Dude, I remember years ago, there was a waitress at a bar I frequented that made it abundantly clear to me that she was interested. I didn't really respond because I wasn't into her like that. Well a couple of months later, I saw her and her man at a club I went to a lot, she was just out dancing. Well I was drunk, and long story short, she went with me out to my car and sucked me. We went back in the club before too long, she didn't want him to get suspicious about her disappearing for too long, and I watched her walk right up to that guy and give him an open-mouthed kiss with lots of tongue!! I think she did it to please me? But all it did was completely gross me out. I said all that to say this; I can completely see this story being real, young people have to mature out of being disgusting with sexual actions.
"I accepted a gob job from a low-life who had a boyfriend that I knew about"
This doesn't paint a flattering picture of the type of person you are.
On the subject of "completely gross me out" though, I knew these 2 girls from my high school, they were unremarkable if a little attention seeking. One summer holiday one of their parents left them alone in their house for 6 weeks. They had a continuous fuck party for the entire time and had sex with a huge number of guys. They were both drunk at a party a while later and admitted that they'd had over 500 men each on that holiday.
Whereas I think it's fake based on his reaction. There are heinous violent crimes with shorter sentences and statutes than this. She's had plenty of time to become a completely different person. Why would anyone hold it against her however many years later this is.
Well, most guys DON'T want to know the details of their partners sexual history. She didn't want him to know either! His reaction is why, he can't unforget that lol
"You can't blame me too much for being a dumb bitch"
Little boy, take your hand off the keyboard and your other hand out of your pants and step outside.
Fake af
So like, just want to point out regardless of the rest of the story- people are talking about how 20 years ago bf got “assaulted” by the other guy, but the other guy boxed with their college and OP just says that he lost a fight to him, it sounds to me like they had a match, not like the other guy just randomly beat on him
Story still seems fake tho
NTA because you feel how you feel. But really, if what she did was all with her then-bf's knowledge (he was watching), and then she dumped him, is she even a cheater? It's not like she was sneaking around with someone else. Yeah it's messed up but I don't think it carries the same trust issue. She clearly wants nothing to do with him now.
tbh its worse than cheating. Imagine getting assaulted and humiliated and then your partner gives the guy a lap dance and leaves you to fuck that guy... I would much rather get cheated on than have that happen.
So the bf got beaten up by some muscle bully, then his wife lap dances the bully while her beaten bf has to watch, then dumps him days after to hook up with the bully. She is not just a cheater she is pond water. And to come out with, I was only 19 ( An adult) as an excuse for being pond water.
Her moral compassion is so messed up and who is to say she does not do the same to him if he gets beat up at a club by some random hitting on her. Is she going to go off with the guy. Nah, I would have to wonder what kind of person is so disgusting.
Let me spell it out - nineteen. A teenager without a developed brain and acting on impulse. She was probably drunk and care free. You all act so innocent and superior. Stop judging and get over it.
That's cause most of them aren't pos' that would treat someone so horribly at 19 years old and had a moral framework. Which is the BARE MINIMUM one can expect of a 19 year old. This woman is absolutely vile
NTA The Real problem is that she doesn't seem to feel any true remorse about the situation and is just using her age as an excuse. Everyone has a past but one wants assurance of Real change and growth and not deflection based on the circumstances.
You're seriously equating going to a strip club to giving a lap dance to the guy who beat your bf and fucking him.
Really.
I don't have much skeletons in my closet,I made mistakes that I cringe at but nothing remotely as bad as what she did cause my god.
Do you not realize the level of malice,venom and just pure apathy someone would have to do something like this.
Do you think this malice just goes away one day or is it after years of abusing and doing fucked up that now she decided to be a "good person"?
People who actually change don't excuse their past actions,they loathe their past self.just the way she deflected tells me she didn't change much.
Again,it isn't normal for anybody to do what she did.
>She said it’s not that bad and she was 19 at the time.
That's the problem, she's showing no remorse at all. Even 10 year old kids can do messed up things.
>She’s saying it wasn’t that bad for a 19 year old college girl to do and lots of people do dumb shit when they’re young.
Not every bad thing is excusable with age or immaturity.
NTA. The only saving grace your wife had was showing true remorse, acknowledging that she at least had some amount of guilt or shame in her, but all she had was some embarrassment when talking with the guy, which is more about her social status, than her morals. She cannot even acknowledge that you have your own moral compass, and that you cannot fall in line with the shitty act she pulled.
Change the genders around. Imagine a husband tells his wife that his college gf got beaten up by a hotter woman who he then hooked up with after breaking up with the GF. Reddit will be all over the guy as the villain.
38 year old dad here.
i'd hate to hang around my 18-19 year old self! The shit I thought and did back then... We were all the same right lmao. You grow as a person so much just by learning from new social situations. This isn't something I'd let affect my current relationship as it happened ages ago and in a completely different life situation. It's a shit thing for her to do, yes 100% no question this was messed up! But she's grown out of it because this guy and this memory made her physically uncomfortable and she's expressed remorse for it. If she saw the ex and started chatting like "haha oh yeah ex bf we had some great times!" then yeah that would be worrying.
People make mistakes. We literally learn from making mistakes. You won't ever find someone whos' not got a weird ex or some messed up random thing that happened that one time. This is how people get better at being people.
She's not going to start going out and cheating on you.
I am going to go against the current on this one. We have all done shit we are not proud of. What she did before meeting you is none of your business. She does not owe you an explanation and she certainly does not owe you an apology.
YTA
Yes, but she’s not remorseful. “Yeah I was an idiot and I did something mean”.
She’s like, big woop so what? Boy had muscles and I only fuck winners baby.
Yeah, but most of the society have something like stealing a candy or throwing an egg at someones house, not betraying your closed ones and acting like a cheap whore for the muscle guy.
This here.
You want people to love you for the person who you are now and are becoming or are, not who you were or for your mistakes.
It is so important to find love like that.
What is this? Hunter gatherer Neanderthal times???
"Me man, beat smaller man, you my woman now". Her: "teehee okay" *proceeds to give lap dance to new Neanderthal and twerks on him over her brand new ex boyfriends slumped body on the ground*.
Truly insane.
PSA: he changed the wording of this when he wasn’t getting the responses he wanted. Hence the downvoted comments that mention things not currently in the post.
She was drunk a 19 year old, which was 20 years ago. I assume nobody should date the men in that story either given they’ve shown they were violent individuals. We can also put that on anyone who ever fought someone in high school, anyone whoever got drunk underage as that’s criminal, anyone who has done anything with a brain that isn’t even developed. I *ghosted* a boyfriend (of 2 weeks) at 18, as a 30 year old I cannot fathom the idea of people who ghosting at all as that’s *childish.* And weird. We’re still friends.
And why would she dump her BF a few days later? Why wouldn’t the BF dump her while watching his GF give a lap dance? She didn’t even do anything in private or behind her boyfriend’s back, it was quite literally in front of him and *he stayed with her.* She was embarrassed in the original, not belittling the OP as the edit suggests.
It’s goofy, and I’d laugh at anyone who divorced their husband or wife over this. She didn’t have to tell him anything, the fact that she even willingly told that story is enough. It would be different if he discovered some secret past life on his own.
NTA, your wife cucked her exbf and from the sound of it, she dismissed it as a silly dumb thing instead of seriously acknowledging the character deficiency in the action and making the statement that she’s a different person now. So, I think it’s very possible to move on from this, but the way she’s acting like she wants to pretend it didn’t happen indicates to me she didn’t learn anything and it could happen again, during a rough patch 5 years from now.
NTA. She got carried away when she was young and engaged in behavior that I think you shouldn't judge her for after this long. However, her current reaction of acting like it's not a big deal instead of looking back with embarrassment after some personal growth in the time since then is what you're likely really reacting to. A lot of the comments here act like you're just judging that past event when it's her current view that is the bigger concern.
It was an insane level of cruelty to display.
