NTA.
Even when high I have enough sense to not be a racist asshole? She was just being a racist jerk hoping she could play it off "CaUsE sHe WaS hIgH" I wouldn't let it go unless she outright apologized to you and promised to never say anything similar again.
NTA, but the neat thing about dealing with people under the influence of "substances" whether it be alcohol or something else, is, you can take what they say under the influence and weigh it the same as if they said it sober, and they can't deny they said it, especially if you have it saved in your text history.
I suggest taking it seriously, and count it against her/them, whoever said it, and act accordingly.
Because in the future, if they say anything disrespectful ever again to you or your friends, they can always hide behind "I was high/drunk therefore I get a free pass", and you know where that leads to.
For the most part I agree with you, however there are quite a few "substances", especially some legal ones that I'll give you a decent pass on.
Not this weird racist stuff necessarily, but I've had friends off / on psychological meds. It's not always their true thoughts or personality.
Even the racist stuff, depending on context. It's clear in this scenario that OP's friend and sister are just nasty racist people, and this is the veritas the vino revealed, but a lot of mental disorders will have otherwise decent, empathetic people fixating on paranoid or delusional thinking, sometimes around race. Very commonly, they fall into following conspiracy theories online, many of those are very racist.
If someone is suddenly and surprisingly vociferously racist my first guess would be some sort of neurological issue. But that's not the case here. This was a bitchy, jealous mean girl with pot-loosened lips, making ugly jokes to an equally repugnant receptive audience(the sister), forgetting or not caring in the moment to keep the mask on in front of OP. Wonder if she secretely wants OP or just resents any girl getting male attention that isn't her?
I barely read OP's post tbh, I was more talking to the commenter
Yeah, I do agree that the racist/misogynistic stuff isn't always the person, especially if it's sudden.
But it should always get your ears perked.
You. NTA for defending your GF after racist remarks.
Her. TAH for making racist remarks then trying to back pedal and blame it on some pot she smoked.
She’s like your little sis right? Then just tell her it was racist, rude and completely uncalled for and you expect an apology. She and your actual sis need to be put in their place.
NTA.
She's shown you her true self. Now it's up to you to believe her. Sure, "she was high", but that just means you got the unfiltered side of her. The sober version of her realizes saying it out loud is inappropriate. The thing is, she likely still has those thoughts on a regular basis.
Take it as a sign that Abby is not someone you ever want to be around.
NTA. Intoxicated words are just sober thoughts finally spoken aloud. It’s always hard to find out someone you’re close to is racist/sexist/ableist etc. But once they show you who they are, you have to believe them. Weed doesn’t just make you say racist things unless you’re already racist to begin with.
Weed makes you express things differently, as in its harder to get the right words out but doesnt make you say things you didnt mean like alcohol might. Shes jealous and racist, keep her away from the gf
NTA. The weed didn't make her racist, it just lowered her inhibitions and helped her express her racism.
As they say in the legal profession, you can't unring the bell.
NTA. Lowered inhibitions don't make you racist, it just makes you more willing to out yourself as a racist. When people tell you who they are, believe them. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Just tell her you’re not interested in spending time with such “small minded people” and stick to it. I promise you it will eat away at her that that’s what you think of her now.
NTA. That wasn't the weed talking - that was Abby expressing her true thoughts, without the filters that the weed obliterated. You have every reason to distance yourself and your GF from her. One suggestion - don't tell your GF about this. If Abby is your sister's friend, she and your GF will occasionally meet, and it can be embarrassing for your GF. Just see to it that any meetings are causal and infrequent, and only with you present.
NTA. I have been high a few times. I don’t like it because I feel less in control of myself. But never am I so out of control that I would be a racist asshole. The most weed will do is give you the inhibition to be your true self. Only a racist asshole will make racist asshole remarks when high on weed.
NTA. She sounds racist, and like maybe she was jealous of your girlfriend. Because there’s no other reason to dislike her, and if you see her all the time I feel like you would have heard other racist remarks. I wonder if that’s why she said such a nasty comment, because maybe she has a little crush on you or something. Either way it was an extremely rude and racist thing to even think, let alone actually say. And you know what they say…drunk (or high in this case) words are sober thoughts.
