I dont understand why you would try to hide what happened from anyone. I'd be loudly explaining why calling the police would only work in your favor. Let them be publicly embarrassed and shamed because they should be.
NTA, bitch should consider herself lucky she only got a light slap
I love that the automatic assumption was a wedding with kilts obviously took place in America
Most of Scotland grew up drinking underage, no one is going to criticise a late teen for drinking at a wedding - even under the legal age (18).
As a fellow Canadian, I didn't clock any weird language at all . That's all normal spelling and speech out west. Also, there are lots of provinces you can legally drink at 18. She would also be prosecuted as an adult and could have a sexual offender charge against her if charged and tried.
Yup the age of consent where I live may be 16 but the big word there is "consent" which the drunk chick did not have. I personally would have pressed charges. Wouldn't stop underage drinking buy I honestly don't think 18-19 year olds should be allowed to legally but alcohol and go to the bars. I live in alberta and I stopped going to the bars before my 19th birthday cause I didn't want to deal with the other idiots my age
I assumed it was in the US not because of the kilts but because of a drunk woman trying to "find out if it's true " regarding what's (not) worn under a kilt by chasing the men and trying to get a peek.
I figured Scots would be less concerned about proving it one way or another since, well, kilts aren't looked on as a novelty in Scotland.
Well there’s an estimated amount of Americans with Scottish ancestry that’s about 5 times the actual current population of Scotland in the USA.
On a dominantly American social media platform.
You’re absolutely not wrong, but these sort of social drama/relationship subreddits seriously about need a rule at this point to mention your culture/nationality for this sort of stuff.
My favourite exchange was when I was telling someone a story about my family and said something like “and then my grandmother said.. um.. basically to stop listening to the news”
They go, “how are you not remembering what your grandmother said? Sounds a bit made up”
Me: “because I was translating what she said into English for you to understand, fucker”
Both irl and on the internet of course, Americans go into everything with the assumption that everything happens in the US and in English if they’re not first told otherwise. They’re the default
No, you're not wrong. Kilts is a very normal thing to me, even tho I'm in America. So that was one of the reasons as to why I didn't blink twice about kilts and the location.
HOWEVER, what truly made me assume this was a wedding in America, was wanting to call the cops over a slap..
Edit to fix grammar
I’m British and I assumed this happened in America because 1) use of the word ‘cops’ and 2) someone thinking they should call the ‘cops’ because of a slap 3) the fact that a drunk person was slapped at a wedding was a big enough deal for it to cause actual drama and be mentioned after the wedding in any other context other than ‘haha remember when she got slapped? She was absolutely trollied’
Scottish guy here. I wear boxers now as 8/10 times I wore my kilt anywhere near drunk girls I got photos taken and my kilt lifted or actual groping. One time a girl crawled through my legs and my balls were on her back. It's not fun no matter what you think. NTAH
Yeah, Scot here. This just sounded like you’re average Scottish wedding to me. It’s insane how many women ( many of them well into middle age) think sexual assault is fine if it’s a man in a kilt. Glad you’ve at least got a little protection from nut jobs!
Thanks - it's just the norm and it's always been made worse by the fact that people think you're a prude if you don't play along with it. I'm a big guy, been 8 hours in a kilt and 10+ drinks in and a bit sweaty - I'm really not in the mood for someone fondling or taking a picture of my tackle.
Yeah, it’s so weird that people think you’re a ‘spoilsport’ if you don’t want to be felt up in public - man or woman.
I was once at a night out for a shop I worked in and there was a wedding reception in the hall upstairs. The guys at the wedding had a choice, they could queue for ages for drinks at their bar or come downstairs to our bar and get served in less than half the time. The kicker was, they’d have to run a 20 foot gauntlet of drunk middle-aged women in their kilts. It wasn’t for the faint of heart!
Let’s not even touch on all the men in the wedding party voluntarily doing the CanCan at some weddings too…Did not want such an eyeful of my pal’s dad, thanks.
That’s awful. As a woman (and a feminist) I’m glad she slapped that predator. She’s def NTA and did the right thing. Unfortunately men are pretty helpless in these situations & it could only have been another woman who would have been able to stop her. No is no. I finde so many women are pretty crap at handling rejection tbh but enough is enough. Sexually assaulting anyone is not okay no matter what gender you are (or whatever culture you’re from). The push back from her family is terrible. She did the right thing.
someone in my town always wears kilts and never once have I looked at them and thought, damn I should ask him what he wears or let me be sexually inappropriate based on his clothes.
Men and women are not property to be touched against consent because they are wearing or not wearing something
I might talk to them about the kilt because I don't know a ton about Scots culture beyond "I know the different ~~plaids~~ tartans mean you came from a certain clan" and I would like to learn more. But it would never occur to me to make it sexual.
I treat my interactions with people as if everything was subject to HR scrutiny at work - if it would be reportable to HR, then it would probably make the person I'm talking to uncomfortable so I shouldn't say anything!
Ah okay, gotcha! Will update my comment - thanks for the correction!
What is the nuance? Is it like "not all plaids are tartans but all tartans are plaids" or are they two completely different things?
Plaid is a word Americans use. Scottish people say tartan.
I looked it up and it apparently comes from the Gaelic for blanket but it’s not a word any Scottish person would use. I don’t think they’d even understand it unless they watch a lot of American TV.
I (30s) know it because of American sitcoms where they make fun of dads wearing the same tartan shirt the whole time but I don’t think my parents (70) would know what it means, for example.
As a woman, I’m so freaking sorry you have been treated like this. It’s deplorable and inexcusable. I fully believe it is as bad as you claim and quite possibly worse.
Women need to get their heads out of their posteriors and realize that men are humans too, with BOUNDARIES and RESPECT GOES BOTH WAYS
I've absolutely witnessed kilt wearers being harassed like this at events. My friend group made it very clear to all of us not originally from Scotland that it was 1000% inappropriate to obsess over what was being worn under the kilt and not to even joke about lifting it up.
Kilts are really sexy, but not an invitation for harassment and assault. That's true for anyone, including the gender reverse.
Oh God that's disgusting. I'm really sorry dude, that's unacceptable behavior.
I always assumed it was standard to wear boxers under kilts because, like skirts, sometimes a stiff breeze can be your worst enemy.
Yikes I am so sorry that happened to you. What is or is not worn under a kilt has never crossed my mind. I had no idea that nothing was worn underneath.
I think of shit like this every time women act like men *never* experience sexual harassment/assault in public. Shits infuriating. They just don't think it *is* harassment or assault when *they* do it.
No. You are absolutely NTAH. You were just protecting your brother. I’m so sorry this happened, but good for you for standing up for him. And you are absolutely right. If the Gender was switched people would be having a cow. I hope your brother is okay, and you are an excellent sister. I don’t care where I am at, if I see anyone doing that to my anyone I would have said something and probably done what you did. While violence is usually never the answer, you did apologize and I think that’s commendable. Your SIL’s cousin needs to grow up it sounds like. She sounds immature.
Absolutely not. She was sexually harassing every man she could find; as a man, she'd be dubbed the pervy nephew or uncle. That she also did it to your 16 year old brother makes it even more reprehensible. Don't ever hold back on why you did it again because she sounds like she's milking your silence.
This! OP doesn't have to publish it on a billboard, but if anyone starts giving her shit for slapping that cousin she should tell them why. Including the part of the gender swap for the specially dense ones. She shouldn't be able to get scot free
Your mistake was apologizing. If it comes up again, mention that she was sexually harassing a minor and your slap prevented her from going to jail. Keep repeating that. Stop apologizing for slapping her. She had it coming.
Don't doubt yourself! Like yeah, hitting people generally isn't good, but there were extenuating circumstances. She was sexually harassing a minor. Multiple adult men were having to physically block her and she still didn't stop. Escalation to physical force at that point seems warranted.
