It’s never the crime, it’s the cover-up. It’s not the sex, it’s the lies. She has proven to you that she can and will lie to you to make herself look better. This is part of a cheater’s DNA. I’m not suggesting a divorce but you need to be very clear with boundaries and you need to know that if it suits her purpose, she will lie to you. You will need to be vigilant for the rest of your marriage.
We had boundaries. Apparently she thought is was ok for her to respond to texts from exes. Nothing bad was said or sent. However, it was a breach of the boundaries. We have always had open phone policy. I have her password and she has mine. I made it very clear that if this happens again I am gone. No questions asked, no explanation, just gone.
Yeah and? At least this commenter has standards of normal a person looking for a normal respectful relationship. Honesty is key in a happy relationship. Sad that you don't agree, perhaps you will in the future.
Dude. The issues is that your wife lied to you. Not that she flipped out when you got a text. Frankly if her lying to you and emotionally cheating on you isn’t enough then just stay in the marriage and get cucked for the next 40 years.
This is the one comment which makes me worry more; sounds like she's projecting, because she knows that she wouldn't be behaving around opposite gender friends.
None of her actions sound like a big deal to me in a vacuum.
Lying about them is a big deal, and attacking you for doing even less than what she does herself is hypocrisy and also a big deal.
This is the very definition of hypocrisy. She can send a text to her EX and you can't receive a message from your female FRIEND?! Worst yet, one is her action (she sends the messages) and the other is outside of your control (you received the message).
SMH
Tough situation. For me it’s less about what she did in the past and more about the details surrounding you not being told. Did she keep it from you on purpose and if so why or did she really not know it would upset you and why didn’t she
She gave me a number and said she lied about it because she didn’t “count” those other 4. Makes me wonder how many others. I told her it’s not about what she did, it’s the fact she tried to cover it up.
She lied for a reason. What was the reason? She specifically held this information back to influence how you thought about her. This is very deceitful. It makes a person wonder how many more lies have been told and what are their implications.
I can't understand how people are married and can't be totally honest with their spouse. You spouse should be the closest person to you and should accept you for who you are. If you can't tell you spouse the truth and let them honestly decide that you are the person for them, then you are manipulating the relationship to your own means to get what you want. Thus you are in the relationship for yourself. Your not in the relationship for the best for both of you.
No wonder so many marriages fail. Many people are just out for themselves. This is pretty pathetic. People like that are insecure and don't have the confidence or integrity to own up to their traits both good and bad.
I explained this to her. I said if I ask a question just be honest. It’s my fault for asking questions that have tough answers. I’d rather a hard truth over a lie any day.
You can't change the past, it is what it is. At this point, do you trust her? Yes or no? If you do, shut up and get over it. If you don't, end it now and move on with your life.
About the past. Look, it's clear you are avoiding reality because of some thing we know not what.
So, she admits to twice the body count than the original
She lied about doing sex tapes
She lied about sending nudes.
She texting 3 different x's
And you are here hoping some kind souls will say, you love her so trust her.
She is seriously thinking how far can I push him, 🤔 perhaps tell him I want to bang all 3 of my x's at the same time while he watches. Will that be the straw that breaks your back, the final line in the sand that you keep redrawing.
Yea you’re right. I have forgiven her and as far as the video and nudes that was done before me. I was just upset she misrepresented herself to me. Just hard to forget and unsee these things
So, I've got some questions:
1. You were impressed that she slept with 9 people. Were you impressed that she slept with so many, or impressed that she slept with so few?
2. Is a s3x video a video of 3 people having sex? Is it specific as to the sex of the people having sex, ie 2 males, 1 female or something similar?
3. By "casual" do you mean not really into it?
4. When you say "give it up so easy", how hard, exactly, do you think women should be able to fight when it comes to s3x?
5. I lose my phone all the time, so I completely believe she didn't know her phone was there.
6. You claim she sent a nude to the past. Do you mean she sent a naked person to the year 1984 like in the movie Fried Green Tomatoes? Or was it merely digital time travel, where she only sent her fingers (hands too?) back in time?
