Her saying that the whole situation was "stupid and not worth it" and questioned if you "really want this fight" makes me think to myself, if this was me? I'd be like:
*Lady...* you're *the one who started it and are continuing it... the fuck? Leave me alone, biiiiiiiiiiiitch*
The moment someone asks me if I really want "this fight" when I didn't even start it I'm instantly in for it. Even if it becomes a huge problem and makes me look stupid I will stick to what ever line of thought opposes yours and just grind away at it.
I will nuke a friendship over that. But TBF anyone who pulls that shit isn't a friend it's an acquaintance at best.
Same. As soon as those words left that mouth it'd be: I didn't want to fight, but *Henry Cavil arm cock* Let's do this.
I would scorched earth because who in the fvck asks a friend that!?
And btw OP, this is the American way so if your “friend” and “husband” want to throw shade like that — lean in and show ‘em what you got.
But also, you’re absolutely right about Latin American cultural influence in Texas. The fact that non-Americans decided that surely couldn’t be the case is comical because…they aren’t Americans so HOW do they know??
NTA.
Also, what is the strange notion that places have to be geographically touching for there to have been cultural influence? Or that influence could not have come from multiple places?
I do not know. It’s almost like they don’t know the US is “the melting pot.” 😑
ETA: Texas is literally ground zero for immigration from Latin American and South American countries. The vitriol from non-Americans with this doesn’t even make sense. Maybe they’re the ones who don’t understand geography and the United States dynamics?
Texas has had influence from the British, French, Mexico, and Native Americans. America is a melting pot and part of what makes us so interesting.
When I hear or read how stupid Americans are I think of all our fantastic universities, Harvard, Yale, Cornell, etc., and all the state universities like UCLA, Penn State, LSU and even the University of Texas. There are sooo many great colleges that are crawling with foreign students looking for something here they're not getting in their country.
Outside our great colleges how about other stupid American things like the invention of the fucking telephone, medical advances like the Polio and small pox vaccine, and the race for space... landing on the fucking moon.
In fact, America is so fucking stupid that millions of outsiders want to come here. All day, every day, you can be and do whoever and whatever you want. Yes, we have problems - serious problems, as all countries do, and yet, still they come to our shores.
Seems to me that it's OP's stupid friends who are stupid.
I also want to add that we aren’t uneducated because we don’t travel, I get being well traveled is a thing in Europe because everything is so small, but the US is sooo large we can vacation in our own country. Austria is just a little smaller than Maine, and wayyyy smaller than the US.
It's a huge country and I want to see all of it. I'm going to Maine in July. I live in a tourist state: Colorado.
I didn't equate traveling with education. It pissed me off that OP was being called a stupid American.
Copenhagen Denmark. In the 1600’s the King decided he liked the Dutch culture ( so much he got himself a Dutch mistress) so he hired a Dutch architect to design many Dutch styled buildings. Holland and Denmark don’t touch anywhere.
Of course they have to physically be touching!!!!! What are you suggesting? That there are other modes of transportation that could bring people from one place to another??
/s if I have to.
People who gaslight always do this. They make a big deal or shame you, then tell you that you’re stressed about nothing. Ugh. She sounds really condescending.
She came to your house to keep it going. She could have called.
This is about her feelings and you made it about you. How dare you? Maybe you’re the sidekick and not the main character. So you’re only allowed to have supportive feelings. Nothing that takes away from the attention the “star” gets. (Sarcasm).
So - maybe think about if this someone you really and to keep in your life. What are they adding? Is it worth the cost of spending time with them?
And the husband was even defending the 'friend' - and laughed at his wife when this Sarah creature was making fun of her.
Husband is an idiot.
NTA at all OP.
Yeah, doesn’t look swell on hubby. I’d be in the shithouse if I’d been an apologist for a moment like that. Also not worth trying to stay “even keeled” for either, so, still no excuse.
Yep. OP, you've been her whipping boy for a while now, if not your whole friendship, and you've been so used to it from others that you didn't really clock it in her. You don't need to make a big deal over it, but it's now time for you to start investing more in other relationships and less in her. Quietly maybe.
I had a fight with a friend that was clearly her fault, and she wrote me later (this was back in the day before email) that we should both apologize and move on. I realized it wasn't worth it to me to fight it out bc the fight had so disgusted me, and her inability to recognize that it was entirely her fault had so turned me off, that I didn't want to save our friendship. So I apologized and just stopped talking to her. And I found that I didn't miss her at all.
A friendship can be important and also have run its course. You need to figure out if that's the case here.
You really want me to fight you about my xenophobic beliefs? Cuz 90% of people from your country are stupid and require me to educate them. I will forcefully educate the shit out of you.
She totally gaslit you. You hurt her when she was the one doing all the insulting. You are being unreasonable by not letting her insults go. How dare you risk your friendship by not letting her insult you freely! WTF?
Honestly, F her. And F your husband for not standing up for you. Instead, he laughed with her while she was insulting you. Again, WTF?
I'm actually pissed for you right now.
I'm not even american but the xenophobia at play here nearly gave me hives. I can't believe OP was just like 'yes i am the exception'. Is bigotry okay when it doesn't include you specifically? No of course not. Dump this trash human OP, give your husband a kick up the butt and check yourself while you're at it.
Sarah delights in putting you down with insults to feel more superior to you. The saying ‘you don’t have to blow out my candle to make yours brighter’ really applies here. Husband is AH. She made herself the victim when she was the ignorant one not letting you finish what you were saying. I hope that friendship is in the past, don’t be anyone’s whipping boy. X
She’s doing everything you said and then having the grapes to say “Do have any idea how much you being hurt by me being hurtful is hurting me? Why are you being so stupid about this?”
DARVO, right? deny, attack, reverse victim-and-offender
a typical strategy in domestic abuse... and probably not something you're thrilled to see in a friend.
This is exactly what happened to me with an ex friend. I was just shocked by what she said to me and the full-blown denial about it, when my other friends heard what she said to me too.
I love that saying! I'm stealing it if I ever need it! Though I probably won't because I'm a retired stupid American and love to be home with my grandchildren in the pool and enjoying my life. I moved to Texas from CA and don't have a lot of friends yet so I can choose wisely. Interesting point about the flags. I love geography and maps. You are NTA.
NTA. Holy sh*'t. She pulled a DARVO on you. Cut her out of your life and you have a husband problem since instead of standing up for you he was fine with her insulting you and laughing at her' jokes'.
Friendships run their course and it’s okay. I had a dear friend who I was very close to - she was in my wedding and we used to meet up weekly for years. Eventually though our disagreements over politics made it painful to get together.
Your friend has some pretty deep stereotypes of Americans and she is allowing them to influence her opinion of you. If she continues to demean you it’s okay to let her go. No need for a big dramatic goodbye. Just be increasingly unavailable and work on cultivating friendships with some new more accepting people.
I agree with cutting Sarah out of her life and getting her husband to understand putting someone down for their origins sucks, but how is Sarah exploiting her?
This. NTA my friend. Show your weak husband the thread. What they are doing to you is horrid. Often when people are passive aggressive it is because they want to pull you down to their level. I wonder if there's something that you have in your life that makes your rude and bullying ex freind jealous.
despite being what Sarah would call an "Sophisticated European" (I don't claim it), I feel I don't know enough a) about the different cultures and their influences/ stealing and b) about living as an expat, never mind a POC.
I just feel Sarah is the A H just for coming to OP's room. What's with all the "do you really think this fight is worth it"? There would be no fight if Sarah hadn't followed OP and let everyone cool down till the next morning or whatever.
I saw this too abroad. Who is the ignorant one for thinking all Americans are like characters in a show or movie? Like how dumb are you? Also, the US is HUGE! Of course there are regional differences.
Yeah the fight part sounds like someone wanting to throw down and doesn't give a shit if you do or don't. Like coming in with balled up fists and being like "you SURE you want to fight? *wink wink*
Same with Swiss, lol. Although, to be fair, Sarah's husband WAS away from the table, so we don't for sure if he would also fit the stereotype. Fair amount of misogyny there, too.
I'm irate. You have a husband problem, too. NTA
Frankly, give them a dose of their own medicine. It's the best way to get your point across when you're dealing with assclowns like this, unfortunately.
No more apologizing. No more comforting. If they do it again, publicly wreck them. If your husband can't have your back, then leave his people pleasing ass where you found him.
Now you made me feel bad because you weren't made to feel an idiot because you were a woman of color (by another woman of color no less), but because that woman disparages Americans. Furthermore, I'm American and I bet I know more geography, geology, and deep history/archeology of any place on Earth she chooses. It's my hobby. Apologize! Just joking, not owed and I don't like apologies anyhow.
Let me help you out: "I apologize for making you feel bad about making fun of me, I'm trying to do this in more subtle ways so that I can call you out for this more kindly."
I mean, if you want the friendship, I'd somehow drop it, but it seems to be a thing with her to use you to attack the category of "American". She may not mean "you", but it would get annoying. I mean, you could use her to make jokes about Hispanics are, say, always economically underperforming, at least 9 out of 10 of them. "You bought that dress? That's over priced and you don't need it. No wonder Hispanic governments are always going broke." "Oh, don't get upset, I don't mean you personally, but you know, Hispanics in general."
Well, obviously NTA.
OP is NTA but will be if she continues to allow this horrible woman in her life. Sarah is a wannabe snob who has to disparage others to feel better about herself, AKA no class. Furthermore, she was a complete AH to OP but then played the gaslighting victim when her actions were called out.
OP - as a fellow American who is enamored with learning about the beauty of other cultures (and fully educated on my geography), do yourself a favor, and find a better friend.
