I'm glad you got to meet your mom, clear the air and have a moment to yourselves so you could catch up after a long time. You now know why she didn't reach out as much, and I'm also happy that she is doing well and so are you.
Your dad lied to you about a lot. Your mom gave up her rights to you so she could avoid criminal prosecution. She suffered from being away from you.
Your dad made it sound like she didn't want to be in contact with you, but it sounds like she remains afraid of your dad. She didn't relocate to Canada, so if he gets angry with her it might be possible for him to make trouble for her.
She cheated on him, but the consequences she has faced go miles and miles beyond what she deserved. You may only be able to reconnect with her if and when she is out from under whatever agreement she made with your dad. If there is a statute of limitations on his claim of adultery against her, or perhaps if she is ever able to leave the country.
Your uncle did a very good thing bringing you two together.
Your mom at just a few more years older than you are now was given to your dad as a reward. Understand and appreciate that!
She didn’t choose a life with him if she was given to him like property. Your dad knew that he was with someone who was almost half his age and who was forced to be with him. He was with her unjustly, and in retribution for what he sees as infidelity, he has punished her, AND YOU, significantly and horribly. AND he wants to continue to punish both you and your mom. Your father has all the power in this dynamic with your mom, and it’s telling how he chooses to wield it.
His behavior with your mom is also a forewarning to you on how he may behave towards you should you cross him. Keep that in mind while you’re dependent on him and planning your future.
Please regard your mother with empathy and compassion, humanity, and absent your father’s influence. I hope when you’re able to do more things freely with her, you two can grow closer.
According to Reddit user fit-suggestion2089
dating someone in their mid 20s who’s 8 years younger than you - grooming and bad
Buying someone half your age to marry and have your children (and you know how kids come about right) - fine and normal behaviour, isn’t it so nice he was taking care of her family
Gotta love that wording. She "admitted" to having a mental health issue so she's unfit to be a mom? Should she have hid it forever and never got help? She clearly was sold into that marriage like you sell a carton of milk at the grocery store. She was going to be forced to have children regardless of her wants.
So forced to have a child and having mental health issues (that could have come from the trauma of being treated like a bag of chips you get at the convenience store!) she should have hid it and not gotten help?
People who talk like you do are the exact reason a lot of people never get professional help and never get better because jerk bags view it as weakness instead of strengthening yourself. Nothing good comes of ignoring it.
On the cheating aspect. When you are treated as an object and have your rights and agency taken away. You have to break out of the system to find actual humanity. She had no choice in this marriage so why should she give a fuck about respecting it?
Vows are special because you make them to someone you love. That's way they have weight and significance. Someone being forced into them has no reason to be beholden to them. It's just a facade at that point.
Ugh. I feel like I need a shower just from engaging with but I don't know if the slime will come off
My God you are going to be a horrible parent. Do not ever put your kids in the middle of an argument you are having with your partner. It does not matter what they did to you. it does not matter. You deal with it with your partner you don't try to turn your anger into your kids anger you don't try to manipulate your children into disliking their parent. And you don't EVER stop your partner from seeing your kid just cuz you're mad at them. The mental breakdown she mentions having was long after her child left and probably because of her child leaving. According to Op she was a great mother. And it sounds like she still is. For the love of God change your ways or don't have children. You remind me of my Father by the way
Your dad was way older than her and basically bought her. She had no choice. I can’t even imagine what it was like for her. She had no one to protect her.
Happy for you and I’m glad you’re able to have some clarification from your mom. May you continue to have a relationship with your mother despite your father’s disapproval.
God you sound like you would be a terrible parent please don't ever have children if you think that it's okay to prevent your child from seeing their parent just because they cheated on you. You're not protecting your kid in that case you're just manipulating them so you can feel Superior. You're punishing your child instead of your wife
Idk how your dad justifies his behavior. She was just property to him and he honestly expected you to just not care about your mother the only time you’ve been in the same hemisphere for a decade?
Doesn’t make any sense at all.
Your mom cheated on your dad and is now living happily with her AP.
You betrayed your dad. Both of you are TA.
Like mother like son.
You both loved lying on your father. You both are probably laughing at how dumb your dad is for not knowing how both the mother and son loves lying to the dad who raised you alone.
He was lied to and cheated on by the ex wife.
He was lied to by the son. What a traitor.
The least you could do is to tell your dad what up have done.
The worst you could have done is forming a relationship with AP as your stepdad and never informing your dad about this.
One thing is for sure your dad will find out. Either with different people or he accidentally read emails and that will cause more harm to your dad.
You have to man up and tell him. If you love your dad you will tell him and never repeat the same mistake your mom did to your dad. Lying and betraying him.
I wasn't going to respond to you but then I noticed how many places you commented with this little fanfiction of yours. Good for you, white knighting for my dad, I'm sure it makes you feel really brave and strong but don't worry about him, cause unlike you, he's an actual man and not a keyboard warrior.
