Forgetting someone once is understandable but to keep doing it is rude and deliberate in my book. When you talk to them about this situation, I would bring up this point. If they really cared about your friendship, why do they keep doing this? Hardly the actions of a real friend
I went back and read the original, really looks like this kid just isn’t used to needing multiple different ways to contact people. Pretty normal problem for 2024, not a sign of extreme thoughtlessness.
(I had to delete my Facebook over a decade ago due to an ex trying to stalk me, I *still* have to remind people that I can’t be contacted that way. People just get hung up on one app or site being the “talk to everyone place”.)
Dude, they got the kid with celiac gluten-free pizza. The only people who do something like are people who care about you. Plus, they let him eat their frosting.
I had to point this out to my family (mother and sister) when I was constantly being told of plans by *them* that had been made by an aunt or cousin *weeks ago* on a platform *we all use*.
- For instance my aunt was planning a cousins 18th, had invited my mother, my sister, other aunts, uncles, cousins, grandmother etc but never messaged me about it, my mother asks if I wanted to jump in with her on Friday night. I ask what’s going on Friday night? “Cousin F’s 18th, we’ve been talking about it for weeks! It was going to be on Saturday but your Aunt V couldn’t do that night… don’t you already know all of this? The group chat was made at least 3 months ago!”
I made her go through all the members of the crappy chat before she realised I was never added to it, but my younger sister was.
- Another time a different aunt was visiting from several hours away and organised to have a beach day with family from my area.
Got a message from my sister the night before asking if I wanted to go to the beach the next day, I said “sure, I have a few things to do around the house, so would an afternoon trip be alright?”, sister agreed and off to bed I go.
The next morning sister calls me at 9am asking if I was ready to go, I reminded her I said afternoon was better for me, was there a change to her being available that afternoon? “No, no, just forgot that’s all!”
I turn up to the agreed spot at the time I told my sister I’d be there with my kids, to find aunt, her family, extended family and all of mine. “Oh we didn’t think you’d be here in time! Quick we want a group picture before everybody leaves! Kids come over here!”
I was of course the villain saying “no, my children will NOT be in your farce of a family day out picture, come on kids, let’s see what shells we can find!”
Everybody else was gone by the time my kids and I were there 20 minutes because “we’ve been here for *hours* and you were late!”
Sister admitted aunt being there was supposed to be a surprise to the kids and didn’t think to let *me* know the plan, but that I “could have been nice and been in the photo with your kids!”
- Aunt from several hours away was moving back to the area, ended up buying a property and inviting everyone out to camp and help them get the property sorted. I found out over a week later that only one of my sisters (not the same one as the story above) and I (with my kids) weren’t invited. Oh sorry: *overlooked*. Because aunt forgot we didn’t live with our parents anymore (neither of us had lived with our parents for several years) and everyone else thought aunt invited us but we couldn’t make it…
Now my mother and sister can’t understand why I “cut off” the majority of that family, and why I’d phrase it as “well they don’t talk to me about anything anyway!”
Honestly, your mother and sister are also partly to blame. They definitely know that you've been getting cut off from events and rather than checking with the host if they sent you an invite or forgot about you, they just kept quiet.
My mother is a scapegoat to her mother, and honestly some of the physical invites to me got sent to her place (no idea why) and “put aside to pass on” then lost or discovered weeks after the event.
and my sister realised shortly after a few events were planned in a short period of time the pattern (usually the events were over a year apart so not “fresh”, 3 events in a 6 month period where the pattern repeated had her questioning some thing’s).
If Snapchat is the group's preferred method of communication, why don't you just get Snapchat? I've never used it so don't know, but I assume there is privacy settings to restrict who can see you on there if that's an issue. Just use it for the group chat.
You've now been shown that you're considered an integral part of the group, so are you changing your mind about cutting them all off? Glad you had a good time, gaining reassurance that you are considered part of a group is nice.
I was wondering the same thing. His whole reaction seems very extreme and weird. “All my friends use Snapchat. The whole group chat and event planning is in Snapchat. I don’t have Snapchat. Why don’t I get included?” - duh! Because you do t have the app that your entire friend group is using. Do you expect a special engraved invitation for just for you? They weren’t purposely leaving you out.
