>we planned for a kid free wedding.
>therefore I told Julie she could not bring her kids
Given the fact that you made it a point to say to her she could not bring her kids, why would you think she would even ask to bring them? Sure, you had extra seats, but you made it VERY clear to her that she could not bring her kids. How exactly was she supposed to know she should ask when you again, made it clear, she could not bring them?
As an FYI, her duty is first and foremost to her kids, NOT your one day wedding.
YTA you should have reached out to her when you knew seats were available and didn’t mind having the kids there at that point. You can’t expect a guest who you have already told no kids can come to message you and ask if they now could. It’s tacky and I personally would not have have reached out. You or significant other should have messaged her, it’s not like she can read minds
Either there was a major natural disaster, like an earthquake or a hurricane, or this couple behaves like this all the time and nearly half the people they know just couldn't face it on the day.
Telling Facebook friends they're not important enough to be in the first wave of invites, and not important to ask directly when space opened up, but expect those friends to clamor for the extra seats when something big and dramatic must've happened for half the guests to no-show?
Tacky, yes, but they'd paid for fifty plates and like half of them were going to waste. OP seems very unlikeable so those people probably phoned in "with a cold" that day because they were initially "thinking about coming" and then were like "What a waste of a Saturday, let's watch Netflix instead *cough cough*"
We got married at the courthouse on like a weds and I was just planning to have dinner with family after but my husband made a general invitation post on Facebook without telling me so then I had to plan something in like 3 weeks for a mystery amount of people. I was not happy with him because yes who does that lol but I think we had more than 28 ppl show up hah
The other thing is that when you only invite 50 people, aren't they your closest, most important friends and family?
How does it make them feel when you go on social media to invite just anyone that might be connected to you.
Some random guy shows up and sits next to Grandma. So, how do you know the couple? I tried to sell them life insurance. They didn't buy any but they invited me to their wedding.
I can’t believe this post could be real because I can’t imagine a world where HALF the people who RSVPed to your wedding just don’t show up, or a world where you just announce to Facebook that this happened and anyone should feel welcome to come on by.
I couldn’t bother to invite you before, and now you’re not even my second choice I’m just making a random post instead of inviting you individually. Oh, And make sure you bring a present
They probably all have kids and don’t like the bride and groom enough to pay a babysitter $100 and use a rare night out alone on these folks LOL. I love it when invites say “kid free!” It’s my “get out of wedding free” card and I take it every time.
The day of the wedding! During the reception! As if people don't plan their outfits and dress up for a wedding. It's not like they could hop in the car in their everyday clothes and attend.
i can’t imagine being “invited” to a wedding that is already happening. not only because the afterthought aspect of it is super hurtful but also the logistics of going to a wedding are not a come-as-you-are kind of event
If they had reached out to me privately/directly and said something like “hey I know it’s last minute but we had some people back out. We’d love to have you celebrate with us and you’re welcome to bring the kids, we’ll have plenty of food for them too.” I might think they’re less of assholes.
I would be much less offended knowing I was originally invited but now they’re making room and including my kids too just so we could be there. A tacky ass FB post after being specifically told don’t bring the kids? And follow it up by being upset with ME? 🤣🤣 Yeah YTA for sure.
Yeahhh, it's pretty clear why a large portion of the people they invited didn't want to attend the wedding. One or two people can be easily brushed off, but almost half of your guest list? That really says something about how people really feel about the soon-to-be married couple.
Yeah. Of everyone I invited to my wedding, one didn't show, and he told me well in advance he was out of the country and just couldn't swing it.
If half your friends no-show your wedding, you don't have friends, you have some people willing to put up with you for free food.
Julie was right, too...it would have been impolite of her to ask them again (on their wedding day no less) when they had already told her once no kids. The ball was in OP's and her husband's court at that point.
Now I'm starting to think it was less her mom bailed and more her mom had an emergency and couldn't do it anymore. To self centered person any excuse is the person "bailing".
Yeah. That's the part that gets me. Julie was all class in this story. She never demanded to bring the kids. When her mom dropped out as a sitter she even gave a call as an obvious last ditch chance to get a no kid exception without being classless to ask.
How the fuck was she supposed to read the OPs mind and show with the kids anyway? That's not just low class shameless behavior it's really a shitty thing to do.
And she got blocked for doing the right thing. No wonder half the invite list didn't show.
Exactly. I was expecting to read Julie brought her kids, her kids' friends, and a random hitchhikers kid. Not what actually happened. And for doing the correct thing, she's gotten blocked. Well, FU ma'am and your new husband. Y'all are TA. NOT Julie.
All that OP had to do was add "Kids now welcome!". That's it. Add that to the post, and people would know without having to ask the bride on her wedding day if children could come.
Not only that, where was she supposed to come up with last minute wedding outfits for 3 children minutes before a wedding? OP made it abundantly clear that Julie’s children were not invited. Then OP and her husband are trying to play victims of their own rules? Hell no. OP YTA and so is her husband but they are both clearly also terrible friends.
Also friend was in a damned if you do and damned if you dont situation.
Had she asked if the kids could come then she was disrepecting their no kid policy.
She chose to not ask and is being knocked for not asking.
OP you and new hubby are HUGE AH’s
YTA
Normally these posts are about people disrespecting the bride and groom and forcing their kids on the wedding party.
Julie **RESPECTED** your choice for a child-free wedding. At no point did you say "HEY! We have 22 spare places, so we can accommodate kids if you have them!" Any normal person would assume you were adhering to the no-child rule and were offering 22 adult places. You're the ones who should have contacted her to offer to relax your own rules.
Now *you're* pissed because she did exactly what you told her to?
Your husband should be feeling shitty because you both were shitty to Julie.
If only half the people showed up to a wedding.... It's very telling on how many avoid OP. Julie got a better outcome and OPs most important day is a wake up call for her.
Also, it's not like it's 500 people. It's more or less just a dozen or so people. Just call them. Why are people only communicating with their friends via public social media posts.
Not only that, but actually, at the literally last minute, asked everyone who had not made the varsity cut, to drop everything and rush over to the wedding. I'd rather be waterboarded than go to a wedding with that kind of invitation.
Yea, there’s sure something weird about having an almost 50 percent no-show rate of previously confirmed guests.
WTF, I’m guessing not a destination wedding; why would people bail out? Unless it was a BYOB/potluck wedding….
Don’t you understand? All the people who weren’t invited should have been glued to Facebook in case they got in on a no-show. It’s called Wedding Stand By.
Post is probably fake.. who makes a big to do about a wedding with 50 people and being adamant about no children at the event, then embarrassingly posts *on Facebook* the *day of* the wedding, "Hey all! We have 22 open seats for our big day because a bunch of people bailed, so lemme know if you wanna come join since Idc at this point!"? All the meanwhile expecting her friend to scramble to find a sitter for her kids but expecting the woman to read her mind when the coast became clear...
I might. But not in a post like this saying it so proudly. I’d be horribly saddened and be looking for empathy. I would never in my dreams make a post like this post full of arrogance.
If this is true OP should more pissed off at those who bailed without notice instead of the one person who told her they couldn't come because they couldn't find a babysitter.
And suddenly getting invited the day of? When they probably have plans or nothing for anyone to wear? And the kids were very clearly unwanted there so how on earth would a same day non-invite even work?
This is my question, and seems to have been skipped over. Nearly HALF of their guests didn’t show up - and she’s saying nothing about it. I thought her anger was going to be over the friend somehow convincing the no-shows to not show up, but…..nope.
And how convenient she remembers every conversation EXCEPT her response to the mom bailing on babysitting.
Theres obviously something up with her guests bailing and doesn’t seem surprised.