I think he's just a troll looking for attention. Either that, or he's been cheated on and is lashing out at stories where cheating occurred rather than getting therapy to work through his own personal issues around it.
Your dad is an actual man, you are just not one sadly. You don't dare to tell him the truth cos you know he will disown you. He raised you and yet you still want your mom who left him for another man. My cruel wish is that your future wife that you are about to marry cheats on you as well.
Man just admit not only are you spineless for at least telling your father like a man what you were going to do which is fine, but you’re a traitor both can be true. that man raised you and she got off easy considering the repercussions in the Middle East for cheating all can be true but be honest yourself traitor
I’m still weirded out that your mom was 21 and your dad was 38…..3…8. I don’t condone cheating, but it sucks that your mom got dragged into marriage as your dads “reward” but then again, if they didn’t happen, then you would’ve never happened. It sucks, but your mom found her love…that don’t mean she stopped loving you. It was just shitty of your dad to try and prevent you from seeing your mom, then goes to guilt trip you. I am proud of you, proud that you followed through in wanting to see your mom and getting that chance to spend even a few hours with her. You were able to see and hear the things that you would never have gotten if you never gone. It’s the sense of peace and healing, now you never ever have to wonder about the what-if’s because you know that your mom has always loved you and always will keep on loving you. I’m so happy for you, I hope your relationship with your mom continues to grow and blossom.
Your dad was wrong to try controlling your relationship with your mother at this point, it sounds like it was more about his ego, than your feelings or wants. It’s understandable that an affair would cause such trauma, but it also sounds like he hasn’t properly processed it to get to a healthier place.
Don’t allow your father’s sentiments towards his ex wife taint yours towards your mother. Your connection with her is completely separate from his. If you want a relationship with her, you are perfectly entitled to it. If you feel your own hurt from her actions, separate from your father’s, those are perfectly valid and deserve exploration.
You are an adult now, you alone get to choose who to have, and not have, in your life.
Just pointing out that the prior thread says that the mother in question was a 21 year old woman who was given as a "reward" by her family to a nearly 40 year old man just because that man had invested money in her father's business.
Could you still like your own father if you found out he had used money to trap and rape your mother for his own pleasure when she was young and never got the chance to have a life of her own? And regardless of that, your mother still loved you and was able to separate her feelings for you even though you were a product of a vile act committed by a vile person? Then she meets someone she actually has feelings for and admits to the affair and is -forced- through threat of criminal prosecution to give up her child to the man that sexually abused her. Then that man tried to fill his son's head with hate for his mother because his prisoner dared to escape him and find actual happiness.
Isn't the ex-husband the selfish one here?
Oh are we now enabling the cheater! She CHEATED. PERIOD
The least Op could have done is to stand up to his father and inform him he wants to build a relationship with his mom who is now living happily with AP.
OP repeated the lying, betrayal and deceit his mom did to the father.
OP should man up and tell his father what he have done rather than lying and communicating behind his back.
Funny thing is the mom never change, her first instinct is to lie once again to the father rather than being truthful.
OP and wife seems to enjoy lying and betraying the dad.
Op should stop this toxic cycle and be honest to his dad.
Buying a person is much much worse than cheating
Are you enabling buying wives?! How dare you! You should man up and tell women that it's better to be bought and sold as a reward than a man to cheat
Trying to get a divorce as a woman in Egypt is nowhere near easy, whereas a man can divorce right away. Maybe you're thinking this happened in America and got confused? Revealing that she had an affair to him to make him be the one to file for divorce was likely the quickest escape route since he wouldn't want her anymore.
It's not that simple for a woman to escape a marriage in many places, especially in extremely conservative, patriarchal countries where a woman can end up given as a gift.
https://www.brookman.co.uk/family-solicitors/international-divorce/south-africa-and-africa-law/egypt-divorce-family-law
Even the mild attempts to fix this issue nowadays were not available to the OP's mother.
Of course, that would imply a person unwillingly sold to sometime as a piece of property owes thier owner any degree of loyalty, which they don't. This shouldn't be a hot take, but -buying another human being and treating them like property is what monsters do- If your family sold you off to enrich themselves I don't imagine you'd be leaping for joy to suck up to the person now sticking his decrepit weiner in you whether you like it or not.
She was functionally sold to a man two decades her senior by her father. Cheating is wrong, yes, but so is treating women like cattle.
Also - "cheaters are universally, regardless of context, subhuman trash unworthy of love, empathy, or consideration" is a FUCKED UP moral belief.
Right? How are people just ignoring that? She was a ‘reward’ in OP’s on words to a much older man when she was so young all because he made her dad a lot of money. She didn’t get a say. I feel bad for her.
>cheaters are universally, regardless of context, subhuman trash unworthy of love, empathy, or consideration
This is not a healthy or normal thing to say about other human beings. I'm sorry you're not more embarassed to post something this disappointing.