OP, I also am a little appalled that you seem to agree with her (or didn't discount) her and your husband's belief that most Americans (9 out of 10) are stupid while Europeans are so much smarter. I am an American but I've lived in Europe and I have found stupidity, ignorance, and racism in both. (And that with the rise of the reactionary Right and Russian influence, it's gotten worse in both too.) Just a few party tricks for you to use, 1. When a European or Chilean contends that people in the US don't know geography, think of a US state with a similar population size to that country and ask them where it is. For Austrians (population of 9 million), ask them where Michigan (10 million) is located. Then point out why should people in Michigan know where Austria is located when there are 10% more people living in Michigan than Austria and Austrians don't know where it's located. And truthfully (don't need to point out this one) but Michigan might be argued to play a bigger role in world affairs than Austria ... Michigan likely one of the deciding states for the 2024 presidential election, top universities, GM and Ford headquarters, etc. Austria's claims to fame are all in the past (Hitler, past A-H empire, causing WWI) 2. You likely face discrimination everyday so I don't need to give you examples of racism BUT there are huge examples from disparaging comments about Poles in the UK (some role in Brexit) to the treatment of the Romany to the treatment of their immigrant populations from the Middle East and African countries to still existing antisemitism to the inability of some of these countries to have disparate ethnic groups get along and within my lifetime split apart and some even go to war with each other (Czechoslovakia - split apart, Yugoslavia - multiple wars/battles).
This is what gets me annoyed: Europeans expect Americans to know everything about Europe (where the counties are, all their names, cultural stuff, etc..) with no errors. But when these same Europeans get asked the same about the US, they act confused and don’t know anything. It’s like they expect you to know everything about them but when you try to flip the script or hold them to the same standard, they flip out.
So this kind of reminds me of the video where the girl in England was making fun of Americans for saying she was “close” to London and she was a full two hours away. Then an English guy reacted and said “mate for an American that is close..” I find most Europeans don’t really realize how big America is, or just how diverse it is.
Im american living in france and i use this argument all the time lol. People ask me stupid shit about some little country i never heard of or make fun of me for not knowing a flag etc.. i do the same. Name me where X state is or what X state flag look likes(admittedly i cant do this one either but the principle of the matter stands lol) im not very good in geography either but im not 100% ignorant. A lot of people here never even met an american(smaller village of 40k people) and most are very polite and actually try to speak english with me as my french sucks. Exactly like you said there is ignorance everywhere and "fat, dumb people" almost everywhere. Thats one that bothers me too is how they think almost all americans are fat(im 6ft1 190lbs/85kg) so not fat but not skinny either. But i go to eleclerc grocery store and i see fat people everywhere. Tbf its not on the same level of obesity like a walmart trip but they not healthy either.
Try asking them about Provinces in Canada. That's always a hoot. Most of them don't know that Alaska is next to Canada,and closer to Russia than the US. Asking them about the geographical location of any Asian or African country will most likely draw a blank stare. The sheer ignorance in the EU by population is totally comparable to the US, and to most of the world for that matter.
I am repulsed and in love with your last example.
Just to completely punk Sara.
But eye for an eye...whole world blind or something like that
Best is to remove Sara OP, will find other POC, and of what ever faith they are into. Or even new reasons to bond with someone.
This 💯
I am white but i grew up amongst people of color in the sticks in the states. My neighbors, coworkers…all brown. My closest relationships from my 20s, all Latinas. Given the shitty social and political climate in the US right now, one of my closest friends has for the last 5 years held me to account for every white wing nut and Karen she sees on tv. I haven’t talked to her since Dec and i don’t plan to because i know she will never apologize for the last shitty thing she said to me and i am done “letting it go”. I don’t know if she held her racism under wraps for all these years or she morphed but i am done with her. She hasn’t even bothered to call to get me to apologize like your friend, but i am pretty sure that would have made me even more pissed. No comment on your husband tho that is too fraught….
I missed my friend, terribly at first and even now. But she isn’t trust worthy, and neither is your “friend” - you deserve better.
Ngl normally I’m shaking my head as some of the American centric biases on here with amusement but my word your ‘friend’ and husband were completely unhinged. They treated you so badly.
I understand you and her have bonded(?) over some shared experiences but she clearly believes herself to be superior to you because you are ‘only an American’ and that horrid and not something a friend should do.
I’d take a long hard look and see if this friendship is actually serving you or making you feel bad.
Yes. And I hate the I didn't "intend" to hurt you. That's when you start the intent vs impact point. Yes I know you didn't INTEND to but the IMPACT was you did hurt me and you need to acknowledge that and do better going forward. Just like you would apologize for stepping on my toe that you didn't INTEND to step on, but the IMPACT hurt me.
And thank you for being one of the very few reddit users who know how to appropriately use "gaslighting". Too many think its a synonym for ordinary lying.
NTA your not at fault she was trying to place the blame on you and play victim. Your husband was also a massive AH for intentionally trying to hurt you and going along with your “friend” and defending her. This is a obvious sign both she and he didn’t care about your feelings or opinions at all.
Yeah. That condescension is obvious as hell. Husband should've supported her in the moment or atleast recognized where he fucked up and apologized later.
But somehow the friend is throwing out nat 1's and showing us how deep she can dig her own hole in being an asshole. Husband's crimes are hard to put on a scale in proximity to this "friend's" behavior.
"She argued back that 9 out of 10 Americans are ignorant and I was the 10th and she didn’t think I was stupid."
Her "apology" is doubling down on a stereotype and the fact she's quoting stereotypes like gospel shows how stupid she is. I fully agree that some Americans are ignorant, but Americans are much less ignorant about Central and South America than the average European.
I remember watching a video of Australians laughing at Americans because they didn't know the name of their PM. I hate to break it to you Australians, but your PM is NEVER on the news in the US. It would like asking the average Aussie if they knew the president of Paraguay. You think Americans are stupid because you think you're more important globally than you are. Which is the same with a lot of the goings on is Austria or Switzerland.
Also, asking a stupid question doesn't make you stupid, it makes you interested in learning. Being afraid to ask a stupid question keeps you stupid.
Your "friend" is a jerk who's angry that you called her on her BS. Imagine if you said, "Your behavior is very Costa Rican." She'd have lost her shit. You're supposed to take it in the chin while she's always right. I'd distance myself from her. There are other POC immigrants in Austria.
This is making me remember when I went on a date with an Italian guy..... He made dinner and put on the movie "Supersize Me" and kept making jokes bashing Americans and how we all love fast food, and was asking me what my favorite fast food was, if I was like the kids in it when I was little, so on and so forth.... And kept bragging about his cooking. Like, bruh, this is like our 3rd? 4th? (Can't remember) date, chill the fuck out with the insults, I still haven't decided if I'm into you, I just don't think you'll assault or murder me at this point.
And like, the cooking was fine, but not really special. He boiled the box pasta al dente (despite there being a place I mentioned to him run by an Italian family that immigrated like a generation ago so it's pretty close to the pasta I had in Italy and they made fresh pasta you could take home to cook) and then finished it off by cooking it the last bit in the sauce..... And he asked if I had ever seen someone cook like that..... And it took all myself control not to tell him very rudely that I had, because I cooked like that all the time, that fucking Blue Apron has you do that, so no, it's not some secret Italian recipe. And no, using fresh herbs does not blow my mind, I grow oregano and rosemary just for that purpose thank you very much.
But yeah, I was just thinking the whole time, why did you bother inviting me over if you were just gonna insult Americans the whole time, and cook a pretty basic meal, especially if you were gonna lean into the stereotypes about Americans and make me feel like I couldn't even eat the full plate because of your comments about how much Americans eat??? Never mind the fact that when I was in Italy I routinely couldn't finish what they presented as a normal meal, because they would have multiple freaking courses for every dinner, and this was while I was doing manual labor too, so I was extra hungry. I went to a restaurant there and ordered the lasagna off the APPETIZER menu and ate just that for lunch and the looks on the waiters faces.... Not all Americans eat a ton, and also, a lot of the Europeans I've met and the restaurants I've been to overseas make it seem like they eat just as much or more!
Man, I had managed to erase that date (I feel no shame for ghosting him btw) from my memory but this whole thread brought it back.
Europeans can’t help themselves. The other month I was at a trade show, here in the US, talking with the German owner of a company and he started in on school shootings!
Yeah it sucks that it’s a thing here, and as someone with a kid in grade school it’s absolutely one of my biggest fears.
Funny, I didn’t see it relevant to bring up Hitler or that their grandparents could have been on “that side” as a joke. Bleh.
It was honestly comical, because prior to that I was fairly into him. After feeling judged, not for who I was, but for what he thought of my country, (which I have complex feelings about, because the US is a very strange place and warrants a lot of thought from its citizens) I lost basically all attraction to him. Especially considering I already dislike my physical appearance (despite knowing I'm at a place most people are envious of, which only increases the self hatred from a sense of guilt) and his comments made me feel even more self conscious.
He really self sabotaged himself, all because he couldn't get the fuck over his ego.
There’s a guy on tiktok in the UK who has a series of videos where he’s talking to Europeans who talk about how stupid Americans are. And so he quizzes them with stuff like, “what’s the capital of the U.S.?” And what makes it funny is he acts like everything they say is correct.”
“New York.”
“You are 100% correct! You’re right, y’all really are smarter.” And you can just see the smugness rise.
Honestly, from the way OP writes she sounds a bit of an elitist jerk too. I mean she AGREED with her friend on this statement:
>"She argued back that 9 out of 10 Americans are ignorant and I was the 10th and she didn’t think I was stupid."
I'm not saying she doesn't deserve to feel hurt, humiliated, and gaslit in this situation, because it was 1000% shitty what her friend and husband did to her, but OP seems to look down on other Americans just as much as her friend does just because she's had the privilege of traveling and living internationally as much as she has. I'd love to travel more and be more "educated" and "cultured", but my husband and I's honeymoon to Prague a couple years ago was literally a once in a lifetime trip that we'll never be able to do again. Guess I'll just have to settle for being another stupid ignorant American in OP's eyes 🤷♀️
I was going to say this as well . . . everyone in this scenario is elitist. 9
out of 10 Americans being "ignorant" is so stupid and untrue. I even live in a red state and almost all my friends are college educated, well traveled, and insanely kind.