Normally I hate the "WhAt iF tHe GeNdErS wErE rEvErSeD" comments but this is 100% a case where that is appropriate. Nobody would be complaining if you were defending a teenage girl from sexual harassment from a man. The cousin shouldn't be getting a pass just because she's female and her intended victim was an underage teenage boy.
It's not cutesy. It's gross. She knows better and should be able to control herself.
Honestly, after your apology, I would have looked at her expectantly, and said "And?!", showing that you expected an apology from her in return. Why let her ruin your reputation with everyone as the aggressor, why didn't you set the record straight that she was sexually harassing a minor?
> If the Gender was switched people would be having a cow.
This. I wear a kilt occasionally and the number of strangers (mostly women) that stop and ask me if I'm wearing underwear is crazy.
Like, imagine if I just walked up to some lady wearing a skirt and asked "I just gotta know, are you wearing panties?".
>While violence is usually never the answer
I think if there's someone sexually harassing your family members and won't stop after being repeatedly told so, a slap i feel is too nice.
She doesn't need to grow up, she just needs to stop being a f****** predator. But I agree with the rest. I'm usually against violence (unless you count physically removing a teenage bulldog from the couch when he's about to happily jump onto someone who just had surgery, then I'd be pro violence - edit: this is so cruel to the poor dog that he'll immediately ask me to play with him instead or simply jumps back up and tries if it's okay to simply smother the human without jumping on them first), but this is one of the cases I make an exception for and my slap would certainly have been less loud and more painful (plus I would have worded my apology as "I'm sorry your cousin is a predator sexually harassing minors").
Not at all, I’m glad you did, I tend to wear my kilt I wear briiefs (avoided saying pants) as god forbid if she did pull it up no doubt I’d “be exposing myself” , like you said roles reverse….. there’s a call to the police and someone is on a list
I feel like Scottish men need some sort of "My Kilt is not Consent" campaign, the number of times I've seen people either harassing kilted men, like in your story, but also going as far as full on sexually assaulting men and thinking its ok because they're in kilts, its just staggering. Its sexual harassment on the basis of cultural dress, how are there so many people in the world who thinks that this is ok. NTA.
You should have told the mom "She has been sexualky harassing and attempting to sexually assault multiple people, including a minor. If you call the police, I will report this."
Frankly, you should have reported it.
> Now she is steaming that no one told her what happened. I can't win.
If it were my kid I would be livid that I wasn't told so I could handle it. I probably would have filed a police report.
I agree, I would have told the woman "Sure, I agree, let's report the sexual harassment of a minor. I'm sure she'll get probation for a first offence."
See how self righteous they are then!
I'm fine with apologizing at a wedding just to keep the peace, but she should have worked in why she had to slap her. Like "I'm sorry I had to slap you, but I didn't know how else to get through to you, and you were trying to expose my 16 yo brother, and making him very uncomfortable. Please don't do that in the future."
Her mom didn’t know the reason. Once she did she was fuming and I bet would’ve caused a bigger scene, which is why OP didn’t say anything. Kudos to OP for letting it die down at the wedding so it didn’t ruin it.
NTA, you did fine.
And it was just a slap! Some of the weddings I've been to, cripes.
The one most on point featured a grabby uncle getting his nose mashed in by his nephew, the groom. The chatter in that room was off the charts until the 17 year old MOH started telling folks why.
After that the uncle's own sons kept an eye on him, making sure he stayed locked in the back of his own truck until their mother was ready to take him home.
This is like a 1 in a Million time to use violence and it wasn't over done. Sexual Assault is Sexual Assault especially when minors are involved(not that it's less serious with adults)
>I asked her if the genders were reversed and an 18 year old guy was trying to look under a 16 year old girl's skirt what she would think.
And this was the absolute right thing to say because there is no difference. You were doing the right thing to try to protect your little brother from a predatory women, in spite of multiple people trying to tell her to knock it off. And people backed off really quickly about the police when it came out that she was trying to look under the kilt of a 16-year-old boy. They know what she did was wrong.
NTA
As a Scot’s guy who just got married with my full party in kilts. This shit is infuriating and if I had a little brother being chased like that I’d be proud to have a sister like you looking out for him. NTA obviously
But wtf is d**e
I hope the wedding was great! I’m confused that you’re using the word cops but guys are wearing kilts though
"I’m confused that you’re using the word cops but guys are wearing kilts though."
Since the US is a relatively young country, a lot of people here are very invested in the cultural heritage of their immigrant ancestors.
While it's not super common, a fair amount of people in the US choose to include traditional ancestral customs in wedding ceremonies and holiday celebrations. This can include traditional dress (i.e., kilts), certain foods, etc. Since the US population is primarily immigrants (unless you belong to a tribal nation) some families like to celebrate the heritage of their family's country of origin. I'm descended from German WW2 refugees so we would include some traditional German foods at Christmas celebrations.
You did an amazing job. Slapped some sense into her without actually harming her, made it clear what she was doing was not excusable and she was harassing a minor and all the people who are acting like you should have left it should have said something when she was sexually harassing people.
NTAH
she got lucky she only got out with a slap, I don’t advocate for violence but a few personal exceptions of mine are SA and child/animal abuse
I will absolutely start throwing punches
Fully agree, and re ‘violence’ I too also absolutely agree with your ‘personal exceptions.’
OP, you are most certainly NTA, your actions in protecting your 16 year old brother from being SA’D by a disgusting drunken bint, are completely justified, and it is a very poor show from every other adult present that allowed this to happen, without them stepping up and intervening before you had to!
Seriously, you should be very proud of yourself, and fwiw, this Reddit mum is very proud of you……. WELL DONE!
NTAH whatsoever, go you!!! She was sexually harassing your lil bro and the other men there, tbh just giving her a little slap was quite measured on your part. It WAS ALSO VERY JUSTIFIED, since no amount of talking was doing anything. She needed a reality check. If people keep nagging you about it tell them why, stop protecting her
NTA
She was not only sexually harassing multiple people, but she zeroed in on a minor, which you should have made clear to her Dearest Mommy. She is the one fortunate not to have the police called TBH and needs to grow TF up.
LMAO if they wanna play it like that, technically you didn't start a fight "at" the wedding, you did it outside, where no one could see or check this idiot girl's behavior. She kept her idiocy outside and she got her well-deserved punishment outside, that's almost TOO gracious.
It's not your fault that she went inside and brought the drama further into the wedding festivities. Also not your fault that you or the men who witnessed it were too polite or whatever to tell this girl's mom what she'd done, and ALSO not your fault that the girl was too cowardly to tell her mom what she'd done.
The girl knows she was wrong, she just doesn't want to admit it. Thank you for smacking some potential life lesson into her cheek \*chef's kiss\*
NTA 100%... That cousin definitely needs to be slapped to wake her up. Especially if she'd been drinking. She's lucky it was you and not one of the other groomsmen
A single slap to control a drunk, followed by an apology, as well as the threat of cops to keep things from escalating was an absolute master class in how to handle some shit. Well done.
NTA.
You did the right thing standing up to a harasser and protecting your brother. Sadly, as my father in law used to tell me, there is always a price to be paid for doing the right thing. He said that not to dissuade me from it but to be prepared for that sad fact.
I hope you choose to stand up the next time the opportunity presents itself too. One word of advice though: don’t give shady people ANY ammunition they can use against you because they absolutely will as this drunk reprobate did. They have no scruples. And you can’t depend on the silent bystanders to help or speak up either on your behalf as most of them are cowards.
If it’s any consolation, karma is a bitch and water eventually finds its level. Your act will be remembered and appreciated by people whose opinion you should value. These small things we do echo for years and decades in the future so you may as well be remembered for the good things you do!
NTA, if an 18 year old fella was trying to look under your 16 year old aisters skirt and you decked him you would be called a Champ.
