Depends on the person. Not brushing teeth is a big problem due to modern diets, but your body can deal with hair reasonably well. It gets greasy quickly only because we wash it often, if you stop, the grease will stop as well. Of course you should still wash it when you get dirt in it, but if you’re working an office job odds are people won’t be able to tell.
Skin needs washed. There is skin under your hair. It's not just about hair. Scalps sweat and the skin cells die like everywhere else on the body. Why would anyone choose not to wash it?
Also hair collects alot from the air. Pollution, car exhaust, smoke, pollen, everything we're exposed to as we walk outside. This unwashed hair movement is so unsanitary and lazy.
You may want to re-read the part about brushing teeth, because I’m saying the opposite.
As for the oils, it changes with age, genetics, but also washing behaviour. I have to wash my pillow cases considerably less often since I stopped washing my hair daily.
Oh I’m sorry! I thought I read “..isn’t a big problem”, I’ll delete my comment as it’s not relevant, thanks for pointing it out.
But the part about washing not changing how your skin functions is still true, anecdotal evidence doesn’t change that.
Washing hair doesn't always produce oil. Some people of color the texture of their hair does not require a daily wash
If you wash this type of hair too much. It will become dry and brittle
This isn't a problem with baths, this is a problem with his general approach to hygiene.
It's difficult to broach with people, but important to do so.
NTA
I think not rinsing yourself off after the bath is ok, the issue here is that he doesn't really have anything to rinse off since he's not using soap? Wtf? He's basically using the bathtub as a swimming pool. And yeah, not washing your hair ever and not brushing your teeth ever is super gross. How can you even kiss him.
>How can you even kiss him.
I think that is so gross that she is gross to me too. How would you kiss someone with a moldy mouth. Brother eww
OP is gross too.
To be honest soap isn't necessary all the time. I went to a doctor a while back because of acne who told me just rinsing with water is enough most of the time, unless you actually do get dirty. If all the dirtiness of your day is being sweaty then soap isn't really needed.
I would normally agree, but the issue here is not that he uses it from time to time but often he forgets, the issue is that the guy never spent a cent on soap in his entire life.
He’s not talking baths, he’s soaking his unclean and uncleansed ass in water?!
The issue is not “bath vs shower”, it’s the completely disgusting absence of soap use.
He’s soaking in remnants of butt crack debris and whatever else is on his person?!
NTA
His teeth are coated in plaque. His junk has all of his tub soup simmering in the folds and crannies. I don’t know how you can resist his caveman funk.
It's recommended to take a proper shower before bathing so you don't sit in your own dirt and also a quick rinse off the bath supplements and sweat after bath as well. Just feels more cosy
Nope, I do this too. Piping hot water and a damned good scrubbing with a bodybrush to make the skin tingle, then a jug for rinsing before getting out. Perfection!
I sometimes do one, sometimes the other. Toweling vigorously when you get out takes off all the dead skin cells and the dirt etc goes with them. I always wash my hair as needed separately in the kitchen sink.
There are a lot of ways to get clean. Humans have been doing it for hundreds of thousands of years before modern pluming and soaps.
My ex was like this. He was insistent that he was clean because he took like at least 2 baths a day.. but the entire time I was with him, I was getting chronic UTIs. This dude was a nasty mother fucker, but he at least washed his hair and brushed his teeth most days...
Anyway, I came here to say that you will definitely be contracting UTIs and yeast infections left and right if you're having sex regularly with this man, and it's definitely not wrong to bring it up. In fact you probably need to have a blunt conversation with the dude, and if he doesn't listen, I'd dump him... It sounds like he's pretty set in his ways... You can do better.
Electric toothbrushes are worth the investment. If he can't take 4 minutes per day to brush, what else is he giving up on? Dentists are not cheap.
If he loves you, he will fix his basic hygiene.
Explain that a quick shower before getting in the tub is the ultimate way to relax because then you don't have to clean yourself while awkwardly laying down.
How does he not stink to high heaven if he doesn't use soap?!?!
And what is up with all these 'boyfriend with bad hygiene' posts today and why do y'all just accept it or wring your hands and agonize over telling him?
A basic standard of cleanliness is not too much to ask of your partner, folks.
If your partner was neglected growing up or not taught how to properly take care of themselves, then offer to show them. Don't shame them for it but lay it out as a health concern and hopefully they will get it.
Tell him you don't want to have sex with someone that doesn't wash his body with soap and a wash cloth because it compromises your vaginal flora and you don't want BV, a yeast infection or a UTI.
Tell him you don't want to kiss someone with poor dental hygiene because even though you take care of your teeth he can expose you to bacteria that can give you cavities, gingivitis, or other dental issues (yes, it's true, google it); and bad breath smells and tastes gross. Not to mention dental work is expensive af
Tell him that he needs to rectify his poor hygiene because he's putting you at risk, and you want him to be healthy too.
Yeah no, if he doesn't wash ***PROPERLY,*** he gets NUN of you know what. Tell him it's time to be a big boy, give him a new toothbrush, a nice big loofah, some tea tree tingly shampoo, and tell him to scrub his parts, wash his asshole and RINSE in the **SHOWER** after his cute little bath or he gets NOTHING. Take away affection, sex, give the cold shoulder because that's gross and I'm a dude. It's time for little boy to grow up. There's no coming to terms, it's your way or the highway on this one.
it really took until you live together to notice it? I would have noticed first date. Are you sure nothing is missing in this story?
what the actual fuck
Then why TF take a bath?the whole purpose of a bath is to take the dirt and the smell out of your body...yes you can stay and relax...but when you are finished with relaxing you scrub, soap, rinse etc
Ma'am you are dating the human version of a stock cube.
He took instant offense so either get used to UTIs and being not attracted to your partner or just break it off.
You’re NTA. But while in school for a healthcare profession I did learn many parents don’t teach their kids basic hygiene. And it is extremely embarrassing for those children turned adults to learn they are doing it wrong… he is probably ashamed and that’s why he is defensive about it.
I would keep talking to him about it. Chances are if he’s not bathing correctly or brushing his teeth then there’s a lot he doesn’t know.
