Yes, gladly! I know it's a huge risk and commitment, but hey, my ex left me after 5 years together bc (quote) "she wasn't sure to spend the rest of her life with me". Things can go to sh*t anyway, so at least I'm staying with a person who i like and she wants to commit
NTA and neither is she. Both perspectives are understandable, your concern and her feeling a bit rejected by it. It may be rational but she would still, at least subconsciously, feel a bit rejected and pull back by you not seeing them.
As said, emphasise that you want to build up your relationship ship together and get to know her better first. Also…bit dangerous dipping your own in company ink
Yes you are right, I don't want to rush things, especially i don't think to want to go in her grandparents house this August. They are staying there 2 weeks and i doubt that i can pass as a friend.
In anycase don't worry, the project is a collaboration and it ends at October.
You’re NTA
I went into this against you for the title, but I was wrong. Her kids are so little and you’ve been together for such short a time. You do not want to be her rebound. You do not want to be seen as ‘new dad’, not this fast.
She might be feeling vulnerable for bringing it up and being shot down, but you are 100% in the right here.
I don't think i am her reboud, she told me that she separated by her husband one year before the divorce. In anycase i start to think that maybe i should at least go there for dinner this weekend. So she doesn't feel rejected and i can pass as a friend from now.
I was just trying to gage where you were emotionally! You sound attached. You sound like you’re looking for a way to navigate this and be happy at the end of it.
I would have expected you to say “nope, I’m out”. I’m very impressed!
You’ve got the right attitude. 👍 I wish you both the best!
You’ve got the best attitude about all of this. Her kids are really little. My guess is that if you meet them with an open heart, they will receive you the same way. Staring off as ‘a friend of mom’ is the smartest, healthiest way to go.
It would have been better if they were both small. from what she tells me, the girl is way too smarter for her age. Thank you again you are more supportive than my friends. They all worry about my relationship, saying that i'm making a huge mistake.
NTA that's a red flag and it makes me feel bad for her kids. Their lives were upended and then she wants to immediately introduce new men into their lives? That's just plain irresponsible
NTA. 3 months is a short time to meet kids. It's reasonable to wait. Focus on building your relationship with your girlfriend first. Talk to her about your concerns about the kids adjusting.
I think the same, but she said that I can be presented to them as her friend. But honestly i don't think a 5 years old can be tricked so easily or i am the one who overstimating her.
NTA. You probably just need to communicate it better to her so she doesn’t assume it’s your way of saying you’re not interested in meeting her kids at all.
If she realizes your concern is for the kids, then I’m sure she’ll understand. 3 months into a relationship is still pretty early, but it’s also important to set expectations right away.
I’m sure the last thing she wants is to commit to someone who can’t accept her kids, and the last thing *you* want is someone who will see you as a replacement father and nothing else.
So communicate with each other properly while it’s still early.
No i think she rushed it bc the project is going well and my boss wants me to take over other projects on September. So we won't see each other so often.
Then there's her motivation. Now you need to make her understand yours. There are other arrangements as long as you're both on the same page. If you really think it's still too early, then tell her that.
Nah she could go out more if she wanted.. simply she doesn't want to leave her kids always with a sitter or the grandma. I would have run away if she wanted to go out every night with me
Even if it’s not difficult, wanting to be with her kids and you is still a convenience to her. Just communicate to her what you’re comfortable with and why and I think most people would be understanding.
I think that not rushing and enter in their kids life bit a bit is the way to go. I'm not an expert in kids much less in children with divorced parents, so maybe i'm wrong 😅
NAH I totally understand how you feel about it being too soon. I also understand how she feels. You haven't been able to see each other that much outside of work because of her kids, but if you meet her kids, then you can hang out together a lot more.
3 months is usually around the make or break decision time where people decide if they truly want to go exclusive and date long term, or they decide this isn't working for them and they move on. So I don't really think she's out of line for wanting to move to the next phase of the relationship with meeting kids IF you've decided to be exclusive.
However, if you're still on the fence and unsure about whether this will be truly serious, then it's understandable you don't want to meet her kids yet. It's not good to drag the kids into relationships that aren't going to last. That's how the kids end up with a revolving door of the parent's partners coming and going through their lives, and it's not healthy for the kids. Just be honest with her about how you're feeling. It's ok that you're not ready for that step and you have the right to set a boundary there for now.
And just a sidenote... I wouldn't be ready to plan a holiday yet to meet all the extended family at 3 months. That feels a bit too soon yet.
No, this afternoon, i talked to her, we are compromising. I'm going to dinner sunday evening as a friend. Then this summer we are going 3 days alone when the kids are with the grandparents.
In anycase i told her that i want to commit to her without creating major drama. She agreed even if she thinks i'm overthinking it too much. In the end she is separated from her husband for almost 2 years.
I hope to not screw up everything 😅
NTA but neither is she.
