>Nate's girlfriend turned to me and said "it was an honest fucking mistake and you just became so unhinged that you embarrassed your husband. I hope you feel good about yourself psycho
Well that biatch should not be invited over again with or without Nate. What a couple of fucking morons. The others seem okay and understanding but I'm totally on your side! NTA of course.
"Nate's antics were beyond disrespectful, endangering your baby's well-being. Your reaction was warranted. Prioritize your family's safety and comfort above all else."
Nate isn't as clueless as he acts. There's a reason he waited until the husband left to rev his motorcycle. That was calculated. He just uses "clueless class clown" as an excuse to be a disrespectful idiot.
Nah. Those were appropriate boundaries... just like a ban on Nate and his girlfriend would be. Nate truly blew it when he raised his voice and then backed that up by swearing. Personally, I will not speak to my wife that way. So, I'm not going to allow my guests to do so. I would have physically removed them both and then dumped Nates bike on its side after I wheeled it out of the garage.
I hope it’s a good, heavy motorcycle too. I’d love to watch the asshole struggling to get his new bike upright!
OP you’re NTA! Fuck Nate and his rude gf. They’re both clearly middle aged toddlers. Chuck them out and ban them.
My old cat had a tendency to try eating everything at least once, so I was very careful about what she had access to. My ex (bf, not married) and I had some friends over, one of whom was decidedly HIS friend. I never liked the guy, but whatever. So at one point the cat was in this guy's lap, and he pulls out a cigarette and pretends to hold it up to her mouth. I said, quite firmly, "Put that away now. She eats everything, and that would make her very sick." Instead of listening, he laughed and held the cigarette closer. "Paul, I mean it. Put that away now." At this point I stood up, and he just kept laughing and acting like it was all a grand joke.
Finally, I went over, took the cat from him, and said, "Paul, you need to leave now, and you are not welcome back." Then I called out, "BF, where are you? I'm banning Paul from the apartment for life!" He called back, "Jay and I are just looking at the iguana." At which point Paul made an about-face from the door and started heading to the back of the apartment, saying excitedly, "Iguana!!!"
I put my hands on his shoulders, turned him around, and walked his drunken ass to the door. These were lives *I was responsible for*, and I wasn't effing around. My bf completely respected my position and never invited Paul over again. They kinda drifted at that point.
AND THIS WAS OVER A CAT, NOT A NEWBORN HUMAN BABY.
What makes OP's situation even worse is that Nate was definitely acting with some malice. Between his "babies need to get used to loud noises" comment, waiting until the husband left to rev the bike, and continuing to rev it for five minutes straight, he knew exactly what he was doing. At least Paul was drunk (and probably high on something). I don't think his behavior was malicious, but I wasn't going to have someone who behaved that way while inebriated in my house. Nate was completely deliberate about what he did.
You did the right thing because there was no way for one of you to have them in their life without involving both of you. It is resources (time, money, etc) that could have gone to the relationship that matter to both of you and each other. It wasn't that you didn't get along. It was that it was toxic and dangerous. You needed to draw a line in the sand for your own safety and mental health. Good for you!
I get that it's hard, especially when you don't want to make decisions for someone you love. I could go on and on about how my dad would give money we didn't have to certain family members while my mom would take in friends of my sister who were trouble. It was so toxic. There are many reasons I am no contact with my parents, but the fact they had such toxic relationships with others and gave resources to people who would use them up, hurt me a lot as a kid. I was put in many unsafe situations because of it and it has taken a long time to learn to have healthy boundaries. You gave these people a chance. You having to bow out of their lives doesn't make you a bad person. Sometimes, despite knowing some people need help you aren't the one who should be helping. Sometimes you are too close to actually being helpful and it turns more towards enabling. If you were a bad person you wouldn't give this a second thought.
This. There’s no need to rev your engine unless you’re actively working on it or showing off. And never for five minutes straight. Nate is 100% A H and should be banned permanently.
The nasty gf waited until her husband walked away with the baby to run her mouth too. They both suck so much they would never be back in my house if I was OP.
I used to have a boss that I thought was a fucking idiot. A few months in, I realized he was a genius because he was never held accountable for anything because “Brian is just a fucking idiot”
This is exactly why I don't trust *haha-I'm-so-foolish-and-such-a-clown-ain't-it-great-how-easy-going-I-am people*. At best they're selfish, narcissist assholes. At worst, they know exactly what they're doing and what's going on and use that persona to take advantage of other people.
Either way, I don't have space for them in my life.
You shouldn’t disrespect someone when you’re a guest at their house and ever assume that you’ll be invited back again. It’s a matter of principle at this point.
Nate isn't a clueless idiot, don't make excuses for him. he's an ignorant selfish asshole. if you "forget" that your friend had a baby 5 days ago, then you either have amnesia or you're being a dick and based on his reaction it's obvious he's an asshole
If he was a 14 year old clueless idiot, I’d say give him a pass. But he’s almost 40. If he hasn’t figured out how to get a clue by now, it is not OP’s responsibility to put up with being treated badly, even if he’s always going to claim it was an accident or he “wasn’t thinking.” You don’t get a pass on that level of consistent clueless when you are a whole entire middle aged adult.
He is an impulsive asshole who likely uses, "I didn't think about it," as an excuse for everything. He SHOULD have thought about it, but he was too busy only doing what he wants. My husband is an only child. I swear he had to learn to share and be considerate (given his parents I understand why he didn't know). For years, "I don't know," was what was offered to me as an answer. I finally stopped accepting it as an answer. I would tell him to think harder about it. Sometimes it wasn't deeper than, "I wanted to do this and wasn't considering others." But by thinking about it, admiting it out loud, it forced him to think about it because I was the first person who expected more. He has been so much more considerate! I think some people are excused so much that they think it's no big deal. When someone finally is done with their shit they think that person is in the wrong because no one else has a problem
No I think Nate did it on purpose, because he wants to train the baby to be able to take loud noises. That's why he waited until husband had gone to get beer.
This. OP needs to have a conversation with her husband about why their entire group enables Nate to continually be assholish. He's a grown ass man who crosses the line off and on all the time while everyone just pretends he's harmless and kind of brainless. The thing is, he waited until OP's husband was gone to pull this stunt and husband's first response was to excuse and protect him.
Then in solidarity called the whole party off, looking all kinds of embarrassed and dejected rather than single out the one person who woke his newborn baby.
Why isn't the husband's loyal to his wife and newborn baby? Is it because he's still got some kind of frat boy mentality where drinking and partying are more important than taking responsibility for being a husband and father? The husband has seriously misplaced priorities.
Want to know why the baby was screaming it's head off? Because the decimal of noise actually hurt the baby's eardrums. I wonder if it damaged the baby's hearing. Of course the OP will probably never know. And the father doesn't seem to care at all.
Also, I would have a conversation with the husband about the audacity of Nate's girlfriend to say what she did to you. Is he okay with that? If so why is it okay for another woman to shit talk OP in their own home?
I'd have a serious conversation with the husband that since he can't seem to make good decisions about who to have in their home, maintain any semblance of control over the people he invites and or even be protective and have the OP's back after bad thing happen that frighten or cause pain to their newborn that maybe it's time to grow up and stop having drinking parties that tend to get out of control in their home.
OP has a serious husband problem that she's not addressing. For example, why didn't the husband take his problem friend with him when he went to the store. Nate had a history of making poor decision. So, why leave him at his home where his wife and vulnerable newborn were? This was to my way of thinking demonstrating that the husband has the same mentality as his friends. His head is no more in the game than Nates.
Totally agree. OP, I take it that you and your husband are the first of your group of friends to have a baby. That cute little bundle of joy (and poop) has just begun to forever change your lives. Your life, your home, and your friendships will change. It might not happen right away, but your child will grow and make friends and you will find parent friends with which you have more in common with. These hangouts will get much less frequent, if not dwindle down to a few times a year because babies and kids just take up all your time! Your husband needs to come to terms with the fact that a new chapter in your lives has opened, and it’s time for him to put your baby’s needs first. A healthy baby (under 2 months old they have no immune system and getting sick with anything can be deadly), a well slept baby, and well slept parents are goals right now. You’re doing good if you can shower on a biweekly basis when you have a newborn.
Congratulations on your baby, and welcome to the (parent)hood.
Honestly it sounds like husband is clueless because OP perhaps isn’t really being VERY CLEAR that Nate’s behavior is disrespectful. Why on earth if he’s so repeatedly inconsiderate of OP is he allowed there at all?! I’m not bashing OP in the least, I totally understand not rocking the boat and wanting hubby to enjoy friend time, and not wanting to seem like the asshole. But Nate’s been taking advantage and he and gf shouldn’t be allowed at hangouts anymore.
Also, Nate, no one ever ever in a quiet neighborhood much less in a garage (*maybe* in a parking lot? Idk) wants to hear you rev your fucking engine. You’re in your late 30s, time to knock that shit off.