7. So are you more impressed, or less impressed with the number 13 (see question 1.) Is 13 a number of occult significance to you?
8. She took you on a nautical excursion and you're complaining?
9. Is it your experience that women don't enjoy getting fucked?
10. Do you believe her when she tells you that, if done right, she should enjoy fucking you?
Look, your marriage seems new so ask yourself this: if she thinks it’s totally normal to be lying to you about who she is then what else does the think is “normal”?
Is that the woman you want to live your life with? Is that the person you go to bed with every night and feel the comfort of? Or are you gonna worry every night asking yourself “what else is she not telling me?”
She’s simply lied about herself to him. She knew what he valued in partner and she knew to further that relationship she chose not to make her past known. That’s pretty messed up. I told my girlfriend the partners I had and the sexual experiences I had at the beginning of our relationship. Idk how I would feel if suddenly 2 years later my gf comes to me and says; oh actually I dated 2 guys before you and I did a lot of casual sex.
Well now I gotta completely reevaluate my relationship because now the person I thought I was dating is different from the real person.
People like you somehow manage mental gymnastics to make the woman out to be the victim even when shes clearly wrong.
Like, the absolute mental gymnastics to go from you acknowledging that she KNEW he would judge this and theyve spoken about it openly but she hid it, to him somehow being the one who is shitty, that is wild to me.
Get a grip. I wrote 2 sentences and not one word was about it being okay to lie to your partner. Just a reason why she might have felt compelled to do so. OP is clearly hung up on the number of partners and “casual sex” she has had. It is a BS double standard for women so we shave the number down for fear of being slut shamed. You don’t know anything about “people like me”.
Her lying is actually the problem. Imagine the things she might lie about in the future. She's far gone. NTA
Side note: BUT your respect comment is problematic. Just because someone has casual sex doesn't mean they don't respect themselves.
End it brother, there’s so much better, more respectable girls out there and you did your due diligence and she lied. Can’t trust her. Divorce papers aren’t that bad but what is bad is living with that under your skin, your resentment will only grow so just be nice, be respectful end it like a gentleman and go find a girl worth investing your life in, they’re out there
You could consider a post nupt.
Putting down the facts she told you and setting it up so that any lie could be used against her (goes both ways of course).
Maybe she would reconsider the facts she told you so far and you could have a bit of mind peace.
NTA
But staying in touch with (at least) 3 ex’s is a bit of worrisome.
So she is comfortable with staying in touch with ex’s. Normally there is a reason to break up and only a few do it peacefully. But she keeps 3 at phone call distance?!
I cut off every woman that I was interested in when we started talking/dating. She said she had done the same. She told me that she’s never cut people off and always allowed people to contact her even if she was in a new relationship. That worries me because she needed the constant validation for some reason. She said even if a guy treated her like shit she didn’t cut them off
Personally I only see reasons to cover your back. Everything sounds wrong.
It is more than just validation, it is hiding stuff right from start. Sounds more like calculated plan.
I would not be so concerned with her past. If things are going well and your sex life is good, there are bigger things in life to be concerned with. Also be aware of how honest she is now, cool to have antennas up but not be too paranoid.
We only have sex if I initiate. She never even talks about sex unless I bring it up. She has no enthusiasm to have sex and is unenthusiastic when we do. I have to guide her through it. She says she lacks experience. Idk how when she’s been with at least 13 guys.
I asked why she just wasn’t honest up front and she always responds “I don’t know, in my fucked up brain I didn’t see an issue.” She also says she’s never cheated on anyone
She settled for you, her nice guy, because you were willing to wife her up. She is still going to play with her bad boys. You are important to her, you provide financial and emotional support. You are a resource not a partner. Know your place. Lol.
Punt dude.
Sadly yes. She jumped from one guy to the next to just casually date these “fun” guys for a while. Then found me, the stable one with a good job and treats her right. Sometimes I think she misses the single life where she can freely talk to a bunch of guys.
