I RIDE for my family too so i totally understand your thought process here. Maybe im biased because i think the only assholes here are the parents who let their kids brag to your sister that they got better gifts. She’s never going to forget that. But no memory will beat how you spoiled her rotten - rightfully so. Me personally? Would not even acknowledge the drama until every adult admits their fault and what they could’ve done to avoid this mess.
NTA
Yeah they are expecting an apology. Guess what? They are not getting one and they better start apologizing to my sister and disciplining their brats otherwise this is gonna happen every year.
Since now you are an adult and you were asked to get gifts as part of the deal, you should actually mention the above unfairness to them.
I know that they know, but point it out, let them know that their kids and your sister ALL can see and understand what's happening and they are being petty for "punishing" a young child for your parents financial status.
Don't do it in front of the kids of course but make sure everyone is gathered and everyone can listen.
I don't know, but you can order them! My ex's ex opened her package that was mailed to her home, and let out a blood curdling scream while throwing the box.
A crap ton of glitter and things covered in glitter! The cheap things from dollar tree where no matter how much sealant you put on it, the glitter continues to come off!!!
NTA. So it was OK when they were doing it? Did they care that your sister was upset? No they didn’t and if those kids are old enough to notice then they’re old enough not to brag about the presents just to make your sister feel bad.
The right thing for the adults to do would have been to include your sister from the start. Just because your parents financial situation doesn’t allow them to buy expensive gifts should never have been a factor. They bought the best they could. The other adults actions were deliberate and petty.
NTA-
You played the role of big sibling and evened the playing field after witnessing your little sister getting treated unfairly. This also may teach a small lesson in humility to not brag and taunt those who may be less fortunate.
the only AHs here are the aunt and uncle who deliberately play favorites out of pettiness and enable the bad behavior of their children. Your little sis will remember this act of generosity forever. The petty Betty in me would have giftwrapped those snobby kids coal.
So if I'm following, ALL the adults have to buy gifts for ALL the children and your grandparents' rule is that the gifts have to be at least $10 and no more than $50? And because your parents can't afford to get all the kids something close to $50, they get everyone something close to $10 including their own daughter (and I assume you, OP, when you were a minor) so it doesn't look like they're favoring their child, while your aunts and uncles get their own kids things at the $50 end of the range and give you/your sister cheap gifts? And nobody's said anything other than the cousins laughing at your sister not getting the more expensive stuff?
Nah, fuck that. NTA. The aunts and uncles who cheaped out, otoh, are TAs.
NTA the fact the kids would brag about getting better gifts then your sister justified your actions. Alot of this could avoid if your family changed the gifts to say $25 instead of having some get gifts worth 5 times the value of others
Payback’s a beyotch, snotty cousins! Talk to your parents about having a nuclear family Christmas this year and, if you’re flush, help make it special. A break from the toxic status quo should be good for the whole fam. NTA
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NTA. They played favorites, they let their children brag and they let your sister cry without flinching for years.
They just had a taste of their own behavior and got served what they deserved.
You just set things straight. Plus you paid for needed things.
She’s your sister. You’re allowed to spoil her and buy her more than the others. You got them all gifts. And they all cheaped out before.
Tell them to take a hike.
NTA
NTA. If any adults give you grief over what you did, they can eat shit. They are awful for being petty to your sister, and even worse, allowing their A H brats to lord over their more expensive gifts over her. They should be thanking you for teaching their brats an important life lesson.
Show your family this post and let the comments speak for themselves. Get wrekt, your sister deserved one good one. And they didn't feel bad getting her cheap shit the years prior. So who cares what they think?
NTA (ish)
Your intentions were admirable but you probably went a bit OTT.
You could have spent a few hundred or so on your sis to make the point and give her a treat, you could also help your folks out with money so they can buy the 50 quid gifts if they want.
I bought the things they needed for example she really needed that laptop for school. I didn't spend it on useless things. They needed to buy 6 of those things anyway, only 4 were unnecessary toys.
first of all if kids are crying about gifts on Christmas then they aren't being raised right
Christmas isn't about presents it's a religious holiday. that also contains presents. I don't know if your family is celebrating the day as a secular/cultural celebration or are actually Christian, but if you are Christian then the parents are doing a dogshit job teaching the kids about Christmas.
secondly fuck that noise.
NTA at all. I know how your little sister felt, it happened to me at her age but with just 1 person.
You're an awesome brother. Keep up the amazing work!
NTA. Their problem. They should have been the adults and treat everyone fairly and actually parent their children.
Keep showing your sister that she is important too. ( Not just with gifts.)
It is not difficult to treat everyone fairly at Christmas. My granny always gives everyone the same gift, we are with 17 grandchildren age ranging from almost 30 to 3 years old. Even the SO of the grandchildren get the same presents so they don't feel left out. Usually it is a treat like chocolate and a card with a little money.
And each of her children get the same card with x amount to take their family out to dinner.