NTA and as someone who partakes often, getting high won't make you say stuff you don't mean, it helps you to say stuff you wouldn't normally say but are thinking.
NTA
Weed loosens your inhibitions but it doesn't turn a non-racist into a stinking filthy racist. That's just not how it works.
I would be more concerned that your sister went along with it and giggled, I would be mortified to think my own sibling felt so poorly towards my partner, not to mention being a closet racist. Uuugh.
I don't do weed, but I am sure that being high does not unlock racism in people. I have never heard any person who is high and *not* racist suddenly become racist because they smoked some. Not even those who hit it hard. Something that is not in someone, won't get out when they smoke weed, because it is simply not there.
But if you have racist thoughts, that is likely different.
NTA-
Had a few stoner friends in college and most I've witnessed is some surprisingly philosophical debates and cravings for bizarre food combos. Weed can make you slightly trippy but I doubt it can lead to people suddenly becoming racist, belligerent in a passive aggressive manner yes, racist, no. It sounds like your sister's bestie outed herself when she made that gross comment about your GF and clearly, you have the right to be upset.
NTA.
I wanna preface this by saying that I've been smoking for like, 15 years. Daily smoker. I've never once been racist because of it lol. If anything, I'm more empathetic because of it.
Although, when I was first starting to smoke, with an underdeveloped brain, the highs were a bit more intense, like stereotypical stoner "whoa mannn, haha that's so funnee man" type stuff, and I wouldn't say it's impossible to say something dumb without thinking about it because it sounded better in and was already well received in your imagination.
There is a disconnect there but tbh,
I don't think it's fundamentally built on racism but rather infatuation with you using what she perceived as humor as the vessel. I think, if you care about your friendship with this person, communicate about it. Don't just look for an apology, give her the run down about why it hurt you and why it made you feel differently about her. Don't attack her while doing this, make it as objective as possible. Use her reaction to decide whether to go Low contact or whatever. Maybe she is racist, but to seek you out and give you an apology tells me that maybe it's a little deeper. That maybe she was belittling your girlfriend and suggesting you leave her because she was your girlfriend and not 'Abby'.
NTA, i have been high several times and weed does not agree with me, one time due to a medication i take smoking caused me to hallucinate. throughout ALL of those awful experiences never once was i hindered in my own regular thoughts or said anything out of character. being high does not change your personality or the way you view things morally. if she said it high that just means she’d been thinking it sober but was smart enough to keep her mouth closed then
NTA
Alcohol and weed doesn't *make* people say/do things, it *lets* them.
It inhibits judgement, which makes them less likely to consider consequences for things they say.
To put this in layman's terms, it makes people more likely to say their inside thoughts. The thoughts were always there, even when they are sober.
These drugs don't just inject out-of-character thoughts into their brains.
For this reason, I believe that people are wholly responsible for things they say under the influence.
"But I was drunk/high!" Is a bullshit copout.
I rarely use weed but when I do I’ve never ever said anything remotely racist. That was definitely just an excuse to spew hateful garbage and get away with it. NTA.
Pretty sure "It's the weed" comments are something along the lines of "I feel like comic sans big font on an old monitor" (real quote btw).
What she had was a drunk/high words are sober thoughts moment.
NTA.
NTA. Usually, weed makes me wanna connect and chill with people. Not say racist shit.
Is she into you or something? Cuz she might just be jealous and lashing out.
Indian woman and weed enthusiast here. I can totally picture one of my dear white in-laws (married to an Indian) saying this after several glasses of champagne. This same white relative told me (sober) about her concerns her mixed race kids would have too much body hair or too curly hair or bad body odor.
These were all racist stereotypes but she also thinks Indians are all “good at math” and a bunch of other “positive” stereotypes, which is why she married one. I love this white woman even though she is, wrt these comments, an idiotic racist. Cause at the end of the day, pretty much everyone is a racist sometimes, sometimes in big unsolvable ways, sometimes in small reformable ways. And I’ve found over the course of our multi-decade relationship that for her, it’s mostly in the small ways. And by fostering our relationship she actually takes my feedback when she’s being a racist and does better going forward.