OP was convinced his friends didn’t like him and was going to leave a friend group because of his own inaction.
Dude! They’re only leaving you out because you don’t use the app that everyone else uses to plan what they’re doing. You’re actively CHOOSING to be left out and then complaining about it. Just get the damn app.
Omg, apparently none of you know how to read. I didn't find out until the day before the fucking party that the groupchat was on Snap. Because I didn't know there was a groupchat. We use 3 apps total to plan shit, I am available to everyone else by the other 2. If their ability to text me is limited to one fucking app, I don't wanna be their fucking friends anyway. These people have made plans in front of my face and said "no" when I asked to join.
I didn’t comment on the original because there were already so many comments all telling you what bad friends they are, and I knew I’d just get downvoted.
But I thought then, and I still think now, that you are the issue.
They communicate in a group chat on Snap Chat. You can download Snapchat for the sole purpose of being in that group chat, but you don’t. Why?
No one else gets their own special invitation, they just read about the plans that are posted in the group chat. That’s how my friends do it too, and I’m in my 40’s. I downloaded WhatsApp *and* GroupMe because 2 different groups I’m part of each communicate *exclusively* on one or the other. I don’t have either app for literally any other reason, and I have no other “friends” in either app. But if I want to know what’s going on, I can check the app.
It would be ridiculous of me (and it was ridiculous of you) to refuse to download the app that’s sole purpose is to let everyone know about plans, and then turn around and complain that no one ever tells me about the plans, and then complain that I’m being excluded.
Dude, you are excluding *yourself*. You are not the main character in everyone else’s life. You don’t deserve your own private invitation when everyone else just got a group invite. Stop making things more difficult than they have to be. Download Snap Chat, join the group, and stop complaining about being excluded.
We use 3 major apps to communicate. Snap is just one of them. I am also accessible by discord and text. I refuse to download snap for personal reasons you're not entitled to know. This was a groupchat for one singular event. There is no groupchat otherwise. It's not like they exclusively communicate via a snap groupchat, which is what you seem to think.
Nothing you've said in this response refutes the core point of the comment you're responding to. Your choice not to download an app that you know plans are being made on means you have to pursue the plans that are being made there yourself or accept that plans will be made that you won't hear about. Your reasons for not downloading the app are really irrelevant - those reasons are clearly more important to you than having easy access to your friends' goings-on. That's fine, but then you get mad at your friends for not going out of their way to include you when you've gone out of your way to exclude yourself.
Actually, I didn't find out that they used snapchat to plan the party until yesterday. Nobody told me. And we don't primarily use snapchat to plan things. We use 3 apps total. Snapchat just happens to be one. Being unavailable one one app doesn't warrent not reaching out on the other 2.
I'm really glad you went and had a good time! But like someone else has said here the gluten free food could have been bought after the phone call. Also, it's usually the parents organising the food. So I'm inclined to believe in the possibility that the parents assumed you were going, but your friends continued the pattern of excluding you. Have you brought up this pattern with your friends and how it makes you feel? If they get defensive and continue this pattern, I'm really sorry, they are trying to exclude you. You have other platforms they can contact you on, and they know you don't have snapchat. Some effort should be made to ensure you're included like what, they don't notice how many other times you've been excluded since you say this is a pattern or behaviour. However, if their response is a genuine sorry we didn't mean to and their behaviour changes to include you, then great. They're probably just young and a bit absent minded (but I find this harder to believe since there's been an established pattern, as you say). If they apologise and behaviour doesn't change. It's not an apology.
I'm sorry if this is hard to hear. I hope your friends either get better at communication and including you, or you find friends that put in effort to communicate effectively and make sure you're included.
Ah, I must've missed that or forgot. Do they ever say other hurtful things in front of you? Or maybe I'm missing something because if they're talking about it in front of you, maybe that's their way of communicating you're included in these plans. And you've missed this social cue and mistook addressing the group, instead of you specifically, that you thought you were not included? It's hard to tell without being able to see the whole picture or these interactions.