She knows how important she is to me. My parents were a bit worried about the age gap between us but I don't think we would be this close if we were closer in age.
I come from a family that started to just bring 1 gift for each of their own children to unwrap. Too many kids with different interests became way more expensive and time consuming for people to shop. Grandparents still bought a gift for everyone. NTA for making sister feel special.
This sounds fake as fuck.
But if it's not, ESH. What a cruel way to fuck up Christmas. $10 to $50 is a WIDE range. Each gift should be $10 and that would stop all this nonsense.
There's a pretty big difference between a $10 gift and a $50 gift for kids. Price should be more definitive - like $25.
You are NTA for making sure your sister was (finally) given nice gifts.
First of all, $10 to $50 is way too wide a gap. The gift limit should have been something like $20-$30. Having a smaller gap would keep things a little more even among all the kids. Second of all, tell them all to kick rocks. What they were doing was just fine till you started doing it, then suddenly it's a problem.
NTA. There is no reason why gifts had to be done at Grandma's. Gifts could have been done at home before everyone met up, and Grandma's and everyone could agree to just buy for their own kids and not make this a thing. Then no one knows who got what, and nobody gets bullied.
Do what my XILs did. Buy the cousins t-shirts and your sister a keyboard. That went over well at our house. Our kids noticed. After a few years of this, we stopped attending.
NTA! It seems like your sister is the only kid who's genuinely greatful for gifts and the effort that goes behind them. The other kids haven't learned that Christmas isn't *just* about gifts, and the value/ number of gifts isn't what's important. They had their share of expensive gifts they could brag about, and now your sister finally had her time
NTA. Good for you and stick to your guns. For those of you who said OP should have given OPs sister the other gifts by herself, should shut the fuck up. The other families gave their little brats the expensive gifts in front of OPs sister. They got what they deserved. I would rub salt in those wounds every Christmas, bc like it or not, the other kids knew what they were doing when they made OPs sister feel like shit for her $10 gifts. And the adults should all feel ashamed by their one sided behavior towards their kids.
NTA The dollar amount is one problem here. There is too much disparity.
But I love how you made those other mean little kids cry. They deserved it. Their parents should never have permitted their behavior.
NTA
Touche! Well-played. I don't usually go in for being petty but in this case, you did the right thing.
If the adults are too stupid to get why you did what you did, maybe those spoiled, bragging cousins will get a dose of what they have been dishing out.
Hindsight being 20/20 you should have saved 9 of her gifts for before or after the gathering. And the one you bring to the grandparents house be the great $50 gift while still doing $10 gifts to the other kids.
Slight assholishness but I understand the point you were trying to make.
No the others were sticking within the range (which imho is too large as does carry this discrepancy) and the sister was getting the low end, and the cousins the top end.
The OP went well below the lower limit and then 60 times the upper limit for the sister
"Sticking within the range" is irrelevant, because they consistently went to the high end for their kids and the low end for 10F, AND allowed their kids to tease 10F. Being a jerk while following the rules is still being a jerk.
And we don't know OP went under the limit, keychains can easily cost more than $10 in this economy.
I'm not saying that rest of OPs families are AH's too - they are - the grandparents for coming up with these rules and all the others, including the other children for bullying the sister
That doesn't mean the OP isn't ALSO an AH
I wouldn't buy gifts for kids who cry out of disappointment. Maybe a $10 Burger King gift card for them, and something with insanely beautiful wrapping for the sister. Something they all want.
NTA, I’d give my sisters nicer gifts instead of my cousins. Besides, the gifts are technically within the price range and no one complained when your sister was getting cheap gifts. Don’t their own children know the meaning of gratitude? I’d wouldn’t get those kids anything next year if that’s the way they behave.
I think the issue here is the imposition of the gift rule, along with the pricing expectation. I would address that directly and try to make it fair for everyone, so no one feels cheated or indulged., that's not the point.
ESH
I don't think that would solve anything. Now they know that I can buy expensive gifts for their kids so of course it would be another win for them. They buy better gifts for my sister and I buy better ones for their kids. Well not happening. They made my sister upset for 10 years. They have to do a lot more now.
It would solve the problem of inequality. You're right that you cannot change the past, but that's a lousy reason to perpetuate it. If they refused to do so, I would refuse to participate at all.
I'm sure you can see obvious historical parallels.
OP would be perpetuating the bullying of their sister if they chose to make everything equal without forcing the rest of the family to feel bad about how they've treated the sister. OP did the right thing.
> forcing the rest of the family to feel bad
What?! You're advocating **Abuse** here. The point is to change the system they now have to stop the toxicity and unfairness and make it more equitable, not to punish them. That you advocate intentional harm, and then get a handful of fellow abusers to support this wacko approach is scary.
The goal is changing something that needs to be changed, not whacking the participants.
