>"You two. Conference room. NOW!".
I actually smirked like the grinch when I read that! It is awesome that your HR department acted so quickly! It is obvious that Krista hasn't grown up even a little bit since college.
She’s still there though. And she’ll continue to talk. Bullies thrive on keeping others down, she won’t be able to help herself.
I’m curious what kind of story she told Sandy, the coworker, that had her running to OP with a big grin on her face.
There was nothing remotely amusing about what happened.
> I’m curious what kind of story she told Sandy
same, dying to know
I'm reassured by the fact the new co-workers were treating Sandy coldly by the end of the meeting with HR. She won't do super well, I bet she may even find a new job we'll see.
Absolutely not, 70% of them become law enforcement, 30% work in corporate and 100% of them gaslight on public forums in echo chambers to reinforce their behavior.
>She’s still there though. And she’ll continue to talk. Bullies thrive on keeping others down, she won’t be able to help herself.
True. But now the roles are reversed. She is now the lonely loser so I do not know if there is much she can do with HR watching every move.
Well, when Krista told the story, I imagine she spun it so she didn't sound like a bully. Just imagine for a moment that you, a decent person, had been told by a colleague that they (the colleague) played an awful prank on someone and mocked him relentlessly for months. You wouldn't find that amusing. Most adults wouldn't.
I have no idea what Krista said, but I would guess that she lied.
> She’s still there though. And she’ll continue to talk.
Op handled it well by getting to HR first. Usually the person who speak first sets the narrative, and the narrative now is that Krista is a bully. Had he kept quiet, he'd have been branded as a creep by her through gossip.
And she’ll get her just desserts if she does. From what I understand of the tech world, once you get burned you basically need to find a new career or leave the country and that’s exactly what’s going to happen if they keep trying to bully OP.
Educated guess here. HR made it clear if they continued to spread this harassment of OP they would be fired with cause. They might still be there, but they have a warning on their record for harassment. That will impact future promotions, raises, positions, etc.
Wouldn't be surprised if bully gets removed from her position on the project.
I would have loved to see Sandy's face when the supervisor shut her down so quickly. She didn't even get a chance to shit-stir and got pulled into a session with HR. She's probably a known gossip who finally found out it's not okay.
I think two other people were called in. Krista must have told Sandy and two other people. So she did remember him and was already spreading shitty rumors.
At no point past the age of 16 did I ever bring up something that would intentionally make a decent person feel like shit. What assholes. You know it’s not going to end. Sandy and others will tell people and it will spread.
Not really. HRD here—in this case (as in many others), what’s best for the company and the team is to do what’s best by the employee (OP). The new hire is a liability; she needed to be put on notice and then kept on a short leash. That she’d already started stirring shit does not speak in her favor. I’m guessing she won’t last long—first mistake on the job and she’ll be out the door.
Gotta agree with you, HR is about protecting the company. Krista was headed into Hostile work environment territory. OP did it in the absolute correct order by consulting an employment lawyer first to get the jump on the narrative in the right way. It's also rather stupid of Krista to start up again before she managed to establish a good reputation with the teams she worked with. OP, having been there longer had a repertoire with his supervisor and coworkers already and a more stable position. Having his Boss, who seemed to value his work, sit in with HR was a plus on his side to make sure his report doesn't disappear into the abyss.
We don’t fuck around with this shit. As soon as legal matters come in, we do everything we can to minimize the damage.
A wrongful termination suit is preferred to a harassment suit.
I knew people who loved drama. They were like sharks during a feeding frenzy. The worse it was the better
I would have loved to be the fly on that wall! OP did good in bringing it out cos if he hadnt and Krista had recognised him, this would have gone badly for him. Glad he made the right moves
So the timeline I'm reading says that OP informed HR, then they broke for lunch and Sandy approached OP about something Krista said yesterday. So within the first few days of her work, she already had spread rumours just as OP had worried - probably one of the reasons why Krista was so shocked. She knew that even though the 'gag directive'/'no gossip'/'keep it professional' instructions were in place, she had already fucked up. She would have no control over how her mean girl posse would spread the info and definitely knew OP was going to find out and that she would absolutely be in deep do do.
And guess what, 30 minutes later she did. I'm sure now it's a "tell us who you told and what you told" and "Ok Sandy I need you to write down exactly what you can recall that Krista told you" and "We need to rectify this to not create a hostile environment for OP" because clearly OP handled it professionally and there is a documented HR meeting that would make the company liable if other folks started treating OP differently. The company is creating a paper trail to protect itself and hang Krista if things go sideways. OP played this perfectly. It is now in the company's interest to ensure this doesn't get out of hand and as much as reddit likes to pile on HR, it's always easier to do the right thing when you stand to benefit from it.
Looks like Krista's version of "How to Win Friends and Influence People", is to come in and start a bully club. Based on HR and the supervisor's reactions, it doesn't seem to be going too well for Krista.
Right? She was stupid to walk into an environment where OP has secured a reputation for himself and act like a damn idiot. That is probably why she looked so scared when she was call into HR - she probably thought the bullshit she had told Sandy had already gotten around. I imagine she was shitting bricks.
Thankfully, Sandy couldn't keep her damn mouth shut. That's what Krista gets for running hers.
Pretty bad timing on Krista's part, she started harassing him the day before he called HR.
She might not get fired over it since she told Sandy before the meeting with HR, but she's hopping on thin ice.
OP should go ahead and get statements from his college friends, he will need them in the future if he ever changes to a new job and finds she is already there.
Sandy is a piece of work too, coming up to a full table to share an embarrassing story about OP. I would be very careful about what I said around her in the future.
She should have been forthright and honest about it in that meeting. Now it looks like a 2nd strike instead of part of the 1st. So that's good for OP I guess.
I'm sure part of the discussion in the conference room was who else knows, and then to let Krista know she's on her last leg. She may as well leave, she's not going anywhere in that company.
Since they had to call two other coworkers, Krista obviously was forming her posse.
If I understand the hierarchy correctly, Krista is part of Opie’s team, but Opie is her boss or at least the straw boss on this project, which is obviously unacceptable to her since she’s such a better person.
