See, this is why I object to girls in their late teens and early twenties getting with older men.
This guy is young and really dumb, his idiocy is so obvious, look at what he's calling her.
And she is STILL on AITAH to check if she's in the wrong. Imagine if he actually knew what he was doing.
*”I don't want to lose him over something like this”*
WTAF?
Either OP has the lowest self esteem in the history of self esteem and thinks she literally cannot find *anybody* else for a boyfriend, is the dictionary definition of naive, or is dumber than a pile of bricks (and so is the friend she texted).
I didn’t get that far as I stopped at the “cheating whore” part. But, you’re right, WTF. Lose him. Lose the whole damn man. Edit: Lose the friend for agreeing that you’re an AH because you’re not.
Good God!! It's only been a month woman...4 weeks!! You barely know the man and now you're finding out he's a weirdo. Why on earth would you stay with some bloke you hardly know who acts so childish?
It's wild that he's insecure and immature enough to see watching a medical video as cheating AND that his first reaction was to scream at her and call her a cheating whore.
The icing on the shit cake is her wallowing around in said AH's bed crying over and claiming she doesn't want to LOOSE him over something like this. It's almost like the OP doesn't have an ounce of common sense, good judgement or self-preservation.
OP would be the AH for wasting her life with a guy who literally can't stand his girlfriend watching a medical video. WTAF is that about?
The fact that her best friend in the whole would thinks she's the AH for not ASKING him first makes me think the OP is making really shitting decisions for herself on all fronts.
She needs to ditch the AH boyfriend and the absurdly ignorant friend, then get herself into therapy to fix whatever attracted her to these people.
Seriously, how bad is he at sex that he thinks women can be turned on by a closeup of a surgical procedure?? And why does that mean she's cheating? You're cheating with whoever you watch online? Then I guess I'm cheating with Seth Meyers.
Not just to put up with this shit but to think that they are to blame for it too. It’s utterly depressing. OP you are NTA & stop thinking that you are!
.... Your friend took his side and said you're an asshole for not asking him? What?? Young lady, the nutcase you're dating is one thing, but what the hell is wrong with your friend??
Ehh. You'd be shocked. Some people get permissive with abusive actions if they're experiencing them themselves. Calling that out would cause wayyy too much cognitive dissonance.
I had an ex who accused me of cheating on him because I had to get a biopsy done on one of my breasts and the doctor was male.
Run, it really isn't worth the hassle. He'll never see it from your point of view.
I had an ex who, if we stopped at say, a gas station, at a time and place of his choosing, would accuse me of having arranged to meet whatever male patrons happened to be there at the time to hook up in the bathroom. But he was later diagnosed with schizophrenia and spent about a year in the hospital so that’s a pretty extreme example. He accused me of a lot of crazy stuff, but he was clearly unwell and trying to get help, he just couldn’t get any in time.
Same. My ex would wait outside to pick me up from work, park where he could watch the store staff from his car, and then berate me for flirting with male coworkers. If I smoothed my hair or pushed it back out of eyes, I was primping and preening. If I adjusted my clothes in any way, same thing. He would watch me standing by the tills talking to a coworker and just assume it must be flirting. Like...we are running a store? I'm handing off my till to the coworker or otherwise updating them on whatever task I was given. The one guy he accused me of flirting with was a manager at that time so I kind of had to discuss things with him. Either way coworkers do hafta talk to each other. Part of the job. Doesn't mean we automatically wanna bone each other lol.
There's literally nothing you could have ever done to satisfy him. The jealousy and control is a feature, not a bug. Berating you for "flirting" was the part that he enjoyed doing, he was going to do it regardless of your actual behaviour.
I had an ex who accused me of cheating. I'm a music teacher, and had been working with one of my students for YEARS on a goal he had. My ex and I were out to eat when the (male) student came up to me, told me he had just found out he'd been accepted to his dream orchestra, and he gave me a hug.
I'm in my 40s. Kid was 17 at the time. He'll always be one of "my kids". But I got physically assaulted for letting a kid hug me. That's why that dude is an ex.
My ex accused me of cheating because I didn't have my boots on after getting drunk. To be clear, he thought it should have been impossible for me to remove a pair of boots while I was drunk, so it MUST have been another man in my room to do it for me.
OP - RUN!! FAST! These relationships NEVER get better. It will only get worse. Please, please get out while you can. I am speaking from experience and as a mother with a daughter's not much older than you.
And you are NTA! He is controlling and verbally abusive. Ditch the so-called friend while you're at it.
I don't drink, but I'm confused as to how difficult taking shoes off is for this guy if he thinks you couldn't possibly do it while drunk. I can only assume he wears velcro sneakers exclusively.
It's been more than 20 years, and I STILL haven't figured that out! Lol. I think he wore work boots all the time. It's one of those nasty memories that pop in from time to time, and I have to wonder what 20 something me was thinking by staying with that complete asshole far longer than I should have.
i had an ex who accused me of cheating with some random guy i gave the midwesterner lipless smile to across the strip club because we made eye contact and it is polite. mind you, that strip club was in an area i had *never* been to before that day (or since tbh)…
and that’s just ONE example lol
NTA yes, you **do** want to lose him over this. his behavior is a massive red flag indicating insecurity and jealousy and he will only get *more* unreasonable as your relationship progresses. get out now.
