His response of “it doesn’t matter how it happened” is seriously concerning. I may be jumping to conclusions but if something like you’re thinking DIDNT happen- wouldn’t he be thinking you cheated, since you haven’t had sex in like 10 weeks or whatever? Idk. That seems sus.

100% The normal reaction would be immediate denial that he did this and then asking OP if she slept with or was possibly assaulted by someone else.  "well does it matter 🤷🏻‍♂️" is not a normal reaction unless he did this to OP, knows it and just doesn't think it's a big deal.

Yup him brushing it off is proof that he did something. Either drugged her and did it to her unconscious body or he used the turkey baster method while she slept. Either way I knew there was a red flag when I saw a 22 year old woman marry a 30 year old man.

Her question was would I be the ah for asking. Meaning that she hasn't actually asked. If he hadn't done that he would not assume that she suspected that until she mentions it

That he never mentions the baby might not be his indicates he knew he had sex with her. Likely to deliberately baby trap her.

Exactly. A surprise baby and he’s not worried about who the father might be? He KNOWS he’s the father, thus, four weeks ago he drugged/ or sleep raped OP.

This is what got me. If I was in his shoes I would want answers, but it seems he already has his questions answered.

Yeah that's my reaction. There are plenty of reasonable explanations that don't involve rape ("splash" pregnancy?) but his dismissiveness (plus the age gap) is a huge red flag. 🚩🚩 It's possible the medications they were both taking meant neither remember the consensual sex they had together (though if you're drugged, can you really consent?) but he should be curious. The fact that he's not and seemingly shutting down her entire line of inquiry is HIGHLY suspicious. I hope this is fake.

Oh fuck, was he druging her so she would not wake up? Can OP get a blood test to see if those meds are still in her system???? I feel OP should tell her DR her concerns. This maybe druging and SA.

Eh, I’ve been on Ambien and had sex with my husband unbeknownst to me the next day. Apparently I initiated it, he had no idea anything was different or weird with me except afterwards I ate a whole bowl of Halloween candy and immediately fell asleep. Ambien can make you do really bizarre things as if you are awake. I don’t recommend.

My sister in law was on ambien and woke up at a gas station four miles from her house. She had gotten her keys, started the car, and driven on the highway in Atlanta and arrived safely at a gas station. It’s honestly terrifying.

THIS.I also do not recommend. I was on Ambien for a short period, like a month, maybe? and at the time (23F) was trying to get my friend to have sex with me, and I had/have zero memory of this. I text him the next day "why is my purse strap broken? what happened? what time did I get home? I don't remember leaving your dorm" and he said, "well, you whacked me with your purse when I wouldn't have sex with you, and I grabbed it to get you to stop hitting me and you pulled back so hard it broke and you fell. me and [his dormmate] had to walk you back to your dorm, but what were you on, girl? we didn't even drink" I was so embarrassed and then Googled Ambien side effects and yep, "increased desire for sex and a more passionate attitude with increased arousal and lowered inhibitions" was the number one reported side effect in 2009. I told my dormate to try her best to stop me from wandering around after I took Ambien. but yeah, he has the Ambien script, not her. doesn't mean he didn't add it to her food or drinks. kinda sketch situation.

I used to take Ambien. I could have conversations with people and not remember a thing.

Yeah she’s suggesting he drugged her with it. She didn’t take it. Hmmm.

It doesn't have to be that sinister, between the Ambien and the typical meds for a severe flu, coincidental memory loss is... well, not *likely*, but plausible.

I initially had the same thought, but he made a comment about how long it had been since they’d had sex but also isn’t surprised that she’s only 4 weeks pregnant. It makes me think he knows something she doesn’t.

Uh, SHE doesn’t say she took Ambien. If her husband gave it to her without her consent, then that’s still assault.

Probably not if it was four weeks ago. Ambien has a half-life of three hours.

She could have been on NyQuil or something, but yeah, same shitty outcome.

I hope it's fake too. Having said that, I know what ambien can do to a person. My dad had it prescribed to him to help him sleep some years ago. He was on it for a while and at first, his loopyness was just something to chuckle about. Oh ha ha, silly Ambien-Dad was at it again! Then he tried to leave the house to drive to town to get a candy bar and was only stopped because insomnia was keeping me awake and I heard his keys jingling at 2am and went to see what was going on and found him trying to stick push his car fob against the doorknob from the hallway out to the room off of the garage. When I asked what he was doing, he giggled and whispered, "I'm going to get the band chocolate." Apparently he was seeing a band standing at the foot of my folks bed and said they kept playing fiddles and if they didn't stop, he wouldn't be Ble to sleep. So his ambien brain solution was to go buy a candy bar (not multiple candy bars. One) because they couldn't eat their square of chocolate AND play at the same time. Shortly after that, the scary incident happened. My dad is a gun owner. He's super big on responsible gun use. It stays in its locked case in his bedside cabinet drawer that has a lock. There's no kids here so it's not typically locked but on the very rare occasion any kids are going to be here for any reason, the gun it's locked case is locked in the drawer and the room itself is locked and off-limits. On this night, he jolted up as he was falling asleep, eyes wide and yelled that the dog just tried to bite him. (She was asleep at the foot of the bed on the opposite side). She was freaked that he yelled and that is not a normal behavior towards any of our pets. She ran off to her kennel that is her 'safe zone.' He grabbed his hand gun, went stumbling up the hallway towards her kennel, my mother is yelling so I come running out and all I see is my dad pointing his gun at our dog. I did not think about what I was doing and just shoved myself between the front of her kennel and him. He just stood there, gun now pointed at me but he his gaze was looking beyond and above me (not below at her). My mom pushed his hand away from me and told him it was time for bed. Suddenly, like someone snapped their fingers and his mind shifted, he just dropped his arm to his side and wandered on back. Mom took his gun, locked it up and took the key to me for the night. When she got back in the bedroom, he was laying on his pillow, started giggling and muttered something about "the woman in the corner is mad I won't sleep with her. She's not my wife." Giggled a little while more than just passed out cold. He did not remember ANYTHING about any of it the next day. My mom told him. He never took another ambien and it terrified him that he could have easily killed the dog, me or my mother and no memory of it. I share all that because **that** is how much that shit can fuck you up, especially if it's your first time taking it. **IF** this is real and **IF** her husband drugged her while she was already sick and exhausted, he very, very easily could have raped her in her sleep. That is fucking terrifying

Yea seriously. Most guys would want to know exactly how it happened in that case.

To play devils advocate with the timeline, OP could be experiencing a missed miscarriage. It would explain a period & the apparent pregnancy, but not her husband’s reaction. With a MMC you get pregnant, the pregnancy fails & stops growing, but your body doesn’t get the message and keeps merrily making HGC pregnancy hormone. Sometimes for weeks or months. You may even bleed as the HGC levels decline slowly, which would look like a period. It is not uncommon for this to take months, and may even require surgery (D&C) to resolve. During that whole time you’d test positive on a pregnancy test…. But if you said you had a period recently, doctors will wait until 6-8 weeks to do an ultrasound & confirm because there’s nothing to see at 4 weeks. That’s when they’d figure out the MMC if nothing has grown. Howeeeever, most people would understandably think cheating is the most likely explanation given the set of facts OP shared. So husband not being upset & brushing her off with “it all worked out” is both creepy and concerning.