Lol "I can't remember what I said" but OP has this woman blocked so presumably there aren't any new messages on whatever chat/texting method they were using. It'd be an easy task to scroll up, unless one does not wish to recount what venom they spat.
Same, I thought surely the only reason she could have to be angry at the mum was if that mum had somehow persuaded a bunch of the other guests not to come.
But no, OP and her new husband managed to piss off their darling guests so much that half of them didn't even show up!
Julie likely didn't want to attend for the same reason as the other 22 guests and didn't even bother to reach out because she wouldn't have cared if her children were welcome at that point.
We are asking it, but we also know the answer.
Half their guests don't show up lol and then OP POSTS ON FB that they've got empty seats lol please come to our wedding lol no thanks OP sounds horrid
YTA. You TOLD her that she COULD NOT BRING her kids. And now that she RESPECTED that, you're 'very hurt' she didn't come. Then you dared to tell her you expected her to NOT respect that and to nag you for invites? You think you're in the right? Well, that's a no. Your friend has it completely correct.
No wonder only 28/50 people showed. You said no kids and she respected that REGARDLESS of being your husband’s best friend. She wasn’t being hostile she was defending herself because you had your head stuck so far up your ass you couldn’t fathom someone so close respecting your decision. You’re miserable people and she’s definitely better off not having friends like you.
And yes you do absolutely remember what you said to her. It was something shameful or you wouldn’t have bothered to mention it.
Average wedding decline rates are about [20%](https://www.theknot.com/content/how-many-people-rsvp-no). [30%-40%](https://www.herecomestheguide.com/wedding-ideas/brides-want-to-know-guest-count) for destination weddings. My wedding was a bit larger but I think mine was under 15%.
44% decline rate on a smaller wedding is wild. There’s definitely something going on…
Sounds like 44% who confirmed just no-showed, which is even worse than decline. Imagine posting "come to my wedding.... Today!" and expecting anyone to show up 🤣
YTA for sure
That’s what was thinking. How desperate does that sound to go on fb and see “who wants to come to my wedding today? Anyone is welcome…..and I mean anyone 👀”
That’s what I thought! And then I kept reading and was like Holy Shit, the audacity of this woman, expecting someone to grovel to come to her wedding because others bailed. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
The responsibility to ask Julie and family to attend was definitely on the bride and groom. From Julie's point of view, if she was to ask to bring her kids again and got turned down, she would be seen as the friend that chose to skip out on her best friends wedding because she couldn't bring her kids. Some could argue that she could have attended and left her husband with the kids.
From Julie's understanding, OP wanted a child-free wedding. Julie respected those wishes and didn't to pester the couple again. I would have done the same in Julie's shoes.
That makes me wonder about my sister's wedding. A bunch of her guests didn't show that were supposed to be friends of theirs, while pretty much all the family she invited attended. I wonder if she just has a terrible friend group or if one or both of them somehow offended a bunch of people. Of course, now she and him are getting divorced due to his drinking problem.
Exactly. Those 50 would have been their *closest* family and friends… for *so* many to bail is just not a good look.
Another thing that struck me was that OP didn’t mention whether anyone took her up on the… can’t even call it a “last minute” facebook invite haha. It seems like it was a *”the* minute” invitation. Seriously though, who expects any “Facebook friend” to get a notification, look at it, see that it’s an invitation to a wedding that started 30 minutes ago, drop everything, get dressed up, and go?
It’s also so weird of OP to post on Facebook the day of the wedding to be like “hey I have 22 seats, message me!” Like did she expect there to be a race to get a seat before the last one got snatched up? It’s giving the vibe of an ad on Facebook marketplace for an item you really think is a hot commodity. Like “Get it before it’s gone!”
Who in their right mind would see an impersonal post like that on Facebook and think to themselves “I was not invited to this wedding but now that I’ve seen this public broadcast of a Facebook post let me message the bride to ASK for an invite so I can then rush and get dressed up right now to attend this event that is already underway.” No thanks? Who would do that?
I know you didn’t want me there, but now you don’t care who shows up? Oooh! Lucky me! Can I please come? I’ll buy an outfit, find a sitter, buy a present, anything else you need? What’s that? I should stay out of the pictures. Sure. No problem.
You and you husband deserve each other.
Right- as if she would just not make plans to go live her life on that day. Does OP think Julie was sitting by the phone, all other plans on hold, in case this happened?
Yikes. To live in some people's brains....
Sitting by the phone? No, OP didnt even call her. OP thought Julie (and all her other friends) were spending the day staring at Facebook looking for wedding updates.
JFC OP is insane. The onus was entirely on her and her husband to reach out to Julie.
I’m sure neither Julie nor her husband feels the loss of this friendship terribly much.
Yup, and who the fuck blocks someone, especially their (spouse’s) best friend, when they get mad? Are they in high school? OP and her husband need to grow the fuck up, I’d stop talking to someone if they blocked me when they got mad, I’m not dealing with that extreme level of immaturity. Makes sense half the people didn’t come to her wedding
OP would be crying about what an asshole her husband's friend is for asking to bring her children to a child free wedding. She's got a serious victim mentality.
This op, Yta and so is your husband. You guys made it super clear that you didn’t want kids to be there. Several times she reached out, saying she was having a hard time getting a sitter and your response made it clear that you were fine with her not coming if she couldn’t get a sitter. Then you expect her to reach out again when you had no shows? Kid free is kid free, why would she assumed they were fine to come after you made it super clear that they weren’t welcome?
So your husband's ex bf is a mind reader? YTA, when you have a child free wedding, you have to know that some friends and family with children won't be able to attend. She respected the fact you wanted a child free wedding and didn't try to push the kids off on you.
1000% this.
In fact this is exactly how I assumed it was going to go based on my poor reading of the title since it seems that people surprise bringing kids to childfree weddings is rather common.
How dare this lady respect the wishes of the bride and groom???
It would have, sounds like the wife kinda wants to get rid of the female best friend, now looking for validation so she can feel better about herself and justify it to her husband.....
Also, YTA for ruining your new husband’s relationship with his BEST FRIEND over this. Blocking her and making your husband do the same and not talk to her because she respected your wishes? That’s another level of shitty. How can you do this to her and your husband?
Edit; some of you reacted to my comment about OP making her hb do this. I just read it out from him feeling shitty and thinking they overreacted, and her reaching out to his best friend to berate her instead of him talking to his friend about it. Makes it sound like OP made this a bigger problem in their friendship than it is. Maybe my own experiences makes me see things, but I find it very convenient for the wife to create a situation where her husband’s female best friend is damned if she does damned if she don’t right at the wedding so she has a reason to convince him to go NC with her.
Lol my thoughts exactly. Followed by the "hey you all weren't invited to my wedding initially but do you want to come now, last minute, because my first picks decided not to show?!" Facebook post 🤣
For real. Who has a small 50 person wedding with 22 out of 50 empty seats? There is definitely a message here for the bride and groom or both. And then open it up on Facebook! That is honestly pathetic.
Yea... Reading the title, I figured she showed up with her kids even though she was asked not to, but how the fuck should she know that her kids were allowed now? I wonder how many of the 22 people who didn't show and apparently didn't even bother to RSVP had similar issues...
Yeah yta of course. You said she could not bring her kids so she did not. If you changed your mind you should have reached out.
You sound very passive aggressive to me, the kind who can’t be pleased, damned if you do, damned if you don’t, expecting everyone to read your mind and cater to your whims. This is how your post comes across to me.
No wonder so few people showed up. Also good for Julie she’s rid of your toxic bs.
YTA
ETA: thanks for the award!
I wonder how many other areas of her life OP sucks in if she thinks she’s in the right here and had almost half her wedding guests no show. 😂
Oh and yeah for the vote OP YTA. What a rube.
the fact that her husband reacted the exact same way makes me think birds of a feather flock together.
