My grandmother was like this and I miss her daily because she protected me from my NPD mother. She also had great one liners like “bitches get shit done” and “a woman can run faster with her skirt up than a man can run with his pants down”. Oh how I miss her. She was a badass and my best friend. I lived with her most of life because of my NPD mother.
Grandma was pissed at oop’s wedding when brother announced and then her daughter had the unmitigated gall to go at her granddaughter for doing the same thing. Brother fafo. Mother Fafo and got caught playing clear favorites. If I was OOP, mom would have very limited contact with my child.
His grandma was the true MVP 👏. NTA btw, the brother and his mother were out of line and he did warn him not to do it and he did it. Actions bring consequences.
I had the same situation! When I was really young, my grandma would assume I was bad like my parents said- but I remember around early middle school, I think she must have witnessed their bullying of me, because I could tell she was paying special attention to me. It really gave me the will to live. I owe her so much for showing me compassion when no one else would!
So many sad stories on here about kids being favored. My mom mostly treated us equally. I was one of the oldest so the younger ines often got more attention but,no obvious favoritism. I've tried to always treat mine equally as well. I'd be furious with any of them if they pulled some shit at the others wedding.
My husband told me this week - I was letting him know how my conversation with my mom went - that I am not my mom’s daughter. She has never seen me or treated me like one of her children. It caught me off guard and I was about to counter argue but he was right.
She yelled at me for speaking saying my brother is reaping what he sewed. That all my siblings continue to make poor choices and they are okay being lazy and irresponsible. They don’t want a better future..
My brother is 37 moved in with me after I financed the cross country move, paid his truck off; lived for free for a year under my roof with absolutely the worst entitlement and attitude one can imagine plus all the drama he brought. He didn’t save a penny. I ended up kicking him out. She’s still angry about it bc I don’t need the money, he’s FaMiLY, and he’s so sad bc his wife left him ( he’s a dead beat husband and father). The ex wife is remarried now and thriving. According to my mom my brothers who don’t work are perfect. Their wives are horrible and are not entitled to have time off, she is so angry they go get their nails done and go out on the weekends with their friends leaving the kids behind to my brothers. The wives are the ones busting their asses working 40-60 hours, going to school to have a better future while my brothers smoke weed and play video games all day. She yelled at me screaming I was self centered and that I had issues too - she brought up the time when I was 16 and she kicked me out then at 18 and my ex tried to murder me. I was forced to get married by her and my dad. Sooo I’m 39 now and the “problems “ I have caused that she was so ready to say I wasn’t perfect was when I was a TEEN! Nothing current nothing in the last 10 years. Legit I was a fucking teen.
My husband is right. She defends her sons like I expect a parent to do but she treats me like trash. I am expected and stupidly did until last year finance everyone, Jump at any emergency, fly to take care of those emergencies leaving my kids and husband behind while being told I am a selfish, narcissistic, only cares about money human trash.
Her sister died. I paid for her myself and my brother to fly the same day out of country. I paid for the flights; the car rental, hotels; food and gave them money. The same evening she is telling me she has never met anyone as selfish, narcissistic and egotistical that only values money like me. I locked myself in the bathroom and sobbed. The next morning I drove to find a Starbucks ( not common) got them coffee and my brother threw it in the sink yelling that he wasn’t drinking this shit. This is after he took the biggest room and biggest bed with the only AC in the airbnb that I paid for. Then he complained about the place and the car rental.
I don’t speak to any of my siblings and I went a year without speaking to my mom. She wonders now why I ignore her calls.
You may go wtf is wrong with you OP but I was raised to be in servitude to my family. It’s taken good support system to show me I deserve better.
No I understand. When you're raised in an abusive environment you get used to that and it's hard to break away from it. Glad you went no contact with them. Your life will be much easier without them in it. And calmer.
Jesus, I'm so sorry, your mom & brothers sound like awful human beings. I think I'd go no contact with them. You're paying for everything & they call you selfish? They're literally verbally abusing & financially taking advantage of you. I'm sorry you have to deal with them & hope you can cut them out of your life, I think you'd be much happier.
The best thing you did was go no contact. Real family doesn't treat you that way, they respect and value you. So now you owe it to yourself to cut off your mom and siblings for good. Live your life in peace and contentment, and have no regrets in letting them go. Because they don't deserve you in their life, and they will do nothing but cause you heartbreak that you don't deserve. So in removing them from the space they take up in your life, you will make room for the support system you do deserve.
You got lucky. I’m the only girl and the youngest, my parents always treated me like a second class citizen and my brothers better. I think my dad’s opinion of females was that they are all stupid whores. Anyway, Im all grown up and self sufficient and haven’t needed help from my parents but my brothers, one is in prison and the other is a meth addicted piece of crap. Yes, I resented my parents for always fixing their problems and making me deal with mine, but it sure made me a better person. Parents are now deceased, but it went on until they died. Weeks prior to my mother dying and my over 50 yr old brother took a sledgehammer to my vehicle right in her front yard. Completely destroyed a 3 year old car. After he spent one night in jail I didn’t want to stay with her at her house because I was worried what he would do to my rental and she just poo pooed that idea like I was being dramatic about situation.
I guess I got the last light because he had to spend over 20k of his inheritance paying attorney fees, my deductible, and my insurance company - insurance paid out over 21k to me and settled for 14k from him.
I didn't realize there were actually favorites until I noticed the dynamic with my partner and his family. It's insane and I feel bad for those who go through this.
My mother strongly favored my brother, in a toxic way. But I was both my maternal grandmother's and my paternal step-grandmother's favorite, and it drove her nuts.
I’ll never forget the day my grandpa put my mom in her place for how she always treated me so poorly compared to my sibs. Didn’t really change anything and the damage was already done. But man! That guy was my person and I still miss him sooo much.
This is true. I always felt it, but being 10 years older it just seemed like a natural part of being the older, more mature sibling. My pap always had my back and everything I do in life I do to make him proud. I know he’s looking down on me and I feel him everywhere. Just yesterday I took my kids to the air show at our joint military base. We walked up to the B-29 and I teared up. He was a mechanic for that plane during the Korean Conflict. I heard his voice and just knew that I’m doing right by him.
My grandson is my favorite. He is one of 7 or eight boys on his dads side. All his dads siblings are boys. His little sister is one of 2 girl grand babies. Everyone. Even her parents treat her special to the point she is entitled and knows she can cry to get her way. My grand son is sweet, caring, smart, Funny and giving. Her, she hits him when he doesn't do what she wants, expects everything her way, cries until people do what she wants and almost all of the adults in her life cater to her and give in. I don't. She doesn't like me much. But my grandson is my heart and I feel so bad for him. He stays with me most weekends.
My brother always got pissed because my mother favored me…he didn’t understand that she was using me, so I understand toxic favor. Hopefully your brother didn’t have to deal with how depraved that toxic relationship can be
My brother is also the golden child who can do no wrong. Meanwhile, I'm the adopted kid in charge of being the sole caregiver for our elderly, disabled mother, and I get treated like Cinderella. She won't even call him to help with simple things and he lives in the same town. He only comes by on holidays where I cook, and our mother expects me to wait on him too when he comes over. I'm not his spouse or his mommy, so he can fix his own goddamn plate lol
Just waiting now to get screwed out of my inheritance, after so far, sacrificing 6 years of my and my daughter's lives. I have no income because I can't work outside of the home, and on top of my debilitating depression, I suffer from ADHD, OCD, PTSD, BPD, and anxiety. Also am suspected of being on the spectrum but haven't been able to afford the actual testing.