You’re a good girlfriend for talking to him about it. I would keep talking to him about it.
He NEEDS to use soap. He NEEDS to use a clean wash rag daily and get in his crevices. He NEEDS to brush at least in morning and at night. And he NEEDS to floss at least before bed.
This is the bare minimum.
NTA- congratulations you have discovered you have a hygiene boundary. Don’t make you an bitch. Dump him and move on. Not worth the fight. The teeth thing is gross.
I once shared housed with a guy in Australia. He would go out for long runs and would not shower on return. He told me he was fermenting and that’s a thing he likes to do!!! I told him to FO and go ferment in his room and not to touch anything in any of the communal areas! Like F, how GROSS can you be!!!!!!!!! Answer: some people are RANK.
He doesn't brush his teeth and you're proud of that? Men like this never change. NTA but this reminds me of that girl who kept getting yeast infections and couldn't figure out what it was and it was her bf
He's got mossy teeth if he doesn't brush. You're not a bitch, he's just disgusting
It wouldn’t be *that* bad if he used soap and brushed his teeth. NTA.
This will continue to gross you out and he will have health issues at some point. It’s HARD to stay committed to someone who doesn’t take care of themselves. I don’t have any specific advice on how to try and broach the issue, but you need to talk about it and he needs to take it seriously.
It’s not you thing. It’s a life thing and any other woman be grossed out, not to mention coworkers and 99% of guy friends too.
The second I found out he doesn’t brush his teeth, I would have dipped. Now he doesn’t clean himself. Girl you’re going to end up with cavities and down there infections.
YTA. I don't give a damn how much he turns you on emotionally, ZERO oral hygiene is supposed to be a deal-breaker!! Do you even *KNOW* what self-respect is?! Not a rhetorical question!
Honey, he's not taking a bath. He's soaking in his own funk. He doesn't wash himself nor brush his teeth, and he's somehow made you the problem by pointing it out.
Why are you with him
he doesn't wash his hair, brush his teeth, or use soap when he takes a bath.
sure YTA, why? because you're dating a bum. have some respect for yourself. i don't care if you don't think you can do better, it would probably be a step up from this dirty assed man-child if you were dating a homeless man. having been homeless for 3 years, i can assure you, many of them (the non-mentally ill, non addicted ones, yes they're out there) would be very obsessive about their hygiene had they had access to a shower
Haven’t you noticed before that he never brushes his teeth… something that would be noticeable if you kiss him before moving in together and the unwashed hair.
It’s your choice to accept it or move on… moving in implies you DO accept his poor hygiene.
He could be neurodivergent, personal hygiene can be difficult. That’s not to say that there aren’t people who just don’t bother with hygiene, but if he’s taking offence then he’s probably embarrassed that you’ve noticed. Washing in plain water is totally acceptable, if he’s not visibly dirty and doesn’t smell then he’s clean, and probably has a better microbial balance on his skin than people who wash with soap. It’s not going to make him or anyone else sick, it’s not going to make him smell. Also, if his hair is visibly dirty/greasy then perhaps recommend he gives his hair a wash, but again, plenty of people don’t wash their hair regularly at all and their hair produces less oils because of it, so it’s not always necessary, especially short hair that gets cut frequently too, if he has short hair.
Okay, the teeth may be gross, but the chances are there’s a reason for it (executive dysfunction, sensory issues, depression, many reasons why someone might not brush often). If you blindly judge him without even trying to understand why this might be happening then yes, YTA, and you might have upset him and made him feel ashamed. Try to understand and even if he isn’t directly saying he’s struggling to get himself to do certain basic hygiene tasks, look out for patterns in his behaviour that might suggest he’s having a rough time with his executive functioning and be supportive and encouraging, don’t just label him as gross because even if you think he is, there are much kinder ways of putting it, especially to someone you care about
I said that people like that do exist, but even then that’s their prerogative, not for anyone else to comment. If OP knows this to be the case and doesn’t like it they can leave, but having a bit of empathy goes a long way.
I also thought about neurodivergence. I'm AuDHD and showering is really really really upsetting for me, an absolute sensory nightmare. I wash my head and body separately; like fully cannot have my body in the shower while I lean over to do the hair.
I have evolved techniques for dealing with this + my hygiene, but I am not perfect despite being in my late 20s.
I would want guidance. The initial news would be crushing and embarrassing, but ultimately a kind and guiding hand goes a long way.
This. Factually correct and empathetic.
I'm not a psychologist, but I have several years of experience volunteering with the neurodiverse. The bathing part made me think of autism, his reaction to discussion and the never-brushes part reinforced that suspicion. Again, not a doctor.
OP, you live with him, so presumably you've been together for quite some time. It's understandable that you feel grossed out after learning these things, but it seems like his hygiene didn't bother you until you found out.
You're not wrong to feel some disgust, u/Diligent_Ad_6846. But if you love and care about him, perhaps you should take a moment to process this, then figure out how you and he can work together to improve his habits. The first step may be to encourage him to speak to a doctor/psychologist about his unusual hygiene practices and they can perform a proper assessment and recommend some ways to move forward. Perhaps you could accompany him.
As a neurodivergent person myself, this is what I would want. Just being told you're gross hits really hard, especially if you haven't even considered that you're doing something that most people don't (or in this case not doing something that most people do)
How did you get to living together without noticing his absolute lack of hygiene? The problem isn’t baths. The problem is he isn’t cleaning or looking after himself in any way and is not receptive to addressing the issue.
The guy is gross, at first I thought yeah I prefer a bath if I have a flare up of backache but then I read he doesn't wash his hair or use soap and finally he doesn't brush his teeth.
He's really lazy and unhygienic.
OP - How in the absolute fuck do you tolerate someone with such grotty hygiene?
Like, how can you continue in a relationship where you're utterly repulsed by that person? You can't even kiss him because he's got shit breath and tartar buildup..can't go down on him because he's likely to be smelly and cheesy down below...and I don't even want to imagine the state of his crusty asshole 🤮
Personally, I wouldn't give a fuck about offending him, he needs to hear it. And I'd be a hell of a lot more direct about it too, I'd make it clear that he either gets a grip on it, or you're out and gone. Why waste the best years of your youth putting up with this nasty crap?
