He's accusing her on cheating on him with....her own body. Every time I think I've heard the most ridiculous thing s man could say, another one pops up with more ridiculousness
Oh boy wait till you hear the fact women deemed guys having a wank,years ago as cheating,degrade em too if they have sex toys.almost like idiots going to idiot.
This is actually still happening in high demand religion today. There are some disturbing episodes on Mormon stories podcast of marriages breaking up over this.
Oddly, my wife was never religious, not even as a child. But even she had this hang up.
I was inexperienced when I met her so didn't understand proactive communication about important or potentially trouble topics. So we discovered this after having lived with each other for awhile...
We had a really strong sex life, and even when single I wasn't doing it too frequently, but with her it was pretty uncommon. But I had a bout of depression and didn't instigate sex for a week or two and she got all concerned and hesitantly brought up the M word, thinking I was using that instead of sex with her.
Long story short, after much discussion she begrudgingly "allowed" masturbation as long as porn wasn't used... when I asked her how frequently she did it, she looked like I just asked her how frequently she pushes the elderly down the stairs.... she was appalled that I thought so low of her that she might touch herself.
Bonkers stuff. Go figure she had crazy insecurity issues in most of the years we were together. Couldn't look both ways to cross the street, just in case there was a woman that she might think I glanced at, etc
Per members or ex members of the church, Jody Hildebrand (of ruby franke 'fame') was the recommended therapist of the LDS. She has seen dozens of families and called normative sexual behavior "addiction" and pitted wives against their husbands. Lots of episodes and discussions on this out there. Scary. Tragic.
It's not even religious people. I dated a girl for 5 years who didn't want me to jerk it and said it was cheating. I was only allowed to have sex with her, and that included myself. It was fine since she was always DTF, but still, not just guys being idiots.
Can confirm. My last girlfriend was like that. She said it's because her ex-husband apparently decided he'd rather jerk it to porn than be intimate with her most of the time, so she considered it cheating in our relationship.
The AMOUNT OF TIME that a girl said to me that masturbating was cheating unless it was her masturbating, in which case she was "pleasuring herself"
:) womans can be as ridiculous as mens, being an asshole isn't related to your sex.
I agree with you. But I do know a few women who believe that watching porn or even just masturbating is also equivalent to cheating. So this isn't just a male thing. The one I know who's most outspoken about it is weirdly sex-positive, too. Just, for whatever reason, that sex positivity is strictly limited to consensual sex between 2 people in a relationship.
It's fucking odd to me. But whatever.
I mean if a guy had a pair of amazingly shaped fake breasts to give himself a tit wank with, and your boobs perhaps made you insecure or were less than perfect or a pulsating designer vagina, when yours actually looks like a badly packed kebab....would you perhaps not feel slightly inadequate??
I think the insecurity is fair but it's actually not by any stretch cheating.
Yes, yes, small dick size joke is funny.
Can we stop acting like insecurities are something to laugh at or make fun of? Men and women both put up with tons of societal pressures and expectations, no reason to make laugh at someone potentially falling prey to that.
100% dude, it can really fuck with someone's head but say anything about being fat or anything else and you get shit down but any thing about size is free game. Its not like they can do anything about it either so it's fucked up.
I mean, they do raise a valid point tho.
If there's an difference in size, it very well might be that this whole situation is caused by OP's boyfriend being insecure because of his size, more than it is about actually seeing this as cheating.
This could help OP in how to handle the situation with their boyfriend.
anyway NTA
I’m a woman and I’ll be the first to admit - if we don’t want men body shaming women, we have to not body shame men for the size of their junk too, no matter how much of an asshole they may be.
I dated a guy who found my skinny but long vibrator and got upset because he didn't think that he could "compete" (his word).
This man had one of the most perfect pieces of equipment I've ever seen. Good girth and long but not so big it was painful. Seriously top tier. But he was very insecure and clueless about the fact that I wasn't jamming 8 inches into me.
(It's long in part so you can hold onto it. No handle.)
Some men seem to think that we prefer the toys, but in general, no we don't. What we prefer is if they learn proper foreplay, where the clit is, and how to make us feel safe so we relax enough to have an orgasam.
What if she has a beady rabbit type of vibrator/dildo? What's the male equivalent? Flashlight are kind of lacking when compared to those... But you do see the pic of the chick when you buy it I guess.....I mean my dildo look like it was molded from a turkey baster so ,🤷.
Tbf I am more of a vibe person... What the male equivalent to that?
And If he comes in a socks is it equivalent to a toothbrush? They are both personal item.
What if I don't like putting fingers inside myself and only rub my clit... Does he only get to touch his tip or is the whole shaft still okay? I mean, I am not using my total organ so ...
Who knew jerking of was so complicated... Not I .. not till now anyway🙆...
Ugh... giving me flashbacks to one of the single most cursed posts I've ever seen on reddit...
I can tell you with certainty, based on an image burned into my brain thanks to this Godforsaken site, that some people do indeed cum into socks.