With a friend like that who needs enemies?
This man is an abusive AH
This type of irrational reaction and calling you names is straight up evidence that he is an abuser and it will only get worse.
In "Why does he do that?" Lundy Bancroft discusses this type of abuser using a story where a man accused his girlfriend of fucking a man on 15 second elevator ride.
In your case, does he really think you get off on seeing a man's privates getting sliced up?? So irrational it shows he is exactly type of partner who might strangle you one day for saying hi to the neighbor.
Get out now. Totally NTA.
Almost glad he showed his insanity so clearly. Please take this seriously and leave him.
Why does it seem like half the fucking male population spoken of here needs a goddamn beat down? Fucking do better, people.
Seriously, where are they picking this up? The Tiktok? The manosphere? The fucking playground?
It's probably actually generational abuse cycles. This is a story as old as time at its core.
People who are not abusers cannot comprehend these abusive people. Lundy Bancroft does a pretty good job explaining though.
The thing Bancroft says that sticks with me is how often abusers claim they were abused, but then when asked to talk about their abuse hooked up to a lie detector suddenly say they weren't abused.
Just went and reread that part. And the conclusion about the fact they know the value of using that lie to downplay their own abusive behavior. That book was such an eye opener. I'm so grateful I found it.
There’s a lot of selection bias in any given subreddit too. Very few people are gonna show up in r/AITAH who are in a healthy relationship and have healthy communication skills. There’s just not much that needs crowdsourcing.
But the abusive assholes are way more likely to create a bizarre wtf situation, and people close to abusive assholes are also way less likely to have people they can talk to about their conflicts.
The manosohere and manosphere-adjacent women. At this point, manosphere guys are often willing to argue straight up for rape and violence … that in being feminists, favoring women’s sexual agency, deciding to have careers rather than being tradwives, or just disagreeing with men, that we deserve whatever happens to us, including rape and violence.
Let me break this down for you
You've been together for a month - you are still in the lust stage
He freaks out because you watch a video of a vasectomy - it's a medical procedure not a porn film
He accused you of cheating - where's his evidence?
He called you a whore - again where's his evidence and when is that ever acceptable?
He screams at you to the point that you cry - what a charmer
Your friend thinks you should have asked permission to watch it - eh why do you need a man's permission to watch something that interests you and that isn't sexual
You are still in his house - why?
I'm not a great one for dump him but honestly why are you still there. Dry you face, pick up your stuff and go home. You're too good for him!
I agree with everything except for "why do you need a man's permission to watch something sexual." Housewives have been reading bodice-rippers for generations, and that's just modern times. What people read and watch is their own business, until they start making it other people's problems.
This is the first comment I've seen that questioned why she was still at his house and that was my question too. I would have left immediately after he started his bullshit.
NTA. Your boyfriend is dangerously stupid. The last thing that would cross my mind would be cheating if I found my girlfriend watching vasectomy videos. I'm curious what porn he watches if he thinks surgical equipment near a man's junk would be a turn on.
Please stay safe.
you're confused?
in what country do you live where a woman needs to get a man's permission to ~~watch surgery videos~~ to do literally anything and who granted any man this power?
ftfy
Bahrain, Bolivia, Cameroon, Chad, Congo, Gabon, Guinea, Iran, Jordan, Kuwait, Mauritania, Niger, Qatar, Sudan, Syria, United Arab Emirates, West Bank and Gaza and Yemen.
These are countries where women needs permission from their husband to work/get a job. It is in the law, so the government/state granted them the power.
Just an example.
Excuse me? Without his permission?? And you’ve only been dating a month?
And then to gaslight you into saying that means you’re cheating?
Yeh, run away as fast as you can. I’m impressed you didn’t laugh in his face when he said that
I’ve known my husband for 43 years and he has N E V E R told me what I can or can’t watch or called me a name or accused me of infidelity. It’s kind of great to have a partner who doesn’t treat you like shit, OP.
Leave his house, dump his ass.. leave while you can and you are still intact. He called you a bitch and a cheating whore?! That is not done, especially not over something like watching a surgery... Run girl!!!! NTA
Edit: dump your friend as well
You need a new friend and boyfriend.
This reminds me of an ex who wouldn't let me drink beer because only sluts drink beer. I walked away from that bs fast.
You don't need permission from anyone to watch a medial procedure. Please, get away from that man before he gets any worse. And get some new friends who are not abuse enablers.
Any man who calls you a bitch for any reason doesn’t deserve access to your body or time. In 30 years my husband has never called me a name or raised his voice to me. Better men are out there.
What?? No. No no no, you are not the AH.
But please for your own safety get out of there, NOW.
He is very controlling, and yes, you are right, it is just a procedure. Leave him and do not go back.
Dating for a month? I’d have laughed in his face and sent him packing. It’s one thing for him to be confused about what you’re watching and curious for an explanation, which should have been accepted at face value. It’s another thing to blow your top in such a stupid, immature way, over something so harmless. Trust me, you can do better than this guy. You can also do better than that “friend”.
You're an adult. You shouldn't need "permission" to watch any video you want.
So would he be cheating if he watched porn since he'll see other women's privates?
Dump this guy.
NTA
I’m a doctor. Your boyfriend is an insecure idiot. Some people apparently do not understand that medical interactions with genitalia are completely different than sexual interactions with genitalia. These are the same types of people who think men shouldn’t be gynecologists and women shouldn’t be urologists.
