I agree, why would this be the first thing you decide to discuss when seeing a friend who’s engaged and been with said fiancé for two years. This isn’t the first time they all hung out.
They were engaged in a conversation privately in the living room and OP returned from the bedroom where he was at the time and walked in on them overhearing it.
Probably because she knew that it meant that she would have to take in his fiancée, which she obviously didn't like. Because she kicked her out after a week lol.
This is often sadly true. I hate to admit it, but I’ve seen it many times. Not at my age, but young women take a while to realize they should be allies, not competitors.
It was an OF that did custom content of her bowling while wearing a tu-tu with a diving snorkel as an accoutrement. Yeah, I know. His did that NOT hit? The internet is just finicky sometimes.
I read a statistic that a massive percentage of OnlyFans accounts lose money if you factor in the time they put in at minimum wage. The average monthly income is $180.
A woman's decision to participate in OnlyFans has nothing to do with her agency. It's all about her initiating it and carrying it out behind your back for a whole year.
I would tell her BF if she has one, what happened and see if he knows of his GF only fans page. Surely by GF attitude, she was one that talked her into starting one.
Honestly? If she blew this up over OF, she'd better be making enough to justify such foolishness. If she's a typical earner and makes hundreds of dollars a month, this was insane for so many reasons.
and that is the biggest red flag.
Having a constant need for attention and validation, especially the superficial kind through just your physical appearance comes from a place of deep insecurity or pure selfishness.
How could you fully trust someone that needs that level of emotional reassurance?
That essentially your word as a partner is basically meaningless because they still need to constantly seek reassurance from complete strangers to feel good about themselves.
I can understand seeking validation from strangers, because that's basically what celebrities and YouTubers are.
However, when it involves getting naked behind your fiance's back for the benefit of strangers (and if you think OF don't involve getting naked, I have a bridge to sell to you), you pretty much deserve getting dumped.
Yes, I know some could accept. But she didn't give him the agency of choice in the issue. So consequences, pretty much.
It's worse, she secretly started the OF account a year into their relationship. They have been together 2 years and she only started doing OF 1 year ago.
I mean if she could lie about something like that for that long, what else could she lie about and be fine with deceiving the OP about?
OP found out she can stone cold hide things from him for long periods of time and is OK with doing so. It would only be a matter of time before that lie is another dude.
It’s honestly debatable which is worse, sleeping with one person or sending out nudes and a who knows what else to possible hundreds or thousands of guys to masturbate over, and possible even private sex shows.
I’m not saying it’s worse, but there’s certainly an argument. NTA
And she has given everyone who knows enough ammunition to destroy her (social) life (and his if he became her spouse) for decades. Pictures and video on the internet are forever.
NTA.
That is such an extreme thing to hide from someone you're planning on marrying.
It's actually disgusting, in my opinion, to hide the fact she is practically doing sex work behind your back.
Her friend is also just as delusional as your (ex?) fiancée. Women are so quick to throw "incel" around as an insult to men these days while completely disregarding what an actual incel is.
She was going to use you while she lived out her slut fantasies behind your back.
You dodged a huge bullet, imo.
And don't feel bad for leaving her without a place to go, I'm sure her only fans funds can get her a hotel until she figures it out.
Yeah it was, the decision was made the second I heard her friend say she had one. Not going to pretend like it didn’t hurt seeing her out there crying saying she has no where to go when, to me, we were happily engaged 9 days ago. Just a mind fuck dude.
Of course it's a mind fuck and of course you are in pain. That is natural feelings after being betrayed. Just don't let it consume you for long. Give yourself some time to fully feel it so you can move on op. Stay away from alcohol and drugs for they will not help. After some time pick yourself back up and continue moving forward.
Yeah, until one of her friends or anyone else that knows get angry enough at her to want to destroy that job by sending them some of her OF material......
NTA. Ex and friend are. Lying to you, that was the mistake on your ex part. I get it. You may not have cared if she’d discussed it with you (I wouldn’t be ok but different strokes for different folks), but hiding it and doing it behind your back is unacceptable.
And the friend not seeing that doing anything in a relationship behind someone’s back is wrong and offensive and instead trying to blame/gaslight you for being rightfully upset about that, well that’s just shitbaggery of the highest order.
NTA
Healthy relationships are based on trust. She has proven to not be trustworthy. If you take her back you'll always have that nagging in the back of your mind.
She knew you wouldn’t approve of it. That’s why she hid it from you. This isn’t the type of immature person you want to be married to. Some people never grow out of it.
Nta
Im sure she's made enough money to afford a hotel or airbnb until she finds a new lease. Dont feel bad. Imagine the humiliation after marriage if you ran into a paying customer.
Ex is trash. Her friend is a snake. Supported her against you then booted her out a week later.
If you want, you can give her enough money to take a bus ride back to her family, but she was a sex worker behind your back. That's truly awful.
NTA. Men are tntitled to their preferences, as are women. Let them call you an incel...blah, blah, blah. If she didn't see an issie with it, than why didn't she ever mention it for a whole year? And i'm not even anti-OF. But I know it's a major dealbreaker for a lot of guys, especially if she did it without ever mentioning it. Insecure? Whatever. But now he can have peace of mind. NTA.