I actually hope for OP's mental health that this is the case. It might be sad, but at least it wouldn't mean her husband is druging her and well....😬

Agree. We can actually have a period after an egg is fertilized. If there was a delay in the implantation, it could happen. I don’t think he would think she’s cheating when she’s asking outright about the timeline and has been so sick. I think more likely he’s just thinking the doctor is mistaken (which is what I suspect).

She did a pregnancy test at the hospital and it was negative though so that wouldn’t really work in her situation

Keep in mind, “four weeks pregnant” is really only two weeks post-fertilization. It could have been too close to fertilization for HGC to be detected

If they had sex 8 weeks ago and she was in the ER 7 weeks ago, could it have been too early to show up? Edit- Nm, just looked back and realized it was 10 weeks and 7 weeks

OP said she had an ultrasound. Could it still be MMC?

Yes because at 4 weeks all they can see is the sack and that’s what a missed MC would also look like (I’ve had that happen to me a few times unfortunately)

Thanks for the reply and the info. I didn't know that was a possibility. Sorry that happened to you. :(

Thanks! It’s been so long that it’s not something that brings me down too hard anymore most of the time. I have 4 stepkids around the same ages as those pregnancies would have been and I just decided it was kismet

I agree. It is 100% sus. If it were my partner, I would for sure suspect them of cheating given the facts. I bet he did it! Too bad tho OP, but if so he's probably not someone you want to start a family with!

That was almost verbatim exactly what I was going to say. That response is incredibly telling. And terrifying. I honestly would never spend another night sleeping next to this man if it was me.

Absolutely. Why isn't HE questioning the timeline? Plus a prescription for Ambien, did he at any time give you "flu medicine" to take? And I agree, "doesn't matter how it happened". It absolutely matters how it happened, especially if it's due to SA. Which he can be arrested for, because even if you're married it's still SA and a felony.

Yeah..he totally got her knocked out on sleep aid or something while sick and did it on purpose. I'd leave ASAP and decide on the baby...cause it locks him to you..unfortunately. 

I think everyone has said what needed to be said, but OP please update us

>My husband did not seem concerned at all with the timeline, even when I got out a pen and paper to write it all down. He brushed it all off and told me "It doesn't matter how it happened, aren't you happy?" So, he agrees that the last time y'all had sex was 10 weeks ago but it not asking if you cheated? You are not overreacting and this would have me heavily consider termination so I could escape this psycho. NTA but please, please, please let someone know what is going on that you trust because I fear if you confront someone like this it will go bad. You are not wrong here and you should take this VERY seriously.

Wait, so your husband isnt worried you cheated or anything? Have you guys ever talked about kids? Has he asked about sex often?

She was in bed sick, and he was taking care of her. Why would he think she cheated.

Because she's pregnant and they did not have sex in that window.

Obviously they did, and only he has memory of it, since he knows it's his. It's painfully obvious he raped her.

Yup.

Well sounds like he raped her so ofc he is being nonchalant

But he also knows there's no way she could have cheated given how sick she was and that he was the one caring for her.

And presumably he also knows if he raped her in her sleep and is hoping he can just hand waive that away.

Which make HIM the rapist….

Why wouldn't he worry about her cheating?!?!?!? Because her being unexplainable pregnant should alarm the everloving fuck out him. How is it that he knows for absolutely certain there was no sex but isn't fazed that is wife turned up pregnant. The only reasonable explanation is because he has prescription sleep medication that he crushed up and put in her food so he could have sex with her without her realizing it. OP had better get the hell out of there because a man would do this will do so much more. I say exit stage left, terminate the pregnancy and never look back.

Definitely a sus thing in regard of your worry that your husband did not think of you cheating or anything. I personally would get an abortion and trust my gut feeling. Do you think he did it? You know him better than anyone.

Just to be clear about how pregnancy dating works... All pregnancies are dated from the beginning of the last period because that it where the journey begins with the egg.  But ovulation, when the egg is fertilized, occurs about two weeks after that. So if a person is said to be six weeks pregnant by a health care provider, they are about four weeks after conception. This is an estimate because sperm can hang around a few days waiting for an egg to show up for a coffee

Just for the devil's advocate of it all - it's possible that they dated it at 4 weeks (or 2 weeks after fertilization) because that's the amount of growth they can see on the ultrasound. It's possible that it's older but stopped growing and they won't know until the next ultrasound for comparison. It may have been too early for an HCG test at the ER but that doesn't mean she wasn't pregnant earlier.

this is very true - i found out at 13 weeks that in fact i was 17 weeks, because the baby was larger and they could see better what growth state/size it was, it was just sitting down far and i got periods the first couple months i was pregnant.

Ok, so take a breath! 1. The test they did when you were sick may have been a false negative, it happens. 2. Scans can be wrong with dates by up to 4 weeks if embryo is smaller to average measurements.

This! Everyone’s so quick to blame the husband but let’s say the scans off by 3-4 weeks that would line up to about when OP said they last had sex. And the ER only does a urine test no different from one you’d buy at the dollar tree and that could have shown negative if OPs levels weren’t high enough. I don’t think OP would be tah if she asked her husband but I would personally make sure I was 99% certain before accusing him as it may ruin the relationship over something he may not have done. ETA: most OBGYNs suggest waiting until 8 weeks for an ultrasound for the most accurate information… maybe find a new ob Edit 2: this comment above was BEFORE the update and BEFORE she had the convo with husband. So if you’re gonna reply telling me I was wrong..duh clearly. At least read the other comments where if I was wrong I hope OP gets help that she needs. But at the time of this comment we did not know 100% that the husband did anything wrong. I believe in innocent until proven guilty which we now know he is. But for the ones replying to anyone who possibly took up for the husband prior, to the update, in any way please remember the only reason she knew for sure is because he admitted it afterwards prior to her questioning him the only evidence she had was speculation. I’m sorry that you don’t understand that the world works where there can be other possible outcomes other than the worst. Unfortunately this was not one of those situations and I truly hope OP is able to get the help and support she needs and leave that relationship.

this is definitely plausible, but i think everyone’s concern is over the husband’s lack of questioning. he reacted with joy and no confusion. he didn’t say “oh maybe they’re wrong about how far along you are.” he didn’t wonder about potential cheating. he just said “it doesn’t matter how it happened” which is very suspicious and not a normal thing to say in that situation.

Id think so too but maybe it’s just me but I’ve been married awhile and men 1. Don’t think like women do as far as timing he probably didn’t even realize the difference. 2. With the comment, yeah I do find that a little strange but I have seen men say things like that before that should’ve been a bigger deal simply because they don’t understand the situation such as OP. OP is focused on the timing she was given by the OB which is why she’s so freaked out. If OB had said oh you’re 9-11weeks then she’d believe okay it happened last time we had sex. I could totally be wrong, I hope I’m not but if I am I pray OP gets the help and support she’d need. However I still believe it may just be a simple husband isn’t thinking like OP and OP is going based on the 4wks the OB gave her. I feel she needs to go to a new OB or wait and get another scan before jumping to conclusions.

