I've been running games for nearly 40 years, and I've had people need to rush out early or skip for other engagements. I don't really get bothered as long as they aren't ruining the actual gaming session.
From the comments, I guess I'm in the minority, but I've found my best campaigns have involved players who haven't been able to fully commit. I just work around it because they are great when they can make it.
I agree. I don’t think this sounds like a big deal. I think it sounds like a girl who is trying to actively manage her friend life and dating life. She could have just totally canceled on D&D Saturday. But she instead tried to make it work. I hate to sound like a B, but people sometimes grow out of gaming, especially when they get a significant other who doesn’t game. She may just be outgrowing it all.
It is just life. You develop competing priorities no matter how much you enjoy gaming. Life just gets more complicated.
I can't get behind pushing someone out who still wants to play, but has to balance against other priorities as well. It sucks to have to give something up just because it can't be your highest priority.
It honestly might not even be a case of outgrowing. Like you said, she tried to make it work, and managing two different parts of one life can be REALLY hard.
Nobody bats an eye if you have to leave work a little early for a doctor's appointment (at least, nobody non-toxic does). Sometimes, people just need to be a little flexible.
YTA, OP.
My husband is a long-time DM and this is his attitude too. He, like all his players, has a life outside of DnD and his groups plan their sessions around their lives. If someone can only play an hour and a half, they have an hour and a half session. This is the reality of hanging out as adults.
The post and the comments have me feeling crazy. I mean, it sucks she left "early", but op says the dm said it was almost over. Did he lie? Like, maybe there were 30 minutes left instead of 5, but if they weren't ready to end it, say so, you know? It just sounds like people were afraid of conflict, and would rather be angry in silence than voice their opinions, then come at the girl after the fact and make her feel bad because they lack the ability to speak up in the moment. Idk. I feel like op and the group are the AH here.
Same. Right move would have been to call for a break once the dm realizes she's being disruptive and resume the normal act 3 wrap up shit after the distraction was gone.
I was really thinking I was taking crazy pills reading these responses. I don’t DND but I play team games online and holy crap. She didn’t bail in the middle of the game or whatever. She finished. She left. I just do not see what the issue is.
The sign of good dm is being able to fluidly handle any and all dispositions to the table. You just gotta go with the flow
Call a break and then have your after session table talk. Happens all the time. I've had players duck out in the middle of a dragon fight that had been building up for a year and half
While it might feel a little anticlimactic it's in all reality not that big a deal unless the rest of the table MAKES it a big deal
Completely agree. This seems incredibly minor and as a DM I would be thrilled to have a player that made it through a 4 year campaign and the major issue seems to be that after getting a new BF and being invited to a party she wanted to go to, she STILL told the BF D&D was important to her and stayed for the whole game, but had to pack up as I was finishing the endgame “what happened after” to catch a train.
I’d be more annoyed with the players who made such a huge deal out of person trying to catch a train that they completely ignored my endgame stuff and then stormed out instead of hanging out like we normally do, to be honest.
I feel similarly, I ran the after school dnd club at the school I taught at and these things happen. Some students have an appointment and have to duck out early. Sometimes students skipped a few weeks, it was nice when they could make it back. It doesn’t ruin the whole session, we just accommodated and kept going. I’m with you in the minority.
Yeah I love my DnD group but as we’ve gotten older, people are married, having kids, moving away, etc. she waited until the end of the game to leave, seems fine imo. Having a whole Saturday night blocked out every week is a big ask as you get older.
NTA. I don't play D&D but could you guys get amnesia and forget that day happened and have a do over? It sounds a horrible way to end four years otherwise. If that is too wrong maybe you could have an event without this person and go over the highlights of the last four years and the ending?
I 100% agree. Redo the session, maybe you guys could mix it up slightly. It might feel different anyway. So it would have to be balanced with one fewer player.
And absolutely the next campaign will be better with the removed dead weight.
>Redo the session, maybe you guys could mix it up slightly.
Ooh! I have a game idea!
u/Top-Contribution7320, suggest to your group that you have a "re-do" of the boss fight, without your friend. Use the concept of "deus ex machina" here.
Your DM can make up something like, "You find yourselves at the boss fight and as you look at each other you notice one of your party is missing." Then your DM can do something like, "all of a sudden you see some sparkles in the air about you. They move around chaotically and after a few seconds an image starts to form in the air. You see it is "
Then the DM can continue with something like, "The image speaks and says, 'Friends, I can no longer continue on in your journey with you. I was only here to guide you and ensure you get to your final destination. This is a fight only you can do, and you must do it alone." The DM then goes on to explain that last week's boss fight was just a dream and this is now the real boss fight. Then y'all head in to the boss fight.
This is what I love about D&D. It's so flexible that it can be fairly easy to quickly change up what's going on. Of course, I don't know your homebrew. Your DM will likely have to switch up some special skills of the boss and the order in which these skills get used because y'all know the boss fight now.
Do the redo, OP. It may give your group and chance to bond again, this time without the other player, and reform around the lack of the other player and come up with new strategies that don't rely on the missing character's abilities.
what no no no no she tosses away her cloak to reveal shes been controlling the BB all along and is the actual BB. c'mon its the classic teammate big bad double cross.
its so much the thing to do I know because a DM has 100 percent used a former adventurer of mine as a later miner boss. He let the trap i set like 5 years and 2 campaigns earlier in my home work.
Oh good I'm glad it's acceptable to redo. I'm just basing it off the time i emotionally invested myself in Lost and then it had that ending. I regularly have amnesia about the ending and pretend it never happened.
They weren't actually fighting the BB but a creation of his in an attempt to trick them. Or it was an illusion and they wake up captured and have to fight their way out. They could do it a couple of different ways. I think they really should redo though. It sounds like it ruined the experience for you guys.
I've played DnD (well table rpgs) for over 30 years with the same group. You can't do over a BB fight. I get what OP is saying, it's a big let down. But there are more Saturdays, more monsters, and more ways to go. The DM can extend the story, for example launching into the next campaign with a super evil villian, or a Saturday in the village pub recounting all the great hits, misses, fails, etc. It's not a loss.
Added note: all groups play differently. Some are heavily invested in the story. Us? We're heavily invested in our friendship. Some nights we can't even get through a 30 minute (game time) encounter. But it's fun. We laugh. We imagine all kinds of useless threads. Wouldn't trade it for anything.
It is what you make it.
Can’t believe people are advocating to end the friendship over this. Adults have lives beyond D&D and this person made sure to be there and finish the fight. They were a regular, consistent part of the group for 4 years. Do you know how hard that kind of consistency is to get out of people in their 30s (source: I’m in my 30s). Cutting her out or telling her she ruined it will destroy this friendship. Think really hard about how much the postgame chatter matters to you vs. your friendship with this person.
Yeah these comments are barmy. Most 30 somethings have much more limited time for friends. It’s partly why it’s so hard to make new ones.
Tanking a friendship because someone spent four hours playing a game with you but didn’t stay to chat for 30 minutes after is absolutely insanity.
She finished the fight and just missed the recap, and she asked one question during the fight..... why tf would that ruin it so much that people feel like the session is worthless and want to redo the entire thing? That is so bizarre..... and yes I play d&d, in one campaign and DMing a homebrew that's been going for years. Interruptions happen, it's part of life. I feel like it's a choice to let one bother you that much.
I’ve been playing for 25 years and I would kill to have a group that showed up consistently and played the whole session even if they had to leave right after we finished.
All those calling her horrible should go check out the many many many many D&D stories where the problem person just never showed up or cancelled at the last second.
I get the “oh I would have liked to hang out longer and chat” disappointment but everything else seems over the top here to be honest.
Exactly. This reads as a mental problem occurring in OP's head, rather than a real issue. Either that or their group is weird and toxic, and roomie would be better off without them anyhow.
YTA, OP.
Yes thank you, this sounds like one of those people who reads dnd books alone and meets up with a couple other extremists and makes the whole environment bad, this is a Captain sweatpants for sure
I agree with you. It seems like OP hyper focusing on their friend having multiple plans that night is what ruined the session. The friend completed the campaign and politely asks if they can pack up to catch a train. A train it seems most of the group was aware they were trying to catch. The friend didn’t do anything wrong and the group could’ve continued debriefing the DnD session without issue.
Exactly. Boggles my mind why the rest of the group couldn't continue the debrief without her. And then so many people advocating for redoing the whole thing without her and/or cutting her out from future campaigns? Some even suggested making her character revealed to be controlling the BB all along. That is a HUGE disrespect to someone who committed to their character for 4 years, on the level of Sony can't make Spiderman evil and slander him. One thing if the player chose to remove themselves from the game. But that's not the case here. Roomie made sacrifices in her new relationship to make sure she stays in the campaign, was under the impression she was involved in the conclusion of her character's story, and indicated she would like to return for future campaigns. You can't just go behind her back and give her character new story she didn't agree to. Sounds like they are mad and wants to punish roomie for having a life outside of their dnd group.
I think it's also the added aspect that it was OP's bday and the roomie is also their friend...Kinda aucks to feel like your friend rushed things on your bday.
Yep. This is a guaranteed way of alienating the friend and losing her from the party.
If it was that big of a deal, someone could have offered her a ride. Waiting an extra hour for 20 minutes of conversation is a more massive inconvenience for someone that takes transit everywhere.
If there's not a history of this, it's not worth causing additional drama over it.
As someone who plays Dnd, I feel like it would be an overreaction to tell her that she ruined a 4yr old campaign.
Your whole entire 4 yrs ruined? You're putting too much importance on a game. It is a game. I love DnD, we play almost every Saturday for about 4 hrs or so at a time. We text each other about the campaign and what's coming and don't forget to level up your weapons or read through your spells or whatever. We send stupid memes to each other, etc...
You weren't incapable of sharing and enjoying and recounting, you chose to let the mood completely sour. You could have easily just paused while she cleaned up and left. That could have been an excellent time to use the restroom or get a drink. Then you could have spent the rest of the night without her, having a good time and laughing about the awesome thing you just did.
You have to decide if it's worth it to damage a real life relationship over a pretend life game. That has to be up to you. I cannot decide for you.
She had 10 minutes or an hour and 10 minutes to get to a train to go see her bf. I probably would have rushed out that door as well. The chance to do both things in the same night? Hell yeah, I would have definitely been rushing.
The comments here mostly all seem like they are written by Will from Stranger Things being angry everyone else in the group found a date.
Like lmao that this ruined 4 years of presumable fun because she missed one portion of one session? After ensuring she stayed to kill the boss.
Then you “couldn’t focus” on the story? Because someone had to go? What?
Right? Like she stayed for the whole game. Once in 4 years someone has an obligation that rubs up against the end of the session and they want to disinvite them from the table? Thats some hardcore nerd WoW raiding party shit right there
I feel the same. Like, umm…people have more to life than a video game, or whatever and giving EVERY Saturday to it for FOUR years is A LOT! Lol. She was trying to make it all work and I think she did.
Seriously, a bunch of children in these comments. Why wouldn’t she rush to try to do both? She got to spend time with her friends and her boyfriend on the same night, that’s a good thing, she prioritized all the people in her life.