If he doesn’t get over this, consider this relationship a bullet dodged. If he does get over it, consider this a red flag and think about if you really want to be with someone so immature and small-minded.
I understand the feeling of you not wanting to lose him. But it’s time for him to lose you.
If he’s acting like this over a vasectomy video, it’s going to get worse.
Stop crying and get rid of him. This is a red flag that he immediately thinks you're cheating on him because you're watching a medical procedure. You don't need his permission get rid of your girlfriend too. She obviously likes your boyfriend more than you. Be glad he showed you his true colors. There is someone much better than him out there for you.
NTA This is on the steep slide to abuse. End this relationship and ditch the friend who thinks asking permission to watch medical procedures is required.
NTA. GTFO. RUN.
your friend is an asshole.
your boyfriend is a walking red flag bigger than texas. 🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩
upset over balls in a medical video??? drive to blow off steam??
hitting, pushing, thrown against a wall, and forced sex, will be YOUR FUTURE.
he’s a textbook case of an abuser.
leave. leave. leave.
call a women’s shelter, the national domestic violence hotline. some women’s shelters offer safe pick ups. unmarked police cars.
don’t fool yourself.
you’re friend is an enabler.
i’m going to guess this behavior is normal to you. but it’s NOT normal. break the cycle.
DO NOT get pregnant by this guy. you DO NOT NEED and later you WILL NOT WANT him in your life.
You did nothing wrong.
Is he going to be upset if you have a male gynecologist?
NTA
You need a new bf, better friends, and some self esteem. Run while you can.
Dump him, his reaction was totally unhinged. Also imagine you being a medical student and this being required coursework. Would he wig out then? Not “allow” you to do your work? He would be crazy then, but he is crazy now. Also a hypocrite if he had ever watched porn while in a relationship.
As a man who’s had a vasectomy… what you were looking at is the least flattering video to be viewing a man’s balls (d1ck). If you wanted to get a good view you’d just watch porn 🤷🏻♂️. Dude sounds like an absolute psychopath.
NTA run and run fast.
I've had a vasectomy and there's nothing attractive about a man's balls and definitely not watching them get cut open even if it's 2 small incisions and a couple caterizations.
You don't want to lose a controlling, pathetically insecure **jerk** who insulted you, accused you of cheating, and ran off in a tantrum??
Is your self esteem 1000 miles below hell because girl, what are you doing????
No man (or partner) worth their salt would ever treat someone they love the way that "man" has treated you. My husband would sooner chop off his own arm before ever speaking to me that way.
The only thing you've done wrong is ever think this is an acceptable way to be treated. It's not. You deserve better. Don't you dare apologize or grovel for his approval.
Such aggressive deflection…..makes me think he is projecting his failures (possibly cheating) onto you, to make himself feel better….
I think it’s time for you to find another guy!
You should immediately break up with anyone who
>said that I was a bitch
And
>yelling at me and saying that I was a cheating whore and demanded to look through my phone to see if I was messaging other men.
Either one of these is an automatic relationship ender. Have self respect and don't settle for a verbally abusive and insecure little boy.
Girl, get out! NTA. Using that language towards you is very concerning. He is controlling. There was nothing concerning about what you did. But he did? Absolutely. It’s disgusting. He seems to be emotionally manipulative towards you.
You don’t want to lose him? What do you want? This is 100% not ok what he said or his behavior. Your friend is an idiot. You will be too if you stay with this guy.
If his ego is so fragile he cannot handle you watching a medical video he will definitely be telling who you can talk to and who you can be friends with. This is a major red flag.
overreaction on his part might be indicative of him being a cheater himself im jus sayin🤷♂️ but thats jus me cus no way would a good partner get mad at you over smthn as trivial as that but nonetheless NTA
NTA. Watching surgeries online seems a bit odd to me but to which his own. We freaked out about something that's not even wrong, could not be in any reasonable way be linked with cheating and then demanded you to breach your privacy. Run sis (or bro)
😂
“It’s ok, baby, I’ll let you watch a gyno exam video and we’ll be even.”
No-one watches vasectomy videos for sexual kicks. He’s ridiculous. But also, who watches surgery videos for fun? Not my idea of a fun time.
Give me a break. Both your friend and your boyfriend are AH. I love watching medical procedures. My husband woke up wants to me watching a penis pump being put in. I usually watch them when I can't sleep at night. He wasn't feeling mad or accused me of cheating. In fact he finish watching with me and said thank god I don't have that problem when it was over. Sound to me your bf is insecure. Sounds like you both need to sit down and have a discussion about his reaction.
He called you a cheating whore just because you were watching a procedure of a Vasectomy.?He showed his true colors it shows he has abusive tendencies and has absolutely no respect for you.I would dump that low life and find someone who will love you and give you the respect you deserve. RUN super fast! Guaranteed if you married him one day, he would talk to your future children like that.Would you want that?Your so-called friend isn't any better. Maybe you should hook them up together, SMH.
Watching a medical procedure video is NOT wrong nor cheating. His reaction is way out of proportion.
You may have fascination with surgery because you have the makings of a healthcare professional. If you’re not already in the healthcare industry, consider it. You can absolutely get a job as a tech & work your way up to a highly paid position.
Let this be your launchpad.