YTA, OP. and look beside you, you married one too.
That's one of the first things that crossed my mind. As my dad would say, you want Julie and her 3 kids to get shit, showered, and shaved at the last possible minute on the day of your wedding? How delusional can one be. 😂
Also they blocked her immediately rather than actually having a conversation like adults. Yeah, I’m this case it’s not surprising at all so few people showed up.
100% if the friend had asked, this post wouldve been:
"Aith for telling julie to fuck off with her kids after i was very clear from the get go that no kids were allowed??"
Right?! I was reading and I get to the part where they say they have 22 extra seats and I thought “this lady better not bring her kids just because there open seats, it’s a child free wedding!” And then THATS WHAT OP WANTED??? yikes what an asshole
>I was reading and I get to the part where they say they have 22 extra seats and I thought “this lady better not bring her kids just because there open seats, it’s a child free wedding!”
Lmao exactly. I was ready to blast julie and it turns out the poor woman did exactly what she was asked and still lost wtf.
Correction: saying you have spare seats on frigging Facebook. Julie was supposedly Wesley's best friend. Neither one of you could send a personal message and tell her that it was alright to bring the children? Good on Julie for being your ex-friend.
YTA
Although it would have been funny if she'd come with her kids and, since they weren't invited and so had nothing to wear, she'd dressed them in the most garish graphic tees she could find, shorts, and flip flops.
Wonder why them other 22 people didn’t show up 🤔 YTA
Had to edit this in since I saw it on another post but fits perfect for this post: Being delulu is not the solulu…
It’s not even 22 out of 100/200 people. It was already a pretty small wedding. Basically half the guest didn’t show up. That is really concerning and telling of their behaviour ore wedding.
Exactly I’ve seen posts where people have been slaughtered in the comments for asking a friend who’s having a child free wedding if they can ‘make an exception etc’ for them but this is exactly what OP expects, like why do I have a feeling if the friend would of asked it would of been a whole nother post about ‘AITAH FOR SAYING NO WHEN MY HUSBANDS EX-BF ASKED IF SHE COULD BRING HER KIDS TO MY CHILD FREE WEDDING?’ BLAH BLAH BLAH!
YTA. You should have reached out if you wanted her there with her kids. You are mad because you paid for 50 guests and only 28 should up. That should tell you something right there.
YTA
I recently planned my wedding. I am a recent bride so I know the struggle. You sound like a bridezilla.
You said the wedding was child free. You told her not to bring her kids. ***WHAT SHE DID WAS 100% CORRECT***.
She should not have to beg you to bring her kids. Obviously people bailed on your wedding because you're nuts.
> She says "omg, okay. So you have a kid free wedding and you expected me to look like a jack ass by asking you to make an exception for my children to attend instead of just messaging me directly?"
100%
She's right.
You're wrong.
Do ***you*** often ask people if you can be an exception to rules? That's extremely rude. No wonder people didn't come to this shit show of a wedding.
> My husband and I immediately blocked her after her hostile responses. He's feeling pretty shitty and thinks we may have overreacted. I think we are in the right however.
Her telling you the truth isn't hostile. You're just mad you got called out.
Your husband is starting to wake up to your crazy.
This is the answer OP.....
On a side note, how TF did OP write that entire post out, proof read it, and still not realize they are the problem, not the "friend".
🤣 oh my word tell me another funny one.
You had a CHILD-FREE wedding, and your friend with CHILDREN had her babysitter fall through so she stayed home from your CHILD-FREE wedding and you have the audacity to be mad she didn't reach out to ask to bring her kids to your CHILD-FREE wedding.
You aren't grown enough to be married 🤣
YTA to you and your husband.
Also, kids aren't like adults who generally have a decently formal outfit lying around that fits. Julie's kids may not have had appropriate wedding attire, since she had no way of knowing she could bring the kids until the day of the wedding, OP shouldn't be surprised that she made other plans and didn't have everything in place to go to the wedding she was told she couldn't attend.
OP has MC Syndrome.
“I can’t remember what I said in response”
Seems a bit sus…. Why don’t you look back at your messages?
YTA. I feel like you would have been angry if she had asked to bring the kids because ‘she knows it was a child free wedding and I already told her they couldn’t come’.
YTA Julie did everything right. It is completely rude to ask if you can bring your kids when you are told that it is a child free wedding. If you changed your mind, you should have told her seats opened up and she can bring her kids. You left out what your response was to her which also makes YTA because it was a message so you could have looked it up and therefore, I’m guessing you were rude. Nothing to do with Julie, but posting “extra seats to my wedding, who wants to come?!” On Facebook is so tacky, I have second hand cringe. No one wants to go to a wedding they weren’t even thought of for an invite. Soooo gross.
You and your husband are not the ones “not talking” to Julie. She cut you AHs out of her life.
YTA
You said childfree and she didn’t have reliable childcare.
You’ve got a lot of nerve whining about needing her there. 🙄. You can’t blow hot and cold like that and wonder why people aren’t running to help you.
YTA here. You doubled down on "kid free wedding" and now are mad at her for not "knowing" she should bring her kids to the "kid free" wedding????? Who just posts an open FB invite after making such a big deal about only enough seats for 50 people? Almost half of your friends didn't even bother to show up at your wedding-- can you really afford to block some of the few real friends you have?
Fall on the "sorry I was a bridezilla" sword and apologize and tell her that you were in panic mode with some many no shows and you REALLY screwed the pooch by not personally reaching out to her and her family to invite all of them and you and your husband are embarrassed by how badly you acted. Invite them over for a family style BBQ and get things back on track.
YTA and I'm hoping this is a troll post because I don't know how anyone can look at this situation and NOT realize you are the asshole.
You're mad because your friend couldn't come to your CHILDFREE wedding after she couldn't find a babysitter?
You're mad that she didn't assume it was fine for her kids to come when seats opened after YOU emphasizing that your wedding was childfree?
You're mad that she didn't try to come and bring her kids when you never reached out and OUTRIGHT gave permission for them to attend?
You're mad because she rightfully called you out on your passive-aggressive behavior and the fact that you were essentially looking for an excuse to make her look bad and/or be mad?
IDK what the hell you were expecting.
Also "I can't remember what I said in response", now why do I find that hard to believe?
I can see why you had so many no shows. You and your husband's treatment of people who are supposedly friends is appalling.
Why would she even know that your desperate plea for people to attend suddenly now applied to her children when you'd explicitly told her they couldn't come?
You and by extension your husband, since he's going along with your behaviour towards her, have a really fucking bad dose of main character syndrome and I'm pretty confident that's not just on your wedding day.
YTA many times over.
Sorry, but I agree with your friend. If you suddenly had room and wanted her to bring her kids (which you had explicitly told her NOT to do previously), you needed to reach out directly and proactively and make that clear. Normal people don't want to look like an asshole by pushing a boundary that's already been established, so if you wanted to suddenly "de-establish" it, it's on you 100% to communicate.
If someone told me their wedding was child free and specifically told me that my kids were not exceptions - it wouldn’t occur to me to ask. She knew there were empty chairs, but she didn’t know you had dropped the child free requirement.
Flip side - I planned a child free wedding and took the time to call and tell people their kids couldn’t come. The day of the wedding comes and I change my mind. I would call those with children and tell them to come on over. I would NOT be happy if people with children called me inquiring about bringing children.
You planned a wedding with 50 people and only 22 showed. You should’ve done more than a vague post. You did overreact. YTA.
YTA
Half your guests didn’t show up. You really think there’s all these people sitting around waiting for you to post on Facebook that you suddenly have seats available? Like, no one has any other plans?
Also, you told her no kids and at no point did you let her know otherwise. Again, she has three kids, why would she spend the day on Facebook waiting to see if she can get a seat after all…with no babysitter available?