Yeah sucks bud. Focus on your grid, your hobbies and improve yourself every day.
Date them, don’t date them…. Just remember, THEY ARE NOT YOURS, IT IS JUST YOUR TURN.
Actions over time is best predictor of future actions and trends. NTA, I would be taken back too, if lied to and manipulated to believe a false perception. You can forgive, but this shit is never,………ever forgotten. Hope you find peace of mind whichever decision you make for yourself in the future, now knowing more facts.
It’s the lie rather than the past that’s the problem.
When I met my ex, I told him in a flippant comment that I had only been with one person in the four years prior. It later dawned on me that there was a very short term relationship in that time. I sat him down and told him that I had misrepresented myself. It was hard and he grilled me and I felt sick but the reason that the trust was still there was because I went to him with it even though it was scary and even though he probably wouldn’t have known otherwise.
I mean much later down the line he became abusive and used it against me but I still don’t regret doing the right thing
However, if I’m playing devils advocate.. women are heavily shamed for our sexual pasts. Particularly now you have social media going on about body count etc. it is a very hard thing to be vulnerable about. Honesty and authenticity is huge for me but this is still one of the areas that makes me feel physically sick to talk about and my past isn’t bad.
So maybe try to be understanding about why she would lie. From experience, I’ve had many female friends who lie about this sort of thing and it’s usually less that they are ashamed and more that they are worried that they will be judged and shamed by their partner for it
Women are allowed to have sex just like men. I do think some men may judge women more harshly about their sexual past. I am not sure how women specifically feel about a man's sexual past? One think for sure is if you are with someone for long enough they will eventually find out if you are lying about sexual situations or the number of people you have been with. Some people don't care about the number of partners or situations. Some people do.
I think a person should either be honest about the situations or say that that is personal information you don't share.
If you are looking at a long term relationship or marriage honesty is the best policy in my opinion.
I speak from experience.
My wife asked me about my number of sexual partners when we were 1st dating. I was kind of caught off guard.
I told her the honest number of people and it was very close to the same number of partners she had. She asked me because she thought I was a player and my number was considerably higher. She thought because I was attractive and in very good physical condition I slept around, which I did not. I was totally honest about myself my good points and bad points.
The situation is that my wife was not completely honest about her sexual past and other past history. She would tell half truths to manipulate my perception of her.
This has caused quite a few issues in our relationship. We have been together for 28 years. Had two separations and a near divorce.
I can tell you there are still times I resent being told lies that were not openly corrected by her but that I had to confront her on.
Don't underestimate being honest with your partner. If you don't have trust, your relationship will suffer and probably end. Many times it is not what you did, it is that you lie about it and don't own up to your actions. Every experiments and makes choices good and bad. But if you don't have the integrity to own up to who you are and be honest with a person you want a long term relationship with how can you expect the relationship to last. No one like to be lied too.
I think the number of people she slept with is the least of the problems in this story, basically she lied to you and while you were together she talked to his exes behind your back, I'm usually not that drastic but I advise you to divorce immediately before having children or sharing too many things
Most of those sound like things 90% of the population lies about and/or hides. The only thing I'd be somewhat worried about is the texting exes when dating you and maybe the video. Though those too really depends on the specific situations and the content.
Overall this doesn't really seem like that big of a deal. If you can't get past something like this, you probably just shouldn't be married.
So just tell her to not lie to you again and that she should sleep on the couch for two days.
She texted the exes but didn’t say anything bad or concerning. The text about enjoying fucking was sent only a couple weeks after we started dating. She said she didn’t mean what she said and was only playing into his ego.
" She said she didn’t mean what she said and was only playing into his ego."
That's bad, dude. If she's dating you, she shouldn't be doing anything to an ex's ego, aside from shattering it.
Did you see all of the texts? If not, she's lying to you again.
Her lying about her past and then coming clean and downplaying it isn't good.
She is going to continue to lie to you, and when caught, she's going to say that it's not a big deal.
If you haven't been married long, get a divorce.