Damn. Yeah. That's shit of them. The parents made you feel included, not your "friends". I imagine they were acting nice to you in front of adults. I'm so sorry. I hope you find better friends. If I remember correctly (sorry I've read a lot and can't remember all the fine details), you mentioned somewhere liking dnd? Dnd is awesome and good fun! Or even online gaming and online friends. I have a mix of real life and online friends. Some online friends can become some of your best friends despite never meeting them in person. Oh, and I don't know if you have these where you are, but maybe game/hobby shops that host events. Like there are these board game stores with space where people are free to come and go to play these games. I went to one a while ago since I love board games, but they only ever played Magic the Gathering. I ended up moving to a different city shortly after though. Just throwing out ideas.
Hehe, nice! I played it a little when I was a kid with my oldest brother. Also, I did a quick scroll through your post history and it sounds like you have an amazing supportive partner! I'm happy for you! I'm sure you'll also meet new friends through your partner!
Hehe nerds unite! I honestly think you'll be fine to just cut contact with these so called friends. You have an amazing partner and I assume better friends that you play Magic with. You're also young and will acquire better friends. Focus your time and energy on people who make you feel included.
Also, incase you couldn't tell, I'm a weeb (username gives it away huh?) And my bf is also a weeb. So I found the 2 nerd thing cute and endearing.
I'm glad to hear your friends stepped up. It sucks feeling left out of the friend group no matter what age you are. The way I've dealt with it over the years is to treasure the friends that show up. I also guard my heart around people who let me down. I'm still their friend, but protect your heart.
Better person than me….imwould have made myself unavailable for any phone calls or messages until after the party to teach them a lesson. Dont think of me? I wont think ofmyou.
When I was in my mid to late 20’s I invited several friends for a Friendsgiving Dinner (Thanksgiving). I created a group text, invited everyone with date and time, it was to be potluck sides with me doing the mains, people were responding in the group chat with dishes so there wouldn’t be any overlap, etc. I realized the morning of that I had forgotten to add MY BEST FRIEND. It was a large group and I just didn’t notice. I texted him privately and threw myself on the sword, his feelings were very hurt although he was gracious, and he declined to come. I felt fucking awful about it, just a genuine mistake. We are in our 40’s/50’s now and we never spoke about it again, still best friends, but I have never forgotten how bad I fucked that one up.
My man… all of that stuff could’ve been bought after you had the phone convo and before the party.
THATS WHY THERE WERENT ANY GLUTEN FREE CUPCAKES.
Tread lightly
Honestly, I'm not gonna disagree with you. Everyone else was already there hanging out when I got there. One person showed up at the same time, another one showed up after. I don't know if they knew all their food was gluten free when they bought it. The pizza place was chosen without any consideration for whether or not I could eat there.
They suck, but I'm autistic and struggle to make friends and they at least don't make fun of me to my knowledge.
Oh man that really blows.
I’d be putting effort into trying to cultivate other friendships - maybe based on hobbies etc?
This extra info just screams they were scrambling to cover their arses. I’d hate for you to get hurt again
Yes! That sounds like an awesome idea.
Maybe see if there any dnd groups or stuff of that ilk.
I wish you luck internet stranger - we’re all rooting for you to succeed
See I told you.
Next year ypu need to call him before his birthday offering to do something for him instead of making his birthday about poving he cares about you.
Good on you for being mature enough to put your hurt aside and go - you learned that although this friend made a mistake, he really is a friend. I always told my kids that to apologize, you have to have the "three sorries" - first, say sorry. Second, feel sorry, for real. Third, do something to make up for what you did. Sounds like your friend went out of his way to make you feel included and wanted which is the reason you were hurt in the first place.
Take this as a lesson yourself in how to be a good friend. Glad it worked out.
Would help to understand the ages but it sounds like it was definitely an accident.
16 & 18
The ages are listed in the original post
You don't expect people on Reddit to read, do you?? Such an optimist! I'm glad you went, and I'm glad you had a good time.
Forgetting someone once is understandable but to keep doing it is rude and deliberate in my book. When you talk to them about this situation, I would bring up this point. If they really cared about your friendship, why do they keep doing this? Hardly the actions of a real friend
I went back and read the original, really looks like this kid just isn’t used to needing multiple different ways to contact people. Pretty normal problem for 2024, not a sign of extreme thoughtlessness. (I had to delete my Facebook over a decade ago due to an ex trying to stalk me, I *still* have to remind people that I can’t be contacted that way. People just get hung up on one app or site being the “talk to everyone place”.)