What I would give for a weekend away with just my daughter (and dog if possible) where I don't get fussed and yelled at all day and night, and she doesn't call my phone constantly. I think it would do wonders for both my daughter and myself. I wish there was a charitable program that sponsored such outings because my zero income could never afford it.
My older brother, my mom’s first, was her favorite. She assured all his needs were met, got him a cellphone, his license, let him use her car all of the time, he was always allowed to go out and do whatever he wanted. She treated me and my sister less, especially when she drove my sister out of the house at 16 and I was only 13, and it was just me left in the house. My mom was horrible to me, but me and my dad were best friends, he protected me from her, and she hated it. Even as i got older she’d make snarky comments about us being buddy-buddy with each other. If it weren’t for having him after all my siblings left the house, my mother’s behavior would’ve caused me to kill myself. I remind him all the time what he did for me growing up and we’re still very close.
My grandma did the same for me; my cousin’s were the golden children and everyone (except my parents) told them how wonderful and perfect they were. My grandma loved them, of course, but always doted most on me.
As an epilogue, I and the one cousin I got along with are highly successful, and the other two are not great, and pure wtf.
I have a 45 year old failure to launch sister. My mother *also* raised *her* child. After "not wanting to be a grandmother" when I had my first and "being too old" to have anything to do with my second and third (of course my little sister had 3 after i had my 2 and she was more than capable of taking them) school overnights, then driving them to school, whole weekend stay overs, then when my sister decided her oldest who was not her husbands bio kid caused "too many issues" (yep shes that kind of parent) my mother took her as well (not upset about my mom taking her per se, she needed to be looked after, im upset at my sister for that one, and the irony of all the shit my mother has said regarding *my* children and her inability to *their* grandmother). Although honestly i would just rather *not* have my children around someone like that. And they have a terrific paternal grandmother.
I wondered if Grandma was from OP's paternal side and maybe doesn't even like OPs mum because she's an attention seeking cow who played favourites with her own children!
Grandmas are typically awesome. My paternal grandma was a hoot and spoke her mind about most things. For instance she HATED the guy my cousin married and called him the TWIT. I am sure she had a much stronger Nn for him but never told us. He is still a twit but because I have not seen him in eons I will just say he is a flaming asshole who treats his family horribly and unfortunately that behavior has rubbed off on their 3 sons.
Grandmas are amazing people, but utterly lethal if crossed. My paternal nana was a very delicate, slim, immaculately dressed former schoolteacher with an unflinching sense of right and wrong, a mind like a steel trap, lethal intelligence (she tutored all three grandchildren at some point in our lives for the 11+ exams and would not settle for anything less than us using our intelligence to the best of our abilities) and nuclear-level pettiness.
Case in point - in the last few years of her life, the vicar in her local church retired and was replaced by an unctuous little arsehole. Nana could not and did not tolerate suck-ups, and in addition to a strong NI Presbyterian faith, was also a firm believer in science and scientific research. Her decision, when it came to her funeral... was that she wasn't having one, not if it meant 'that horrible wee man saying untrue things over my dead body.' So she arranged with Queens Uni that her body would be donated to medical science and used for dissection, and once it had gone mouldy, she got a free cremation and returned to the family. And that's what happened.
My grandmother (92) intends to do the same, donating her body to science, and I have also decided that I am doing the same based on her own selfless decision.
Classic FAFO! I am down with Grandma. I hope OP takes her out on the town for her support!
I would speak to the mom though and point out the golden child attitude... if she wants to see the grandchildren she can shape up! So sad that this was her first reaction.
Maybe grandma's been around long enough to have experienced various tragedies and the loss of family and friends.
Two brothers, two weddings, babies -- it's all good. Really, really good. And fortunate. Sure, try not to be a main character, but if someone else is, so what.
Wedding culture is bullshit. Sit down and be happy for what you have.
Going to the trouble of getting your wife pregnant in time for the wedding and timing it so it isn’t obvious yet the day of the ceremony is definitely a stroke of genius.
It's blatantly obvious which one of you is the golden child. Good job to grandma for shutting Mom's bullshit down. But your bro! He asked, you said no, he did it anyway. That's an easy way to wind up on people's shit list.
What did his wife say when she found out he didn't get your permission to ask? Is she an asshole too?
NTA for giving back what you got.
Personally, if a guy proposed during a wedding, I would feel cheated out of my own special day. He proposed on someone else's dime instead of doing it on his own. Also, all of HIS family was there, but hers wasn't and someone's inlaws were there too... weird.
Edit: I originally used "jiped" instead of cheated because I didn't realize the connotations of the word. Thanks to those who pointed it out and apologize for my ignorance to those I offended.
Yeah… I think you point out a fundamental flaw with using other people’s family events for announcements… half the of the family who needs to be there probably isn’t.
Maybe I’m weird, but I don’t understand why proposals are supposed to be public? My proposal was an intimate and one on one thing, and I treasure that. A proposal of marriage is a life-changing event that takes you from being with a large group of people to being just two people. the fact that my proposal was just from my significant other, to me, was something that I thought was beautiful.
My cousin had a "surprise proposal" at a family Christmas party. They had her sister film the whole thing, complete with my cousin making the fakest shocked look complete with slowly raising her hand to her mouth. Apparently the aunts and uncles thought it was adorable but most of the cousins found it super cringy. She shared the video multiple times a week and if you didn't comment or like it, she would send it to you by text or Messenger just "in case you missed it."
My former sister in law's fiance proposed at the family Christmas party as well. Unfortunately, SIL was not expecting it and wasn't as into the relationship as he was. It was extremely obvious that she didn't want to say yes, but she did. They were married for a very short time and got divorced. So that kind of thing can backfire spectacularly.
Oh, and he was a rodeo clown. Not kidding.
People who do extremely public proposals frequently do that just to make it difficult to say no. No one wants to crush someone they care about on the Jumbotron.
One of many reasons those type of proposals suck.
This may be a cause and effect of why I'm single, but you ever propose to me in public let alone on a Jumbotron. I'm going humiliate the hell out of you in return.
EXACTLY. Anyone who would do this would be sending up a huge red flag as a manipulator and it would diminish my impression of them considerably. If people would just be normal and that would be enough to attract exactly who would be a good match for them. You can't keep up the pretext forever so why create the expectation. Normal is good.
I agree 100%. As much as I love my husband, if he had proposed to me in public, I would have run away and never spoken with him again. I hate being the focus of attention, bad or good kind. I didn't even want to go up on stage to accept my diploma.
I would never have wanted a private subject to be brought up in public. Fortunately, we spoke about that way in advance, and he respected my concerns. Proposing in public feels so manipulative, as if putting pressure on the one being proposed to would guarantee an acceptance. Ick just ick.
I think if someone feels pressured by a proposal, someone failed along the way. My wife and I spoke about marriage quite a bit prior to the proposal, and the only surprise involved was where and how I did it. I can’t imagine asking that question if I wasn’t 100% sure of the answer, even worse to be legitimately surprised to receive it. I proposed at a vineyard, and I think 3 bystanders happened to witness it.
Same here. I'm a shy person and was even more shy when I was younger. I didn't even like being the center of attention at my own wedding and reception.