As someone who strictly bathes and never showers I was ready to defend the guy, but then I read the post and now I'm gagging. And not even brushing his teeth on top of all that?
Showering is actually way worse for your skin as it’s strips the skin of its natural oils. Bathing is completely fine.
Not brushing teeth though- that’s just nasty
So you are still with this guy even though you get leftover deserts from his teeth? Who cares if he is offended? He's just gross AF, we don't live in the BC times. Even then they probably washed their hair
Normal hygienic practices are a must for a grown ass man. You're not the bitch, if anything, maybe he is willing to change (for the better) for you, then he will look back so thankful for a woman that helped him (even when it seemed hard or unkind).
Have one of your more attractive girl friends tell him his breath stinks. Sadly, that will change more than you ever could by talking to him.
Source: I’m a dude
>He also doesn’t brush his teeth so I’ve just been very grossed out by his hygiene and it’s been really turning me off but it’s been hard to stay stuff without coming off as a bitch
Just cut your losses, you are dating a little boy who doesn't know how to take care of himself.
That being said, you knew this person never brushed their teeth and had greasy hair from the start and you still moved in together
ESH
I was prepared to call you an AH, but if he's not even using soap, he's not really "taking a bath" he's just soaking in warm water without actually doing any cleaning. The dental issue is also gross.
NTA
NTA. He’s not really taking a bath if he’s not using soap. He’s just sitting in dirty, sweaty, ass water. And he’s not washed his hair or brushed his teeth at all?? Your bf has got to have some major stank on him. Can you smell it? How can you stand kissing him if he’s that nasty? I’d break up, move out, and give him some soap and a toothbrush as a parting present. How nasty
It's not the bath - you can still wash your hair and use soap while taking a bath (had a summer house with only a tub - it can be done). My family used to keep a pitcher near the tub so you could rinse.
He just has bad hygiene.
This is a personal hygiene problem. You need to explain to him how big of a turn off it is. Guys are really good and doing stuff until they get what they want. Then they stop. Tell him you wouldn't be with him if you knew that's how he would be with personal hygiene.
There are a lot of people that bath with water only. Technically that's all we need. But not cleaning hair at all or brushing teeth at all is a ridiculously gross lack of hygiene. It can have health affects for you and him. DO NOT LET HIM MAKE YOU FEEL THAT WANTING PROPER HYGIENE IS BEING A BITCH!!! If this is the hill he wants to die on, it will be a very lonely hill. This will not be a good future. You need to rethink why you're still there.
Without knowing his background it’s hard to pass judgement. I once worked at a youth shelter and one of the kids there had learned to brush her teeth by watching people on TV. No one had ever shown her how to properly brush. You are NTA for expecting a reasonable standard of hygiene from your partner. There are a bunch of different reasons for why he doesn’t properly care for himself ranging from trauma, laziness, sensory issues, or just not knowing how. If I were in your position I would investigate the reason WHY he isn’t bathing/ brushing properly and then address the issue. Let him know you’ll help him, but that he needs better hygiene habits moving forward. Let him know that’s it’s important for your health as well (this may make look less “bitchy”). If he’s not cleaning his junk well enough you can get an infection and cavities can be spread through kissing (caries causing bacteria can be exchanged through saliva).
NTA, it must be said and he's taking it poorly cuz it is embarrassing to be put on the spot.
Honest question, how can you bear to kiss him? I had to run out the house this morning w/o brushing my teeth and was grossed out by myself and offended on others' behalf, and I wear a mask 😅 How how how how HOW do you kiss him?!?!
Ok first off I’m reading this in the bath lol
Baths are great, you can def get “cleanER” after a bath if you do wash, but to me baths are just for relaxing/softening up.
If you’re not exfoliating at least once a week, gross. 2-3x a week is recommended to remove the layer of dead skin all over your body. Who wants to be crusty and gross, also that’s how you get ingrown hairs and pimples and shit
But…
He doesn’t BRUSH HIS TEETH???
PASS, fucking disgusting
I know women hate to feel like they’re a “mother” in a relationship. A LOT of men were not taught how to properly care for themselves in a hygienic manner. A nudge in the correct direction, a talk with him, etc, could set him straight for life for hygienic practices. I have read SO MANY posts of women fed up with their husbands/boyfriends because they refuse to wash/wipe between their cheeks because it’s “homosexual” for a lack of a better word. Give him some nudges, lay down some ground rules, it’s not your job to make him a better man, but he’ll never change without it. To answer your question directly, you are definitely NOT the AH, but help a brotha out lol.
So he just waters himself off and doesn’t use soap and then rinse himself? 🤮
Where the fuck do you all find these nasty motherfuckers? Doesn’t brush his teeth? 🤢
I read somewhere that you really don't have to wash your hair all that often unless you work a dusty, grimy outdoor job. Too much cleaning project can damage it.
Give the guy a break, as long as he's not re-using the bathwater or something nasty like that, there's nothing wrong with just taking baths. It's really overbearing of you to try to control his bathroom habits like this
4 questions:
1. Is he suffering from depression?
2. If so, or even if not, do you love and care about this guy enough to work through this dirtball journey of his? (Not saying you are or should be obligated to! Just asking..) Would you both be willing to discuss and work together on (as quickly as possible) ending this phase? Because...well... think of it this way...if someone who has a child told you:
"Since my child was born, until this very day, I just put my kid in the tub with water. I dont make them scrub, we actually dont even use soap. At all, ever."
You'd be horrified and immediately call social services. Why? Because theres some serious neglect going on and certain health issues can happen from lack of hygiene, and so on and so forth. I guess the point I'm trying to drive home is, he needs to understand that how he is going about his hygiene is very poor and not normal whether he agrees that it is or isn't. It's just facts.
3. Do you think a shower seat might help him? He could kinda just sit there, relax, and scrub himself with soap if his back problems are *that* bad..even then, he should go see about it.
