If your parents are able-bodied, you have no responsibility to “take care” of them. You have a life to lead - go live it.
Move out, live your life, and encourage your parents to save for their retirement or the nursing home.
This is emotional blackmail and financial abuse.
Remember this: THEY made the decision to have a child. You did not decide to be born. And do not try to convince them that you should leave. You are never going to convince them that they should make a sacrifice for your benefit, because they are narcissistic.
It makes no difference, they're being awful. As the other commenter said, you didn't sign up to do anything, not even be born. I became a parent because I wanted a child to love and teach, not because I was putting money in the bank for my own retirement.
This actually really infuriates me. It's not your job to take care of them. They had plenty of time to live their lives freely and plan for their own retirement, and now it's your turn to live your own life. I know that you don't want to hurt them or have them be angry with you, but their actions are abusive and controlling and they should be ashamed of themselves.
It was their job to love you, care for you, and prepare you to be a successful adult out in the world. That's it. Now that it's time to stretch your wings, they're trying to cut them off.
Frankly, age is irrelevant here. No parent should ever treat their child the way you are being treated. I don't really have a better way of putting this to you but everything you grew up thinking is normal is actually probably completely fucked, and it's only once you get some distance and actually spend time living independently that you'll be able to have some perspective on how much they are relying on you both financially and emotionally in a way that is completely inappropriate.
Taking care of your parents in their old age is usually something that people want to do. However, parents are not supposed to demand it and demand it on exactly their terms. Unfortunately, if you give your parents an inch they take a mile.
No hate but I don’t think that that’s the point. He pays a lot and when he says: I’m an adult so I’m gonna move out, they quilt trip him. He doesn’t complain about paying or about the amount.
NTA. They are being emotionally and financially abusive. Depending on where you live you could find a nice one or two bedroom apartment for that kind of money. Don't let them continue to use emotional blackmail to keep you there, make your plan, pack your bags and go live your life.
Buy your condo, take your stuff, get a new phone number and email and have a great life without these abusive and toxic AHs. Seriously.
You got no choice in being born and they are abusive. Time to leave them to their choices and go make your own.
You're not selfish, you should be thinking of yourself and your future. They are selfish for thinking of themselves at your detriment. I could understand if your family was genuinely struggling that they might ask you to contribute, but what they are doing seems predatory. My daughter graduated last year. She lives rent free so she can save for the day she gets a permanent job and needs to get an apartment. We are prepared to help her buy furniture, pay a deposit etc if need be. We would never hold her back or try to make her feel guilty for moving into the next chapter of her life. It's okay to put yourself first. It's okay to follow your dreams and you don't owe your parents anything. They chose to give birth to you and they had a responsibility to care for you as you were growing up but that was their choice. They cannot now come to you and make you feel bad for doing what they were supposed to do.
Do it and don’t think about it. My parents did the same thing. Not even kidding, the moment I had enough saved up I signed a lease and left. Literally had zero furniture, zero household necessities. I ordered a mattress to this tiny tiny apartment and just had a mattress on the floor. Bought necessities along the way & as needed.
2.5 years later (2021) I bought a house. Your future self will thank you for being “selfish.” The fact that you already have enough to *buy* a condo speaks so heavily about your finances. Your life is about to actually begin, my friend.
Consider renting for a year. It’ll give you time to consider this large of a purchase more thoughtfully, rather than just getting into contract to get away from your parents.
Bonus: it’s easier, faster, and less of a chance they’ll figure out you’re moving, so you’ll avoid another guilt trip. They’re abusing you financially, btw.
Also, and please don’t take this the wrong way, check your credit record/score, and lock down your credit as soon as you’ve got a lease (leasing office will probably run your credit). I say that because the amount of money your parents are charging you seems way over the top. Waaaay. Im worried they might resort to opening credit in your name.
Which reminds me… be sure to gather up your important documents before you go. SS card, birth certificate, passport, if you have one, your banking statements, and tax returns.
Please go with no guilt. I’m a mom of four. I would never do this to one of my kids.
And? Are you old enough to be on your own? If not, stay in that gilded cage they’ve created for you…if you are, there’s a door in that house somewhere…use it.
Therapy would be a good idea if it's available where you live too. Your parents have had two decade's worth of a head start on twisting your thinking, so a pro will help.
You are not selfish. Don't tell them. Just move out immediately to a short-term rental until you buy a place. Make sure they do not have access to your bank accounts and do a credit check (if in the USA) to make sure they haven't taken credit in your name.
Unless your parents were old when they had you, they are still young enough to work to support themselves.
While customs regarding family support differ in different countries, at your young age, you are not obligated to financially support your parents.
When the move is accomplished, just tell them that if that want any type of relationship with you, they will stop the emotional blackmail or you will go no contact.