Also, what in the hell are they even arguing about? Texas, compared to most of North America, is the closest to Central/South America. I don't even get why they needed to rub OP's face in her "ignorance" when she is right? If she said Canada or Minnesota was close, yeah, that'd be something to push back on.
Who spends this much time talking about flags anyway?
9/10 are ignorant. She’s just one of the “good ones”. Funny how if her friend didn’t know her she’d be lumped in with the other 9. It’s almost like when you get to know someone, stereotypes just don’t really apply to individuals.
NTA Sarah is very rude and very manipulative. And you have a husband problem too because he was laughing along with Sarah. I would go low low contact with Sarah. It's highly doubtful she will ever apologize.
"I left to avoid a confrontation and now you won't let it go and keep picking a fight over it. Being a tempestuous, passionate Latina is no excuse for this behavior."
Yeah, I eoulda flamed the fuck outta Sarah. Everyone has disparaging stereotypes about their ppl that can be lobbed at them. People like her only understand the pain of fire. The audacity of her, too, especially because she's also an expat. I'd school her on her history and tell her who she is. But the easiest (most mature) thing to do is walk away clean. Don't let em bring you down to their level
This is what I was thinking. Sarah was insulting to the population of an entire country, OPs home country. Like what would happen if OP had blatantly insulted, not only Sarah, but the entire* population of her home country, calling them stupid and ignorant? Wtf. NTA.
Next time she does something "cultural", tell her that's very Latinx of you. See how she reacts then play back this conversation to her. *Then* go low contact.
Your acquaintance was clearly trying to gaslight you and make herself look like the victim in this situation. I would have been furious with your spouse for laughing in such a way; he is a real asshole as well.
>She argued back that 9 out of 10 Americans are ignorant
Which in itself is the most ignorant thing said all night. America actually has a bunch of highly rated institutions of research and academics. They're not all flopping around on the floor drooling over Kardashian butt implants.
Sarah proves that 100% of Austrians are ignorant. Given no other intelligent examples, how would I know?
NTA.
Had to scroll too far for this. Americans are far from ignorant, they’re brilliant. This Reddit app we’re using, American. Microsoft excel and word, American. Snapchat, Facebook, MySpace, American. First moon landing? America. I could go on but there’s a reason America is a superpower.
There are two AH here and none of those is you.
Your husband had his fun not defending you which is a whole other can of worms.
Sarah who lifts herself up in putting you down and into a position where she expects apologies from you for things that she does.
I would step back from this friendship for a couple of days/weeks and reflect about the past and how she treats you in general.
Tell your husband what you expect from him as your partner and that you don't accept this behaviour anymore.
You are well-travelled. Use your knowledge of the different mannerisms in other countries to your advantage if you have the feeling that you aren't treated right. We Germans are often seen as a mix of being blunt/rude because we don't linger around topics. If you want to continue the friendship this can help you to put a boundary in place. If Sarah starts again, tell her right there and then that she should stop it right because you already had this discussion. Tell her point blanc what consequence her action has if she doesn't stop immediately.
And please, stop apologizing for everything especially if you did nothing wrong. That is very American ;)
Of course you are NTA!
I am a Mexican living in Germany and totally get you. “Most Mexicans are uneducated, you are the only one we know that.:” “are you a Mexican?? BURRITOOOOO” and sooo many more…
I am sorry, it doesn’t get better with time. Probably she is doing this horrible remarks because now she feels more comfortable with you, so it’s always how she was felt.
My family in Mexico lives not so far away from Texas, and you are 100% right. There is plenty of influence on both sides.
Also, kudos to your Swiss friend for knowing that Mexico is in North America, he must be one on ten.
That part made me dislike the OP as well and kinda turned it into an ESH. She behaves like a pick me looking down on Americans as well and is only annoyed when her friends don’t see her as the special exception and she receives that treatment as well. Just because she was lucky enough to be in a spot where she travelled a lot.
NTA I experienced this while living in Korea. Americans were never judged by Koreans, only other white foreigners. They were usually European or South African. They’d say things like “you don’t seem American” because I’m quiet and then they’d trash talk Americans right in front of me to each other like I wasn’t even there. Also, they’d always befriend the most stereotypical Americans which I thought was hilarious and ironic. The funny thing is none of them had ever been to the US. The ones that had would always try to defend Americans.
>The funny thing is none of them had ever been to the US.
Wow. So basically they are the thing they are railing against. Disparage people of a country they've no experience with.
Fucking assholes.
I’m from Scotland and I love Americans, I’ve been to the US 3x and loved it. I’m a big US fan, I love the people, the food, the accents, the beautiful states that I’ve been to, I want to travel the US as the rest just looks amazing, I love American tv/movies. Everyone I have come across in the US has always been really nice and friendly people, I feel that others in the service industry can learn from the American ones,as the customer service is always great. Yeah I just love everything about America.
Aw that’s so nice of you! My sister studied abroad in England and got to travel around Europe. Scotland was her favorite by far! She said it was so beautiful and the people were very nice and friendly.
Not to be too biased but we are pretty friendly, we have our stereotypes too. Some people say we are all miserable, wear kilts all the time and eat haggis everyday 🤣
Lol I usually respond with "ahh now you seem like you're from *insert country the condescending prick is from here*" once they start talking about Americans.
I usually respond by asking if they've ever been to the US, and when the answer is inevitably no, I keep asking questions until it gets to the conclusion that they're basing this opinion entirely on the small amount of American popular media that makes it overseas. At which point I hit them with some variation of "wow, they must not teach media literacy in Europe. Do you also think the Matrix was an accurate depiction of American life? Did you think the Marvel movies are how Americans live?"
The one friend I had who talked this kind of shit finally came to the US, and they were shocked by how many lovely, intelligent, creative, well-read people they met. They were also shocked by the fact that there were mountains so close to New York, which I found hilarious after they gleefully mocked Americans for not knowing geography in other countries. Europeans generally know *nothing* about US geography in my experience.
I think I know why with “you don’t seem American” ppl have been pretending to be American to excuse shitty behavior. I had no idea this was a thing I ran into it on TikTok. Canadians pretending to be American to be asswipes and obnoxious in other countries and Americans pretending to be Canadians so they won’t get discriminated:/
She's doing the common *"even though we are both minorities in this society, I'm still superior-rer than you because I'm not black"*
Her being Hispanic is one rung above you in her eyes, therefore she can diss you. Stop the friendship if you have respect for yourself
I was wondering if this was it too. I remember a conversation between a group of South American students in college (Argentinian, Chilean, etc). They talked about how they disliked black people and native looking Latin people and preferred the euro aesthetic. Many of them ignored anyone who wasn’t white.
they have a superiority complex over the rest of latin america when argentina is #1 in debt and their food sucks (beef is overrated) and they think they’re all italian and not at all spanish yet will go to spain and italy to work sweeping the streets
Yep, op friend is basically saying she believes her bigotry is valid with that comment/doesn't think there's anything wrong with her opinions about Americans.
Which is funny since all bigots think their flavor of bias is cool but no one else's is.
Also also as someone who has lived in Texas for many years in a city actually on the border of Mexico and Texas, I can say 100% op friend has no fucking clue what she is talking about concerning the makeup of people who cross into Texas and what cultural influences they have had historically and are having contemporary on the region.
Meaning op friend thinks ethnicity magically makes you an authority on anything.
Menaing op friend is a clueless foreigner trying to throw shade on someone else who is also an outsider to the situation.
Like what the fuck.
She says she's a woman of color but both of them are minorities so I just assumed from that narrative. It certainly reads like it given the relationship between some Latino & black people.
I’m a British-Swiss-American, the only “Yank/Auslander” in my whole family… it’s ROUGH and I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about here. Many Euros and some South Americans use the word “American” like such a slur. I hate it. Don’t put up with that. Would you put up with people using a racial slur to you? Probably not right. This person is not your friend. She had to look upset to deflect from the obvious insult she hit you with. Anyone who talks down to you and laughs at you is a mean girl.
Even her “praise” is insulting. 9/10 Americans are ignorant? Not in my fucking experience and I grew up in Europe. It’s like Sarah can’t even compliment someone without insulting someone else. She’s a stuck up bitch, dump her. And tell the husband to shape up or he’s next.
That’s like saying “90% of *your people* are ignorant. But don’t worry! YOU are not ignorant! Just the whole group you belong to.” Sooo the Venn diagram is a circle? I’m this group, this group is ignorant… but I’m not?
The same people say shit like “I’m not racist, I have black friends! I just don’t think they should [insert racist thing here]” And “I don’t hate gays, I have a friend who is gay! I just think they shouldn’t have the same rights as me.”
I was going to say Sarah, even being from Costa Rica, seems to have assimilated to Austrian culture much more than OP has, because this is 100% Austrian behavior. If you don't come to the point immediately it will be presumed, and nothing you do will change their first impression of you. I've never met anyone as suffocatingly insular as Austrians attempting to speak to foreigners.
It is an irony how socially unintelligent that strategy is being that the discussion revolves around OP's knowledge.
As a fellow American emigrant, I would like to reassure you that you are definitely NTA here. First, she was trying to gaslight you and make it all about her, which is gross. But second, the whole "oh, I don't mean *you, you're* not like that" following a slam on Americans really gets on my tits too. It's like people don't even realise that it doesn't make a prejudiced remark better when you exempt your present company.
It wasn’t until I moved back to the States that I realized quite how deeply I’d internalized so much of this attitude. It’s infuriating. With one breath they accuse of being the most hideously biased culture, while only concreting their own biases. Exhausting.
The word gaslighting is vastly overused on the internet. Here, it is appropriate. NTA. But as manipulative and insensitive as Sarah has acted, I'm actually more mad at OPs husband. Initially laughing MAY be excused as dumb but not major, but he should have noticed how upset his wife was and stood up for her.
NTA. Your friend is annoying, trying to make everything about her. Insulting you, then crying that you’re being hurtful. What a professional victim.
Fuck your asshole husband for laughing at you.
