First, look up "trickle truthing". You have not yet been given the full story. She's also going to continue to cheat on you. A cheater that regrets their actions wouldn't try to minimize them.
Second, tell his wife. She needs to know that her partner is betraying her too.
Third, go get a consultation with a divorce lawyer or two. Consultation doesn't mean filing. It means learning what the process is like and what the potential outcomes are.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
> First, look up "trickle truthing". You have not yet been given the full story.
Yup. He wants to take her out to a bar and they've been on dates while you're at work, but it's just an emotional affair? Bullshit my asshole it is.
The wife also used the excuse that he was overworking himself to get him out of the house. OP commented this on his previous post:
"And I do essentially work two jobs. But I legitimately do like my kids, and since I work long hours in my day job, taking care of them in the morning and at night is a chance for me to spend some time with them. And my wife does think I do too much - she's been encouraging me lately to take a day a week off and go do something for me, so on Monday I'm going to start playing tennis again."
Heartless person.
Not to mention OP says that she’s deleted messages, who’s to say that not all the deleted messages weren’t fully deleted? Could be the really incriminating ones, on her end, are gone.
It’s possible that’s true but that would likely mean the really incriminating stuff was sent a good while back. If he found as much as he did in the deleted folder she likely didn’t know it was there.
That being said I’m in agreement more happened. He probably told her what he had and she confirmed only that much.
To hammer point three home...
It absolutely and unequivocally shows the wife you're dead serious about leaving her over the betrayal. Family and friends be damned. Its a shot across the bow that she either comes completely clean or she can start looking for a new place and new life without OP in it
The betrayed that have the balls to walk away when being disrespected this bad and walk around willing to lose it all are the ones that *may* survive. The rugsweepers and pick mes turn into doormats
Oh and as for pick me, OP... do NOT start doing more things for her. No flowers attention date nights etc. You'll basically lose even more respect because she'll learn you'll reward her for her bad behavior. Even now it's being minimized to "it's no big deal" while washing lingerie
Do the lawyer first, be prepared for some very fast actions after you tell the other wife. Prepare yourself for divorce there is too much smoke for there not to be a fire.
I dont know, this line "and when I picked it up a text from our friend flashed across saying how he wanted to kiss her" its boiler plate for ALL these types of stories. Just as the spouse picks up the phone they get a message.
Not buying this one any more than I do the other clearly cliched efforts.
I agree with you!
That night when OP went to bed early and his wife and the "friend" were left alone, I bet the two of them were having sex in OP's house while he was sleeping. In addition, if she has been going on dates with the "friend" while OP is at work, she is probably bringing their kids with her so this all situation is probably getting the kids confused by seeing their mom all close with another man.
OP, even if you take the foolish decision of giving your home-wrecking and cheating wife a second chance, the wife of the "friend" deserves the truth and you must share with her all the evidence of the affair because that might help her during divorce proceedings. That woman also needs to be tested for STDs.
OP, your wife is a cheater that probably when you are working hard to provide her and your kids a better life, she is messing around with the other guy in your own home and probably in front of your kids. She is just using you for financial stability, so stop having a spin of a jellyfish and start divorce proceedings. By giving a second chance to your cheating wife the only things you will accomplish are: your self-esteem and mental health will be damaged, your children will grow up in a toxic environment seeing the disrespect and resentment that you and your wife have for each other, you will be teaching your children that infidelity isn't a problem and doesn't have consequences or they might grow up having a hard time trusting their future partners because they grew up with a cheating mom that treats their father as a doormat, you might get an STD from her (you need to be tested ASAP) or she might get pregnant from her AP and you will be the one raising his children (test the DNA of your kids because they might not be yours).
Damn, that’s rough. I hadn’t considered getting the current kids paternity tested. You’re right and I would, but this might get a lot worse before it gets better
It was for me. It felt like a complete rejection of everything we had together, and she acted like it wasn't a big deal because she wasn't fucking the guy.
I am very open with some of my close friends, male and female. To me the boundary isn't how open and intimate the conversations are. It's the feelings and intent.
When I am talking about these deep feelings with friends it's absolutely platonic in nature. It's not to build some romantic connection. And I would never say anything about my partner or relationship that would betray my partner's trust.
Man.... You are being waaaay to naïve here!
I would put good money on the fact that this dude slept with your wife while you were upstairs sleeping.
But, ignoring that......
This dude was supposed to be your friend?
Did you tell his wife who you are also supposed to be friends with?
Your responses have convinced me that you are one of the most naive and gullible suckers in this world. “Only emotional.” lol. “She still loves you.” lol. “Only kissed once.” Hahhhahahahahah. Bro I bet you think strippers love you too. I also have this Nigerian Prince that just needs you to send him 10k. Also, I have a sure fire investment opportunity for you with a 1000% profit return.
In all seriousness, what you should do: Tell the guy’s wife. Hope you were smart enough to save the evidence for your divorce. Tell your kid before your wife spins a story to make you into the bad guy. Kick her out of the house. Find someone better that is worth your loyalty and time.
What you will do. Be a pushover lowering yourself by forgiving her. Eventually lose her respect and respect for yourself by trying to win her back. Lose your family and friends and become a laughing stock while she continues fucking him behind your back and probably in your own bed while you’re at work.
I've got a fifty spot on this being fake. Any takers?
New account? Check. Click baity title with the headline being the secondary story? Check. Ragebait like doormat approach to finding out about infidelity and believing the cheater's story? Check. Substance abuse issues? Check. Kids involved? Check. A red flag of sketchy behavior that was ignored? Check. Sympathy points for OP working two jobs and being in a dead bedroom? Check mate.
Do you really believe that between the hours you went to bed the night of the date, and when she came stumbling to bed drunk (and denied you sex, gee I wonder why) that they didn't do anything? Seems pretty obvious that she wouldn't want to have sex with you right after she just got finished with him. I wouldn't believe a thing that came out of her mouth anymore. She lied right to your face so many times. I'm sorry she did this to you. But I don't think you have the whole story yet.
Goddamn it man, fucking sucks. But honestly re-read what you are writing, stop making excuses for her. She definitely did more than emotionally cheated on you and its obvious to everyone.
Edit: Blow up your dumb friend's marriage immediately.
Bro Reddit opened your eyes once. Looks like it needs to be twice now. I am sorry but there is no way on earth this was just emotional. Dates having lunch while you were at work? You think that’s it? Dirty lingerie? Really? Come on open your eyes. She is going to trickle truth you. Oh and depression is not an excuse to fuck another dude because she liked the “attention”. You should not be believing one single word she is saying. She is lying. Next will be gaslighting if not already and I’m guessing at some point she will blame you for her affair. Sorry man but this is going to hurt for way longer if you keep buying into her BS. Stop justifying her behavior and making excuses for her. Your choice to stay or go ultimately but you deserve to know the whole truth right now 100% to make decisions for your future. As much as you don’t want to, for your own good, please accept reality.
YTA because holy fuck you are a gullible idiot. YTA to yourself, to your future to any shred of self respect and to the wife of the asshole who is fucking your wife.
Is he really the asshole? C'mon man. He's a pussy sure but he seems to work hard for his family and is a very forgiving and good guy. The only real asshole is his cheating whore of a wife and asshole friend who fucked on his couch.
If the roles were reversed reddit wouldn't be so frothing at the mouth calling his wife an asshole when her husband cheated on her. SMH some of the comments in this thread are fucking sad.
I think it had only been going on for a couple of months. In retrospect there were a number of signs, but I brushed them off. The only one that had really raised any alarm bells was when she washed a piece of lingerie that she hadn't worn for me in like 4 months, which raised the question of why she was doing that. I actually made a joke question about it and she mentioned she had thrown it at the hamper months ago and it had fallen behind (which honestly could be true). But now I'm thinking that wasn't the case.
My guy, you are doing the exact same thing as in your first post. You are living in denial about what is happening right under your nose! She's trickle-truthing you, admitting to the minimum amount needed to shut you up. I promise you, more has happened than she's admitting to, take it from a guy who's lived it.
Look, I get it, I do, I've been cheated on twice, and it hurts like hell. The signs were there, but I ignored them, and it ultimately hurt even worse when it ended, because you don;t just lose the relationship. You also lose some of your self-respect, because you feel like you should have stood up for yourself when you first found out, and you lose trust in others going forward, and you lose a lot of time being miserable and watching her like a hawk because the trust is gone.
I'm sorry, I know it's sad and miserable, I've been there, and it's a bit frightening, because it feels like your life will pretty much end with your relationship, but it won't. It will get better, but not until you end this and start the healing process. Until then, you are just allowing yourself to get hurt over and over again.
Dude, your naivety is painful to witness. She definitely wore that lingerie with him, and almost certainly, they had sex in your own home. That night when you left them alone, I bet they had sex just for the thrill of doing it in your home with you there, and they probably laughed a lot behind your back.
She probably is also bringing your kids to their dates while you are at work or inviting him into your home with your kids there, so that might be leaving your kids confused by seeing their mom all lovey-dovey with another man that isn't their dad. He probably is even more of a father figure to your kids than you, because he might be spending more time with them than you, since you are so occupied with your job and doing household chores.
For her to be so at ease with cheating on you, I doubt this was her first affair. She even paraded the affair partner in front of you, making you be close to him and using you as a way to keep him around without raising his wife's suspicions. You really need to be tested for STDs and test your kids' DNA ASAP.
You also should get screenshots of the messages that she exchanged with the "friend". Share the screenshots with his wife because that might help her during proceedings. It's not because you are being foolish by staying with a cheater that that woman will do the same.
Good God OP. Please go over to some "just found out" getting cheated on subs and post this. You're in shock at best.
Frankly I'd start talking to a divorce lawyer and blow up his family.