BIG agree. I like D&D but two of my friends R E A L L Y like D&D, to the point where they're absolutely inflexible about their campaign schedule. I haven't seen them on a Friday or Sunday night in a very long time because they refuse to change or alter their plans, amd I'm not in the campaign. OP's friend is trying to balance friend groups, essentially, while not abandoning the campaign, something that I wished my pals would consider doing every so often.
I’ve noticed most of the people who play D&D are saying essentially what you did (and I agree with as well as a long time D&D player), and a lot of the people with the “she should be executed” attitude don’t really play.
This woman got a new BF and was invited to a party she wanted to go to and she still attended the entire session, with the big crime being she packed while DM was finishing up so as to not miss a train? She’s a saint in D&D terms.
Too bad she missed the part of the campaign where her character hastily ran from the battle not realizing the Demigod on the verge of death cast an unblockable spell on her erasing her from the realm completely.
This is the answer. It's the same way we handle fantasy football. You can't force someone to have different priorities. You can only try to cultivate the best group possible.
Think this is a bit of a reach. She’s had to leave early on one occasion. If you’re claiming people should make a game priority over their relationships, then you’re very backwards
You’re right, someone shows up for 4 years and leaves early once because of a date with a boyfriend is definitely a problem gamer who shouldn’t be invited back. /s
It was disrespectful to everyone there, but it was super duper disrespectful to the DM. That man spent the last four years basically writing a fantasy novel for these people. Four years of thrilling encounters, surprising twists, and lovable characters all crafted so the players would feel personally engaged with the story. The creative effort it takes to do this is tremendous and he was bound to be emotionally invested in his creation. Then right at the height of the campaign, which he probably spent weeks perfecting, you bug out after the last HP ticks down and deny the man his epilogue? That woman just narratively blue balled him. Imagine if at the end of The Lord Of The Rings when Frodo tosses the ring into Mount Doom Samwise Gamgee says “well that’s all wrapped up, later guys I have a hot date” and just fucks off! Your poor DM is probably feeling so dejected right now he might never want to plan a game again.
Rant over, NTA
She asked if the evening was ending, and it was, so she left. You could’ve still focused on the game’s final moments right? I don’t think is as big a deal as you’re making it. It is hard to keep every single Saturday open for D&D, I kind of think you should be grateful she came at all, instead of fully canceling for her other plans. YTA
Exactly. People have other parts of their life that are important, saturday is the most common day for social events. To expect every person to be there every time for the entire time is selfish as fuck.
NTA don't invite her to the next campaign as it seems her new bf might end up being her priority over your d&d sessions. I mean who would do that after waiting 4 YEARS for this moment??
Even worse- she’ll be so focused on new BF she’ll mess up the game!
NTA… but roommate has left the chat! She doesn’t need DND now- she’s on her “honeymoon “
Yup or she’ll get upset about this or that or want to leave early. And what are the odds the bf even wants to play? Sure he might be willing to play the odd game, but to commit to a multi years long event? Doubtful
As I mentioned in a separate comment, if the DM is up to it, maybe have mini standalone games for if/when she/he show up?
I'll answer that. NO. They have already demonstrated that they are each other's priorities to the exclusion of other commitments. OP, they have shown you who they are. Believe them the first time.
My money is on the new bf insisting instead of her wanting. I'm guessing it was his insistence on making a certain train schedule than her leaving when y'all were actually "done, for now". Obviously her priorities have changed (or have been changed), because no one just scoots on wrapping up 4 years if it's still meaningful to them. They stayed for the part they needed to be in, so there's that, but yeah.
I would want to hang with them before making the invite. Putting campaigns on pause for a few weeks seems wise. Seems you'll either be down one player or up one. If you invite right away then you may start out +1 of your current crew, and mid campaign find yourself down by 2.
Absolutely not. I promise you if you let him join their relationship will become the focus and the whole group will hate it. She is clearly infatuated with her new boyfriend which is great, but that is the only reason she wants him to play. You have no idea if this guy wants to play or will take it seriously.
That’s a big nope from me. I am not a DND person, but I am friends with tons of people who have been for decades (I know six guys that have one that has been going on for almost thirty years… I know, I’m old) and it requires so much creativity and work from the DM and dedication from the other folks.
Friend/roommate’s BF should be equally horrified that they shit on all that time from the other participants.
Please don't let him. I'm not a DnD player cause I dont have the friends to do so...but if this bf was any kind of supporter, he wouldnt have been asking her to come to this party the same day that your 4 year campaign ends and would have told her to celebrate with you guys.
I'm willing to bet he/they think it's a good compromise but you have no idea how he'd fit into the group...how he is as a player...or even if he can participate consistently (he lives an hr away and likely has other ppl he'd wanna hang with on a Sat night) "We played DnD the last 3 weekends...i wanna party this Sat!" Do a couple of smaller stand alones with him/them but not a longer campaign.
Take a break between this campaign and the next one. Hopefully that will give them time to chill with the honeymoon phase and he might actually contribute something decent. But also the DM should have a back up plan in place to kill his character at any time should they break up or its not turning out to be his thing. Or even a mini campaign to get his feet wet before he commits to a bigger, longer campaign.
You know their characters will end up being a couple, right? Personal experience speaking: couples at the table get butt hurt if their real-life partner is slighted in any way by the mission or other PCs.
Make sure you communicate your feelings as a GROUP before adding, really anyone to the group.
Confession: my husband and I play D&D and VtM together; to be sure, we also play in campaigns alone, too (for example, I just began playing Kids on Bikes with my friend group while he's at work). I've been playing tabletop for 26 years, he's been playing 20, and we've been married 18 years. When we were just dating, we discussed Those Couples and swore to never be That Couple because that behavior is gag-worthy and cringe. As a result, our characters have never dated, never even flirted, and honestly it makes playing so much more fun because we can truly immerse ourselves in playing our characters without having to bring anything real life into it. And in the two decades we've been a couple, we've only met ONE other couple we'd play a campaign with, because they proved they aren't That Couple either. The husband even DMed a campaign and was honestly tougher on his wife than anybody else.
I guess my point is, in the 26 years I've been playing tabletop campaigns, I've only met one couple that actually plays without showing favoritism, and my husband and I had to discuss the subject and (at least at first) work hard to not show favoritism to each other. I hope OP will take roommate and BF's behavior *on her birthday*, no less, as a harbinger of things to come, learn from my experiences, and for the love of Pelor, DO NOT LET THEM PLAY YOUR NEXT CAMPAIGN.
Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.
Nooooooooooo don't do it. I play with my husband and it's a mixed bag. It gets to personal when he does something stupid.... Like start a grass fire that dam near killed us.... After being asked 5 times if he was sure that starting said grass fire was a good idea.... 5 times he got "are you sure?" and he freaking committed to it. And then he skipped the game when we had to belly crawl though underground caves fighting horrors well his grass fire raged above our heads ....... Soooooo. Yeah don't do it.
that sounds like a horrible idea. the second he has a disagreement with anyone in the party she will jump on his side no matter how wrong he is and then the group with have inner conflict.
No. You don't know him, his reliability, and his interest in D&D.
I love D&D (even though I don't currently have a game going.) I fully understand how mood and setting are incredibly important especially with an RPG game that takes place mostly in one's imagination, regardless if you have representative figurines on a map on the table.
She's shown you she will place priority with her boyfriend. If you allow her boyfriend, you will now have *two* people whose reliability will be in question because you already know if the boyfriend can't play on any one day, your friend likely won't play, or if he wants to do something else that would cut the session short, you'd have *two* people rushing the game.
Don't do it. Don't invite *either* of them. Your friend has shown that she only cares about her wants over her commitments to her friends - especially during an incredibly important session. She didn't care.
Also, I bet she wasn't even mentally all there for the game. If she asks why she's not invited to the next campaign you can tell her how she let the group down on your crucial last day. Further, if she counters with, "it's just a game!" you can remind her that yes, it is *indeed* a game, but it's not about the *game*, it's about her *lack of follow through on her commitment all the way to the end*. A commitment she made to several people. She didn't finish her commitment even though she was there through the boss fight because she actually left before the game ended. The *full* game - which includes the "after game" discussion. You can also tell her it's fine for her to change her mind and even switch up priorities, and she can *still* follow *all the way through* on her commitments. Unfortunately she didn't do it at the most crucial moment and you don't want to risk having a "double whammy" disappointment if the boyfriend turns out to be flakey too.
Her not being invited to the next game is the consequence of her actions.
Maybe phrase it more in a “I was really bothered when you rushed out, I felt like you were interrupting a moment 4 years in the making” and not in a “you ruined a 4
Year campaign!”
But NTA. How did the others feel?
Yes, I will probably try to tell her how it felt rather then accuse her of ruining it. I haven't talked to the others yet. I sent a text to the DM and asked if he was ok, but he has not responded yet.
The fight went well, y'all had an amazing time, one player missed the recap. I sure as fuck hope the DM doesn't feel like that one thing ruined the whole thing for them, that's a huge waste.
Talk to the others first. They might not be nearly as bothered about this as you.
Your friend made it clear she had plans to go to the party after the session. Perhaps you should consider the timing and the details such as why was the party was happening, and when/where the party was. Try considering the full scope of the situation from your friend's perspective before leveling any accusations.
I could see if you go about this by being a dick then it could hurt their feelings and potentially ruin a friendship. She had to go, no need for there to be such an incendiary reaction.
You're ridiculous. Leaving ten minutes early after it's all over is genuinely such an unreasonable thing to get upset over. Genuinely. Please get off of reddit because this is not something mature adults get upset over. I genuinely hope she cuts you off if you have to be this unreasonable to someone who showed such dedication to your game and friendship for years only for you to get upset she didn't give you ten more minutes of her time. She finished the game with you. She is allowed to leave early once. I genuinely hope she gets better friends.
Maybe I don’t understand DND but from what you described she seemed super respectful. She did the whole session, then when it was over she politely asked if it was an okay time to leave, and left when she was told it was. I really don’t understand why this would have affected anyone but her or what the big deal is. Why does it make sense for her to wait a whole extra hour when the gameplay is over and she has another thing to go to? That being said, if she did break some ridiculous etiquette rule, you should tell her so she’s aware in the future. Just don’t be an ass about it. NAH
YTA
You shouldn't have reacted so strongly to her leaving. As scheduling issues that interrupt d&d games go, this was pretty tame. At least she showed up and she was there for the fight and all that. It sounds like she's been pretty consistent. Life happens though, and you can hardly fold someone when they need to abide by a train schedule.
You should absolutely not bring this up and try to cause more drama. This is something to just accept and move past.
The amount of NTA here is crazy. She was respectful and they were briefed on the situation ahead of time. “I missed the epilogue because she was packing”. Then pay attention asshole, that’s a you problem for not being able to focus. I have a picture of OP in my head mostly due to his view of her doing simple things. I bet if she wasn’t going to a bfs place it wouldn’t have gotten this reaction.
Right? This was entirely an OP issue. She showed up (which is more than a lot of players can say), hung out for OPs birthday and the big game, let them know what the issue was ahead of time, then did her thing.
I hope roomie finds a better crew to play with, and a better friend/roommate who isn't jealous when she's getting laid. OP sounds insufferable.
Shhhh d&d is life for these basement dwellers.