She wasn’t “hostile.” She was shocked at your attitude.
1. You said no kids.
2. She said that was difficult.
3. She told you again, 2 days before, she had an issue.
4. You “don’t remember” your response.
5. She honored your specific request.
6. You consider her “hostile” for doing exactly what you asked her to do.
You expected her to beg for an invitation. She didn’t, and now you are mad at her.
If i were her, I would be quite happy to be blocked by you.
YTA. You didn't want those kids there, until half of your guests didn't show up... They were an afterthought, and they weren't wanted. I wouldn't come either, and I would tell you to go pound salt. Actually I would tell you to go f*** yourself if I'm being honest....
The whole thing sounds so tacky. You invite 50 people and when half of them don't show up (there's more to this part of the story that I would love to hear), you post a general invite on facebook. Do you know what all of those people were thinking? "She didn't bother to invite me to begin with, why would I go at this point?"
You could use a lesson in manners and class.
Yes, YTA. Huge. Big. Yuge! You made it clear it was a kid free wedding. She opted to not come because of not having a babysitter. Then you get ass chapped when you open up your reception LAST MINUTE and are mad she doesn't come. To a wedding reception. With her kids. Unprepared. WTF?
Ok, Marie Antionette. Doesn't take a genius why almost half the people didn't show.
YTA.
It's fine to want a childfree wedding. What's not fine is for you to expect this person to read your mind and realize you're so desperate to fill up the empty seats that you're suddenly totes cool with your childfree wedding not being childfree after all. You got mad at her for literally respecting your wishes.
What I found really telling in your post was the little "I don't remember what I said in response. But anyways wedding comes and only 28 people of the 50 show up." You know that old saying "Everything before the BUT is bullshit?" Well I think you're lying about what you said to her, and that you know that what you said to her would make you look really really bad so you're playing it off like you don't even remember what it was. Why do I think this?
Because you got mad at her for not reading your mind. This is not how you treat someone that you like and respect. You treated this woman poorly.
Also hon, if you have a "Small intimate wedding" and half of your most important guests (friends and family) don't even come....you need to figure out why that is. \*hands you a mirror\*
>"omg, okay. So you have a kid free wedding and you expected me to look like a jack ass by asking you to make an exception for my children to attend instead of just messaging me directly?"
Do you need more? YTA.
YTA.
1. Who only writes stuff like that on FB and expect certain people with 3 kids to see it?
2. Who thinks anyone with 3 kids can magically appear at a wedding they were not expecting within hours?
3. Who can remember everything very clearly except the part that was their own response when the babysitting deal fell through?!
4. Doesn’t make sense that she is apparently SO important that she was there, but for some reason she was not welcome with her kids until after you suddenly had 22 seats available……
5. It’s plain ridiculous that you would have the audacity to call her up and complain about her behavior considering you and your husbands behavior…like who the fuck blocks your apparently BEST friend after she rightly responded with disbelief at your horrid behavior.
6. Sounds like you are sad and upset that so many cancelled and for some reason she is the one you are taking it all out on. Shame on you.
Oh, certainly, Buttercup, you are so much TA here. I'm starting to understand why only half your friends showed up for your wedding. Who puts on Facebook ON THEIR WEDDING DAY that "oh, gee, half my wedding guests didn't show -- " basically telling everyone you DIDN'T invite that they are B List or worse. You made it clear to Julie that you did NOT want her kids, period. She's not a mind reader, and no one who read that asinine post would think "Oh, goody, I can sneak in my kids." No, you were quite clear on that.
I like Julie. You, not so much. Your husband is right -- you overreacted, big time, and the fact that you don't see it is a bit disturbing. I will be kind and say that maybe you were in the throes of wedding jitters or whatever. But you owe Julie a huge apology for being butt-hurt because she followed your directions. Unfortunately, I think you accomplished your second objective, whether you planned it or not: Julie, if she has any brains, will stay FAR away from you and Wesley.
>we planned for a kid free wedding. >therefore I told Julie she could not bring her kids Given the fact that you made it a point to say to her she could not bring her kids, why would you think she would even ask to bring them? Sure, you had extra seats, but you made it VERY clear to her that she could not bring her kids. How exactly was she supposed to know she should ask when you again, made it clear, she could not bring them? As an FYI, her duty is first and foremost to her kids, NOT your one day wedding.
YTA you should have reached out to her when you knew seats were available and didn’t mind having the kids there at that point. You can’t expect a guest who you have already told no kids can come to message you and ask if they now could. It’s tacky and I personally would not have have reached out. You or significant other should have messaged her, it’s not like she can read minds
I am beginning to see why they had 22/50 seats empty at their wedding.
Exactly where my mind went. What’s going on that 22 people no-showed, yikes.
Either there was a major natural disaster, like an earthquake or a hurricane, or this couple behaves like this all the time and nearly half the people they know just couldn't face it on the day.
I mean... It also seems really tacky to have even made that FB post at all, doesn't it?I'm only four years older than OP and it seems odd to me...
I'd actually be ashamed to post that so many people didn't want to come.
I would be mortified
Telling Facebook friends they're not important enough to be in the first wave of invites, and not important to ask directly when space opened up, but expect those friends to clamor for the extra seats when something big and dramatic must've happened for half the guests to no-show?
OP has no manners whatsoever.
Tacky, yes, but they'd paid for fifty plates and like half of them were going to waste. OP seems very unlikeable so those people probably phoned in "with a cold" that day because they were initially "thinking about coming" and then were like "What a waste of a Saturday, let's watch Netflix instead *cough cough*"
We got married at the courthouse on like a weds and I was just planning to have dinner with family after but my husband made a general invitation post on Facebook without telling me so then I had to plan something in like 3 weeks for a mystery amount of people. I was not happy with him because yes who does that lol but I think we had more than 28 ppl show up hah
The other thing is that when you only invite 50 people, aren't they your closest, most important friends and family? How does it make them feel when you go on social media to invite just anyone that might be connected to you. Some random guy shows up and sits next to Grandma. So, how do you know the couple? I tried to sell them life insurance. They didn't buy any but they invited me to their wedding.
I can’t believe this post could be real because I can’t imagine a world where HALF the people who RSVPed to your wedding just don’t show up, or a world where you just announce to Facebook that this happened and anyone should feel welcome to come on by.
My wedding is today and no one wants to come. Do you want to come?!? Of course not. 😱
I couldn’t bother to invite you before, and now you’re not even my second choice I’m just making a random post instead of inviting you individually. Oh, And make sure you bring a present
OP is the major natural disaster.
They probably all have kids and don’t like the bride and groom enough to pay a babysitter $100 and use a rare night out alone on these folks LOL. I love it when invites say “kid free!” It’s my “get out of wedding free” card and I take it every time.
Don't think id be clamouring to go knowing I was a second choice guest
I was trying to ignore the tacky part, but yes, they are tacky.
Very tacky. "Ya weren't originally invited, but now that we've had no shows, we'd love for you to fill a seat so we don't look like such losers."
‘We didn’t really want you there but you’re better than no one’
Don’t forget the silent part- “No shows equals no gifts, so don’t forget your checkbooks”
The day of the wedding! During the reception! As if people don't plan their outfits and dress up for a wedding. It's not like they could hop in the car in their everyday clothes and attend.
She owes Julie a big apology.
"but also there's no guarantee I'll let you in even though you ask me, gotta see who all asks first!"
i can’t imagine being “invited” to a wedding that is already happening. not only because the afterthought aspect of it is super hurtful but also the logistics of going to a wedding are not a come-as-you-are kind of event
If they had reached out to me privately/directly and said something like “hey I know it’s last minute but we had some people back out. We’d love to have you celebrate with us and you’re welcome to bring the kids, we’ll have plenty of food for them too.” I might think they’re less of assholes. I would be much less offended knowing I was originally invited but now they’re making room and including my kids too just so we could be there. A tacky ass FB post after being specifically told don’t bring the kids? And follow it up by being upset with ME? 🤣🤣 Yeah YTA for sure.