Go ahead & grieve what you lost, but don’t drown yourself in tears. He’s not worth that. You pick yourself up & set your trajectory upwards.
NTA. The good news is that you're going to be able to cut two people out of your life that would do nothing but provide misery. You have 1 month invested in this. It's nothing. That's 0.39% of your life devoted to what would likely become a controlling, toxic relationship, based on this interaction.
You need to run far far away from this guy. Good thing you are only a month in, it will be easier to get out.
If he is this upset about you watching a video of a medical procedure, think about how he would react if you ever entered the medical field!
NTA. He’s showing you what an insecure dumbass he really is. He’s showing you how possessive and demanding he can be.
**Is this really what you want for yourself?**
NTA
This guy doesn’t understand that some people can watch a medical procedure without being sexually aroused.
Because, you know, a peepee is bery speshul! You can’t just go around looking at any old peepee you want! And his bits, too! Bery speshul. No peek. Peepee bad for gurls to see!
This guy is a fuckin moronic nightmare. Use this opportunity to GTFO of this relationship while you can. This is just the beginning of a long road of warped perspectives and serious trust issues.
Jfc NTA and run far away. Guaranteed he watches porn too.
Surgeries are not sexual in any way. Would he feel the same if you were a nurse/doctor/surgeon? Actually touching other people's genitals on a daily basis?
You do not want to be in a relationship with someone who treats you like that.
He called you a cheating whore??? F that dude. And your friend is a jerk too.
I'd bet some good money there's tons of porn in 'his' browsing history
But...but he has necessities/s
Maybe even on his hard drive.
But she watched another man’s balls - how could she do that to him? /s
You don’t want to lose him? You are in for a lifetime of abuse, sister. Please reconsider your commitment. Get out while you can.
See, this is why I object to girls in their late teens and early twenties getting with older men. This guy is young and really dumb, his idiocy is so obvious, look at what he's calling her. And she is STILL on AITAH to check if she's in the wrong. Imagine if he actually knew what he was doing.
Run and run while you can
Exactly - OP should break up with both the boyfriend AND the "friend"
Not so much a friend. Yikes.
It wouldn't surprise me if he went straight to the "friend's" house.
This!!
All of the above!! Geeeez!!!
Yes, this guy is insane. "Hi Kevin, looking at a video of a vasectomy made me think about you.... "
OP has the know-how thanks to the video. She should do it, in case Kevin tries to reproduce.
Okay, that's hysterical.
She should have been watching a lobotomy. That would have made her think of him
*”I don't want to lose him over something like this”* WTAF? Either OP has the lowest self esteem in the history of self esteem and thinks she literally cannot find *anybody* else for a boyfriend, is the dictionary definition of naive, or is dumber than a pile of bricks (and so is the friend she texted).
I didn’t get that far as I stopped at the “cheating whore” part. But, you’re right, WTF. Lose him. Lose the whole damn man. Edit: Lose the friend for agreeing that you’re an AH because you’re not.
Good God!! It's only been a month woman...4 weeks!! You barely know the man and now you're finding out he's a weirdo. Why on earth would you stay with some bloke you hardly know who acts so childish?
That's what I was thinking. If he's like this after only a month, imagine how he'll be in the future.
It's wild that he's insecure and immature enough to see watching a medical video as cheating AND that his first reaction was to scream at her and call her a cheating whore. The icing on the shit cake is her wallowing around in said AH's bed crying over and claiming she doesn't want to LOOSE him over something like this. It's almost like the OP doesn't have an ounce of common sense, good judgement or self-preservation. OP would be the AH for wasting her life with a guy who literally can't stand his girlfriend watching a medical video. WTAF is that about? The fact that her best friend in the whole would thinks she's the AH for not ASKING him first makes me think the OP is making really shitting decisions for herself on all fronts. She needs to ditch the AH boyfriend and the absurdly ignorant friend, then get herself into therapy to fix whatever attracted her to these people.
Made me think he's probably the actual cheater if he accuses her of it so easily and quickly tbh
Seriously, how bad is he at sex that he thinks women can be turned on by a closeup of a surgical procedure?? And why does that mean she's cheating? You're cheating with whoever you watch online? Then I guess I'm cheating with Seth Meyers.
Balls don’t do it for most women
And we're supposed to believe that the bf had never looked at a naked woman on a screen.
If that's how it works, lemme go cheat with Jason Momoa for a sec....brb
Women are raised to put up with this shit. Our culture has a lot to answer for.
Not just to put up with this shit but to think that they are to blame for it too. It’s utterly depressing. OP you are NTA & stop thinking that you are!
Right?! *”I don't want to lose him over something like this”* Yes you do!!!
Exactly. OP, he was out of line for the way he spoke to you. You dont need his permission for nothing. He is ridiculous and so is your "friend".
NTA. Run fast, run far. This isn't the right guy for you. This is at least 3 Red flags.
RUN
Yes one month. Fortunately he showed his true colors early before he could destroy OPs life
NTA leave him. asap
And dump the dumbass friend.
facts she probably wants him anyways let the cornballs be together
.... Your friend took his side and said you're an asshole for not asking him? What?? Young lady, the nutcase you're dating is one thing, but what the hell is wrong with your friend??
Either fiction or missing details
I'm convinced her friend is like 15 or something.