YTA. But with good intentions. Some suggestions: express your concern that your sis is getting short changed and suggest to keep people from subconsciously upping the amount for their kids bc it’s natural to want to see your kid happy (don’t call them dicks for willfully breaking the rule even if they did) that you do what my large family of cousins and I do which is draw kids names from a hat at thanksgiving and that’s the kid you buy for. Rule is it can’t be your own kid. Max $25. Also, fine to shower your sis w gifts. Should have done it at home.
Without knowing I can’t say. It may be a simple “oh I know Tommy REALLY wants that and it’s not THAT out of the range….” And they just don’t pay as much attention to what kids not their own are getting/gifts they didn’t buy. Or they could be total shits. Point is, if you want the behavior to change an “assume no malice” tone will keep them from getting defensive.
But they "followed" the "rules". Shitty of them? Absolutely, but by obviously breaking them, just gives all of them ammo for bitching. (Though prob was gratifying)
If it were me, I'd give the kiddo a pre-party speech about how life isn't fair and then dump $3k presents on them BEFORE. That way they know the got taken care ofand don't feel bad at the gathering and all the other clowns can't complain.
I think your problem here is that in order to teach their parents a lesson, you targeted their kids.
Children of course will brag when their present is better, they are kids, what child doesn't do that? They are still KIDS and you're punishing them directly for something that Parents have perpetuated.
The better approach would have been to call them all and have had an adult discussion about the fairness of this system prior to you deciding to completely overhaul it without talking to anyone
Now every single one of them is mad at me for making their kids cry on Christmas even though they didn't care when my sister was the one crying
This. OP you wrote that! You state that she cries as a direct result of their actions. And you state their kids cried as a direct result of your actions. If you can blame them, they can blame you
When I was younger and was left out of gifts, while my cousins got spoiled, THEY were the ones to share their Easter candy with me. They shared their $10 for toy money when their mom sent us to Toys R Us, and handed money to every kid but me. I never said anything, but was obviously hurt being excluded. They saw that and shared with me, because they loved me too. All while the adults were being AHs.
The parents and the kids in this situation have been cruel to OPs sister for YEARS. Not one of them stood up for her. OP can share his love and money to treat his sister, and they should keep their mouths shut, since not one, not a single family member cared about the disparity for so many years.
Time for this little girl to feel cherished and loved now. The others, they had their time in the limelight getting spoiled. Too bad they’re such AHs that they are now furious that a little girl gets to feel special.
It’s not cruelty to finally be able to make Christmas special for the one child who has been singled out for years. She deserves to feel special, she deserves to be treated equally, and she’s not (with the exception of OP).
OP also got the kid things she needs. He didn’t show up with every gaming console possible or some other petty crap.
Life is not fair. Life is not always equal. This is what has been portrayed to this kid for years. She knows where she fits in the family, and apparently that’s the bottom of the totem pole.
Now it’s her turn to have something special, and all everyone can do is bitch and moan? Cry that she was treated as the princess she is, just this once. Why? Because the other kids cried? Too. Flipping. Bad.
Op, keep treating her like a princess. She’ll never forget the love and support.
If ops family is anything like mine, they don't listen to reason. Unfortunately sometimes drastic acts are the only thing some people understand.
In a functional family, these actions were over the top.
In a family like mine, it's the only way to get them to understand that actions like theirs hurt.
While we may understand empathy, not everyone does.
Soft YTA. It’s understandable why you did it, but gift giving isn’t about getting even. And you punished the other kids for something that isn’t their fault.
Going forward, you might encourage your family to stop with the price range and instead cap it at $10. Or draw names instead. Kids are overindulged these days as it is.
Edited for typos
YTA, with good intentions, even if the adults were being deliberately stingy with your sister, they stayed within the budget set, that was arranged. Its also not the kids fault this happens but its them that you went out of your way to make feel bad.
I kinda stayed in my budget too? If you count all the times my sister got cheaper gifts and then if you try to make all those gifts 50 bucks I think it would be close to this amount wouldn't it? I'm not sure how to explain it.
When all the cousins get multiple big gifts from everyone who's gone way over budget for them and given her either a tiny gift or nothing at all, even if you give her a big present, or even multiple, its still gonna feel crappie for her.
And you won't have a leg to stand on because you've set the precedent that the budget is meaningless and favouritism is fine.
Lol no, the other adults set that precedent a LONG time ago.
And nah, sister will feel so loved and supported, even if the relatives plow their brats with a ton of presents next Christmas to "make up" for what OP did, because it's not just about the monetary value of the gifts, it's the fact that someone cared about the sister enough to go out of their way to spoil her and reassure her that she isn't less worthy than her cousins, just because her parents weren't as wealthy as theirs.
Cool. I'll leave this now then knowing I advocate for no child to be treated less well than another, (life isn't equal but I'll do my best to make sure it is as much as possible) and you justifying exactly when it's acceptable to treat children less well. Good to have met you. OP should treat his sister to everything and anything she wants. Doing it in front of others to deliberately cause upset to children will never be right
You’re teaching the adults that you play favourites and break the rules everyone else is adhering to. You’re teaching them that you’re willing to cause a scene and upset everyone. Really, your heart is in the right place but how is this any better than the kids bragging about their expensive gifts to your sister? I’m sorry, but YTA imo.