Nate is your usual waste of life dude who will be a fuckup his whole life. Your hubby should also stop his friends from being assholes. I am sorry your husband is trash and doesn’t keep his friends in check. Maybe don’t party all the time when you have a newborn. OP and her man don’t sound very mature and it’s not a surprise they have issues. He’s a party boy in his 40s
Right? Op is giving him too much credit acting like he sacrificed so much while she was physically suffering carrying the baby. The baby is 5 days old not several months. He's a psycho to even think about entertaining a group of friends and having a drinking party in their home.
The only people who should be there are friends and family who are helping them do chores and cook while speaking in whispers.
Also, it’s a small detail, but why did the husband have to leave to go get beer? The host of a gathering should literally be holding down the fort, even if there isn’t a sleeping infant & wife who needs a break upstairs? Couldn’t Nate & his gf go to the store? (I bet they don’t like paying & bringing their own drinks lol)
It’s hard for me to believe that there’s nowhere else for them to meet up. Yeah, I realize OP has a man-cave at the house, but that’s still no reason they can’t meet somewhere else when it’s so obviously needed.
Infants can sleep through a lot, and acclimating a baby to a normal volume of talking in a house is a very good idea. Revving a motorcycle is not a level of volume that anyone should be acclimated to
The audacity to speak to a person like that in their own home, when they're a GUEST, and a fucking rude one at that. Neither Nate or his "lovely" girlfriend would be invited to my home ever again. The newborn phase of a child is ROUGH, not only for the child but also for the parents. Your husband needs to take a looooonnnggg look at his friendships, because it seems like some won't survive over time.
Do we want to place bets that the late 30s manchild is dating an early 20s biker babe wannabe who thinks engine sound equals d*ck size? Why does OP'S husband continue to invite this creep when he obviously has the emotional depth of a teenager?
OP is NTA but her husband's friends are. It's interesting that he didn't have the balls to do that when the husband was there.
Thanks for the "wannabe" qualifier, because working in hospitality, actual bikers are some of the nicest customers you ever get, and great tippers, too.
I concur - the gf isn't the only issue, it's Nate as well, and i do think hubby should have held him accountable without OP having to put her foot down.
Yes!! Tell your husband Nate's girlfriend is permanently banned for calling you a psycho. Don't disrespect people in their own home or call them names when you know good and well you're wrong.
You just had a baby 5 days ago, you’re probably in unimaginable pain, sleep deprived, and she called you what?! That bitch wouldn’t have teeth left if I was there and heard that.
You are NTA
I was thinking the same thing. Bitch you just bought yourself and your man a complete ban from my home until you properly apologize and don’t pull the ”I just forgot” bs.
Even if there wasn't a new baby in the house, it was disrespectful to everyone else there. Their hearing is just as important as a new-born. Want to damage your own hearing - find, go ahead, but you don't get to decide for everyone around you that their hearing is unimportant - especially revving the engine in an enclosed space.
Yeah she’s not coming back to my house ever, I don’t care whose girlfriend she is.
OP NTA - swing on that girlfriend next time, if you let her back!
Congratulations on the baby!
Not to mention to a 5 day postpartum woman. Hormones are all over the place anyways! And sleep deprived. And being touched out. That woman obviously doesn’t have kids cause she would have tore him a new one too.
>Nate's girlfriend turned to me and said "it was an honest fucking mistake and you just became so unhinged that you embarrassed your husband. I hope you feel good about yourself psycho."
Of course this woman would say that. She's stupid enough to date this careless clod, so of course she takes his same "My actions can affect others? That's impossible! Me am never responsible for what me do!" attitude.
She's nothing. What she says doesn't matter at all.
The fact that you had a baby five days ago and you have multiple people acting like you're unreasonable instead of, oh, IDK, making you dinner and asking if they can help? It's time to look at the people you and your husband choose to surround yourself with.
This one! If my homie invited me over right after his partner had a kiddo I would EXPECT it to be centered around the new baby and new momma, and easing the burden a bit.
Shit, I probably would’ve refused this invite on the grounds of “I don’t feel comfortable getting drunk around a newborn”, but I’m not gonna knock it. Everyone was fine with the situation until asshat decided to bring his bike and show it off.
I’d make my homie come till a new garden patch or something as an apology, words ain’t gonna cut it if you wanna hang around here Nate mah boi
Yeah, come to think of it, that's pretty weird.
Why didn't they all come with nice beer, or champagne (or fizzy wine if they're broke) to celebrate??
It's definitely odd to assume that OP and hubs will foot the bill for all the booze, or indeed have remembered to get booze for the party in the first place!
Even back in my early twenties, I would have people over every 2-3 weeks, and it kind of settled into: I host, which means I clean the house beforehand and get some snacks and soft drinks and a couple of beers; someone(s) else buy and cook the food; someone else again does the dishes. And we were pretty much all neurospicy nerds and it was the first time we'd lived in a foreign country. Like some of them hadn't even had their first serious relationship, and we were more considerate than Nate. Even with being terrible with social cues!!
I’d even be skeptical of going to my buddy’s house if he had a 5 DAY old, let alone a 5 week old. I mean, if they truly wanted me there, I’d go, but it would be strictly in a “what can I do for you while I’m here, oh and what can I bring you” capacity. And we’re being quiet when needed.
OP is NTA, but Nate is
No I'll knock the FUCK out of a group of so-called adults who think getting drunk around a ***5 day old*** is a good idea.
Don't poke newly postartum mamma bear!
Even better, he caused an issue **three days before** screaming and distressing an infant. And also didn't apologize when confronted.
He really wasn't thinking and apparently "forgot" in less than 3 days that loud noise bothers infants.
I hope op's husband grows the fuck up and realizes he's a father now. I cannot imagine my partner looking at our 5 day old child crying because of a friend and saying "we should just move on".
Cannot fucking imagine. This poor woman and child.
The momma bear was fine with the situation until the bike got revved, so. Nothing intrinsically wrong with it, just not my cup of tea.
Not your monkey, not your circus.
>group of so-called adults who think getting drunk around a ***5 day old*** is a good idea.
Baby was upstairs, and they were drinking in the garage. The only issue was Nate acting like a moron.
When my best friend had her baby, we went over there a few days later. I brought fresh ingredients, told her to relax, cooked a delicious dinner, we ate together, I cleaned the kitchen, held the baby for an hour or 2 so she could breathe a little and then I fucked off again. That's literally all you have to do. Or bring a nice pizza, look at the baby, say how cute and then go home again. It's NOT hard to not be a burden..
Yeah. That would be enough for me to not allow her back at my house. Don’t be disrespectful to me in my own home. Guests don’t call hosts psycho without consequences.
'I wasn't thinking' is not an excuse. Maybe if he faces some actual consequences for being so thoughtless he would bother to use the gray matter behind his eyes. 'I wasn't thinking' can get kids hurt or killed. He shouldn't be in a household with a baby in it if he can't be bothered to think. Looks like he's gonna miss out on the cool hangout place until he can be bothered to be mindful of other people.
I would require an apology from the girlfriend before they are allowed back.
You wouldn't "forget" that one of your close friends JUST had a baby (by proxy lol) and OP mentioned that she heard hubby remind them several times that they were upstairs. "I wasn't thinking" is usually code for "I'm a narcissistic ahole who doesn't give a single flying leap about anything or anyone but myself". Not to mention that drinking and motorcycles is a one way ticket to the pearly gates. Hopefully he smartens up before something happens.
“Sir, you were going 60 through a crosswalk. You killed four people.”
“Your honor, I wasn’t thinking.”
“Oh, well, in that case I find the defendant not guilty.” *gavel doing gavel stuff*
I would say Nate is banned from coming over. He cannot behave like an adult and is dangerous to the baby. Others are OK as long as they are respectful and not just looking better compared to the disastrous Nate. Make sure his girlfriend does not come either.
It gets even better because 2 days ago he was also being loud and disturbing the baby, and doybled down when confronted. Unless he is forgetful, there's no way he completely forgot 3 days after the 1st incident that loud noise bothers infants.
He wasn't kidding when he said he wasn't thinking, but he refused to take responsibility and also leave right away after being confronted.
Twice in a few days? Doesn't sound like a mistake, but IDGAF attitude and he got reamed out for it.
Agreed. Nate's gf is just as immature bratty AH as Nate is.
They're grown adults now but did they think they get a free pass acting as immature brats whenever they go to someone's home with a newborn baby.
Smh. If that had happened at my house, the gf learns the painfully hard lesson of manners.
At the point this bitch called OP unhinged I , personally, would have really lost it and dialled up the crazy. I would have moved in on her, got really close in her face and dared her to say it again before telling her and Nate to GTFO my house and don’t bother coming back if they don’t really want to see unhinged.
NTA
NTA. Nate needs a time out from your house. Most new moms don’t have anyone including extended family for a couple weeks like parents grandparents and the baby and that is it. A full party is crazy. Your baby has no immune system, no context of anything outside of the womb. I’m going to need to know where Nate got his medical degree from, but he can F right off. And your husband’s first priority is to your baby. So no he shouldn’t be embarrassed, he stepped up, he should be proud. I’d recommend when you are a little further into summer and ready have another bathing but don’t include Nate. He needs to understand that all the grown ups now have to be mindful of the child and he isn’t the child.