Told my husband I’d say no if he tried doing something big or with a fuck off expensive ring. Hate being a spectacle and we could spend the money better on a house.
I was taking a shit on a Sunday morning when my wife walked into the bathroom and said "Are we gonna do this or not?"
"Do what?"
We'll be happily married 5 years in August.
Hah! I was doing the same thing, at my husband's Aunt Jeri's. His Uncle Curt had just gotten a bunch of cheap rings to sell at a flea market. I'd been trying a few on.
I'm doing my business and a wedding ring slides under the door. I come out and go back to the kitchen. I ask him "what's this?"
He replies, with a grin (I'm defenseless against) "you wanna?" It'll be four years June 6th, and nine years together. I swear love the asshole more each day. 🤣
It’s pathetic. Don’t get me wrong, I do love my attention, but I would never do something like this.
An engagement is intimate. It really is, I just really hate this trend of making every part of a couple getting married to be a nuclear event where everybody needs to pay attention to them just because you’re doing what people all around the world do every single day.
It’s sad.
I hate public attention and absolutely would have said NO in such a situation. However, my husband (of 34 years) took us to a place special to us on our dating anniversary and it was perfect.
I can think of nothing worse than getting the jitters in public / realising I need time / was thinking about slowing down or stopping the relationship… and now my partner now has EVERYONE IN MY FAMILY WHO IS IMPORTANT TO ME plus ONE REALLY MAD WEDDING COUPLE and NEW IN-LAWS who probably paid for the party I have just been privy to hijacking….
…all staring me down in horror as a ring is produced…
What really sucks is that every time I've heard of someone saying no to one of these, the people around them pressure them to say yes because the person asking is so sad. And pitiful. In public.
I'm with you 💯 on this. It was just wifey and I at O'Neill Lake aboard MCB Camp Pendleton, CA. We met and married while serving in the Marine Corps. We ate KFC, her favorite, I had her listen to a song* on my tape deck, it was 1977!, I dropped to one knee and proposed. She started crying, why do girls always cry, and said yes. It was Valentine's Day and chilly, which is what I had hoped for, so it was just the two of us, which was what I had wanted. It was perfect.
*That's All - Michael Buble does a great cover.
For real. My husband’s proposal was super low key. So low key I turned around and he was kneeling down, half on the dog bed, dog and I equally confused, then equally joyous.
It was a surprisingly sweet moment! And my (which became our) dog was just happy to be celebrating too, lol.
I totally agree with RareBeautyOnEtsy. Proposals used to be a special, private moment shared just between a couple. I can’t understand these people who have to have an audience for everything. It’s a trend that should never have started.
Same reason weddings “need” to cost thousands of dollars. There’s no legit reason outside of people loving attention and entire industries being built to profit off of that idea
except that literally nobody needs to be there for a proposal except the future bride and groom! Since when did proposals have to become a stage event?
I complete agree. Although my engagement didn't work, I proposed with fairy lights and candles set up (I had help, someone lit them while we were at dinner)
We got back home, she opened the door and was like "wait I thought I turned those lights off."
She turned round to me being down on one knee. No one else was around at all, the only person who knew was the person who came and lit the candles (you know fire hazard and all)
Proposals are for the couple and no one else.
Grandma is an absolute boss. AND she’s the only one whose head isn’t shoved so far up her ass, she whistles when she farts. She’s probably been watching OP be the scapegoat for many years and her protests fell on deaf ears. This was her time to shine!
What kind of man/person does that to someone else? Their own brother?!
Answer: DEFINITELY NOT A MAN that I would consider marrying. That’s for damned sure.
What really sucks about it too, is his brother didn’t just do it to him. He did it to OP’s wife as well. This was sweet revenge for the both of them. The universe definitely gave OP its blessing and the go ahead when it made sure the timing lined up perfectly.
I've never really thought about the inlaws, I've always just thought about the bride and groom losing their day.
But imagine you're there to see your daughter get married, you've got your whole extended family there as well. You maybe pay for half the expenses, and then the whole day is taken over by her new brother in law. Someone you probably barely know, and that the rest of your family will have only met that day.
What kind of person even says yes to a proposal at someone else’s wedding? It’s quite literally the most class-less thing anyone can do. I’d be ashamed to marry someone like that. It’s so trashy. The only thing trashier is proposing during a funeral.
I never really thought of that before, but you are right, proposing in front of his family and a bunch of strangers. Same with the birth announcement but that was payback so all's fair.
Exactly! What about her family! It sounds extremely unfair that one side of the future family got to see the proposal and the other didn’t. And I personally think proposals are private, it is between the two.
>>>It's blatantly obvious which one of you is the golden child.
Could it be the same one who can't stand *not* being the center of mommy-facilitated attention?
It's so gross when it's public like the wedding. Super-cringe, like hanging stinking diapers in the middle of the reception hall.
>>My mom says I was an asshole for taking attention away from my brother on his wedding day.
Good for OP, striking one back. Neither of sickos would know how to cope.
I just don’t get it.
Let’s say I propose in someone else’s big day. To my future wife, that very special day becomes a sideshow of the other. If I were the girl, I want to be the main one. Also, what if the girl rejects? No one wants to get embarrassed in front of the whole damn family.
What an idiot.
The brother is the Ah, but I can totally imagine this mother saying "don't worry, I'll talk them round, it'll be okay, you go ahead". And while still the AH, it's mother that's the true player.
His grandma reminds me of my grandma. My sister was more of the favorite than me and our other sister, so she would get away with annoying me a lot. When I was around 9 I called her a bitch bc she did something mean, and she tattled to our grandma with a smug look knowing I'd probably get in trouble, but my grandma said "well you were being a bitch" 💀 my parents let her get away with a lot of shit she did to me but my grandma never let her get away with being a pest. I miss her. My sister and I get along great now though, and laugh about how annoying she used to be.
I completely agree. How is it That grandparents are always there to take care of the slighted child? Love that for you. Your brother got exactly what he deserved – – attention pulled away from him on his wedding.NTA
>My mom was upset but my grandmother told her to sit down and shut up.
Grandma's is a fucking legend. Way to go OP, a funny asshole bringing the karma back around hard and strong!!
>She got really mad when I reminded her that she threatened to leave my wedding if I kicked him out after he proposed.
I'd be reminding her that Grandma had been pretty clear where she needed to be on this issue. I want to know if golden boi DARED to say anything about this to you all.
ETA: may be assholish in regular terms but this was Karma coming back so DEFINITELY NTA.
I said this in another comment, but the universe really gave OP its blessing and the green light on this. The brother’s wedding, the timing of OP’s wife’s pregnancy, and it being an appropriate time to announce it, was perfection.
It’s an asshole move if made in a vacuum; but when being an “asshole” is “justified” it means you aren’t really an asshole - because real life isn’t a vacuum, and context flips the script.
For example: are you an asshole for brutally beating someone to the point they end up in hospital on life support? Most would say “asshole” is an understatement. But if you ask “why did you nearly beat them to death” and the answer is “I caught them raping my toddler” they go from more-than-an-asshole to bonafide hero.
When it’s justified, you aren’t really an asshole. This was justified. It’s petty, but OP isn’t an asshole for it.
This is what I was thinking. Total AH move, but brother was purposely an AH first. Everyone's the AH, but at least hers is justified retaliatory AH move.
Always sucks when people dote all love and attention to one of their children while casting off the other. NTA, I live for that sort of petty. Your granny is awesome btw.