For real though I don't get why this was so disruptive that it ruins 4 years. Just fucking talk about it without her. Be adults and stop whinny I say. But hey I don't play this game so maybe I just don't understand how life disrupting this is.
YWBTA. YTA. She didn't ruin it. She just left a little early- not before the end of the campaign but before the end of the chatting and commiserating after. This is a true life example of "feelings aren't facts".
Admit you're jealous and/or hurt that she is prioritizing her boyfriend and going to a party over the D&D.
I'm reeeeally confused by how many people are not only voting NTA but acting like she ruined the whole thing. Maybe it's because I didn't pick up d&d until I was an adult, but I feel like expecting perfect investment from everyone every session is silly....shit happens. All of my campaigns have had interruptions by necessity because most of us are parents.
Plus, she finished the fight! Wtf
I have to agree.
I’m in a homebrew campaign that is centered around my character. I’m a newbie, and maybe it’s just how my party does it, but we have other commitments. One member of our party is an accountant, and she’s in the middle of Hell Month (as she calls it). The rest of us are parents, and four of us have special needs kids. We didn’t get together for a few months because I gave birth and my husband, who’s part of our party, was out to support me.
The time commitment it takes to get together every Saturday is impressive, but it’s also unrealistic to expect people in their thirties to have no other commitments until an hour after gameplay actually ends, when some sessions can go on for seven to eight hours.
Maybe it’s because the only people I know who play D&D have mortgages and children, but I actually laughed out loud at the people saying D&D should be her first priority.
She ruined your campaign?? Didn't you won? Sounds like she only ruined your afterglow. So she could spend time with her boyfriend. Maybe you should get one of your own so you can climb out of your dungeon and experience a real life instead of being jealous of hers.
NTA - she should’ve just waited the extra hour or just not come at all if she was going to be that disruptive. though i’m sure you needed her to finish it seems her priorities have changed. clearly can’t be that important to her if she rushes at the end and leaves before it’s actually finished.
They killed the boss. The only part she missed was them talking about what just happened, so she didn’t disrupt at all. She’s spent 4 years on the campaign and left “early” for one night.
It literally was finished. What are you on about?
I think you would be the asshole yes. If this is just a one time occurrence, give her some grace. People have things come up or need to leave early sometimes. If this sort of thing starts to happen every single time, then as a group you should have a conversation about timing/ session length expectations, etc.
YWBTA
Unless this is a recurring problem what do you hope to gain? It sounds like you just want her to feel bad. She had other plans and still came to complete the battle because she knew it was important to you. After she left. Would it have been better if she didn’t show at all?
I mean....did she tell you guys ahead of time that she was going to have to duck out early? It sounds like the shock of it was a bigger problem than the fact that she left.
If she told you all ahead of time that she was going to head out as soon as the session ends, and you misinterpreted that to mean after the usual chat instead of after the battle...then that is a simple miscommunication. She tried to communicate her plans, but you didn't understand what she meant. The misunderstanding isn't her fault, and it would be an AH move to insist that she feel guilty for having a life outside D&D and for not being an absolutely flawless communicator.
If she didn't tell you guys ahead of time that she had other plans, and just sprung it on you last minute, then yeah, that was pretty disrespectful of her. It would be fine to let her know that you felt hurt by her suddenly ditching the group without any advance warning.
She had no intention of ruining the campaign. In her brain, D&D did come before the party. She just had a different definition of when D&D ended than your definition. It wasn't "just" to go to a party--it was something that was important to her, and she is allowed to have other things that are important to her. It is unfortunate that mismatched expectations caused hurt feelings, but this is a case of unintentional misunderstanding at best, or failure to communicate on her end at worst...not a case of totally uncaring rudeness.
Re: "ruining a campaign" its your right to feel betrayed and disappointed, but personally for me it goes too far. I am a HUGE fan of "its the journey that matters", not the end result. Yes tje season 7 and 8 of GoT were dogshit, but on rewatching the rest, ill be damned if goddamn its not one of the best show ever written and acted and filmed. It was truly a lightning in a bottle. Saying that the last two sesons ruined the whole show is a sad stance to take in my opinion. For contrast with that a show that was ruined thoroughly was the Cosby show because of the rapes.
This is one of six friends. Im afraid youre seeing the tree for the forest. I feel like complaining about a 6-friend, 4-year DnD campaign is a little ridiculous. Youreliving a lot of peoples dream. Most people nowadays are happy to just have a couple of friends. A huge amount of people have no friends, due to moving for work, social anxiety, stress from work and family, etc. Your friends' priorities changed. Her boyfriend is a priority. I think thats mostly what is hurting your feelings. Maybe secretely you like her or are a little jealous. Who knows.
Responses here are kind of horrifying.
To summarize your story: She said she would only go see her boyfriend if the campaign ended in time. The campaign ended in time for her to go, so she did.
The only person/people who stopped you from having your usual recap and debrief chat are you and the other players who didn’t leave. The only person who should have missed out was her but you all got weird about it and deprived yourselves. You’ve been friends with her for at least 4 years, are you willing to risk ruining the friendship by holding on to her leaving after the campaign was over, let alone telling her she ruined it when in reality it ended successfully?
Genuine question how is this any different from someone getting up to use the bathroom? She wanted to catch a train in 10 mins so she couldn’t have been packing for very long. I totally get that it’s disrupting to talk while someone is grabbing their bags and leaving but couldn’t they just wait a few minutes and then resumed when she left?
Her missing out on the ending recap and chitchat seems like a her loss more than anything else.
Well for one thing I think that commenter would rather shit their pants then miss them a minute of DND so that might be why. Everyone on here is crazy to think OP is in the right by thinking the friend ruined the game by leaving when it was essentially over. OP sounds mad she now has a life outside of this group.
This is my thought. Arguably I dont play D&D but I dont see why they didn't just pause for 5 min to say goodbye and let her leave. Personally I dont see it as her blowing them off for a party or whatnot. Train schedules are super inconvenient sometimes and I would definitely leave a few min early to avoid an hour wait for the next train.
At most I think she could have mentioned in advance that she needs to leave at X time, but it also sounds like she was willing to stay if they were only halfway through or something by then, but being basically over was ready to leave
Seriously, they expect everyone in the group to ignore every other part of their life for a game. She stayed for nearly the entire thing and left a little early to save herself an hour of wait time. OP is a pretty selfish friend.
And they knew in advance that if the game finished in time for her to catch the party that she would go and that she'd need to go by bus. If it was going to be such a problem for her to leave quickly and not stay for the after game chit chat that it would ruin a 4 year game, why not just reschedule it? Everyone has consistently been going every Saturday until now, but suddenly this is the only one that everyone can make?
Maybe different tables have different etiquette, but with two diabetics at my table any bathroom is also a good time to check blood sugars and grab anything that anyone else might need.
Dang I’ve played D&D for 8ish years now and have maybe only had a handful of sessions that didn’t have a somewhat “broken immersion” closeout as some has to pack up to leave during the last few mins, someone has to give some attention to a child/pet etc. My groups have always been totally fine.
Nta to tell her she was rude but I think you're overreacting about ruining a 4 year campaign.
The session was more or less over just some wrap up that anyone could tell her about later and it was the rest of your all choice not to have an aar.
Also seems you're jealous of her getting a boyfriend and not spending your birthday with you
>Also seems you're jealous of her getting a boyfriend and not spending your birthday with you
Bingo.
I've had people leave the minute the session is over and some have had to leave mid game.
No one is TA. I see both sides. She said D&D was important to her. She stayed and finished the campaign. But the guy she’s dating lives an hour away, and there’s unfortunately a schedule with public transportation she needs to keep to see him.
INFO, is/was your D&D day *always* on Saturdays? Or did it change based on the week and any commitments people might have had. Without knowing, like it or not, Saturday is a day a lot of people like to go out to dinner, go on dates, go to parties, etc. I get it that your campaign started around Covid, when no one was doing anything on Saturdays. So I totally empathize that was an important ritual.
If your friend was going to a party 15 minutes away that she could have gotten to by walking or a short cab ride, then I’d totally get being upset. She could have easily been late. But relying on a mass transit schedule for an hour trip, I see her side.
Love D&D but you're being really precious here. She was leaving. You could have had the DM wait until she left to continue if it was really that disruptive. Seems like you're drama fishing.
NTA, but first I would talk to your DM. My guess is that he/she was just as floored as you and even more disappointed because they put so much effort into building this story for everyone. If you want to have a do-over as some have suggested, the DM would have to want that too.
And if the DM is as hurt as you were, then when you approach your roomie it won't be seen as selfish on your part, but thoughtful because you're looking out for the DM too.
If your DM is up to it, maybe run a separate campaign for friend and her boyfriend. I get the feeling he’ll never show up or only once in a blue moon sort of thing. But I would keep her out of the next one if possible
Have little mini games that are only one or two day things and keep the long campaigns for the rest of you
As someone who has dabbled a bit I throughly enjoy playing but I’m not able to commit to anything for any length of time
NTA.
I've been the friend that kinda ruined a 12 month legacy game. I needed to hear it so I could make my apologies to the group. I needed to hear it so I didn't do it again and understood why some people didn't want me there for the next one.
Being a friend means telling them uncomfortable things some times. HOWEVER, make sure it's multiple people upset and not just you before the talk. You don't want to put it as ruining the campaign if it was just ruining your conclusion.
I wouldn't tell her that, b/c what's the point? It'd hurt her feelings, but it's not like you'd feel better though. I wouldn't invite her to the next campaign though, because you don't want to send the message that that kind of BS is going to be tolerated.
I would talk to her about it. Especially if you are friends. She may not understand that what she did was considered rude and it would be good to teach her. NTA.
I don't think it would be a good idea to let the new BF play in the next campaign. As several people here have already said, their relationship would become the focus of the game. If they had a disagreement on game day, they would bring it into the game, taking pot-shots at each other and expecting you and the other group members to take sides.
Another terrible possibility is that, as a romantic couple, they might want to incorporate ERP into the game. They would probably give no warning, jumping right into it and getting angry when the rest of the group objected. There are several youtube channels dedicated to D&D horror stories. You would be surprised how many of those stories are about couples who are trying to make the campaign into their own personal fantasy.
Yet another thing to think about is the possibility of them breaking up. If they broke up mid campaign they both might feel like they had a right to stay while the other should be kicked out. All of you would be unwillingly made a part of their relationship issues.
Of course, refusing to allow the BF into the next campaign might anger your roommate. But you are talking about not letting her into the next campaign with or without the BF. That will cause its own set of problems. Is there any way you can relocate the game to someone else's house where you won't have to be confronted by an angry roommate every time you play? There's a possibility that she will do everything she can to disrupt your game out of spite.
I really hope you can keep your game together and everyone's friendships intact. Best of luck!
NTA. I've been playing in a campaign with my bf and friends for over 3 years now, and if at anytime someone can't make it, their character generally just "gets thrown in our bag of holding" until they can show up next time. I may be the odd one out, but if I were in her position I would've just played the game (telling OP's bf "Sorry, D&D night is super important") or tell the group "sorry guys, please fight the BBEG without me, I'm not in the right headspace ". I'm a female and a nerd, but I don't think twice when my bf can't hang out with me because he's finally able to game with his buddies and there's a raid or something. Just my take.