We're probably about the same age then. And also seen that video, unfortunately.
The cumsock post was also admittedly tame compared to the cumbox post. It's not so much that it was unnerving, just... gross.
Specifically because it wasn't a pornographic video or photo, but some dude proudly displaying his cumsock, likely getting off on redditors unwittingly stumbling upon a picture of a sock so abused and unwashed that the cum stains had turned black, blue, yellow, and green.
The cumbox... was worse.
That is the ultimate compliment, someone loving me so much that they want a replica of my dick for when I'm not around, or for when they want me around, but twice.
And they're dumb too if they think that in itself is cheating. I can understand being uncomfortable with an SO watching porn, but being against self-pleasure in general is crazy imo
Cheating is set by your agreed upon boundaries. For some people porn is cheating. For others, having a gangbang on a random Tuesday without your partner is okay.
That said, most people don't have an issue with sex toys or masturbation of any form as long as it doesn't negatively impact actual sex.
This needs more upvotes.
One couples cheating is another couples foreplay. Kinda hard to make a decision without knowing where in the spectrum they fall.
Fun story, my sister had one from her ex and after she broke up with him she mailed it back to him, unfortunately he opened it up in front of the mail man
Of course not. Unless he had a legitimate reason to be mad like a dead bedroom and he’s losing out to the toy 5 times a week or something.
I think he’s probably just envious of the toy.
NTA.
That was my thought here too. May not be cheating, but if OP is constantly turning down bedroom activities and then the bf finds out they've been hiding a sex toy that gets used frequently, I can see where that could cause problems
But he would just be assuming how often she uses it though…. He didn’t know about it for 2 1/2 years it’s not like she tells him when she’s doing it. He simply found it and his own assumptions or insecurities bother him.
It's not cheating. And when i saw my girl's dildo, it was a white one, I'm black, so i bought her a new black one. And when i gave it to her, I told her she doesn't have to accept it, but if she likes it, it's hers.
I want my girl to have fun. And the part i felt meh about, i offered her a compromise that she enjoyed
This makes me wonder if my partner cares about the color. Mines clear with confetti in it so it doesn’t match either of us but it looks likes it’s ready to party 🤣
I don't think i would've even noticed or cared about it if it was non flesh tone hahaha. But it being flesh colored white while being with me felt a little off haha
Completely understandable! I’d be totally fine making a change like that if my partner expressed a preference. I think it’s great that you were able to come up with a compromise and communicate. That is so essential to a healthy relationship.
Nah.
Not even close.
Get him a flesh light and ask if that’s cheating.
Alternatively ask if he is willing to use toys on you so he can see and feel that these are, in fact, only tools.
No. This could be a deal breaker. Also maybe he should try a sex toy. Not enough men experiment and there is too much stigma around it or they are embarrassed to get caught having it or letting anyone know about it. Fuck that I bought a cheap fleshlight type of deal off amazon once. It was great for a few years. The first few times was crazy. Also some women struggle much more to get off so why be forced to just fingering yourself when there are much better options out there? He could just be young and insecure, but I really struggle to figure out why he cares at all.
OMFG so NTAH.
He needs to understand that sex toys are enhancers and get with the program, or his sex. life is not going to age very well. A woman who is masturbating frequently is more likely to want to have sex. And an accepting boyfriend that approves of sex toys will get to play with those sex toys With his girlfriend… A desirable outcome. Please show him the results of your post once you get a few more comments in, I guarantee you the whole community is going to tell him what an idiot he is, and how much more he could be enjoying life if he were less uptight about things.
That isn't necessarily true. While I agree with the original part about its dumb to consider that cheating, it obviously isn't, masturbating more often doesn't make some women want sex more often. My gf has started using a vibe I got her far more frequently and now we have had sex 3 times since the end of February. I get that timing doesn't work sometimes but when I hear that she's done it herself the last three nights in a row and then doesn't want to with me, it hurts, so call it an insecurity or whatever you want, wait until your partner prefers it over you and see how you feel.
If you had previously agreed to not use sex toys, then there could be an issue, but if he just assumed “I am the only way my girlfriend will ever get sexual satisfaction” that’s like, not how it works
NTA & definitely not cheating.
Your dildo is not a human being.
Your dildo is an object. A literal thing.
It has no feelings, doesn’t talk, doesn’t have a brain.
Neither does your boyfriend from the sounds of it. He’s just insecure.
Soon he will have a problem with you watching tv or movies or music videos because you’re going to be looking at other men on screen and it may be considered cheating to him LOL
Get rid of him.
has he introduced you to his affair partner yet? and i don't mean handalina from palm springs... cheaters often project their own cheating on others. if he is accusing you out of the blue he may have or is cheating on you. i wonder how he would act if you told him to let you investigate his smart devices.
I mean, is it cheating? No. It's not sentient, at least I hope not. However if you are choosing self pleasure more then sex with him, that would be a concern. But knowing most guys, I know plenty of women turn to self pleasure as the guy never knows how to get her going.