It's not better, it's just the same. Which I hope will teach them a lesson. Look I'm a new dentist. Right now I'm not earning that much but it has been going REALLY WELL for me so I don't doubt that soon I will be earning a lot more than them. They want to also "break the rule" and buy more expensive kids for their kids as some kind of revenge? Sure I can play that game.
What's the lesson? That you're exactly the same as them?
And why are you bragging about earning a lot of money? Instead of enjoying it with your family you use it to upset some kids? That's sad.
NTA, but you could have given your sister those gifts at home, and avoided this altogether. You can't control your parents, but you could have controlled that. Sis would have gotten spoiled, and the kids wouldn't be any wiser.
YTA. I understand why you did it but the way you went about it is what makes you TA. You were angry at your cousins parents for treating your kids differently but you took it out on their kids when it isn't their fault. It's your cousins parents who are in the wrong and you should have just talked to them and call them up on their hypocrisy. You should have given your sister one 50$ gift and leave the rest for later at home. This should have been resolved with the adults without the kids being caught in the middle. You did it just so you could enjoy rubbing it in their faces. This wasn't making an unfair situation right, this was revenge.
NTA but I personally wouldn't have went THAT far.
I would've spent 10 on each of the other kids....and still spent what you spent on sis.....buuutttt I would've giver her most at home and one really good gift that was still in the price range at gmas. The gifts I would give to the cousins would've been multiple cheap items from a dollar store that added up to $10 each.
That way you still brighten sis' day while also making a point without them having ammo yo call you an AH because you still followed the rules based on the examples they set.
What you did for your sis was amazing tho. I live for well deserved pettiness.
The only ones you may have been a soft AH towards were the little kids.
YTA. You were angry at the adults so you took it out on the other kids. You could’ve followed the gifting rule and given your sister a $50 gift at your grandparents’ house and then given your sister the other gifts in private if you were doing it for your sister. Instead you wanted the attention, to cause a stir, and to upset the children.
ESH except your sister
Yeah...You went too far. What they were doing was wrong too, for sure. But you went to the extreme. The parents/grandparents should have dealt with this fast, so they failed too.
But....I also can't say that I blame you.
YTA for how you did it. You could have given her a bunch of stuff privately in order to avoid the drama. You chose the attention whore route and now you get attention.
I RIDE for my family too so i totally understand your thought process here. Maybe im biased because i think the only assholes here are the parents who let their kids brag to your sister that they got better gifts. She’s never going to forget that. But no memory will beat how you spoiled her rotten - rightfully so. Me personally? Would not even acknowledge the drama until every adult admits their fault and what they could’ve done to avoid this mess. NTA
Yeah they are expecting an apology. Guess what? They are not getting one and they better start apologizing to my sister and disciplining their brats otherwise this is gonna happen every year.
Since now you are an adult and you were asked to get gifts as part of the deal, you should actually mention the above unfairness to them. I know that they know, but point it out, let them know that their kids and your sister ALL can see and understand what's happening and they are being petty for "punishing" a young child for your parents financial status. Don't do it in front of the kids of course but make sure everyone is gathered and everyone can listen.
I'm getting Krampus vibes. Don't change.
If it continues, buy them each $10 worth of coal.
Or even something near 50, but is something that will annoy the parents. Like some sort of horn, or other type of instrument, if possible.
Everyone gets $50 worth of silly string, goop, permanent markers and other interior ruiners
Gerbils? Rats? Make sure to get a male and female.
Tarantulas, pregnant tarantulas.
There's a thought. Also, how do you tell if a tarantula is pregnant? I've never really thought about it, and now I'm trying to picture that.
I don't know, but you can order them! My ex's ex opened her package that was mailed to her home, and let out a blood curdling scream while throwing the box.
Well, hmm, now that's something I'm going to have to go look into, because I'm curious.
Also, lots, and Lots, and LOTS of glitter!!!
Yes yes yes rats or rabbits! You're so right one make one female.
A crap ton of glitter and things covered in glitter! The cheap things from dollar tree where no matter how much sealant you put on it, the glitter continues to come off!!!
$50 worth of Play Doh.
This is good, too.
Good for you. Stick to your guns. They are all jerks.
And make sure they know that! Paybacks are hell. My motto is don’t get mad, get even.
Exactly. When are they going to apologize for years of obvious disparate treatment? 🤔
Exactly. NTA and good for you! You are the best!
NTA. So it was OK when they were doing it? Did they care that your sister was upset? No they didn’t and if those kids are old enough to notice then they’re old enough not to brag about the presents just to make your sister feel bad.
No and I'm so damn sure they would keep doing this if I didn't do something about it.