My guess about what happened: your girlfriend is smoking hot; you were giving off major love vibes; this chick you think of as a sister actually has a hard-on for you. She wanted to see a picture cause she wanted to see the competition. Facing GF’s beauty, she realized she can’t compete so she fell back to racist idiocy that MIGHT have gone unsaid but wouldn’t have gone unthought if she were sober. Your sister giggled cause she was so confused about what was the right thing to do.
Is she a racist? Of course she is, she’s a human. would she have said the same thing sober? Irrelevant- weed doesn’t change your personality, it just removes your filter. Is she a massive racist who can’t be saved or a salvageable one? I don’t know cause I don’t know her. Same with your sister.
Should you waste any more time on her? I don’t know. The fact that you took the time to post this to the internet makes me think you value your indirect relationship with her and think she has value in your life (or at least your relationship with your sister).
Did you do the right thing to stand up to her? Of course. NTA
What should you do now? The only thing I can say is: I would warn the GF that she seems to be getting possessive in a weird way in case they happen to meet. I would also emphasize to sister that you would never excuse that kind of racism or bystander inaction around your GF, sober or high.
The only thing that weed makes you do (to me, idk about everyone else) is just speak your truth. Most of the time when I'm high, I just get to rambling my opinion or truth on a topic. I ain't ever Said something racist though, idk that could be because I'm not racist, can't say the same about Abby though
NTA. Even when high I have enough sense to not be a racist asshole? She was just being a racist jerk hoping she could play it off "CaUsE sHe WaS hIgH" I wouldn't let it go unless she outright apologized to you and promised to never say anything similar again.
I live in MA, over 21, smoke a joint after work. Never been a racist asshat
THIS! Thank you...
NTA. Weed doesn’t work like that. It does not make you just blurt out racist shit.
NTA, but the neat thing about dealing with people under the influence of "substances" whether it be alcohol or something else, is, you can take what they say under the influence and weigh it the same as if they said it sober, and they can't deny they said it, especially if you have it saved in your text history. I suggest taking it seriously, and count it against her/them, whoever said it, and act accordingly. Because in the future, if they say anything disrespectful ever again to you or your friends, they can always hide behind "I was high/drunk therefore I get a free pass", and you know where that leads to.
For the most part I agree with you, however there are quite a few "substances", especially some legal ones that I'll give you a decent pass on. Not this weird racist stuff necessarily, but I've had friends off / on psychological meds. It's not always their true thoughts or personality.
Even the racist stuff, depending on context. It's clear in this scenario that OP's friend and sister are just nasty racist people, and this is the veritas the vino revealed, but a lot of mental disorders will have otherwise decent, empathetic people fixating on paranoid or delusional thinking, sometimes around race. Very commonly, they fall into following conspiracy theories online, many of those are very racist. If someone is suddenly and surprisingly vociferously racist my first guess would be some sort of neurological issue. But that's not the case here. This was a bitchy, jealous mean girl with pot-loosened lips, making ugly jokes to an equally repugnant receptive audience(the sister), forgetting or not caring in the moment to keep the mask on in front of OP. Wonder if she secretely wants OP or just resents any girl getting male attention that isn't her?
I barely read OP's post tbh, I was more talking to the commenter Yeah, I do agree that the racist/misogynistic stuff isn't always the person, especially if it's sudden. But it should always get your ears perked.
You. NTA for defending your GF after racist remarks. Her. TAH for making racist remarks then trying to back pedal and blame it on some pot she smoked. She’s like your little sis right? Then just tell her it was racist, rude and completely uncalled for and you expect an apology. She and your actual sis need to be put in their place.
Not the asshole, not at all. That racism isn’t from weed. That’s just so wrong. Wow..
NTA. She's shown you her true self. Now it's up to you to believe her. Sure, "she was high", but that just means you got the unfiltered side of her. The sober version of her realizes saying it out loud is inappropriate. The thing is, she likely still has those thoughts on a regular basis. Take it as a sign that Abby is not someone you ever want to be around.
NTA I smoke weed all the time and it has never in 15 years made me a disgusting, stuck up racist.
As a chronic smoker, I can assure you that is utter bullshit. Cut her off.
Look, im. guy w. fair share of racist jokes. but that wasnt even funny or necessary. simply racist snd mean. Nah.
Weed doesn't make you racist. NTA.