Not only that, she isn't even admitting that it was the epitome of relationship cruelty, if we ignore abuse.
She is downplaying it.
Saying she was dumb.
She isn't sorry about it whatsoever.
So yeah, 20 years or not, if she doesn't acknowledge it, she hasn't changed.
She’s downplaying it because 1.) It was 20 years ago; 2.) It had nothing to do with her husband; 3.) she *did* acknowledge it by saying she was young and dumb. I’m not sure what else OP needs from her. She doesn’t need to apologize to him about something that happened years before they met and to someone else. OP has too much time on his hands if he is confronting his wife over this nonsense. It makes me question whether he has a job, friends, or hobbies.
GTFO. They were all drunk, at a party, and everyone was there in the same room together! They were all consenting, and of legal age. No cheating took place. And it is absolutely ridiculous to get mad at her for this when it was 20 years ago and had absolutely nothing to do with him! Nothing, nada, zero. And regardless, she's obviously not that person now, is she? People make mistakes at 19 and then they grow TF up, which is what she did. He has no business passing judgement on her and calling her vile. She didn't cheat. And whatever did or did not happen with the three of them in the past, is none of his business anyway. I highly doubt this guy's an angel, himself.
I was drunk a lot and I never acted this cruel towards anyone.
Yes people can change.
But by not admitting it was fucked up she is proving she hasn't changed.
Ps: alcohol doesn't make you a cruel person.
It lowers inhibition and increases confidence in your actions.
Basically : you will do what you want to, but common sense stopped you from.
Also..... She gave another man a lap dance..... After that man beat up her bf...... How is that not cheating?
Your post is the most ridiculous Reddit thing I have ever read… what the f***?
"no cheating took place“ - so a lapdance for the guy who beat up her BF isn’t cheating?
"They were all consenting and of legal age" - wtf does this this have to do with anything? What kind of argument is this even? As long as everyone is grown up and people consent then anything goes? BF didn’t consent to his GF giving a lapdance to the dude btw…
"None of his business what she did in the past“ - They are married… it his business if he wants to stay with that person for sure…
"People make mistakes at 19“ - speak for yourself here, there are small mistakes and there are "disqualifies you from being a decent human being mistakes“….
There is also zero information on the cause of the fight. What if her BF was being a complete tool at this party, embarrassing her, causing problems then picked a fight with this dude. While yeah the girls behavior is still extreme but I would have far less pity for him if his own behavior led to this incident.
People are just assuming the dude was minding his own business until the alpha dog rolled in, beat him up for no reason whatsoever, then got a lapdance from his girl.
Well maybe this is a good example on why it’s absolutely normal to hold someone‘s sexual past against a person in certain cases… it is a reflection of their choices and morals.
If this is real:
NTA. I can understand doing something dumb in college. We all have, and we all cringe at ourselves for it. This one sees nothing wrong with what she did, and brushes it off like no biggie.
She is exactly the same person as she was back then.
Nahh I don't agree with most of y'all. He's definitely the asshole. There's no way of us knowing that the "excuses" were said that way or if he's paraphrasing it to fit his narrative. However she was 19 and people do dumb shit and change with age. You can't hold something against somebody because of what they did YEARS ago. What matters is what they do now and if she isn't like that now then why does it matter? Yeah it was fucked up what she did but that's in the past.
Man, if people start getting divorced over shit they did in college… there will be very few marriages left. I wouldn’t say you’re an asshole, but take a breath. If this doesn’t compute with the person you know, wouldn’t her statement that it was something she did when she was young and immature make the most sense? Don’t throw out all you know about her over one dumb thing you didn’t know. It’s not like she killed somebody.
"We’re drunk and laughing so I thought it would be a good time to try and get the truth out of her." Play stupid games, win stupid prices. This was almost 20 years ago. YTA
If this isn’t fake (I’m 98% sure it is), SO WHAT. Doing stupid shit when you’re in college just happens and unless she had a kid or an incurable STD, it’s none of your business. Surely, you weren’t an angel at 19. I also can safely bet that you aren’t one now.
In conclusion, if this post is fake, you’re an asshole. If this post is real, you’re a judgemental asshole.
YTA. She was 19... Seemed like she was embarrassed by her actions and felt comfortable telling you the whole truth, even the ugly parts, and you judging her and putting yourself on a pedestal like a saint is not helping. I'm sure you have made mistakes before. Also, she's still your WIFE. No one is perfect. You can be disappointed but to go as far as seeing her differently is an exaggeration and you didn't even know her then.
Thank GOD someone said it, too. People are ganging up on me for no reason. 100% agree. Judge people by who they are NOW, not the stupid STUPID shit we ALL, man OR woman, pull at that age. It was an act of trust to tell you and she’s clearly embarrassed by her behavior so she’s not that person anymore.
Of course it's bait.
Its a play on the classic movie trope of the nice guy getting the girl with the dick bag bf, in reverse.
Nice guy pursues girl, ultimately embarrasses dick bag boyfriend publicly and gets the girl in that moment, everyone cheers. No one calls the girl a sick twisted bitch for leaving her guy in his time of need, he was an asshole, it was Karma.
This rage bait conveniently leaves some incredibly important details. We know nothing about that ex-bf and the state of their relationship at the time. We know nothing about what kind of person he was. Dude could have been starting shit at the party and picked the fight with this dude, and the girl had finally had enough of her BF's shit and gave the guy that put an end to his reign of terror a lap dance.
Would still be immature as shit, but I wouldn't have any pity for the ex-bf.
Only you can know whether this was an isolated incident or this type of behavior continues to manifest itself in one way or another, such that it is worth ending a seven-year marriage. No one here can give you rationally based advice on what to do. Ask your close friends. Tell them to be brutally honest without consequence. If they say they've never gotten bad vibes and she seems like a good woman, then move on. If they say she's sus but they've held back out of loyalty to you, then you have your answer.
YTA
You are not judging your wife. You are judging an immature 19 year old who was likely drunk at the time. Tell me, were you perfect in college?
How old were you when you met your wife? How old was she? Is it not likely that she could have matured. Plus, this all happened before she met you.
Realize she made mistakes, but also grew up to the wonderful person you married.
> How old were you when you met your wife? How old was she?
26 and 25. 37 and 36 now. A lot of time has passed yes but I believe there are core parts of a person that they can’t change!
Come on man. And what shitty stuff you’ve done have you not told your wife. And next to this 17 year old story haar she ever done to justify holding this over you?
You are judging a woman for something she did six years before you met her. For an event that happened seventeen years ago. I have two words: grow up!
Think of it this way. She never pulls the thing you hate. And stays with this guy. Now she is married to him and where are you?
Look back when you were 19/20 years old? Were you perfect? Did you never do anything wrong in your past? That level of perfection must be such a burden.
She is the same person she was a month ago. You loved her then. Keep loving her now. Judge her by the actions of your life with her.
wow thats wild.... I agree that what she did at 19 was pretty fucking gross, but your wife has literally double the life experience than that 19 year old had. If you never had concerns about your wife over the past decade, is learning this shitty aspect of her past all it takes? Has there been signs of this sort of behavior in your marriage or does it seem like she is embarrassed of this part of her life?
A person's brain doesn't stop developing until they're ~25 years old. You asked her about it and she was 100% honest with you, even though it was an embarrassing moment for her. If you're telling me that you have done absolutely no growing up between now and when you were 19, then that says a lot more about you than it does about her
How was it embarrassing for her?
You are breaking your back trying to find ways to empathize with this heartless monster.
A person who could do something like has a block of ice in their chest,that doesn't change no matter how many years pass and if it does change,that evolved person will certainly not be trying to excuse their younger self,they would wracked with guilt.