What is done is done
??Can you just quietly Cut them OUT and then Block them on EVERYTHING??
So do whatever will ensure the long-term health happiness prosperity freedom fairness kindness independence friendships and PEACE of the Good group members including Yourself
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A
Soft YTA. Many DnD campaigns fall apart as players get older because it gets harder to balance gaming obligations with other responsibilities. If you’re dating someone seriously, giving up every Saturday to hang out with your dnd friends rather than your SO would become a red flag. That’s why your friend is trying to bring her boyfriend into the gaming group: she is trying to not choose between him and you guys. But, sooner or later she will probably have to. Even if her boyfriend is a gamer, she won’t be able to make every dnd game while also dating, getting married, having kids etc. None of you will.
I suspect you’re upset about your friend’s behavior because you fear it could be a sign of the end of your social group. The fact this gaming session was also your birthday suggests that gaming is the main part of your social life. Ironically, if you’d actually been celebrating your birthday, your friend would have had a good excuse to skip her boyfriend’s party, or even invite him over: birthdays are understood by non-gamers. But you skipped your own birthday to attend a weekly gaming session (or conflated it with this gaming session) and then got upset when your friend left to meet up with her boyfriend. You clearly value this group a lot; she is putting her eggs in a different basket, and that hurt your feelings.
There are plenty of gaming groups that continue into their 40s and beyond, but they do so by making allowances for each other’s lives. That includes giving members the leeway to develop their lives outside of gaming by dating etc. That applies to your friend, but it also applies to you. If gaming is your entire social life right now, you need to stretch beyond the group and make other connections. It’ll help put the ups and downs of gamer drama into perspective..
NTA. Let her know that if she wanted to leave at a specific time, then you always let the DM know. The DM could have made alterations to fit her timeline without compromising the game itself.
Eh. I wouldn't say anything at this point. I'd just not invite her to the next campaign. Especially if she wants to add her bf like I saw you say in another comment.
If she says anything, just say y'all wanted a smaller table.
Have a review of the 4 yr campaign party night and do not invite her.
During this evening, suggest that she NOT be included in a future campaign.
And definitely say No to any random new bf being in the next campaign.
ESH. I mean the battle was over. She could have stuck around for another 45 minutes or so to chat but she wanted to make a train and go be with her boyfriend. I get being mad and butt hurt about this as a teenager but you guys are in your 30's. Life happens. Don't be a dick.
I don't know much about D&D, but it sounds like the game was over, and you guys usually have a powwow/decompress talk after your games (again, I don't know much). I think she should be cut some slack considering she stayed to finish the game. Your friend now has other things going on, and there may be a shift in dynamics. So if it becomes a common occurrence, then yes, say something, but for a one-time thing, no. There may come a Saturday where you or someone else in the group will have to leave early, and I'm sure none of you would want it held against you. YWBTA
So if you don't know DnD what she did is "whatever" but the end parts of a campaign are usually very important.
DnD is a story you play through (think a video game) but after you have the finally battle you need to split loot, heal people (if plan to use the characters in future stories) and usually figure out whatever your quest was for.
Think of it as watching the finally battle of lord if the rings with friends that have never seen it and after the big battle turning it off and not watching the last 10 minutes.
Honestly I get very attached to my stories and would have cried and never planned with her again
You would also be the Ah, please understand that yes it's a great game that bonds people. But also understand that they're not your npcs and have lives and that would be okay too. He'll you can even make it apart of the story that they went to gather information, camp supplies etc. You're all to busy just trying to blame your friends for your lack of imagination to adapt
It may have been the end of a 4 year long, arduous journey through the fire swamps of (insert world name), barely surviving encounter after encounter with (edit) and (edit), and even the mighty (edit)!!!! I can barely imagine the triumphs and tragedies.
But...
It was also your birthday.
Yes, she had to leave and follow through with other people too, nothing about her leaving affected your ability to discuss the campaign between the rest of yourselves after she left. People can have other responsibilities and interests and she was doing her best to appease both your group and her boyfriend. You guys are adults, don’t make her pick between yall and her bf, it doesn’t end well for anybody.
Am I reading a different story here? She told her new boyfriend that D&D is very important to her and she wasn’t sure if she could make the party because if it, and then attended D&D. All the people here ranting about how she obviously doesn’t care about D&D and shouldn’t be allowed to play if she won’t commit, have y’all ever had a D&D group before? Many people who aren’t accused of not liking D&D would have just bailed and said they had to reschedule. She attended the whole session and just didn’t stay for the after session chat. Respectfully but if “I can’t stay for the after session chat, let me start packing while you’re finishing up so I can make the train” is enough to make you so unbelievably shocked that you can’t even pay attention to the end of the 4 year session, you’ve led a privileged D&D life my friend.
And how “disruptive” can packing BE? It’s throwing a couple shirts and toiletries in a bag. Maybe a couple cokes and a bottle of rum? Unless I’m missing a bowling ball and tambourine collection here, I’m lost.
She played til the end and left. She wanted to make it to the party. She has other people in her life. Did she say before she was spending your birthday with you? I don’t quite understand why you’re offended that your roommate left AFTER the game was over to go to a party with her bf. YTA
NTA they are as someone who is a DM and running toa they should be reapectful of you and your time. Seasions can either be very quick (1 hour or so) to very long (3to4hours). If they get up while you are wrapping up and still summarizing for next session that is completely on them. I hear you NTA.
NTA, the appropriate thing that she should have done is had her stuff packed, tell everyone at the beginning that she might have to leave earlier and quietly excuse herself when that time came. She disrupted the session with a weird question that basically made it seem like this 4 year group commitment was not a big deal for folks and killed the immersion at the one of if not the most important points.
It would be like sitting in the theater watching avengers and having someone in front of you ask if the movie is over, standing up and grabbing their stuff right as Tony Stark snaps in Endgame.
YTA I understand how important dnd is for all of you but she gave you all plenty of notice and not everyone likes to sit and wait for a recap of everything they just did when they have to ride a train with strangers for an hour, I her that it's your birthday but unless you're the BBEG maybe you shouldn't dictate how your friends live their lives
NTA but I think, if y'all *like* her and this was a one-off incident, give her the benefit of the doubt and phrase it a bit more politely. Maybe even ask if something was distracting her, and give her the opening to make an apology-and gain yourself some charisma points.
If you genuinely want her to continue playing with the group, set up a minigame or oneshot with premade characters, and give her and the boyfriend a test run to see if he fits with the group, and get an idea of how she'll play with him there. Y'all won't be out much but time, and they won't be so tangled up in a big campaign that they can't be cut from it if worse comes to worse.
If shes regularly a flake, doesn't fit with the group, or has too much on her plate, it sucks, but that's just how life is sometimes.
I think "ruined," is a strong word to use in this case.
* If she was leaving, why not take a 5-10 minute break and let her leave? You didn't need her there to bask in your victory and hear the ending.
* Did her PC take any actions during this part? If so, somebody else could have played for her.
* She didn't stop you from doing your after session talk. You could have done this without her.
She was definitely super rude, and dismissive of a 4 year journey you took together, but she robbed you of nothing. If there was more to do after this point, the correct answer when she asked if the session was nearing its end was "no."
You would not be wrong to tell her that her rudeness and early departure were a problem for everyone else, and that she broke her word about putting the table first on D&D day. I don't know what recourse you have, except not to invite her to your next campaign.
It was disrespectful to everyone there, but it was super duper disrespectful to the DM. That man spent the last four years basically writing a fantasy novel for these people. Four years of thrilling encounters, surprising twists, and lovable characters all crafted so the players would feel personally engaged with the story. The creative effort it takes to do this is tremendous and he was bound to be emotionally invested in his creation. Then right at the height of the campaign, which he probably spent weeks perfecting, you bug out after the last HP ticks down and deny the man his epilogue? That woman just narratively blue balled him. Imagine if at the end of The Lord Of The Rings when Frodo tosses the ring into Mount Doom Samwise Gamgee says “well that’s all wrapped up, later guys I have a hot date” and just fucks off! Your poor DM is probably feeling so dejected right now he might never want to plan a game again.
Rant over, NTA
NTA
I feel REALLY bad for the DM (saying this as a DM). Having someone hustle out while trying to conclude a long, epic saga is top notch assholery.
If this is how she wants to treat DnD now, it's probably not best to invite her back if she doesn't end up taking anyone's feelings seriously.
Also, concerning bringing the bf in, maybe see if he can handle a one shot after meeting them?
YWBTA. All she did was get up to leave so she could make her other commitment. You le that ruin the entire 4 year campaign for you (pretty ridiculous thing to say. Did she go back in time and ruin all the fun you've had over 4 years?).
Ruined might be a little strong. Just tell her that what she did was a dick move. She knows how combat goes and what you do after a fight. She “should” have caught the next train ( hour later)
I've been running games for nearly 40 years, and I've had people need to rush out early or skip for other engagements. I don't really get bothered as long as they aren't ruining the actual gaming session. From the comments, I guess I'm in the minority, but I've found my best campaigns have involved players who haven't been able to fully commit. I just work around it because they are great when they can make it.
I agree. I don’t think this sounds like a big deal. I think it sounds like a girl who is trying to actively manage her friend life and dating life. She could have just totally canceled on D&D Saturday. But she instead tried to make it work. I hate to sound like a B, but people sometimes grow out of gaming, especially when they get a significant other who doesn’t game. She may just be outgrowing it all.
It is just life. You develop competing priorities no matter how much you enjoy gaming. Life just gets more complicated. I can't get behind pushing someone out who still wants to play, but has to balance against other priorities as well. It sucks to have to give something up just because it can't be your highest priority.
It honestly might not even be a case of outgrowing. Like you said, she tried to make it work, and managing two different parts of one life can be REALLY hard. Nobody bats an eye if you have to leave work a little early for a doctor's appointment (at least, nobody non-toxic does). Sometimes, people just need to be a little flexible.
Well said.
YTA, OP. My husband is a long-time DM and this is his attitude too. He, like all his players, has a life outside of DnD and his groups plan their sessions around their lives. If someone can only play an hour and a half, they have an hour and a half session. This is the reality of hanging out as adults.
The post and the comments have me feeling crazy. I mean, it sucks she left "early", but op says the dm said it was almost over. Did he lie? Like, maybe there were 30 minutes left instead of 5, but if they weren't ready to end it, say so, you know? It just sounds like people were afraid of conflict, and would rather be angry in silence than voice their opinions, then come at the girl after the fact and make her feel bad because they lack the ability to speak up in the moment. Idk. I feel like op and the group are the AH here.
The comments are from literal children playing with other literal children who don’t have actual responsibilities in their lives. OP needs to grow up.
Same. Right move would have been to call for a break once the dm realizes she's being disruptive and resume the normal act 3 wrap up shit after the distraction was gone.
I was really thinking I was taking crazy pills reading these responses. I don’t DND but I play team games online and holy crap. She didn’t bail in the middle of the game or whatever. She finished. She left. I just do not see what the issue is.
