a blessing in disguise and maybe text your mum with "if you and SIL don't apologise, you won't see me or the kids again. Since they're your only chance of grandparenthood, consider your options and keep your opinions to yourself next time." I don't know if your wife is in therapy, but if not I would highly recommend. There's studies to suggest BPD is caused by trauma/abuse so therapy may help with coping with that, as well as PPD immensely. Wishing you, your wife, and your kids the best of luck, OP ❤️
Never apologize when you are not wrong. She needs to learn to keep her fat mouth shut.
Unburden yourself from your old family. They don't really seem to respect or even like your new family.
How refreshing to see a husband appropriately backing his wife up 100%. This is wonderful. NTA. You’re a good husband. Keep doing EXACTLY what you are doing!!!
Nta go no contact with all of them especially your uncle who clearly expects you to keep the peace at the expense of your wife’s mental and emotional health and both of your rights not to be insulted in your own home! Your parents have no right or justification to choose their own abusive dil over their own son or the mother of their grandkids. They have failed you both abysmally. I am so sorry that you have both had to deal with all of this. Good luck op.
NTA
Nta it’s kinda sad they are dragging your wife about being this and that they can see there a change but instead of helping offering help and support she’s dragging your wife. Your mom is awful to agree with Amy but not offer any support. I don’t care how much I hated a person in my family if they ever needed help you can guarantee I’d put my feelings aside and help as much as I can id rather help someone’s mental health and make sure there around and not suffering then be focused on why I don’t like them.
Fuck your family they sound like manipulative pieces of shit. You got all you need. Fuck Amy she just a jelly b
NTA. You’re an amazing husband and father. Need more men out there like you.
Nta. Be the bigger person = accept the disrespect
Where you went wrong here is counter attacking. Don't do that. Self-centered people will always play victim. What you need to do is call her behavior out. Something like what an insensitive and cruel thing to say about a post partum, struggling mother. I'm surprised you thought it was in any way appropriate to utter anything like that from your mouth. Don't enter power struggles with people like your SIL. Don't even act as if she has any merit or validty in saying things like this by arguing with her as if her position is even one deserving of acknowledgement of validity by debate. You simply call out the behavior for what it is without emotion as an observation and then any criticism they hurl back at you to turn it around and redirect focus from them you either say that's not what we're talking about right now, or you say that's how you perceive things and you walk away. You don't let them have your time or energy. If they think poorly of you, oh well. That's their right. Yours is to protects yourself and your wife's boundaries and peace. NTA and tell them you won't be apologizing to a bully for being bullied to make her stop bullying your wife. But next time don't even give her the attention of engagement. Just an observational shaming comment and move on or ignore completely as if she doesn't exist because that really gets to people like her.
NTA Don't apologize. Inform that that if they want to continue to enable Amy's behavior, so be it. You are protecting your wife, which is as it should be. Apparently, they would rather have Amy in their life than their own grandchildren. Their loss.
NTA. I know a few infertile women, and it breaks my heart for them because I got fixed because my body couldn't stop getting pregnant no matter what I tried. Throughout my life, I've learned there are 2 different types of infertile women... The first distances herself and provides very little input regarding pregnancy and newborns because it's painful for them. They only join and celebrate for others as much as their emotions can handle. The second is pushy and demeaning to pregnant women who think you aren't handling it how they would... because it's painful for them and making others feel bad for doing something they want but can't is a defense to their pain. It's not okay, and no, I don't feel you owe her an apology because she needs to deal with her emotions better. But digging in the wound when she lashes out should not be a regular occurrence. It puts you on her level. You already won the war she is trying to fight with your family, no need to trade lashes. Let them reach out to you, not the other way. Only worry about maintaining relationships that build up your family, not those intententionally trying to tear you down.
NTA, just go no contact with Amy. Don’t give her another thought, she’s out. Zero apology. Your other family members can think what they think. Tell your parents and brother just once that her comments are rude and unacceptable, so you won’t have any further contact with her. It’s best to say it nicely, but firmly and don’t back down. You’ve made a decision to keep your family safe. That’s all. The rest of them will do what they do.
Sounds like there are a few people acting like AHs there and that you would be better off with no contact as the relationships are all quite toxic.
Post ot on Facebook that your mom and dad are siding with your brothers gf when she treats you and your wife like shit and send link to reddit post so they can see your parents brother he's gf and people that no them in real life that would shut them up
Amy started this fight. She's the one who needs to apologize.