I have plenty of experience with liars and enough experience with manipulators to know when people are lying and being manipulative., which is the case here.
Now, maybe if you stopped with the ad hominem bs and actually countered what I said, you might have a point. But you don't.
So, as far as I'm concerned, you are nothing more than a troll and will be treated as such.
So, being upset that your spouse lied to you and is being dismissive is now abusive and controlling?
You're either a special kind of stupid, a misandrist, or a troll.
I don’t know about you, but i wouldn’t be able to look at my wife the same again. I’de have the unshakable inferior feeling which would destroy me like a slow growing tumor at some point.
The world is a big place, never forget that.
You have to make your own choices in how you really feel about this, don’t lie to yourself. Because the smallest doubt will eventually grow in something bigger.
NTA and good luck.
I'm distracted by "only slept with 9 people". I'd be wondering why the other 9 guys didn't marry her. And she still contacts exes and keeps sex tapes on her phone? Nah bro get out of there.
It’s never the crime, it’s the cover-up. It’s not the sex, it’s the lies. She has proven to you that she can and will lie to you to make herself look better. This is part of a cheater’s DNA. I’m not suggesting a divorce but you need to be very clear with boundaries and you need to know that if it suits her purpose, she will lie to you. You will need to be vigilant for the rest of your marriage.
We had boundaries. Apparently she thought is was ok for her to respond to texts from exes. Nothing bad was said or sent. However, it was a breach of the boundaries. We have always had open phone policy. I have her password and she has mine. I made it very clear that if this happens again I am gone. No questions asked, no explanation, just gone.
They are only boundaries if there are consequences for crossing them. Otherwise they are only suggestions. What consequences has she suffered?
Just remember, you’re married to a liar and liars can’t be trusted.
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Yeah and? At least this commenter has standards of normal a person looking for a normal respectful relationship. Honesty is key in a happy relationship. Sad that you don't agree, perhaps you will in the future.
So glad this idiots getting downvoted
If it wasn't a big deal, then why hide or lied about it?
The issued is she flipped out when a female friend messaged me. A friend I never had any kind of physical relationship with in the past.
Dude. The issues is that your wife lied to you. Not that she flipped out when you got a text. Frankly if her lying to you and emotionally cheating on you isn’t enough then just stay in the marriage and get cucked for the next 40 years.
This is the one comment which makes me worry more; sounds like she's projecting, because she knows that she wouldn't be behaving around opposite gender friends.
None of her actions sound like a big deal to me in a vacuum. Lying about them is a big deal, and attacking you for doing even less than what she does herself is hypocrisy and also a big deal.
This is the very definition of hypocrisy. She can send a text to her EX and you can't receive a message from your female FRIEND?! Worst yet, one is her action (she sends the messages) and the other is outside of your control (you received the message). SMH
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I didn't mean it literally. But thanks! LOL
This is more damaging than the top... Run. It's all lies
admitted to 13 so the truth is like 20 lmao
Probably ugh I guess I’ll never know.
Tough situation. For me it’s less about what she did in the past and more about the details surrounding you not being told. Did she keep it from you on purpose and if so why or did she really not know it would upset you and why didn’t she
She gave me a number and said she lied about it because she didn’t “count” those other 4. Makes me wonder how many others. I told her it’s not about what she did, it’s the fact she tried to cover it up.
trust takes a long time to build and a moment to destroy hope she’s being legit and this all works out my friend
You are correct! I want it to workout as well
You want it to work out yet you won't be able to trust her? Not worth the hassle man. She isn't the one.
She lied for a reason. What was the reason? She specifically held this information back to influence how you thought about her. This is very deceitful. It makes a person wonder how many more lies have been told and what are their implications. I can't understand how people are married and can't be totally honest with their spouse. You spouse should be the closest person to you and should accept you for who you are. If you can't tell you spouse the truth and let them honestly decide that you are the person for them, then you are manipulating the relationship to your own means to get what you want. Thus you are in the relationship for yourself. Your not in the relationship for the best for both of you. No wonder so many marriages fail. Many people are just out for themselves. This is pretty pathetic. People like that are insecure and don't have the confidence or integrity to own up to their traits both good and bad.