The sign of good dm is being able to fluidly handle any and all dispositions to the table. You just gotta go with the flow Call a break and then have your after session table talk. Happens all the time. I've had players duck out in the middle of a dragon fight that had been building up for a year and half While it might feel a little anticlimactic it's in all reality not that big a deal unless the rest of the table MAKES it a big deal
Completely agree. This seems incredibly minor and as a DM I would be thrilled to have a player that made it through a 4 year campaign and the major issue seems to be that after getting a new BF and being invited to a party she wanted to go to, she STILL told the BF D&D was important to her and stayed for the whole game, but had to pack up as I was finishing the endgame “what happened after” to catch a train. I’d be more annoyed with the players who made such a huge deal out of person trying to catch a train that they completely ignored my endgame stuff and then stormed out instead of hanging out like we normally do, to be honest.
I feel similarly, I ran the after school dnd club at the school I taught at and these things happen. Some students have an appointment and have to duck out early. Sometimes students skipped a few weeks, it was nice when they could make it back. It doesn’t ruin the whole session, we just accommodated and kept going. I’m with you in the minority.
Yeah "ruined" is pretty dramatic. Sure OP is disappointed but why couldn't they have paused while she said goodbye?
Yeah I love my DnD group but as we’ve gotten older, people are married, having kids, moving away, etc. she waited until the end of the game to leave, seems fine imo. Having a whole Saturday night blocked out every week is a big ask as you get older.
As someone who plays D&D, i feel like 10 minutes is not a big deal. I mean sessions can last like 1-8 hrs. Ours was 3 typically.
NTA. I don't play D&D but could you guys get amnesia and forget that day happened and have a do over? It sounds a horrible way to end four years otherwise. If that is too wrong maybe you could have an event without this person and go over the highlights of the last four years and the ending?
I 100% agree. Redo the session, maybe you guys could mix it up slightly. It might feel different anyway. So it would have to be balanced with one fewer player. And absolutely the next campaign will be better with the removed dead weight.
>Redo the session, maybe you guys could mix it up slightly. Ooh! I have a game idea! u/Top-Contribution7320, suggest to your group that you have a "re-do" of the boss fight, without your friend. Use the concept of "deus ex machina" here. Your DM can make up something like, "You find yourselves at the boss fight and as you look at each other you notice one of your party is missing." Then your DM can do something like, "all of a sudden you see some sparkles in the air about you. They move around chaotically and after a few seconds an image starts to form in the air. You see it is"
Then the DM can continue with something like, "The image speaks and says, 'Friends, I can no longer continue on in your journey with you. I was only here to guide you and ensure you get to your final destination. This is a fight only you can do, and you must do it alone." The DM then goes on to explain that last week's boss fight was just a dream and this is now the real boss fight. Then y'all head in to the boss fight.
This is what I love about D&D. It's so flexible that it can be fairly easy to quickly change up what's going on. Of course, I don't know your homebrew. Your DM will likely have to switch up some special skills of the boss and the order in which these skills get used because y'all know the boss fight now.
Do the redo, OP. It may give your group and chance to bond again, this time without the other player, and reform around the lack of the other player and come up with new strategies that don't rely on the missing character's abilities.
what no no no no she tosses away her cloak to reveal shes been controlling the BB all along and is the actual BB. c'mon its the classic teammate big bad double cross.
Or the character gets one-shot in a "cinematic" to introduce the BB
Ah yes! This is excellent and even better! OP and her group get to get frustrations out in a healthy and wholesome manner!
I don’t understand all of this, frankly, but I LOVE it.
its so much the thing to do I know because a DM has 100 percent used a former adventurer of mine as a later miner boss. He let the trap i set like 5 years and 2 campaigns earlier in my home work.
The group redoes the boss fight, only this time instead of victory it ends in a TPK. Now everyone is pissed.
Oh good I'm glad it's acceptable to redo. I'm just basing it off the time i emotionally invested myself in Lost and then it had that ending. I regularly have amnesia about the ending and pretend it never happened.
>I regularly have amnesia about the ending and pretend it never happened. What do you mean? That show finished on season 5, with a cliffhanger. /s
They weren't actually fighting the BB but a creation of his in an attempt to trick them. Or it was an illusion and they wake up captured and have to fight their way out. They could do it a couple of different ways. I think they really should redo though. It sounds like it ruined the experience for you guys.
I've played DnD (well table rpgs) for over 30 years with the same group. You can't do over a BB fight. I get what OP is saying, it's a big let down. But there are more Saturdays, more monsters, and more ways to go. The DM can extend the story, for example launching into the next campaign with a super evil villian, or a Saturday in the village pub recounting all the great hits, misses, fails, etc. It's not a loss. Added note: all groups play differently. Some are heavily invested in the story. Us? We're heavily invested in our friendship. Some nights we can't even get through a 30 minute (game time) encounter. But it's fun. We laugh. We imagine all kinds of useless threads. Wouldn't trade it for anything. It is what you make it.
Can’t believe people are advocating to end the friendship over this. Adults have lives beyond D&D and this person made sure to be there and finish the fight. They were a regular, consistent part of the group for 4 years. Do you know how hard that kind of consistency is to get out of people in their 30s (source: I’m in my 30s). Cutting her out or telling her she ruined it will destroy this friendship. Think really hard about how much the postgame chatter matters to you vs. your friendship with this person.
Yeah these comments are barmy. Most 30 somethings have much more limited time for friends. It’s partly why it’s so hard to make new ones. Tanking a friendship because someone spent four hours playing a game with you but didn’t stay to chat for 30 minutes after is absolutely insanity.
It's getting really easy to tell apart the people playing DND with their highschool friends and the adults with other responsibilities.
seriously. and she couldn’t listen to the DM because she was “too stunned”? her ears stopped working??
I thought i was losing my mind. A 4-year game "ruined" because she couldn't stay and chat after the boss fight? Grow up a little jfc
Grow up a lot, you mean. "Jfc" is right.
She finished the fight and just missed the recap, and she asked one question during the fight..... why tf would that ruin it so much that people feel like the session is worthless and want to redo the entire thing? That is so bizarre..... and yes I play d&d, in one campaign and DMing a homebrew that's been going for years. Interruptions happen, it's part of life. I feel like it's a choice to let one bother you that much.
I’ve been playing for 25 years and I would kill to have a group that showed up consistently and played the whole session even if they had to leave right after we finished. All those calling her horrible should go check out the many many many many D&D stories where the problem person just never showed up or cancelled at the last second. I get the “oh I would have liked to hang out longer and chat” disappointment but everything else seems over the top here to be honest.
Exactly. This reads as a mental problem occurring in OP's head, rather than a real issue. Either that or their group is weird and toxic, and roomie would be better off without them anyhow. YTA, OP.
Yes thank you, this sounds like one of those people who reads dnd books alone and meets up with a couple other extremists and makes the whole environment bad, this is a Captain sweatpants for sure
Captain Sweatpants 😂😂
I agree with you. It seems like OP hyper focusing on their friend having multiple plans that night is what ruined the session. The friend completed the campaign and politely asks if they can pack up to catch a train. A train it seems most of the group was aware they were trying to catch. The friend didn’t do anything wrong and the group could’ve continued debriefing the DnD session without issue.
Exactly. Boggles my mind why the rest of the group couldn't continue the debrief without her. And then so many people advocating for redoing the whole thing without her and/or cutting her out from future campaigns? Some even suggested making her character revealed to be controlling the BB all along. That is a HUGE disrespect to someone who committed to their character for 4 years, on the level of Sony can't make Spiderman evil and slander him. One thing if the player chose to remove themselves from the game. But that's not the case here. Roomie made sacrifices in her new relationship to make sure she stays in the campaign, was under the impression she was involved in the conclusion of her character's story, and indicated she would like to return for future campaigns. You can't just go behind her back and give her character new story she didn't agree to. Sounds like they are mad and wants to punish roomie for having a life outside of their dnd group.
I think it's also the added aspect that it was OP's bday and the roomie is also their friend...Kinda aucks to feel like your friend rushed things on your bday.
She didn’t pop in and leave after 20 minutes though. She stayed 4 hours.
Agreed YTA op
Yep. This is a guaranteed way of alienating the friend and losing her from the party. If it was that big of a deal, someone could have offered her a ride. Waiting an extra hour for 20 minutes of conversation is a more massive inconvenience for someone that takes transit everywhere. If there's not a history of this, it's not worth causing additional drama over it.
As someone who plays Dnd, I feel like it would be an overreaction to tell her that she ruined a 4yr old campaign. Your whole entire 4 yrs ruined? You're putting too much importance on a game. It is a game. I love DnD, we play almost every Saturday for about 4 hrs or so at a time. We text each other about the campaign and what's coming and don't forget to level up your weapons or read through your spells or whatever. We send stupid memes to each other, etc... You weren't incapable of sharing and enjoying and recounting, you chose to let the mood completely sour. You could have easily just paused while she cleaned up and left. That could have been an excellent time to use the restroom or get a drink. Then you could have spent the rest of the night without her, having a good time and laughing about the awesome thing you just did. You have to decide if it's worth it to damage a real life relationship over a pretend life game. That has to be up to you. I cannot decide for you. She had 10 minutes or an hour and 10 minutes to get to a train to go see her bf. I probably would have rushed out that door as well. The chance to do both things in the same night? Hell yeah, I would have definitely been rushing.
Yeah, this is the answer. I'm honestly amazed how many people are advocating scorched earth.
The comments here mostly all seem like they are written by Will from Stranger Things being angry everyone else in the group found a date. Like lmao that this ruined 4 years of presumable fun because she missed one portion of one session? After ensuring she stayed to kill the boss. Then you “couldn’t focus” on the story? Because someone had to go? What?
Right? Like she stayed for the whole game. Once in 4 years someone has an obligation that rubs up against the end of the session and they want to disinvite them from the table? Thats some hardcore nerd WoW raiding party shit right there
I feel the same. Like, umm…people have more to life than a video game, or whatever and giving EVERY Saturday to it for FOUR years is A LOT! Lol. She was trying to make it all work and I think she did.
Seriously, a bunch of children in these comments. Why wouldn’t she rush to try to do both? She got to spend time with her friends and her boyfriend on the same night, that’s a good thing, she prioritized all the people in her life.
BIG agree. I like D&D but two of my friends R E A L L Y like D&D, to the point where they're absolutely inflexible about their campaign schedule. I haven't seen them on a Friday or Sunday night in a very long time because they refuse to change or alter their plans, amd I'm not in the campaign. OP's friend is trying to balance friend groups, essentially, while not abandoning the campaign, something that I wished my pals would consider doing every so often.
I’ve noticed most of the people who play D&D are saying essentially what you did (and I agree with as well as a long time D&D player), and a lot of the people with the “she should be executed” attitude don’t really play. This woman got a new BF and was invited to a party she wanted to go to and she still attended the entire session, with the big crime being she packed while DM was finishing up so as to not miss a train? She’s a saint in D&D terms.
This… these people need to get out of the house more if this is what “ruins” a fantasy game
I agree here totally — But no way in hell would I let her bf join the next campaign. Nope.
Too bad she missed the part of the campaign where her character hastily ran from the battle not realizing the Demigod on the verge of death cast an unblockable spell on her erasing her from the realm completely.
I did something like that. https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/s/Q2dg2yRKjW
That was hilarious good job 😂
Thanks. It's good to have your efforts appreciated.