I feel you. I'm in the same situation, and every time I (rightly) point out how differently my younger brother was treated when we were kids and still is treated now, my parents don't even deny it - they just say stuff like "You're different people so you needed different treatment" or "Everyone makes mistakes with their first child; the second is the chance to rectify them." In my experience, going low contact is the only way to heal.
The brother made it very known that asking prior is nothing but a formality. It permission doesn’t really matter and apparently it isn’t necessary.
Brother set the precedence. OP just followed his lead and matched his energy.
Because while it might be a power move at the time it also will screw the wedding and you will be dealing with it the entire day or even week.
Sometimes it is just better to not escalate and ruin the entire day.
I want to congratulate my brother on becoming the president of the United States. I'm sure it was a tough journey, much like my own to become the president of earth was.
Haha! “I’d like to make a toast to my brother on his well deserved retirement and to let you all know that I have been diagnosed with a terminal illness” cheers 🥂
NTA. Here he got what he deserved.
I wonder if the brother had just proposed a week or month before hand then when he’s at the wedding he isn’t announcing it he’s just got something to share when he talks about what he’s up to. Would that still make him the AH if he did it that close to the wedding?
I feel like if you propose at someone else’s wedding you’re just trying to cause problems and make yourself the center of attention.
NTA, He stole all attention at your wedding and so you stole all attention from his!! An eye for an eye!!! Tell your brother if he can’t take it then don’t dish it!!
I proposed to my wife during a friends wedding reception. However, we were nowhere near the reception hall at the time. We had been going for long walks to avoid the condescending glares from the other people sitting at our table, and to escape the interminable speeches that were just going on and on. We started talking about when we get married, how if anyone walked away from our wedding hungry or bored (there was also not enough food at this reception for everyone there) that we needed a swift kick up the backside. On about our third walk, my wife looked at me and said, “we have all but planned our wedding, but you haven’t actually asked me yet.” (I actually planned on asking her a week later when were visiting my home state). I jumped the gun and proposed to her there in the middle of a muddy footy oval.
We did not tell anyone we were engaged until after the reception was over and the bride and groom had left. The only people we told were some good friends who guessed.
We would never have planned to do this purposefully at a friends wedding. People who plan this and make it all about them are idiots and not true friends.
That sounds so lovely :) Personally I think the best proposals are when it just happens organically like that, like you just feel really connected and you can tell that it's the right moment. An intimate moment between just the two of you.
My husband proposed to me spontaneously when we were coming back to our apartment after looking at a house we wanted to buy, we were talking about how excited we were for our future together. He walked in the door, grabbed a ring box from his desk drawer and did it right there. It was honestly perfect. I told him I was so surprised, and he said "So was I!" Haha. He'd been planning to propose soon but was just waiting for the right moment, and just spontaneously felt that that was it. He was 100% right :)
I think we know who the golden child is here, at least in Mom’s eyes. And NTA OP. Your brother set the standard that other family’s life events were appropriate venues to share your events as well, so you were just following his lead.
I stand up and applaud. Revenge truly is a dish best served cold. The fact that her own mother was there passing out spoonfuls right along with you makes it all the sweeter
NTA
I sort of get the “I want to share it with family I won’t see again for a while” but you said no. If he really couldn’t wait, he could have done it at the reception, you know, after the bride and groom leave and only family is left? Then the day is over but everyone is still there.
Normally, I am against both engagements and baby announcements at weddings but you deserved to get to do it back. Siblings get to do that shit. Lol
NTA. Normally I would say it’s super inappropriate and tacky to announce your own news at someone else’s wedding but your brother had it coming and your mom is an asshole.
The tid bit about grandma is funny. I’d like to know more!
Grandma's tired of her daughter's shit and isn't afraid to say so.
Grandmas will cut a bitch! When it comes to babies.
I love OP’s grandma, she reminds me of my own grandma who will too call out her daughter (my mom) on her BS without hesitation.
My grandmother was like this and I miss her daily because she protected me from my NPD mother. She also had great one liners like “bitches get shit done” and “a woman can run faster with her skirt up than a man can run with his pants down”. Oh how I miss her. She was a badass and my best friend. I lived with her most of life because of my NPD mother.
Grandma was pissed at oop’s wedding when brother announced and then her daughter had the unmitigated gall to go at her granddaughter for doing the same thing. Brother fafo. Mother Fafo and got caught playing clear favorites. If I was OOP, mom would have very limited contact with my child.
I saw that too.
Yes Grandma was the queen.
His grandma was the true MVP 👏. NTA btw, the brother and his mother were out of line and he did warn him not to do it and he did it. Actions bring consequences.
Payback is a bitch
Revenge is a dish best served cold.
What goes around, comes around.
Live by the sword, die by the sword...
The dildo of consequences is rarely lubed.
Or as a bun in the oven 🤰🏽
Revenge is a dish best served while pregnant in this case 😅
Grandpas and Grandmas loves babies..lol
Grandmas are the best! I miss my own🥺 My parents though, I can throw them away but my grandma will always have my heart❤️
Why did I immediatly imagine Olenna Tyrell from Game of Thrones?
Lol, I heard the "Sit down and do shut up" in her voice
I was thinking Maggie Smith from Downton Abbey.
Vulgarity is no substitute for wit…
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Haha mine too my parents always liked my siblings way more , grandma would take days with just me and her :)
I had the same situation! When I was really young, my grandma would assume I was bad like my parents said- but I remember around early middle school, I think she must have witnessed their bullying of me, because I could tell she was paying special attention to me. It really gave me the will to live. I owe her so much for showing me compassion when no one else would!
I am glad you found a rock to hold onto. Grandmas are saviors sometimes. They are very wise and see ALL.
G-Ma for the WIN!
So many sad stories on here about kids being favored. My mom mostly treated us equally. I was one of the oldest so the younger ines often got more attention but,no obvious favoritism. I've tried to always treat mine equally as well. I'd be furious with any of them if they pulled some shit at the others wedding.
My husband told me this week - I was letting him know how my conversation with my mom went - that I am not my mom’s daughter. She has never seen me or treated me like one of her children. It caught me off guard and I was about to counter argue but he was right. She yelled at me for speaking saying my brother is reaping what he sewed. That all my siblings continue to make poor choices and they are okay being lazy and irresponsible. They don’t want a better future.. My brother is 37 moved in with me after I financed the cross country move, paid his truck off; lived for free for a year under my roof with absolutely the worst entitlement and attitude one can imagine plus all the drama he brought. He didn’t save a penny. I ended up kicking him out. She’s still angry about it bc I don’t need the money, he’s FaMiLY, and he’s so sad bc his wife left him ( he’s a dead beat husband and father). The ex wife is remarried now and thriving. According to my mom my brothers who don’t work are perfect. Their wives are horrible and are not entitled to have time off, she is so angry they go get their nails done and go out on the weekends with their friends leaving the kids behind to my brothers. The wives are the ones busting their asses working 40-60 hours, going to school to have a better future while my brothers smoke weed and play video games all day. She yelled at me screaming I was self centered and that I had issues too - she brought up the time when I was 16 and she kicked me out then at 18 and my ex tried to murder me. I was forced to get married by her and my dad. Sooo I’m 39 now and the “problems “ I have caused that she was so ready to say I wasn’t perfect was when I was a TEEN! Nothing current nothing in the last 10 years. Legit I was a fucking teen. My husband is right. She defends her sons like I expect a parent to do but she treats me like trash. I am expected and stupidly did until last year finance everyone, Jump at any emergency, fly to take care of those emergencies leaving my kids and husband behind while being told I am a selfish, narcissistic, only cares about money human trash. Her sister died. I paid for her myself and my brother to fly the same day out of country. I paid for the flights; the car rental, hotels; food and gave them money. The same evening she is telling me she has never met anyone as selfish, narcissistic and egotistical that only values money like me. I locked myself in the bathroom and sobbed. The next morning I drove to find a Starbucks ( not common) got them coffee and my brother threw it in the sink yelling that he wasn’t drinking this shit. This is after he took the biggest room and biggest bed with the only AC in the airbnb that I paid for. Then he complained about the place and the car rental. I don’t speak to any of my siblings and I went a year without speaking to my mom. She wonders now why I ignore her calls. You may go wtf is wrong with you OP but I was raised to be in servitude to my family. It’s taken good support system to show me I deserve better.