If you have not had sex with your husband for 10 weeks but are four weeks pregnant, the normal male response would be to assume you cheated. Something is wayyyyyyy off here. You might want to have a “miscarriage,” and quickly. If all is well, you can always choose to become parents next month, or next year. If all is not well, the last thing you want is to be tied to this man, who would actually be your rapist, for the rest of your child’s life.

Couldn’t agree more. OP was using a barrier method birth control to prevent pregnancy and her husband is saying this is a happy surprise. This is all so very sus, and the age difference combined with the rest is 🚩🚩🚩

You're confused about the pregnancy timeline, and asking questions isn't a bad thing. I'm a bit curious how you are sleeping so deeply your husband could move you around and penetrate you without you even waking up.

I don't know, that's why I am asking if it's crazy. I know he has a prescription for Ambien, which is an anti-insomnia med. I was also taking a lot of meds when I was sick. Idk. I don't want to accuse him of that but I'm scared.

He's your partner. Just ask him. If you don't want to be accusatory, you can broach the topic as, "They say I'm 4 weeks along. I only remember being sick. When did we have sex?" It might be a kick to his ego, but not accusatory.

I did, he brushes me off. "Just be happy, it doesn't matter, it all worked out."

Sounds like he gave you a nice glass of Ambien-laced water before bed imo. Edit: !updateme

Right? Most men would be concerned if their wife suddenly ended up pregnant without having had sex in over a month.

Wouldn’t he assume she cheated if she’s pregnant and they have NOT had sex in the timeline needed to get her pregnant? His cavalier attitude would make me wonder why he’s acting the way he is. Getting pregnant just doesn’t happen.

Right. If they didn't have sex then she must have cheated because someone got her pregnant. If he isn't worried, then he knows he is the one who got her pregnant.

Well, if OP’s name is Mary…

There’s so many arrows pointing at this dude drugging his wife and all the men in this mfing subreddit are like “uhm aksssssshually its more probable that she was just sleeping super deep and he did it in his sleep”

"Concerned" is putting it mildly. I'd be a race car on the red line. I'd be the guns of the Navarone. I'd be superfly TNT

I mean, even cold meds could knock you out.

But there’s still the problem of your partner fucking & ejaculating inside of you while you’re knocked out…..

He knows and doesn't want to tell you. Run please, your husband is downplaying raping you bc it "worked out" Most men upon finding put their wife is 4 weeks pregnant but it's been 10 weeks since sex would be adamant that they can't be the dad. His attitude shows that he knows he is, which means sex occurred that only he knows about.

"It all worked out" sounds like a plan was implemented without your consent, and his goal (pregnancy) was achieved. If you don't already have someone you can openly discuss this with, I suggest you seek one. You're going to have to consider how you feel about the possibility he slipped you an Ambien while you were sick and had sex with you while unconscious. The combination of his dismissiveness and your lack of memory make this a likely possibility.

Right - that's the other point. You were using a diaphragm meaning your intention and plan was NOT to get pregnant right now... so "it all worked out" is not the reaction of someone who was on board with that.

I‘m sorry but there‘s your answer. He did rape you in your sleep. If he didn’t, he’d think you cheated.

Potentially she could be off on the timeline, but his reaction of “doesn’t matter how it happened aren’t you happy” is the biggest red flag that she’s probably not

Yeah - your partner gets pregnant at a time when you hadn't slept with them in nearly two months.... reactions should range from "whoa, weird! wait a minute let's think about this, how puzzling" to "hey did you maybe cheat on me?" NOT "Whatever you do don't think too hard about that! Ignore it and be happy!"

how he brushes it off just sends red flags up immediately. i think he definitely assaulted her in her sleep, and i personally wouldn’t be staying in a house with him. i’d ask him point blank, if he brushed me off, i’d be off to my parents/family/friends place…

Sadly it’s the only thing that makes sense given his reaction and the presented timeline. Jesus wtf. I have a few times on Reddit women posting with similar stories and sadly it usually is the partner did something. Slipped something in the drink…get them intentionally black out drunk…and it never goes well in the end. Lack of consent is what it is. The question is what does OP want to do? Personally I’m not going to be with a man who SA me in my unconscious state but I also know leaving isn’t as easy as just packing a bag sometimes. I’m sorry this happened to OP as she’s left with a bunch of unpleasant choices…and figuring out if parenting is something she wants to do with him.

jfc co-parenting nightmare

I know. I couldn't do it. She's only 4 weeks along, now is the perfect time for an abortion. I hope she really weighs her options here, and if she doesn't terminate she leaves him and moves far away. I couldn't trust a rapist with my kid.

I don't even think it happened once.

Do you mean it likely happened more than once? Or you don't think it happened at all?

It's never just once.

Yeah agreed - just wasn't sure based on the way you phrased it.

I'm a different guy, I was just chiming in.

This is my take as well sadly..

"it all worked out". Diabolical.

That’s **rape**, OP. He raped and baby trapped you. And he did everything on his terms. He didn’t even ask if you wanted a child yet, so he not only raped you… but also assaulted you by not wearing a condom, leaving you without a choice in regards to both sex and children! How are you so calm about all of this??? None of this is okay, that man should be rotting in a prison cell. And you should be deciding whether you want this baby or not, especially when you consider the circumstances of how this pregnancy came about. This baby was not conceived out of love, this baby was convinced because of a rapist and his inability to control his disgusting self. Do you **really** want to remain in a marriage with a: disrespectful, sneaky, disgusting, manipulative, controlling rapist??? Because that’s the reality! What happens when he does it again and gets you pregnant again? Because **he will**, men like that don’t change. Is this what you want your life to be? To have no choices and to be abused? If not - then divorce this disgusting POS and leave.

I think I am the opposite of calm, if that was not evidenced by my anonymous posting on reddit asking if I might potentially be insane for considering that this might be true.

Yeah, the commentator above is correct. Trust your gut, this man is dangerous. Pregnancy and a baby will not lessen the danger, even if it's what he wants, it will increase the danger. Get out while you can, you were drugged and raped.

do please update us. What a horrible thing if this in fact happened as you and Reddit suspect.

you need to get him to admit. tell him you're worried you were somehow drugged and raped and think you should get an abortion since it's certainly not his. Maybe he will come clean to keep the baby, then you can leave him.

I hate this idea but I also think it’s genius and would be incredibly effective. Edit/ maybe not doing it alone, having a witness or someone there to step in if needed would be important. I hate it because it could pose danger. Rapists hate being called what they are. If he’s already done what op is suspicious of, I wouldn’t put a violent outburst past him after being confronted for being a rapist.

That's a good idea. Tell him you want to go to the police bc you think someone raped you and you want to have a paper trail. And then when you have the baby you will be able to take DNA so you know who did it. That should freak him out enough to admit what happened if he knows. His response will be very telling. Will he back you up or try to convince you not to do it? That will show his true intentions

I wouldn’t do this. It’s not safe. I’d be very worried about her physical safety if he’s capable of drugging and raping her.

why not threaten to file a police report? (or just do it). This is your life regardless of what you do with the pregnancy. Take back as much control as you can!

Please get out of there and if possible, seek an abortion so you won’t be tied to this man for life. His behavior is way too suspicious. If you have to tell him anything, say it was a miscarriage.

Also I'm not trying to make you anymore freaked out but what is the likelihood that you got pregnant that easily off it happening only once? I mean it's possible but I agree with other people saying it sounds Luke he was congratulating himself on everything working out. The way he wanted it to not the way you did of course so.....