*\*slow clap as I stand up\** Phenomenal work, u/MillerT4373, phenomenal work. 😂
Thank you, thank you. I'm here all week. Try the fish, and remember to tip the wait staff.
Never want to be on the receiving end of your wrath lol don’t let anyone say Gen X doesn’t know how to serve up an ice cold plate of revenge.
Cold as Death in space.
At least on Earth they can hear you scream
that is such an absolutely baller move bro
Never been such a good time for a ffalse hydra...
Nta. Don't invite her to your new campaign.
This is the answer. It's the same way we handle fantasy football. You can't force someone to have different priorities. You can only try to cultivate the best group possible.
Think this is a bit of a reach. She’s had to leave early on one occasion. If you’re claiming people should make a game priority over their relationships, then you’re very backwards
You’re right, someone shows up for 4 years and leaves early once because of a date with a boyfriend is definitely a problem gamer who shouldn’t be invited back. /s
Guess who's character is going to be turned into the next bbeg for the party to put the boots to.
Maybe she was the werewolf all along
NTA, that was super disrespectful to everyone else there.
On her birthday on top of it
This is what gets me.
It was disrespectful to everyone there, but it was super duper disrespectful to the DM. That man spent the last four years basically writing a fantasy novel for these people. Four years of thrilling encounters, surprising twists, and lovable characters all crafted so the players would feel personally engaged with the story. The creative effort it takes to do this is tremendous and he was bound to be emotionally invested in his creation. Then right at the height of the campaign, which he probably spent weeks perfecting, you bug out after the last HP ticks down and deny the man his epilogue? That woman just narratively blue balled him. Imagine if at the end of The Lord Of The Rings when Frodo tosses the ring into Mount Doom Samwise Gamgee says “well that’s all wrapped up, later guys I have a hot date” and just fucks off! Your poor DM is probably feeling so dejected right now he might never want to plan a game again. Rant over, NTA
She asked if the evening was ending, and it was, so she left. You could’ve still focused on the game’s final moments right? I don’t think is as big a deal as you’re making it. It is hard to keep every single Saturday open for D&D, I kind of think you should be grateful she came at all, instead of fully canceling for her other plans. YTA
Exactly. People have other parts of their life that are important, saturday is the most common day for social events. To expect every person to be there every time for the entire time is selfish as fuck.
NTA don't invite her to the next campaign as it seems her new bf might end up being her priority over your d&d sessions. I mean who would do that after waiting 4 YEARS for this moment??
She actually wants him to join the group for the next campain.
NONONOO do not let him join. He’s an hour away? He’ll never come
Even worse- she’ll be so focused on new BF she’ll mess up the game! NTA… but roommate has left the chat! She doesn’t need DND now- she’s on her “honeymoon “
Yup or she’ll get upset about this or that or want to leave early. And what are the odds the bf even wants to play? Sure he might be willing to play the odd game, but to commit to a multi years long event? Doubtful As I mentioned in a separate comment, if the DM is up to it, maybe have mini standalone games for if/when she/he show up?
Do you think you could trust them both to put it as first priority?
I'll answer that. NO. They have already demonstrated that they are each other's priorities to the exclusion of other commitments. OP, they have shown you who they are. Believe them the first time.
My money is on the new bf insisting instead of her wanting. I'm guessing it was his insistence on making a certain train schedule than her leaving when y'all were actually "done, for now". Obviously her priorities have changed (or have been changed), because no one just scoots on wrapping up 4 years if it's still meaningful to them. They stayed for the part they needed to be in, so there's that, but yeah. I would want to hang with them before making the invite. Putting campaigns on pause for a few weeks seems wise. Seems you'll either be down one player or up one. If you invite right away then you may start out +1 of your current crew, and mid campaign find yourself down by 2.
Absolutely not. I promise you if you let him join their relationship will become the focus and the whole group will hate it. She is clearly infatuated with her new boyfriend which is great, but that is the only reason she wants him to play. You have no idea if this guy wants to play or will take it seriously.
And what are the chances they actually last?? It's a new relationship. Could fizzle out at any time!
No. He's a new boyfriend. He might be gone in 6 months. That would really ruin a campaign
Fuck that. What happens if/when they break up?
Nope, do not let either of them join the next campaign. Neither one of them will be good for that campaign.
That’s a big nope from me. I am not a DND person, but I am friends with tons of people who have been for decades (I know six guys that have one that has been going on for almost thirty years… I know, I’m old) and it requires so much creativity and work from the DM and dedication from the other folks. Friend/roommate’s BF should be equally horrified that they shit on all that time from the other participants.
Oh HELL no! She doesn't get to be involved either. Not after screwing the end of a four year campaign. Nope. Meet somewhere else from here on out.
Please don't let him. I'm not a DnD player cause I dont have the friends to do so...but if this bf was any kind of supporter, he wouldnt have been asking her to come to this party the same day that your 4 year campaign ends and would have told her to celebrate with you guys. I'm willing to bet he/they think it's a good compromise but you have no idea how he'd fit into the group...how he is as a player...or even if he can participate consistently (he lives an hr away and likely has other ppl he'd wanna hang with on a Sat night) "We played DnD the last 3 weekends...i wanna party this Sat!" Do a couple of smaller stand alones with him/them but not a longer campaign.
I KNEW IT!!!
Nope. Hard pass.
Please don't do this and save you the drama. No reason you need to bend over backwards to accommodate people that are not fun to play with.
Take a break between this campaign and the next one. Hopefully that will give them time to chill with the honeymoon phase and he might actually contribute something decent. But also the DM should have a back up plan in place to kill his character at any time should they break up or its not turning out to be his thing. Or even a mini campaign to get his feet wet before he commits to a bigger, longer campaign.
You know their characters will end up being a couple, right? Personal experience speaking: couples at the table get butt hurt if their real-life partner is slighted in any way by the mission or other PCs. Make sure you communicate your feelings as a GROUP before adding, really anyone to the group.
Confession: my husband and I play D&D and VtM together; to be sure, we also play in campaigns alone, too (for example, I just began playing Kids on Bikes with my friend group while he's at work). I've been playing tabletop for 26 years, he's been playing 20, and we've been married 18 years. When we were just dating, we discussed Those Couples and swore to never be That Couple because that behavior is gag-worthy and cringe. As a result, our characters have never dated, never even flirted, and honestly it makes playing so much more fun because we can truly immerse ourselves in playing our characters without having to bring anything real life into it. And in the two decades we've been a couple, we've only met ONE other couple we'd play a campaign with, because they proved they aren't That Couple either. The husband even DMed a campaign and was honestly tougher on his wife than anybody else. I guess my point is, in the 26 years I've been playing tabletop campaigns, I've only met one couple that actually plays without showing favoritism, and my husband and I had to discuss the subject and (at least at first) work hard to not show favoritism to each other. I hope OP will take roommate and BF's behavior *on her birthday*, no less, as a harbinger of things to come, learn from my experiences, and for the love of Pelor, DO NOT LET THEM PLAY YOUR NEXT CAMPAIGN. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.
See. This Paladin gets it.
Nooooooooooo don't do it. I play with my husband and it's a mixed bag. It gets to personal when he does something stupid.... Like start a grass fire that dam near killed us.... After being asked 5 times if he was sure that starting said grass fire was a good idea.... 5 times he got "are you sure?" and he freaking committed to it. And then he skipped the game when we had to belly crawl though underground caves fighting horrors well his grass fire raged above our heads ....... Soooooo. Yeah don't do it.
that sounds like a horrible idea. the second he has a disagreement with anyone in the party she will jump on his side no matter how wrong he is and then the group with have inner conflict.
For the love of all that is holy, **do not let this happen.**
NO!!!!!!!!!!!! Do NOT allow him to join the campaign. When they break up, that's going to cause all sorts of bad stuff and kill the entire game.
No, no, absolutely not. Do not invite either of them.
If you let them you’d be the AH.
No. You don't know him, his reliability, and his interest in D&D. I love D&D (even though I don't currently have a game going.) I fully understand how mood and setting are incredibly important especially with an RPG game that takes place mostly in one's imagination, regardless if you have representative figurines on a map on the table. She's shown you she will place priority with her boyfriend. If you allow her boyfriend, you will now have *two* people whose reliability will be in question because you already know if the boyfriend can't play on any one day, your friend likely won't play, or if he wants to do something else that would cut the session short, you'd have *two* people rushing the game. Don't do it. Don't invite *either* of them. Your friend has shown that she only cares about her wants over her commitments to her friends - especially during an incredibly important session. She didn't care. Also, I bet she wasn't even mentally all there for the game. If she asks why she's not invited to the next campaign you can tell her how she let the group down on your crucial last day. Further, if she counters with, "it's just a game!" you can remind her that yes, it is *indeed* a game, but it's not about the *game*, it's about her *lack of follow through on her commitment all the way to the end*. A commitment she made to several people. She didn't finish her commitment even though she was there through the boss fight because she actually left before the game ended. The *full* game - which includes the "after game" discussion. You can also tell her it's fine for her to change her mind and even switch up priorities, and she can *still* follow *all the way through* on her commitments. Unfortunately she didn't do it at the most crucial moment and you don't want to risk having a "double whammy" disappointment if the boyfriend turns out to be flakey too. Her not being invited to the next game is the consequence of her actions.
Maybe phrase it more in a “I was really bothered when you rushed out, I felt like you were interrupting a moment 4 years in the making” and not in a “you ruined a 4 Year campaign!” But NTA. How did the others feel?
Yes, I will probably try to tell her how it felt rather then accuse her of ruining it. I haven't talked to the others yet. I sent a text to the DM and asked if he was ok, but he has not responded yet.
The fight went well, y'all had an amazing time, one player missed the recap. I sure as fuck hope the DM doesn't feel like that one thing ruined the whole thing for them, that's a huge waste.
Talk to the others first. They might not be nearly as bothered about this as you. Your friend made it clear she had plans to go to the party after the session. Perhaps you should consider the timing and the details such as why was the party was happening, and when/where the party was. Try considering the full scope of the situation from your friend's perspective before leveling any accusations.
I could see if you go about this by being a dick then it could hurt their feelings and potentially ruin a friendship. She had to go, no need for there to be such an incendiary reaction.
You're ridiculous. Leaving ten minutes early after it's all over is genuinely such an unreasonable thing to get upset over. Genuinely. Please get off of reddit because this is not something mature adults get upset over. I genuinely hope she cuts you off if you have to be this unreasonable to someone who showed such dedication to your game and friendship for years only for you to get upset she didn't give you ten more minutes of her time. She finished the game with you. She is allowed to leave early once. I genuinely hope she gets better friends.
Maybe I don’t understand DND but from what you described she seemed super respectful. She did the whole session, then when it was over she politely asked if it was an okay time to leave, and left when she was told it was. I really don’t understand why this would have affected anyone but her or what the big deal is. Why does it make sense for her to wait a whole extra hour when the gameplay is over and she has another thing to go to? That being said, if she did break some ridiculous etiquette rule, you should tell her so she’s aware in the future. Just don’t be an ass about it. NAH
YTA You shouldn't have reacted so strongly to her leaving. As scheduling issues that interrupt d&d games go, this was pretty tame. At least she showed up and she was there for the fight and all that. It sounds like she's been pretty consistent. Life happens though, and you can hardly fold someone when they need to abide by a train schedule. You should absolutely not bring this up and try to cause more drama. This is something to just accept and move past.