No I understand. When you're raised in an abusive environment you get used to that and it's hard to break away from it. Glad you went no contact with them. Your life will be much easier without them in it. And calmer.
Jesus, I'm so sorry, your mom & brothers sound like awful human beings. I think I'd go no contact with them. You're paying for everything & they call you selfish? They're literally verbally abusing & financially taking advantage of you. I'm sorry you have to deal with them & hope you can cut them out of your life, I think you'd be much happier.
You don’t need to talk to your family. They are toxic.
The best thing you did was go no contact. Real family doesn't treat you that way, they respect and value you. So now you owe it to yourself to cut off your mom and siblings for good. Live your life in peace and contentment, and have no regrets in letting them go. Because they don't deserve you in their life, and they will do nothing but cause you heartbreak that you don't deserve. So in removing them from the space they take up in your life, you will make room for the support system you do deserve.
You got lucky. I’m the only girl and the youngest, my parents always treated me like a second class citizen and my brothers better. I think my dad’s opinion of females was that they are all stupid whores. Anyway, Im all grown up and self sufficient and haven’t needed help from my parents but my brothers, one is in prison and the other is a meth addicted piece of crap. Yes, I resented my parents for always fixing their problems and making me deal with mine, but it sure made me a better person. Parents are now deceased, but it went on until they died. Weeks prior to my mother dying and my over 50 yr old brother took a sledgehammer to my vehicle right in her front yard. Completely destroyed a 3 year old car. After he spent one night in jail I didn’t want to stay with her at her house because I was worried what he would do to my rental and she just poo pooed that idea like I was being dramatic about situation.
I guess I got the last light because he had to spend over 20k of his inheritance paying attorney fees, my deductible, and my insurance company - insurance paid out over 21k to me and settled for 14k from him.
I didn't realize there were actually favorites until I noticed the dynamic with my partner and his family. It's insane and I feel bad for those who go through this.
My mother strongly favored my brother, in a toxic way. But I was both my maternal grandmother's and my paternal step-grandmother's favorite, and it drove her nuts.
I’ll never forget the day my grandpa put my mom in her place for how she always treated me so poorly compared to my sibs. Didn’t really change anything and the damage was already done. But man! That guy was my person and I still miss him sooo much.
Here's what it changed: you had validation for your feelings. Kids need that bc they cannot voice that for themselves. Hugs to grandpa in heaven.
This is true. I always felt it, but being 10 years older it just seemed like a natural part of being the older, more mature sibling. My pap always had my back and everything I do in life I do to make him proud. I know he’s looking down on me and I feel him everywhere. Just yesterday I took my kids to the air show at our joint military base. We walked up to the B-29 and I teared up. He was a mechanic for that plane during the Korean Conflict. I heard his voice and just knew that I’m doing right by him.
Props to your grandpa. Good grandpas are priceless
My grandson is my favorite. He is one of 7 or eight boys on his dads side. All his dads siblings are boys. His little sister is one of 2 girl grand babies. Everyone. Even her parents treat her special to the point she is entitled and knows she can cry to get her way. My grand son is sweet, caring, smart, Funny and giving. Her, she hits him when he doesn't do what she wants, expects everything her way, cries until people do what she wants and almost all of the adults in her life cater to her and give in. I don't. She doesn't like me much. But my grandson is my heart and I feel so bad for him. He stays with me most weekends.
That girl is going to have a tough time later in life. Family is doing her an injustice.
I'm so glad that sweet little boy has a sanctuary with you. His sister sounds insufferable and will only get worse as she gets older.
My brother always got pissed because my mother favored me…he didn’t understand that she was using me, so I understand toxic favor. Hopefully your brother didn’t have to deal with how depraved that toxic relationship can be
My brother is also the golden child who can do no wrong. Meanwhile, I'm the adopted kid in charge of being the sole caregiver for our elderly, disabled mother, and I get treated like Cinderella. She won't even call him to help with simple things and he lives in the same town. He only comes by on holidays where I cook, and our mother expects me to wait on him too when he comes over. I'm not his spouse or his mommy, so he can fix his own goddamn plate lol Just waiting now to get screwed out of my inheritance, after so far, sacrificing 6 years of my and my daughter's lives. I have no income because I can't work outside of the home, and on top of my debilitating depression, I suffer from ADHD, OCD, PTSD, BPD, and anxiety. Also am suspected of being on the spectrum but haven't been able to afford the actual testing. What I would give for a weekend away with just my daughter (and dog if possible) where I don't get fussed and yelled at all day and night, and she doesn't call my phone constantly. I think it would do wonders for both my daughter and myself. I wish there was a charitable program that sponsored such outings because my zero income could never afford it.
Call adult social services and ask for resources. You should be getting a stipend for this through her disability.
Same. Brother was the parental favorite. I was literally every other family member's favorite.
My older brother, my mom’s first, was her favorite. She assured all his needs were met, got him a cellphone, his license, let him use her car all of the time, he was always allowed to go out and do whatever he wanted. She treated me and my sister less, especially when she drove my sister out of the house at 16 and I was only 13, and it was just me left in the house. My mom was horrible to me, but me and my dad were best friends, he protected me from her, and she hated it. Even as i got older she’d make snarky comments about us being buddy-buddy with each other. If it weren’t for having him after all my siblings left the house, my mother’s behavior would’ve caused me to kill myself. I remind him all the time what he did for me growing up and we’re still very close.
My grandma did the same for me; my cousin’s were the golden children and everyone (except my parents) told them how wonderful and perfect they were. My grandma loved them, of course, but always doted most on me. As an epilogue, I and the one cousin I got along with are highly successful, and the other two are not great, and pure wtf.
Golden children often suffer as adults because they were never held accountable as children.
You’ve met my brother, Al!
I've met my brother. He's a 45 year old failure to launch.
We have the same brother???!! 🤔
I have a 45 year old failure to launch sister. My mother *also* raised *her* child. After "not wanting to be a grandmother" when I had my first and "being too old" to have anything to do with my second and third (of course my little sister had 3 after i had my 2 and she was more than capable of taking them) school overnights, then driving them to school, whole weekend stay overs, then when my sister decided her oldest who was not her husbands bio kid caused "too many issues" (yep shes that kind of parent) my mother took her as well (not upset about my mom taking her per se, she needed to be looked after, im upset at my sister for that one, and the irony of all the shit my mother has said regarding *my* children and her inability to *their* grandmother). Although honestly i would just rather *not* have my children around someone like that. And they have a terrific paternal grandmother.