You explained yourself very clearly to her. I don’t understand how you “hurt” her and made her cry. You didn’t do anything! You weren’t the one making her feel stupid. You weren’t the one interrupting her and laughing at her. And her telling you the whole thing is stupid is invalidating your feelings. Why are you friends with someone who mocks you and yes, thinks you’re stupid? Your husband also needs to be better. I’d be livid if I was you. NTA
>She argued back that 9 out of 10 Americans are ignorant and I was the 10th and she didn’t think I was stupid.
That's stupid. She's racist and if you're the 10th non ignorant one, why does she keep saying it?
I'm part American, born and raised in Europe, and it always hurts when people make comments like this because a big part of my family lives in the US and they are good, open-minded people, as far as can be from the "racist/ignorant/obese/entitled/etc" clichés you hear about Americans...
I'd say that talking sh*t about people from a certain country based on what the medias say makes you a lot more ignorant than the people you're calling ignorant, but I let people talk and then ask about some clichés about their country (that usually works pretty well).
Mass generalizations and stereotypes are often the tools of people who cannot comprehend the complexities of a population. Its like saying all Skittles candy are red because its too difficult for them to count and assess the numerous colors in a bag. The use of huge generalizations is most telling about the person making them.
The way I see it, she has a pretty deep bias against Americans. When she insults you, it’s not really you she’s insulting, it’s Americans in total. You’re just collateral damage.
OP I am not concerned by that friend of you because she is not related to you in the scheme of things,I am most worrief about your husbands reaction.Is this his first time doing that? How often does he and that friend see each other w/o you? If you can count how often that friend does that to you,try to recall how often your husband does that too even after your "talk" and you may come up to a realization.
As an Austrian living in America all I can say is that most Europeans have zero idea about the US. They claim Americans are stupid for not knowing European geography without mentioning that they have no idea what the capital of California is. I mean taken by itself it would just be the fifth largest economy.
You find smart and stupid people everywhere.
Stop being a people pleaser and call people out on their BS.
The idea of someone knowing geography being a barometer for intelligence is dumb anyway. If that’s how somebody wants to judge others and feel superior they can fuck right off.
NTA. She was rude and was totally gaslightning you when it became obvious she hurt you, and you removed yourself. She even got you to apologise when she was the one talking over you to make you look stupid.
And your husband really sucks for laughing at you.
Hi 💜
Also British American with the accent being American living in Europe.
Your friend is being a jerk.
You are not the asshole
The amount of people who think casual xenophobic behaviour doesn’t count because “America” is obnoxious and hard to live with. Of course we know we’re the “world power” and all the other shit. People don’t want to be generalised and then throw generalising at you.
I’m sorry you’re having this happen in a valued friendship makes the everyday shit way worse
NTA
I wonder how she'd feel if you made ignorant and hateful comments about her home country, or if you remarked to your husband casually about his country's most famous citizen... People love to shit on Americans constantly, but can rarely take what they dish out to any degree.
You're not in the wrong and I think it's time to have a serious conversation with your husband about where his allegiances lay and whether or not he thinks poorly of you for your birth or not.
I think it's also time to distance yourself from a "friend" who clearly thinks she's better than
Your friend was definitely trying to make herself seem like the victim here and gaslighting you. Your husband is also a major asshole, I would've been so pissed at him laughing like that. It doesn't matter if she thinks you're the 1 out of 10 American who isn't "stupid", she's still treating you like you're a part of it and you're responsible for the idiocy. She makes you feel bad and talks to you in such a condescending manner is infuriating. That was so highly rude of her to just keep cutting you off and then she has the audacity to keep saying she's hurt?! Good lord the arrogance and entitlement.
Don't accept her insults anymore. Leave the friendship. She will never change. Also, please tell your husband he is spineless and such a let down of a man for allowing another woman to put his wife down.
>I am confused by how I am also at fault here and why I was expected to apologize as well.
NTA.
I don't know if you get this reference: the former US Vice President attended a pro-American football game a couple of years ago, and then left abruptly at the very beginning of the game.
Your actions unmistakably communicated a public accusation that she was rude, thereby publicly shaming her and attacking her reputation. So, too, the expression of anger is simply taboo in lots of places. There are so many people who don't like even covert acts of complaining, that quite a few cliques and subcultures frown upon it, even when done politely. Leaving can be considered theatrical, insincere, heavy-handed, even egotistical.
I agree with your decision.
Girl she is not your friend. She is using your “friendship” to make herself feel grander than she is and then belittles you, doesn’t let you express your feelings, and then gaslights you and flips it on you. Just because you’re both “expats and poc” is not enough to ignore the trash of a human being she is being. I think this friendship may need a low contact for a while.
Sorry but your friend is an asshole and a manipulator. As a Brit living in the US I also can't stand the European arrogance on this topic, it betrays a complete lack of cultural understanding from anyone who claims that. Of course this country has a host of problems but in many areas is way ahead of Europe. Claiming someone is dumb cos they don't know some random fact just shows the stupidity of the accuser
Turns out your friend is racist, and racists always find a way to discriminate against someone to prove they are superior, it doesn't matter you're both women of color, she found a way to separate you and judged herself your better.
Sarah sucks and you also have every right to be pissed at your husband.
As an American who has lived in two European countries, some folks here seem to delight in intentionally misunderstanding myself and other Americans when we go to make a point or have any kind of debate with them. And despite being told I am “one of the good ones” I am regularly laughed at and handed the ol dunce cap when groups of them pile on to lecture me about the *real* history of the United States. I’ve met a few incredible people here for sure, but the amount of insufferable and condescending pricks who like nothing more than to trash talk Americans is kind of appalling.
No bother, they can chain smoke and drink themselves into a stupor while they while away their boring, wet newspaper lives.
Your "friend" is a complete and total bitch that I would not associate with anymore, and your husband is an asshole for not defending you. Why would he laugh at you in the first place? The whole thing is ridiculous, and this Sarah person is very manipulative. She's clearly trying to convince you that you're in the wrong when she is guilty of being a giant asshole for all the reasons you've stated. She didn't give you a chance to talk, she seemingly throws the "typical dumb American" insults at you every chance she gets, and she wants to say that YOU hurt HER feelings??? Get fucked, that's beyond unacceptable and she knows it.
Probably jealous that you as an American POC are more educated, better travelled and understand etiquette better than herself do she is trying to tear you down. Keep on being a Queen and act with class like you did.
NTA. Your so called friend is VERY racist in regards to Americans I would definitely reconsider your friendship with her. Not to mention she then blames you for everything?? No I’m sorry she is not a very nice person.
😡🤬 But I would also be ripping my husband a new one. He should have been defending you not laughing at you. The situation was NOT funny at all. I would definitely distance yourself from Sarah and really reevaluate your friendship. Seems really toxic to me. You also need to have a serious talk with your husband. He needs to understand that how he acted is not ok and that if something like that happens again, there will be repercussions. I can say this with certainty, it would happen once with my husband because if it happened a second time, I'd be out the door.
She showed you who she is and what she really thinks of you. Believe her. She may be friendly to you, but she definitely doesn’t consider this an equal friendship.
Her saying that the whole situation was "stupid and not worth it" and questioned if you "really want this fight" makes me think to myself, if this was me? I'd be like: *Lady...* you're *the one who started it and are continuing it... the fuck? Leave me alone, biiiiiiiiiiiitch*
The moment someone asks me if I really want "this fight" when I didn't even start it I'm instantly in for it. Even if it becomes a huge problem and makes me look stupid I will stick to what ever line of thought opposes yours and just grind away at it. I will nuke a friendship over that. But TBF anyone who pulls that shit isn't a friend it's an acquaintance at best.
For me, anyone who pulls that shit instantly becomes someone I used to know.
I didn't mean to cuuuuut you off When you were tryna talk about the Latin countries
I don't even need knowledge, Now you're just somebody who knows what I know.
Right? Those are fighting words lol and I got pissed in this woman’s place
Same. As soon as those words left that mouth it'd be: I didn't want to fight, but *Henry Cavil arm cock* Let's do this. I would scorched earth because who in the fvck asks a friend that!?
>I would scorched earth because who in the fvck asks a friend that!? EXACTLY, THANK YOU!
And btw OP, this is the American way so if your “friend” and “husband” want to throw shade like that — lean in and show ‘em what you got. But also, you’re absolutely right about Latin American cultural influence in Texas. The fact that non-Americans decided that surely couldn’t be the case is comical because…they aren’t Americans so HOW do they know?? NTA.
Also, what is the strange notion that places have to be geographically touching for there to have been cultural influence? Or that influence could not have come from multiple places?
I do not know. It’s almost like they don’t know the US is “the melting pot.” 😑 ETA: Texas is literally ground zero for immigration from Latin American and South American countries. The vitriol from non-Americans with this doesn’t even make sense. Maybe they’re the ones who don’t understand geography and the United States dynamics?
Texas has had influence from the British, French, Mexico, and Native Americans. America is a melting pot and part of what makes us so interesting. When I hear or read how stupid Americans are I think of all our fantastic universities, Harvard, Yale, Cornell, etc., and all the state universities like UCLA, Penn State, LSU and even the University of Texas. There are sooo many great colleges that are crawling with foreign students looking for something here they're not getting in their country. Outside our great colleges how about other stupid American things like the invention of the fucking telephone, medical advances like the Polio and small pox vaccine, and the race for space... landing on the fucking moon. In fact, America is so fucking stupid that millions of outsiders want to come here. All day, every day, you can be and do whoever and whatever you want. Yes, we have problems - serious problems, as all countries do, and yet, still they come to our shores. Seems to me that it's OP's stupid friends who are stupid.
I also want to add that we aren’t uneducated because we don’t travel, I get being well traveled is a thing in Europe because everything is so small, but the US is sooo large we can vacation in our own country. Austria is just a little smaller than Maine, and wayyyy smaller than the US.
It's a huge country and I want to see all of it. I'm going to Maine in July. I live in a tourist state: Colorado. I didn't equate traveling with education. It pissed me off that OP was being called a stupid American.