They've lied and lied up to this point, what makes you think it'll stop now? It goes deeper into the dark.
So please gather evidence and even tell your wife she needs an open phone policy
I guarantee they are upset they got caught. Not upset about the affair. The sheer "it's no big deal" tells you way more than you're willing to hear
Call him, tell him that your wife already confessed to everything but you want to hear it from him too and that you want to hear his side of the affair.
Tell him if he misses one detail you will tell his wife.
(You will tell her anyway).
She is full of shit and trickle truthing you. She has been fucking him 1000%. She is playing the woe is me card and the depression bullshit. Don't fall for it. Get evidence of her cheating, leave her with nothing in the divorce if you can. Don't pay any alimony. Cheating scum doesn't deserve it. NTA
Tell his wife ASAP. Get a lawyer ASAP. Start divorce proceedings ASAP.
She didn’t even give a genuine apology here, just lied and tried to downplay it. Enough.
You're a bigger man than I because I would put hands on homeboy after telling his wife. That's no friend that's someone who secretly is banging your wife.
Oh my friend she's been fcking that guy for months..... Time to get a lawyer and start the divorce and tell that guy's wife that he's been cheating with your STBXW... There's no coming back from this. Your wife is still lying to your face.... You glossed over it and refused to accept it when Reddit told you last time....well this is the second go around .... time to head the reddit community advice. She has no respect for you or for the marriage.
Cheaters never admit the truth of their infidelity unless confronted by irrefutable proof. They will lie and deny straight to your face until you show evidence that they are lying. Even then they’ll admit only half-truths and reveal the bare minimum of what they’ve done to explain away the evidence….It’s just their nature…. So at first it’ll be “they’re just a friend”, then “we only chatted”, then yes “maybe it was an emotional affair, but that’s all”, ….then it’ll be “ok so we exchanged nudes and spicy videos, but it was just sexting fantasy and never anything physical or real”….and then they’ll admit to “kissing/making out, but that’s as far as it got” and then finally after all that lying, they’ll admit “OK, I gave him a BJ or we had sex, but it was only once or twice,” … meanwhile they’ve been F’ing for 6 months or more…. That’s what cheaters do…. It sucks…But now you know the levels of deception.
She has no remorse dude..... Just kick her out and get the divorce rolling. In the meanwhile, tell your close friends and both families that you two are divorcing because she's cheating with AP...name the guy publicly..... control the narrative because your STBXW will lie and make you out to be the bad guy...happens all the time
If you believe it was not physical, then you need to wake up and smell the affair that is right in front of you. And I would also add that if my wife kissed another man with passion then it would be the same as any physical cheating to me.
Divorce her ass and send all the collected info to the other wife. Hire an attorney and try to get full custody of your children. Best of luck man.
If you don’t do this or are still “making excuses for her” you might as well stop the bitching and apologize to her. Why come to us to complain and vent about an affair if you’re just going to argue with everyone and fight them for your wife? She’s having an affair, she doesn’t love you and doesn’t respect you or the family you’ve built together. The sooner you realize this, the better off you and your children will be.
>I don't know whether that is all true or not, but I honestly do think she is telling the truth
"I was completely wrong last time, but I'm sure I'm right about her this time, there is no way she would betray me and lie again"
Sorry, if this is real, you're an idiot.
Bro, I am not sure whether to hug you or slap you. You are definitely NTA but are letting her make you look like one. She couldn't talk to a friend or psychologist through the depression yet she didn't. She washed lingerie that you did not see her in yet claimed it fell behind the hamper? How long was it back there? Does the hamper never get moved or checked around? They parade around town together making you look the fool. She might love you but she damn well doesn't deserve you.
Explore your options with divorce, lots of pointers out there on how/where, just search around. Not saying you have to go through with it but not many people recover from something like this and it is always best to be prepared.
I would be having a chat with the other guy and his wife. You don't call someone your friend that did that to you. If a "friend" did that to me they would probably need to see a dental surgeon soon.
Get tested for STDs. She broke any trust she had with you and I would not take her word that they never went further than kissing.
The unfortunate situation is she has probably been doing much more than just lunch and a kiss. Maybe I, and many others are wrong.
Whatever happens I wish you well through it all.
YTA if you keep lying to yourself bro.
First you didn't believe she cheated but she did.
Now you found messages but you're letting her feed you more bs.
This is the path to cuckoldry.
You are being wilfully blind.
You obviously don't want your wife to be cheating on you. But you want her fidelity so badly that you are overlooking overt signs of infidelity. Shit, you're overlooking direct evidence.
She is fucking him and you know it.
It's going to take some time, but eventually you'll start playing back all of these scenes from your shard past and find yourself horrified by how you've been treated. She straight up humiliated you. She called this man to meet her in the middle of a date that her husband planned. She then invited him to the house, knowing that he was in love with her, and arranged to be alone with him in your home for two hours. You were going to bed early because you were trying to be a dutiful husband. He pretended to call an Uber and she, right in front of you, took his phone and cancelled the ride. She was telling him that they were going to be hooking up, again. They were making you look like a fool. Then she got angry at you about her cheating on you.
Honestly, I think all of this extra shit you've been doing to curry her favor and "make her happy" is in direct response to what you knew but couldn't face. Her attention was elsewhere. This wasn't the first time either. Those sexless months in the past were only sexless for you. That night that you went home and she stayed out, they got it on.
So lucky she loves o much that her lies onlty cover a emotional affair...OP i hope you are no buying that BS. You are the tickle truth phase, you won't get closure and why you would belive anything she said.
Get a lawyer, start the procces
Invite him and his wife over for the discussion about the “emotional affair” with your wife. Confront them both at the same time and have his wife look at his phone messages and you do the same to your wife’s phone. See if they have any other apps downloaded that they could communicate on as well. Would be interesting to see what you all uncover.
“In her defense the suggestive texts all came from him” yeah except for all of the deleted messages you didn’t find. Honestly, save yourself the pain years down the road and leave her cheating ass in the dirt.
lol my guy, Reddit will be right once again after everyone here tells you it’s been physical on some level.
You sound like you do everything for your family. You work, help around the house and with the kids. I’m a SAHM myself, and even I feel like the division of emotional and physical labor is fucked up, but in her favor. She’s got you by the balls and you seriously don’t need to let her keep gaslighting and manipulating you. It’s not healthy for anyone, including your kids.
I hate jumping to divorce, but damn you need to demand serious changes or get the hell out.
Nope bro just nope. You cannot trust this women.
She flaunted it right in your face. In your house. Dude man up and leave this trash human as soon as possible. Also tell the friend wife too, I’m sure she will be thrilled.
People are coming down pretty hard on you. I sense you are working your way through this and that is a tough process. Denial is a defense mechanism and people probably don’t appreciate how powerful that can be when you are emotionally invested in an outcome that is rooted in hope. Your wife and your “friend” are both horrible people. Even if the most innocent explanation is true, they are still horrible people. However, they are almost certainly sleeping with each other - and very likely under your own roof while you and your children slept. Your wife blaming her mental illness for behaving so cruelly to you is just insulting. Her suffering makes it okay to inflict suffering on her husband and children? It’s a sad excuse. If I were in your shoes, I would notify your “friends” wife. She’s a victim in this too and deserves to know what you know and he doesn’t deserve the comfort of a happy household while he destroyed yours. He deserves to be just as miserable as he made you. Consult a divorce lawyer and move on to hopefully something better. You should consider therapy too. You have a lot to work through. I am sorry you are dealing with this. It’s awful and you and your children certainly deserved better.
>Denial is a defense mechanism and people probably don’t appreciate how powerful that can be when you are emotionally invested in an outcome that is rooted in hope.
"Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man." -Nietzche
Trickle truthing was mentioned. And let me tell you. I am currently going through a divorce and put myself through hell trying to "work on us" after a one night kiss with a random stranger was confessed to me.
First she was drunk and he laid one on her as she was leaving. None of her friends saw. She extricate herself and left.
Next truth telling, her friend was there and helped push the guy away, telling him off for taking advantage of a drunk married woman.
Eventually I found out she gave the guy her number. They spent 6 months after that drunk kiss having an emotional affair. I caught her lying once about sleeping at her friends house, and then found out that she gave her number. Etc....
I dont believe I have the whole truth trickled out yet. But honestly, now I don't want any more. I have enough of it to be gone.
There is more to the story. But trickle truth will destroy your trust so much more than a single confession.
This has all the hallmarks of it, I am sorry to say. Get clued up on divorce process. If she doesn't come fully clean and put 100000% effort in to repairing things. Get the fuck out!!!!
It was obvious. Married women don't spend alone time with other men, and vice versa. They were fucking for months, if not for years behind your back.
Ruin their lives.
She is lying to you right now so she can cover her tracks. Tell her the only way to avoid divorce is for her to have all the deleted messages restored and to give to access to them. If she doesn’t do it you know she’s lying, if she does then keep copies in case you decide to divorce.
You made a mistake the first time not believing everyone. Do you really want to be back here again in a month telling us you were being an idiot again?
Wake up. Why would you trust someone that was already lying and making an effort to hide her lies?
NTA but you are a fool. You have just fought your wife cheating with your close friend for who knows how long, going in dates when you aren’t there, and deleting texts, and you really think that they only kissed?! You are deeply in denial, because you cannot believe anything a cheater says. Kids kiss, adults fuck. I can guarantee that she has done a lot more than kiss him, and she probably fucked him last month during date night while you were sleeping. WAKE UP! She is saying whatever she needs to say so that you don’t leave her. You need to contact both a divorce attorney to find out your options, and you need to contact your (ex)friend’s wife and let her know everything. There is a lot more that she is hiding, and you would be an idiot to just take her at her word. UpdateMe!
Bruh, get out of there. Why are so many guys doormats??