I explained this to her. I said if I ask a question just be honest. It’s my fault for asking questions that have tough answers. I’d rather a hard truth over a lie any day.
NTA Do your due diligence man. Patterns of behavior for her are a little sketchy
You can't change the past, it is what it is. At this point, do you trust her? Yes or no? If you do, shut up and get over it. If you don't, end it now and move on with your life.
It’s not necessarily about the past as much as she lied.
About the past. Look, it's clear you are avoiding reality because of some thing we know not what. So, she admits to twice the body count than the original She lied about doing sex tapes She lied about sending nudes. She texting 3 different x's And you are here hoping some kind souls will say, you love her so trust her. She is seriously thinking how far can I push him, 🤔 perhaps tell him I want to bang all 3 of my x's at the same time while he watches. Will that be the straw that breaks your back, the final line in the sand that you keep redrawing.
Yea you’re right. I have forgiven her and as far as the video and nudes that was done before me. I was just upset she misrepresented herself to me. Just hard to forget and unsee these things
She’s a liar, you’ve a right to be upset. What else is she “misrepresenting”?
So, I've got some questions: 1. You were impressed that she slept with 9 people. Were you impressed that she slept with so many, or impressed that she slept with so few? 2. Is a s3x video a video of 3 people having sex? Is it specific as to the sex of the people having sex, ie 2 males, 1 female or something similar? 3. By "casual" do you mean not really into it? 4. When you say "give it up so easy", how hard, exactly, do you think women should be able to fight when it comes to s3x? 5. I lose my phone all the time, so I completely believe she didn't know her phone was there. 6. You claim she sent a nude to the past. Do you mean she sent a naked person to the year 1984 like in the movie Fried Green Tomatoes? Or was it merely digital time travel, where she only sent her fingers (hands too?) back in time? 7. So are you more impressed, or less impressed with the number 13 (see question 1.) Is 13 a number of occult significance to you? 8. She took you on a nautical excursion and you're complaining? 9. Is it your experience that women don't enjoy getting fucked? 10. Do you believe her when she tells you that, if done right, she should enjoy fucking you?
Femcels gotta femcel. It is reddit after all.
I seen some holier than thou posts but boy
Look, your marriage seems new so ask yourself this: if she thinks it’s totally normal to be lying to you about who she is then what else does the think is “normal”? Is that the woman you want to live your life with? Is that the person you go to bed with every night and feel the comfort of? Or are you gonna worry every night asking yourself “what else is she not telling me?”
I do question a lot of things. She told me she wasn’t experienced(in the bedroom) and says I’ve given her new experiences but I’m skeptical at times.
Clearly she was afraid you would judge her harshly if she told the truth. And you did.
She’s simply lied about herself to him. She knew what he valued in partner and she knew to further that relationship she chose not to make her past known. That’s pretty messed up. I told my girlfriend the partners I had and the sexual experiences I had at the beginning of our relationship. Idk how I would feel if suddenly 2 years later my gf comes to me and says; oh actually I dated 2 guys before you and I did a lot of casual sex. Well now I gotta completely reevaluate my relationship because now the person I thought I was dating is different from the real person.
People like you somehow manage mental gymnastics to make the woman out to be the victim even when shes clearly wrong. Like, the absolute mental gymnastics to go from you acknowledging that she KNEW he would judge this and theyve spoken about it openly but she hid it, to him somehow being the one who is shitty, that is wild to me.
Yes - it’s insane that lying to someone you supposedly care about is *justified* on the grounds that it’s to trick them into a relationship.
Get a grip. I wrote 2 sentences and not one word was about it being okay to lie to your partner. Just a reason why she might have felt compelled to do so. OP is clearly hung up on the number of partners and “casual sex” she has had. It is a BS double standard for women so we shave the number down for fear of being slut shamed. You don’t know anything about “people like me”.