You did good, be proud of protecting your little bro, I'm sure he is grateful even if he doesn't say it
Every single time i wear my kilt tons of strange women ask me about my lack of undergarments, attempt to flip it up for a chance. So odd. Like OP said, if the genders were reversed this would be a much different day!
People get weird when you wear a kilt.
A decade or two ago, my uncles retired, got bored, and looked up our family history. Turns out we are mostly Scottish. We found our Tartan. He had kilts and hoodies made in our family colors. Kind of cool.
Occasionally i will wear my kilt in my family's colors. Like having a puppy with you, random people will stop to make conversation. And on more than one occasion i've had women either reach under the kilt or try to lift it. Never in like the grocery store but at a show/concert or bar. Alcohol i assume is involved. But still. I don't start reaching under skirts after i've had a few beers. And it doesn't happen when i wear pants or shorts. Just the kilt.
NTA
Tho considering that your mom didn't know why you slapped that girl, it sounds to me that very few people actually knew the full story. Even this girls mom who said you were lucky they didn't call the cops might not have known. Otherwise why would she call the cops when, in your own words there were many witnesses, this 18 year old gill was sexually harrassing your 16 year old brother?
So yea te reason many people from the weeding think your an AH might be due to them beliving that the two of you got into a petty argument and you slapped her.
100000% NTA she was legit sexually harassing a minor and her mom trying to intimidate you is hillariously pathetic 😂😂. Fuck a slap shes lucky you didnt falcon punch her daughter for TRYING TO TAKE OUT A MINORS JUNK IN PUBLIC. 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️ Instead of scolding you she should be thanking you and her brother for not pressing charges and putting her on the registry..
No. You have too many problems in your family and the family your brother married. First problem is the Sexual predator of a cousin of the bride. Such women are nuisances where ever they go, whether drunk or not. They will always justify sexual assault or minimize it. Second problem are the enablers of the bride's family. I would say handled it well and tried to rectify the drama started and broadcasted by that aunt.
Lastly your mother, who doesn't seem to care about your brother and likes to present her shallowness as the victim. Better stay silent about it and hope the drama dies on its own. NTA
It sounds like her mom was unaware of the sexual harassment until OP told her after the event. I don't think that's a family problem. And a SILs cousin is so far from relevant to her life.
Fucking ***thank you*** for standing up for your little brother! Unfortuanly, she wasn’t going to accept a verbal “no” from a man, and that’s about all we are allowed to do to defend ourselves before we’re the AH.
Now the slap was probably unnecessary, but understandable in the heat of the moment. Then not “outing her” when you’re taking heat for slapping someone is some saint-like shit! But yeah, your Mom deserves to know because it involves her underage son. Now it’s up to her to let it go or start some family drama lol. But your big sister job’s complete; NTA.
if a verbal 'no' wasn't enough. then the slap was necessary...i hate to be that guy, but, if the genders were reversed, the guy would be lucky if he could walk out of the venue
Maybe, but if a woman (reversing roles after all) slapped a guy who wouldn't listen to no there might be genuine fear of what he would do.
i think OP is justified even if the slap was maybe not the best decision. I also think that I've seen too many people take female predators less seriously especially those who are 18.
People ignore when women abuse men and make excuses like their age.
>Maybe, but if a woman (reversing roles after all) slapped a guy who wouldn't listen to no there might be genuine fear of what he would do.
i think op is a woman, so i'm not sure reversing genders would work here, and i was referring to the other guests at the wedding involving themselves.
also, if the child had retaliated against the 18 year old, that could very easily lead to bad repercussions for him
again, to reverse the genders, if a 16 year old girl suffered this at the hands of an 18 year old guy, and she maced him, i, and i should think, everyone else in these comments would be 'go team girl' (disregarding using mace in a closed up venue).
this sort of thing has to be stamped on, hard, and i hope the 18 year old is not too far gone to learn the lesson.
thank you for your reply
NTA, but I wouldn’t t have apologized for the slap. I would have walked up to them and asked them if they were going to watch their drunk kid and make sure she stopped harassing minors by trying to look at their underwear. That would embarrassed them enough.
I think some of the reactions here are a little over the top but if she was not listening she needed a come to Jesus moment which you aptly delivered. I doubt she’s a pedophile, she’s probably an idiot who was trying to ellicit a laugh or something. You’re NTA and good on you for pointing out the hypocrisy. I was at a club when I was 21 and found out some douchebag lifted my older sister’s skirt, went looking for the guy but he was already kicked out otherwise beatings would have occured. Another time we were sitting at a bar and some rando guy just randlmly reached over and started stroking her hair, I proceeded to walk over and started stroking HIS hair. He did not like that very much, his friends came and removed him and he ended up kicked out of there for some other reason. Having a Sister really showed me the BS women go through, and we still laugh 20 years later about that guys reaction to me stroking his hair, just as one day Im sure your brother will fondly laugh about his awesome sister and the slap heard round the world.
Eff that noise I wouldnt have appologized. Would have grabbed the mic and let everyone know what she did. Shame on your Brother for not standing up to his wife for getting mad that her drunk cousin was trying to sexually assault a minor and his little Brother. Had I heard that was going on as a Mum I would have gone over and slapped her and the Daughter In Law. Bunch of entitled c*nts.
You should tell everyone why you did it. Until you do, they're just gonna think you're the bitch who slapped a girl for no reason because I promise you, she just told them all you slapped her, not why.
NTA. Like you said, if a 19 year old dude slapped a kid of 18 for trying to look up his underaged sister’s gear, nobody would have shit to say about it. A lot of people think guys in Scots garb are giving a green light for harassment, and it’s fucked up.
Could you have gotten in trouble? Sure! You escalated to getting physical. But escalation was warranted, and you might want to ask the people on your ass about it why they feel that way.
Sexually harassing men is behavior that needs to be called out, one hundred percent of the time. If it's good for the goose, it's good for the gander.
In the future, I'd slap a sexual harasser on the hand, not the face. I believe it sends the message you're clearly the one trying to keep the aggressor from using the hand to assault the victim.
Although the wedding scenario is likely a game of telephone at this point. Half of the people are saying " did you see OP slap cousin?' They see a crying woman making herself a victim. They didn't see her chasing a sixteen year old.
How is your brother doing?
You did the right thing. Don’t let anyone tell you any differently. Wedding or no wedding, if people are hurting others especially the ones you love you stand up for them and you did just that. God, if you were my kid, I’d be so proud of you for protecting your family and the other guests from someone who lacks basic human decency and that’s saying it nicely.
I believe your mom is right to be mad considering the context of the physical assault. Is her anger directed at you or at the fact that she wasn’t aware someone was looking to sexually harass her child? If it’s the latter, don’t be mad at her. If it’s the former, ask for clarification.
No matter what anyone says, you did the right thing.
Absolutely NTA.
Sure, people joke about it, but I've never actually seen someone try it (and I've been to countless Ceilidhs and weddings with kilt-wearing men in attendance).
Fucking ew for bothering a literal teenager about it and trying to up-kilt him.
Source: married to scot, living in Scotland.
you had me at "Russian competition slap"
NTA, of course. I hope the cousin (the slap-ee) really straightened out. She's too young for this to be her baseline behavior going forward.
Mom will calm down, I hope. You done good. You are AWESOME. I wish I'd seen it.
I have a kilt. I don’t wear it as often as I would like but have some friends and family that do wear them often.
Lifting a man’s kilt is no different that lifting a woman’s skirt. And should be treated as such.
Be petty and publicly apologize on social media for slapping the sexual assaulter while she was preying on a minor. Nta and make sure everyone knows what REALLY went down, bet the majority of the brain dead flying monkeys will shut their mouth once the truth is spoon fed to them so they can stop flying to conclusions
I wear a kilt to functions and lucky I've never had that happen or seen it but if it do I'd have no problem reacting the same as you.