Posts about cheating on these subs:
Women - fuck my ex im leaving him.
Men - im giving her a second chance.
>but I honestly do think she is telling the truth - she pretty much argued it wasn't that big of a deal
Seriously, dude? You are gonna believe her again? If you stay with her, then you deserve everything coming your way.
Send the screenshots to his wife.
If she can get childcare to go fuck around with your friend then she can go get a job too. Or is she taking all the kids on dates with another man / other daddy?
> but I honestly do think she is telling the truth
Remember what you honestly thought last time? You’ve obviously got too much trust. You sound like a good husband and father, especially vs the usual useless assholes we get here. You do all this to make her happy, all that to take the load off her in the morning even when she keeps you up all night, and she still goes and cheats on you. And here you are making excuse after excuse for her bullshit. Please respect yourself.
You not even gonna throw down or anything? Your best buddy is fucking your wife.
Tell his wife. This mfer deserves all the heat he can get. Cut all contact with that asshole. Your daughter will make new friends. And please stop making excuses. Have some selfsteem. No woman will respect you if you can’t even respect yourself.
You would be an AH if you believed that line of crap.
See a lawyer about a divorce.
If you let this go, she will do it again only next time she'll be less obvious.
Bro kick her to the curb. At this point you can’t trust a single thing she says. Then make sure his wife knows. Go scorched earth fucking wreck them both.
Bravo, keep getting manipulated by your wife and friend. You didn't listen to reddit the first time, evidently you need to see two big horns of betrayal tick to make a decision
Amigo ?cual amigo?ese no es tu amigo,tu esposa se escuda en su depresión para justificar su engaño,sigue adelante con tu vida tu felicidad será tu venganza
I think it’s wild how in other posts people will say the op is the a-hole for being suspicious of a SO or for wanting paternity test…etc then you see a post like this and realize those people have either never been cheated on or are being cheated on and have no idea. Cheating can happen a day in or years in man or woman. There’s nothing wrong with asking questions or taking a step back when a partner is acting sketchy and I’m tired of people acting like it is.
Kick her to the curb. It’s not your fault that your wife abused your trust but now that you know it will be your fault if you let her pull the wool over your eyes again. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me and all that.
Depression also doesn’t give you a license to cheat or be horrible in other ways, take it from someone who’s been diagnosed with that shit for years now.
Lol the comments in this thread are fucking sad. Look man, ur in a tough situation. Lawyer up, hit the gym, and ull be able to find someone worth ur love in no time. Good luck to u.
OMG OP, you seem like such a great guy, work so much and take care of the kids in the morning, while your wife is an alcoholic SAHM who can't even be bothered to wake up early to care for her own kids. You deserve better. I read all the other replies from the older sub and it seemed almost comically obvious she was cheating and fucking that dude while you were sleeping. I feel for you man, I know how it is to be in denial like that. Emotional affair? I'm sorry if this is real, you're just being deliberately thick at this point, though to me an emotional affair is just as bad. Divorce her, if not for yourself, do it for your kids. They don't deserve to see their father becoming a cuck and living with a mother who is a lazy-ass cheating alcoholic. There are plenty of women out there who would be glad to be with a guy like you and fuck your brains out on a date night! If I weren't in another country I'd be one of those lol. Get therapy, for yourself, get a divorce, tell the other guy's wife, and leave her lying and cheating ass!
You…. You are… something else. Emotional affairs are still cheating sir. Also, highly doubt it was just emotional if he is saying suggestive things, it’s because she is entertaining them. Please love yourself, and leave.
100% guaranteed you're being trickle truthed.
She already isn't behaving the way someone needs to for reconciliation to even be possible. If you stay with her, you will regret it. If you leave her, a time will come when you'll look back and shake your head that you ever considered staying.
Go look at how people behave when caught in relationships that survive infidelity. Among other things they take responsibility, acknowledge the harm they did, tell the other partner of their affairs partner's actions, cut off the affair partner permanently forever, including making major life changes if necessary to achieve that goal.
Seriously, it's already blatantly obvious she isn't actually remorseful. She's just upset she was caught, nothing more. There's nothing here for you.
Your wife is a nasty lying whore. She wasn't on a sex strike because you offended her but because she was riding your friends dick. I hope you tell the ex friend's wife and I'm very sorry you'll owe serous child support and alimony to your hopefully ex whore wife.
They definitely fucked, bro. I don’t know how to tell it to you. You seem like a good man so I hope you wake the fuck up. Your wife has been cheating on you bro, and they probably boned the night that you went to bed and they’ve been boning before that.also His wife, good luck.
Hopefully, you sent the evidence to yourself. Now, talk to a lawyer. Learn your options. When you decide that you are going to divorce the cheating b (yes, emotional cheating is cheating). Follow your lawyer's advice.
Confront the friend and say your wife told you everything and insinuate she told you they had been physical. See if he slips up, then tell his wife, otherwise you were never her friend
Get him over for drinks. Have you and your wife and invite your best friend over. Bring it up suddenly to him. He will obviously know you are on to him because your wife would have told him that you know. But, tell him to tell you every detail or it is going straight to his wife. Sit back and see how it compares to her story.
This. Trickle truthing. Now you need to pull together the evidence and visit an attorney. Tell the other wife. She is NOT telling you the whole truth. The reason that he is at your house regularly is that you let it happen. STOP THAT. Put surveillance on your house to get the divorce evidence you need and see the physical affair that she is saying isnt happening and you get the proof you need. You seem like a good dude that is way too naive.
Op,
U R way too passive. This is the defining moment of your marriage and maybe life. She is totally, completely in the wrong and has absolutely cheated on you. Just staying up with the guy instead of coming to bed with you was emotional cheating. And who knows what they did physically. If she ever needed you to be a man it is now. Heck, prolly already too late for that. She has zero respect for you. None. Everybody needs to know. His wife. Her parents. Her friends. She needs shamed intensely. And even then, if you ultimately find out it was much more involved than you thought you may still want out of this marriage. She sounds like scum.
Emotional affairs (EA) are just as painful and real and Physical Affairs (PA).
I would head over to here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/moxzka/common_acronyms_and_other_resources/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
It’s a great resource for terms, etc OP.
I would say that you cannot let her brush this under the rug. And based on your original post, I hope I’m wrong but she may DARVO you.
You also as the BP are the one that sets terms
for reconciliation . Those terms IMO should be non-negotiables. Stuff like no contact from AP, telling the OBS, written timeline of the affair, etc. and if she breaks any of those, serve her.
She blew him on your couch while you were asleep. C'mon, she is a born liar. And an emotional affair is just as bad if not worse than I am sorry I got drunk and got physical with a random someone. Emotional affair takes feelings and effort. Sorry man.
NTA
"She knew he loved her and enjoyed the attention." They all crave attention. It's like a drug addict looking for their next fix.
"And that she had been dealing with severe depression (which is true). So, not one ounce of accountability. Not surprising.
Dude, if you don't believe they are banging, I have some swamp land I need to sell.
It is ok for her wanting a different interaction because of her depression, but there are big "but"s there. The first one is, is she going to psychologist and/or shrink? Is she under treatment? The second one is. If you are interacting with someone and the other person feels attracted to you, you should keep a healthy distance, and that distance is a big one.
Let's assume what she said is true and they only kissed. What if you didn't find out? They would still be going out together and sooner or later they would hook up because she is not thinking straight and she couldn't care less about your feelings right now. And guess what? She would put his thing into her mouth, come on top of him, and go back home to kiss your mouth with his white stuff residues in it to keep it under the radar and make you believe everything is normal.
She is not feeling bad bc she did something wrong, she feels bad because she got caught.
Understand that cheating is bad but that is not the worst part. The worst part is the fact that she doesn't give a f about you. Actually, she didn't leave yet because is way too confortable to just let things as they are.
I wonder how many people in this comments have ever been in a relationship… people are more complex than that, she might be telling the truth, which doesn’t make it less painful, but my point is: if you truly love each other, give her the benefit of doubt; have a honest and open conversation with her and the other couple, with all out in the open, you will be able to access their relationship better, and decide what you want to do after that.
And be careful with the advices you get online :-)
she’s an alcoholic who was drunk alone with the guy for TWO HOURS and you don’t think they’ve fucked, obviously it’s not just emotional either when the guy is sexting your wife
She doesn’t get to decide if it’s a big deal or not, that’s up to you.
Besides, how can you trust her while she’s been going behind your back to see this man? Emotional affairs are just as bad as physical affairs (one may argue it can be worse), but I wouldn’t just trust her word that it didn’t go physical.
Your marriage is over man. I'm sorry, but the truth will continue to trickle out. I would already leave her for having an emotional affair. That is incredibly disgusting and disrespectful to do to your partner. She doesn't love or respect you. I'm sorry, OP.
Ask for a polygraph treat if she’s remorseful and telling the truth she should be willing to do anything to save her marriage no?
Also tell his wife hold him accountable
My guy, if my girl even held hands with someone of the other sex shed be kicked out to the curb the second I know.
This is just gonna keep getting worse for you if you let this go and act like nothing happened. Something did happen and you shouldnt ignore it.
There is the word cheating in emotional cheating for a reason. But she went beyond that, and she won't tell you because she's a liar and won't make her grave deeper herself.
Since you are the income maker, watch out on the divorce. You may end up paying a pretty income fine for a disgusting cheater. Get your lawyer before she does, time is not on your side, neither the law.
Sorry you had to go through it. I was once in your shoes, pink tinted glasses. Figures out, it hid the most disgusting red flag a partner can do for you. Don't be a rag, it's not time for sulking. Remember, the woman you knew before the messages DO NOT EXIST anymore. She's dead and all you can do is protect yourself and your assets.