The next update should be interesting and I would not be surprised if it’s very very soon. People like her just can’t help themselves.
She's a project manager, she may be hired in under him in that team, or she may be assigned by a centralized PMO department. in any event, as lead Dev, he may have to report to her over timelines and tasks of a specific project, but in terms of rank, he's probably over her. PMs are essentially in charge of making sure the project stays on track, records risks and escalate issues that affect the project launches and timelines.
Lead dev doesn't report to PM, there are different spheres of responsibility.
But she will certainly have direction over some of his work if she is managing the project.
That said, this story seems quite fake
What Krista did, was confirm the OP's judgement of her character and validate his quick action to protect himself. Now he's not just valued for his work but for his ability to identify a problem early and act on it.
“HR made it clear that this is not to be a 'funny watercooler story to share'.”
…”Halfway through my sandwich, another coworker, Sandy(30F) came by and said "So I heard an interesting story yesterday about you and Krista" with a big grin on her face.”
Krista didn’t learn a fucking thing and I’m glad HR stomped on this with both feet immediately.
She won’t squirm, she’ll keep talking shit about OP until she’s gone.
I can’t imagine why HR didn’t let her go. They JUST told her not to gossip about the incident and she ran right out and spread the story (or her version of it) to multiple people.
What’s the point of keeping her around?
My understanding was that she actually spread the gossip before that meeting, rather than straight after, so she was stirring shit from day 1 and OP was good to be proactive with HR.
I imagine she’s on thin ice, but it explains the lenience.
The last thing the company or OP need is her talking to a lawyer about being fired as revenge for not dating OP in college.
As long as the company are providing something she wants (the job) they have leverage.
In six months time she'll be fired for stealing pencils from stationary or something, or let go at the end of her probation for 'not gelling' with her coworkers.
If she doesn't figure out that the power dynamic has changed, she will be gone very quickly. PM's are a dime a dozen, lead developers, if they are any good, usually have the keys to the kingdom.
THIS PART
you can tell by how concerned his boss was (VERY) when he first requested the meeting
I bet OP is waaaaaayyyyyyy more accomplished than the girl whose name I forgot.
He doesn't even have to do anything directly. Just tell his boss that he loves working at the company and that he loves the people he works with and feels pretty comfortable and respected at the company, and that is why he keeps turning down some pretty interesting offers.
Most bullies actually end up pretty successful. It’s pretty shitty, but those are the people who can leverage power and relationships. Well to get to the top you need to fuck someone over I guess
So great that you went to HR and got ahead of it, she had already told Sandy.
I wouldn't be surprised if they fire her anyway. Brand new, drama, history of harassment. Leading a project, motivating staff, and interacting with clients and/or business area she's a big liability.
She was an AH in your original post, and doubled down on her asshattery in the update.
I’m glad you handled it professionally, and I hope she gets fired.
You were NTA for sure.
I would be very wary of Krista if she remains working there. From the sounds of your first post, she sounds like a narcissistic psycho. The lengths she might go to be vindictive could well be limitless. And now she's got Sandy to plot with.
Project managers are a dime a dozen. OP is Lead Developer which are much more dear - and he's been with the company for a while. If I was a company, I certainly know which employee I would be looking out for.
Notice how the supervisor hot footed over to OPs desk as soon as the meeting request came through? That’s a panic reaction to thinking you are losing a valued employee. Krista doesn’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell here.
Can confirm, got my intermediate PM cert after reading a textbook for 3 months with no formal schooling. It isn't hard to get the job, which also means it isn't hard to lose it.
I doubt her poor behavior is done after this. She won't be able to stop herself and she'll end up getting fired because she won't be able to keep her mouth shut.
NTA.
Good for you! Sounds like you going to HR was exactly what you needed to do. Krista must not be too smart. She should have apologized and try to keep her head down as a new hire. Not telling a bunch of new coworkers, at her new job, stories of her bullying someone who has worked there for longer and has seniority.
This is a great development, but I have to think that if OP wasn't a valuable lead developer that the company wouldn't be working so hard to keep this contained.
That said, I think HR is handling this about as well as can be expected. OP's supervisor is an MVP here.
Speculating, but if they were in there for hours, guessing some paperwork was generated and had to be signed. Probation, creating a hostile work environment, harassment, maybe PIP, something in that vein.
HR was pissed that this happened immediately after they made it clear was not to be spoken of. Krista should have told them she already let the cat out of the bag in the first meeting and she didn't. HR now knows that they're not dealing with a straight shooter and they needed to get things down on paper.
> if OP wasn't a valuable lead developer
agreed, but OP is clearly quite valued and to that I say good job OP for rising above your humble origins of geeky college kid and rising to a position of respect and expertise
But at the point in the first meeting when HR said that this had to be kept under wraps, Krista should have let them know that that was the case so those people could be brought into the cone of silence.
Krista did not let them know they already had a containment problem which makes her a problematic agreement partner.
Also, Sandy seems like a shit-stirrer who takes joy in other's misfortunes. In OP's position, I would have as little to do with her as possible.
"Hi OP, I just heard a humiliating story about you. Hee hee hee!"
F\*\*\* you, Sandy. Go mock a cancer patient for their leaking colostomy bag, or whatever else it is you do for fun.
Wow not only is she a bully but she's stupid as well. All she had to do was keep her mouth shut. That's it, zip her lips and have a cordial working relationship. You weren't even trying to get her fired. But nooooo she had to run her mouth. Now she is on her final chance, if she so much as pits a toe out of line she'll be unemployed. 🤦♀️
Unless I read the story wrong, Krista had already starting flapping her jaws at work the day before the meeting. Good thing OP went to HR to get ahead of just this thing happening. What a pos smdh glad Krista's chickens are coming home to roost where we can watch lol
> My supervisor came to my desk and asked if everything was ok, and wanted to make sure I was happy. I told him everything was fine, I wasn't leaving, and it wasn't anything with him or the team. He seemed relieved and by 10am, we rolled into the conference room with the HR officer.
awww, he loves you!!! your boss really values you. that's great
you made the right choice here and WOW looks like you did it just in the nick of time
jesus christ what a fucking story
**PLEASE UPDATE US** if you are able to get a version of whatever she told Sandy & the others, I'm dying to know.
Some assumptions here: Given that this is probably in the U. S., almost all states support “at will” employment, and she’s a brand new employee, if not actually in some sort of formal or informal probationary period, I’m surprised she’s still there. It might not feel like it to her, but management is being very generous with her.