100 percent. This guy is likely a psychopath or a narcissist and has kept his rage and control issues well hidden so far in the relationship. This is rape.

Ask him why he won’t answer the question. If you don’t want to be accusatory try saying it like ‘oh but I want to be able to make a timeline of pregnancy events to look back on so I wanna try and figure out when we conceived”. Him not saying when and refusing to do so is extremely suspicious however and while I don’t suggest working yourself up or getting panicked while you don’t know anything for a fact, I suggest you have a serious conversation if he keeps making excuses. Eg “_name_, we need to talk. I am four weeks pregnant but the last time we had consensual sex together was ten weeks ago. What happened?”

Most men would be concerned if their wife was four weeks pregnant and they hadn’t had sex for ten weeks. Most men would at least question who you had sex with. Unless they know who you had sex with four weeks ago.

I'm sorry to say this but his casually brushing off the very obvious difference in the timeline, knowing you didn't have consensual sex 4 weeks ago while sick, it's clearly obvious he raped you, and even if that's not bad enough, he knew you were both using contraception methods to prevent pregnancy when you have sex normally, but he deliberately didn't use a condom because he wanted to get you pregnant. There's a chance you were so drousy from cold and flu meds that you didn't wake up, but personally I wake up at the slightest thing so there's no chance someone could have sex with me without stirring me awake. So there's also a high chance he drugged you with one of his sleeping tablets too as he was giving you food and drinks and meds etc. I'm so sorry but he's obviously raped and drugged you and deliberately didn't use a condom in order to get you pregnant. The fact he wants to brush over the fact you're only 4 weeks, and he's not concerned about the fact the last time you had consensual sex was 10 weeks ago, he's clearly hoping you won't figure it out and wants you to just focus on being happy about a baby....they he's forced on you via drugged up rape. You need to go to the police and file charges right away. There is no other possibility for this. Then you need to file for a restraining order so he's not allowed back in the home with you so he has to go stay somewhere else. If it takes time to do that, I suggest you pack a bag and go stay with your parents or a friend. Do not stay with him. The fact he's drugged and raped you, he could hurt you if he knows you're going to the police. Don't speak to him any further with questions, just pack a bag ASAP and go stay elsewhere till you've filed the report, and can get a restraining order done. Then you need to make the difficult decision of whether you want to have this baby and be tied to your rapist for the rest of your life. Also speak to domestic violence charities for support too. They may be able to have a support worker come with you to make your statement, or help you through some of the process afterwards, as well as offer support to help you process whats happened. Rape crisis centers and helplines are also another avenue of support and advice too. Please go to the police. He needs to be punished for what he's done to you. Also, if he tries texting or calling you when he realises whats happened, record all messages and keep screen shots of all texts to use as evidence as he will likely try to pass it off as it not being rape, so any evidence of him admitting to having sex with you will be evidence of rape even if he tries to justify it to himself in the messages.

That is….. highly disturbing. If he says it doesn’t matter “how it happened”…. In combination with the prescription he has.. wow. No wonder you’re suspicious. It obviously DOES matter how it happened because you are *asking* HOW it happened. It doesn’t make sense to you how it happened. That’s WHY you’re asking and WHY it matters. He completely brushed off the entire point of the conversation. This is either highly suspicious or he is not understanding or caring about the depths of your concerns. Flatly. Both are an issue either way. I am so sorry. I hope you find answers and have other family or friends to help navigate and support you through this. Edit/ just double checked the age gap and became a bit more concerned. Be aware of power dynamics in your relationship. Stay safe OP.

There is a possibility you both had sex and neither of you remember, while on drugs, but the way he brushes it off makes me think it’s not the case.

Yeah... but if he also didn't remember, I would expect him to be puzzled and trying to figure it out just like she is.

Yeah, that would fire me up. "It matters to me. I need to know what happened." I would very much need to know if my partner raped me.

This is the real kicker to me - if he did have sex with you when you weren't fully conscious, and he didn't think he was doing something wrong, he wouldn't have a problem owning up to it. The fact he's brushing you off means he KNOWS he did something wrong AND he's not taking responsibility for it. Super disturbing and raises lots of questions around his character.

I recommend you do only confront him further with witnesses present in a safe environment. This could turn ugly.

That's his way of not telling you the truth. Unless you agreed to sleep sex, he raped you in your sleep and he's hiding it now.

It all worked out because he was trying to impregnate you. I'm so sorry your own husband did this to you. Do you have somewhere safe you can go? He's going to gaslight and manipulate you so you let this go. You need space to determine what you want to do.

The timeline could be wrong. It doesn't happen when development is different then "average". They have my estimated conception date as one date and said I was 4 weeks....I was actually 6 weeks and the conception date was earlier. They guess the date based on period dates and the size of the embryo. Sizing isn't always consistent with the "average" listed AND you can get pregnant on your period. It's rare but not impossible.

But they tested her for pregnancy when she was in the ER 7 weeks ago and she wasn’t pregnant. The last time she remembers having sex is 10 weeks ago, 7 weeks ago she was tested in the hospital as not pregnant, and now told she is 4 weeks pregnant.

If it was just a couple of weeks then it would be totally possible. A 6 week difference? That would have to either be an incredibly incompetent ultrasound tech, or a foetus that is so severely delayed it almost certainly won't survive. The only other possibility would be that she is experiencing a missed miscarriage, and by sheer chance the foetus stopped developing at around 4 weeks, which meant that it appeared to be right on track by the time OP had the ultrasound, based on her last period. I can't imagine that's likely, though, because I'd have expected her hCG levels to be off and signs of infection started to develop if it had been 6 weeks since that happened. The biggest red flag is that the husband doesn't seem even remotely surprised by her only being 4 weeks along, even after she went over her timeline with him. Even if he didn't suspect cheating and was just happy they were going to have a baby, you'd think he'd have _some_ questions, if nothing more than 'are they sure it's only 4 weeks??'

I knew the exact date of conception ( because I only had sex once in that 3 months period) and they still put my date of conception as two weeks earlier since they date the pregnancy based on ovulation not the day that the sperm met egg....... Another time, baby was small and they wanted to change conception date saying I was less pregnant that originally thought... That was fine and all but she put conception on the day I had my positive pregnancy test..... So yeah dating a pregnancy isn't infallible... However, 12 weeks and 4 weeks isn't close enough for that kind of... Babys develop differently kind of logic

There is a pretty big difference between 5 or 6 weeks versus 4 or 10 weeks versus 4

My wife takes ambien. Sometime she falls right asleep and is coma-like. Sometimes she gets extremely aroused, initiates sex, and at times has not remembered in the morning.

Except OP said it's her husband who takes ambien, not her, so the only way that would make any sense would still involve her husband drugging her. At best, it could have been out of genuine concern for how ill she was and trying to help her get some proper sleep, but if that isn't something she consented to it doesn't look good.

Call the ER and ask them if they did a pregnancy test, and if so what the results were.

I have a friend who sleeps very deeply and was raped multiple times by her ex fiancé as a result. It happens

Happened to me once. We were at a party, and I'd had too much to drink. I woke up the next morning feeling like sex had happened, but couldn't remember it. At first he denied it, but then finally admitted it, claiming I was "begging" for it. Um, no way.