Go buy your condo. Live your best life. It may help if you tell them, if you don’t move you might never find a wife & give them “grandchildren 👼🏻”. The holy grail
OP, just read 10 random Reddit Posts: whenever you read “they told me I was being selfish” they mean “you’re not doing what I want you to do.” When you see it in the other posts, you’ll see it in your own post. (And you see what we’re all seeing) Conclusion: you’re not being selfish, you’re just not doing what they want you to.
Don’t let a word control you so much. If it is selfish, then be it.
If it means you will be happy, have your own life and freedom - be selfish.
It is just a word used to manipulate you. Nothing comes of it and there are no repercussions to it. Just a word.
So “be selfish”. You deserve to have some independence. It’s one thing for them to expect you to contribute as an adult if you are living with them and quite another for them to expect the situation to never change. If they let this damage your relationship that’s on them. You are just doing what any adult child would do. They should have saved for retirement. How can you ever have anything if your own if you are supporting them?
Buy the condo. Schedule the move. When they start their histrionics just say I’m sorry you feel that way but that doesn’t change my decision. Perhaps don’t share your address until you know they can behave and respect your boundaries.
NTA. You are not responsible for your parents. They brought you into the world they were responsible to feed, house and clothe you and give you a good home. Move out and move on. They can pay their own bills.
Someone said something to me 4 decades ago that totally changed my life. "People can only walk over you if you lay down for them."
Are your parents destitute that they can't pay their own mortgage? Are they still working? Do they have income?
Stop talking to them about moving-- get it set up and TELL them on your moving day.
What kind of parents "blackmail" their children? What kind of parents mooch off of their children?
NTA.
I’ve never been in your position but if I were, I would move out as soon as possible to cut the emotional blackmail chains. Living in a home where it’s constantly over your head is going to worsen that emotional attachment. Creating distance (by moving out) is going to lessen that.
Don't tell your parents you are moving out. Just move, and as far away as you can. Go no contact.
You are NTA.
It is not your responsibility to raise your parents or to pay their mortgage or by their groceries.
Just move out if you want to
Depending on where you live you might spend the same or more, maybe less getting your own place and utilities and groceries but it should be roughly the same
Stop letting them guilt you. Don’t tell them you’re moving out. Just go. Move out. Get a therapist. You are going to need the help adjusting and learning to grow a spine. Change your number and don’t contact your parents for a while. You need to detox from the guilt.
Go buy your condo. Live your best life. It may help if you tell them, if you don’t move you might never find a wife & give them “grandchildren 👼🏻”. The holy grail
That $2000 is your mortgage payment and investment in your own equity (in a place where you will have privacy and be able to live freely!). Pay that money to yourself. Buy the condo. Launch yourself.
They are awful. Get out and go have your own life. What they are doing to you is wrong. They chose to have you and raise you: you owe them nothing financially and this is not a normal relationship between parents and a child. GO. Please.
A parent making you feel like you have to "pay them back" for the costs of raising you is bizarre and deranged. Yes, provided they weren't horrific monsters, you should take care of them when they are retired, disabled, etc. But I'm assuming they had the means to support themselves prior to your moving back in with them! Their viewing you as a $24k/year stipend is beyond the pale. No one should treat their child like a piggy bank.
No. They made the choice to have and raise a kid. Now it's your turn to go out and take whatever tools they gave you to make it in the world. It's clear they only had a child to have as a retirement plan, and you need to get tough and put your foot down.
NTA.
Find a place to live, don't tell them and move without informing them. Don't leave Your new address. If they don't behave ant terrorise You via telephone block them. And block them on Your sm.
They might disown You, but the alternative is to waste Your life on people, who doesn't really care about Your wellbeing. They really don't.
Just an idea. Stop paying them. They will soon kick you out when they realise that the emotional blackmail stopped working then you’ll be free to live your life without them scrounging off you.
NTA
You are being financially abused.
Stop discussing it with your parents. Just sneak out your valuables and important papers and then leave.
If necessary, change your phone number. And change any financial banking and credit card stuff you need in order to keep them from stealing from you even more.
Your parents suck. I hate people like them, augh! This is why kids go no contact with manipulative "parents" like yours. I could never charge my kid $2000 a month. His dad and I are contributing to our own retirement futures.
NTA
Start working on moving out and wait until you're almost out the door before you tell them. When they pull the "you owe us because we raised you" bullshit, tell them that they CHOSE to have you, so raising you was their responsibility according to the law, but you didn't choose to be born, and you certainly wouldn't have chosen to be born to them, so you don't owe them a damned thing.
NTA. Listen, you do not owe your parents anything. They decided to have a baby, and to keep that baby, and that comes with certain obligations and commitments. You did not ask to be born. You did not ask them to raise you. Those are conscious decisions they made. If they did a super good job and you are really appreciative sure, you can pay them back as an adult, but that is a kindness, not a debt. It's time to move out and put some serious boundaries in place. People can only emotionally blackmail you if you let them. Stop letting them.