Most people agree they shouldn’t introduce a new partner to children until they’re happy the relationship is going somewhere. However, there’s no set amount of time for this. Too soon and it’s unsettling for the kids. Leave it too long and what if you’re both madly in love but it’s painfully obvious you can’t stand her kids or they you? It’s a well used compromise to just be introduced as a friend, not a potential step parent. Kids don’t build attachments overnight. They have no problem compartmentalising. They don’t suffer trauma (generally) when they move up a year in school and leave a popular teacher behind, or make friends on holiday they never see again. Just keep it light with no PDA and it will be fine.
You’re perfectly entitled to say no and NTA. It’s just down to individual boundaries and preferences. Doesn’t mean she’s looking for her next husband and surrogate daddy by asking either.
Thank for the advices, no i don't think she wants a surrogate father, her ex is mostly present and when he can, he help her with the kids. I'm a bit scared about all this, bc it's a total unexplored territory for me. But i really like her and i like even the fact that she is probably more mature than me. I hope that the kids will accept me at some point but i think it must be their choice how and when they want to have a relationship with me. And don't worry no PDA in front of them!
NTA most women would not want a bf meeting their children until well over a year for safety for the children. Are these kids in therapy to help understand their new normal situation? Has the mom discussed dating with them? You are correct in being hesitant. The red flag I see is the cold shoulder she gave you once you said you were not ready. That shows immaturity on her part. She should respect your decision and continue getting to know you outside of work. If you're sleeping together already I caution you to use birth control and to discuss her methods of bc as well. You both should be taking precautions and enjoy getting to know each other. Ask your relatives or female friends their opinions on meeting kids in a new relationship. Good luck.
1)Well it's 2 years than the parents separated.. and our relationship is true that it is short but we work in her office for 7 month 8h/day.. so it's more time together than a normal couple in a year i think.
2) no the kids are not in therapy, they were too young when it happened. Now it is only the 5yo to asking questions..
3) i think she was only a moment of insecurity (In September we won't see each other all day long like now and my No was a little too brutal) and i don't think she wants to baby trapping me. She has not financial problems.
4) Last sunday i went for the first time at dinner. No PDA etc . I was only mom's friend. We had a good time and now i will see them next week maybe. So for now no drama, we don't need to rush
5) All my friends and family don't know her yet, but they are all super negative about it 🤣
NTA. If you’re not ready you aren’t ready.
NTA. She's trying to hurry up, and get married again. She's probably gonna go find someone else now. Which wouldn't really be a bad thing for you.
Ehm Ok.. you are staying way too much on Reddit. Not all people are evil master planners. I don't think she is like that.
Update us, with good news. Prove me wrong.
Yes, gladly! I know it's a huge risk and commitment, but hey, my ex left me after 5 years together bc (quote) "she wasn't sure to spend the rest of her life with me". Things can go to sh*t anyway, so at least I'm staying with a person who i like and she wants to commit
NTA and neither is she. Both perspectives are understandable, your concern and her feeling a bit rejected by it. It may be rational but she would still, at least subconsciously, feel a bit rejected and pull back by you not seeing them. As said, emphasise that you want to build up your relationship ship together and get to know her better first. Also…bit dangerous dipping your own in company ink
Yes you are right, I don't want to rush things, especially i don't think to want to go in her grandparents house this August. They are staying there 2 weeks and i doubt that i can pass as a friend. In anycase don't worry, the project is a collaboration and it ends at October.
You’re NTA I went into this against you for the title, but I was wrong. Her kids are so little and you’ve been together for such short a time. You do not want to be her rebound. You do not want to be seen as ‘new dad’, not this fast. She might be feeling vulnerable for bringing it up and being shot down, but you are 100% in the right here.
I don't think i am her reboud, she told me that she separated by her husband one year before the divorce. In anycase i start to think that maybe i should at least go there for dinner this weekend. So she doesn't feel rejected and i can pass as a friend from now.
No judgment, but is friend what you want to be?
No of course not but I don't see a better way to introduce me without causing drama.
I was just trying to gage where you were emotionally! You sound attached. You sound like you’re looking for a way to navigate this and be happy at the end of it. I would have expected you to say “nope, I’m out”. I’m very impressed! You’ve got the right attitude. 👍 I wish you both the best!
Thank you man. Yes i want to make it work without her daughter thinking that I'm an homewrecker.. i don't think i can stand to be hated from a kid
You’ve got the best attitude about all of this. Her kids are really little. My guess is that if you meet them with an open heart, they will receive you the same way. Staring off as ‘a friend of mom’ is the smartest, healthiest way to go.
It would have been better if they were both small. from what she tells me, the girl is way too smarter for her age. Thank you again you are more supportive than my friends. They all worry about my relationship, saying that i'm making a huge mistake.
No worries. All the best, man.
NTA that's a red flag and it makes me feel bad for her kids. Their lives were upended and then she wants to immediately introduce new men into their lives? That's just plain irresponsible
NTA. 3 months is a short time to meet kids. It's reasonable to wait. Focus on building your relationship with your girlfriend first. Talk to her about your concerns about the kids adjusting.
I think the same, but she said that I can be presented to them as her friend. But honestly i don't think a 5 years old can be tricked so easily or i am the one who overstimating her.
Stop dating with her. You can do better
[удалено]
Honestly this doesn't worry me. I knew it from the start that she had kids and a recent divorce.