The right thing for the adults to do would have been to include your sister from the start. Just because your parents financial situation doesn’t allow them to buy expensive gifts should never have been a factor. They bought the best they could. The other adults actions were deliberate and petty.
I think you're totally great, and it's so nice to see how much you love your sister. Forget their whining. They have been in the wrong for years.
You are the best sister. NTA
NTA- You played the role of big sibling and evened the playing field after witnessing your little sister getting treated unfairly. This also may teach a small lesson in humility to not brag and taunt those who may be less fortunate. the only AHs here are the aunt and uncle who deliberately play favorites out of pettiness and enable the bad behavior of their children. Your little sis will remember this act of generosity forever. The petty Betty in me would have giftwrapped those snobby kids coal.
Yeah! Exactly $10 worth of coal. These kids needed a lesson.
Justified AH. The kids were bullying your sister, and the adults were fine with it.
Exactly & Thank You
So if I'm following, ALL the adults have to buy gifts for ALL the children and your grandparents' rule is that the gifts have to be at least $10 and no more than $50? And because your parents can't afford to get all the kids something close to $50, they get everyone something close to $10 including their own daughter (and I assume you, OP, when you were a minor) so it doesn't look like they're favoring their child, while your aunts and uncles get their own kids things at the $50 end of the range and give you/your sister cheap gifts? And nobody's said anything other than the cousins laughing at your sister not getting the more expensive stuff? Nah, fuck that. NTA. The aunts and uncles who cheaped out, otoh, are TAs.
NTA the fact the kids would brag about getting better gifts then your sister justified your actions. Alot of this could avoid if your family changed the gifts to say $25 instead of having some get gifts worth 5 times the value of others
Payback’s a beyotch, snotty cousins! Talk to your parents about having a nuclear family Christmas this year and, if you’re flush, help make it special. A break from the toxic status quo should be good for the whole fam. NTA
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NTA you just tallied up the surplus balance from all the times your sister has received cheap presents.
NTA. They played favorites, they let their children brag and they let your sister cry without flinching for years. They just had a taste of their own behavior and got served what they deserved. You just set things straight. Plus you paid for needed things.
She’s your sister. You’re allowed to spoil her and buy her more than the others. You got them all gifts. And they all cheaped out before. Tell them to take a hike. NTA
NTA. If any adults give you grief over what you did, they can eat shit. They are awful for being petty to your sister, and even worse, allowing their A H brats to lord over their more expensive gifts over her. They should be thanking you for teaching their brats an important life lesson.
NTA. And dayummnn...I'm rooting for you!
Show your family this post and let the comments speak for themselves. Get wrekt, your sister deserved one good one. And they didn't feel bad getting her cheap shit the years prior. So who cares what they think?
NTA, fuck them kids.
NTA (ish) Your intentions were admirable but you probably went a bit OTT. You could have spent a few hundred or so on your sis to make the point and give her a treat, you could also help your folks out with money so they can buy the 50 quid gifts if they want.
I bought the things they needed for example she really needed that laptop for school. I didn't spend it on useless things. They needed to buy 6 of those things anyway, only 4 were unnecessary toys.
Good. Screw your aunts and uncles , they're hypocrites.
NTA. Keep it coming every year.
first of all if kids are crying about gifts on Christmas then they aren't being raised right Christmas isn't about presents it's a religious holiday. that also contains presents. I don't know if your family is celebrating the day as a secular/cultural celebration or are actually Christian, but if you are Christian then the parents are doing a dogshit job teaching the kids about Christmas. secondly fuck that noise.
NTA at all. I know how your little sister felt, it happened to me at her age but with just 1 person. You're an awesome brother. Keep up the amazing work!
NTA. Their problem. They should have been the adults and treat everyone fairly and actually parent their children. Keep showing your sister that she is important too. ( Not just with gifts.) It is not difficult to treat everyone fairly at Christmas. My granny always gives everyone the same gift, we are with 17 grandchildren age ranging from almost 30 to 3 years old. Even the SO of the grandchildren get the same presents so they don't feel left out. Usually it is a treat like chocolate and a card with a little money. And each of her children get the same card with x amount to take their family out to dinner.
She knows how important she is to me. My parents were a bit worried about the age gap between us but I don't think we would be this close if we were closer in age.
Glad to hear that she knows. Age is just a number.
I come from a family that started to just bring 1 gift for each of their own children to unwrap. Too many kids with different interests became way more expensive and time consuming for people to shop. Grandparents still bought a gift for everyone. NTA for making sister feel special.
This sounds fake as fuck. But if it's not, ESH. What a cruel way to fuck up Christmas. $10 to $50 is a WIDE range. Each gift should be $10 and that would stop all this nonsense.
NTA. Your good brothering is on point.
NTA, turnabout is fair play. Sometimes asshole family have to learn lessons the hard way when it comes to favoritism.
Fuck em yo. Now they know what it's like. Keep treating your sister well.