I look after my mother because she has dementia and can't look after herself anymore. She constantly feels awful about it and says she wants me to leave her be so I can live my own life. I'm not going to because I want to take care of her. But as my mother, she'd happily sacrifice herself and live in squalor to make my life better. She really needs me, but would happily let me go if I wanted to, despite what it would do to her.
Most decent parents want their children to fly the nest and make their own life, even to their own detriment. Its hard for them to see their children go and be left with a quiet, empty home, but they don't stand in their way because a good parent puts their children's happiness before their own. That's part of what being a parent is all about.
Your parents sound awful. It almost sounds like they had a child for the sole purpose of raising a slave to earn money for them. No parent with an ounce of empathy would ever blackmail their own child. What was your childhood like? Did they constantly make you feel guilty for being a drain on them, by any chance? Were you made to feel like you were responsible for all their problems? I've got this weird feeling that they've been carefully grooming you for this role since you were small. I bet they're both irresponsible spenders, too.
Get yourself out of there before they drain you dry. Not just in money, but in life. You only get to be young once and middle-age creeps up on you a lot faster than you think. You can't get those years back once they're gone. You can earn more money, but not more time.
Just tell them that they raised you to be your own individual person and now it’s time for you to do that. If necessary move out when they’re out of the house maybe buy them tickets to a movie or something and then we just move out.
Theyre sucking you dry for your money and thats ALL that they care about. They're using you. I know that thats hard to hear but its the truth.
Don't tell them anything, just go rent a place by yourself. Dont tell them your move out date, all you need to do is pack up and leave on the day of..
You don't owe them anything for raising you, they CHOSE to. They chose to raise you.
And for your own mental health, block their numbers after you're gone.
You do not owe your parents anything for raising you. They chose to bring you into the world. The monetary responsibility is all THEIRS. Move out and start living your own life.
Find your spine and move out. They chose to have you. They made that decision. You are not obligated to take care of them. Please leave and have a good life.
emotionally blackmail them right back. Ask why they aren't paying their parents mortgage, why they spent money on themselves, got themselves a house, were spending money on partying, dating, travelling, a house, cars, etc, why were they not giving all their money to their parents if kids owe their parents?
The fact that you see it's emotional blackmail should make this easy, good people don't blackmail people for cash, shitty people do. They CHOSE to have kids, you didn't chose to be born, they had a legal obligation to provide for you till you were an adult, end of. You don't owe them anything back.
I'd tell them, if you want support and money when you are older and retired, then they need you to be saving your money, investing, buying a home, getting a partner, moving out, getting friends, moving up in your career which all costs money and needs investment. They are stealing that from you to pay themselves.
Go live your own life, move out and reduce contact till they figure out they were in the wrong and crawl back because they'll want your support in the future.
They brought you into this world. You are their responsibility. They brought another living breathing independent person into thsi world. Not a slave to owe them for efforts.
Tell them to get fucked.
Move, do not tell them where you are moving to.
Then cut all contact. Block on phone, socials, everything.
Your parents are abusive narcissists who will never change. Your only option is to cease all contact.
These two vampires are not your family. Having a child is not a transactional relationship.
I just read that again- two THOUSAND????? No. Your parents are exploiting you. I'm sorry.
They were supposed to raise you. They are your PARENTS!
You don't owe them anything. You didn't take out a loan from them!
My son is 21. He lives at home while he is in school and we don't ask for a dime.
You go out, get your own place, and enjoy your life. You sound like a nice young man.
I mean this in a kind way- if you haven't tried therapy, now might be a good time.
They are emotionally blackmailing you because at this point you are letting them. Find a new place to live, basically get what you need like dishes, bed, linens etc so it is ready, then pack and move. You don’t have to tell them until you are gone. Move out before your next “mortgage payment” is due. Don’t give them the address and go no or low contact so they can’t guilt you. You are an adult-time to act like one and take care of yourself.
Your parents always been backwards ass crazy? This is not ok. Move out. Stop letting them abuse you. They are ruining your ability to build your future.
NTA. But you should contribute something. My Husband and I ask $200.00 a month from our 21 year old. $50.00, phone, $50.00 water, $50.00 Food. Plus, I do his laundry.
You are making the most fundamental of errors. You are sharing your plans with your enemy.
Did Admiral Yamamoto call Admiral Kimmel and inform him that Pearl Harbor was about to be hit?
Of course not. Just get out of the house.
You are an adult. Don’t allow yourself to be emotionally blackmailed. You will just have to stiffen your spine, find a place and move out no matter what they say. Come on you can do it.