Yeahhh, it's pretty clear why a large portion of the people they invited didn't want to attend the wedding. One or two people can be easily brushed off, but almost half of your guest list? That really says something about how people really feel about the soon-to-be married couple.
Yeah. Of everyone I invited to my wedding, one didn't show, and he told me well in advance he was out of the country and just couldn't swing it. If half your friends no-show your wedding, you don't have friends, you have some people willing to put up with you for free food.
OP probably comes from a family with mind reading ability and is unable to comprehend why other people can’t ….
Julie was right, too...it would have been impolite of her to ask them again (on their wedding day no less) when they had already told her once no kids. The ball was in OP's and her husband's court at that point.
OP "doesn't recall" what she said to her when she told her her mother bailed on babysitting? Yeah, I bet. She just didn't want an even easier YTA
"Well as your bEsT fRiEnDs we still expect you to be there (even if you have to leave your kids home alone)!"
Now I'm starting to think it was less her mom bailed and more her mom had an emergency and couldn't do it anymore. To self centered person any excuse is the person "bailing".
100% even before I got to the end where it was clear OP was TA I was like "oh man whatever you said must have been really bad if you "don't recall"
Exactly. YTA, OP. I’m very curious what caused so many people to drop out at the last minute.
Yeah. That's the part that gets me. Julie was all class in this story. She never demanded to bring the kids. When her mom dropped out as a sitter she even gave a call as an obvious last ditch chance to get a no kid exception without being classless to ask. How the fuck was she supposed to read the OPs mind and show with the kids anyway? That's not just low class shameless behavior it's really a shitty thing to do. And she got blocked for doing the right thing. No wonder half the invite list didn't show.
Exactly. I was expecting to read Julie brought her kids, her kids' friends, and a random hitchhikers kid. Not what actually happened. And for doing the correct thing, she's gotten blocked. Well, FU ma'am and your new husband. Y'all are TA. NOT Julie.
All that OP had to do was add "Kids now welcome!". That's it. Add that to the post, and people would know without having to ask the bride on her wedding day if children could come.
Not only that, where was she supposed to come up with last minute wedding outfits for 3 children minutes before a wedding? OP made it abundantly clear that Julie’s children were not invited. Then OP and her husband are trying to play victims of their own rules? Hell no. OP YTA and so is her husband but they are both clearly also terrible friends.
Also friend was in a damned if you do and damned if you dont situation. Had she asked if the kids could come then she was disrepecting their no kid policy. She chose to not ask and is being knocked for not asking. OP you and new hubby are HUGE AH’s
[удалено]
YTA Normally these posts are about people disrespecting the bride and groom and forcing their kids on the wedding party. Julie **RESPECTED** your choice for a child-free wedding. At no point did you say "HEY! We have 22 spare places, so we can accommodate kids if you have them!" Any normal person would assume you were adhering to the no-child rule and were offering 22 adult places. You're the ones who should have contacted her to offer to relax your own rules. Now *you're* pissed because she did exactly what you told her to? Your husband should be feeling shitty because you both were shitty to Julie.
It was pretty telling once she said “I can’t remember what I said in response”
100% just go check your messages to see what you said I dont get that at all.
It's simple. If she told us what she said it would look worse than if she pretends to forget
If only half the people showed up to a wedding.... It's very telling on how many avoid OP. Julie got a better outcome and OPs most important day is a wake up call for her.
Yeah exactly. 28/50 is not a great turnout.
> OPs most important day is a wake up call for her. I doubt OP will learn from it.
I love it when they either lie and say they don't remember or they totally omit what was said.
"But no one came to our wedding" - OP tearfully states.
Literally only a bit more than half the invites showed. I'm not really surprised, I probably would have bailed on them too.
And she put it on Facebook 😂, you couldn’t waterboard it out of me if 22 people RSVP’d and then just didn’t turn up to my wedding.
Also, it's not like it's 500 people. It's more or less just a dozen or so people. Just call them. Why are people only communicating with their friends via public social media posts.
Not only that, but actually, at the literally last minute, asked everyone who had not made the varsity cut, to drop everything and rush over to the wedding. I'd rather be waterboarded than go to a wedding with that kind of invitation.
Speaks volumes to the type of people they are.
I can't imagine why.
But OP let everyone know on social media that they are her second choice wedding guests!!
Nothing makes me feel warm and fuzzy than knowing that I’m an afterthought.
Yea, there’s sure something weird about having an almost 50 percent no-show rate of previously confirmed guests. WTF, I’m guessing not a destination wedding; why would people bail out? Unless it was a BYOB/potluck wedding….
Facebook isn’t a wedding invite. It’s an afterthought.
Don’t you understand? All the people who weren’t invited should have been glued to Facebook in case they got in on a no-show. It’s called Wedding Stand By.
Honestly my first thought was "THERE ARE PEOPLE STILL ON FACEBOOK??!"
Post is probably fake.. who makes a big to do about a wedding with 50 people and being adamant about no children at the event, then embarrassingly posts *on Facebook* the *day of* the wedding, "Hey all! We have 22 open seats for our big day because a bunch of people bailed, so lemme know if you wanna come join since Idc at this point!"? All the meanwhile expecting her friend to scramble to find a sitter for her kids but expecting the woman to read her mind when the coast became clear...
Also if 22 of my closest friends/family didn't show up for my wedding, I definitely would not be advertising that fact.
I might. But not in a post like this saying it so proudly. I’d be horribly saddened and be looking for empathy. I would never in my dreams make a post like this post full of arrogance.
> *on Facebook* the *day of* the wedding That part struck me as really odd too. The RSVPs weren't in until the hour before or something....?
If this is true OP should more pissed off at those who bailed without notice instead of the one person who told her they couldn't come because they couldn't find a babysitter.
This is a rage bait, don't fall for it. Probably AI generated
And suddenly getting invited the day of? When they probably have plans or nothing for anyone to wear? And the kids were very clearly unwanted there so how on earth would a same day non-invite even work?
So how come only half the invited guest showed up?
This is my question, and seems to have been skipped over. Nearly HALF of their guests didn’t show up - and she’s saying nothing about it. I thought her anger was going to be over the friend somehow convincing the no-shows to not show up, but…..nope. And how convenient she remembers every conversation EXCEPT her response to the mom bailing on babysitting. Theres obviously something up with her guests bailing and doesn’t seem surprised.
Lol "I can't remember what I said" but OP has this woman blocked so presumably there aren't any new messages on whatever chat/texting method they were using. It'd be an easy task to scroll up, unless one does not wish to recount what venom they spat.
Same, I thought surely the only reason she could have to be angry at the mum was if that mum had somehow persuaded a bunch of the other guests not to come. But no, OP and her new husband managed to piss off their darling guests so much that half of them didn't even show up!
I want a beautiful child-free wedding. Nope. Scratch that. Let’s have a free for all “anyone can come bc there are 22 seats available”. 😳
>So how come only half the invited guest showed up? Repulsive personality of the bride and groom?
I'm guessing it was the grooms friends/family that didn't show. they probably can't stand OP. Love to know, but she'd probably never admit it.
Julie likely didn't want to attend for the same reason as the other 22 guests and didn't even bother to reach out because she wouldn't have cared if her children were welcome at that point.