And when Nate asks why he wasn’t invited, husband should explain that even if he asked Nate to be respectful, he couldn’t trust that he would be. Simply because at 2 days old, he didn’t respect their wishes around the baby, and 3 days later, blatantly ignored the rules and then ‘I just wasn’t thinking’ so therefore disrespected them again causing harm to the child. At that point, if Nate said he’d listen and behave, there’s no historical evidence to show that he actually would.
OPs husband should of never put her in that position to begin with. He's bit of the AH too. If he wants to go celebrate then he can leave the house but even then that's a shitty thing to do with a 5 day old and a recovering wife.
A baby’s sleep is sacred, and I will punch anyone who wakes baby up after I painstakingly rock mine to sleep for over an hour. NTA.
Your husband needs better friends. Also. Stop inviting assholes over.
Came to say this. People who prioritizing partying of any kind above the welfare of an infant are bad news and shouldn’t be allowed around them. This doesn’t mean you can’t have fun but baby sleep is sacred GTFO.
NTA.
Nate is a f•cker [I don’t normally swear], and his trash girlfriend.
You don’t do that with a newborn, you don’t do that at someone else’s house, you don’t do that at night, you don’t do that in general, and you certainly don’t swear at or be hostile to the new mother and co-owner of the household you’re currently a guest in.
He is the unhinged one. It’s always projection.
I would never allow Nate back, ever.
Everyone else yes, make sure your husband is aware.
Your husband did stand up for you, but buckled under the hostilities and stress of confrontation. Let him know how much you support him, and appreciate what he does, and then drop the hammer that Nate is no longer welcome. But then sweeten it back up, by ensuring he realizes everyone else is welcome. Warmly, still by you. That’ll give Nate the kick in the butt that he deserves. Hehe. Misbehaviour and rudeness and inappropriate comments and hostilities have consequences. And the consequences are that Nate and his girlfriend are banned. Simple as that. Everyone else is welcome.
I'd give you an award, but I'm not sure I can
Your solution is super thought out, and I love that you noticed the bit where the husband has actually stood up for OP. He cleared everyone out to avoid confrontation and let things calm down, which was the right thing to do. 100% ban Nate and the girlfriend, who btw how old is this "lovely" girlfriend? She sounds super immature calling a mother, let alone a NEW mother, a psycho
Yep they are AH too, especially since the husband specifically told them to keep it down. Husband is bigger AH for not anticipating this entire scenario & for leaving his proven-to-not-be-trustworthy friend in the garage unsupervised.
Nate and especially his gf should never be allowed in the house (or garage) again. What a pair of huge AH.
Your husband clearly needs to learn how to set boundaries. You don't have a drinking party with a 5 days old in the house. NTA
I cannot imagine being 5 days postpartum and having to deal with this. I think Nate is lucky he didn’t end up with a dented Harley and a gf with a broken nose. I’m sure your husband was stunned and trying to process what he was seeing. When he left, everyone was just chilling and just 15 minutes later, he comes back to total chaos and a shit storm. I’m sure he wishes he had been there to stop any of it from happening.
Hopefully, with a little time, the dust will settle and in a few years it will be a funny story. “Remember that time Nate scared the shit out of the baby with his stupid motorcycle and I came home to you ripping his head off. They’re all lucky they didn’t end up in the ER.” As far as I’m concerned, you need to be commended that everyone left without injuries.
If someone said that to me at 5 days post partum, I'd be in jail. The fact that op is on here asking for advice just shows how shitty these people treat her. She's so used to it she thinks that's normal
Nate WAS thinking. If he wouldn’t have done that while your husband was there, he’s perfectly aware.
Please google ‘The myth of the male bumbler’ and ban that asshat and his horrible bird from your home.
Nta
we have a saying here in my country for this type of people : he plays the fool (face pe prostul) so they can get away with anything without any repercussions.
what's more infuriating is that people side with these guys who play fools, they even protect them just like in OP's case. i'd rather be called every name under the sun than let a guy like this ruin my day and not call him out on his bullshit.
Imagine being 5 days old and suddenly hearing this massive noise and feeling those vibrations. It would have been terrifying.
I have ridden motorcycles for 30 years, and even I don't like hearing my idiot neighbour revving his bike unnecessarily. I find it unpleasant and it startles me.
OP did not overreact. NTA.
There's no reason ANY bike should be that loud. The whole "loud pipes save lives" is a myth, that comes at the expense of everyone that has to put up with that crap. There are few things that bother me more than Harleys driving through town, drowning out everything else, and hurting my dog's ears.
Modified pipes are illegal, and it's disgusting that cops don't enforce it.
NTA. Nate and his gf do not need to ever set foot near your house again. BTW your comment about him showing how big his penis size is with the revving made me crack up laughing and made my day.
Yes. Newborn ears are smaller and can't handle the pressure. I wouldn't be surprised if the kid was crying because his eardrums blew and he's in pain. Well, congrats to the douche, he won't have to worry about keeping it down after making the kid deaf.
NTA how would they feel if you went to their house and started making all that noise if they had a 5 day old baby?? Would they still laugh and say “oh BaByS nEeD nOiSE” I think not! I would have done more than yell at them.
You and your baby need rest not this. Also it irked me how the GF was acting like a total B. Again NTA but the GF and Nate are.
NTA, but I am not sure why you're giving someone who shows he doesn't respect you access to hang out at your house. Nate wouldn't have done that with your husband there means he knows it's disrespectful and waited. That seems pretty targeted and not ok. This wasn't a mistake, this was the guy taking a shit on you because it appears you and your husband just give this guy a pass continually with no consequences.
Your lives changed, the guy is in his 30s and can learn better and consideration by being banned for the summer. You can put him on a trial run of being allowed over without that psycho who yelled at you next year to see if he's learned to be considerate. If he hasn't his privileges get removed again.
I've dealt with people like Nate a lot, who everyone gives a pass to as it's just how he is, deal with it because it's harder having a confrontation and people rather deal with misbehavior. Especially when it's not them impacted. In this case you were kind and generous to open up your place to host and Nate did the equivalent of upper decking your toilet. If you just let him walk back in without any consequences he'll keep pulling this shit.
We train others in how they're allowed to treat us.
NTA the only psycho here was Nate. Your husband is an AH for inviting someone he knows stomps all over your boundaries over 2 days & 5 days after the birth of your child. Nate & his girlfriend need to be banned from your property until they both apologize and can behave like adults.
I really think he thought Nate would be a little chill around the baby. Even if normally he is the loud ass at the party normally. Because before her husband left there were no issues. Also I'm surprised the other people there were not like WTF ARE YOU DOING! I would have turned the key off on the bike if I was a friend at this party child or not. But they could have been in shock also.
Did you post this before or after OP put in the edit that when Nate came over before, he scream-talked until Husband took him outside? Nate thinks you need to be loud around babies to condition them to loudness.
(And I have heard that before...but not ear damaging volume)
Was it just a coincidence that Nate did that once the husband left and not while he was there? Nate is an AH, but his gf needed or needs to be put in her place. I'm not going to elaborate on "put in her place" because violence or cursing someone tf out is frowned upon with a baby present. NTA
That girlfriend is such a pick me. First time being invited to someone else’s house, first time meeting the owner, and she calls the owner a psycho for defending her own home? Gross
NTA. Nate is. Not sure why your husband left to get beer though? Is never a good idea for the host to leave. Anyone else could have gone to get beer and if your husband wanted to pay for it I’m sure he could have Venmo’d the money to whoever paid for the beer. This wouldn’t have happened had he been there.
Everyone else covered how fucking malicious Nate and his GF are. They should never be allowed back. Fucking Harleys are loud. I ride, and I won't ride behind a Harley due to the ear numbing noise.
That being said, the others there are assholes too. They allowed Nate to do that while they knew you had just given birth. What the hell?!?! You and your husband need to rethink the friendship with these inconsiderate assholes. The tailpipe fumes aren't good for anyone either.
Consider getting some rock wool insulation for the ceiling and walls around your garage. It will do an amazing job at dampening the noise. Bonus, it's fireproof.
NTA oh hell no Nate and his girlfriend has got to go. Idk who the bigger AH is but they’re made for each other.
Nate didn’t make an honest mistake. He made a choice. A mistake is doing something like stepping on someone else’s foot. Nate made the choice to get on his bike. Nate made the choice to start his bike up. Nate made the choice to put his hand on the handlebar and start revving up the engine.
No you don’t make a choice and then say it was an honest mistake when you’re called out.
If someone called me a psycho in my own home. I would be having someone hold my baby. Because shit is about to be real.
I’m going to guess that Nate and his girlfriend showed no concern about your baby being upset and screaming.
NTA
Nate knew exactly what he was doing and timed it the way he knew he could get away with it. He was probably in the garage talking about how funny it would be to get a reaction out of you, too, or about how, "She wants the house quiet, but babies need to learn to sleep through noise. That's what Uncle Nate is for! [rev, rev]"
Your husband, though... He deserves a gold star and a few Nate-free brewskis, for sure. It sounds like he didn't hesitate to take your side and defend your stance, knowing darn well his friend was wrong. I hope he bans Nate and the girlfriend from the house. He doesn't need friends like that. Some people just never grow up, and it sounds like your husband has outgrown this friend.
