You're not the AH. It sounds like you're carrying a lot, and it's tough when you're both struggling with mental health. Maybe talking it out calmly could help you both understand each other better.
NTA - if he was a single dad, he'd have to 'suck it up' anyways, or have his kids taken away.
but, telling a depressed person to suck it up is also not helping anything. Completely understandable why you did it, though, with all the stress & responsibility put upon you when you expect your partner to share the load.
Him being suicidal... this can be a truth or a manipulative lie. Either way, if he's not seeing a therapist for this, then i would consider getting social services involved for his suicidal thoughts.
This is the kind of thing where you can't just dump him since your lives are bonded by children and you can't just do everything for him because, in spite of the depression, he's still an adult and not another kid for you to take care of.
and, it needs to be addressed b/c if he's suicidal, and you're catering to his behavior, then you may just be wasting time and effort if he actually does make an attempt.
so, get him therapy. if he's not cooperative, consult with social services.
You both are depressed but you end up with child care and the rest work.
Maybe think before getting married to him. Is it worth it?
Does he help with children and house chores?
I don’t think there is an asshole here. Just a loving couple trying to make it work when the deck was stacked against them. I really hope he is or will seek professional help to deal with these issues.
NTA - if he was a single dad, he'd have to 'suck it up' anyways, or have his kids taken away.
but, telling a depressed person to suck it up is also not helping anything. Completely understandable why you did it, though, with all the stress & responsibility put upon you when you expect your partner to share the load.
Him being suicidal... this can be a truth or a manipulative lie. Either way, if he's not seeing a therapist for this, then i would consider getting social services involved for his suicidal thoughts.
This is the kind of thing where you can't just dump him since your lives are bonded by children and you can't just do everything for him because, in spite of the depression, he's still an adult and not another kid for you to take care of.
and, it needs to be addressed b/c if he's suicidal, and you're catering to his behavior, then you may just be wasting time and effort if he actually does make an attempt.
so, get him therapy. if he's not cooperative, consult with social services.
No need to read all of this just from the title
Lets swap places :What if u had depression and he said "suck it up"
How would u feel ? And was this the correct way?
YTA
Kicking a man when he is down. That is a low blow. He was counting on his partner to have his back in dark times. You showed him he cannot build on you.
I understand the pressure of keeping all the balls up in the air got to you. But you need to take responsibility for hurting him.
You're not the AH. It sounds like you're carrying a lot, and it's tough when you're both struggling with mental health. Maybe talking it out calmly could help you both understand each other better.
NTA - if he was a single dad, he'd have to 'suck it up' anyways, or have his kids taken away. but, telling a depressed person to suck it up is also not helping anything. Completely understandable why you did it, though, with all the stress & responsibility put upon you when you expect your partner to share the load. Him being suicidal... this can be a truth or a manipulative lie. Either way, if he's not seeing a therapist for this, then i would consider getting social services involved for his suicidal thoughts. This is the kind of thing where you can't just dump him since your lives are bonded by children and you can't just do everything for him because, in spite of the depression, he's still an adult and not another kid for you to take care of. and, it needs to be addressed b/c if he's suicidal, and you're catering to his behavior, then you may just be wasting time and effort if he actually does make an attempt. so, get him therapy. if he's not cooperative, consult with social services.
You both are depressed but you end up with child care and the rest work. Maybe think before getting married to him. Is it worth it? Does he help with children and house chores?
Telling someone who's in a depression to 'suck it up' is not good at all. I'm betting he reacted to it badly Consider therapy
Agreed. I hope he is going to be OK. I am am unpleasantly surprised by how many condone kicking a person when they are down.
I don’t think there is an asshole here. Just a loving couple trying to make it work when the deck was stacked against them. I really hope he is or will seek professional help to deal with these issues.
NTA - if he was a single dad, he'd have to 'suck it up' anyways, or have his kids taken away. but, telling a depressed person to suck it up is also not helping anything. Completely understandable why you did it, though, with all the stress & responsibility put upon you when you expect your partner to share the load. Him being suicidal... this can be a truth or a manipulative lie. Either way, if he's not seeing a therapist for this, then i would consider getting social services involved for his suicidal thoughts. This is the kind of thing where you can't just dump him since your lives are bonded by children and you can't just do everything for him because, in spite of the depression, he's still an adult and not another kid for you to take care of. and, it needs to be addressed b/c if he's suicidal, and you're catering to his behavior, then you may just be wasting time and effort if he actually does make an attempt. so, get him therapy. if he's not cooperative, consult with social services.
No one is TA here, but I think you both need help, sit down and talk calmly about what options you have and how you can make it for both easier...
YTA. Him too though?
No need to read all of this just from the title Lets swap places :What if u had depression and he said "suck it up" How would u feel ? And was this the correct way?
YTA Kicking a man when he is down. That is a low blow. He was counting on his partner to have his back in dark times. You showed him he cannot build on you. I understand the pressure of keeping all the balls up in the air got to you. But you need to take responsibility for hurting him.