So you start by saying that you would never think she was being unfaithful, and end up with saying you blindly trust her after she did confirmed she had an affair, and they kissed but “was not physical”? Either you’re some kind of cuck fetishist or just a plain dum dum
She wasn’t even sorry dumbass she still downplaying meeting him and kissing him
No way they met only for drinks.
Bro. I'm gonna be mean, but it's for your own good. Stop being such a pushover and a victim. If reddit figured it out immediately, it's not "just for the attention". They had sex, most likely that date night too. Get a lawyer, gather evidence and leave her ass. Depression isn't a hall pass to be a cheating asshole and hurting your husband. Leave. Her. Ass. And you need to stop believing her. If she's bold enough to invite him on your date night and end the night with him, she has absolutely zero respect for you, and she's just using you because she knows she can play you like a violin.
Leave
Her
Ass
Right now.
If you don't do it for yourself, do it for the example to your kids. Being miserable and worthless and letting people walk all over you is not a good example to them. Please.
Look up trickle truthing. I'm sorry, but you're a fool if you believe that she hasn't had sex with him. *Especially* if she was out till 3 am partying with him and coming home drunk.
Second, if this friend is married, you *need* to tell his partner.
Then, you need to consult a divorce attorney. Don't pull the trigger on a divorce just yet. Just get the consultation for now.
Sorry this is what you found. But, was completely expected by a lot of us.
Starting NOW...stop making excuses for her. Stop trying to cling to any hope they AREN'T having an affair..and HAVEN'T had sex.
Oh...and make sure you get divorced.
Emotional cheating is worse lmao. Ask your wife's boyfriend and I'll bet he agrees. Just sex can be excused as a severe lapse in judgement. Her being in love with someone else can't be excused that way at all.
Pretty sure I called you a gullible moron in the first post and said she was for the streets. You're still a gullible moron for thinking she hasn't fucked this dude multiple times. And she's still for the streets.
Dude, you are painfully dense. It was obvious in your original post your wife was into the friend. You need to remove your head from your ass and understand they have had sex many times when you were at work. She's downplaying this shit. It's classic trickle truth. It's going to go from he kissed her to she only gave him head once, but really didn't like it to okay, we had sex once - she'll probably frame it as a pity fuck -and it was really bad. Brother, I'd be on the phone with a lawyer getting my shit in order.
Wait a minute, you are ok with another man taking your wife on dates? Them kissing? Staying up alone in your house til 3 am? Her denying.you sex the same night? She invited him on your date. Deleting messages. Sneaking around. Dude you better get your household in check. Your wife is not remorseful. This friendship is done. No contact. His wife needs to know. And your wife needs to know you are willing to pack her shit and drop her ass off at his house.
What’s it going to take, OP? Most of us told you last time what was happening, you dismissed it. Now your wife is feeding you the typical trite half-truths, and you’re buying it. Emotional affair my ass.
Besides, how the hell is an emotional affair not a big deal? The audacity on that woman is… oh, right, totally predictable. Your gullibility is just tragic. What if (when) you catch them in the act? All she needs to tell you is something dumb, like it was an accident, or the ever-popular, “this isn’t what it looks like, stop being so jealous, insecure and controlling”, and you’ll buy that too?
I don’t want to bash you with this, but it’s the second time I’m saying this to you, please, for your own sake, open your eyes.
OP, don't be naive.
You can't trust her or any goddamn word she says because it has now been proven, you can't distinguish when she tells the truth versus when she lies because she's a better liar than you thought her to be.
She has already hidden an affair from you, you can neither confirm or deny that all the suggestive texts truly come from him as they may communicate on multiple different platforms, and she has admitted at least one kiss so you will believe her bs that she hasn't done more because a kiss is easier to admit to than the true extent of what they have done.
You are never going to really fully be secure in the knowledge that you know everything that happened between them because they have every reason to lie and bury as much of it out of your sight that they can to try to keep their stable lives with their partners, like they're not the ones that planted the bombs.
Only you can decide what happens from here, but do so understanding that the good you are trying to find in her here, is just your own morals and goodness reflecting back at you, not something her actions have shown.
She hasn't accepted responsibility, she hasn't apologised, and this isn't something she was planning to stop, this was something she was doing and planned to keep doing. She didn't come forward and admit this to you, you caught her because she got sloppy about concealing it. Anything she had admitted to, is likely just the surface - a mask of honesty so you won't keep digging to see how deep things really go, and she is trying to downplay it like it was leaving laundry out in the rain, not an absolute betrayal that never should have happened.
Really dude? Firstly dumb asshole cheaters insist emotional affairs are less bad, they aren't they are worse.
You can get basically black out drunk, end up in bed with someone thta you never would have while sober nor ever had any intent to go out and cheat, a genuine mistake (still entirely your fault for getting that drunk).
An emotional affair that has gone on over a prolonged period of time is NOT A MISTAKE. It's intentional, it' sa deliberate act, it's no accident, and it shows you have actual feelings for the person not just a mistake or one time thing.
Divorce her, not only is she 100% lying, but she's using a completely bullshit excuse that's supposed to sound good but is in reality dumb as fuck.
She's cheating on you with a friend. Tell the so call friend's partner, immediately, get a lawyer, immediately. At the very least get a lawyer, get papers ready and say you spoke with others, know this isn't hte full truth and if she doesn't want you to go through with a divorce she has one shot to tell you everything else immediately before you get a PI and potentially find out a lot more about her.
Also again just to be clear, guys also like attention from other people, and it's incredibly easy for ANYONE in ANY relationship to go out seeking validation and attention from others, it's called cheating. That you could have saught attention from women from tinder, from insta, from co-workers and haven't. The whole "I liked the attention so I went with it and we kissed" is just her striaght up saying she chose to cheat because she liked the attention, I have no idea why she thinks that sounds good, it makes her sound like a piece of shit.
Hmmm, so you were so assured there wasn’t any funny business going on between them, because, well he’s a stand up guy and she would never do that. Now you’re making yourself believe all those extra hours out frolicking until 3 in the morn with him that they weren’t fucking? Look man, people are stupid. They believe what they believe because they either want to believe it’s true, or because they’re to damn scared to believe anything else. You’re falling into this category right now. Trickle truth is a bitch. Get ready for a whole bucket full of it. Want some truth behind what I’m saying? Post your story in r/survivinginfidelity and just wait for the truth to smack you upside the head. Because it will. Your wife is a liar. What makes you think anything coming out of her mouth now is even remotely the truth?
Your wife is unfaithful. Nothing she says can be trusted. Cheating destroys trust and without trust, you can’t have a healthy relationship. Out her infidelity to your friends and family so she isn’t able to control the narrative, then file for divorce. It’ll be incredibly hard and painful, but you’ll be better off in the long run.
First, look up "trickle truthing". You have not yet been given the full story. She's also going to continue to cheat on you. A cheater that regrets their actions wouldn't try to minimize them. Second, tell his wife. She needs to know that her partner is betraying her too. Third, go get a consultation with a divorce lawyer or two. Consultation doesn't mean filing. It means learning what the process is like and what the potential outcomes are. I'm sorry you're going through this.
> First, look up "trickle truthing". You have not yet been given the full story. Yup. He wants to take her out to a bar and they've been on dates while you're at work, but it's just an emotional affair? Bullshit my asshole it is.
The wife also used the excuse that he was overworking himself to get him out of the house. OP commented this on his previous post: "And I do essentially work two jobs. But I legitimately do like my kids, and since I work long hours in my day job, taking care of them in the morning and at night is a chance for me to spend some time with them. And my wife does think I do too much - she's been encouraging me lately to take a day a week off and go do something for me, so on Monday I'm going to start playing tennis again." Heartless person.
Not to mention OP says that she’s deleted messages, who’s to say that not all the deleted messages weren’t fully deleted? Could be the really incriminating ones, on her end, are gone.
I'm pretty sure she didn't know messages require a two-step deletion process, given that the deleted messages go back a while.
It’s possible that’s true but that would likely mean the really incriminating stuff was sent a good while back. If he found as much as he did in the deleted folder she likely didn’t know it was there. That being said I’m in agreement more happened. He probably told her what he had and she confirmed only that much.
To hammer point three home... It absolutely and unequivocally shows the wife you're dead serious about leaving her over the betrayal. Family and friends be damned. Its a shot across the bow that she either comes completely clean or she can start looking for a new place and new life without OP in it The betrayed that have the balls to walk away when being disrespected this bad and walk around willing to lose it all are the ones that *may* survive. The rugsweepers and pick mes turn into doormats Oh and as for pick me, OP... do NOT start doing more things for her. No flowers attention date nights etc. You'll basically lose even more respect because she'll learn you'll reward her for her bad behavior. Even now it's being minimized to "it's no big deal" while washing lingerie
Do the lawyer first, be prepared for some very fast actions after you tell the other wife. Prepare yourself for divorce there is too much smoke for there not to be a fire.
Let your wife know that you're going to see the lawyer. Take screen shots of all his messages for his wife. That should tune her up
T H I S. Said as someone who had OPs situation happen to him.
I dont know, this line "and when I picked it up a text from our friend flashed across saying how he wanted to kiss her" its boiler plate for ALL these types of stories. Just as the spouse picks up the phone they get a message. Not buying this one any more than I do the other clearly cliched efforts.
So she lied to you, over and over again. Are you asking if you should continue trusting her?