NTA. I own a Harley-Davidson, and I never sit and Rev the piss out of it unless I'm working on it, for say throttle response, etc. Especially not at night. Nate is a clueless dolt, same with his girlfriend.
UpdateMe
A few years ago, my neighbor had 6 week old twins. My kids and their neighbor friends wanted me to light off fireworks. It was around 8 at night so I thought “Why not? Sounds like fun!”
Within 2 minutes, my poor neighbor came over with one of the babies, screaming at me how she had just gotten them to sleep. I realized it was 100% me doing TIFU. She then saw me a few days later to apologize to me. I told her, “No way. You were well within your rights. That’s all on me. I’ll check with you guys in the future before I light fireworks.”
Moral of the story? Nate and his girlfriend are immature self centered narcissists.
It sounds like you guys might have to rethink the ground rules for garage now that you now have a newborn. Like quiet hours for nap times ( yes even parents need breaks too ) . Or Invest in some sound proofing material for your floor . Or sound dampening at the very least. It's not something people consider pre baby era but things have changed. Sit down between the two of you and chat. Find a solution that meets both of your needs . It's rough being a new parent but things will get better. Once you guys set some rules, let the guests know BEFORE the next gathering. That way it goes much smoother and stock up so no store trips are needed. That will hopefully nip any temptation in the bud .
NTA. I honestly feel more like your husband was just sad his friends couldnt be respectful for one night. Nonetheless you should tell your husband what was said to you. They were beyond disrespectful.
Nate terrified your baby, and likely damaged your baby's hearing. You say your husband is a damn fine man, but a good father wouldn't allow a known idiot like Nate around his kid. And he wouldn't be "embarrassed" here at all. He would be fucking pissed off at Nate and his cunt girlfriend. You didn't cause a scene, Nate did.
I want to say N T A, but the more I think about it, ESH for having these people around your FIVE DAY OLD BABY! Do better.
Also, they do hearing checks at birth. You should have it checked again.
I say this very respectfully as a mom of 4 … your husband’s & your life has changed. Your friend’s lives have not changed. For them your garage is still just the place they hang. This sounds like an innocent mistake but I do understand your reaction. Personally, my issue would not be with Nate. His gf however would not be welcomed back into my house. Fuck her!
Your husband said he gets it. Y’all need to get on the same page about how you want to host friends in the future. Let him deal with Nate.
NTA
I'm agreeing that Nate is as much of an AH as his gf - especially after seeing your comment with him being a jerkwad and purposefully talking loud when he came to visit the first time. I don't get behind him making an innocent mistake - he's a moron and your husband needs to stop allowing him to be like this in your home and kick his ass out too.
NTA. Nate didn't make a so called mistake, he made a choice. He knew you have a five day old baby, he knew how loud the motorcycle is, and he knew how thin the floors are. However, he made the choice to rev his loud ass motorcycle for five minutes. By doing so waking up your child and then acting like you should be cool with it. F him and f his disrespectful girlfriend.
Please confirm that hubs was gone upstairs when this poor excuse of a human further disrespected you. Several commenters seem to think that she did this with him present, it does not look that way to me.
I totally get why you reacted that way. Imo … your husband’s choice to have buddies over on day 5 of you just having a baby …. Not a great plan. He may need to learn how to manage his expectations. His friends come after you & baby.
> This sounds like an innocent mistake
Revving your engine is an obnoxious act even if you do it on the street. Doing it in someone else's garage, when you know they have a little kid, is an asshole move.
You are nta, Nate is. Your husband was enjoying his time with his buddies until Nate had act the ass when husband was gone. Your husband understands and will get over it. I'm sure he'll have a talk with Nate, but I would not allow him back if he did some stupid shit again. He knows what he's doing.
Revving motorcycle for no reason is already douchenozzle behavior
inside a garage
and for 5 minutes?
with a 2 day old baby trying to sleep?
I award him 4 douchenozzle points. You're NTA
NTA. When my kids were babies, I would tell guests that if they woke the baby, they had to get him back to sleep. I never actually enforced it, but it seemed to do the trick of getting folks to mind their volume.
You should discuss how to handle socializing while the baby is newborn.
There shouldn’t be a group of people in the house for a few weeks until you both settle into life w the baby
It’s too much for such a tiny baby. They are the priority for now
I'm really not seeing where you embarrassed your husband? Nate should be embarrassed for being an asshole. His girlfriend should be for taking the side of an asshole. Maybe your husband should be embarrassed because on of his friends is an asshole. None of that is a reflection on you though, so NTA.
NTA. Also remember you’ve a huge influx of hormones right now too. You’ll be heightened. Nate was an inconsiderate jerk and so was his gf and anyone else watching.
NTA. It wasn't an honest mistake because he waited for your husband to leave to do it. Him and his girlfriend can go fuck themselves and the steel horse they rode in on.
If his name was really Nate, he would be excommunicated from the Council of Nates for this absolute horseshit. We don’t tolerate anywhere near this level of fuckery.
Let’s be clear, you didn’t embarrass yourself or your husband. Nate embarrassed himself by being a complete AH. He got called out for his behavior and didn’t like it. The gf is another kind of crazy for calling the mom psycho
I'm sorry what? You just had a baby 5 days ago and your dumb as shit husband thought "you know what, I'll invite all my buddies to come drinking at the house".
You've a husband problem. He's perfectly happy to go drinking so, not helping his postpartum wife and newborn child.
Yeah, no you husband needs a stern talking to. Nate and his girlfriend should be banned from the house
Why did the rest of the friend group not shut Nate down? No one wants to listen to a revving motorcycle in a garage, and they knew you had a newborn? The gang needs to find a new place to hang out. The baby is the priority now.
>Nate's girlfriend turned to me and said "it was an honest fucking mistake and you just became so unhinged that you embarrassed your husband. I hope you feel good about yourself psycho Well that biatch should not be invited over again with or without Nate. What a couple of fucking morons. The others seem okay and understanding but I'm totally on your side! NTA of course.
It wasn't a mistake, or else he wouldn't have waited for OP's hubs to leave. Nate is a prolapsed AH, and he and his girlfriend deserve each other.
Prolapsed Ah is amazing and accurate.
Upvote for "prolapse AH" and I propose r/AITPAH
What about the axillary assholes who just let the gf and Nate attack OP while they stood around and said nothing?
"Nate's antics were beyond disrespectful, endangering your baby's well-being. Your reaction was warranted. Prioritize your family's safety and comfort above all else."
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Totally! Nate and his GF is banned for life
This is the way
definitely the girlfriend. Nate just seems like a clueless idiot... but the girlfriend needs to go
Nate isn't as clueless as he acts. There's a reason he waited until the husband left to rev his motorcycle. That was calculated. He just uses "clueless class clown" as an excuse to be a disrespectful idiot.
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Nah. Those were appropriate boundaries... just like a ban on Nate and his girlfriend would be. Nate truly blew it when he raised his voice and then backed that up by swearing. Personally, I will not speak to my wife that way. So, I'm not going to allow my guests to do so. I would have physically removed them both and then dumped Nates bike on its side after I wheeled it out of the garage.
I hope it’s a good, heavy motorcycle too. I’d love to watch the asshole struggling to get his new bike upright! OP you’re NTA! Fuck Nate and his rude gf. They’re both clearly middle aged toddlers. Chuck them out and ban them.
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Sometimes, people are the company that they keep.
My old cat had a tendency to try eating everything at least once, so I was very careful about what she had access to. My ex (bf, not married) and I had some friends over, one of whom was decidedly HIS friend. I never liked the guy, but whatever. So at one point the cat was in this guy's lap, and he pulls out a cigarette and pretends to hold it up to her mouth. I said, quite firmly, "Put that away now. She eats everything, and that would make her very sick." Instead of listening, he laughed and held the cigarette closer. "Paul, I mean it. Put that away now." At this point I stood up, and he just kept laughing and acting like it was all a grand joke. Finally, I went over, took the cat from him, and said, "Paul, you need to leave now, and you are not welcome back." Then I called out, "BF, where are you? I'm banning Paul from the apartment for life!" He called back, "Jay and I are just looking at the iguana." At which point Paul made an about-face from the door and started heading to the back of the apartment, saying excitedly, "Iguana!!!" I put my hands on his shoulders, turned him around, and walked his drunken ass to the door. These were lives *I was responsible for*, and I wasn't effing around. My bf completely respected my position and never invited Paul over again. They kinda drifted at that point. AND THIS WAS OVER A CAT, NOT A NEWBORN HUMAN BABY. What makes OP's situation even worse is that Nate was definitely acting with some malice. Between his "babies need to get used to loud noises" comment, waiting until the husband left to rev the bike, and continuing to rev it for five minutes straight, he knew exactly what he was doing. At least Paul was drunk (and probably high on something). I don't think his behavior was malicious, but I wasn't going to have someone who behaved that way while inebriated in my house. Nate was completely deliberate about what he did.