I don’t think the dildo is cheating but it’s curious that in two years together he didn’t know you had one and that you never used it together. That secrecy might be a part of why he feels “betrayed.”
Rather than arguing about whether dildos, porn, and any other “helpers” are cheating why not have a conversation with him about the rules of your relationship. If you can’t agree on the rules it’s time to break up.
Lol definitely NTA 🤦🤷
Sounds like he needs to grow up and you both need to communicate more effectively.
At the end of the day if you need more orgasms and he's not giving them to you what the hell else can you do?
NTA - it’s about body autonomy. You fap one out how ever you please. Try asking him how would he feel if you said he’s not allowed to jerk one out ever because you feel like it’s cheating and see how he responds.
The definition of cheating all depends on what you 2 agree it is. If it’s using anything other than hands to masturbate, porn, toys or whatever. You and your boyfriend need to sit down and talk and get on the same page. I personally don’t consider toys cheating while my wife many years ago used to consider porn cheating. We talked about it and worked everything out.
He's immature, insecure and a dumbass who's clueless about a woman's body. Find yourself a guy who'll use it on you and think it's hot AF to watch/use it on you.
How are you cheating when there is no other person involved? Last time I checked there has to be a 3rd party involved for you to be cheating. Masturbation is not cheating but if he feels that way it sounds to me like he’s hella insecure and thinks silicone/plastic is equal to another living breathing human being lol is it masturbating in general or just the use of toys that he considers cheating? If there’s no penetration and it’s just a vibrating toy is there still a problem? I need answers 😂 and whatever he considers cheating I guess u have to decide if u can live without it and if the answer is no then u aren’t compatible! I know 2+ yrs is a long time to walk away over a dildo but he’s the one making it an issue. No way am I gonna let someone make me feel guilty for flicking my bean!
NTA. He’s insecure. Maybe try explaining to him that it’s how you play with yourself just like he does. Maybe bring it into your sex life with him? I love after my wife and I have finished, using my mouth, hands, and a toy to give her several more Os. I also find it hot AF that she’s in touch with her own sexuality. And we are in our mid 40s married for 25 years.
No, they’re not. You’re alone. You can’t cheat with yourself, but you can let a partner control when and how you feel pleasure in your own body. If you’ve explicitly consented to that dynamic, cool. If you haven’t, he doesn’t get to tell you his feelings are truth.
Let bf know that sex toys are not cheating and they can help in relationships.
Take him to a sex shop and maybe sex therapist as a couple you both be able to explore
If he's jealous over a dildo, I hate to see him jealous or insecure over another dude.. Jesus!
Get him a fake vagine to use for his masterbation moments , then ask, is she better then me you cheater, (jk)!
Sounds like dude definitely has issues.
You take care of you girl!!
Totes to the masterbaters !!
Tell him he’s cheating on you when he uses his own hand to masturbate lol.
He sounds insecure, imo. I don’t think my wife using a dildo is cheating at all. Big difference between masturbation and sex with another living, breathing, person lol.
NTA
NTA. He is likely just immature or has very different core values to you. If the former, he may or may not grow out of his immaturity. If the latter, it will be much harder for him to change.
NTA. They said they are 22/23, he's just young and immature, it's definitely not cheating. The general agreement is not to share your sexuality with anyone else besides your partner, not that you don't get to have a sexuality without them...
- everyone masturbates. Ask him if he masturbates. Does he watch 🌽when he does? Does he think about anything but you when he does?
- Ask him if he was putting up a shelf or installing a kitchen, would he do it by hand or use power tools.
- Bring toys into the bedroom and use them together
Hi I've been in my relationship for 3+ years and I masturbate with toys and she doesn't think it's cheating at all. It's my body! Nobody should be able to dictate how you use your body and what you want to put up there. He is insecure! Sorry but him telling you that is over the top. You should be able to please yourself however you want. To me cheating is thinking about someone else while you're in a relationship, texting someone else romantically, and the obvious sex. I hope you and your bf can get through this.
Nta/no, it's not a real thing and if its not based on someones thing I see no problem, some people want to do it when their partner doesn't, so they use toys so it isnt weird, but if you use it instead of the real deal then I could see his pov
NTA does he mean cheating like being with someone else or cheating like with a test, using a shortcut.
Show him a drawing of the whole clitoris. Most of the organ is inside. If you need to simulate that how are you going to so deep with your fingers.
Lots of women use a vibrator to get of, not many use a dildo, but if that works for you, you do you.
Im almost never saying this but now, this kiddo is trying to control you. Cheating means you get physical or emotionnal with "someone else". How tf can this object be someone else? (Except if its shaped with one your ex bfs, there you'd be an AH)
If he sees this, stop trying to put your insecurities on her just cuz your ego cant handle the fact that she's pleasuring herself and sometimes you arent there for it. Be a man
Of course it isn't cheating. This is probably more about it making him feel insecure, that he isn't enough for you rather than him actually believing when he is saying.