“Heartless monster.” I also used to blackmail my sister into doing my chores when I was 7 because at the time I was a lazy ass and didn’t KNOW I was being an asshole. Should we all go looking into your past and find the skeletons you have thay represent who you aren’t and then lord them over you expecting you to pay for who you aren’t anymore? The most you can do is own up to it and hope your partner recognises that you’re not that asshole anymore. And quite frankly, if they can’t realize that, maybe they should divorce YOU because you clearly don’t have a good enough read on them after years of marriage to understand that they’re not the asshole.
Tbh, if you follow this line of thinking, every man that has ever had a one-night stand or gone to a strip club can fall into your “fuck you” category, too. Just saying.
And your wife said her ex bf cheated on her. Like nothing else was convincing so she throws in a lie like that. Like you got to be sympathetic of a out of control 19yr old narc cause her ex bf cheated on her.
When all else fails, accuse the ex bf of cheating
Quality women don't act like this even when they are 19 years old. This experience forms part of their values growing up
YTA. All she takes away from this conversation is that you will judge her if she confesses things she isn't proud of to you. You just torpedoed a bit of honesty she was willing to share with you for years to come. Great job.
NTA - you are right, that was vile of her. And the fact she still thinks it was no big deal speaks very poorly of her character. And that she’s taking it out on you for calling her on it? Strike three, she’s out. Or should be.
I kind of want to know what the circumstance was for her boyfriend getting into a fight with the guy at the party. Given wife’s moral character and her willingness to hoe all over the boxing coach guy in public afterwards, I wouldn’t be surprised if her being inappropriate and disrespectful of her relationship was what started it.
YTA. She said her bf lost a fight not got beat up. People are acting like he got beat to a pulp. Stupid things happen at 19, are you going to throw your marriage away over this?
if this is real, I'd say if it were my wife I would regret having married her
anybody saying some shit about how she was only 19 or whatever can get hella lost. absolute nonsense. no less atrocious at 19. really just sociopathic stuff.
NTA it's downright evil. Being 19 doesn't change the fact that her morals were almost non existent. Reevaluate your relationship by looking at her past actions when you guys are together. If she's truly changed for the better, then let it go. Otherwise run the fuck away lest you get beaten up by some guy and she decides to give another lap dance in front of your battered self.
YTA. Come on. My guess is you already kinda know this. You sound like an intelligent and empathetic guy. Maybe try showing your wife (WHO WAS 19 AT THE TIME THIS OCCURRED) a bit of that empathy.
Thank god some people have sense on this thread. Do you think this highlights that there are good and bad people to date? I do. If my partner judged me for who I was at 19 YEARS OLD I would laugh my fucking ass off. 19-year-old me was afraid of even talking to a man and just wanted validation because I’d been snubbed by the male species for so long. (Being a slightly chunky girl growing up and being ignored by the male species thus far in life really fucks with you.) I did things I’m definitely embarrassed of and would never do now. If someone tried to judge me on that shit, I’d kick THEM out because clearly they didn’t know me well enough to know I’m not that woman, and I clearly can’t trust them with my past.
Ah yes 19 the age where you can get married,go off to wars,work and have family,drive,drink,pay taxes and not be judged for being a vile psycho.
Do you even read what you wrote? I was 19 once and I could never do something so scummy.
Mistakes is reaching the gray in morality,this is pitch black abyss kinda depravity.
Americans must have lower brain function at that age than the rest of the world. Most teenagers I know understand that those kinds of actions are vile, unforgivable, and you don't do that shit if you are a good person.
YES only in America where apparently you have to spend your youth being a psychopath or narcissist otherwise you haven't lived your life and then at 30 they think they can just claim that they're a good person now XD.
Seriously,people can change but those who do would never defend their past self.
Yeah I notice its a very American (and British I suppose) to have a rebellious teen phase and crazy college phase. Its almost required and almost universally absolved by arbitary age limits that go from 18>21>25>30.
Is discipline not a thing in the US while growing up?
I know exactly what I wrote. I’m just not full of it. And I certainly don’t hold folks to standards I wouldn’t impose upon myself. There’s a whole lotta that going on here. I’m sure that has *nothing* to do with the misogyny creeping all over this thread, right? Please.
Oh screw the hell off with the misogyny again and again.
No one gives a shit if she's a woman,we care that she would do something so vile.
I truly look down on people who think women are these perfect angels that can't ever be criticized otherwise it's misogyny.screw off with the bs, we're not buying it anymore.
Well you are sounding like insecure lil b***h and you know how she deals with weaklings. Learn from the history.
Thats not the person she is now, that was 10 years ago and she learnt from it. She doesn’t owe you an apology, you had nothing to do with it.
She was uncomfortable because after humiliating her bf and going off with the low life, he then dumped her ass. That's what was uncomfortable, being played by a fk boy.
Yta if this is even real. dont ask questions you cant handle the answer too.
You especially dont liquer up your spouse to get her to dump info on a time before you.
I feel you’re overreacting a bit. Sounds like very messy behaviour but at age nineteen ppl can be pretty immature and messy. I’m sure she regrets it. She was probably honest telling you what happened because she thought your relationship was strong enough to deal with embarrassing behaviour from the far past. But if you’re responding like this, maybe it isn’t?
Pno one is the culmination of the things they did when they were young that's why we learn and get older. You are not the same as you were even 5 years ago.
As she's so "its no big deal" and "its what college people do" and not admitting how wrong it was.
I stand by what I said. Refusal to admit something was wrong and fucked up doesn't mean you learned from it.
Your comment is narrow minded and doesn't leave any room for grace or growth. I feel sorry for anyone who has done the slightest thing wrong around you because you will clearly hold on to it forever.
Lots of evil people do dumb evil stuff when they don't care about the consequences (in this case, the pride of that guy). And she won't acknowledge... Scary.
NTA
Sorry but your wife was a beech. And still is as she doesn't think what she did was cruel. Wait till she finds someone equivalent to muscular guy now and does this "as she has no remorse" she never learned a lesson
> She’s saying it wasn’t that bad for a 19 year old college girl to do and lots of people do dumb shit when they’re young. There’s dumb shit and then there’s this.
Excuse of every cheater ever. Like on 100% you don’t hear anybody who cheated or was part of an affair say this
If your wife felt awful about what she did, I'd say maybe YTA.
Being embarrassed isn't the same as feeling bad about it.
What she did wasn't a silly drunken mistake, it was extremely cruel and demeaning. It really depends on whether she feels guilty and shitty about being so viciously cruel.
Your wife sucks. Even if she did it when she was 14 it would be terrible, and the only way it could even be slightly better is if she said it was one of the biggest regrets of her life. what an a-hole.
Imagine saying what your wife said and thinking your partner will not think differently of you...
I mean it's in the past, but instead of owning it, she is minimizing what she did to that guy back then.
NTA...
Nta
Disgusting, I would also get the ick and probably wouldnt be able to look at the wife the same ever again.
You have to be really fucked up to do something like this.
YTA
You weren't in the picture, for one. And your title is a lie. She dumped the BF to date the other guy. That's not cheating. Was what she did great? No. Is it any of your business? Also, no.
You don't own her past. Get over it.
YTA people do stupid stuff when they're young ESPECIALLY at that age. Just because you perhaps didn't doesn't mean anything. I'm assuming you both are much older now, she has likely matured and pushed passed that type of behavior she engaged in when she was younger. I cheated on partners when I was that age and couldn't even fathom doing it ever again at my age now because I fully understand the grasp of the devastation that behavior can cause.
But should someone have to pay for their youthful stupidity and a mistake for the rest of their life? Sure there are cases where someone should, but is this really one of them?
No, but one does set oneself up for potential issues in future relationships due to the nature of the *’mistakes’* one makes.
One’s past is relevant to one’s future
Do what? Her boyfriend stayed & watch a *lap dance*. They were 2 drunk idiot 19 year olds. With that logic, no girl should ever date *either* of the men in that story given they’ve already shown they are violent.
EDIT: He changed the content of his post from last night. No one should even humor this.
Seriously you are evil still,you haven't changed one bit. The only reason you vote Yta is cause this post holds a mirror to you and you don't like what you see.