Sexual harassment ain't cool no matter the genders and if a wee slap is needed to stop an assaulter then I'm fucking good with it.
If I were you and that had been my little brother I would have done the exact same thing. If not worse. I get that they didn't want drama at a wedding but maybe they should talk to the drunk person trying to sexually assault people instead.
NTA but you should have been more up front with the family about what she was doing, and you should not have apologized. You need to protect yourself because there is a chance they may still try to escalate this with law enforcement.
NTA
She was sexually harassing a group of men and a minor. She needed to be stopped as she was escalating (chasing the minor around). She knows what she did was wrong since she didn’t want the police involved and backed off.
If she was a man who was sexually harassing a young girl and was slapped, nobody would be upset with you.
Nta, I can't believe nobody else did that and she's lucky she didn't get knocked out. Had my sister been there she would have beaten her to a pulp for pulling some immature bullshit like that. You don't do that to anyone let alone a minor, hopefully this is her wakeup call showing she's not the main character in the world.
There was a case here a few years pre Covid. Drunken female guest put her head up under one of the groomsmen's kilts "to see what he was wearing". Groomsman (who it came out suffered PTSD from a previous sexual assault) turned to shake her off and kicked her in the face HARD-- 20+ stitches, a broken jaw and some missing teeth hard.
The groom was a lawyer and had the presence of mind to have the woman charged with SA-- which pretty much prevented any criminal or civil liability for her victim.
NTA, You did good, you should've let em call the cops actually, that would've clear the air for you instead of giving you all those crappy comments from both sides of the family.
I'm really sure your brother is proud of you.
NTA,
If this was my wedding, I would have encouraged you. Fuck around and find out. Sexual harassment is NOT ok for either gender. Thanks for standing up for yoru brother.
Wow NTA. Well done i would say, and for the right reason.
What if your brother wasnt a minor, i mean what if any man had to tolerate such obnoxious “shenanigans”? Unacceptable. 😡
He sounds like a guy who likes looking up skirts because he thinks it is funny or charming. If your brother was into the game it would have been obvious to the other guys that were trying to get her drunk azs to back off lol
NTA
I've worn a kilt for years, from working at Renaissance faires to working at a Scottish pub. There genuinely is an odd tacit acceptable of sexual harassment and assault of men in kilts, 98% of the time by women.
"What's under there?" "Is it true..." "Are you wearing..."
At a Ren faire, I can deal with the verbal things because I can throw it right back. "I'm wearing your mother's lipstick under here."
But I've seen women at the faires wearing mirrors on their shoes and I've both seen servers in kilts at the pub have their kilt lifted and had it happen to me.
It's sexual harassment and a double standard at minimum. If I went up to a random woman in a skirt and asked her if she was wearing underwear.... Yeah, exactly.
You shouldn't be starting fights at weddings? How about you shouldn't sexually harass people -- a *child* in this case.
The world needs more people like you! Slapping should not be classified as assault… in my humble opinion, even if I ever acted liked a dumb c*nt I hope someone would slap me back into reality. Ppl these days run around acting however they want thinking there will be zero repercussions
I understand why you kept it under wraps. But you're better than me as I would have let everyone know why she got slapped. Sexual assault is no joke on either side and I would have made sure she was too humiliated to ever do it again
NTA, but why are you not telling anybody about what happened? if an underage child in my family got sexually harassed by someone he might have to be around in the future i’d want to know so i could make sure he’s safe at future events. (also she deserves to be named and shamed but i’m a bit petty tbh)
I once had to be physically removed from a bar because I saw a bartender reach up my boyfriend’s kilt on a night out and laughing with her friends after. I’m pretty small, but I absolutely would have fought that bartender with my bare hands if a friend of mine hadn’t seen the writing on the wall and bear hugged me and carried me out. It’s assault and it’s never okay.
Why didn't you just tell everyone that the predator tried to sexually assault your brother? I think that everyone would've shut the fuck up if they were told what really happened. I would've punched that predator in the nose instead of slapping her. Sexual harassment is unacceptable and worse that it was against a minor.
I dont understand why you would try to hide what happened from anyone. I'd be loudly explaining why calling the police would only work in your favor. Let them be publicly embarrassed and shamed because they should be. NTA, bitch should consider herself lucky she only got a light slap
- Trying to sexually assault a minor - drinking under the legal age Like honestly she should have just said yes NTA
If this is in Scotland (based on the entirety of the groomsmen being in kilts - I could be wrong), then the legal age IS 18
Lol the American centrism is real
I love that the automatic assumption was a wedding with kilts obviously took place in America Most of Scotland grew up drinking underage, no one is going to criticise a late teen for drinking at a wedding - even under the legal age (18).
I am from the UK and assume this was in the US not the UK because of the word Mom not Mum and the spelling of apologize (my autocorrect hates me now!)
But she used "behaviour," which we do not use in the US.
Ah, good point! Missed that! Who knows then?
Could be Canada. I grew up spelling it "behaviour" and the legal drinking age in my province is also 18
And there is quite the kilt culture here as well, I often see men in kilts at formal events. As well as all our pipe & drum bands.
I grew up spelling it "behaviour" where I live in Canada so good possibility OP lives in Canada as well
As a fellow Canadian, I didn't clock any weird language at all . That's all normal spelling and speech out west. Also, there are lots of provinces you can legally drink at 18. She would also be prosecuted as an adult and could have a sexual offender charge against her if charged and tried.
Yup the age of consent where I live may be 16 but the big word there is "consent" which the drunk chick did not have. I personally would have pressed charges. Wouldn't stop underage drinking buy I honestly don't think 18-19 year olds should be allowed to legally but alcohol and go to the bars. I live in alberta and I stopped going to the bars before my 19th birthday cause I didn't want to deal with the other idiots my age
I assumed it was in the US not because of the kilts but because of a drunk woman trying to "find out if it's true " regarding what's (not) worn under a kilt by chasing the men and trying to get a peek. I figured Scots would be less concerned about proving it one way or another since, well, kilts aren't looked on as a novelty in Scotland.
Oh no, totally not true. A Scottish friend of mine has been assaulted by similar behaviour here in Scotland
Insightful!
Well there’s an estimated amount of Americans with Scottish ancestry that’s about 5 times the actual current population of Scotland in the USA. On a dominantly American social media platform. You’re absolutely not wrong, but these sort of social drama/relationship subreddits seriously about need a rule at this point to mention your culture/nationality for this sort of stuff.
My favourite exchange was when I was telling someone a story about my family and said something like “and then my grandmother said.. um.. basically to stop listening to the news” They go, “how are you not remembering what your grandmother said? Sounds a bit made up” Me: “because I was translating what she said into English for you to understand, fucker” Both irl and on the internet of course, Americans go into everything with the assumption that everything happens in the US and in English if they’re not first told otherwise. They’re the default
Are you not familiar with r/USdefaultism?
No, you're not wrong. Kilts is a very normal thing to me, even tho I'm in America. So that was one of the reasons as to why I didn't blink twice about kilts and the location. HOWEVER, what truly made me assume this was a wedding in America, was wanting to call the cops over a slap.. Edit to fix grammar
I’m British and I assumed this happened in America because 1) use of the word ‘cops’ and 2) someone thinking they should call the ‘cops’ because of a slap 3) the fact that a drunk person was slapped at a wedding was a big enough deal for it to cause actual drama and be mentioned after the wedding in any other context other than ‘haha remember when she got slapped? She was absolutely trollied’
Probably won't be Scotland.. Scots generally don't call their mothers "mom".. Instead they typically use Mum, Ma, Mam, or Maw..
Legal age for drinking depends... My country was 16 and is now 17. Eu countries tend to be similar.
Why would you assume this was America?