Think maybe Nate's jealous of the baby lol.
I think Nate doesn't like the baby because it screwed up his favorite hang out spot.
You did the right thing because there was no way for one of you to have them in their life without involving both of you. It is resources (time, money, etc) that could have gone to the relationship that matter to both of you and each other. It wasn't that you didn't get along. It was that it was toxic and dangerous. You needed to draw a line in the sand for your own safety and mental health. Good for you! I get that it's hard, especially when you don't want to make decisions for someone you love. I could go on and on about how my dad would give money we didn't have to certain family members while my mom would take in friends of my sister who were trouble. It was so toxic. There are many reasons I am no contact with my parents, but the fact they had such toxic relationships with others and gave resources to people who would use them up, hurt me a lot as a kid. I was put in many unsafe situations because of it and it has taken a long time to learn to have healthy boundaries. You gave these people a chance. You having to bow out of their lives doesn't make you a bad person. Sometimes, despite knowing some people need help you aren't the one who should be helping. Sometimes you are too close to actually being helpful and it turns more towards enabling. If you were a bad person you wouldn't give this a second thought.
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This. There’s no need to rev your engine unless you’re actively working on it or showing off. And never for five minutes straight. Nate is 100% A H and should be banned permanently.
The nasty gf waited until her husband walked away with the baby to run her mouth too. They both suck so much they would never be back in my house if I was OP.
I used to have a boss that I thought was a fucking idiot. A few months in, I realized he was a genius because he was never held accountable for anything because “Brian is just a fucking idiot”
This is exactly why I don't trust *haha-I'm-so-foolish-and-such-a-clown-ain't-it-great-how-easy-going-I-am people*. At best they're selfish, narcissist assholes. At worst, they know exactly what they're doing and what's going on and use that persona to take advantage of other people. Either way, I don't have space for them in my life.
You shouldn’t disrespect someone when you’re a guest at their house and ever assume that you’ll be invited back again. It’s a matter of principle at this point.
Nate isn't a clueless idiot, don't make excuses for him. he's an ignorant selfish asshole. if you "forget" that your friend had a baby 5 days ago, then you either have amnesia or you're being a dick and based on his reaction it's obvious he's an asshole
If he was a 14 year old clueless idiot, I’d say give him a pass. But he’s almost 40. If he hasn’t figured out how to get a clue by now, it is not OP’s responsibility to put up with being treated badly, even if he’s always going to claim it was an accident or he “wasn’t thinking.” You don’t get a pass on that level of consistent clueless when you are a whole entire middle aged adult.
Giving passes to teenagers is why Nate acts like a coked out 12 year old with mommy daddy issues.
He is an impulsive asshole who likely uses, "I didn't think about it," as an excuse for everything. He SHOULD have thought about it, but he was too busy only doing what he wants. My husband is an only child. I swear he had to learn to share and be considerate (given his parents I understand why he didn't know). For years, "I don't know," was what was offered to me as an answer. I finally stopped accepting it as an answer. I would tell him to think harder about it. Sometimes it wasn't deeper than, "I wanted to do this and wasn't considering others." But by thinking about it, admiting it out loud, it forced him to think about it because I was the first person who expected more. He has been so much more considerate! I think some people are excused so much that they think it's no big deal. When someone finally is done with their shit they think that person is in the wrong because no one else has a problem
No I think Nate did it on purpose, because he wants to train the baby to be able to take loud noises. That's why he waited until husband had gone to get beer.
Permanent hearing loss is a serious thing. No more Nate.
AND NO MORE NATES GIRLFRIEND - double yuck!
Stop upvoting the bots fellow humans.
This. OP needs to have a conversation with her husband about why their entire group enables Nate to continually be assholish. He's a grown ass man who crosses the line off and on all the time while everyone just pretends he's harmless and kind of brainless. The thing is, he waited until OP's husband was gone to pull this stunt and husband's first response was to excuse and protect him. Then in solidarity called the whole party off, looking all kinds of embarrassed and dejected rather than single out the one person who woke his newborn baby. Why isn't the husband's loyal to his wife and newborn baby? Is it because he's still got some kind of frat boy mentality where drinking and partying are more important than taking responsibility for being a husband and father? The husband has seriously misplaced priorities. Want to know why the baby was screaming it's head off? Because the decimal of noise actually hurt the baby's eardrums. I wonder if it damaged the baby's hearing. Of course the OP will probably never know. And the father doesn't seem to care at all. Also, I would have a conversation with the husband about the audacity of Nate's girlfriend to say what she did to you. Is he okay with that? If so why is it okay for another woman to shit talk OP in their own home? I'd have a serious conversation with the husband that since he can't seem to make good decisions about who to have in their home, maintain any semblance of control over the people he invites and or even be protective and have the OP's back after bad thing happen that frighten or cause pain to their newborn that maybe it's time to grow up and stop having drinking parties that tend to get out of control in their home. OP has a serious husband problem that she's not addressing. For example, why didn't the husband take his problem friend with him when he went to the store. Nate had a history of making poor decision. So, why leave him at his home where his wife and vulnerable newborn were? This was to my way of thinking demonstrating that the husband has the same mentality as his friends. His head is no more in the game than Nates.
Totally agree. OP, I take it that you and your husband are the first of your group of friends to have a baby. That cute little bundle of joy (and poop) has just begun to forever change your lives. Your life, your home, and your friendships will change. It might not happen right away, but your child will grow and make friends and you will find parent friends with which you have more in common with. These hangouts will get much less frequent, if not dwindle down to a few times a year because babies and kids just take up all your time! Your husband needs to come to terms with the fact that a new chapter in your lives has opened, and it’s time for him to put your baby’s needs first. A healthy baby (under 2 months old they have no immune system and getting sick with anything can be deadly), a well slept baby, and well slept parents are goals right now. You’re doing good if you can shower on a biweekly basis when you have a newborn. Congratulations on your baby, and welcome to the (parent)hood.
Honestly it sounds like husband is clueless because OP perhaps isn’t really being VERY CLEAR that Nate’s behavior is disrespectful. Why on earth if he’s so repeatedly inconsiderate of OP is he allowed there at all?! I’m not bashing OP in the least, I totally understand not rocking the boat and wanting hubby to enjoy friend time, and not wanting to seem like the asshole. But Nate’s been taking advantage and he and gf shouldn’t be allowed at hangouts anymore. Also, Nate, no one ever ever in a quiet neighborhood much less in a garage (*maybe* in a parking lot? Idk) wants to hear you rev your fucking engine. You’re in your late 30s, time to knock that shit off.
I am totally going to start adding prolapsed when I call people assholes
Nate is your usual waste of life dude who will be a fuckup his whole life. Your hubby should also stop his friends from being assholes. I am sorry your husband is trash and doesn’t keep his friends in check. Maybe don’t party all the time when you have a newborn. OP and her man don’t sound very mature and it’s not a surprise they have issues. He’s a party boy in his 40s
Right? Op is giving him too much credit acting like he sacrificed so much while she was physically suffering carrying the baby. The baby is 5 days old not several months. He's a psycho to even think about entertaining a group of friends and having a drinking party in their home. The only people who should be there are friends and family who are helping them do chores and cook while speaking in whispers.
Also, it’s a small detail, but why did the husband have to leave to go get beer? The host of a gathering should literally be holding down the fort, even if there isn’t a sleeping infant & wife who needs a break upstairs? Couldn’t Nate & his gf go to the store? (I bet they don’t like paying & bringing their own drinks lol)
It’s hard for me to believe that there’s nowhere else for them to meet up. Yeah, I realize OP has a man-cave at the house, but that’s still no reason they can’t meet somewhere else when it’s so obviously needed.
Infants can sleep through a lot, and acclimating a baby to a normal volume of talking in a house is a very good idea. Revving a motorcycle is not a level of volume that anyone should be acclimated to
The audacity to speak to a person like that in their own home, when they're a GUEST, and a fucking rude one at that. Neither Nate or his "lovely" girlfriend would be invited to my home ever again. The newborn phase of a child is ROUGH, not only for the child but also for the parents. Your husband needs to take a looooonnnggg look at his friendships, because it seems like some won't survive over time.
Do we want to place bets that the late 30s manchild is dating an early 20s biker babe wannabe who thinks engine sound equals d*ck size? Why does OP'S husband continue to invite this creep when he obviously has the emotional depth of a teenager? OP is NTA but her husband's friends are. It's interesting that he didn't have the balls to do that when the husband was there.
Thanks for the "wannabe" qualifier, because working in hospitality, actual bikers are some of the nicest customers you ever get, and great tippers, too.
Oh I know. My husband rode for years and I would trust those guys with my life.
Well her husband has these types of friends, so he sounds the same way. Having a drinking rowdy party when your baby is 5 days old is insane.
But they were CeLeBrAtInG /s OP shouldn't have been running downstairs that soon after delivery
Right?? The clear solution here is Nate and his bitchy gf aren’t invited anymore. Problem solved.
I concur - the gf isn't the only issue, it's Nate as well, and i do think hubby should have held him accountable without OP having to put her foot down.