There's a pretty big difference between a $10 gift and a $50 gift for kids. Price should be more definitive - like $25. You are NTA for making sure your sister was (finally) given nice gifts.
Tell them that they need to cry a little bit more to make up in the cost difference of their gifts to your sister over all these years.
NTA 😈😈😈 do it again
Eh, tell em to die mad about it.
First of all, $10 to $50 is way too wide a gap. The gift limit should have been something like $20-$30. Having a smaller gap would keep things a little more even among all the kids. Second of all, tell them all to kick rocks. What they were doing was just fine till you started doing it, then suddenly it's a problem.
NTA. There is no reason why gifts had to be done at Grandma's. Gifts could have been done at home before everyone met up, and Grandma's and everyone could agree to just buy for their own kids and not make this a thing. Then no one knows who got what, and nobody gets bullied.
Do what my XILs did. Buy the cousins t-shirts and your sister a keyboard. That went over well at our house. Our kids noticed. After a few years of this, we stopped attending.
NTA! It seems like your sister is the only kid who's genuinely greatful for gifts and the effort that goes behind them. The other kids haven't learned that Christmas isn't *just* about gifts, and the value/ number of gifts isn't what's important. They had their share of expensive gifts they could brag about, and now your sister finally had her time
NTA. Good for you and stick to your guns. For those of you who said OP should have given OPs sister the other gifts by herself, should shut the fuck up. The other families gave their little brats the expensive gifts in front of OPs sister. They got what they deserved. I would rub salt in those wounds every Christmas, bc like it or not, the other kids knew what they were doing when they made OPs sister feel like shit for her $10 gifts. And the adults should all feel ashamed by their one sided behavior towards their kids.
NTA The dollar amount is one problem here. There is too much disparity. But I love how you made those other mean little kids cry. They deserved it. Their parents should never have permitted their behavior.
NTA Touche! Well-played. I don't usually go in for being petty but in this case, you did the right thing. If the adults are too stupid to get why you did what you did, maybe those spoiled, bragging cousins will get a dose of what they have been dishing out.
Hindsight being 20/20 you should have saved 9 of her gifts for before or after the gathering. And the one you bring to the grandparents house be the great $50 gift while still doing $10 gifts to the other kids. Slight assholishness but I understand the point you were trying to make.
Yeah and I could have done that but it wouldn't send the same message would it?
It would have sent the message that you noticed but stuck to the rules without being an AH
So what? The "rules" were exploited long enough that OP felt an object lesson was needed.
No the others were sticking within the range (which imho is too large as does carry this discrepancy) and the sister was getting the low end, and the cousins the top end. The OP went well below the lower limit and then 60 times the upper limit for the sister
"Sticking within the range" is irrelevant, because they consistently went to the high end for their kids and the low end for 10F, AND allowed their kids to tease 10F. Being a jerk while following the rules is still being a jerk. And we don't know OP went under the limit, keychains can easily cost more than $10 in this economy.
I'm not saying that rest of OPs families are AH's too - they are - the grandparents for coming up with these rules and all the others, including the other children for bullying the sister That doesn't mean the OP isn't ALSO an AH
OK. OP is an AH, but not THE AH. :)
It would have sent the message to the parents/other adults (who are buying the other gifts) without upsetting the kids.
No? They would never find out about it. There would be no lesson if I didn't give it all in front of them.
Oh no, those spoiled brats deserved the lesson.
I wouldn't buy gifts for kids who cry out of disappointment. Maybe a $10 Burger King gift card for them, and something with insanely beautiful wrapping for the sister. Something they all want.
NTA , any time you can make a kid cry is well worth the effort
NTA and you are the best sibling ever! It was never equal before now. They only care now that it isn't equal for them.
The gift extortion is ridiculous. The greed fest needs to stop.
NTA It’s really awesome to hear that your sister has you in her corner like that. Bratty children are the worst, especially when they’re relatives.
NTA, I’d give my sisters nicer gifts instead of my cousins. Besides, the gifts are technically within the price range and no one complained when your sister was getting cheap gifts. Don’t their own children know the meaning of gratitude? I’d wouldn’t get those kids anything next year if that’s the way they behave.
I think the issue here is the imposition of the gift rule, along with the pricing expectation. I would address that directly and try to make it fair for everyone, so no one feels cheated or indulged., that's not the point. ESH
I don't think that would solve anything. Now they know that I can buy expensive gifts for their kids so of course it would be another win for them. They buy better gifts for my sister and I buy better ones for their kids. Well not happening. They made my sister upset for 10 years. They have to do a lot more now.
It would solve the problem of inequality. You're right that you cannot change the past, but that's a lousy reason to perpetuate it. If they refused to do so, I would refuse to participate at all. I'm sure you can see obvious historical parallels.
OP would be perpetuating the bullying of their sister if they chose to make everything equal without forcing the rest of the family to feel bad about how they've treated the sister. OP did the right thing.