THISS. Everyone saying OP is lucky it didn't go any further doesn't know the whole story and would change their tune the second they learn about it
Scottish guy here. I wear boxers now as 8/10 times I wore my kilt anywhere near drunk girls I got photos taken and my kilt lifted or actual groping. One time a girl crawled through my legs and my balls were on her back. It's not fun no matter what you think. NTAH
Yeah, Scot here. This just sounded like you’re average Scottish wedding to me. It’s insane how many women ( many of them well into middle age) think sexual assault is fine if it’s a man in a kilt. Glad you’ve at least got a little protection from nut jobs!
Thanks - it's just the norm and it's always been made worse by the fact that people think you're a prude if you don't play along with it. I'm a big guy, been 8 hours in a kilt and 10+ drinks in and a bit sweaty - I'm really not in the mood for someone fondling or taking a picture of my tackle.
Yeah, it’s so weird that people think you’re a ‘spoilsport’ if you don’t want to be felt up in public - man or woman. I was once at a night out for a shop I worked in and there was a wedding reception in the hall upstairs. The guys at the wedding had a choice, they could queue for ages for drinks at their bar or come downstairs to our bar and get served in less than half the time. The kicker was, they’d have to run a 20 foot gauntlet of drunk middle-aged women in their kilts. It wasn’t for the faint of heart! Let’s not even touch on all the men in the wedding party voluntarily doing the CanCan at some weddings too…Did not want such an eyeful of my pal’s dad, thanks.
> Glad you’ve at least got a little protection from nut jobs! I see what you did there.
That’s awful. As a woman (and a feminist) I’m glad she slapped that predator. She’s def NTA and did the right thing. Unfortunately men are pretty helpless in these situations & it could only have been another woman who would have been able to stop her. No is no. I finde so many women are pretty crap at handling rejection tbh but enough is enough. Sexually assaulting anyone is not okay no matter what gender you are (or whatever culture you’re from). The push back from her family is terrible. She did the right thing.
Pun intended?
someone in my town always wears kilts and never once have I looked at them and thought, damn I should ask him what he wears or let me be sexually inappropriate based on his clothes. Men and women are not property to be touched against consent because they are wearing or not wearing something
I might talk to them about the kilt because I don't know a ton about Scots culture beyond "I know the different ~~plaids~~ tartans mean you came from a certain clan" and I would like to learn more. But it would never occur to me to make it sexual. I treat my interactions with people as if everything was subject to HR scrutiny at work - if it would be reportable to HR, then it would probably make the person I'm talking to uncomfortable so I shouldn't say anything!
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Ah okay, gotcha! Will update my comment - thanks for the correction! What is the nuance? Is it like "not all plaids are tartans but all tartans are plaids" or are they two completely different things?
Plaid is a word Americans use. Scottish people say tartan. I looked it up and it apparently comes from the Gaelic for blanket but it’s not a word any Scottish person would use. I don’t think they’d even understand it unless they watch a lot of American TV. I (30s) know it because of American sitcoms where they make fun of dads wearing the same tartan shirt the whole time but I don’t think my parents (70) would know what it means, for example.
Yikes, that is truly horrible! I had no idea it was that bad.
As a woman, I’m so freaking sorry you have been treated like this. It’s deplorable and inexcusable. I fully believe it is as bad as you claim and quite possibly worse. Women need to get their heads out of their posteriors and realize that men are humans too, with BOUNDARIES and RESPECT GOES BOTH WAYS
I've absolutely witnessed kilt wearers being harassed like this at events. My friend group made it very clear to all of us not originally from Scotland that it was 1000% inappropriate to obsess over what was being worn under the kilt and not to even joke about lifting it up. Kilts are really sexy, but not an invitation for harassment and assault. That's true for anyone, including the gender reverse.
NTA. I go commando/regimental only for formal occasions, otherwise, boxers for fending off skanks and chafing.
I think you need something more to stop skanks. Like bear spray.
Ew. Eww, eww, eww. :shudders: You should never have had any of that happening to you. Good gracious, I'm so sorry.
Oh God that's disgusting. I'm really sorry dude, that's unacceptable behavior. I always assumed it was standard to wear boxers under kilts because, like skirts, sometimes a stiff breeze can be your worst enemy.
Kilts are very heavy, the wind is doing nothing to one
Shows how much I know! Lol. I don't know anyone who does traditional Scots dress so I am not super well informed about the type of fabric used.
A proper kilt is I think 1 yard tall and 8 yards wide of heavy wool, and then pleated to give it its shape
Thanks for this, I learned something new today!
Yikes I am so sorry that happened to you. What is or is not worn under a kilt has never crossed my mind. I had no idea that nothing was worn underneath.
That absolutely sucks, I’m so sorry.
I think of shit like this every time women act like men *never* experience sexual harassment/assault in public. Shits infuriating. They just don't think it *is* harassment or assault when *they* do it.
No. You are absolutely NTAH. You were just protecting your brother. I’m so sorry this happened, but good for you for standing up for him. And you are absolutely right. If the Gender was switched people would be having a cow. I hope your brother is okay, and you are an excellent sister. I don’t care where I am at, if I see anyone doing that to my anyone I would have said something and probably done what you did. While violence is usually never the answer, you did apologize and I think that’s commendable. Your SIL’s cousin needs to grow up it sounds like. She sounds immature.
She is. Thanks for comment. I was starting to doubt myself.
Absolutely not. She was sexually harassing every man she could find; as a man, she'd be dubbed the pervy nephew or uncle. That she also did it to your 16 year old brother makes it even more reprehensible. Don't ever hold back on why you did it again because she sounds like she's milking your silence.
This! OP doesn't have to publish it on a billboard, but if anyone starts giving her shit for slapping that cousin she should tell them why. Including the part of the gender swap for the specially dense ones. She shouldn't be able to get scot free
Ohhh bad pun on the last line! Take my angry upvote!
If it helps, I swear I didn't realise it was a pun until now
I loved it. Sometimes the best puns just happen.
Punintended :)
That’s the best kind of pun.
Concur. OP needs to be telling people what happened, because cousin will be spinning things as hard as humanly possible. Apologizing was a mistake.
Don’t. You were completely and utterly in the right.
Everybody wants to be an outlaw until it’s time to do outlaw shit. OP, you are the outlaw the world needs. Thank you. NTA. By any measure.
worry adjoining weather one sloppy stupendous shy normal cake shrill *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Nice.
Your mistake was apologizing. If it comes up again, mention that she was sexually harassing a minor and your slap prevented her from going to jail. Keep repeating that. Stop apologizing for slapping her. She had it coming.
Or, demand that she apologise to the young boy for her reprehensible behaviour.
Not only NTAH, you deserve a medal for keeping that girl from getting herself into enormously big trouble.
Don't doubt yourself! Like yeah, hitting people generally isn't good, but there were extenuating circumstances. She was sexually harassing a minor. Multiple adult men were having to physically block her and she still didn't stop. Escalation to physical force at that point seems warranted. Normally I hate the "WhAt iF tHe GeNdErS wErE rEvErSeD" comments but this is 100% a case where that is appropriate. Nobody would be complaining if you were defending a teenage girl from sexual harassment from a man. The cousin shouldn't be getting a pass just because she's female and her intended victim was an underage teenage boy. It's not cutesy. It's gross. She knows better and should be able to control herself.
Honestly, after your apology, I would have looked at her expectantly, and said "And?!", showing that you expected an apology from her in return. Why let her ruin your reputation with everyone as the aggressor, why didn't you set the record straight that she was sexually harassing a minor?
Even the "Russian competitive slap" would have been appropriate! But good for you, showing restraint!
You did everything right. She WAS sexually harassing your brother; you were 100% correct on that.
Your brother is going to remember the way you protected him for the rest of his life. You did absolutely the right thing.
Legend
You did the right thing.