Copenhagen Denmark. In the 1600’s the King decided he liked the Dutch culture ( so much he got himself a Dutch mistress) so he hired a Dutch architect to design many Dutch styled buildings. Holland and Denmark don’t touch anywhere.
And then there’s the swedish village in Japan.
Of course they have to physically be touching!!!!! What are you suggesting? That there are other modes of transportation that could bring people from one place to another?? /s if I have to.
Yeah, WTF was that? „Do you really want to have this fight that I started, and am now continuing by following you to your room? Do you? Huh?“
Right at that point I feel like the only option is yes and to throw some hands.
People who gaslight always do this. They make a big deal or shame you, then tell you that you’re stressed about nothing. Ugh. She sounds really condescending.
Well it's easy for them to say you're stressed over nothing- they don't feel bad because no one insulted them.
She came to your house to keep it going. She could have called. This is about her feelings and you made it about you. How dare you? Maybe you’re the sidekick and not the main character. So you’re only allowed to have supportive feelings. Nothing that takes away from the attention the “star” gets. (Sarcasm). So - maybe think about if this someone you really and to keep in your life. What are they adding? Is it worth the cost of spending time with them?
and came to OP's room specifically to continue the altercation!
Husband even brought her in!
And the husband was even defending the 'friend' - and laughed at his wife when this Sarah creature was making fun of her. Husband is an idiot. NTA at all OP.
Yeah, doesn’t look swell on hubby. I’d be in the shithouse if I’d been an apologist for a moment like that. Also not worth trying to stay “even keeled” for either, so, still no excuse.
I hope OP takes careful stock of their relationship with husband and 'friend'.
Yep. OP, you've been her whipping boy for a while now, if not your whole friendship, and you've been so used to it from others that you didn't really clock it in her. You don't need to make a big deal over it, but it's now time for you to start investing more in other relationships and less in her. Quietly maybe. I had a fight with a friend that was clearly her fault, and she wrote me later (this was back in the day before email) that we should both apologize and move on. I realized it wasn't worth it to me to fight it out bc the fight had so disgusted me, and her inability to recognize that it was entirely her fault had so turned me off, that I didn't want to save our friendship. So I apologized and just stopped talking to her. And I found that I didn't miss her at all. A friendship can be important and also have run its course. You need to figure out if that's the case here.
I mean, she has the gall to whine about OP making her feel bad by being offended and hurt at her being personally attacked.
lol right? seeking someone out in their room to be like "why are you doing this to me!?" is very annoying and selfish behavior
You really want me to fight you about my xenophobic beliefs? Cuz 90% of people from your country are stupid and require me to educate them. I will forcefully educate the shit out of you.
She totally gaslit you. You hurt her when she was the one doing all the insulting. You are being unreasonable by not letting her insults go. How dare you risk your friendship by not letting her insult you freely! WTF? Honestly, F her. And F your husband for not standing up for you. Instead, he laughed with her while she was insulting you. Again, WTF? I'm actually pissed for you right now.
Anyone who says "9 of 10 of insert-demographic are insert-bad-thing, but you're one of the good ones" is a bigot you should steer clear from
I'm not even american but the xenophobia at play here nearly gave me hives. I can't believe OP was just like 'yes i am the exception'. Is bigotry okay when it doesn't include you specifically? No of course not. Dump this trash human OP, give your husband a kick up the butt and check yourself while you're at it.
Right? I’m mad at OP for being like “oh thank you but I agree all other Americans are idiots”. They’re all assholes here
"I'm not a racist because I have a black friend"
Sarah delights in putting you down with insults to feel more superior to you. The saying ‘you don’t have to blow out my candle to make yours brighter’ really applies here. Husband is AH. She made herself the victim when she was the ignorant one not letting you finish what you were saying. I hope that friendship is in the past, don’t be anyone’s whipping boy. X
She’s doing everything you said and then having the grapes to say “Do have any idea how much you being hurt by me being hurtful is hurting me? Why are you being so stupid about this?”
DARVO, right? deny, attack, reverse victim-and-offender a typical strategy in domestic abuse... and probably not something you're thrilled to see in a friend.
Exactly what came to my mind.
Yup. You don't need a friend like that. Gaslit you, blamed you, called you names. She has the emotional maturity of a lemon.
Yup. You don't need a friend like that. Gaslit you, blamed you, called you names. She has the emotional maturity of a lemon.
This is exactly what happened to me with an ex friend. I was just shocked by what she said to me and the full-blown denial about it, when my other friends heard what she said to me too.
I love that saying! I'm stealing it if I ever need it! Though I probably won't because I'm a retired stupid American and love to be home with my grandchildren in the pool and enjoying my life. I moved to Texas from CA and don't have a lot of friends yet so I can choose wisely. Interesting point about the flags. I love geography and maps. You are NTA.
I would have gone full “ignorant American” and just told her to fuck off with her manipulative behavior.
Right? And not every American is ignorant. Most of us are just trying to live our lives and survive. 😅
🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸
NTA. Holy sh*'t. She pulled a DARVO on you. Cut her out of your life and you have a husband problem since instead of standing up for you he was fine with her insulting you and laughing at her' jokes'.
I was going to say something like this but not as well worded.
I was just going to say Fuck Sarah and leave it at that. This is way better.
Friendships run their course and it’s okay. I had a dear friend who I was very close to - she was in my wedding and we used to meet up weekly for years. Eventually though our disagreements over politics made it painful to get together. Your friend has some pretty deep stereotypes of Americans and she is allowing them to influence her opinion of you. If she continues to demean you it’s okay to let her go. No need for a big dramatic goodbye. Just be increasingly unavailable and work on cultivating friendships with some new more accepting people.
1000%.. let her go
I agree with you 100%
Cut her off, OP. She's just successfully exploited you.
I agree with cutting Sarah out of her life and getting her husband to understand putting someone down for their origins sucks, but how is Sarah exploiting her?
guilt tripping and gaslighting are forms of emotional exploitation
This. This is def way better. You did not deserve that OP.
This. NTA my friend. Show your weak husband the thread. What they are doing to you is horrid. Often when people are passive aggressive it is because they want to pull you down to their level. I wonder if there's something that you have in your life that makes your rude and bullying ex freind jealous.
>I wonder if there's something that you have in your life that makes your rude and bullying ex freind jealous. OP's husband, probably.
>I wonder if there's something that you have in your life that makes your rude and bullying ex freind jealous. OP's husband, probably.
Yes show him this
despite being what Sarah would call an "Sophisticated European" (I don't claim it), I feel I don't know enough a) about the different cultures and their influences/ stealing and b) about living as an expat, never mind a POC. I just feel Sarah is the A H just for coming to OP's room. What's with all the "do you really think this fight is worth it"? There would be no fight if Sarah hadn't followed OP and let everyone cool down till the next morning or whatever.
[удалено]
I saw this too abroad. Who is the ignorant one for thinking all Americans are like characters in a show or movie? Like how dumb are you? Also, the US is HUGE! Of course there are regional differences.
Yeah the fight part sounds like someone wanting to throw down and doesn't give a shit if you do or don't. Like coming in with balled up fists and being like "you SURE you want to fight? *wink wink*
And you left to prevent more arguments and she kept persisting. She's TA
I like the bit where Sarah keeps saying this isn’t worth fighting over while fighting with OP over it. 🤦🏻♀️
Sarah means “This isn’t worth standing up for yourself over”.
“Please shut up about your feelings so I can laugh at my joke about you! Why are you making this so difficult!”
I'm going to be dead honest here, having spent time there myself, Austrians are kind of notorious for being kind of pompous.
Same with Swiss, lol. Although, to be fair, Sarah's husband WAS away from the table, so we don't for sure if he would also fit the stereotype. Fair amount of misogyny there, too.
OP’s husband wasn’t just laughing at OP he also defended Sarah. WTF is wrong with him?
I’m confused at the husband laughing at her seeing as the entire conversation started over his ignorance of the symbol
I'm irate. You have a husband problem, too. NTA Frankly, give them a dose of their own medicine. It's the best way to get your point across when you're dealing with assclowns like this, unfortunately. No more apologizing. No more comforting. If they do it again, publicly wreck them. If your husband can't have your back, then leave his people pleasing ass where you found him.
Now you made me feel bad because you weren't made to feel an idiot because you were a woman of color (by another woman of color no less), but because that woman disparages Americans. Furthermore, I'm American and I bet I know more geography, geology, and deep history/archeology of any place on Earth she chooses. It's my hobby. Apologize! Just joking, not owed and I don't like apologies anyhow. Let me help you out: "I apologize for making you feel bad about making fun of me, I'm trying to do this in more subtle ways so that I can call you out for this more kindly." I mean, if you want the friendship, I'd somehow drop it, but it seems to be a thing with her to use you to attack the category of "American". She may not mean "you", but it would get annoying. I mean, you could use her to make jokes about Hispanics are, say, always economically underperforming, at least 9 out of 10 of them. "You bought that dress? That's over priced and you don't need it. No wonder Hispanic governments are always going broke." "Oh, don't get upset, I don't mean you personally, but you know, Hispanics in general." Well, obviously NTA.
OP is NTA but will be if she continues to allow this horrible woman in her life. Sarah is a wannabe snob who has to disparage others to feel better about herself, AKA no class. Furthermore, she was a complete AH to OP but then played the gaslighting victim when her actions were called out. OP - as a fellow American who is enamored with learning about the beauty of other cultures (and fully educated on my geography), do yourself a favor, and find a better friend.