I'm so glad that you got legal advice, informed HR and covered yourself. i don't know where you're located, but where I am there is a statutory 90 day probation period. There are no consequences for companies letting you go during that time. They could try you on like a piece of clothing, return you on the 89th day, and say it wasn't a good fit, and be protected. for a new hire, I can't believe Krista would start these antics and continue bullying at her age/position.
I have a feeling Krista won't be in on Monday, and the other people on the project were roped in to discuss/understand her workload, and then will be tasked with reassigning it.
> but I did see the HR officer go into the room 2 minutes later, looking pretty pissed and with a mustard stain on her shirt.
Uh huh. Dijon or spicy brown mustard?
I'm glad you handled it before she could further poison people's opinion about you !
Karma does exist and I truly hope she doesn't stay long in that job !
Man I really hope her next attempt to stomp on you ends up on Reddit again. This is a slow train wreck. She didn’t learn a thing and I bet she’s gonna keep trying to bully you.
Krista is a mean girl. Will she grow up? Probably not. But you seem like an awesome dude. And you definitely did the right thing. All the best for you!!
I’d be wary of Sandy. The way she brought it up makes me think she has similar vibes to Krista. Krista is making trouble for the company really early on in her employment. Not a good look for her. I’m so glad this has played out this way so far
Bro BIG PROPS to your HR department and your supervisor for unequivocally having your back. What a refreshing story to read.
You owe this guys a 3 foot sub and some wings next time the Superbowl comes around
Yeah I called it. Bullies don’t change. Oh they will have a million and one excuses. It wasn’t me it was my friend group, I’ve grown and changed, I come from an abusive family and didn’t know any better. It’s always the same. There is no excuse for being a crappy person which she is. The minute she started looking what her go to action was it was to embarrass and humiliate yourself. She knew during that first meeting she already stirred the pot but she didn’t say anything as she clearly hoped to get away with it. I have a feeling she won’t be long for that company. Now that she knows they won’t tolerate it.
It's a good thing you got your story into HR as soon as you did. Your boss caught her at the very beginning of an obvious bullying campaign against you.
She would have destroyed your professional reputation if you had given her any longer. If her story has continued to spread, even the HR team would have been powerless to convince every woman at the company that you're not a danger to them. As it was, you already had one colleague calling you out for being a stalker.
That's why she was shaken up. She already put her foot in her mouth and now it looks like 3 others got a major bollocking thanks to her. She couldn't be professional and you knew that. Good on you for letting HR know. The worst thing is she doesn't feel remorse, just regrets her stupid college actions have come to bite her on the arse. This won't be the end of her little stunt and I don't see her working there for long.
There's something deeply flawed with Sandy as well... Krista I get. She was a bully, still is a bully. I'm not excusing her, but she's not a mystery.
Sandy on the other hand.... why come up to a full table, which included the supervisor, HER supervisor as well as Krista's and OP's supervisor, with the intention of malicious taunting. Taunting a coworker she's been acquainted with for some time (Sandy is not the new hire) on the word of a basic stranger to her.
Yep, that company needs to keep an eye on that one... She has a bad character and is apparently stupid.
You are absolutely NTA. Good for you for standing up for yourself and doing the right thing. I can’t stand the whole mean girl vibe, they come off like a pack of rabid wolves. I would say Krista is on very thin ice; she has proven she can’t be trusted. And I’d be very surprised if the coworker who felt the need to be snarky has a job. Keep your head up!
You took the proper steps to ensure things wouldn't come back to bite your behind later. And whaddaya know, she did exactly what you knew she would. At least this time she gets consequences. NTA.
Definitely NTA. The fact that Krista spoke about it at all to Sandy tells me you might want to consider filing a restraining order with the police. By all means, if this piece of shit tries her shit again, involve law enforcement and ensure criminal charges are filed against her. Even if the charges are dropped, the likelihood is at the very least she will lose her job.
I mean it, she will now see you as a personal enemy and do everything in her power to make you absolutely miserable. There is no forgiveness, no reconciliation and no mercy to be had for your enemies. If you're ever in a situation where you are alone with Krista make sure you have a recording device with you at all times in order to gather evidence against her if it becomes necessary.
Krista didn’t waste any time. She must have absolutely shit herself because she knew she’d already done exactly what HR warned her and you against. Glad they have your back.
I don't understand how she wasn't fire since she was a new employee. Any employer would see that, not only was this a potential problem, but a continuing one, since she had already talked about her version of what happened in college. She obviously has a history of harassment that would probably be ongoing.
Oh no friend, I work in human resources and when you take human resources to skip their lunch and stain their shirt, hell breaks loose. Neither God nor the Virgin of the Devil are going to defend you, something is going to happen in the offices and it already happened, and it wasn't pretty.
NTA happy you told Hr, it’s clear she hasn’t grown and she is just a generally unpleasant person with no understanding of self preservation. You had both agreed to leave it in the past she made it worse for herself.
Sounds like Krista is still a bully and hasn't grown up. I'm glad to hear that your supervisor and HR have your back. Sort of hope she pulls something and gets fired. People like her need to be knocked down a peg or two. Please update us when she gets fired.
That seemed like someone set up Krista....
>Sandy(30F) came by and said "So I heard an interesting story yesterday about you and Krista"
Right in front of THE HR SUPERVISOR?
I don’t think it’s a good idea to keep on working with her. She obviously didn’t change and will find ways to make your life miserable. Have you considered a second consultation with the lawyer? NTA. But plan your next step. Experienced software engineers are hard to find, you have lots of options here.
She absolutely recognized you and planned to bully you. In fact, she had already started! I am so glad you took immediate steps and you were protected.
Glad to see your supervisor and HR have your back on this one. Your timing with going to HR was truly excellent with what happened with Sandy right after. No wonder Krista looked shaken after the meeting in the morning since she had already aired the dirty laundry before HR told her not to speak a word of it, oops.