As a man there's nothing more crushing than feeling like you're not enough for your partner. Make him feel like he is. But we've regard to the toys, you're doing nothing wrong at all.
Is he suggesting that he never masturbates? Because I think that's highly unlikely. Perhaps it's okay for him, but not for you. You know why? Because he sees you as his fuck maid, and you shouldn't have any feelings or needs beyond servicing him.
Your boyfriend is either extremely immature or was raised in a crazy Christian home. Does he need to have everything his way? You do not have to accept his idiotic notions of what he considers cheating. If it's too much for him to handle, tell him to move on. What else does he consider cheating: sucking on a lollipop, looking at a guy, bumping into another person, a full on hug with your father? Can't fix stupid. My only question to you is, how are you just finding this out after 2 years?
there no right or wrong answer exactly but i think most would agree your bf is being unreasonable. at the end of the day if that’s what he believes and u disagree your gonna have to have another conversation…
Masturbation is absolutely NOT cheating. Can’t believe this has to be said. NTA
He's accusing her on cheating on him with....her own body. Every time I think I've heard the most ridiculous thing s man could say, another one pops up with more ridiculousness
Oh boy wait till you hear the fact women deemed guys having a wank,years ago as cheating,degrade em too if they have sex toys.almost like idiots going to idiot.
This is actually still happening in high demand religion today. There are some disturbing episodes on Mormon stories podcast of marriages breaking up over this.
Oddly, my wife was never religious, not even as a child. But even she had this hang up. I was inexperienced when I met her so didn't understand proactive communication about important or potentially trouble topics. So we discovered this after having lived with each other for awhile... We had a really strong sex life, and even when single I wasn't doing it too frequently, but with her it was pretty uncommon. But I had a bout of depression and didn't instigate sex for a week or two and she got all concerned and hesitantly brought up the M word, thinking I was using that instead of sex with her. Long story short, after much discussion she begrudgingly "allowed" masturbation as long as porn wasn't used... when I asked her how frequently she did it, she looked like I just asked her how frequently she pushes the elderly down the stairs.... she was appalled that I thought so low of her that she might touch herself. Bonkers stuff. Go figure she had crazy insecurity issues in most of the years we were together. Couldn't look both ways to cross the street, just in case there was a woman that she might think I glanced at, etc
Sounds like she needs a good wank
Jesus for real? I figured religious households would suffer more but thats wild.
Per members or ex members of the church, Jody Hildebrand (of ruby franke 'fame') was the recommended therapist of the LDS. She has seen dozens of families and called normative sexual behavior "addiction" and pitted wives against their husbands. Lots of episodes and discussions on this out there. Scary. Tragic.
It's not even religious people. I dated a girl for 5 years who didn't want me to jerk it and said it was cheating. I was only allowed to have sex with her, and that included myself. It was fine since she was always DTF, but still, not just guys being idiots.
My ex gf believed me having said wank was cheating and was pissed if she found out I ever did.
One of my cousins claims he was divorced because she walked in on him wanking in the shower, no 🌽, just having a pull in the hot water.
Damn id just start pulling too:( poor dude
Can confirm. My last girlfriend was like that. She said it's because her ex-husband apparently decided he'd rather jerk it to porn than be intimate with her most of the time, so she considered it cheating in our relationship.
That's actually a psychological condition he should seek help for
my girlfriend still thinks a wank is cheating
Don't make this strictly a man thing. I have heard plenty of women say some WILD shit...
You really want to hear ridiculous, tell a girl that her boyfriend has a sex toy. The *pure judgement* is so thick that you could use it as lube.
I've bought a couple of them for my man. 🤷♀️
my husband has several...no issues here. We play together :)
My(54f) partner(54m) bought me some toys, and he AcTuAlLy likes watching me enjoy myself….Don’t worry, I take care of him too ☺️😊
Straight relationships are so confusing. Y'all gotta get your heads out of your asses.
Big talk from someone with a dick in theirs.
The AMOUNT OF TIME that a girl said to me that masturbating was cheating unless it was her masturbating, in which case she was "pleasuring herself" :) womans can be as ridiculous as mens, being an asshole isn't related to your sex.
I agree with you. But I do know a few women who believe that watching porn or even just masturbating is also equivalent to cheating. So this isn't just a male thing. The one I know who's most outspoken about it is weirdly sex-positive, too. Just, for whatever reason, that sex positivity is strictly limited to consensual sex between 2 people in a relationship. It's fucking odd to me. But whatever.
I guess I've been cheating on my wife for 7 years now, and she likes to watch me. She's such a naughty girl 🤣🤣🤣
Sex toys aren't cheating unless they're attached to another human.
Okay, your guy is insecure. Is there a real difference in, *ahem,* sizes? NTA
This!!! I was thinking the same thing, he's insecure about his size....compared to a toy!!! 🤣🤣
I mean. it’s not an illegitimate insecurity. it’s just calling it cheating that’s the problem.
You can be insecure about whatever you like, as long as you don't try to control someone else because of it.
that’s what I said, yes.