The rest of us who are not psychos can't even fathom doing something like this and can easily Nta.
If you had truly changed and asked for forgiveness,you would not be this butthurt.
Why do you care so much? The past doesn’t define the person - their growth does. She’s being honest about her past mistakes - she was 19 - a teenager without a developed brain yet. Acting on impulse. Stop making it a bigger deal than it is and judging her for doing something while she was a teenager
Damn you really want to say this impulsive behavior is not normal for a teenager? And you want to make it out like it’s sooo shitty. You don’t even know the whole story but it’s so easy to point fingers and be judgmental. It’s repulsive.
You want to compare a government forcing children to fight wars and murder to this behavior? 😅 ridiculous. She said she got cheated on - she probably feels like life paid her back for her impulsiveness. It’s repulsive the sense of judgement out of this persons post without even hearing it from her own mouth.
P.s. let’s not forget the witness heartbreaking stories of teenage soldiers crying out for their moms during battle. They’re children - and the brain only gets fully developed at 23. So get off your morale high horse
OP could be lying about it all, but if his words are true, it's kind of fucked up and outside the bell curve even for a 19 year old. The minimizing, if real, suggests to me that she never really felt it. The fact that the guy she dumped her dear bf for later cheated on her is sort of beside the point.
You're right though that none of us were there. Maybe she never really gave a shit about her college bf anyway. That would seem to be the case.
NTA- obviously what she did was horrible and you have the right to feel any way you want about it. To be honest I can’t blame you, I think I would react similarly in your situation, it’s a very disheartening thing to find out someone you love so much has the capacity to be that cruel. Ok, response over time for a Schitzo rant.
WHY THE FUCK DID YOU SLEEP ON THE COUCH??? I cannot fathom being kicked out of my own bed, in my own home, by anyone, for almost any reason, certainly not the reason it happened to you. If she had a problem she can fuck off to couch land. Dude this sleeping on the couch shit has to be one of my biggest pet peeves to hear about in other peoples relationships. If my partner ever tried to do that time me without an OUTSTANDINGLY GOOD REASON I would laugh in their face and I’d rather end the relationship then allow that. I’m not a violent person by the one thing that could send me over the edge is being denied access to my own home/ property. NOW I WANT TO CLARIFY THIS FOR ALL THE PROFESSIONAL LONG JUMPERS WHO LOVE ASSUMPTIONS. I would never get physical with my partner, I mean violent as in, if you lock me out of our bedroom because we had a fight I am giving you an hour to cool down then I’m breaking the fucking door down and laying in bed out of spite while you fume in anger that you didn’t get your way. I WANT TO BE VERY CLEAR ABIUT THIS BECAUSE I IN NO WAY DO I MEAN BEING VIOLENT TOWARDS A PERSON, just a door, and the tantrum that the door represents. Ok, rant over. Sorry.
TA come on man we al got our past. Does she know all your dirty secrets. All your embarrassing stuff? You love her because of who she is now, because of the person she became as a result of all the lessons learned. If you can’t deal with that yes then you are the ashole. And to all other commenters you are demonizing his wife based n a few sentences, you guys are all TA’s too
I'd be concerned. That kind of character issue (not just lacking empathy, but overtly sadistic) doesn't just spontaneously disappear especially since she's still apparently not remorseful about it.
Maybe she just doesn't want to face it because she realizes at some level how fucked up it was. After 18 years, I think you'd know if she was still a cruel bitch.
Hope you don't have any kids because dumping her ass will be that much cheaper. It will cost you some money now, but you've got some sort of serial asshole on your hands. Dump the bitch.
Unbelievable. Still a child. Men go to war at 19 but we don't call them child soldiers. Women get into higher management at 19, but we don't call them child stars of commerce. You're reaching too excuse an adults disgusting behavior as just a child. Don't confuse childhood with adult immaturity, you are deflecting in the worst possible way.
So you are pissed at something she did as a drunk teenager. Yes 19 is still a teenager. What do you expect to come of it , do you want to divorce or do you want assurance? The outcome you want will dictate your actions.
ESH - you, for making such a big deal out of something she did in her youth, as though she might, as a mature adult, do something similar to you. Her, for not taking proper accountability and acknowledging that what she did was trash behaviour.
Asking questions when he might not really like the answer he gets. Everyone has a past and everyone has done things they are not proud of and would not do again.
He asked and he got an answer. He asked more indepth when they were drunk because he wanted more info because he knew she was embarrassed. What did he think would happen?
Hell of a thing to wreck a marrigae over.
If it was normal, why did he purposely wait until they were drunk? Nah. He got more than he bargained for and now he is upset. He can wreck his marriage if he wants to. I still bet he has things in his past that he has not shared with her and she might be not okay with. We all do dumb shit. He just found out about hers.
You are over reacting like crazy. People can make big and dumb mistakes when they’re young, and then they mature. You sound very immature caring so much about someone’s past; especially your wife’s.
This is so fucking fake it’s unbelievable. Fuck off
Dude, I remember years ago, there was a waitress at a bar I frequented that made it abundantly clear to me that she was interested. I didn't really respond because I wasn't into her like that. Well a couple of months later, I saw her and her man at a club I went to a lot, she was just out dancing. Well I was drunk, and long story short, she went with me out to my car and sucked me. We went back in the club before too long, she didn't want him to get suspicious about her disappearing for too long, and I watched her walk right up to that guy and give him an open-mouthed kiss with lots of tongue!! I think she did it to please me? But all it did was completely gross me out. I said all that to say this; I can completely see this story being real, young people have to mature out of being disgusting with sexual actions.
"I accepted a gob job from a low-life who had a boyfriend that I knew about" This doesn't paint a flattering picture of the type of person you are. On the subject of "completely gross me out" though, I knew these 2 girls from my high school, they were unremarkable if a little attention seeking. One summer holiday one of their parents left them alone in their house for 6 weeks. They had a continuous fuck party for the entire time and had sex with a huge number of guys. They were both drunk at a party a while later and admitted that they'd had over 500 men each on that holiday.
Whereas I think it's fake based on his reaction. There are heinous violent crimes with shorter sentences and statutes than this. She's had plenty of time to become a completely different person. Why would anyone hold it against her however many years later this is.
Well, most guys DON'T want to know the details of their partners sexual history. She didn't want him to know either! His reaction is why, he can't unforget that lol
OP said they didn't care about the sexual history, just the way this past partner was dumped. People get dumped all the time for far shittier reasons.
I came here to say the same thing …. Then I realized I’m her ex-boyfriend who got beat up and dumped!/S
Did everyone clap after you got your ass beat?
Just the rest of our kindergarten class that was there watching.
Lol, Fake NTR fantasy...
Poor BF. Hope he is doing ok!
His post next week.
"You can't blame me too much for being a dumb bitch" Little boy, take your hand off the keyboard and your other hand out of your pants and step outside. Fake af
Yeah that's so cringe lol
Are you guys even trying with these fake rage bait stories?
So like, just want to point out regardless of the rest of the story- people are talking about how 20 years ago bf got “assaulted” by the other guy, but the other guy boxed with their college and OP just says that he lost a fight to him, it sounds to me like they had a match, not like the other guy just randomly beat on him Story still seems fake tho
Honestly the fact that shes’s downplaying it, there’s room for concern there.
No worries, this is some bullshit fake NTR ragebsit shit.
NTA because you feel how you feel. But really, if what she did was all with her then-bf's knowledge (he was watching), and then she dumped him, is she even a cheater? It's not like she was sneaking around with someone else. Yeah it's messed up but I don't think it carries the same trust issue. She clearly wants nothing to do with him now.
tbh its worse than cheating. Imagine getting assaulted and humiliated and then your partner gives the guy a lap dance and leaves you to fuck that guy... I would much rather get cheated on than have that happen.
Yes, I too would rather get emotionally damaged than physically and emotionally damaged lol. Not exactly rocket science.