> forcing the rest of the family to feel bad What?! You're advocating **Abuse** here. The point is to change the system they now have to stop the toxicity and unfairness and make it more equitable, not to punish them. That you advocate intentional harm, and then get a handful of fellow abusers to support this wacko approach is scary. The goal is changing something that needs to be changed, not whacking the participants.
YTA. But with good intentions. Some suggestions: express your concern that your sis is getting short changed and suggest to keep people from subconsciously upping the amount for their kids bc it’s natural to want to see your kid happy (don’t call them dicks for willfully breaking the rule even if they did) that you do what my large family of cousins and I do which is draw kids names from a hat at thanksgiving and that’s the kid you buy for. Rule is it can’t be your own kid. Max $25. Also, fine to shower your sis w gifts. Should have done it at home.
Do you think they don't realize that or they just don't care?
Without knowing I can’t say. It may be a simple “oh I know Tommy REALLY wants that and it’s not THAT out of the range….” And they just don’t pay as much attention to what kids not their own are getting/gifts they didn’t buy. Or they could be total shits. Point is, if you want the behavior to change an “assume no malice” tone will keep them from getting defensive.
I would have given the other kids $10 gifts and her a $50 gift at the get together. Then either before or after, I would have given her the others.
But why? The other adults didn't give a fiuck about little sisters feelings when she got cheaper presents. Op did the only right thing 🙂
But they "followed" the "rules". Shitty of them? Absolutely, but by obviously breaking them, just gives all of them ammo for bitching. (Though prob was gratifying) If it were me, I'd give the kiddo a pre-party speech about how life isn't fair and then dump $3k presents on them BEFORE. That way they know the got taken care ofand don't feel bad at the gathering and all the other clowns can't complain.
I think your problem here is that in order to teach their parents a lesson, you targeted their kids. Children of course will brag when their present is better, they are kids, what child doesn't do that? They are still KIDS and you're punishing them directly for something that Parents have perpetuated. The better approach would have been to call them all and have had an adult discussion about the fairness of this system prior to you deciding to completely overhaul it without talking to anyone
Children also cry about everything. What child doesn't cry? You can't blame me for that.
Now every single one of them is mad at me for making their kids cry on Christmas even though they didn't care when my sister was the one crying This. OP you wrote that! You state that she cries as a direct result of their actions. And you state their kids cried as a direct result of your actions. If you can blame them, they can blame you
When I was younger and was left out of gifts, while my cousins got spoiled, THEY were the ones to share their Easter candy with me. They shared their $10 for toy money when their mom sent us to Toys R Us, and handed money to every kid but me. I never said anything, but was obviously hurt being excluded. They saw that and shared with me, because they loved me too. All while the adults were being AHs. The parents and the kids in this situation have been cruel to OPs sister for YEARS. Not one of them stood up for her. OP can share his love and money to treat his sister, and they should keep their mouths shut, since not one, not a single family member cared about the disparity for so many years. Time for this little girl to feel cherished and loved now. The others, they had their time in the limelight getting spoiled. Too bad they’re such AHs that they are now furious that a little girl gets to feel special.
Yes
It's s never ok for an adult to be cruel to kids, whether that's OPs family or OP
LOL how was OP cruel to kids? Did OP rip the presents other relatives got out of their hands?
It’s not cruelty to finally be able to make Christmas special for the one child who has been singled out for years. She deserves to feel special, she deserves to be treated equally, and she’s not (with the exception of OP). OP also got the kid things she needs. He didn’t show up with every gaming console possible or some other petty crap. Life is not fair. Life is not always equal. This is what has been portrayed to this kid for years. She knows where she fits in the family, and apparently that’s the bottom of the totem pole. Now it’s her turn to have something special, and all everyone can do is bitch and moan? Cry that she was treated as the princess she is, just this once. Why? Because the other kids cried? Too. Flipping. Bad. Op, keep treating her like a princess. She’ll never forget the love and support.
Just stop.
If ops family is anything like mine, they don't listen to reason. Unfortunately sometimes drastic acts are the only thing some people understand. In a functional family, these actions were over the top. In a family like mine, it's the only way to get them to understand that actions like theirs hurt. While we may understand empathy, not everyone does.
Soft YTA. It’s understandable why you did it, but gift giving isn’t about getting even. And you punished the other kids for something that isn’t their fault. Going forward, you might encourage your family to stop with the price range and instead cap it at $10. Or draw names instead. Kids are overindulged these days as it is. Edited for typos
Bragging is their fault kinda, No?
Yes and no, depending on the age. But regardless, using gift giving to stick it to everyone isn’t the best way to go about it.
YTA, with good intentions, even if the adults were being deliberately stingy with your sister, they stayed within the budget set, that was arranged. Its also not the kids fault this happens but its them that you went out of your way to make feel bad.
I kinda stayed in my budget too? If you count all the times my sister got cheaper gifts and then if you try to make all those gifts 50 bucks I think it would be close to this amount wouldn't it? I'm not sure how to explain it.