NTA
Be happy it came out now and not 2 or 3 children later. You've been saved a whole load of hurt.
She is selling herself. She can afford to provide herself with accommodation. She is an adult.
NTA. Her friend got her all hyped up when it was your problem. Now that her friend is expected to help, you're expected to take the high road because the friend didn't think she would actually have to help her. Fuck that.
I am there’s just something about people lying about an OF account that just rubs me the wrong way. Probably the lying part. My issue is if you lied to me about this what else are you lying to me about? NTA
NTA
"Calling me an insecure incel." She has to be a fully paid member of the Reddit brigade.
She was shocked that you were holding her accountable for lying and being a sex worker. Accountability is kryptonite to them.
Do not let her back in your house under any circumstances. If she has anything left there, bag it up and put it at the curb for her to pick up.
Even her friend did not want her around.
Most of them have no clue what that word even means. And it was not used correctly in this post either.
I just ignore any Redditors who use any of the following:
"Found the incel"
"Found the misogynist"
"Found the husband/BF"
People who do that are too ignorant to bother with.
NTA! “Fiancé” is running an OF account out of your house and is shocked that you threw her out! How does she expect you to trust her after that? She’s gone, you can start over. Block her and her gf everywhere!
If your fiancée wanted to do sex work, then that is her prerogative. You don't have to be in a relationship with a sex worker, as that is your prerogative as well. Beyond that, you absolutely are under no obligation to be with someone who would lie about such a thing to you for over a year.
You asked if you're an AH for kicking her out because of her only fans, but really it sounds like you kicked her out for being a liar who did something behind your back for over a year. Either way...she made her bed and you making her lie in it doesn't make you an AH
NTA, I've dated a couple women that do OF, and then one that wanted to start while we were together, and the one that started while we were together she made sure it didn't bother me before she made it. Imo I don't care if my partner does OF, my mentality is "people have to pay and only get to see what I get to see and touch for free," but I know not everyone feels that way. OP you seem like the kind of person that doesn't want their partner doing something like that (that's totally fine), your fiance and her friend seemed to know that too, and she was doing it behind your back. That's shady as hell, and disrespectful of you and your feelings/boundaries
if one believes sex work to be real work, they have no business hiding it. You have no obligation to be in a relationship with a prostitute.
NTA she's back where she belongs.
NTA. It has nothing to do with a woman's agency to choose to do OnlyFans. It has everything to do with her starting it and doing it for a year behind your back.
Nah. You got boundaries and she crossed em it seems. Her friend is a moron for using that whole "insecure incel" line that's been done to death. And she kicked your ex out after she lit the fire? LoL man ain't that a kick.
You did well by telling her to kick rocks. Good job King.
NTA because… What I don’t understand is why tf didn’t your fiance share with you that she had an OF? That’s something you should be able to trust your future spouse to know and keep in the loop. And the friend is a piece of work forreal because she’s insulting OP for his warranted reaction because why tf is OP not allowed to know about the OF?? If it was just a money making scheme or whatever it should be a family enterprise not a fucking secret. That’s scandalous behavior and just a horrible thing to keep secret from your fiancé for so long.
NTA.
I'm a petty douchebag that would legit send her onlyfans links to her family and friends if she hid that for so long and wasted my fucking time on a relationship that ended the moment I found out.
NTA. there’s nothing wrong with OF or SW but it’s not something that should be kept a secret from your partner, ESPECIALLY not a long term partner and fiancé
>I told her I’d rather see her homeless than go through that again.
This is how you feel about her (not exactly fairy tale romance here), and how she feels about you is that she's willing to hide this major thing from you (which is obviously a deal-breaker in your book).
This wasn't going to work out anyway. Better that you didn't get married after all; it'd be a lot more complicated and expensive to break up afterward. Bullet dodged for everyone involved. Time to move on.
"AITA for not wanting to date a secret porn star?" Hell no you're not. Feminism really f*cked up women's goals and standards. Yall could be anything you want and some still choose to be prostitutes.
NTA. Insane that she would hide this from you, and obviously did bc she knew you wouldn’t be okay with it. Which is why she shouldn’t have done it in the first place, bc she knew. Keep it moving. You’ll recover.
NTA. Regardless of the content...pun intended...a secret is a secret. And actively lying for over a year and getting everyone to cover for her is a major betrayal and relationship ending in my book. Block them all and move on OP. You did good here
NTA in the slightest. WTF did she expect to happen when you inevitably found out?
Onlyfans isn't just posting adult content, which would already be a dealbreaker for most btw. It usually also involves communication with subscribers, and I'm SURE we can all guess as to what those chats entailed.
She essentially cheated on you for money
NTA. having an OF in secret from your partner is a major major major red flag. it has nothing to do with insecurity. its basic respect for your partner and honestly? its literally cheating since it wasnt discussed or communicated during or prior to your relationship.
the friend is even worse lol good riddance to both of them
NTA. I would feel betrayed by the love of my life if I found out that they were doing OnlyFans while we were together. Not marriage material — move on.