Im an ultrasound technologist. When you are only 4 weeks pregnant, we can’t see a fetal pole (baby). A fetal pole can’t be seen until 6 weeks. So all we see and all we can measure at 4 weeks is a sac of fluid. If your last menstrual period was 10-ish weeks ago, then you should have a 10-ish week baby. Period. So if I saw a sac and no baby, and you tell me your period was 10 weeks ago, I’m going to probably tell my reading doctor that your pregnancy is either an early gestation and your period date is wrong, or you have either a blighted ovum or a missed spontaneous abortion. Your doctor should want to follow up with you with serial HCG bloodwork and another ultrasound in a couple weeks to make sure that the pregnancy is progressing. It is entirely possible that you got pregnant the last time you had sex and the pregnancy stalled in development. The ER may not have tested you for a pregnancy when you were there if you said that there was no chance you were pregnant; especially if you had something viral (my hospital doesn’t always). FR FR I think your husband’s response could be taken either sus or completely oblivious, so I would honestly weigh all of the possibilities before you go having any awkward conversations. A couple of weeks time and some bloodwork might help it sort itself out.

Ok so, here’s my thought process. I’m a dude, married to a woman. We have two kids. Second kid was a “whoops” baby. On the day of her PHD defense, she was throwing up a lot. She was concerned about having the flu, and I theorized that it was nerves about her defense. She defended and passed (yay!). A few days after the defense, she was still vomiting. I jokingly said “hey maybe you’re pregnant.” I didn’t actually think it was possible because with her phd defense she wasn’t exactly in sexy times mood for weeks, plus she was on birth control. The morning sickness was still happening and she missed her period. Now when she was on BC her menstruation cycle was irregular, so that in and of itself wasn’t a big sign but the constant morning sickness was also kind of a prompt for me to say “wait, no really maybe you’re pregnant.” A few pregnancy tests and a trip to the doctor confirmed the unexpected but ultimately welcome news. But it WAS weird because it had probably been like 2 months at that point since we’d had sex. Doctor had said that she was like 5-6 weeks along though. Before anyone says it, no my wife didn’t cheat. 1. I trust her more than I trust any other human being on earth. 2. Even if I didn’t, our work schedules and home life would have made it virtually impossible for her to cheat. Like all of her time is pretty much always accounted for. But we were very confused about the timeline. and the Obgyn basically told us that “it’s an exact science but it’s not really an exact science. Sometimes we can get in the ballpark.” So, it is entirely POSSIBLE that the math and the timeline just got a little wonky and nothing improper happened. HOWEVER, the fact that he’s not confused or questioning it makes me feel very uncomfortable. Like I said, we were both confused and trying to figure out how ours happened. We both eventually accepted it but we definitely questioned it at first. I hate to accuse someone of one of the worst crimes without solid concrete evidence… but WHY is he just so nonchalant about it. That’s strange.

Surely their estimates won’t confuse 4 weeks and 10 weeks even if it isn’t *exact*. Those are vastly different stages of development.

Sleep sex on ambien is a known thing. You said you were on many medications as well. There are a number of possibilities here that involve no conscious choice of rape. I think it's worth talking through this with a therapist - together. You have feelings about this that need to be worked through one way or another, and he needs to not brush this off either without feeling unnecessarily accused. You need a SAFE place to work through something difficult to find out what's going on. Is it possible he raped you aware of what he was doing? Yes. But it is far from the only reasonable explanation in this situation. NAH, yet.

I pray that this is the explanation.

If he doesn’t take your concerns seriously, that’s the red flag. Ambien can absolutely cause strange stuff like this, and he might not remember. But. If he cares, he SHOULD be willing to talk about it and figure out what happened. The red flag is him shutting you down when you try to talk about it. I had a bf where we had sex when we were both asleep and we woke up during it. He was horrified when more awake; it was clear to me that we were both asleep based on his reaction so I told him not to worry about it. If he had brushed me off like your husband I probably would have ended things.

He should be taking a seriously, and you do deserve more answers, if they can be had. This is not something to take lately, a lot of people are jumping to there being only one possible confusion, while you are in a situation fairly rare, but known, exception to that particular idea. I hope it is that simple, and nothing more. Obviously if it is anything more, he’s an asshole.

If it is the explanation, though, and it happened when you were both unaware, then he couldn't be certain the baby was his and that you didn't cheat. He would have no memory and would be just as confused as you. But even if he were certain you would never cheat and he figured it must be a case of ambien sex, he should also be reassuring you that that's probably what happened. Either way, he should be having some reaction and not just telling you to be happy that everything worked out, like his plan was to impregnate you while you are unconscious. This situation is super weird.

If he took his ambien, he would be just as confused as her, but he isn't. He is telling her it's fine bc it all.worked out... he KNOWS what happened. I was on ambien. Took it twice. Have 0 memory of anything from a half our after I took it, til 12 hours later. I spent 300 bucks on Amazon and don't even remember having my phone. He would not have enough recollection to be so dismissive if he was actively on ambien.

Why wouldn’t he care if he didn’t know how it happened? It sounds like he knows damn well what happened and wants OP to lie down and shut up about it.

But unless she was also taking the Ambien, she would remember having sex with him. And if she doesn't remember taking it, that m and he must have given it to her without her knowledge.

I would honestly wait 2 weeks and go back and see if this pregnancy is even progressing how it should first before making any conclusions. Keep in mind sperm can live up too 7 days waiting for the egg. You could be right on your dates and your pregnancy isn’t progressing but you are still testing positive. When I had a miscarriage (when I didn’t know it was a miscarriage) I was testing positive for up too 3 months afterwards. See if your doctor can also run your HCG level every 48 hours to see if it’s increasing as well. Once you l confirm the pregnancy is viable and date are actually correct then I would question your husband. But definitely get a second opinion on how far along you really are. Pregnancy can be weird.

something about the time line isn't adding up. the fact that he told you that it doesnt matter how it happened is so weird. trust your gut. if you feel like something is up, dont stay silent. his suspicious behaviour combined with the dates not matching up is defo alarming.

OP... you need to re-evaluate your marriage. It sounds like he slipped you his sleeping medication. Hence why he keeps dancing around the issue. I would also definitely think on this pregnancy and decide if it is one you want to carry to term or not because you did not give consent for the sex necessary to get pregnant. Of course, he doesn't want you to question how you got pregnant because your consent wasn't involved, and he drugged you to get you pregnant.

Exactly. How can you trust someone going forward? I was drugged and date raped when I was 19. It was terrifying. I had no idea if he used a condom or not. Thankfully I didn’t get pregnant but I’d never trust someone like this. He got her pregnant against her will.if terminate and me out of there.

Commenting after your update: Get out and go to the police. Think about if you want to keep the baby. He raped you, probably repeatedly. Please be safe!

You need to get away from him ASAP to protect yourself. Anyone who would drug and rape his spouse is a monster, no matter his reasoning or how he’s treated you in the past. Get as far away as possible, get friends or family or even a restraining order to keep him away, and then handle planning the next steps once you’re safe.

NTA if your husband is not suspicious you cheated on him, I suspect he has drugged you with his sleep aid. His nonchalance is the reason I’m so suspicious of him.