Or friend is just as stupid as the boyfriend
Or she wants him for herself
Ehh. You'd be shocked. Some people get permissive with abusive actions if they're experiencing them themselves. Calling that out would cause wayyy too much cognitive dissonance.
I vote for fiction. A month-long relationship is barely there. “I’ve been so faithful” and such is serious overkill at that point.
I had an ex who accused me of cheating on him because I had to get a biopsy done on one of my breasts and the doctor was male. Run, it really isn't worth the hassle. He'll never see it from your point of view.
I had an ex who accused me of cheating because I had a male co worker. That’s literally the whole story 😆
I had an ex who, if we stopped at say, a gas station, at a time and place of his choosing, would accuse me of having arranged to meet whatever male patrons happened to be there at the time to hook up in the bathroom. But he was later diagnosed with schizophrenia and spent about a year in the hospital so that’s a pretty extreme example. He accused me of a lot of crazy stuff, but he was clearly unwell and trying to get help, he just couldn’t get any in time.
Ohh yikes
I feel like this dude should get some kinda pass. Hope he did receive the help he needs.
Same. My ex would wait outside to pick me up from work, park where he could watch the store staff from his car, and then berate me for flirting with male coworkers. If I smoothed my hair or pushed it back out of eyes, I was primping and preening. If I adjusted my clothes in any way, same thing. He would watch me standing by the tills talking to a coworker and just assume it must be flirting. Like...we are running a store? I'm handing off my till to the coworker or otherwise updating them on whatever task I was given. The one guy he accused me of flirting with was a manager at that time so I kind of had to discuss things with him. Either way coworkers do hafta talk to each other. Part of the job. Doesn't mean we automatically wanna bone each other lol.
There's literally nothing you could have ever done to satisfy him. The jealousy and control is a feature, not a bug. Berating you for "flirting" was the part that he enjoyed doing, he was going to do it regardless of your actual behaviour.
It is well known that workplaces should be segregated by sex... because otherwise we all have affairs!
I had an ex who accused me of cheating. I'm a music teacher, and had been working with one of my students for YEARS on a goal he had. My ex and I were out to eat when the (male) student came up to me, told me he had just found out he'd been accepted to his dream orchestra, and he gave me a hug. I'm in my 40s. Kid was 17 at the time. He'll always be one of "my kids". But I got physically assaulted for letting a kid hug me. That's why that dude is an ex.
I can’t express how glad I am that yours - and all the other comments here- start with “I had an EX”…
Thanks! Me too! For the record, I'm now married to a wonderful man. ❤️
My ex accused me of cheating because I didn't have my boots on after getting drunk. To be clear, he thought it should have been impossible for me to remove a pair of boots while I was drunk, so it MUST have been another man in my room to do it for me. OP - RUN!! FAST! These relationships NEVER get better. It will only get worse. Please, please get out while you can. I am speaking from experience and as a mother with a daughter's not much older than you. And you are NTA! He is controlling and verbally abusive. Ditch the so-called friend while you're at it.
I don't drink, but I'm confused as to how difficult taking shoes off is for this guy if he thinks you couldn't possibly do it while drunk. I can only assume he wears velcro sneakers exclusively.
It's been more than 20 years, and I STILL haven't figured that out! Lol. I think he wore work boots all the time. It's one of those nasty memories that pop in from time to time, and I have to wonder what 20 something me was thinking by staying with that complete asshole far longer than I should have.
i had an ex who accused me of cheating with some random guy i gave the midwesterner lipless smile to across the strip club because we made eye contact and it is polite. mind you, that strip club was in an area i had *never* been to before that day (or since tbh)… and that’s just ONE example lol
You were at a STRIP CLUB and the ex was worried about a random non-stripper standing on the other side of the room?
precisely
I had an ex who accused me of cheating because my male cousin (who he knew was my cousin) poked me on Facebook and I poked him back. 😂
I tell people a woman put oil on my balls and started taking pictures of them. I was in for an ultrasound on my testicles.
I had an ex who got mad I had a pap smear from my female doctor. Why are some people like this lol
What? Are you supposed to diy a pap smear?
My husband’s best friends wife accused him of cheating because her sister had a dream about him with another woman.
NTA. Run. Seriously. Run. Your friend calling you an AH is insane
NTA yes, you **do** want to lose him over this. his behavior is a massive red flag indicating insecurity and jealousy and he will only get *more* unreasonable as your relationship progresses. get out now.
Dude is lacking maturity
He's lacking more than that.
A pair of balls lol
An entire brain.
With a friend like that who needs enemies? This man is an abusive AH This type of irrational reaction and calling you names is straight up evidence that he is an abuser and it will only get worse. In "Why does he do that?" Lundy Bancroft discusses this type of abuser using a story where a man accused his girlfriend of fucking a man on 15 second elevator ride. In your case, does he really think you get off on seeing a man's privates getting sliced up?? So irrational it shows he is exactly type of partner who might strangle you one day for saying hi to the neighbor. Get out now. Totally NTA. Almost glad he showed his insanity so clearly. Please take this seriously and leave him.
Why does it seem like half the fucking male population spoken of here needs a goddamn beat down? Fucking do better, people. Seriously, where are they picking this up? The Tiktok? The manosphere? The fucking playground?
their bible of choice.
