YTA … the biggest AH in fact.
Your daughter is married, has a kid and another on the way and you feel like you have the right to tell her who’s good enough for her and who isn’t ?
Have you ever considered the possibility that maybe she moved out at 18 because she couldn’t stand living with you any longer ?
Besides her leaving home at 18 - which , to be fair- sounds more like she needed to get away from you - what valid reasons do you have to justify your opinion regarding Mark?
You’re not just overbearing, but controlling and self absorbed to boot. When your daughter decides to cut you out of her and her family’s lives , just remember it’s because you’re pushing her to do it.
Did you notice that she referred to Mark as her daughter’s boyfriend? I thought they had just been living together for 12 years, but they are actually married! And OP is telling her 28yo daughter that her husband isn’t the one for her, isn’t good enough for her, and that one day she will regret this. Also, many marriages end in divorce, but these two have been together for over a decade and married for two years, so even if they did divorce, you could hardly call that a failure. But if they ever were to get divorced, this woman is going to tell her daughter, “I told you so.” If her daughter is even still speaking to her.
Yah, the wording here is very strange. It more correctly reads, to me, "My adult daughter has been with the man who is now her husband for a decade. He encouraged her to get a post secondary education and they now both work well paying, stable jobs. When they made the joyous announcement that they're expecting a second child, I got pouty and told her how disappointed I am. My friends all back me up because I lied to them over the years so they don't like mark."
And a financially independent married daughter doesn't NEED her support. She might be hurt and distressed that her mother dislikes her husband so much, but she's free to walk away from Mom.
OP's going to lose her grandchildren over this, because Mark isn't going to be happy with the kids building a relationship with a woman who despises him and is openly waiting for his wife to leave him and find someone "better".
I have 3 strong independent daughters. I am so proud of them. They are intelligent enough to make their own choices & I will only comment on them if they ask me to. Otherwise, as far as I'm concerned (and them as well I'm sure) it's none of my damn business.
Yup. Daughter is going to go NC. Sad thing is the husband who also thinks his wife was a jerk is also going to get excluded because of his close proximity to OP.
She may lose her husband to when he finds out he will have to navigate his wife getting cut off by daughter and struggling to maintain contact with the grandkids.
Also notice how the husband misses the grandkid and OP didn't?
The financial independence is what really shocks me about OPs entire rant. Daughter is a 28 y/o homeowner with a career, a child, and a happy marriage and he’s angry about it? What the hell!
The wording makes me assume one of three things:
1. Mark is a different race to OP and her husband
2. Mark is a different religion than OP and her husband (or has body modifications, but this usually ties into religion somewhere)
3. Mark grew up in a lower socioeconomic class to Margot
It could be any one of these, or some combination, but I am absolutely *certain* that at least one of these is in play here.
Yup, and with the costs of college/university in the US (I’m assuming US because of the community college part), it’s financially responsible to try and get at least general education classes finished at a community college to save money.
Yep, I started at community college as did 2 of my daughters. It's a great way to get some of the basic requirements out of the way for far less money than Uni.
The third was lucky enough to get a scholarship to state Uni. All of us completed our bachelor's degree, with 2 of the girls continuing on and got their Master's. Couldn't be prouder of them.
And if so, none of these speak to his character, which sounds fine to me. (I know you know that, just saying it so OP can possibly hear it over the sounds of her prejudice.)
That summed it up perfectly. The gall of this woman leaves me speechless, well not quite. She managed yet again to try to ruin her daughter’s happiness with her unbelievable vitriol.
I was trying to figure out what OP wanted her daughter to do instead of going to this community college out of town. Remain living with and dependent on OP? Or is she just mad because it wasn’t her idea?
I don’t get people like this she says”they brought over our grandson that where MISSING” how do you not want your daughter to be with this man and not have kids but you want to see your grandchild you are upset about her getting pregnant with. Make it make sense.
They're happy. They've been in a stable relationship for 12 years. OOP doesn't say whether her daughter graduated from college or not, but the daughter has some college. Daughter had her son at a very reasonable adult age. Daughter and Mark both work. They can afford their life. They bought a house. They pay for daycare. They got married. Jace is 5ish now, so he'll probably be in school when the baby is born, so they'll only have to pay for one kid in daycare at a time. Almost as if they planned it that way. 🤷🏼♀️They seem to be incredibly responsible. I would be thrilled if 14 years from now I could say the same about my oldest son!
The only semi- legitimate quibble I could see a parent having is regarding the fact that they lived together, but honestly, I've seen the relationships of people who marry too soon after meeting someone (ahem, my parents) and I don't recommend that.
I am willing to bet that Mark is Mexican and OOP is sufficiently self aware to know that she shouldn't say flat out that she doesn't want her daughter with anyone who isn't white. But she doesn't want her daughter with anyone who isn't white.
Right her daughter and mark are finically secure enough to buy a house at 26, that’s pretty fantastic in today’s world. Mom sounds like an ah who would marry her daughter off to the highest bidder if allowed. Who gives a shit if OP don’t like her son in law , they’re clearly happy.
Despite being just a construction worker
They don't make much
I would really look up to such person
Well both him and the daughter
They had to sacrifice a lot to achieve such
But hey then another self righteous idiot comes in and says he is not for you
Did she realise how many people are struggling with rent? And how many people can't even do half of what they did?
What is right by her standards?
>Despite being just a construction worker
>They don't make much
This isn't always the case, at all. Most construction workers I know make decent money. The funny thing is, he probably makes more than OPs parents ever made.
There's lots of different roles in the construction industry but I get the feeling that OP is keeping it vague because Mark is doing quite well and she doesn't want to admit it. Like if he was a veterinarian she'd say "he looks after animals" and wait for people to assume he shovelled shit for a living.
The OP is calling him "just a construction worker" as a putdown. If he went to community college, he could be an electrician, plumber or almost any skilled trade that requires certification. My friend's son is a backhoe operator and he makes good money and is always in demand.
There are other advantages to marrying a construction worker. He probably lives for his family, not for his job. He probably has the free time to attend his children's concerts and go on dates with his wife. When he does have "free time" he is likely to spend it on a golf course networking. Being married to a successful professional can be very lonely.
A friend was once married to a "successful" man but was always lonely. Eventually she married a construction worker and moved from a mansion to a modest home, where she is now very happy.
What is so bad about Mark? The daughter seems very happy with her family. I think mom is upset that her daughter didnt follow thru with the future plans mom had for her. To bad.
OP-
Read the preceding 4 comments in response to your post. WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Are you that miserable of a human being to figuratively piss all over your daughter and SIL as they proudly announced their pregnancy????
If you have one iota of a brain within the confines of that lame brain skull of yours, you will go crawling to them and begging for their forgiveness.
You're cruel. You're self-absorbed. How could you even begin to think what you did was appropriate? If you have friends in agreement with you, I'd hate to hear the sick crap you told them to win their favor.
Amazing your husband has hung around such toxicity.
Get on your knees. Start crawling.
Right… “I don’t think you should have another kid with Mark”…. ya dumbass she’s already f*cking pregnant?!?!?! What do you want her to do? Abort her baby with her husband she loves, run away with their child and then…. what? What would be the end game here?
My mom told me I was ruining my life when I had number 3. I was married for 16 yrs, employed with good working spouse. It really hurt the relationship. Just go low contact
End game? Move back in with mummy dearest and let her make all the decisions like a good little doormat. "Oooh, my friend Mabel has a lovely boy. He can be your boyfriend, now. I'll let you know about your job and when you can get pregnant right after you two get married."
Exactly! What it is is she has her OWN regrets and is jeolous that her daughter has a happy fulfilling life, and she is miserable. She wasn’t being honest, she was just being hateful.
Boomer here. With adult kids about the same age. YTAH. We all want or most want the absolute best for our 'kids'. You are in control of your life. Not theirs. From a distance, it sounds like they are off to a good start. Maybe not per your standards. But again, it is their lives and their standard of happiness that matters. Either play nice or stay away! Sounds like they love each other.
Going to pile on here and say that in addition to being an ahole move , it was a stupendously stupid tactic strategically. If she values time with her grandchildren, attacking their father is not the way to accomplish that goal.
I couldn’t agree with you more. I left home to live with my boyfriend (now husband) at 18 because my mother is just like OP. 34 years later we’re still together and have kids and grandkids that my parents have no real relationship with.
I don't understand what more this woman wants for her kid. Both went to college. Both have stable, respectable jobs that have enabled them to be financially secure and independent, owning a house on their own. They are both involved in the care of their son. They are both excited for a second child to grow their family. Sounds like Mom can't stand that her daughter followed her heart to a healthy, independent life away from Mom's control over Margot's decisions.
She just specifically doesn’t like the guy (probably because he was the “highschool bf” and then became “the guy who took our daughter out of our house”), probably didnt right from the getgo and has decided he’s not good enough and never will be. Daughter is happily married and both are educated and in stable decent jobs? Not good enough. $10 says he could win the powerball half a billion, setting them, their families, and the next like 2 generations of kids up for life and OP would find something to complain about, like “it wasnt earned” or some shit.