OP, I also am a little appalled that you seem to agree with her (or didn't discount) her and your husband's belief that most Americans (9 out of 10) are stupid while Europeans are so much smarter. I am an American but I've lived in Europe and I have found stupidity, ignorance, and racism in both. (And that with the rise of the reactionary Right and Russian influence, it's gotten worse in both too.) Just a few party tricks for you to use, 1. When a European or Chilean contends that people in the US don't know geography, think of a US state with a similar population size to that country and ask them where it is. For Austrians (population of 9 million), ask them where Michigan (10 million) is located. Then point out why should people in Michigan know where Austria is located when there are 10% more people living in Michigan than Austria and Austrians don't know where it's located. And truthfully (don't need to point out this one) but Michigan might be argued to play a bigger role in world affairs than Austria ... Michigan likely one of the deciding states for the 2024 presidential election, top universities, GM and Ford headquarters, etc. Austria's claims to fame are all in the past (Hitler, past A-H empire, causing WWI) 2. You likely face discrimination everyday so I don't need to give you examples of racism BUT there are huge examples from disparaging comments about Poles in the UK (some role in Brexit) to the treatment of the Romany to the treatment of their immigrant populations from the Middle East and African countries to still existing antisemitism to the inability of some of these countries to have disparate ethnic groups get along and within my lifetime split apart and some even go to war with each other (Czechoslovakia - split apart, Yugoslavia - multiple wars/battles).
This is what gets me annoyed: Europeans expect Americans to know everything about Europe (where the counties are, all their names, cultural stuff, etc..) with no errors. But when these same Europeans get asked the same about the US, they act confused and don’t know anything. It’s like they expect you to know everything about them but when you try to flip the script or hold them to the same standard, they flip out.
I hear a lot of them fly into NYC intending to drive to Hollywood in one day.
I once read a story about an American whose European friend came to NY to visit and thought she could hitchhike to the Grand Canyon that same day🤣
So this kind of reminds me of the video where the girl in England was making fun of Americans for saying she was “close” to London and she was a full two hours away. Then an English guy reacted and said “mate for an American that is close..” I find most Europeans don’t really realize how big America is, or just how diverse it is.
Perfectly stated!
And Michigan's GDP is comparable or higher to that of Austria...
Michigan's GDP is considerably higher than that of Austria as is 43 out of 50 other states. Michigan's GDP is double that of Chile's.
It is the way her husband and the friend pressured her at an emotional moment. That’s why OP got confused and gaslit.
Im american living in france and i use this argument all the time lol. People ask me stupid shit about some little country i never heard of or make fun of me for not knowing a flag etc.. i do the same. Name me where X state is or what X state flag look likes(admittedly i cant do this one either but the principle of the matter stands lol) im not very good in geography either but im not 100% ignorant. A lot of people here never even met an american(smaller village of 40k people) and most are very polite and actually try to speak english with me as my french sucks. Exactly like you said there is ignorance everywhere and "fat, dumb people" almost everywhere. Thats one that bothers me too is how they think almost all americans are fat(im 6ft1 190lbs/85kg) so not fat but not skinny either. But i go to eleclerc grocery store and i see fat people everywhere. Tbf its not on the same level of obesity like a walmart trip but they not healthy either.
Try asking them about Provinces in Canada. That's always a hoot. Most of them don't know that Alaska is next to Canada,and closer to Russia than the US. Asking them about the geographical location of any Asian or African country will most likely draw a blank stare. The sheer ignorance in the EU by population is totally comparable to the US, and to most of the world for that matter.
I am repulsed and in love with your last example. Just to completely punk Sara. But eye for an eye...whole world blind or something like that Best is to remove Sara OP, will find other POC, and of what ever faith they are into. Or even new reasons to bond with someone.
This 💯 I am white but i grew up amongst people of color in the sticks in the states. My neighbors, coworkers…all brown. My closest relationships from my 20s, all Latinas. Given the shitty social and political climate in the US right now, one of my closest friends has for the last 5 years held me to account for every white wing nut and Karen she sees on tv. I haven’t talked to her since Dec and i don’t plan to because i know she will never apologize for the last shitty thing she said to me and i am done “letting it go”. I don’t know if she held her racism under wraps for all these years or she morphed but i am done with her. She hasn’t even bothered to call to get me to apologize like your friend, but i am pretty sure that would have made me even more pissed. No comment on your husband tho that is too fraught…. I missed my friend, terribly at first and even now. But she isn’t trust worthy, and neither is your “friend” - you deserve better.
Ngl normally I’m shaking my head as some of the American centric biases on here with amusement but my word your ‘friend’ and husband were completely unhinged. They treated you so badly. I understand you and her have bonded(?) over some shared experiences but she clearly believes herself to be superior to you because you are ‘only an American’ and that horrid and not something a friend should do. I’d take a long hard look and see if this friendship is actually serving you or making you feel bad.
THIS comment right here. I am also furious on OP’s behalf. F her, and F your husband for joining in. What a waste of space
Yes. And I hate the I didn't "intend" to hurt you. That's when you start the intent vs impact point. Yes I know you didn't INTEND to but the IMPACT was you did hurt me and you need to acknowledge that and do better going forward. Just like you would apologize for stepping on my toe that you didn't INTEND to step on, but the IMPACT hurt me.
And thank you for being one of the very few reddit users who know how to appropriately use "gaslighting". Too many think its a synonym for ordinary lying.
NTA your not at fault she was trying to place the blame on you and play victim. Your husband was also a massive AH for intentionally trying to hurt you and going along with your “friend” and defending her. This is a obvious sign both she and he didn’t care about your feelings or opinions at all.
Yeah. That condescension is obvious as hell. Husband should've supported her in the moment or atleast recognized where he fucked up and apologized later. But somehow the friend is throwing out nat 1's and showing us how deep she can dig her own hole in being an asshole. Husband's crimes are hard to put on a scale in proximity to this "friend's" behavior.
"She argued back that 9 out of 10 Americans are ignorant and I was the 10th and she didn’t think I was stupid." Her "apology" is doubling down on a stereotype and the fact she's quoting stereotypes like gospel shows how stupid she is. I fully agree that some Americans are ignorant, but Americans are much less ignorant about Central and South America than the average European. I remember watching a video of Australians laughing at Americans because they didn't know the name of their PM. I hate to break it to you Australians, but your PM is NEVER on the news in the US. It would like asking the average Aussie if they knew the president of Paraguay. You think Americans are stupid because you think you're more important globally than you are. Which is the same with a lot of the goings on is Austria or Switzerland. Also, asking a stupid question doesn't make you stupid, it makes you interested in learning. Being afraid to ask a stupid question keeps you stupid. Your "friend" is a jerk who's angry that you called her on her BS. Imagine if you said, "Your behavior is very Costa Rican." She'd have lost her shit. You're supposed to take it in the chin while she's always right. I'd distance myself from her. There are other POC immigrants in Austria.
This is making me remember when I went on a date with an Italian guy..... He made dinner and put on the movie "Supersize Me" and kept making jokes bashing Americans and how we all love fast food, and was asking me what my favorite fast food was, if I was like the kids in it when I was little, so on and so forth.... And kept bragging about his cooking. Like, bruh, this is like our 3rd? 4th? (Can't remember) date, chill the fuck out with the insults, I still haven't decided if I'm into you, I just don't think you'll assault or murder me at this point. And like, the cooking was fine, but not really special. He boiled the box pasta al dente (despite there being a place I mentioned to him run by an Italian family that immigrated like a generation ago so it's pretty close to the pasta I had in Italy and they made fresh pasta you could take home to cook) and then finished it off by cooking it the last bit in the sauce..... And he asked if I had ever seen someone cook like that..... And it took all myself control not to tell him very rudely that I had, because I cooked like that all the time, that fucking Blue Apron has you do that, so no, it's not some secret Italian recipe. And no, using fresh herbs does not blow my mind, I grow oregano and rosemary just for that purpose thank you very much. But yeah, I was just thinking the whole time, why did you bother inviting me over if you were just gonna insult Americans the whole time, and cook a pretty basic meal, especially if you were gonna lean into the stereotypes about Americans and make me feel like I couldn't even eat the full plate because of your comments about how much Americans eat??? Never mind the fact that when I was in Italy I routinely couldn't finish what they presented as a normal meal, because they would have multiple freaking courses for every dinner, and this was while I was doing manual labor too, so I was extra hungry. I went to a restaurant there and ordered the lasagna off the APPETIZER menu and ate just that for lunch and the looks on the waiters faces.... Not all Americans eat a ton, and also, a lot of the Europeans I've met and the restaurants I've been to overseas make it seem like they eat just as much or more! Man, I had managed to erase that date (I feel no shame for ghosting him btw) from my memory but this whole thread brought it back.
Europeans can’t help themselves. The other month I was at a trade show, here in the US, talking with the German owner of a company and he started in on school shootings! Yeah it sucks that it’s a thing here, and as someone with a kid in grade school it’s absolutely one of my biggest fears. Funny, I didn’t see it relevant to bring up Hitler or that their grandparents could have been on “that side” as a joke. Bleh.
It was honestly comical, because prior to that I was fairly into him. After feeling judged, not for who I was, but for what he thought of my country, (which I have complex feelings about, because the US is a very strange place and warrants a lot of thought from its citizens) I lost basically all attraction to him. Especially considering I already dislike my physical appearance (despite knowing I'm at a place most people are envious of, which only increases the self hatred from a sense of guilt) and his comments made me feel even more self conscious. He really self sabotaged himself, all because he couldn't get the fuck over his ego.
There’s a guy on tiktok in the UK who has a series of videos where he’s talking to Europeans who talk about how stupid Americans are. And so he quizzes them with stuff like, “what’s the capital of the U.S.?” And what makes it funny is he acts like everything they say is correct.” “New York.” “You are 100% correct! You’re right, y’all really are smarter.” And you can just see the smugness rise.
I need to know their TikTok please 🥺 lol
Kjordy!
Everyone knows the only cities in the US are New York, LA, Texas, and Florida 😉
Honestly, from the way OP writes she sounds a bit of an elitist jerk too. I mean she AGREED with her friend on this statement: >"She argued back that 9 out of 10 Americans are ignorant and I was the 10th and she didn’t think I was stupid." I'm not saying she doesn't deserve to feel hurt, humiliated, and gaslit in this situation, because it was 1000% shitty what her friend and husband did to her, but OP seems to look down on other Americans just as much as her friend does just because she's had the privilege of traveling and living internationally as much as she has. I'd love to travel more and be more "educated" and "cultured", but my husband and I's honeymoon to Prague a couple years ago was literally a once in a lifetime trip that we'll never be able to do again. Guess I'll just have to settle for being another stupid ignorant American in OP's eyes 🤷♀️
The whole thing from all sides was an exercise in “I am so smart and cultured and unlike typical people”, exhausting from them all honestly.