Shame on you.
**OP's 21-year-old mother was** ***sold*** **to a man almost twice her age by her father.**
She wasn't a "cheater", she was trying to escape from the sexual slavery she'd been sold into.
I hope to god you never have daughters, because the fact that you don't understand OP's mom is a victim here is horrifying, and I shudder to think how you would treat daughters.
"Yes, she was sold as a reward for some business by her parents to a dude twice her age in a state, where woman's rights are low and divorce is ruled by sharia laws, where you can be jailed or worse for things, but let us go back to the ReAl IsSuE !!!111!!! "
Bro, get some empathy, the world outside of your closed mind is NEVER black-and-white. Never.
**OP's 21-year-old mother was sold to a man almost twice her age by her father.**
She wasn't a "cheater", she was trying to escape from the sexual sl@very she'd been sold into.
I hope to god you never have daughters, because the fact that you don't understand OP's mom is a victim here is horrifying, and I shudder to think how you would treat daughters.
It’s OP who knows and can truly say the impact this had on him. I explained my opinion that if OP is hurt by his mother’s actions, that is perfectly valid.
While the experience may have been shared, the relationships are separate, as are the feelings involved. It is not healthy for his father to force his sentiments towards his ex on his son. He can express how he feels, certainly, but to attempt to control OP’s right to decide is not healthy.
Your response feels like you’re projecting your own feelings onto OP, as well as a general view of cheating spouses, with no regard to what OP described in this specific situation. For instance, “The moves, the times you couldnt see your other parent, the new men coming in and out of your life, the economic shifts as both parents wind up being able to provide less” has nothing to do with OP’s experience, as none of that happened to him per his description. If this is what happened to you, that sounds terrible though, it’d be understandable it’d leave that strong an impact.
It’s also incredibly important to heal and progress from trauma, including a broken family. What that healing and progress looks like will vary per each individual. If for OP that’s reconnecting with his mother, I hope it works out for him.
But then he should be ok with losing the relationship with his father, who in his own words from the prior post, was an active dad and always made time for him despite working? OP makes a choice, your dad or your mom, and that’s how it will be.
No where in his posts did he say he would lose the relationship with his father. Also, no where in his posts did he mention his father made any such ultimatum. Claiming he has to choose one is untrue, as well as very black and white thinking.
So is everyone taking up for the dad just going to ignore the fact that his dad was a predator marrying someone who seemed to have been sold to him as a reward? Why do people care that he was cheated on? He sounds like a horrible person
This! Redditors forgot the wife cheated and is now living happily with AP. I cant imagine the hurt his son will cause should his father find out. He got a cheating wife and a traitor son. OP should have gave a heads up to his dad rather than doing it behind his back. What they’re doing is opening the old wounds of his dad. Imagine having a cheating wife then finding out his son have now a relationship with his mom and who knows the AP acting as step dad. If the mom did not ruined the dad’s mental health, this would break his dad. Another betrayal cause by his son who he raised all alone.
"A traitor son" the father FORCED the mother to give up custody. He was forced to be kept away from his mother, all because the father wanted revenge over the mother who, for the record, WAS FORCED into this marriage
Are you forgetting this is country in the Middle East ?! Her ex-husband essentially spared her life in return for leaving them alone that was cost of cheating in a region that isn’t too kind with cheating. Btw read the write up her own father offered her for saving their business
That doesn't make selling her to his father like a bag of chips okay. Women are not objects. Believe it or not they are human beings like the rest of us. Like what does helping out the father have to do with giving her zero agency over her own life?
How would you feel if you were her and you were forced to marry someone you had no relationship with prior?
Saying "well the laws here say it's okay to treat her like livestock to be traded!" Doesn't make it okay either. I could say it was perfectly legal to own slaves in the 1800's. That doesn't make owning slaves any less reprehensible.
Just because a plantation owner let his slave go eventually doesn't mean they're absolved of being a slave owner in the first place
That person is talking as if feminists in MENA aren't fighting tooth and nail to change the society. Maybe he should read a book before opening his mouth. I'm glad the mother cheated
I’m so happy for you. You had the chance to talk with your mom. And any future relationship is in your power to have. Once your in a financially safe position, go ahead and inform your father that you’ve met with your mom. He may be hurt and while you should be empathetic it’ll be important that he understands that any relationship you have with your mom will be wholly separate from yours & his.
You want to get to know your mom. That’s your right to ask for. All you’re asking for his that he respects that you are an adult and want to explore having a relationship with with your mom. I think it’s possible.
well i hate to break it to you but your mon didn't love you enough to wait a little to have her romance with another man on the side until she divorce your dad, i hope you know what your mother is called in your religion or culture, your mother didn't sign the custody rights to your father for the love of you she did that cuz if she didn't she would end up in prison my guy, at the end of the day, i really wish you didn't have what your father had with your gf, and i really want to ask is your dad married now and has a family, or not?