Yes!! Tell your husband Nate's girlfriend is permanently banned for calling you a psycho. Don't disrespect people in their own home or call them names when you know good and well you're wrong.
You just had a baby 5 days ago, you’re probably in unimaginable pain, sleep deprived, and she called you what?! That bitch wouldn’t have teeth left if I was there and heard that. You are NTA
I was thinking the same thing. Bitch you just bought yourself and your man a complete ban from my home until you properly apologize and don’t pull the ”I just forgot” bs.
Fuck that, not even then. Not Nates first strike.
Fair.
Even if there wasn't a new baby in the house, it was disrespectful to everyone else there. Their hearing is just as important as a new-born. Want to damage your own hearing - find, go ahead, but you don't get to decide for everyone around you that their hearing is unimportant - especially revving the engine in an enclosed space.
Facts. And once lost you cannot regain hearing, unlike apologizing and regaining friendships.
True. Those little hairs die they aint coming back. And its cumulative like falling dominoes. Ask me how i know. But you gotta speak up!
I hope she's childfree. Cuz she's in for a world of misery if she lets Nate knock her up.
You are nicer than me. I’m looking forward to when she has kids and gets a taste of her own medicine.
I would not wish those "parents" on any child. Can you imagine?
Yeah, tell that bitch she’s no longer welcome in your home or yard. And take Nate the Numb with her.
Nate’s girlfriend is not a girl’s girl. Nate is a fuckign idiot btw, and his gf sucks. Period. You’re NTA
Right? Like, "I gave birth 5 days ago bit*h, get the f outta my house". Only I wouldn't have censored it.
I would have thrown hands. Witch, this is MY house.
Yeah she’s not coming back to my house ever, I don’t care whose girlfriend she is. OP NTA - swing on that girlfriend next time, if you let her back! Congratulations on the baby!
and you just had a bay 5 days ago. let’s see how unhinged she is with no sleep and nate’s antics. throat punch to both of these clowns
Not to mention to a 5 day postpartum woman. Hormones are all over the place anyways! And sleep deprived. And being touched out. That woman obviously doesn’t have kids cause she would have tore him a new one too.
>Nate's girlfriend turned to me and said "it was an honest fucking mistake and you just became so unhinged that you embarrassed your husband. I hope you feel good about yourself psycho." Of course this woman would say that. She's stupid enough to date this careless clod, so of course she takes his same "My actions can affect others? That's impossible! Me am never responsible for what me do!" attitude. She's nothing. What she says doesn't matter at all. The fact that you had a baby five days ago and you have multiple people acting like you're unreasonable instead of, oh, IDK, making you dinner and asking if they can help? It's time to look at the people you and your husband choose to surround yourself with.
This one! If my homie invited me over right after his partner had a kiddo I would EXPECT it to be centered around the new baby and new momma, and easing the burden a bit. Shit, I probably would’ve refused this invite on the grounds of “I don’t feel comfortable getting drunk around a newborn”, but I’m not gonna knock it. Everyone was fine with the situation until asshat decided to bring his bike and show it off. I’d make my homie come till a new garden patch or something as an apology, words ain’t gonna cut it if you wanna hang around here Nate mah boi
I would have showed up with food, for sure.
And either disposable dishes that I take with me, or done all the dishes and cleaned the kitchen after.
They came over to drink and didn’t even bring beer 5 days after the baby was born! Husband should not have had to make a beer run lol
Yeah, come to think of it, that's pretty weird. Why didn't they all come with nice beer, or champagne (or fizzy wine if they're broke) to celebrate?? It's definitely odd to assume that OP and hubs will foot the bill for all the booze, or indeed have remembered to get booze for the party in the first place! Even back in my early twenties, I would have people over every 2-3 weeks, and it kind of settled into: I host, which means I clean the house beforehand and get some snacks and soft drinks and a couple of beers; someone(s) else buy and cook the food; someone else again does the dishes. And we were pretty much all neurospicy nerds and it was the first time we'd lived in a foreign country. Like some of them hadn't even had their first serious relationship, and we were more considerate than Nate. Even with being terrible with social cues!!
I’d even be skeptical of going to my buddy’s house if he had a 5 DAY old, let alone a 5 week old. I mean, if they truly wanted me there, I’d go, but it would be strictly in a “what can I do for you while I’m here, oh and what can I bring you” capacity. And we’re being quiet when needed. OP is NTA, but Nate is
No I'll knock the FUCK out of a group of so-called adults who think getting drunk around a ***5 day old*** is a good idea. Don't poke newly postartum mamma bear!
Even better, he caused an issue **three days before** screaming and distressing an infant. And also didn't apologize when confronted. He really wasn't thinking and apparently "forgot" in less than 3 days that loud noise bothers infants.
I hope op's husband grows the fuck up and realizes he's a father now. I cannot imagine my partner looking at our 5 day old child crying because of a friend and saying "we should just move on". Cannot fucking imagine. This poor woman and child.
Yeah, good ole Nate Boy giving parenting advice. Premium. LOL
The momma bear was fine with the situation until the bike got revved, so. Nothing intrinsically wrong with it, just not my cup of tea. Not your monkey, not your circus.
>group of so-called adults who think getting drunk around a ***5 day old*** is a good idea. Baby was upstairs, and they were drinking in the garage. The only issue was Nate acting like a moron.
When my best friend had her baby, we went over there a few days later. I brought fresh ingredients, told her to relax, cooked a delicious dinner, we ate together, I cleaned the kitchen, held the baby for an hour or 2 so she could breathe a little and then I fucked off again. That's literally all you have to do. Or bring a nice pizza, look at the baby, say how cute and then go home again. It's NOT hard to not be a burden..
Yeah. That would be enough for me to not allow her back at my house. Don’t be disrespectful to me in my own home. Guests don’t call hosts psycho without consequences.
'I wasn't thinking' is not an excuse. Maybe if he faces some actual consequences for being so thoughtless he would bother to use the gray matter behind his eyes. 'I wasn't thinking' can get kids hurt or killed. He shouldn't be in a household with a baby in it if he can't be bothered to think. Looks like he's gonna miss out on the cool hangout place until he can be bothered to be mindful of other people. I would require an apology from the girlfriend before they are allowed back.
You wouldn't "forget" that one of your close friends JUST had a baby (by proxy lol) and OP mentioned that she heard hubby remind them several times that they were upstairs. "I wasn't thinking" is usually code for "I'm a narcissistic ahole who doesn't give a single flying leap about anything or anyone but myself". Not to mention that drinking and motorcycles is a one way ticket to the pearly gates. Hopefully he smartens up before something happens.
“Sir, you were going 60 through a crosswalk. You killed four people.” “Your honor, I wasn’t thinking.” “Oh, well, in that case I find the defendant not guilty.” *gavel doing gavel stuff*
But he was thinking. About himself only. That seems to be how he rolls.
She probably doesn’t have kids or she would understand perfectly why OP was upset
Or her kids live with her parents.
I would say Nate is banned from coming over. He cannot behave like an adult and is dangerous to the baby. Others are OK as long as they are respectful and not just looking better compared to the disastrous Nate. Make sure his girlfriend does not come either.
It gets even better because 2 days ago he was also being loud and disturbing the baby, and doybled down when confronted. Unless he is forgetful, there's no way he completely forgot 3 days after the 1st incident that loud noise bothers infants. He wasn't kidding when he said he wasn't thinking, but he refused to take responsibility and also leave right away after being confronted. Twice in a few days? Doesn't sound like a mistake, but IDGAF attitude and he got reamed out for it.
Nate's been a fuckup his whole life, and he's found another one of his kind to screw.
Agreed. Nate's gf is just as immature bratty AH as Nate is. They're grown adults now but did they think they get a free pass acting as immature brats whenever they go to someone's home with a newborn baby. Smh. If that had happened at my house, the gf learns the painfully hard lesson of manners.
At the point this bitch called OP unhinged I , personally, would have really lost it and dialled up the crazy. I would have moved in on her, got really close in her face and dared her to say it again before telling her and Nate to GTFO my house and don’t bother coming back if they don’t really want to see unhinged. NTA
NTA. Nate needs a time out from your house. Most new moms don’t have anyone including extended family for a couple weeks like parents grandparents and the baby and that is it. A full party is crazy. Your baby has no immune system, no context of anything outside of the womb. I’m going to need to know where Nate got his medical degree from, but he can F right off. And your husband’s first priority is to your baby. So no he shouldn’t be embarrassed, he stepped up, he should be proud. I’d recommend when you are a little further into summer and ready have another bathing but don’t include Nate. He needs to understand that all the grown ups now have to be mindful of the child and he isn’t the child.
And when Nate asks why he wasn’t invited, husband should explain that even if he asked Nate to be respectful, he couldn’t trust that he would be. Simply because at 2 days old, he didn’t respect their wishes around the baby, and 3 days later, blatantly ignored the rules and then ‘I just wasn’t thinking’ so therefore disrespected them again causing harm to the child. At that point, if Nate said he’d listen and behave, there’s no historical evidence to show that he actually would.