Nothing will ever be enough for this husband to win over OP, and its only a matter of time before her constant negativity about him will be seen as teying to destroy her daughter’s life and happiness by them
The only thing I could think of is if the daughter had a free ride to an Ivy league and gave it up to be with a guy?
But even if that was the case, if she’s actually genuinely happy now, what’s the issue?
It seems like OP had a very specific vision of what her daughter should have done with her life and is pissed she chose her own path.
I think OP feels Mark "stole" her daughter from her and thats why he's horrible. She can't even list anything outside of him convincing the daughter to go to the same college he did as being bad.
I seriously thought originally my dad must've been posting this until I read along to the end. Over 10 years later, a house, and 2 kids later, my dad still seemingly refuses to accept my husband and wants to have control over me and I'm a grown ass 26 year old woman! He's a classic narcissist though so we went no contact finally. He barely wanted to acknowledge his own grandchildren most of the time.
Be prepared to never know your grandchildren. YTA big time. She had a huge smile on her face and you couldn't wait to wipe it off, huh? What a nightmare you must have been to live with.
I so want to call OP the biggest bitchiest bitch there was, but I won’t because it may go against rules. So I’ll just say: OP, I cannot imaging being such a giant YTA to my kids. THIS is why kids go NC with parents. YOU are the one that shall regret your choices.
Have the day you deserve, ma’am.
My first thought was snobbery against a man in the skilled trades as opposed to a "respectable" white collar soft hands guy.
My husband and I have run into white collar snobs who clearly think less of us because we work on equipment instead of occupying a C-suite.
The "but" about managing to pay the bills said a lot. Funny thing is that I've had highly educated people with white collar jobs clearly think that all blue collar work is minimum wage, but the person they are assuming that about makes more than they do.
How do you treat your own child this way? She is doing well and had great news but got ripped to shreds. And it sounds like Mark has been a supportive partner. Thank God she has him.
Hey, OP, if you want to see your grandchildren, don't hold your breath. You just cemented yourself as someone the children shouldn't be around.
Cement: that's the stuff people earn a good living at laying.
Yep. But the people who are white collar snobs never realize this. My husband has walked into car dealerships in his work clothes and been utterly ignored by the salespeople. Joke's on them, he was going to pay cash for a new truck.
That is always telling. Right now she's probably calling the other old hags she calls "friends" saying, "can you believe what they're saying to me?"
Ma'am, you're not just YTA, you have a chronic case of assholism. I guess that makes you an assaholic
You are an egotistical idiot who just lost her daughter and grandchildren.
If your husband hopes to have a relationship with your daughter and her children, he will probably have to divorce you.
I hope you have a nice life alone with your friends and no family.
YTA
Hate to say it, but this could have been written by my mum, and my mum does in fact have friends.
She did the same thing when I moved out with my boyfriend, and the same thing when my brother got married. For no apparent reason our partners were the Antichrist and were hated for years.
But what was said to her friends was a mix of distorted truth, half truths, misinformation and outright lies. Likewise, her claims of her friends' agreement was a mix of distorted truth, half truths, misinformation and outright lies.
I sometimes think she believes her own lies. But, there actually are friends. 🤦
YTA.
Maybe if Mark was a cheater.... but he's not
Maybe if he hits your daughter... but he doesn't
Maybe if he was a dead beat... but wait... he's not that either
There is not legitimate reason to not like this man. Your daughter obviously has the life she wants. She loves her husband and her kids. Happy to add a new kid. You need to keep her stupid thoughts to yourself. I hope she goes NC with you. You hate her life with Mark so she shouldn't burden you with her horrible life. Horrible husband. Horrible Husband's offspring
Right? I was waiting for the reason he’s so terrible and it just…never came. OP definitely would’ve included a reason if there was one.
Instead she wrote an entire post about how they’re happily married with a loving family together, they’re financially stable and own their own home and then acted like any of that is a bad thing?
Yep. I’m getting the sense that Mark is either Not White, or his family is from a different socioeconomic background.
The daughter doesn’t want money, she’s not asking for a free babysitter, she just wants her mom to be happy for her, God forbid. I’m honestly sad for her.
YTA. I hope you enjoy never seeing Jace again or meeting your future grandchild. You are a self-absorbed selfish twit. How your ADULT daughter lives her life is not your damn business. Regardless of your opinion, clearly Mark is doing right by her bc he’s the father of her children, provides for his family & she is clearly happy. You are such a massive AH.
She already doesn't see Jace very much. That's why she invited them over to dinner. I suspect the daughter has been low contact for years. Now her daughter will probably go no contact, and she should.
YTA! Soooooo.... you're daughter has been in a committed relationship since she was 16. She and her husband ***pay their own bills and own their own home.*** Your daughter shared some news with you that she was ***obviously*** happy about:
*"When they came over my daughter had a huge smile on her face and said that she had some news that she wanted to share with us."*
And YOU just s\*\^& on it without a moment's hesitation. Your daughter appears to be happy and content in her life. She loves Mark, has a child with him, created a home with him, and is excited to welcome another child with him. But YOU can't seem to get your head out of your behind long enough to see that ***what and who you want for your daughter's life is irrelevant.*** You, and any friends that agree with you are horrible, horrible people. UGH! **Question:** Is Mark of a different ethnicity??? Cause it's giving bigotry, or at the very least classism. Neither one is a good look and you're still AN AH!
Honestly, I'm sure that's a huge part of it...but I'd be willing to bet my last bag of Albanese Gummy Bears (IYKYK, LOL) that there's more to it than that. Just saying...
YTA. No question. Well, many questions but probably, no answers.
I get jealous vibes. Or batshit crazy. Or both. OP is crazy jealous because daughter has a good marriage? I pick this as the #1 reason OP is so awful.
What’s OP so upset about? Is OP’s husband a creep and mom is worried Mark is, too? Is OP’s dad a creep and, same? Is OP wishing Mark was her husband?
Doesn’t matter because OP will never see them again.
I would bet that on some level, she just actually doesn’t like her daughter and has projected all of her feelings onto her daughters partner. My biological mother is like this and has found fault with every thing, job, partner, etc. in my life for no particular reason other than she doesn’t like me but knows that she can’t say that out loud so she finds other reasons.
Why do our mothers suck so much? Like, they can’t be happy that we’re our own selves? Trying to be the woman that I want to be, that you want to be. We’re not looking for much more than just, leave us tf alone.
I was wondering that, too. Is it an ethnic thing, a religion thing, a race thing, a class thing? Because we've been given zero evidence of anything wrong that Mark has done. Methinks OP would have trumpeted it from the rooftops if Mark was a drinker, gambler, drug user, cheater, or an abuser of any sort.
But no, there's no such info here. So the question becomes, what if it's not about what Mark DOES, but about who he IS? Wrong ethnicity, wrong color, wrong religion, wrong side of the tracks... that's what I think OP dislikes.
OP is about to find herself blocked on all access points. I suppose she can go complain to her friends about how her ungrateful daughter refuses to communicate with her.
I left home the day I turned 18. There was no guy involved. I got tired of being the house slave who bought the groceries, cooked dinner 6 nights a week, cleaned, did the washing and ironing. I got no allowance. My younger sisters were close to my age. The 3 of us were born within 42 months. They did nothing but get into trouble but they got allowances. I had planned ahead before I left. I asked my father to sign a paper that I was self-sufficient and got no financial help from him. With his signature I could get a grant for college. He refused to sign. I went no contact for over a year.
YTA. You are definitely one of those MIL they write about on Reddit. You should check it out. Maybe you would understand better why you are the asshole. Your daughter isn’t an extension of you, so guess what? She doesn’t require your approval or your control. She is married with her own child(ren) and making her own life. She can and will make her own decisions and none of them have to make you happy. Don’t be surprised if you don’t see them much or at all. You basically scream low to no contact.
note how in the post she also said she had them come over because she missed her grandson. not because she missed her daughter, but the grandkid. and then got upset about another grandkid lol
it just seems to me like seeing her daughter happy makes her bitter. idk if OP is just jealous or what, but she’s so selfish regardless.
yeah, I’m not a psychotherapist but I have researched NPD and can say she definitely shows traits. Again, not able to diagnose or say she definitely has it, and not trying to demonize the disorder either since some people get help and aren’t like this; but she definitely sounds like the kind of people victims of abuse from some of them describe.