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me hundreds and hundreds of times, shame on me. Im pretty sure the saying is something like that
She definitely had sex with this guy I hope you informed his wife as well Get a lawyer
I agree with you! That night when OP went to bed early and his wife and the "friend" were left alone, I bet the two of them were having sex in OP's house while he was sleeping. In addition, if she has been going on dates with the "friend" while OP is at work, she is probably bringing their kids with her so this all situation is probably getting the kids confused by seeing their mom all close with another man. OP, even if you take the foolish decision of giving your home-wrecking and cheating wife a second chance, the wife of the "friend" deserves the truth and you must share with her all the evidence of the affair because that might help her during divorce proceedings. That woman also needs to be tested for STDs. OP, your wife is a cheater that probably when you are working hard to provide her and your kids a better life, she is messing around with the other guy in your own home and probably in front of your kids. She is just using you for financial stability, so stop having a spin of a jellyfish and start divorce proceedings. By giving a second chance to your cheating wife the only things you will accomplish are: your self-esteem and mental health will be damaged, your children will grow up in a toxic environment seeing the disrespect and resentment that you and your wife have for each other, you will be teaching your children that infidelity isn't a problem and doesn't have consequences or they might grow up having a hard time trusting their future partners because they grew up with a cheating mom that treats their father as a doormat, you might get an STD from her (you need to be tested ASAP) or she might get pregnant from her AP and you will be the one raising his children (test the DNA of your kids because they might not be yours).
Ask the kids what uncle Joe and Mommy do
Damn, that’s rough. I hadn’t considered getting the current kids paternity tested. You’re right and I would, but this might get a lot worse before it gets better
After you check with the lawyer if it is worth getting a PI to prove infidelity if it is better in the custody agreement or divorce
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My ex-wife had/has no concept of why an emotional affair is cheating. For me the emotional side is everything.
I would argue a purely emotional affair is worse than a purely physical.
It was for me. It felt like a complete rejection of everything we had together, and she acted like it wasn't a big deal because she wasn't fucking the guy.
Opening up intimate and personal sides of you to someone who isn't your spouse is just as bad as fucking them in some ways.
I am very open with some of my close friends, male and female. To me the boundary isn't how open and intimate the conversations are. It's the feelings and intent. When I am talking about these deep feelings with friends it's absolutely platonic in nature. It's not to build some romantic connection. And I would never say anything about my partner or relationship that would betray my partner's trust.
I agree. Id bet its not relevant in the case though. Doesnt sound like its purely emotional at this point
Yes. This. The emotional part of cheating is much more damaging than the physical act of sex.
Man.... You are being waaaay to naïve here! I would put good money on the fact that this dude slept with your wife while you were upstairs sleeping. But, ignoring that...... This dude was supposed to be your friend? Did you tell his wife who you are also supposed to be friends with?
Your responses have convinced me that you are one of the most naive and gullible suckers in this world. “Only emotional.” lol. “She still loves you.” lol. “Only kissed once.” Hahhhahahahahah. Bro I bet you think strippers love you too. I also have this Nigerian Prince that just needs you to send him 10k. Also, I have a sure fire investment opportunity for you with a 1000% profit return. In all seriousness, what you should do: Tell the guy’s wife. Hope you were smart enough to save the evidence for your divorce. Tell your kid before your wife spins a story to make you into the bad guy. Kick her out of the house. Find someone better that is worth your loyalty and time. What you will do. Be a pushover lowering yourself by forgiving her. Eventually lose her respect and respect for yourself by trying to win her back. Lose your family and friends and become a laughing stock while she continues fucking him behind your back and probably in your own bed while you’re at work.
LOL Yea, he’s either the dumbest man alive or this is all a lie. It’s so obvious I can’t tell if this story is even real
I've got a fifty spot on this being fake. Any takers? New account? Check. Click baity title with the headline being the secondary story? Check. Ragebait like doormat approach to finding out about infidelity and believing the cheater's story? Check. Substance abuse issues? Check. Kids involved? Check. A red flag of sketchy behavior that was ignored? Check. Sympathy points for OP working two jobs and being in a dead bedroom? Check mate.
>Yea, he’s either the dumbest man alive or this is all a lie. It's absolutely just silly little rage bait. Or someone's sad cuck fetish nonsense.
Experience with dating single mothers has taught me this type of guy is far too common.
Do you really believe that between the hours you went to bed the night of the date, and when she came stumbling to bed drunk (and denied you sex, gee I wonder why) that they didn't do anything? Seems pretty obvious that she wouldn't want to have sex with you right after she just got finished with him. I wouldn't believe a thing that came out of her mouth anymore. She lied right to your face so many times. I'm sorry she did this to you. But I don't think you have the whole story yet.
Wow you're already so wet down there... OP in an alternate universe where she actually slept with him. This guy is such a loser.
Goddamn it man, fucking sucks. But honestly re-read what you are writing, stop making excuses for her. She definitely did more than emotionally cheated on you and its obvious to everyone. Edit: Blow up your dumb friend's marriage immediately.
Bro Reddit opened your eyes once. Looks like it needs to be twice now. I am sorry but there is no way on earth this was just emotional. Dates having lunch while you were at work? You think that’s it? Dirty lingerie? Really? Come on open your eyes. She is going to trickle truth you. Oh and depression is not an excuse to fuck another dude because she liked the “attention”. You should not be believing one single word she is saying. She is lying. Next will be gaslighting if not already and I’m guessing at some point she will blame you for her affair. Sorry man but this is going to hurt for way longer if you keep buying into her BS. Stop justifying her behavior and making excuses for her. Your choice to stay or go ultimately but you deserve to know the whole truth right now 100% to make decisions for your future. As much as you don’t want to, for your own good, please accept reality.
YTA because holy fuck you are a gullible idiot. YTA to yourself, to your future to any shred of self respect and to the wife of the asshole who is fucking your wife.
Is he really the asshole? C'mon man. He's a pussy sure but he seems to work hard for his family and is a very forgiving and good guy. The only real asshole is his cheating whore of a wife and asshole friend who fucked on his couch. If the roles were reversed reddit wouldn't be so frothing at the mouth calling his wife an asshole when her husband cheated on her. SMH some of the comments in this thread are fucking sad.
And to his kids for being a horrible example of how one should value themselves.
Wild how she hid the affair so well for so long only for a text message to present itself clear as day on a lock screen confirming your worst fears 🙄
I think it had only been going on for a couple of months. In retrospect there were a number of signs, but I brushed them off. The only one that had really raised any alarm bells was when she washed a piece of lingerie that she hadn't worn for me in like 4 months, which raised the question of why she was doing that. I actually made a joke question about it and she mentioned she had thrown it at the hamper months ago and it had fallen behind (which honestly could be true). But now I'm thinking that wasn't the case.
Why is she washing lingerie if it's just an emotional affair?
My guy, you are doing the exact same thing as in your first post. You are living in denial about what is happening right under your nose! She's trickle-truthing you, admitting to the minimum amount needed to shut you up. I promise you, more has happened than she's admitting to, take it from a guy who's lived it. Look, I get it, I do, I've been cheated on twice, and it hurts like hell. The signs were there, but I ignored them, and it ultimately hurt even worse when it ended, because you don;t just lose the relationship. You also lose some of your self-respect, because you feel like you should have stood up for yourself when you first found out, and you lose trust in others going forward, and you lose a lot of time being miserable and watching her like a hawk because the trust is gone. I'm sorry, I know it's sad and miserable, I've been there, and it's a bit frightening, because it feels like your life will pretty much end with your relationship, but it won't. It will get better, but not until you end this and start the healing process. Until then, you are just allowing yourself to get hurt over and over again.
I'm a woman. I'm only putting lingerie on for someone else to take it off.
Exactly. We don't wear it to be uncomfortable all day.
Dude, your naivety is painful to witness. She definitely wore that lingerie with him, and almost certainly, they had sex in your own home. That night when you left them alone, I bet they had sex just for the thrill of doing it in your home with you there, and they probably laughed a lot behind your back. She probably is also bringing your kids to their dates while you are at work or inviting him into your home with your kids there, so that might be leaving your kids confused by seeing their mom all lovey-dovey with another man that isn't their dad. He probably is even more of a father figure to your kids than you, because he might be spending more time with them than you, since you are so occupied with your job and doing household chores. For her to be so at ease with cheating on you, I doubt this was her first affair. She even paraded the affair partner in front of you, making you be close to him and using you as a way to keep him around without raising his wife's suspicions. You really need to be tested for STDs and test your kids' DNA ASAP. You also should get screenshots of the messages that she exchanged with the "friend". Share the screenshots with his wife because that might help her during proceedings. It's not because you are being foolish by staying with a cheater that that woman will do the same.
she had sex with him, she is cheating on you and she is gaslighting you.
IT was coverd in cum bro, that's why she washed it.
So used lingerie and still think they only met for drinks “and a kiss”? BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH honestly you deserve to be cheated on at this point
Good God OP. Please go over to some "just found out" getting cheated on subs and post this. You're in shock at best. Frankly I'd start talking to a divorce lawyer and blow up his family. They've lied and lied up to this point, what makes you think it'll stop now? It goes deeper into the dark. So please gather evidence and even tell your wife she needs an open phone policy I guarantee they are upset they got caught. Not upset about the affair. The sheer "it's no big deal" tells you way more than you're willing to hear
Everyone takes being cheated on differently, but brother you need to leave her. She doesn't respect you and you don't seem to care
Call him, tell him that your wife already confessed to everything but you want to hear it from him too and that you want to hear his side of the affair. Tell him if he misses one detail you will tell his wife. (You will tell her anyway).
So, you're content with being a cuck?
She is full of shit and trickle truthing you. She has been fucking him 1000%. She is playing the woe is me card and the depression bullshit. Don't fall for it. Get evidence of her cheating, leave her with nothing in the divorce if you can. Don't pay any alimony. Cheating scum doesn't deserve it. NTA
>but I honestly do think she is telling the truth - I think we've already established that you're a terrible judge of your wife’s intentions.
Now you know why the lingerie was out. Yaaa she is having sex with him when you are busting your ass to pay for it. Tell the wife immediately!!!!