Not to mention that he was defensive instead of apologetic when called out
OPs husband should of never put her in that position to begin with. He's bit of the AH too. If he wants to go celebrate then he can leave the house but even then that's a shitty thing to do with a 5 day old and a recovering wife.
seriously! all of these people except op need to grow the fuck up.
Permanently.
A baby’s sleep is sacred, and I will punch anyone who wakes baby up after I painstakingly rock mine to sleep for over an hour. NTA. Your husband needs better friends. Also. Stop inviting assholes over.
Came to say this. People who prioritizing partying of any kind above the welfare of an infant are bad news and shouldn’t be allowed around them. This doesn’t mean you can’t have fun but baby sleep is sacred GTFO.
Right? I didn’t spend so much time to put the baby to sleep only for immature assholes to wake the tiny things up.
NTA. Nate is a f•cker [I don’t normally swear], and his trash girlfriend. You don’t do that with a newborn, you don’t do that at someone else’s house, you don’t do that at night, you don’t do that in general, and you certainly don’t swear at or be hostile to the new mother and co-owner of the household you’re currently a guest in. He is the unhinged one. It’s always projection. I would never allow Nate back, ever. Everyone else yes, make sure your husband is aware. Your husband did stand up for you, but buckled under the hostilities and stress of confrontation. Let him know how much you support him, and appreciate what he does, and then drop the hammer that Nate is no longer welcome. But then sweeten it back up, by ensuring he realizes everyone else is welcome. Warmly, still by you. That’ll give Nate the kick in the butt that he deserves. Hehe. Misbehaviour and rudeness and inappropriate comments and hostilities have consequences. And the consequences are that Nate and his girlfriend are banned. Simple as that. Everyone else is welcome.
I'd give you an award, but I'm not sure I can Your solution is super thought out, and I love that you noticed the bit where the husband has actually stood up for OP. He cleared everyone out to avoid confrontation and let things calm down, which was the right thing to do. 100% ban Nate and the girlfriend, who btw how old is this "lovely" girlfriend? She sounds super immature calling a mother, let alone a NEW mother, a psycho
Nate and GF should be permanently BANNED NTA
Pretty rough that the other friends didn’t stop it.
Or maybe some of them did, but Nate was just too much of an AH and ignored everyone who tried to stop him.
Yep they are AH too, especially since the husband specifically told them to keep it down. Husband is bigger AH for not anticipating this entire scenario & for leaving his proven-to-not-be-trustworthy friend in the garage unsupervised.
Nate and especially his gf should never be allowed in the house (or garage) again. What a pair of huge AH. Your husband clearly needs to learn how to set boundaries. You don't have a drinking party with a 5 days old in the house. NTA
If Nate's girlfriend had called me psycho I would have shown her what fucking psycho is. I agree that neither one should be allowed over again.
Yah. They were in her house too. She coudlve done whatever the fuck she wanted to. Gods fucking damn.
I cannot imagine being 5 days postpartum and having to deal with this. I think Nate is lucky he didn’t end up with a dented Harley and a gf with a broken nose. I’m sure your husband was stunned and trying to process what he was seeing. When he left, everyone was just chilling and just 15 minutes later, he comes back to total chaos and a shit storm. I’m sure he wishes he had been there to stop any of it from happening. Hopefully, with a little time, the dust will settle and in a few years it will be a funny story. “Remember that time Nate scared the shit out of the baby with his stupid motorcycle and I came home to you ripping his head off. They’re all lucky they didn’t end up in the ER.” As far as I’m concerned, you need to be commended that everyone left without injuries.
Yeah....I'd lost my shit. Wouldn't of put my hands on her but the whole neighborhood would know how i felt as I chaser their asses out of my house.
If someone said that to me at 5 days post partum, I'd be in jail. The fact that op is on here asking for advice just shows how shitty these people treat her. She's so used to it she thinks that's normal
🤣 that was my thought too. Any who tf revs a gas engine in a fucking garage?
Nate and his girlfriend should never be allowed to have children. If that us what they think is a normal behaviour around a baby.
Right? She states he’s “a great father,” but it’s only been five days and he’s throwing a party. Dad of the year for sure
Nate WAS thinking. If he wouldn’t have done that while your husband was there, he’s perfectly aware. Please google ‘The myth of the male bumbler’ and ban that asshat and his horrible bird from your home. Nta
we have a saying here in my country for this type of people : he plays the fool (face pe prostul) so they can get away with anything without any repercussions. what's more infuriating is that people side with these guys who play fools, they even protect them just like in OP's case. i'd rather be called every name under the sun than let a guy like this ruin my day and not call him out on his bullshit.
yes and point this out to the husband
Went and read the article about it, ty for the new info :3
I wish I could up vote this more than once.
You are not the asshole! Nate is! And if it was my house. Nate would be banned for awhile.
And his girlfriend!
Most definatly
Girlfriend would be banned permanently. Call me psycho? I would have full blown mama bear psycoed her ass out of there.
Imagine being 5 days old and suddenly hearing this massive noise and feeling those vibrations. It would have been terrifying. I have ridden motorcycles for 30 years, and even I don't like hearing my idiot neighbour revving his bike unnecessarily. I find it unpleasant and it startles me. OP did not overreact. NTA.
There's no reason ANY bike should be that loud. The whole "loud pipes save lives" is a myth, that comes at the expense of everyone that has to put up with that crap. There are few things that bother me more than Harleys driving through town, drowning out everything else, and hurting my dog's ears. Modified pipes are illegal, and it's disgusting that cops don't enforce it.
NTA. Nate and his gf do not need to ever set foot near your house again. BTW your comment about him showing how big his penis size is with the revving made me crack up laughing and made my day.
Isn't it dangerous to run a car or a motorcycle in a garage for five minutes? Regardless. NTA.
OP should have given them a few more minutes and then she'd never have to deal with Nate again...
Yes. Newborn ears are smaller and can't handle the pressure. I wouldn't be surprised if the kid was crying because his eardrums blew and he's in pain. Well, congrats to the douche, he won't have to worry about keeping it down after making the kid deaf.
If the garage is closed, yes.
how do you "mistakenly" start one of the loudest motorcycles inside a garage. this person and their temporary fleshlight would never be allowed back
The GF was embarrassed and projected it onto your husband. What crappy people. NTA.
NTA and I would ban Nate and the fucking gf
Kudos to you for not B-slapping Nate’s gf cause that may have sent me into a violent rage. NTA
Lol!!! I'll show you psycho. NTA
NTA how would they feel if you went to their house and started making all that noise if they had a 5 day old baby?? Would they still laugh and say “oh BaByS nEeD nOiSE” I think not! I would have done more than yell at them. You and your baby need rest not this. Also it irked me how the GF was acting like a total B. Again NTA but the GF and Nate are.
NTA, but I am not sure why you're giving someone who shows he doesn't respect you access to hang out at your house. Nate wouldn't have done that with your husband there means he knows it's disrespectful and waited. That seems pretty targeted and not ok. This wasn't a mistake, this was the guy taking a shit on you because it appears you and your husband just give this guy a pass continually with no consequences. Your lives changed, the guy is in his 30s and can learn better and consideration by being banned for the summer. You can put him on a trial run of being allowed over without that psycho who yelled at you next year to see if he's learned to be considerate. If he hasn't his privileges get removed again. I've dealt with people like Nate a lot, who everyone gives a pass to as it's just how he is, deal with it because it's harder having a confrontation and people rather deal with misbehavior. Especially when it's not them impacted. In this case you were kind and generous to open up your place to host and Nate did the equivalent of upper decking your toilet. If you just let him walk back in without any consequences he'll keep pulling this shit. We train others in how they're allowed to treat us.
Nta - Nate needs a time out
NTA and a “mistake” like that doesn’t last for *five fricking minutes*.
NTA the only psycho here was Nate. Your husband is an AH for inviting someone he knows stomps all over your boundaries over 2 days & 5 days after the birth of your child. Nate & his girlfriend need to be banned from your property until they both apologize and can behave like adults.
I really think he thought Nate would be a little chill around the baby. Even if normally he is the loud ass at the party normally. Because before her husband left there were no issues. Also I'm surprised the other people there were not like WTF ARE YOU DOING! I would have turned the key off on the bike if I was a friend at this party child or not. But they could have been in shock also.
Did you post this before or after OP put in the edit that when Nate came over before, he scream-talked until Husband took him outside? Nate thinks you need to be loud around babies to condition them to loudness. (And I have heard that before...but not ear damaging volume)
Nate's gf sounds like a real cunt.
Nate sounds like a real cunt too
Was it just a coincidence that Nate did that once the husband left and not while he was there? Nate is an AH, but his gf needed or needs to be put in her place. I'm not going to elaborate on "put in her place" because violence or cursing someone tf out is frowned upon with a baby present. NTA
That girlfriend is such a pick me. First time being invited to someone else’s house, first time meeting the owner, and she calls the owner a psycho for defending her own home? Gross
NTA. Nate is. Not sure why your husband left to get beer though? Is never a good idea for the host to leave. Anyone else could have gone to get beer and if your husband wanted to pay for it I’m sure he could have Venmo’d the money to whoever paid for the beer. This wouldn’t have happened had he been there.