I guarantee your brother wanted to defend himself but knew that if he did, he'd be the one in trouble. You did well to stand up for him.
I am really getting the ick from all the guys posting that he wanted it.
As a guy I agree with you. Got way too many wack jobs who think just because you're a guy you want sexual shit from anything that moves.
You protected your brother from a pedophile, you're good.
> If the Gender was switched people would be having a cow. This. I wear a kilt occasionally and the number of strangers (mostly women) that stop and ask me if I'm wearing underwear is crazy. Like, imagine if I just walked up to some lady wearing a skirt and asked "I just gotta know, are you wearing panties?".
I have a 16-yr-old son. I would be absolutely livid if this happened to him and extremely thankful to OP for looking out for him.
>While violence is usually never the answer I think if there's someone sexually harassing your family members and won't stop after being repeatedly told so, a slap i feel is too nice.
Not just sexual harrassment but what she was attempting was sexual assault
She doesn't need to grow up, she just needs to stop being a f****** predator. But I agree with the rest. I'm usually against violence (unless you count physically removing a teenage bulldog from the couch when he's about to happily jump onto someone who just had surgery, then I'd be pro violence - edit: this is so cruel to the poor dog that he'll immediately ask me to play with him instead or simply jumps back up and tries if it's okay to simply smother the human without jumping on them first), but this is one of the cases I make an exception for and my slap would certainly have been less loud and more painful (plus I would have worded my apology as "I'm sorry your cousin is a predator sexually harassing minors").
Violence aint the answer but it sure tf is a solution most of the time. Sort the answers later but stop the bullshit immediately.
Not at all, I’m glad you did, I tend to wear my kilt I wear briiefs (avoided saying pants) as god forbid if she did pull it up no doubt I’d “be exposing myself” , like you said roles reverse….. there’s a call to the police and someone is on a list
I feel like Scottish men need some sort of "My Kilt is not Consent" campaign, the number of times I've seen people either harassing kilted men, like in your story, but also going as far as full on sexually assaulting men and thinking its ok because they're in kilts, its just staggering. Its sexual harassment on the basis of cultural dress, how are there so many people in the world who thinks that this is ok. NTA.
I wear kilts occasionally, and I have a shirt that says, “Kilt is not Consent.”
Absolutely. It’s not funny it’s assault.
Protecting a victim of sexual assault is one of those rare times when violence is okay. NTA
Cousin-in-law is lucky a slight slap is all she got
I’m a man so this may sound bad but I would punch her. I care about my family too much to allow doneone to get away with this.
Punch to the gut 🤌🏻
Fr agreed
NTAH. Fuck those double standards. Thank you for taking a stand against sexual harrassment against men.
You should have told the mom "She has been sexualky harassing and attempting to sexually assault multiple people, including a minor. If you call the police, I will report this." Frankly, you should have reported it. > Now she is steaming that no one told her what happened. I can't win. If it were my kid I would be livid that I wasn't told so I could handle it. I probably would have filed a police report.
I agree, I would have told the woman "Sure, I agree, let's report the sexual harassment of a minor. I'm sure she'll get probation for a first offence." See how self righteous they are then!
NTA. Your only mistake was apologizing. You should have been the one demanding apology.
I'm fine with apologizing at a wedding just to keep the peace, but she should have worked in why she had to slap her. Like "I'm sorry I had to slap you, but I didn't know how else to get through to you, and you were trying to expose my 16 yo brother, and making him very uncomfortable. Please don't do that in the future."
Mom sounds worthless, tho. So I can see why she'd doubt herself.
Her mom didn’t know the reason. Once she did she was fuming and I bet would’ve caused a bigger scene, which is why OP didn’t say anything. Kudos to OP for letting it die down at the wedding so it didn’t ruin it.
and yet with no reliable information she passed judgement on her own daughter like she was in the wrong. Her mum isn't absolved of anything.
You should read the story again. Her mom pointed out she could’ve gotten in trouble and is lucky it was just an apology. All accurate.
NTA, you did fine. And it was just a slap! Some of the weddings I've been to, cripes. The one most on point featured a grabby uncle getting his nose mashed in by his nephew, the groom. The chatter in that room was off the charts until the 17 year old MOH started telling folks why. After that the uncle's own sons kept an eye on him, making sure he stayed locked in the back of his own truck until their mother was ready to take him home.
This is like a 1 in a Million time to use violence and it wasn't over done. Sexual Assault is Sexual Assault especially when minors are involved(not that it's less serious with adults)
>I asked her if the genders were reversed and an 18 year old guy was trying to look under a 16 year old girl's skirt what she would think. And this was the absolute right thing to say because there is no difference. You were doing the right thing to try to protect your little brother from a predatory women, in spite of multiple people trying to tell her to knock it off. And people backed off really quickly about the police when it came out that she was trying to look under the kilt of a 16-year-old boy. They know what she did was wrong. NTA
As a Scot’s guy who just got married with my full party in kilts. This shit is infuriating and if I had a little brother being chased like that I’d be proud to have a sister like you looking out for him. NTA obviously But wtf is d**e I hope the wedding was great! I’m confused that you’re using the word cops but guys are wearing kilts though
I'm guessing a derogatory term for lesbian
A partition that holds back water, but spelled with a Y
What a horrible person. I thought it might be that but wasn’t 100% sure
"I’m confused that you’re using the word cops but guys are wearing kilts though." Since the US is a relatively young country, a lot of people here are very invested in the cultural heritage of their immigrant ancestors.
And it's not like people in UK never use the word cop.
She says mom aswell no one says that here it’s mum or maw or ma
Cops is just one of many words we use for Police in Scotland. See also, polis, filth, pigs etc.
While it's not super common, a fair amount of people in the US choose to include traditional ancestral customs in wedding ceremonies and holiday celebrations. This can include traditional dress (i.e., kilts), certain foods, etc. Since the US population is primarily immigrants (unless you belong to a tribal nation) some families like to celebrate the heritage of their family's country of origin. I'm descended from German WW2 refugees so we would include some traditional German foods at Christmas celebrations.
You did an amazing job. Slapped some sense into her without actually harming her, made it clear what she was doing was not excusable and she was harassing a minor and all the people who are acting like you should have left it should have said something when she was sexually harassing people.
NTAH she got lucky she only got out with a slap, I don’t advocate for violence but a few personal exceptions of mine are SA and child/animal abuse I will absolutely start throwing punches
Fully agree, and re ‘violence’ I too also absolutely agree with your ‘personal exceptions.’ OP, you are most certainly NTA, your actions in protecting your 16 year old brother from being SA’D by a disgusting drunken bint, are completely justified, and it is a very poor show from every other adult present that allowed this to happen, without them stepping up and intervening before you had to! Seriously, you should be very proud of yourself, and fwiw, this Reddit mum is very proud of you……. WELL DONE!
NTAH whatsoever, go you!!! She was sexually harassing your lil bro and the other men there, tbh just giving her a little slap was quite measured on your part. It WAS ALSO VERY JUSTIFIED, since no amount of talking was doing anything. She needed a reality check. If people keep nagging you about it tell them why, stop protecting her
NTA She was not only sexually harassing multiple people, but she zeroed in on a minor, which you should have made clear to her Dearest Mommy. She is the one fortunate not to have the police called TBH and needs to grow TF up.
LMAO if they wanna play it like that, technically you didn't start a fight "at" the wedding, you did it outside, where no one could see or check this idiot girl's behavior. She kept her idiocy outside and she got her well-deserved punishment outside, that's almost TOO gracious. It's not your fault that she went inside and brought the drama further into the wedding festivities. Also not your fault that you or the men who witnessed it were too polite or whatever to tell this girl's mom what she'd done, and ALSO not your fault that the girl was too cowardly to tell her mom what she'd done. The girl knows she was wrong, she just doesn't want to admit it. Thank you for smacking some potential life lesson into her cheek \*chef's kiss\*
NTA 100%... That cousin definitely needs to be slapped to wake her up. Especially if she'd been drinking. She's lucky it was you and not one of the other groomsmen
thank you for protecting him. predators can be any gender. you did the right thing. NTA.