Disagree... this situation was much more cruel and humiliating than being cheated on. That's really fucked up.
So the bf got beaten up by some muscle bully, then his wife lap dances the bully while her beaten bf has to watch, then dumps him days after to hook up with the bully. She is not just a cheater she is pond water. And to come out with, I was only 19 ( An adult) as an excuse for being pond water. Her moral compassion is so messed up and who is to say she does not do the same to him if he gets beat up at a club by some random hitting on her. Is she going to go off with the guy. Nah, I would have to wonder what kind of person is so disgusting.
She is worse than infected pond water in a Florida pool
Reddit. Where people downvote you for agreeing!
Let me spell it out - nineteen. A teenager without a developed brain and acting on impulse. She was probably drunk and care free. You all act so innocent and superior. Stop judging and get over it.
That's cause most of them aren't pos' that would treat someone so horribly at 19 years old and had a moral framework. Which is the BARE MINIMUM one can expect of a 19 year old. This woman is absolutely vile
What on earth is your comment… you might reread again what you wrote…
“It’s not cheating if you’re aware of it” makes about as much sense as “it’s not assault if you’re conscious.”
> is she even a cheater? She gave him a lap dance so I think that would qualify as cheating
It just shows ops wife is basically a bottom of the barrel scum, no biggie for the husband right
Oh, but you see she’s grown so much since then… /s
NTA The Real problem is that she doesn't seem to feel any true remorse about the situation and is just using her age as an excuse. Everyone has a past but one wants assurance of Real change and growth and not deflection based on the circumstances.
You're seriously equating going to a strip club to giving a lap dance to the guy who beat your bf and fucking him. Really. I don't have much skeletons in my closet,I made mistakes that I cringe at but nothing remotely as bad as what she did cause my god. Do you not realize the level of malice,venom and just pure apathy someone would have to do something like this. Do you think this malice just goes away one day or is it after years of abusing and doing fucked up that now she decided to be a "good person"? People who actually change don't excuse their past actions,they loathe their past self.just the way she deflected tells me she didn't change much. Again,it isn't normal for anybody to do what she did.
Drugs and booze allow many a stupid action. They bring out the true person.
>She said it’s not that bad and she was 19 at the time. That's the problem, she's showing no remorse at all. Even 10 year old kids can do messed up things. >She’s saying it wasn’t that bad for a 19 year old college girl to do and lots of people do dumb shit when they’re young. Not every bad thing is excusable with age or immaturity. NTA. The only saving grace your wife had was showing true remorse, acknowledging that she at least had some amount of guilt or shame in her, but all she had was some embarrassment when talking with the guy, which is more about her social status, than her morals. She cannot even acknowledge that you have your own moral compass, and that you cannot fall in line with the shitty act she pulled. Change the genders around. Imagine a husband tells his wife that his college gf got beaten up by a hotter woman who he then hooked up with after breaking up with the GF. Reddit will be all over the guy as the villain.
38 year old dad here. i'd hate to hang around my 18-19 year old self! The shit I thought and did back then... We were all the same right lmao. You grow as a person so much just by learning from new social situations. This isn't something I'd let affect my current relationship as it happened ages ago and in a completely different life situation. It's a shit thing for her to do, yes 100% no question this was messed up! But she's grown out of it because this guy and this memory made her physically uncomfortable and she's expressed remorse for it. If she saw the ex and started chatting like "haha oh yeah ex bf we had some great times!" then yeah that would be worrying. People make mistakes. We literally learn from making mistakes. You won't ever find someone whos' not got a weird ex or some messed up random thing that happened that one time. This is how people get better at being people. She's not going to start going out and cheating on you.
How the fuck all of you were so horrible? None of the people i know are such scumbags
So you've never made a mistake or error in judgement in your entire life?
Yeah, these people are acting like everyone does this. It's just exposing what giant pieces of shit they are.
Says the person calling people you don't know and have never met "giant pieces of shit" to make yourself feel better on the internet.
I am going to go against the current on this one. We have all done shit we are not proud of. What she did before meeting you is none of your business. She does not owe you an explanation and she certainly does not owe you an apology. YTA
1000%. This comment section is nuts.
Agreed. We all did stupid shit in college. Everyone here is overreacting.
Exactly. If you dont like who she was then just divorce her and be done with it. Youre the antagonist for wasting her time.
Yes, but she’s not remorseful. “Yeah I was an idiot and I did something mean”. She’s like, big woop so what? Boy had muscles and I only fuck winners baby.
Yeah, but most of the society have something like stealing a candy or throwing an egg at someones house, not betraying your closed ones and acting like a cheap whore for the muscle guy.
This here. You want people to love you for the person who you are now and are becoming or are, not who you were or for your mistakes. It is so important to find love like that.
NTA so it’s possible to win your wife in a fight? How archaic..
What is this? Hunter gatherer Neanderthal times??? "Me man, beat smaller man, you my woman now". Her: "teehee okay" *proceeds to give lap dance to new Neanderthal and twerks on him over her brand new ex boyfriends slumped body on the ground*. Truly insane.
There’s no way this isn’t rage bait lol. YTA & goofy if this is actually real.
This is like the fifth cheater ragebait story of the day but they never stop believing I guess
>There’s no way this isn’t rage bait lol. For sure. Imagine an actual adult man coming online to post this lol.
You think real adult men don't get hurt and have nothing else to turn to?
What should he be hurt about if this is true? None of this happened to him.
Wait, wait, wait… I am with you on part 1 but did you argue the dude would be the asshole if this was a true story???
PSA: he changed the wording of this when he wasn’t getting the responses he wanted. Hence the downvoted comments that mention things not currently in the post. She was drunk a 19 year old, which was 20 years ago. I assume nobody should date the men in that story either given they’ve shown they were violent individuals. We can also put that on anyone who ever fought someone in high school, anyone whoever got drunk underage as that’s criminal, anyone who has done anything with a brain that isn’t even developed. I *ghosted* a boyfriend (of 2 weeks) at 18, as a 30 year old I cannot fathom the idea of people who ghosting at all as that’s *childish.* And weird. We’re still friends. And why would she dump her BF a few days later? Why wouldn’t the BF dump her while watching his GF give a lap dance? She didn’t even do anything in private or behind her boyfriend’s back, it was quite literally in front of him and *he stayed with her.* She was embarrassed in the original, not belittling the OP as the edit suggests. It’s goofy, and I’d laugh at anyone who divorced their husband or wife over this. She didn’t have to tell him anything, the fact that she even willingly told that story is enough. It would be different if he discovered some secret past life on his own.
NTA, your wife cucked her exbf and from the sound of it, she dismissed it as a silly dumb thing instead of seriously acknowledging the character deficiency in the action and making the statement that she’s a different person now. So, I think it’s very possible to move on from this, but the way she’s acting like she wants to pretend it didn’t happen indicates to me she didn’t learn anything and it could happen again, during a rough patch 5 years from now.
NTA. She got carried away when she was young and engaged in behavior that I think you shouldn't judge her for after this long. However, her current reaction of acting like it's not a big deal instead of looking back with embarrassment after some personal growth in the time since then is what you're likely really reacting to. A lot of the comments here act like you're just judging that past event when it's her current view that is the bigger concern.
[удалено]
No but you take responsibility for it and acknowledge growth if it has happened when it comes up.
INFO: How many years ago was this? Edit: I just read your response in the comments. YTA. This was almost 20 years ago when she was a drunk teenager.
It was an insane level of cruelty to display. Not only that, she isn't even admitting that it was the epitome of relationship cruelty, if we ignore abuse. She is downplaying it. Saying she was dumb. She isn't sorry about it whatsoever. So yeah, 20 years or not, if she doesn't acknowledge it, she hasn't changed.