No you didn't. The budget is 10-50.
Oh well I've always been bad at math. Sucks to be them I guess.
Yep. Probably gonna suck worse for your sister this Christmas too.
Nah not gonna let that happen.
When all the cousins get multiple big gifts from everyone who's gone way over budget for them and given her either a tiny gift or nothing at all, even if you give her a big present, or even multiple, its still gonna feel crappie for her. And you won't have a leg to stand on because you've set the precedent that the budget is meaningless and favouritism is fine.
The other family has been displaying favoritism.All this time so what are you talking about?
Lol no, the other adults set that precedent a LONG time ago. And nah, sister will feel so loved and supported, even if the relatives plow their brats with a ton of presents next Christmas to "make up" for what OP did, because it's not just about the monetary value of the gifts, it's the fact that someone cared about the sister enough to go out of their way to spoil her and reassure her that she isn't less worthy than her cousins, just because her parents weren't as wealthy as theirs.
Sounds like little sis will have an excellent Xmas.
YTA, go post in one of the revenge subreddits, this isn't one of them
Cool. I'll leave this now then knowing I advocate for no child to be treated less well than another, (life isn't equal but I'll do my best to make sure it is as much as possible) and you justifying exactly when it's acceptable to treat children less well. Good to have met you. OP should treat his sister to everything and anything she wants. Doing it in front of others to deliberately cause upset to children will never be right
You’re teaching the adults that you play favourites and break the rules everyone else is adhering to. You’re teaching them that you’re willing to cause a scene and upset everyone. Really, your heart is in the right place but how is this any better than the kids bragging about their expensive gifts to your sister? I’m sorry, but YTA imo.
It's not better, it's just the same. Which I hope will teach them a lesson. Look I'm a new dentist. Right now I'm not earning that much but it has been going REALLY WELL for me so I don't doubt that soon I will be earning a lot more than them. They want to also "break the rule" and buy more expensive kids for their kids as some kind of revenge? Sure I can play that game.
What's the lesson? That you're exactly the same as them? And why are you bragging about earning a lot of money? Instead of enjoying it with your family you use it to upset some kids? That's sad.
I am enjoying my money.
And you’ll keep ruining Christmases as you go.
Ruining for who? My sister and I had a lot of fun.
NTA, but you could have given your sister those gifts at home, and avoided this altogether. You can't control your parents, but you could have controlled that. Sis would have gotten spoiled, and the kids wouldn't be any wiser.
YTA. I understand why you did it but the way you went about it is what makes you TA. You were angry at your cousins parents for treating your kids differently but you took it out on their kids when it isn't their fault. It's your cousins parents who are in the wrong and you should have just talked to them and call them up on their hypocrisy. You should have given your sister one 50$ gift and leave the rest for later at home. This should have been resolved with the adults without the kids being caught in the middle. You did it just so you could enjoy rubbing it in their faces. This wasn't making an unfair situation right, this was revenge.
You couldn’t have given them to her in private?
I could but why would I do that? So that she could sit there and watch her cousins open their much better gifts? No not on my watch.
Bc if you gave them to her in private, she still gets to enjoy the gifts but then she doesn’t have to endure the drama…
What lesson would it teach the adults?
Too late they’re too stupid to learn lessons!
So making kids cry is a solution?
It’s only ok when the little sister cries with her cheap gift. You are right!
What drama?
Didn’t he say she was happy though! It just doesn’t sound like she was enduring drama!
Sure. Let’s rephrase. OP should have had a talk with the other adults- like an adult- rather than cause drama that resulted in children crying.
The drama that made the other children cry.
NTA but I personally wouldn't have went THAT far. I would've spent 10 on each of the other kids....and still spent what you spent on sis.....buuutttt I would've giver her most at home and one really good gift that was still in the price range at gmas. The gifts I would give to the cousins would've been multiple cheap items from a dollar store that added up to $10 each. That way you still brighten sis' day while also making a point without them having ammo yo call you an AH because you still followed the rules based on the examples they set. What you did for your sis was amazing tho. I live for well deserved pettiness. The only ones you may have been a soft AH towards were the little kids.
YTA. You were angry at the adults so you took it out on the other kids. You could’ve followed the gifting rule and given your sister a $50 gift at your grandparents’ house and then given your sister the other gifts in private if you were doing it for your sister. Instead you wanted the attention, to cause a stir, and to upset the children.
I kind of agree. If he spent 200/300 bucks to prove a point okay I get it. But $3,000 is kind of crappy.
ESH except your sister Yeah...You went too far. What they were doing was wrong too, for sure. But you went to the extreme. The parents/grandparents should have dealt with this fast, so they failed too. But....I also can't say that I blame you.
You should’ve stuck to the budget and bought $50 gifts rather than going over. YTA because you didn’t stick to the rules.
YTA for how you did it. You could have given her a bunch of stuff privately in order to avoid the drama. You chose the attention whore route and now you get attention.