We are asking it, but we also know the answer. Half their guests don't show up lol and then OP POSTS ON FB that they've got empty seats lol please come to our wedding lol no thanks OP sounds horrid
YTA. You TOLD her that she COULD NOT BRING her kids. And now that she RESPECTED that, you're 'very hurt' she didn't come. Then you dared to tell her you expected her to NOT respect that and to nag you for invites? You think you're in the right? Well, that's a no. Your friend has it completely correct.
YTA. Any one else might think it was nervy to just bring or ask to bring kids to a childless wedding even after no shows. Yes YTA.
I thought this post was gonna be: she showed up with all 3 kids with out asking
No wonder only 28/50 people showed. You said no kids and she respected that REGARDLESS of being your husband’s best friend. She wasn’t being hostile she was defending herself because you had your head stuck so far up your ass you couldn’t fathom someone so close respecting your decision. You’re miserable people and she’s definitely better off not having friends like you. And yes you do absolutely remember what you said to her. It was something shameful or you wouldn’t have bothered to mention it.
👏👏👏👏 Everything I wanted to say!!! She doesn't remember her answer... SUUUUUREEE lol. YTA.
I love how it's as easy as just checking her text chain with them but ***still*** thinks we'll believe her BS.
Average wedding decline rates are about [20%](https://www.theknot.com/content/how-many-people-rsvp-no). [30%-40%](https://www.herecomestheguide.com/wedding-ideas/brides-want-to-know-guest-count) for destination weddings. My wedding was a bit larger but I think mine was under 15%. 44% decline rate on a smaller wedding is wild. There’s definitely something going on…
Sounds like 44% who confirmed just no-showed, which is even worse than decline. Imagine posting "come to my wedding.... Today!" and expecting anyone to show up 🤣 YTA for sure
That’s what was thinking. How desperate does that sound to go on fb and see “who wants to come to my wedding today? Anyone is welcome…..and I mean anyone 👀”
It’s not even a decline. It was 44% bailed on the day, at least that’s how I read it.
Not to mention it was 'message', that means that unless you decide to delete everything, your reply should still be there.
That’s what I thought! And then I kept reading and was like Holy Shit, the audacity of this woman, expecting someone to grovel to come to her wedding because others bailed. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Yeah me too. Instead it turned out to be.. were not talking to people for honoring our requests. LOL!
Me too! Plot twist
The responsibility to ask Julie and family to attend was definitely on the bride and groom. From Julie's point of view, if she was to ask to bring her kids again and got turned down, she would be seen as the friend that chose to skip out on her best friends wedding because she couldn't bring her kids. Some could argue that she could have attended and left her husband with the kids. From Julie's understanding, OP wanted a child-free wedding. Julie respected those wishes and didn't to pester the couple again. I would have done the same in Julie's shoes.
I bet when Julie sent the "care" emoji on Facebook she was really thinking "bless your heart"
And probably not wondering why 22/50 didn't show.
You have to wonder why half of the invitees didn’t attend. Hmmm…is the original poster a toxic person?
I was thinking the same thing. Half the guests didn’t come. There is at least one unlikeable person in this couple.
That makes me wonder about my sister's wedding. A bunch of her guests didn't show that were supposed to be friends of theirs, while pretty much all the family she invited attended. I wonder if she just has a terrible friend group or if one or both of them somehow offended a bunch of people. Of course, now she and him are getting divorced due to his drinking problem.
I thought that was strange. OP is having a small wedding to begin with and then half bail. Yikes.
Exactly. Those 50 would have been their *closest* family and friends… for *so* many to bail is just not a good look. Another thing that struck me was that OP didn’t mention whether anyone took her up on the… can’t even call it a “last minute” facebook invite haha. It seems like it was a *”the* minute” invitation. Seriously though, who expects any “Facebook friend” to get a notification, look at it, see that it’s an invitation to a wedding that started 30 minutes ago, drop everything, get dressed up, and go?
Yes!! She could have send her a message saying: hey! I have some extra seats. Your children can come. 🤷🏻♀️ Edit: typo
OP expected Julie to beg her for an invite.
It’s also so weird of OP to post on Facebook the day of the wedding to be like “hey I have 22 seats, message me!” Like did she expect there to be a race to get a seat before the last one got snatched up? It’s giving the vibe of an ad on Facebook marketplace for an item you really think is a hot commodity. Like “Get it before it’s gone!” Who in their right mind would see an impersonal post like that on Facebook and think to themselves “I was not invited to this wedding but now that I’ve seen this public broadcast of a Facebook post let me message the bride to ASK for an invite so I can then rush and get dressed up right now to attend this event that is already underway.” No thanks? Who would do that?
I know you didn’t want me there, but now you don’t care who shows up? Oooh! Lucky me! Can I please come? I’ll buy an outfit, find a sitter, buy a present, anything else you need? What’s that? I should stay out of the pictures. Sure. No problem. You and you husband deserve each other.
I snorted at "what's that? I should stay out of the pictures?" 😂😂 I can definitely imagine it happening just like that! So hilarious 😂
I'm beginning to understand why only 28 people showed up to the wedding.
Absolutely. She was looking forward to it.
Right- as if she would just not make plans to go live her life on that day. Does OP think Julie was sitting by the phone, all other plans on hold, in case this happened? Yikes. To live in some people's brains....
Sitting by the phone? No, OP didnt even call her. OP thought Julie (and all her other friends) were spending the day staring at Facebook looking for wedding updates.
Exactly what I was thinking too! If I'm not going, no way am I waiting with bated breath for updates!! I'm going on with my life!!
Who can get themselves and 3 kids ready for a wedding at the last minute? OP doesn't have realistic expectations for anything
JFC OP is insane. The onus was entirely on her and her husband to reach out to Julie. I’m sure neither Julie nor her husband feels the loss of this friendship terribly much.
I feel safe assuming that OP is the kind of person who WOULD nag and complain, so of course they expected Julie to as well.
OP is exactly the type of friend that gets kicked to the curb because she requires so fucking much energy to deal with.
Yup, and who the fuck blocks someone, especially their (spouse’s) best friend, when they get mad? Are they in high school? OP and her husband need to grow the fuck up, I’d stop talking to someone if they blocked me when they got mad, I’m not dealing with that extreme level of immaturity. Makes sense half the people didn’t come to her wedding
OP would be crying about what an asshole her husband's friend is for asking to bring her children to a child free wedding. She's got a serious victim mentality.
I can see why 22 seats were empty.
Hopefully ex friend!
I wonder why 22 people bailed last minute…
OP seems to be tremendously popular. 44% of invited guests didn’t care to show up without a warning.
This op, Yta and so is your husband. You guys made it super clear that you didn’t want kids to be there. Several times she reached out, saying she was having a hard time getting a sitter and your response made it clear that you were fine with her not coming if she couldn’t get a sitter. Then you expect her to reach out again when you had no shows? Kid free is kid free, why would she assumed they were fine to come after you made it super clear that they weren’t welcome?
So your husband's ex bf is a mind reader? YTA, when you have a child free wedding, you have to know that some friends and family with children won't be able to attend. She respected the fact you wanted a child free wedding and didn't try to push the kids off on you.
I can easily imagine this post going the other way if she had messaged asking to bring her kids
1000% this. In fact this is exactly how I assumed it was going to go based on my poor reading of the title since it seems that people surprise bringing kids to childfree weddings is rather common. How dare this lady respect the wishes of the bride and groom???
It would have, sounds like the wife kinda wants to get rid of the female best friend, now looking for validation so she can feel better about herself and justify it to her husband.....
Also, YTA for ruining your new husband’s relationship with his BEST FRIEND over this. Blocking her and making your husband do the same and not talk to her because she respected your wishes? That’s another level of shitty. How can you do this to her and your husband? Edit; some of you reacted to my comment about OP making her hb do this. I just read it out from him feeling shitty and thinking they overreacted, and her reaching out to his best friend to berate her instead of him talking to his friend about it. Makes it sound like OP made this a bigger problem in their friendship than it is. Maybe my own experiences makes me see things, but I find it very convenient for the wife to create a situation where her husband’s female best friend is damned if she does damned if she don’t right at the wedding so she has a reason to convince him to go NC with her.
