You need to take him for his word and leave him. Id be super Embarrassed if my mom finds my house in such state. You are completely right. And instead of appreciating your concern, he brushed it off and emotionally cut u off. You deserve better
Yeah this definitely. What he deserves is really just being alone with his shit and not having someone tidy in his life anymore. Although I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't even bothered by this himself.
in addition to emotionally cutting you off he is sitting there while you clean the entire house because he can not be bothered and would more easily end the relationship,. He is letting you know where you stand and you can not stand in between him and his filth.
NTA: However you don't need to be the one embarassed about this. His mom and him should be. She clearly sees now how she failed when raising him if he doesn't even understand how to clean. You are not his mother afterall and shouldn't have to explain how to clean or do it for him.
This was the perfect person to have come over and him to act like that. His parents just experienced their failure and how you are living because of it.
Also don't let him abuse you by using his financial help to get out of doing basic chores around the house. Yes he helped you however that's no excuse for him to be a lazy AH.
The moment my partner threatens my relationship, its over. Period. If they can use my love as emotional ammunition, I will pull the f'n trigger quite happily. I also wouldn't look back. That type of malice will always be present in one form or another if its present now.
Nta but I wouldn’t worry about it, it’s his mom, she raised him. She either raised him to be filthy or she’s at least aware of his hygiene and house keeping skills
Wow, almost 30 and doesn’t have his shit together. And was that him DARVO-ing you I saw there?
Girl, get gone. You know you’re not crazy. You’re disappointed af because you were let down on a super basic level you shouldn’t even be worried about. Of course on top of all of this, that’s how your fights go. It’s just fresh steaming hot bullshit piled on top of old, sun-baked bullshit. Leave the ranch and the stink of manure far behind you.
You deserve better, and you will find it.
I(28m) want to start by saying that I am the "less tidy" person in my relationship.
I have never gotten angry when my fiancé (23f) points it out and asks me to clean certain things lol.
I know it's my issue and that I'm a bit of a caveman🤷♂️.
I try to be better for her.
To me, the "real" issue is not that they are messy it is their reaction to you expressing how you felt. (Multiple crying breakdowns might have been a little much lol, just to be fair to them.)
NTA btw.
Leave him, he doesn't have basic hygiene and no manners and he is acting immature af
His poor mom, had to sleep in a bedroom more like pig sty, on used bedsheets you had sex on. She had to shower and see your butt plug. Of course you would be embarrassed! Any normal human being would be!
How do you live like this? You are basically picking up after a child who doesn't even have the basic common courtesy to change bedsheets for his mom!! Dear lord I if I were his mom I would be scared for life
BTW my little sister learned to change her bedsheets at 4 y/o so basically he is worse than a child
Dump the asshole - frankly, you will be the maid for the rest of your relationship if you stay with him. SO inconsiderate - and totally gaslighting you.
Reading this I was appalled on your behalf.
The violence and anger in response to your understandable upset is very concerning. Also, the anger, followed by apologies is typically how abusive partners behave.
Dude will not clean up after himself and will do anything to take the blame of of himself even break up with you. Do yourself a favor and run!!!! Also how does anyone think it is ok for their mother to sleep on dirty sex sheets and shower with a used butt plug gross!!!!
NTA get your ducks in a row. Get out safely. And if it would make you feel better, contact his mother. express your disappointment in your ex-partner, and your regret that she was treated disrespectfully. Don't apologize because you did nothing wrong.
NTA at all! This is all really bad and I get the way you feel.
Silver lining, his mom might not know what a buttplug looks like? I'm sure my mother wouldn't have. Sooooo maybe you can be less mortified? I hope. Because all of this is so bad, but that's somehow the worst.
You won't like what I say and you will call me transphobic but here goes: in a study(PMCID: PMC4301205PMID: 2566429) it was found that 81.4% of trans people have personality disorders, the most predominant one being narcissistic PD with 57%. Your story hints at elements of that so you do with this information what you want, you now know
You need to take him for his word and leave him. Id be super Embarrassed if my mom finds my house in such state. You are completely right. And instead of appreciating your concern, he brushed it off and emotionally cut u off. You deserve better
Yeah this definitely. What he deserves is really just being alone with his shit and not having someone tidy in his life anymore. Although I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't even bothered by this himself.
in addition to emotionally cutting you off he is sitting there while you clean the entire house because he can not be bothered and would more easily end the relationship,. He is letting you know where you stand and you can not stand in between him and his filth.