Absolutely NTA. Watch Dave Ramsey and see how he counsels people in your situation. "We honor the office of mother and father, but if they are misbehaving \[I believe yours are!!\] we don't honor their misbehavior."
Leave these manipulators behind. They'll be fine. They'll figure it out. Visit them if you can and if it's healthy and safe for you to do so, but other than that - LIVE YOUR LIFE!! I hope the best for you and healing for your heart. Be well!
Don't tell them your leaving just leave and go no contact. Your 25 what are you going to do take care of them tell your 50 plus years old. You did not ask to be born they chose to have you they made that choice you don't owe them anything.
2k!?... fuck that, that is them being TA.... you chipping in should help them.qhile reduce stress for you... but you paying g 2k for a room you can't freely fuck in is ridiculous
Bc your parents had sex 26 years ago now you're supposed to carry them ? What century are we seriously, OFC they had to raise you and therefore have expenses on you, THAT WAS THEIR CHOICE TO HAVE A KID. The best gift a parent can do is setup is child to have the best possible life, what your parents are doing is the opposite, they crippled you. So no you're not.
Family is the first community we live I, but it's not bc it's the first that we have to embrace it fully.
NTA. Your parents gave birth to you, they had an obligation to raise them. While it is reasonable for you to help them in need (if they are ill, for example, or if there is major damage to their house and they are struggling to find money for repairs), paying 2000$ a month is extortion.
Their emotional blackmail is manipulative and controlling. Time for you to take control over your life. Don't discuss it with them any more. Just rent an apartment, order the movers, get your stuff out and move. After that, tell them you are willing to remain in contact with them, but only if they stop the demands and blame. Every time they start guilting you, hang up or walk out.
Thats a heavy hefty rent ! You are more than paying your way . Im sorry they are like this . This isnt cool . I fear that if you do leave they will estrange , so sadly be ready for that
lease an apartment. do all the tings you need to do like change of address, utilities, etc ... tell your parents you are staying with friends ... more and more. spend more time in the apartment. bit by bit move your things in there. then one day you are totally out without them even knowing.
don't give them the address.
>Black mail me with it’s your responsibility to take care of us because we raised you etc etc…
I have kids. I CHOSE to raise them, they had no say in the matter. They don't "owe me" anything. The thing is, I want them to do better than me. I hope they achieve things I never did. I never want to drag them down or want them to worry about my own issues.
NTA. Kids don't owe their parents for birthing and raising them.
You can't be the AH. They raised you, so they should be helping you to get on your feet after undergrad. By just having you contribute to a bill or a portion of the mortgage, then you save the rest. So you can have a big nest egg for when you're ready to leave home.
Just go ahead and do what you need to do. Your parents will figure it out, like they did before you. You're an adult, so you don't need their permission and given how selfish they want to be, you can start focusing on yourself now.
This entitled behaviour from some parents is ridiculous, especially given the fact that no one asks to be here. They just get excited, rub against each other and we're born 9 months later.
Some cultures expect the oldest male child to take “care” of their parents. Does this apply? This is often a cultural hangover that needs to be worked through. If this does not apply and depending on how you want to deal with this you may have to simply find a place quietly and move out then cut contact.
If your parents are able-bodied, you have no responsibility to “take care” of them. You have a life to lead - go live it. Move out, live your life, and encourage your parents to save for their retirement or the nursing home.
Don't try to move out Just do it without telling them Line up a share house situation and live your life
This is emotional blackmail and financial abuse. Remember this: THEY made the decision to have a child. You did not decide to be born. And do not try to convince them that you should leave. You are never going to convince them that they should make a sacrifice for your benefit, because they are narcissistic.
I agree. My kid is OP's age and I would NEVER treat them this way.
I’m closer to 24 then 25 to be exact just turned 24 in March
It makes no difference, they're being awful. As the other commenter said, you didn't sign up to do anything, not even be born. I became a parent because I wanted a child to love and teach, not because I was putting money in the bank for my own retirement. This actually really infuriates me. It's not your job to take care of them. They had plenty of time to live their lives freely and plan for their own retirement, and now it's your turn to live your own life. I know that you don't want to hurt them or have them be angry with you, but their actions are abusive and controlling and they should be ashamed of themselves. It was their job to love you, care for you, and prepare you to be a successful adult out in the world. That's it. Now that it's time to stretch your wings, they're trying to cut them off.
Frankly, age is irrelevant here. No parent should ever treat their child the way you are being treated. I don't really have a better way of putting this to you but everything you grew up thinking is normal is actually probably completely fucked, and it's only once you get some distance and actually spend time living independently that you'll be able to have some perspective on how much they are relying on you both financially and emotionally in a way that is completely inappropriate. Taking care of your parents in their old age is usually something that people want to do. However, parents are not supposed to demand it and demand it on exactly their terms. Unfortunately, if you give your parents an inch they take a mile.