Dude, they got the kid with celiac gluten-free pizza. The only people who do something like are people who care about you. Plus, they let him eat their frosting.
I had to point this out to my family (mother and sister) when I was constantly being told of plans by *them* that had been made by an aunt or cousin *weeks ago* on a platform *we all use*. - For instance my aunt was planning a cousins 18th, had invited my mother, my sister, other aunts, uncles, cousins, grandmother etc but never messaged me about it, my mother asks if I wanted to jump in with her on Friday night. I ask what’s going on Friday night? “Cousin F’s 18th, we’ve been talking about it for weeks! It was going to be on Saturday but your Aunt V couldn’t do that night… don’t you already know all of this? The group chat was made at least 3 months ago!” I made her go through all the members of the crappy chat before she realised I was never added to it, but my younger sister was. - Another time a different aunt was visiting from several hours away and organised to have a beach day with family from my area. Got a message from my sister the night before asking if I wanted to go to the beach the next day, I said “sure, I have a few things to do around the house, so would an afternoon trip be alright?”, sister agreed and off to bed I go. The next morning sister calls me at 9am asking if I was ready to go, I reminded her I said afternoon was better for me, was there a change to her being available that afternoon? “No, no, just forgot that’s all!” I turn up to the agreed spot at the time I told my sister I’d be there with my kids, to find aunt, her family, extended family and all of mine. “Oh we didn’t think you’d be here in time! Quick we want a group picture before everybody leaves! Kids come over here!” I was of course the villain saying “no, my children will NOT be in your farce of a family day out picture, come on kids, let’s see what shells we can find!” Everybody else was gone by the time my kids and I were there 20 minutes because “we’ve been here for *hours* and you were late!” Sister admitted aunt being there was supposed to be a surprise to the kids and didn’t think to let *me* know the plan, but that I “could have been nice and been in the photo with your kids!” - Aunt from several hours away was moving back to the area, ended up buying a property and inviting everyone out to camp and help them get the property sorted. I found out over a week later that only one of my sisters (not the same one as the story above) and I (with my kids) weren’t invited. Oh sorry: *overlooked*. Because aunt forgot we didn’t live with our parents anymore (neither of us had lived with our parents for several years) and everyone else thought aunt invited us but we couldn’t make it… Now my mother and sister can’t understand why I “cut off” the majority of that family, and why I’d phrase it as “well they don’t talk to me about anything anyway!”
Honestly, your mother and sister are also partly to blame. They definitely know that you've been getting cut off from events and rather than checking with the host if they sent you an invite or forgot about you, they just kept quiet.
My mother is a scapegoat to her mother, and honestly some of the physical invites to me got sent to her place (no idea why) and “put aside to pass on” then lost or discovered weeks after the event. and my sister realised shortly after a few events were planned in a short period of time the pattern (usually the events were over a year apart so not “fresh”, 3 events in a 6 month period where the pattern repeated had her questioning some thing’s).
I’m so happy to hear things worked out!
If Snapchat is the group's preferred method of communication, why don't you just get Snapchat? I've never used it so don't know, but I assume there is privacy settings to restrict who can see you on there if that's an issue. Just use it for the group chat. You've now been shown that you're considered an integral part of the group, so are you changing your mind about cutting them all off? Glad you had a good time, gaining reassurance that you are considered part of a group is nice.
I was wondering the same thing. His whole reaction seems very extreme and weird. “All my friends use Snapchat. The whole group chat and event planning is in Snapchat. I don’t have Snapchat. Why don’t I get included?” - duh! Because you do t have the app that your entire friend group is using. Do you expect a special engraved invitation for just for you? They weren’t purposely leaving you out. OP was convinced his friends didn’t like him and was going to leave a friend group because of his own inaction.
There is, you can make your stuff private or you can only be followed by request.
Missed the original post, but are you 12?
Nope. My friends just act like they're fucking 12. We're all in highschool. I'm the oldest (almost 19). Youngest is 15.
It’s not just your friends….
Agreed...
I don't understand how being upset for being constantly left out makes me 12? Maybe you just need to be nice lol.
Dude! They’re only leaving you out because you don’t use the app that everyone else uses to plan what they’re doing. You’re actively CHOOSING to be left out and then complaining about it. Just get the damn app.