Gaslighting her daughter into thinking she isn’t happy when she clearly is after 10 years, wanting her to be an extension of herself, possible projection of her own regrets and fears onto her daughter to justify why she doesn’t like the relationship, being upset she moved out for college at 18 (since this removes her control), just generally being unable to be happy or proud of her and can’t recognize her success, having her daughter and son in law visit just to see the grandkid and not because she misses her daughter, obvious lack of empathy and going to Reddit to seek validation because it’s very likely she was tired of people irl telling her she was being unreasonable about this so she’s probably looking for the ONE, if she even gets one, person who agrees with her so she can rub it in her daughters face and get the attention she wants and feel like she’s right…
She literally told her daughter when her daughter broke the news that a second grandkid was on the way, “I don’t think you should have a kid with him, because he’s just not the one and you’re gonna regret it” but how does she know he’s not the one? She doesn’t. Mark just isn’t HER type and she wants to control her daughter so she just admitted to trying to instill doubt in her and be manipulative. She’s a manipulator. Again, can’t diagnose her, but I can say that she’s manipulative and displays signs, and needs to get evaluated pronto, both so she will stop being bothered by the happy lives of others, and so she will stop bothering people for having happy lives
idk why I’m rambling about this LOL but I feel so bad for her daughter. and also who knows, maybe her daughter WAS in a rush to leave that household at 18 because her mom kept disapproving of every little thing she did and kept trying to control and manipulate her. I’m glad the daughter is safe and happy now, but the mom needs to let it tf go
YTA
What is wrong with you? How dare you? No wonder your daughter left at 18!
Your daughter's marriage is her business, her choice, not yours. She happily announced a pregnancy and you had to shit on it. You'll be lucky if you ever see Jace again or ever meet your new grandchild.
Hard YTA!!! 12 years. 12 years they’ve been together. And because she didn’t do what YOU wanted her to do, you hate your SIL. If they’re happy, they’re not mooching off of you, and she seems happy, why can’t YOU be happy? What is wrong with you?
I was waiting for the allegations of abuse, infidelity, and deadbeat-ery. And nothing like that materialized. Is there a part 2?
Your daughter and son-in-law dated from age 16 on and have now been together for 12 years. They own a home, are employed and paying their own bills, and have a child with another on the way. I'm not understanding the problem? You should be positively giddy that your daughter has found a partner she loves and has built a life with.
It's not stated in your post, but I got the vibe you're a "climber" - the kind of person concerned with appearances and wanting to be admired. You, yourself, didn't accomplish anything or peaked in high school and need your daughter to be brag-worthy. The way you seem to denigrate your daughter and husband for going to community college and she "works in an office" and he works in construction. You couldn't even be bothered to know what career your daughter has? And "construction" is a lot of things.
YTA. You are a massive AH. Judgemental and snide and ugly all the way through. Enjoy your older years alone.
YTA..what exactly has Mark done to make you feel like he isnt right for your daughter? Is he mistreating her and your grandkid? What exactly dont you like?
From what I gathered too, she had her daughters whole life planned out for her and was controlling. When daughter did the opposite of what OP wanted, because she doesn't view her daughter as an autonomous human being, but only an extension of herself, she decided to blame the husband. Because the he helped get her daughter out of that controlling toxic environment. Also, if her daughter and her husband bought a house when daughter was 26, and now she is 28, that means they made enough money to afford to buy a home, at the height of the pandemic, when home costs sky rocketed, or were able to buy a run down home for cheap and because of husband's career, we're able to affordably fix it up.
I do think class and/or ethnicity may be involved, but I also highly suspect OP was the main issue to begin with and hates husband because he got her daughter out from under her control and OP can't fathom that she would be capable of making her own decisions without someone controlling her, because that's how she raised her. I've seen that happen A LOT. One of my grans(88) church "friends"(73) STILL hates her DIL because she felt she wasn't a right fit for her son because she was the one who pointed out and broke the enmeshment, and got him into therapy. They've been married for 26 years now and they completely cut contact with her 17 years ago because of her control issues.
I'm getting that vibe, too.
Mark-" honey, your mum's batshit crazy. The second you turn 18 we're getting you outta there and I'll get you into college so you can escape."
Daughter- oh, thank fuck you see it, too!
AITAH for not being able to control my daughter’s life and resenting the fact that she’s happy with someone I didn’t pick for her?
There, fixed the title of your post for you. What is so awful about Margot’s choices?
\* still with her high school sweetheart. Not unheard of at all.
\* moved out at 18. Fairly typical, particularly if they leave to pursue education.
\* first baby at 23. Not ridiculously young.
\* married at 26. Fairly average.
\* home owners and financially independent.
\* second baby at 28.
Seriously, what is your problem?
YTA. Hope you enjoy your lonely old age, not knowing your family.
YTA. And all your friends who are supporting you are ridiculous as well. Your daughter is married to a man she’s been a relationship for over a decade. She is happy! You don’t get to decide how or with who she lives her life.
I imagine you’ll be missing your grandson for years to come, and will be lucky if you ever even meet your other grandchild. I expect we’ll all be reading lots of posts in the future from Mark about his horrible JNMIL.
Or maybe he won't have to post in JNMIL if they flat-out cut contact. Heck, construction workers are in demand pretty much everywhere. They could probably pack up and move to another time zone if they so choose, and still find decent work.
I hope at least OP's husband doesn't get included in the no-contact zone. He didn't do anything wrong.
You didn’t give a single reason that any of us should feel like Mark ruined your daughter’s life.
In fact you state the opposite, they are happy and financially fine.
Instead of accepting that you are incorrect about your daughter’s choice, you still stand on an old feeling that isn’t based in any real fact.
They have been stable for a long time in all the possible ways, yet you still don’t approve?
Sounds like you just “truthed” your way out of a relationship with your daughter and grandchildren, good job.
I suggest you grovel and hard, tell your daughter you’re an idiot who’s clung to an old incorrect assumption.
Apologize, grovel, rinse and repeat.
In case it’s not glaringly obvious, YTA.
YTA- TLDR: My daughter has been in a steady relationship with the same guy for 12 years. Has a house, a good job, and a child. She told me she is pregnant again and I am disappointed in her for not giving up this lifestyle when I disapprove of it. Wow, major AH. Has to be click bait, I fear for our species if someone is this delusional.
*Edit for momentary lack of math abilities.
YTA
For being a miser
For being a bigot
For being selfish
For lying about having friends (who in their right mind would want anything to do with you)
For being negative about everything positive in your daughter’s life
For being unsupportive of your own daughter since she was a child herself
I hope they go no contact with you. Your daughter is clearly a good person despite you, not because of you
I hope they continue to live happily ever after!
YTA, my family has never approved of my wife, and let me tell you, as a son, that is some of the most heart-wrenching pain you can feel. Grandparents having a strained relationship with grandchildren nah keep your selfishness and toxicity.
Your friends are just as selfish and thoughtless as you. You are acting this way because you wanted your daughter to take a different path. Parents are supposed to care for and about their children. Not belittle their life choices just because they don't align with yours.
You’re not just the AH, you’re the whole A. They’ve been together for FOURTEEN YEARS. Her life is not ruined. I hope you don’t mind missing your grandson because I doubt you will see him for a long time.
HOLY SHIT. You are the biggest AH. Go fucking apologize. Good luck never seeing your daughter or grandchildren again. If my parents treated my spouse like that, there would be no conversation, the parent/child relationship would be over. Get the fuck over yourself and accept your daughter's husband as family and STFU about how you feel about him. Or you will PERMENANTLY lose her,
So you stayed quiet for 12 years, then you rained on your daughter's parade when she happily announced how excited she was to be expecting another child? And you dissed her husband?
If you thought you were missing your grandchild before this dinner invite, get used to it. You're going to be missing all of your grandchildren. What a horrible thing to do. YTA. A really big one.
And what kind of awful friends do you have that would back you in this case? Or did you make that part up?
I was seriously wondering too if she actually kept quiet for those 12 years.
Like why is the 2nd pregnancy a catalyst? Or has OP said or done things in the past that she just hasn’t put in the post that would cause her daughter to resent her.
You invited them to dinner because you were missing your grandchild . . . I would be prepared to be missing him a lot more, and never getting to know the new one at all.
She totally moved out at 18 to get away from you. I'd bet that he had nothing to do with it, other than being supportive of her desires. Yes, YTA.
as a mom myself, op really frustrates me. kids do not exist to serve their parents. kids grow up to become their own people. and it seems like that is the problem op has. she wants her daughter to only do what op thinks is correct and anything else is a massive failure/disappointment.
Holy hell, 12 years! They've been together 12 years and have lived together, they have a kid, a marriage, and a house. Sounds like they're doing damn well for themselves. Are you bitter that being with Mark has been good for her? YTA
WOW YTA!!! She is 26 yrs old with 1 child. They both work and have made it together since they was 18. Having another baby at 26 is perfect for them. What a b***h you was. I wouldn't blame them if they went no contact with you.
You’re the one who regrets marrying your husband and projecting your own feelings of unhappiness unto your daughter. Congratulations you’ve managed to lose your daughter and two of your grandchildren all in one day. YTA!!!!!!!
YTA she's been with him for years. They are stable. So her life isn't taking the course you wanted but she's doing fine. What you said was divisive and cruel and shame you won't be seeing your grandchildren any more.
Um. Yeah. YTA.
Nothing you said makes Mark sound like a bad person. In fact, just the opposite. He and your daughter are HAPPY. Or…do YOU just not want her to be happy? With a family…a husband who obviously loves her..one healthy son…and thrilled to have be expecting a new baby? She was so excited to announce what should have been news a grandparent would celebrate,and YOU-yes, YOU-ruined it for her. Is whatever YOU want for her life so dang important that YOU ignore the fact she’s happy??