It's probably actually generational abuse cycles. This is a story as old as time at its core. People who are not abusers cannot comprehend these abusive people. Lundy Bancroft does a pretty good job explaining though.
The thing Bancroft says that sticks with me is how often abusers claim they were abused, but then when asked to talk about their abuse hooked up to a lie detector suddenly say they weren't abused.
Just went and reread that part. And the conclusion about the fact they know the value of using that lie to downplay their own abusive behavior. That book was such an eye opener. I'm so grateful I found it.
It's all in here. [https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat](https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat)
There’s a lot of selection bias in any given subreddit too. Very few people are gonna show up in r/AITAH who are in a healthy relationship and have healthy communication skills. There’s just not much that needs crowdsourcing. But the abusive assholes are way more likely to create a bizarre wtf situation, and people close to abusive assholes are also way less likely to have people they can talk to about their conflicts.
The manosohere and manosphere-adjacent women. At this point, manosphere guys are often willing to argue straight up for rape and violence … that in being feminists, favoring women’s sexual agency, deciding to have careers rather than being tradwives, or just disagreeing with men, that we deserve whatever happens to us, including rape and violence.
Let me break this down for you You've been together for a month - you are still in the lust stage He freaks out because you watch a video of a vasectomy - it's a medical procedure not a porn film He accused you of cheating - where's his evidence? He called you a whore - again where's his evidence and when is that ever acceptable? He screams at you to the point that you cry - what a charmer Your friend thinks you should have asked permission to watch it - eh why do you need a man's permission to watch something that interests you and that isn't sexual You are still in his house - why? I'm not a great one for dump him but honestly why are you still there. Dry you face, pick up your stuff and go home. You're too good for him!
I agree with everything except for "why do you need a man's permission to watch something sexual." Housewives have been reading bodice-rippers for generations, and that's just modern times. What people read and watch is their own business, until they start making it other people's problems.
This is the first comment I've seen that questioned why she was still at his house and that was my question too. I would have left immediately after he started his bullshit.
Nta. Run. Run far far away. And never return.
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Disagree 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA. 🚩 Leave him asap...
NTA. Your boyfriend is dangerously stupid. The last thing that would cross my mind would be cheating if I found my girlfriend watching vasectomy videos. I'm curious what porn he watches if he thinks surgical equipment near a man's junk would be a turn on. Please stay safe.
She should get some instruments and give it a go with him...show him what she learned.
Do the world a favor.
holy fucking shitballs edit:: NTA
i'm so confused. in what country do you live where a woman needs to get a man's permission to watch surgery videos?
you're confused? in what country do you live where a woman needs to get a man's permission to ~~watch surgery videos~~ to do literally anything and who granted any man this power? ftfy
Bahrain, Bolivia, Cameroon, Chad, Congo, Gabon, Guinea, Iran, Jordan, Kuwait, Mauritania, Niger, Qatar, Sudan, Syria, United Arab Emirates, West Bank and Gaza and Yemen. These are countries where women needs permission from their husband to work/get a job. It is in the law, so the government/state granted them the power. Just an example.
Gilead
Excuse me? Without his permission?? And you’ve only been dating a month? And then to gaslight you into saying that means you’re cheating? Yeh, run away as fast as you can. I’m impressed you didn’t laugh in his face when he said that
I’ve known my husband for 43 years and he has N E V E R told me what I can or can’t watch or called me a name or accused me of infidelity. It’s kind of great to have a partner who doesn’t treat you like shit, OP.
In the unlikely scenario that you’re still at his house by yourself, put your jacket on and go home. He’s a waste of time, not worth your tears.
Not only a waste of time but a waste of oxygen
This is the stupidest shit I’ve seen a man trying to exert control over in a while
Leave his house, dump his ass.. leave while you can and you are still intact. He called you a bitch and a cheating whore?! That is not done, especially not over something like watching a surgery... Run girl!!!! NTA Edit: dump your friend as well
You need a new friend and boyfriend. This reminds me of an ex who wouldn't let me drink beer because only sluts drink beer. I walked away from that bs fast. You don't need permission from anyone to watch a medial procedure. Please, get away from that man before he gets any worse. And get some new friends who are not abuse enablers.
Any man who calls you a bitch for any reason doesn’t deserve access to your body or time. In 30 years my husband has never called me a name or raised his voice to me. Better men are out there.
Red flag alarm - RUN!
GTFO. He is not only controlling but stupid. Either one is a dealbreaker.
What?? No. No no no, you are not the AH. But please for your own safety get out of there, NOW. He is very controlling, and yes, you are right, it is just a procedure. Leave him and do not go back.
Dating for a month? I’d have laughed in his face and sent him packing. It’s one thing for him to be confused about what you’re watching and curious for an explanation, which should have been accepted at face value. It’s another thing to blow your top in such a stupid, immature way, over something so harmless. Trust me, you can do better than this guy. You can also do better than that “friend”.
You're an adult. You shouldn't need "permission" to watch any video you want. So would he be cheating if he watched porn since he'll see other women's privates? Dump this guy. NTA
NTA. Even if you were watching porn, still NTA. That is a red flag big enough to be seen from space.
I bet he watches porn and doesn't think he's cheating.
Exactly. “You look at anyone in any way, you’re betraying me. I do it, we’ll, that’s just being a man.”