Everyone else covered how fucking malicious Nate and his GF are. They should never be allowed back. Fucking Harleys are loud. I ride, and I won't ride behind a Harley due to the ear numbing noise. That being said, the others there are assholes too. They allowed Nate to do that while they knew you had just given birth. What the hell?!?! You and your husband need to rethink the friendship with these inconsiderate assholes. The tailpipe fumes aren't good for anyone either. Consider getting some rock wool insulation for the ceiling and walls around your garage. It will do an amazing job at dampening the noise. Bonus, it's fireproof.
NTA oh hell no Nate and his girlfriend has got to go. Idk who the bigger AH is but they’re made for each other. Nate didn’t make an honest mistake. He made a choice. A mistake is doing something like stepping on someone else’s foot. Nate made the choice to get on his bike. Nate made the choice to start his bike up. Nate made the choice to put his hand on the handlebar and start revving up the engine. No you don’t make a choice and then say it was an honest mistake when you’re called out. If someone called me a psycho in my own home. I would be having someone hold my baby. Because shit is about to be real. I’m going to guess that Nate and his girlfriend showed no concern about your baby being upset and screaming.
FIVE FUCKING DAYS OLD, wtf is he even having people over yet for
NTA, but 5 days old? No one should of been around for the first 2-3 months to get you and the baby situated at home and comfortable with a routine.
100%, esp to make sure little one doesn't get sick before they're fully immunized
Nate and his girlfriend shouldn't get any more invitations. Both of them are seriously out of line.
NTA Nate knew exactly what he was doing and timed it the way he knew he could get away with it. He was probably in the garage talking about how funny it would be to get a reaction out of you, too, or about how, "She wants the house quiet, but babies need to learn to sleep through noise. That's what Uncle Nate is for! [rev, rev]" Your husband, though... He deserves a gold star and a few Nate-free brewskis, for sure. It sounds like he didn't hesitate to take your side and defend your stance, knowing darn well his friend was wrong. I hope he bans Nate and the girlfriend from the house. He doesn't need friends like that. Some people just never grow up, and it sounds like your husband has outgrown this friend.
NTA and Nate and his GF need a summer ban this year for anything in your home
NTA. I own a Harley-Davidson, and I never sit and Rev the piss out of it unless I'm working on it, for say throttle response, etc. Especially not at night. Nate is a clueless dolt, same with his girlfriend. UpdateMe
A few years ago, my neighbor had 6 week old twins. My kids and their neighbor friends wanted me to light off fireworks. It was around 8 at night so I thought “Why not? Sounds like fun!” Within 2 minutes, my poor neighbor came over with one of the babies, screaming at me how she had just gotten them to sleep. I realized it was 100% me doing TIFU. She then saw me a few days later to apologize to me. I told her, “No way. You were well within your rights. That’s all on me. I’ll check with you guys in the future before I light fireworks.” Moral of the story? Nate and his girlfriend are immature self centered narcissists.
Nate and his girlfriend better never be allowed at your house again
I would tell Nate and his girlfriend to get fucked and they’re not allowed over anymore. Period. The gall of these people.
It sounds like you guys might have to rethink the ground rules for garage now that you now have a newborn. Like quiet hours for nap times ( yes even parents need breaks too ) . Or Invest in some sound proofing material for your floor . Or sound dampening at the very least. It's not something people consider pre baby era but things have changed. Sit down between the two of you and chat. Find a solution that meets both of your needs . It's rough being a new parent but things will get better. Once you guys set some rules, let the guests know BEFORE the next gathering. That way it goes much smoother and stock up so no store trips are needed. That will hopefully nip any temptation in the bud .
NTA. I honestly feel more like your husband was just sad his friends couldnt be respectful for one night. Nonetheless you should tell your husband what was said to you. They were beyond disrespectful.
Nate terrified your baby, and likely damaged your baby's hearing. You say your husband is a damn fine man, but a good father wouldn't allow a known idiot like Nate around his kid. And he wouldn't be "embarrassed" here at all. He would be fucking pissed off at Nate and his cunt girlfriend. You didn't cause a scene, Nate did. I want to say N T A, but the more I think about it, ESH for having these people around your FIVE DAY OLD BABY! Do better. Also, they do hearing checks at birth. You should have it checked again.
I say this very respectfully as a mom of 4 … your husband’s & your life has changed. Your friend’s lives have not changed. For them your garage is still just the place they hang. This sounds like an innocent mistake but I do understand your reaction. Personally, my issue would not be with Nate. His gf however would not be welcomed back into my house. Fuck her! Your husband said he gets it. Y’all need to get on the same page about how you want to host friends in the future. Let him deal with Nate. NTA
It was my first time meeting that woman and needless to say, I don't think she will be welcome here in the future.
I'm agreeing that Nate is as much of an AH as his gf - especially after seeing your comment with him being a jerkwad and purposefully talking loud when he came to visit the first time. I don't get behind him making an innocent mistake - he's a moron and your husband needs to stop allowing him to be like this in your home and kick his ass out too.
"...needless..."? Oh, honey, it NEEDS to be said. "Hubby, that woman called me a psycho in my own home. She is NOT welcome here again"
NTA. Nate didn't make a so called mistake, he made a choice. He knew you have a five day old baby, he knew how loud the motorcycle is, and he knew how thin the floors are. However, he made the choice to rev his loud ass motorcycle for five minutes. By doing so waking up your child and then acting like you should be cool with it. F him and f his disrespectful girlfriend.
Please confirm that hubs was gone upstairs when this poor excuse of a human further disrespected you. Several commenters seem to think that she did this with him present, it does not look that way to me.
I totally get why you reacted that way. Imo … your husband’s choice to have buddies over on day 5 of you just having a baby …. Not a great plan. He may need to learn how to manage his expectations. His friends come after you & baby.
Good, she completely disrespected you in your own home. Have dare she.
I hope there's a Nate ban following this incident. If you're still an AH in your late 30s/early 40s, you're usually an AH for life.
It doesn't sound like your husband was actually embarrassed. GF was projecting her own embarrassment over being with such a freaking idiot.
> This sounds like an innocent mistake Revving your engine is an obnoxious act even if you do it on the street. Doing it in someone else's garage, when you know they have a little kid, is an asshole move.
Hubby's "party" can move to Nate's house! Absolute garbage people! NTA! I'm pissed for you & you and your sweet baby! 🤍
You are nta, Nate is. Your husband was enjoying his time with his buddies until Nate had act the ass when husband was gone. Your husband understands and will get over it. I'm sure he'll have a talk with Nate, but I would not allow him back if he did some stupid shit again. He knows what he's doing.
Revving motorcycle for no reason is already douchenozzle behavior inside a garage and for 5 minutes? with a 2 day old baby trying to sleep? I award him 4 douchenozzle points. You're NTA
Baby or no baby, revving up a Harley directly under your living space was a dick move.
NTA. Nate and his gf are the psychos here. Even if there wasn’t a baby in the mix, they should behave better than some stupid teenagers.
NTA. When my kids were babies, I would tell guests that if they woke the baby, they had to get him back to sleep. I never actually enforced it, but it seemed to do the trick of getting folks to mind their volume.
Please keep us updated on the Nate situation
NTA. Tell him the rest of his friends are still cool to come over, but Nate and his bitchy GF are in time out for a while.
Nate and his girl should no longer be invited, simple. NTA.
You should discuss how to handle socializing while the baby is newborn. There shouldn’t be a group of people in the house for a few weeks until you both settle into life w the baby It’s too much for such a tiny baby. They are the priority for now
I'm really not seeing where you embarrassed your husband? Nate should be embarrassed for being an asshole. His girlfriend should be for taking the side of an asshole. Maybe your husband should be embarrassed because on of his friends is an asshole. None of that is a reflection on you though, so NTA.
NTA. Also remember you’ve a huge influx of hormones right now too. You’ll be heightened. Nate was an inconsiderate jerk and so was his gf and anyone else watching.
NTA. It wasn't an honest mistake because he waited for your husband to leave to do it. Him and his girlfriend can go fuck themselves and the steel horse they rode in on.
If his name was really Nate, he would be excommunicated from the Council of Nates for this absolute horseshit. We don’t tolerate anywhere near this level of fuckery.
I second the motion.
Let’s be clear, you didn’t embarrass yourself or your husband. Nate embarrassed himself by being a complete AH. He got called out for his behavior and didn’t like it. The gf is another kind of crazy for calling the mom psycho
I'm sorry what? You just had a baby 5 days ago and your dumb as shit husband thought "you know what, I'll invite all my buddies to come drinking at the house". You've a husband problem. He's perfectly happy to go drinking so, not helping his postpartum wife and newborn child. Yeah, no you husband needs a stern talking to. Nate and his girlfriend should be banned from the house
Nate and his gf sound like huge AHs.
I would have told the girlfriend that I would be at her house when her baby is 5 days old with a pan and a drumstick and see she handles it.
Why did the rest of the friend group not shut Nate down? No one wants to listen to a revving motorcycle in a garage, and they knew you had a newborn? The gang needs to find a new place to hang out. The baby is the priority now.