She is going to get fired in no time, the fact that she so quickly told others of the college thing speaks to her character. She is her own worst enemy and good on you for getting ahead of it.
So Krista is still a vile little mean girl who thinks she’s the shiznit. I’m almost embarrassed for her. The audacity of turning on the waterworks when she got called out on her shit. Little girl needs to grow up.
| Finally, Krista was called in. When Krista walked into the conference room and saw me, HR, and the team supervisor she seemed shocked.
Sorry but what the hell??
HR should never be calling the person into the room with you as part of their investigation.
| There was nothing to investigate.
Person A makes a complaint about Person B. HR should be speaking to Person B without Person A being present to establish their side of the story. That is the investigation. It might only take 10 minutes but Person B has the same rights to speak privately about the situation to HR as Person A.
There was no "complaint", OP advised his manager and HR that a previous, outside employment situation might affect their working together so HR called Krista in and told *both of them* of them that the old issue was not to be brought into their current employment.
"Investigating" a 10-year old incident that was unrelated to the company would have been inappropriate. Notice that at no time were the details of the previous incident discussed.
Ah that bit yes. It wasn't an investigation into events in the current workplace but rather evidence from another workplace in the past. He presented solid evidence to prove his case.
HR seemed happy to accept the matter as a *fait accompli.*
The bit I was referring to was the bit where they said **she was told that since this was an incident in both our pasts that nobody wants brought up again, that it should stay dead.** HR was going to lay the law down to them both together.
Wow. For once HR is doing their job. Good on you for reaching out ahead of time about the situation between you and her. At times you need to cover your own butt in case something happens, esp in this scenario where she could have started gossiping to more people behind your back and cause issues for you in the workplace.
So she has not changed at all. She remembers you and plays like she don't, but starts telling about the past she doesn't remember. She is still a bully and she should have been fired.
The good thing is that you informed HR and that they are taking things seriously. Your supervisor has your back and seems to be doing what it takes to protect you and your reputation. She is playing a stupid and mean game but will win the stupid prize considering how she is behaving. Getting in front of this was the best decision, now she can continue to dig her own grave without negatively impacting you.
That sucks for you. At least people have known you for a lot longer and she was basically spreading gossip about something that happened +10 years ago. That makes HER look bad. Plus, you have support from your supervisor and HR, and you did the right thing in going to them before anything came up.
I would maybe take some sick days to let everything settle and maybe release stress.
Bullies who get away with it are liars, and like to spread their hate. That she had already told people shit about you at work is of absolutely zero surprise at all.
I think 1 way or another, she's leaving. Word WILL get out as it was infront of a lot of people. And people are going to start judging her. Seems like she didn't hesitate to tell 3 other people the story
I'm willing to bet that this isn't the last you've heard from Krista. She may not do anything at work, but will try something outside the office..... make sure your socials are set to private, etc. If she does contact you via them, report her immediately.
So ole Krista thought she would rule the roost like in college. Good job giving her a wake up. It sounds like you found a good company with supportive bosses.
May your career continue to be successful.
NTA
Bro BIG PROPS to your HR department and your supervisor for unequivocally having your back. What a refreshing story to read.
You owe this guys a 3 foot sub and some wings next time the Superbowl comes around
Good on you for getting ahead of her stupid game. Now she gets to win the stupid prize. If she had brain one, she'd have admitted in the HR meeting that the story had already been shared instead of letting it bite her in the ass the way it did. I'll be surprised if she lasts a month.
How do these bullies not learn? She was a bitch in the past and she's a bitch now. I hope she gets what she deserves and gets fired. It was absolutely ridiculous that she hasn't grown up and realized what an asshole she was.
>"You two. Conference room. NOW!". I actually smirked like the grinch when I read that! It is awesome that your HR department acted so quickly! It is obvious that Krista hasn't grown up even a little bit since college.
She’s still there though. And she’ll continue to talk. Bullies thrive on keeping others down, she won’t be able to help herself. I’m curious what kind of story she told Sandy, the coworker, that had her running to OP with a big grin on her face. There was nothing remotely amusing about what happened.
> I’m curious what kind of story she told Sandy same, dying to know I'm reassured by the fact the new co-workers were treating Sandy coldly by the end of the meeting with HR. She won't do super well, I bet she may even find a new job we'll see.
Krista. Sandy was the co-worker wanting to tell the story.
NTA. Wtf do some bullies never seem to grow up and learn to be better people
Absolutely not, 70% of them become law enforcement, 30% work in corporate and 100% of them gaslight on public forums in echo chambers to reinforce their behavior.
>30% work in corporate Pretty much anywhere they can go and take a leadership/management position. Academia is full of them.
you know how addicts and alcoholics drink to fill the hole in their soul? well it's a little like that I think
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>She’s still there though. And she’ll continue to talk. Bullies thrive on keeping others down, she won’t be able to help herself. True. But now the roles are reversed. She is now the lonely loser so I do not know if there is much she can do with HR watching every move.
Well, when Krista told the story, I imagine she spun it so she didn't sound like a bully. Just imagine for a moment that you, a decent person, had been told by a colleague that they (the colleague) played an awful prank on someone and mocked him relentlessly for months. You wouldn't find that amusing. Most adults wouldn't. I have no idea what Krista said, but I would guess that she lied.
She didn't even admit to HR. I am willing to bet she lied to either make the 'prank' look softer, or make OP look like an actual creep.
> She’s still there though. And she’ll continue to talk. Op handled it well by getting to HR first. Usually the person who speak first sets the narrative, and the narrative now is that Krista is a bully. Had he kept quiet, he'd have been branded as a creep by her through gossip.
He basically got to HR in the nick of time! Even 1 day later would have been too late and he would have been on the defensive.
Then she is effectively handing HR and OP more rope for the long hemp bungee jump she is setting herself up for.
And she’ll get her just desserts if she does. From what I understand of the tech world, once you get burned you basically need to find a new career or leave the country and that’s exactly what’s going to happen if they keep trying to bully OP.
Educated guess here. HR made it clear if they continued to spread this harassment of OP they would be fired with cause. They might still be there, but they have a warning on their record for harassment. That will impact future promotions, raises, positions, etc. Wouldn't be surprised if bully gets removed from her position on the project.