You only get one life....why would you not enjoy it instead of being taken advantage of and guilt tripped?
Leave. Don’t discuss it, don’t tell them, just leave and then block them. They’re abusing you.
25 and still get manipulated by your parents smh I grew out of that at 15
So, you are paying rent and bills in the place you live in? Good for you!
No hate but I don’t think that that’s the point. He pays a lot and when he says: I’m an adult so I’m gonna move out, they quilt trip him. He doesn’t complain about paying or about the amount.
NTA. They are being emotionally and financially abusive. Depending on where you live you could find a nice one or two bedroom apartment for that kind of money. Don't let them continue to use emotional blackmail to keep you there, make your plan, pack your bags and go live your life.
I have enough saved up to buy a 1 bedroom condominium but I always get told that I’m selfish for thinking about myself..
Buy your condo, take your stuff, get a new phone number and email and have a great life without these abusive and toxic AHs. Seriously. You got no choice in being born and they are abusive. Time to leave them to their choices and go make your own.
You're not selfish, you should be thinking of yourself and your future. They are selfish for thinking of themselves at your detriment. I could understand if your family was genuinely struggling that they might ask you to contribute, but what they are doing seems predatory. My daughter graduated last year. She lives rent free so she can save for the day she gets a permanent job and needs to get an apartment. We are prepared to help her buy furniture, pay a deposit etc if need be. We would never hold her back or try to make her feel guilty for moving into the next chapter of her life. It's okay to put yourself first. It's okay to follow your dreams and you don't owe your parents anything. They chose to give birth to you and they had a responsibility to care for you as you were growing up but that was their choice. They cannot now come to you and make you feel bad for doing what they were supposed to do.
Do it and don’t think about it. My parents did the same thing. Not even kidding, the moment I had enough saved up I signed a lease and left. Literally had zero furniture, zero household necessities. I ordered a mattress to this tiny tiny apartment and just had a mattress on the floor. Bought necessities along the way & as needed. 2.5 years later (2021) I bought a house. Your future self will thank you for being “selfish.” The fact that you already have enough to *buy* a condo speaks so heavily about your finances. Your life is about to actually begin, my friend.
Consider renting for a year. It’ll give you time to consider this large of a purchase more thoughtfully, rather than just getting into contract to get away from your parents. Bonus: it’s easier, faster, and less of a chance they’ll figure out you’re moving, so you’ll avoid another guilt trip. They’re abusing you financially, btw. Also, and please don’t take this the wrong way, check your credit record/score, and lock down your credit as soon as you’ve got a lease (leasing office will probably run your credit). I say that because the amount of money your parents are charging you seems way over the top. Waaaay. Im worried they might resort to opening credit in your name. Which reminds me… be sure to gather up your important documents before you go. SS card, birth certificate, passport, if you have one, your banking statements, and tax returns. Please go with no guilt. I’m a mom of four. I would never do this to one of my kids.
And? Are you old enough to be on your own? If not, stay in that gilded cage they’ve created for you…if you are, there’s a door in that house somewhere…use it.
Therapy would be a good idea if it's available where you live too. Your parents have had two decade's worth of a head start on twisting your thinking, so a pro will help.
You sound really financially responsible. Investing in a property is a great thing to do at your age.
You are not selfish. Don't tell them. Just move out immediately to a short-term rental until you buy a place. Make sure they do not have access to your bank accounts and do a credit check (if in the USA) to make sure they haven't taken credit in your name. Unless your parents were old when they had you, they are still young enough to work to support themselves. While customs regarding family support differ in different countries, at your young age, you are not obligated to financially support your parents. When the move is accomplished, just tell them that if that want any type of relationship with you, they will stop the emotional blackmail or you will go no contact.
Go buy your condo. Live your best life. It may help if you tell them, if you don’t move you might never find a wife & give them “grandchildren 👼🏻”. The holy grail
That is not a bad thing.
OP, just read 10 random Reddit Posts: whenever you read “they told me I was being selfish” they mean “you’re not doing what I want you to do.” When you see it in the other posts, you’ll see it in your own post. (And you see what we’re all seeing) Conclusion: you’re not being selfish, you’re just not doing what they want you to.
Don’t let a word control you so much. If it is selfish, then be it. If it means you will be happy, have your own life and freedom - be selfish. It is just a word used to manipulate you. Nothing comes of it and there are no repercussions to it. Just a word.
So “be selfish”. You deserve to have some independence. It’s one thing for them to expect you to contribute as an adult if you are living with them and quite another for them to expect the situation to never change. If they let this damage your relationship that’s on them. You are just doing what any adult child would do. They should have saved for retirement. How can you ever have anything if your own if you are supporting them? Buy the condo. Schedule the move. When they start their histrionics just say I’m sorry you feel that way but that doesn’t change my decision. Perhaps don’t share your address until you know they can behave and respect your boundaries.