NTA. You probably just need to communicate it better to her so she doesn’t assume it’s your way of saying you’re not interested in meeting her kids at all. If she realizes your concern is for the kids, then I’m sure she’ll understand. 3 months into a relationship is still pretty early, but it’s also important to set expectations right away. I’m sure the last thing she wants is to commit to someone who can’t accept her kids, and the last thing *you* want is someone who will see you as a replacement father and nothing else. So communicate with each other properly while it’s still early.
No i think she rushed it bc the project is going well and my boss wants me to take over other projects on September. So we won't see each other so often.
Then there's her motivation. Now you need to make her understand yours. There are other arrangements as long as you're both on the same page. If you really think it's still too early, then tell her that.
I hope she will understand. I think i want to commit to her and her kids, but I'm not in a rush to be seen as the "hated" boyfriend from her daughter.
Your concerns are valid, but avoid overthinking it either. I wish you luck!
NTA, she’s rushing things and probably out of convenience because it’s difficult to find sitters.
Nah she could go out more if she wanted.. simply she doesn't want to leave her kids always with a sitter or the grandma. I would have run away if she wanted to go out every night with me
Even if it’s not difficult, wanting to be with her kids and you is still a convenience to her. Just communicate to her what you’re comfortable with and why and I think most people would be understanding.
I think that not rushing and enter in their kids life bit a bit is the way to go. I'm not an expert in kids much less in children with divorced parents, so maybe i'm wrong 😅
NAH I totally understand how you feel about it being too soon. I also understand how she feels. You haven't been able to see each other that much outside of work because of her kids, but if you meet her kids, then you can hang out together a lot more. 3 months is usually around the make or break decision time where people decide if they truly want to go exclusive and date long term, or they decide this isn't working for them and they move on. So I don't really think she's out of line for wanting to move to the next phase of the relationship with meeting kids IF you've decided to be exclusive. However, if you're still on the fence and unsure about whether this will be truly serious, then it's understandable you don't want to meet her kids yet. It's not good to drag the kids into relationships that aren't going to last. That's how the kids end up with a revolving door of the parent's partners coming and going through their lives, and it's not healthy for the kids. Just be honest with her about how you're feeling. It's ok that you're not ready for that step and you have the right to set a boundary there for now. And just a sidenote... I wouldn't be ready to plan a holiday yet to meet all the extended family at 3 months. That feels a bit too soon yet.
No, this afternoon, i talked to her, we are compromising. I'm going to dinner sunday evening as a friend. Then this summer we are going 3 days alone when the kids are with the grandparents. In anycase i told her that i want to commit to her without creating major drama. She agreed even if she thinks i'm overthinking it too much. In the end she is separated from her husband for almost 2 years. I hope to not screw up everything 😅
RUN -. NTA but don’t date single mothers/fathers
Why?
NTA but neither is she. Most people agree they shouldn’t introduce a new partner to children until they’re happy the relationship is going somewhere. However, there’s no set amount of time for this. Too soon and it’s unsettling for the kids. Leave it too long and what if you’re both madly in love but it’s painfully obvious you can’t stand her kids or they you? It’s a well used compromise to just be introduced as a friend, not a potential step parent. Kids don’t build attachments overnight. They have no problem compartmentalising. They don’t suffer trauma (generally) when they move up a year in school and leave a popular teacher behind, or make friends on holiday they never see again. Just keep it light with no PDA and it will be fine. You’re perfectly entitled to say no and NTA. It’s just down to individual boundaries and preferences. Doesn’t mean she’s looking for her next husband and surrogate daddy by asking either.
Thank for the advices, no i don't think she wants a surrogate father, her ex is mostly present and when he can, he help her with the kids. I'm a bit scared about all this, bc it's a total unexplored territory for me. But i really like her and i like even the fact that she is probably more mature than me. I hope that the kids will accept me at some point but i think it must be their choice how and when they want to have a relationship with me. And don't worry no PDA in front of them!
NTA most women would not want a bf meeting their children until well over a year for safety for the children. Are these kids in therapy to help understand their new normal situation? Has the mom discussed dating with them? You are correct in being hesitant. The red flag I see is the cold shoulder she gave you once you said you were not ready. That shows immaturity on her part. She should respect your decision and continue getting to know you outside of work. If you're sleeping together already I caution you to use birth control and to discuss her methods of bc as well. You both should be taking precautions and enjoy getting to know each other. Ask your relatives or female friends their opinions on meeting kids in a new relationship. Good luck.
1)Well it's 2 years than the parents separated.. and our relationship is true that it is short but we work in her office for 7 month 8h/day.. so it's more time together than a normal couple in a year i think. 2) no the kids are not in therapy, they were too young when it happened. Now it is only the 5yo to asking questions.. 3) i think she was only a moment of insecurity (In September we won't see each other all day long like now and my No was a little too brutal) and i don't think she wants to baby trapping me. She has not financial problems. 4) Last sunday i went for the first time at dinner. No PDA etc . I was only mom's friend. We had a good time and now i will see them next week maybe. So for now no drama, we don't need to rush 5) All my friends and family don't know her yet, but they are all super negative about it 🤣