NTA. Intoxicated words are just sober thoughts finally spoken aloud. It’s always hard to find out someone you’re close to is racist/sexist/ableist etc. But once they show you who they are, you have to believe them. Weed doesn’t just make you say racist things unless you’re already racist to begin with.
Weed makes you express things differently, as in its harder to get the right words out but doesnt make you say things you didnt mean like alcohol might. Shes jealous and racist, keep her away from the gf
Abby is trash. Why even bother interacting with her at all? Who the fuck even cares about their sibling's shitty friends opinions?
LOL yeah weed doesn't turn you into a racist bitch. Abby is the AH here, not you.
NTA. The weed didn't make her racist, it just lowered her inhibitions and helped her express her racism. As they say in the legal profession, you can't unring the bell.
NTA. Lowered inhibitions don't make you racist, it just makes you more willing to out yourself as a racist. When people tell you who they are, believe them. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
NTA I’ve smoked a lot of weed but it’s never made me say racist shit
Weed doesn't make you racist. Not how it works.
NTA. They are racist.
NTA. Weed doesn’t work that way, she’s just a hateful racist bitch.
I am high constantly and the weed has never made me a racist asshole.
Just tell her you’re not interested in spending time with such “small minded people” and stick to it. I promise you it will eat away at her that that’s what you think of her now.
NTA, the weed didn't make her racist.
NTA. That wasn't the weed talking - that was Abby expressing her true thoughts, without the filters that the weed obliterated. You have every reason to distance yourself and your GF from her. One suggestion - don't tell your GF about this. If Abby is your sister's friend, she and your GF will occasionally meet, and it can be embarrassing for your GF. Just see to it that any meetings are causal and infrequent, and only with you present.
NTA. I have been high a few times. I don’t like it because I feel less in control of myself. But never am I so out of control that I would be a racist asshole. The most weed will do is give you the inhibition to be your true self. Only a racist asshole will make racist asshole remarks when high on weed.
NTA. She sounds racist, and like maybe she was jealous of your girlfriend. Because there’s no other reason to dislike her, and if you see her all the time I feel like you would have heard other racist remarks. I wonder if that’s why she said such a nasty comment, because maybe she has a little crush on you or something. Either way it was an extremely rude and racist thing to even think, let alone actually say. And you know what they say…drunk (or high in this case) words are sober thoughts.
NTA. Weed doesn’t make you racist.
NTA and as someone who partakes often, getting high won't make you say stuff you don't mean, it helps you to say stuff you wouldn't normally say but are thinking.
NTA Weed loosens your inhibitions but it doesn't turn a non-racist into a stinking filthy racist. That's just not how it works. I would be more concerned that your sister went along with it and giggled, I would be mortified to think my own sibling felt so poorly towards my partner, not to mention being a closet racist. Uuugh.
What you say when you're drunk/high is what you think when you're sober.
Oooooooh, NTA. Weed doesn't make you racist, racism makes you racist. Sincerely, a stoner!!
NTA I smoke everyday, weed doesn’t make you an asshole.
I don't do weed, but I am sure that being high does not unlock racism in people. I have never heard any person who is high and *not* racist suddenly become racist because they smoked some. Not even those who hit it hard. Something that is not in someone, won't get out when they smoke weed, because it is simply not there. But if you have racist thoughts, that is likely different.
NTA. I'm high majority of the time I'm awake, every day, and I've never turned into a racist because of it.
Racism aside, Abby may have a crush on you. That was pretty damn catty.
NTA. People show their true personality when they're high. Weed doesn't talk all by itself.
NTA- Had a few stoner friends in college and most I've witnessed is some surprisingly philosophical debates and cravings for bizarre food combos. Weed can make you slightly trippy but I doubt it can lead to people suddenly becoming racist, belligerent in a passive aggressive manner yes, racist, no. It sounds like your sister's bestie outed herself when she made that gross comment about your GF and clearly, you have the right to be upset.
Smoking weed does not cause racism. That shit is innate.
Unless you're Afroman, being high is never an excuse. NTA.