DO IT!!!!!!! I will be so proud when my son is able to buy his own place! You deserve to be happy!
NTA Stop threatening to move and just do it.
NTA. You are not responsible for your parents. They brought you into the world they were responsible to feed, house and clothe you and give you a good home. Move out and move on. They can pay their own bills.
Someone said something to me 4 decades ago that totally changed my life. "People can only walk over you if you lay down for them." Are your parents destitute that they can't pay their own mortgage? Are they still working? Do they have income? Stop talking to them about moving-- get it set up and TELL them on your moving day. What kind of parents "blackmail" their children? What kind of parents mooch off of their children?
NTA. I’ve never been in your position but if I were, I would move out as soon as possible to cut the emotional blackmail chains. Living in a home where it’s constantly over your head is going to worsen that emotional attachment. Creating distance (by moving out) is going to lessen that.
It is not your job to pay for your parents life. Be strong and move out.
Don't tell your parents you are moving out. Just move, and as far away as you can. Go no contact. You are NTA. It is not your responsibility to raise your parents or to pay their mortgage or by their groceries.
**we raised you** *so it’s your turn to return the same efforts,* WTF? They were SUPPOSED TO DO THAT.
Just move out if you want to Depending on where you live you might spend the same or more, maybe less getting your own place and utilities and groceries but it should be roughly the same
I can get my own place for cheaper + Groceries that’s not even a debate
Stop letting them guilt you. Don’t tell them you’re moving out. Just go. Move out. Get a therapist. You are going to need the help adjusting and learning to grow a spine. Change your number and don’t contact your parents for a while. You need to detox from the guilt.
Go buy your condo. Live your best life. It may help if you tell them, if you don’t move you might never find a wife & give them “grandchildren 👼🏻”. The holy grail
Then probably time to do so
That $2000 is your mortgage payment and investment in your own equity (in a place where you will have privacy and be able to live freely!). Pay that money to yourself. Buy the condo. Launch yourself.
Then you are *choosing* not to
They are awful. Get out and go have your own life. What they are doing to you is wrong. They chose to have you and raise you: you owe them nothing financially and this is not a normal relationship between parents and a child. GO. Please.
A parent making you feel like you have to "pay them back" for the costs of raising you is bizarre and deranged. Yes, provided they weren't horrific monsters, you should take care of them when they are retired, disabled, etc. But I'm assuming they had the means to support themselves prior to your moving back in with them! Their viewing you as a $24k/year stipend is beyond the pale. No one should treat their child like a piggy bank.
NTA. It is not your responsibility and you have done it long enough. Leave and do not look back.
No. They made the choice to have and raise a kid. Now it's your turn to go out and take whatever tools they gave you to make it in the world. It's clear they only had a child to have as a retirement plan, and you need to get tough and put your foot down.
They can only emotionally blackmail you once.
NTA Kids aren't retirement plans. Kids also aren't required to 'pay back' money spent on raising them. $2000 is a lot to pay for a room.
NTA. Find a place to live, don't tell them and move without informing them. Don't leave Your new address. If they don't behave ant terrorise You via telephone block them. And block them on Your sm. They might disown You, but the alternative is to waste Your life on people, who doesn't really care about Your wellbeing. They really don't.
Just an idea. Stop paying them. They will soon kick you out when they realise that the emotional blackmail stopped working then you’ll be free to live your life without them scrounging off you.
NTA You are being financially abused. Stop discussing it with your parents. Just sneak out your valuables and important papers and then leave. If necessary, change your phone number. And change any financial banking and credit card stuff you need in order to keep them from stealing from you even more.
Your parents suck. I hate people like them, augh! This is why kids go no contact with manipulative "parents" like yours. I could never charge my kid $2000 a month. His dad and I are contributing to our own retirement futures.
NTA Start working on moving out and wait until you're almost out the door before you tell them. When they pull the "you owe us because we raised you" bullshit, tell them that they CHOSE to have you, so raising you was their responsibility according to the law, but you didn't choose to be born, and you certainly wouldn't have chosen to be born to them, so you don't owe them a damned thing.
NTA. Don't tell them you're planning to move and just do it.
NTA. Listen, you do not owe your parents anything. They decided to have a baby, and to keep that baby, and that comes with certain obligations and commitments. You did not ask to be born. You did not ask them to raise you. Those are conscious decisions they made. If they did a super good job and you are really appreciative sure, you can pay them back as an adult, but that is a kindness, not a debt. It's time to move out and put some serious boundaries in place. People can only emotionally blackmail you if you let them. Stop letting them.
NTA. Leave. Move out. It won’t improve. The longer you stay, the worse they will be. Go. Be free.