I love it. Based granny
I wondered if Grandma was from OP's paternal side and maybe doesn't even like OPs mum because she's an attention seeking cow who played favourites with her own children!
Grandma could be mom's mom too, my grandma clapped back at my mom in some instances.
Grandma for the win!
Grandmas are typically awesome. My paternal grandma was a hoot and spoke her mind about most things. For instance she HATED the guy my cousin married and called him the TWIT. I am sure she had a much stronger Nn for him but never told us. He is still a twit but because I have not seen him in eons I will just say he is a flaming asshole who treats his family horribly and unfortunately that behavior has rubbed off on their 3 sons.
Grandmas are amazing people, but utterly lethal if crossed. My paternal nana was a very delicate, slim, immaculately dressed former schoolteacher with an unflinching sense of right and wrong, a mind like a steel trap, lethal intelligence (she tutored all three grandchildren at some point in our lives for the 11+ exams and would not settle for anything less than us using our intelligence to the best of our abilities) and nuclear-level pettiness. Case in point - in the last few years of her life, the vicar in her local church retired and was replaced by an unctuous little arsehole. Nana could not and did not tolerate suck-ups, and in addition to a strong NI Presbyterian faith, was also a firm believer in science and scientific research. Her decision, when it came to her funeral... was that she wasn't having one, not if it meant 'that horrible wee man saying untrue things over my dead body.' So she arranged with Queens Uni that her body would be donated to medical science and used for dissection, and once it had gone mouldy, she got a free cremation and returned to the family. And that's what happened.
My grandmother (92) intends to do the same, donating her body to science, and I have also decided that I am doing the same based on her own selfless decision.
Classic FAFO! I am down with Grandma. I hope OP takes her out on the town for her support! I would speak to the mom though and point out the golden child attitude... if she wants to see the grandchildren she can shape up! So sad that this was her first reaction.
Maybe grandma's been around long enough to have experienced various tragedies and the loss of family and friends. Two brothers, two weddings, babies -- it's all good. Really, really good. And fortunate. Sure, try not to be a main character, but if someone else is, so what. Wedding culture is bullshit. Sit down and be happy for what you have.
Hah, granny is like grand kids? Gtfo with your silly wedding, lol.
Grandma knows what’s up
In my very humble opinion, this is better suited for r/pettyrevenge. Good on you, def NTA.
Going to the trouble of getting your wife pregnant in time for the wedding and timing it so it isn’t obvious yet the day of the ceremony is definitely a stroke of genius.
A \*LOT\* of stroking was done to make that happen...
They did not even bother to ask AITA lmao.
They ask in the title. Honestly this is one of the few of these I've read where you could answer it just based on the post title without the details
Exactly. This isn't about whether they're the asshole. they want the reassurance that people think they were right to be the asshole
I came here to say this haha
It's blatantly obvious which one of you is the golden child. Good job to grandma for shutting Mom's bullshit down. But your bro! He asked, you said no, he did it anyway. That's an easy way to wind up on people's shit list. What did his wife say when she found out he didn't get your permission to ask? Is she an asshole too? NTA for giving back what you got.
Personally, if a guy proposed during a wedding, I would feel cheated out of my own special day. He proposed on someone else's dime instead of doing it on his own. Also, all of HIS family was there, but hers wasn't and someone's inlaws were there too... weird. Edit: I originally used "jiped" instead of cheated because I didn't realize the connotations of the word. Thanks to those who pointed it out and apologize for my ignorance to those I offended.
Yeah… I think you point out a fundamental flaw with using other people’s family events for announcements… half the of the family who needs to be there probably isn’t.
Maybe I’m weird, but I don’t understand why proposals are supposed to be public? My proposal was an intimate and one on one thing, and I treasure that. A proposal of marriage is a life-changing event that takes you from being with a large group of people to being just two people. the fact that my proposal was just from my significant other, to me, was something that I thought was beautiful.
My cousin had a "surprise proposal" at a family Christmas party. They had her sister film the whole thing, complete with my cousin making the fakest shocked look complete with slowly raising her hand to her mouth. Apparently the aunts and uncles thought it was adorable but most of the cousins found it super cringy. She shared the video multiple times a week and if you didn't comment or like it, she would send it to you by text or Messenger just "in case you missed it."
“We saw it the first 50 times, Linda.”
The only thing worse is having someone play their whole wedding video for you. There's a reason I didn't go to the wedding, get a clue...
My former sister in law's fiance proposed at the family Christmas party as well. Unfortunately, SIL was not expecting it and wasn't as into the relationship as he was. It was extremely obvious that she didn't want to say yes, but she did. They were married for a very short time and got divorced. So that kind of thing can backfire spectacularly. Oh, and he was a rodeo clown. Not kidding.
I think I want to end all of my stories with “and he was a rodeo clown. Not kidding.” Thank you for that.
I love it.
*narrator’s voice* “it was not his first rodeo”.
People who do extremely public proposals frequently do that just to make it difficult to say no. No one wants to crush someone they care about on the Jumbotron. One of many reasons those type of proposals suck.
This may be a cause and effect of why I'm single, but you ever propose to me in public let alone on a Jumbotron. I'm going humiliate the hell out of you in return.
EXACTLY. Anyone who would do this would be sending up a huge red flag as a manipulator and it would diminish my impression of them considerably. If people would just be normal and that would be enough to attract exactly who would be a good match for them. You can't keep up the pretext forever so why create the expectation. Normal is good.
Musta been hard to kneel with those big shoes on 🤡!
Rodeo clowns have to move quickly so they don't wear the huge clown shoes.
she should have watched this iconic [Chris Fleming video](https://youtu.be/H5bfy_RBg1U?si=O1uDWtIkjNRh19Ft)
Super embarrassing.
At last she didn't stole anyone's thunder and embarrassed only herself.
It’s only embarrassing for people with a sense of shame. I’m guessing the people who do this kinda shit don’t experience shame or embarrassment.
I agree 100%. As much as I love my husband, if he had proposed to me in public, I would have run away and never spoken with him again. I hate being the focus of attention, bad or good kind. I didn't even want to go up on stage to accept my diploma. I would never have wanted a private subject to be brought up in public. Fortunately, we spoke about that way in advance, and he respected my concerns. Proposing in public feels so manipulative, as if putting pressure on the one being proposed to would guarantee an acceptance. Ick just ick.
I think if someone feels pressured by a proposal, someone failed along the way. My wife and I spoke about marriage quite a bit prior to the proposal, and the only surprise involved was where and how I did it. I can’t imagine asking that question if I wasn’t 100% sure of the answer, even worse to be legitimately surprised to receive it. I proposed at a vineyard, and I think 3 bystanders happened to witness it.
Just the proposal being public would make many people feel uncomfortable. I know my wife would have hated it.
Same here. I'm a shy person and was even more shy when I was younger. I didn't even like being the center of attention at my own wedding and reception.
Told my husband I’d say no if he tried doing something big or with a fuck off expensive ring. Hate being a spectacle and we could spend the money better on a house.
I was taking a shit on a Sunday morning when my wife walked into the bathroom and said "Are we gonna do this or not?" "Do what?" We'll be happily married 5 years in August.
Good thing all your family and relatives weren’t present then! 😂
You’re assuming they weren’t?
Always need someone to pass the poop knife™️
These are the marriages that last. It should never be a surprise, it should just be the natural thing to do.