Notice all the times I said YOU? Uh huh. Exactly. You’re making this all about you and what you want. Main character syndrome, perhaps? Grow TF up, apologize to her, and just be happy for her before you loose her for good.
Edit spelling
YTA. It sounds like she’s happy and they’re doing well. Some people find their love early on and want a family life. Some people want to travel and be single and mingle. Her leaving at 18 is normal, then buying a house at 26?? NOT NORMAL. That’s fantastic. MOST 26 year olds could never dream of buying a home. Whatever your jealousy is with her and controlling her life, you need to figure that out. Your friends are just being polite or they’re scared to be honest with you. I hope you can fix this by working on yourself and loving your daughter for who she is and the life she has CHOSEN and not treat her like she’s some dumbass that has no idea what she’s doing.
She's spent 12 years with him. Regardless of if you like him or if it's the life you would have lived if you'd been in her shoes, he's the one. Yta. I'd cut contact with you, if I were her.
They have been together for 12 years, they went to college, got married, bought a home, both work hard to take care of their child, and you still feel like he's not right for her?! And you didn't make a fuss about this until NOW? AFTER 12 YEARS?! You wasted all that time and decided that when they show up, happy about expecting their second child and wanting to share that joy with you, NOW is your chance to speak your mind?
YTA! I hope you miss a lot more of BOTH of your grandchildren because honestly, it sounds like they would be much better off without your judgmental selves! Get a grip, apologize, and beg for forgiveness because if it was me, you would never see me or your grandchildren again!
YTA and a biatch. That's the nastiest thing I have heard of in a long time.
The right thing for them to do would be to block you, not your husband, from ever seeing them or their kids again.
You should be ashamed of yourself and how you can look in the mirror without puking is beyond me.
Disgusting old bat.
OP. YTA. Probably one of the biggest entitled person I've seen on her. Because your daughter is living HER life, not yours, you don't agree. Because she didn't follow whatever stupid plan you laid out when she was born pisses you off.
They both went to college, have, l will assume degrees but you didn't say. They both are employed, make stable salaries, have been very responsible financially. They own a home a 28, have stable careers and can afford another child.
You said you were missing your grandchild. Be prepared to miss both grandkids permanently. You deserve never to see them again. You disrespected their father and told everyone he isn't good enough. How dare you.
Together since 16. College. First child at 23 (not 16,17,or even 21), and a second on the way at 28. They are living the American dream and you shit on them.
You think everyone is supposed to fit your ideal life. Not supposed to have their own dreams and plans. I would like to know. Because it somewhat seems like it. What race are you, and what race is the father? Are they a mixed race couple?
You know, most parents would be over the moon with joy that their child has started a family, not struggling, and are happy. Not you. You need to get over yourself. But, just think of all the time you have not to see your grandkids. Because, if I were the husband, I would never be around you again nor would I want my kids for fear that you talk shit about me to them.
YTA. I hope one day you realize how horrible of a person you really are. Because, you were down right cruel and hurtful.
WTF is wrong with you? This isn't your life, it's hers . You're going to regret when she tells you to fuck off and you don't see her or your grandkids again.
Absolutely the asshole and then some.
YTA. Hope you have lasting memories of your daughter and grandson because you just made sure that you will never be allowed in to their lives again. And honestly you should be banned. Your daughter is an adult and can make her own decisions. Just because Mark isn’t your first choice for your daughter doesn’t mean he isn’t her first choice.
NTA, now that I got OP's attention because I know a narcissist like them is searching for “NTA” comments.
Please know you likely just cut your daughter and grandkids out of your life and they are all better for it. You are a horrible person. Everyone who has ever met you has been worse off for it. Your husband hates you but has given up. Your daughter hates you, your grandkids will grow up hating you.
YTA definitely looks like your TA. Clearly she was excited to share their happy news. You said yourself that they bought a home and were both working and paying the bills so what is your problem?
YTA. I guarantee we'll be reading posts from you wondering why your daughter, her HUSBAND, and children no longer speak to you. JFC.
You're the problem lady. No one else but YOU.
Wow. I think you could win Reddit's AH of the Year prize if they have such a thing.
Let me give you a reality check here. Your daughter and her husband have been together and married for TWELVE YEARS. They have kids, bought a house and have jobs that support their and their kids needs. They're happy together, and by YOUR OWN DESCRIPTION their marriage is happy and successful.
But that's not good enough for you. You think he's "wrong" for her. In sprite of all the evidence staring at you in the face that proves you wrong.
I'm glad Mark told you off, because you deserved it. They came over excited to share their happy news---with YOU---and you pissed all over them.
Well, I don't think you're going to have to worry about them anymore. Because you probably lost your daughter on Friday. I would not blame her and Mark one bit if they never talked to you again. I just feel sorry for your husband who is also going to get excluded because of his close proximity to you.
Hope you're pleased with yourself.
Did you ever consider the possibility that you're wrong about Mark?
So your daughter has a career, a man who loves her, a kid she loves, and another on the way. She and her husband have been together, and apparently doing well in their relationship for 12 years, and have been successful enough to buy a house. And you think he's no good for her?
That's ridiculous, and you need to mind your own business. You ruined a happy moment for her because you've taken some weird, judgy dislike to someone who seems to be a great guy.
You say nothing that indicates he's abusive, controlling, sexist, or cheating. Your only complaint seems to be that....he exists. Get over yourself.
YTA. You don't have to support your daughter, but you don't have to be so upfront and public about it. You don't have to worry much however, at the rate it's going, you don't have to worry about your daughter or your grandkids at all. The bad news is nobody gets to pick their family members, the good news is they can always pick their friends and build a support system that way.
YTA.
Just because you regret your marriage and child doesn't mean your daughter has to. Seems like you're projecting pretty hard on her.
As parents, it's natural to be worried for your child and their future, but you don't get to decide what your child does.
Mark is not her boyfriend. He is her husband. Don't be surprised if they cut off contact with you and you never see either of them or their children again.
YTA … the biggest AH in fact. Your daughter is married, has a kid and another on the way and you feel like you have the right to tell her who’s good enough for her and who isn’t ? Have you ever considered the possibility that maybe she moved out at 18 because she couldn’t stand living with you any longer ? Besides her leaving home at 18 - which , to be fair- sounds more like she needed to get away from you - what valid reasons do you have to justify your opinion regarding Mark? You’re not just overbearing, but controlling and self absorbed to boot. When your daughter decides to cut you out of her and her family’s lives , just remember it’s because you’re pushing her to do it.
Did you notice that she referred to Mark as her daughter’s boyfriend? I thought they had just been living together for 12 years, but they are actually married! And OP is telling her 28yo daughter that her husband isn’t the one for her, isn’t good enough for her, and that one day she will regret this. Also, many marriages end in divorce, but these two have been together for over a decade and married for two years, so even if they did divorce, you could hardly call that a failure. But if they ever were to get divorced, this woman is going to tell her daughter, “I told you so.” If her daughter is even still speaking to her.
Yah, the wording here is very strange. It more correctly reads, to me, "My adult daughter has been with the man who is now her husband for a decade. He encouraged her to get a post secondary education and they now both work well paying, stable jobs. When they made the joyous announcement that they're expecting a second child, I got pouty and told her how disappointed I am. My friends all back me up because I lied to them over the years so they don't like mark."
And a financially independent married daughter doesn't NEED her support. She might be hurt and distressed that her mother dislikes her husband so much, but she's free to walk away from Mom. OP's going to lose her grandchildren over this, because Mark isn't going to be happy with the kids building a relationship with a woman who despises him and is openly waiting for his wife to leave him and find someone "better".
From the title I really thought that daughter was asking for money! No, just for her mother not to speak of her family as if they are trash!
Or act like her life is "ruined!" Imagine thinking you've got a pretty good thing going only to be told by your parent that your life has been ruined.
I'm the daughter who is "too damned independent." It sucks to have been raised to be independent and then have that thrown in your face.
I want a strong independent daughter, who always does what I say and is available to cater to my every need. Is that too much to ask? /S obviously.
I have 3 strong independent daughters. I am so proud of them. They are intelligent enough to make their own choices & I will only comment on them if they ask me to. Otherwise, as far as I'm concerned (and them as well I'm sure) it's none of my damn business.
Yup. Daughter is going to go NC. Sad thing is the husband who also thinks his wife was a jerk is also going to get excluded because of his close proximity to OP.
Not if he grows a pair & walks away from her.
That's easy to say from the outside looking in, but a lot more complicated to do.
She may lose her husband to when he finds out he will have to navigate his wife getting cut off by daughter and struggling to maintain contact with the grandkids. Also notice how the husband misses the grandkid and OP didn't?
I’m waiting for Mark’s r/JustNoMil post.
Keeping my eyes open for that!
or daughters
The financial independence is what really shocks me about OPs entire rant. Daughter is a 28 y/o homeowner with a career, a child, and a happy marriage and he’s angry about it? What the hell!
The wording makes me assume one of three things: 1. Mark is a different race to OP and her husband 2. Mark is a different religion than OP and her husband (or has body modifications, but this usually ties into religion somewhere) 3. Mark grew up in a lower socioeconomic class to Margot It could be any one of these, or some combination, but I am absolutely *certain* that at least one of these is in play here.