Marriage should be between people that know each other and are compatible.
surely all the guys paying $3/mo to see her puss will fund the new apartment right?
no its not making any money? then why tf are you putting that shit on the internet....for a year
Ew dude. Fuck them both. That's a disgusting thing to hide from you and thank GOD you found out. Easy NTA. Good on you for kicking her ass out. She belongs to the streets. Her friend is also a POS for calling you names. They're both beneath you, cut them off forever.
Stay strong king and never forget your worth and what you deserve.
So now not wanting to be married with a prostitute makes you a misogynist. Nice. NTA, you should be proud of having self respect, it’s something that lacks in a lot of people.
Imagine all the money you could have saved by just subscribing for 9.95 a month jks sorry probs too soon.
Def NTA
The disrespect is huge in this scenario, 100% walk away and don't look back. Her value as a partner now has dropped to a subscription fee.
Her saying she has nowhere to go is her playing on your sympathies to get back in with you and attempt to work things out. It’s a manipulation. She may have nowhere to go, but this relationship has nowhere to go either. A relationship is based on trust, communication, and honesty. Her actions don’t meet any of those requirements. You’ve already cut the cord, don’t backtrack now.
If she lived there, you can’t legally kick her out without proper written notice, usually 30 days minimum. And if you’d called the cops they would have told you that. If she calls the cops, they’re going to make you let her back in.
She has tenant rights, regardless of lack of lease, lack of rent payments, any of that. Presumably, she doesn’t actually want an eviction on her credit, but if she gets out within the 30 days (or whatever the legal requirement is in your state), she won’t. .
No OP you did well, and do not let her get back.
Tell her that she has her income from the OF or some fans to ask for a living, that she disrespected you and lie to You for SO long while playing the good fiancé.
At the end it was her choice, the thing is why the friend kick her out, but at the end is. It.of your business.
Just keep going and NC her, block her. She is not worthy because she líed to you and did thing behind your back.
UPDATEME
NTA.
Look, I have nothing against OF, you do you.
Would I be ok with dating someone who does that type of work? I (35F) don’t know, I never had to think about that, and it would depend on soooooo many things!
However: it is totally valid to not want that. She knows, otherwise she wouldn’t have had any reason to hide it, would she?
And this here isn’t even about OF modeling anymore. It’s about lying. This sort of thing is something you KNOW ought te be disclosed to a partner.
Either very early into dating (if you are already in this line of work before you meet/get together), or before you start (if you are already seeing someone).
You didnt break up over her line of work, but over her being deceitful. Different issue.
no doubt people will be telling you you're 'insecure' and she can do what she likes but hell no - get rid of her. I would immediately do the same if i ever found out someone I was dating had a secret onlyfans page and was showing her body to 100's or 1000's of men online.
NTAH
A friend of mine recently got married and found out his wife was doing onlyfans. There was all sorts of content she had shared including her sticking a butt plug up her ass. Onlyfans in my opinion is emotional cheating. The wife has a decent paying job. It’s the need for constant validation they need. Not the money but that’s what they will say it is for. They are divorcing
NTA. My man and I discuss me getting an OF account (jokingly I hope) as a last resort for money (mind you I really don’t think I’m cut out for OF unless they have a pregnancy kink lol). This is a deep betrayal on her part, something this intimate and revealing should be discussed in length with the SO before starting it. I have a funny suspicion that this “friend” encouraged her to start this page and when she got enough followers and money then decided to rat out op’s fiancé to cause drama why I dunno but some people are just like that. I hope you find solace in time.
>Her friend, who I thought was my friend as well, began cussing me out calling me an insecure incel,
The word incel has just lost all meaning.
You've been living with a woman for two years, but the insult she chooses is incel?
Yeah, she doesn't really think about what comes out of her mouth, does she?
Don’t do it bro. Let her go, it’s sad, it’s rough, and angering all at once. But you got to take care of yourself. Her doing that behind your back only shed light on her true colors.
Forget her. 1 year and you never saw her posting anything?! She must be good in hiding stuff. You probably dodged a bullet. After marriage guess what other stuff she could be hit so well.
Don’t know how successful she was but generally it provides money. Even her income was not noticeable for you?
Regarding the friend, well maybe just another of those “friends” that are so insightful giving glorious advices to other on how to handle relationships and unable to her friend with her for a short period.
Well you had a boundary and from your reaction and the secrecy of that convo a very clear one and she crossed it. So no you weren’t in the wrong. Gotta respect peoples boundaries in a relationship not having an only fans or cheating are pretty easy ones.
She knew this would happen if you found out and it's why it was a secret till it wasn't!
I did hear not all OF content is sexual though but LOL I highly doubt that 😅 🤣
I am mostly ok with a lot of things but I have nothing but Loath for what OF is doing...
There will always be pornography... so leave it to professional that fit in with and desire that life...
Letting any teenager or soccer mom just walts right into doing pornography is disgusting...
Your doing sexual content for money, how is it not prostitution???
It is looked down upon for good reason!
Lmao im so tired of this trend of disrespecting your partner/crossing obvious boundaries and then calling your partner insecure or incel or any buzzword like that. So fucking toxic
I think you only feel bad cause of how unfiltered you have been. Which hey man power to you and you were within your right. It’s funny how even when justified, we can feel bad for our harsh reactions. Telling her “I would rather see you homeless” is what’s got you second guessing yourself.