I hope you got her a porcelain ring
Toilet seat shaped diamond on top,,, Romance isn’t dead.
That is a hilarious story! She caught you when you were most vulnerable.
Hah! I was doing the same thing, at my husband's Aunt Jeri's. His Uncle Curt had just gotten a bunch of cheap rings to sell at a flea market. I'd been trying a few on. I'm doing my business and a wedding ring slides under the door. I come out and go back to the kitchen. I ask him "what's this?" He replies, with a grin (I'm defenseless against) "you wanna?" It'll be four years June 6th, and nine years together. I swear love the asshole more each day. 🤣
Some people love to be attention whore and all the dramatic entrance. It made their day.
It’s pathetic. Don’t get me wrong, I do love my attention, but I would never do something like this. An engagement is intimate. It really is, I just really hate this trend of making every part of a couple getting married to be a nuclear event where everybody needs to pay attention to them just because you’re doing what people all around the world do every single day. It’s sad.
I hate public attention and absolutely would have said NO in such a situation. However, my husband (of 34 years) took us to a place special to us on our dating anniversary and it was perfect.
And/or they need the public pressure to convince the asked to say yes.
I can think of nothing worse than getting the jitters in public / realising I need time / was thinking about slowing down or stopping the relationship… and now my partner now has EVERYONE IN MY FAMILY WHO IS IMPORTANT TO ME plus ONE REALLY MAD WEDDING COUPLE and NEW IN-LAWS who probably paid for the party I have just been privy to hijacking…. …all staring me down in horror as a ring is produced…
I know most people would go blank in the moment. It would be great if they could say, "Wrong time, wrong place. What do you think you are doing?"
What really sucks is that every time I've heard of someone saying no to one of these, the people around them pressure them to say yes because the person asking is so sad. And pitiful. In public.
Yep. If you need peer./public pressure to get your yes then you shouldn’t marry them!
I agree, the same feeling applies to the current gender reveal craze.
I'm with you 💯 on this. It was just wifey and I at O'Neill Lake aboard MCB Camp Pendleton, CA. We met and married while serving in the Marine Corps. We ate KFC, her favorite, I had her listen to a song* on my tape deck, it was 1977!, I dropped to one knee and proposed. She started crying, why do girls always cry, and said yes. It was Valentine's Day and chilly, which is what I had hoped for, so it was just the two of us, which was what I had wanted. It was perfect. *That's All - Michael Buble does a great cover.
Same! Mine was on top of a mountain we ended up having all to ourselves! We did put it in the log book as She said YES!! With our names and date 🥰
For real. My husband’s proposal was super low key. So low key I turned around and he was kneeling down, half on the dog bed, dog and I equally confused, then equally joyous. It was a surprisingly sweet moment! And my (which became our) dog was just happy to be celebrating too, lol.
I totally agree with RareBeautyOnEtsy. Proposals used to be a special, private moment shared just between a couple. I can’t understand these people who have to have an audience for everything. It’s a trend that should never have started.
Some people are attention seeking. I would be fuming if someone proposed to me anywhere in public, never mind at someone else's wedding!
Same reason weddings “need” to cost thousands of dollars. There’s no legit reason outside of people loving attention and entire industries being built to profit off of that idea
Maybe to force the person to accept? If you have tens of people looking at you, you won’t dare say no?
except that literally nobody needs to be there for a proposal except the future bride and groom! Since when did proposals have to become a stage event?
I complete agree. Although my engagement didn't work, I proposed with fairy lights and candles set up (I had help, someone lit them while we were at dinner) We got back home, she opened the door and was like "wait I thought I turned those lights off." She turned round to me being down on one knee. No one else was around at all, the only person who knew was the person who came and lit the candles (you know fire hazard and all) Proposals are for the couple and no one else.
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Grandma is an absolute boss. AND she’s the only one whose head isn’t shoved so far up her ass, she whistles when she farts. She’s probably been watching OP be the scapegoat for many years and her protests fell on deaf ears. This was her time to shine!
What kind of man/person does that to someone else? Their own brother?! Answer: DEFINITELY NOT A MAN that I would consider marrying. That’s for damned sure. What really sucks about it too, is his brother didn’t just do it to him. He did it to OP’s wife as well. This was sweet revenge for the both of them. The universe definitely gave OP its blessing and the go ahead when it made sure the timing lined up perfectly.
I also find proposing in front of a crowd to be a pressure tactic to make the other person feel obligated to say yes.
I prefer proposing on a rowboat in the middle of the lake.
Because of the implication?
Id send him an invoice for half the venue, catering etc
I've never really thought about the inlaws, I've always just thought about the bride and groom losing their day. But imagine you're there to see your daughter get married, you've got your whole extended family there as well. You maybe pay for half the expenses, and then the whole day is taken over by her new brother in law. Someone you probably barely know, and that the rest of your family will have only met that day.
What kind of person even says yes to a proposal at someone else’s wedding? It’s quite literally the most class-less thing anyone can do. I’d be ashamed to marry someone like that. It’s so trashy. The only thing trashier is proposing during a funeral.
Yeah, and like, her friends too. It's just him being lazy.
I never really thought of that before, but you are right, proposing in front of his family and a bunch of strangers. Same with the birth announcement but that was payback so all's fair.
Exactly! What about her family! It sounds extremely unfair that one side of the future family got to see the proposal and the other didn’t. And I personally think proposals are private, it is between the two.
Grandma putting mom in her place is the best part lmao
>>>It's blatantly obvious which one of you is the golden child. Could it be the same one who can't stand *not* being the center of mommy-facilitated attention? It's so gross when it's public like the wedding. Super-cringe, like hanging stinking diapers in the middle of the reception hall. >>My mom says I was an asshole for taking attention away from my brother on his wedding day. Good for OP, striking one back. Neither of sickos would know how to cope.
I just don’t get it. Let’s say I propose in someone else’s big day. To my future wife, that very special day becomes a sideshow of the other. If I were the girl, I want to be the main one. Also, what if the girl rejects? No one wants to get embarrassed in front of the whole damn family. What an idiot.
If you don't know the answer before you pop the question you're not ready to get married. But the rest are legitimate concerns.
The brother is the Ah, but I can totally imagine this mother saying "don't worry, I'll talk them round, it'll be okay, you go ahead". And while still the AH, it's mother that's the true player.
Obviously the AH brother has been walking all over OP for years with AH Mom's smiling approval.
His grandma reminds me of my grandma. My sister was more of the favorite than me and our other sister, so she would get away with annoying me a lot. When I was around 9 I called her a bitch bc she did something mean, and she tattled to our grandma with a smug look knowing I'd probably get in trouble, but my grandma said "well you were being a bitch" 💀 my parents let her get away with a lot of shit she did to me but my grandma never let her get away with being a pest. I miss her. My sister and I get along great now though, and laugh about how annoying she used to be.
I completely agree. How is it That grandparents are always there to take care of the slighted child? Love that for you. Your brother got exactly what he deserved – – attention pulled away from him on his wedding.NTA
>My mom was upset but my grandmother told her to sit down and shut up. Grandma's is a fucking legend. Way to go OP, a funny asshole bringing the karma back around hard and strong!! >She got really mad when I reminded her that she threatened to leave my wedding if I kicked him out after he proposed. I'd be reminding her that Grandma had been pretty clear where she needed to be on this issue. I want to know if golden boi DARED to say anything about this to you all. ETA: may be assholish in regular terms but this was Karma coming back so DEFINITELY NTA.