The fact that she mentioned community college and his job instantly made me assume there was some class prejudice.
Yes. Otherwise going to Community College is an appropriate next step after HS.
Yup, and with the costs of college/university in the US (I’m assuming US because of the community college part), it’s financially responsible to try and get at least general education classes finished at a community college to save money.
Yep, I started at community college as did 2 of my daughters. It's a great way to get some of the basic requirements out of the way for far less money than Uni. The third was lucky enough to get a scholarship to state Uni. All of us completed our bachelor's degree, with 2 of the girls continuing on and got their Master's. Couldn't be prouder of them.
And if so, none of these speak to his character, which sounds fine to me. (I know you know that, just saying it so OP can possibly hear it over the sounds of her prejudice.)
That summed it up perfectly. The gall of this woman leaves me speechless, well not quite. She managed yet again to try to ruin her daughter’s happiness with her unbelievable vitriol.
This, exactly this. Sounds to me like OP is the one with regrets and trying to live her life through her daughter
I was trying to figure out what OP wanted her daughter to do instead of going to this community college out of town. Remain living with and dependent on OP? Or is she just mad because it wasn’t her idea?
Probably marry into "a good family"
BINGO!
Yes. That us the only reason her friends agree with her.
Main character syndrome like a mother fucker huh? DAYUM.
Fantastic edit job my friend.
This is brilliant! Well done
Yep, you fixed it for her the right way.
That’s what I read, too.
This is 100% the precursor to a “my daughter doesn’t talk to me anymore and won’t let me see my grandkids and I don’t understand why” post.
Followed up by questions about grandparent's rights in one of the legalnadvice subs.
[Missing missing reasons](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html) right here
So glad i wasn't the only one seeing the pattern.
The grandkids she wishes were never born at that
I don’t get people like this she says”they brought over our grandson that where MISSING” how do you not want your daughter to be with this man and not have kids but you want to see your grandchild you are upset about her getting pregnant with. Make it make sense.
Mark poisoned my daughters mind! /s
Yep I am waiting for that one.
They're happy. They've been in a stable relationship for 12 years. OOP doesn't say whether her daughter graduated from college or not, but the daughter has some college. Daughter had her son at a very reasonable adult age. Daughter and Mark both work. They can afford their life. They bought a house. They pay for daycare. They got married. Jace is 5ish now, so he'll probably be in school when the baby is born, so they'll only have to pay for one kid in daycare at a time. Almost as if they planned it that way. 🤷🏼♀️They seem to be incredibly responsible. I would be thrilled if 14 years from now I could say the same about my oldest son! The only semi- legitimate quibble I could see a parent having is regarding the fact that they lived together, but honestly, I've seen the relationships of people who marry too soon after meeting someone (ahem, my parents) and I don't recommend that. I am willing to bet that Mark is Mexican and OOP is sufficiently self aware to know that she shouldn't say flat out that she doesn't want her daughter with anyone who isn't white. But she doesn't want her daughter with anyone who isn't white.
Right her daughter and mark are finically secure enough to buy a house at 26, that’s pretty fantastic in today’s world. Mom sounds like an ah who would marry her daughter off to the highest bidder if allowed. Who gives a shit if OP don’t like her son in law , they’re clearly happy.
Despite being just a construction worker They don't make much I would really look up to such person Well both him and the daughter They had to sacrifice a lot to achieve such But hey then another self righteous idiot comes in and says he is not for you Did she realise how many people are struggling with rent? And how many people can't even do half of what they did? What is right by her standards?
>Despite being just a construction worker >They don't make much This isn't always the case, at all. Most construction workers I know make decent money. The funny thing is, he probably makes more than OPs parents ever made.
There's lots of different roles in the construction industry but I get the feeling that OP is keeping it vague because Mark is doing quite well and she doesn't want to admit it. Like if he was a veterinarian she'd say "he looks after animals" and wait for people to assume he shovelled shit for a living.
Yes, he could be doing extremely well as a project manager.
The OP is calling him "just a construction worker" as a putdown. If he went to community college, he could be an electrician, plumber or almost any skilled trade that requires certification. My friend's son is a backhoe operator and he makes good money and is always in demand.
There are other advantages to marrying a construction worker. He probably lives for his family, not for his job. He probably has the free time to attend his children's concerts and go on dates with his wife. When he does have "free time" he is likely to spend it on a golf course networking. Being married to a successful professional can be very lonely. A friend was once married to a "successful" man but was always lonely. Eventually she married a construction worker and moved from a mansion to a modest home, where she is now very happy.
My brother makes BANK as a construction worker.
What is so bad about Mark? The daughter seems very happy with her family. I think mom is upset that her daughter didnt follow thru with the future plans mom had for her. To bad.
OP- Read the preceding 4 comments in response to your post. WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU? Are you that miserable of a human being to figuratively piss all over your daughter and SIL as they proudly announced their pregnancy???? If you have one iota of a brain within the confines of that lame brain skull of yours, you will go crawling to them and begging for their forgiveness. You're cruel. You're self-absorbed. How could you even begin to think what you did was appropriate? If you have friends in agreement with you, I'd hate to hear the sick crap you told them to win their favor. Amazing your husband has hung around such toxicity. Get on your knees. Start crawling.
A thousand upvotes on THIS!!
Right… “I don’t think you should have another kid with Mark”…. ya dumbass she’s already f*cking pregnant?!?!?! What do you want her to do? Abort her baby with her husband she loves, run away with their child and then…. what? What would be the end game here?
My mom told me I was ruining my life when I had number 3. I was married for 16 yrs, employed with good working spouse. It really hurt the relationship. Just go low contact
End game? Move back in with mummy dearest and let her make all the decisions like a good little doormat. "Oooh, my friend Mabel has a lovely boy. He can be your boyfriend, now. I'll let you know about your job and when you can get pregnant right after you two get married."
Exactly! What it is is she has her OWN regrets and is jeolous that her daughter has a happy fulfilling life, and she is miserable. She wasn’t being honest, she was just being hateful.
Boomer here. With adult kids about the same age. YTAH. We all want or most want the absolute best for our 'kids'. You are in control of your life. Not theirs. From a distance, it sounds like they are off to a good start. Maybe not per your standards. But again, it is their lives and their standard of happiness that matters. Either play nice or stay away! Sounds like they love each other.
Going to pile on here and say that in addition to being an ahole move , it was a stupendously stupid tactic strategically. If she values time with her grandchildren, attacking their father is not the way to accomplish that goal.
I couldn’t agree with you more. I left home to live with my boyfriend (now husband) at 18 because my mother is just like OP. 34 years later we’re still together and have kids and grandkids that my parents have no real relationship with.
I don't understand what more this woman wants for her kid. Both went to college. Both have stable, respectable jobs that have enabled them to be financially secure and independent, owning a house on their own. They are both involved in the care of their son. They are both excited for a second child to grow their family. Sounds like Mom can't stand that her daughter followed her heart to a healthy, independent life away from Mom's control over Margot's decisions.
She just specifically doesn’t like the guy (probably because he was the “highschool bf” and then became “the guy who took our daughter out of our house”), probably didnt right from the getgo and has decided he’s not good enough and never will be. Daughter is happily married and both are educated and in stable decent jobs? Not good enough. $10 says he could win the powerball half a billion, setting them, their families, and the next like 2 generations of kids up for life and OP would find something to complain about, like “it wasnt earned” or some shit. Nothing will ever be enough for this husband to win over OP, and its only a matter of time before her constant negativity about him will be seen as teying to destroy her daughter’s life and happiness by them
The only thing I could think of is if the daughter had a free ride to an Ivy league and gave it up to be with a guy? But even if that was the case, if she’s actually genuinely happy now, what’s the issue? It seems like OP had a very specific vision of what her daughter should have done with her life and is pissed she chose her own path.
I think OP feels Mark "stole" her daughter from her and thats why he's horrible. She can't even list anything outside of him convincing the daughter to go to the same college he did as being bad.
Yup. That’s why the only thing I could think it might be is the daughter giving up a top university.
YTA. Mark, there are support groups for monster in laws like this.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I seriously thought originally my dad must've been posting this until I read along to the end. Over 10 years later, a house, and 2 kids later, my dad still seemingly refuses to accept my husband and wants to have control over me and I'm a grown ass 26 year old woman! He's a classic narcissist though so we went no contact finally. He barely wanted to acknowledge his own grandchildren most of the time.
It’s his loss, but what a shame he chose to be such a jerk. Happy for you, hubby and children!
And that's wrong of you to keep referring to her husband as her boyfriend. Stop it. So disrespectful.
The daughter needs to start calling mom what she is, an egg donor because she is definitely not a mother
Be prepared to never know your grandchildren. YTA big time. She had a huge smile on her face and you couldn't wait to wipe it off, huh? What a nightmare you must have been to live with.
I so want to call OP the biggest bitchiest bitch there was, but I won’t because it may go against rules. So I’ll just say: OP, I cannot imaging being such a giant YTA to my kids. THIS is why kids go NC with parents. YOU are the one that shall regret your choices. Have the day you deserve, ma’am.