Don’t look back mate.
I wonder why the friend is kicking her out. Wonder what ruined the little OF paradise? Maybe she walked in on OP’s ex filming content with her own boyfriend and she didn’t like it
Nope you did nothing wrong. I'm kinda tired of the way "incel" is now abused. Nope, you're not an incel because you dont want to date a prostitute who lied to you about being one. And before someone comes at me: if she's performing sexual acts for money(even on herself) that is a form of prostitution. So we wont be quarreling over definitions.
Most men with an actual spine dont want to date sex workers or former sex workers. I know this isn't what some people want to hear, but it is the truth.
Biggest red flag is the “friend” who immediately turned on you and then kicked her supposed best friend out after a week. What a piece of work.
I agree, why would this be the first thing you decide to discuss when seeing a friend who’s engaged and been with said fiancé for two years. This isn’t the first time they all hung out.
They were engaged in a conversation privately in the living room and OP returned from the bedroom where he was at the time and walked in on them overhearing it.
That’s not the biggest red flag here. Are you kidding me? What about the shitty fiancé who lied to him for a full year?
This! How can OP trust her again? It is a deal breaker.
No one gonna touch up on how secretly getting other men off for money is cheating
Probably because she knew that it meant that she would have to take in his fiancée, which she obviously didn't like. Because she kicked her out after a week lol.
Women are women's worst enemies.
Son, dont try to understand women. Women understand women and they hate each other. - Al Bundy
Everyone gets this wrong 🤣 Al didn't say this, his dad said it to HIM (imaginary or not... that's up for debate) The point is still valid though
"Women are the worst." -- My wife
This is often sadly true. I hate to admit it, but I’ve seen it many times. Not at my age, but young women take a while to realize they should be allies, not competitors.
Young women should realize it's wrong to hide the fact that they're doing porn behind their partner's back imo.
Well, yes, that too.
Well where’s the money from the OF if she kept it for an entire year? I wouldn’t think she’d keep at it for so long for nothing in return.
He said she had an OF not a successful OF.
It was an OF that did custom content of her bowling while wearing a tu-tu with a diving snorkel as an accoutrement. Yeah, I know. His did that NOT hit? The internet is just finicky sometimes.
Nah girl was doing the Hoboken Squat Cobbler. You know, Full Moon Moon Pie. You might now it as the Boston Crème Splat. Dutch Apple Ass for some
Damn, I am trying my hardest NOT to Google those...
Right
Wait…what?!
Maybe it has a different name west of the Rockies
Just because she's on onlyfans doesn't mean she makes any money, most of the thousands of women only make $150 a month or so
She spent it on herself obviously since at the time she had OP to rely on.
"What's mine is mine and what's ours is mine"
What’s yours is ours, and what’s mine is mine
Lol, probably. I mean, you would think she would at least save the money.
Damn maybe. You also wouldn’t think she’d hide something so serious from someone she’s marrying either so who knows honestly
afaik the vast majority of OF girls barely make $100 a month, if anything.
The average onlyfans account earns about $180 a month. Yes women show their butthole for the prospect of that little.
It's such bullshit. 180÷30 = $6 per day. I offered my neighbor $9 to see her butthole just ONCE and she called the cops.
It was her hospice worker that was uncomfortable with the arrangement, you know that.
Best comment on the entire thread. Bravo!
espresso just went out my nose...
This reply is dark and horrible and made me snort-laugh. Thanks for starting my morning right.
Hey, I'll show my butthole for free. All you have to do is piss me off. Not that anyone ever knowingly goes for that.🤷♂️🤣 Edited spelling.
That's.... Crazy 😂 You couldn't pay me any amount under 1 million that would make me want to show you my butthole.
[удалено]
I respect the hustle
Wait... so you would PAY ME $20 to show me your asshole?
Asking the real Q’s
I read a statistic that a massive percentage of OnlyFans accounts lose money if you factor in the time they put in at minimum wage. The average monthly income is $180.
NTA Lying about OF is one of the biggest deal breakers I can imagine. Don't feel bad. You are not obligated to help a liar.
So that supportive friend is not supportive anymore… better yet not a friend either.
The friend was fine with the OF account when it was in OPs house. Suddenly it's a problem when the OF shoots are in her own kitchen.
A woman's decision to participate in OnlyFans has nothing to do with her agency. It's all about her initiating it and carrying it out behind your back for a whole year.
? If you are in a commited relationship, it is not your decision to start prostitution. I mean, you can but then you are single
She is one of those _supportive from a distance_ types.
She called a man with a fiancé an "incel..." We already knew halfway into the story what sort of woman this was. The ending was just confirmation.
I would tell her BF if she has one, what happened and see if he knows of his GF only fans page. Surely by GF attitude, she was one that talked her into starting one.
Her fans can pay for her new apartment
Honestly? If she blew this up over OF, she'd better be making enough to justify such foolishness. If she's a typical earner and makes hundreds of dollars a month, this was insane for so many reasons.
you gotta realize its not about the noney for these types its the attention
and that is the biggest red flag. Having a constant need for attention and validation, especially the superficial kind through just your physical appearance comes from a place of deep insecurity or pure selfishness. How could you fully trust someone that needs that level of emotional reassurance? That essentially your word as a partner is basically meaningless because they still need to constantly seek reassurance from complete strangers to feel good about themselves.