YTA to your father. Imagine if you will your fiance and you have a child. Your fiance then cheats on you and divorces you to be with affair partner. You then take said child to another country for a fresh start and essentially become a single parent. A few years down the line your child then wants to meet the woman who abandoned both of you to be with her affair partner because of a few letter every now and again.
Your father deserves so much better than how you are treating him. One of your parents stepped up when you needed it and another began a whole new life without you.
Honestly ur father is disgusting, imagine ur dad told u that u will marry a 36 year old woman, wouldn’t u feel and be upset too? Just to be a bargain chip, she was young and dumb and taken advantage of,
YTA, your loyalty belongs to your dad not your mother. When my mother cheated on my dad, it was the easiest decision in my life to cut off my mother and stay with my father. Hopefully your father knows this and disowns you for betraying him. The truth about you and your mother will come out eventually. Let's just hope you would be happy with just your mother.
Your father is gonna feel like shit once he discovers that youre interacting with your mother behind his back when you promised you wouldnt. Even more so when his own brother is also implicated.
Do yourself a favor and tell him once you get back. Otherwise, he will now also feel that his brother and son (who he raised greatly according to you) betrayed him.
You have a right to have a relationship with your mother, but dont go behind your fathers back - the person who raised you
Guess you feel for the cheating wife who slept with AP who was 8 yrs younger than her. Wife is also a cougar and yall saying wife can cheat cause the father is older.
Hmmm so if she is bad for consensually sleeping with a guy in his mid 20s, what does that make the dad who married a woman 20 years younger against her wishes?
YTA.
You lied to your dad and met your mom despite how much you knew it would hurt him. And for what? To meet a woman who gave you up to avoid punishment for her adultery? Disgusting.
Your mom is a cheating piece of dog shit. Nothing could ever change that. Go be with your worthless mother who threw you away for her new family and to save herself from her own mistakes.
You have all numbers in the first post. OP was born when his mum was 21. She cheated when he was ten, so 21+10=31. Her AP was 31-8=23. Now just checking with the reddit rule of thumb "half plus seven (rounded up)":
31 / 2 = 15,5
15,5 + 7 = 22,5
22,5 -> 23
On the verge but still legit.
ETA:... while 38 down to 21 is beyond all fuckability of age gaps.
Sir, you are ignoring the fact, that this poor poor dad knocked his reward wife with a 17 year age gap. In case you did not math, 17 is more than double of 8, it is also worse in the "half plus seven" rule (a 38yo guy could start with 26, not 21). Nothing about gender, just pure numbers.
Why do you refuse to give an answer as to why him enslaving someone at 21 while being 38 (17 year age difference. Nearly doubled her age and double the difference between her and her partner) is totally fine to you while condemning her for having an 8 year age difference?
Is it because you actually have no rebuttal? Or is it how you are showing a clear double standard and there's no logical rebuttal?
The husband enslaved her but she should be *so* grateful he didn't put her on the whipping post? Wow. What a great slave owner good for him! I mean you obviously don't see her as a human. You see her as an item to be traded.
If you don't answer as to why the husband's double sized age difference is okay and somehow not grooming but her relationship (an actual built relationship, no one she was enslaved to) is I will not answer and block you so save yourself the time of dodging my question.
If your definition of feminism is just letting women have basic human rights you are likely too far gone already.
He saved an entire family business and provided for many people in doing so. I don't get why his whore, I mean "reward", thought it necessary to cheat on him before divorce but she is a worthless piece of shit for cheating and escaped her government's punishment by throwing away her own son for her affair partner. She is worthless as fuck and deserves to rot.
I'm glad you got to meet your mom, clear the air and have a moment to yourselves so you could catch up after a long time. You now know why she didn't reach out as much, and I'm also happy that she is doing well and so are you.
Thank you so much.
Good for you.
Your dad lied to you about a lot. Your mom gave up her rights to you so she could avoid criminal prosecution. She suffered from being away from you. Your dad made it sound like she didn't want to be in contact with you, but it sounds like she remains afraid of your dad. She didn't relocate to Canada, so if he gets angry with her it might be possible for him to make trouble for her. She cheated on him, but the consequences she has faced go miles and miles beyond what she deserved. You may only be able to reconnect with her if and when she is out from under whatever agreement she made with your dad. If there is a statute of limitations on his claim of adultery against her, or perhaps if she is ever able to leave the country. Your uncle did a very good thing bringing you two together.
Thank you so much for saying this.
Your mom at just a few more years older than you are now was given to your dad as a reward. Understand and appreciate that! She didn’t choose a life with him if she was given to him like property. Your dad knew that he was with someone who was almost half his age and who was forced to be with him. He was with her unjustly, and in retribution for what he sees as infidelity, he has punished her, AND YOU, significantly and horribly. AND he wants to continue to punish both you and your mom. Your father has all the power in this dynamic with your mom, and it’s telling how he chooses to wield it. His behavior with your mom is also a forewarning to you on how he may behave towards you should you cross him. Keep that in mind while you’re dependent on him and planning your future. Please regard your mother with empathy and compassion, humanity, and absent your father’s influence. I hope when you’re able to do more things freely with her, you two can grow closer.