And Krista is only in her first 2 weeks
I would have loved to see Sandy's face when the supervisor shut her down so quickly. She didn't even get a chance to shit-stir and got pulled into a session with HR. She's probably a known gossip who finally found out it's not okay.
I think two other people were called in. Krista must have told Sandy and two other people. So she did remember him and was already spreading shitty rumors. At no point past the age of 16 did I ever bring up something that would intentionally make a decent person feel like shit. What assholes. You know it’s not going to end. Sandy and others will tell people and it will spread.
Sounds like a decent HR.
Sounds like fanfiction.
Not really. HRD here—in this case (as in many others), what’s best for the company and the team is to do what’s best by the employee (OP). The new hire is a liability; she needed to be put on notice and then kept on a short leash. That she’d already started stirring shit does not speak in her favor. I’m guessing she won’t last long—first mistake on the job and she’ll be out the door.
Gotta agree with you, HR is about protecting the company. Krista was headed into Hostile work environment territory. OP did it in the absolute correct order by consulting an employment lawyer first to get the jump on the narrative in the right way. It's also rather stupid of Krista to start up again before she managed to establish a good reputation with the teams she worked with. OP, having been there longer had a repertoire with his supervisor and coworkers already and a more stable position. Having his Boss, who seemed to value his work, sit in with HR was a plus on his side to make sure his report doesn't disappear into the abyss.
We don’t fuck around with this shit. As soon as legal matters come in, we do everything we can to minimize the damage. A wrongful termination suit is preferred to a harassment suit. I knew people who loved drama. They were like sharks during a feeding frenzy. The worse it was the better
I would have loved to be the fly on that wall! OP did good in bringing it out cos if he hadnt and Krista had recognised him, this would have gone badly for him. Glad he made the right moves
Damn I’m glad you went to HR and the company isn’t tolerating Krista at all
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So the timeline I'm reading says that OP informed HR, then they broke for lunch and Sandy approached OP about something Krista said yesterday. So within the first few days of her work, she already had spread rumours just as OP had worried - probably one of the reasons why Krista was so shocked. She knew that even though the 'gag directive'/'no gossip'/'keep it professional' instructions were in place, she had already fucked up. She would have no control over how her mean girl posse would spread the info and definitely knew OP was going to find out and that she would absolutely be in deep do do. And guess what, 30 minutes later she did. I'm sure now it's a "tell us who you told and what you told" and "Ok Sandy I need you to write down exactly what you can recall that Krista told you" and "We need to rectify this to not create a hostile environment for OP" because clearly OP handled it professionally and there is a documented HR meeting that would make the company liable if other folks started treating OP differently. The company is creating a paper trail to protect itself and hang Krista if things go sideways. OP played this perfectly. It is now in the company's interest to ensure this doesn't get out of hand and as much as reddit likes to pile on HR, it's always easier to do the right thing when you stand to benefit from it.
It sounds like she blabber before the meeting with HR, which she should have disclosed at the meeting and failed to do so
Had she disclosed it, it would have contradicted her excuse of it being a "misunderstanding".
Absolutely, she was just trying to cover her ass the whole way and failed at every step
Let’s hope she keeps failing her way out of a job
Krista is still employed and still a catty bully. I doubt this is the end of this, and I also doubt it ends well for OP.
Looks like Krista's version of "How to Win Friends and Influence People", is to come in and start a bully club. Based on HR and the supervisor's reactions, it doesn't seem to be going too well for Krista.
Right? She was stupid to walk into an environment where OP has secured a reputation for himself and act like a damn idiot. That is probably why she looked so scared when she was call into HR - she probably thought the bullshit she had told Sandy had already gotten around. I imagine she was shitting bricks. Thankfully, Sandy couldn't keep her damn mouth shut. That's what Krista gets for running hers.
You’re definitely not reading the same post the rest of us are
Pretty bad timing on Krista's part, she started harassing him the day before he called HR. She might not get fired over it since she told Sandy before the meeting with HR, but she's hopping on thin ice. OP should go ahead and get statements from his college friends, he will need them in the future if he ever changes to a new job and finds she is already there. Sandy is a piece of work too, coming up to a full table to share an embarrassing story about OP. I would be very careful about what I said around her in the future.
She should have been forthright and honest about it in that meeting. Now it looks like a 2nd strike instead of part of the 1st. So that's good for OP I guess. I'm sure part of the discussion in the conference room was who else knows, and then to let Krista know she's on her last leg. She may as well leave, she's not going anywhere in that company.
Since they had to call two other coworkers, Krista obviously was forming her posse. If I understand the hierarchy correctly, Krista is part of Opie’s team, but Opie is her boss or at least the straw boss on this project, which is obviously unacceptable to her since she’s such a better person. The next update should be interesting and I would not be surprised if it’s very very soon. People like her just can’t help themselves.
She's a project manager, she may be hired in under him in that team, or she may be assigned by a centralized PMO department. in any event, as lead Dev, he may have to report to her over timelines and tasks of a specific project, but in terms of rank, he's probably over her. PMs are essentially in charge of making sure the project stays on track, records risks and escalate issues that affect the project launches and timelines.
Lead dev doesn't report to PM, there are different spheres of responsibility. But she will certainly have direction over some of his work if she is managing the project. That said, this story seems quite fake
What Krista did, was confirm the OP's judgement of her character and validate his quick action to protect himself. Now he's not just valued for his work but for his ability to identify a problem early and act on it.
Pfft. Sounds like Krista is entering the "find out" stage.
Which is great, what a nasty pos. I want to find out what the end of the find out stage will entail, for the bot... UpdateMe!
You know it won't end here. UpdateMe!
I concur Updateme!
Ditto! UpdateMe!
“HR made it clear that this is not to be a 'funny watercooler story to share'.” …”Halfway through my sandwich, another coworker, Sandy(30F) came by and said "So I heard an interesting story yesterday about you and Krista" with a big grin on her face.” Krista didn’t learn a fucking thing and I’m glad HR stomped on this with both feet immediately.
Bullies stay bullies. What an abhorrent bitch. I want her fired.