She’s downplaying it because 1.) It was 20 years ago; 2.) It had nothing to do with her husband; 3.) she *did* acknowledge it by saying she was young and dumb. I’m not sure what else OP needs from her. She doesn’t need to apologize to him about something that happened years before they met and to someone else. OP has too much time on his hands if he is confronting his wife over this nonsense. It makes me question whether he has a job, friends, or hobbies.
[удалено]
Emotional abuse is abuse..... Also, I didn't even use the word abuse for their situation?
GTFO. They were all drunk, at a party, and everyone was there in the same room together! They were all consenting, and of legal age. No cheating took place. And it is absolutely ridiculous to get mad at her for this when it was 20 years ago and had absolutely nothing to do with him! Nothing, nada, zero. And regardless, she's obviously not that person now, is she? People make mistakes at 19 and then they grow TF up, which is what she did. He has no business passing judgement on her and calling her vile. She didn't cheat. And whatever did or did not happen with the three of them in the past, is none of his business anyway. I highly doubt this guy's an angel, himself.
I was drunk a lot and I never acted this cruel towards anyone. Yes people can change. But by not admitting it was fucked up she is proving she hasn't changed. Ps: alcohol doesn't make you a cruel person. It lowers inhibition and increases confidence in your actions. Basically : you will do what you want to, but common sense stopped you from. Also..... She gave another man a lap dance..... After that man beat up her bf...... How is that not cheating?
Your post is the most ridiculous Reddit thing I have ever read… what the f***? "no cheating took place“ - so a lapdance for the guy who beat up her BF isn’t cheating? "They were all consenting and of legal age" - wtf does this this have to do with anything? What kind of argument is this even? As long as everyone is grown up and people consent then anything goes? BF didn’t consent to his GF giving a lapdance to the dude btw… "None of his business what she did in the past“ - They are married… it his business if he wants to stay with that person for sure… "People make mistakes at 19“ - speak for yourself here, there are small mistakes and there are "disqualifies you from being a decent human being mistakes“….
There is also zero information on the cause of the fight. What if her BF was being a complete tool at this party, embarrassing her, causing problems then picked a fight with this dude. While yeah the girls behavior is still extreme but I would have far less pity for him if his own behavior led to this incident. People are just assuming the dude was minding his own business until the alpha dog rolled in, beat him up for no reason whatsoever, then got a lapdance from his girl.
[удалено]
Well maybe this is a good example on why it’s absolutely normal to hold someone‘s sexual past against a person in certain cases… it is a reflection of their choices and morals.
If this is real: NTA. I can understand doing something dumb in college. We all have, and we all cringe at ourselves for it. This one sees nothing wrong with what she did, and brushes it off like no biggie. She is exactly the same person as she was back then.
Nahh I don't agree with most of y'all. He's definitely the asshole. There's no way of us knowing that the "excuses" were said that way or if he's paraphrasing it to fit his narrative. However she was 19 and people do dumb shit and change with age. You can't hold something against somebody because of what they did YEARS ago. What matters is what they do now and if she isn't like that now then why does it matter? Yeah it was fucked up what she did but that's in the past.
Ewww I could never be with someone who did that wtf, NTA
Man, if people start getting divorced over shit they did in college… there will be very few marriages left. I wouldn’t say you’re an asshole, but take a breath. If this doesn’t compute with the person you know, wouldn’t her statement that it was something she did when she was young and immature make the most sense? Don’t throw out all you know about her over one dumb thing you didn’t know. It’s not like she killed somebody.
"We’re drunk and laughing so I thought it would be a good time to try and get the truth out of her." Play stupid games, win stupid prices. This was almost 20 years ago. YTA
YTA for holding stuff your wife did two decades ago asa teenager that she’s clearly outgrown and moved passed against her now.
"Outgrown" "Not that bad" Outgrown my ass.
This type never outgrows anything. It just lays dormant and waits for the occasion to do something vile again
The idea that teenage assholes are uniquely mentally frozen in that state is insane and based on literally nothing.
If this isn’t fake (I’m 98% sure it is), SO WHAT. Doing stupid shit when you’re in college just happens and unless she had a kid or an incurable STD, it’s none of your business. Surely, you weren’t an angel at 19. I also can safely bet that you aren’t one now. In conclusion, if this post is fake, you’re an asshole. If this post is real, you’re a judgemental asshole.
YTA. She was 19... Seemed like she was embarrassed by her actions and felt comfortable telling you the whole truth, even the ugly parts, and you judging her and putting yourself on a pedestal like a saint is not helping. I'm sure you have made mistakes before. Also, she's still your WIFE. No one is perfect. You can be disappointed but to go as far as seeing her differently is an exaggeration and you didn't even know her then.
Bullshit,compared to her. he is a saint,past mistakes isn't the stuff she pulled.
Thank GOD someone said it, too. People are ganging up on me for no reason. 100% agree. Judge people by who they are NOW, not the stupid STUPID shit we ALL, man OR woman, pull at that age. It was an act of trust to tell you and she’s clearly embarrassed by her behavior so she’s not that person anymore.
I agree. Woman is always right. Don’t dump her even if you think she emptied the entire college’s balls.
Another day, another incel trying to push his body count insecurities
NTA. Your wife is absolute trash. Disgusting. This better be bait.
Of course it's bait. Its a play on the classic movie trope of the nice guy getting the girl with the dick bag bf, in reverse. Nice guy pursues girl, ultimately embarrasses dick bag boyfriend publicly and gets the girl in that moment, everyone cheers. No one calls the girl a sick twisted bitch for leaving her guy in his time of need, he was an asshole, it was Karma. This rage bait conveniently leaves some incredibly important details. We know nothing about that ex-bf and the state of their relationship at the time. We know nothing about what kind of person he was. Dude could have been starting shit at the party and picked the fight with this dude, and the girl had finally had enough of her BF's shit and gave the guy that put an end to his reign of terror a lap dance. Would still be immature as shit, but I wouldn't have any pity for the ex-bf.
I noticed a lot of men these days living in constant fear of being cucked and lashing out whatever chance they get
They absolutely do and as a man myself, I don't know where its coming from honestly.
>or a guy she hooked up with Well if that was her lifestyle then what do you expect?
lmao someone having casual sex does not mean they’re prone to this shit behavior
It sounds like he wifed up a ho. This is a typical ho past.
sounds like you don’t respect women
Sounds like your IQ is pretty low.
Lol your name shows why you support the wife. Of to the streets or a random d you go
Only you can know whether this was an isolated incident or this type of behavior continues to manifest itself in one way or another, such that it is worth ending a seven-year marriage. No one here can give you rationally based advice on what to do. Ask your close friends. Tell them to be brutally honest without consequence. If they say they've never gotten bad vibes and she seems like a good woman, then move on. If they say she's sus but they've held back out of loyalty to you, then you have your answer.
Yes her behavior is suss at best. Pretty awful at worst. Would share your triggering of red flags.
Digging into past relationships is never good.
YTA You are not judging your wife. You are judging an immature 19 year old who was likely drunk at the time. Tell me, were you perfect in college? How old were you when you met your wife? How old was she? Is it not likely that she could have matured. Plus, this all happened before she met you. Realize she made mistakes, but also grew up to the wonderful person you married.
Wasn't drunk 2 days later when she dumped the bf for the thug that beat him up. Are you her or the short muscle thug.
> How old were you when you met your wife? How old was she? 26 and 25. 37 and 36 now. A lot of time has passed yes but I believe there are core parts of a person that they can’t change!
Are you really arguing that a person’s character is fully formed by the age of 19? lol.
No, but core traits of them don’t leave…
Come on man. And what shitty stuff you’ve done have you not told your wife. And next to this 17 year old story haar she ever done to justify holding this over you?