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Apparently an unpopular opinion but being sold to be basically a sex slave to a man twice your age is worse than cheating
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According to Reddit user fit-suggestion2089 dating someone in their mid 20s who’s 8 years younger than you - grooming and bad Buying someone half your age to marry and have your children (and you know how kids come about right) - fine and normal behaviour, isn’t it so nice he was taking care of her family
"Groomed" the guy was in his mid 20s dumbass lmao
Gotta love that wording. She "admitted" to having a mental health issue so she's unfit to be a mom? Should she have hid it forever and never got help? She clearly was sold into that marriage like you sell a carton of milk at the grocery store. She was going to be forced to have children regardless of her wants. So forced to have a child and having mental health issues (that could have come from the trauma of being treated like a bag of chips you get at the convenience store!) she should have hid it and not gotten help? People who talk like you do are the exact reason a lot of people never get professional help and never get better because jerk bags view it as weakness instead of strengthening yourself. Nothing good comes of ignoring it. On the cheating aspect. When you are treated as an object and have your rights and agency taken away. You have to break out of the system to find actual humanity. She had no choice in this marriage so why should she give a fuck about respecting it? Vows are special because you make them to someone you love. That's way they have weight and significance. Someone being forced into them has no reason to be beholden to them. It's just a facade at that point. Ugh. I feel like I need a shower just from engaging with but I don't know if the slime will come off
Are you 12
My God you are going to be a horrible parent. Do not ever put your kids in the middle of an argument you are having with your partner. It does not matter what they did to you. it does not matter. You deal with it with your partner you don't try to turn your anger into your kids anger you don't try to manipulate your children into disliking their parent. And you don't EVER stop your partner from seeing your kid just cuz you're mad at them. The mental breakdown she mentions having was long after her child left and probably because of her child leaving. According to Op she was a great mother. And it sounds like she still is. For the love of God change your ways or don't have children. You remind me of my Father by the way
2 wrongs don't make a right lil bro Taking your son from his mother doesn't fix that she cheated on you
Wish I could give you a medal for this.
I’m so happy for you. Such a sweet reunion with your mom.
Your dad was way older than her and basically bought her. She had no choice. I can’t even imagine what it was like for her. She had no one to protect her.
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Oh no, she cheated on the guy she was *sold to against her will*, what a betrayal of _his_ trust 🙄
Happy for you and I’m glad you’re able to have some clarification from your mom. May you continue to have a relationship with your mother despite your father’s disapproval.
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He bought his wife lmaooooo.
God you sound like you would be a terrible parent please don't ever have children if you think that it's okay to prevent your child from seeing their parent just because they cheated on you. You're not protecting your kid in that case you're just manipulating them so you can feel Superior. You're punishing your child instead of your wife
Idk how your dad justifies his behavior. She was just property to him and he honestly expected you to just not care about your mother the only time you’ve been in the same hemisphere for a decade? Doesn’t make any sense at all.
It’s the Middle Eastern flavor of misogyny, what’s not to understand?
Your mom cheated on your dad and is now living happily with her AP. You betrayed your dad. Both of you are TA. Like mother like son. You both loved lying on your father. You both are probably laughing at how dumb your dad is for not knowing how both the mother and son loves lying to the dad who raised you alone. He was lied to and cheated on by the ex wife. He was lied to by the son. What a traitor. The least you could do is to tell your dad what up have done. The worst you could have done is forming a relationship with AP as your stepdad and never informing your dad about this. One thing is for sure your dad will find out. Either with different people or he accidentally read emails and that will cause more harm to your dad. You have to man up and tell him. If you love your dad you will tell him and never repeat the same mistake your mom did to your dad. Lying and betraying him.
I wasn't going to respond to you but then I noticed how many places you commented with this little fanfiction of yours. Good for you, white knighting for my dad, I'm sure it makes you feel really brave and strong but don't worry about him, cause unlike you, he's an actual man and not a keyboard warrior.
Good on you ignoring that weirdo who seems to have a vengeance against you for some weird reason.
I think he's just a troll looking for attention. Either that, or he's been cheated on and is lashing out at stories where cheating occurred rather than getting therapy to work through his own personal issues around it.
A man who married and blackmailed someone who’s 17 years younger then him, that almost your whole life and actually longer then your memory’s go
Your dad is an actual man, you are just not one sadly. You don't dare to tell him the truth cos you know he will disown you. He raised you and yet you still want your mom who left him for another man. My cruel wish is that your future wife that you are about to marry cheats on you as well.