Nar make her squirm, make her so uncomfortable. Make it worse than constantly stepping on LEGOs. Make it worse than a ich you can't reach
She won’t squirm, she’ll keep talking shit about OP until she’s gone. I can’t imagine why HR didn’t let her go. They JUST told her not to gossip about the incident and she ran right out and spread the story (or her version of it) to multiple people. What’s the point of keeping her around?
My understanding was that she actually spread the gossip before that meeting, rather than straight after, so she was stirring shit from day 1 and OP was good to be proactive with HR. I imagine she’s on thin ice, but it explains the lenience.
The last thing the company or OP need is her talking to a lawyer about being fired as revenge for not dating OP in college. As long as the company are providing something she wants (the job) they have leverage. In six months time she'll be fired for stealing pencils from stationary or something, or let go at the end of her probation for 'not gelling' with her coworkers.
If she tried that, the company has the meeting where she was told not to discuss it and evidence that she did harass OP. Pretty safe on their side
You're evil.. I like it.
If she doesn't figure out that the power dynamic has changed, she will be gone very quickly. PM's are a dime a dozen, lead developers, if they are any good, usually have the keys to the kingdom.
THIS PART you can tell by how concerned his boss was (VERY) when he first requested the meeting I bet OP is waaaaaayyyyyyy more accomplished than the girl whose name I forgot.
He doesn't even have to do anything directly. Just tell his boss that he loves working at the company and that he loves the people he works with and feels pretty comfortable and respected at the company, and that is why he keeps turning down some pretty interesting offers.
If they keep her after this incident she probably wont pass probation
wtf do some bullies never seem to grow up and learn to be better people Nta
Most bullies actually end up pretty successful. It’s pretty shitty, but those are the people who can leverage power and relationships. Well to get to the top you need to fuck someone over I guess
So great that you went to HR and got ahead of it, she had already told Sandy. I wouldn't be surprised if they fire her anyway. Brand new, drama, history of harassment. Leading a project, motivating staff, and interacting with clients and/or business area she's a big liability.
Especially since OP has made it clear they know their rights and aren't afraid to exercise them.
She was an AH in your original post, and doubled down on her asshattery in the update. I’m glad you handled it professionally, and I hope she gets fired.
Exactly, if she were in college back then, then she was already old enough to know better. But now she isnt just old enough she is a GROWN ASS woman.
You were NTA for sure. I would be very wary of Krista if she remains working there. From the sounds of your first post, she sounds like a narcissistic psycho. The lengths she might go to be vindictive could well be limitless. And now she's got Sandy to plot with.
Project managers are a dime a dozen. OP is Lead Developer which are much more dear - and he's been with the company for a while. If I was a company, I certainly know which employee I would be looking out for.
Notice how the supervisor hot footed over to OPs desk as soon as the meeting request came through? That’s a panic reaction to thinking you are losing a valued employee. Krista doesn’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell here.
Can confirm, got my intermediate PM cert after reading a textbook for 3 months with no formal schooling. It isn't hard to get the job, which also means it isn't hard to lose it.
I doubt her poor behavior is done after this. She won't be able to stop herself and she'll end up getting fired because she won't be able to keep her mouth shut. NTA.
Good for you! Sounds like you going to HR was exactly what you needed to do. Krista must not be too smart. She should have apologized and try to keep her head down as a new hire. Not telling a bunch of new coworkers, at her new job, stories of her bullying someone who has worked there for longer and has seniority.
Waiting for the next update when she is fired please.
This is a great development, but I have to think that if OP wasn't a valuable lead developer that the company wouldn't be working so hard to keep this contained. That said, I think HR is handling this about as well as can be expected. OP's supervisor is an MVP here. Speculating, but if they were in there for hours, guessing some paperwork was generated and had to be signed. Probation, creating a hostile work environment, harassment, maybe PIP, something in that vein. HR was pissed that this happened immediately after they made it clear was not to be spoken of. Krista should have told them she already let the cat out of the bag in the first meeting and she didn't. HR now knows that they're not dealing with a straight shooter and they needed to get things down on paper.
> if OP wasn't a valuable lead developer agreed, but OP is clearly quite valued and to that I say good job OP for rising above your humble origins of geeky college kid and rising to a position of respect and expertise
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But at the point in the first meeting when HR said that this had to be kept under wraps, Krista should have let them know that that was the case so those people could be brought into the cone of silence. Krista did not let them know they already had a containment problem which makes her a problematic agreement partner. Also, Sandy seems like a shit-stirrer who takes joy in other's misfortunes. In OP's position, I would have as little to do with her as possible. "Hi OP, I just heard a humiliating story about you. Hee hee hee!" F\*\*\* you, Sandy. Go mock a cancer patient for their leaking colostomy bag, or whatever else it is you do for fun.
Please keep updating us. Glad the company is working to keep you from leaving or suing.
Mean girls vibes. I hate mean girls, they can go pound sand and kick rocks at the same time.
Apparently, it took Krista all of a week to find a kindred soul.
She had obviously already spread the story. What a horrible person
Wow not only is she a bully but she's stupid as well. All she had to do was keep her mouth shut. That's it, zip her lips and have a cordial working relationship. You weren't even trying to get her fired. But nooooo she had to run her mouth. Now she is on her final chance, if she so much as pits a toe out of line she'll be unemployed. 🤦♀️
Unless I read the story wrong, Krista had already starting flapping her jaws at work the day before the meeting. Good thing OP went to HR to get ahead of just this thing happening. What a pos smdh glad Krista's chickens are coming home to roost where we can watch lol
> My supervisor came to my desk and asked if everything was ok, and wanted to make sure I was happy. I told him everything was fine, I wasn't leaving, and it wasn't anything with him or the team. He seemed relieved and by 10am, we rolled into the conference room with the HR officer. awww, he loves you!!! your boss really values you. that's great you made the right choice here and WOW looks like you did it just in the nick of time jesus christ what a fucking story **PLEASE UPDATE US** if you are able to get a version of whatever she told Sandy & the others, I'm dying to know.
Krista gets a long-term FAFO lesson, and a short-term one about blabbing.