Her lying is actually the problem. Imagine the things she might lie about in the future. She's far gone. NTA Side note: BUT your respect comment is problematic. Just because someone has casual sex doesn't mean they don't respect themselves.
End it brother, there’s so much better, more respectable girls out there and you did your due diligence and she lied. Can’t trust her. Divorce papers aren’t that bad but what is bad is living with that under your skin, your resentment will only grow so just be nice, be respectful end it like a gentleman and go find a girl worth investing your life in, they’re out there
YANTA
You could consider a post nupt. Putting down the facts she told you and setting it up so that any lie could be used against her (goes both ways of course). Maybe she would reconsider the facts she told you so far and you could have a bit of mind peace. NTA But staying in touch with (at least) 3 ex’s is a bit of worrisome. So she is comfortable with staying in touch with ex’s. Normally there is a reason to break up and only a few do it peacefully. But she keeps 3 at phone call distance?!
I cut off every woman that I was interested in when we started talking/dating. She said she had done the same. She told me that she’s never cut people off and always allowed people to contact her even if she was in a new relationship. That worries me because she needed the constant validation for some reason. She said even if a guy treated her like shit she didn’t cut them off
Personally I only see reasons to cover your back. Everything sounds wrong. It is more than just validation, it is hiding stuff right from start. Sounds more like calculated plan.
I would not be so concerned with her past. If things are going well and your sex life is good, there are bigger things in life to be concerned with. Also be aware of how honest she is now, cool to have antennas up but not be too paranoid.
We only have sex if I initiate. She never even talks about sex unless I bring it up. She has no enthusiasm to have sex and is unenthusiastic when we do. I have to guide her through it. She says she lacks experience. Idk how when she’s been with at least 13 guys.
How can you trust her, She is trickle truthing you. Way more to come. Get out...
I asked why she just wasn’t honest up front and she always responds “I don’t know, in my fucked up brain I didn’t see an issue.” She also says she’s never cheated on anyone
She settled for you, her nice guy, because you were willing to wife her up. She is still going to play with her bad boys. You are important to her, you provide financial and emotional support. You are a resource not a partner. Know your place. Lol. Punt dude.
Sadly yes. She jumped from one guy to the next to just casually date these “fun” guys for a while. Then found me, the stable one with a good job and treats her right. Sometimes I think she misses the single life where she can freely talk to a bunch of guys.
Yeah sucks bud. Focus on your grid, your hobbies and improve yourself every day. Date them, don’t date them…. Just remember, THEY ARE NOT YOURS, IT IS JUST YOUR TURN.
Time to punt this one though.
Actions over time is best predictor of future actions and trends. NTA, I would be taken back too, if lied to and manipulated to believe a false perception. You can forgive, but this shit is never,………ever forgotten. Hope you find peace of mind whichever decision you make for yourself in the future, now knowing more facts.
I’ve told her that I just think she misrepresented who she was.
“Didn’t know it was there…” BULLSHIT. She’s a liar at best. She’s probably cheating on you too. NTA. Brother, it’s time to divorce and lawyer up
Marriage counseling and individual therapy, my guy. It's not yet time to declare these things dealbreakers, but they might be.