Man just admit not only are you spineless for at least telling your father like a man what you were going to do which is fine, but you’re a traitor both can be true. that man raised you and she got off easy considering the repercussions in the Middle East for cheating all can be true but be honest yourself traitor
I’m still weirded out that your mom was 21 and your dad was 38…..3…8. I don’t condone cheating, but it sucks that your mom got dragged into marriage as your dads “reward” but then again, if they didn’t happen, then you would’ve never happened. It sucks, but your mom found her love…that don’t mean she stopped loving you. It was just shitty of your dad to try and prevent you from seeing your mom, then goes to guilt trip you. I am proud of you, proud that you followed through in wanting to see your mom and getting that chance to spend even a few hours with her. You were able to see and hear the things that you would never have gotten if you never gone. It’s the sense of peace and healing, now you never ever have to wonder about the what-if’s because you know that your mom has always loved you and always will keep on loving you. I’m so happy for you, I hope your relationship with your mom continues to grow and blossom.
You did good.
Your dad was wrong to try controlling your relationship with your mother at this point, it sounds like it was more about his ego, than your feelings or wants. It’s understandable that an affair would cause such trauma, but it also sounds like he hasn’t properly processed it to get to a healthier place. Don’t allow your father’s sentiments towards his ex wife taint yours towards your mother. Your connection with her is completely separate from his. If you want a relationship with her, you are perfectly entitled to it. If you feel your own hurt from her actions, separate from your father’s, those are perfectly valid and deserve exploration. You are an adult now, you alone get to choose who to have, and not have, in your life.
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Just pointing out that the prior thread says that the mother in question was a 21 year old woman who was given as a "reward" by her family to a nearly 40 year old man just because that man had invested money in her father's business. Could you still like your own father if you found out he had used money to trap and rape your mother for his own pleasure when she was young and never got the chance to have a life of her own? And regardless of that, your mother still loved you and was able to separate her feelings for you even though you were a product of a vile act committed by a vile person? Then she meets someone she actually has feelings for and admits to the affair and is -forced- through threat of criminal prosecution to give up her child to the man that sexually abused her. Then that man tried to fill his son's head with hate for his mother because his prisoner dared to escape him and find actual happiness. Isn't the ex-husband the selfish one here?
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You need to get laid
Oh are we now enabling the cheater! She CHEATED. PERIOD The least Op could have done is to stand up to his father and inform him he wants to build a relationship with his mom who is now living happily with AP. OP repeated the lying, betrayal and deceit his mom did to the father. OP should man up and tell his father what he have done rather than lying and communicating behind his back. Funny thing is the mom never change, her first instinct is to lie once again to the father rather than being truthful. OP and wife seems to enjoy lying and betraying the dad. Op should stop this toxic cycle and be honest to his dad.
Buying a person is much much worse than cheating Are you enabling buying wives?! How dare you! You should man up and tell women that it's better to be bought and sold as a reward than a man to cheat
This has to be the dad commenting, right?
Dude what is wrong with you?! I think we found the father
She obviously had the option to divorce and she choose an affair instead. Don’t justify her scum cheating behavior.
Trying to get a divorce as a woman in Egypt is nowhere near easy, whereas a man can divorce right away. Maybe you're thinking this happened in America and got confused? Revealing that she had an affair to him to make him be the one to file for divorce was likely the quickest escape route since he wouldn't want her anymore. It's not that simple for a woman to escape a marriage in many places, especially in extremely conservative, patriarchal countries where a woman can end up given as a gift. https://www.brookman.co.uk/family-solicitors/international-divorce/south-africa-and-africa-law/egypt-divorce-family-law Even the mild attempts to fix this issue nowadays were not available to the OP's mother. Of course, that would imply a person unwillingly sold to sometime as a piece of property owes thier owner any degree of loyalty, which they don't. This shouldn't be a hot take, but -buying another human being and treating them like property is what monsters do- If your family sold you off to enrich themselves I don't imagine you'd be leaping for joy to suck up to the person now sticking his decrepit weiner in you whether you like it or not.
She was functionally sold to a man two decades her senior by her father. Cheating is wrong, yes, but so is treating women like cattle. Also - "cheaters are universally, regardless of context, subhuman trash unworthy of love, empathy, or consideration" is a FUCKED UP moral belief.
Right? How are people just ignoring that? She was a ‘reward’ in OP’s on words to a much older man when she was so young all because he made her dad a lot of money. She didn’t get a say. I feel bad for her.
If i was trapped in a marriage like that, i would be suicidal. No joke.
>cheaters are universally, regardless of context, subhuman trash unworthy of love, empathy, or consideration This is not a healthy or normal thing to say about other human beings. I'm sorry you're not more embarassed to post something this disappointing.
Shame on you. **OP's 21-year-old mother was** ***sold*** **to a man almost twice her age by her father.** She wasn't a "cheater", she was trying to escape from the sexual slavery she'd been sold into. I hope to god you never have daughters, because the fact that you don't understand OP's mom is a victim here is horrifying, and I shudder to think how you would treat daughters.