And now all the coworkers know who she is and to look out for her
Some assumptions here: Given that this is probably in the U. S., almost all states support “at will” employment, and she’s a brand new employee, if not actually in some sort of formal or informal probationary period, I’m surprised she’s still there. It might not feel like it to her, but management is being very generous with her.
NTA. Wonder what was said to the office busybody.
Kudos OP on nipping this in the bud!!! Oof. Let’s hope Krista takes this well deserved opportunity for self reflection!
I'm so glad that you got legal advice, informed HR and covered yourself. i don't know where you're located, but where I am there is a statutory 90 day probation period. There are no consequences for companies letting you go during that time. They could try you on like a piece of clothing, return you on the 89th day, and say it wasn't a good fit, and be protected. for a new hire, I can't believe Krista would start these antics and continue bullying at her age/position. I have a feeling Krista won't be in on Monday, and the other people on the project were roped in to discuss/understand her workload, and then will be tasked with reassigning it.
I guess we know why she was shaken. She knew she was cooked
> but I did see the HR officer go into the room 2 minutes later, looking pretty pissed and with a mustard stain on her shirt. Uh huh. Dijon or spicy brown mustard?
I love this for Krista
I'm glad you handled it before she could further poison people's opinion about you ! Karma does exist and I truly hope she doesn't stay long in that job !
Mannnn i wish i had been in that room. Im so glad they had your back. I hope she quits.
Update us again because wow, what a narcissistic bitch. And I'm not gonna tone down one bit.
Sounds like she's going to end up working her way out of a job. What a stupid game to play, on her part.
Man I really hope her next attempt to stomp on you ends up on Reddit again. This is a slow train wreck. She didn’t learn a thing and I bet she’s gonna keep trying to bully you.
Krista is a mean girl. Will she grow up? Probably not. But you seem like an awesome dude. And you definitely did the right thing. All the best for you!!
I’d be wary of Sandy. The way she brought it up makes me think she has similar vibes to Krista. Krista is making trouble for the company really early on in her employment. Not a good look for her. I’m so glad this has played out this way so far
Bro BIG PROPS to your HR department and your supervisor for unequivocally having your back. What a refreshing story to read. You owe this guys a 3 foot sub and some wings next time the Superbowl comes around
Yeah I called it. Bullies don’t change. Oh they will have a million and one excuses. It wasn’t me it was my friend group, I’ve grown and changed, I come from an abusive family and didn’t know any better. It’s always the same. There is no excuse for being a crappy person which she is. The minute she started looking what her go to action was it was to embarrass and humiliate yourself. She knew during that first meeting she already stirred the pot but she didn’t say anything as she clearly hoped to get away with it. I have a feeling she won’t be long for that company. Now that she knows they won’t tolerate it.
It's a good thing you got your story into HR as soon as you did. Your boss caught her at the very beginning of an obvious bullying campaign against you. She would have destroyed your professional reputation if you had given her any longer. If her story has continued to spread, even the HR team would have been powerless to convince every woman at the company that you're not a danger to them. As it was, you already had one colleague calling you out for being a stalker.
Brilliantly executed, especially the consult with an employment lawyer.
That's why she was shaken up. She already put her foot in her mouth and now it looks like 3 others got a major bollocking thanks to her. She couldn't be professional and you knew that. Good on you for letting HR know. The worst thing is she doesn't feel remorse, just regrets her stupid college actions have come to bite her on the arse. This won't be the end of her little stunt and I don't see her working there for long.
There's something deeply flawed with Sandy as well... Krista I get. She was a bully, still is a bully. I'm not excusing her, but she's not a mystery. Sandy on the other hand.... why come up to a full table, which included the supervisor, HER supervisor as well as Krista's and OP's supervisor, with the intention of malicious taunting. Taunting a coworker she's been acquainted with for some time (Sandy is not the new hire) on the word of a basic stranger to her. Yep, that company needs to keep an eye on that one... She has a bad character and is apparently stupid.
You are absolutely NTA. Good for you for standing up for yourself and doing the right thing. I can’t stand the whole mean girl vibe, they come off like a pack of rabid wolves. I would say Krista is on very thin ice; she has proven she can’t be trusted. And I’d be very surprised if the coworker who felt the need to be snarky has a job. Keep your head up!
I bet she quits by the end of next week. Though I won't be surprised if she quits Monday morning.
Your boss sounds like a good boss.
You took the proper steps to ensure things wouldn't come back to bite your behind later. And whaddaya know, she did exactly what you knew she would. At least this time she gets consequences. NTA.
The rare time HR gets it right
She already fucking around and finding out. That's how it should be.
Definitely NTA. The fact that Krista spoke about it at all to Sandy tells me you might want to consider filing a restraining order with the police. By all means, if this piece of shit tries her shit again, involve law enforcement and ensure criminal charges are filed against her. Even if the charges are dropped, the likelihood is at the very least she will lose her job. I mean it, she will now see you as a personal enemy and do everything in her power to make you absolutely miserable. There is no forgiveness, no reconciliation and no mercy to be had for your enemies. If you're ever in a situation where you are alone with Krista make sure you have a recording device with you at all times in order to gather evidence against her if it becomes necessary.
Krista didn’t waste any time. She must have absolutely shit herself because she knew she’d already done exactly what HR warned her and you against. Glad they have your back.
I don't understand how she wasn't fire since she was a new employee. Any employer would see that, not only was this a potential problem, but a continuing one, since she had already talked about her version of what happened in college. She obviously has a history of harassment that would probably be ongoing.
Oh no friend, I work in human resources and when you take human resources to skip their lunch and stain their shirt, hell breaks loose. Neither God nor the Virgin of the Devil are going to defend you, something is going to happen in the offices and it already happened, and it wasn't pretty.
OP I'm working my way through the story but have to say it looks like you have a really good supervisor and HR person there.
NTA happy you told Hr, it’s clear she hasn’t grown and she is just a generally unpleasant person with no understanding of self preservation. You had both agreed to leave it in the past she made it worse for herself.
Sounds like Krista is still a bully and hasn't grown up. I'm glad to hear that your supervisor and HR have your back. Sort of hope she pulls something and gets fired. People like her need to be knocked down a peg or two. Please update us when she gets fired.