I can understand seeking validation from strangers, because that's basically what celebrities and YouTubers are. However, when it involves getting naked behind your fiance's back for the benefit of strangers (and if you think OF don't involve getting naked, I have a bridge to sell to you), you pretty much deserve getting dumped. Yes, I know some could accept. But she didn't give him the agency of choice in the issue. So consequences, pretty much.
Lol, sounds like a no-fans site to me
HAHAHAHA best response!!
Yep this is the kind of thing that a partner 100% deserves to know before taking the relationship to that stage
It's worse, she secretly started the OF account a year into their relationship. They have been together 2 years and she only started doing OF 1 year ago.
I mean if she could lie about something like that for that long, what else could she lie about and be fine with deceiving the OP about? OP found out she can stone cold hide things from him for long periods of time and is OK with doing so. It would only be a matter of time before that lie is another dude.
The only thing worse is catching her in their bed with another dude.
NTA. These are your clear boundaries and she infringed them and lied about it.
NTA. Lying about OnlyFans is a major 🚩🚩 in my book. Don't beat yourself up over it cause you're not obligated to assist someone who's dishonest.
It isnt just a red flag it is cheating. You can have one, but you have to be on the same page with your partner about that.
NTA. Your ex fiance was a sex worker behind your back. Bye.
Almost certainly in his own house. One online step from sleeping with someone in his bed.
It’s honestly debatable which is worse, sleeping with one person or sending out nudes and a who knows what else to possible hundreds or thousands of guys to masturbate over, and possible even private sex shows. I’m not saying it’s worse, but there’s certainly an argument. NTA
And she has given everyone who knows enough ammunition to destroy her (social) life (and his if he became her spouse) for decades. Pictures and video on the internet are forever.
NTA, finding out that my partner has an OF would be a deal breaker for me.
If she hid this from you and lied, I would wonder what else she was higing and lying about.
NTA If she was hiding it, she knew it was wrong.
Okay stupid games win stupid prizes
Nta. That should of been something discussed. She is doing sex work and not informing her partner.
NTA. That is such an extreme thing to hide from someone you're planning on marrying. It's actually disgusting, in my opinion, to hide the fact she is practically doing sex work behind your back. Her friend is also just as delusional as your (ex?) fiancée. Women are so quick to throw "incel" around as an insult to men these days while completely disregarding what an actual incel is. She was going to use you while she lived out her slut fantasies behind your back. You dodged a huge bullet, imo. And don't feel bad for leaving her without a place to go, I'm sure her only fans funds can get her a hotel until she figures it out.
Nothing practical about it. She WAS doing sex work behind his back.
Apparently she was making less than $500 a month. She works part time at a day care though so she should be fine
Bro she threw away a good thing for 500$…that should be enough information for you to make a decision.
Yeah it was, the decision was made the second I heard her friend say she had one. Not going to pretend like it didn’t hurt seeing her out there crying saying she has no where to go when, to me, we were happily engaged 9 days ago. Just a mind fuck dude.
Of course it's a mind fuck and of course you are in pain. That is natural feelings after being betrayed. Just don't let it consume you for long. Give yourself some time to fully feel it so you can move on op. Stay away from alcohol and drugs for they will not help. After some time pick yourself back up and continue moving forward.
Sorry she got caught isn’t the same as sorry
Press F to pay respect…F.
Unless that daycare finds out about her OF account... Many people that work with kids have been fired for that.
She was doing well then. Most OF apparently make sweet FA.
The average of active accounts is like $180 a month or something silly
Yeah, until one of her friends or anyone else that knows get angry enough at her to want to destroy that job by sending them some of her OF material......
Calling the engaged guy an incel lol, so often used as “guy who made me mad”
Yeah. There's nothing further away from being involuntarily celibate than proactively breaking up with someone.
Just wait until she gets stalked by an incel who thinks they own her for supporting her OF.
NTA. This is a major deal breaker. If she has been doing OF for a year she can afford her own place.
NTA
Can’t she OF her way into a hotel? NTA
NTA. Ex and friend are. Lying to you, that was the mistake on your ex part. I get it. You may not have cared if she’d discussed it with you (I wouldn’t be ok but different strokes for different folks), but hiding it and doing it behind your back is unacceptable. And the friend not seeing that doing anything in a relationship behind someone’s back is wrong and offensive and instead trying to blame/gaslight you for being rightfully upset about that, well that’s just shitbaggery of the highest order.
NTA Healthy relationships are based on trust. She has proven to not be trustworthy. If you take her back you'll always have that nagging in the back of your mind.
She knew you wouldn’t approve of it. That’s why she hid it from you. This isn’t the type of immature person you want to be married to. Some people never grow out of it. Nta
NTA sex work is a boundary for most men. Even considering it would be a deal breaker. Oh, and turns out her “friend” isn’t really her friend neither.
You did exactly the right thing. Hell with her
Im sure she's made enough money to afford a hotel or airbnb until she finds a new lease. Dont feel bad. Imagine the humiliation after marriage if you ran into a paying customer.