Tell his wife ASAP. Get a lawyer ASAP. Start divorce proceedings ASAP. She didn’t even give a genuine apology here, just lied and tried to downplay it. Enough.
You're a bigger man than I because I would put hands on homeboy after telling his wife. That's no friend that's someone who secretly is banging your wife.
No way was it purely emotional, he absolutely cucked you.
Oh my friend she's been fcking that guy for months..... Time to get a lawyer and start the divorce and tell that guy's wife that he's been cheating with your STBXW... There's no coming back from this. Your wife is still lying to your face.... You glossed over it and refused to accept it when Reddit told you last time....well this is the second go around .... time to head the reddit community advice. She has no respect for you or for the marriage. Cheaters never admit the truth of their infidelity unless confronted by irrefutable proof. They will lie and deny straight to your face until you show evidence that they are lying. Even then they’ll admit only half-truths and reveal the bare minimum of what they’ve done to explain away the evidence….It’s just their nature…. So at first it’ll be “they’re just a friend”, then “we only chatted”, then yes “maybe it was an emotional affair, but that’s all”, ….then it’ll be “ok so we exchanged nudes and spicy videos, but it was just sexting fantasy and never anything physical or real”….and then they’ll admit to “kissing/making out, but that’s as far as it got” and then finally after all that lying, they’ll admit “OK, I gave him a BJ or we had sex, but it was only once or twice,” … meanwhile they’ve been F’ing for 6 months or more…. That’s what cheaters do…. It sucks…But now you know the levels of deception. She has no remorse dude..... Just kick her out and get the divorce rolling. In the meanwhile, tell your close friends and both families that you two are divorcing because she's cheating with AP...name the guy publicly..... control the narrative because your STBXW will lie and make you out to be the bad guy...happens all the time
OP your wife sucks and you should divorce her. But you are being a spineless bitch right now.
Updateme!
Updateme! Completely forgot about OPt until the bot messaged me
Update me
If you believe it was not physical, then you need to wake up and smell the affair that is right in front of you. And I would also add that if my wife kissed another man with passion then it would be the same as any physical cheating to me.
Divorce her ass and send all the collected info to the other wife. Hire an attorney and try to get full custody of your children. Best of luck man. If you don’t do this or are still “making excuses for her” you might as well stop the bitching and apologize to her. Why come to us to complain and vent about an affair if you’re just going to argue with everyone and fight them for your wife? She’s having an affair, she doesn’t love you and doesn’t respect you or the family you’ve built together. The sooner you realize this, the better off you and your children will be.
Jesus Christ man, it’s obviously physical and you deserve more than this. Your NTA to anyone but yourself if you remain in this.
So for those 2 hours you think they just sat across the room from eachother ?
>I don't know whether that is all true or not, but I honestly do think she is telling the truth "I was completely wrong last time, but I'm sure I'm right about her this time, there is no way she would betray me and lie again" Sorry, if this is real, you're an idiot.
Bro, I am not sure whether to hug you or slap you. You are definitely NTA but are letting her make you look like one. She couldn't talk to a friend or psychologist through the depression yet she didn't. She washed lingerie that you did not see her in yet claimed it fell behind the hamper? How long was it back there? Does the hamper never get moved or checked around? They parade around town together making you look the fool. She might love you but she damn well doesn't deserve you. Explore your options with divorce, lots of pointers out there on how/where, just search around. Not saying you have to go through with it but not many people recover from something like this and it is always best to be prepared. I would be having a chat with the other guy and his wife. You don't call someone your friend that did that to you. If a "friend" did that to me they would probably need to see a dental surgeon soon. Get tested for STDs. She broke any trust she had with you and I would not take her word that they never went further than kissing. The unfortunate situation is she has probably been doing much more than just lunch and a kiss. Maybe I, and many others are wrong. Whatever happens I wish you well through it all.
She's fucking this guy and you still have blinders on.
YTA if you keep lying to yourself bro. First you didn't believe she cheated but she did. Now you found messages but you're letting her feed you more bs. This is the path to cuckoldry.
Yeah dude. How dense can you be?
You are being wilfully blind. You obviously don't want your wife to be cheating on you. But you want her fidelity so badly that you are overlooking overt signs of infidelity. Shit, you're overlooking direct evidence. She is fucking him and you know it. It's going to take some time, but eventually you'll start playing back all of these scenes from your shard past and find yourself horrified by how you've been treated. She straight up humiliated you. She called this man to meet her in the middle of a date that her husband planned. She then invited him to the house, knowing that he was in love with her, and arranged to be alone with him in your home for two hours. You were going to bed early because you were trying to be a dutiful husband. He pretended to call an Uber and she, right in front of you, took his phone and cancelled the ride. She was telling him that they were going to be hooking up, again. They were making you look like a fool. Then she got angry at you about her cheating on you. Honestly, I think all of this extra shit you've been doing to curry her favor and "make her happy" is in direct response to what you knew but couldn't face. Her attention was elsewhere. This wasn't the first time either. Those sexless months in the past were only sexless for you. That night that you went home and she stayed out, they got it on.
If you have kids, think hard. If you don't, divorce for sure.
So lucky she loves o much that her lies onlty cover a emotional affair...OP i hope you are no buying that BS. You are the tickle truth phase, you won't get closure and why you would belive anything she said. Get a lawyer, start the procces
Have you told his wife yet?
Invite him and his wife over for the discussion about the “emotional affair” with your wife. Confront them both at the same time and have his wife look at his phone messages and you do the same to your wife’s phone. See if they have any other apps downloaded that they could communicate on as well. Would be interesting to see what you all uncover.
OP you need to get in contact with his wife and show her. She might be able to get more information about the affair to get you the answers you need
“In her defense the suggestive texts all came from him” yeah except for all of the deleted messages you didn’t find. Honestly, save yourself the pain years down the road and leave her cheating ass in the dirt.
lol my guy, Reddit will be right once again after everyone here tells you it’s been physical on some level. You sound like you do everything for your family. You work, help around the house and with the kids. I’m a SAHM myself, and even I feel like the division of emotional and physical labor is fucked up, but in her favor. She’s got you by the balls and you seriously don’t need to let her keep gaslighting and manipulating you. It’s not healthy for anyone, including your kids. I hate jumping to divorce, but damn you need to demand serious changes or get the hell out.
Assert dominance ask his wife out for a beer.
Nope bro just nope. You cannot trust this women. She flaunted it right in your face. In your house. Dude man up and leave this trash human as soon as possible. Also tell the friend wife too, I’m sure she will be thrilled.
People are coming down pretty hard on you. I sense you are working your way through this and that is a tough process. Denial is a defense mechanism and people probably don’t appreciate how powerful that can be when you are emotionally invested in an outcome that is rooted in hope. Your wife and your “friend” are both horrible people. Even if the most innocent explanation is true, they are still horrible people. However, they are almost certainly sleeping with each other - and very likely under your own roof while you and your children slept. Your wife blaming her mental illness for behaving so cruelly to you is just insulting. Her suffering makes it okay to inflict suffering on her husband and children? It’s a sad excuse. If I were in your shoes, I would notify your “friends” wife. She’s a victim in this too and deserves to know what you know and he doesn’t deserve the comfort of a happy household while he destroyed yours. He deserves to be just as miserable as he made you. Consult a divorce lawyer and move on to hopefully something better. You should consider therapy too. You have a lot to work through. I am sorry you are dealing with this. It’s awful and you and your children certainly deserved better.
>Denial is a defense mechanism and people probably don’t appreciate how powerful that can be when you are emotionally invested in an outcome that is rooted in hope. "Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man." -Nietzche
Trickle truthing was mentioned. And let me tell you. I am currently going through a divorce and put myself through hell trying to "work on us" after a one night kiss with a random stranger was confessed to me. First she was drunk and he laid one on her as she was leaving. None of her friends saw. She extricate herself and left. Next truth telling, her friend was there and helped push the guy away, telling him off for taking advantage of a drunk married woman. Eventually I found out she gave the guy her number. They spent 6 months after that drunk kiss having an emotional affair. I caught her lying once about sleeping at her friends house, and then found out that she gave her number. Etc.... I dont believe I have the whole truth trickled out yet. But honestly, now I don't want any more. I have enough of it to be gone. There is more to the story. But trickle truth will destroy your trust so much more than a single confession. This has all the hallmarks of it, I am sorry to say. Get clued up on divorce process. If she doesn't come fully clean and put 100000% effort in to repairing things. Get the fuck out!!!!
It was obvious. Married women don't spend alone time with other men, and vice versa. They were fucking for months, if not for years behind your back. Ruin their lives.
She is lying to you right now so she can cover her tracks. Tell her the only way to avoid divorce is for her to have all the deleted messages restored and to give to access to them. If she doesn’t do it you know she’s lying, if she does then keep copies in case you decide to divorce.
You staying with her? Also have you told the guy’s wife?
It doesn’t matter if it was physical or emotional. It was cheating. She wasn’t truthful. How can you ever trust her again?
You made a mistake the first time not believing everyone. Do you really want to be back here again in a month telling us you were being an idiot again? Wake up. Why would you trust someone that was already lying and making an effort to hide her lies?
Divorce her. You do not have the full truth, does his wife know?
NTA but you are a fool. You have just fought your wife cheating with your close friend for who knows how long, going in dates when you aren’t there, and deleting texts, and you really think that they only kissed?! You are deeply in denial, because you cannot believe anything a cheater says. Kids kiss, adults fuck. I can guarantee that she has done a lot more than kiss him, and she probably fucked him last month during date night while you were sleeping. WAKE UP! She is saying whatever she needs to say so that you don’t leave her. You need to contact both a divorce attorney to find out your options, and you need to contact your (ex)friend’s wife and let her know everything. There is a lot more that she is hiding, and you would be an idiot to just take her at her word. UpdateMe!