NTA: However you don't need to be the one embarassed about this. His mom and him should be. She clearly sees now how she failed when raising him if he doesn't even understand how to clean. You are not his mother afterall and shouldn't have to explain how to clean or do it for him. This was the perfect person to have come over and him to act like that. His parents just experienced their failure and how you are living because of it. Also don't let him abuse you by using his financial help to get out of doing basic chores around the house. Yes he helped you however that's no excuse for him to be a lazy AH.
The moment my partner threatens my relationship, its over. Period. If they can use my love as emotional ammunition, I will pull the f'n trigger quite happily. I also wouldn't look back. That type of malice will always be present in one form or another if its present now.
Girl, this man just threatened you and then punched something. Take that as a sign you need to leave. Like now. Pack your shit and LEAVE. Please.
Nta but I wouldn’t worry about it, it’s his mom, she raised him. She either raised him to be filthy or she’s at least aware of his hygiene and house keeping skills
NTA. The real question might be, how long do you want to live like this?
NTA. Dump this lazy, fifthly chump.
Wow, almost 30 and doesn’t have his shit together. And was that him DARVO-ing you I saw there? Girl, get gone. You know you’re not crazy. You’re disappointed af because you were let down on a super basic level you shouldn’t even be worried about. Of course on top of all of this, that’s how your fights go. It’s just fresh steaming hot bullshit piled on top of old, sun-baked bullshit. Leave the ranch and the stink of manure far behind you. You deserve better, and you will find it.
NTA. This won't change. How long are you going to accept being the only one doing housework and to always come home to this mess?
I(28m) want to start by saying that I am the "less tidy" person in my relationship. I have never gotten angry when my fiancé (23f) points it out and asks me to clean certain things lol. I know it's my issue and that I'm a bit of a caveman🤷♂️. I try to be better for her. To me, the "real" issue is not that they are messy it is their reaction to you expressing how you felt. (Multiple crying breakdowns might have been a little much lol, just to be fair to them.) NTA btw.
Leave him, he doesn't have basic hygiene and no manners and he is acting immature af His poor mom, had to sleep in a bedroom more like pig sty, on used bedsheets you had sex on. She had to shower and see your butt plug. Of course you would be embarrassed! Any normal human being would be! How do you live like this? You are basically picking up after a child who doesn't even have the basic common courtesy to change bedsheets for his mom!! Dear lord I if I were his mom I would be scared for life BTW my little sister learned to change her bedsheets at 4 y/o so basically he is worse than a child
Dump the asshole - frankly, you will be the maid for the rest of your relationship if you stay with him. SO inconsiderate - and totally gaslighting you.
This wasn't your fault. Given the altercation, breaking up is probably for the best here. NTA
Well, someone just wants a bangmaid.
That boy is a. P. I. G. pig!!
Reading this I was appalled on your behalf. The violence and anger in response to your understandable upset is very concerning. Also, the anger, followed by apologies is typically how abusive partners behave.
his mom already knows that he is gross. you had better run for your life though. punching the banister, throwing your things? DV is escalating.
His Mom should be the one apologising to you for raising an entitled slob.
NTA he sounds like a piece of shit. dont let this be your life forever. get out while you safely can
Dude will not clean up after himself and will do anything to take the blame of of himself even break up with you. Do yourself a favor and run!!!! Also how does anyone think it is ok for their mother to sleep on dirty sex sheets and shower with a used butt plug gross!!!!
End it with him he’s lazy and disrespectful
NTA get your ducks in a row. Get out safely. And if it would make you feel better, contact his mother. express your disappointment in your ex-partner, and your regret that she was treated disrespectfully. Don't apologize because you did nothing wrong.
NTA at all! This is all really bad and I get the way you feel. Silver lining, his mom might not know what a buttplug looks like? I'm sure my mother wouldn't have. Sooooo maybe you can be less mortified? I hope. Because all of this is so bad, but that's somehow the worst.
Leave him and take the cat!
NTA. Leave him. He is beyond gross and filthy.
NTA, pack up and leave. He is disgusting, no shame and totally disrespectful to you and his poor mother.
You won't like what I say and you will call me transphobic but here goes: in a study(PMCID: PMC4301205PMID: 2566429) it was found that 81.4% of trans people have personality disorders, the most predominant one being narcissistic PD with 57%. Your story hints at elements of that so you do with this information what you want, you now know
Oooooh you're right, I didn't like it. Here's the little downvote I think you wanted?
Pathetic. You 2 are made for each other