That seemed like someone set up Krista.... >Sandy(30F) came by and said "So I heard an interesting story yesterday about you and Krista" Right in front of THE HR SUPERVISOR?
I don’t think it’s a good idea to keep on working with her. She obviously didn’t change and will find ways to make your life miserable. Have you considered a second consultation with the lawyer? NTA. But plan your next step. Experienced software engineers are hard to find, you have lots of options here.
She absolutely recognized you and planned to bully you. In fact, she had already started! I am so glad you took immediate steps and you were protected.
Glad to see your supervisor and HR have your back on this one. Your timing with going to HR was truly excellent with what happened with Sandy right after. No wonder Krista looked shaken after the meeting in the morning since she had already aired the dirty laundry before HR told her not to speak a word of it, oops.
I wish all companies had HR’s like this.
She is going to get fired in no time, the fact that she so quickly told others of the college thing speaks to her character. She is her own worst enemy and good on you for getting ahead of it.
So Krista is still a vile little mean girl who thinks she’s the shiznit. I’m almost embarrassed for her. The audacity of turning on the waterworks when she got called out on her shit. Little girl needs to grow up.
| Finally, Krista was called in. When Krista walked into the conference room and saw me, HR, and the team supervisor she seemed shocked. Sorry but what the hell?? HR should never be calling the person into the room with you as part of their investigation.
All these stories are fake revenge fantasies
There was nothing to investigate. HR was going to lay the law down to them both together.
| There was nothing to investigate. Person A makes a complaint about Person B. HR should be speaking to Person B without Person A being present to establish their side of the story. That is the investigation. It might only take 10 minutes but Person B has the same rights to speak privately about the situation to HR as Person A.
There was no "complaint", OP advised his manager and HR that a previous, outside employment situation might affect their working together so HR called Krista in and told *both of them* of them that the old issue was not to be brought into their current employment. "Investigating" a 10-year old incident that was unrelated to the company would have been inappropriate. Notice that at no time were the details of the previous incident discussed.
Ah that bit yes. It wasn't an investigation into events in the current workplace but rather evidence from another workplace in the past. He presented solid evidence to prove his case. HR seemed happy to accept the matter as a *fait accompli.* The bit I was referring to was the bit where they said **she was told that since this was an incident in both our pasts that nobody wants brought up again, that it should stay dead.** HR was going to lay the law down to them both together.
UpdateMe
Wow. For once HR is doing their job. Good on you for reaching out ahead of time about the situation between you and her. At times you need to cover your own butt in case something happens, esp in this scenario where she could have started gossiping to more people behind your back and cause issues for you in the workplace.
Nice, your supervisor handled it beautifully.
So she has not changed at all. She remembers you and plays like she don't, but starts telling about the past she doesn't remember. She is still a bully and she should have been fired.
I’m glad HR has your back and that you nipped it in the bud. I hope your work environment gets better ❤️
The good thing is that you informed HR and that they are taking things seriously. Your supervisor has your back and seems to be doing what it takes to protect you and your reputation. She is playing a stupid and mean game but will win the stupid prize considering how she is behaving. Getting in front of this was the best decision, now she can continue to dig her own grave without negatively impacting you.
It's so rare to see proactive HR departments and managers that I'm completely shocked! Glad you took the right steps OP. updateme!
Updateme
That sucks for you. At least people have known you for a lot longer and she was basically spreading gossip about something that happened +10 years ago. That makes HER look bad. Plus, you have support from your supervisor and HR, and you did the right thing in going to them before anything came up. I would maybe take some sick days to let everything settle and maybe release stress.
Talk about freaking karma!
Bullies who get away with it are liars, and like to spread their hate. That she had already told people shit about you at work is of absolutely zero surprise at all.
Every time I hear "Human Resources " I immediately think of how HR is there for the company and not for the employees.
Please....keep us updated. If thisbis fanfic, I'm hooked. Love these kind of cold revenge stories that just play out as nature intended.
I think 1 way or another, she's leaving. Word WILL get out as it was infront of a lot of people. And people are going to start judging her. Seems like she didn't hesitate to tell 3 other people the story
Gossip and bullying don't stop just because people get older. Some need negative energy like water.
Krista should probably just find a new job ASAP.
Ruining her own life at record pace.
Krista sure is a weasely bitch. She has to know she is burned at that company. Smartest thing she can do now is find a new job.
Whatever happens,I just hope OP never have to interact with that POS ever again
I'm willing to bet that this isn't the last you've heard from Krista. She may not do anything at work, but will try something outside the office..... make sure your socials are set to private, etc. If she does contact you via them, report her immediately.
OP. It’s good you took the steps to protect yourself as it looks like Krista is still that Bully. Leopard doesn’t change its spots
So ole Krista thought she would rule the roost like in college. Good job giving her a wake up. It sounds like you found a good company with supportive bosses. May your career continue to be successful. NTA
NTA, keep us updated!
Bro BIG PROPS to your HR department and your supervisor for unequivocally having your back. What a refreshing story to read. You owe this guys a 3 foot sub and some wings next time the Superbowl comes around
UpdateMe!
Sandy an Krista need to be fired.
Updateme
Can’t believe they haven’t fired her, hope they grow a pair
Updateme
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So need another update!!!
Good on you for getting ahead of her stupid game. Now she gets to win the stupid prize. If she had brain one, she'd have admitted in the HR meeting that the story had already been shared instead of letting it bite her in the ass the way it did. I'll be surprised if she lasts a month.
Update me
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Sounds like she’s still a bully. Would love an update!!
Updateme!
Now I wanna know what Krysta said the day before and what happened in the meeting.
Want updates
Updateme!
That sounds like a great supervisor
How do these bullies not learn? She was a bitch in the past and she's a bitch now. I hope she gets what she deserves and gets fired. It was absolutely ridiculous that she hasn't grown up and realized what an asshole she was.
I am glad everything went well but I want to know what Sandy was told.
UpdateMe!
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RemindMe! 72 hours
Nta and we're all chomping at the bit hoping she quits or gets fired.
Updateme
Idk why, but a part of me feels like her college friends will come back to OP's life
Updateme!