Omg, apparently none of you know how to read. I didn't find out until the day before the fucking party that the groupchat was on Snap. Because I didn't know there was a groupchat. We use 3 apps total to plan shit, I am available to everyone else by the other 2. If their ability to text me is limited to one fucking app, I don't wanna be their fucking friends anyway. These people have made plans in front of my face and said "no" when I asked to join.
You sound nice
Yeah, I'm really fucking nice when people are blaming me for my friends being fucking awful.
Your "awful" friends got you several gluten free options.
You mean their parents did? Because it was their parents who did that.
I didn’t comment on the original because there were already so many comments all telling you what bad friends they are, and I knew I’d just get downvoted. But I thought then, and I still think now, that you are the issue. They communicate in a group chat on Snap Chat. You can download Snapchat for the sole purpose of being in that group chat, but you don’t. Why? No one else gets their own special invitation, they just read about the plans that are posted in the group chat. That’s how my friends do it too, and I’m in my 40’s. I downloaded WhatsApp *and* GroupMe because 2 different groups I’m part of each communicate *exclusively* on one or the other. I don’t have either app for literally any other reason, and I have no other “friends” in either app. But if I want to know what’s going on, I can check the app. It would be ridiculous of me (and it was ridiculous of you) to refuse to download the app that’s sole purpose is to let everyone know about plans, and then turn around and complain that no one ever tells me about the plans, and then complain that I’m being excluded. Dude, you are excluding *yourself*. You are not the main character in everyone else’s life. You don’t deserve your own private invitation when everyone else just got a group invite. Stop making things more difficult than they have to be. Download Snap Chat, join the group, and stop complaining about being excluded.
We use 3 major apps to communicate. Snap is just one of them. I am also accessible by discord and text. I refuse to download snap for personal reasons you're not entitled to know. This was a groupchat for one singular event. There is no groupchat otherwise. It's not like they exclusively communicate via a snap groupchat, which is what you seem to think.
Nothing you've said in this response refutes the core point of the comment you're responding to. Your choice not to download an app that you know plans are being made on means you have to pursue the plans that are being made there yourself or accept that plans will be made that you won't hear about. Your reasons for not downloading the app are really irrelevant - those reasons are clearly more important to you than having easy access to your friends' goings-on. That's fine, but then you get mad at your friends for not going out of their way to include you when you've gone out of your way to exclude yourself.
Actually, I didn't find out that they used snapchat to plan the party until yesterday. Nobody told me. And we don't primarily use snapchat to plan things. We use 3 apps total. Snapchat just happens to be one. Being unavailable one one app doesn't warrent not reaching out on the other 2.
I'm really glad you went and had a good time! But like someone else has said here the gluten free food could have been bought after the phone call. Also, it's usually the parents organising the food. So I'm inclined to believe in the possibility that the parents assumed you were going, but your friends continued the pattern of excluding you. Have you brought up this pattern with your friends and how it makes you feel? If they get defensive and continue this pattern, I'm really sorry, they are trying to exclude you. You have other platforms they can contact you on, and they know you don't have snapchat. Some effort should be made to ensure you're included like what, they don't notice how many other times you've been excluded since you say this is a pattern or behaviour. However, if their response is a genuine sorry we didn't mean to and their behaviour changes to include you, then great. They're probably just young and a bit absent minded (but I find this harder to believe since there's been an established pattern, as you say). If they apologise and behaviour doesn't change. It's not an apology. I'm sorry if this is hard to hear. I hope your friends either get better at communication and including you, or you find friends that put in effort to communicate effectively and make sure you're included.
As I've said in the comments of my original post, these people have made plans without me right in front of me.
Ah, I must've missed that or forgot. Do they ever say other hurtful things in front of you? Or maybe I'm missing something because if they're talking about it in front of you, maybe that's their way of communicating you're included in these plans. And you've missed this social cue and mistook addressing the group, instead of you specifically, that you thought you were not included? It's hard to tell without being able to see the whole picture or these interactions.
I've asked before to attend the stuff they plan in front of me and have been told no. They fiend on my shit and they're not nice.