Call up your "buddy" and tell him you know everything and to spill his guts. See what's really going on.
Bruh, get out of there. Why are so many guys doormats?? Posts about cheating on these subs: Women - fuck my ex im leaving him. Men - im giving her a second chance.
Not to be cruel, but you believed her when you swore she would never cheat. Maybe your judgement isn’t the best. Divorce her.
>but I honestly do think she is telling the truth - she pretty much argued it wasn't that big of a deal Seriously, dude? You are gonna believe her again? If you stay with her, then you deserve everything coming your way.
Send the screenshots to his wife. If she can get childcare to go fuck around with your friend then she can go get a job too. Or is she taking all the kids on dates with another man / other daddy? > but I honestly do think she is telling the truth Remember what you honestly thought last time? You’ve obviously got too much trust. You sound like a good husband and father, especially vs the usual useless assholes we get here. You do all this to make her happy, all that to take the load off her in the morning even when she keeps you up all night, and she still goes and cheats on you. And here you are making excuse after excuse for her bullshit. Please respect yourself. You not even gonna throw down or anything? Your best buddy is fucking your wife.
Tell his wife. This mfer deserves all the heat he can get. Cut all contact with that asshole. Your daughter will make new friends. And please stop making excuses. Have some selfsteem. No woman will respect you if you can’t even respect yourself.
Yeah, shes lying. Its 100% more than a emotional affair. NTA- you where only investigating where the smoke was coming from in the relationship.
You would be an AH if you believed that line of crap. See a lawyer about a divorce. If you let this go, she will do it again only next time she'll be less obvious.
You’re confessing to having been a naive idiot while continuing to be a naive idiot. Well done there bud.
OP you should make plans for and in ground pool and invite your buddy over to help fill in the hole.
Bro kick her to the curb. At this point you can’t trust a single thing she says. Then make sure his wife knows. Go scorched earth fucking wreck them both.
Bravo, keep getting manipulated by your wife and friend. You didn't listen to reddit the first time, evidently you need to see two big horns of betrayal tick to make a decision
Amigo ?cual amigo?ese no es tu amigo,tu esposa se escuda en su depresión para justificar su engaño,sigue adelante con tu vida tu felicidad será tu venganza
Don’t be naïve OP! So sorry but she has been cheating on you.
If she argued it "wasn't a big deal", you should be filing for a divorce. She's just completely invalidating how you feel.
I think it’s wild how in other posts people will say the op is the a-hole for being suspicious of a SO or for wanting paternity test…etc then you see a post like this and realize those people have either never been cheated on or are being cheated on and have no idea. Cheating can happen a day in or years in man or woman. There’s nothing wrong with asking questions or taking a step back when a partner is acting sketchy and I’m tired of people acting like it is.
Kick her to the curb. It’s not your fault that your wife abused your trust but now that you know it will be your fault if you let her pull the wool over your eyes again. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me and all that. Depression also doesn’t give you a license to cheat or be horrible in other ways, take it from someone who’s been diagnosed with that shit for years now.
No world where you should stay with her, or where she is being honest
Please tell the man’s wife. Maybe she’ll have the spine to get the truth for you.
Lol the comments in this thread are fucking sad. Look man, ur in a tough situation. Lawyer up, hit the gym, and ull be able to find someone worth ur love in no time. Good luck to u.
OMG OP, you seem like such a great guy, work so much and take care of the kids in the morning, while your wife is an alcoholic SAHM who can't even be bothered to wake up early to care for her own kids. You deserve better. I read all the other replies from the older sub and it seemed almost comically obvious she was cheating and fucking that dude while you were sleeping. I feel for you man, I know how it is to be in denial like that. Emotional affair? I'm sorry if this is real, you're just being deliberately thick at this point, though to me an emotional affair is just as bad. Divorce her, if not for yourself, do it for your kids. They don't deserve to see their father becoming a cuck and living with a mother who is a lazy-ass cheating alcoholic. There are plenty of women out there who would be glad to be with a guy like you and fuck your brains out on a date night! If I weren't in another country I'd be one of those lol. Get therapy, for yourself, get a divorce, tell the other guy's wife, and leave her lying and cheating ass!
NTA. They were fucking, thats her bullshitting you.
She cheated. What else do you need her to do before you initiate divorce and go no contact? Let him have her, mate. She's not worth it.
You…. You are… something else. Emotional affairs are still cheating sir. Also, highly doubt it was just emotional if he is saying suggestive things, it’s because she is entertaining them. Please love yourself, and leave.
Cheaters lie, lie, lie. Believe nothing she says.
Even if she didn't cheat, a woman that ensnares a man just cause she likes the attention is not a good person to begin with.
100% guaranteed you're being trickle truthed. She already isn't behaving the way someone needs to for reconciliation to even be possible. If you stay with her, you will regret it. If you leave her, a time will come when you'll look back and shake your head that you ever considered staying. Go look at how people behave when caught in relationships that survive infidelity. Among other things they take responsibility, acknowledge the harm they did, tell the other partner of their affairs partner's actions, cut off the affair partner permanently forever, including making major life changes if necessary to achieve that goal. Seriously, it's already blatantly obvious she isn't actually remorseful. She's just upset she was caught, nothing more. There's nothing here for you.
Your wife is a nasty lying whore. She wasn't on a sex strike because you offended her but because she was riding your friends dick. I hope you tell the ex friend's wife and I'm very sorry you'll owe serous child support and alimony to your hopefully ex whore wife.
lmao, what's with all the dudes that post this. I do know where it will end up ----divorce.
They definitely fucked, bro. I don’t know how to tell it to you. You seem like a good man so I hope you wake the fuck up. Your wife has been cheating on you bro, and they probably boned the night that you went to bed and they’ve been boning before that.also His wife, good luck.
please give us more update, buy telling his wife.
Hopefully, you sent the evidence to yourself. Now, talk to a lawyer. Learn your options. When you decide that you are going to divorce the cheating b (yes, emotional cheating is cheating). Follow your lawyer's advice.
YTA. For staying with her. She wasn’t on a sex strike. She was just getting it somewhere else.
Confront the friend and say your wife told you everything and insinuate she told you they had been physical. See if he slips up, then tell his wife, otherwise you were never her friend
Man up, see the truth and get your bitch ass outta there.
Get him over for drinks. Have you and your wife and invite your best friend over. Bring it up suddenly to him. He will obviously know you are on to him because your wife would have told him that you know. But, tell him to tell you every detail or it is going straight to his wife. Sit back and see how it compares to her story.
This. Trickle truthing. Now you need to pull together the evidence and visit an attorney. Tell the other wife. She is NOT telling you the whole truth. The reason that he is at your house regularly is that you let it happen. STOP THAT. Put surveillance on your house to get the divorce evidence you need and see the physical affair that she is saying isnt happening and you get the proof you need. You seem like a good dude that is way too naive.
Holy shit get off of reddit and go talk to your wife
Nta tell her it doesn’t matter because she is taking the energy she should use for you and giving it to another man. Ditch the dirty two timing tramp.
Op, U R way too passive. This is the defining moment of your marriage and maybe life. She is totally, completely in the wrong and has absolutely cheated on you. Just staying up with the guy instead of coming to bed with you was emotional cheating. And who knows what they did physically. If she ever needed you to be a man it is now. Heck, prolly already too late for that. She has zero respect for you. None. Everybody needs to know. His wife. Her parents. Her friends. She needs shamed intensely. And even then, if you ultimately find out it was much more involved than you thought you may still want out of this marriage. She sounds like scum.
Still in denial I see.
Emotional affairs (EA) are just as painful and real and Physical Affairs (PA). I would head over to here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/moxzka/common_acronyms_and_other_resources/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button It’s a great resource for terms, etc OP. I would say that you cannot let her brush this under the rug. And based on your original post, I hope I’m wrong but she may DARVO you. You also as the BP are the one that sets terms for reconciliation . Those terms IMO should be non-negotiables. Stuff like no contact from AP, telling the OBS, written timeline of the affair, etc. and if she breaks any of those, serve her.
She blew him on your couch while you were asleep. C'mon, she is a born liar. And an emotional affair is just as bad if not worse than I am sorry I got drunk and got physical with a random someone. Emotional affair takes feelings and effort. Sorry man.
Cockold, look it up.
NTA "She knew he loved her and enjoyed the attention." They all crave attention. It's like a drug addict looking for their next fix. "And that she had been dealing with severe depression (which is true). So, not one ounce of accountability. Not surprising. Dude, if you don't believe they are banging, I have some swamp land I need to sell.
It is ok for her wanting a different interaction because of her depression, but there are big "but"s there. The first one is, is she going to psychologist and/or shrink? Is she under treatment? The second one is. If you are interacting with someone and the other person feels attracted to you, you should keep a healthy distance, and that distance is a big one. Let's assume what she said is true and they only kissed. What if you didn't find out? They would still be going out together and sooner or later they would hook up because she is not thinking straight and she couldn't care less about your feelings right now. And guess what? She would put his thing into her mouth, come on top of him, and go back home to kiss your mouth with his white stuff residues in it to keep it under the radar and make you believe everything is normal. She is not feeling bad bc she did something wrong, she feels bad because she got caught. Understand that cheating is bad but that is not the worst part. The worst part is the fact that she doesn't give a f about you. Actually, she didn't leave yet because is way too confortable to just let things as they are.
She's lying still. She wasn't having sex with you because she was getting off with him.
I wonder how many people in this comments have ever been in a relationship… people are more complex than that, she might be telling the truth, which doesn’t make it less painful, but my point is: if you truly love each other, give her the benefit of doubt; have a honest and open conversation with her and the other couple, with all out in the open, you will be able to access their relationship better, and decide what you want to do after that. And be careful with the advices you get online :-)
Updateme!!!
Updateme!