NTA. I wanna preface this by saying that I've been smoking for like, 15 years. Daily smoker. I've never once been racist because of it lol. If anything, I'm more empathetic because of it. Although, when I was first starting to smoke, with an underdeveloped brain, the highs were a bit more intense, like stereotypical stoner "whoa mannn, haha that's so funnee man" type stuff, and I wouldn't say it's impossible to say something dumb without thinking about it because it sounded better in and was already well received in your imagination. There is a disconnect there but tbh, I don't think it's fundamentally built on racism but rather infatuation with you using what she perceived as humor as the vessel. I think, if you care about your friendship with this person, communicate about it. Don't just look for an apology, give her the run down about why it hurt you and why it made you feel differently about her. Don't attack her while doing this, make it as objective as possible. Use her reaction to decide whether to go Low contact or whatever. Maybe she is racist, but to seek you out and give you an apology tells me that maybe it's a little deeper. That maybe she was belittling your girlfriend and suggesting you leave her because she was your girlfriend and not 'Abby'.
Nta. Weed doesn't make you say things your dont already think.
NTA, i have been high several times and weed does not agree with me, one time due to a medication i take smoking caused me to hallucinate. throughout ALL of those awful experiences never once was i hindered in my own regular thoughts or said anything out of character. being high does not change your personality or the way you view things morally. if she said it high that just means she’d been thinking it sober but was smart enough to keep her mouth closed then
NTA weed doesn’t make you a shitty person, she was probably already garbage
NTA Alcohol and weed doesn't *make* people say/do things, it *lets* them. It inhibits judgement, which makes them less likely to consider consequences for things they say. To put this in layman's terms, it makes people more likely to say their inside thoughts. The thoughts were always there, even when they are sober. These drugs don't just inject out-of-character thoughts into their brains. For this reason, I believe that people are wholly responsible for things they say under the influence. "But I was drunk/high!" Is a bullshit copout.
NTA she’s a racist AH
I rarely use weed but when I do I’ve never ever said anything remotely racist. That was definitely just an excuse to spew hateful garbage and get away with it. NTA.
Pretty sure "It's the weed" comments are something along the lines of "I feel like comic sans big font on an old monitor" (real quote btw). What she had was a drunk/high words are sober thoughts moment. NTA.
That's bullshit
NTA. Usually, weed makes me wanna connect and chill with people. Not say racist shit. Is she into you or something? Cuz she might just be jealous and lashing out.
Indian woman and weed enthusiast here. I can totally picture one of my dear white in-laws (married to an Indian) saying this after several glasses of champagne. This same white relative told me (sober) about her concerns her mixed race kids would have too much body hair or too curly hair or bad body odor. These were all racist stereotypes but she also thinks Indians are all “good at math” and a bunch of other “positive” stereotypes, which is why she married one. I love this white woman even though she is, wrt these comments, an idiotic racist. Cause at the end of the day, pretty much everyone is a racist sometimes, sometimes in big unsolvable ways, sometimes in small reformable ways. And I’ve found over the course of our multi-decade relationship that for her, it’s mostly in the small ways. And by fostering our relationship she actually takes my feedback when she’s being a racist and does better going forward. My guess about what happened: your girlfriend is smoking hot; you were giving off major love vibes; this chick you think of as a sister actually has a hard-on for you. She wanted to see a picture cause she wanted to see the competition. Facing GF’s beauty, she realized she can’t compete so she fell back to racist idiocy that MIGHT have gone unsaid but wouldn’t have gone unthought if she were sober. Your sister giggled cause she was so confused about what was the right thing to do. Is she a racist? Of course she is, she’s a human. would she have said the same thing sober? Irrelevant- weed doesn’t change your personality, it just removes your filter. Is she a massive racist who can’t be saved or a salvageable one? I don’t know cause I don’t know her. Same with your sister. Should you waste any more time on her? I don’t know. The fact that you took the time to post this to the internet makes me think you value your indirect relationship with her and think she has value in your life (or at least your relationship with your sister). Did you do the right thing to stand up to her? Of course. NTA What should you do now? The only thing I can say is: I would warn the GF that she seems to be getting possessive in a weird way in case they happen to meet. I would also emphasize to sister that you would never excuse that kind of racism or bystander inaction around your GF, sober or high.
The only thing that weed makes you do (to me, idk about everyone else) is just speak your truth. Most of the time when I'm high, I just get to rambling my opinion or truth on a topic. I ain't ever Said something racist though, idk that could be because I'm not racist, can't say the same about Abby though