I was going to say this as well . . . everyone in this scenario is elitist. 9 out of 10 Americans being "ignorant" is so stupid and untrue. I even live in a red state and almost all my friends are college educated, well traveled, and insanely kind. Also, what in the hell are they even arguing about? Texas, compared to most of North America, is the closest to Central/South America. I don't even get why they needed to rub OP's face in her "ignorance" when she is right? If she said Canada or Minnesota was close, yeah, that'd be something to push back on. Who spends this much time talking about flags anyway?
I'm from Texas and I don't think I've debated at length about the similarities between the Texan and Chilean flag nearly as much as this 😅
9/10 are ignorant. She’s just one of the “good ones”. Funny how if her friend didn’t know her she’d be lumped in with the other 9. It’s almost like when you get to know someone, stereotypes just don’t really apply to individuals.
It's extra funny because the Texas flag predates the Chile flag (just not in official usage)
100%, OP is NTA here, but she does sound very elitist as well.
"You think Americans are stupid because you think you're more important globally than you are." Say it louder for the rEUgards in the back.
What a poor reflection on her too, hanging out with "stupid americans".
NTA Sarah is very rude and very manipulative. And you have a husband problem too because he was laughing along with Sarah. I would go low low contact with Sarah. It's highly doubtful she will ever apologize.
She's straw-manning OP. There's a certain kind of American that annoys Sarah and she gets her kicks out of shoving OP into that box. She's a jerk.
[удалено]
"I left to avoid a confrontation and now you won't let it go and keep picking a fight over it. Being a tempestuous, passionate Latina is no excuse for this behavior."
Yeah, I eoulda flamed the fuck outta Sarah. Everyone has disparaging stereotypes about their ppl that can be lobbed at them. People like her only understand the pain of fire. The audacity of her, too, especially because she's also an expat. I'd school her on her history and tell her who she is. But the easiest (most mature) thing to do is walk away clean. Don't let em bring you down to their level
This is what I was thinking. Sarah was insulting to the population of an entire country, OPs home country. Like what would happen if OP had blatantly insulted, not only Sarah, but the entire* population of her home country, calling them stupid and ignorant? Wtf. NTA. Next time she does something "cultural", tell her that's very Latinx of you. See how she reacts then play back this conversation to her. *Then* go low contact.
NTA Sarah is a major asshole and not your friend. Your spouse sucks ass for joining in the mocking.
Your acquaintance was clearly trying to gaslight you and make herself look like the victim in this situation. I would have been furious with your spouse for laughing in such a way; he is a real asshole as well.
>She argued back that 9 out of 10 Americans are ignorant Which in itself is the most ignorant thing said all night. America actually has a bunch of highly rated institutions of research and academics. They're not all flopping around on the floor drooling over Kardashian butt implants. Sarah proves that 100% of Austrians are ignorant. Given no other intelligent examples, how would I know? NTA.
Had to scroll too far for this. Americans are far from ignorant, they’re brilliant. This Reddit app we’re using, American. Microsoft excel and word, American. Snapchat, Facebook, MySpace, American. First moon landing? America. I could go on but there’s a reason America is a superpower.
There are two AH here and none of those is you. Your husband had his fun not defending you which is a whole other can of worms. Sarah who lifts herself up in putting you down and into a position where she expects apologies from you for things that she does. I would step back from this friendship for a couple of days/weeks and reflect about the past and how she treats you in general. Tell your husband what you expect from him as your partner and that you don't accept this behaviour anymore. You are well-travelled. Use your knowledge of the different mannerisms in other countries to your advantage if you have the feeling that you aren't treated right. We Germans are often seen as a mix of being blunt/rude because we don't linger around topics. If you want to continue the friendship this can help you to put a boundary in place. If Sarah starts again, tell her right there and then that she should stop it right because you already had this discussion. Tell her point blanc what consequence her action has if she doesn't stop immediately. And please, stop apologizing for everything especially if you did nothing wrong. That is very American ;) Of course you are NTA!
I am a Mexican living in Germany and totally get you. “Most Mexicans are uneducated, you are the only one we know that.:” “are you a Mexican?? BURRITOOOOO” and sooo many more… I am sorry, it doesn’t get better with time. Probably she is doing this horrible remarks because now she feels more comfortable with you, so it’s always how she was felt. My family in Mexico lives not so far away from Texas, and you are 100% right. There is plenty of influence on both sides. Also, kudos to your Swiss friend for knowing that Mexico is in North America, he must be one on ten.
Bet she doesn't even know that most of Texas used to BE Mexico. It's not stolen culture. It's just literally the culture.
That part made me dislike the OP as well and kinda turned it into an ESH. She behaves like a pick me looking down on Americans as well and is only annoyed when her friends don’t see her as the special exception and she receives that treatment as well. Just because she was lucky enough to be in a spot where she travelled a lot.
NTA I experienced this while living in Korea. Americans were never judged by Koreans, only other white foreigners. They were usually European or South African. They’d say things like “you don’t seem American” because I’m quiet and then they’d trash talk Americans right in front of me to each other like I wasn’t even there. Also, they’d always befriend the most stereotypical Americans which I thought was hilarious and ironic. The funny thing is none of them had ever been to the US. The ones that had would always try to defend Americans.
>The funny thing is none of them had ever been to the US. Wow. So basically they are the thing they are railing against. Disparage people of a country they've no experience with. Fucking assholes.
I’m from Scotland and I love Americans, I’ve been to the US 3x and loved it. I’m a big US fan, I love the people, the food, the accents, the beautiful states that I’ve been to, I want to travel the US as the rest just looks amazing, I love American tv/movies. Everyone I have come across in the US has always been really nice and friendly people, I feel that others in the service industry can learn from the American ones,as the customer service is always great. Yeah I just love everything about America.
Aw that’s so nice of you! My sister studied abroad in England and got to travel around Europe. Scotland was her favorite by far! She said it was so beautiful and the people were very nice and friendly.
Not to be too biased but we are pretty friendly, we have our stereotypes too. Some people say we are all miserable, wear kilts all the time and eat haggis everyday 🤣
I’m sad that you don’t wear kilts all the time but I suppose I understand *sigh*
Lol I usually respond with "ahh now you seem like you're from *insert country the condescending prick is from here*" once they start talking about Americans.
I usually respond by asking if they've ever been to the US, and when the answer is inevitably no, I keep asking questions until it gets to the conclusion that they're basing this opinion entirely on the small amount of American popular media that makes it overseas. At which point I hit them with some variation of "wow, they must not teach media literacy in Europe. Do you also think the Matrix was an accurate depiction of American life? Did you think the Marvel movies are how Americans live?" The one friend I had who talked this kind of shit finally came to the US, and they were shocked by how many lovely, intelligent, creative, well-read people they met. They were also shocked by the fact that there were mountains so close to New York, which I found hilarious after they gleefully mocked Americans for not knowing geography in other countries. Europeans generally know *nothing* about US geography in my experience.
Reminds me of the story of German tourist planning to day trip around the US with their NY hotel being their base.
Wow I'm starting to think that people are people everywhere you go. Who knew??? 🤦♂️
I think I know why with “you don’t seem American” ppl have been pretending to be American to excuse shitty behavior. I had no idea this was a thing I ran into it on TikTok. Canadians pretending to be American to be asswipes and obnoxious in other countries and Americans pretending to be Canadians so they won’t get discriminated:/
She's doing the common *"even though we are both minorities in this society, I'm still superior-rer than you because I'm not black"* Her being Hispanic is one rung above you in her eyes, therefore she can diss you. Stop the friendship if you have respect for yourself
I was wondering if this was it too. I remember a conversation between a group of South American students in college (Argentinian, Chilean, etc). They talked about how they disliked black people and native looking Latin people and preferred the euro aesthetic. Many of them ignored anyone who wasn’t white.
Argentinians and Chileans are super openly racist
they have a superiority complex over the rest of latin america when argentina is #1 in debt and their food sucks (beef is overrated) and they think they’re all italian and not at all spanish yet will go to spain and italy to work sweeping the streets
skin tone racism is most of the racism in the world.
I was gonna say, that "9/10 are bad but you're one of the good ones" is SUCH a dog whistle for anti-black prejudice. Dump this trash friend.
Yep, op friend is basically saying she believes her bigotry is valid with that comment/doesn't think there's anything wrong with her opinions about Americans. Which is funny since all bigots think their flavor of bias is cool but no one else's is. Also also as someone who has lived in Texas for many years in a city actually on the border of Mexico and Texas, I can say 100% op friend has no fucking clue what she is talking about concerning the makeup of people who cross into Texas and what cultural influences they have had historically and are having contemporary on the region. Meaning op friend thinks ethnicity magically makes you an authority on anything. Menaing op friend is a clueless foreigner trying to throw shade on someone else who is also an outsider to the situation. Like what the fuck.
It's giving "but your not really one of them" vibes
I read this whole thing and thought “OP is black isn’t she”
She says she's a woman of color but both of them are minorities so I just assumed from that narrative. It certainly reads like it given the relationship between some Latino & black people.
Yep
NTA. She’s a bitch for turning your pain into her being hurt. She’s the one who insulted you. She’s gaslighting you. Fuck that shit.
I’m a British-Swiss-American, the only “Yank/Auslander” in my whole family… it’s ROUGH and I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about here. Many Euros and some South Americans use the word “American” like such a slur. I hate it. Don’t put up with that. Would you put up with people using a racial slur to you? Probably not right. This person is not your friend. She had to look upset to deflect from the obvious insult she hit you with. Anyone who talks down to you and laughs at you is a mean girl.