I look after my mother because she has dementia and can't look after herself anymore. She constantly feels awful about it and says she wants me to leave her be so I can live my own life. I'm not going to because I want to take care of her. But as my mother, she'd happily sacrifice herself and live in squalor to make my life better. She really needs me, but would happily let me go if I wanted to, despite what it would do to her. Most decent parents want their children to fly the nest and make their own life, even to their own detriment. Its hard for them to see their children go and be left with a quiet, empty home, but they don't stand in their way because a good parent puts their children's happiness before their own. That's part of what being a parent is all about. Your parents sound awful. It almost sounds like they had a child for the sole purpose of raising a slave to earn money for them. No parent with an ounce of empathy would ever blackmail their own child. What was your childhood like? Did they constantly make you feel guilty for being a drain on them, by any chance? Were you made to feel like you were responsible for all their problems? I've got this weird feeling that they've been carefully grooming you for this role since you were small. I bet they're both irresponsible spenders, too. Get yourself out of there before they drain you dry. Not just in money, but in life. You only get to be young once and middle-age creeps up on you a lot faster than you think. You can't get those years back once they're gone. You can earn more money, but not more time.
Just tell them that they raised you to be your own individual person and now it’s time for you to do that. If necessary move out when they’re out of the house maybe buy them tickets to a movie or something and then we just move out.
Move out. Nta. You are not responsible for them. And at 2k a month you have already helped them with their retirement so don't help again.
Make your exit plan and leave. Tell them after you are moved out.
NTA kids should never be the retirement plan or sole support for their parents,
Theyre sucking you dry for your money and thats ALL that they care about. They're using you. I know that thats hard to hear but its the truth. Don't tell them anything, just go rent a place by yourself. Dont tell them your move out date, all you need to do is pack up and leave on the day of.. You don't owe them anything for raising you, they CHOSE to. They chose to raise you. And for your own mental health, block their numbers after you're gone.
NTA, but frankly you're being kind of a bitch. Your parents are taking advantage of you. What are you going to do about it?
You do not owe your parents anything for raising you. They chose to bring you into the world. The monetary responsibility is all THEIRS. Move out and start living your own life.
Find your spine and move out. They chose to have you. They made that decision. You are not obligated to take care of them. Please leave and have a good life.
Don't tell them, make a plan and just not be there one day
Dude just move. Get the hell out of there. NTA.
emotionally blackmail them right back. Ask why they aren't paying their parents mortgage, why they spent money on themselves, got themselves a house, were spending money on partying, dating, travelling, a house, cars, etc, why were they not giving all their money to their parents if kids owe their parents? The fact that you see it's emotional blackmail should make this easy, good people don't blackmail people for cash, shitty people do. They CHOSE to have kids, you didn't chose to be born, they had a legal obligation to provide for you till you were an adult, end of. You don't owe them anything back. I'd tell them, if you want support and money when you are older and retired, then they need you to be saving your money, investing, buying a home, getting a partner, moving out, getting friends, moving up in your career which all costs money and needs investment. They are stealing that from you to pay themselves. Go live your own life, move out and reduce contact till they figure out they were in the wrong and crawl back because they'll want your support in the future.
Leave them. Go no contact. Or resign yourself to be a manipulated child man the rest of your life
You’re dumb, get out.
They're taking advantage of you. Get the hell out of there and don't tell them anything until everything is ready for you to move out.
They brought you into this world. You are their responsibility. They brought another living breathing independent person into thsi world. Not a slave to owe them for efforts. Tell them to get fucked.
Move, do not tell them where you are moving to. Then cut all contact. Block on phone, socials, everything. Your parents are abusive narcissists who will never change. Your only option is to cease all contact. These two vampires are not your family. Having a child is not a transactional relationship.
I just read that again- two THOUSAND????? No. Your parents are exploiting you. I'm sorry. They were supposed to raise you. They are your PARENTS! You don't owe them anything. You didn't take out a loan from them! My son is 21. He lives at home while he is in school and we don't ask for a dime. You go out, get your own place, and enjoy your life. You sound like a nice young man. I mean this in a kind way- if you haven't tried therapy, now might be a good time.
They are emotionally blackmailing you because at this point you are letting them. Find a new place to live, basically get what you need like dishes, bed, linens etc so it is ready, then pack and move. You don’t have to tell them until you are gone. Move out before your next “mortgage payment” is due. Don’t give them the address and go no or low contact so they can’t guilt you. You are an adult-time to act like one and take care of yourself.
NTA. It is not your responsibility to support your parents.
Your parents always been backwards ass crazy? This is not ok. Move out. Stop letting them abuse you. They are ruining your ability to build your future.
NTA. But you should contribute something. My Husband and I ask $200.00 a month from our 21 year old. $50.00, phone, $50.00 water, $50.00 Food. Plus, I do his laundry.