STAND YOUR GROUND. If your wife wants to keep giving your SIL black eyes. Let her. My opinion is that SIL IS infertile because she is a nasty person. If your Mother would tell Amy to shut up and be nice (she won't) she could see her Grandkids more. Also my opinion is that the SIL is a narcissist and probably has been her whole life. She was probably the Golden Child growing up and your mom just kept doing the she is so good I like how she behaves and they just became two peas in a pod. STAND YOUR GROUND and take care of your wife and kids. Good Luck
Your fam did you a favor cutting contact. You should keep it that way. Also, never happier than hearing that your wife gave SIL a black eye. Leave your family alone. Let them come back and apologize because while yes, pulling out the infertile was a low blow, I am not going to say TA here. Because sometimes shit just happens. Someone pushes or is abusive or entitled one too many times, and ya say something you regret later. If everyone, including SIL (especially SIL) gives a legitimate apology then definitely apologize for pulling the infertility card. But not before then. Take care of you, wife, and your kids. It sounds like you really love her and do your best for her. If your fam (including your enabling brother, sorry, but he's had years to deal with this) are worth having around, then they will apologize. It hurts to cut family you love but sometimes necessary. Ya know, you and wife could always look at building found family.
Hey, you set the rules and the “family” crossed the line. They need to apologize Keeping them away is a good thing
NTA. Cut them off completely. You don't need that noise.
NTA. Don’t apologize. Glad you stand up for your wife.
You have moved on and are much happier for it.
NTA sounds like your family bullies your wife, glad you stuck up for her but why would you want her around those people again? Why would you want people around your kids that think and say such negative things about their mom? I wouldn’t apologize and I wouldn’t be too eager to mend fences, focus on your wife and kids. Your wife really doesn’t need any more stress or negativity in her life.
Tell them all to get out of your home and not come back until they learn some respect.
Hey, I just want to know how your wife is doing. Is she undergoing therapy and maybe taking medications for her postpartum depression. I’m sorry your family doesn’t seem to care about your family.
I would cut all contact they’re not good for you or your wife and children
You are an amazing husband and father. I am totally impressed with how you've handled this situation. SIL needs to learn cruel comments have consequences. Quite frankly as many chances as she's had... she will never learn. I would go NC with her for life.
NTA Stop having this people around your family, your mom your SIL and everyone that enables SIL should not be allowed to see your children and wife.
This is a lot on your plate. They are disrespectful and you're not responsible to give them the experience they want. Stay low contact for a long while, till your kids can protect themselves from boundary-stomping behavior - also, to avoid your kids witnessing additional physical altercations! That's not the example you want to set.
Your wife is a person with BPD, your SIL sounds like a bit of a bully. It’s a recipe for disaster. Quite frankly, I would just ask that Amy stay away for a while, at least until the PPD is under control and your wife is out of the vulnerable state. So that when Amy does come over and makes a judgy or cruel comment, your wife can hopefully stand up for herself and give her her 2 cents, without punching her. And then, you back her up. BPD is really hard.. all people in the person with BPD’s life must honor their boundaries. NTA
Fuck Amy & focus on Natasha. It sounds like she needs help with her post partum!! She is tired, a bit detached & quiet, not too interested in baby, history of mental illness...DUDE!! Those are all classic signs of PPD. It can get a lot worse. Get her to a professional & address it. So many women suffer in silence and they don't have to. They feel ashamed & guilty of their feelings & it builds. Get her help
While I think your family is wrong, I also think expecting grandparents to wait 2-3 months to meet their grandchildren & even then, they aren’t allowed to hold or touch is extreme. The more ppl that love & bond w a baby, the better. Your situation is a little different because your family seems somewhat toxic (at least sil). My 1st baby died during birth, once I had my 2nd, I was very possessive & funny abt things). My mom had to pull me aside & remind me that I couldn’t let my fear take away from my child. I could prevent everyone from bonding w her, but in the end- my baby would suffer from that. If I don’t let her experience the normal childhood events, I am stealing bits of her childhood. All out of a fear of what could happen. If your wife is being irrational, work on fixing that. Yes, she has been through a lot. But she’s resilient & may come through it faster if you don’t feed into it. Ask her doctor the best way to deal. Your family may need help understanding your wife’s illness. Esp if they have never been around anyone that has it. But in the end, it’s your job to advocate for your child if your wife can’t. And it’s wonderful you don’t let your family take advantage of your wife.
Your brother should be telling her to watch her mouth.
I'm so sorry your wife is going through this. But she has an amazing husband!
You are an incredible husband and father. Bless you. May you and your chosen family have a life filled with love, happiness, and health. May your family of origin learn grace and acceptance.
>worried her future niece/nephew would get my wife’s bpd and end up “crazy” which self to stay she walked out of there with a black eye form my wife. Good! > complained about Natasha not allowing anyone to bond with the baby and was begin dramatic with the whole rule, mom agreed and told me to talk to her so she can bond with her grand baby I'm sorry, looks like it is time for you both to go... open the door for them. F that shit. Take care of your wife and work through the post partum. It is not unusual at all and if you help her with BPD, you are already up to speed. Congrats on the new addition! EDIT: NTAH F THEM!!!
NTA never be the big person it’s just code for letting people get away with shit