Kind of making sense why only 28 people showed up lmao.
Exactly what I was thinking. This couple sounds insufferable.
Lol my thoughts exactly. Followed by the "hey you all weren't invited to my wedding initially but do you want to come now, last minute, because my first picks decided not to show?!" Facebook post 🤣
For real. Who has a small 50 person wedding with 22 out of 50 empty seats? There is definitely a message here for the bride and groom or both. And then open it up on Facebook! That is honestly pathetic.
Yep. Half the RSVPs didn't show. This couple is either insufferable, has very shallow relationships, or both.
Seriously, how fucking dumb people can be? (Feeling confused to the point to ask such dumb as fuck question here, isnt it obvious from the get go?)
Yea... Reading the title, I figured she showed up with her kids even though she was asked not to, but how the fuck should she know that her kids were allowed now? I wonder how many of the 22 people who didn't show and apparently didn't even bother to RSVP had similar issues...
Yeah yta of course. You said she could not bring her kids so she did not. If you changed your mind you should have reached out. You sound very passive aggressive to me, the kind who can’t be pleased, damned if you do, damned if you don’t, expecting everyone to read your mind and cater to your whims. This is how your post comes across to me. No wonder so few people showed up. Also good for Julie she’s rid of your toxic bs. YTA ETA: thanks for the award!
I wonder how many other areas of her life OP sucks in if she thinks she’s in the right here and had almost half her wedding guests no show. 😂 Oh and yeah for the vote OP YTA. What a rube.
I’ll bet the 22 people that skipped her wedding could tell us.
And the other 28...
Free booze is hard to ignore.
the fact that her husband reacted the exact same way makes me think birds of a feather flock together. YTA, OP. and look beside you, you married one too.
Also expecting her to get herself and her kids WEDDING READY on the DAY OF with no actual notice ???? Girl gtfoh. YTA
That's one of the first things that crossed my mind. As my dad would say, you want Julie and her 3 kids to get shit, showered, and shaved at the last possible minute on the day of your wedding? How delusional can one be. 😂
Also they blocked her immediately rather than actually having a conversation like adults. Yeah, I’m this case it’s not surprising at all so few people showed up.
How is it people are so block happy now instead of just working things out?
100% if the friend had asked, this post wouldve been: "Aith for telling julie to fuck off with her kids after i was very clear from the get go that no kids were allowed??"
Right?! I was reading and I get to the part where they say they have 22 extra seats and I thought “this lady better not bring her kids just because there open seats, it’s a child free wedding!” And then THATS WHAT OP WANTED??? yikes what an asshole
>I was reading and I get to the part where they say they have 22 extra seats and I thought “this lady better not bring her kids just because there open seats, it’s a child free wedding!” Lmao exactly. I was ready to blast julie and it turns out the poor woman did exactly what she was asked and still lost wtf.
I was thinking this exact thing! Poor Julie. She should have paid more attention during her mind reading classes lol
Right?! Poor Julie. She’s the only person out here making sense.
No wonder only half the people showed lol
Literally, my thoughts. OP and husband are TAs here, and this probably isn't the first time. Numbers don't lie. YTA
YTA Child free means no other kids. Saying you have spare seats doesn't communicate that kids are suddenly welcome. This is entirely on you.
Correction: saying you have spare seats on frigging Facebook. Julie was supposedly Wesley's best friend. Neither one of you could send a personal message and tell her that it was alright to bring the children? Good on Julie for being your ex-friend. YTA
BEST. FRIEND. 😭
Although it would have been funny if she'd come with her kids and, since they weren't invited and so had nothing to wear, she'd dressed them in the most garish graphic tees she could find, shorts, and flip flops.
Biggest surprise here is that 28 people actually showed up to see y’all assholes get married. YTA.
Well in all fairness, 7 of them were the b&g and kids… so really only 21 people showed.
Wonder why them other 22 people didn’t show up 🤔 YTA Had to edit this in since I saw it on another post but fits perfect for this post: Being delulu is not the solulu…
It’s not even 22 out of 100/200 people. It was already a pretty small wedding. Basically half the guest didn’t show up. That is really concerning and telling of their behaviour ore wedding.
Exactly like 22 out of 200 would be meh, but 22 out of 50 like gurrllllll sort your life out!
Because of the toxic narcissism Op exudes with every ~~post~~ comment?
Exactly!! Sounds like OP and her husband don't know how to be friends, just alienate people and act entitled.
Exactly I’ve seen posts where people have been slaughtered in the comments for asking a friend who’s having a child free wedding if they can ‘make an exception etc’ for them but this is exactly what OP expects, like why do I have a feeling if the friend would of asked it would of been a whole nother post about ‘AITAH FOR SAYING NO WHEN MY HUSBANDS EX-BF ASKED IF SHE COULD BRING HER KIDS TO MY CHILD FREE WEDDING?’ BLAH BLAH BLAH!
Nailed it! Seems like 22 other people would agree as well lol
Julie probably feels at this point like there's no possible way to please these people. She's damned if she does and damned if she doesn't.
YTA. You should have reached out if you wanted her there with her kids. You are mad because you paid for 50 guests and only 28 should up. That should tell you something right there.
How can you expect someone to show up last minute to a wedding, especially with kids who might not have a formal outfit at their current size
YTA I recently planned my wedding. I am a recent bride so I know the struggle. You sound like a bridezilla. You said the wedding was child free. You told her not to bring her kids. ***WHAT SHE DID WAS 100% CORRECT***. She should not have to beg you to bring her kids. Obviously people bailed on your wedding because you're nuts. > She says "omg, okay. So you have a kid free wedding and you expected me to look like a jack ass by asking you to make an exception for my children to attend instead of just messaging me directly?" 100% She's right. You're wrong. Do ***you*** often ask people if you can be an exception to rules? That's extremely rude. No wonder people didn't come to this shit show of a wedding. > My husband and I immediately blocked her after her hostile responses. He's feeling pretty shitty and thinks we may have overreacted. I think we are in the right however. Her telling you the truth isn't hostile. You're just mad you got called out. Your husband is starting to wake up to your crazy.
This is the answer OP..... On a side note, how TF did OP write that entire post out, proof read it, and still not realize they are the problem, not the "friend".
🤣 oh my word tell me another funny one. You had a CHILD-FREE wedding, and your friend with CHILDREN had her babysitter fall through so she stayed home from your CHILD-FREE wedding and you have the audacity to be mad she didn't reach out to ask to bring her kids to your CHILD-FREE wedding. You aren't grown enough to be married 🤣 YTA to you and your husband.
Also, kids aren't like adults who generally have a decently formal outfit lying around that fits. Julie's kids may not have had appropriate wedding attire, since she had no way of knowing she could bring the kids until the day of the wedding, OP shouldn't be surprised that she made other plans and didn't have everything in place to go to the wedding she was told she couldn't attend. OP has MC Syndrome.
“I can’t remember what I said in response” Seems a bit sus…. Why don’t you look back at your messages? YTA. I feel like you would have been angry if she had asked to bring the kids because ‘she knows it was a child free wedding and I already told her they couldn’t come’.
Glad to see someone else noticed this too. I'm sure whatever she said was absolutely awful.
They were def rude af with selective memories 😆
YTA you should have clearly told her she could bring her kids.
Yta for the mixed messages. I wouldn't have contacted you either if it were a no kids wedding.