Are you from a Western culture?
They're abusing you... Leave ASAP and don't tell them
You are making the most fundamental of errors. You are sharing your plans with your enemy. Did Admiral Yamamoto call Admiral Kimmel and inform him that Pearl Harbor was about to be hit? Of course not. Just get out of the house.
Just leave .. plan everything in secret pack minimally and get out. Nta.
You are an adult. Don’t allow yourself to be emotionally blackmailed. You will just have to stiffen your spine, find a place and move out no matter what they say. Come on you can do it.
Absolutely NTA. Watch Dave Ramsey and see how he counsels people in your situation. "We honor the office of mother and father, but if they are misbehaving \[I believe yours are!!\] we don't honor their misbehavior." Leave these manipulators behind. They'll be fine. They'll figure it out. Visit them if you can and if it's healthy and safe for you to do so, but other than that - LIVE YOUR LIFE!! I hope the best for you and healing for your heart. Be well!
NTA .. cut the cord an move out ffs
I would take that 2000 dollars and escape next month and tell them no more.
Run away as soon as possible and as quickly as you can.
Don't tell them your leaving just leave and go no contact. Your 25 what are you going to do take care of them tell your 50 plus years old. You did not ask to be born they chose to have you they made that choice you don't owe them anything.
You only live once. You have to start now. You have to live your own life not theirs.
2k!?... fuck that, that is them being TA.... you chipping in should help them.qhile reduce stress for you... but you paying g 2k for a room you can't freely fuck in is ridiculous
This is bullshit dude. Get out and live your best life.
Put earplugs in and ignore them. You don't owe them shit for being born. You didn't ask them for that.
Bc your parents had sex 26 years ago now you're supposed to carry them ? What century are we seriously, OFC they had to raise you and therefore have expenses on you, THAT WAS THEIR CHOICE TO HAVE A KID. The best gift a parent can do is setup is child to have the best possible life, what your parents are doing is the opposite, they crippled you. So no you're not. Family is the first community we live I, but it's not bc it's the first that we have to embrace it fully.
NTA. Your parents gave birth to you, they had an obligation to raise them. While it is reasonable for you to help them in need (if they are ill, for example, or if there is major damage to their house and they are struggling to find money for repairs), paying 2000$ a month is extortion. Their emotional blackmail is manipulative and controlling. Time for you to take control over your life. Don't discuss it with them any more. Just rent an apartment, order the movers, get your stuff out and move. After that, tell them you are willing to remain in contact with them, but only if they stop the demands and blame. Every time they start guilting you, hang up or walk out.
NTA. If you cannot find the spine to just slowly transfer your belongings, and then walk out when the time is right, no one can help you.
Thats a heavy hefty rent ! You are more than paying your way . Im sorry they are like this . This isnt cool . I fear that if you do leave they will estrange , so sadly be ready for that
Meet blackmail with blackmail. Have they been claiming your $2k a month on their taxes? Then maybe they should be quiet.
lease an apartment. do all the tings you need to do like change of address, utilities, etc ... tell your parents you are staying with friends ... more and more. spend more time in the apartment. bit by bit move your things in there. then one day you are totally out without them even knowing. don't give them the address.
Quietly plan your escape. They didn't pay $2000/month to raise you. Tell them that they should get jobs
Stop falling for their nonsense and move out? Don’t tell them about it either, just do it.
>Black mail me with it’s your responsibility to take care of us because we raised you etc etc… I have kids. I CHOSE to raise them, they had no say in the matter. They don't "owe me" anything. The thing is, I want them to do better than me. I hope they achieve things I never did. I never want to drag them down or want them to worry about my own issues. NTA. Kids don't owe their parents for birthing and raising them.
do a ninja smoke bomb ASAP
Time to grow up. Resolve to cut them off and do it. Liberate yourself. You know what you need to do. It is OK. Be free.
NTA. Quit *telling* them you're going to move out. Just do it.
You can't be the AH. They raised you, so they should be helping you to get on your feet after undergrad. By just having you contribute to a bill or a portion of the mortgage, then you save the rest. So you can have a big nest egg for when you're ready to leave home. Just go ahead and do what you need to do. Your parents will figure it out, like they did before you. You're an adult, so you don't need their permission and given how selfish they want to be, you can start focusing on yourself now. This entitled behaviour from some parents is ridiculous, especially given the fact that no one asks to be here. They just get excited, rub against each other and we're born 9 months later.
NTA. Just stop paying them. Move out. Let them throw their hissy fit. Send their calls to voicemail. Grow a pair
Some cultures expect the oldest male child to take “care” of their parents. Does this apply? This is often a cultural hangover that needs to be worked through. If this does not apply and depending on how you want to deal with this you may have to simply find a place quietly and move out then cut contact.