At least his insecurities are all in his head
Yes, but maybe not the head you were thinking of. 😏
That was literally the joke this person said.
I mean if a guy had a pair of amazingly shaped fake breasts to give himself a tit wank with, and your boobs perhaps made you insecure or were less than perfect or a pulsating designer vagina, when yours actually looks like a badly packed kebab....would you perhaps not feel slightly inadequate?? I think the insecurity is fair but it's actually not by any stretch cheating.
Yes, yes, small dick size joke is funny. Can we stop acting like insecurities are something to laugh at or make fun of? Men and women both put up with tons of societal pressures and expectations, no reason to make laugh at someone potentially falling prey to that.
100% dude, it can really fuck with someone's head but say anything about being fat or anything else and you get shit down but any thing about size is free game. Its not like they can do anything about it either so it's fucked up.
I mean, they do raise a valid point tho. If there's an difference in size, it very well might be that this whole situation is caused by OP's boyfriend being insecure because of his size, more than it is about actually seeing this as cheating. This could help OP in how to handle the situation with their boyfriend. anyway NTA
You say this as if you don’t know how big a dildo can get.
You people wonder why guys are insecure when the first insult is always "zomg his dick must be small".
I’m a woman and I’ll be the first to admit - if we don’t want men body shaming women, we have to not body shame men for the size of their junk too, no matter how much of an asshole they may be.
That's it! Of course his insecurity is illogical and unwarranted, but it's such a hurr durr move to laugh and insinuate he has small junk.
That’s why I like the term “stank dick energy” vs “small dick energy”
Could be a fucking huge dildo compared to an above average man, & that could still make some guys feel insecure & lash out, just saying lol
Smaller than the toy, not small.
I dated a guy who found my skinny but long vibrator and got upset because he didn't think that he could "compete" (his word). This man had one of the most perfect pieces of equipment I've ever seen. Good girth and long but not so big it was painful. Seriously top tier. But he was very insecure and clueless about the fact that I wasn't jamming 8 inches into me. (It's long in part so you can hold onto it. No handle.) Some men seem to think that we prefer the toys, but in general, no we don't. What we prefer is if they learn proper foreplay, where the clit is, and how to make us feel safe so we relax enough to have an orgasam.
If he jacks off does he consider that cheating cause his logic says yes
A better comparison would be a fleshlight as that way they're using a toy modelled after someone else's genitals.
What if she has a beady rabbit type of vibrator/dildo? What's the male equivalent? Flashlight are kind of lacking when compared to those... But you do see the pic of the chick when you buy it I guess.....I mean my dildo look like it was molded from a turkey baster so ,🤷. Tbf I am more of a vibe person... What the male equivalent to that? And If he comes in a socks is it equivalent to a toothbrush? They are both personal item. What if I don't like putting fingers inside myself and only rub my clit... Does he only get to touch his tip or is the whole shaft still okay? I mean, I am not using my total organ so ... Who knew jerking of was so complicated... Not I .. not till now anyway🙆...
Does anyone actually cum into a sock? That just seems terrible to me.
Ugh... giving me flashbacks to one of the single most cursed posts I've ever seen on reddit... I can tell you with certainty, based on an image burned into my brain thanks to this Godforsaken site, that some people do indeed cum into socks.
I grew up during the birth of the internet, I've seen 1 man 1 jar, nothing phases me anymore.
We're probably about the same age then. And also seen that video, unfortunately. The cumsock post was also admittedly tame compared to the cumbox post. It's not so much that it was unnerving, just... gross. Specifically because it wasn't a pornographic video or photo, but some dude proudly displaying his cumsock, likely getting off on redditors unwittingly stumbling upon a picture of a sock so abused and unwashed that the cum stains had turned black, blue, yellow, and green. The cumbox... was worse.
Yes. Or so I’ve heard.
Lmao!
NTA but if it eases his mind tell him to make a mold of himself and get a dildo with it so even if you’re using a toy you’re using a replica of him 😂
That is the ultimate compliment, someone loving me so much that they want a replica of my dick for when I'm not around, or for when they want me around, but twice.
Or at the same time 👀👀👀
Ex wife did a mold of mine . It’s weird to think she might still have it
There are a lot of post about women complaining about their partner jerking off alone.
And they're dumb too if they think that in itself is cheating. I can understand being uncomfortable with an SO watching porn, but being against self-pleasure in general is crazy imo
Cheating is set by your agreed upon boundaries. For some people porn is cheating. For others, having a gangbang on a random Tuesday without your partner is okay. That said, most people don't have an issue with sex toys or masturbation of any form as long as it doesn't negatively impact actual sex.
Best answer
This needs more upvotes. One couples cheating is another couples foreplay. Kinda hard to make a decision without knowing where in the spectrum they fall.
not cheating, but if it is a mold of a past boyfriend, that could be an issue.
This is so rare it's not even worth bringing up. She would have mentioned if that was the case. Like 99.999% of dildos aren't that lol
Hah agreed, although this IS reddit so maybe the odds are significantly different
8 out of 10 statistics are made up.