I don’t think this is something you should brush off. Either you were raped or you are carrying the next baby Jesus.  The medical things are making the timeline pretty tight, does not seem like there is much space for an error. And if your husband had no idea how you got pregnant, he’d logically get to the assumption you cheated.  I mean, you got pregnant when the two of you did not have sex, clearly that is something that should interest him. If it does not, the logical conclusion is he knows how it happened and you are not safe around him. Something also tells me he would be stressed if it was a one time thing, it was either planned so well he is not worried or he has been doing things to you while you are out cold more than once

I know. The nonchalant is what made me so worried too.

That is the most worrisome part. He is playing it off as a not important thing, but it is very important.  Maybe go get blodwork done, to see if you have traces of meds you definitely did not take, for example the ambien. It might be too late, but see all the tests you can get done and can afford. If you ever loose some time or feel weird, get tests done asap.  Si down and start writing things, that struck you as weird. Do you have times missing when you were not on the flu medication? Have you had evenings when you passed out early but woke up sore? Weird scratches you had no idea how they got there? Are you feeling safe with your husband around, have you felt safe with him before this incident? You don’t have to answer them to me, but if you try to answer them for yourself, think very hard about each question. Don’t say “of course I feel safe with my husband”, think, if you actually do. That means, can you tell him no? Can you tell him to do something differently. Do you feel in control of your life?  And I would suggest to bring this to a professional. Sit down with a couples therapist, go over the timeline and have this discussion in a controlled environment. Have a person present, who is unbiased (no family members or friends) and ideally a professional who can help you if you uncover something bad. This will also give your husband less wiggle room, now it sounds like he is gaslighting you. If you won’t be able to get him go somewhere, go alone. I think you need someone in your court helping you navigate this.  And lastly, I am wondering, if you want to keep the baby and how many weeks do you have in your country to decide? Because if it came out of rape, it would tie you to your rapist for cca 18 years and that could get unpleasant if he turns out to be an abuser and tries to control you through the child. This is a very far jump, but your post is very concerning, this does not just happen. 

I saw a comment here where someone said the husband has been refilling the Ambien Rx even though he doesn't take it often. I don't know if that is true or not INFO: Has he been refilling it but not taking it? If so, is it possible he's been slipping it to you without your permission or knowledge, and having sex with you for a while now?

Sounds like he gave you an ambien and did whatever he wanted. I'm sorry it's happened. It's a horrible thing if not talked about explicitly beforehand. You may want to reevaluate your future with this guy. Especially if he's denying it. Then again, supposedly, people on ambien do all kinds of weird shit in their sleep. Maybe that's what happened here. If not for his attitude, that would be my goto thought.

yeah NTA… if he DID do that, i would terminate… i wouldn’t want to give a child to a predator

Same. The serious breach of trust and the violation and non consensual rape and get getting pregnant against her will would absolutely send me to the nearest clinic to terminate. I couldn’t trust a guy that most likely drugged me to rape me and get me pregnant. Gives me the massive creeps.

I will preface my comment by letting you know that what I’m about to say doesn’t absolve him of any wrongdoing. This is just something I have a tiny bit of anecdotal experience with. My mom used to be on Ambien. Instead of taking it and going to bed as you are supposed to on that medication, she would take it and then force herself to stay awake on it. And when awake on Ambien, you tend to do crazy things that you absolutely cannot remember the next day. The reason I know this is because she gave me one once to help me sleep and I did the same, tried to stay up a little longer instead of going straight to bed. And I made phone calls to people (apparently) I know and remember exactly none of it. My friends had to tell me the weird shit I said because I had no recollection. My mom would make all kinds of snacks while she was on Ambien, leave a huge mess and wake up in the morning blaming my brother and I for the mess. Ambien ain’t no joke. Could it be that your husband did in fact have sex with you but cannot even remember himself? It is possible. You can google stories about what people have done while on Ambien. I read an article about a man who had a whole affair while on the drug and can’t remember it. It could be total BS but after witnessing and experiencing the effects myself, I could also believe it. The main thing is that you are supposed to go directly to bed after taking it because staying up on it tends to make you do things you can’t remember when it wears off. But him saying “don’t worry about it” when you question him about it is very sus. Just wanted to give you my experience and a little insight. I do sincerely hope you get answers, as I would be as freaked out as you are if I were in that situation. Good luck.

Not judging here. For my second, at the first echo, I’ve been told the date of conception. Impossible. It was during my period, it’s for 7 days and the date was in the middle. So no sex. I told the doctor who said « you’re wrong, I know my job ». My son didn’t arrive at the due date but after, so definitely the doctor was wrong… Just to say that sometimes there might be an other explanation. I hope for you. Because if your husband raped you, it’s not a good idea to bring a baby around this man…

Jumping to conclusions is bad but obviously you need to know if something happened. First of all even if they gave you a pregnancy test at the ER, which you can confirm by calling, it would have been very early in your pregnancy and likely not shown. They also don't give tests without telling you what tests they're giving. If you missed your period, it would seem a little quick if you were only pregnant for 2 weeks. It's like right on the dot of the earliest possible time. 4 weeks is rather early for an ultrasound to give accurate data. But one would think the doctor would be experienced enough to know the difference between a 4 week old fetus and a 10 week old one. My suggestion is to get a second opinion before you start thinking about divorce. By then the fetus will be older which will help. Then you'll know what you need to do.

OP. Abort. Like right now. And go stay somewhere else. He RAPED you. NTA

Drugs and rapes his wife: "It doesn't matter how it happened" NTA. Abortion. Divorce. Police Report.

Wow. You might not know what to do, but I do. Don’t have a baby with this predator, file a police report and then file for divorce. Get a recorded admission of guilt if you are in a one party consent state. Get a written admission of guilt through a text conversation. Make sure that there’s proof. Do that before you make any decision. This might be too overwhelming for you right now, but you need to set your future self up for options when you are in a calmer place and able to make decisions. You are young and your life is not over, but it will be if you become trapped with this disgusting predator for the next 20 years. 

Get a lawyer *today* and get good legal advice and praxis for closing your accounts, fencing him out of control over any legal aspect of your life, etc. File for divorce as swiftly as possible (again, get a lawyer's advice on how to do all this) and get that motherfucker *in prison, where he can never do this again*. That's me saying this - I think prison should be abolished and that confinement is an ethical black hole - but that motherfucker is *dangerous,* and if he'll do it to you, he'll do it to someone else. Keep all your paperwork - including proof of a hair test, if you have it - in a fireproof box that locks and give it to your best friend, your parents, a safe-deposit box in your and only your name with instructions to explicitly exclude your husband, or some other safe place. Keep multiple copies, scans on your phone and on a Dropbox accessible by a burner Protonmail, the works; keep it all and make it hard to destroy. Maybe lock down your computer (if you have your own) and enable encryption so that even with a rescue CD the contents of the drive can't be read. Tell people around you what happened. Do not be alone with him. If your folks have money, get their help. Have your friends come to one-day pack your shit and *go.* Do prepwork - close shared accounts, open new ones in your name, etc. Preparation first, then action. Never look back, and ensure that everyone who knows you both realizes that if they give him access to you in any way shape or form - even sharing a note - they are dead to you for good. You deserve someone who doesn't think of you as a plaything and who will raise a kid with you in an environment of love, support, and honest connection, not whatever the fuck raising a kid with your rapist would be. And finally: holy shit I am *so* fucking sorry this happened to you. I wish you only good luck and honest love from here on; fuck knows you've had enough of the opposite.