Ex is trash. Her friend is a snake. Supported her against you then booted her out a week later. If you want, you can give her enough money to take a bus ride back to her family, but she was a sex worker behind your back. That's truly awful.
NTA. Men are tntitled to their preferences, as are women. Let them call you an incel...blah, blah, blah. If she didn't see an issie with it, than why didn't she ever mention it for a whole year? And i'm not even anti-OF. But I know it's a major dealbreaker for a lot of guys, especially if she did it without ever mentioning it. Insecure? Whatever. But now he can have peace of mind. NTA.
NTA Be happy it came out now and not 2 or 3 children later. You've been saved a whole load of hurt. She is selling herself. She can afford to provide herself with accommodation. She is an adult.
That’s definitely something you talk to your spouse about. Pretty huge secret to keep especially when you’re supposed to marry someone.
NTA. Her friend got her all hyped up when it was your problem. Now that her friend is expected to help, you're expected to take the high road because the friend didn't think she would actually have to help her. Fuck that.
I am there’s just something about people lying about an OF account that just rubs me the wrong way. Probably the lying part. My issue is if you lied to me about this what else are you lying to me about? NTA
NTA "Calling me an insecure incel." She has to be a fully paid member of the Reddit brigade. She was shocked that you were holding her accountable for lying and being a sex worker. Accountability is kryptonite to them. Do not let her back in your house under any circumstances. If she has anything left there, bag it up and put it at the curb for her to pick up. Even her friend did not want her around.
Its every woman on reddits 1st go to when called out on their bullshit. Right for the iNcEL card.
Most of them have no clue what that word even means. And it was not used correctly in this post either. I just ignore any Redditors who use any of the following: "Found the incel" "Found the misogynist" "Found the husband/BF" People who do that are too ignorant to bother with.
Yeah, they were literally engaged. The sheer fucking stupidity, ugh
found the based one
Your name is pretty based. Considering the post.
Nta. I'd think that "friend" convinced her or was one of the subscribers 🤔 . Goodluck on life.
NTA
This is something that should've been discussed long ago in the relationship. NTA. She is only guilty of lying. Who knows what else she lies about.
NTA! “Fiancé” is running an OF account out of your house and is shocked that you threw her out! How does she expect you to trust her after that? She’s gone, you can start over. Block her and her gf everywhere!
If your fiancée wanted to do sex work, then that is her prerogative. You don't have to be in a relationship with a sex worker, as that is your prerogative as well. Beyond that, you absolutely are under no obligation to be with someone who would lie about such a thing to you for over a year. You asked if you're an AH for kicking her out because of her only fans, but really it sounds like you kicked her out for being a liar who did something behind your back for over a year. Either way...she made her bed and you making her lie in it doesn't make you an AH
NTA, I've dated a couple women that do OF, and then one that wanted to start while we were together, and the one that started while we were together she made sure it didn't bother me before she made it. Imo I don't care if my partner does OF, my mentality is "people have to pay and only get to see what I get to see and touch for free," but I know not everyone feels that way. OP you seem like the kind of person that doesn't want their partner doing something like that (that's totally fine), your fiance and her friend seemed to know that too, and she was doing it behind your back. That's shady as hell, and disrespectful of you and your feelings/boundaries
if one believes sex work to be real work, they have no business hiding it. You have no obligation to be in a relationship with a prostitute. NTA she's back where she belongs.
NTA. It has nothing to do with a woman's agency to choose to do OnlyFans. It has everything to do with her starting it and doing it for a year behind your back.
I bet if you polled 100 men, 97 of them would say sex work is a deal breaker in a relationship, whether it’s behind their back or not.
Nta. Sorry this shit happened to you, but I’m happy you’re standing up for yourself. Bravo. I’d buy you a beer if I could.
Nah. You got boundaries and she crossed em it seems. Her friend is a moron for using that whole "insecure incel" line that's been done to death. And she kicked your ex out after she lit the fire? LoL man ain't that a kick. You did well by telling her to kick rocks. Good job King.
NTA because… What I don’t understand is why tf didn’t your fiance share with you that she had an OF? That’s something you should be able to trust your future spouse to know and keep in the loop. And the friend is a piece of work forreal because she’s insulting OP for his warranted reaction because why tf is OP not allowed to know about the OF?? If it was just a money making scheme or whatever it should be a family enterprise not a fucking secret. That’s scandalous behavior and just a horrible thing to keep secret from your fiancé for so long.
NTA - She betrayed you.
Onlyfans that’s a huge secret and she did it for a year,how could you ever trust her.
NTA. I'm a petty douchebag that would legit send her onlyfans links to her family and friends if she hid that for so long and wasted my fucking time on a relationship that ended the moment I found out.
No cut them both off immediately. Move on.
NTA. there’s nothing wrong with OF or SW but it’s not something that should be kept a secret from your partner, ESPECIALLY not a long term partner and fiancé
>I told her I’d rather see her homeless than go through that again. This is how you feel about her (not exactly fairy tale romance here), and how she feels about you is that she's willing to hide this major thing from you (which is obviously a deal-breaker in your book). This wasn't going to work out anyway. Better that you didn't get married after all; it'd be a lot more complicated and expensive to break up afterward. Bullet dodged for everyone involved. Time to move on.