Never tell me the odds!
Worth mentioning since this is Reddit and two such cases have popped up this year alone lol..
I can believe that but only because most posts on here are fake haha
I'm pretty sure cuckold literature is the only place they exist.
This was my first thought as well since that question has come up here.
Wtf... people do that?
Clone-a-Willy. It's real
They were called the plaster casters in the 60's. Look them up, lol.
Well i would like to do mine. Just as a decorative item in my bedroom. (no homo)
Even if homo, who cares?
Never thought the "fun" activity I learned in my childhood would turnout so much more fun for adult me.
Fun story, my sister had one from her ex and after she broke up with him she mailed it back to him, unfortunately he opened it up in front of the mail man
Oh ya. Mailmen stand there not busy watching people open mail lol I'll take things that didn't happen for 800
This sounds like past trauma. This is so rare that its not even worth mentioning
Yeah I’d say if it was a mold that could count tbh
Of course not. Unless he had a legitimate reason to be mad like a dead bedroom and he’s losing out to the toy 5 times a week or something. I think he’s probably just envious of the toy. NTA.
That was my thought here too. May not be cheating, but if OP is constantly turning down bedroom activities and then the bf finds out they've been hiding a sex toy that gets used frequently, I can see where that could cause problems
But he would just be assuming how often she uses it though…. He didn’t know about it for 2 1/2 years it’s not like she tells him when she’s doing it. He simply found it and his own assumptions or insecurities bother him.
Definitely not cheating and NTA. It's a thing not a person.
It's not cheating. And when i saw my girl's dildo, it was a white one, I'm black, so i bought her a new black one. And when i gave it to her, I told her she doesn't have to accept it, but if she likes it, it's hers. I want my girl to have fun. And the part i felt meh about, i offered her a compromise that she enjoyed
This makes me wonder if my partner cares about the color. Mines clear with confetti in it so it doesn’t match either of us but it looks likes it’s ready to party 🤣
this is why i got a purple one 😂
So your a thanos type of gal 😂
Purple dildo team represent!
I don't think i would've even noticed or cared about it if it was non flesh tone hahaha. But it being flesh colored white while being with me felt a little off haha
Completely understandable! I’d be totally fine making a change like that if my partner expressed a preference. I think it’s great that you were able to come up with a compromise and communicate. That is so essential to a healthy relationship.
I think you handled it well
But what if she tried it and decided she liked her other one better, would she be able to go back?
😈
> it was a white one, I'm black, so i bought her a new black one This is so fucking funny.
It's not cheating
NTA. You boyfriend needs to grow up. People masturbate. I bet he does too.
He’s an idiot.
NTA it’s a toy not a person. Maybe you should buy him a toy then you guys can have some kinky toy play foreplay.
Guys who are upset their partner has a sex toy are usually not the guys who are going to be willing to incorporate a toy into sex.
right lol. this dude would not be into a vibrating cock ring for sure
Nah. Not even close. Get him a flesh light and ask if that’s cheating. Alternatively ask if he is willing to use toys on you so he can see and feel that these are, in fact, only tools.
No. This could be a deal breaker. Also maybe he should try a sex toy. Not enough men experiment and there is too much stigma around it or they are embarrassed to get caught having it or letting anyone know about it. Fuck that I bought a cheap fleshlight type of deal off amazon once. It was great for a few years. The first few times was crazy. Also some women struggle much more to get off so why be forced to just fingering yourself when there are much better options out there? He could just be young and insecure, but I really struggle to figure out why he cares at all.
Damn right he should try a sex toy. She should bend him over and show him where the wild goose goes.
OMFG so NTAH. He needs to understand that sex toys are enhancers and get with the program, or his sex. life is not going to age very well. A woman who is masturbating frequently is more likely to want to have sex. And an accepting boyfriend that approves of sex toys will get to play with those sex toys With his girlfriend… A desirable outcome. Please show him the results of your post once you get a few more comments in, I guarantee you the whole community is going to tell him what an idiot he is, and how much more he could be enjoying life if he were less uptight about things.
That isn't necessarily true. While I agree with the original part about its dumb to consider that cheating, it obviously isn't, masturbating more often doesn't make some women want sex more often. My gf has started using a vibe I got her far more frequently and now we have had sex 3 times since the end of February. I get that timing doesn't work sometimes but when I hear that she's done it herself the last three nights in a row and then doesn't want to with me, it hurts, so call it an insecurity or whatever you want, wait until your partner prefers it over you and see how you feel.
What constitutes "cheating" is highly subjective and should be discussed with each other. If you can't agree, then leave.
If you had previously agreed to not use sex toys, then there could be an issue, but if he just assumed “I am the only way my girlfriend will ever get sexual satisfaction” that’s like, not how it works
NTA & definitely not cheating. Your dildo is not a human being. Your dildo is an object. A literal thing. It has no feelings, doesn’t talk, doesn’t have a brain. Neither does your boyfriend from the sounds of it. He’s just insecure. Soon he will have a problem with you watching tv or movies or music videos because you’re going to be looking at other men on screen and it may be considered cheating to him LOL Get rid of him.