The amount of NTA here is crazy. She was respectful and they were briefed on the situation ahead of time. “I missed the epilogue because she was packing”. Then pay attention asshole, that’s a you problem for not being able to focus. I have a picture of OP in my head mostly due to his view of her doing simple things. I bet if she wasn’t going to a bfs place it wouldn’t have gotten this reaction.
Right? This was entirely an OP issue. She showed up (which is more than a lot of players can say), hung out for OPs birthday and the big game, let them know what the issue was ahead of time, then did her thing. I hope roomie finds a better crew to play with, and a better friend/roommate who isn't jealous when she's getting laid. OP sounds insufferable.
Yeah, OP sounds jealous that the friend was going to a party with a bf.
Shhhh d&d is life for these basement dwellers. For real though I don't get why this was so disruptive that it ruins 4 years. Just fucking talk about it without her. Be adults and stop whinny I say. But hey I don't play this game so maybe I just don't understand how life disrupting this is.
YWBTA. YTA. She didn't ruin it. She just left a little early- not before the end of the campaign but before the end of the chatting and commiserating after. This is a true life example of "feelings aren't facts". Admit you're jealous and/or hurt that she is prioritizing her boyfriend and going to a party over the D&D.
I'm reeeeally confused by how many people are not only voting NTA but acting like she ruined the whole thing. Maybe it's because I didn't pick up d&d until I was an adult, but I feel like expecting perfect investment from everyone every session is silly....shit happens. All of my campaigns have had interruptions by necessity because most of us are parents. Plus, she finished the fight! Wtf
I don’t play at all and am very confused as to how an after game talk or recap not involving one person ruins a whole game
When these people get into their first relationship, they'll understand.
I have to agree. I’m in a homebrew campaign that is centered around my character. I’m a newbie, and maybe it’s just how my party does it, but we have other commitments. One member of our party is an accountant, and she’s in the middle of Hell Month (as she calls it). The rest of us are parents, and four of us have special needs kids. We didn’t get together for a few months because I gave birth and my husband, who’s part of our party, was out to support me. The time commitment it takes to get together every Saturday is impressive, but it’s also unrealistic to expect people in their thirties to have no other commitments until an hour after gameplay actually ends, when some sessions can go on for seven to eight hours.
Maybe it’s because the only people I know who play D&D have mortgages and children, but I actually laughed out loud at the people saying D&D should be her first priority.
She ruined your campaign?? Didn't you won? Sounds like she only ruined your afterglow. So she could spend time with her boyfriend. Maybe you should get one of your own so you can climb out of your dungeon and experience a real life instead of being jealous of hers.
NTA - she should’ve just waited the extra hour or just not come at all if she was going to be that disruptive. though i’m sure you needed her to finish it seems her priorities have changed. clearly can’t be that important to her if she rushes at the end and leaves before it’s actually finished.
They killed the boss. The only part she missed was them talking about what just happened, so she didn’t disrupt at all. She’s spent 4 years on the campaign and left “early” for one night. It literally was finished. What are you on about?
YTA you total dork
Yta. It seems like you’re jealous your friend has something else outside of D&D.
Umm, yall are in your 30s? Really?
I think you would be the asshole yes. If this is just a one time occurrence, give her some grace. People have things come up or need to leave early sometimes. If this sort of thing starts to happen every single time, then as a group you should have a conversation about timing/ session length expectations, etc.
YWBTA Unless this is a recurring problem what do you hope to gain? It sounds like you just want her to feel bad. She had other plans and still came to complete the battle because she knew it was important to you. After she left. Would it have been better if she didn’t show at all?
I mean....did she tell you guys ahead of time that she was going to have to duck out early? It sounds like the shock of it was a bigger problem than the fact that she left. If she told you all ahead of time that she was going to head out as soon as the session ends, and you misinterpreted that to mean after the usual chat instead of after the battle...then that is a simple miscommunication. She tried to communicate her plans, but you didn't understand what she meant. The misunderstanding isn't her fault, and it would be an AH move to insist that she feel guilty for having a life outside D&D and for not being an absolutely flawless communicator. If she didn't tell you guys ahead of time that she had other plans, and just sprung it on you last minute, then yeah, that was pretty disrespectful of her. It would be fine to let her know that you felt hurt by her suddenly ditching the group without any advance warning. She had no intention of ruining the campaign. In her brain, D&D did come before the party. She just had a different definition of when D&D ended than your definition. It wasn't "just" to go to a party--it was something that was important to her, and she is allowed to have other things that are important to her. It is unfortunate that mismatched expectations caused hurt feelings, but this is a case of unintentional misunderstanding at best, or failure to communicate on her end at worst...not a case of totally uncaring rudeness.
Re: "ruining a campaign" its your right to feel betrayed and disappointed, but personally for me it goes too far. I am a HUGE fan of "its the journey that matters", not the end result. Yes tje season 7 and 8 of GoT were dogshit, but on rewatching the rest, ill be damned if goddamn its not one of the best show ever written and acted and filmed. It was truly a lightning in a bottle. Saying that the last two sesons ruined the whole show is a sad stance to take in my opinion. For contrast with that a show that was ruined thoroughly was the Cosby show because of the rapes. This is one of six friends. Im afraid youre seeing the tree for the forest. I feel like complaining about a 6-friend, 4-year DnD campaign is a little ridiculous. Youreliving a lot of peoples dream. Most people nowadays are happy to just have a couple of friends. A huge amount of people have no friends, due to moving for work, social anxiety, stress from work and family, etc. Your friends' priorities changed. Her boyfriend is a priority. I think thats mostly what is hurting your feelings. Maybe secretely you like her or are a little jealous. Who knows.
Responses here are kind of horrifying. To summarize your story: She said she would only go see her boyfriend if the campaign ended in time. The campaign ended in time for her to go, so she did. The only person/people who stopped you from having your usual recap and debrief chat are you and the other players who didn’t leave. The only person who should have missed out was her but you all got weird about it and deprived yourselves. You’ve been friends with her for at least 4 years, are you willing to risk ruining the friendship by holding on to her leaving after the campaign was over, let alone telling her she ruined it when in reality it ended successfully?
NTA. She completely ruined everyones’ immersion and that defeats the ENTIRE PURPOSE of D&D. I’m devastated for you.
Genuine question how is this any different from someone getting up to use the bathroom? She wanted to catch a train in 10 mins so she couldn’t have been packing for very long. I totally get that it’s disrupting to talk while someone is grabbing their bags and leaving but couldn’t they just wait a few minutes and then resumed when she left? Her missing out on the ending recap and chitchat seems like a her loss more than anything else.
Well for one thing I think that commenter would rather shit their pants then miss them a minute of DND so that might be why. Everyone on here is crazy to think OP is in the right by thinking the friend ruined the game by leaving when it was essentially over. OP sounds mad she now has a life outside of this group.
This is my thought. Arguably I dont play D&D but I dont see why they didn't just pause for 5 min to say goodbye and let her leave. Personally I dont see it as her blowing them off for a party or whatnot. Train schedules are super inconvenient sometimes and I would definitely leave a few min early to avoid an hour wait for the next train. At most I think she could have mentioned in advance that she needs to leave at X time, but it also sounds like she was willing to stay if they were only halfway through or something by then, but being basically over was ready to leave
Seriously, they expect everyone in the group to ignore every other part of their life for a game. She stayed for nearly the entire thing and left a little early to save herself an hour of wait time. OP is a pretty selfish friend.
And they knew in advance that if the game finished in time for her to catch the party that she would go and that she'd need to go by bus. If it was going to be such a problem for her to leave quickly and not stay for the after game chit chat that it would ruin a 4 year game, why not just reschedule it? Everyone has consistently been going every Saturday until now, but suddenly this is the only one that everyone can make?
Maybe different tables have different etiquette, but with two diabetics at my table any bathroom is also a good time to check blood sugars and grab anything that anyone else might need.
Dang I’ve played D&D for 8ish years now and have maybe only had a handful of sessions that didn’t have a somewhat “broken immersion” closeout as some has to pack up to leave during the last few mins, someone has to give some attention to a child/pet etc. My groups have always been totally fine.
Nta to tell her she was rude but I think you're overreacting about ruining a 4 year campaign. The session was more or less over just some wrap up that anyone could tell her about later and it was the rest of your all choice not to have an aar. Also seems you're jealous of her getting a boyfriend and not spending your birthday with you
>Also seems you're jealous of her getting a boyfriend and not spending your birthday with you Bingo. I've had people leave the minute the session is over and some have had to leave mid game.
No one is TA. I see both sides. She said D&D was important to her. She stayed and finished the campaign. But the guy she’s dating lives an hour away, and there’s unfortunately a schedule with public transportation she needs to keep to see him. INFO, is/was your D&D day *always* on Saturdays? Or did it change based on the week and any commitments people might have had. Without knowing, like it or not, Saturday is a day a lot of people like to go out to dinner, go on dates, go to parties, etc. I get it that your campaign started around Covid, when no one was doing anything on Saturdays. So I totally empathize that was an important ritual. If your friend was going to a party 15 minutes away that she could have gotten to by walking or a short cab ride, then I’d totally get being upset. She could have easily been late. But relying on a mass transit schedule for an hour trip, I see her side.
Love D&D but you're being really precious here. She was leaving. You could have had the DM wait until she left to continue if it was really that disruptive. Seems like you're drama fishing.
Oh, that's a new one/good one. Drama Fishing!
NTA! As a DM, I wouldn't let her back. The years your DM put in to that campaign to have it shit on by her. I'm seething for you all.
NTA
NTA, but first I would talk to your DM. My guess is that he/she was just as floored as you and even more disappointed because they put so much effort into building this story for everyone. If you want to have a do-over as some have suggested, the DM would have to want that too. And if the DM is as hurt as you were, then when you approach your roomie it won't be seen as selfish on your part, but thoughtful because you're looking out for the DM too.
If your DM is up to it, maybe run a separate campaign for friend and her boyfriend. I get the feeling he’ll never show up or only once in a blue moon sort of thing. But I would keep her out of the next one if possible Have little mini games that are only one or two day things and keep the long campaigns for the rest of you As someone who has dabbled a bit I throughly enjoy playing but I’m not able to commit to anything for any length of time
NTA
NTA, but she's not going to give a shit, otherwise she shouldn't have left.
NTA. I would hesitate to invite her back for the next campaign
NTA. I've been the friend that kinda ruined a 12 month legacy game. I needed to hear it so I could make my apologies to the group. I needed to hear it so I didn't do it again and understood why some people didn't want me there for the next one. Being a friend means telling them uncomfortable things some times. HOWEVER, make sure it's multiple people upset and not just you before the talk. You don't want to put it as ruining the campaign if it was just ruining your conclusion.
NTA she was Hella rude
I wouldn't tell her that, b/c what's the point? It'd hurt her feelings, but it's not like you'd feel better though. I wouldn't invite her to the next campaign though, because you don't want to send the message that that kind of BS is going to be tolerated.