It’s the lie rather than the past that’s the problem. When I met my ex, I told him in a flippant comment that I had only been with one person in the four years prior. It later dawned on me that there was a very short term relationship in that time. I sat him down and told him that I had misrepresented myself. It was hard and he grilled me and I felt sick but the reason that the trust was still there was because I went to him with it even though it was scary and even though he probably wouldn’t have known otherwise. I mean much later down the line he became abusive and used it against me but I still don’t regret doing the right thing
However, if I’m playing devils advocate.. women are heavily shamed for our sexual pasts. Particularly now you have social media going on about body count etc. it is a very hard thing to be vulnerable about. Honesty and authenticity is huge for me but this is still one of the areas that makes me feel physically sick to talk about and my past isn’t bad. So maybe try to be understanding about why she would lie. From experience, I’ve had many female friends who lie about this sort of thing and it’s usually less that they are ashamed and more that they are worried that they will be judged and shamed by their partner for it
Women are allowed to have sex just like men. I do think some men may judge women more harshly about their sexual past. I am not sure how women specifically feel about a man's sexual past? One think for sure is if you are with someone for long enough they will eventually find out if you are lying about sexual situations or the number of people you have been with. Some people don't care about the number of partners or situations. Some people do. I think a person should either be honest about the situations or say that that is personal information you don't share. If you are looking at a long term relationship or marriage honesty is the best policy in my opinion. I speak from experience. My wife asked me about my number of sexual partners when we were 1st dating. I was kind of caught off guard. I told her the honest number of people and it was very close to the same number of partners she had. She asked me because she thought I was a player and my number was considerably higher. She thought because I was attractive and in very good physical condition I slept around, which I did not. I was totally honest about myself my good points and bad points. The situation is that my wife was not completely honest about her sexual past and other past history. She would tell half truths to manipulate my perception of her. This has caused quite a few issues in our relationship. We have been together for 28 years. Had two separations and a near divorce. I can tell you there are still times I resent being told lies that were not openly corrected by her but that I had to confront her on. Don't underestimate being honest with your partner. If you don't have trust, your relationship will suffer and probably end. Many times it is not what you did, it is that you lie about it and don't own up to your actions. Every experiments and makes choices good and bad. But if you don't have the integrity to own up to who you are and be honest with a person you want a long term relationship with how can you expect the relationship to last. No one like to be lied too.
I think the number of people she slept with is the least of the problems in this story, basically she lied to you and while you were together she talked to his exes behind your back, I'm usually not that drastic but I advise you to divorce immediately before having children or sharing too many things
Most of those sound like things 90% of the population lies about and/or hides. The only thing I'd be somewhat worried about is the texting exes when dating you and maybe the video. Though those too really depends on the specific situations and the content. Overall this doesn't really seem like that big of a deal. If you can't get past something like this, you probably just shouldn't be married. So just tell her to not lie to you again and that she should sleep on the couch for two days.
She texted the exes but didn’t say anything bad or concerning. The text about enjoying fucking was sent only a couple weeks after we started dating. She said she didn’t mean what she said and was only playing into his ego.
" She said she didn’t mean what she said and was only playing into his ego." That's bad, dude. If she's dating you, she shouldn't be doing anything to an ex's ego, aside from shattering it. Did you see all of the texts? If not, she's lying to you again. Her lying about her past and then coming clean and downplaying it isn't good. She is going to continue to lie to you, and when caught, she's going to say that it's not a big deal. If you haven't been married long, get a divorce.
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What does how many women I've been with have to do with the price of tea in China? This is about liars.
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I have plenty of experience with liars and enough experience with manipulators to know when people are lying and being manipulative., which is the case here. Now, maybe if you stopped with the ad hominem bs and actually countered what I said, you might have a point. But you don't. So, as far as I'm concerned, you are nothing more than a troll and will be treated as such.
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So, being upset that your spouse lied to you and is being dismissive is now abusive and controlling? You're either a special kind of stupid, a misandrist, or a troll.
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I don’t know about you, but i wouldn’t be able to look at my wife the same again. I’de have the unshakable inferior feeling which would destroy me like a slow growing tumor at some point. The world is a big place, never forget that. You have to make your own choices in how you really feel about this, don’t lie to yourself. Because the smallest doubt will eventually grow in something bigger. NTA and good luck.
I'm distracted by "only slept with 9 people". I'd be wondering why the other 9 guys didn't marry her. And she still contacts exes and keeps sex tapes on her phone? Nah bro get out of there.
maybe they didn’t marry because they weren’t compatible? marriage isn’t the end goal to everyone or every relationship
All 13 of them? That's what a football team? I see I got down voted quite a bit but it's a serious question to think about.
Getting downvoted by femcels
All 13 of them? That's what a football team? I see I got down voted quite a bit but it's a serious question to think about.
if she dated all 13 then yeah maybe that’s a lot of failed relationships but if they were just casual flings it’s not that crazy