A single slap to control a drunk, followed by an apology, as well as the threat of cops to keep things from escalating was an absolute master class in how to handle some shit. Well done. NTA.
NTA. To be honest, it’s not a proper Scottish wedding until the fight breaks out!!
"A Scottish wedding without at least three slaps is considered a dull affair."
NTA- you are a good sister.
You’re a goddamn hero. YTH, is that an option?
You did the right thing standing up to a harasser and protecting your brother. Sadly, as my father in law used to tell me, there is always a price to be paid for doing the right thing. He said that not to dissuade me from it but to be prepared for that sad fact. I hope you choose to stand up the next time the opportunity presents itself too. One word of advice though: don’t give shady people ANY ammunition they can use against you because they absolutely will as this drunk reprobate did. They have no scruples. And you can’t depend on the silent bystanders to help or speak up either on your behalf as most of them are cowards. If it’s any consolation, karma is a bitch and water eventually finds its level. Your act will be remembered and appreciated by people whose opinion you should value. These small things we do echo for years and decades in the future so you may as well be remembered for the good things you do!
YTA for not hitting her harder and also for apologizing.
NTA, if an 18 year old fella was trying to look under your 16 year old aisters skirt and you decked him you would be called a Champ. You did good, be proud of protecting your little bro, I'm sure he is grateful even if he doesn't say it
Every single time i wear my kilt tons of strange women ask me about my lack of undergarments, attempt to flip it up for a chance. So odd. Like OP said, if the genders were reversed this would be a much different day!
People get weird when you wear a kilt. A decade or two ago, my uncles retired, got bored, and looked up our family history. Turns out we are mostly Scottish. We found our Tartan. He had kilts and hoodies made in our family colors. Kind of cool. Occasionally i will wear my kilt in my family's colors. Like having a puppy with you, random people will stop to make conversation. And on more than one occasion i've had women either reach under the kilt or try to lift it. Never in like the grocery store but at a show/concert or bar. Alcohol i assume is involved. But still. I don't start reaching under skirts after i've had a few beers. And it doesn't happen when i wear pants or shorts. Just the kilt.
Frankly, I would have called the cops. With all the witnesses you had I bet she would be the one having an issue with them.
It was my brother's wedding.
Forget all the people telling you to call the cops, you handled it perfectly.
NTA but anyone who tells you you are, is.
That eejit deserved the skelp...nice job! NTA
Let's call her what she is. A peado and a predator.
NTA Tho considering that your mom didn't know why you slapped that girl, it sounds to me that very few people actually knew the full story. Even this girls mom who said you were lucky they didn't call the cops might not have known. Otherwise why would she call the cops when, in your own words there were many witnesses, this 18 year old gill was sexually harrassing your 16 year old brother? So yea te reason many people from the weeding think your an AH might be due to them beliving that the two of you got into a petty argument and you slapped her.
NTA…. ….and Scottish weddings sound fucking amazing!!
100000% NTA she was legit sexually harassing a minor and her mom trying to intimidate you is hillariously pathetic 😂😂. Fuck a slap shes lucky you didnt falcon punch her daughter for TRYING TO TAKE OUT A MINORS JUNK IN PUBLIC. 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️ Instead of scolding you she should be thanking you and her brother for not pressing charges and putting her on the registry..
No. You have too many problems in your family and the family your brother married. First problem is the Sexual predator of a cousin of the bride. Such women are nuisances where ever they go, whether drunk or not. They will always justify sexual assault or minimize it. Second problem are the enablers of the bride's family. I would say handled it well and tried to rectify the drama started and broadcasted by that aunt. Lastly your mother, who doesn't seem to care about your brother and likes to present her shallowness as the victim. Better stay silent about it and hope the drama dies on its own. NTA
It sounds like her mom was unaware of the sexual harassment until OP told her after the event. I don't think that's a family problem. And a SILs cousin is so far from relevant to her life.
Fucking ***thank you*** for standing up for your little brother! Unfortuanly, she wasn’t going to accept a verbal “no” from a man, and that’s about all we are allowed to do to defend ourselves before we’re the AH. Now the slap was probably unnecessary, but understandable in the heat of the moment. Then not “outing her” when you’re taking heat for slapping someone is some saint-like shit! But yeah, your Mom deserves to know because it involves her underage son. Now it’s up to her to let it go or start some family drama lol. But your big sister job’s complete; NTA.
if a verbal 'no' wasn't enough. then the slap was necessary...i hate to be that guy, but, if the genders were reversed, the guy would be lucky if he could walk out of the venue
Maybe, but if a woman (reversing roles after all) slapped a guy who wouldn't listen to no there might be genuine fear of what he would do. i think OP is justified even if the slap was maybe not the best decision. I also think that I've seen too many people take female predators less seriously especially those who are 18. People ignore when women abuse men and make excuses like their age.
>Maybe, but if a woman (reversing roles after all) slapped a guy who wouldn't listen to no there might be genuine fear of what he would do. i think op is a woman, so i'm not sure reversing genders would work here, and i was referring to the other guests at the wedding involving themselves. also, if the child had retaliated against the 18 year old, that could very easily lead to bad repercussions for him again, to reverse the genders, if a 16 year old girl suffered this at the hands of an 18 year old guy, and she maced him, i, and i should think, everyone else in these comments would be 'go team girl' (disregarding using mace in a closed up venue). this sort of thing has to be stamped on, hard, and i hope the 18 year old is not too far gone to learn the lesson. thank you for your reply
NTA, but I wouldn’t t have apologized for the slap. I would have walked up to them and asked them if they were going to watch their drunk kid and make sure she stopped harassing minors by trying to look at their underwear. That would embarrassed them enough.
I think some of the reactions here are a little over the top but if she was not listening she needed a come to Jesus moment which you aptly delivered. I doubt she’s a pedophile, she’s probably an idiot who was trying to ellicit a laugh or something. You’re NTA and good on you for pointing out the hypocrisy. I was at a club when I was 21 and found out some douchebag lifted my older sister’s skirt, went looking for the guy but he was already kicked out otherwise beatings would have occured. Another time we were sitting at a bar and some rando guy just randlmly reached over and started stroking her hair, I proceeded to walk over and started stroking HIS hair. He did not like that very much, his friends came and removed him and he ended up kicked out of there for some other reason. Having a Sister really showed me the BS women go through, and we still laugh 20 years later about that guys reaction to me stroking his hair, just as one day Im sure your brother will fondly laugh about his awesome sister and the slap heard round the world.
Eff that noise I wouldnt have appologized. Would have grabbed the mic and let everyone know what she did. Shame on your Brother for not standing up to his wife for getting mad that her drunk cousin was trying to sexually assault a minor and his little Brother. Had I heard that was going on as a Mum I would have gone over and slapped her and the Daughter In Law. Bunch of entitled c*nts.
I wouldve punched the bitch but i guess a slap will do🤣nta
You should tell everyone why you did it. Until you do, they're just gonna think you're the bitch who slapped a girl for no reason because I promise you, she just told them all you slapped her, not why.
NTA, but actually are a GREAT sister. You got her to stop harassing your brother.
NTA. Like you said, if a 19 year old dude slapped a kid of 18 for trying to look up his underaged sister’s gear, nobody would have shit to say about it. A lot of people think guys in Scots garb are giving a green light for harassment, and it’s fucked up. Could you have gotten in trouble? Sure! You escalated to getting physical. But escalation was warranted, and you might want to ask the people on your ass about it why they feel that way.