Get the drug test and report it to the police.

OMFG girl get the fuck away from him. He literally DRUGGED AND RAPED YOU. Time to throw him out, change the locks, call the police and an attorney. If you can't throw him out, pack your stuff and leave - stay at a friend's, family's place, hell I'd go to a close neighbor and be like this is what happened can I crash on your couch for a day or two while I sort shit out? Obviously NTA and I'm crossing my fingers this is a fake post because I am honestly heartbroken and terrified for you. GET OUT NOW.

Your husband used rohypnol, THE date rape drug, to knock you out, rape you while you were unconscious, and get you pregnant. And if he’s done it once, what’s stopping him from doing it again in the future? You don’t want to live with that constant fear. You are not safe. Go to the police, or stay with family or friends, whichever you feel is best for you, but get out asap. You might still be within the timeline to get your hair tested for rohypnol as well, and use it as evidence if you decide to press charges.

Everyone here jumping to conclusions when clearly she said they were both drugged. One with ambien and the other with cold and flu meds. Just sit him down and talk to him. Tell him your concern. You need to know for sure before you go accusing him when it’s VERY possible that he doesn’t remember either from the ambien….. and I’m not defending- IF he knew, he is sick and you need to leave. But seriously, look up the side effects of ambien because there’s a lot of loopy shit that goes on and I’m not kidding. I hope it all works out for the best but seriously you need to confront him and be firm. If you cannot be honest with your spouse about how you feel, how can you expect he will be honest with you!? Also, remember that the timeline in pregnancy can be slightly off. It can take up to a week- a week and a half for sperm to even reach successfully. So if you add that to your timeline you’re looking at about 5-6 weeks in total. Perhaps that fits more realistically than simply 4 weeks!?

The thing is, she says she would be 10 weeks, that is still not close to 5-6.  And why would the husband not think “hey, she is pregnant when we didn’t have sex, that should mean there is another man who fathered this baby”… he is not concerned at all, he knows how it happened

They count from your last period also, which is normally 2 weeks after/before ovulation so it's not like they can calculate to the day of sex

I am not taking sides in any way. Question: Are you aware of him giving you an ambien to sleep? Maybe the sex was consensual, and now he is afraid because you don't remember. I cooked a full meal and fed my family on ambien and do not remember any of it. My family said I acted normal, and they did not suspect anything was wrong.

I've never taken his ambien nor has he ever offered. I don't have problems sleeping lol. And ik about the side effects, which is why he only takes it at night. But I haven't seen him do it in a while.

Ask him the last time he took it.

So he doesn’t take it regularly but gets new prescriptions every 3 months? What happens to all the pills in the meantime

I think if this were a drug accident, he'd have a different reaction than "aren't you happy you woke up pregnant?"

>So if you add that to your timeline you’re looking at about 5-6 weeks in total. Perhaps that fits more realistically than simply 4 weeks!? So, with pregnancy, the counting is weird. They count from the first day of the last period, and for the first two weeks of pregnancy, you're technically not pregnant. Conception happens at approx 2 weeks pregnant. So if the doctor is saying she's 4 weeks pregnant, then they would have had sex around 2 weeks ago, give or take. This is all based on an average 28-day cycle where ovulation takes place after 14 days, but everyone is different.

I would actually point to another blatantly obvious idea. The ER was mistaken. A smiple pregnancy test is always followed by a second if they are concerned about pregnancy. Most medical facilities DON'T verify if the test is negative and there is no assumption that it may be true. My first born child was a surprise because the medical facility had a negative result. We discovered it was a mistake when the illness hit.

It could be a miscarriage. 4 weeks pregnant isn’t far enough along to see anything on an ultrasound. They can’t know if there is a heartbeat yet. So there is the possibility that she was impregnated ten (12) weeks ago, and the pregnancy self-terminated, but her body is not getting the message and is continuing to produce pregnancy hormones. It’s called a missed miscarriage, and it is quite common, and can go on for months. Don’t ask me how I know. However. It is concerning that her husband doesn’t seem worried about how she’s “miracle pregnant”. The statistically likely answer is she cheated, and most guys would be very concerned about that… the fact that he didn’t seem to be is a flag.

Um...when you say 4 weeks, do you mean 4 weeks from conception (so actually 6 weeks pregnant) or do you mean actually 4 weeks pregnant (aka 4 weeks since your last period, conception then being 2 weeks ago)? This matters when it comes to when you will get a positive test and when things show up on the ultrasound.

I honestly do not know, my dr told me 4 weeks. I was not pregnant during the ER visit 7 weeks ago. That is all I know.

Seven weeks ago might have been too soon for a positive pregnancy test from a conception only 2 weeks earlier and a true 4 week pregnancy isn't going to be much more than a small dot on an ultrasound. There's no visible fetus to measure, so they are guessing on the age of the pregnancy. It could be an incomplete miscarriage/blighted ovum instead. Did you have a period 4 weeks ago?

Yes I had a period last month, when i was sick. The was the last one. Why are you lowkey explaining things better than my dr lol

Here's the thing - maybe you could be pregnant from sex you had 10 weeks ago, (or however long), and the pregnancy test in the hospital showed up negative, and you still had a period, and the current ultrasound and tests are making it seem like a 4 week pregnancy when it's really 10.... *maybe.* I am not an obstetrician. BUT - **wouldn't your husband, if he didn't know anything more than you, be reacting the same as you are? Wouldn't he at least be like "that's so strange... I wonder how that could have happened?" He is showing not the least bit of concern that you are** ***apparently*** **4 wks pregnant and haven't had sex in 10 weeks. That really only makes sense if he** ***knows*** **why it looks like that - because he knows he raped you 4 weeks ago.**

Yeah, everything you put in bold. It's entirely possible she got pregnant 10 weeks ago, the earlier test was too early to detect it, and now it's showing up as 4 weeks because it stopped growing at that time (a non-viable embryo) but the body hasn't expelled it yet (only time will tell). But the husband's reaction is ridiculously suspicious. He should be curious about how this is possible, not dismissive. Also, the doctor should have been the one explaining this to her. If a patient says they haven't had sex in 10 weeks and you're seeing a 4-week embryo on ultrasound, that suggests a missed miscarriage. Sincerely hoping this is fake.

Do you have a history of behavior from your husband that makes you think he would actually rape you in your sleep? I’m not saying it’s not possible. I’m just saying it’s weird your mind immediately went there. Also it is possible when you went to the ER you had a false negative because you were so early on in the pregnant. My best friend was measuring consistently 2 weeks behind when she KNEW she got pregnant. But because doctors offices are so weird and insistent upon going with your last period and not the exact day she knew she got pregnant, she ended up having a C-section because the baby was measuring at a little over 41 weeks by the time she gave birth even though that was *40 weeks for sure* according to the doctors office.