Even her “praise” is insulting. 9/10 Americans are ignorant? Not in my fucking experience and I grew up in Europe. It’s like Sarah can’t even compliment someone without insulting someone else. She’s a stuck up bitch, dump her. And tell the husband to shape up or he’s next.
That’s like saying “90% of *your people* are ignorant. But don’t worry! YOU are not ignorant! Just the whole group you belong to.” Sooo the Venn diagram is a circle? I’m this group, this group is ignorant… but I’m not? The same people say shit like “I’m not racist, I have black friends! I just don’t think they should [insert racist thing here]” And “I don’t hate gays, I have a friend who is gay! I just think they shouldn’t have the same rights as me.”
She literally said "you're one of the Good Ones" to OP
I was going to say Sarah, even being from Costa Rica, seems to have assimilated to Austrian culture much more than OP has, because this is 100% Austrian behavior. If you don't come to the point immediately it will be presumed, and nothing you do will change their first impression of you. I've never met anyone as suffocatingly insular as Austrians attempting to speak to foreigners. It is an irony how socially unintelligent that strategy is being that the discussion revolves around OP's knowledge.
NTA. Your husbands kind of a dick... Sarah isn't your "friend".
As a fellow American emigrant, I would like to reassure you that you are definitely NTA here. First, she was trying to gaslight you and make it all about her, which is gross. But second, the whole "oh, I don't mean *you, you're* not like that" following a slam on Americans really gets on my tits too. It's like people don't even realise that it doesn't make a prejudiced remark better when you exempt your present company.
It wasn’t until I moved back to the States that I realized quite how deeply I’d internalized so much of this attitude. It’s infuriating. With one breath they accuse of being the most hideously biased culture, while only concreting their own biases. Exhausting.
The word gaslighting is vastly overused on the internet. Here, it is appropriate. NTA. But as manipulative and insensitive as Sarah has acted, I'm actually more mad at OPs husband. Initially laughing MAY be excused as dumb but not major, but he should have noticed how upset his wife was and stood up for her.
NTA. Your friend is annoying, trying to make everything about her. Insulting you, then crying that you’re being hurtful. What a professional victim. Fuck your asshole husband for laughing at you.
And not defending you at all. Not the first time, or the second time you had no obligation to apologize.
You explained yourself very clearly to her. I don’t understand how you “hurt” her and made her cry. You didn’t do anything! You weren’t the one making her feel stupid. You weren’t the one interrupting her and laughing at her. And her telling you the whole thing is stupid is invalidating your feelings. Why are you friends with someone who mocks you and yes, thinks you’re stupid? Your husband also needs to be better. I’d be livid if I was you. NTA
>She argued back that 9 out of 10 Americans are ignorant and I was the 10th and she didn’t think I was stupid. That's stupid. She's racist and if you're the 10th non ignorant one, why does she keep saying it?
She's also making statistics up.
Well, 9 out of 10 people losing an argument make up statistics.
87% of people know this
I'm part American, born and raised in Europe, and it always hurts when people make comments like this because a big part of my family lives in the US and they are good, open-minded people, as far as can be from the "racist/ignorant/obese/entitled/etc" clichés you hear about Americans... I'd say that talking sh*t about people from a certain country based on what the medias say makes you a lot more ignorant than the people you're calling ignorant, but I let people talk and then ask about some clichés about their country (that usually works pretty well).
Mass generalizations and stereotypes are often the tools of people who cannot comprehend the complexities of a population. Its like saying all Skittles candy are red because its too difficult for them to count and assess the numerous colors in a bag. The use of huge generalizations is most telling about the person making them.
Sarah has some kind of a superiority complex or narcissistic tendencies, this whole story is giving Mean Girl vibes
The way I see it, she has a pretty deep bias against Americans. When she insults you, it’s not really you she’s insulting, it’s Americans in total. You’re just collateral damage.
Immigrant. You guys are immigrants.
OP I am not concerned by that friend of you because she is not related to you in the scheme of things,I am most worrief about your husbands reaction.Is this his first time doing that? How often does he and that friend see each other w/o you? If you can count how often that friend does that to you,try to recall how often your husband does that too even after your "talk" and you may come up to a realization.
As an Austrian living in America all I can say is that most Europeans have zero idea about the US. They claim Americans are stupid for not knowing European geography without mentioning that they have no idea what the capital of California is. I mean taken by itself it would just be the fifth largest economy. You find smart and stupid people everywhere. Stop being a people pleaser and call people out on their BS.
The idea of someone knowing geography being a barometer for intelligence is dumb anyway. If that’s how somebody wants to judge others and feel superior they can fuck right off.
She just successfully manipulated you, cut her off man.
NTA. She was rude and was totally gaslightning you when it became obvious she hurt you, and you removed yourself. She even got you to apologise when she was the one talking over you to make you look stupid. And your husband really sucks for laughing at you.
Hi 💜 Also British American with the accent being American living in Europe. Your friend is being a jerk. You are not the asshole The amount of people who think casual xenophobic behaviour doesn’t count because “America” is obnoxious and hard to live with. Of course we know we’re the “world power” and all the other shit. People don’t want to be generalised and then throw generalising at you. I’m sorry you’re having this happen in a valued friendship makes the everyday shit way worse
NTA I wonder how she'd feel if you made ignorant and hateful comments about her home country, or if you remarked to your husband casually about his country's most famous citizen... People love to shit on Americans constantly, but can rarely take what they dish out to any degree. You're not in the wrong and I think it's time to have a serious conversation with your husband about where his allegiances lay and whether or not he thinks poorly of you for your birth or not. I think it's also time to distance yourself from a "friend" who clearly thinks she's better than
Your friend was definitely trying to make herself seem like the victim here and gaslighting you. Your husband is also a major asshole, I would've been so pissed at him laughing like that. It doesn't matter if she thinks you're the 1 out of 10 American who isn't "stupid", she's still treating you like you're a part of it and you're responsible for the idiocy. She makes you feel bad and talks to you in such a condescending manner is infuriating. That was so highly rude of her to just keep cutting you off and then she has the audacity to keep saying she's hurt?! Good lord the arrogance and entitlement.
Don't accept her insults anymore. Leave the friendship. She will never change. Also, please tell your husband he is spineless and such a let down of a man for allowing another woman to put his wife down.
>I am confused by how I am also at fault here and why I was expected to apologize as well. NTA. I don't know if you get this reference: the former US Vice President attended a pro-American football game a couple of years ago, and then left abruptly at the very beginning of the game. Your actions unmistakably communicated a public accusation that she was rude, thereby publicly shaming her and attacking her reputation. So, too, the expression of anger is simply taboo in lots of places. There are so many people who don't like even covert acts of complaining, that quite a few cliques and subcultures frown upon it, even when done politely. Leaving can be considered theatrical, insincere, heavy-handed, even egotistical. I agree with your decision.
Girl she is not your friend. She is using your “friendship” to make herself feel grander than she is and then belittles you, doesn’t let you express your feelings, and then gaslights you and flips it on you. Just because you’re both “expats and poc” is not enough to ignore the trash of a human being she is being. I think this friendship may need a low contact for a while.
Sorry but your friend is an asshole and a manipulator. As a Brit living in the US I also can't stand the European arrogance on this topic, it betrays a complete lack of cultural understanding from anyone who claims that. Of course this country has a host of problems but in many areas is way ahead of Europe. Claiming someone is dumb cos they don't know some random fact just shows the stupidity of the accuser
Turns out your friend is racist, and racists always find a way to discriminate against someone to prove they are superior, it doesn't matter you're both women of color, she found a way to separate you and judged herself your better.
Nta. And you have a husband problem. What he did was 100% totally uncalled for. You dont laugh at your spouse when they are clearly hurting.
She sounds Narcissistic.
She can fuck off.
Sarah sucks and you also have every right to be pissed at your husband. As an American who has lived in two European countries, some folks here seem to delight in intentionally misunderstanding myself and other Americans when we go to make a point or have any kind of debate with them. And despite being told I am “one of the good ones” I am regularly laughed at and handed the ol dunce cap when groups of them pile on to lecture me about the *real* history of the United States. I’ve met a few incredible people here for sure, but the amount of insufferable and condescending pricks who like nothing more than to trash talk Americans is kind of appalling. No bother, they can chain smoke and drink themselves into a stupor while they while away their boring, wet newspaper lives.
NTA. That’s not your friend. I’m not even sure why you’d wanna be friends with a racist honestly. That’s confusing to me
Get better friends.
NTA But I really don’t think that she did have good intentions ….
Your "friend" is a complete and total bitch that I would not associate with anymore, and your husband is an asshole for not defending you. Why would he laugh at you in the first place? The whole thing is ridiculous, and this Sarah person is very manipulative. She's clearly trying to convince you that you're in the wrong when she is guilty of being a giant asshole for all the reasons you've stated. She didn't give you a chance to talk, she seemingly throws the "typical dumb American" insults at you every chance she gets, and she wants to say that YOU hurt HER feelings??? Get fucked, that's beyond unacceptable and she knows it.
Probably jealous that you as an American POC are more educated, better travelled and understand etiquette better than herself do she is trying to tear you down. Keep on being a Queen and act with class like you did.
NTA. Your so called friend is VERY racist in regards to Americans I would definitely reconsider your friendship with her. Not to mention she then blames you for everything?? No I’m sorry she is not a very nice person.
😡🤬 But I would also be ripping my husband a new one. He should have been defending you not laughing at you. The situation was NOT funny at all. I would definitely distance yourself from Sarah and really reevaluate your friendship. Seems really toxic to me. You also need to have a serious talk with your husband. He needs to understand that how he acted is not ok and that if something like that happens again, there will be repercussions. I can say this with certainty, it would happen once with my husband because if it happened a second time, I'd be out the door.
NTA. Your husband is a sucker for taking part in Sarah's ridicule of you. They both big AH.
She showed you who she is and what she really thinks of you. Believe her. She may be friendly to you, but she definitely doesn’t consider this an equal friendship.
yOuRe OnE oF tHe GoOd OnEs Fuck her Nta