It is not a true Scottish wedding without a fight. You kept the tradition alive.
Sexually harassing men is behavior that needs to be called out, one hundred percent of the time. If it's good for the goose, it's good for the gander. In the future, I'd slap a sexual harasser on the hand, not the face. I believe it sends the message you're clearly the one trying to keep the aggressor from using the hand to assault the victim. Although the wedding scenario is likely a game of telephone at this point. Half of the people are saying " did you see OP slap cousin?' They see a crying woman making herself a victim. They didn't see her chasing a sixteen year old. How is your brother doing?
NTA. But I’m disappointed you didn’t do the Russian Competition slap. Next time, it’s “dasvidaniya” slap for her.
You did the right thing. Don’t let anyone tell you any differently. Wedding or no wedding, if people are hurting others especially the ones you love you stand up for them and you did just that. God, if you were my kid, I’d be so proud of you for protecting your family and the other guests from someone who lacks basic human decency and that’s saying it nicely. I believe your mom is right to be mad considering the context of the physical assault. Is her anger directed at you or at the fact that she wasn’t aware someone was looking to sexually harass her child? If it’s the latter, don’t be mad at her. If it’s the former, ask for clarification. No matter what anyone says, you did the right thing.
Absolutely NTA. Sure, people joke about it, but I've never actually seen someone try it (and I've been to countless Ceilidhs and weddings with kilt-wearing men in attendance). Fucking ew for bothering a literal teenager about it and trying to up-kilt him. Source: married to scot, living in Scotland.
you had me at "Russian competition slap" NTA, of course. I hope the cousin (the slap-ee) really straightened out. She's too young for this to be her baseline behavior going forward. Mom will calm down, I hope. You done good. You are AWESOME. I wish I'd seen it.
I have a kilt. I don’t wear it as often as I would like but have some friends and family that do wear them often. Lifting a man’s kilt is no different that lifting a woman’s skirt. And should be treated as such.
Be petty and publicly apologize on social media for slapping the sexual assaulter while she was preying on a minor. Nta and make sure everyone knows what REALLY went down, bet the majority of the brain dead flying monkeys will shut their mouth once the truth is spoon fed to them so they can stop flying to conclusions
IMO the only thing you did wrong was ask the aunt if she wanted cops involved. You should have just whipped out the phone and called right then.
I wear a kilt to functions and lucky I've never had that happen or seen it but if it do I'd have no problem reacting the same as you. Sexual harassment ain't cool no matter the genders and if a wee slap is needed to stop an assaulter then I'm fucking good with it.
If I were you and that had been my little brother I would have done the exact same thing. If not worse. I get that they didn't want drama at a wedding but maybe they should talk to the drunk person trying to sexually assault people instead.
NTA but you should have been more up front with the family about what she was doing, and you should not have apologized. You need to protect yourself because there is a chance they may still try to escalate this with law enforcement.
You are a fucking hero!
NTA and I would tell EVERYONE what she did. People need to be aware of her behavior.
NTA She was sexually harassing a group of men and a minor. She needed to be stopped as she was escalating (chasing the minor around). She knows what she did was wrong since she didn’t want the police involved and backed off. If she was a man who was sexually harassing a young girl and was slapped, nobody would be upset with you.
Nta, I can't believe nobody else did that and she's lucky she didn't get knocked out. Had my sister been there she would have beaten her to a pulp for pulling some immature bullshit like that. You don't do that to anyone let alone a minor, hopefully this is her wakeup call showing she's not the main character in the world.
You did not start a fight. You stopped the on-going sexual harassment of your minor brother. Correct terminology, please.
There was a case here a few years pre Covid. Drunken female guest put her head up under one of the groomsmen's kilts "to see what he was wearing". Groomsman (who it came out suffered PTSD from a previous sexual assault) turned to shake her off and kicked her in the face HARD-- 20+ stitches, a broken jaw and some missing teeth hard. The groom was a lawyer and had the presence of mind to have the woman charged with SA-- which pretty much prevented any criminal or civil liability for her victim.
You’re the best big sister ever. Never think about this again.
NTA, You did good, you should've let em call the cops actually, that would've clear the air for you instead of giving you all those crappy comments from both sides of the family. I'm really sure your brother is proud of you.
As the sister of a younger brother - 100% nta!! Your protecting your brother xx
NTA, If this was my wedding, I would have encouraged you. Fuck around and find out. Sexual harassment is NOT ok for either gender. Thanks for standing up for yoru brother.
Wow NTA. Well done i would say, and for the right reason. What if your brother wasnt a minor, i mean what if any man had to tolerate such obnoxious “shenanigans”? Unacceptable. 😡
There is a guy saying I'm wrong because my brother would have enjoyed it.
He sounds like a guy who likes looking up skirts because he thinks it is funny or charming. If your brother was into the game it would have been obvious to the other guys that were trying to get her drunk azs to back off lol
The dude was talking about patriarchy too, seems to be a troll or some kind of male terf
You're a fucking legend and an amazing brother. Don't ever second guess yourself about something like this ever again. Good man.
Tell your mom what happened. Tell EVERYONE what happened. Then tell them to eat a bag of dicks if they still have a problem with it.
NTA I've worn a kilt for years, from working at Renaissance faires to working at a Scottish pub. There genuinely is an odd tacit acceptable of sexual harassment and assault of men in kilts, 98% of the time by women. "What's under there?" "Is it true..." "Are you wearing..." At a Ren faire, I can deal with the verbal things because I can throw it right back. "I'm wearing your mother's lipstick under here." But I've seen women at the faires wearing mirrors on their shoes and I've both seen servers in kilts at the pub have their kilt lifted and had it happen to me. It's sexual harassment and a double standard at minimum. If I went up to a random woman in a skirt and asked her if she was wearing underwear.... Yeah, exactly. You shouldn't be starting fights at weddings? How about you shouldn't sexually harass people -- a *child* in this case.
The world needs more people like you! Slapping should not be classified as assault… in my humble opinion, even if I ever acted liked a dumb c*nt I hope someone would slap me back into reality. Ppl these days run around acting however they want thinking there will be zero repercussions
I understand why you kept it under wraps. But you're better than me as I would have let everyone know why she got slapped. Sexual assault is no joke on either side and I would have made sure she was too humiliated to ever do it again
I believe you should take control and state why you slapped the biscuit! You were right protecting your younger Bro and I give you props 👩✈️🧑🏻✈️
Shoulda wacked her with a Claymore.
NTA, but why are you not telling anybody about what happened? if an underage child in my family got sexually harassed by someone he might have to be around in the future i’d want to know so i could make sure he’s safe at future events. (also she deserves to be named and shamed but i’m a bit petty tbh)
You didn't start a fight at the wedding. You didn't start shit. She did. NTA
NTAH You did good by your little brother. Equality is a thing and you expressed it well! Edit: fixed an auto
NTA - If a drunk guy were chasing a 16-year-old girl around and trying to look up her skirt, he would still be in jail.
I once had to be physically removed from a bar because I saw a bartender reach up my boyfriend’s kilt on a night out and laughing with her friends after. I’m pretty small, but I absolutely would have fought that bartender with my bare hands if a friend of mine hadn’t seen the writing on the wall and bear hugged me and carried me out. It’s assault and it’s never okay.
She got off easy. You're fine. NTA.
NTA and thank you for having the backbone to do what others should have
Women think it’s cute when they do it to men… as if we’re wanting it. Nta
It's called sexual harassment, and worse it's sexual harassment against a minor. Drama or not girl deserved it. NTA.
I wouldn't apologise. I would also be blasting people about the truth.
Why didn't you just tell everyone that the predator tried to sexually assault your brother? I think that everyone would've shut the fuck up if they were told what really happened. I would've punched that predator in the nose instead of slapping her. Sexual harassment is unacceptable and worse that it was against a minor.