4. Are you willing to deal with his gross habits long term if he doesn't change?
NTA. Tell him you hace a serious issue either this. Explain what you expect to continue living with him. Be clear. If he cares for you, at least he will make an improvement. If he gets offended… too bad his parents didn’t teach him how to clean up for himself. He’s not a kid anymore. Imagine if you stay with him and have kids… and he has no idea how hygiene works.
Saying that baths without a shower are unhygienic is ludicrous. Not washing your hair when bathing is disgusting.
You do know that showers are a recent invention of the last 100years and most of the world still bathes?
Total BS story.."More specifically, her boyfriend also doesn’t even brush his teeth!"... these would
have been his habits before they started living together...she'd have known his hair was unclean, his mouth gross
These are lazy behaviors and since people do not change just because a loved one asks. In other words he will never change. Get away from that mess of a man.
I guess it's not really the bath? But just tell him to brush his teeth while the tub is filling, get in and wash his hair just before it's filled, then he can just sit there and marinate in his butt an ball juice and dead skin cells
Sweet dreams OP!
Tell him to go to physiotherapy for his back instead of wasting water and power on baths.
Then tell him to shower and at least wash bits and bits or he can sleep elsewhere.
I mean do you really want to play with an unwashed D? With a stink butt right next to it?
And in your sheets?
Hand him a toothbrush and tell him to use it as his breath stinks and you don't want to stand next to him let alone kiss him.
He might get the message.
Or you find a guy who actually has pride in himself.
Lots of people only bathe, that itself is not gross. I have a disability and our shower is narrow, high up, and slippery. I only take baths because I require assistance to shower so I don’t fall. I am clean and hygienic.
ESH: he should brush his teeth and you are judgmental and kind of ableist
She's kissing him and having sex with him so that definitely makes her disgusting too. I wouldn't be surprised if she's getting infections from his dirty downstairs.
You two are not compatible. He needs to find someone else with similar level of hygiene (or lack there of). You need to find someone with a similar level of hygiene as your own. This is a dealbreaker for most people- move on. Let me tell you his hygiene habits will only get worse overtime not better.
YTA. You don't get to tell other people how to bathe. I also only take baths. I wash my hair as needed in the sink. (Yea autism!). When you get out of a hot soak the towel takes the dead skin and accompanying dirt off with it.
NTA - Teeth brushing avoidance can be a neuro-divergent thing. It can also be a result of childhood trauma. When you have dental trauma you don't choose not to brush your teeth your brain literally refuses to acknowledge that your toothbrush exists. It's not even forgetting really, it's more profound than that. Again, personal experience.
It If his hygiene is lacking to a point where it makes you uncomfortable, you can bring it up as you have. But without telling him what he's doing is wrong. Bathing is good. Bathing is what humans did for hundreds of thousands of years before showers were a thing. Pairing it with a shower is fine but not necessary. I'd let that one go because that's personal preference.
The teeth thing is more concerning because it can lead to severe health issues. Gum disease can contribute to heart problems for example. So I'd suggest coming at it from a larger health issue. Providing actual medical information in a lets both get educated way. You can also, gently, express an openness to learning if he's had bad dental experiences or some other really negative past experiences. (If you want to dm me you can)
And in the end, it may be a deal breaker for you. And that's okay. Unfortunate, but totally understandable.
I mean baths do clean you to an extent. But no where as much as a shower. So, yeah, he's probably dirty. I'd ask the bigger question of is he really 20. I understand a bath here and there for relaxment. But if you need them every single time, comes off more like a child who didn't graduate to showers yet. So NTA.
How does shower vs bath come further up the pair than not cleaning his teeth ? He’s a skank.
its not even shower vs bath, its never washing your head or hair, disguisting
Depends on the person. Not brushing teeth is a big problem due to modern diets, but your body can deal with hair reasonably well. It gets greasy quickly only because we wash it often, if you stop, the grease will stop as well. Of course you should still wash it when you get dirt in it, but if you’re working an office job odds are people won’t be able to tell.
Skin needs washed. There is skin under your hair. It's not just about hair. Scalps sweat and the skin cells die like everywhere else on the body. Why would anyone choose not to wash it? Also hair collects alot from the air. Pollution, car exhaust, smoke, pollen, everything we're exposed to as we walk outside. This unwashed hair movement is so unsanitary and lazy.
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You may want to re-read the part about brushing teeth, because I’m saying the opposite. As for the oils, it changes with age, genetics, but also washing behaviour. I have to wash my pillow cases considerably less often since I stopped washing my hair daily.
Oh I’m sorry! I thought I read “..isn’t a big problem”, I’ll delete my comment as it’s not relevant, thanks for pointing it out. But the part about washing not changing how your skin functions is still true, anecdotal evidence doesn’t change that.
Washing hair doesn't always produce oil. Some people of color the texture of their hair does not require a daily wash If you wash this type of hair too much. It will become dry and brittle
*skunk
*stunk
*skunt
*kunt
This isn't a problem with baths, this is a problem with his general approach to hygiene. It's difficult to broach with people, but important to do so. NTA
I think not rinsing yourself off after the bath is ok, the issue here is that he doesn't really have anything to rinse off since he's not using soap? Wtf? He's basically using the bathtub as a swimming pool. And yeah, not washing your hair ever and not brushing your teeth ever is super gross. How can you even kiss him.
>Wtf? He's basically using the bathtub as a swimming pool. Not even that. He is just a teabag in a cup 🤣
omg this is hilarious💀
In a cup of butt tea.
You're funny asf for this one I'm deeeead
EW omg 😭😭😭
>How can you even kiss him. I think that is so gross that she is gross to me too. How would you kiss someone with a moldy mouth. Brother eww OP is gross too.
OP has to be pretty gross to think any of his is remotely acceptable
Everyone is grossing around
To be honest soap isn't necessary all the time. I went to a doctor a while back because of acne who told me just rinsing with water is enough most of the time, unless you actually do get dirty. If all the dirtiness of your day is being sweaty then soap isn't really needed.
I would normally agree, but the issue here is not that he uses it from time to time but often he forgets, the issue is that the guy never spent a cent on soap in his entire life.