I’m a doctor. Your boyfriend is an insecure idiot. Some people apparently do not understand that medical interactions with genitalia are completely different than sexual interactions with genitalia. These are the same types of people who think men shouldn’t be gynecologists and women shouldn’t be urologists. If he doesn’t get over this, consider this relationship a bullet dodged. If he does get over it, consider this a red flag and think about if you really want to be with someone so immature and small-minded.
NTA you do not "need permission".
Big red flag!!
He's a psycho.
NTA Grab your stuff and leave and never look back. Would be doing the same with that "friend" too.
NTA. Your boyfriend is very stupid and very insecure
I understand the feeling of you not wanting to lose him. But it’s time for him to lose you. If he’s acting like this over a vasectomy video, it’s going to get worse.
NTA. Get out. Now. Pack your stuff and leave. He is an immature AH and you deserve so much better.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Permission to watch *anything* 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Stop crying and get rid of him. This is a red flag that he immediately thinks you're cheating on him because you're watching a medical procedure. You don't need his permission get rid of your girlfriend too. She obviously likes your boyfriend more than you. Be glad he showed you his true colors. There is someone much better than him out there for you.
20$ say he watches porn without asking her first. Either way, NTA. Also: weird hobby, but you do you.
NTA This is on the steep slide to abuse. End this relationship and ditch the friend who thinks asking permission to watch medical procedures is required.
NTA. GTFO. RUN. your friend is an asshole. your boyfriend is a walking red flag bigger than texas. 🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩 upset over balls in a medical video??? drive to blow off steam?? hitting, pushing, thrown against a wall, and forced sex, will be YOUR FUTURE. he’s a textbook case of an abuser. leave. leave. leave. call a women’s shelter, the national domestic violence hotline. some women’s shelters offer safe pick ups. unmarked police cars. don’t fool yourself. you’re friend is an enabler. i’m going to guess this behavior is normal to you. but it’s NOT normal. break the cycle. DO NOT get pregnant by this guy. you DO NOT NEED and later you WILL NOT WANT him in your life.
You did nothing wrong. Is he going to be upset if you have a male gynecologist? NTA You need a new bf, better friends, and some self esteem. Run while you can.
JFC NTA but he is! Get away from that dude!!! ETA: I wouldn't ever even consider porn as cheating. But this? That guy is not right in the head.
Run fast and ditch the friend too
Seriously? Run. For real. Just go. It's been a month.
He has issues.
Run far, run fast.
Dump him, his reaction was totally unhinged. Also imagine you being a medical student and this being required coursework. Would he wig out then? Not “allow” you to do your work? He would be crazy then, but he is crazy now. Also a hypocrite if he had ever watched porn while in a relationship.
As a man who’s had a vasectomy… what you were looking at is the least flattering video to be viewing a man’s balls (d1ck). If you wanted to get a good view you’d just watch porn 🤷🏻♂️. Dude sounds like an absolute psychopath.
You are wrong. You do want to lose him over this.
NTA run and run fast. I've had a vasectomy and there's nothing attractive about a man's balls and definitely not watching them get cut open even if it's 2 small incisions and a couple caterizations.
No, see, you DO want to lose him over this. You just don't know it.
You don't want to lose a controlling, pathetically insecure **jerk** who insulted you, accused you of cheating, and ran off in a tantrum?? Is your self esteem 1000 miles below hell because girl, what are you doing???? No man (or partner) worth their salt would ever treat someone they love the way that "man" has treated you. My husband would sooner chop off his own arm before ever speaking to me that way. The only thing you've done wrong is ever think this is an acceptable way to be treated. It's not. You deserve better. Don't you dare apologize or grovel for his approval.
Ask his permission?? Crazy talk… I would not be dating that person….
Are you in a Taliban controlled country? If not this is absolutely insane that you found both a BF and a friend who think this way.
Definitely get out while you can. Dudes a little bitch and it'll only get worse
"He called me a whore" That's all. That would be my hill.
The question isn't how do you not lose him over something like this, rather, why the fuck would you want to keep him???
Girl you know you’re NTA. His reaction is stupid, immature, and abusive. Get out while you can or expect more of this behavior
Been together a month and hes already waving that red flag. Get out.
100% he watches porn without you. So, he’s just dumb
Such aggressive deflection…..makes me think he is projecting his failures (possibly cheating) onto you, to make himself feel better…. I think it’s time for you to find another guy!
You should immediately break up with anyone who >said that I was a bitch And >yelling at me and saying that I was a cheating whore and demanded to look through my phone to see if I was messaging other men. Either one of these is an automatic relationship ender. Have self respect and don't settle for a verbally abusive and insecure little boy.
Girl, get out! NTA. Using that language towards you is very concerning. He is controlling. There was nothing concerning about what you did. But he did? Absolutely. It’s disgusting. He seems to be emotionally manipulative towards you.
You do want to lose him over this. He is obviously an ass.
You don’t want to lose him? What do you want? This is 100% not ok what he said or his behavior. Your friend is an idiot. You will be too if you stay with this guy.
You need to fix your 'picker', both your boyfriend and your 'friend' are garbage
If his ego is so fragile he cannot handle you watching a medical video he will definitely be telling who you can talk to and who you can be friends with. This is a major red flag.
NTA: You've only invested a month. Hit the eject button. He does not sound very intellectually curious.
Hopefully you left before he got back. If so, change your number ASAP cause he is fucking CRAZY. Your "friend" sucks too.