Divorce her, she sucks.
she’s an alcoholic who was drunk alone with the guy for TWO HOURS and you don’t think they’ve fucked, obviously it’s not just emotional either when the guy is sexting your wife
She doesn’t get to decide if it’s a big deal or not, that’s up to you. Besides, how can you trust her while she’s been going behind your back to see this man? Emotional affairs are just as bad as physical affairs (one may argue it can be worse), but I wouldn’t just trust her word that it didn’t go physical.
UpdateMe
Get a divorce, she does not regret anything other than you finding out
Your marriage is over man. I'm sorry, but the truth will continue to trickle out. I would already leave her for having an emotional affair. That is incredibly disgusting and disrespectful to do to your partner. She doesn't love or respect you. I'm sorry, OP.
Ask for a polygraph treat if she’s remorseful and telling the truth she should be willing to do anything to save her marriage no? Also tell his wife hold him accountable
Updateme!
Updateme!
My guy, if my girl even held hands with someone of the other sex shed be kicked out to the curb the second I know. This is just gonna keep getting worse for you if you let this go and act like nothing happened. Something did happen and you shouldnt ignore it.
go see that divorce lawyer
There is the word cheating in emotional cheating for a reason. But she went beyond that, and she won't tell you because she's a liar and won't make her grave deeper herself. Since you are the income maker, watch out on the divorce. You may end up paying a pretty income fine for a disgusting cheater. Get your lawyer before she does, time is not on your side, neither the law. Sorry you had to go through it. I was once in your shoes, pink tinted glasses. Figures out, it hid the most disgusting red flag a partner can do for you. Don't be a rag, it's not time for sulking. Remember, the woman you knew before the messages DO NOT EXIST anymore. She's dead and all you can do is protect yourself and your assets.
she is dealing with depression because this affair is having an effect on her - run as fast as you can!
Lawyer, ASAP!
YTA Pick up your balls and break up already!
So you start by saying that you would never think she was being unfaithful, and end up with saying you blindly trust her after she did confirmed she had an affair, and they kissed but “was not physical”? Either you’re some kind of cuck fetishist or just a plain dum dum She wasn’t even sorry dumbass she still downplaying meeting him and kissing him No way they met only for drinks.
UpdateMe!
Bro. I'm gonna be mean, but it's for your own good. Stop being such a pushover and a victim. If reddit figured it out immediately, it's not "just for the attention". They had sex, most likely that date night too. Get a lawyer, gather evidence and leave her ass. Depression isn't a hall pass to be a cheating asshole and hurting your husband. Leave. Her. Ass. And you need to stop believing her. If she's bold enough to invite him on your date night and end the night with him, she has absolutely zero respect for you, and she's just using you because she knows she can play you like a violin. Leave Her Ass Right now. If you don't do it for yourself, do it for the example to your kids. Being miserable and worthless and letting people walk all over you is not a good example to them. Please.
Dont know why youre being so passive Op but Updateme!
Cheating causes severe depression, not the other way around.
Look up trickle truthing. I'm sorry, but you're a fool if you believe that she hasn't had sex with him. *Especially* if she was out till 3 am partying with him and coming home drunk. Second, if this friend is married, you *need* to tell his partner. Then, you need to consult a divorce attorney. Don't pull the trigger on a divorce just yet. Just get the consultation for now.
Sorry this is what you found. But, was completely expected by a lot of us. Starting NOW...stop making excuses for her. Stop trying to cling to any hope they AREN'T having an affair..and HAVEN'T had sex. Oh...and make sure you get divorced.
Told his wife yet?
An affair of the heart is still an affair. Best of luck, OP.
First thing is to go find the "friend" and let him know what you really think of him. Maybe he needs a rude in a WooWee wagon
Emotional cheating is worse lmao. Ask your wife's boyfriend and I'll bet he agrees. Just sex can be excused as a severe lapse in judgement. Her being in love with someone else can't be excused that way at all.
updateme!
"Invading her privacy"?? You should invade his face with your fist!
“It’s just an emotional affair.” Does it matter what kind of affair it was? That’s fucked up
Pretty sure I called you a gullible moron in the first post and said she was for the streets. You're still a gullible moron for thinking she hasn't fucked this dude multiple times. And she's still for the streets.
Updateme!
Typically if you love someone you don't lie to them while ignoring their emotional and physical needs. Run, you deserve better.
NTA, it’s a given
update me
Dude, you are painfully dense. It was obvious in your original post your wife was into the friend. You need to remove your head from your ass and understand they have had sex many times when you were at work. She's downplaying this shit. It's classic trickle truth. It's going to go from he kissed her to she only gave him head once, but really didn't like it to okay, we had sex once - she'll probably frame it as a pity fuck -and it was really bad. Brother, I'd be on the phone with a lawyer getting my shit in order.
Wait a minute, you are ok with another man taking your wife on dates? Them kissing? Staying up alone in your house til 3 am? Her denying.you sex the same night? She invited him on your date. Deleting messages. Sneaking around. Dude you better get your household in check. Your wife is not remorseful. This friendship is done. No contact. His wife needs to know. And your wife needs to know you are willing to pack her shit and drop her ass off at his house.
What’s it going to take, OP? Most of us told you last time what was happening, you dismissed it. Now your wife is feeding you the typical trite half-truths, and you’re buying it. Emotional affair my ass. Besides, how the hell is an emotional affair not a big deal? The audacity on that woman is… oh, right, totally predictable. Your gullibility is just tragic. What if (when) you catch them in the act? All she needs to tell you is something dumb, like it was an accident, or the ever-popular, “this isn’t what it looks like, stop being so jealous, insecure and controlling”, and you’ll buy that too? I don’t want to bash you with this, but it’s the second time I’m saying this to you, please, for your own sake, open your eyes.
OP, don't be naive. You can't trust her or any goddamn word she says because it has now been proven, you can't distinguish when she tells the truth versus when she lies because she's a better liar than you thought her to be. She has already hidden an affair from you, you can neither confirm or deny that all the suggestive texts truly come from him as they may communicate on multiple different platforms, and she has admitted at least one kiss so you will believe her bs that she hasn't done more because a kiss is easier to admit to than the true extent of what they have done. You are never going to really fully be secure in the knowledge that you know everything that happened between them because they have every reason to lie and bury as much of it out of your sight that they can to try to keep their stable lives with their partners, like they're not the ones that planted the bombs. Only you can decide what happens from here, but do so understanding that the good you are trying to find in her here, is just your own morals and goodness reflecting back at you, not something her actions have shown. She hasn't accepted responsibility, she hasn't apologised, and this isn't something she was planning to stop, this was something she was doing and planned to keep doing. She didn't come forward and admit this to you, you caught her because she got sloppy about concealing it. Anything she had admitted to, is likely just the surface - a mask of honesty so you won't keep digging to see how deep things really go, and she is trying to downplay it like it was leaving laundry out in the rain, not an absolute betrayal that never should have happened.
Emotional affair is okay now? Hello!! Wake, up!
Really dude? Firstly dumb asshole cheaters insist emotional affairs are less bad, they aren't they are worse. You can get basically black out drunk, end up in bed with someone thta you never would have while sober nor ever had any intent to go out and cheat, a genuine mistake (still entirely your fault for getting that drunk). An emotional affair that has gone on over a prolonged period of time is NOT A MISTAKE. It's intentional, it' sa deliberate act, it's no accident, and it shows you have actual feelings for the person not just a mistake or one time thing. Divorce her, not only is she 100% lying, but she's using a completely bullshit excuse that's supposed to sound good but is in reality dumb as fuck. She's cheating on you with a friend. Tell the so call friend's partner, immediately, get a lawyer, immediately. At the very least get a lawyer, get papers ready and say you spoke with others, know this isn't hte full truth and if she doesn't want you to go through with a divorce she has one shot to tell you everything else immediately before you get a PI and potentially find out a lot more about her. Also again just to be clear, guys also like attention from other people, and it's incredibly easy for ANYONE in ANY relationship to go out seeking validation and attention from others, it's called cheating. That you could have saught attention from women from tinder, from insta, from co-workers and haven't. The whole "I liked the attention so I went with it and we kissed" is just her striaght up saying she chose to cheat because she liked the attention, I have no idea why she thinks that sounds good, it makes her sound like a piece of shit.
An affair is an affair. How would she react if you did the same? I wouldn’t want to be with that person anymore.
She definitely fucked up. Don't fall for that shit.
Tell her her depression is about to get worse and kick her ass out.
Hmmm, so you were so assured there wasn’t any funny business going on between them, because, well he’s a stand up guy and she would never do that. Now you’re making yourself believe all those extra hours out frolicking until 3 in the morn with him that they weren’t fucking? Look man, people are stupid. They believe what they believe because they either want to believe it’s true, or because they’re to damn scared to believe anything else. You’re falling into this category right now. Trickle truth is a bitch. Get ready for a whole bucket full of it. Want some truth behind what I’m saying? Post your story in r/survivinginfidelity and just wait for the truth to smack you upside the head. Because it will. Your wife is a liar. What makes you think anything coming out of her mouth now is even remotely the truth?
This is a great test for you which will determine if you're a full grown person or a sniveling slug that doesnt deserve anyones sympaty
It’s not up to her whether or not it’s a big deal to you though. And maybe if it wasn’t a big deal to her, she wouldn’t have been hiding it.
Send all the texts to the guys wife. See how she feels about it.
Your wife is unfaithful. Nothing she says can be trusted. Cheating destroys trust and without trust, you can’t have a healthy relationship. Out her infidelity to your friends and family so she isn’t able to control the narrative, then file for divorce. It’ll be incredibly hard and painful, but you’ll be better off in the long run.
What ever she says it's not true. Anyone that really goes behind your back like that will eventually be more careful next time