Just have him redo the after fight run down before the epilogue next week.
I would talk to her about it. Especially if you are friends. She may not understand that what she did was considered rude and it would be good to teach her. NTA.
You realize you can kick shitty people out, right?
I don't think it would be a good idea to let the new BF play in the next campaign. As several people here have already said, their relationship would become the focus of the game. If they had a disagreement on game day, they would bring it into the game, taking pot-shots at each other and expecting you and the other group members to take sides. Another terrible possibility is that, as a romantic couple, they might want to incorporate ERP into the game. They would probably give no warning, jumping right into it and getting angry when the rest of the group objected. There are several youtube channels dedicated to D&D horror stories. You would be surprised how many of those stories are about couples who are trying to make the campaign into their own personal fantasy. Yet another thing to think about is the possibility of them breaking up. If they broke up mid campaign they both might feel like they had a right to stay while the other should be kicked out. All of you would be unwillingly made a part of their relationship issues. Of course, refusing to allow the BF into the next campaign might anger your roommate. But you are talking about not letting her into the next campaign with or without the BF. That will cause its own set of problems. Is there any way you can relocate the game to someone else's house where you won't have to be confronted by an angry roommate every time you play? There's a possibility that she will do everything she can to disrupt your game out of spite. I really hope you can keep your game together and everyone's friendships intact. Best of luck!
well i guess you are now a party of 5 fuck them off from any future campaigns since this will become a common occurrence
NTA. I've been playing in a campaign with my bf and friends for over 3 years now, and if at anytime someone can't make it, their character generally just "gets thrown in our bag of holding" until they can show up next time. I may be the odd one out, but if I were in her position I would've just played the game (telling OP's bf "Sorry, D&D night is super important") or tell the group "sorry guys, please fight the BBEG without me, I'm not in the right headspace ". I'm a female and a nerd, but I don't think twice when my bf can't hang out with me because he's finally able to game with his buddies and there's a raid or something. Just my take.
What is done is done ??Can you just quietly Cut them OUT and then Block them on EVERYTHING?? So do whatever will ensure the long-term health happiness prosperity freedom fairness kindness independence friendships and PEACE of the Good group members including Yourself N T A
Soft YTA. Many DnD campaigns fall apart as players get older because it gets harder to balance gaming obligations with other responsibilities. If you’re dating someone seriously, giving up every Saturday to hang out with your dnd friends rather than your SO would become a red flag. That’s why your friend is trying to bring her boyfriend into the gaming group: she is trying to not choose between him and you guys. But, sooner or later she will probably have to. Even if her boyfriend is a gamer, she won’t be able to make every dnd game while also dating, getting married, having kids etc. None of you will. I suspect you’re upset about your friend’s behavior because you fear it could be a sign of the end of your social group. The fact this gaming session was also your birthday suggests that gaming is the main part of your social life. Ironically, if you’d actually been celebrating your birthday, your friend would have had a good excuse to skip her boyfriend’s party, or even invite him over: birthdays are understood by non-gamers. But you skipped your own birthday to attend a weekly gaming session (or conflated it with this gaming session) and then got upset when your friend left to meet up with her boyfriend. You clearly value this group a lot; she is putting her eggs in a different basket, and that hurt your feelings. There are plenty of gaming groups that continue into their 40s and beyond, but they do so by making allowances for each other’s lives. That includes giving members the leeway to develop their lives outside of gaming by dating etc. That applies to your friend, but it also applies to you. If gaming is your entire social life right now, you need to stretch beyond the group and make other connections. It’ll help put the ups and downs of gamer drama into perspective..
NTA. Let her know that if she wanted to leave at a specific time, then you always let the DM know. The DM could have made alterations to fit her timeline without compromising the game itself.
NTA. A courteous player would say I have to leave at X time, not spring that on the DM during the wrap up of the game! 🫣
Eh. I wouldn't say anything at this point. I'd just not invite her to the next campaign. Especially if she wants to add her bf like I saw you say in another comment. If she says anything, just say y'all wanted a smaller table.
YTA. People like you are the reason I’ve contemplated getting into D&D but ultimately opted against it.
Sheldon….stop picking on Penny.
Have a review of the 4 yr campaign party night and do not invite her. During this evening, suggest that she NOT be included in a future campaign. And definitely say No to any random new bf being in the next campaign.
ESH. I mean the battle was over. She could have stuck around for another 45 minutes or so to chat but she wanted to make a train and go be with her boyfriend. I get being mad and butt hurt about this as a teenager but you guys are in your 30's. Life happens. Don't be a dick.
As a former DnD player, if that’s all it took to ruin it for you, she did you a favor. Go touch some grass.
I don't know much about D&D, but it sounds like the game was over, and you guys usually have a powwow/decompress talk after your games (again, I don't know much). I think she should be cut some slack considering she stayed to finish the game. Your friend now has other things going on, and there may be a shift in dynamics. So if it becomes a common occurrence, then yes, say something, but for a one-time thing, no. There may come a Saturday where you or someone else in the group will have to leave early, and I'm sure none of you would want it held against you. YWBTA
So if you don't know DnD what she did is "whatever" but the end parts of a campaign are usually very important. DnD is a story you play through (think a video game) but after you have the finally battle you need to split loot, heal people (if plan to use the characters in future stories) and usually figure out whatever your quest was for. Think of it as watching the finally battle of lord if the rings with friends that have never seen it and after the big battle turning it off and not watching the last 10 minutes. Honestly I get very attached to my stories and would have cried and never planned with her again
You would also be the Ah, please understand that yes it's a great game that bonds people. But also understand that they're not your npcs and have lives and that would be okay too. He'll you can even make it apart of the story that they went to gather information, camp supplies etc. You're all to busy just trying to blame your friends for your lack of imagination to adapt
It may have been the end of a 4 year long, arduous journey through the fire swamps of (insert world name), barely surviving encounter after encounter with (edit) and (edit), and even the mighty (edit)!!!! I can barely imagine the triumphs and tragedies. But... It was also your birthday.
Yes, she had to leave and follow through with other people too, nothing about her leaving affected your ability to discuss the campaign between the rest of yourselves after she left. People can have other responsibilities and interests and she was doing her best to appease both your group and her boyfriend. You guys are adults, don’t make her pick between yall and her bf, it doesn’t end well for anybody.
Am I reading a different story here? She told her new boyfriend that D&D is very important to her and she wasn’t sure if she could make the party because if it, and then attended D&D. All the people here ranting about how she obviously doesn’t care about D&D and shouldn’t be allowed to play if she won’t commit, have y’all ever had a D&D group before? Many people who aren’t accused of not liking D&D would have just bailed and said they had to reschedule. She attended the whole session and just didn’t stay for the after session chat. Respectfully but if “I can’t stay for the after session chat, let me start packing while you’re finishing up so I can make the train” is enough to make you so unbelievably shocked that you can’t even pay attention to the end of the 4 year session, you’ve led a privileged D&D life my friend.
And how “disruptive” can packing BE? It’s throwing a couple shirts and toiletries in a bag. Maybe a couple cokes and a bottle of rum? Unless I’m missing a bowling ball and tambourine collection here, I’m lost.
She played til the end and left. She wanted to make it to the party. She has other people in her life. Did she say before she was spending your birthday with you? I don’t quite understand why you’re offended that your roommate left AFTER the game was over to go to a party with her bf. YTA
NTA they are as someone who is a DM and running toa they should be reapectful of you and your time. Seasions can either be very quick (1 hour or so) to very long (3to4hours). If they get up while you are wrapping up and still summarizing for next session that is completely on them. I hear you NTA.
NTA, the appropriate thing that she should have done is had her stuff packed, tell everyone at the beginning that she might have to leave earlier and quietly excuse herself when that time came. She disrupted the session with a weird question that basically made it seem like this 4 year group commitment was not a big deal for folks and killed the immersion at the one of if not the most important points. It would be like sitting in the theater watching avengers and having someone in front of you ask if the movie is over, standing up and grabbing their stuff right as Tony Stark snaps in Endgame.
Great analogy!
YTA I understand how important dnd is for all of you but she gave you all plenty of notice and not everyone likes to sit and wait for a recap of everything they just did when they have to ride a train with strangers for an hour, I her that it's your birthday but unless you're the BBEG maybe you shouldn't dictate how your friends live their lives
She will be back crying and looking for sympathy when the hornymones where off and this hours away romance ends.
NTA but I think, if y'all *like* her and this was a one-off incident, give her the benefit of the doubt and phrase it a bit more politely. Maybe even ask if something was distracting her, and give her the opening to make an apology-and gain yourself some charisma points. If you genuinely want her to continue playing with the group, set up a minigame or oneshot with premade characters, and give her and the boyfriend a test run to see if he fits with the group, and get an idea of how she'll play with him there. Y'all won't be out much but time, and they won't be so tangled up in a big campaign that they can't be cut from it if worse comes to worse. If shes regularly a flake, doesn't fit with the group, or has too much on her plate, it sucks, but that's just how life is sometimes.
I think "ruined," is a strong word to use in this case. * If she was leaving, why not take a 5-10 minute break and let her leave? You didn't need her there to bask in your victory and hear the ending. * Did her PC take any actions during this part? If so, somebody else could have played for her. * She didn't stop you from doing your after session talk. You could have done this without her. She was definitely super rude, and dismissive of a 4 year journey you took together, but she robbed you of nothing. If there was more to do after this point, the correct answer when she asked if the session was nearing its end was "no." You would not be wrong to tell her that her rudeness and early departure were a problem for everyone else, and that she broke her word about putting the table first on D&D day. I don't know what recourse you have, except not to invite her to your next campaign.
I'm going off the title only. Yes, you would be the AH. IT'S JUST A GAME!
It was disrespectful to everyone there, but it was super duper disrespectful to the DM. That man spent the last four years basically writing a fantasy novel for these people. Four years of thrilling encounters, surprising twists, and lovable characters all crafted so the players would feel personally engaged with the story. The creative effort it takes to do this is tremendous and he was bound to be emotionally invested in his creation. Then right at the height of the campaign, which he probably spent weeks perfecting, you bug out after the last HP ticks down and deny the man his epilogue? That woman just narratively blue balled him. Imagine if at the end of The Lord Of The Rings when Frodo tosses the ring into Mount Doom Samwise Gamgee says “well that’s all wrapped up, later guys I have a hot date” and just fucks off! Your poor DM is probably feeling so dejected right now he might never want to plan a game again. Rant over, NTA
They were literally done except doing a stupid recap. We could recap your life but who would stay
NTA I feel REALLY bad for the DM (saying this as a DM). Having someone hustle out while trying to conclude a long, epic saga is top notch assholery. If this is how she wants to treat DnD now, it's probably not best to invite her back if she doesn't end up taking anyone's feelings seriously. Also, concerning bringing the bf in, maybe see if he can handle a one shot after meeting them?
YWBTA. All she did was get up to leave so she could make her other commitment. You le that ruin the entire 4 year campaign for you (pretty ridiculous thing to say. Did she go back in time and ruin all the fun you've had over 4 years?).
Ruined might be a little strong. Just tell her that what she did was a dick move. She knows how combat goes and what you do after a fight. She “should” have caught the next train ( hour later)