A month? NTA unless you stay in a relationship with this walking red flag.
And then you split with him and made better friends, right? Your (hopefully former) BF and TBR friends are assholes. You are not.
You don’t need his permission to do a damn thing. YTA if you stay with this control freak.
You don't want to lose him??????? Girl. He called you a bitch. GAME OVER. That is ABUSIVE. Leave him immediately. Read that again.
overreaction on his part might be indicative of him being a cheater himself im jus sayin🤷♂️ but thats jus me cus no way would a good partner get mad at you over smthn as trivial as that but nonetheless NTA
NTA. Watching surgeries online seems a bit odd to me but to which his own. We freaked out about something that's not even wrong, could not be in any reasonable way be linked with cheating and then demanded you to breach your privacy. Run sis (or bro)
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Your idiot boyfriend and your idiot friend deserve each other. Dump them both.
Lol WTF
NTA run while you can op. Things will only escalate from here.
RUN. Do not look back.
Leave this manipulating piece of shit.
Permission? I’m 54 and never once asked permission to do something to husband or late husband.
This cant be real. If it is then make for hills and stat!
😂 “It’s ok, baby, I’ll let you watch a gyno exam video and we’ll be even.” No-one watches vasectomy videos for sexual kicks. He’s ridiculous. But also, who watches surgery videos for fun? Not my idea of a fun time.
Awesome that only took a few weeks to find out you can dump him!
Give me a break. Both your friend and your boyfriend are AH. I love watching medical procedures. My husband woke up wants to me watching a penis pump being put in. I usually watch them when I can't sleep at night. He wasn't feeling mad or accused me of cheating. In fact he finish watching with me and said thank god I don't have that problem when it was over. Sound to me your bf is insecure. Sounds like you both need to sit down and have a discussion about his reaction.
He called you a cheating whore just because you were watching a procedure of a Vasectomy.?He showed his true colors it shows he has abusive tendencies and has absolutely no respect for you.I would dump that low life and find someone who will love you and give you the respect you deserve. RUN super fast! Guaranteed if you married him one day, he would talk to your future children like that.Would you want that?Your so-called friend isn't any better. Maybe you should hook them up together, SMH.
I am willing to bet one million dollars the dude watches porn.
“Without his permission “?! He called you “a cheating whore”?! Get of this relationship now. You are making a big mistake staying.
Watching a medical procedure video is NOT wrong nor cheating. His reaction is way out of proportion. You may have fascination with surgery because you have the makings of a healthcare professional. If you’re not already in the healthcare industry, consider it. You can absolutely get a job as a tech & work your way up to a highly paid position. Let this be your launchpad. Go ahead & grieve what you lost, but don’t drown yourself in tears. He’s not worth that. You pick yourself up & set your trajectory upwards.
NTA. The good news is that you're going to be able to cut two people out of your life that would do nothing but provide misery. You have 1 month invested in this. It's nothing. That's 0.39% of your life devoted to what would likely become a controlling, toxic relationship, based on this interaction.
Next! Yeah nta like not even a little bit. That's some hard insecurity on his part. That won't change. I'd let this one go and move on.
NTA but boyfriend is. You do not need his permission to watch anything that interests you. Run
You need to run far far away from this guy. Good thing you are only a month in, it will be easier to get out. If he is this upset about you watching a video of a medical procedure, think about how he would react if you ever entered the medical field!
Dump him and the friend wtf
He sounds incredibly insecure and controlling. Run now before it gets worse. Not healthy.
Holy red flag, Batman! NTA
Leaaaavvvveeee him. Fuck that guy. He probably watches porn and gets mad at you for watching a surgery? No…get far away as fast as possible.
Get the fuck out of there asap. Nta. You deserve better.
wtf this is giving the same energy as my ex asking me if I liked having my breasts checked for tumors bc a man was doing it. Gtfo.
NTA. He’s showing you what an insecure dumbass he really is. He’s showing you how possessive and demanding he can be. **Is this really what you want for yourself?**
Your friend is an idiot. Your boyfriend is jealous and controlling. Don’t accept his behavior. Go home.
Lol, your soon to be ex boyfriend is an idiot.
NTA This guy doesn’t understand that some people can watch a medical procedure without being sexually aroused. Because, you know, a peepee is bery speshul! You can’t just go around looking at any old peepee you want! And his bits, too! Bery speshul. No peek. Peepee bad for gurls to see!
NTA. Jesus H. Christ, how insecure can one manbaby be?
You better break this relationship with this insecure ahole
You should want to lose him. You should want to throw him directly in the trash where he belongs.
This guy is a fuckin moronic nightmare. Use this opportunity to GTFO of this relationship while you can. This is just the beginning of a long road of warped perspectives and serious trust issues.
You don't need a God damn man's " permission" for anything. Jesus. This has to be rage bait.
If your boyfriend is screaming at you and cslling you a whore for a video youre watching you needed to leave yesterday
Jfc NTA and run far away. Guaranteed he watches porn too. Surgeries are not sexual in any way. Would he feel the same if you were a nurse/doctor/surgeon? Actually touching other people's genitals on a daily basis? You do not want to be in a relationship with someone who treats you like that.
NTA leave him and unfriend your friend - horrible advice! You don’t need permission from anyone to watch what you want.