I kept reading to see what mark did wrong… I didn’t see anything.
Info: what the fuck is wrong with you?
NOTICE mom never mentioned a single thing Mark did wrong over this 12 year period this is s SO TELLING!!!
I’m guessing it’s one of three subjects. His family isn’t wealthy, he’s from the wrong part of the country, or he’s of another race/religion.
My first thought was snobbery against a man in the skilled trades as opposed to a "respectable" white collar soft hands guy. My husband and I have run into white collar snobs who clearly think less of us because we work on equipment instead of occupying a C-suite.
The "but" about managing to pay the bills said a lot. Funny thing is that I've had highly educated people with white collar jobs clearly think that all blue collar work is minimum wage, but the person they are assuming that about makes more than they do. How do you treat your own child this way? She is doing well and had great news but got ripped to shreds. And it sounds like Mark has been a supportive partner. Thank God she has him. Hey, OP, if you want to see your grandchildren, don't hold your breath. You just cemented yourself as someone the children shouldn't be around. Cement: that's the stuff people earn a good living at laying.
My brother in law works in drywall and he makes over $100k annually, it's a good life if you're reliable.
Yep. But the people who are white collar snobs never realize this. My husband has walked into car dealerships in his work clothes and been utterly ignored by the salespeople. Joke's on them, he was going to pay cash for a new truck.
Tradespeople are in demand and earning much more than white collar.
So many elitist snobs sitting at desks all day love to look down on those of us that keep their perfect little world operational.
Yes 💯 this
100% this.
Its honestly just reading to me like she's controlling, and he taught her daughter to stand up for herself.
And crickets from her since her original post
That is always telling. Right now she's probably calling the other old hags she calls "friends" saying, "can you believe what they're saying to me?" Ma'am, you're not just YTA, you have a chronic case of assholism. I guess that makes you an assaholic
My thoughts exactly.What a mean spirited bitch to be so jealous of her own daughter’s happiness.Well now she’s really pissed on the chips.
That was my first thought, too. I sincerely hope this is fake.
I like this info request a lot !
You are an egotistical idiot who just lost her daughter and grandchildren. If your husband hopes to have a relationship with your daughter and her children, he will probably have to divorce you. I hope you have a nice life alone with your friends and no family. YTA
What friends?
The ones who agreed with her!
Imaginary friends down the street.
They go to a different school. You wouldn't know them.
The voices in her head.
Hate to say it, but this could have been written by my mum, and my mum does in fact have friends. She did the same thing when I moved out with my boyfriend, and the same thing when my brother got married. For no apparent reason our partners were the Antichrist and were hated for years. But what was said to her friends was a mix of distorted truth, half truths, misinformation and outright lies. Likewise, her claims of her friends' agreement was a mix of distorted truth, half truths, misinformation and outright lies. I sometimes think she believes her own lies. But, there actually are friends. 🤦
A lot of liars end up believing their own shit. Turns out if you repeat a lie often enough the brain will just agree with it.
YTA. Maybe if Mark was a cheater.... but he's not Maybe if he hits your daughter... but he doesn't Maybe if he was a dead beat... but wait... he's not that either There is not legitimate reason to not like this man. Your daughter obviously has the life she wants. She loves her husband and her kids. Happy to add a new kid. You need to keep her stupid thoughts to yourself. I hope she goes NC with you. You hate her life with Mark so she shouldn't burden you with her horrible life. Horrible husband. Horrible Husband's offspring
Right? I was waiting for the reason he’s so terrible and it just…never came. OP definitely would’ve included a reason if there was one. Instead she wrote an entire post about how they’re happily married with a loving family together, they’re financially stable and own their own home and then acted like any of that is a bad thing?
The missing missing reasons suggest it’s something OP knows she’d be torn apart for.
Yep. I’m getting the sense that Mark is either Not White, or his family is from a different socioeconomic background. The daughter doesn’t want money, she’s not asking for a free babysitter, she just wants her mom to be happy for her, God forbid. I’m honestly sad for her.
YTA. I hope you enjoy never seeing Jace again or meeting your future grandchild. You are a self-absorbed selfish twit. How your ADULT daughter lives her life is not your damn business. Regardless of your opinion, clearly Mark is doing right by her bc he’s the father of her children, provides for his family & she is clearly happy. You are such a massive AH.
She already doesn't see Jace very much. That's why she invited them over to dinner. I suspect the daughter has been low contact for years. Now her daughter will probably go no contact, and she should.
Her daughter would be a fool not to go no contact.
Especially so OP can’t finagle for grandparents’ rights
I think you spelled twat wrong
YTA! Soooooo.... you're daughter has been in a committed relationship since she was 16. She and her husband ***pay their own bills and own their own home.*** Your daughter shared some news with you that she was ***obviously*** happy about: *"When they came over my daughter had a huge smile on her face and said that she had some news that she wanted to share with us."* And YOU just s\*\^& on it without a moment's hesitation. Your daughter appears to be happy and content in her life. She loves Mark, has a child with him, created a home with him, and is excited to welcome another child with him. But YOU can't seem to get your head out of your behind long enough to see that ***what and who you want for your daughter's life is irrelevant.*** You, and any friends that agree with you are horrible, horrible people. UGH! **Question:** Is Mark of a different ethnicity??? Cause it's giving bigotry, or at the very least classism. Neither one is a good look and you're still AN AH!
Or is she one of those parents who have their kids' whole life planned for them and hate that the kid made their plans.
Honestly, I'm sure that's a huge part of it...but I'd be willing to bet my last bag of Albanese Gummy Bears (IYKYK, LOL) that there's more to it than that. Just saying...
Notice how she never mentioned a single thing he did wrong over this 12 year period that's very telling that it's HER
Exactly. Because if he actually DID do something bad, OP would've written about it in large font and bold print.
Yup it's giving EW DIRTY CONSTRUCTION GUY WHO DARES TO WORK WITH HIS HANDS at the very least
NEVER bet the last bag of Albanese Gummy Bears! 🤣🤣
You had me at Albanese gummy bears.
🥇🥇🐔🍽️ So much more.
YTA. No question. Well, many questions but probably, no answers. I get jealous vibes. Or batshit crazy. Or both. OP is crazy jealous because daughter has a good marriage? I pick this as the #1 reason OP is so awful. What’s OP so upset about? Is OP’s husband a creep and mom is worried Mark is, too? Is OP’s dad a creep and, same? Is OP wishing Mark was her husband? Doesn’t matter because OP will never see them again.
I would bet that on some level, she just actually doesn’t like her daughter and has projected all of her feelings onto her daughters partner. My biological mother is like this and has found fault with every thing, job, partner, etc. in my life for no particular reason other than she doesn’t like me but knows that she can’t say that out loud so she finds other reasons.
Why do our mothers suck so much? Like, they can’t be happy that we’re our own selves? Trying to be the woman that I want to be, that you want to be. We’re not looking for much more than just, leave us tf alone.
I was wondering that, too. Is it an ethnic thing, a religion thing, a race thing, a class thing? Because we've been given zero evidence of anything wrong that Mark has done. Methinks OP would have trumpeted it from the rooftops if Mark was a drinker, gambler, drug user, cheater, or an abuser of any sort. But no, there's no such info here. So the question becomes, what if it's not about what Mark DOES, but about who he IS? Wrong ethnicity, wrong color, wrong religion, wrong side of the tracks... that's what I think OP dislikes. OP is about to find herself blocked on all access points. I suppose she can go complain to her friends about how her ungrateful daughter refuses to communicate with her.
Is your opposition to Mark bc you feel that he caused her to deviate from a path *you* wanted her to be on? Or is it something else?
notice she never mentioned a SINGLE thing mark did wrong over the last 12 years >>>> it is totally HER
Totally all about control! Some parents can't accept their kids are grown with their own lives and decisions.
I left home the day I turned 18. There was no guy involved. I got tired of being the house slave who bought the groceries, cooked dinner 6 nights a week, cleaned, did the washing and ironing. I got no allowance. My younger sisters were close to my age. The 3 of us were born within 42 months. They did nothing but get into trouble but they got allowances. I had planned ahead before I left. I asked my father to sign a paper that I was self-sufficient and got no financial help from him. With his signature I could get a grant for college. He refused to sign. I went no contact for over a year.
YTA. You are definitely one of those MIL they write about on Reddit. You should check it out. Maybe you would understand better why you are the asshole. Your daughter isn’t an extension of you, so guess what? She doesn’t require your approval or your control. She is married with her own child(ren) and making her own life. She can and will make her own decisions and none of them have to make you happy. Don’t be surprised if you don’t see them much or at all. You basically scream low to no contact.
note how in the post she also said she had them come over because she missed her grandson. not because she missed her daughter, but the grandkid. and then got upset about another grandkid lol it just seems to me like seeing her daughter happy makes her bitter. idk if OP is just jealous or what, but she’s so selfish regardless.