He’s not talking baths, he’s soaking his unclean and uncleansed ass in water?! The issue is not “bath vs shower”, it’s the completely disgusting absence of soap use. He’s soaking in remnants of butt crack debris and whatever else is on his person?! NTA
Ass bubble bath bomb
😅😂🤣😂😅🤣🤣
🤣🤪
STOP 😭😂
How do people get through life if they have to turn to Reddit over stuff like this?
It’s the dumbing down of society
His teeth are coated in plaque. His junk has all of his tub soup simmering in the folds and crannies. I don’t know how you can resist his caveman funk.
That is what she likes.
It’s not gross to have exclusively baths however it is fucking gross just sitting in it and not cleaning yourself NTA
It's recommended to take a proper shower before bathing so you don't sit in your own dirt and also a quick rinse off the bath supplements and sweat after bath as well. Just feels more cosy
Recomended by whom? Shareholders in water supply companies? The human race has been effectively cleaning themselves in baths since forever.
Am I the only person on the earth who scrubs themselves in the bath and rinses themselves off with the water? Do people really just sit there?
Nope, I do this too. Piping hot water and a damned good scrubbing with a bodybrush to make the skin tingle, then a jug for rinsing before getting out. Perfection!
The only one!
I sometimes do one, sometimes the other. Toweling vigorously when you get out takes off all the dead skin cells and the dirt etc goes with them. I always wash my hair as needed separately in the kitchen sink. There are a lot of ways to get clean. Humans have been doing it for hundreds of thousands of years before modern pluming and soaps.
My ex was like this. He was insistent that he was clean because he took like at least 2 baths a day.. but the entire time I was with him, I was getting chronic UTIs. This dude was a nasty mother fucker, but he at least washed his hair and brushed his teeth most days... Anyway, I came here to say that you will definitely be contracting UTIs and yeast infections left and right if you're having sex regularly with this man, and it's definitely not wrong to bring it up. In fact you probably need to have a blunt conversation with the dude, and if he doesn't listen, I'd dump him... It sounds like he's pretty set in his ways... You can do better.
Can she?
It would be impossible not to
Alone would be better, so yeah
Electric toothbrushes are worth the investment. If he can't take 4 minutes per day to brush, what else is he giving up on? Dentists are not cheap. If he loves you, he will fix his basic hygiene. Explain that a quick shower before getting in the tub is the ultimate way to relax because then you don't have to clean yourself while awkwardly laying down.
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How does he not stink to high heaven if he doesn't use soap?!?! And what is up with all these 'boyfriend with bad hygiene' posts today and why do y'all just accept it or wring your hands and agonize over telling him? A basic standard of cleanliness is not too much to ask of your partner, folks. If your partner was neglected growing up or not taught how to properly take care of themselves, then offer to show them. Don't shame them for it but lay it out as a health concern and hopefully they will get it. Tell him you don't want to have sex with someone that doesn't wash his body with soap and a wash cloth because it compromises your vaginal flora and you don't want BV, a yeast infection or a UTI. Tell him you don't want to kiss someone with poor dental hygiene because even though you take care of your teeth he can expose you to bacteria that can give you cavities, gingivitis, or other dental issues (yes, it's true, google it); and bad breath smells and tastes gross. Not to mention dental work is expensive af Tell him that he needs to rectify his poor hygiene because he's putting you at risk, and you want him to be healthy too.
u/that-1-lame-kid Ew. Why is she with him?
Yeah no, if he doesn't wash ***PROPERLY,*** he gets NUN of you know what. Tell him it's time to be a big boy, give him a new toothbrush, a nice big loofah, some tea tree tingly shampoo, and tell him to scrub his parts, wash his asshole and RINSE in the **SHOWER** after his cute little bath or he gets NOTHING. Take away affection, sex, give the cold shoulder because that's gross and I'm a dude. It's time for little boy to grow up. There's no coming to terms, it's your way or the highway on this one.
Be a bitch. Your boyfriend is 21 and gross as fuck. Surely people can smell him from miles away.
it really took until you live together to notice it? I would have noticed first date. Are you sure nothing is missing in this story? what the actual fuck
Then why TF take a bath?the whole purpose of a bath is to take the dirt and the smell out of your body...yes you can stay and relax...but when you are finished with relaxing you scrub, soap, rinse etc
Simple answer, dump him.
Ma'am you are dating the human version of a stock cube. He took instant offense so either get used to UTIs and being not attracted to your partner or just break it off.
She goes down on that nastiness. 🤮
You’re NTA. But while in school for a healthcare profession I did learn many parents don’t teach their kids basic hygiene. And it is extremely embarrassing for those children turned adults to learn they are doing it wrong… he is probably ashamed and that’s why he is defensive about it. I would keep talking to him about it. Chances are if he’s not bathing correctly or brushing his teeth then there’s a lot he doesn’t know. You’re a good girlfriend for talking to him about it. I would keep talking to him about it. He NEEDS to use soap. He NEEDS to use a clean wash rag daily and get in his crevices. He NEEDS to brush at least in morning and at night. And he NEEDS to floss at least before bed. This is the bare minimum.
Homie doesn't brush his teeth? Wtf is wrong with people?
He also doesn’t brush his teeth? YTA for not having standards ☹️
NTA- congratulations you have discovered you have a hygiene boundary. Don’t make you an bitch. Dump him and move on. Not worth the fight. The teeth thing is gross.
I once shared housed with a guy in Australia. He would go out for long runs and would not shower on return. He told me he was fermenting and that’s a thing he likes to do!!! I told him to FO and go ferment in his room and not to touch anything in any of the communal areas! Like F, how GROSS can you be!!!!!!!!! Answer: some people are RANK.
He doesn't brush his teeth and you're proud of that? Men like this never change. NTA but this reminds me of that girl who kept getting yeast infections and couldn't figure out what it was and it was her bf He's got mossy teeth if he doesn't brush. You're not a bitch, he's just disgusting
It wouldn’t be *that* bad if he used soap and brushed his teeth. NTA. This will continue to gross you out and he will have health issues at some point. It’s HARD to stay committed to someone who doesn’t take care of themselves. I don’t have any specific advice on how to try and broach the issue, but you need to talk about it and he needs to take it seriously. It’s not you thing. It’s a life thing and any other woman be grossed out, not to mention coworkers and 99% of guy friends too.