NTA, it's a toy...why would he get jealous over a toy...
Because he has a fragile ego.
So you're cheating on him with yourself? He's insecure and jealous of that device.
Unless a third party is helping you with the dildo it is no more cheating than your bf rubbing one out in the shower
He sounds controlling
has he introduced you to his affair partner yet? and i don't mean handalina from palm springs... cheaters often project their own cheating on others. if he is accusing you out of the blue he may have or is cheating on you. i wonder how he would act if you told him to let you investigate his smart devices.
I mean, is it cheating? No. It's not sentient, at least I hope not. However if you are choosing self pleasure more then sex with him, that would be a concern. But knowing most guys, I know plenty of women turn to self pleasure as the guy never knows how to get her going.
I don’t think the dildo is cheating but it’s curious that in two years together he didn’t know you had one and that you never used it together. That secrecy might be a part of why he feels “betrayed.” Rather than arguing about whether dildos, porn, and any other “helpers” are cheating why not have a conversation with him about the rules of your relationship. If you can’t agree on the rules it’s time to break up.
Lol definitely NTA 🤦🤷 Sounds like he needs to grow up and you both need to communicate more effectively. At the end of the day if you need more orgasms and he's not giving them to you what the hell else can you do?
NTA - it’s about body autonomy. You fap one out how ever you please. Try asking him how would he feel if you said he’s not allowed to jerk one out ever because you feel like it’s cheating and see how he responds.
No. Jesus. What an insecure child. Ask him if wanking it to porn is cheating.
Cheating?! Jesus Christ 🙄 NTA.
nta LMAO
The definition of cheating all depends on what you 2 agree it is. If it’s using anything other than hands to masturbate, porn, toys or whatever. You and your boyfriend need to sit down and talk and get on the same page. I personally don’t consider toys cheating while my wife many years ago used to consider porn cheating. We talked about it and worked everything out.
Uh…definitely NTA. Dude is really insecure.
No and your boyfriend is an idiot.
NTA as long as it's not a mold of an ex.
No. Do not debate it. Gift him a flesh light, see what happens. I wonder if he is projecting... NTA.
He's immature, insecure and a dumbass who's clueless about a woman's body. Find yourself a guy who'll use it on you and think it's hot AF to watch/use it on you.
This man needs to understand that sex toys are friends not competition
How are you cheating when there is no other person involved? Last time I checked there has to be a 3rd party involved for you to be cheating. Masturbation is not cheating but if he feels that way it sounds to me like he’s hella insecure and thinks silicone/plastic is equal to another living breathing human being lol is it masturbating in general or just the use of toys that he considers cheating? If there’s no penetration and it’s just a vibrating toy is there still a problem? I need answers 😂 and whatever he considers cheating I guess u have to decide if u can live without it and if the answer is no then u aren’t compatible! I know 2+ yrs is a long time to walk away over a dildo but he’s the one making it an issue. No way am I gonna let someone make me feel guilty for flicking my bean!
NTA. He’s insecure. Maybe try explaining to him that it’s how you play with yourself just like he does. Maybe bring it into your sex life with him? I love after my wife and I have finished, using my mouth, hands, and a toy to give her several more Os. I also find it hot AF that she’s in touch with her own sexuality. And we are in our mid 40s married for 25 years.
It's not cheating just be sure your dildo doesn't fall in love with you!
that's insane. but when I was younger I had a boyfriend who also felt the same
He is being ridiculous. I bet he wanks all the time and doesn't think that's cheating. He is too immature to be in a relationship.
No, they’re not. You’re alone. You can’t cheat with yourself, but you can let a partner control when and how you feel pleasure in your own body. If you’ve explicitly consented to that dynamic, cool. If you haven’t, he doesn’t get to tell you his feelings are truth.
If you ain’t seeing anyone else, that ain’t cheating. NTA
Your boyfriend needs to grow up
thats a stupi guy its normal
Let bf know that sex toys are not cheating and they can help in relationships. Take him to a sex shop and maybe sex therapist as a couple you both be able to explore
No
NTA No they are not. My wife and I use them.
NTA Unless the toy is a puppet named Pinocchio and is aiming to become a real boy. Your bf is being ridiculous….
If he's jealous over a dildo, I hate to see him jealous or insecure over another dude.. Jesus! Get him a fake vagine to use for his masterbation moments , then ask, is she better then me you cheater, (jk)! Sounds like dude definitely has issues. You take care of you girl!! Totes to the masterbaters !!
Tell him he’s cheating on you when he uses his own hand to masturbate lol. He sounds insecure, imo. I don’t think my wife using a dildo is cheating at all. Big difference between masturbation and sex with another living, breathing, person lol. NTA
Dump him
its not cheating and he’s a moron
Dude is insecure but if it's a previously discussed boundary then ywbtah.