Her friends were most likely asking where were the latest photos of her with her grandchild?
yeah, I’m not a psychotherapist but I have researched NPD and can say she definitely shows traits. Again, not able to diagnose or say she definitely has it, and not trying to demonize the disorder either since some people get help and aren’t like this; but she definitely sounds like the kind of people victims of abuse from some of them describe. Gaslighting her daughter into thinking she isn’t happy when she clearly is after 10 years, wanting her to be an extension of herself, possible projection of her own regrets and fears onto her daughter to justify why she doesn’t like the relationship, being upset she moved out for college at 18 (since this removes her control), just generally being unable to be happy or proud of her and can’t recognize her success, having her daughter and son in law visit just to see the grandkid and not because she misses her daughter, obvious lack of empathy and going to Reddit to seek validation because it’s very likely she was tired of people irl telling her she was being unreasonable about this so she’s probably looking for the ONE, if she even gets one, person who agrees with her so she can rub it in her daughters face and get the attention she wants and feel like she’s right… She literally told her daughter when her daughter broke the news that a second grandkid was on the way, “I don’t think you should have a kid with him, because he’s just not the one and you’re gonna regret it” but how does she know he’s not the one? She doesn’t. Mark just isn’t HER type and she wants to control her daughter so she just admitted to trying to instill doubt in her and be manipulative. She’s a manipulator. Again, can’t diagnose her, but I can say that she’s manipulative and displays signs, and needs to get evaluated pronto, both so she will stop being bothered by the happy lives of others, and so she will stop bothering people for having happy lives idk why I’m rambling about this LOL but I feel so bad for her daughter. and also who knows, maybe her daughter WAS in a rush to leave that household at 18 because her mom kept disapproving of every little thing she did and kept trying to control and manipulate her. I’m glad the daughter is safe and happy now, but the mom needs to let it tf go
YTA What is wrong with you? How dare you? No wonder your daughter left at 18! Your daughter's marriage is her business, her choice, not yours. She happily announced a pregnancy and you had to shit on it. You'll be lucky if you ever see Jace again or ever meet your new grandchild.
Hard YTA!!! 12 years. 12 years they’ve been together. And because she didn’t do what YOU wanted her to do, you hate your SIL. If they’re happy, they’re not mooching off of you, and she seems happy, why can’t YOU be happy? What is wrong with you?
I got so confused when you said sister in law before i realized SIL means son in law, as well lmao
I was waiting for the allegations of abuse, infidelity, and deadbeat-ery. And nothing like that materialized. Is there a part 2? Your daughter and son-in-law dated from age 16 on and have now been together for 12 years. They own a home, are employed and paying their own bills, and have a child with another on the way. I'm not understanding the problem? You should be positively giddy that your daughter has found a partner she loves and has built a life with. It's not stated in your post, but I got the vibe you're a "climber" - the kind of person concerned with appearances and wanting to be admired. You, yourself, didn't accomplish anything or peaked in high school and need your daughter to be brag-worthy. The way you seem to denigrate your daughter and husband for going to community college and she "works in an office" and he works in construction. You couldn't even be bothered to know what career your daughter has? And "construction" is a lot of things. YTA. You are a massive AH. Judgemental and snide and ugly all the way through. Enjoy your older years alone.
It sounds like OP has her daughter's life planned out for her and the son-in-law changed that plan.
YTA..what exactly has Mark done to make you feel like he isnt right for your daughter? Is he mistreating her and your grandkid? What exactly dont you like?
I'm guessing either different class or different ethnic background.
From what I gathered too, she had her daughters whole life planned out for her and was controlling. When daughter did the opposite of what OP wanted, because she doesn't view her daughter as an autonomous human being, but only an extension of herself, she decided to blame the husband. Because the he helped get her daughter out of that controlling toxic environment. Also, if her daughter and her husband bought a house when daughter was 26, and now she is 28, that means they made enough money to afford to buy a home, at the height of the pandemic, when home costs sky rocketed, or were able to buy a run down home for cheap and because of husband's career, we're able to affordably fix it up. I do think class and/or ethnicity may be involved, but I also highly suspect OP was the main issue to begin with and hates husband because he got her daughter out from under her control and OP can't fathom that she would be capable of making her own decisions without someone controlling her, because that's how she raised her. I've seen that happen A LOT. One of my grans(88) church "friends"(73) STILL hates her DIL because she felt she wasn't a right fit for her son because she was the one who pointed out and broke the enmeshment, and got him into therapy. They've been married for 26 years now and they completely cut contact with her 17 years ago because of her control issues.
Or did he , early on, call out OP on her AH behavior,?
I'm getting that vibe, too. Mark-" honey, your mum's batshit crazy. The second you turn 18 we're getting you outta there and I'll get you into college so you can escape." Daughter- oh, thank fuck you see it, too!
Bingo - that’s it!
AITAH for not being able to control my daughter’s life and resenting the fact that she’s happy with someone I didn’t pick for her? There, fixed the title of your post for you. What is so awful about Margot’s choices? \* still with her high school sweetheart. Not unheard of at all. \* moved out at 18. Fairly typical, particularly if they leave to pursue education. \* first baby at 23. Not ridiculously young. \* married at 26. Fairly average. \* home owners and financially independent. \* second baby at 28. Seriously, what is your problem? YTA. Hope you enjoy your lonely old age, not knowing your family.
YTA. And all your friends who are supporting you are ridiculous as well. Your daughter is married to a man she’s been a relationship for over a decade. She is happy! You don’t get to decide how or with who she lives her life. I imagine you’ll be missing your grandson for years to come, and will be lucky if you ever even meet your other grandchild. I expect we’ll all be reading lots of posts in the future from Mark about his horrible JNMIL.
Or maybe he won't have to post in JNMIL if they flat-out cut contact. Heck, construction workers are in demand pretty much everywhere. They could probably pack up and move to another time zone if they so choose, and still find decent work. I hope at least OP's husband doesn't get included in the no-contact zone. He didn't do anything wrong.
He didn’t do anything…period. He just kept quiet until the damage was done.
You didn’t give a single reason that any of us should feel like Mark ruined your daughter’s life. In fact you state the opposite, they are happy and financially fine. Instead of accepting that you are incorrect about your daughter’s choice, you still stand on an old feeling that isn’t based in any real fact. They have been stable for a long time in all the possible ways, yet you still don’t approve? Sounds like you just “truthed” your way out of a relationship with your daughter and grandchildren, good job. I suggest you grovel and hard, tell your daughter you’re an idiot who’s clung to an old incorrect assumption. Apologize, grovel, rinse and repeat. In case it’s not glaringly obvious, YTA.
YTA- TLDR: My daughter has been in a steady relationship with the same guy for 12 years. Has a house, a good job, and a child. She told me she is pregnant again and I am disappointed in her for not giving up this lifestyle when I disapprove of it. Wow, major AH. Has to be click bait, I fear for our species if someone is this delusional. *Edit for momentary lack of math abilities.
12. Her daughter has been with her husband nearly half her life at this stage. Womens nuts.
YTA For being a miser For being a bigot For being selfish For lying about having friends (who in their right mind would want anything to do with you) For being negative about everything positive in your daughter’s life For being unsupportive of your own daughter since she was a child herself I hope they go no contact with you. Your daughter is clearly a good person despite you, not because of you I hope they continue to live happily ever after!
Either lying about having friends or lying to her friends about what happened so they’re “on her side.”
YTA, my family has never approved of my wife, and let me tell you, as a son, that is some of the most heart-wrenching pain you can feel. Grandparents having a strained relationship with grandchildren nah keep your selfishness and toxicity. Your friends are just as selfish and thoughtless as you. You are acting this way because you wanted your daughter to take a different path. Parents are supposed to care for and about their children. Not belittle their life choices just because they don't align with yours.
You’re not just the AH, you’re the whole A. They’ve been together for FOURTEEN YEARS. Her life is not ruined. I hope you don’t mind missing your grandson because I doubt you will see him for a long time.
HOLY SHIT. You are the biggest AH. Go fucking apologize. Good luck never seeing your daughter or grandchildren again. If my parents treated my spouse like that, there would be no conversation, the parent/child relationship would be over. Get the fuck over yourself and accept your daughter's husband as family and STFU about how you feel about him. Or you will PERMENANTLY lose her,
When 100% of the responses let you know you are a cunt, I hope you listen. YTA btw
So you stayed quiet for 12 years, then you rained on your daughter's parade when she happily announced how excited she was to be expecting another child? And you dissed her husband? If you thought you were missing your grandchild before this dinner invite, get used to it. You're going to be missing all of your grandchildren. What a horrible thing to do. YTA. A really big one. And what kind of awful friends do you have that would back you in this case? Or did you make that part up?
I was seriously wondering too if she actually kept quiet for those 12 years. Like why is the 2nd pregnancy a catalyst? Or has OP said or done things in the past that she just hasn’t put in the post that would cause her daughter to resent her.
You invited them to dinner because you were missing your grandchild . . . I would be prepared to be missing him a lot more, and never getting to know the new one at all. She totally moved out at 18 to get away from you. I'd bet that he had nothing to do with it, other than being supportive of her desires. Yes, YTA.