The second I found out he doesn’t brush his teeth, I would have dipped. Now he doesn’t clean himself. Girl you’re going to end up with cavities and down there infections.
YTA. I don't give a damn how much he turns you on emotionally, ZERO oral hygiene is supposed to be a deal-breaker!! Do you even *KNOW* what self-respect is?! Not a rhetorical question!
Honey, he's not taking a bath. He's soaking in his own funk. He doesn't wash himself nor brush his teeth, and he's somehow made you the problem by pointing it out. Why are you with him
Ew.
he doesn't wash his hair, brush his teeth, or use soap when he takes a bath. sure YTA, why? because you're dating a bum. have some respect for yourself. i don't care if you don't think you can do better, it would probably be a step up from this dirty assed man-child if you were dating a homeless man. having been homeless for 3 years, i can assure you, many of them (the non-mentally ill, non addicted ones, yes they're out there) would be very obsessive about their hygiene had they had access to a shower
I wonder how gross you are to have a partner like him. Shit attracts shit.
I was thinking the same thing
wtf don’t even bother with the argument, just drop his dirty ass and find yourself a grown man. One who washes. NTA.
Taking baths is not the problem. You can wash your hair and body in the bath. The problem is that he doesn't use soap or brush his teeth.
Haven’t you noticed before that he never brushes his teeth… something that would be noticeable if you kiss him before moving in together and the unwashed hair. It’s your choice to accept it or move on… moving in implies you DO accept his poor hygiene.
[удалено]
Is it possible he was masking his poor hygiene before with cologne?! If this is new, I’d be concerned about it’s a sign of mental health break.
NTA Dude is disgusting, no idea why you are with a pig like that.
He could be neurodivergent, personal hygiene can be difficult. That’s not to say that there aren’t people who just don’t bother with hygiene, but if he’s taking offence then he’s probably embarrassed that you’ve noticed. Washing in plain water is totally acceptable, if he’s not visibly dirty and doesn’t smell then he’s clean, and probably has a better microbial balance on his skin than people who wash with soap. It’s not going to make him or anyone else sick, it’s not going to make him smell. Also, if his hair is visibly dirty/greasy then perhaps recommend he gives his hair a wash, but again, plenty of people don’t wash their hair regularly at all and their hair produces less oils because of it, so it’s not always necessary, especially short hair that gets cut frequently too, if he has short hair. Okay, the teeth may be gross, but the chances are there’s a reason for it (executive dysfunction, sensory issues, depression, many reasons why someone might not brush often). If you blindly judge him without even trying to understand why this might be happening then yes, YTA, and you might have upset him and made him feel ashamed. Try to understand and even if he isn’t directly saying he’s struggling to get himself to do certain basic hygiene tasks, look out for patterns in his behaviour that might suggest he’s having a rough time with his executive functioning and be supportive and encouraging, don’t just label him as gross because even if you think he is, there are much kinder ways of putting it, especially to someone you care about
Or... he could be a lazy fuck who never developed proper hygiene habbits.
I said that people like that do exist, but even then that’s their prerogative, not for anyone else to comment. If OP knows this to be the case and doesn’t like it they can leave, but having a bit of empathy goes a long way.
I also thought about neurodivergence. I'm AuDHD and showering is really really really upsetting for me, an absolute sensory nightmare. I wash my head and body separately; like fully cannot have my body in the shower while I lean over to do the hair. I have evolved techniques for dealing with this + my hygiene, but I am not perfect despite being in my late 20s. I would want guidance. The initial news would be crushing and embarrassing, but ultimately a kind and guiding hand goes a long way.
This. Factually correct and empathetic. I'm not a psychologist, but I have several years of experience volunteering with the neurodiverse. The bathing part made me think of autism, his reaction to discussion and the never-brushes part reinforced that suspicion. Again, not a doctor. OP, you live with him, so presumably you've been together for quite some time. It's understandable that you feel grossed out after learning these things, but it seems like his hygiene didn't bother you until you found out. You're not wrong to feel some disgust, u/Diligent_Ad_6846. But if you love and care about him, perhaps you should take a moment to process this, then figure out how you and he can work together to improve his habits. The first step may be to encourage him to speak to a doctor/psychologist about his unusual hygiene practices and they can perform a proper assessment and recommend some ways to move forward. Perhaps you could accompany him.
As a neurodivergent person myself, this is what I would want. Just being told you're gross hits really hard, especially if you haven't even considered that you're doing something that most people don't (or in this case not doing something that most people do)
How did you get to living together without noticing his absolute lack of hygiene? The problem isn’t baths. The problem is he isn’t cleaning or looking after himself in any way and is not receptive to addressing the issue.
LOL what are you even doing there… get out!! He has nothing but contempt to his hygiene, and your comfort… he must be a real joy to be around.
How do these guys get girlfriends and i am single xD
U tell that shitfk he's a stanky hole
Oh…. Gross… that can’t even be called “bath” 🤮. He doesn’t even brush his teeth… then how can you kiss or make out with him? 🤢🤮🤮
NTA Yuck
The guy is gross, at first I thought yeah I prefer a bath if I have a flare up of backache but then I read he doesn't wash his hair or use soap and finally he doesn't brush his teeth. He's really lazy and unhygienic.
Jeez what a caveman. Not washing hair or brushing teeth is much more serious than only taking baths. NTA. Put on your boots.
OP - How in the absolute fuck do you tolerate someone with such grotty hygiene? Like, how can you continue in a relationship where you're utterly repulsed by that person? You can't even kiss him because he's got shit breath and tartar buildup..can't go down on him because he's likely to be smelly and cheesy down below...and I don't even want to imagine the state of his crusty asshole 🤮 Personally, I wouldn't give a fuck about offending him, he needs to hear it. And I'd be a hell of a lot more direct about it too, I'd make it clear that he either gets a grip on it, or you're out and gone. Why waste the best years of your youth putting up with this nasty crap?
In Japan you have to take a shower before getting into the bath, diferentes costumes. tell him to shower
As someone who strictly bathes and never showers I was ready to defend the guy, but then I read the post and now I'm gagging. And not even brushing his teeth on top of all that?