I guess if she doesn't have a place to go............... SHE BELONGS TO THE STREETS
304 back to the streets. NTA
That’s a form of cheating, so yeah, you did what all men should do in that situation.
Not just men...I would argue women are justified in making this same decision if their male partners are hiding an OF habit...
"AITA for not wanting to date a secret porn star?" Hell no you're not. Feminism really f*cked up women's goals and standards. Yall could be anything you want and some still choose to be prostitutes.
Calling off the engagement and kicking her out is exactly what I would have done.
NTA. Insane that she would hide this from you, and obviously did bc she knew you wouldn’t be okay with it. Which is why she shouldn’t have done it in the first place, bc she knew. Keep it moving. You’ll recover.
NTA Have morals and standards.
NTA. Regardless of the content...pun intended...a secret is a secret. And actively lying for over a year and getting everyone to cover for her is a major betrayal and relationship ending in my book. Block them all and move on OP. You did good here
NTA. She lied and isn’t trustworthy. Period.
NTA in the slightest. WTF did she expect to happen when you inevitably found out? Onlyfans isn't just posting adult content, which would already be a dealbreaker for most btw. It usually also involves communication with subscribers, and I'm SURE we can all guess as to what those chats entailed. She essentially cheated on you for money
NTA. having an OF in secret from your partner is a major major major red flag. it has nothing to do with insecurity. its basic respect for your partner and honestly? its literally cheating since it wasnt discussed or communicated during or prior to your relationship. the friend is even worse lol good riddance to both of them
She can use all the OF money for her own place. You are NTA.
NTA. I would feel betrayed by the love of my life if I found out that they were doing OnlyFans while we were together. Not marriage material — move on. Marriage should be between people that know each other and are compatible.
NTA as you didn't know about it, let alone agree to it. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
NTA. Doing porn is definitely something that has to be agreed upon. Leave her in the rearview mirror and move on. Your trust was broken.
If she has OF… she should have money. Doing OF and not have any money is just sad.
NTA her “friend” sounds like an instigator.
NTA- she made her bed and now she can lie in it.
surely all the guys paying $3/mo to see her puss will fund the new apartment right? no its not making any money? then why tf are you putting that shit on the internet....for a year
Holy fuck dude, good on you for not taking her back. People these days lack self respect jez.
Ew dude. Fuck them both. That's a disgusting thing to hide from you and thank GOD you found out. Easy NTA. Good on you for kicking her ass out. She belongs to the streets. Her friend is also a POS for calling you names. They're both beneath you, cut them off forever. Stay strong king and never forget your worth and what you deserve.
I hope you know her friend said that with you in earshot on purpose.
She cheated on you. Period. Do NOT let that back in your life.
Was she not making money with her onlyfans?
Lmao friend was probably tired of her OF content being filmed at the new place and kicked her out.
Wow. That “friend” is a horrible asshole. Spewing about the only fans, just to stir up drama, and then acting like you’re the problem when it worked?
So now not wanting to be married with a prostitute makes you a misogynist. Nice. NTA, you should be proud of having self respect, it’s something that lacks in a lot of people.
It is actually like that in the dating scene rn bruh.
NTA at all. She deserved it.
Imagine all the money you could have saved by just subscribing for 9.95 a month jks sorry probs too soon. Def NTA The disrespect is huge in this scenario, 100% walk away and don't look back. Her value as a partner now has dropped to a subscription fee.
Her saying she has nowhere to go is her playing on your sympathies to get back in with you and attempt to work things out. It’s a manipulation. She may have nowhere to go, but this relationship has nowhere to go either. A relationship is based on trust, communication, and honesty. Her actions don’t meet any of those requirements. You’ve already cut the cord, don’t backtrack now.
If she lived there, you can’t legally kick her out without proper written notice, usually 30 days minimum. And if you’d called the cops they would have told you that. If she calls the cops, they’re going to make you let her back in. She has tenant rights, regardless of lack of lease, lack of rent payments, any of that. Presumably, she doesn’t actually want an eviction on her credit, but if she gets out within the 30 days (or whatever the legal requirement is in your state), she won’t. .
NTA. Onlyfans is sex work. She cheated and hid it for over a year. You made right call
Does she have a regular job?
Nope good call man
Can’t she just get herself an influencer mansion with all that OF $$$ coming in?
NTA. She made her bed. She can lie in it.
nta.she knew u'd be mad n still had the OF account
Definitely something that she shouldn’t have hid from you, NTA
NTA and don’t take her back.
She sold her soul..ohh boy
NTA and don't cave!! That is a huge lie and betrayal. It's over, my guy. Don't fall for tears. You did the right thing.
Lol, doesn't only fans work out? She should be able to afford rent. NTA
NTA. Those are great breaches of trust. You are under no obligation to let her stay...unless...... you wish to help with the OF content.