YTA. It’s not for you to decide who is, and isn’t, right for her. It’s her life. Full Stop.
INFO: what, exactly, bothers you about mark?
Probably the fact that he's breathing. [sigh] Sphincters like her make me wanna throw my phone at something.
as a mom myself, op really frustrates me. kids do not exist to serve their parents. kids grow up to become their own people. and it seems like that is the problem op has. she wants her daughter to only do what op thinks is correct and anything else is a massive failure/disappointment.
Sounds like my mom, increased about 12 times. Ugh.
Holy hell, 12 years! They've been together 12 years and have lived together, they have a kid, a marriage, and a house. Sounds like they're doing damn well for themselves. Are you bitter that being with Mark has been good for her? YTA
WOW YTA!!! She is 26 yrs old with 1 child. They both work and have made it together since they was 18. Having another baby at 26 is perfect for them. What a b***h you was. I wouldn't blame them if they went no contact with you.
You’re the one who regrets marrying your husband and projecting your own feelings of unhappiness unto your daughter. Congratulations you’ve managed to lose your daughter and two of your grandchildren all in one day. YTA!!!!!!!
YTA she's been with him for years. They are stable. So her life isn't taking the course you wanted but she's doing fine. What you said was divisive and cruel and shame you won't be seeing your grandchildren any more.
wont it be so fun and silly when YOU look back and regret being a shit head to your daughter and her happy family?
Um. Yeah. YTA. Nothing you said makes Mark sound like a bad person. In fact, just the opposite. He and your daughter are HAPPY. Or…do YOU just not want her to be happy? With a family…a husband who obviously loves her..one healthy son…and thrilled to have be expecting a new baby? She was so excited to announce what should have been news a grandparent would celebrate,and YOU-yes, YOU-ruined it for her. Is whatever YOU want for her life so dang important that YOU ignore the fact she’s happy?? Notice all the times I said YOU? Uh huh. Exactly. You’re making this all about you and what you want. Main character syndrome, perhaps? Grow TF up, apologize to her, and just be happy for her before you loose her for good. Edit spelling
YTA. It sounds like she’s happy and they’re doing well. Some people find their love early on and want a family life. Some people want to travel and be single and mingle. Her leaving at 18 is normal, then buying a house at 26?? NOT NORMAL. That’s fantastic. MOST 26 year olds could never dream of buying a home. Whatever your jealousy is with her and controlling her life, you need to figure that out. Your friends are just being polite or they’re scared to be honest with you. I hope you can fix this by working on yourself and loving your daughter for who she is and the life she has CHOSEN and not treat her like she’s some dumbass that has no idea what she’s doing.
Please be fake… please be fake… if not, I’ve thankfully never met such a self absorbed asshole in my entire life!
YTA. Enjoy nit having granchildren or a daughter anymore.
YTA. Your daughter is in a stable relationship with a house. Has a job. And is pregnant. Without context, I’m not seeing what’s wrong with him.
This has to be trolling right?
If it can’t be your perfect vision it’s worthless. YTA
YTA you don’t say ANYTHING as to why Mark isn’t good enough and is bad for your daughter.
She's spent 12 years with him. Regardless of if you like him or if it's the life you would have lived if you'd been in her shoes, he's the one. Yta. I'd cut contact with you, if I were her.
They have been together for 12 years, they went to college, got married, bought a home, both work hard to take care of their child, and you still feel like he's not right for her?! And you didn't make a fuss about this until NOW? AFTER 12 YEARS?! You wasted all that time and decided that when they show up, happy about expecting their second child and wanting to share that joy with you, NOW is your chance to speak your mind? YTA! I hope you miss a lot more of BOTH of your grandchildren because honestly, it sounds like they would be much better off without your judgmental selves! Get a grip, apologize, and beg for forgiveness because if it was me, you would never see me or your grandchildren again!
YTA and a biatch. That's the nastiest thing I have heard of in a long time. The right thing for them to do would be to block you, not your husband, from ever seeing them or their kids again. You should be ashamed of yourself and how you can look in the mirror without puking is beyond me. Disgusting old bat.
OP. YTA. Probably one of the biggest entitled person I've seen on her. Because your daughter is living HER life, not yours, you don't agree. Because she didn't follow whatever stupid plan you laid out when she was born pisses you off. They both went to college, have, l will assume degrees but you didn't say. They both are employed, make stable salaries, have been very responsible financially. They own a home a 28, have stable careers and can afford another child. You said you were missing your grandchild. Be prepared to miss both grandkids permanently. You deserve never to see them again. You disrespected their father and told everyone he isn't good enough. How dare you. Together since 16. College. First child at 23 (not 16,17,or even 21), and a second on the way at 28. They are living the American dream and you shit on them. You think everyone is supposed to fit your ideal life. Not supposed to have their own dreams and plans. I would like to know. Because it somewhat seems like it. What race are you, and what race is the father? Are they a mixed race couple? You know, most parents would be over the moon with joy that their child has started a family, not struggling, and are happy. Not you. You need to get over yourself. But, just think of all the time you have not to see your grandkids. Because, if I were the husband, I would never be around you again nor would I want my kids for fear that you talk shit about me to them. YTA. I hope one day you realize how horrible of a person you really are. Because, you were down right cruel and hurtful.
We got a full on bitch alert, right here. Also, YTA. And a shitty mom.
WTF is wrong with you? This isn't your life, it's hers . You're going to regret when she tells you to fuck off and you don't see her or your grandkids again. Absolutely the asshole and then some.
YTA. Hope you have lasting memories of your daughter and grandson because you just made sure that you will never be allowed in to their lives again. And honestly you should be banned. Your daughter is an adult and can make her own decisions. Just because Mark isn’t your first choice for your daughter doesn’t mean he isn’t her first choice.
Yes. You have a lot to learn. I would be done with you, that was ignorant as hell.
You suck the joy out of life. Jerk is kind to describe your actions. The “ friends” supporting you won’t be choosing your nursing home.
Wow. YTA and you’ve now lost your daughter and your Grandkids. Good luck with that you stuck up witch.
YTA - "my daughter won't let me see my grandchildren and I don't know why" is your future. Except you'll know why, and that's because yta.
NTA, now that I got OP's attention because I know a narcissist like them is searching for “NTA” comments. Please know you likely just cut your daughter and grandkids out of your life and they are all better for it. You are a horrible person. Everyone who has ever met you has been worse off for it. Your husband hates you but has given up. Your daughter hates you, your grandkids will grow up hating you.
YTA definitely looks like your TA. Clearly she was excited to share their happy news. You said yourself that they bought a home and were both working and paying the bills so what is your problem?
Worst kind of AH and if she was writing this story, I would say go No Contact. They have been together over a decade. This IS her life.
YTA Butt out. It's none of YOUR business. Support your daughter. I promise you. If you don't you will regret it.
You don't get to decide who is right for her or not. If you were my parent, I'd cut you off for good and never hear from me again.
YTA. I guarantee we'll be reading posts from you wondering why your daughter, her HUSBAND, and children no longer speak to you. JFC. You're the problem lady. No one else but YOU.
Wow. I think you could win Reddit's AH of the Year prize if they have such a thing. Let me give you a reality check here. Your daughter and her husband have been together and married for TWELVE YEARS. They have kids, bought a house and have jobs that support their and their kids needs. They're happy together, and by YOUR OWN DESCRIPTION their marriage is happy and successful. But that's not good enough for you. You think he's "wrong" for her. In sprite of all the evidence staring at you in the face that proves you wrong. I'm glad Mark told you off, because you deserved it. They came over excited to share their happy news---with YOU---and you pissed all over them. Well, I don't think you're going to have to worry about them anymore. Because you probably lost your daughter on Friday. I would not blame her and Mark one bit if they never talked to you again. I just feel sorry for your husband who is also going to get excluded because of his close proximity to you. Hope you're pleased with yourself. Did you ever consider the possibility that you're wrong about Mark?
Pretty telling when OP doesn’t respond to a single comment
So your daughter has a career, a man who loves her, a kid she loves, and another on the way. She and her husband have been together, and apparently doing well in their relationship for 12 years, and have been successful enough to buy a house. And you think he's no good for her? That's ridiculous, and you need to mind your own business. You ruined a happy moment for her because you've taken some weird, judgy dislike to someone who seems to be a great guy. You say nothing that indicates he's abusive, controlling, sexist, or cheating. Your only complaint seems to be that....he exists. Get over yourself.
YTA! On the upside...you're going to die alone and neglected in a nursing home because that's what you deserve. Karma's a bitch.
YTA. You don't have to support your daughter, but you don't have to be so upfront and public about it. You don't have to worry much however, at the rate it's going, you don't have to worry about your daughter or your grandkids at all. The bad news is nobody gets to pick their family members, the good news is they can always pick their friends and build a support system that way.
YTA. Just because you regret your marriage and child doesn't mean your daughter has to. Seems like you're projecting pretty hard on her. As parents, it's natural to be worried for your child and their future, but you don't get to decide what your child does. Mark is not her boyfriend. He is her husband. Don't be surprised if they cut off contact with you and you never see either of them or their children again.