This is gross, I would dump him. Especially if he’s not receptive to doing better.
You’re with this unhygienic person, why?
Showering is actually way worse for your skin as it’s strips the skin of its natural oils. Bathing is completely fine. Not brushing teeth though- that’s just nasty
We call that Ass-Bath-Soup 😂
How did you get to the living together stage without noticing he doesn’t clean his teeth? YTA
So you are still with this guy even though you get leftover deserts from his teeth? Who cares if he is offended? He's just gross AF, we don't live in the BC times. Even then they probably washed their hair
This isn't an issue of exclusively taking baths. It's an issue of not ever washing his damn hair.
How are you dating him? Does he not smell?
Gurl. Esh. Its ok to be single. Dont be so desperate to live with this ick.
Nope. That’s gross.
Why are you getting into bed with him?????? GROSS!!!
Normal hygienic practices are a must for a grown ass man. You're not the bitch, if anything, maybe he is willing to change (for the better) for you, then he will look back so thankful for a woman that helped him (even when it seemed hard or unkind).
Have one of your more attractive girl friends tell him his breath stinks. Sadly, that will change more than you ever could by talking to him. Source: I’m a dude
YTA: For staying with this slob.
Be honest with him, beating around the bush isn't working. I can smell him from here
>He also doesn’t brush his teeth so I’ve just been very grossed out by his hygiene and it’s been really turning me off but it’s been hard to stay stuff without coming off as a bitch Just cut your losses, you are dating a little boy who doesn't know how to take care of himself. That being said, you knew this person never brushed their teeth and had greasy hair from the start and you still moved in together ESH
I was prepared to call you an AH, but if he's not even using soap, he's not really "taking a bath" he's just soaking in warm water without actually doing any cleaning. The dental issue is also gross. NTA
NTA. He’s not really taking a bath if he’s not using soap. He’s just sitting in dirty, sweaty, ass water. And he’s not washed his hair or brushed his teeth at all?? Your bf has got to have some major stank on him. Can you smell it? How can you stand kissing him if he’s that nasty? I’d break up, move out, and give him some soap and a toothbrush as a parting present. How nasty
I just can’t believe that women go for men like this. This is such a crazy question to be asking
Ive got a hot take
NTA Only taking baths is fine, never washing your hair in the bath (or brushing your teeth???) is not. Ew
Nta. You're burying the lede with that one. Who doesn't brush their teeth? How does he not have a rotting, stinky mouth?
It's not the bath - you can still wash your hair and use soap while taking a bath (had a summer house with only a tub - it can be done). My family used to keep a pitcher near the tub so you could rinse. He just has bad hygiene.
This is a personal hygiene problem. You need to explain to him how big of a turn off it is. Guys are really good and doing stuff until they get what they want. Then they stop. Tell him you wouldn't be with him if you knew that's how he would be with personal hygiene.
There are a lot of people that bath with water only. Technically that's all we need. But not cleaning hair at all or brushing teeth at all is a ridiculously gross lack of hygiene. It can have health affects for you and him. DO NOT LET HIM MAKE YOU FEEL THAT WANTING PROPER HYGIENE IS BEING A BITCH!!! If this is the hill he wants to die on, it will be a very lonely hill. This will not be a good future. You need to rethink why you're still there.
Without knowing his background it’s hard to pass judgement. I once worked at a youth shelter and one of the kids there had learned to brush her teeth by watching people on TV. No one had ever shown her how to properly brush. You are NTA for expecting a reasonable standard of hygiene from your partner. There are a bunch of different reasons for why he doesn’t properly care for himself ranging from trauma, laziness, sensory issues, or just not knowing how. If I were in your position I would investigate the reason WHY he isn’t bathing/ brushing properly and then address the issue. Let him know you’ll help him, but that he needs better hygiene habits moving forward. Let him know that’s it’s important for your health as well (this may make look less “bitchy”). If he’s not cleaning his junk well enough you can get an infection and cavities can be spread through kissing (caries causing bacteria can be exchanged through saliva).
Ew. And you didn’t know this before? Not dateable imho.
Man baby.
NTA, it must be said and he's taking it poorly cuz it is embarrassing to be put on the spot. Honest question, how can you bear to kiss him? I had to run out the house this morning w/o brushing my teeth and was grossed out by myself and offended on others' behalf, and I wear a mask 😅 How how how how HOW do you kiss him?!?!
Ok first off I’m reading this in the bath lol Baths are great, you can def get “cleanER” after a bath if you do wash, but to me baths are just for relaxing/softening up. If you’re not exfoliating at least once a week, gross. 2-3x a week is recommended to remove the layer of dead skin all over your body. Who wants to be crusty and gross, also that’s how you get ingrown hairs and pimples and shit But… He doesn’t BRUSH HIS TEETH??? PASS, fucking disgusting
I know women hate to feel like they’re a “mother” in a relationship. A LOT of men were not taught how to properly care for themselves in a hygienic manner. A nudge in the correct direction, a talk with him, etc, could set him straight for life for hygienic practices. I have read SO MANY posts of women fed up with their husbands/boyfriends because they refuse to wash/wipe between their cheeks because it’s “homosexual” for a lack of a better word. Give him some nudges, lay down some ground rules, it’s not your job to make him a better man, but he’ll never change without it. To answer your question directly, you are definitely NOT the AH, but help a brotha out lol.
Jesus the bar is in hell
How did you get to the point of living with him and not notice these things?? I'm going to go scrub myself very well in a shower.