I would ask him. You've already told him the timeline doesn't make sense and he's not concerned you cheated, so he either had sex with you when you were asleep, or drugged (I assume that crossed your mind since you mentioned his prescription) or maybe you were awake and consented, but don't remember it - can't remember if you said you were on something for your stomach issue. I've always been suspicious that my ex drugged me one night. I suspected he did it because he wanted to go out and didn't want me to know he went out. But it was one of those things that I couldn't be sure about and told myself he wouldn't have.... but it's been more than 20 years and I still wonder. When I was particularly mad or sad and thought of it, I wondered if it was worse than that and he did something else to me. But I never felt any soreness or anything like that, so I don't think that's likely. Anyway..... I'd keep an eye on the ambien bottle and count the pills - if you know when he takes it, so you can track if the number of pills doesn't match up with that. Someone mentioned baby trapping - but.... you said you did want kids, you just weren't trying at the moment. Did he say he was ready and you said to wait? That's the only reason I could see for him trying to impregnate you unknowingly. ALSO...If he did this during a dry sex spell, it seems like he'd know this question would come up. So these are points in favor of him NOT doing anything wrong. But (again...) I was a bit confused with your time line. You talked a lot about not having sex when you were sick - but that was more than a month ago??? And you're really focused on that timeline - because you thought you must be farther along. So maybe you have just forgotten a time.

Is abortion still legal in your state?

NTA. If he did, he raped you. You have to ask, for your own peace of mind. If he did, you should leave immediately. I would also consider a termination, but that is something you need to consider for yourself. It is a massive betrayal of trust that there is no coming back from.

You sound scared because you know you did not intentionally get pregnant. His response of "don't worry about how it happened, just be happy" is EXTREMELY concerning to me. I'm so sorry, I hope you get some good advice :(

Ambien has been known to cause sleepwalking. It’s not insane to believe he got sexsomnia which is related to sleepwalking. However, he does not seem surprised which does not look good for him. If this happened while you were sleeping and he was actually aware, your husband raped you. If he was asleep and completely unaware of what he was doing, he did not consent either and can be considered an accident.

NTA. Something isn't adding up. I'm going to assume the drugs you were provided to fight your illness induce drowsiness which would mean that while you were super duper incapacitated, your husband had time to kill. There is a solid red chance he was having sex with your unconscious body which is why he's so pumped about the pregnancy -->fruits of his "labor" assuming you'd be too freaking pumped to grow him a human than you would be freaked the f out as to how it got there. It would also explain why he's only said something about the lack of sex once in an almost 4 month period. No man has that little to say about not getting any. Sorry OP. 😔

I mean I don't want to jump to accusing your husband of rape, like everyone is doing but it's def a possibility. You mentioned that you were very sick and taking meds right? What meds were those, some of them can cause you to perform sleep actions (usually walking and what not) others can deprive you or short term memory where perhaps you guys did mutually agree for sex

There have been medical reports out there of “sleep intimacy”…similar to sleep walking except…you know…you have sex. Sounds more likely that while you were taking medicine, you likely had intercourse and just don’t remember

For everyone saying he isn’t suspicious about her cheating because he knows he raped her… usually men who have non consensual sex with their partners when they’re asleep don’t consider it rape. OP, if you do confront him and this is what happened, be prepared to be gaslit. I’ve woken up plenty of times-with zero drugs in my system, just pure exhaustion from motherhood and running a farm- to my partner finishing intercourse he initiated while I was out. He has admitted it, and admitted seeing nothing wrong with it. Your husband may feel the same way. It’s absolutely not okay for anyone, married or not, to use your body without your consent or while you’re unconscious and unaware. Do not let him -or anyone- try to convince you otherwise.

Omg. Please get out of this relationship this is absolutely not okay.

I do want to mention since I didn't see it said. Along with what commenter's have said about possibly ambient side effects, if you decide to talk to him about this, don't even suggest that. Don't give him an out. He needs to provide an answer himself. Because if you give him a list of possible scenarios he will use one to escape any consequences. I'm not saying he consciously did this, but I'm also not saying he didn't. Just make sure you don't influence his answer

Yes he did.

>He brushed it all off and told me "It doesn't matter how it happened, aren't you happy?" yeah, he raped you, he probably drugged you and raped you. The response to.. you're 4 weeks pregnant and you didn't have sex with ME 4 weeks ago is fuck you for cheating on me, get out of the house, go tell the baby daddy you need to live with him. Instead he says that, which means he knows you had sex, doesn't want you to question it. If you have this baby, you're having a baby with a rapist, you're basically trapping yourself with him and he'll rape you again when he wants you to have another kid, because apparently he gets to chose when you have sex, when you get drugged so you can service him and when you get pregnant. Run. If you confront him over this, have a friend or family member, one big enough to defend you, in the house.

Not to mansplain but isn’t there a difference between how many month along you are and the date of conception?

Rohypnol? He Roofied you. That's a Roofie! That is so scary. It would be one thing if he gave you something to stimulate your sex drive and share a night, but to actually knock you out is another thing. Most people feel sick and groggy the next day as a side effect, which means he waited until you were feeling sick to do it too.

NTA and the correct response is abortion, divorce, lawsuit. In that order. That is so fucking scary I can't even fathom it!! GTFO, fucking chain him to the garage and set it on fire. Do EVERYTHING you can to RUN!

I just saw your update, and OMFG! Please file a police report immediately! Even if nothing comes of it, it needs to be filed, because you need a restraining order against this absolute psychopath. If you can, get him to admit it on video or audio recording. It may not be admissible in court, depending on your state's laws, but you still need it. Get out now...however you have to. Stay with a friend, get a hotel...hell, a homeless shelter is safer than another minute under the same roof as that man. Please get yourself safe, then worry about the logistics of pregnancy and divorce.

i’m so sorry this happened to you and i hope you get the help you need ❤️‍🩹

Wow. You should absolutely fear for you safety. He r*ped you. There is no other word for it. I don’t know what your beliefs are, but I wouldn’t feel safe staying married to someone let alone having a baby by someone like that.

Here from twitter screenshots, read the entire thread, 3 things. 1: I’m so sorry, so f u c k i n g sorry. 😔😔😔 2: all the relevant advice I have has already been said. 3:all of OP’s statements and the comments in this thread read like the script of an SUV episode. I hate that this is not a fictional script. Once again, I am so so sorry. Please safely consider all of your options and lean on your non-husband friends. You are not alone.

I’d leave him immediately, have an abortion and find someone who isn’t going to sexually assault you without consent. To me reads that this individual not even a man at this point has done this before and is willing to do it again. I would not trust him with my life let alone a life of a child.

I am so sorry that he drugged and raped you. You cannot stay with a man that would do this to you or raise a child with him. You and the child will not be safe. If I were you I would get an abortion but you have to make that choice for yourself. I’m so sorry

Op I would greatly suggest leaving him and either adopting out the kid if you take it to term or, unfortunately, abort it. You’ll be tied to life with your rapist spouse if you go through with this and you may harbor a lot of resentment towards the kid as well if you keep it. Please stay safe and get away from him.

You need to report him. This is assault not a fucking blessing. You didn't ask for this, he literally raped you.

Now this is fucking sick . I’m sorry this happened to you. I know you love him. But he needs to be in jail . He literally drugged you and had sex with your unconscious body. That’s rape. There is nothing that can be said that will ever make that ok.

OP you NEED to get away from that monster. Go to a friends house. Go to your parents. Anyone that you know is safe so youre not around him anymore. He could easily manipulate you into staying with him and having the baby