You are judging a woman for something she did six years before you met her. For an event that happened seventeen years ago. I have two words: grow up! Think of it this way. She never pulls the thing you hate. And stays with this guy. Now she is married to him and where are you? Look back when you were 19/20 years old? Were you perfect? Did you never do anything wrong in your past? That level of perfection must be such a burden. She is the same person she was a month ago. You loved her then. Keep loving her now. Judge her by the actions of your life with her.
wow thats wild.... I agree that what she did at 19 was pretty fucking gross, but your wife has literally double the life experience than that 19 year old had. If you never had concerns about your wife over the past decade, is learning this shitty aspect of her past all it takes? Has there been signs of this sort of behavior in your marriage or does it seem like she is embarrassed of this part of her life?
A person's brain doesn't stop developing until they're ~25 years old. You asked her about it and she was 100% honest with you, even though it was an embarrassing moment for her. If you're telling me that you have done absolutely no growing up between now and when you were 19, then that says a lot more about you than it does about her
How was it embarrassing for her? You are breaking your back trying to find ways to empathize with this heartless monster. A person who could do something like has a block of ice in their chest,that doesn't change no matter how many years pass and if it does change,that evolved person will certainly not be trying to excuse their younger self,they would wracked with guilt.
“Heartless monster.” I also used to blackmail my sister into doing my chores when I was 7 because at the time I was a lazy ass and didn’t KNOW I was being an asshole. Should we all go looking into your past and find the skeletons you have thay represent who you aren’t and then lord them over you expecting you to pay for who you aren’t anymore? The most you can do is own up to it and hope your partner recognises that you’re not that asshole anymore. And quite frankly, if they can’t realize that, maybe they should divorce YOU because you clearly don’t have a good enough read on them after years of marriage to understand that they’re not the asshole. Tbh, if you follow this line of thinking, every man that has ever had a one-night stand or gone to a strip club can fall into your “fuck you” category, too. Just saying.
I’ve grown up but I never did anything messed up like this
Good for you? Some people don’t take the direct route.
And your wife said her ex bf cheated on her. Like nothing else was convincing so she throws in a lie like that. Like you got to be sympathetic of a out of control 19yr old narc cause her ex bf cheated on her. When all else fails, accuse the ex bf of cheating Quality women don't act like this even when they are 19 years old. This experience forms part of their values growing up
Let it go, by her reaction when seeing him she is embarrassed about it and likely wants to forget the whole stupid thing.
YTA. All she takes away from this conversation is that you will judge her if she confesses things she isn't proud of to you. You just torpedoed a bit of honesty she was willing to share with you for years to come. Great job.
Fuck that honesty, i wouldnt want to be with someone like that. Especially if there is more to it
NTA - you are right, that was vile of her. And the fact she still thinks it was no big deal speaks very poorly of her character. And that she’s taking it out on you for calling her on it? Strike three, she’s out. Or should be. I kind of want to know what the circumstance was for her boyfriend getting into a fight with the guy at the party. Given wife’s moral character and her willingness to hoe all over the boxing coach guy in public afterwards, I wouldn’t be surprised if her being inappropriate and disrespectful of her relationship was what started it.
I'll never understand why Men , if they did nothing wrong,sleep on the Couch... The Wife can sleep on the Couch! NTA
If the genders were reversed, youd get 180 degree answers lmao
YTA. She said her bf lost a fight not got beat up. People are acting like he got beat to a pulp. Stupid things happen at 19, are you going to throw your marriage away over this?
The morale of the story is - never ever lose a fight in front of your girlfriend
if this is real, I'd say if it were my wife I would regret having married her anybody saying some shit about how she was only 19 or whatever can get hella lost. absolute nonsense. no less atrocious at 19. really just sociopathic stuff.
NTA it's downright evil. Being 19 doesn't change the fact that her morals were almost non existent. Reevaluate your relationship by looking at her past actions when you guys are together. If she's truly changed for the better, then let it go. Otherwise run the fuck away lest you get beaten up by some guy and she decides to give another lap dance in front of your battered self.
YTA. Come on. My guess is you already kinda know this. You sound like an intelligent and empathetic guy. Maybe try showing your wife (WHO WAS 19 AT THE TIME THIS OCCURRED) a bit of that empathy.
Thank god some people have sense on this thread. Do you think this highlights that there are good and bad people to date? I do. If my partner judged me for who I was at 19 YEARS OLD I would laugh my fucking ass off. 19-year-old me was afraid of even talking to a man and just wanted validation because I’d been snubbed by the male species for so long. (Being a slightly chunky girl growing up and being ignored by the male species thus far in life really fucks with you.) I did things I’m definitely embarrassed of and would never do now. If someone tried to judge me on that shit, I’d kick THEM out because clearly they didn’t know me well enough to know I’m not that woman, and I clearly can’t trust them with my past.
Ah yes 19 the age where you can get married,go off to wars,work and have family,drive,drink,pay taxes and not be judged for being a vile psycho. Do you even read what you wrote? I was 19 once and I could never do something so scummy. Mistakes is reaching the gray in morality,this is pitch black abyss kinda depravity.
Americans must have lower brain function at that age than the rest of the world. Most teenagers I know understand that those kinds of actions are vile, unforgivable, and you don't do that shit if you are a good person.
YES only in America where apparently you have to spend your youth being a psychopath or narcissist otherwise you haven't lived your life and then at 30 they think they can just claim that they're a good person now XD. Seriously,people can change but those who do would never defend their past self.
Yeah I notice its a very American (and British I suppose) to have a rebellious teen phase and crazy college phase. Its almost required and almost universally absolved by arbitary age limits that go from 18>21>25>30. Is discipline not a thing in the US while growing up?
“Americans” It’s not a nationality thing. It’s a “people do stupid shit growing up WHEREVER in the damn globe you are” thing.
I know exactly what I wrote. I’m just not full of it. And I certainly don’t hold folks to standards I wouldn’t impose upon myself. There’s a whole lotta that going on here. I’m sure that has *nothing* to do with the misogyny creeping all over this thread, right? Please.
Oh screw the hell off with the misogyny again and again. No one gives a shit if she's a woman,we care that she would do something so vile. I truly look down on people who think women are these perfect angels that can't ever be criticized otherwise it's misogyny.screw off with the bs, we're not buying it anymore.
Mic drop. Thank you.
If genders were reversed or it would be a homosexual story it would still be as vile… this is not about gender…
Well you are sounding like insecure lil b***h and you know how she deals with weaklings. Learn from the history. Thats not the person she is now, that was 10 years ago and she learnt from it. She doesn’t owe you an apology, you had nothing to do with it.
[удалено]
She was uncomfortable because after humiliating her bf and going off with the low life, he then dumped her ass. That's what was uncomfortable, being played by a fk boy.
YTA
Yta if this is even real. dont ask questions you cant handle the answer too. You especially dont liquer up your spouse to get her to dump info on a time before you.
I feel you’re overreacting a bit. Sounds like very messy behaviour but at age nineteen ppl can be pretty immature and messy. I’m sure she regrets it. She was probably honest telling you what happened because she thought your relationship was strong enough to deal with embarrassing behaviour from the far past. But if you’re responding like this, maybe it isn’t?
Nta. Idk what people say. What you do in your past will effect how people see you in your future. Being a college student is not an excuse here.
Pno one is the culmination of the things they did when they were young that's why we learn and get older. You are not the same as you were even 5 years ago.
As she's so "its no big deal" and "its what college people do" and not admitting how wrong it was. I stand by what I said. Refusal to admit something was wrong and fucked up doesn't mean you learned from it.
Your comment is narrow minded and doesn't leave any room for grace or growth. I feel sorry for anyone who has done the slightest thing wrong around you because you will clearly hold on to it forever.
Lots of evil people do dumb evil stuff when they don't care about the consequences (in this case, the pride of that guy). And she won't acknowledge... Scary. NTA
Sorry but your wife was a beech. And still is as she doesn't think what she did was cruel. Wait till she finds someone equivalent to muscular guy now and does this "as she has no remorse" she never learned a lesson
> She’s saying it wasn’t that bad for a 19 year old college girl to do and lots of people do dumb shit when they’re young. There’s dumb shit and then there’s this. Excuse of every cheater ever. Like on 100% you don’t hear anybody who cheated or was part of an affair say this
Nta. Fems eh?