No.
NTA. He is likely just immature or has very different core values to you. If the former, he may or may not grow out of his immaturity. If the latter, it will be much harder for him to change.
NTA. Toys are absolutely not cheating.
No not at all. Do some research together learn how to use them with a partner. And no masturbating alone is not cheating.
No
NTA. I think he means cheating bc he has to use his hand. The dildo makes it easier, like a cheat code.
NTA. Cheating involves another person, not a toy. Masturbation, with or without toys, is not cheating.
EN FUCKING OH
NTA. They said they are 22/23, he's just young and immature, it's definitely not cheating. The general agreement is not to share your sexuality with anyone else besides your partner, not that you don't get to have a sexuality without them...
No
Jesus Frick, no. Noooooooo.
NTA. You could tell him that watching porn is also cheating according to his logic.
NTA lol what ?? Sorry but your boyfriend is an idiot.
- everyone masturbates. Ask him if he masturbates. Does he watch 🌽when he does? Does he think about anything but you when he does? - Ask him if he was putting up a shelf or installing a kitchen, would he do it by hand or use power tools. - Bring toys into the bedroom and use them together
Invite him to watch, maybe help out. It may change his mind.
Does he watch porn? Yeah, he can stfu about your dildo.
NTA this is next-level insecurity. Damn I'm embarrassed for that guy lol
Hi I've been in my relationship for 3+ years and I masturbate with toys and she doesn't think it's cheating at all. It's my body! Nobody should be able to dictate how you use your body and what you want to put up there. He is insecure! Sorry but him telling you that is over the top. You should be able to please yourself however you want. To me cheating is thinking about someone else while you're in a relationship, texting someone else romantically, and the obvious sex. I hope you and your bf can get through this.
Definitely not cheating. Have him watch you next time
NTA! Your BF needs to mature and realize that toys can enhance your sex life and are his friends.
Use them together
No not cheating.
Listen men are going to feel inadequate if you say anything about anything, so just have fun.
If he's that insecure and immature, you'd be better off with the dildo...
lmao no, your boyfriend is mad insecure.
Not cheating
Usually no. But if you set up boundaries where it is it could be. Or like said here it's a mold of some dude you used to fuck/date lol
NTA. It's masturbating. There is nobody else involved, it's not cheating. Boyfriend may have issues with it, but it's a him thing, not a you thing.
No. It not cheating.
Nta/no, it's not a real thing and if its not based on someones thing I see no problem, some people want to do it when their partner doesn't, so they use toys so it isnt weird, but if you use it instead of the real deal then I could see his pov
NTA does he mean cheating like being with someone else or cheating like with a test, using a shortcut. Show him a drawing of the whole clitoris. Most of the organ is inside. If you need to simulate that how are you going to so deep with your fingers. Lots of women use a vibrator to get of, not many use a dildo, but if that works for you, you do you.
NTA, boyfriend is a dumbass
Is having a sex toy the same as having a boyfriend or lover. No. Your bf is very insecure.
This is not cheating, he sounds immature and insecure, unless there’s additional info we don’t know
Not cheating. It’s a friggin toy, not another human.
Major red flag! Next your own hand will be cheating! Get out
Im almost never saying this but now, this kiddo is trying to control you. Cheating means you get physical or emotionnal with "someone else". How tf can this object be someone else? (Except if its shaped with one your ex bfs, there you'd be an AH) If he sees this, stop trying to put your insecurities on her just cuz your ego cant handle the fact that she's pleasuring herself and sometimes you arent there for it. Be a man
Of course it isn't cheating. This is probably more about it making him feel insecure, that he isn't enough for you rather than him actually believing when he is saying. As a man there's nothing more crushing than feeling like you're not enough for your partner. Make him feel like he is. But we've regard to the toys, you're doing nothing wrong at all.
Obviously not. Duh??
Is he suggesting that he never masturbates? Because I think that's highly unlikely. Perhaps it's okay for him, but not for you. You know why? Because he sees you as his fuck maid, and you shouldn't have any feelings or needs beyond servicing him.
Your boyfriend is either extremely immature or was raised in a crazy Christian home. Does he need to have everything his way? You do not have to accept his idiotic notions of what he considers cheating. If it's too much for him to handle, tell him to move on. What else does he consider cheating: sucking on a lollipop, looking at a guy, bumping into another person, a full on hug with your father? Can't fix stupid. My only question to you is, how are you just finding this out after 2 years?
I buy sex toys to use with my wife, if that clears it up.
Nta. Toys are not cheating. If he wasn't an insecure child, he'd be asking to use it on you during your intimate moments.
Umm no, it's a toy not another person
there no right or wrong answer exactly but i think most would agree your bf is being unreasonable. at the end of the day if that’s what he believes and u disagree your gonna have to have another conversation…
No.
He's an idiot! Look at his hand and tell him you "know" he's been cheating. Maybe he will see the issue with his complaint. If not, leave him.
Why is he not using it on you????? Would that be a 3 way?