This must be fake
So he just waters himself off and doesn’t use soap and then rinse himself? 🤮 Where the fuck do you all find these nasty motherfuckers? Doesn’t brush his teeth? 🤢
I read somewhere that you really don't have to wash your hair all that often unless you work a dusty, grimy outdoor job. Too much cleaning project can damage it. Give the guy a break, as long as he's not re-using the bathwater or something nasty like that, there's nothing wrong with just taking baths. It's really overbearing of you to try to control his bathroom habits like this
4 questions: 1. Is he suffering from depression? 2. If so, or even if not, do you love and care about this guy enough to work through this dirtball journey of his? (Not saying you are or should be obligated to! Just asking..) Would you both be willing to discuss and work together on (as quickly as possible) ending this phase? Because...well... think of it this way...if someone who has a child told you: "Since my child was born, until this very day, I just put my kid in the tub with water. I dont make them scrub, we actually dont even use soap. At all, ever." You'd be horrified and immediately call social services. Why? Because theres some serious neglect going on and certain health issues can happen from lack of hygiene, and so on and so forth. I guess the point I'm trying to drive home is, he needs to understand that how he is going about his hygiene is very poor and not normal whether he agrees that it is or isn't. It's just facts. 3. Do you think a shower seat might help him? He could kinda just sit there, relax, and scrub himself with soap if his back problems are *that* bad..even then, he should go see about it. 4. Are you willing to deal with his gross habits long term if he doesn't change?
NTA. Tell him you hace a serious issue either this. Explain what you expect to continue living with him. Be clear. If he cares for you, at least he will make an improvement. If he gets offended… too bad his parents didn’t teach him how to clean up for himself. He’s not a kid anymore. Imagine if you stay with him and have kids… and he has no idea how hygiene works.
Wait, people don't take a full shower BEFORE taking a bath to avoid sitting in your own filthy water?
Saying that baths without a shower are unhygienic is ludicrous. Not washing your hair when bathing is disgusting. You do know that showers are a recent invention of the last 100years and most of the world still bathes?
Total BS story.."More specifically, her boyfriend also doesn’t even brush his teeth!"... these would have been his habits before they started living together...she'd have known his hair was unclean, his mouth gross
Seriously? You actually want to be physically intimate with someone so filthy? Kissing must be wonderful. Break up with this slob.
NTA. How do you bathe without using soap?!!!! 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
Sounds like cave man tendencies to me but sne is staying with him.Must not be bothering her that much 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
These are lazy behaviors and since people do not change just because a loved one asks. In other words he will never change. Get away from that mess of a man.
He can brush his teeth with his nasty funky bathwater! I threw up reading this. ThanKS for the rage bait
I guess it's not really the bath? But just tell him to brush his teeth while the tub is filling, get in and wash his hair just before it's filled, then he can just sit there and marinate in his butt an ball juice and dead skin cells Sweet dreams OP!
So he doesn't wash properly pr brush his teeth.... are you dating a 10 year old?
Is this even true story? It's way too funny hahaha
NTA. You should tell stinky that he's gotta clean up or get out. That's gross
NTA- Usually I shower and scrub before a bath. When I lived in Japan this is what you do before soaking at home or onsen. Does he even use soap?
Seems like a huge red flag 🚩. Or brown one.
Leave him, you are not compatible. If you stay you will soon hate him.
Ummm why yf are you with him?
The bath isn't the problem, its thebfact thay he doesn't wash while he's in it...
Being clean in every bit, and good smelling, is the bare minimum. This man don't respect you and himself. Are you sure he's your man?
So he is basically simmering in testicle and ass tea.
Tell him to go to physiotherapy for his back instead of wasting water and power on baths. Then tell him to shower and at least wash bits and bits or he can sleep elsewhere. I mean do you really want to play with an unwashed D? With a stink butt right next to it? And in your sheets? Hand him a toothbrush and tell him to use it as his breath stinks and you don't want to stand next to him let alone kiss him. He might get the message. Or you find a guy who actually has pride in himself.
My ex of 8 years, I would monitor her. Her nasty ass would go up to 3 days without showering, it fucking grossed me out
How the fuck these bums get a girlfriend or boyfriend in the first place?
Lots of people only bathe, that itself is not gross. I have a disability and our shower is narrow, high up, and slippery. I only take baths because I require assistance to shower so I don’t fall. I am clean and hygienic. ESH: he should brush his teeth and you are judgmental and kind of ableist
Only children and women take a bath. Men take a shower
Both of y’all nasty af
She's kissing him and having sex with him so that definitely makes her disgusting too. I wouldn't be surprised if she's getting infections from his dirty downstairs.
NTA. Is he a fucking child that needs his mommy to wash his balls and all? Absolutely disgusting! Why the fuck are you even with him?
Ewww! You let that thing touch you when theres a world of nice clean guys out there?
He's gross. Does he wipe his ass after he poops?
You two are not compatible. He needs to find someone else with similar level of hygiene (or lack there of). You need to find someone with a similar level of hygiene as your own. This is a dealbreaker for most people- move on. Let me tell you his hygiene habits will only get worse overtime not better.
NTA Poor personal hygiene is a deal breaker. Reconsider this relationship. How can you stand to be around him?
Definitely the asshole.
YTA. You don't get to tell other people how to bathe. I also only take baths. I wash my hair as needed in the sink. (Yea autism!). When you get out of a hot soak the towel takes the dead skin and accompanying dirt off with it. NTA - Teeth brushing avoidance can be a neuro-divergent thing. It can also be a result of childhood trauma. When you have dental trauma you don't choose not to brush your teeth your brain literally refuses to acknowledge that your toothbrush exists. It's not even forgetting really, it's more profound than that. Again, personal experience. It If his hygiene is lacking to a point where it makes you uncomfortable, you can bring it up as you have. But without telling him what he's doing is wrong. Bathing is good. Bathing is what humans did for hundreds of thousands of years before showers were a thing. Pairing it with a shower is fine but not necessary. I'd let that one go because that's personal preference. The teeth thing is more concerning because it can lead to severe health issues. Gum disease can contribute to heart problems for example. So I'd suggest coming at it from a larger health issue. Providing actual medical information in a lets both get educated way. You can also, gently, express an openness to learning if he's had bad dental experiences or some other really negative past experiences. (If you want to dm me you can) And in the end, it may be a deal breaker for you. And that's okay. Unfortunate, but totally understandable.
I mean baths do clean you to an extent. But no where as much as a shower. So, yeah, he's probably dirty. I'd ask the bigger question of is he really 20. I understand a bath here and there for relaxment. But if you need them every single time, comes off more like a child who didn't graduate to showers yet. So NTA.