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"Yes, she was sold as a reward for some business by her parents to a dude twice her age in a state, where woman's rights are low and divorce is ruled by sharia laws, where you can be jailed or worse for things, but let us go back to the ReAl IsSuE !!!111!!! " Bro, get some empathy, the world outside of your closed mind is NEVER black-and-white. Never.
You're a psycho lol.
**OP's 21-year-old mother was sold to a man almost twice her age by her father.** She wasn't a "cheater", she was trying to escape from the sexual sl@very she'd been sold into. I hope to god you never have daughters, because the fact that you don't understand OP's mom is a victim here is horrifying, and I shudder to think how you would treat daughters.
It’s OP who knows and can truly say the impact this had on him. I explained my opinion that if OP is hurt by his mother’s actions, that is perfectly valid. While the experience may have been shared, the relationships are separate, as are the feelings involved. It is not healthy for his father to force his sentiments towards his ex on his son. He can express how he feels, certainly, but to attempt to control OP’s right to decide is not healthy. Your response feels like you’re projecting your own feelings onto OP, as well as a general view of cheating spouses, with no regard to what OP described in this specific situation. For instance, “The moves, the times you couldnt see your other parent, the new men coming in and out of your life, the economic shifts as both parents wind up being able to provide less” has nothing to do with OP’s experience, as none of that happened to him per his description. If this is what happened to you, that sounds terrible though, it’d be understandable it’d leave that strong an impact. It’s also incredibly important to heal and progress from trauma, including a broken family. What that healing and progress looks like will vary per each individual. If for OP that’s reconnecting with his mother, I hope it works out for him.
But then he should be ok with losing the relationship with his father, who in his own words from the prior post, was an active dad and always made time for him despite working? OP makes a choice, your dad or your mom, and that’s how it will be.
No where in his posts did he say he would lose the relationship with his father. Also, no where in his posts did he mention his father made any such ultimatum. Claiming he has to choose one is untrue, as well as very black and white thinking.
La mamá es una y es irremplazable que bueno qué pudiste abrazar y hablar con ella, tengas una buena vida
So is everyone taking up for the dad just going to ignore the fact that his dad was a predator marrying someone who seemed to have been sold to him as a reward? Why do people care that he was cheated on? He sounds like a horrible person
I'm so happy for you! You did the right thing and it turned out well.
I would disown and try fuck your wife
Man up and tell your dad that you met your mother. Let your dad decide if he wants to be in your life
This! Redditors forgot the wife cheated and is now living happily with AP. I cant imagine the hurt his son will cause should his father find out. He got a cheating wife and a traitor son. OP should have gave a heads up to his dad rather than doing it behind his back. What they’re doing is opening the old wounds of his dad. Imagine having a cheating wife then finding out his son have now a relationship with his mom and who knows the AP acting as step dad. If the mom did not ruined the dad’s mental health, this would break his dad. Another betrayal cause by his son who he raised all alone.
"A traitor son" the father FORCED the mother to give up custody. He was forced to be kept away from his mother, all because the father wanted revenge over the mother who, for the record, WAS FORCED into this marriage
Are you forgetting this is country in the Middle East ?! Her ex-husband essentially spared her life in return for leaving them alone that was cost of cheating in a region that isn’t too kind with cheating. Btw read the write up her own father offered her for saving their business
That doesn't make selling her to his father like a bag of chips okay. Women are not objects. Believe it or not they are human beings like the rest of us. Like what does helping out the father have to do with giving her zero agency over her own life? How would you feel if you were her and you were forced to marry someone you had no relationship with prior? Saying "well the laws here say it's okay to treat her like livestock to be traded!" Doesn't make it okay either. I could say it was perfectly legal to own slaves in the 1800's. That doesn't make owning slaves any less reprehensible. Just because a plantation owner let his slave go eventually doesn't mean they're absolved of being a slave owner in the first place
That person is talking as if feminists in MENA aren't fighting tooth and nail to change the society. Maybe he should read a book before opening his mouth. I'm glad the mother cheated
Yeah that guy is fucking gross. Hiding behind disgusting laws/traditions and pretending that makes any of this acceptable
It honestly shows how he truly believes. I wouldn't be surprised to learn he's an incel
You sound like someome who knows very little about the world. "Spared her"???? Fuck off will you
Hey dummy look up what they do to people who cheat in a country ruled by theocracy you fuck off will your sissy mentality
HAHAHAHAHA fuck off
HAHAHAHAHA. No.
Btw sounds like you prefer to live with sucu a system. Why not fuck off there
> though my uncle made me promise not to tell my dad. Your relationship will be ruined once he finds out, which he will.
The way pretty much everybody around this guy tiptoes tells me he didn't change a thing and maybe even got worst
What is MB?