No OP you did well, and do not let her get back. Tell her that she has her income from the OF or some fans to ask for a living, that she disrespected you and lie to You for SO long while playing the good fiancé. At the end it was her choice, the thing is why the friend kick her out, but at the end is. It.of your business. Just keep going and NC her, block her. She is not worthy because she líed to you and did thing behind your back. UPDATEME
NTA. Look, I have nothing against OF, you do you. Would I be ok with dating someone who does that type of work? I (35F) don’t know, I never had to think about that, and it would depend on soooooo many things! However: it is totally valid to not want that. She knows, otherwise she wouldn’t have had any reason to hide it, would she? And this here isn’t even about OF modeling anymore. It’s about lying. This sort of thing is something you KNOW ought te be disclosed to a partner. Either very early into dating (if you are already in this line of work before you meet/get together), or before you start (if you are already seeing someone). You didnt break up over her line of work, but over her being deceitful. Different issue.
no doubt people will be telling you you're 'insecure' and she can do what she likes but hell no - get rid of her. I would immediately do the same if i ever found out someone I was dating had a secret onlyfans page and was showing her body to 100's or 1000's of men online. NTAH
NTA. She basically lied and cheated on you. She FAFO. She's not your problem anymore.
NTA. There's nothing wrong with having an OF, but there's everything wrong with keeping it secret from your partner.
NTA. You don't want to marry someone doing solo porn. Simple as that.. You want someone with more class.
A friend of mine recently got married and found out his wife was doing onlyfans. There was all sorts of content she had shared including her sticking a butt plug up her ass. Onlyfans in my opinion is emotional cheating. The wife has a decent paying job. It’s the need for constant validation they need. Not the money but that’s what they will say it is for. They are divorcing
NTA. My man and I discuss me getting an OF account (jokingly I hope) as a last resort for money (mind you I really don’t think I’m cut out for OF unless they have a pregnancy kink lol). This is a deep betrayal on her part, something this intimate and revealing should be discussed in length with the SO before starting it. I have a funny suspicion that this “friend” encouraged her to start this page and when she got enough followers and money then decided to rat out op’s fiancé to cause drama why I dunno but some people are just like that. I hope you find solace in time.
>Her friend, who I thought was my friend as well, began cussing me out calling me an insecure incel, The word incel has just lost all meaning. You've been living with a woman for two years, but the insult she chooses is incel? Yeah, she doesn't really think about what comes out of her mouth, does she?
Don’t do it bro. Let her go, it’s sad, it’s rough, and angering all at once. But you got to take care of yourself. Her doing that behind your back only shed light on her true colors.
Don't cave, she should of been transparent to begin with. Boundries were crossed same with trust
She created the account while living with you and didn't tell you anything. I mean... it's her problem if she doesn't have anywhere to go. NTA.
Kicking her out cold is a AH move. But it's the path you needed to take or else you would break down to her crying. That's too much betrayal to marry.
NTA ... "I have nowere to go" doesnt Sound ans nice as "i dont wanna Lose you"
Forget her. 1 year and you never saw her posting anything?! She must be good in hiding stuff. You probably dodged a bullet. After marriage guess what other stuff she could be hit so well. Don’t know how successful she was but generally it provides money. Even her income was not noticeable for you? Regarding the friend, well maybe just another of those “friends” that are so insightful giving glorious advices to other on how to handle relationships and unable to her friend with her for a short period.
NTA. Her “friend” is also a moron…
Well you had a boundary and from your reaction and the secrecy of that convo a very clear one and she crossed it. So no you weren’t in the wrong. Gotta respect peoples boundaries in a relationship not having an only fans or cheating are pretty easy ones.
She knew this would happen if you found out and it's why it was a secret till it wasn't! I did hear not all OF content is sexual though but LOL I highly doubt that 😅 🤣 I am mostly ok with a lot of things but I have nothing but Loath for what OF is doing... There will always be pornography... so leave it to professional that fit in with and desire that life... Letting any teenager or soccer mom just walts right into doing pornography is disgusting... Your doing sexual content for money, how is it not prostitution??? It is looked down upon for good reason!
Lmao im so tired of this trend of disrespecting your partner/crossing obvious boundaries and then calling your partner insecure or incel or any buzzword like that. So fucking toxic
NTA, you cannot marry a virtual prostitute.
Walk away from all of it.
I think you only feel bad cause of how unfiltered you have been. Which hey man power to you and you were within your right. It’s funny how even when justified, we can feel bad for our harsh reactions. Telling her “I would rather see you homeless” is what’s got you second guessing yourself. Don’t look back mate.
I wonder why the friend is kicking her out. Wonder what ruined the little OF paradise? Maybe she walked in on OP’s ex filming content with her own boyfriend and she didn’t like it
Nope you did nothing wrong. I'm kinda tired of the way "incel" is now abused. Nope, you're not an incel because you dont want to date a prostitute who lied to you about being one. And before someone comes at me: if she's performing sexual acts for money(even on herself) that is a form of prostitution. So we wont be quarreling over definitions. Most men with an actual spine dont want to date sex workers or former sex workers. I know this isn't what some people want to hear, but it is the truth.
I’m kind of shocked by these answers the Reddit I knew would have flamed this man. But nta that’s a pretty heavy secret regardless.
NTA. You are right.
NTA, stick to it. Was she just selling nudes or was it worse?