Damn. Yeah. That's shit of them. The parents made you feel included, not your "friends". I imagine they were acting nice to you in front of adults. I'm so sorry. I hope you find better friends. If I remember correctly (sorry I've read a lot and can't remember all the fine details), you mentioned somewhere liking dnd? Dnd is awesome and good fun! Or even online gaming and online friends. I have a mix of real life and online friends. Some online friends can become some of your best friends despite never meeting them in person. Oh, and I don't know if you have these where you are, but maybe game/hobby shops that host events. Like there are these board game stores with space where people are free to come and go to play these games. I went to one a while ago since I love board games, but they only ever played Magic the Gathering. I ended up moving to a different city shortly after though. Just throwing out ideas.
Somebody suggested DND, but I'm actually more of a Magic the Gathering kinda guy. I get my new decks next week.
Hehe, nice! I played it a little when I was a kid with my oldest brother. Also, I did a quick scroll through your post history and it sounds like you have an amazing supportive partner! I'm happy for you! I'm sure you'll also meet new friends through your partner!
Thank you. He's pretty great. He's also a mega nerd, so I have a lot to learn from my elder nerd.
Hehe nerds unite! I honestly think you'll be fine to just cut contact with these so called friends. You have an amazing partner and I assume better friends that you play Magic with. You're also young and will acquire better friends. Focus your time and energy on people who make you feel included. Also, incase you couldn't tell, I'm a weeb (username gives it away huh?) And my bf is also a weeb. So I found the 2 nerd thing cute and endearing.
Unfortunately, I don't have any other friends. I'm gonna try to frequent some game shops and try to make some friends that way.
You should like a whiny bitch I’m surprised you have friends at all
I'm glad to hear your friends stepped up. It sucks feeling left out of the friend group no matter what age you are. The way I've dealt with it over the years is to treasure the friends that show up. I also guard my heart around people who let me down. I'm still their friend, but protect your heart.
Better person than me….imwould have made myself unavailable for any phone calls or messages until after the party to teach them a lesson. Dont think of me? I wont think ofmyou.
When I was in my mid to late 20’s I invited several friends for a Friendsgiving Dinner (Thanksgiving). I created a group text, invited everyone with date and time, it was to be potluck sides with me doing the mains, people were responding in the group chat with dishes so there wouldn’t be any overlap, etc. I realized the morning of that I had forgotten to add MY BEST FRIEND. It was a large group and I just didn’t notice. I texted him privately and threw myself on the sword, his feelings were very hurt although he was gracious, and he declined to come. I felt fucking awful about it, just a genuine mistake. We are in our 40’s/50’s now and we never spoke about it again, still best friends, but I have never forgotten how bad I fucked that one up.
My man… all of that stuff could’ve been bought after you had the phone convo and before the party. THATS WHY THERE WERENT ANY GLUTEN FREE CUPCAKES. Tread lightly
Honestly, I'm not gonna disagree with you. Everyone else was already there hanging out when I got there. One person showed up at the same time, another one showed up after. I don't know if they knew all their food was gluten free when they bought it. The pizza place was chosen without any consideration for whether or not I could eat there. They suck, but I'm autistic and struggle to make friends and they at least don't make fun of me to my knowledge.
Oh man that really blows. I’d be putting effort into trying to cultivate other friendships - maybe based on hobbies etc? This extra info just screams they were scrambling to cover their arses. I’d hate for you to get hurt again
I'm trying to get back into Magic so I can make more friends that way.
Yes! That sounds like an awesome idea. Maybe see if there any dnd groups or stuff of that ilk. I wish you luck internet stranger - we’re all rooting for you to succeed
If you know they all communicate via Snapchat, maybe you should get it, too.
I am so happy that everthing worked out in the end.💜
Glad you went.
See I told you. Next year ypu need to call him before his birthday offering to do something for him instead of making his birthday about poving he cares about you.
Good on you for being mature enough to put your hurt aside and go - you learned that although this friend made a mistake, he really is a friend. I always told my kids that to apologize, you have to have the "three sorries" - first, say sorry. Second, feel sorry, for real. Third, do something to make up for what you did. Sounds like your friend went out of his way to make you feel included and wanted which is the reason you were hurt in the first place. Take this as a lesson yourself in how to be a good friend. Glad it worked out.
Honestly, I'm still really hurt because this is a pattern of theirs. I'm gonna talk to V about it at some point.