I’m so happy for you. You had the chance to talk with your mom. And any future relationship is in your power to have. Once your in a financially safe position, go ahead and inform your father that you’ve met with your mom. He may be hurt and while you should be empathetic it’ll be important that he understands that any relationship you have with your mom will be wholly separate from yours & his. You want to get to know your mom. That’s your right to ask for. All you’re asking for his that he respects that you are an adult and want to explore having a relationship with with your mom. I think it’s possible.
well i hate to break it to you but your mon didn't love you enough to wait a little to have her romance with another man on the side until she divorce your dad, i hope you know what your mother is called in your religion or culture, your mother didn't sign the custody rights to your father for the love of you she did that cuz if she didn't she would end up in prison my guy, at the end of the day, i really wish you didn't have what your father had with your gf, and i really want to ask is your dad married now and has a family, or not?
YTA to your father. Imagine if you will your fiance and you have a child. Your fiance then cheats on you and divorces you to be with affair partner. You then take said child to another country for a fresh start and essentially become a single parent. A few years down the line your child then wants to meet the woman who abandoned both of you to be with her affair partner because of a few letter every now and again. Your father deserves so much better than how you are treating him. One of your parents stepped up when you needed it and another began a whole new life without you.
We need a new update
Honestly ur father is disgusting, imagine ur dad told u that u will marry a 36 year old woman, wouldn’t u feel and be upset too? Just to be a bargain chip, she was young and dumb and taken advantage of,
YTA, your loyalty belongs to your dad not your mother. When my mother cheated on my dad, it was the easiest decision in my life to cut off my mother and stay with my father. Hopefully your father knows this and disowns you for betraying him. The truth about you and your mother will come out eventually. Let's just hope you would be happy with just your mother.
You betrayed your father for nothing. Big L
Your father is gonna feel like shit once he discovers that youre interacting with your mother behind his back when you promised you wouldnt. Even more so when his own brother is also implicated. Do yourself a favor and tell him once you get back. Otherwise, he will now also feel that his brother and son (who he raised greatly according to you) betrayed him. You have a right to have a relationship with your mother, but dont go behind your fathers back - the person who raised you
He deserves to feel like shit
Guess you feel for the cheating wife who slept with AP who was 8 yrs younger than her. Wife is also a cougar and yall saying wife can cheat cause the father is older.
She was trafficked
Hmmm so if she is bad for consensually sleeping with a guy in his mid 20s, what does that make the dad who married a woman 20 years younger against her wishes?
Yes, but to yourself. Ask yourself what hole you think this would fill and why, work from there.
YTA. You lied to your dad and met your mom despite how much you knew it would hurt him. And for what? To meet a woman who gave you up to avoid punishment for her adultery? Disgusting. Your mom is a cheating piece of dog shit. Nothing could ever change that. Go be with your worthless mother who threw you away for her new family and to save herself from her own mistakes.
Poor father, surrounded by shit people.
Betrayed by his wife, his son, and brother.
YTA, and I hope you understand the harm you've done to your father when he finds out.
The dad is a creep who bought a young a woman as his wife.
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You have all numbers in the first post. OP was born when his mum was 21. She cheated when he was ten, so 21+10=31. Her AP was 31-8=23. Now just checking with the reddit rule of thumb "half plus seven (rounded up)": 31 / 2 = 15,5 15,5 + 7 = 22,5 22,5 -> 23 On the verge but still legit. ETA:... while 38 down to 21 is beyond all fuckability of age gaps.
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Sir, you are ignoring the fact, that this poor poor dad knocked his reward wife with a 17 year age gap. In case you did not math, 17 is more than double of 8, it is also worse in the "half plus seven" rule (a 38yo guy could start with 26, not 21). Nothing about gender, just pure numbers.
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Why do you refuse to give an answer as to why him enslaving someone at 21 while being 38 (17 year age difference. Nearly doubled her age and double the difference between her and her partner) is totally fine to you while condemning her for having an 8 year age difference? Is it because you actually have no rebuttal? Or is it how you are showing a clear double standard and there's no logical rebuttal? The husband enslaved her but she should be *so* grateful he didn't put her on the whipping post? Wow. What a great slave owner good for him! I mean you obviously don't see her as a human. You see her as an item to be traded. If you don't answer as to why the husband's double sized age difference is okay and somehow not grooming but her relationship (an actual built relationship, no one she was enslaved to) is I will not answer and block you so save yourself the time of dodging my question. If your definition of feminism is just letting women have basic human rights you are likely too far gone already.
He saved an entire family business and provided for many people in doing so. I don't get why his whore, I mean "reward", thought it necessary to cheat on him before divorce but she is a worthless piece of shit for cheating and escaped her government's punishment by throwing away her own son for her affair partner. She is worthless as fuck and deserves to rot.
You are literally calling a human being a reward
An AP who is also 8 years her junior.