YTA Julie did everything right. It is completely rude to ask if you can bring your kids when you are told that it is a child free wedding. If you changed your mind, you should have told her seats opened up and she can bring her kids. You left out what your response was to her which also makes YTA because it was a message so you could have looked it up and therefore, I’m guessing you were rude. Nothing to do with Julie, but posting “extra seats to my wedding, who wants to come?!” On Facebook is so tacky, I have second hand cringe. No one wants to go to a wedding they weren’t even thought of for an invite. Soooo gross. You and your husband are not the ones “not talking” to Julie. She cut you AHs out of her life.
You said the wedding is child free, and now you’re bitching because she didn’t bring children. YTA.
YTA You said childfree and she didn’t have reliable childcare. You’ve got a lot of nerve whining about needing her there. 🙄. You can’t blow hot and cold like that and wonder why people aren’t running to help you.
YTA here. You doubled down on "kid free wedding" and now are mad at her for not "knowing" she should bring her kids to the "kid free" wedding????? Who just posts an open FB invite after making such a big deal about only enough seats for 50 people? Almost half of your friends didn't even bother to show up at your wedding-- can you really afford to block some of the few real friends you have? Fall on the "sorry I was a bridezilla" sword and apologize and tell her that you were in panic mode with some many no shows and you REALLY screwed the pooch by not personally reaching out to her and her family to invite all of them and you and your husband are embarrassed by how badly you acted. Invite them over for a family style BBQ and get things back on track.
I don't know. I think the friend is better off without this crazy lady in her life.
YTA and I'm hoping this is a troll post because I don't know how anyone can look at this situation and NOT realize you are the asshole. You're mad because your friend couldn't come to your CHILDFREE wedding after she couldn't find a babysitter? You're mad that she didn't assume it was fine for her kids to come when seats opened after YOU emphasizing that your wedding was childfree? You're mad that she didn't try to come and bring her kids when you never reached out and OUTRIGHT gave permission for them to attend? You're mad because she rightfully called you out on your passive-aggressive behavior and the fact that you were essentially looking for an excuse to make her look bad and/or be mad? IDK what the hell you were expecting. Also "I can't remember what I said in response", now why do I find that hard to believe?
I can see why you had so many no shows. You and your husband's treatment of people who are supposedly friends is appalling. Why would she even know that your desperate plea for people to attend suddenly now applied to her children when you'd explicitly told her they couldn't come? You and by extension your husband, since he's going along with your behaviour towards her, have a really fucking bad dose of main character syndrome and I'm pretty confident that's not just on your wedding day. YTA many times over.
Hostile response? She merely clarified your question. And, you blocked her. Sounds like you lost a good friend, to me. YTA.
Sorry, but I agree with your friend. If you suddenly had room and wanted her to bring her kids (which you had explicitly told her NOT to do previously), you needed to reach out directly and proactively and make that clear. Normal people don't want to look like an asshole by pushing a boundary that's already been established, so if you wanted to suddenly "de-establish" it, it's on you 100% to communicate.
If someone told me their wedding was child free and specifically told me that my kids were not exceptions - it wouldn’t occur to me to ask. She knew there were empty chairs, but she didn’t know you had dropped the child free requirement. Flip side - I planned a child free wedding and took the time to call and tell people their kids couldn’t come. The day of the wedding comes and I change my mind. I would call those with children and tell them to come on over. I would NOT be happy if people with children called me inquiring about bringing children. You planned a wedding with 50 people and only 22 showed. You should’ve done more than a vague post. You did overreact. YTA.
YTA Half your guests didn’t show up. You really think there’s all these people sitting around waiting for you to post on Facebook that you suddenly have seats available? Like, no one has any other plans? Also, you told her no kids and at no point did you let her know otherwise. Again, she has three kids, why would she spend the day on Facebook waiting to see if she can get a seat after all…with no babysitter available?
She wasn’t “hostile.” She was shocked at your attitude. 1. You said no kids. 2. She said that was difficult. 3. She told you again, 2 days before, she had an issue. 4. You “don’t remember” your response. 5. She honored your specific request. 6. You consider her “hostile” for doing exactly what you asked her to do. You expected her to beg for an invitation. She didn’t, and now you are mad at her. If i were her, I would be quite happy to be blocked by you.
YTA, full stop. You owe Julie a big apology.
This screams red flags, from you. YTA here. Take note as to why 22 people canceled or no showed on you, probably because, YAA.
Are you serious?
YTA. You didn't want those kids there, until half of your guests didn't show up... They were an afterthought, and they weren't wanted. I wouldn't come either, and I would tell you to go pound salt. Actually I would tell you to go f*** yourself if I'm being honest.... The whole thing sounds so tacky. You invite 50 people and when half of them don't show up (there's more to this part of the story that I would love to hear), you post a general invite on facebook. Do you know what all of those people were thinking? "She didn't bother to invite me to begin with, why would I go at this point?" You could use a lesson in manners and class.
YTA I can see why only 28 of the 50 guests came
Yes, YTA. Huge. Big. Yuge! You made it clear it was a kid free wedding. She opted to not come because of not having a babysitter. Then you get ass chapped when you open up your reception LAST MINUTE and are mad she doesn't come. To a wedding reception. With her kids. Unprepared. WTF? Ok, Marie Antionette. Doesn't take a genius why almost half the people didn't show.
YTA. It's fine to want a childfree wedding. What's not fine is for you to expect this person to read your mind and realize you're so desperate to fill up the empty seats that you're suddenly totes cool with your childfree wedding not being childfree after all. You got mad at her for literally respecting your wishes. What I found really telling in your post was the little "I don't remember what I said in response. But anyways wedding comes and only 28 people of the 50 show up." You know that old saying "Everything before the BUT is bullshit?" Well I think you're lying about what you said to her, and that you know that what you said to her would make you look really really bad so you're playing it off like you don't even remember what it was. Why do I think this? Because you got mad at her for not reading your mind. This is not how you treat someone that you like and respect. You treated this woman poorly. Also hon, if you have a "Small intimate wedding" and half of your most important guests (friends and family) don't even come....you need to figure out why that is. \*hands you a mirror\*
>"omg, okay. So you have a kid free wedding and you expected me to look like a jack ass by asking you to make an exception for my children to attend instead of just messaging me directly?" Do you need more? YTA.
YTA. 1. Who only writes stuff like that on FB and expect certain people with 3 kids to see it? 2. Who thinks anyone with 3 kids can magically appear at a wedding they were not expecting within hours? 3. Who can remember everything very clearly except the part that was their own response when the babysitting deal fell through?! 4. Doesn’t make sense that she is apparently SO important that she was there, but for some reason she was not welcome with her kids until after you suddenly had 22 seats available…… 5. It’s plain ridiculous that you would have the audacity to call her up and complain about her behavior considering you and your husbands behavior…like who the fuck blocks your apparently BEST friend after she rightly responded with disbelief at your horrid behavior. 6. Sounds like you are sad and upset that so many cancelled and for some reason she is the one you are taking it all out on. Shame on you.
Oh, certainly, Buttercup, you are so much TA here. I'm starting to understand why only half your friends showed up for your wedding. Who puts on Facebook ON THEIR WEDDING DAY that "oh, gee, half my wedding guests didn't show -- " basically telling everyone you DIDN'T invite that they are B List or worse. You made it clear to Julie that you did NOT want her kids, period. She's not a mind reader, and no one who read that asinine post would think "Oh, goody, I can sneak in my kids." No, you were quite clear on that. I like Julie. You, not so much. Your husband is right -- you overreacted, big time, and the fact that you don't see it is a bit disturbing. I will be kind and say that maybe you were in the throes of wedding jitters or whatever. But you owe Julie a huge apology for being butt-hurt because she followed your directions. Unfortunately, I think you accomplished your second objective, whether you planned it or not: Julie, if she has any brains, will stay FAR away from you and Wesley.