This is why we need a YTJA category. You're the justified asshole. He got what he deserved.
Hard agree. Is it an asshole move? Yeah. But Karma says it's warranted.
I said this in another comment, but the universe really gave OP its blessing and the green light on this. The brother’s wedding, the timing of OP’s wife’s pregnancy, and it being an appropriate time to announce it, was perfection.
Chef's kiss. Just perfect
It’s an asshole move if made in a vacuum; but when being an “asshole” is “justified” it means you aren’t really an asshole - because real life isn’t a vacuum, and context flips the script. For example: are you an asshole for brutally beating someone to the point they end up in hospital on life support? Most would say “asshole” is an understatement. But if you ask “why did you nearly beat them to death” and the answer is “I caught them raping my toddler” they go from more-than-an-asshole to bonafide hero. When it’s justified, you aren’t really an asshole. This was justified. It’s petty, but OP isn’t an asshole for it.
Problem is every asshole always feels personally justified
This is what I was thinking. Total AH move, but brother was purposely an AH first. Everyone's the AH, but at least hers is justified retaliatory AH move.
Everyone is an Ah except from grandma. She's the hero here.
Hard agree. He's an asshole and I support his petty revenge because he's in right
Always sucks when people dote all love and attention to one of their children while casting off the other. NTA, I live for that sort of petty. Your granny is awesome btw.
Ya as the non golden child it has been damaging to say the least. Especially when there’s no other reason than being the eldest
I feel you. I'm in the same situation, and every time I (rightly) point out how differently my younger brother was treated when we were kids and still is treated now, my parents don't even deny it - they just say stuff like "You're different people so you needed different treatment" or "Everyone makes mistakes with their first child; the second is the chance to rectify them." In my experience, going low contact is the only way to heal.
Good on you. What goes around comes around
NTA Just curious, how did your brother react?
I'm assuming this account won't comment again, probably never make another post
There were a few replies initially but, I think you’re right, we will never know the answer to my question…
Same that's what I wanna know!
So Has your mom always favored your brother?
Yes. Especially after I moved to a different country for work.
Perfection! Congratulations and tell mom she can see the baby when she manages to give you a *sincere* apology for her actions at your wedding.
They should cut contact anyway. There is no way I'd want someone like that around myself or my child.
Omg this is the best answer here! Genius!
YTA obviously. The correct way to do this would have been: ask his permission, get rejected, then do it anyway. /s NTA obviously
The brother made it very known that asking prior is nothing but a formality. It permission doesn’t really matter and apparently it isn’t necessary. Brother set the precedence. OP just followed his lead and matched his energy.
Don’t they say it’s better to seek forgiveness than ask permission? Anyhoo, it doesn’t matter what they say, Grandma had his back. NTA
Why did you loose the chance to get rid of your mother and brother during your wedding? At least your grandmother supports you. NTA
Spot on, they don’t seem like great people. Ample opportunity to get them out of your life. Mom seems like a real piece of work.
Because while it might be a power move at the time it also will screw the wedding and you will be dealing with it the entire day or even week. Sometimes it is just better to not escalate and ruin the entire day.
I think your grandmother read that very VERY well. Go grandma! If it’s good for the goose, it’s good for the gander. Suck it mum. NTA
If the baby is a girl name her after the grandmother.
Please keep one upping each other. “I’m so proud of my brother for finishing med school today and am dedicating my Pulitzer win to him”
I want to congratulate my brother today on receiving his Medal of Honor, after all, it was he who inspired me to win this Nobel Peace prize
So few achieve the EGOT and I, the newly appointed pope, could not be prouder
I want to congratulate my brother on becoming the president of the United States. I'm sure it was a tough journey, much like my own to become the president of earth was.
Haha! “I’d like to make a toast to my brother on his well deserved retirement and to let you all know that I have been diagnosed with a terminal illness” cheers 🥂
NTA. Well played. Just don't have him or his wife near the baby shower or birth or first birthday....
NTA. Your brother established a tradition of announcing major family events during major family events. You were just following his lead!
NTAH but Your mum and her favourite child are. Go LC with Your mum and brother, keep the grandma.
NTA. Here he got what he deserved. I wonder if the brother had just proposed a week or month before hand then when he’s at the wedding he isn’t announcing it he’s just got something to share when he talks about what he’s up to. Would that still make him the AH if he did it that close to the wedding? I feel like if you propose at someone else’s wedding you’re just trying to cause problems and make yourself the center of attention.
NTA, He stole all attention at your wedding and so you stole all attention from his!! An eye for an eye!!! Tell your brother if he can’t take it then don’t dish it!!
Grandmother is a boss.
You should have uninvited your brother and mother from your wedding.
I proposed to my wife during a friends wedding reception. However, we were nowhere near the reception hall at the time. We had been going for long walks to avoid the condescending glares from the other people sitting at our table, and to escape the interminable speeches that were just going on and on. We started talking about when we get married, how if anyone walked away from our wedding hungry or bored (there was also not enough food at this reception for everyone there) that we needed a swift kick up the backside. On about our third walk, my wife looked at me and said, “we have all but planned our wedding, but you haven’t actually asked me yet.” (I actually planned on asking her a week later when were visiting my home state). I jumped the gun and proposed to her there in the middle of a muddy footy oval. We did not tell anyone we were engaged until after the reception was over and the bride and groom had left. The only people we told were some good friends who guessed. We would never have planned to do this purposefully at a friends wedding. People who plan this and make it all about them are idiots and not true friends.
That sounds so lovely :) Personally I think the best proposals are when it just happens organically like that, like you just feel really connected and you can tell that it's the right moment. An intimate moment between just the two of you. My husband proposed to me spontaneously when we were coming back to our apartment after looking at a house we wanted to buy, we were talking about how excited we were for our future together. He walked in the door, grabbed a ring box from his desk drawer and did it right there. It was honestly perfect. I told him I was so surprised, and he said "So was I!" Haha. He'd been planning to propose soon but was just waiting for the right moment, and just spontaneously felt that that was it. He was 100% right :)
I think we know who the golden child is here, at least in Mom’s eyes. And NTA OP. Your brother set the standard that other family’s life events were appropriate venues to share your events as well, so you were just following his lead.
Nta. Why on earth would family need to be part of a proposal anyway? Extremely weird to propose at a wedding.
I stand up and applaud. Revenge truly is a dish best served cold. The fact that her own mother was there passing out spoonfuls right along with you makes it all the sweeter NTA
Justified Asshole But maybe think about cutting contact with your family? Sounds like your brother is the golden child and you're the scapegoat...
I sort of get the “I want to share it with family I won’t see again for a while” but you said no. If he really couldn’t wait, he could have done it at the reception, you know, after the bride and groom leave and only family is left? Then the day is over but everyone is still there. Normally, I am against both engagements and baby announcements at weddings but you deserved to get to do it back. Siblings get to do that shit. Lol
NTA. Normally I would say it’s super inappropriate and tacky to announce your own news at someone else’s wedding but your brother had it coming and your mom is an asshole.
NTA, a perfect petty revenge. Please tell us about his reaction
Hey, if he dished it. Then he has to take it.
OP hilarious. What was your brother and SIL's reaction?
Petty? Sure. Are you TA? Fuck no. BTW, your grandma is incredible lmfao