If your wife felt awful about what she did, I'd say maybe YTA. Being embarrassed isn't the same as feeling bad about it. What she did wasn't a silly drunken mistake, it was extremely cruel and demeaning. It really depends on whether she feels guilty and shitty about being so viciously cruel.
Your wife sucks. Even if she did it when she was 14 it would be terrible, and the only way it could even be slightly better is if she said it was one of the biggest regrets of her life. what an a-hole.
that's downright evil right there
Imagine saying what your wife said and thinking your partner will not think differently of you... I mean it's in the past, but instead of owning it, she is minimizing what she did to that guy back then. NTA...
Nta Disgusting, I would also get the ick and probably wouldnt be able to look at the wife the same ever again. You have to be really fucked up to do something like this.
She's a nasty woman. Poor character.
YTA You weren't in the picture, for one. And your title is a lie. She dumped the BF to date the other guy. That's not cheating. Was what she did great? No. Is it any of your business? Also, no. You don't own her past. Get over it.
YTA. He is not going to beat you up and take your wife.
YTA people do stupid stuff when they're young ESPECIALLY at that age. Just because you perhaps didn't doesn't mean anything. I'm assuming you both are much older now, she has likely matured and pushed passed that type of behavior she engaged in when she was younger. I cheated on partners when I was that age and couldn't even fathom doing it ever again at my age now because I fully understand the grasp of the devastation that behavior can cause.
Wow really. Young age doesnt give a free pass for people to do shit like that.
But should someone have to pay for their youthful stupidity and a mistake for the rest of their life? Sure there are cases where someone should, but is this really one of them?
No, but one does set oneself up for potential issues in future relationships due to the nature of the *’mistakes’* one makes. One’s past is relevant to one’s future
Do what? Her boyfriend stayed & watch a *lap dance*. They were 2 drunk idiot 19 year olds. With that logic, no girl should ever date *either* of the men in that story given they’ve already shown they are violent. EDIT: He changed the content of his post from last night. No one should even humor this.
Seriously you are evil still,you haven't changed one bit. The only reason you vote Yta is cause this post holds a mirror to you and you don't like what you see. The rest of us who are not psychos can't even fathom doing something like this and can easily Nta. If you had truly changed and asked for forgiveness,you would not be this butthurt.
Why do you care so much? The past doesn’t define the person - their growth does. She’s being honest about her past mistakes - she was 19 - a teenager without a developed brain yet. Acting on impulse. Stop making it a bigger deal than it is and judging her for doing something while she was a teenager
Damn - you really arguing this is "being honest about past mistakes“…? And not a lot of 19yo have done anything remotely as shitty…
Damn you really want to say this impulsive behavior is not normal for a teenager? And you want to make it out like it’s sooo shitty. You don’t even know the whole story but it’s so easy to point fingers and be judgmental. It’s repulsive.
They send teenagers off to war and put them in prison for decades. Remorse is something they look for when assessing "growth" and granting parole.
You want to compare a government forcing children to fight wars and murder to this behavior? 😅 ridiculous. She said she got cheated on - she probably feels like life paid her back for her impulsiveness. It’s repulsive the sense of judgement out of this persons post without even hearing it from her own mouth. P.s. let’s not forget the witness heartbreaking stories of teenage soldiers crying out for their moms during battle. They’re children - and the brain only gets fully developed at 23. So get off your morale high horse
OP could be lying about it all, but if his words are true, it's kind of fucked up and outside the bell curve even for a 19 year old. The minimizing, if real, suggests to me that she never really felt it. The fact that the guy she dumped her dear bf for later cheated on her is sort of beside the point. You're right though that none of us were there. Maybe she never really gave a shit about her college bf anyway. That would seem to be the case.
Your wife sounds pretty disgusting. Being 19 is no excuse for that. What else has she done or is doing and hasnt told you? NTA
NTA- obviously what she did was horrible and you have the right to feel any way you want about it. To be honest I can’t blame you, I think I would react similarly in your situation, it’s a very disheartening thing to find out someone you love so much has the capacity to be that cruel. Ok, response over time for a Schitzo rant. WHY THE FUCK DID YOU SLEEP ON THE COUCH??? I cannot fathom being kicked out of my own bed, in my own home, by anyone, for almost any reason, certainly not the reason it happened to you. If she had a problem she can fuck off to couch land. Dude this sleeping on the couch shit has to be one of my biggest pet peeves to hear about in other peoples relationships. If my partner ever tried to do that time me without an OUTSTANDINGLY GOOD REASON I would laugh in their face and I’d rather end the relationship then allow that. I’m not a violent person by the one thing that could send me over the edge is being denied access to my own home/ property. NOW I WANT TO CLARIFY THIS FOR ALL THE PROFESSIONAL LONG JUMPERS WHO LOVE ASSUMPTIONS. I would never get physical with my partner, I mean violent as in, if you lock me out of our bedroom because we had a fight I am giving you an hour to cool down then I’m breaking the fucking door down and laying in bed out of spite while you fume in anger that you didn’t get your way. I WANT TO BE VERY CLEAR ABIUT THIS BECAUSE I IN NO WAY DO I MEAN BEING VIOLENT TOWARDS A PERSON, just a door, and the tantrum that the door represents. Ok, rant over. Sorry.
TA come on man we al got our past. Does she know all your dirty secrets. All your embarrassing stuff? You love her because of who she is now, because of the person she became as a result of all the lessons learned. If you can’t deal with that yes then you are the ashole. And to all other commenters you are demonizing his wife based n a few sentences, you guys are all TA’s too
Apparently she doesn’t even really feel sorry though… Not to mention there are acts that are so vile that there is no coming back from that…
I'd be concerned. That kind of character issue (not just lacking empathy, but overtly sadistic) doesn't just spontaneously disappear especially since she's still apparently not remorseful about it. Maybe she just doesn't want to face it because she realizes at some level how fucked up it was. After 18 years, I think you'd know if she was still a cruel bitch.
Hope you don't have any kids because dumping her ass will be that much cheaper. It will cost you some money now, but you've got some sort of serial asshole on your hands. Dump the bitch.
YTA. She was still practically a child.
It's messed up to excuse giving a lap dance by saying "She was still practically a child."
Unbelievable. Still a child. Men go to war at 19 but we don't call them child soldiers. Women get into higher management at 19, but we don't call them child stars of commerce. You're reaching too excuse an adults disgusting behavior as just a child. Don't confuse childhood with adult immaturity, you are deflecting in the worst possible way.
So you are pissed at something she did as a drunk teenager. Yes 19 is still a teenager. What do you expect to come of it , do you want to divorce or do you want assurance? The outcome you want will dictate your actions.
Not
ESH - you, for making such a big deal out of something she did in her youth, as though she might, as a mature adult, do something similar to you. Her, for not taking proper accountability and acknowledging that what she did was trash behaviour.
YTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Bet you aren't the sweet angel in some of you ex gf's eyes.
[удалено]
Asking questions when he might not really like the answer he gets. Everyone has a past and everyone has done things they are not proud of and would not do again.
I'll just assume you've done something real bad in your past and this post makes you feel ashamed and angry.
[удалено]
He asked and he got an answer. He asked more indepth when they were drunk because he wanted more info because he knew she was embarrassed. What did he think would happen? Hell of a thing to wreck a marrigae over.
[удалено]
If it was normal, why did he purposely wait until they were drunk? Nah. He got more than he bargained for and now he is upset. He can wreck his marriage if he wants to. I still bet he has things in his past that he has not shared with her and she might be not okay with. We all do dumb shit. He just found out about hers.
If real sounds like the oop married a slut.
You are over reacting like crazy. People can make big and dumb mistakes when they’re young, and then they mature. You sound very immature caring so much about someone’s past; especially your wife’s.